513: Déjà Two [ft. Jonathan Braylock]

Speaker 1 It is a time of great unease.

Speaker 1 The crew of the Bargerian Jade have finally made it home to their beloved quadrant. But something is different.

Speaker 2 Wrong.

Speaker 3 Whack!

Speaker 1 Now, our intrepid heroes must root out the bad vibes, master the three-sided coin of freshness, and face down foes like they've never imagined on their final mission to six

Speaker 1 So let me get this tree.

Speaker 1 Yes, AJ.

Speaker 1 The lizard is the leader of the galaxy now.

Speaker 1 AG, we're all still trembling at burn

Speaker 1 minds around us right now. Hey, Bargie, are you a direct tour now, or what are you? Honestly, I don't know.
I'm just checking all my voicemails. They all uploaded when I came back to six.

Speaker 1 I have so many voicemails.

Speaker 8 Yeah, that's almost a cycle's worth of voicemails, Bargie.

Speaker 9 Here's one

Speaker 9 from my son. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 9 Mom,

Speaker 9 where are you? You flew into this big flaming thing and then disappeared.

Speaker 9 We're calling you about your extended warrant, please.

Speaker 10 Yeah, don't listen to that one, Bargie. That's I did that spin.

Speaker 10 Bargie, I'm crazy.

Speaker 10 Who is Todd?

Speaker 10 Todd. Who is it, Todd, right?

Speaker 10 I don't think that's a good idea.

Speaker 11 Yeah, no, Bargie, I hear that.

Speaker 12 Who isn't Todd?

Speaker 13 I mean, listen, I could talk about Bargie's voicemails for days, but.

Speaker 13 Oh.

Speaker 14 Nermit. Nermit,

Speaker 8 what is that wrapped around your shoulders?

Speaker 15 I'm pretty sure I always wear this.

Speaker 16 No, did you take it?

Speaker 18 So you've never worn a flowy cape before.

Speaker 20 Nermit, did you wrap a napkin around your neck?

Speaker 21 Oh, I don't know. I mean, I guess.

Speaker 16 Oh, yeah, maybe I I don't wear this all the time.

Speaker 8 Sorry, you don't know?

Speaker 24 I mean, you're saying the napkin fell there.

Speaker 8 Naturally.

Speaker 13 You're dealing with the leader of the galaxy here.

Speaker 3 Do you want me to take anybody out?

Speaker 26 AJ, I guess I woke up and decided to dress for the job I have.

Speaker 28 Nerman, Nermit, listen,

Speaker 30 that's not you.

Speaker 32 Whoever that is is someone else.

Speaker 13 Don't crowd him. You know, like, don't crowd him.
He's the leader of the galaxy.

Speaker 21 AJ, you know, I'm going to need security.

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 24 I don't know why I have to look at it.

Speaker 18 Nermit, You're going to figure out what is going on here.

Speaker 24 Yes.

Speaker 18 And we're going to make this right.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 34 Nermit mark our words.

Speaker 30 We will remove Nermit Bundaloy from power.

Speaker 10 I don't know if that's the exact thing.

Speaker 13 Bargie, we're going to get you inbox zero before this is all over.

Speaker 3 I know how to

Speaker 23 do it.

Speaker 3 It's a message from my old age.

Speaker 24 Bargie, Leximar Punch here.

Speaker 37 Where have you been?

Speaker 24 Let's do lunch.

Speaker 38 I'm not available, but I want to do lunch soon.

Speaker 39 Marge, where are you? I'm going fast!

Speaker 40 Where are you?

Speaker 13 He seems nice. I don't know.

Speaker 18 Nermit, maybe in the meantime,

Speaker 18 you should change your name, you know, to avoid confusion.

Speaker 41 Tar, how dare you?

Speaker 42 Excuse me. After my name was stolen by the Emperor?

Speaker 43 Listen, guys.

Speaker 34 We'll get to the bottom of this at some point, but

Speaker 44 I think we need need to seek out

Speaker 8 some people that we know.

Speaker 44 We need to figure out what the deal is.

Speaker 43 We need to figure out

Speaker 47 what's happened, what we're up against.

Speaker 23 The vibes are bad.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we know the vibes are bad.

Speaker 8 Nermit, we know the vibes are bad, okay?

Speaker 48 That's like saying we all like shrimp.

Speaker 18 I like shrimp, everybody loves shrimp.

Speaker 7 I want to see shrimp.

Speaker 3 Wait, what?

Speaker 6 What? What was that?

Speaker 7 What?

Speaker 49 Oh, did someone say shrimp?

Speaker 49 Oh,

Speaker 8 Let's just get something straight right off the bat.

Speaker 21 You all know exactly who I was.

Speaker 44 I don't care how many adventures you've been on since the last time you saw me.

Speaker 8 You will not forget

Speaker 31 to be. I could never forget you.

Speaker 31 You tasked me with saving the entire Tellurian species.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 45 You made me smart.

Speaker 31 You made me stupid.

Speaker 34 You made me super old for a second.

Speaker 45 You put me on top of a huge obelisk that I had to carve into a reflective parabola to destroy an approaching asteroid.

Speaker 24 See, I'm just remembering a lot of like shrimp-related stuff. Like, no.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 23 no, it was this. There was a whole shrimp here.

Speaker 20 There was a whole shrimp here.

Speaker 36 Last time he arrived and said the exact same thing.

Speaker 41 Did someone say shrimp?

Speaker 7 Wait, wait, hold on, hold on.

Speaker 13 Who is this guy?

Speaker 21 My name is Two.

Speaker 51 I am a part of the singularity. We are beings that have so much power your tiny little brain couldn't possibly comprehend.

Speaker 44 All you need to know is that when I am here, you do as I say.

Speaker 30 From personal experience, I can confirm that's true.

Speaker 6 Or what, I guess, is my like,

Speaker 8 removed Plex arms and legs temporarily

Speaker 20 and put them on me now.

Speaker 8 Yeah, with

Speaker 8 maybe something like this.

Speaker 14 Oh, oh, oh,

Speaker 7 it's smoking. That's right.

