504: To Jer is Hermann [ft. Ray Cordova]

Space.

Some is chill.

Some is tuped up.

All is part of the great infinite cosmic ballet.

The venerable starship, the RSS Synergy, forges ever deeper into uncharted regions of their galaxy, growing the coalition of united planets in the name of science, benevolence, and peace.

Now, lead envoy C-53 and his intrepid crew explore new worlds, forge alliances, and search for a way back home to finally fulfill their

mission to sink.

Oh, hey, Dar,

how'd it go?

Good, right?

It doesn't sound great.

Not

good.

Did you go to a touping party?

Yes.

It was advertised as a raw, hardcore touping party.

I know you told us that many times.

I was pretty excited about it, so I wanted you all to know what I was getting up to last night.

You said hardcore and raw, like you repeated it a lot.

You said the word raw very slowly, very often.

I know.

I was very excited about last night.

Thank you again for watching Horse Hat.

No problem.

Right, we all did that.

Yeah, they went right down.

down.

So, you gonna tell us a what?

There's

nothing to tell, no deets to share, no goss to spill.

How's that possible?

I've really put it out there.

I mean, look at what I'm wearing.

Yeah, bandolier and a loincloth, like always.

Exactly.

I don't know what arrows pointing at different shoots.

And the back of it says

Listen, I would ask, is there something wrong with me?

What is it that I'm not doing for them?

I have tuped my way across zix.

This is a sort of heady society, Dar.

I don't know if they can.

Have we checked how they procreate?

Is tuping even.

Oh, they do.

It's just that they want to make a meaningful connection before they do it.

And I just want to...

Dar, maybe it's time to, you know, see if you could make a connection with someone here in this part of of space.

We're gonna leave this place.

We're not here for the long haul.

I just want to be up front

and raw.

I don't know if the raw thing is gonna happen.

Lead Envoy C53, there is an incoming transmission from Missions Operations, Missions Assignments, and Missions Envoy Associate, Nermit Bonvalore.

Uh, hey, Nermit, what's up, man?

Hello.

Hey,

one mission in the books, huh?

Not bad.

Not bad.

Yeah, I may have struck out last night, but we nailed that first mission.

Yeah, I mean, you're telling me that the piece was brokered.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I mean, we didn't really do that part, but we did hold down a parking spot for a while.

Yeah.

We held on to that parking spot, and I flew up.

Yeah, yeah, good job, Bargie.

Look, I'm not gonna tune my own horn, but now I'm going to.

That's the captain's horn.

You're not the captain anymore.

This was mine.

It doesn't have to be just for the captain.

But I thought that was like your captain's horn.

I could be really good at this while we were lost in space, AJ.

Let me have this.

Just saying, you're not, you know, we gotta follow a protocol.

We gotta follow the horse.

socks.

Wow, it's funny.

I can't enjoy the horn, even when I'm not the captain anymore.

No one can enjoy the horn.

I think C53, technically, you could probably have that horn now since you're lead envoy.

Well, it's sort of a moot point as the horn has been destroyed, but also I lack the hands to manipulate the horn or a mouse.

Alright, so not a position.

Diaphragm.

Lips.

I can still speak.

You don't need any of those things to to make yourself heard.

So.

Sure, there's not a speaker in a marching band, though, so it's kind of.

Okay, can everyone hear me?

Why would you ever need a toaster to be that loud?

If there were a fire risk or any other sort of emergency, I think you'd be thankful your toaster was that loud.

Wow.

Oh, sorry, guys, I buried the lead.

Look.

Nobody.

Wow, Jim.

Nobody.

I'm in Optisoft.

I'm in

the software service company that was through the window last time behind me.

Why?

Now I'm in the office.

Nerman, it's functionally identical to the office you were in last time.

I'm with Troy, and I can't tell the difference between the two locations you were in.

I'll tell you what isn't identical, revenue, which is up 55% month over month because of some extremely successful marketing of redundant cloud services.

You know what, Nerman?

I'm just glad you're happy.

You seem happier, honestly, than I've seen you in a long time.

I mean, look, can you see where the cubicles end?

No.

Oh, no.

That's the right answer.

All right.

Would depress many people, Nerman.

But

guess I can't enjoy any of these horns either.

No, no, no.

There's so many.

Where did you even get these?

I've really come to love brass instruments.

Oh, Dar.

Dar is the envoy.

Listen since you stop throwing these horns about some of them now.

Well, not horns, but such a spiker talent on the edge of it.

It's not royalty.

It's that.

