Welcome to the Horizon Part 9: The Mountain

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There was a surprising amount of orthodoxy when it came to xenobiology in the triad.

For a very long time, the only version of life scientists were willing to talk about was the same model we're all used to.

Organic compounds in, waste out, all of that fueling a centralized neural cluster.

Now, never mind that there were already examples that contradicted that model.

You're in the same room with one of them right now.

Hi there.

Mabians have a central brain, like you do, but further down the abdomen are two sub-brains that help coordinate the additional appendages and can take on additional workload in times of high demand.

Octopuses on your planet are the same way.

But the orthodoxy continued on for many a cycle, and any xenobiologist who dared to challenge it was summarily sent to the fringes of the science.

It wasn't until an unauthorized treatise written by a xenobiologist known only as The Gentleman began to circulate through the community that minds began to change.

In the treatise, it's proposed that there was a viable alternative to the organics in, organics out model.

It was called the energy accumulation model.

Energy is everywhere to be harnessed.

It need not be through biological processing that complexity be achieved.

It reads, Here we stand, my fellows, with advancements our ancestors could not dream of.

And still,

life.

The simplest thing, the most prevalent, the most mysterious.

Holy fuck, Elden.

This is lovely, but can we move it along a little?

The gentleman suggested a life form that was simply an accumulation of energy, no real physical form except for a simple locus around which the energy could coalesce.

As the energy accumulates, complexity is achieved and sentience emerges.

It was all theoretical for years, but then, one day, in an unexplored arm of triangulum,

there they were.

The orbis.

A core of energy surrounded by a crystalline shell.

They hovered wherever they went, communicated telepathically, and sustained themselves by absorbing ambient cosmic radiation.

Nicest people you'll ever meet.

Yes, they are quite lovely.

We're

they're

orbs.

Correct.

They're a strange race and very rare, but you know, that's triangulum.

What does this have to do with me?

Life as we know it takes many forms,

all of them valid.

It doesn't sound to me like you've been cursed or turned into some sort of abomination by your encounter with this woman, Clementine.

It sounds as though she, unwittingly, created a new form of life and placed you inside the prototype.

I liked being human.

We all strive toward the familiar, Frank.

It's understandable, but if I may be so bold, I think you'll come to enjoy this new shape you're in.

You get to test drive a new form of life.

It's a rare privilege.

A form of life that was created accidentally.

That describes most forms of life, even your former species.

A chain of proteins makes a wrong turn one day and the primordial lose.

Next thing you know, they're walking around having existential crises all day.

I don't want to be an orb, Elden.

I'm not suggesting you're an orb, Frank.

I eat breakfast in the morning like everyone else.

And I think you should continue to do that.

We don't know exactly how you work yet.

It's going to take some time.

We know spores have no effect on you.

We know you're not sleeping.

We know you can somehow survive a fall of about a hundred meters.

But there's much more to learn.

I'll monitor you, take notes.

It'll be fun.

I think your glee is kind of freaking him out, Elden.

Yes, I'm sure it is.

We're making history here, Frank.

You're going to appear in journals all over three galaxies.

You're going to be a celebrity.

I don't think that's a plus for him, Elden.

It is not.

Very well.

We'll keep it all between us for the time being, and I won't share any data until you say so.

Fair enough?

Fair enough.

There's

no rulebook for this, Frank.

But look, look around.

There's no rulebook for any of this bullshit.

The two of you are acting like I just found out I'm colorblind or something.

This is a little bigger than that.

Well, we don't have much to offer you other than what I've said, Frank.

Verge is right.

There's no rulebook for this, but we do know that all of this hootinanny is related to an encounter with Midnight Burger.

Now, we don't know a lot about Midnight Burger, but it did take up residency in the Triad recently and stirred up all sorts of trouble, so we know more now than we did before.

Wherever that thing goes, very strange things happen.

You're one of them.

But we've yet to see it have a negative effect on anyone it encounters.

Pay attention to yourself.

Take it slow.

And we'll know more every day.

But Frank,

you need to tell June.

yes speaking of glee that will make you uncomfortable I do think it's time to tell June yeah

Yeah, I know

Where is she right now?