Speaker 18 The ventilation is not great here.

Speaker 7 You should not

Speaker 13 do those things.

Speaker 30 AJ2 is one of the most powerful beings we've ever interacted with.

Speaker 19 Yeah, AJ, he can change reality at will.

Speaker 54 He puts entire species through rigorous tests to make sure they deserve to exist in the universe.

Speaker 8 That's right. AJ, if Pleck had failed his test, the entire Tellurian race would have been eradicated from the universe.

Speaker 13 Wow, it totally feels like something he would have failed, though, right?

Speaker 35 Yeah, honestly, it's kind of amazing.

Speaker 47 Against all odds, I

Speaker 21 I need all of you to follow me into the

Speaker 2 room.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 36 He just magically transported himself to the ship. Can you believe that?

Speaker 50 Well, he transported himself into the closet and then sort of busted out of the closet.

Speaker 24 Sort of more dramatic last time. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Speaker 21 Actually, before you enter, before you enter this room, just give me like five minutes.

Speaker 13 Give him five minutes. Does this magic take like five minutes?

Speaker 3 Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 43 You need us to give you five minutes?

Speaker 21 Yeah, I just need you to give me five minutes. I uh

Speaker 15 I have a phone call to make

Speaker 39 to other people in the singularity.

Speaker 24 Surely the singularity communicates outside of our perception of time and space.

Speaker 41 He's using the term phone call for all of you to talk about.

Speaker 2 Okay. All right, sure.

Speaker 24 If you're calling Todd, just

Speaker 24 tell him Barb he's not interested.

Speaker 9 I'm not interested.

Speaker 23 Yes, he's calling Todd.

Speaker 52 Man, think about what mind-bending, reality-altering shenanigans he's pulling in there.

Speaker 23 Well, but

Speaker 18 I'm just more curious if one of us hadn't said shrimp, how long would he have been in the

Speaker 54 storage?

Speaker 38 Yeah, but the other question is, why is he still harping on the shrimp thing?

Speaker 23 What is shrimp? What was happening

Speaker 3 about?

Speaker 36 What was it about the shrimp?

Speaker 13 Just to be clear, was the first time he visited, was he like kind of just kind of come out of the closet?

Speaker 47 No, no, he just sort of disappeared.

Speaker 8 He had a cloak that looked like a starfield.

Speaker 56 Yeah, also, what happened to his cloak?

Speaker 8 It looks just like a regular cloak that you'd get at like a second-hand store.

Speaker 37 Okay, a lot of dissing cloaks.

Speaker 38 Two.

Speaker 9 Well, also, did the toilet just flash?

Speaker 6 What?

Speaker 35 No.

Speaker 6 I

Speaker 53 have your tests ready.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay.

Speaker 13 Wait, so we just test? What's the deal?

Speaker 8 AJ, you gotta keep up just a little bit.

Speaker 3 I mean, this is like a lot.

Speaker 45 AJ, all you need to know is that you cannot cross two.

Speaker 31 He will will ruin your entire life.

Speaker 2 I asked you to come into the room. Yes, yes, put on.

Speaker 16 Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we don't.

Speaker 2 We're coming in.

Speaker 6 Oh, wow, look at all these pulleys.

Speaker 35 Okay, yeah, a lot of cranks

Speaker 6 here.

Speaker 53 If you are able

Speaker 4 to get

Speaker 35 this marble to the end of that maze, I will let this entire ship live.

Speaker 6 But if you don't,

Speaker 50 you heard me, Pargi.

Speaker 59 If you don't, I will incinerate you and all of the entities that live inside of it.

Speaker 6 Uh

Speaker 13 oh, Darsh is picking up the marble.

Speaker 8 Yeah, is that legal too?

Speaker 6 Can they just pick up the marble and put it over there? Damn it, I didn't think it was.

Speaker 5 Alright.

Speaker 21 Okay, everybody out. Everybody out.
Yeah, I knew that wasn't it.

Speaker 7 You nailed it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we're going.

Speaker 3 So we're getting

Speaker 13 out.

Speaker 3 I mean, he's going to snap his fingers. We got to go.

Speaker 2 Yeah, okay,

Speaker 30 at the risk of bringing your scorn upon us.

Speaker 47 What is happening?

Speaker 50 What are you testing us for?

Speaker 31 Anything you need, we'll do it.

Speaker 34 I just want to know what's happening.

Speaker 44 Something has happened to this galaxy.

Speaker 16 The galaxy that I manage.

Speaker 2 Thanks to all of you.

Speaker 50 The vibes are off.

Speaker 47 Okay?

Speaker 60 Wait, it's our fault.

Speaker 36 If you don't complete these tasks, I will know that you are not ready to restore this galaxy to its rightful place.

Speaker 53 And your punishment will be death.

Speaker 6 Oh, oh, hold on, hold on.

Speaker 6 Richard, Richard, you're 20 minutes late for your shift.

Speaker 8 Oh, uh, I, yeah,

Speaker 21 I'm a sick, uh, you know, I won't be in for the next couple days.

Speaker 21 Any focal cakes are gonna make themselves, Richard. Well, you don't want me in there.

Speaker 21 You know, I'll get everybody sick.

Speaker 21 Yeah, it's really bad. I got it, I don't know, from

Speaker 2 some Pelorian.

Speaker 6 Take all the time you need.

Speaker 2 Alright, thank you. Bye.

Speaker 35 Now,

Speaker 24 two, I don't presume to know the goings-on of the singularity, but

Speaker 8 that was surely you faking sick from

Speaker 19 some sort of job, some sort of job.

Speaker 19 That was a test for that person.

Speaker 21 See, I run multiple tests at once now.

Speaker 35 I have elevated.

Speaker 17 I heard every single one.

Speaker 49 Yeah, that guy sounded mad that you were late for work.

Speaker 34 Aren't you at work now?

Speaker 31 You're in the singularity.

Speaker 61 There's a lot of complications to this, you know. Uh, he thinks that I'm working.

Speaker 59 It's a long play, okay?

