L12: The Host With the Moist [LIVE ft. Jordan Carlos]

Hey everyone, it's Seth, one of the creators of Mission to Zix.

And Allie, another one of the creators of Mission to Zix.

And we are here because it is the Max Fun Block Party, which is an event across this wonderful podcast network with the aim of connecting new listeners with shows that they will love.

This week, all the Max Fun shows are publishing special episodes aimed at new people.

If you're one of those new people, welcome!

Mission to Zix is an improvised sci-fi sitcom following a misfit crew that includes a sentient spaceship, used to be a famous actor, a super dumb clone trooper, a know-it-all protocol droid.

There's a naive farm boy who could maybe be the savior of the galaxy.

Maybe.

I play Dar, a 12-foot-tall, muscle-bound, and horny security officer.

And I play Nermit, who's a 19-inch tall lizard bird who manages the team very capably.

He's kind of striving, let's be honest.

Yeah, no, no, no, he's good.

He's good.

He does his job well, yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Our episodes are typically recorded in studio and lovingly edited and meticulously sound designed so they sound like a movie.

But what you're about to hear is actually her most recent live performance, fully improvised with live voice filters and sound effects featuring beloved guest comedian Jordan Carlos.

And the thing about our live shows is that sometimes people convince friends who've never even heard of Mission to Zix to accompany them.

That's true.

So we designed the live shows to be accessible to newbies and fans alike.

That's why we chose it for the block party.

Right.

An elegant choice, really.

I know.

I think we did a great thing, really for the community.

It's like a, you know, you're welcome is what we're trying to do.

Let's take a moment to pat ourselves on the back here.

Yeah, yeah.

You've never heard the show yet, but I'm sure you're already thinking.

I'm sure you're getting the right impression.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes.

Totally.

So if you're new and you like it, you can check out our whole archive.

If you are already a fan, we encourage you to share this episode because as you may or may not know, Maximum Fun is a collection of listener-supported, creator-owned shows.

And one of the best ways to lend support is simply by spreading the word to your friends.

Yeah.

And if you're someone who likes tangible instructions, how about share it with like the five people you know who are most likely to hear from you and say, I've never heard of that, but sure, I'll give it a shot.

Tag us.

We're at Mission2Zix.

Tag your friends.

We will reply and thank you.

But most importantly, we hope you enjoy this episode and the block party, which has a lot of super fun things that you will want to get involved in and check out.

There's trivia, there are live streams, there's limited edition merch.

They're adding more stuff all the time.

Find out more at maximumfun.org/slash block party.

They may even add a virtual bouncy house.

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We'll see.

That's maximumfund.org/slash block party.

All right, enjoy the episode.

We hope you become a big fan or stay a fan and don't stop being a fan because of

enjoy.

hi everybody how's it going

welcome thank you so much for being here at the bell house our first show in so long we're so stoked

just by round of applause uh is there anyone here who has never listened to the podcast mission this

wow

seriously that many people

are we

Okay, two episodes?

That's all you need.

There's no real continuity or anything, so you're fine.

Well.

Mission is 6 is a long-form improvised podcast

following a group of misfits as they traverse the galaxy in search of bringing peace and prosperity to

the cosmos.

That pretty much sums it up, right?

You don't really need to know anything else.

Cool.

If there's anything that you don't follow, feel free to interrupt us.

We'll pull over.

We'll explain everything.

I just want to introduce our intrepid crew.

Give a big hand of applause to our sound rod, Shane O'Connor.

Let's welcome out our cast.

First, we have the intrepid protocol in diplomatic relations joint C-53, Jeremy Ben.

We have the enormous security guard, turned captain, turned security guard again, who when we explain the show to our guests, she refers to the character as Horny Chewbacca.

It's Dar Ellie Kokas!

You might know him as Junior Missions Operations Manager Nerma Bundle.

You might also know him as

Temporary Missarial

Negotiations, Missions Operations, Emergency Negotiations, Missions Operations Manager, Nirma Bundela.

You might also know him as

Bermanundale Seth Blaine.

Next we have Ship of the Stars, Ship of the Stairs, Hollow at Starlet turned director,

the Bargeria Jade Mujanto de Garo!

And next we have my wife's favorite cast member.

You might know him as Bino.

You might know him as AJ2884.

You might know him as the hand of the governor of Milsch.

You might know him as hundreds of other characters of the galaxy.

It's AJ Wisseno!

You might know him as Intelius Quint Quinn, also the space pimp of the Zynke District.

IQQ Jordan Carlos!

Oh,

she

goes,

we are actually going to present now to you a lost episode from season four.

Let's say that this episode takes place somewhere between episodes 405 and 415.

For those of you keeping track at home.

Let's get started!

It is a time of chaos.

Without a ruler, the galaxy is paralyzed by lawlessness, unrest, and of course, the colossal all wheat.

Which looks like if the sun were goth.

Now, Captain Dar and their intrepid crew must survive the looming threats, reunite a fractured galaxy, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This

is Mission to Sink.

I am the captain, and nothing will ever change that.

I am the captain.

I'll be the captain forever.

I am Pleck, and I have a plan.

I'm pretty sure it's gonna work out.

Doo-doo-doo-doo.

AJ, that's when you come in.

You miss your voice.

AJ, you gotta get in the circle.

Oh, I hate these games.

No, they're fun.

These are like stupid improv games.

I hate this shit.

No, no.

AJ, relax.

All we're doing is just sort of recapping what's going on.

Okay.

I am AJ.

I don't really change.

I don't experience growth.

And I'm pretty much the same.

They arrived.

Good job.

That was good.

That was good.

All right, C53, you're next.

Yeah, get in here, you loader drawers.

The circle is very tight.

So if we could expand

just fine.

That's fine.

Fine.

No, no, that's fine.

Gosh, what a cumbersome, uncomfortable frame.

I doubt I'll ever be in anything as unlikable as this loader droid frame.

But to music, to music.

Right, right.

I am C53, and I'm not crazy about this loader droid frame.