She is

Hmm

What

one moment Elden June can't be located What

I'm not getting a signal from her phone

Did she forget to charge her phone again?

Fun fact.

Even when your phone is off, I can track you.

She just disappeared?

Well.

No.

Elden.

Frank, this is going to upset you, but I have said before that your phones are very insecure.

And?

This means...

That I am constantly monitoring everyone in town and keeping detailed records on their whereabouts and

all of their conversations.

Are you fucking kidding me?

In my defense, this is how Virgin and I always operate.

I need to be aware of our surroundings at all times.

I'm not spying on people, Frank.

Elden's only allowed to tell me things that affect my personal safety.

Everything else is in the vault.

That's correct.

Only when it's a matter of life and death.

Oh, or funny.

Yes, there have been some funny bits that I've shared.

Did you know that Edgy Steve enjoys opera?

Okay.

Okay.

Uh,

Elden, we are going to have a very broad conversation about this very soon, but can you tell me what's going on with June?

Please.

One moment.

Let me compile a narrative from the data.

Aha.

Well.

What?

June wanted to cheer up Deidre, so they decided to procure some alcohol and head over to Deidre's house to come up with some design ideas for when she moves back in.

Okay.

This very quickly turned into the two of them becoming inebriated.

Expected.

And June unveiling a theory that she knows where the quote secret military base is.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

And the two of them driving to its alleged location.

Great.

Where they then disappeared.

What?

Disappeared?

Yes.

Disappeared.

In an explainable way?

I believe so, yes.

What's the explanation, Elden?

It's obviously the secret military base.

There's really a secret military base?

Well, secret is a strong word.

None of you knew it was there.

Seriously?

It's right there, Frank.

I have never seen anything that suggests a secret military base.

I grew up here, Elden.

It's giving off all sorts of frequencies.

You never heard any strange sounds on your radio yes of course yes but i i thought they were just radio sounds they are radio sounds frank radio sounds from the secret military base god god damn it and and what they're being held there now i would imagine so their phones have most likely been put in some sort of frequency blocking container

How the hell have they been hiding a military base in town?

It's not in town technically, about three kilometers around the mountains.

What are they doing there?

I could tell you, but I'd have to hack into their mainframe.

That sort of thing requires permission.

Right, of course.

I give you permission.

Not from you.

Do it.

One moment.

Hello, military firewall.

Goodbye, military firewall.

And...

Aha.

It's not categorized as a base, but rather a listening station.

This nation's government has them placed in strategic places all over the country in quote areas of interest.

What do they do to intruders?

I'm afraid intruders are at the mercy of the United States military.

And that entails it depends entirely on what they have and haven't witnessed there at the station.

If they've witnessed top-secret operations, something is enacted called Operation Quickwash.

Would you like a description?

Nope.

Frank, stay here.

Let's go, Elden.

Wait, where are you going?

Stay here.

Hello, Frank.

I'm in your phone again.

It's still terrible in here.

Would you mind if I made some changes to your firmware?

Yep, yes.

Yes, I would mind.

All right.

Hey, Frank, call me when you get this.

Is anything going on?

I just had the strangest dream.

Call me,

he's gonna love that.

Hmm,

what

are you telling me?

Oh, uh, drinking?

Oh, hey, Doug.

What are you doing out here?

I'm not sure.

I had a very strange dream.

What are you doing out here?

Oh, just closed up shop.

Anything going on?

Um,

no, no, not really.

Uh, it's been a quiet night, it's been nice.

Oh, oh, Hazelie J came by and bought a bunch of deer repellent, and she just said, I've got them on the run.

Whatever that means.

Okay,

I think I need to go to the Glade of Wishes.

Okay.

Um,

do

you need a ride?

No.

I think I need to walk.

Oh, okay.

Would you come with me?

Yeah, sure.

Thanks.

I can't believe I let you talk me into this.

I don't know, Deidre.

I'm feeling pretty triumphant right now.

We're prisoners, June.

Of the secret military base that nobody believed was here.

Huge win for us.

I can't believe you were right about this.

