Chapter 31: Welcome to the Horizon

Speaker 1 DSW Designer Shoe Warehouse is the one-stop shop for all your footwear needs.

Speaker 1 With sneakers, boots, and everything in between for every style, mood, and occasion, you'll definitely find shoes that get you at prices that get your budget.

Speaker 1 DSW has what you need, but more importantly, they have what you didn't even know you wanted. You never know what you'll find at DSW.

Speaker 1 Find the shoes that get you at prices that get your budget at DSWstores or dsw.com.

Speaker 2 Today's episode is is brought to you by Mood.

Speaker 3 Here's Tom to tell you about it.

Speaker 4 Did you know there's an online cannabis company that ships federally legal THC right to your door?

Speaker 4 And they've found a way to combine THC with carefully selected functional ingredients to target nearly every mood and health concern you can think of.

Speaker 4 I'm talking about mood.com's incredible line of functional gummies, and you can get 20% off your first order at mood.com with promo code Burger.

Speaker 4 Forget one-size-fits-all supplements that only get you high. Mood's functional gummies are optimized to kick in in as little as 15 minutes and take you to the mood you're looking for.

Speaker 4 Whether that's mind-magic gummies for deep work and creativity, PMS support to ease cramps and balance mood swings, or their sexual euphoria gummies to help you feel ready for action and turn every touch into a full body experience.

Speaker 4 Listen, you can find gummies to just get you high pretty much anywhere these days.

Speaker 4 But Mood's functional gummies combine premium, federally legal THC with targeted botanicals to help you get into the perfect mood, usually in as little as 15 minutes.

Speaker 4 And everything ships discreetly right to your door. No dispensary lines, no awkward conversations, just better days and nights delivered to your doorstep.

Speaker 4 Best of all, not only is every mood product backed by a hundred-day satisfaction guarantee, but as I mentioned, listeners get 20% off their first order with the code BURGER.

Speaker 4 So head to mood.com, find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for, and let mood help you discover your perfect mood.

Speaker 4 And don't forget to use the promo code Burger when you check out to save 20% on your first order.

Speaker 2 Midnight Burger will always be free to listen to, but it's not free to make.

Speaker 3 So please consider supporting us on Patreon or Apple Podcasts.

Speaker 3 For early access, ad-free shows, exclusive content, and our enduring gratitude, just go to patreon.com/slash midnightburger or subscribe on Apple Podcasts.

Speaker 2 Previously on Midnight Burger, fangs out!

Speaker 2 Fangs out!

Speaker 3 Stumbling upon Tarek in present-day America, the Diner Institute's operation Coming to Steal Your Man.

Speaker 12 Yale break, motherfucker.

Speaker 13 Tamara comes along, and she has a helicopter now.

Speaker 15 I'm too rich to repeat myself, don't make me.

Speaker 2 While in a standoff with federal agents, Tarek confesses that, despite everything, he's still got a weakness for redheads as long as those redheads are capable of devouring all of space-time like it's a torno's pizza.

Speaker 19 Somewhere deep down is still that medieval romantic.

Speaker 19 That part of me that would give

Speaker 2 anything just to see her face again.

Speaker 5 What a sap.

Speaker 21 I love that guy.

Speaker 6 Now that we're all on the same page, let's track down Clementine and end this.

Speaker 23 Look out!

Speaker 24 Clementine, stop.

Speaker 25 I need your help. Oh, really?

Speaker 26 You need their help?

Speaker 22 Has it all come crashing down, Clementine?

Speaker 28 Who could have predicted that other than everybody?

Speaker 2 Let's start the shift.

Speaker 2 Frank

Speaker 29 I will not, not in a million years, understand your obsession with starting over.

Speaker 31 I'm not obsessed.

Speaker 32 That's completely unfair.

Speaker 29 No matter what we talk about, no matter what problem we're having, you always bring it back around to getting out of this town and starting over.

Speaker 31 We should get out of this town and start over again.

Speaker 29 That is not the solution to everything.

Speaker 31 I never said it was the solution to everything.

Speaker 29 The kitchen sink backed up, and your solution was to get of town and start over again.

Speaker 31 I wasn't presenting it as a solution to the sink.

Speaker 29 Of course you weren't, but you never hesitate to bring it up, do you?

Speaker 31 No, Peter, honestly, I don't. Do you know why? Because we should get out of town and start over again.

Speaker 29 Our lives are here.

Speaker 29 Our kids go to school here. My sister is here.

Speaker 31 Her kids are here.

Speaker 31 Mean we have to stay here.

Speaker 29 I realize you don't understand the importance of family because yours was so dysfunctional.

Speaker 34 What? What?

Speaker 29 But it's important.

Speaker 29 And it's important in ways that nobody anticipates.

Speaker 31 You're seriously going to stand there and accuse me of not knowing the importance of family after giving birth to not one, but two of your children?

Speaker 30 That's not what I'm saying.

Speaker 36 It sounds like that's what you're saying.

Speaker 30 Don't put words in my mouth.

Speaker 31 I don't need to put words in your mouth.

Speaker 9 You don't understand the importance of family.

Speaker 32 That's what you said.

Speaker 29 Stephanie, it's not not just our kids. It's everyone.
My sister, her kids, this town, we rely on these people and they rely on us.

Speaker 31 We do rely on these people.

Speaker 30 Of course we do.

Speaker 31 At least once a day, someone from this town comes to you with a problem for you to clean up. Who said that was your job? There's a reason this town doesn't have a mayor, Peter.
It doesn't need one.

Speaker 31 Fine.

Speaker 29 Fine. Let's hear it.
Let's hear your solution then.

Speaker 31 What are you talking about?

Speaker 29 Where are we moving to? Peter. No, no, no, no, no.
We're gonna sell the motel and then pack up the covered wagon, right? I'm sure you have this all figured out because you can't stop bringing it up.

Speaker 29 So what's the plan?

Speaker 31 We're supposed to come up with a plan together.

Speaker 29 Throw something to me, anything. Pick a city in the northern hemisphere.
Let's go.

Speaker 38 I can't just pick a city.

Speaker 29 You can't. Do you know why? Because this escape plan of yours, starting over in a new town, it completely falls apart when we're confronted with a little thing called reality.

Speaker 12 What would we do there?

Speaker 29 Could the kids walk to school like they do now? Are there even schools nearby? Can we afford to live there?

Speaker 41 Etc.,

Speaker 42 etc.,

Speaker 35 etc.

Speaker 15 There are answers to all those questions.

Speaker 29 There are answers to all of those questions. I guarantee you, this escape plan of yours will collapse in on itself as soon as you get an answer you don't like.

Speaker 29 You're in favor of leaving so long as there are no complications and everything goes our way. When in the history of the world has that ever happened,

Speaker 31 what room are we arguing in?

Speaker 29 Seven.

Speaker 31 Let's go.

Speaker 42 Sheesh,

Speaker 27 Frank.

Speaker 43 Hey, Frank

Speaker 39 Clementine.

Speaker 43 How are you?

Speaker 39 Just great.

Speaker 44 Okay.

Speaker 45 There was a kind of crazy scene out there. I think a couple checked in to try and work out their marital problems.
Do you know them?

Speaker 39 I do.

Speaker 43 Who are they?

Speaker 39 That's Peter and Stephanie Sturgis.

Speaker 39 My mother and father.

Speaker 45 Your mother and father?

Speaker 39 Yes.

Speaker 46 Uh, Frank.

Speaker 45 Frank, didn't you tell me that your father passed away?

Speaker 47 Yes.

Speaker 47 Whoa, what

Speaker 45 Frank, what's going on?

Speaker 39 My parents were very protective. They were very concerned about fighting in front of us.
They thought it would be traumatic, so they had this habit.

Speaker 39 When they needed to have a fight, they would get a sitter and then stay here. They would fight all night long and then come back the next day like nothing had happened.
I got wise to it when I was 12.

Speaker 39 I always wondered what they were fighting about.

Speaker 24 That's

Speaker 45 that's them in that car?

Speaker 41 What car?

Speaker 33 what do you mean what

Speaker 45 the car is gone just wait

Speaker 29 I will not not in a million years understand your oh god

Speaker 45 I'm not obsessed how long has this been happening

Speaker 39 it started this morning

Speaker 39 it's Clementine what is she doing here I don't know Clementine what are you doing here I was just. You know, June has a theory.

Speaker 50 What?

Speaker 39 June, you have a theory?

Speaker 37 Who did this, Clementine?

Speaker 39 As you can imagine, we're starting to go a little crazy around here.

Speaker 49 I'm not crazy, you're crazy.

Speaker 39 There was

Speaker 39 when we first met you, when you were lying in the parking lot and we took you to the hospital, June and I waited for a while. There was this weird thing that happened.

Speaker 39 One of the nurses kept calling for Dr. Nate.
She did it over and over again.

Speaker 39 And June now thinks that it was.

Speaker 37 It was a time loop.

Speaker 39 She thinks it was a time loop.

Speaker 39 Which she got from a Star Trek episode.

Speaker 48 So, what if it's a Star Trek episode?

Speaker 13 Tell her about the car.

Speaker 39 And there was a car that kept driving by the motel over and over again. She thinks that was another one.

Speaker 39 And now...

Speaker 48 And now there's a literal outer limits episode happening in our parking lot.

Speaker 39 And she says it's because of you.

Speaker 37 It all started when you showed up, Clement Tom.

Speaker 39 We've gone through several stages with this this today: shock, horror, disbelief.

Speaker 39 Here, at the end of the day, I think we've drifted now into

Speaker 39 resignation.

Speaker 39 I think we're just waiting for it to stop so we can start pretending it never happened.

Speaker 48 Why doesn't she make it stop?

Speaker 49 She's the one who made it happen.

Speaker 21 June, come out of the bathroom.

Speaker 49 No way.

Speaker 49 Not with her out there.

Speaker 39 This isn't her fault, June. You're being ridiculous.

Speaker 29 You're being ridiculous.

Speaker 39 You can't just blame someone because they're new in town.

Speaker 21 June, no, I'm right, Trey.

Speaker 39 Nobody knows anything about anything. My dead father is arguing in the parking lot, June.

Speaker 45 She's right.

Speaker 12 She's right, Frank.

Speaker 45 It's me.

Speaker 45 I did it.

Speaker 39 Clementine, you're a strange person, but bar of gold, Frank?

Speaker 45 I just had that on me.

Speaker 45 I brought beer from Tokyo and didn't know it was in Japan.

Speaker 45 I disappeared from the hospital.

Speaker 45 How did I disappear from the hospital?

Speaker 39 And these are all strange things.

Speaker 36 Fine.

Speaker 37 Here's another bar of gold.

Speaker 12 Is that not good enough?

Speaker 29 You want another one?

Speaker 25 Still not convinced?

Speaker 45 I can make my favorite song play out of thin air. How about that?

Speaker 35 Where is that coming from?

Speaker 8 I can do anything I want.

