Chapter 36: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

This episode is brought to you by Quince.

Now, if you live in a certain part of the United States right now, your nights may be starting to cool off.

They are not here in Los Angeles, and they won't for some time.

But if you're in that position, you may be thinking about making your bedroom a little more cozy, and switching to Quince Bedding might be the best move you make this season.

Quince's bedding delivers high-end materials at half the price of similar brands by partnering directly with top factories using safe, ethical practices that cut out the middlemen so you get the best without the markup.

We're still using our quince sheets right now and it's really transformed my sleep quality.

And the craftsmanship, I did not realize there could be craftsmanship in a sheet, but as it turns out, there is.

There's a whole world of sheets out there.

I didn't understand, guys.

Level up your betting this fall with Quince.

Go to quince.com/slash burger for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

That's quince.com slash burger.

Free shipping and 365 day returns.

Quince.com slash burger.

Today's episode is brought to you by Mood.

Here's Tom to tell you about it.

Did you know there's an online cannabis company that ships federally legal THC right to your door?

And they've found a way to combine THC with carefully selected functional ingredients to target nearly every mood and health concern you can think of.

I'm talking about mood.com's incredible line of functional gummies, and you can get 20% off your first order at mood.com with promo code Burger.

Forget one-size-fits-all supplements that only get you high.

Mood's functional gummies are optimized to kick in in as little as 15 minutes and take you to the mood you're looking for.

Whether that's mind magic gummies for deep work and creativity, PMS support to ease cramps and balance mood swings, or their sexual euphoria gummies to help you feel ready for action and turn every touch into a full body experience.

Listen, you can find gummies to just get you high pretty much anywhere these days.

But Mood's functional gummies combine premium, federally legal THC with targeted botanicals to help you get into the perfect mood.

usually in as little as 15 minutes.

And everything ships discreetly right to your door.

No dispensary lines, no awkward conversations, just better days and nights delivered to your doorstep.

Best of all, not only is every mood product backed by a 100-day satisfaction guarantee, but as I mentioned, listeners get 20% off their first order with the code BURGER.

So head to mood.com, find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for, and let mood help you discover your perfect mood.

And don't forget to use the promo code burger when you check out to save 20% on your first order.

Previously on Midnight Burger, stop on by Pasadena's newest eatery.

They've got everything.

Sheep.

The diner is surrounded by sheep.

Ducks.

Eva?

Hey, but there's ducks now.

Mongoose.

With the diner out of commission, everything in Pasadena has started to go crazy.

Cuckoo banana pants.

It is going to be ridiculous.

Adding to that, after attending a robot fight with new fan favorite Peter...

It looks like Peter has a leafer.

Leaf gets a little visit from his least favorite government agency, DARPA.

Kyle Perino from DARPA.

Nice to meet you.

He handles it really, really well.

He's cutting my car in half.

And in the midst of all this, David experiences every kid's worst nightmare, finding out out your dad's into some really weird shit.

I have a very long story to tell you.

Yeah, I'd say you do.

We're sitting here on chapter 36, buddy.

Let's start the shift.

Hey!

Hey.

How are things up here?

The huge monster has moved into downtown Pasadena and is eating the tops of all the palm trees.

Yeah,

they eat all day.

That's all they really do.

Probably for the best.

Palm trees aren't native to this area anyway.

Really?

They planted most of them in the 1930s.

It was a jobs program during the Great Depression.

That's interesting.

There's a lot of things not native to the area around here.

Yeah.

David, what was he supposed to say?

I don't know.

What do you usually say to people?

We

try and keep a low profile as long as we can, but then eventually things get so weird that we have to let the cat out of the bag.

Just like Casper did with you.

What is all this stuff?

Life lives up here.

He sleeps in that that hammock and this is his workshop he calls it the command center

what does he do with all this stuff i've seen him do some pretty amazing stuff actually

is see this here this is a

let me see if i get this right

a laser interferometer you use it to detect gravity waves They have them here on Earth, but on Earth, they're about four kilometers long.

Laif's is the size of a toaster.

Why would you need to detect gravity waves?

Um

we were

trying to track down an out-of-control space goddess.

Uh-huh.

Why?

I'm not sure why they needed it.

Ava tells him to build something and he builds it.

I mean, what is he doing here?

What are any of you doing here?

The same thing as anyone else, David.

We're doing the best we can.

You left everyone in your life behind.

It was different with each of us.

Leif was on the run.

Ava was on a mission.

For me, my parents were gone.

The only real friends I had were Caesar and his family, but I was kind of the weird lady who came over to the house every once in a while.

The kids would show you how their video games worked, and the tiny ones would want you to read a story.

It was nice, but you're on the outside of it.

Kind of a third wheel.

All my other friends.

I started to not understand them when they talked.

They would talk about dating apps and getting married and moving up in their career at, I don't know, a shipping warehouse.

It was all getting really foreign to me really fast.

And then there was this place.

I'll admit, I thought I was just going to see some cool stuff and meet some aliens.

But I've had to fight an evil empire and slay a space goddess, among other things.

but somehow that's not foreign to me I understand it how could that not be foreign to you

inside you right now there is the purest part of you the essence of who you are

when you're in touch with that part of you when you're using it you can feel it.

I hadn't felt that before.

I think if you're lucky enough to feel that, you should stick with it, no matter what.

But your dad,

your dad just came in to use the phone.

How do you know what this gigantic monster is?

Well, it's not a monster, David.

It's just a really, really big guy.

They're harmless for the most part, but if they get injured, they can get a little rambunctious.

When we first saw one, there was a village nearby, and one of them had a wound on its back, so we had to help out before it trampled the village.

Help out how?

We managed to get up on its back, and we put honey on the wound.

Honey?

It's nature's antiseptic, David.

Jesus fucking Christ.

It was a light day.

I cooked for the whole village afterwards.

It was was kind of normal.

Just a wounded animal.

See, it's not that bizarre.

What is happening down on the street?

Um,

okay.

It looks like the street has become a river.

A river?

Yes.

Why?

Is the street a river?

The street is a river.

Okay.

The street is a river.

Why is the street a river?

This is a new thing.

Ava's theory is that because we've been stuck like this for several months, that this particular universe is having a little tempered tantrum.

What is happening?

I know.

The street is a river, Gloria.

Yes.

There's a four-story monster threatening the Pasadena Playhouse.

This is good.

Let it out.

In the span of 15 minutes, the whole damn world has gone on tilt.

Right.

And the government's here.

Yeah, it happens sometimes.

And Leaf has a robot helper.

Peter.

I don't care what his name is.

Okay.

What the fuck?

I know.

Okay.

Take your time.

Don't freak out.

I mean, freak out.

That's fine, but

what's the real thing that's going on?

The real thing is

something happened to your dad.

And ever since then, he's been doing the best he can.

Sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding.

That's all he was trying to do with you.

Just stay up here, okay?

Right now, I have to go downstairs and somehow prevent a war between LAFE and the United States government.

Agent Perino,

how are you doing over there?

Looks like the street is a river now.

Did you bring your trunks?

What the fuck is this, Laife?

Where is this water coming from?

And what the fuck is that monster?

Hey, easy with the M-word there, buddy.

The mungo isn't a monster.

It's just a plant-eating megafauna going about its day.

I'm sure you look like a monster to it.

Oh, really?

No, not really.

In fact, it probably doesn't notice you at all.

I don't know what all this is, Leif, but I know you've got something to do with it.

Hey.

I'm an impressive guy, but I can't suddenly make a river appear.

Actually, uh...

Right, okay.

Yes, I did do that once.

I did flood a city to rob a bank, but that was a long time ago.