That's right, Deidre.

Like most visionaries, they called me insane, but look at me now.

Yeah, exactly.

Look at you now.

A prisoner.

They can lock me up, but they can't lock up the truth.

Deidre.

June.

June, I think your plan to cheer me up has failed.

Nonsense, you're having a great time.

I'm not.

You know what we need?

We just need a couple of drinky poos to get us nice and centered.

Hey!

Where's the beverage service in here?

Kind of an establishment are you running?

Exactly.

I really thought I was going to have a day where where nothing fucked up happened.

I know, Deidre, but be honest.

If nothing fucked up happened, wouldn't you just be a little bit bored?

No!

A tiny bit.

No!

Just a little bit.

Jude, Deidre!

This is gonna be great.

They're going to ask them some questions and then let us go.

We jumped over a fence.

Big deal.

Damn, I wish Celeste was here

to see this.

She was the only other one who believed in the military base.

Celeste.

Celeste.

Who no one has seen for weeks.

Yes.

Who also thought there was a secret military base.

Oh my god.

Oh, they have Celeste!

She's been gone for weeks for weeks.

How long are they going to hold us here?

We're not leaving here without Celeste, you bastards!

Could you both sit down, please?

Who are you?

What's your deal?

My name is Private Deborah Kennedy, and you're both in a lot of trouble.

I suggest you sit down.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Listen here, Deborah.

You're the only one who's in a lot of trouble.

You can't just operate a secret military base without...

Telling anybody.

Not telling anybody is the key factor in operating a secret military base.

Don't get smart with me, Debbie.

Please don't call me Debbie.

Private, we're very sorry.

Very sorry, and we're going to answer all your questions.

I swear, we didn't mean to end up here.

Good.

Full names, please.

Deidre Peppercorns.

Dude.

I'm sorry.

I just keep forgetting that's your last name.

That's always been my last name.

I know.

I I just.

Debbie, there's this guy.

He owns half the town.

And Teja is his granddaughter.

And a sorry.

Sorry.

I just forget the connection.

This is one Theo Alex Dean Johansson peppercorns.

I'm sorry, what?

Yes.

Yes.

That's his full name.

TJ

is Theo Alex Dean Johansson Peppercorns?

You knew that.

No, I didn't.

If I had known that, I would have been laughing for my entire life.

How did it end up being TJ?

I guess because T-A-D-J peppercorns sounds funny.

Anything sounds funny when you put peppercorns at the end of it.

That's my name.

And it's funny.

Excuse me.

Your full name?

Uh, I'm sorry.

Uh, C-R-I-D.

You're clearly just spelling the word cryptid.

Well, God forbid somebody have a funny name around here.

Oh my god, please just tell her your name.

She already knows my name.

She took her IDs, remember?

I'm checking for known aliases.

If you have to ask, it's not a known alias, is it?

Ladies, this is your one opportunity to convince us you're not here for nefarious purposes.

I suggest you take advantage of it.

We're very sorry.

I'm not sorry.

She doesn't speak for me.

Deirdre, come on.

Gotta play hardball with these people.

You have literally zero bargaining power right now.

You were both caught trying to break into a military facility.

I swear,

that's not what we were trying to do.

That's right.

We weren't trying.

We succeeded, Debbie.

We broke into your little treehouse.

Just a couple of broads on a bender.

How's that feel?

Oh, God.

I give up.

Where's Celeste, Debbie?

We're not holding Celeste.

Oh, yeah?

Why is that?

Because you already transferred her to Guantanamo Bay?

Private, can you please tell us what we can do to fix this?

We really didn't mean any harm.

No, Celeste was just a misguided little weirdo, and you took her away from us and stowed her god knows where.

And you should be ashamed of yourself, private Debbie.

You're dismissed, private.

Celeste?

Deidre?

Celeste, what are you wearing?

A uniform, Deidre.

Yeah, why?

Because I'm in the military.

Since when?

Since I was 18 years old, June.

Celeste.

You need to absolutely get the fuck out of here.

I'd prefer Sergeant Major Yose, if you don't mind.

I mind!

Celeste, you...