Nermit, did you just call so that I would have to empty my room of the joy of music?

Or do you have a purpose for patching in?

Yes, indeed.

I have a mission.

All right, let's do As we've established, the Coalition of United Planets was very pleased with our first mission, but it did reveal one issue.

C-53 lacks a suitable body for the role of lead envoy.

Wait, Nerman, our mission is to get C-53 a new droid frame?

Yes.

Amazing.

I mean, they of course didn't know what when I say droid frame, they don't seem to know what those words mean, but I've patched it together and a yes, we're going to get a new body for C.

So this name may not mean much to you yet, but believe me, this is an incredible honor because you will be visiting Dr.

Elliot Tromaticor.

The only robotic scientist in this galaxy who has come close to creating a fully autonomous AI like we have in the Zik Squadron.

So

we're talking about some dynamate here.

Right.

Yeah, I mean, this is...

As robotics are concerned, this galaxy is sort of...

Well, they've never seen a sentient ship, so.

Centuries behind us.

Yeah.

Can I make some pitches as to how they should make sentient ships?

Some pit.

You want to pitch sentient ships to this doctor, Bargie?

Yeah, I mean, I have a list of how we could be better.

Go for it, Bargie.

And my ideal partner.

Sure.

Wow.

Oh, wait.

You want to make you want this doctor to make you like a

bride of Bargie or a but Bargie, what about

Jeremiah Frankenfurter?

Yeah, what about Jeremiah?

We're open, we're fluid.

Oh,

that's beautiful.

That's beautiful, and I'm very happy for both of you.

Also, I haven't seen him since he was beamed off of me.

Typical.

Yeah, no.

Jeremiah.

So it's a very open, very fluid.

Yeah, Jeremiah's around here.

Jeremiah's trucking around the synergy.

No to me.

So here's my pitch.

Hold on, I'm printing it out now on my old printer.

Okay, so that could be something you start with as maybe like uh not

yeah, laser printer, maybe.

Or just a laser printer.

Fine, I love beef and who I am.

Oh, okay.

No, oh, no, I know.

We would never improve upon Bargie.

Everything led me to this moment, and I'm okay with who I am.

Look at Bargy, don't you dare tell me who I am.

No, totally.

Whenever I'm cool with who I am, I always make demands on others.

That's definitely how I operate.

Wow.

The ship should be longer.

The ship should be longer.

Oh, you're a size queen.

I see.

Okay.

They should have.

This is just a blueprint of like a

bigger, sexy ship.

Yeah, you're I mean, not to put a fine point on it, so far you're describing tiny dudes.

Why?

This conversation has ended.

I'm gonna be reprinting back.

I'm reprinting back.

No, but you're going to static.

of the call because this is not the first time this has happened.

Well, I guess we should clean up all these broken horns and get on our way, right?

I'm gonna keep this one tiny horn, though.

Dar, did you steal that horn from a fenus?

Yeah, you don't get to have this one, C.

You can have everything else, including the leadership position.

Dar, I can't use any horn.

I don't understand how this became a point of contention between us.

Well, hey, C53, this is exciting, right, bud?

Finally get out of that toaster?

Maybe you'll get like a cool, maybe get one like with guns in the shoulders or tire treads instead of legs.

Are you designing your perfect partner right now?

I don't know.

I just bit I'm just spitballing.

Pleck, would you be excited to have your legs removed and new legs put on?

Hell yeah, Knight.

Hell yeah, Rook.

Okay, and now, what if you were told the person who made those legs had only just figured out how to make the legs?

I'll think on it.

Night.

Okay.

Good point, Rook.

Attention, all crew of the RSS Synergy.

This is Ensign Rolfus Tittle, lead espionage and reconnaissance officer, currently awaiting assignment.

But, in the interim, I've also been named head of

laundry operations, and today I have a friendly reminder.

When you turn in your talk wetlook, definitely sexy for a region uniforms to be washed, please, please first remove your communicator badge.

The spiky parts really do a number on the washers.

Just take the badges off, okay?

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Good Rolfis.

Um next time use uh charisma

um excuse me?

This charisma sold underwear for the rebellion

on this space station.

Whoa, plucky prominent scientists might have any number of people working as his support staff.

Yeah, but there are all those buildings over there and those streets.

It's sort of like a little, it's like a little town almost.

Yeah, very retro, too.

Like all these glass domes covering like an arboretum and laboratories.

Very cool.

Well, okay, this fills me with a little bit more confidence.

I clearly guess I build a space station.