Speaker 45 Anything I want, except for the thing I want to to do.

Speaker 44 It's terrible.

Speaker 39 Clementine, look, you may think.

Speaker 32 Jesus Christ, do you still not believe me?

Speaker 51 Fine. There's a chicken in the bathroom now.

Speaker 38 Oh, fuck shit. There's a fucking chicken in here.
There's a fucking chicken.

Speaker 52 Now, how's that? Is that good enough?

Speaker 12 I think I broke Frank.

Speaker 37 Is this a living chicken? We just have a chicken now. Yes.

Speaker 33 Enjoy.

Speaker 45 Okay, I'm going to go outside and I'm going to put things right again.

Speaker 45 And then I'm going to go before I break something else.

Speaker 45 Or break everything.

Speaker 49 What are you going to do?

Speaker 47 Wait.

Speaker 45 I really am

Speaker 45 sorry, you two.

Speaker 45 Time is the substance I am made of. Time is a river that sweeps me along, but I am the river.
It is the tiger which destroys me, but I am the tiger. It is a fire which consumes me, but I am the fire.

Speaker 29 I will not, not in a million years, understand your obsession with starting over.

Speaker 2 I'm not obsessed.

Speaker 29 I will not, not in a million years,

Speaker 40 understand your obsession.

Speaker 40 I'm not obsessed.

Speaker 46 Oh my god.

Speaker 15 What the hell?

Speaker 39 Permitine, this doesn't look like fixing things.

Speaker 45 That's not supposed to happen.

Speaker 39 None of this is supposed to happen.

Speaker 12 I don't understand.

Speaker 37 There's three of my aunt and uncle now there's not supposed to be any of them okay uh wait wait just wait um

Speaker 45 let me try again

Speaker 45 time is a substance i'm made of time is a river that sweeps me along but i am the river

Speaker 45 it is a tiger which destroys me but i am the tiger it is a fire which consumes me but i am the fire

Speaker 29 I will not, not in a million years, understand.

Speaker 30 Oh, no, no, no.

Speaker 54 What?

Speaker 25 This isn't supposed to happen.

Speaker 37 This isn't supposed to happen. What exactly is happening?

Speaker 33 I don't know. I don't know what's happening.

Speaker 55 I can't control it.

Speaker 39 Clementine, tell me what you're doing.

Speaker 25 I don't know what I'm doing. I don't understand any of this.

Speaker 33 It's gotten out of my control.

Speaker 33 I need to get help.

Speaker 8 What? From where?

Speaker 25 I'm going to go.

Speaker 32 I'm going to go get help.

Speaker 33 Frank, listen.

Speaker 45 I'm so sorry.

Speaker 33 I thought I could control it.

Speaker 45 I thought I was in control.

Speaker 56 I'll be back, I promise.

Speaker 36 What?

Speaker 39 Oh,

Speaker 39 Jesus.

Speaker 37 What?

Speaker 39 She just vanished.

Speaker 36 What?

Speaker 39 Where the hell did she go?

Speaker 56 What's that sound?

Speaker 56 What?

Speaker 39 The fuck is that?

Speaker 17 Hey there, folks.

Speaker 14 You must be Frank and June. Strange times.
Am I right?

Speaker 9 Just give me one second.

Speaker 50 We'll be right with you.

Speaker 8 That was different.

Speaker 24 What the fuck is happening here?

Speaker 15 Whoa.

Speaker 57 No such thing as a time loop, huh?

Speaker 13 Lafe, where are we?

Speaker 50 New timeline.

Speaker 27 This isn't Clementine's.

Speaker 12 Ava? I'm thinking Effie.

Speaker 58 Gloria, even if I had feelings about what I'm saying, I wouldn't know what to say.

Speaker 59 They all appear to be the same person.

Speaker 24 Yes, I can see that, Zach.

Speaker 59 How are we to know which ones are the real ones?

Speaker 33 I think they're all the real ones. That's the problem.

Speaker 23 I miss the farm.

Speaker 33 Clementine, tell me exactly what happened.

Speaker 45 There was one car. It kept showing up.
That's Frank's mother and father in the car. His father passed away.
This is a scene from their past.

Speaker 33 And then how did it become sick's cars?

Speaker 45 I tried to fix it. It usually works when I try to fix things.

Speaker 33 How did you try to fix it?

Speaker 45 There's this thing I say.

Speaker 45 I say it when I need to focus. What is it? Time is the substance I am made of.
Time is a river that sweeps me along, but I am the river. It is a tiger which destroys me, but I am the tiger.

Speaker 45 It is a fire which consumes me, but I am the fire.

Speaker 33 Borges? What? Jorge Borges. He's a writer.
You were reciting Borges?

Speaker 45 I don't know who that is. It's something my mother taught me to recite when I was panicking.

Speaker 45 It seemed to work when I needed to focus on something.

Speaker 33 Well, guess what? It's not working!

Speaker 39 What is happening?

Speaker 7 Okay, it's a lot.

Speaker 16 Sure.

Speaker 36 Don't panic.

Speaker 17 First of all, let me say that I really love your motel.

Speaker 10 Very mid-century modern.

Speaker 50 Very lost highway.

Speaker 38 What is happening?

Speaker 2 Okay, let's just first paragraph of Wikipedia this, shall we?

Speaker 6 We're Midnight Burger, a time-traveling dimension-spanning diner.

Speaker 2 We've been trying to hunt down a mysterious red-headed woman who has been fucking up the cosmos.

Speaker 37 Sound familiar? Clementine?

Speaker 17 Yes.

Speaker 6 Turns out, when she was taking a break from destroying all of existence, she liked to hang out here.

Speaker 14 I mean, why wouldn't she? It's lovely.

Speaker 12 Where are we? Washington? Oregon.

Speaker 35 Great.

Speaker 2 So, the problem is, Clementine eventually destabilizes everything around her, including this place.

Speaker 39 Destabilizes how?

Speaker 9 Well, you know how things have a tendency to

Speaker 37 exist? We are aware.

Speaker 6 She tends to make them stop doing that.

Speaker 37 You guys are going to stop that, though, right?

Speaker 62 Yes.

Speaker 39 How is a diner going to stop that?

Speaker 6 Well, we don't know yet, but we've got two very smart people, a 700-year-old man, two Baptist ministers, and a very competent restaurant manager.

Speaker 17 So the answer's got to be in there somewhere, right?

Speaker 37 What do you do?

Speaker 33 You know, I used to work at the MV and now I'm just trying to figure it all out.

Speaker 17 You know, it's a process.

Speaker 10 Uh, looks like the couples are all inside the rooms now.

Speaker 15 Hi there.

Speaker 2 Hey, this is Gloria.

Speaker 14 She runs the place.

Speaker 24 Nice to meet you.

Speaker 51 Welcome to the weirdest day of your life.

Speaker 48 I mean, I hope it is.

Speaker 24 It's a lot, sure, but I think you'll find that your capacity for weird shit is way higher than you think it is. What

Speaker 39 happens now?

Speaker 24 Well, we've got about a half dozen temporal anomalies, don't we? Who are the two people in these cars? It's

Speaker 39 my mom and dad.

Speaker 24 And is this them in the present?

Speaker 39 No.

Speaker 39 No.

Speaker 39 My dad passed away. My mom lives in New Mexico now.

Speaker 24 Okay, so they definitely shouldn't be here, and there definitely shouldn't be six pairs of them, right?

Speaker 39 Wrecked.

Speaker 45 Clementine, you've got to stay away from me.

Speaker 62 How are you even here?

Speaker 19 It's a long story. What did I do to you?

Speaker 8 Did I.

Speaker 45 Did I make you American?

Speaker 40 Clementine.

Speaker 45 No, I didn't. It's the pillars of salt all over again.
You've got to stay away from me.

Speaker 5 Listen.

Speaker 45 I can't. Tarek, please.
Okay.

Speaker 33 Let's not make this too complicated. If we get all the moms and dads inside the diner, that should solve the problem.
As long as we can keep them in there long enough.

Speaker 24 It seems like they can't even see us, though.

Speaker 33 We've got to make them see us. Also the hard part is we can't just drag them in there.
We've got to convince them to go into the diner.

Speaker 24 Why?

Speaker 33 Just trust me. Fine.

Speaker 24 So mom and dad had some marital problems?

Speaker 8 Uh

Speaker 39 I mean they never split up but they did fight a lot.

Speaker 37 My mom said she never understood their relationship.

Speaker 6 She did?

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 27 Did you?

Speaker 39 No, I guess not.

Speaker 24 Okay, we've got six rooms. Everybody take a room and try to convince them to have a cup of coffee at the diner that just appeared in the parking lot.

Speaker 57 Gloria, are you seriously asking this particular group of people to help them work out their marital problems?

Speaker 27 Yes. Show of hands.

Speaker 61 Who here feels comfortable being a marriage counselor?

Speaker 61 Well, both of our hands are up.

Speaker 39 Leif.

Speaker 24 We're never the right people for any situation we're in. We're just the only ones around.

Speaker 8 Fair Fair point.

Speaker 33 I'm going to hate this.

Speaker 51 Everybody pick a room.

Speaker 12 Let's go.

Speaker 29 Gloria, I'll take a room.

Speaker 24 You should probably talk to Clementine.

Speaker 19 She ran off somewhere. I think maybe we should fix whatever problem this is first.

Speaker 37 Are you sure?

Speaker 24 It could get pretty weird in there.

Speaker 19 Because of the temporal anomalies?

Speaker 24 Because you have to help someone with their marriage.

Speaker 19 I have a degree in psychology. You do? I'm a 700-year-old scholar, Gloria.
I've got a degree in pretty much everything.

Speaker 41 Really?

Speaker 19 University of Copenhagen, 1932.

Speaker 24 1932.

Speaker 19 It's been a while, but I'm sure it'll come back to me.

Speaker 43 Okay.

Speaker 46 Uh,

Speaker 24 lobotomies are bad now. Great.

Speaker 30 I'm updated. Get in there.

Speaker 14 Hey, I'm about to go help someone with their marriage.

Speaker 24 I know.

Speaker 10 Which should be the beginning of a joke.

Speaker 17 Yes. But instead, it's a real thing that's happening.

Speaker 24 Casper, I'm about to get in there as well, and the word marriage makes me literally start packing a suitcase for no reason.

Speaker 12 This is gonna be ridiculous.

Speaker 33 I'm taking room seven. Come do this with me.
What? Tarek's going to help, so we can double up.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to help your success rate in there.

Speaker 33 I know.

Speaker 33 But when it goes wrong, I can blame you. Okay.

Speaker 24 Frank, June, you can probably be a lot of help here because you actually knew them. I know you think you're going crazy, but we really need you to pick a room and try to make something happen.

Speaker 37 Uncle Pete died not too long ago now.

Speaker 39 It's

Speaker 37 a lot.

Speaker 24 Right. Um,

Speaker 24 well, here's something that I've learned in this completely nuts situation that I'm in.

Speaker 24 It's all happening.