You're in charge of this place.

Yes, I am, Deidre.

But

you were always saying you suspected a secret military base was nearby.

That's correct.

But you've been running it?

You've been a double agent this whole time.

You sneaky little snot.

Also, respect.

It's pretty impressive.

It's standard psyops, Deidre.

When you want to discredit an idea, you plant someone on the inside that makes the idea look ridiculous.

Nobody took me seriously in town, so when I talked about a secret military base, they instantly dismissed it.

I didn't!

I didn't fall for it, Celeste, and look at me now.

All your bases are belong to me.

That's true, June.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

That did just help me, though.

Nobody takes you seriously either.

How dare you?

Celeste, so all this time,

you living in town has just been a big lie.

I'm afraid so, Deidre.

Celeste, I...

I helped you paint your living room one time.

You were a part of this town.

You've been lying the whole time?

Deidre.

We threw a birthday party for you at the sheep's eye.

Yes, I understand that.

Celeste, do you see what you've done?

Do you see

how you've hurt poor Deidre over there?

But Deidre, I.

I did live there.

That was my home.

It is.

It was just.

When you thought I was at home all day watching daytime television, I was just here.

At the secret military base.

At the secret military base.

Being a big fat liar.

It's a secret military base.

Not anymore.

But you disappeared a few weeks ago.

What happened?

I'm afraid I can't talk about that.

Whatever.

Hang on.

I said not to disturb me here.

Hey, Celeste, I'm over at your house right now.

Thought I'd check up on you.

I brought your mail in.

It was really piling up.

When do you think you'll be heading back?

Frank, what are you doing at my house?

Just being a good neighbor.

You know, I didn't peg you as a humble figurine collector.

Amazing.

Frank.

You know what?

I can see that you're busy.

I'll catch you at the sheep's eye.

What the fuck?

Ma'am, what is it?

We're getting several security alerts on the perimeter.

God damn it, June.

Who else is here?

Nobody, June.

Maybe it's raccoons in your garbage cans again.

Celeste.

Take a security detail and sweep the perimeter.

Yes, ma'am.

Hello?

Oh, hey, Celeste.

Sorry.

One more thing.

Do you think you'll be back before the first freeze?

I feel like I should leave the water running just a little bit, keep the pipes moving and all that.

You don't want a burst water pipe.

Water damage is a real thing.

Frank, how did you get this number?

You know what?

Great.

I'll just go ahead and turn the taps on a little bit.

Better safe than sorry.

Okay.

Bye.

What the hell is going on?

Celeste!

What the hell is all this about?

Why the hell is there a military base on this stupid mountain?

I'm afraid I can't divulge that.

Come on, we're all friends here, or at least we thought we were

until we found out you were a big fat liar.

I suggest you stay focused on getting out of the mess you've gotten yourself into.

Oh, suggestion.

Is there a suggestion box?

I'd like to make a suggestion.

I suggest

that Celeste stop being such a lying fraud.

Sergeant Major Yo.

Celeste, I would rather rewatch the Phantom Menace than call you Sergeant Major.

Wait, she said that she was in town to throw us off the trail.

Yeah.

Which means that everything she said in town about the secret military base was the true thing that she didn't want us to know.

Deidre,

you're a damn genius.

What did she say?

She said it was a listening station.

You did.

You said it was a listening station.

I did.

You agreed with her.

You did.

She did.

You did.

I can't divulge what goes on here.

Ma'am.

What is it?

There's...

What is it?

We're not seeing anything on the perimeter.

Okay.

But I think I keep hearing something.

Hearing what?

I don't know.

All right.

Cut the floodlights and switch to night vision goggles.

Yes, ma'am.

Cutting the floodlights.

Frank!

Damn it!

Grass is getting a little long over here, Celeste.

So, do you want me to get our landscaping guy over here?

He can take care of it, no problem.

Frank, get out of my house.

Oh, 100%.

He's coming by Tuesday, so I'll tell him to take a look.

Night vision vision goggles on.

Oh my god.

Private, report.

What is happening?

Give me the radio.

Private?

Put Deidre on.

Who is this?