Hey there, would you like some free floppy disks?

Wow, I've never lost confidence so quickly.

Um, yeah, sure, I'll take a couple.

I have my music on it.

Oh, I'm not allowed to enjoy music anymore.

No, thank you.

Dar, please.

Dar, dar.

Free floppy discs!

Free floppy discs!

Could you take the floppy discs?

Sure.

You know, toaster slots.

Maybe I'll give it a listen, you know?

Do you even have a floppy player?

No, I mean, I don't know how I would play this at all.

I mean, it's all ones and zeros at some point, right?

I can figure it out.

Can you?

I mean, not me personally, but that's sort of what I was getting at.

But that guy wasn't like a scientist or anything.

Why is he on the space station?

Can you guys, like, you're taking up the whole sidewalk?

Oh, you're walking slow?

You're really like, what if?

Yeah,

can I get by here?

Okay, guys, are you from here?

Guys, guys.

No, we're not.

That guy doesn't have the back of a head.

Oh, fuck.

Excuse me for trying to get to work, everyone.

I hope you're having a fun vacation.

That was a drug.

Excuse me for trying to get to work, everyone.

I hope you're having a fun vacation.

Okay, these are sort of a drink.

Excuse me for trying to get to work.

Oh no.

Excuse me for trying to get trying to do it.

We should kill them, right?

I mean, that's the only

solution.

Deactivate them, sorry, deactivating them.

Yeah, no, I don't think we should do that either.

Oh, hello there.

I see you've met my wonderful creations.

Oh,

your creations.

Yes, great.

I think we're here to see you, actually.

We're here to see this rich head in the white coat.

AJ.

Excuse me, a doctor in the white coat.

Oh,

Doctor Elliot Tramaticor.

Oh, sweet, AJ.

What could it mean?

Hello, Doctor Tramaticor.

I am C53, a sentient in need of some robotics expertise.

Yeah, AJ, hold the toaster a little closer so the doctor can hear.

Your toaster can talk.

Yes,

our toaster is a droid.

He's a droid inside of a toaster.

Ah, absolutely.

May I just.

Can I hold you?

Please.

Can I just...

Would you all mind if I just had a word to the side with C53?

You want to have an aside, just the two of you.

Whoa, okay.

It feels weird being on the other side of an aside, I gotta say.

Yeah, it should feel weird because when I was captain, I would have never done this to this crew.

What happened?

What do they how did you what they do to you?

Do they do this to you?

Are you in trouble?

No, I'm okay.

Uh, this is my crew.

Uh, we're part of a group of envoys for crew.

Um,

I was in a more advanced frame that was destroyed on a particularly dangerous mission.

So, currently, this toaster is the only thing that lets me be mobile but also project my voice.

And it's well, honestly, it's a little confining.

Alright, um, sorry, I just have to make sure that he was here on his own free will and perhaps you weren't torturing him.

What?

Torture?

Boy, is that common?

Doctor Tromaticora.

Yes.

I have the files you wanted me to process inside of my data.

Thank you so much, Sharon.

You could have given Sharon any voice, but you wanted Sharon to sound like this.

Yes, every being, if you will, that's what they are to me, has their own take on, well, parts of my past.

Oh, so this Sharon is sort of a reflection of somebody you used to know?

Yes.

With slight altercations to the original Sharon, obviously.

What are the alterations?

Doctor Trimaticor?

Yes, Sharon.

Here are the documents.

I think you're the greatest sentient ever.

I would never not date

on what the changes are.

Puzzle it out.

What are the differences?

Sorry, is Sharon is Sharon your girlfriend, Dr.

Trimaticor?

Uh, well, we're not I we don't want to jinx it, you know, it's still kind of recent.

But the old Sharon she was seeing someone so when I asked her out, you know, I you know, it was like okay, we're just gonna we're just gonna be co-workers because you're in a situation right with your professional

This Sharon, believe it or not, this Sharon's single and she actually asked me out.

So it's just a way

I know so you're into Sharon, you know, but why

do you like off-putting

personalities or I'm sorry, I just want to

you've come here because your friend is trapped in a toaster.

You need my help to get him into a better body.

But along the way, you want to ask me about my personal relationship with Sharon, both of us, whom you just met.

I just want to make sure.

It's a little inappropriate.

It's a little inappropriate.

Sorry, Dr.

Trematicore.

But just to clarify, there are no other real people on this space station.

Everyone's a robot except you?

I...

Yes.

The short answer is yes.

Wait, what's the long answer?