Speaker 64 It's all happening right now.

Speaker 24 The past, the future, they're all just pages in a book. But the whole book is right in front of you.

Speaker 24 There's an opportunity here because you've read the book, which means you can go back to the beginning and see the story in a completely different way.

Speaker 24 You get to talk to the past from the future.

Speaker 24 Maybe since you know the ending, you have something to say about the beginning.

Speaker 35 You're a restaurant manager.

Speaker 24 I prefer takiera, but that's fine.

Speaker 39 What if none of this works? Are we going to be stuck like this forever?

Speaker 24 I've never seen anything last forever, but how about we don't think about failure right now? Okay.

Speaker 37 Which room are we taking?

Speaker 39 Let's go with number one, I guess.

Speaker 47 This is ridiculous.

Speaker 29 We're just going around in circles again.

Speaker 19 I hear you, Peter. Let's try and start again.

Speaker 19 Stephanie, you mentioned wanting to move to a new town, and Peter, you have strong ties to this community. Can you both share your perspectives?

Speaker 31 I've been feeling the need for a fresh start.

Speaker 65 This is a small town.

Speaker 31 A very small town. I can walk across the entire town in an afternoon.

Speaker 29 That's not true. The town is much bigger than you.

Speaker 12 Please, you'll have your turn.

Speaker 19 Let's hear from Stephanie right now.

Speaker 31 We're trying to raise kids. Kids need to be exposed to things.
There's only so many things they can be exposed to in a town that only exists because of an onslaught of skiers every winter.

Speaker 19 Peter, can you understand her position?

Speaker 29 Exposing them to things cuts both ways. There's a lot going on in bigger cities.
Maybe things we don't want to expose them.

Speaker 31 Every time we talk about this, he imagines we're moving to some urban hellscape that he saw in a movie one time.

Speaker 29 We saw Death Wish in the theater, and it was very disturbing.

Speaker 31 It wasn't a documentary, Peter.

Speaker 19 Peter, you seem to have deep roots in this community. Can you tell me about what these roots mean to you?

Speaker 29 I grew up here. My parents still live here, and I have built strong relationships here.

Speaker 29 It feels like home. And leaving it behind feels like abandoning a part of myself.

Speaker 12 And Stephanie, I'm sure you couldn't understand that.

Speaker 35 Sorry.

Speaker 31 His parents living here is not the selling point he thinks it is.

Speaker 29 She just doesn't understand that because she doesn't get along with her parents.

Speaker 31 Or your parents, but who's counting?

Speaker 19 Okay, we're not gonna get anywhere by disqualifying each other's feelings.

Speaker 4 You're right.

Speaker 48 I'm sorry.

Speaker 19 This is good, though. I feel like we're moving in the right direction.

Speaker 23 Now,

Speaker 19 we need to try and look for some common ground. Okay, Jesus Christ, you're as rigid as a fucking cadaver.

Speaker 49 Yikes.

Speaker 41 Glad we're not those two.

Speaker 29 I don't know who they are, but they sound like a mess. Oh, really? A cadaver?

Speaker 31 Well, that's a new one.

Speaker 39 there's no room to breathe with these oh oh i'm sorry which one of us isn't breathing i thought i was the cadaver that was a good one everything

Speaker 31 everything

Speaker 29 has to be a certain way from the laundry to the lives of our kids well i'm sorry that i don't want to spend our lives like it's unstructured me time at some sort of Dutch primary school. What?

Speaker 29 What do you mean? I have done everything I can to make us a life here. Nothing makes you happy.

Speaker 32 Who could be happy here, Peter?

Speaker 13 Peter?

Speaker 66 Who in their right mind?

Speaker 35 I'm happy here. Exactly.

Speaker 33 Oh, got him. Nice.

Speaker 29 So, we've raised our children in a town that you think is full of idiots.

Speaker 31 Yes, it's perfect for them because they're idiots too.

Speaker 33 Kids are dumb.

Speaker 27 Did my moms talk about me this way?

Speaker 33 I sure hope so.

Speaker 6 How come they're not noticing each other or noticing a huge diner in the parking lot?

Speaker 33 Well, the mind does some pretty crazy things to keep operating. I imagine they're tuning out a lot right now.

Speaker 2 They should tune each other out.

Speaker 68 They sound like they're about to kill each other.

Speaker 33 Let's get in there. Okay.

Speaker 47 Hey there. Excuse me, can I help you?

Speaker 6 Sorry, we were next door.

Speaker 33 We were next door, and we couldn't help but hear this shouting.

Speaker 27 Yeah, everything okay over here?

Speaker 31 Does it sound like it's okay?

Speaker 33 It sounds hilarious.

Speaker 6 It sounds like you're having some trouble.

Speaker 29 We're fine. All right, we just need some privacy.

Speaker 66 Hey, when I'm having troubles, sometimes I like to have a cup of coffee.

Speaker 27 A what?

Speaker 9 A nice cup of coffee.

Speaker 14 Nothing makes a wrong situation right like a cup of coffee.

Speaker 66 You know what I mean?

Speaker 33 Are you doing a Senka app?

Speaker 44 Maybe.

Speaker 27 You should head over to that diner over there and have a cup of coffee.

Speaker 5 Diner.

Speaker 31 You're wasting your time. This man has no vices.

Speaker 31 He's like a Mormon without the magic underwear.

Speaker 29 Do you see what I have to put up with?

Speaker 12 Look, it looks like a lot.

Speaker 33 Getting obliterated by your wife is a full-time job.

Speaker 9 But every marriage has its challenges, right?

Speaker 33 Yeah, think how challenging it is for her to come up with sick burns all the time.

Speaker 36 What I'm saying is,

Speaker 65 look,

Speaker 14 you obviously care about each other very much, and it's confusing because she

Speaker 9 has an odd way of showing affection.

Speaker 14 I mean, you both do.

Speaker 4 You're both attacking each other.

Speaker 33 She's just better at it, and I'm sure that's rough for you.

Speaker 8 Are we helping?

Speaker 7 Are you having a little comedy festival over there? Both.

Speaker 29 It's difficult when this happens. I feel like I'm trying to talk about the issue, and she's just trying to win some sort of contest.

Speaker 14 Well, I don't know if that's entirely fair, Pete, but I hear what you're saying.

Speaker 9 I mean, it's tough.

Speaker 14 You obviously care about her very much, but also she appears to be covered in tiny, poisonous barbs.

Speaker 66 Excuse me? Speaking metaphorically.

Speaker 27 Metaphorical, poisonous barbs.

Speaker 31 That's not much better.

Speaker 28 And you get it.

Speaker 27 Right?

Speaker 9 Some people cover themselves with a spiky personality to keep the shitheads away, but the spikes do not retract.

Speaker 6 That's not how tiny poisonous barbs work.

Speaker 9 They're always there, which puts you in the position to just keep getting stung and develop an immunity to the poison spikes.

Speaker 31 Can we get away from the poison spikes analogy?

Speaker 14 Because you know you can't help yourself.

Speaker 28 You can't help, but reach out to her.

Speaker 2 You feel compelled to.

Speaker 28 Call that whatever you like.

Speaker 6 You come to get used to the fact that getting close to her involves a certain amount of injury to yourself.

Speaker 33 And Stephanie, you're over there saying,

Speaker 33 really?

Speaker 33 Him?

Speaker 27 This is the guy?

Speaker 33 Because you had already imagined the guy who would keep coming back, and you imagined he would be, I don't know, better.

Speaker 33 You've created this person in your mind, and they're this great combination of the genius of Marie Curie and the unbridled hotness of Michael Faraday.

Speaker 27 What? Who?

Speaker 33 But But he does keep coming back. And you admire that a little.
And then you also hate him because you admire it.

Speaker 33 And then there's this other terrible moment when you realize that, you know, it's nice to be wanted. And you also hate that.

Speaker 33 Which makes you even more mad. And it's made even worse by the fact that he sucks.
And he has fucked up so many times, especially that one time. You know the time I'm talking about.

Speaker 51 I don't.

Speaker 14 And you've apologized, Pete.

Speaker 27 You really have.

Speaker 6 You've tried to make up for that one time when you fucked up really bad, but you know.

Speaker 6 That doesn't matter because apologizing doesn't mean that your apology has been accepted.

Speaker 14 It doesn't mean that she's under any obligation to accept your apology.

Speaker 6 All you can really do is apologize and hope for the best and try to do better, right?

Speaker 28 That's how you feel.

Speaker 33 I'm not sure.

Speaker 33 You spend a lot of time studying the universe, Stephanie.

Speaker 66 I don't.

Speaker 33 And in your studies, you have come to terms with chaos. You can't control what the universe brings you.
You're an island.

Speaker 33 All you have at your disposal are the trees and tiny creatures that live on your island and whatever the ocean washes up on your shore.

Speaker 33 What washes up on the shore is mostly garbage, but sometimes it's useful and sometimes it's something you didn't know you needed.

Speaker 31 And I'm not sure if I need this.

Speaker 29 Are you sure you're talking about us?

Speaker 12 Absolutely talking about us.

Speaker 33 Definitely.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 5 Um.

Speaker 29 You said there was coffee across the way?

Speaker 12 Yes.

Speaker 31 Go have some.

Speaker 33 It's great. Coffee.

Speaker 31 Maybe they'll be gone when we get back. Good idea.

Speaker 66 Okay, well, nice to meet you.

Speaker 57 You too.

Speaker 17 I feel like we nailed it.

Speaker 33 God, it must be so hard to be disconnected from reality like that.

Speaker 3 Tell me about it.

Speaker 47 It looks terrible.

Speaker 29 I have tried everything at this point. Yes.

Speaker 31 Everything except one thing. Are you giving up yet?

Speaker 29 I don't appreciate how callous you're being about this.

Speaker 31 I'm at my wit's end, Pete.

Speaker 29 What is this now?

Speaker 29 Yes. Hey there.

Speaker 61 Can I help you? Sorry to disturb you.

Speaker 21 I'm a.

Speaker 4 I'm with the motel staff, and we've been getting some complaints about the noise.

Speaker 29 You're with the motel staff?

Speaker 18 Yes.

Speaker 29 I'm the owner of this motel.

Speaker 29 I'm sorry? I own this place.

Speaker 57 You do? Yes.

Speaker 50 Huh.

Speaker 27 Okay.

Speaker 50 Well

Speaker 61 I just started.

Speaker 4 The manager must not have told you.

Speaker 29 I am also the manager of this motel.

Speaker 8 Huh. What is happening?

Speaker 61 I was next door and I was hearing a lot of yelling and I thought I would say something before somebody complained.

Speaker 50 Complained. Yeah.

Speaker 29 Complained to who?

Speaker 50 The

Speaker 50 manager.

Speaker 29 Which is who again?

Speaker 29 You. I'm trying to have a conversation with my wife.
Okay.

Speaker 50 Well, manager or not, that's not a conversation.

Speaker 36 That's a shouting match.