Was that too jazzy?

Yeah, right.

That was really nice.

I liked what you did with your forklift arms, where you kind of waved them a little like that.

That was nice.

Yeah, exactly.

Very good.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

How many more of these team-building exercises do we have to do, Captain Darman?

Well, Nervitzon, we've got to do another five, right?

Five?

Yeah.

All right, what's the next one?

What's the next one?

All right, we all have to clap

together.

At the same time, yeah, yeah, but we can't count.

You just have to feel it.

It's an impulse, you know?

No, I jucked at it.

Clap.

Okay, if I keep clapping, somebody join in.

Okay, yeah.

Okay, all right, yeah.

I think that's not really the same.

Okay.

Everyone tell me your deepness doc a secret.

Which stripe team mission do you want me to talk about this time?

AJ, no, actually, I don't want to know any of that.

Let's go back to clapping.

Captain Darren, I'm getting an incoming transmission from whatever our missions operations manager, Nervan Bundloy, is being referred to as part of the game.

What's happening at this time?

Oh, that teeth between you and Nermit still exists.

I see.

We should probably pick up this call.

Yeah, we should.

Hey, Nermit, what's up?

What was the delay?

We had to clap at the same time.

It took a little while.

Okay.

Makes sense to me, a lover of team building.

Yeah, yeah, you should be here.

Hey, do you want to sing a song about your status quo right now?

Oh, sure.

Wow, he's really going for it.

Let me just

use the keyboard in there.

You don't have to.

Okay, okay.

They still haven't caught me for killing that guy that everybody loved who makes solid cookies.

Oh, right.

Yes.

Nightmares every night.

Nightmares every night.

Nightmares every night.

I mean, technically, that's two team buildings at once because he sang and shared a a deep dark seat.

Yeah, that's too good

point.

Good job for kids.

Pretty good, yeah.

Thank you.

Hey guys, guess what I called about?

It's a mission.

Oh hey, awesome.

Cool.

Remember how we went back to the Zenk district and we were chased away by IQQ who you guys re-sexified?

No, yeah.

Can you elaborate?

I mind wiped.

I believe he had reformed his entire planet, but then the sex gun which was lodged inside Dar was given to him, he shot at you guys a lot, lot, lot, lot, lot as you're leaving, and you barely lived.

Yeah, I don't expect to ever hear from him ever again.

We're going back.

Hold on, we're going what now?

Yeah, Nervit, you've got to be kidding.

There's no way IQQ wants to see us again.

I would get chased off the planet.

This embossed invitation might say otherwise.

Oh,

an invitation to what?

It's an invitation to a dinner party.

Margie can read from far away.

Yep, Archie, read it aloud.

Dearest crew of mission to 6.

What's that?

What's up?

That's not what we're called.

That's not what we're called.

I'm just saying no.

What's a mission?

We're Archie in 6th.

It's not mission to Zix.

Yeah, it's a mission in Zix, if anything.

Yeah, that's a mission.

Zix District?

It's a Zix quadrant.

I don't know if it's reading it.

She's reading it.

No, no, no.

I just don't know why IQQ would write that.

It just doesn't make any sense.

You go to a cover print shop and they're gonna.

Oh, sure, they may have.

They switched the P's and Q's, right?

Sometimes?

Sometimes.

Hold on.

I have an amazing power in which I can stream in the voice of the person who wrote the letter.

Oh, right.

Cool.

Wow, I really hope we get to see this over and over again in the rest of our adventures.

Why don't we hear it according to the way it was?

Yeah, you should do this every time we get a message.

Well,

I want all of the mission to Zeke's folks.

I get why it's very weird way to the Zig District, not Quadrant.

It's a common mistake.

But lately, we've just changed the name.

But the game remains the same.

Bring something nice for dinner.

Hold on.

Wait.

We're getting invited to dinner, but we have to provide dinner?

That's your problem with this invitation.

Postscript.

Just don't come empty-handed.

Okay.

All right.

Oh, boy.

I don't think I've ever seen such a formal invitation to a potluck before.

Yeah, Nurmu, why do you think IQQ is even inviting us to Sisu?

Yeah, we can't go to this.

Sisu's running against him for Galactic Leader.

Well, Sisu got the invitation, and she's busy, so she RSVP'd know, and it just sort of kicks.

I heard my name.

I saw I just heard my name.

I just wanted to chime in.

Yes, I'm very busy, but I trust you all

to continue the Sisu name in a way that's,

you know.

Graceful, respectful.

Exactly.

Thank you.

Beautiful.

I'm so sorry, Nermidai.

Sweet smelling!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Relax.

Dignified, yet approachable.

Okay, okay.

Cisu, listen, you gotta understand, the last time we saw IQQ, he tried to murder all of us.

The only reason we didn't die was because Dar is capable of handling so much sexual energy.

Yeah.

They shielded all of us from that attack.

Great.

Just don't embarrass me and have so much fun, okay?

I'm so busy.

I would go if I could.

Okay, bye-bye.

No.

Busy and beautiful.

Busy and beautiful.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

Has it been?

Has it been?

She hung up?

Andrew, do I look okay?

Yeah.

I have my formal armor on.

It's just your regular armor with like gold piping on the edges.

Yeah.

I mean, it looks good.

It does.

It's formal.

Listen, guys, you know, I know we're about to walk into a pretty loaded situation, so I just want to.

I just want you to know: I've got my wood saber.

I will defend.

I'll defend you if I need to.

Yeah, stop swinging around.

Yeah,

no one needs to see that.

Are you ready to hatch to hatch with me?

IQQ space catamaran.

Uh.

Yes!

Alright.

Barzie, let's open the hatch.

Listen, everybody, I got your backs.

We're gonna be alright.

Let's just play it cool and, you know, maybe.

Look, I am a protocol in diplomatic relations.

A formal state dinner?

There is nothing like a better suit.

Oh my gosh, I just dropped.

I dropped the casserole.

Oh, no.

No!

I don't have fine.

That was the one.

That was the one.

Scoop!