I don't do that sort of thing anymore.

What?

Lafe.

Hey.

A word.

What's up?

What's up?

Look, I didn't have a choice.

Laif, considering our current situation, maybe just give him the robot would have been the best choice.

I'm not giving him the robot.

You can make another robot.

Do you have any idea what they were going to use him for?

Laif, the last time we faced off with the government, we had the benefit of knowing we'd be gone in 12 hours.

We don't have that benefit anymore.

I can get us out of this.

How?

I don't know.

I just need some time.

Laif, the world is literally unraveling, and you've decided to add Grudge Match with the U.S.

government to the top of the Sunday?

Hey, at least you're not arguing with food vendors anymore.

Gloria, how's he doing?

He's doing okay.

He's freaked out.

He's not sure what to make of most of it.

Okay, but he's not going catatonic or anything.

No, I think he just needs some space.

Gloria, put us in his vicinity.

I want to talk to him for a bit.

Some space, Mucklewains.

The river's gone.

Ava, how much worse is this going to get?

I don't know.

I'm trying to see if it's on a schedule.

Your attempt to wash us away didn't work, Lape.

We're still here.

I'm not doing anything, Agent Jackass.

Yeah, right.

You really expect me to believe that?

I don't care what you believe.

You're still doing this the easy way, Lafe.

You want me to bring out the big guns?

It's all fun and games until we bring out the vomit cannon.

Go fuck yourself.

Vomit cannon.

But got a cannon that can induce vomiting in a large group of people.

Why would someone make that?

I don't know.

Hey, Agent Patrick Bateman, why would someone make a vomit cannon?

Could it be because your entire agency is full of kids who couldn't stop torturing their action figures?

Muckle Wayne's.

Oh,

is that right?

Are you talking about this particular telephonic whiz-bang?

What the fuck?

Ow!

You're getting very good at that, dear.

Thanks, husband.

I think I set his phone on fire.

Why is my phone on fire, lately?

You were ankle-deep in a river a second ago.

You're asking about your phone?

Somebody get me another phone.

Do you want to borrow mine?

Just step inside the parking lot.

I'll hand it to you.

I'm not going anywhere near you until you call off your flying monkey.

It's a great phone, though.

Nokia 9300.

No.

It'll erase all your public records as soon as you touch it, but it's a great phone.

Five?

Or

what the fuck is this?

Looks like a Brazilian carnival parade.

How's your Samba, Agent Perino?

What can I say?

The party follows me wherever I go.

Somebody get me a phone.

That's how we do it.

How we do what?

Ava, are these things on a regular schedule?

Yeah, I think so.

Laif, get over here.

Come on, Agent.

Move to the music.

Life!

What?

What is it?

Ava says the weirdness is on a predictable schedule.

Okay.

How can we make it worse?

Uh,

worse?

Yes.

Why in the world would you want to make it worse?

Can we make it worse?

I mean,

I don't know.

Don't get me wrong.

I love the idea, but why would we do that?

Yes, why would we do that?

Oh,

I think I know where she's headed with this one.

Do Tails?

Gloria wants to see who can stay on the horse the longest.

That's right.

I don't know where we end up with all this, but I know we need the G-Men out there off our back.

The only thing we've got going for us right now is our ability to tolerate the most bizarre shit imaginable.

I want the two of you to figure out a way to crank up the crazy around here.

Seriously, like, make make it fucking nuts.

We can't just crank the knobs on the universe like it's jacuzzi jets.

No, no, wait.

I actually have some ideas.

Leave?

Come on.

Jesus.

Get ready, everybody.

Hey, David, how are you doing?

What the fuck is that?

That's a...

Well,

that's...

That's...

Brazilian Carnival, is what that is.

Why?

Why is gonna be a tough question around here for a minute?

Now, David.

Just give him some time.

This is a fucking nightmare.

You want to make this worse?

Casper, if we get thrown in a government black site, you're never going to see him again.

Fucking goddamn it, Gloria.

I know, Casper.

Late, where are you going?

We're not done talking.

Come on, let's go talk to this guy.

Okay.

Lace got some things to do.

You're going to have to talk to me for now.

Who the fuck are you?

I'm fucking Gloria.

Who the fuck are you?

Bring Lace back out here.

This has gone on long enough.

Look, I'm going to give you one warning.

Oh, a warning.

Listen, whoever you are.

I'm not interested in making a reservation at your little restaurant, okay?

There's very important things going on right now, if you haven't noticed.

You and your team need to get out of here right now.

Oh, we do.

What are you going to do, Gloria?

Spit in our food?

Bring it out!

Oh Jesus, is that what I think it is?

I hope everybody in there enjoyed their lunch because they're about to see it again.

I'm dying to know how you plan to pull off this plan.

Okay, it's a little nutty fruitcakes, but keep in mind I've been up for almost 48 hours now.

I can't wait.

You said the diner has a pre-print, right?

A particular energy signature that shows up a few days before the diner?

Yeah.

Anyway, you can broadcast that particular energy cocktail?

Uh,

I think so.

But it wouldn't be exact, and it wouldn't be near the intensity that the diner sends out.

That's okay.

I don't need you to feed the sharks.

I just need you to chum the water.

Sharks, Eva?

Sharks, Leaf.

What?

I think they're bringing out the puke gun.

Jesus Christ.

You're a sick fuck, Kyle.

Does that thing work?

It works.

He's just not telling us that it takes an hour to warm up.

We've got time.

Okay.

Of course, the scientist in me wants to see it work.

Does it really make everyone vomit?

Oh, yeah.

These guys are the worst.

They've all got framed pictures of Dr.

Moreau in their offices.

Okay, let's see.

Pretending we're the diner.

A little bit of gamma, some UV, and

pinch of synchrotron.

Okay, there we go.

It's not perfect, but it's in the neighborhood.

We are broadcasting kind of like the diner.

What's this supposed to do?

We're acting like we're open for business.

Okay.

I don't see how that's going to do anything.

What is that sound?

The river came back.

Sick.

Let's get down there.

The river

is back.

Uh-huh.

The federal agents are

gone.

I think I need to be more careful about the things I tell Ava to do.

Might be wise.

Shall we wait here patiently for the other nine plagues?

I am calling that a success.

What the fuck did you do?

I just did what Gloria told me.

But what the fuck did you do, Ava?

I broadcasted an energy signal that imitated a functioning diner.

And the floodgates opened.

I apologize for the incredibly accurate metaphor.

Where did you wash them away to?

You know,

downriver.

Shit.

I was not expecting that to happen.

But it's hard to argue with the results.

Okay, but...

Shut it off now?

Okay.

We can't.

What?

What?

We already put out the signal.

What do you mean we already put out the signal?

I mean, the wheels are in in motion.

All that fucked-up energy out there, it's got a target now.

Shutting it off won't matter.

But it matters to me, Ava.

Hey,

you gave me an order.

I followed the order.

Things are about to get real

weird.

That's not what I asked for.

Gloria, I believe that's exactly what you asked for.

Is it?

Yep.

Okay.

Well,

everyone buckle up, I guess.

I've got to go talk to David.

David

David,

This is Matt Lettons.

I'm on the roof of the turkey in downtown Pasadena.

And there's a fucking kaiju attacking the city.

But listen, I've been watching it.

And I think it's just hitting the palm trees.

Fuck.

This is Jane Spillerosa.

I'm outside the Chiefscape Factory.

Colorado Boulevard.

Just turned into a river.

What's happening?

Fuck.

Hey, y'all, it's Crystal Delightful again.

Welcome back to my channel.

I'm sure you're sick of the videos of my garden by now, but you have got to see this.