Speaker 29 Oh, honey, the conversation police are here.

Speaker 47 I'll hide the contraband.

Speaker 61 I'm not trying to be the cops. I'm just trying to be a neighbor.

Speaker 29 Well, howdy, neighbor. How about I head head over to your room and tell you how you should be living your life?

Speaker 61 Come on, man.

Speaker 57 I'm just letting you know what it sounds like from my perspective.

Speaker 29 Thanks for letting us know.

Speaker 31 The opinion of some random guy next door really means a lot to us.

Speaker 27 For fuck's sake.

Speaker 13 Are you going door to door or how do we rank compared to the other rooms?

Speaker 39 You'd be surprised how similar it is.

Speaker 31 Okay, well, thanks for stopping by. This was fun.

Speaker 29 Closing the door now.

Speaker 30 Wait a minute.

Speaker 57 Wait, hey, hey, do you guys want to grab a cup of coffee?

Speaker 27 Do we what? A cup of coffee?

Speaker 57 Who are you? I'm Laif.

Speaker 57 I'm your neighbor.

Speaker 69 I'm trying to be neighborly.

Speaker 31 Did we just move into a 1950s housing project? Are you going to bring us a Catholic?

Speaker 30 Jesus Christ, this sucks.

Speaker 29 Does suck. Maybe consider that next time you decide to knock on a stranger's door and elbow your way into their life.

Speaker 31 Nobody's named Laif anymore. Were your parents Scandinavian cheesemakers?

Speaker 57 This is your last chance.

Speaker 69 Do you want a cup of coffee?

Speaker 29 Well, fuck, honey, it's our last chance for a cup of coffee.

Speaker 27 Forever?

Speaker 66 There's no more coffee after this?

Speaker 47 Apparently.

Speaker 37 Okay, fine.

Speaker 57 You both suck.

Speaker 61 Could you hold this for me, please?

Speaker 29 What is it?

Speaker 15 Welcome back to Not Too Late.

Speaker 12 I'm Dr. Barbara.

Speaker 15 Frank, it is summer time out there.

Speaker 11 It's really heating up.

Speaker 15 Do you have any tips for beating the heat? What's your secret weapon?

Speaker 67 You know, this time of year, I like to make sun tea.

Speaker 15 Ooh, that sounds nice.

Speaker 14 I make a nice pitcher of sun tea all morning.

Speaker 67 And then it keeps us all nice and cool for the rest of the day.

Speaker 15 I love it, Frank. I love it so much.

Speaker 69 Well, how about you?

Speaker 15 Well, you know, I don't do air conditioning.

Speaker 11 Oh, that's right. Because of your pores.

Speaker 15 Because of what it does to my pores. So, what I like to do is, early in the morning, after I do my Ashtanga vinyasa, I open up all the doors and windows in my house and I let the morning air in

Speaker 46 and I release.

Speaker 15 I release all that stale air that I've been breathing all night. It's wonderful.
I breathe in the air and I can smell the mesquite groves all around the house. It's really a gift.
It sounds nice, Doc.

Speaker 15 But speaking of the heat, let's not keep people heating up by the phone. Let's get to it.
All right.

Speaker 67 Now, I had Pete and Stephanie on the line with marital troubles, but we got disconnected.

Speaker 15 Let me see if I can get them back. Let's track them down.

Speaker 15 Yes, hello? Pete, how are you? You're on with Dr. Barbara.
I'm what w with who? Pete, I hear that you and your wife are going through a bit of a time right now. Is that safe to say? What?

Speaker 15 Who is this? You know, Pete, there's nothing more complicated than a marriage. Nothing in the world.

Speaker 15 You can talk to me about the human nervous system or weather patterns or particle physics, but no.

Speaker 15 It's two people trying to make a lifelong commitment to each other. That's the final frontier, if you ask me.

Speaker 70 I don't believe I am asking you.

Speaker 40 Pete,

Speaker 15 I'm going to perform a little test. I'm going to ask you what the root problem is with your marriage, and you're going to try and answer.
Are you ready?

Speaker 40 Who are you talking to? I don't know.

Speaker 70 Apparently, I'm on the radio. Why? How would I know?

Speaker 15 Is that your wife, Pete? She can help with the test if you like.

Speaker 40 What test?

Speaker 71 What is she talking about?

Speaker 70 She's asking me what the root problem is with our marriage.

Speaker 70 Well,

Speaker 71 that's some fun serendipity, isn't it?

Speaker 15 What'd you say?

Speaker 70 I haven't said anything yet. I just picked up the phone.
What's your answer? I'm not going to answer a question.

Speaker 15 No, go ahead.

Speaker 71 I'd like to hear this.

Speaker 11 What's her name? It's Dr.

Speaker 15 Barbara, Stephanie.

Speaker 71 Dr. Barbara, perfect.
Come on, Pete. Let it rip.

Speaker 70 I will not let it rip.

Speaker 15 Stephanie, would you like to go first?

Speaker 71 Absolutely not. I want to hear this.

Speaker 15 I'm sorry. Well, then.

Speaker 15 Did you hear what he said, Frank?

Speaker 43 Yeah, I heard him.

Speaker 46 He said restlessness.

Speaker 15 That's so

Speaker 15 interesting, isn't it, Frank? Yeah, I know I'm interested. Tell us more about that word you chose, Pete.
Restlessness.

Speaker 70 We have a good life here. It may be a small life.
It may be in a small town on the side of a large mountain, but

Speaker 70 it's a good life.

Speaker 70 Good lives are hard to come by, and I think we should be grateful for the one we have rather than leaving it because we think another one might be better.

Speaker 15 And Stephanie, do you have anything to say to that?

Speaker 71 I think a good life is subjective. I think what's good for one person is not necessarily good for another.

Speaker 71 He's talking about it like this objective truth that I just don't understand.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 15 Do you see what what I mean about the complexity, Frank?

Speaker 11 I've got a headache just thinking about it.

Speaker 15 Every human being is a story, kids.

Speaker 34 Frank,

Speaker 15 do you remember our first show together?

Speaker 11 I sure do, Doc.

Speaker 67 You stopped the whole show and said, Frank, what's your story?

Speaker 46 That's right.

Speaker 67 Somehow, it ended with me giving the audience my chili recipe.

Speaker 15 Ooh, I remember that chili.

Speaker 39 So spicy.

Speaker 71 What's happening? I

Speaker 70 they're talking about chili now.

Speaker 15 Kids, I think the most important thing to remember right now is that all of this fighting is good.

Speaker 15 Conflict is just a relationship trying to grow. And the longer you talk, the greater the chance of the other person making sense.
Everybody makes sense if you listen long enough.

Speaker 71 We can't seem to do that without it turning into a shouting match.

Speaker 15 I see.

Speaker 15 Frank, what do I have to say about that?

Speaker 11 Time to take it on the road.

Speaker 15 That's right, Frank. Take this conversation to a public place.
Maybe go have a cup of coffee. It'll be harder to scream at each other if you're worried about your server calling the police.

Speaker 71 That's actually not a bad idea.

Speaker 70 It's completely unsolicited advice,

Speaker 70 but it's not a bad advice.

Speaker 11 Good.

Speaker 15 I'm excited, you two. I'm excited what this next phase will bring, and I know Frank's excited, too.
I'm excited. Good luck kids.

Speaker 15 Frank, we are on a roll. Let's take another call.

Speaker 55 DSW Designer Shoe Warehouse is the one-stop shop for all your footwear needs.

Speaker 55 With sneakers, boots, and everything in between for every style, mood, and occasion, you'll definitely find shoes that get you at prices that get your budget.

Speaker 55 DSW has what you need, but more importantly, they have what you didn't even know you wanted. You never know what you'll find at DSW.

Speaker 55 Find the shoes that get you at prices that get your budget at DSW stores or dsw.com.

Speaker 52 Audival's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you. When it comes to what kind of romance you're into, you don't have to choose just one.

Speaker 52 Fancy a dallions with a duke or maybe a steamy billionaire. You could find a book boyfriend in the city and another one tearing it up on the hockey field.

Speaker 52 And if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm. Discover modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Allie Hazelwood, the latest romanticy series from Sarah J.

Speaker 52 Maas and Rebecca Yaros, plus regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander. And of course, all the really steamy stuff.

Speaker 52 Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com/slash wondery. That's audible.com/slash wondery.

Speaker 20 Okay,

Speaker 24 head on inside, you two. We'll get you some coffee, okay?

Speaker 39 Life!

Speaker 57 What? What the fuck?

Speaker 38 What? They're unconscious.

Speaker 47 I had to give them the secret handshake.

Speaker 24 God damn it, the what?

Speaker 57 It's an old trick.

Speaker 61 99 times out of 100, if you toss something to somebody, they'll try and catch it. It's a steel ball that shocks you when you catch it.

Speaker 50 Aka,

Speaker 4 the secret handshake.

Speaker 72 Life,

Speaker 24 Ava told us we have to convince them to come in.

Speaker 57 Well, sorry.

Speaker 57 I tried to get in there and

Speaker 61 they both reminded me too much of my dad. The secret handshake was my only hope.

Speaker 24 You can make a force field around the diner, but you can't sit through a marital dispute.

Speaker 37 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 61 Oh, the irony. I got them, didn't I?

Speaker 50 Don't tell Ava.

Speaker 33 Don't tell Ava what, Leaf? God damn.

Speaker 63 Leaf, what the fuck, man? That's cheating. Leaf.

Speaker 15 What on God's green earth are you doing?

Speaker 70 Perhaps he sung them to sleep.

Speaker 36 I don't understand.

Speaker 57 Why can't we just drag them in here?

Speaker 33 I don't need to explain my instructions to you.

Speaker 10 If you can't just treat people like cargo, you're not Southwest Airlines.

Speaker 12 Whatever.

Speaker 4 They're in the parking lot. That's good enough.

Speaker 4 Is it, though?

Speaker 59 We managed to round ours up without even going in the room, didn't we, dear? I'm calling it a personal best myself. Far and above Mr.
Drop him off in the parking lot over here.

Speaker 5 How did Terek do?

Speaker 24 Tarek was the first one in. That guy's a machine.

Speaker 33 Well, look at that.

Speaker 33 First day at the diner, and he's already pulling his weight. How does that feel, Lee?

Speaker 57 So we're just forgetting when I saved our asses a couple of days ago.

Speaker 33 You know what Janet Jackson would say?

Speaker 24 What have you done for me lately?

Speaker 4 You're all terribly ungrateful.

Speaker 61 And I regret saving any of you.

Speaker 17 Are you talking to us or your baseball car collection?

Speaker 21 Is that everybody? No.

Speaker 24 Frank and June are still waiting outside the room. I'm going to give them a hand.

Speaker 63 I'm going to go coffee the anomalies

Speaker 62 Hey, you two,

Speaker 37 how are you doing? Uh

Speaker 13 Frank, how are we doing?