Speaker 54 It's a long play.

Speaker 18 Okay, and the long play

Speaker 48 is

Speaker 47 I don't have my powers.

Speaker 47 Okay, that explains a lot.

Speaker 43 My powers are God.

Speaker 45 Then how did you appear in that closet and then break out of the closet when we

Speaker 61 stowaway?

Speaker 2 You were on the ship the whole time?

Speaker 21 Yes, I saw you at the ship stop and I snuck on board.

Speaker 51 I just thought that.

Speaker 19 I need your help, okay?

Speaker 6 Whoa.

Speaker 40 Really?

Speaker 9 Also, he was like, hey, if I pay you five Nermos, can I just hang out inside you? And I was like, yeah, whatever.

Speaker 37 Bargain, you knew he paid you to get on the ship when you was here.

Speaker 9 Nobody asked.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 46 if there are stowaways who paid you? Yeah.

Speaker 29 Does that mean should we just be asking all the time if there are stowaways?

Speaker 9 Yeah, there's currently three stowaways.

Speaker 3 Three?

Speaker 20 Judy, who else?

Speaker 16 Well, there's two.

Speaker 18 This is a real math problem.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 47 Two plus two is three.

Speaker 16 But there's three.

Speaker 24 No, but two plus two is two case.

Speaker 4 Oh, my.

Speaker 8 I mean, I don't have my powers anymore, but this is a sad crew.

Speaker 3 All right, so why did I niche my lot to you all?

Speaker 20 Yeah, suddenly the shoe is on the other foot, isn't it?

Speaker 13 Wait, so what I want to know is, how'd you make that marble thing?

Speaker 37 I think he sort of built this in the few minutes that we were hanging out outside.

Speaker 21 Yeah, I'm actually really good with my hands.

Speaker 37 Yeah, I know.

Speaker 6 It's like actually pretty good.

Speaker 23 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 44 I'm trying to get another job. It's a long story, okay? I've had to do a lot of things I didn't want to do without my powers.

Speaker 47 You guys don't understand how many people want to kill you

Speaker 47 when you've put them in life and death situation and then have erased, you know, entire species of

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 37 Well, I guess there are probably a lot of people that have.

Speaker 24 yeah, wait, two, I never thought to ask this of you, but I know Tellurian survived.

Speaker 56 How many races did you eliminate?

Speaker 23 Um, let's see.

Speaker 37 Oh, this is already much higher than I thought.

Speaker 2 There were uh Zactoids, there were

Speaker 8 the Lakmas, which, I mean, they were made out of lava, they just moved around on this planet, they like formed into rocks.

Speaker 24 Honestly, super radical.

Speaker 21 Yeah, but they never did anything, and you know,

Speaker 45 just

Speaker 51 maybe in the singularity, we're very, we're very much about production.

Speaker 21 You know, you gotta keep it up. You gotta keep up the evolution.

Speaker 53 And if you don't,

Speaker 21 wow.

Speaker 15 That snapping is me erasing the lockdowns from existence.

Speaker 13 How did you lose your powers?

Speaker 16 Oh, how did I lose my powers?

Speaker 25 What a great question.

Speaker 26 I don't know why I'm getting so close to Pleck. Yeah, excuse me.

Speaker 2 Hey,

Speaker 2 hey, you.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 36 You were supposed to save the galaxy.

Speaker 20 Yeah,

Speaker 20 I know. I know that.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 3 What?

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 63 Darn it. Haven't you been paying attention?

Speaker 54 That's been true this whole time.

Speaker 16 I mean, I've heard it a couple of times.

Speaker 17 I just never thought...

Speaker 18 I never thought anyone but you believed that.

Speaker 2 Well, it would be kind of like, it'd be nice if he did.

Speaker 39 Wow.

Speaker 16 My own noob.

Speaker 37 My own noob.

Speaker 11 I mean,

Speaker 62 I think we're all back or not.

Speaker 37 Yeah. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 55 So, okay, just show of hands.

Speaker 45 Who thought that I was maybe gonna save the galaxy? Who thought it would even be a remote possibility? Oh, wow, me and two. Only people raising our hands.

Speaker 46 Thank you so much.

Speaker 9 One of the other soul aces, also.

Speaker 20 Well, show yourself.

Speaker 46 You know, I just I just feel like I thought I thought it was bad.

Speaker 37 I didn't think it was this bad.

Speaker 2 You know?

Speaker 21 Well, and to be clear, I also didn't think you were gonna save the galaxy, but you know, Bino really tasked me to

Speaker 34 beano was the one who told you to test us?

Speaker 40 Wait, wait.

Speaker 21 Wait, did you was that not revealed to you at some point?

Speaker 38 Beano is the key to the entire singularity. We.

Speaker 9 Yeah, Bino pitched that as one of the episodes of Beano and Baiji, but I didn't really understand it.

Speaker 16 You

Speaker 2 have been disrespecting Bino this entire time I let him down.

Speaker 35 We all loved Bino.

Speaker 52 He saved our lives several several times, and we would have done anything for him, but

Speaker 14 why is Bino not here?

Speaker 61 Why is Bino not here?

Speaker 63 He was inside the Allweed. He was the Allweed.
He turned into this huge, muscular,

Speaker 34 very sexy.

Speaker 35 I mean,

Speaker 52 hot, hot Bean, and he saved us.

Speaker 63 He's the reason we got transported to another galaxy.

Speaker 28 And you came back without him?

Speaker 8 I don't know that we left with him. You know?

Speaker 24 Like, it was hard to say what happened in the aftermath of the ALGIE.

Speaker 7 I think he's always been in our hearts.

Speaker 5 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 8 Certainly.

Speaker 19 It's always been in here.

Speaker 16 I'm going to kill you. Get him.

Speaker 3 Just jump in.

Speaker 23 Stop. Oh, that is me.

Speaker 66 Stop punching him in the shoulder so hard.

Speaker 16 Oh, if I could only snap my god, my god, that's a part.

Speaker 39 Stop snapping yourself. Stop snapping yourself.

Speaker 3 AJ, come on.