I came out here to plant these dahlia bulbs.

And look,

there's a goat in my backyard.

A goat.

What is this goat doing here?

It's really cute.

Hi, little buddy.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

What the fuck?

Oh, come on.

What is the holdup?

A marching band.

A fucking marching band.

Okay.

Okay.

Drive the fucking bus!

What?

No, I'm not there anymore.

I'm on a bus.

Yeah, the buses are still working.

Everybody's trying to get the fuck fuck out of Pasadena.

Of course, the buses are still working.

Yeah.

Yeah, I saw it.

It's fucking real.

I have no idea.

Look, I don't know what to tell you.

I just know that I'm glad to be out of Pasadena and I'm never going back.

I'll call you later.

I'm on my way to barricade myself in my apartment.

Again, the news coming out of Pasadena is very confusing right now.

Local officials are starting to chime in and are urging people to stay in their homes.

If your work is stamped work, they do not want people out on the street right now.

We are also getting strange reports across the city, not just Pasadena, so we recommend staying where you are.

If you're out in the street, get inside as soon as you can.

Fucking zebras.

And the fucking blizzard.

Jesus Christ.

You're fine.

You're fine.

Okay, we're back.

This is Jay Spark.

I'm here with Jaclyn Snyder, and we're trying our best to make sense of the news coming out of Pasadena and now spreading across the Los Angeles area.

We're told the airspace above the area is about to be restricted, but we've still got our eye in the sky chopper up there.

Jacqueline, what are we seeing right now?

Well, Jay, we're seeing a great big monster, aren't we?

Yes, we are.

It is four stories tall and it is currently traveling very slowly south down Lake Boulevard toward my favorite Trader Joe's.

We should note at this point that there have not been any casualties.

And thank God.

Some light injuries from people fleeing the scene, but this guy does not appear to be Godzilla, does he, Jackie?

Well he is if you're a palm tree.

This big boy seems to be focused entirely on eating the tops of palm trees.

Bad news if you're a palm tree.

Good news if you're my Land Rover.

Huh, lost an entire windshield to a falling palm frond last year.

You remember that?

Well, that was a bad day in the studio for everyone, wasn't it?

But this parade float come to life is not the only thing going on in the city of Roses, is it, Jackie?

No, it is not, Jay.

We were jokingly calling it the Colorado River here in the studio.

Colorado Boulevard in Pasadena has now become a raging river.

We don't know how.

We don't know why, but we did manage to capture the moment it happened with our Eye in the Sky chopper.

Let's roll that footage.

Okay, we see here a restaurant in Pasadena called Midnight Burger.

I'm no expert, but there appears to be some sort of government standoff going on around this restaurant.

There you see the black suburbans.

You've got men with guns and what looks like a squadron of drones in the sky right above the restaurant.

Now, that raises enough questions, but watch this footage here.

All of a sudden, there's a raging river and you can watch all these government vehicles...

All of them are completely swept away by this sudden river.

Look at that.

I I mean, that's one way to end a government standoff.

It sure is.

I'm not sure where those government agents got washed away to, but I hope they brought their water weenies.

Yucky, it's me too.

Okay, so, like we said, these strange incidents are now spreading across the city.

So, let's go to the San Fernando Valley Buddhism Center, where we're getting word that the Buddhas are levitating.

Are we on?

We're live.

Okay.

Hello, Los Angeles.

I'm Gloria.

You have no idea who I am.

I know.

I'm cutting into your local news right now because I'm sure a lot of you out there are scared and confused about the things going on in the city.

Without going into it too much, because I don't know how much time we have, I'll say this.

The world you live in is trying to fix itself.

Fixing yourself can get really messy.

It's going to be messy.

All that I, a strange woman who has just appeared on your television, want to say is,

what's the real thing that's going on?

Check on your neighbors.

Are they okay?

Check in on the people in your life.

There may be someone in your life who needs to hear the words, we're going to be okay.

You should say that to them.

You may not believe it, but trust me, when you say it's going to be okay to someone,

you're always talking to two people.

Stick together and hang on.

Nothing in the history of the universe has ever been permanent.

Are we still going?

Yeah, we're still up.

Okay, I'm going to go again.

Hola los Angeles.

Esoy, Gloria.

Now I know the traffic is bad right now, but it's especially bad around Sunset and Doheny, where apparently the street is now doing a full loop-de-loop like a Hot Wheels track.

God damn it.

What the hell is happening?

Hey!

What?

What are you doing?

I'm trying to walk down the street.

It's not working.

I know.

Maybe you should stop for a second.

Why?

Because it's freaking me out.

Every time I try to pass that blue Lexus, I disappear and reappear back up here again.

It's freaking you out.

Well, doing it over and over again doesn't seem to be doing anything.

Have you got any better ideas?

Fuck

just stop, okay?

What

is happening?

I don't know.

I've been asking myself that all day.

Is it true that there's a monster in Pasadena right now?

Yeah.

Yeah, there is.

And Colorado Boulevard is a river?

Yes.

And there was a blizzard for a second?

Uh-huh.

These documents in my hand, I was running these from our offices to a meeting room three blocks away, and

the street started filling up with white stuff.

I think it was shaving cream.

So I turned down this street, and then this started happening.

Maybe just email the documents next time.

Very funny.

Here I go again.

Good luck.

Great.

Have you tried going in a different direction?

I need to go that way.

Going that way doesn't seem to be in the cards.

What if?

What if I go another direction and something even worse happens?

What if I don't reappear?

Okay,

well, I hope you enjoy spending the rest of your life standing on this sidewalk.

Well,

which way do I go?

I'm standing here on the other side of the street.

Pretty nice over here.

Can you do me a favor?

Sure.

My name's Christina Sinnett.

I work at Ted Wassanasen and Associates.

Okay,

what's the favor?

No, I just.

I just moved to town for this job.

I don't really know anyone at work.

And there's a possibility that I'm going to walk across the street and disappear forever.

So I need someone to know

what

that I existed.

All right, I know.

It's nice to meet you, Christina.

I'm David.

Hi, David.

Here I go.

See you on the other side.

Okay,

I

fucking bullshit better than disappearing for good.

Sure, right side.

Well, now, what do I do?

I have no idea.

What is this now?

Well, Casper, this is looking like some race cars.

What happened to the river?

I don't know.

Okay.

This is looking like it's all over LA County now.

There's reports of a World War I dog fight over Hollywood and something about a stampede of zebras and an intersection filled with shaving cream.

Great.

What is this?

Looks like Formula One.

Cool.

Anything from Ava?

So I'm calling them intrusions.

Okay,

anything else?

Sometimes one intrusion will supersede the other.

Like right now, this race car thing superseded the river on Colorado Boulevard.

Then, sometimes they can coexist.

So we've got the race cars

and also the mongo is still loose in downtown Pasadena eating all the palm trees.

Where is all this headed, Ava?

Too early to tell right now, but my guess is

total atomic breakdown.

Total atomic breakdown sounds bad.

We may be seeing an injection of antimatter into the universe, causing

slow annihilation.

Try and imagine rust on a ship.

I think that's the universe right now.

I don't want to try and imagine that.

Thank you.

Any way we can get out ahead of this, Effie?

Gloria, every time one of these oddities rears its head, I'm getting a particular feeling in my knees.

Your knees?

I'm feeling it in my joints when one of these...

Ava, what are we calling them?

Intrusions.

Every time one of them intrusions comes around, I got it in my knees and sometimes my right elbow just before it makes itself known.

That sounds painful.

I have cold compresses and a hot water bottle, and I am alternating between them.

Don't you worry about us, Gloria.