Speaker 39 I don't even know how to answer that question. Yeah

Speaker 49 Just to give you an update, it's going well.

Speaker 24 We've got everyone in the diner except for yours.

Speaker 37 Ours?

Speaker 48 Yeah.

Speaker 37 It's my Uncle Pete and Aunt Stephanie and his mom and dad.

Speaker 35 They're kind of all ours.

Speaker 41 I hear you.

Speaker 39 I can't go in that room. I can't do any of this.

Speaker 7 What are we even doing?

Speaker 24 I know, but trust me, this is going to work.

Speaker 37 What's going to work?

Speaker 24 We're just trying to make things like they work.

Speaker 39 You're asking me to go in there and talk to someone who... Who died?

Speaker 24 I know.

Speaker 48 I mean, the weirdest thing that's ever happened to us is when we saw a UFO one time.

Speaker 45 Uh-huh.

Speaker 37 So this is a few notches up for us. I see.
And that was just a yellow triangle hovering over the town for a few minutes. I don't even know what it was.

Speaker 57 It's a Seferian mapping drone.

Speaker 35 You see them all the time. Lafe.

Speaker 21 Sorry.

Speaker 43 Look.

Speaker 24 I've been exactly where you are right now.

Speaker 24 I was down on my luck in Phoenix, and then I stepped through those doors over there.

Speaker 24 And that was that.

Speaker 24 Here I am now.

Speaker 24 I've stood in that parking lot and stared down a black hole.

Speaker 45 I met space pirates.

Speaker 24 I went back to the end of the ice age.

Speaker 24 I think what kept my brain from breaking is

Speaker 24 what's the real thing?

Speaker 24 What's the real thing that's happening?

Speaker 24 There's a lot going on right now. A diner's appeared in your parking lot, but what's the real thing?

Speaker 24 Maybe the real thing is

Speaker 24 you going in there and saying some things to your dad that you didn't get to say.

Speaker 39 I don't think that's my dad in there.

Speaker 24 And that's fine too, Frank.

Speaker 24 Because it's not actually about him.

Speaker 24 This is for you.

Speaker 24 Give it a shot.

Speaker 38 Fuck it, Frank.

Speaker 37 Let's get in there. Fine.

Speaker 29 Okay, we've been through the options a million times. Charleston, Boston, Madison, Santa Fe, Austin, two times.

Speaker 31 You're just listing the names of cities now.

Speaker 66 This isn't helpful. You're right.

Speaker 29 None of this has been helpful.

Speaker 39 Okay, can you two just stop, please?

Speaker 44 Who are you?

Speaker 31 Please, come on in.

Speaker 66 Don't bother nothing.

Speaker 39 We can hear you arguing across the parking lot.

Speaker 31 Which isn't an invitation for you to come on in.

Speaker 29 Can you give us some privacy, please, whoever you are?

Speaker 39 I came in here to say that this is ridiculous, and both of you need to just knock it off, okay?

Speaker 31 This is none of your business.

Speaker 39 You two do this all the time.

Speaker 4 Why?

Speaker 39 What are you doing? Do you even know what you're doing?

Speaker 29 Again, trying to have a private conversation.

Speaker 39 It's not working.

Speaker 39 I stay here at this motel a lot.

Speaker 39 And you two always show up, go into a room, and scream at each other for hours.

Speaker 39 Just stop it.

Speaker 29 I think how we choose to spend our time is none of your business.

Speaker 57 You're stuck with each other, okay?

Speaker 39 You come here and you argue all night long about the same thing, moving out of town or not. But it's not about that, is it? It never was.

Speaker 39 It's about getting a divorce.

Speaker 37 That's not true. Yes, it is, you guys.

Speaker 12 How do you know?

Speaker 37 Because everybody knows. We live here in town.

Speaker 73 Everybody knows.

Speaker 38 Especially your kids.

Speaker 39 Usually your kids.

Speaker 33 Did the two of you know that there's a running bet down at the sheep's eye?

Speaker 37 The Pete and Stephanie divorce pool?

Speaker 48 Like that, that's the official name.

Speaker 37 There's an envelope in the cash register that says Sturgis' divorce on it. Minimum bet is $20.

Speaker 37 They've been collecting for years. Who keeps joking about it? Celeste.
Celeste. Celeste Yost keeps saying she's going to retire as soon as her Sturgis divorcement comes in.

Speaker 37 She's in deep, actually. We're a little worried about her.

Speaker 5 Is this true?

Speaker 36 Yes.

Speaker 39 It's true, and it's ridiculous. You want to know why? Because you're never going to break up.

Speaker 39 Guys, when you break into several arguments several times a month at various public places all around town,

Speaker 39 Everyone is going to know everything

Speaker 39 about you. Your marriage is a spectator sport.

Speaker 37 But not like a baseball game where you don't know who's gonna win. More like pro wrestling.
It's loud and it's entertaining, but it's very obviously fake.

Speaker 39 Because you were never going to break up.

Speaker 13 Did they really talk about us like that?

Speaker 29 How do you know any of this?

Speaker 39 There are billions of people in the world, Pete. So many fish in the sea.

Speaker 39 But I swear to God, no matter how many people are out there, the only one out there for you two weirdos is each other.

Speaker 39 There is literally no one else on God's green earth that will put up with your weird bullshit.

Speaker 27 We don't have weird bullshit.

Speaker 37 Stephanie, are you banned from shopping at Fredmeyer?

Speaker 12 Yes. Why?

Speaker 31 Because they were incorporating the weight of their packing material into the price of their meat and seafood, which is illegal.

Speaker 48 And that got you banned from all their locations.

Speaker 37 Why?

Speaker 31 Because I filed a complaint with their head office.

Speaker 64 Uh-huh. Keep going.

Speaker 31 And they ignored me.

Speaker 37 We're almost there.

Speaker 31 So I so I started stealing salmon from the meat section.

Speaker 35 There we go.

Speaker 13 Super normal reaction.

Speaker 32 They were stealing from us.

Speaker 31 I can't steal from them.

Speaker 48 Well, obviously not, because they had you arrested.

Speaker 39 And Pete, what was it like to get that call?

Speaker 39 I'm sorry, you've arrested my wife for what?

Speaker 37 Who was in the holding cell with you? Some grizzly bears?

Speaker 31 I'll have you know that the state attorney general eventually investigated them and they got fined a million dollars.

Speaker 37 What's it like to be married to the Rosa Parks of Line Caught Salmon, P?

Speaker 31 Everybody laugh at the fish thief. Fine.

Speaker 31 What's the point you're trying to make?

Speaker 39 The point is you two didn't fight about that. He had to bail you out of jail for the most ridiculous crime in the history of the state of Oregon, and you didn't fight about it.

Speaker 47 Of course, we didn't.

Speaker 30 She was right.

Speaker 5 I was right. See?

Speaker 39 And do you think that's a typical response? It's not.

Speaker 39 You were the only person who would steal fish from a grocery store as some sort of ridiculous social protest, and he is the only guy who wouldn't get mad about it.

Speaker 49 Okay, let's do Pete now.

Speaker 41 Pete.

Speaker 29 Pete, Pete, Pete.

Speaker 39 We should probably talk about

Speaker 41 Boodles.

Speaker 37 Oh my God, I forgot about Boodles.

Speaker 39 You adopted a dog named Boodles, didn't you, Pete?

Speaker 29 Yes, I adopted a dog named

Speaker 41 Boodles.

Speaker 39 Big fan of dogs, Pete?

Speaker 29 I've never really been a pet person.

Speaker 48 Stephanie, how do you feel about dogs?

Speaker 66 I'm not really a fan.

Speaker 47 And yet, Pete came home with a dog.

Speaker 9 Yes. What gives, Pete?

Speaker 29 He was

Speaker 29 going to be euthanized. He had stayed at the shelter too long.

Speaker 39 I see.

Speaker 2 It's very noble.

Speaker 39 Can you think of any reason why Boodles had been at the shelter too long?

Speaker 5 Well,

Speaker 29 there was a

Speaker 47 smell.

Speaker 39 There was a

Speaker 42 smell.

Speaker 28 Saying that dog had a smell is like saying the Beatles were fairly well known.

Speaker 51 You gave him a bath five times, Pete.

Speaker 47 I did.

Speaker 39 And did it work?

Speaker 29 It did not.

Speaker 39 Now,

Speaker 39 Boodles was a very old dog, but he did hang in there for three years, didn't he?

Speaker 39 All the while stinking up the whole house.

Speaker 37 It was the kind of smell that felt like a punishment from God or

Speaker 37 a fairy's curse or something.

Speaker 37 It was not a natural smell.

Speaker 7 It was bad.

Speaker 39 It was bad. You had to keep the windows in the house open in the wintertime.

Speaker 30 Not all of the windows.

Speaker 64 It was a tough time in the house.

Speaker 47 It was.

Speaker 39 And through it all, you never argued about the dog.

Speaker 40 Huh.

Speaker 40 No.

Speaker 31 No.

Speaker 39 In conclusion, the point I'm trying to make here is:

Speaker 39 can you knock it off?

Speaker 39 Please, can you stop it with the arguing all the time? All you're doing is playing around with the idea that you're going to break up,

Speaker 39 but you're never going to

Speaker 39 because you both drive each other crazy but on the important stuff on the salmon stealing and the stinky old dog stuff that's the stuff you couldn't find somewhere else

Speaker 39 so

Speaker 37 stop it uh what we should probably also say is

Speaker 37 people really love you guys

Speaker 37 they love to gossip about you but i don't think they would know what to do without you.

Speaker 17 Guys,

Speaker 54 go home.

Speaker 39 You don't have to do this anymore.

Speaker 8 Go home.

Speaker 39 Your kids already know you're here fighting. Go fight in front of them.

Speaker 39 They already know you're not breaking up, and they might appreciate the honesty.

Speaker 29 You talk to your parents this way?

Speaker 47 No.

Speaker 39 But I should have.

Speaker 47 Go home.

Speaker 12 I mean, the house is.

Speaker 36 All right, don't go home.

Speaker 39 Do not

Speaker 41 go home.

Speaker 47 Go over there

Speaker 7 and have a cup of coffee at that diner.

Speaker 8 At the what?

Speaker 37 Don't worry about it.

Speaker 32 Here we go.

Speaker 19 Not a bad spot to hide.

Speaker 45 What are you doing here?

Speaker 45 How did they find you?

Speaker 19 I'm not sure how they found me.

Speaker 19 I'm not sure they know either.

Speaker 12 Why are you talking like that?

Speaker 19 They found me after I'd left Jerusalem.

Speaker 45 That doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 45 What did I do to you?

Speaker 19 I don't think we should talk about that right now.

Speaker 34 Tarek.

Speaker 19 They found me after I left Jerusalem

Speaker 19 about 700 years after I left Jerusalem.

Speaker 39 Their theory is

Speaker 19 that morning when we were in bed, I told you about the elixir of life,

Speaker 19 and that's what did it.