Scoop!

Scoop back into the load!

Scoop!

Oh, that's still good!

C53, you are a loader!

Drop your casserole in the hat!

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

It's still good.

It's Garfon Casserole.

It's still good.

C53, even if you're not in the best protocol frame, carrying something should be your whole thing.

These forklift arms didn't detect a load.

The casserole was too light to register.

Hello there!

I'm a sex robot.

I would like to take you to IQQs having the dinner party.

Oh, wow.

Hello.

Hi.

What's the vibe in there?

Like, yeah, good question, Captain Darling.

That's a captain material right there.

As a sex robot, I'm pretty limited in the vibes that I know.

I would say it's pretty moist.

Wait,

your only ability to gauge the vibe is a spectrum of moistness?

Yeah.

Okay.

Is that them?

Oh,

yes.

Enter, enter, please, into

me.

My ship.

My ship.

My beautiful catamaran.

Wow.

It's like I'm speaking to you generally, but I'm looking at you each in the eye.

Very sexually.

I am registering it.

Is that a casserole?

It was.

Yeah, it's sort of most.

It's a Garfon casserole, yes.

Oh, my.

It's a deconstructed casserole.

Hastily reconstructed.

Yeah.

Can I say something now?

Yes.

I love a deconstructed,

reconstructed casserole.

I would stick my, you know,

all up in it.

Okay.

Honestly, that might be the best use for it right now.

Yeah.

But we should eat it.

We should eat it.

We should eat it.

Yeah, does he want to eat the casserole or chuck the casserole?

I want to eat it.

I want to pleasure it.

Okay.

Pleasure the casserole.

Is that all y'all brought?

No dessert?

That's all right.

Oh.

We got plenty to lick on and suck on that shit.

All right.

What?

You know, listen, IQQ, I just want to say on behalf of the whole crew, you know, we, you know, I know things sort of ended badly the last time we

interacted.

You wanted to kill us?

Let's not bicker and argue about that.

You know what I mean?

It's like that's.

We were kids then, you know?

It was like maybe two months ago.

Like two months ago.

Kids, right?

Is the humidity at a level that's good for all of y'all?

Yeah,

it's pretty voiced here, I guess.

I can put it high.

95%.

Wow.

Yeah, we're going to make it a rain for us.

But please, but please, have a seat.

Have a seat.

Have a seat around the table.

Have a seat, please.

This is fun.

It's cushions on the ground.

Yes, yes.

Yeah, not formal, because some of us wore, you know,

formal armor

and feel a little dumb and overdressed, but

yeah, let's sit on these cushions.

They didn't tell you the vibe.

They didn't tell you the vibe before you came.

Well, now I know the vibe.

The only guy was moist.

Gary Moyce.

IQQ has sat you down in a way that he views you.

Oh.

Okay, so

I'm actually over in the corner of the room and not even at the table.

Yeah, yeah, that's good.

That corner is dry.

Oh, it's amazing.

Amazing that it's this damp where I am.

Very dry over here.

You know what?

I'm fine with it.

That's cool.

That's fine.

Dar, why don't you pull up right next to me

in the power position?

Oh, okay.

Scared but excited.

Okay.

And everybody else, you know, just find a place.

Wait, hold on.

Margins is next to you.

I have to sit in the corner.

Everybody else just does what they want.

Don't ruin the stream.

Hey, sorry.

Sorry.

Well, I guess, yeah.

I mean, normally in a formal occasion, there are table settings, but

yeah, great.

Let's just all grab a seat like animals.

They did cock it out.

That's never gonna be appropriate at this dinner.

My bad.

Also, as you can tell, IQQ has only invited you as a guest, except for one other person.

Hi, I'm Carol.

Oh, hello, Carol.

Carol?

Oh, how do you know IQQ?

Oh, we went to college together.

I went to Brown University.

Yeah.

It's a very good school.

Wow.

Sometimes it's embarrassing if we're in an inegalactic station.

We're like, we see other people that went to Brown.

We say, oh, a lot of brown people in here.

And it's needle scratch.

And people think, is that racial?

And we're like, no.

Uh-uh.

Wow.

But no secrets between me and Carol.

Now he knows everything about me.

Wow.

Well, thanks for being here.

I guess

that IQQ, you're not involved, but you have a wife and kids, right?

Huh?

I am not limited by such boundaries.

I am

different.

I am

different.

Like I said.

This is why you're in the dry corner.

Okay.

Look at you.

So let me get this straight.

Yes.

We have formal embossed invitations.

One for us,

one for Carol.

That's me.

And that's it?

Well, I just wanted to,

you know, break bread and break, you know, space

bread.

Oh, Carol, Carol.

Did you bring the space bread to the pot?

Look, yeah, of course.

But would you like to know what's on menu?

Oh, absolutely.

Oh.

Only strong aphrodisiacs.

Okay.

Wow.

Urstas.

Oh.

Yes.

Yeah, erstas

from the nimbus quadrant, the sexiest quadrant to get erstas from.

They're chocolate erstas.

Yeah,

that potent.

Very strong,

very strong, and then also chilled out, just chilled sex pills.

Wow.

Kind of made that into a nice puree for y'all, and I hope you enjoy that.

So that's the soup?

Chopped up sex pills.

Strange

sex pills.

Chilled pill pills.

In the zinc district, that is a delicacy.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

What vibe would we say this is?

This is a band called Moist.

The band is moist.

It's still really dry over here.

Are you guys hearing music?

Because I can't hear anything.

You've been like a coat of silver.

I can't hear any music.

You guys are all vibing.

IQQ,

we're just going to check out Plex Dry Corner for just one second.

You stay over here

on the pillows.

Okay.

What is going on?

Yeah, what is going on?

Why is there no formal settings?

AJ, AJ, you got to let that go.

Just little placards.

That's all I'm asking for, so we all know where we sit.

I just, I just.

Or, you know, a chart where it's like, okay, I'm at table seven, but there are not multiple people.

there's just Carol.

How is this a formal dinner party?