Put Deidre on, or I start getting really creative out here.

Who is this?

Verge, I'm fine.

I'm okay.

Are you sure?

They're just asking us questions.

I'm fine.

Okay.

Verge, um, the guards?

They're fine.

Good.

I'm fine too, by the way.

Who is this and what have you done to my men?

Hello?

Okay, I'm just gonna come out and say it, ladies.

The

that was hot, right?

Who's with me?

I feel like it's book club night and the first 50 Shades book just came out.

Anyone?

Frank.

Hey, Celeste, real quick.

Hot water heater.

What are we thinking?

On.

Off.

Just when are you due back in town?

Frank.

Hey, also, wanted to let you know, I got you some new trash cans.

Frank, how the hell did you get this number?

I'm old school, Celeste.

I let my fingers do the walking.

We're doing very sensitive work here, Frank.

This isn't a joke.

Celeste,

you being in charge of a top-secret military base is absolutely a joke.

I mean, I'm still working on the punchline, though.

It's Sergeant Major Yost.

There it is.

Do you have any idea how many federal laws you're breaking right now?

I don't, I don't, but I am breaking some local ones, too.

Breaking and entering, for example.

Why the hell are you in my house?

Well, you've been missing for weeks, Celeste.

I wanted to make sure you were okay.

I'm fine.

Are you sure?

Frank, get out of my house.

Here's what I don't understand.

You live here for years,

pretending to be an old kook living up on the mountain, but then the past few weeks you've been gone, vanished without a trace.

So, what's up, Celeste?

What part of very sensitive work did you not understand?

Wait, you know what?

Never mind.

I'll just ask my man here.

Military site 2626, code named Happy Goat Station.

was recently put under an order 33, or hurry up and wait order, directing all sites to stock provisions and garrison personnel until further notice.

Who was that?

Happy Goat Station.

Oh, fuck.

What kind of name is that?

What happened to cool names like Ice Station Zebra?

Frank, if you are hacking into our databases.

What, Celeste?

What's going to happen?

The military is going to come and sweep us up?

You think they won't?

Celeste, if that place you've been hiding yourself truly is a listening station, then I imagine you've been hearing some pretty strange things lately.

Chinese parades?

Laser gun shootouts?

Oh, my new favorite one is the four-story plant eater wandering around.

Elden, what's it called?

A mongo.

A mongo.

We've got a mongo now.

I can't believe I missed the mongo.

All of this is happening and not a peep from uncle sam i mean i i feel like you guys would have shown up already especially since you're listening right around the corner

so what's going on celeste

what do you want me to do here frank i want you to load june and deidra into one of those fun jeeps of yours and meet me in the town square i'm under orders here frank yeah right so uh when was their last communication from

Their last communication from Central Command was weeks ago when they received the hurry up and wait order.

They've heard nothing since.

That's odd.

Boy, you guys must be going crazy out there.

So meet me in the town square in one hour, Celeste.

I'm sure we've got lots to talk about.

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So, um,

what are you looking for, Trinket?

I don't know.

I I usually come here when I need to clear my head or shift my perspective somehow

or just make a wish.

Really?

Sure.

I know it seems a little childish, but you need to put your intentions out there.

You need to speak them out loud.

They can't stay locked up in your head.

So,

I mean, you just stand here and

wish something.

Yeah.

You want to give it a try?

Oh, oh,

no, I don't know.

It's okay.

It's always here if you need it.

Okay.

So, um, what was the dream you had?

Oh,

honestly, it was kind of stupid.

It wasn't, it wasn't some sort of

vision from the other side or anything.

It was just very vivid.

Like I was really there.

Where were you?

I was in my parents' camper van when

I was a little kid.

I wasn't in school much.

I was homeschooled until middle school.

And my parents were always on the road with the fare.

And the only thing that came close to a classroom for me was Sesame Street.

They had a tiny portable television, and at 8 a.m.

every morning, I would look around for PBS, and there it was.

School.

That was the dream.

It was just

me watching Sesame Street, but it was crystal clear.

I can still see it in my head.

Dreams fade, but

it's still with me right now.

And I don't know what to make of it.