Speaker 19 Time stopped for me, Clementine. Oh, God.
Maybe there was a better way to tell you that.

Speaker 62 And I'm not sure.

Speaker 45 You've been here the whole time. Yes.

Speaker 48 You've been watching me destroy the world the whole time.

Speaker 19 I didn't know it was you,

Speaker 19 but yes.

Speaker 24 Okay, that's the last of them.

Speaker 50 Let's bag them and tag them.

Speaker 24 Don't say bag them and tag them.

Speaker 45 They picked you up because they thought you could convince me to stop.

Speaker 19 They picked me up because they thought you were about to wave the white flag and would like to see a friendly face. Tarek,

Speaker 45 do you understand how seeing your face right now has only made it a thousand times worse?

Speaker 33 I destroyed my planet, Tarek.

Speaker 33 Our planet. I know.

Speaker 40 Tarek. God.

Speaker 66 I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to.
I know that too.

Speaker 33 And now you have to be here to see it. You have to see what I turned into.

Speaker 33 Do you think I wanted you to see me turn into a monster? Why would I want that?

Speaker 12 Clementine, Connect.

Speaker 56 I didn't mean it, Tarek. I'm so sorry.

Speaker 40 I didn't mean it.

Speaker 56 I destroy everything I touch.

Speaker 22 Clementine.

Speaker 29 I will not, not in a million years.

Speaker 23 Understood. I will not.

Speaker 23 Oh, God, the official.

Speaker 64 Ava

Speaker 44 oh fuck

Speaker 4 what's happening how many are there count at least 20 they're backed up all the way to the main highway though

Speaker 33 a dam has broken but it spilled out automobiles instead of water i thought you were going to fix this this is not what fixed looks like casper go down to the entrance from the highway and see how many cars are there Okay, it's an appreciating anomaly.

Speaker 44 Oh fuck.

Speaker 12 What does that mean?

Speaker 33 It's replicating itself like a virus.

Speaker 24 How fast is it replicating?

Speaker 6 The entire highway is jammed with the same car.

Speaker 10 It stretches all the way around the mountain.

Speaker 33 That was fast.

Speaker 24 We can't get all of them in the diner.

Speaker 33 No, we can't.

Speaker 33 What the hell happened?

Speaker 33 Where is she? Clementine?

Speaker 33 What happened?

Speaker 19 She got upset, and then all of a sudden we're standing in a car, dealership.

Speaker 24 Shit, that's the opposite of what we wanted to do, Tarek.

Speaker 61 We should get Clementine in here. Eventually, the diner will sap her power.

Speaker 49 That's a good idea.

Speaker 33 No, it's not. Why? We may be able to fix her, but that won't fix the anomaly.

Speaker 24 Won't it just go away?

Speaker 8 No, it'll continue. For how long?

Speaker 33 Indefinitely.

Speaker 33 Pete and Stephanie and their shitty car is going to keep replicating itself over and over again. The cars will eventually fill up the entire freeway, then the entire state, then the country, then the

Speaker 33 Gloria, given a long enough timeline, this entire universe we're in will be filled with copy after copy of Pete and Stephanie's Hyundai Sonata.

Speaker 24 That's impossible.

Speaker 33 Not anymore.

Speaker 57 Well, what the fuck are we supposed to do?

Speaker 59 My friends, I fear all that's left to do is to solve the problem at its source.

Speaker 33 I just said that's not going to work.

Speaker 58 Perhaps the problem is not for us to fix, Ava, but for somebody to start cleaning up their own messes.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 33 Okay, I have an idea. Great! It's an idea that will either work perfectly or

Speaker 33 erase all of existence, including us.

Speaker 8 Fantastic. There's not a third option?

Speaker 33 Nothing. Tarek?

Speaker 33 Is she up there? Keep her there. I'm coming to you.

Speaker 24 What are you going to do?

Speaker 33 The way I see it, Clementine is like heavy artillery. She just needs someone who knows how to aim her.

Speaker 33 Casper,

Speaker 33 if I don't come back,

Speaker 33 just remember,

Speaker 33 I hate you.

Speaker 33 I know.

Speaker 24 All of existence, huh?

Speaker 14 I mean, really, were we doing that great of a job with existence, anyway?

Speaker 61 That old shake of the eczes sketch never hurt hurt anybody.

Speaker 24 Do we get to pick what we come back as?

Speaker 61 If so, it's 16th century boat right for me.

Speaker 17 Chocolate tears to family feud.

Speaker 17 Let's be ventners. Winemakers.
I want to get in one of those barrels with my bare feet and smash creaks. Oh, that's very fancy.

Speaker 59 I could grow a mustache.

Speaker 58 No.

Speaker 45 Time is the substance I'm made of. Time is a river that sweeps me along, but I am the river.
It is a tiger which destroys me, but I am the tiger. It is a fire which consumes me, but I am the fire.

Speaker 45 Time is the substance I am made of.

Speaker 33 Time is a river. How is she doing?

Speaker 19 She's repeating this over and over again.

Speaker 8 Tarek,

Speaker 33 I'm getting the sense that seeing you again was not the instant solution we were hoping it would be.

Speaker 50 I probably could have told you that.

Speaker 41 What's happening down there?

Speaker 33 The universe is filling up with cars.

Speaker 4 Cars?

Speaker 33 And to make it worse, it's all Hyundai Sonatas.

Speaker 33 Not even a cool car.

Speaker 37 The entire universe.

Speaker 46 I know.

Speaker 33 Here you were thinking, I'm 700 years old. I've seen it all.

Speaker 33 Guess what?

Speaker 42 Can you do something to fix this, please?

Speaker 11 Yes.

Speaker 33 Although, what I do may actually obliterate us all. So, you know.

Speaker 33 Apologies in advance.

Speaker 7 What?

Speaker 33 Clementine?

Speaker 44 Hey, the tiger.

Speaker 8 Clementine.

Speaker 25 Clementine!

Speaker 33 Hey, don't don't yell at me.

Speaker 12 Something bad might happen.

Speaker 33 It might happen? Seriously? Please make it stop.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 33 Clementine,

Speaker 33 I have to say I have enjoyed our time together a little bit. I like breaking things.
And you are really good at breaking things. But you're starting to really fuck with the universes, lady.

Speaker 33 and that's a problem because these aren't your universes, Clementine,

Speaker 33 they're mine.

Speaker 33 These are my universes, and you are fucking them up. And I don't like it when people mess with my shit.

Speaker 25 Make it stop.

Speaker 8 Okay?

Speaker 33 Okay, try and stay calm.

Speaker 33 This is gonna get weird.

Speaker 33 Just

Speaker 33 close your eyes and don't open them until I tell you to, okay?

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 33 Imagine there is a piece of paper in front of you.

Speaker 33 And let's make it a really nice piece of paper.

Speaker 33 I'm talking Japanese calligraphy level quality.

Speaker 33 The kind of paper that's so beautiful you almost don't want to write on it.

Speaker 33 One person spent hours mulching wood and drying it on a screen so that you could be presented with this beautiful blank sheet.

Speaker 33 Do you see it?

Speaker 33 Yes.

Speaker 41 Now,

Speaker 8 everything

Speaker 33 else is going to fade away.

Speaker 33 Every sound you hear is going to fade into the background until it's completely gone.

Speaker 75 Where did everything go?

Speaker 33 Don't open your eyes.

Speaker 75 Where is it?

Speaker 75 Where is it? Where is it?

Speaker 33 The only thing that exists now is you and me

Speaker 33 and the sheet of paper in front of you.

Speaker 75 Why is it all gone?

Speaker 33 Because we're starting from scratch.

Speaker 33 You have an inkbrush in your hand. Do you see it?

Speaker 75 Yes.

Speaker 75 Yes.

Speaker 33 It's wet with ink.

Speaker 33 Just reach out with the brush and make one single dot on the paper.

Speaker 33 Do you see the dot on the paper?

Speaker 75 Yes.

Speaker 33 That dot is a universe

Speaker 33 at its very beginning.

Speaker 12 Unformed.

Speaker 33 Everything that could ever be is in that one dot.

Speaker 33 Do you see it?

Speaker 75 Yes.

Speaker 33 Now reach out to the piece of paper, and with your thumb, I want you to smudge the ink.

Speaker 33 Just smear it across the page.

Speaker 75 Okay.

Speaker 33 Did you smear the ink across the page?

Speaker 45 Yes.

Speaker 40 Good.

Speaker 33 Your universe now has two dimensions. Can you feel it growing?

Speaker 75 Yes.

Speaker 33 We don't need the paper anymore, do we?

Speaker 68 No.

Speaker 68 No.

Speaker 33 I want you to imagine the paper disappearing.

Speaker 33 But when it disappears, the ink spot stays.

Speaker 33 That trail of ink you made on the paper, your universe, is now floating in front of you. Do you see it?

Speaker 75 I see it.

Speaker 40 Now,

Speaker 33 with each hand, just your first finger and thumb, I want you to pull the ink spot apart like it's silly putty.

Speaker 33 Just keep pulling and expanding it until it's the size of an egg.

Speaker 75 Okay?

Speaker 33 Do you see it?

Speaker 75 Yes.

Speaker 33 You just created a third dimension.

Speaker 75 There's so much inside it.

Speaker 75 I know.

Speaker 75 It's beautiful.

Speaker 33 I know.

Speaker 44 But

Speaker 33 we're not done.

Speaker 33 A new universe floats in front of you like a cluster of cottonwood seeds.

Speaker 33 Just reach out with both hands and cradle it in your palms.

Speaker 33 Everything that exists is in your hands.

Speaker 33 Now,

Speaker 33 very

Speaker 33 gently

Speaker 33 move the universe from the left side of your vision to your right

Speaker 33 and then slowly bring it back again.

Speaker 33 Did you do it?

Speaker 75 Yes.

Speaker 33 You just created time.

Speaker 33 How does it feel?

Speaker 75 I love it so much.

Speaker 33 You created it, of course you do.

Speaker 33 But

Speaker 33 now you've given it four dimensions, which means it can grow by itself.

Speaker 33 Is it getting bigger?

Speaker 75 Yes.

Speaker 33 It's the size of a baseball.

Speaker 33 Then a beach ball.

Speaker 33 Then a globe.

Speaker 33 Then a house.

Speaker 33 A mountain. A planet.

Speaker 33 A solar system.

Speaker 33 A galaxy.

Speaker 33 And then it's the size

Speaker 23 of everything.

Speaker 33 We're now inside it, floating through it all.

Speaker 33 We can go anywhere you want.

Speaker 33 In the long arms of a particular galaxy, you can see a familiar blue dot.

Speaker 15 You float towards it

Speaker 33 through the clouds and down towards a small town on a mountainside.

Speaker 33 You float down onto the roof of a motel.

Speaker 33 Whoa.

Speaker 24 All the cars are gone.

Speaker 33 Holy shit, Ava. Open your eyes.

Speaker 25 What happened?

Speaker 33 We started over.

Speaker 33 Kind of.