AJ, we only have a limited time for this aside.

I thought he wanted to kill us.

I don't know.

It seems that maybe he wants something from us.

Yeah, maybe he wants to make some sort of political alliance or

physical alliance.

I think it's a physical alliance.

Yeah.

Are the ersters the first step and then it's the soup?

Like, what is the?

Why does it matter?

Why does it matter?

Possibly be the difference.

It's a difference.

It is a difference.

If I'm having a chocolate erster and then I have a sex pill soup, that's going to ruin my palate.

But if you do it the other way.

Well, the other way, I'm already pilled up, so

it doesn't matter what happens.

Yeah, but you're getting a chilled soup.

You're essentially freezing your taste buds, and then you're going to eat something?

That's what I don't know, really?

We will figure this out, but I think one of us needs to corner Carol.

She says she knows everything about IQQ.

Good idea.

Good idea, yeah.

Well, if anybody's gonna corner it, it should be the guy in the corner.

I would agree with this.

Yeah, good point.

Okay, I'll work on Carol.

You guys distract IQQ.

These chocolate oysters, I'm gonna eat them safe.

I can handle that.

I can't do that.

We're doing that first.

We're doing that first.

Okay, okay.

Whatever, this.

How does your family eat chocolate oysters?

Come and I will show you how the ways.

Okay, we'll go.

Hey, Carol!

Yeah!

It's pretty dry over there.

Do you wanna see how dry it is over there?

Oh, sure.

I love different sorts of weather.

Hi, Carol.

Hey!

Hi, Aunt Carol!

Hi, Carol.

Wow.

So you went to what, Brown University this year?

I went to Brown University.

Is the whole planet like

a dirt or a dust planet?

Be careful!

What do you say?

I mean, the cut, like the geography of the planet, is it brown?

Well, it was very nice to meet you.

What do you want to do?

What, what, what?

These are good.

These are great, right?

Yeah, these are good.

Have another, have another, have a sister, have a brother, do it.

I must apologize.

You know, as a drunk, I can't eat Ursula, so

I will respectfully.

No, so, oh, okay.

It's like when you invite a vegan to a party, all right.

Well, it's not.

Is that a choice?

No,

it's okay.

I mean,

okay, what can you eat?

Do you have any power?

Oh, you got power.

We got power.

Why don't you just go up to the main deck, all right, And take in the galactic winds.

And

catamaran.

I love wind power.

Suck those in.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'll just be over here.

Yeah, just slake your thirst in the galactic winds.

Oh, that's a lot of wind power.

Yeah.

It's very salty.

It's really.

Anybody else got any food allergies I should be aware of at this point?

So, what are these flats and shoots?

I'm so glad you asked.

Wow!

In fact, stand back, just

a little tap.

Okay, okay.

Wow!

Isn't that fun?

Yeah, moisture level increase.

Yeah.

That was bound to happen.

Yeah.

Now, I have something similar going on, too.

Oh, oh, oh, just removing your top.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, I just like to make him jingle jangle.

Okay.

I guess, yeah, that could be like.

I have 700 nipples.

And they are all incredibly erect right now.

Is Carol boring you with her story of having 700 nipples again?

Tell that to everyone.

Hula.

IQQ.

I believe it's time for me to introduce to everybody your jet talk.

What?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes,

I thought this was a dinner party.

Well, it's a lot of things.

But now there's a screen coming down from the ceiling.

I am IQQ's hype woman.

I'm here if you need me, okay?

700 nipples.

Welcome to my.

Welcome once again to my Jet Talk.

I cannot look at my notes, and I only have 12 minutes to connect with you.

12 minutes?

Only 12?

Well,

probably two and a half.

The point is this.

Why I've invited you in here today is to

the fact that I want to

change the world.

I want to upend the way we think about energy.

I want to disrupt disruption.

I'm interested.

Yeah, okay, so.

now you're on board.

You get a lot of power from Galactic Winds.

Yes.

Yeah, it's pretty salty that I'm back.

I actually gotta unplug it.

It's really starting to clog my ports here.

Absolutely.

Something that I have worked abundantly in is sex work.

Wait, what?

You have all been a part of this, part of my story, you know, like at first I had a wonderful Bordello going on, and you disrupted that,

and then I absolutely had a wonderful society that was built, you disrupted that,

that was built on former sex workers.

But then I thought,

what am I doing?

What about the power of sex work?

So, what I thought was we could capture that energy from a John or a sex worker within the

cortisol and capture that and then power cities with it.

Wow.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Power cities with it.

Thank you.

Thank you, Carol.

You're talking about capturing the

heat from higher.

The heat, the passion.

Oh, perhaps the moisture?

As you see,

this whole ship is an experiment.

Everything around you is powered by sex work.

Would you like some cappuccino?

Oh, Rod, no.

Yeah, no, I don't think so.

The salt in that wind was from bodies of sex work.

So this wasn't galactic wind power at all.

This was sex work power.

I gotta discharge my battery or something like that.

This feels really weird.

Once it's revealed its sex work power, it's immediately gross to you.

You cringe.

Whoa, okay.

If there's a prune on this crew, it's Pleck, alright?

That's you in the corner.

Well,

what do you think, Pleck?

What are your thoughts?

Yeah, that's you in the spotlight.

I must introduce our next speaker here,

the Tellurian Dehumidifier.

Wow, it's hot under this spotlight, but it's a dry heat.

You know why?

Cause that's...

It's powered by butt stuff.

Oh, okay.

Not sure how that...

Not sure how that connects.

Maybe I don't get it.

Yeah, we'll explain later, but

kind of a side note here, but the chilled pill soup is excellent.

Really?

Consumme all the way.

Did you say consomme or consummate?

We're gonna take a quick break.

We'll be right back.

Get a drink of the bar at Tip a lot.

Thank you.

Dude, great work.

Love the first half, Alden.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah, as usual, I'm completely unable to tell if Plex awkwardness and naivete is the result of commitment to your character or if that is just you.

And we built, I guess, built a show around that.