I think with Effie's help, I can at least work out a schedule for when the intrusions are going to happen.

The race is over.

And we're back to the river.

Okay,

good.

It looks like Colorado Boulevard is a kind of nexus point, a soft spot where the intrusions are going to manifest.

If anything happens, it'll probably happen there.

But it looks like with the reports that leaf's getting, there are fissures opening all over the city.

Fucking great.

Okay.

Let me know when you know anything.

Hey, at least we're not in a standoff with the U.S.

government anymore.

So

David left, huh?

Yeah, he did.

I'm glad he needed to get out of here.

I'm sure he's safer wherever he went.

I'm sorry, Casper.

You know, when I first started talking to him, again, I had one rule.

It may be awkward.

He may hate you, but whatever you do, Casper, just don't make it worse.

So,

I made it worse.

You didn't make it worse, Casper.

Whoever put us here made it worse.

Well, regardless, it's worse.

Because my presence here, the universe, where he makes his home, is now headed for...

What was it?

Total atomic breakdown.

Yeah, total atomic breakdown.

I'm going to call that worse.

Fucking disaster.

Well, look at this brave little soldier.

Jesus Christ.

This whole universe is going to break down, and this guy is still going to be trying to deliver a Poke Bowl to somebody.

Okay.

I think I've got it.

Here comes another intrusion.

Five.

Four.

Three, two,

one

nothing's happening

the food delivery bot stopped is that all that's going to happen that doesn't feel like much.

Jesus Christ, he's a fucking Decepticon.

For heaven's sake, someone take the food from it.

Lafe?

What?

Holy shit!

Lafe, do something.

Peter!

Everybody back up.

Please

enjoy your

Caesar salad

Nice work, Peter.

Leave, how have you not made 100 Peters?

I know, right?

DSW Designer Shoe Warehouse is the one-stop shop for all your footwear needs.

With sneakers, boots, and everything in between for every style, mood, and occasion, you'll definitely find shoes that get you at prices that get your budget.

DSW has what you need, but more importantly, they have what you didn't even know you wanted.

You never know what you'll find at DSW.

Find the shoes that get you at prices that get your budget at DSWstores or dsw.com.

Want to make a difference in your community, but not sure how?

Go to gofundme.com right now and start a GoFundMe.

Seriously, your next fundraiser doesn't have to start in a school parking lot or a church basement.

You can start a GoFundMe today in just minutes.

Fundraise for yourself, a friend, or family member, or an organization.

All that matters is that you care about them.

GoFundMe is the trusted place to fundraise for what you care about.

With no pressure to hit your fundraising goal, but tons of tools to help you reach it, you can confidently start fundraising right now.

Whether it's creative, local, or critical, your cause matters.

And there's a reason why GoFundMe is backed by millions and chosen by fundraisers everywhere.

It works and it matters.

GoFundMe helps you make a real difference.

Start your GoFundMe today at gofundme.com.

That's gofundme.com.

G-O-F-U-N-D-M-E.com.

This is a commercial message brought to you by GoFundMe.

Now, what are you doing?

I was thinking,

maybe I need to sneak up on it.

Maybe I was walking too fast.

Like, maybe there's a speed limit.

A speed limit?

Yeah.

I think I'm getting a little further than I usually.

Oh, goddammit.

It doesn't seem like the type of thing you can sneak past.

How do you know?

I don't.

What does that sound?

Are these Gregorian monks?

I don't know.

I don't know much about monks.

Hello?

I don't think they can see us.

Is it possible that the city of Los Angeles is having one big mass hallucination?

I doubt it, but I'm sure that'll be everyone's explanation after this is over.

What if it's never over?

What if this is the world now?

I don't know.

I'll tell you what.

I've got a friend.

He lives in Austria.

I am texting him right now, and we're going to see how things are going halfway around the world.

Why?

I don't know.

I went through a period in my life when I would get a little scared from time to time.

And whenever I would feel that way,

I would try and

widen the lens, you know?

No.

My life felt like the entire universe.

It felt like the only thing that was happening in the universe was whatever bad shit was happening to me.

But you widen the lens,

zoom out, the world is wide, right?

The world is a billion things, not just you.

It helped to know that there were plenty of places out there where my particular bullshit didn't exist.

Okay, I told him that there's some crazy shit going down in LA right now, and he thinks I'm talking about a party.

He is...

He is on vacation right now with his boyfriend, who is terrible, by the way.

We don't like him, Christina, and they are somewhere called Hallstadt.

where is that

i don't know

send

pics

it's entirely possible that it's not the end of the world

maybe we shouldn't have freaked out and ran ran

okay

we have pictures of hallstadt

well look at that that is lovely

Wow.

That's beautiful.

That is an adorable mountain lake town.

No bad shit happening.

A nice quiet place.

Okay.

Now did his boyfriend have to have his shirt off in this pic?

No, he did not.

That is what I'm talking about, Christina.

We hate him.

We really do.

So, huh.

Not the end of the world.

Maybe that wasn't the best moment for the zebra stampede to come by, but my point still stands, okay?

Why are you doing this?

What?

Helping me.

I think the jury's still out on whether or not I'm helping you.

It's kind of dangerous out here.

There was a stampede, and I think an aerial dog fight earlier.

I don't know.

I just made it to my apartment, and the whole time I was trying to get there, I was convinced that if I made it back home, everything was going to be okay so i got in and locked all the doors and somehow i got more scared in my safe apartment than i am out here

maybe i needed something to do

so should i try again do you want to try again no then let's talk about something else great okay how come you're the only person in america not sending documents through the internet oh right God, I totally forgot I was even holding these.

They're from an old case, 1983?

They haven't been digitized yet, so I had to run back to the office and get them.

I think I'm going to be a little late for the arbitration.

I'll write you a note.

Great.

Dear lawyers, this lady was teleporting up and down Argyle Avenue, so she had to miss your big fancy meeting.

That'll work.

Jesus, is my job even going to exist?

I mean,

what if everything keeps getting crazier?

I imagine even if society gets ground down to nothing, there'll still be that desire for people to sue each other.

Oh, good.

So what do you do?

Or did you do, depending on how things play out?

I'm a street artist.

Really?

We exist.

That's fun.

Have I seen any of your stuff?

I don't know.

What's your commute like?

I live in Valley Village, so I take Laurel Canyon.

Ah, on a wall for a while, I had a thing.

It was Charlton Heston in the Ten Commandments.

But instead of carrying the Ten Commandments, he was carrying two base woofers.

That's me.

I love that one.

That's you.

It is.

Wait, I remember the signature.

Your cosmic shrug.

I am.

Oh, my God.

You're a legend.

No, I'm not.

Well, you are to me.

You're the first cool person I've ever met in Los Angeles.

Well, that's what you get for living in Valley Village.

That must be so great.

Is it great?

I like it.

You've got this thing out there for everyone to see.

They drive past and it makes their day a little weirder, you know?

I wish I had something like that.

Christina, you have definitely made my day a little weirder.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess I have.

Maybe that's why all this is happening.

Maybe people need to be weirded out more.

Yeah.

You know what?

Let's try again.

Oh, God.

Come on.

Let's change it up, though.

What do you mean?

Give me the file.

Okay.

It's kind of become my security blanket, though.

Don't worry.

I'm going to put it right here on top of this car.

Now give me your hand.

No, I do not think that's a good idea.

Well, we've got to do something.

Let's try this.

You may be stuck, but I'm not.

Let's see what happens.

Okay.

Are you sure?

I'm sure.

What if he gets stuck in this loop with me?

Then at least we learned something.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh God.

I am taking your hand.