Speaker 3 He ain't the powers anymore. What am I supposed to do?

Speaker 37 Because the powers doesn't mean you have to be mean to him.

Speaker 2 Oh, AJ, look.

Speaker 20 Look what you did.

Speaker 25 You feel good about that, AJ? You feel good about that?

Speaker 63 What are you guys yelling about?

Speaker 48 Hey, Justin.

Speaker 24 Hey, Justin.

Speaker 64 Hey, what I missed.

Speaker 2 Oh, everyone, sit down.

Speaker 64 I'm trying to slap.

Speaker 2 Trying to what? Trying to what?

Speaker 64 Try to slap.

Speaker 2 That's probably for the best, Justin. Wait, what is he trying to do? Sleep?

Speaker 44 I assume it's sleep, but it's

Speaker 41 very generous.

Speaker 31 Justin's like 1.30 in the afternoon.

Speaker 20 What were you doing?

Speaker 64 See you later, too.

Speaker 8 Oh, see you, Justin.

Speaker 39 Wait, hold up.

Speaker 24 Hey, wait a minute.

Speaker 24 What?

Speaker 24 How do you two know each other?

Speaker 4 What are you talking about?

Speaker 8 I know everybody in this galaxy.

Speaker 54 How?

Speaker 55 But how does he know you?

Speaker 64 I have friends, Blake.

Speaker 47 Wow.

Speaker 20 You're so late. Going back to that.

Speaker 2 To where? To slurp?

Speaker 49 And I ask you, in the end, isn't embezzlement just another word

Speaker 6 for love?

Speaker 6 Wow. Who would object to that?

Speaker 23 The defense rests for this bar.

Speaker 47 Okay, we're going to commercial in five, four, three.

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Speaker 49 How was that?

Speaker 10 Checking with the execs.

Speaker 47 That's fine. Okay, you're good.

Speaker 49 Thank you.

Speaker 7 We are back from halftime, ladies and gentlemen, T-Rock of the Justice, Honorable Haskell Nicole, Chris Dairy.

Speaker 7 I have a question, or just kind of more of a comment.

Speaker 62 It's not really a question, more of a comment.

Speaker 13 So the fact that you're in charge of the galaxy and now that you have no power,

Speaker 4 that is

Speaker 47 bad, right? I don't wouldn't say it's bad.

Speaker 42 I mean, I'm excited.

Speaker 47 Not about it.

Speaker 22 Nerman, it is bad.

Speaker 53 What are you talking about?

Speaker 33 You want the random chaos of the galaxy?

Speaker 33 What are you having?

Speaker 16 Beating the upside down. Hello?

Speaker 60 Oh, he's asleep.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're part of the game.

Speaker 47 Hold him upside down.

Speaker 35 He just goes through. Sorry, I just put him in.
there.

Speaker 37 Listen, okay?

Speaker 19 If chaos rules,

Speaker 36 all of this is gonna go away.

Speaker 20 All right? Wait, what do you mean, chaos?

Speaker 8 Listen, the singularity's job is to maintain order in the galaxy, alright?

Speaker 51 The universe is a dumb, chaotic place, and if we didn't do this job, none of you would even be here, okay?

Speaker 37 We take care of temporal anomalies, rogue species, time shifts, time warps, okay?

Speaker 18 Adrian, I don't think that's what he's talking about.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay.

Speaker 8 Adrian, I think two is saying that without his powers, you know, nefarious forces might disrupt our reality without any repercussions.

Speaker 59 Exactly.

Speaker 59 Good nap.

Speaker 30 Welcome back, Nermit.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 5 Slap man?

Speaker 10 I was a slap.

Speaker 13 Okay, so you're saying it was Papa's fault that you lost your powers. Okay.

Speaker 3 Understandable, but

Speaker 23 when did this happen?

Speaker 44 When the all-weed exploded.

Speaker 2 Okay?

Speaker 4 And I know

Speaker 19 that when that happened,

Speaker 53 we lost Bino.

Speaker 40 Wow. You let him die?

Speaker 2 And I lost my powers.

Speaker 13 Hasn't he died like a bunch, though?

Speaker 43 Yeah, well, it's hard to say.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 24 this death maybe felt a little more deathy.

Speaker 43 You see that?

Speaker 2 Yeah. No energy happening there.

Speaker 19 The only energy is sound.

Speaker 36 You know, too, because

Speaker 8 you've been snapping a lot.

Speaker 36 It's just, I,

Speaker 30 we believe that your powers are gone, man.

Speaker 19 Okay.

Speaker 43 Well, I used to snap all the time.

Speaker 8 Yeah. Now it doesn't do anything.

Speaker 43 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 9 It just turns on my lights and turns them off sometimes.

Speaker 37 Yeah, I've been.

Speaker 34 I was going to say, can we just at least, yeah, Bargie, is that a function you can turn off?

Speaker 29 Because this has been a rough afternoon.

Speaker 51 Hey, look, you want to know what kind of shit goes down when a member of the singularity isn't around to keep things in order, huh?

Speaker 54 Check this out.

Speaker 6 Reign?

Speaker 23 That seems strong.

Speaker 27 Maybe my

Speaker 66 first of many terms. Not that I want to stand down.
I mean, if I.

Speaker 18 Yep, that's Nermit alright.

Speaker 8 There's two Nermit Bundaloi's now, okay?

Speaker 56 So you're saying his existence is some kind of paradox.

Speaker 21 I don't know.

Speaker 8 One of them is not supposed to be here.

Speaker 51 In order to restore balance, you need to kill

Speaker 4 the wrong Nermit Bundaloi.

Speaker 16 What?

Speaker 47 Okay.

Speaker 47 Wait, what?

Speaker 16 How do we know which one is the wrong one?

Speaker 21 I would kill both of them myself, just to be sure.

Speaker 3 You know,

Speaker 13 Archie. Arch.

Speaker 52 Two. I don't know about this.

Speaker 21 You'll know when I get my powers back, okay?

Speaker 8 I mean, we could kill this one right now, and if I get my powers back, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't think that's the one.