Speaker 33 Are they all gone down there?

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 8 Everyone. Huh.

Speaker 33 Well, I guess I didn't obliterate us.

Speaker 39 What the hell just happened?

Speaker 2 Okay, for real though, did Ava just do magic?

Speaker 33 Thank you. You're welcome, dummy.

Speaker 33 What did you do?

Speaker 33 I didn't do much of anything. I just told you what to do.
How did you know what to do? Well, I'm really smart, Clementine.

Speaker 33 The more power you have, the more knowledge you have to have. And the more you can do, the more you need to know what you should do.

Speaker 33 If you don't, you get a universe full of Hyundai Sonatas.

Speaker 27 Is it over?

Speaker 33 Not yet.

Speaker 33 The next part is the most important part.

Speaker 33 You and Tarek are going to go down to the diner, sit at a booth,

Speaker 33 and you're going to drink coffee and eat pancakes until we've sucked all the terrible bullshit out of you.

Speaker 33 It could take a while. You are full of a lot of bullshit.

Speaker 10 What's that gonna do to her?

Speaker 33 Honestly, I'm not sure.

Speaker 52 It doesn't matter.

Speaker 45 I'll do it. I have to.

Speaker 11 Okay.

Speaker 33 Let's get off this roof then.

Speaker 33 You need to go down and apologize to

Speaker 33 literally everyone.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 8 Dear,

Speaker 58 we have got to put some music on because that was a whole dang experience.

Speaker 23 Agreed, dear.

Speaker 61 Anyway, you'll see these triangular yellow drones from Tefirius sometimes. They hover for a minute or so, grab some data, and then they're gone.

Speaker 37 It's no big deal.

Speaker 49 What kind of data are they grabbing?

Speaker 11 They make maps.

Speaker 21 They're nuts about maps.

Speaker 4 The whole planet.

Speaker 50 It's weird.

Speaker 45 Hey, Lave. Um, do you mind if I talk to Frank and June for a second?

Speaker 57 No problem.

Speaker 61 Nice to meet you two.

Speaker 39 Sure.

Speaker 45 Hey, guys.

Speaker 37 Hey, so apparently Lace used to be

Speaker 48 a space pirate.

Speaker 39 Yes. Normal shit.
I mean...

Speaker 37 It is the most normal thing we've heard today. It's true.

Speaker 33 And the radio?

Speaker 45 I don't think anyone actually knows the story there.

Speaker 39 They're telling us that you were just trying to get home.

Speaker 45 I was.

Speaker 45 I could travel anywhere I wanted except back home. So I kept changing things in my past, hoping it would lead me back there.

Speaker 45 In the process, I

Speaker 45 caused all this.

Speaker 45 Now I'll never get back there.

Speaker 39 And your home was in the future?

Speaker 45 Not your future. Another future of another Earth?

Speaker 45 It's hard to explain.

Speaker 8 No, I get it. You do.

Speaker 20 Yes.

Speaker 64 Because

Speaker 37 I watched Star Trek.

Speaker 13 Who's laughing now?

Speaker 45 I'm so sorry.

Speaker 39 No, I guess now I understand why you were never honest with us.

Speaker 34 Yeah.

Speaker 37 I mean, in a strange way,

Speaker 37 I guess it all makes sense now.

Speaker 39 I mean, it doesn't make sense.

Speaker 17 Sense.

Speaker 39 Oh, no. But it makes sense.

Speaker 45 Thank you both for being so nice to me this whole time.

Speaker 39 I really did like it here. You know, Clementine, you may not ever get home, but that doesn't mean you'll never

Speaker 54 be home.

Speaker 39 You know?

Speaker 39 You heard my mom, she hated it here, but

Speaker 39 she made us her home. Sometimes

Speaker 39 home isn't a place.

Speaker 33 Hey there. Mind if I butt in?

Speaker 33 I need to debrief the motel people before we go.

Speaker 45 Yeah, I need to make a bunch of apologies anyway. Bye, Clementine.

Speaker 33 So...

Speaker 40 Hi.

Speaker 37 So you're like

Speaker 37 the doctor of the ship, right?

Speaker 33 Oh, it's not a ship.

Speaker 37 But you're like the smart person with the ideas. Sure.

Speaker 45 See?

Speaker 37 Star Trek again.

Speaker 33 I'm laughing. I wanted to mention something before we go.

Speaker 20 Um.

Speaker 33 well we may have fixed things here, but there's actually no such thing

Speaker 33 as a fixed thing.

Speaker 39 What do you mean?

Speaker 33 Well, some weird shit went down. We fixed it, but there may be some

Speaker 33 residual effects.

Speaker 39 Residual effects?

Speaker 33 Things may still be a little weird around here.

Speaker 35 Things are always weird around here.

Speaker 8 Right.

Speaker 33 This

Speaker 33 would be a new category of weird.

Speaker 39 And what exactly does this new category of weird look like?

Speaker 33 Really, no idea. Just

Speaker 33 keep a lookout for that.

Speaker 8 Okay? Okay.

Speaker 33 Oh, and Frank.

Speaker 33 Clementine told me that at one point she

Speaker 33 disintegrated your body

Speaker 33 and then she reconstructed your body from ambient molecules in the atmosphere.

Speaker 11 Yeah,

Speaker 39 sure.

Speaker 36 Great, that's

Speaker 39 I'm sorry, she what now

Speaker 33 reconstructed your body after disintegrating it

Speaker 8 Yeah, uh-huh,

Speaker 33 but you look like you're doing great, so

Speaker 33 just

Speaker 33 keep a lookout for that as well.

Speaker 22 Okay,

Speaker 43 hi, Hi.

Speaker 46 Hi.

Speaker 46 Okay. Um.

Speaker 45 When I look at you, I literally feel every human emotion, and it's overwhelming, so I just need to say something.

Speaker 45 Okay.

Speaker 45 Uh, actually, I think I already said the thing I needed to say. It was the every human emotion thing.
So I put the cart before the horse. Um,

Speaker 45 I guess I'm uh trying to say, uh, Clementine,

Speaker 19 I'm going to stand here in this parking lot until this place starts traveling through the space-time continuum because it's really an amazing thing to see.

Speaker 40 Then

Speaker 19 you and I are going to go inside

Speaker 19 and have pancakes,

Speaker 19 okay?

Speaker 27 Okay, this parking lot was full of cars

Speaker 66 and then you talked to Clementine

Speaker 57 and all the cars disappeared.

Speaker 9 What kind of Chris Angel nonsense is that?

Speaker 33 I've told you for years that I'm a sorcerer and you don't listen to me.

Speaker 33 But I shouldn't be surprised because you never listen to me.

Speaker 63 I listen to you all the time.

Speaker 6 It's not my fault that I only understand 30% of the things you say.

Speaker 33 30% is generous.

Speaker 2 It's tricky. with you physics people because you have these cool names for things that turn out to be super boring.

Speaker 9 Like monstrous moonshine.

Speaker 33 Uh, monstrous moonshine is fascinating.

Speaker 6 Does it involve either monsters or moonshine?

Speaker 9 No, it does not.

Speaker 2 It's a total misnomer, and I think the physics community should watch itself.

Speaker 33 Okay, stop for a second.

Speaker 5 What?

Speaker 33 I want to talk to you about something.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 33 I'm concerned with some things you've been saying lately.

Speaker 9 What things? When?

Speaker 33 When we were in the deep freeze.

Speaker 8 Ava?

Speaker 73 Ava, what's happening?

Speaker 33 That sound.

Speaker 33 What? Do you hear that?

Speaker 29 Uh, maybe.

Speaker 14 I think I hear something.

Speaker 27 Leave! I hear it! What is it? It's Chuck.

Speaker 21 It's Chuck?

Speaker 6 Fourth-dimensional being Chuck.

Speaker 61 He has theme music now, like Foxy Brown.

Speaker 33 There was a sound we heard the last time he showed up.

Speaker 24 And that time before that.

Speaker 49 Okay.

Speaker 6 Well, he's the one who sent us on this wild ride looking for Clementine.

Speaker 17 Maybe he wants to congratulate us now.

Speaker 28 Maybe this is the loot chest at the end of the adventure.

Speaker 24 Gloria, what? We must go now. Ow.

Speaker 24 Clementine.

Speaker 24 Oh,

Speaker 24 ow! Fuck!

Speaker 4 Ow! Clementine,

Speaker 16 what's wrong?

Speaker 23 God damn it!

Speaker 24 What's happening, Terek? I don't know.

Speaker 24 We have

Speaker 33 It's Chuck.

Speaker 8 He's killing her. Why? It's over.

Speaker 57 We won. The point wasn't to stop her.
He just wanted us to wear her down, then flush her out so we couldn't get her.

Speaker 12 We were his fucking hunting dog.

Speaker 57 He's going to kill her right in front of us.

Speaker 24 Somebody give me some options.

Speaker 33 Please, go up on the roof and turn on the wind chime. Why? I think it may distract him.
It may buy us some time.

Speaker 50 Okay, I'm going.

Speaker 11 This was his plan the whole goddamn time.

Speaker 12 We can't let her just die.

Speaker 24 We're not going to.

Speaker 74 Wind chimes are on.

Speaker 30 How long until we jump? We're a ways off.

Speaker 57 Fuck.

Speaker 8 Clementine.

Speaker 24 Clementine, what's happening?

Speaker 44 I don't.

Speaker 44 I... I don't know.

Speaker 8 It's like

Speaker 33 having my insights ripped out.

Speaker 24 Clementine, you teleported the diner to get us here. Can you do it again?

Speaker 8 I can't. I can't.
I'm too weak.

Speaker 59 We have been pawns this entire time.

Speaker 59 We must protect her, Gloria.

Speaker 23 How?

Speaker 59 I am not asking you to pray, but to find the closest thing you can.

Speaker 56 Oh, God, it's starting again.

Speaker 33 Finding a way through.

Speaker 24 I am officially sick of this.

Speaker 8 Frank, June,

Speaker 36 what is happening?

Speaker 24 I'm sorry, you two. Best of luck, now get off the parking lot.
What?

Speaker 33 Leith, can you get more power to the wind chimes?

Speaker 24 I can try.

Speaker 24 Come in time. You've got to hang in there, okay?

Speaker 56 What's happening to me?

Speaker 47 What's attacking me?

Speaker 12 Hang on.

Speaker 21 What are we gonna do?

Speaker 51 Stay out here, okay? What's happening?

Speaker 24 I'm going to get mad.

Speaker 12 Mad?

Speaker 12 Hey!

Speaker 24 I'm talking to you.

Speaker 24 There's a girl out there that's about to be killed while you're just sitting here.

Speaker 24 Are you listening to me?

Speaker 24 I know you're listening to me.

Speaker 35 I know you listen to all of us all the time.

Speaker 24 I know we talk about how this place is random and just pops up in random places, but it doesn't.

Speaker 24 You don't do that, do you?

Speaker 24 In fact, I'm guessing nothing you do is random.