Good.

Now let's walk.

I promise if you get stuck with me for all eternity that I'm a great conversationalist when I'm not freaking out.

That's good to know.

And I talk in my sleep.

Okay.

Oh God, here comes.

We made it to the corner.

We made it to the corner.

We did it.

We did it.

Did we do it?

I think so.

Is the spell broken?

You're on the street corner.

I'm on the street corner.

I guess you just needed some company.

That's fucking incredible.

Whoa.

Shit.

Wait.

You're across the street now.

I'm across the street now.

Why am I across the street now?

I don't know, but it's still progress.

Hang on.

Wait.

Stay there.

I'm back.

Oh, shit.

I came back.

How?

I don't know.

Do it again.

Okay.

I'm over here again.

Confirmed.

I think.

I think I can control it.

Shit.

Okay, go bigger this time.

What do you mean?

Um

that balcony up there, the one with the cactus?

Yeah, go for it.

Okay,

okay,

oh god, okay.

Holy shit!

I'm on the balcony!

God damn!

Okay,

don't freak people out.

Come back down.

I'm back down.

What the hell is happening?

Christina, I have no idea.

Give me your hand.

What What are you doing?

Come on.

Give me your hand.

Oh, Lord.

Yo.

Hello, new experiences.

Why are you laughing?

We're at 7-Eleven.

I know.

I teleported us to 7-Eleven.

Which one?

The one on Highland.

Christina, that is several blocks away.

I know.

You could have teleported me inside the slushing machine.

I don't know.

I just knew I wouldn't.

I knew it was going to be okay.

Looks like it's been abandoned.

Want a hot dog?

How far can you go?

I don't know.

Are we going to test it?

Okay.

Okay.

Go get a pair of sunglasses from Venice Beach.

Venice Beach.

Yeah, okay.

Suck it.

Goodbye, normal life.

What do you think?

It's a look.

They're tiger print.

Bold.

So,

I could just do this now?

Christina, I have no idea, but I know you're not stuck outside my apartment anymore.

So, I'm christina the teleporting lawyer now you'll never be late for court

david why did you do this why didn't you help me i told you i needed something to do seriously

i uh

i run from things

what do you mean

I mean,

usually in my life when people tell me the world has to be a certain way, I just...

leave.

I don't like being told what to do, even if it's the whole world telling me.

All these things that are happening-the craziness in Pasadena, the monks, the zebras-I didn't want it.

I tried to run from it, shut it out.

And everything's fun in games when I can control it, but when things aren't in my control,

time to hit the road.

I think it's time to stop that now.

I'm glad you did.

Me too.

So, what now?

Shit.

What?

I need you to give me a ride.

Five, four,

three,

two,

one.

It's gonna rain now?

That seems kind of normal.

I'm suspicious.

Oh, Lafe, hush up.

Ow!

What the hell was that?

A ping-pong ball.

Come on.

God damn it.

So sorry for the naysaying.

Everybody, inside.

I am officially sick of this.

Ava, is there anything we can do?

Sadly, we're just like everyone else now.

With a diner powered down, we don't have much to work with.

So this is what happens?

When the diner stops working, the whole universe collapses in on itself?

We're seeing it right now.

It's happening just like it would with an organism.

One system breaks down and that failure cascades throughout.

It can't be that simple.

Well, it's not that simple.

When any universe is created, the initial rush of energy and expansion takes literally microseconds.

But this universe has had billions of years to develop and mature and gain complexity.

That could take a long time to unravel.

And all that time, it's going to look like this?

Ping-pong balls falling from the sky?

Oh no.

It's going to get much worse than that.

I can't believe we're supposed to just sit here and watch everything turn to soup.

As powerful as we all may have felt while we were bopping around the cosmos, in the end, we're still mostly observers.

Trying to stop it would be like trying to stop a storm front by blowing at it really hard.

So this is it.

Y'all, I must say, I disagree.

What's that now, dear?

Well, we all seem to be drifting toward a rather apocalyptic view of things.

We're beginning to sound consigned to oblivion.

Zebulon, everything's gone haywire and we've been stripped of our power to do anything.

And I believe it is always a mistake for one to convince themselves that they have any power at all.

I have witnessed all of you do incredible things, heroic things.

And you have done those things not because of your immense power, but because of your

Lord help me, I'm about to step right in it.

Because of your faith, faith in yourselves, in each other, faith in your belief that to act from the purest part of yourself will lead you to victory.

That is not power.

That

is trust.

And perhaps what we need

right now

is a little more of that.

Maybe this is the lack of sleep talking, but Zebulon's right.

I'm sitting here saying that the universe is unraveling, but that's only going with the information that I have.

There could be a lot of information out there that I don't have.

It's entirely possible that a universe evolves to a point where it has a kind of a backup plan.

Something we don't know about yet.

So we just sit here and hope for the best?

I think so.

I hate that.

But I get it.

Hang on.

What?

David's in the parking lot.

Welcome to Midnight Burger.

Sorry.

That's okay.

It's a lot.

It is, in fact, so much.

I still don't know what to do with all this.

David, I told you so much nuclear-grade insane bullshit earlier.

The only difference between me and a severely mentally ill person is that everything I said is true.

But it still feels like insanity.

It was, for real, raining ping-pong balls like a second ago.

But it still doesn't feel real.

Like there's no room for it in your brain, you know?

I hitched a ride here from a teleporting lawyer.

Oh, really?

I would have introduced you, but she had to go check on her neighbor.

She was out on the street next to my apartment.

She was trapped in this weird loop.

She couldn't escape the sidewalk, so I had to help her out.

What'd you do?

I held her hand and walked her to the end of the block.

Somehow that did it.

Well, I'm glad you're making friends.

Why did that work?

Ava and Leaf will tell you one reason why it worked.

Effie and Zebulon will give you another.

And then Gloria and me would say

it worked because

something had to.

I can't talk to anyone else about that.

Yeah.

That makes me mad.

I know.

I'm sorry that it makes me mad.

David, it's.

Parents are tough.

You may want to have a good relationship with them, but you can never really pull off having the relationship you want to.

Also, you both go through life and you both change, but when you get back together, you revert to these old roles like no time has passed.

It's weird.

Parents are weird.

Home is weird.

Look at Leif.

He's grown a lot from the angry dude he used to be, but you put him back on Earth, back home,

and he's just mad all the time.

Like no time has passed.

It never works the way you want it to.

This

doesn't work the way that I want it to.

It never will.

It doesn't stop me from trying.

Helping that lawyer out felt good.

Oh yeah?

I don't know that I've ever felt that way before.

Yeah.

It's weird.

I know.

It's weird that it's weird.

I helped someone, I changed things.

That's not how the world is supposed to work.

It's supposed to be intractable.

It's supposed to be out of my control.

And trust me, it is intractable.

It is out of your control.

But every once in a while, every once in a while, you move the needle and that gets confusing.

Because what are you supposed to do now?

Try?

That's not what you've been told to do by the world you live in.

You've been told to shrug your shoulders and keep walking.

Now you've got to try all the time.

That sounds exhausting.

Is the world ending?

The world's always ending, David.

Maybe today, maybe tomorrow.

Maybe in a billion years.

But Zebulon has given us his usual spiel, which means that we're not allowed to say it's the end of the world until it is the literal end of the world.

Sorry to interrupt, but I've got another countdown.

Hey, David.

Hey, what's going on?

Ah, the space pirate.

That was a long time ago.

Afternoon to you, young man.

It's good to see your face again, David.

Do they ever stop freaking you out?

Not really.

What's the countdown?

They even figured out how to predict when something's going to happen.