Speaker 48 All right.

Speaker 8 Well, yeah.

Speaker 21 I mean, it's probably the one that's, you know, the leader of the galaxy.

Speaker 3 That seems to be a good idea.

Speaker 15 It could be seen

Speaker 9 this one. Sometimes.

Speaker 16 All right.

Speaker 51 You sure you don't want to kill this one?

Speaker 25 Because we could do that.

Speaker 47 I'm voting for everyone.

Speaker 21 I mean, you don't get a vote. This guy's going to be a good one.

Speaker 48 That kind of sounds like.

Speaker 30 Yeah, that sounds like something the wrong nerve bundler would say to sort of save his own skin.

Speaker 45 Well, no, but so would we're the right one.

Speaker 40 Yeah, good point.

Speaker 37 Everyone,

Speaker 59 we all know that this nermit is not the evil one, right, buddy?

Speaker 20 Thank you.

Speaker 12 Well, in the meantime, we will have to imprison you until we know that.

Speaker 14 We're not taking any chances, but

Speaker 44 we're going to put you in this shipping container here.

Speaker 48 Yeah. Hey, yeah.

Speaker 58 No, what?

Speaker 11 We'll put your mission in the nermit.

Speaker 11 I mean,

Speaker 34 you can assign us missions from there. You'll just call in to us on the bridge.

Speaker 12 Sorry, he needs a little responsibility.

Speaker 9 So nice, you guys.

Speaker 69 Thank you so much.

Speaker 51 You know, Justin, having alert is a big responsibility.

Speaker 6 Justin, I...

Speaker 1 I don't tell anybody, but I'm on the alert.

Speaker 37 No way!

Speaker 30 Have fun. Have fun in there.

Speaker 18 See, and now I'm less confident that he's not the evil one, you know?

Speaker 13 Mr.

Speaker 62 Trickman, quick question from me, AJ.

Speaker 13 You say Bino gave you your powers, but he's a being.

Speaker 11 So

Speaker 16 what? How do you not understand?

Speaker 55 Yeah, Bino is the source, okay?

Speaker 55 Be no source is the source of the singularity.

Speaker 3 The whole power.

Speaker 3 Was the source. Okay, that's what AJ guess.
What?

Speaker 23 I'm just saying if we're gonna pretty insensitive

Speaker 28 I could snap my fingers, I freaking would.

Speaker 5 Well, you can, right?

Speaker 2 Technically, you can still snap them.

Speaker 8 You know what I meant. Yeah.

Speaker 66 Oh, but that dove was pretty cool.

Speaker 29 That dove sort of just came out of your sleep.

Speaker 21 Yeah,

Speaker 44 I feel like I had to pick up some magic tricks when I lost my powers

Speaker 19 just in case some

Speaker 35 people came around and try to mess with me, you know.

Speaker 8 You found magic tricks where end the altercation? Yes, you know, sometimes when you pull a card out of a lemon, people freak out.

Speaker 23 I love that trick.

Speaker 5 You can pull a card out of a lemon, man.

Speaker 56 Oh, oh, wait, hold on a second. Just stand up.
Hey, AJ,

Speaker 48 just shuffle these cards.

Speaker 2 Alright,

Speaker 5 see this.

Speaker 60 Pick a card.

Speaker 7 Any card.

Speaker 39 Which one should I pick, you guys?

Speaker 37 AJ. It doesn't matter.

Speaker 16 Which one should I pick? Okay, I'll pick this one.

Speaker 3 I'll pick this one.

Speaker 5 All right, okay. It's the nine of jewels.

Speaker 53 Just shuffle them in here, and then oh, could you hold this lemon for me?

Speaker 8 Thank you.

Speaker 60 All right. Just get it.
And then.

Speaker 57 Oh, let me get that lemon back. All right.
Oh, here we go.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 8 Does anybody have a knife?

Speaker 16 It's okay. I have one.

Speaker 20 Oh,

Speaker 60 pull it out of nowhere.

Speaker 47 All right.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 47 Lemon.

Speaker 65 All right.

Speaker 24 Yeah, I think we all saw that, Barge.

Speaker 53 You see.

Speaker 3 It was my card.

Speaker 6 Wow. Whoa.

Speaker 37 That's pretty cool. Yeah.

Speaker 43 I feel like when I've seen that trick in the past, there was some context that gave, you know, sort of a reason for the lemon to be there, but you just kind of produced the lemon.

Speaker 16 Yeah, there's a little bit of narrative.

Speaker 3 Why are you giving her such a hard time?

Speaker 59 Bargie, that's it. That's it.
That's what's part of the trick.

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 53 You're all done?

Speaker 8 You're all done with your

Speaker 23 little talk.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 66 the universe is going to shit.

Speaker 19 All right.

Speaker 44 Okay, it's absolute chaos in this galaxy, and I don't even know what's happening anymore because I don't have the powers.

Speaker 13 Yeah.

Speaker 51 You need to fix it. Because if you can't, no one can.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 47 Hey, can I ask you all a question?

Speaker 36 Sure.

Speaker 21 You said you were in another galaxy.

Speaker 52 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 44 Was there a was there somebody from the singularity there?

Speaker 2 Huh.

Speaker 20 Yeah, there wasn't any.

Speaker 52 We didn't meet anybody from the singularity.

Speaker 31 You're the only person from the singularity we've ever met.

Speaker 9 Oh. There are a lot of single people.

Speaker 6 And it wasn't.

Speaker 5 Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Speaker 56 So you're saying

Speaker 43 if the singularity

Speaker 31 in the theme games are...

Speaker 21 Wow, Cleck, you're really not getting this here.

Speaker 37 Let me explain it to you. For Singularity.

Speaker 44 No, no, Cleck.

Speaker 8 I just...

Speaker 21 It would really be a lot faster if I just said it myself.

Speaker 27 Okay,

Speaker 2 maybe it's a slide.

Speaker 29 Okay, when Nevino disappeared, every member of the Singularity lost their powers, including

Speaker 34 the Singularity member from the Them galaxy.