Yeah, thank you so much, Seth.

I liked your funny line about bureaucracy.

That, dude, that's Nermit's thing.

Yeah.

I wouldn't call it a game in a comedy way, but it's definitely an interest.

So I'm going to totally try to call back the bureaucracy thing in the second half.

I meant to ask you, actually, Seth, where did you get those rad shoes?

Oh, you mean these CB's Hawthorne slip-on perforated terracotta suede shoes that I'm wearing right now?

At this October 3rd Bellhouse show?

Yes.

Unaware that they would be featured in an ad read?

Yes, yes, the shoes you're wearing, and this could be proved by looking at any picture we've posted on social media

about the show.

Well, I'm glad you asked because I got them at Stitch Fix.

Oh, Stitch Fix!

Yes.

The oft-recurring and much-appreciated sponsor of Mission to Zix.

That's the one.

Yeah, wow.

Well, listen, Seth, you'll never believe this, but I myself, at this very show, again, provable by looking at pictures of the show, and I'm honestly a little embarrassed to realize this, and wearing a wardrobe entirely comprised of items I got on Stitch Fix without realizing it.

Wow.

This Bixby Nomad floral print shirt.

Zaggy Boy.

Yes.

These mauve straight-fit jeans.

Nice.

And these sweet red Bixby Nomad Vulcanite sneakers.

Wow, that's dedication.

Yeah.

I mean, Stitch Fix knows my style so well, it won't be until a couple weeks from now that I sit down to write a Stitch Fix ad and realize that I wore a completely Stitch Fix outfit tonight because I genuinely like the way it fits and looks.

Oh, man.

I bet that ad is going to be cool.

But you know, do you know that Stitch Fix has a new service that even you may not have tried yet?

Really?

A new service?

I am suddenly skeptical despite all of the evidence and all of the goodwill they've built up so far.

You need to explain it.

You think I might be lying.

I'm not.

It's called Stitch Fix Freestyle.

A shop built just for you.

Wait, wait.

For

me?

Well, yours is for you.

So it's built for any individual is theirs.

But yours is for you.

Yeah.

So yes.

the general, the royal you.

Is that the I don't think that's the royalty?

You know what I mean?

It's the oh, sure, yeah.

I mean, I guess I do, but I know that's not what you're saying.

I know what you mean, and I know that's not it.

Right.

Um, okay, so yes, but anyway, Stitch Fix Freestyle is your trusted style destination where you can discover and instantly buy curated items based on your style, Alden, your likes, and your lifestyle.

Style, likes, lifestyle.

Zaggy, comfy, and work-from-home podcaster dad, respectively.

Awesome.

I know what respectively means.

Great.

So I'm going to nod at that.

And Alden, whether you're looking for a brand you already love or to try a new one at Stitch Fix Freestyle, you can shop hundreds of brands personalized to your size and fit.

You is yours, anyone else is theirs.

You do not have to wait for your monthly fix anymore, respectively.

I don't know about that.

Respectively.

I think I nailed it.

I mean, it's at least as accurate as the royal U.

Okay, sure, fair enough.

All right.

Real question, though: how can I get in on this?

Glad you asked.

Try Stitch Fix Freestyle today by filling out your style quiz at stitchfix.com/slash zix.

Wow.

Thanks, Seth.

Even though, honestly, that URL seems aimed more at someone overhearing this conversation than aimed at me, someone who already uses and loves Stitch Fix more even than I thought.

Yeah.

Oh, URL.

Do you mean

slash?

Stitch Fix.

Yes.

Yeah.

That's the one.

Should we actually debrief with the rest of the cast about the first part of the show?

Because I feel like that's going to maybe come in handy if we kind of.

That's a good idea, but you know what might be a better idea?

Let's talk about Stitch Fix a little more.

Great.

So those shoes.

I'm in.

The shoes.

Yep, they're red.

Yep.

No, we'll have to talk about mine.

Yours are red.

Yeah.

Your shoes are great, but mine, you have a lot of nice shoes.

These are my only night shoes.

Okay.

all right.

So it's not that much of a coincidence you were wearing them.

No, you are wearing them.

If I leave the house, I will pad these on right now.

They are

an endorsement.

They are my.

No, well, that is.

I don't know.

So

the fix in Stitch Fix was that I didn't have shoes.

It's fixing that problem.

It was fixing your shoelessness.

Wow, Dariel.

It's so nice to be at a live Mission to Six show.

Yeah, Mark, it's great to see everyone in person, particularly Alden, with his very cool shirt, pants, and shoes.

Seth has nice shoes too, but the rest of his outfit, oof.

You know, if this were a non-live episode of the show, there would probably be an ad playing right now.

Oh, yeah, performed by two lesser-known characters who were in the middle of some other activity and decide to discuss a very specific brand for some reason.

Yeah, yeah, like, oh, hey, Broglocks, put down that laser wrench and come listen to this sexy audio story from Dipsy.

Totally.

You mean the audio app full of short stories designed to turn you on?

Right, and they'd have some plot shoehorned in, like, they release new content every week, so there's always more to explore, no matter who you're into or what turned you on.

Just like we're turning on this temporal branching locator to find a timeline where Bino is still alive.

Well, if you can't find him and you need to wind down, Dipsy also has wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories, and soundscapes that will help you relax before you drift off.

Exactly.

We should be riding these ads.

Yeah.

Seriously, though, did you know that for listeners of Mission to Zix, Dipsy is offering a free 30-day trial when you go to dipsystories.com/slash ZYXX?

I'd be lying if I said I didn't.

Either way, it's true.

30 days of full access for free when you go to DIPSEA Stories.com/slash ZYXX.

They say that every time, and it still blows me away.

Dipsystories.com/slash six.

They're coming back out.

Welcome back.

And that's my other son, Gerald.

And that's my daughter, Suzette.

And that's my 699th nipple.

Wow.

What a great dinner party.

We've bothered the entire family tree of the other person here.

IQQ, you know, I just want to say what a great dinner party it's been.

Can I actually use the restroom real quick?