Which episode was it?

Shady God's Deep.

Hey, y'all.

What are you doing out here?

I'm out here all the time now.

I love it out here.

Do I want to know what you're doing out here?

I'm just hanging out.

I found a nice flat rock right here to rest my head on.

And I just look up at the sky and think.

Sometimes I bring headphones.

Sometimes you bring something else.

It's a free country.

What are y'all doing?

I had a weird dream.

Doug's trying to help me out.

You had a dream about Sesame Street?

Well, it wasn't about Sesame Street.

I was watching Sesame Street in the dream.

Right, yeah.

Which episode?

Steve, there's like

a billion episodes of Sesame Street.

What was in it?

What was in it?

Um,

well, the usual stuff.

I think they were in Hawaii.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

The Hawaii episode.

Oh, that was a good one.

Yeah.

You remember the episode?

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

it was a special episode.

They filmed the whole thing in Hawaii.

Huge moment for Snuffleupagus lore in that episode.

Steve, Snuffleupagus lore?

No, no, no.

He's right.

Check it out.

Snuffle upagus is lonely on Sesame Street, right?

He's wondering where all the other snuffle upaguses are.

Snuffle up a guy, which is it?

Well, if snuffle upigus is a Greek root word, then it would be snuffle upaguses.

Whatever.

Snuffle upagus is lonely, and he hears that there's more snuffle upage

in Hawaii.

So he goes to look for them.

Yeah, right, right.

And he looks and

he looks the entire episode, but he never finds them.

But he doesn't sweat it too much because, in the end, he's got his family down on Sesame Street.

Even though none of them think he exists.

Oh, Oh, yes, we should remember this is

a pre-reveal episode, so everyone still thought that Snuffleupagus was Big Bird's imaginary friend.

So there we are.

At the end of the episode, Snuffleupagus laments, oh well, I guess I'll never find any more of my people.

He walks away, but the camera stays, and in those last moments, we focus on the volcanic mountain behind him, and we clearly see the mountain behind him is in the exact form of a giant snuffle upigus, the size of a mountain, like a sleeping giant.

What'll happen when he awakens one day?

Jesus Christ, Steve.

What?

Okay.

Okay, something

sleeping in the mountain.

I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean.

Oh, shit.

You know, Mount Hood is an active volcano.

What if it's going to blow?

Oh, no, no, no.

It's a potentially active volcano, but it's been dormant for a few hundred years.

And any eruption would be preceded by just years of earthquake swarms, and it's been quiet out there for a long time.

I love it when you're paranoid-informative, man.

Thank you, Steve.

Oh,

Steve,

is this the stone you were resting your head on?

Yeah, give it a try.

It's a nice little spot.

What is it, Doug?

Well,

has anything ever been built in this glade?

I don't think so.

Why?

Um,

this stone is a square.

It is?

Yeah,

you didn't notice?

No, just laid my head down.

Well, that's weird.

You think there's something underneath?

Well, it's probably left over from some construction a long time ago.

I've been here a million times, and I can't believe I've never seen that.

I'm turning it over.

Ha!

We discovered worms.

There's writing on the back.

There is?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do one of you have a light on your phone?

Yeah, hang on.

It's carved into the stone.

There you go.

What language is that?

None of them?

None of them.

You killed none of the guards?

Zero, Frank.

How'd you manage that?

Oh,

I've got no idea, Frank.

You're all so fragile.

Or perhaps, I should say,

they're also fragile.

Yeah, nope, let's not start with that.

Humans, am I right?

That's enough.

Thank you.

Okay, here she comes.

Make yourself scarce.

Don't be in the sheep's eye.

Hi, Frank.

Sorry.

Sweet freedom.

Well, um,

I'll say this, June.

You did take Deidre's mind off her problems.

See there?

I'm a solution factory over here, Frank.

Sarge.

Their little visit to the base wasn't officially logged in my report.

They got lucky this time.

Oh, well, that's very neighborly of you.

Well, they're

my neighbors.

So

this whole time you've been pretending to be the town weirdo and then working at a secret military base?

Frank, everyone who lives in this town is the town weirdo.