Oh, great.

In five, four,

three,

two,

one.

Anything?

I don't see anything.

Maybe we're getting a break.

Or perhaps, as I said, things are not so grim after all.

I'm not sure about that.

Continion detente et voyance quer cachause et passe.

Caspar

queuvien des der que quelchause en français.

Je parle par français tout parl français.

Vous parlais tout le du français.

Merd.

Vous parlais tu le trois français.

Mintenau, vous parlais français.

Je suis pas.

Oh, mon dieu, je suit.

Jes que c'est pas bourde mantanon, da vie parlais français.

Je qua, copas a firme,

sans trompe,

cavous, parlais desormeis, tout lais sorque français.

Mon Marie tu parlo sé français.

Ah, signor,

voi au si.

Se enjo les jeans ma teritme.

Ava,

est tempore or permanent.

Jeunes c'est pas.

Seur de la.

Poutetre.

Les giant man gau et tuj jour, la.

Neu pau laurent poutet français pandon au moment.

Ava.

Jeanet pa la té champ.

Du parlais français pon dant en c'eston.

C'est poutetre ton intense, moncher.

Maites intense en sun mantenais face all francais.

Oh

Les es cargo, je ma sa plus sexie.

Quelcan d'otre sous saintile plus sexie.

Je meson pleus destant.

Esquesse possibles formos mon conflais.

Je démins en chiro.

Je suis a vatavi.

C'estres honervant.

Du voir mais mos anglais.

Sortier, du mar bus cum des mau français.

Je mi abé tous, tou le mo.

Je suis au si.

Je vauzen de c'est chapeau.

On instant, tous le modon en vie de fumet en cigarettes.

Je mais son mien maintenance.

La venzien français des moi et el un mailliur fensiron des moi.

Et je roté que el que chos.

Je mais des mondes, si je suis mailler, un petit sorie matinon.

Je ma demande, si je suis maille, per conqueré le Europe occidental.

Aton

Je dir le nantre restaurant é voi aquens aursemble.

Burguer de minuit.

Oh, Jim sauce.

Esque gloria d'rois porte un desais au chapeau din la cuistine manten.

Je na dét testere, pasa.

C'est la plus stupide absurdité qu'est soi jamais au rivet.

I guess I need to brush up on my sauces.

Oh.

Oh, thank god.

That was fucking weird, man.

Am I bilingual now?

Hang on.

Well, that was a little trip around the world for me.

Yes, and I am glad to be back.

Oh, nonsense, husband.

You were adorable speaking your little French words.

Wait, what is it?

My biggest fear was that I was going to like it and I'd be stuck being French for the rest of my life.

I don't have that kind of fashion sense.

Y'all, Ava, what is it?

The schedule changed.

What do you mean?

We stopped speaking French, so it had to be superseded by something.

Does anyone see anything different?

I don't see anything.

Me neither.

Perhaps this is it.

Perhaps we've reached the end of it.

What is that?

What?

There.

What?

That's.

That's the moon.

Is it?

Yes.

Then what

is that?

Oh, shit.

There's two moons.

Oh, no.

That's not great.

My goodness.

It's like we're all seeing double.

And they're the spitting image of each other.

Everyone in my contacts appears to be freaking out.

Are you doing the math on this?

I don't need to do the math on this.

Please tell me this is only bad news for werewolves.

This is it.

This is what?

A whole other moon has popped into existence, Gloria.

Planetary systems are fragile.

One wrong nudge, and it's game over.

Are they going to crash into each other?

Maybe.

But even if they don't, there's about a million different systems on the planet that depend on the balance between the Earth and the Moon.

Tides, weather patterns, seasons, animal migrations.

You can't add a third party to a planetary system without massive repercussions, at the very least.

This is the end.

Best case scenario?

Floods, tsunamis, ocean currents collapse and restructure.

But

honestly.

They're going to hit each other.

It's just a matter matter of time.

Now let us not go down a dark.

Dear,

I think we need to start taking the world for what it is.

I

suppose you are right.

Now what the fuck do we do?

They're saying there's nothing to do, David.

I shouldn't have told you to make it worse, Eva.

It wouldn't have mattered.

It was all headed this way eventually.

Does anybody have any options?

Yeah.

What?

We leave.

I'll get up on the roof, put out a call, see if I can call in some favors.

If we can hitch a ride off this earth, we can at least get to a safer place.

Leave the diner?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Look, I know this seems like me just wanting to run away from my problems.

But sometimes you do legitimately need to get the fuck out.

I think this may be one of those times.

I can't leave.

Gloria, all that time when Effie and I were out there roaming the land, we were not looking for a place.

We were looking for all of you.

This place may have brought us all together, Gloria, but we are now together.

And if we can stay that way, regardless of the ground beneath our feet, I believe we can still thrive as the Lord meant us to.

Ava said that this was happening to the whole universe, though.

I have friends overseas.

I texted them earlier.

Nothing like this is happening over there.

Although, I guess two moons means it's happening everywhere now.

We're at ground zero right now.

And the kind of deterioration I was talking about could take generations.

If Leaf can find us a nice shady spot, we probably wouldn't see anything like this in our lifetime.

So we're done.

This place is done.

We're still here, Gloria.

Make the call, Life.

I'm on it.

Gloria, look.

It's the last supper.

Who's hungry?

Hey, where were you?

I was on the roof.

Leaf was trying to explain to me what he was doing, and it just sounded like nonsense.

Yeah, I'd avoid that if I were you.

I just call everything he does magic, and it makes it much easier to accept.

Quirks.

How can she sleep right now?

She hasn't slept in about 48 hours.

Oh, so she.

I don't know.

She has a different way of looking at things.

It's all fermions and bosons.

Whatever that means.

I thought about calling mom.

Then I realized she wouldn't believe a word I had to say.

Yeah, probably not.

So you're telling me Leaf is calling a spaceship right now?

Yeah.

Yeah, he is.

Where are we going to go?

I don't know, David.

But it looks like we can't stay here.

What a fucking day.

I know.

I'm so sorry.

My biggest worry was that you were going to be some depressed old dude with a Facebook page.

Surprise!

Jesus Christ, Ava.

Ava?

It's not a small business.

What?

It's not a small

business.

Is she having a night terror?

Maybe.

Ava.

Do you feel it?

I do.

Wait for it.

Wait for what?

It's not a small business.

Ava, what in in the goddamn hell are you talking about?

The finely tuned universe, David.

What about it?

Y'all, I'm getting some crazy readings up there.

What do you mean?

Everybody outside.

Ava, what are we doing?

I can't handle another disaster, y'all.

Wait for it?

Dear.

What is it we are waiting for?

I don't even know how to describe it.

Laif, what kind of reading were you getting?

The only way I can describe it is.

What the fuck?

What is that?

My lord!

It's a movie theater.

The paradise.

It's not a small business.

It's a franchise.

Don't panic, everyone.

Don't panic.

Everything's just fine.

What is happening?

I know you must all be asking yourself, what is happening?

But let me assure you, we're here to help, and everything is going to be just fine.

My name's Jeremiah Franco, and I am the manager of the paradise.

Now, I know what you're.

Leaf?

Excuse me?

Holy shit.

The news feeds on this earth are insane.

I've never seen anything like it.

Oh my god.

Ah, fuck.

Here we go again.

I'll tell you one one thing.

This is not a localized problem.

We're going to have to.

What the fuck?

Hello, Laif.

Hello.

Leif?

Baby, come on.

Let's go.

We're going to meet the new people.

They look really.

Oh my god.

Ava?

Marguerite?

What?

Well, then.

It's looking like a very interesting day for all parties, isn't it?