I don't know.

Okay.

Sorry.

I do not know how to use the restroom?

May it, man.

No, you're right.

You're right.

I know you shot me out into space.

You know, I'll give you a hard time.

You know, no, you find it down in the galley, it's fine.

Just

unzip your pants, please.

I know how to use the rest.

Thank you.

Alright.

Sisu.

Sisu!

Nermit!

Somebody, pick up!

Hello!

Hello!

Nermit!

Yeah!

Listen, I'm trying to clap at the same time as myself.

No, what?

I don't have a...

Like, I don't have a team.

So I'm...

Trying to...

Nermit, that's...

That's so sad, but I have bigger things to talk about.

I need you to get Sisu.

Something...

I don't understand what's happening here on IQQ's ship.

Can you get Sisu?

Like, I think if I clap twice, it's two claps.

I don't know if that's.

But they get.

Think about it this way, Nermit.

If you clap, your left hand's clapping, your right hand's clapping, that's two claps, that's one clap at the same time.

You're doing it fine.

I think you're patronizing me.

No!

Alright, fine.

Let's go.

Ready?

Yep.

Nope.

There's gotta be a lag.

It's my lunch break.

Okay.

Can you please get Sisu?

Sisu!

Yes, hi.

Hello, Nermit.

Now, Nermit, did you get the spreadsheet that I needed?

Yes, I did.

This is important!

Did you hear the word spreadsheet?

This is important, too.

Now, are the numbers at the end equal to the numbers in the beginning?

They are so close.

Fantastic.

Can you devil it and send me a new report?

Sure.

See, Suit.

Nope, do what?

No!

Okay, fine.

Bargie!

Bargie, come in, Bargie!

Bargie!

Everything's gonna be great for me.

I'm gonna be successful.

Everything's gonna be fine.

There's never gonna be any moment or doubt in my life.

Everything's gonna be fine.

I'm all by myself.

There's nobody there.

Just being myself.

I'm having a good time.

Just be myself.

Bargie's gonna have a great year.

Bargie, it's Pleck.

What?

Bargie, it's Pleck.

Where are you?

You're not deciding me.

I don't understand.

What?

What?

You okay in there?

Did you fall in?

No, I'm good.

Thank you.

What is that?

You, where are you?

What are you talking to in there?

Just, I'll be honest, everything's going great.

What do you mean it's going great in the bathroom?

Sorry, I should have oversold it.

Everything's totally normal.

Okay.

What?

Yes, what?

Pargy?

You called me.

What?

No.

Pargi, listen.

I don't know what's going on, but this is the weirdest dinner party I've ever been to.

Please find us.

I need advice.

Pargi's advice for being good at a dinner party.

Alright, you ready?

Get some notes out.

What?

Alright, number one, show a little.

Show a little what?

You know what I mean?

I don't.

I have no idea.

Number two, just drink a little more than you usually do.

Okay.

Alright, thank you, Bargie.

I'll put that to good use.

Can you please just find us on your radar?

Send our coordinates to Sisu.

Something's going on.

We need to figure out what it is.

Hold on, I got another call.

I'll talk to you later.

There you are.

It's got a cramp down here.

But I wanna show you something.

Me?

Yes, you.

Uh, should we get everybody else in here?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, just you,

okay, sure.

Come to my private quarters.

Okay.

Yeah, okay.

What you think?

All satin, everything.

This is your.

This is my private quarters.

Your private quarters, yeah.

This is my private quarters.

I don't.

The bed's totally round.

That's awesome.

Yes, it is.

It circles within circles like a Jazz Pajan's nightmare of sex.

Now then.

I don't, yeah, I don't.

I.

You do.

Oh, now you do know.

Now you know.

I guess I do, yeah.

All right, great.

I want to show you something that I keep on the glass.

Oh, okay.

Bleep, bloop, blop, bloop, blip, bloop, blop.

That's pretty cool that you programmed the buttons to make the sound of you saying beep, boop, boop.

Yes, I have.

But look at this.

It's...

It's my sex

gun.

Remember this?

Yeah, I do.

How could I forget?

I keep it at the foot of my bed.

Do you wanna why?

Do you wanna why?

Yeah, yeah, uh.

It's a rhetorical question.

I'm gonna tell you.

Yes, okay, tell me.

Yes.

To show that I don't need it anymore.

Yes.

Okay, that's at the foot of your bed.

At the foot of my bed.

I don't need it anymore.

But, you know, I keep it there because it's a part of me, but it's no longer controlling me.

And do you feel a sense of security now?

That's not at all false.

Yeah, I mean, I

guess I do.

You know what, IQQ?

I gotta say, a good relationship, sexual otherwise, is built on trust.

And

I just want you to know

that I, Sugar Cane, trust you, IQQ.

I think I just got poisoned.

What?

What's going on up there?

My suit is giving me some toxicity warning.

Oh, let's, you know, let's all go back up to the dinner table, as it were.

There could be certain things.

It started going off after I ate the ersters.

Yeah, uh, the chocolate ersters.

Did everybody have the chocolate ursters and the consummate?

Well, no, as I said, I'm a drunkard, so I can't eat either of those things.

I have been taking in, you know, I'm rising to the challenge here, and I'm taking in a lot of this sexual energy that you said you're investing in and it's

I'm really sweaty and I could

I could use a glass of water to be honest and my lower back is very cramped and I don't know if that's a side effect of the power but it's I'm starting I feel good but I feel crazy right now the droid has been requesting cigarillios

So many cigarillios.

That would be great.

Oh man, Tony capped us off.

Great.

Please have as many as you like.

And by the way, there are only effects, no side effects.

Okay, well,

normal power does not have this many effects.

I guess that's

me, Carol.

I just wanted to ask you one dessert.

Oh, good question.

Time to go to the dessert ship for dessert.

There's a dessert ship?

We can't possibly eat dessert on my catamaran.

Oh, yeah.

No, a classic dinner party thing of going to a second location.

I see nothing wrong with a second location.