Hard to argue with.

What are you guys even doing there?

That's classified.

Uh-huh.

What do you think we've been doing, Frank?

Look around.

No, so you've been there for years, Celeste, way before any of this weird bullshit started going on.

Look, this

area is of special interest to the United States military.

I'm just going to leave it at that.

Okay.

Whatever.

Whatever.

Thank you for giving us back Deidre in June.

I kind of had to, Frank.

Apparently, you've employed a hacker and some sort of ninja.

Yeah, about that.

There has been a clown car of nonsense rolling through town constantly, Celeste.

Your bosses haven't said anything to you about this?

I can't say.

You're under a hurry-up and wait order, apparently.

So you're supposed to just sit tight and wait for orders?

How long have you been waiting, Celeste?

We haven't heard from command in

a while.

Yeah.

You think they might be otherwise occupied?

With what?

I heard the Chilean military has been seizing observatories.

Think it has anything to do with that?

Wait, what is this, Frank?

How come you haven't told me about any of this?

I know.

You have another bloody merry, June.

You were a little too busy getting drunk and jumping over barbed wire fences, June.

Was very little barbed wire.

What's going on?

Trinket.

Look who we found.

Celeste?

Why is she dressed like that?

Celeste?

Where have you been?

Is she going to a costume party?

Why does Doug have a big rock?

Whose jeep is that?

Does it have writing on it?

Oh, oh, right.

Can anyone read Chinese?

Excuse me.

It sounds like everybody's got a lot of questions.

How about somebody open up the bar?

Angle me a little higher, please.

What is

going on on

right now?

Right now, right?

I it's ancient Chinese,

which makes it a bit tricky because of the flexible word functions.

Also, whoever carved the characters into the stone was not exactly a craftsman.

Essentially, it is a message from a man named Chu Fu.

Who the hell is that?

If it's the same Chu Fu from historical documents, he was a legendary explorer.

His emperor deeply feared death and sent him on a quest to find an elixir of immortality whose ingredients could only be found at the top of a legendary mountain named Peng Lai.

This tablet is a message to his emperor.

I will finally return from the mountain, though I have changed as much as the land around me.

The mountain will be found again.

The mountain will be lost again.

Forever.

Well, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Hey.

Hey.

I'm sorry if that was a little

too much tonight.

I

I got worried.

No, I felt

I felt a lot better when I heard your voice on the radio.

I want to say something.

Okay.

I

I called you a liar the other day

and

I was sitting there in that room tonight with Celeste and she was just totally lying to us the whole time.

And

I guess

just putting her in the same category as you felt a little wrong.

You were just trying to stay alive.

And I want you to know that

I understand the position that you are in.

I still don't feel right about it.

I

don't have a lot of secrets.

I know.

Kind of an open book over here.

You are.

I imagine it must be kind of terrifying to tell someone who you really are.

It really is terrifying, Deidre.

I mean, I should have known.

Look at you.

Of course she fell from the sky.

I have to say, I'm having a hard time seeing you as a person in charge of other people.

It's true, Frank.

A lot of people depend on my leadership.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

That just sounds surreal.

I didn't enjoy it, Frank.

I didn't enjoy lying to all of you.

Oh, well, I think you did a little bit.

You know what, Frank?

How long did it take you?

What?

To realize I was gone.

How long did it take you?

Uh-huh.

It took a few weeks.

Okay.

Okay, so maybe enough with the smart remarks.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

We're all sorry.

I mean, yes, yes, you were totally lying to us and apparently spying on all of us, but yes, we were not very attentive to the completely fictional version of you that you created to deceive us all.

Jokes on you, buddy.

I'm taking that as an apology.

So,

what now Celeste

we all know your secret

What are we going to do about it?

Hell, I don't know

We'll just have to keep it a secret that you know our secret we we can do that good ma'am What is it private?

May I speak with you order me another I'll be right back.

Hey, do you want to take a roadie back for your stormtroopers?

I might Frank.

Thanks for thinking of me.

What is it?

We've received orders from Western Command.

Finally.

Where are they?

I have them on the secure tablet here.