All right, everyone.

Who wants popcorn?

Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all.

Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.

And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there, somewhere, looking for you.

We open at six!

Special thanks to Scotty Caldwell for helping us out with the French language this episode.

Midnight Burger is made possible in part by your Monte Cristo level and above supporters, Billy, Bertbert, Bethany, Second Bethany, Society of Bethanies, Jacob Lambert, Ashley and Spencer Kurtz, the other Ashley, Momo's Mama, Tony Tony, Tony, Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Fickle Phil, Myrtle, Caitlin Liebenberg, Mr.

Triggvy, Eves Thieves, Printing with Cats, Zusana Kalinova, Riley, Khaleesi Del Mar, Von Vega, Dixie Dina, River Waters, Saint Dust, Amanda Nascarella, Trashy Pack Rat, Jose Zatino, Let's Talk About It, Sonny the Stag, KBS 1017, Stelliat, Silas Vex, Sarah Jack Sparrow, Revibe, Debbie E, Emma, Baz Cannon Force, Mr.

and Mrs.

Owo, Dusty Ventures, Sailor Swift, Ronnie Porter, Eagle Rock Lobster, Mary, Like the Virgin, Rosetta, Gabby Painter, Wandering Wenjo, Painted Oni, Q Dell, Pharrell, Betty Hayes and the B-Team, Emily with Two E's, Drowsy Rousey, Tatched Fletcher, Jackie Wavelet, Issa the Straga, D.

Greitzler, Jeep Style, A Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster Randy Doing Crimes, Leopard Donut, Keychain Crap, Matt Matt Sharkman, Stephen Lowry, Christopher Georgia, Arcadia, Nursing Olympics champion, Scipio Dudah, Buffy's Daughters, Chetcha Chugganums, Emric, Panda, Curtis Lelig, Tristan Stoles, Shadow Rapture, Space Case Snow.shop, Hank the Wonderlama, Abubaluth, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, Alexander Nunes, Jeremy Ibsen, What the Hell, Cineplex, and all the black people in North Carolina, Just Rachel, Short Dick Nick, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Taurus Mash, the podcast for nerdy Jews, Ren Nears and Cheesley, Axel, Patty the Ginger, Ava Cigarette Ash, Tim Lynch, Anne Morris Garay, A, Zeus, Anna Philaxis, Mythical Mantis, Jack's Nightmare, Scav with Comtax, Kennan's Girlfriend Brooke, Little Goblin Girl, Unburyable Conundrum, Kevin Tobin, Kevin Lutra, Keith Collins, Magnus Arrowchill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Mr.

Me, Myself and I, Jeff, Randy Zamigo, Gremlock, Katie Mermaid and the Delinquent Duo, Nauman, Nicole, Witchicat13 Loves IPAs, Terminal Irony, Security Chief Shatzi, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nix Reno, Robert Frankenberry, Mr.

Yasser, High Life, Kat Carruthers, Honeybee, Nordalbash, Arwin X.

Pelasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audiomonkey, Joanne, Team Hefeweisen, Monica and Mason K, Tony Wants to Be Laif, Supermassive White Hole, Pastel Fox, Ryan Burnett, Christy Casey, The Timid Ghost 23, Zivia's Mom, Dr.

Dr.

B, Soprez and the Bumble Army, Geneva, Arkansas Not Arkansas, Munko, Jambles, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Midday Salsa, Letty Lou, Tibby, Nick Howard, Kinger was here, Bobby Ray Winland Jr., Bebop Bidaba Doo Wop, Warped Echoes, Jeremiah Franco, Isaiah Coleman, Ale Creese, Gabby Hayes, My Wigglebuts, So We Did It, Kiana Crow, Fossil Diver84, Micah Collins, Cody McClure, Eternal Champion, Jingaloss, Eris, Goddess of Discord, Billy the Space Wizard, Didzy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Karine E, Kyle Church, I Am A Lafe in the Wind, Static Ego, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Palace Abundance, Lolly, Evan M.

Dobson, Erastus, Going to Be Lit, I Am Shaggy, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Omega Nye, Frank in a Field, Teenage Mutant Ninja Duck, Colorado Southpaw, Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Lux the Dragon, Christina Sennett, The Red Planet, Shane Robertson, Colby Lowe, The Wandering Welshman, Dane Koloff, Whatever Tabby, Peggy Luvatsky, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Shy Sparrows, Mr.

Mikey Microphone, BLTN, Scott Gygax, Glenn Morris, Crushable Hale53, Tequila Mockingbird, Mockingbird, Goose Infinity, and Beyond, Locksmith Andy, Sophia in a Fur Coat, Iso Pale, David Livingston, Rosalt, Hopeful Ghost, Nate the Milkman, Mags the Conqueror, Wes and Heather have made it.

Joyce, yes, my last name is Oder, True Purple God, Eric, Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy.

It's the Grand Chahi's birthday.

Victor Casados, Smigs, Emily Shmemily, Work for Melvis, Von Grimm, Bohogo, Bye-bye for Jojo Pogo, that's a no-go, bro.

Cody Monster, Magical Computer Mage Mason, the Gabber newspaper sounds like a ridiculous name, but they help protect democracy in Florida.

Jahonkmo, Miss Nixie, Baby Baiton Lee, Kyle Perino, Amber King, Sid the Honk on a Bike, Priya Gandhi, Wandering Mermaid, Lil Stevie Pie, Return to Sender, Green Mountain Hermit with Azure Blue Eggs, R-Town, Two Buller Cat, General of the Army of Space Cats, Carl, the Teller of Dad Jokes, At least Six Gyms, Skylabs, Multi-Dimensional, Multiphasic, Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse, Nikki H, Meathead Chris, TC Patrick Master of Dungeons, AnyCrafts Anywhere, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Young'an, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Supercalifragilistic XP, Alex Nickel, Jimbo Jet, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacons, Kelly W., Holly Hooten, Alec Manning, Pyro's Calling, Noisemaster, Reese Pontiff, Too Many Jans, Pamela Rose Eltierra, James Spillerosa, Lord Braxton von Windle III, D-Squared Life, Thinsteena says, Thud Tweed, Countess of Carbon, The Mouse Husband, Luminous Elk, Rodian Caution, Love is for the Nerds, Captain Tyson, Karzaroth the Illusionist, Casper Needs a Hug, Quotes, Devin7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Lost Basan, Schrödinger's Cat, Estelle, Arafaf the Alchemist, Kim Sell, Silly Goose Honk Honk, This Tist Teeds Tortames, Ghost Saberwolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Mr.

Alex Sir, Sarah Joy, Dolores Gara Schnapp, Tators Precious, Teddy of the Wasteland, Daniel Gregory, Dr.

Glass, Sweets, Shar Noble, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Whitney, Destroyer of Worlds, Chuck Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, Ben Barr, Beastly Death, Zven the Unlikely, Ted Wassanasen, Virestria, Relentless Rick and Moon Unit, Spoomples, Fernwood Gal, Twinkle Tots, Shocking Developments Nearby, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Daniel Arthur, Mike LaClusie, Dex, Huey702S, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Landa Party of Two, Cameron Winterborne Welsh, Fireball XL5, Alexica Habaniera, Code Stranger, That Chicken Florida, Matt N, Julia Kringlin, Bobby G, Monad Nick, Frelp, M.

Lin, Feedba Fish, JRR on SFP, Lahari, Rekka Ayumu, J Spark, Eevee Girl, Jesse Adams, Lucid Harbor, Diet Knight, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts McGortz, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Unexciting K, Atlas B, Hold it Now,

hit it!