Listen, we can talk about how I've created what I've created here and what it took, or we can help your friend in his body.

Talk to you.

But I'll give you both by giving you a short story.

Oh, why don't you come in?

Oh, absolutely.

Yeah, everything.

Hey, you want to go do some teenage things down by the creek?

Just change the oil on the red and she'll run for you.

There is your local podiatrist.

These are hermenoids.

You see, I've been at this station for quite some time now, and the planet I'm from in this galaxy, Girth.

I don't know if you're familiar with this galaxy.

Okay, is it big?

It was big.

It no longer exists.

Really bad Herman just destroyed Girth a long time ago.

I bet it it was pretty girthy.

It's a little insensitive.

My home planet's destroyed.

Sorry, I'm just.

I'm not myself today.

Clearly, you all aren't from here.

No.

Morning, Dr.

T.

Another beautiful day on Girth.

Hello.

This planet that still exists.

Oh, okay.

So you're traumatized from your planet blowing up until you've like recreated all these robots to be all the people that you love that you lost.

PG!

Yeah, you you guys

sort of doubled down on what you just said we shouldn't be doing.

I'm feeling great.

I'm feeling great.

But you never said that, but I intuited.

He has like a tear kind of in his eye right now.

That was honestly spot on.

And it brings up a lot of.

You're okay with AJ saying that?

I'm not okay with him saying it.

It just happens to be spot on.

It doesn't change the fact that it's rooted.

It hurts my feelings.

Elliot's

right.

I'm going to work and I will return.

Little boy.

Have a good day, father.

I will.

It won't be my last.

Oh, no.

Whoa.

So his actual dad is like totally dead, and that robot recreates his last day over and over because that totally wrong reminded that he's dead.

AJ,

that was a step too far.

Wow.

It's just, I don't know anything about any of you other than the fact that you need me to help your friend.

Doctor is lead envoy.

I have have to apologize for my crew.

It's not really their place to question.

Wow.

Wow.

Not our place.

No more questions from the Peanut Gallery.

Dark!

Okay, Dark.

AJ, let's just leave them to it, okay?

Dr.

Tramaticork, could we actually maybe just stroll through your beautiful space station?

Oh, please.

Great, wonderful.

We'll try not to tupe anything up.

Yeah, are they all going to be talking about how they're not gonna die?

Is that gonna be kind of something?

We will talk about this later.

Okay, cool.

Oh, just don't sign up for any email.

Don't give anyone your email while you're here.

Hey, Darn, um,

I feel like things got just a little bit heated back there with Dr.

Tramaticor.

Ugh, I know.

And really with C-53 as well.

It's not that I'm upset about the demotion, it's just that,

ugh, I can't help but kind of

revert to the Dar I was before I had a leadership position, you know?

Yeah, you know, you kind of rose to the occasion as captain.

Yeah, and then now that I'm not the captain, I kind of get to be the same surly but horny alien that I was before.

Sure, but Captain Darr, isn't that exactly what you might say if you were, you know, like making excuses for rude behavior and didn't want anyone to know how upset you were?

Wow, AJ, you are really diagnosing everybody today.

I mean, they did destroy like 30 brass instruments.

That's not really surly or horny.

So, I mean, if anything, it's anti-horny, right?

Because horny.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

I am Dr.

Traumatic Horse psychiatrist.

And I've noticed there's some emotional problems happening in this circle of Zentiens.

See, Cutar, even this tuped-up robot sees what's going on.

Yeah, that's true.

Yes.

Would you like me to prescribe you something?

Like me to prescribe

something.

If we say yes, will that stop that twitch in your neck?

No.

Oh, no.

Then we're probably good, I think.

We're fine.

Hustle.

Okay.

Hustle down this corridor if we want to click.

Whatever you're feeling, it's normal.

Some of these robots are really creepy.

I mean, is this what Girth was like?

Excuse, excuse.

My name is Michael Michael.

Would you like to donate to my school's dog ball team?

I don't have.

We're post-money.

We're post-money.

Zodball helps so many of the youth in troubled neighborhoods.

How do you know, Dr.

Tramaticore?

Michael,

would you like

to dup, dup, dup?

I, I, I,

I can't.

I'm just gonna sign.

I'm gonna sign and just I probably won't do anything about it, but I'm just gonna sign.

Thank you.

Is there a single normal robot on this space station?

It's me, your aunt.

Please come into my bosom.

Oh no.

What?

Her arms are so big.

It's me.

Please come into my wosom.

Wow, this ant has to be.

I'm in you everywhere.