Good.

What the fuck?

Ma'am.

It's been a strange night, private, but I'm afraid it's going to get even stranger.

What do you mean, ma'am?

Go back to the base and tell everyone there will be a debrief in one hour.

You're not coming?

I'll be along soon.

I need to do something.

What?

Follow my instincts.

Whoop!

Sarge.

What's the news?

Are you planning a big Christmas party?

Tell me something, Frank.

Sure, what's that?

Do the words wayfaring stranger mean anything to you?

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Hit it!

Musical Brass Hit Sound Effects.

Hit it again.

Brass Hit.

Hit it two times.

Two musical musical brass stabs.

Hit it four more times.

Four brass hits.

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It's a bird.

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It's Dr.

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Get down from there.

Yes, my brain is weird.

Thank you.

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Anthony, J.

Way Mythical, Tybalt I, Stephen Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Tess Bart, Alley Frog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Talon Lawson, Freya Titmittens, Yet Another Courtney, The Fontucky Wrangler, Jessica Shelton, Screme Brulee, The Singing Loon, Zuzana, Celeste Yos, Stepon, Infinity Times Infinity, Noah and Katie, Joe R., Sarah Murphy, Justin at the Tree Cave, The Ambergler, Boodles, Reaper, Osvaldo Simeoni, Siobhan Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Hot Plate of Biscuits and Gravy, Zehunivira, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Teds, Corinne Sabrantha, Kyle of Light, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K-Mac, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuddha, Eli the Electrician, TNB Lemmy, Charmay, The Wondrous Methazophone, What Janica Said, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Flat Doug, Trinket Core Lee, Deary Darling, Bookshift Managed, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Cody C.

Chisholm, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Jack Lane, Attired Pirate Muffin, Jay Snoosten, Laura, Roman Ronin, John Bruitt, Camel Pope, and Schuligan, Cryptesia, Rebecca Trossel, Mitzi Lou, Kelsey Home, Casper's number one fan, Amanda Marie Catherine, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Lola, Deli Cruise, why'd you do this to us, Joe Fisher?

Matt Mosby, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Astronaweeb, Starlight, Berserking Off, David Piarini, Techno Ranger Rick, Mossy would come up with a cool name, but sadly, she's just Mossy.

LaCochney Francaise, Virgo Aries, Infinity, Best Buds, Danny and M, Ashley, a bug named Nat, Potato Nation, Cece Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Rusty Accord, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey.

Dr.

Ponkusher Esquire says, if you are still holding it now for longer than four hours, contact your doctor immediately.

But Jolanth, Lafe's One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark11, Courtney Depona, Reedle the Beetle, John Dew, Maggie's Yarm, Stew, Nth Anomaly, Megan Mighty, Purple Saline, Miss Chris still making sandwiches, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and LA, Anomalous Vandal, Captain Blepp, Eevee Power, Your Favorite Kenny, Terry, PJ says what?

Danielle, L, Shiny Melon, Fear Now, Blargo, Blargo, Blargo.

Tonight at 11,

Ilotte Raoul, Hicks Bezi Mates, Disco Funkslinger, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, Princess Donut, The Queen Anne Chonk, It's Just Blake.

Alice Malice asks, How many chains could two chains chain if two chains could chain chains?

Sircat Dad, Kelly Jane Danky, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, aka Casper from Another Universe, Lucrezia, Andrew Barner, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Brockowini, Ava, no not that, Ava, the one within

Grim, Zeki Nat, Underwater Corvid, Spizzeringtom, Michael Christian, Ransom, Marun My Salil, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyralis, Om Vega, Aaron Mitchell, Lady Keanu Mysen, Fiona Malisey, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R.

the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Tracy, Maloran, Brian Barletta, Kara, Cara, Call Me Zen, Calibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, the esteemed throat goat, Fred Fredberger, What the Chuck, Sona Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Nea DeRusso, Peachy Satowichi, Justine Burbank, Inky the Kraken, Azula the Brave, and their ever-faithful squire Grabthar, Ruth McCormick, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams, and existentially, Exhausted Bean.

The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.

This is the story of the one.

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