Casey Howe, Bradley Ashby, Ang Ree, Peter, Megan Okeo, William Dyer, Vicki Aber, Julian Barber, Brad Munier, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Stabby Cacti, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kill Shot Betty and her steel-eyed bow, Turtles All the Way Down, Dr.

Punt Gusher Esquire moved to a new town for the first time in 22 years and is nervous but excited about the honking new.

Jackie Lowie, The Little Pigeon, Honk Nation, Crazed Bear, Ivinala, Dr.

Lattice, What the Fuck, Punt, that's such a long name, Honk, Andy Croft, Petting Dogs, Corey Morose, Russell Bunny, Jane G, Max Savage, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Araneta, Black Squirrel, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Watcher, Jimmy Stims, Lord Than and Lady Sarah, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Thomas Bell, Elizabeth Boyarsky, Brad Jacobs, Jen Rhodes, Kaylin Voivodin, Kevin Lutra, Lauren Mayer, Jake the Cook, Alan Berglund, Maggie Cunningham, Dylan Winslow, V.

Greenlee, Courtney Morris, Ryan Abbey.

I hope something good happens to you today.

Yes, you.

Wasabi Lube Moonshine, Wasabi Lube's Mum, Turtle Boy, Arwen the Freer, Jacqueline Snyder, Fridge Pickle, Basil in Their Tea, Keegan Diamond, Whisper Dan, Mad Maddox, Krusty McBeardface, Hurry Up and Wait, Too Much Octopod, Where's Sarah Farmer?

Oh God!

Criddle, Arrow of Truth, Heidelberdy, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkatesh, McClump, The Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's Finest Garen Elizondo, Terrified Toddler, Alkalized Tertiary Amines, Ashton James, Honksbeth, Skyland, ALR, Lily Davis, Sarah Maguire, Tonka 2005, Cruise and B.

Anthony, J.

Way Mythical, Tybalt I, Stephen Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Tess Bart, Alley Frog, Frog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Talon Lawson, Freya Titmittens, The Fontucky Wrangler, Jessica Shelton, Screm Brulee, The Singing Loon, Zusana, Celeste Yos, Stepon, Infinity Times Infinity, Noah and Katie, Joe R., Sarah Murphy, Justin at the Tree Cave, The Ambergler, Boodles, Reaper, Osvaldo Simeoni, Siobhan Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Cole, Hot Plate of Biscuits and Gravy, Zejoni Vera, Sean Wright, Lettuce, Botanist, Corinne Sabrantha, Kyle of Light, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K-Mack, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuddha, Eli the Electrician, Sonny D.

Anomaly, Charmay, The Wondrous Methazophon, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Samira, Flat Doug, Trinket Coralie, Deary Darling, Banshee Ranch, Bookshift Managed, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Victor in Cincinnati, Gracefully Impaired, Jack Lane, Tired Pirate Muffin, Jay Snooston, Caravan Shaker, Laura, Roman Ronin, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Sammy Baldwin, Posh Baby Baby Rentals Florida, Cryptessia, Rebecca Trossel, good god there are so many names, Mitzi Lou, Kelsey Home, Casper's Number One Fan, Amanda Marie Catherine, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Lola, Deli Cruz, Nan McVicker, Matt Mosby, Ruth McCormick, Harry Fishnucks, Little Ball of Odd, Joshua Cody, Astronaweeb, Starlight, Berserking Off, David Pierini, Techno Ranger Rick, Mossy, Lecockney Francaise, Virgo Aries Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Ashley, A Bug Named Nat, Potato Nation, Cece Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Rusty Accord, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Dan Bowman, Paul A.

Johnson, Killer Odd, Dandy Bay, The Green Street Major, Creator67, Bajolanth, Lafe's One True Love, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark11, Courtney Depona, Leap Flame, Reedle the Beetle, John Dew, Stew, Nth Anomaly, Meghan Mighty, Purple Saline, Miss Chris Still Making Sandwiches, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Kingpin, Anomalous Vandal, Captain Blepp, Eevee Power, Kurt Bartnick, Your Favorite Kenny, Chelsea G, Terry, PJ Says Hi, Danielle L, Sparker, Hicks Besides Mates, Disco Funkslinger, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, Princess Donut, The Queen Anne Chonk, Alice Malice, Evil Incorporated, Sircat Dad, Kelly Jane Danky, Aaron the Optimist, Weirdly Nordic Leviathan, Lucrezia, Andrew Barner, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Edgy Steve, Rockaweenie, Ava, No, not that Ava, the one with an E, Zacky Nat, Underwater Corvid, Spizzaringtum, Michael Christian, Ransom, Tarvok Stormbringer, Moon My Salil, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyralis, Dances with Burritos, Aaron Mitchell, Fiona Malisey, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R.

the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Tracy, Maloran, Brian Barletta, Kara, Call MeZen, Calibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Menlor, The Dread Pirate Fred Fredberger, What the Chuck, Sona Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Nea Darusso, Peachy Zatowichi, Inky the Kraken, Azula the Brave, and their ever-faithful squire Grabthar, Justine Burbank, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams, and existentially, Exhausted Bean.

Pressing record as always.

Press and record is an important part of the process.

Step one, welcome to my masterclass.

Step one.

Press record.

We're told the airspace above the area is about to be restricted, but we've still got our eyes.

That's good.

Yo, did it.

It was only 10% Canadian.

You say it.

About.

About.

Yeah.

About.

No, the way you did it was great.

Okay.

I know.

I just hit it really hard.

I paused before and after.

Okay.

Oh, Canada.

We're beginning to sound co-signed to oblivion.

Consigned.

You consigned.

Consigned.

I'll do it again.

I'll do it again.

I'll do it again.

Cosigned.

I co-signed that oblivion.

Press record.

I keep thinking I have to press record.

No, not anymore.

Because of the future.

The future is here.

Don't have to press record anymore.

Congratulations.

Thank goodness.

Je qua co

pour a firme

sans sous trompe que vous parlais des ormé,

tou lais,

sans français.

That's awesome.

One more time.

One more time.

That's exactly what I'm talking about.

That is hilarious.

Oh, God, we're sweating balls in here.

I know.

Okay.

Okay, there you see the black suburbans.

You've got men with guns and what looks like a squadron of drones in the skitty.

In the skitty

is that how they say it in Canada?

That's a pronunciation of Skiddy.

What province of Canada is that from?

Yeah.

All of them.

They just hide it really well in their sockets.

Yeah.

It is in the skitty.

That was so close to skibbity about it.

Top downtown son.

They're in the skitty.

Okay.

Le giant mango et tou jour,

la fuck

La fuck, everybody.

Maybe stretch out the ooh, you know what I mean?

Ooh, Jim Sa.

Four,

three,

two,

one.

I'm sorry, honey, in keeping with the title of the episode, could you start with five?

Sure.

Five, four,

nope.

I hate it.

Hey.

A laser

interferometer.

I have French in my head, and now I can't say this word.

Interferometer.

Interferometer.

Interferometer.

Interferometer.

Interferometer.

Laser interferometer.

Okay.

Okay.

Interferometer.

Interferometer.

Yeah.

I hate you, Joe.

I know the feeling.

Page two.

Page two, everyone.

I'm sweating.

Okay.

I know.

It's rough.

The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.

DSW Designer Shoe Warehouse is the one-stop shop for all your footwear needs.

With sneakers, boots, and everything in between for every style, mood, and occasion, you'll definitely find shoes that get you at prices that get your budget.

DSW has what you need, but more importantly, they have what you didn't even know you wanted.

You never know what you'll find at DSW.

Find the shoes that get you at prices that get your budget at DSW stores or dsw.com.