And let's just continue to talk about how you've been poisoned while we head on over here.

Hold on a second.

My arm.

What did you do to AJ?

What did I do?

What did I do?

He's the one who ate the sex pill puree.

It's for everybody.

I ate both courses because that is polite.

I don't understand.

AJ, let it go.

No!

You eat what's put in front of you.

That is what you do at a dinner party.

And you don't go to it.

I'm going numb.

I'm going to dump it.

No, he's in.

Before you exit me, you should know the name of me, your sentient ship.

I am Jasper Johns.

Have fun on the other dessert ship.

Dessert, yes.

You're going to be deserted out here.

For this dessert ship is actually a jail ship.

That was with one.

Okay.

Yes!

My revenge is complete.

Now.

Am I the only one who ate both courses?

Is that why I'm poisoned?

I honestly thought all of you ate both courses.

Okay, raise your hands if you did not want both courses.

I can't eat any courses.

Also, when you said one of the courses was sex pills, I was like, I don't know.

Can't you just for once trust me?

IQQ, you know, it's hard to trust.

You're still holding the sex gun that you said you didn't need anymore.

Well,

now, yes.

Huh?

And now it's all fired up.

It's veiny and ready to go.

Oh, boy.

I can't can't move my arms or legs.

I got you.

I got you.

I got you.

Sorry, AJ.

Ow.

Good lord, I still haven't made love to it.

Wait, to me or the casserole?

The casserole.

I need to make love to that casserole so that my revenge can be complete.

In the zinc system.

In the Zinc system

starting again because I'm so excited

In the Zeek system no revenge is complete until you've chucked a casserole

Wait, so let me get this straight.

Yes, just a classic recap here.

Yes, I have time.

So you have lured us to

I don't want to be rude, but a really shitty dinner party.

Excuse me?

for someone who isn't following dinner party rules yikes

you served us poison yes and then you were gonna take us onto a dessert ship okay or you're going to desert us kind of like in a jail

i just again

i have been poisoned yes you're right and we were all going to be poisoned what did you do to aj what didn't i do i freed him from the bonds of regular food

What?

I asked you at the beginning, does anybody have any allergies?

He did ask that.

Didn't I say that?

You did say that.

I did.

And no, I just skip right by.

I said, does anybody have any allergies?

This was the moment.

So I would say poison?

Yeah.

Allergic to poison?

If you're allergic to sex puffer fish, then

say that.

Sex puffer fish?

Sex puffer fish.

You squeeze a sex buffer fish into the consummation.

You don't have to go out of the way to say, like, poison is gonna be bad for me.

Any kind of neurotoxin I'm allergic to.

Get in your cells and hand me that Pyrex dish.

All right, I need you.

I will hand you the casserole, but I'll warn you again.

My manual dexterity is not what it once was, so you may need to sort of just

into the space vacuum.

No!

Get back to the cat ray!

Get the camera!

Now he's firing the sex gun!

Run!

Fire!

Fire!

I still want you to kill you!

Dog!

Get out of the way!

Don't get out of the way.

Is it shooting?

It's gonna ring the meal.

I will have my revenge in this life or the next.

Let's share a cigarillio.

Wow.

Okay, arms are.

Yep, arms are working again.

AJ, how did you survive being poisoned?

Oh, I have like

three livers.

What?

I have three livers.

Three.

Yeah, I'm a super soldier.

I have three livers.

Yeah.

Pretty helpful.

Everyone's looking like it's weird, but

not the weirdest thing that's happened tonight.

I'm just still coming down from all that sexual energy I absorbed on.

I kick his catamarans.

Yeah, it's really hard not to hit on all of you right now.

Hey, Bargie, how was your day?

What did you do all day?

I care about you.

Bargie, we were attacked by a maniac with a sex gun.

We were one of us was poisoned.

I was poisoned, Bargie.

Yeah, whatever.

I got brunch with Sandra, and let me tell you.

Yikes!

Bargie, I'm sorry, I do not know who Sandra is.

Sandra's one of my closest friends.

We go to brunch every Tuesday.

Bargie, was it a.

How many courses did you have?

Was it like a kind of normal flow?

It was like three courses, like general, you know, you know, all the napkins.

Did you drink a little more than you?

I drank.

My voice showed a little.

Yeah, I do.

I had fun.

Anyway, I got a letter.

I just got a letter, but I don't feel comfortable doing my own voice, so I'd rather do it in the voice of the person who sent it.

Oh, Sandra's voice?

No, IQQ.

Wait, we have a letter from IQQ?

Allow me to deliver it personally as I am on your ship again.

That's right.

Oh, you thought this was the requiem, but let me tell you, the action's still going on.

That's not usually what happens.

Normally, we get a call from Nermit like any time now.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

No, let me tell you what's not going to happen.

I'm going to stand by this airlock, and y'all are not going to shoot me out.

Oh, shit!

You know, that one I feel like

you can't stand by that airline.

That was a gimme.

That was a real gimme.

RG, thank you for saving our lives again.

What?

Captain Dora, I have an incoming transmission from Nermit Bundle.

Okay.

He nermi.

Sorry, hi, Nermit.

Wow.

Hi.

I'm seeing a lot of this, like, I swear that you can see sexual energy in the gym.

I can see it.

Thank you.

Oh, Barbie's showing more than she normally is.

She's showing a lot.

Wow.

I got poisoned.

I don't know if anybody cares, but

it was pretty dicey there for a few minutes.

That was pretty intense.

Nermit, you missed a lot, especially since I called you and asked you for help and you were in the middle of a spreadsheet conversation.

Oh, yeah, let me tell you what happened.

No, I don't care, Nermit.

I don't care.

AJ got poisoned.

C-53 got loaded up with sexual energy.

Dar got shot countless times with his sex gun.

Again.

And I had a brunch with Sandra and I had a walk with Sandra.

Nermit, I know we have to complete team building.

Sure.

But if we did Trust Falls right now, I could not handle it.

Actually, speaking of team building, I have sort of good news, bad news.

I have a team.