Speaker 31 This is bad, it's worse than we thought.

Speaker 36 You're not just tasked to save the galaxy, Pleck. You're

Speaker 36 tasked to save the universe.

Speaker 53 What

Speaker 62 it's true: the Zimus, the prophecy, all of it.

Speaker 3 It's all true.

Speaker 2 Yeah, thank you, AJ.

Speaker 36 Look, there has to be a balance between good and evil.

Speaker 25 The good was supposed to be you, Pleck, and yet you couldn't do it.

Speaker 45 I still could.

Speaker 45 I'm still...

Speaker 52 I'm back.

Speaker 20 I'm here now.

Speaker 2 I'm back now. Here.

Speaker 38 Two, maybe Pleck's prophecy hasn't actually been fulfilled yet. There may still be time.

Speaker 53 That is true.

Speaker 40 But how?

Speaker 20 Without Bino, what can I do?

Speaker 21 This is the easiest way I can explain it.

Speaker 51 Bino exists outside of time and space, okay?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 8 If he's not here, there is no balance.

Speaker 51 And if there's no balance, there is no Bino.

Speaker 44 So if you fix one, you fix the other.

Speaker 51 You see what I'm saying?

Speaker 31 I guess I just don't know how...

Speaker 55 Picture scales, okay?

Speaker 44 You know what scales are, don't you, Pleck?

Speaker 31 Like on a lizard or musical scales?

Speaker 21 No, I'm talking about a balance of scales.

Speaker 47 Wow, a third one I didn't even consider.

Speaker 36 Okay.

Speaker 16 Wow.

Speaker 16 Okay,

Speaker 2 now I'm putting it in. Now I'm picturing it.

Speaker 3 Now I've got it. You guys have been traveling space with him?

Speaker 24 Yeah, it's a challenge.

Speaker 23 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 59 So, if the scale is out of balance, you have to put a little bit of weight on one to balance out the other.

Speaker 44 So if you save the galaxy, you save Bino.

Speaker 8 And if you save Bino,

Speaker 36 you save the galaxy.

Speaker 53 See what I'm saying? I

Speaker 20 do not understand what you're saying.

Speaker 31 I guess I just don't know how Bino.

Speaker 49 But Bino knows.

Speaker 4 Bino no,

Speaker 28 and that's all that matters.

Speaker 7 Oh,

Speaker 39 okay.

Speaker 47 Thank you. Okay, well, AJ gets it, so I guess.

Speaker 47 Okay, great.

Speaker 8 So you could just explain it to him at a later point.

Speaker 43 Oh, please don't try to.

Speaker 65 No. Not no.

Speaker 39 Yeah. So

Speaker 53 can we do that?

Speaker 23 Let's do do it.

Speaker 7 Just point me in the direction.

Speaker 47 Okay, I don't think

Speaker 2 it's a shot. Okay,

Speaker 48 I'm starting to like this guy.

Speaker 31 I mean, he's definitely gungy. He grows on you.

Speaker 2 He grows on you.

Speaker 47 We didn't think we were gonna like him.

Speaker 8 Kind of everybody.

Speaker 21 I really didn't like him when I first got here.

Speaker 37 I didn't like his face.

Speaker 19 Commonly comment questions you were asking. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, hold on one second.

Speaker 8 Hold on. Hold on one second.

Speaker 60 Hello?

Speaker 60 Hey,

Speaker 48 Phil. Yeah, hey, Phil.

Speaker 23 What?

Speaker 35 Why are you calling me?

Speaker 50 Okay, yeah, okay. Bye.
Bye, Phil.

Speaker 20 Oh, my God. You have a room?

Speaker 61 Yeah, yeah, okay.

Speaker 54 I can't afford my own room.

Speaker 10 I've never had to make money before.

Speaker 44 I don't even understand this concept.

Speaker 44 It's so barbaric.

Speaker 45 You know, too, it seems like losing your powers has really tested you.

Speaker 45 Damn it.

Speaker 4 You're right.

Speaker 16 You got me, and I don't like how it feels.

Speaker 20 I don't.

Speaker 8 I mean, tell that to the species you eradicated.

Speaker 35 No, I can't. They're all gone.

Speaker 2 They're not here anymore. Yeah, erased from reality, right?

Speaker 30 Not just killed.

Speaker 10 They never exist.

Speaker 30 That's right.

Speaker 13 You keep saying we have to, like, bring balance back to the galaxy in order for you to get back your powers.

Speaker 23 That's right.

Speaker 13 But isn't the real reward just bringing balance back to the galaxy and finding Bino? I mean, like, isn't you getting your powers back kind of like a bonus?

Speaker 3 Like, wouldn't good winning over evil being kind of like the best thing to happen?

Speaker 56 Yeah, but AJ, you gotta appreciate his perspective.

Speaker 13 No, I've seen it from a lot of people, but I'm also just kind of seeing it from our perspective where it's like, isn't bringing balance kind of the big mission?

Speaker 60 Um, AJ, uh, pick a card.

Speaker 39 Yes,

Speaker 13 okay, which one should I pick, you guys?

Speaker 48 AJ, it doesn't matter which one.

Speaker 13 It does sort of matter because I want it to be the one that he picks. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 24 Yeah, it's got to be the one that's going to be the one he picks.

Speaker 37 Well, we don't know that. We don't know that.

Speaker 3 It depends on me. Okay, I want to pick.
Somebody tell me to stop.

Speaker 45 AJ, we all want you to stop.

Speaker 3 Okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, pick this one. Alright, okay.

Speaker 53 And just look over there.

Speaker 65 Okay.

Speaker 4 Alright, now look in your pocket.

Speaker 65 Telling me to look over there?

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 8 Look at your pocket.

Speaker 37 Yeah, yeah, too.

Speaker 47 You gotta work out your pattern, Punt.

Speaker 60 The card wasn't here.

Speaker 50 It was in your pocket the whole time.

Speaker 23 That's crazy.

Speaker 5 It wasn't in my pocket when I, but then I looked away.

Speaker 8 Crazy that the magic happened while I looked away.