Speaker 24 I

Speaker 24 know you're listening.

Speaker 24 I know you're paying attention. There are Goajill peppers in that walk-in that you put there, and I'll bet my life you didn't start doing that until I showed up.

Speaker 24 You're listening. I'm guessing you have some sort of plan that will never know.
Some great mystery, right?

Speaker 38 Well I'm sick of it.

Speaker 24 I'm getting batted around by two forces out of my control. Chuck the fourth-dimensional asshole and you.

Speaker 49 Whatever you are.

Speaker 24 And frankly, getting batted around by forces out of my control. I had enough of that back home, and I'm not doing it again.

Speaker 24 So, here's the deal:

Speaker 24 whatever it is you're up to,

Speaker 39 you need me.

Speaker 24 I know you do.

Speaker 24 You need all of us, and none of us are going to stand for you letting a girl die in the parking lot.

Speaker 24 You need us, so you need to start acting like it.

Speaker 27 Move

Speaker 24 now,

Speaker 24 take

Speaker 43 this girl home.

Speaker 57 We jumped early.

Speaker 42 What happened?

Speaker 24 I think I used my get-out-of-jail free card.

Speaker 50 What do you mean?

Speaker 24 You were saying this place is listening to us, right?

Speaker 46 Yeah.

Speaker 48 So

Speaker 41 I yelled at it.

Speaker 47 Holy shit.

Speaker 24 I'm guessing I get about one of those per lifetime.

Speaker 57 Nice work.

Speaker 24 Let's check on the problem, child.

Speaker 76 How are you feeling?

Speaker 45 Um, I'm okay.

Speaker 45 God, that was terrible.

Speaker 58 I am disappointed in myself that we were deceived. We all are, Sabulon.

Speaker 42 Deceived by who?

Speaker 29 Who are you talking about?

Speaker 6 Someone sent us after you, Clementine.

Speaker 20 Who?

Speaker 6 I don't know how to describe it. An entity.

Speaker 9 We named him Chuck.

Speaker 33 We didn't know he was going to try and kill you.

Speaker 63 We did not.

Speaker 19 Now, what happened?

Speaker 24 Looks like we're in the clear for now.

Speaker 57 How did we jump early?

Speaker 7 Gloria yelled at the diner.

Speaker 30 Yelled at it?

Speaker 24 Yes, so watch yourself.

Speaker 45 Gloria, what's happening?

Speaker 24 Looks like we've all got a lot of explaining to do, but for now we're fine.

Speaker 24 I somehow convinced the diner to take you home, Clementine.

Speaker 35 Oh, God.

Speaker 45 I wish you hadn't done that.

Speaker 45 Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all. Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.

Speaker 45 And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there, somewhere, looking for you.

Speaker 23 We open at six!

Speaker 2 Midnight Burger is made possible in part by her Monte Cristo level and above supporters.

Speaker 16 Wilson, Billy, Bertburg, Bethany, Second Bethany, Megan Mighty, Siobhan Delilah Rose, Stabby Cacti, Dan Bowman, Big Sexy, Deary Darling, Casper's number one fan, Jane, Stu, Tess Bart, Nan McVicker, Rusty Accord, A Bug Named Nat, Mothra Stewart, Hicks Besi Mates, Daniel L., Mitzi Lou, Life is Liminal, The Art Sherpa, G.

Speaker 6 Longhorn, Lucrezia, Amy Pollard, Zehoni Vida, Brick Hausdorff, The Waiting Pool Pirates, Past Prologue, Little Ball of Odd, Dr.

Speaker 6 Punt Gusher Esquire, Stepon, Chelsea G, Lydia Kenworthy, Mel Momberg, The Mac Truck, Cosmic Shrug, Osvaldo Simeoni, Bradley Ashby, Will Goliou, Kingpin, Nespell, Boodles, Rashmi Vinkatesh, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, Miss Chris Still Making Sandwiches, Hot Plate of Biscuits and Gravy, Banshee Ranch, Killshot Betty and her steel-eyed bow, Victor in Cincinnati, Bacon, Kurt Bartnick, Russell Bunny, Kim Bob, Tom Webster, Sherbert Aggressive, Infinity Times Infinity, Saint Foo, Roman Ronin, D.

Speaker 6 Fox, Matt Mosby, Nicole Colon Jello, J.

Speaker 2 Way Mythical, The Real Dirt Fairy, Hayabuddha, Rubies, Lady Karma, Amar J.

Speaker 27 Dibble, Stephanie Sturgis, The Dread Pirate Fred Fredberger, Daniel Caprit, Brian Ortega, Rogue, Liz Laser Eyes, William Dyer, Hurry Up and Wait, Aang Ree, Ivy, Raphael S.K., Cole, Your Favorite Kenny, Galatea, Reaper, Black Squirrel, SCRB Mark 11, Robert Oliveri, Adrian Ramirez, Berserking Off, Hayward's Finest Garen Elizondo, Genuine Jacob, Schnoogans, Joshua Cody, Kelly Jane Dankey, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Mossy, Stephen Robin Poole, Stephen Schmidt, Crazed Bear, Pathos, Amanda Marie Kathraine, The Something Something Detective Agency, Underwater Corvid, Andrea Strick, Virgo Aries Infinity, Julian Barber, Sir Cat Dad, Jane Goostree, Brad Menier, The Amburglar, Velocicate, Gracefully Impaired, Crystal Delightful, Petting Dogs, Phantom Zone, Croed Nation, Screme Brulee, Jack Lane, Lola, Phantom Turtle, Chaos Squatcher, Bookstift Managed, Aaron the Optimist, Andrew Barner, Crittle, Camel Pope, Tofarius, Christian Davis, Tuba Rick, Patrick Jenkins, Clara Olson, Justine Burbank, Sonny DeAnomalie, Peachy Zatowichi, The Bard with the Tuba, ALR, Chris Hancock, Sammy Baldwin, Dances with Burritos, Apprehensive Craig, Terrifying Genderless Space Pirate Uncle Buck, Caravan Shaker, Trinket Coralee, Disco Funkslinger, Charlie DeLambert, Deli Cruise, Edgy Steve, Gruntled, Incorrigible Ross, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Grilled Chicken Sando, Lara Orchid, Quilandis, Heidelberdy, Miss Mae, aka Heather Berland, Potato Nation, La Cockney Francaise, Alice Malice, Podge Art, Rudra, Starlight, Freya Titmittens, Celeste Yos, Corrine Sabrantha, Weirdly Nordic Leviathan, Sean Wright, Michael Christian, Wandering Aquarius, Moldy Bred Millie, Tarvox Stormbringer, Techno Ranger Rick, Magnificent Hogbeast, Harry Fishnuts, Charmay, Kyle of Light, BroccoWeenie, Theo Alex Dean, Lattice Action Figure, Plum Scrumping Action, Flat Doug, Sarah Farmer, Arrow of Truth, Casey Howe, Purple Saline, The Wondrous Methazophon, Antigone Brickman, The Love Pod Podcast, Nicole 23, J.

Speaker 6 Mac Diz, G.

Speaker 6 Wilsonian407, Cheetah Go, Saren Far Beyond the Stars, Spizerinctum, Smelga Snorowitz, Samira, Xavier Sage, Blargo Blargo Blargo, Onyx Rose, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Death the Kid, Hold it Now,

Speaker 30 Hold it Now, now. Hit it!

Speaker 6 Max Savage, Churlington Beastcoat, Tamara Oliver, Kelsey Home, Jackie Wavelet, Marissa, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Terry, Skyland, Tim Arenetta, Magic Pony, Jay Snoosdon, Maggie's Yarm, Rebecca Trossel, Andy Croft, Zealous Pragma, Mallory Mae, Tybalt I, Aaron Mitchell, Raven the NecoQueen, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Jimmy Snims, Melvis Gray Mystery, Alkalized Tertiary Amines, Om Vega, Codex Typo, Al Cave, Kevin Batten, Creator67, Sono Nasuno, John Dew, Courtney Depona, Snorts McGortz, John Pruitt, Justin at the Tree Cave, Ruth McCormick, Stuck in Derplahoma, It's Just Blake, Ivinala, The Pearsons, Tired Pirate Muffin, J.R.

Speaker 6 the Hiker Bear, Turtles All the Way Down, Fiona Malasy, Ravenhart, Menlor, Rachel Rachelson, Nicole Studioso, Moldy Bred Millie, Tracy, Elspeth, Colibri, The Green Street Major, Posh Baby Rentals Florida, Jessica Shelton, Nate, Megan Okeo, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Sarah Murphy, Peter, Maloran, Marun Maisalil, Noah and Katie, Late Indeed Again, Unexciting K, Ian Herzler, Vicki A.

Speaker 68 Bear, Mother of Thor, Cryptesia, Nth Anomaly, Special K, Atlas B, Salazar the Dome Age, Spruce Box, Fresh Squeezed, Laura, Ryan Abbey, Zusana, Best Buds Danny and M, Captain Blepp, Finnegan Robert, Lord Than and Lady Sars, Ashton James, Sarah Bergenholtz, Paul A.

Speaker 17 Johnson, Hunter B., Zacky Nat, Big Whiskey, Talon Lawson, Hannah Dale, Polandis, Nea, Cara, Ben and Jessica, Just Jane is Fine, Dandy Bay, Cece Ryder, The Combat Wombat, K-Mac, Rambo, The Artist Formerly Known as Mouse Cop, Kirsten, Eli the Electrician, Jackie Lowey, Adelaide Dark, Manglerfish, Good God There Are So Many Names, Curtis Trell Sr., David Pierini, Terrified Toddler, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dancing Dog Dreams, Beatrice Podacious, and existentially exhausted Bean.

Speaker 33 Seven, nope.

Speaker 33 I'm taking.

Speaker 33 Woo!

Speaker 33 Taking.

Speaker 65 Are you?

Speaker 33 All you have at your disposal are the trees and tiny creatures that live on your island and whatever the ocean washes up on there. Your

Speaker 33 all you have. And don't open them until I tell you to, okay?

Speaker 65 Okay.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 33 I'm going to hold for a second, though, because there's a plane flying over right now, and this is a really intimate moment.

Speaker 19 Time is a plane. It flies over me and makes noise, but I am also the plane.

Speaker 25 I am the plane that ruins the podcast, but I am also the podcast.

Speaker 45 Time is a sim,

Speaker 45 sim, sum.

Speaker 12 Because of the temporal alum.

Speaker 46 Hi.

Speaker 15 In my house, and I let the morning air in.

Speaker 56 And I release

Speaker 15 all that stale air that I've been.

Speaker 27 I'm sorry. I'll mute for you, Julie.

Speaker 4 I'll mute for you.

Speaker 27 I just, oh, God.

Speaker 48 The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.

Speaker 42 From unsolved mysteries to unexplained phenomena, from comedy goal to relationship fails, Amazon Music's got the most ad-free top podcasts, included with Prime. Download the Amazon Music app today.