That's the good news.

What?

Obviously, you guys, but like locally in the base.

You have a base team?

Yeah, it's just me and Dale's son.

Oh, that's the guy we shot and killed, right?

Wow, yeah, and just like that, all that sexual energy gone.

Did he make all those cookies on your desk?

Yeah.

He was

wow.

Dale's son.

Not a grown son.

Dale's

dark secret team building exercise.

It meets you something, David.

Do you mind me?

It means you cookie.

Thanks so much.

Nermit listen.

A good relationship, sexual otherwise, is all about trust.

And Dale Jr.

trusts you.

You shouldn't.

Yeah.

What?

I just.

Did you teach you something and you're afraid to admit it?

No, I have a

cookie allergy.

Nermit, build.

Admit your deepest, darkest secret!

I am Burmic Nundaloy.

Sorry, I have a thing that just cues applause when I say Bermuda Nundaloy.

Who?

That noise sounded sort of like unearned cheering and applause.

I think we killed IQQ, too.

Well, he left one more letter.

Oh, come on.

One more letter from IQQ?

Wait, Sparty, did he say this after we shot him into space?

Yeah, he's a fast rat.

Oh, no, he's not.

Okay.

So he's not dead.

Oh, yeah.

It's embossed and everything.

He says it's the moral to the story.

The moral to the story.

The more

where to begin in my letter.

First of all, thank you so much for coming to my dinner.

That was great.

That's good, yeah.

That's good.

That's really good.

It's good adding to do.

Even though y'all brought the casserole from hell,

I just want to say, from the bottom of my bottom, the major takeaway from today

is you cannot kill an idea.

sex work power

now

sex work power forever

This is C-Red IT5.

Credits and attribution stride commencing, outro protocol.

Black Dex Letter was played by Alden Ford.

C53 was played by Jeremy Benz.

Jasper Johnson, Robert Bundeloy, were played by Sedlin.

Carol and Marky the Ship were played by Mujan Tolpagari.

AJ was played by Winston Knoll.

IQQ was played by special guest Jordan Carlos.

Captain Dar was played by Allie Kokesh.

Sound designs by Shane O'Connell.

Special guests, this audience.

Thank you all again for coming to the show.

We'll see you after.

Woo!

Thank you so much for coming to the show.

We're going to hang out and have a drink with you guys.

This was amazing.

Thank you again to Jordan Carlos for guests on the show.

Have a great night.

Stay safe.

We love you all.

Thank you so much.

There's a lot of ways to get around this day and age.

You gotta pick your favorite first.

Don't let those other guys take what you wanna fly.

You gotta quench that thirst.

If you're like me, you wanna fast ride, you wanna go, go, go, go.

And that's why you, when you think of me, you sure you know, no, no, that I need

a fast way to get there.

Something I got dot, dot, dot, deep inside.

I'm not someone who can just sit around.

I've got a long speeder ride.

Got a long speeder ride up at all my speed.

Hey, it's Allie again.

And Seth.

Thanks so much for listening to the live show.

Whether you're here because of the block party or a longtime listener, we hope that visualizing a chilled soup made of sex pills was on your list of fun things to think about today.

Wow.

And as we said, the block party is all about connecting listeners with awesome MaxFun shows you maybe haven't heard yet.

So now we just want to shout out a few of our favorites, which you should check out.

Doctor Game Show is a sweet, bonkers, family-friendly show where Joe Firestone and Manola Moreno play listener-submitted games.

Regardless of quality or coherence, is there how they describe the games that are submitted?

I love that show.

Fantai is this hilarious and smart celebration of pop culture that the hosts Trevelle Anderson and Jarrett Hill love but also kind of hate, or at least have complicated feelings about.

That's Fantai, like fan and anti together.

Yeah, but who doesn't have complicated feelings about the things they love?

Exactly.

That's why the show is great.

Judge John Hodgman, in which, you know, the Honorable John Hodgman presides over a cases small and ridiculous.

Classic.

And then there's the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, which claims to be the number one podcast for those involved in or just even interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds.

It's actually this hilariously dry British comedy show.

We had the pleasure of meeting and working with its creator, Benjamin Partridge, on a different live show.

And the list goes on and on.

There's so many great shows.

Check out all the shows at maximumfun.org.

And go to maximumfund.org/slash block party for all the block party stuff you can participate in.

And we'll be back in two weeks with a brand new episode, number 512, just for you.

But of course, if you're new to the show, if you listen to about

seven episodes a day, you should be all caught up in two weeks.

That's all you need to do.

Have fun.

Bye.

I'm Lisa Hannawald.

And I'm Emily Heller.

Nine years ago, we started a podcast to try and learn something new every episode.

Things have gone a little off the rails since then.

Tune in to hear about low-stakes neighborhood drama, gardening, the sordid, nasty underbelly of the horse girl lifestyle, hot sauce, addiction to TV, and sweaty takes on celebrity culture.

And the weirdest, grossest stuff you can find on wikipedia.org.

We'll read all of it no matter how gross.

There's something for everyone on our podcast, Baby Geniuses.

Hosted by us, two horny adult idiots.

Hang out with us as we try and fail to retain any knowledge at all.

Every other week on maximum fun.

Baby Geniuses tell us something we don't know.

A man was walking along a beach which represented his life.

At his feet were two sets of footprints, his and God's.

But looking back down the beach, the man could see that in the hardest parts of his life, there was only one set of footprints.

So the man said to God, why is there only one set of footprints when times were hard?

Where were you?

And God replied, My precious child, I was in my car listening to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast.

The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is a multi-award-winning comedy podcast, and you can find it at maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

MaximumFun.org.

Comedy and culture.

Artist-owned, audience-supported.

All right, on the count of three, give

it to the guitar rip, and then everyone will do something.

Oh, we'll do it, and then they'll do it.

Okay, great.

Okay, so get ready, okay?

When you're ready?

Too loud.

One more time.

Yeah, I got it turned down.

Too much power.

When you're ready?

Yeah.

Fantastic.