Speaker 3 That's the crazy thing.

Speaker 15 Wow, this was way too easy.

Speaker 23 Are you sure you don't have your powers?

Speaker 13 Are you sure?

Speaker 37 Oh.

Speaker 43 I'll get those. Don't worry.

Speaker 47 You're not going to pick them up.

Speaker 13 I'll get them. You just snapped snapped and threw them all on the ground.

Speaker 37 Yeah.

Speaker 50 I think that was a mistake.

Speaker 48 I'll get him.

Speaker 7 Oh,

Speaker 7 Farah.

Speaker 69 Norman keeps talking about being the Galactic Leader. I'm like, whoa, Swap.

Speaker 13 I am worried about Justin.

Speaker 62 I think Justin might be low-level depressed because it's like mid-afternoon and he's in bed.

Speaker 48 Yeah, he's sleeping.

Speaker 37 But he's a teenager. I think teenagers' bodies are weird.

Speaker 6 I don't like my new pet.

Speaker 63 My new pet socks.

Speaker 64 I miss my parents and I miss Saturday.

Speaker 23 now!

Speaker 42 If the bar is replacing your parents, no pet is gonna be enough.

Speaker 19 Yeah, especially if the pet is clear man.

Speaker 42 I think that's asking too much of me.

Speaker 2 Hey, dude, I don't know you very well, man.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 13 But I want to promise you this:

Speaker 13 we will get your powers back.

Speaker 2 But before that, we will go get you some milk for your roommate.

Speaker 4 Oh, really?

Speaker 5 Yeah, right?

Speaker 35 That would be really nice.

Speaker 4 I mean, I don't know if you can.

Speaker 48 Yes, at least you'd also give me a ride back.

Speaker 37 We can do it. We can drop you off and get you milk.

Speaker 18 Yeah, milk first, then saving the universe.

Speaker 22 Yeah.

Speaker 18 Which this time definitely will do right, you know, somehow.

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 31 Thank you, Darn.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 21 I would normally demand to come with you, but I do think one of you might die in the process of this, and I don't want that to be me, so I don't want to be on this ship.

Speaker 2 Yeah, okay, fair enough.

Speaker 8 And one last thing:

Speaker 44 word of advice:

Speaker 23 Don't trust each other always.

Speaker 19 Don't trust each other.

Speaker 18 Tell me something I don't know. Does that mean never trust each other or don't always

Speaker 54 trust each other?

Speaker 23 Pleck?

Speaker 48 Don't trust each other

Speaker 5 always.

Speaker 5 Two to lose.

Speaker 65 That's more confusing.

Speaker 13 Oh, we just kind of crashed into a bunch of boxes.

Speaker 25 Two, you okay back there? Yeah, this is great.

Speaker 24 I like it.

Speaker 24 It just looked like you hit your head pretty hard on the side of the.

Speaker 6 Okay.

Speaker 3 Do you still want us to get the milk or what?

Speaker 7 Yeah, please, if you can just get the milk outside. I'm gonna take a

Speaker 40 little nap.

Speaker 51 If you hit it that hard, you probably shouldn't go to sleep because there's a concussion risk.

Speaker 37 That'll be fine.

Speaker 46 Just give me some napkins and napkins.

Speaker 48 That doesn't sound like enough.

Speaker 37 Here, why don't you take this?

Speaker 10 That's my cloak. I mean, it's a napkin, or it.

Speaker 66 Well, it was my cloak. Before that was a napkin, and then it was a napkin again.

Speaker 8 And to a napkin-ness, it returns.

Speaker 63 What's going on, yellow trooper? You've hardly touched your triple mocha frappuchai latte. You'll need lots of energy to operate the torto's left arm if that monster ever comes back.

Speaker 67 I've been thinking, Blue Trooper, the monster was made out of ill-fitting jackets, out-of-style jeans, and old worn-out sneakers.

Speaker 3 What could it mean?

Speaker 63 The monster's stupid and it sucks. That's what it means, bro.

Speaker 67 But what if, somehow, the monster reflected something we've been struggling with in our daily lives? Maybe it's time for the Tordo Troopers to get a style upgrade.

Speaker 63 But between keeping the planet safe from magical growing monsters and keeping up with our schoolwork, how will we ever find the time?

Speaker 67 Well, I've been doing some research, and it appears that there's a store that is somehow personalized to our sizes and styles.

Speaker 3 Did Blue Somers grow?

Speaker 67 Not if my calculations are correct. It's called Stitch Fix Freestyle, a shop built just for you, and also the rest of the Torto Troopers, and also everyone else.

Speaker 63 I'm too attractive to understand you.

Speaker 67 StitchFix Freestyle is your trusted style destination where you can discover and instantly buy curated items based on your style, likes, and lifestyle.

Speaker 63 Like how I wear exclusively muscle tees and animal print board shorts.

Speaker 16 You wear overalls for some reason.

Speaker 63 And the great trooper wears a button-down Oxford and sensible slacks.

Speaker 67 Indeed, whether you're looking for a brand you love or to try a new one at Stitch Fix Freestyle, you can shop hundreds of brands personalized to your size and fit.

Speaker 63 Finally, a company that gets me a popular, muscular, smoking hot male in the prime of my life.

Speaker 67 Try Stitch Fix Freestyle today by filling out your style quiz at stitchfix.com/slash six.

Speaker 49 Trevin.

Speaker 49 Porter for Trevin.

Speaker 61 God, who's my real name when I'm wearing my helmet, Barista?

Speaker 40 Rod.

Speaker 6 Sorry.

Speaker 67 Stitchfix.com slash 6.

Speaker 19 Wow, this is your apartment.

Speaker 49 Yeah, yeah, it's where I live.

Speaker 40 It's a swear.

Speaker 5 This is where my live is where I live.

Speaker 47 Dude, you need to see a doctor.

Speaker 2 I think

Speaker 43 you hit your head pretty hard.

Speaker 14 What? Nah, nah, I'm uh

Speaker 14 I'm okay.

Speaker 11 Uh oh.

Speaker 24 Dude, I really, yeah.

Speaker 14 Hey, Phil.

Speaker 43 Phil, I got the milk.

Speaker 22 Oh, okay. Just leave it in the fridge.

Speaker 44 Yeah, no duh, Phil.

Speaker 24 Classic milk. Okay.

Speaker 16 I don't drink that.

Speaker 22 I'm lactose intolerant.

Speaker 51 Wait, Phil, if you're lactose intolerant, why are you asking for milk?

Speaker 2 Hmm, that's a fair question. Yeah,

Speaker 16 what is wrong with you?

Speaker 51 Who are these guys?

Speaker 21 These are the people that are gonna save the galaxy.

Speaker 22 Yeah, we agreed. If we're gonna have people over, we let each other know right ahead of time.

Speaker 35 Okay, yeah, we're not coming in.

Speaker 30 Yeah, we're just dropping off, too.

Speaker 43 Listen, too.

Speaker 30 Thank you for giving us another chance, I guess.

Speaker 31 We're gonna make things right.

Speaker 48 I believe in you, Plec.

Speaker 51 Also, Phil, if I want to have people over, I can, okay?

Speaker 8 I don't like how much you control our shared space.

Speaker 3 No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 40 I want you all to hear this.

Speaker 2 Okay, all right.

Speaker 54 Oh, your name is on the lease.

Speaker 67 Okay, here we go again.

Speaker 8 You know what, Phil?

Speaker 47 If I had my powers, I would snap you out of existence.

Speaker 22 Whatever, I invited my friend over. This is Todd.

Speaker 16 I broke his own rule.

Speaker 37 I'm the one who asked for the milk.

Speaker 2 I'm losing my mind.

Speaker 16 I need the nutrients from the milk.

Speaker 36 Is that the same Todd?

Speaker 18 Sounds like it from the voicemail.

Speaker 16 Yep, it's him. That's what I have.

Speaker 43 Hardly at all.

Speaker 16 Okay, time to go.

Speaker 47 What does that have to do with anything?

Speaker 16 You know, if you understood our love, fella.

Speaker 53 I really need my powers back.

Speaker 71 This is Sea Red IT5, credits and attributions joined commencing outro protocol.

Speaker 71 Pleck Deck Center was played by Alden Ford, C-53 and Todd were played by Jeremy Bent, Dara was played by Ali Kokesh, Barchie the Ship, Justin Balwee, and Phil the Roommate were played by Mujan Zolfagari.

Speaker 71 Neru Bundaloy was played by Seth Lynn. AJ and Lexamarquench were played by Winston Noll.
Two was played by special guest, Jonathan Braylock.

Speaker 71 Jonathan is a co-creator of the sketch comedy show Astronomy Club on Netflix and co-host of the podcast Black Men Can't Jump in Hollywood. Follow him on Twitter at John Braylock.

Speaker 71 This episode was edited by Alden Ford with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famed Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Speaker 71 Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor. Opening craw narration by Jeremy Crutchley.
Ship design for Bargerian Jade by Eric Goise. Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Speaker 71 Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

Speaker 72 Hi, it's me, Dave Hill from Before, here to tell you about my brand new show on Maximum Fun, The Dave Hill Good Time Hour, which combines my old Maximum Fun show, Dave Hill's Podcasting Incident, with my old radio show, The Goddamn Dave Hill Show, into one new futuristic futuristic program from the future.

Speaker 72 If you like delightful conversation with incredible guests, technical difficulties, and actual phone calls from real-life listeners, you've just hit a street called Easy.

Speaker 72 I'm also joined by my incredible co-host, the boy criminal Chris Gerzbeck. Say hi, Chris.
Hey, Dave, it's really great. That's good enough, Chris.
And New Jersey chicken rancher, Des. Say hi, Des.

Speaker 72 Hey, Dave. The Dave Hill Good Time Hour.
Brand new episodes every Friday on Maximum Fun. Plus, the show's not even an hour, it's 90 minutes.

Speaker 1 Take that, stupid rules. We nailed it.

Speaker 12 Hi, I'm Biz and I'm Teresa.

Speaker 73 And we're the hosts of One Bad Mother, a podcast about parenting. Parenting is hard, and we have no advice, but we do see you doing it.

Speaker 74 Honk if you like to do it.

Speaker 33 What was this?

Speaker 74 Didn't we have a bumper sticker a while back that was like honk if you did it?

Speaker 70 That's what I thought.

Speaker 19 I think it was honk if you're doing it.

Speaker 74 Why did we not ever make those?

Speaker 70 We did make them. I think they're still in the Max Fun store.

Speaker 33 Honk Honk.

Speaker 74 You're new, Annette.

Speaker 70 Thanks, Biz.

Speaker 12 So are you. Each week, we'll be here to remind you that you're doing a good job.

Speaker 73 You can find us on maximumfun.org.

Speaker 33 Honk Konk, toot toot.

Speaker 44 MaximumFun.org.

Speaker 14 Comedy and culture.

Speaker 44 Artist owned, audience supported.

Speaker 32 That's not you.

Speaker 32 Whoever that is is is someone else posing as you

Speaker 31 or a shadow version of you,

Speaker 31 a mirror universe version.

Speaker 26 Well, we're going to have to get them out of there then because I won

Speaker 20 the election.

Speaker 32 Yeah, as I said, I think whatever put anti-you in that position. A right-in vote.

Speaker 32 Yeah, okay, great. But it was some sort of machinations that are not okay.

Speaker 57 We need to fix it.

Speaker 44 Pleck, are you against democracy?

Speaker 57 Are you saying that we should overturn the election, Pleck?

Speaker 33 No.

Speaker 47 Oh, yikes.

Speaker 36 No, I'm just saying it was stolen.

Speaker 68 That's something that you want to really commit to.

Speaker 33 We're all going to have to quit now.

Speaker 43 This is a little awkward. This is getting too political.

Speaker 68 I'm not getting the vaccine, everyone.

Speaker 33 Good stuff.

Speaker 26 Pick up from

Speaker 33 Nermit.