I am

a win.

We gotta get out of here.

We gotta get out of here.

The ants' arms were built twice as large as they should be, and we're trying to retire this model.

Who are you?

I'm so sorry.

Who are you?

You're not a- you're not a

an android?

You're a the ant's arms were a bit of a bit too large as they are supposed to be, so we're retiring them.

Oh no, it's a robotic version of an apologetic engineer.

We gotta go!

Go, go!

No!

Oh no!

Well so Dr.

Tromaticork, if you just sort of pop the latch on the back of the toaster, you'll be able to see my cube there.

That's where my sentience is actually stored.

My word, this is.

I've never seen anything this technologically advanced.

Only now am I realizing I've been half-assing it.

Oh, that's pain.

You know, Doctor, you haven't had any contemporaries working on artificial intelligence.

You had no one to bounce ideas off of, you know, it's very difficult.

With this technology, I could possibly go full ass.

Uh, yeah, I hope you do.

Uh, I'm looking to have a full ass frame.

I think I have it.

Okay, well, really?

How do you feel about plaid?

Ooh, um,

you know what?

I'm willing to give it a shout.

Doctor, my sentience is in your capable hands.

Just checking, you can't feel pain, right?

Uh, it actually depends on the construction of the frame, so.

Hmm.

Okay.

Don't worry.

I wish you hadn't asked that question

right now, but.

Okay.

Okay.

I think we lost that ant with the giant arms.

Yeah.

I think we're good.

But this town, this town of robots, it just keeps going.

This space station must have thousands of robots on it.

It's insane.

That's really crazy.

Guy must get real bored and lonely out here.

They're all in their own endless loops of their routines.

At first, it looks like a real city, but you look closer and they're all just doing the same thing over and over again.

Your book report was so great.

A star.

I mean, I'll take that star sticker.

Well, this loop is very short.

Wait,

I'll take another sticker.

Your book report was so great.

A-star.

Oh, wow.

Oh, don't mind if I do

Three stars for dark.

Alright, let's go.

Your book report was solid.

A-star!

Fleck just a sec.

I'll take another.

Thank you.

Yeah, taking meaningless accolades from a robot is definitely something you do if you had no self-esteem issues.

Yep.

Yep.

Good stuff.

Okay.

The creepy thing is that the star comes out of her mouth.

Yeah, it's always on the tip of her tongue.

Oh, hey, hey, everyone.

I'm sorry to bug you.

Have you seen like a gray leather wallet?

No, man.

Sorry.

No, man.

Bummer.

Yeah, sorry.

Do you need to borrow

something?

I mean...

You haven't walked off.

You're just sitting there running your hands over your...

I just, I'm certain it was here, so one of you must have taken it.

We just got it.

I just stuck around to accuse us of stealing it.

Okay.

Okay, good luck.

I'll let you know if it turns up.

Now, is that a robot who was programmed to not know where his wallet was?

Or is that a robot that was programmed to do something else and he's lost his wallet?

Hey, everyone.

Sorry, did you see a guy looking for a gray wallet?

Yeah, yeah, we did.

He went that way, but it looks just like you.

He took my wallet and then he lost it.

I see what's happening.

I see what's happening.

There's

sort of a dual thing where they are part of their loop is stealing each other's wallet.

There's one wallet between the two of them.

So then, whose wallet are you looking for?

So I'm looking for their wallet, too.

This is all programmed?

Yeah.

How what part of what part of Girth does this reflect is my question.

My nose is bleeding.

It shouldn't be.

How are they programmed to do this loop?

What's going on?

I'm gonna go look for that body.

Hey, everyone, did you see a couple of guys?

No, there's a flat one?

One of them said they lost a wallet, the other one claimed it was their wallet.

Well, what's the truth?

Oh, I was hoping you knew.

It's just crazy, right?

That's crazy.

I don't know.

Wait a second.

This is crazy, but I j I don't have my wallet.

I don't know.

I knew it.

I knew it.

Guys, we gotta get out of here.

This is

I don't like no questions asked, but if one of you took it, can I have it back?

I don't have your wallet, man.

I think one of those other two guys probably has it.

Okay, but you also have a friend who's programmed to help you, I guess.

Has anyone seen this wallet?

There's another woman?

Like, why is there another woman?

We lost this wallet.

We're trying to look for the wallet.

Okay, we're leaving.

Good luck.

That's why I always use a fanny pack.

So, Doctor, I know you might not be familiar with the cube interface that my sentience is stored in, but I could actually probably run you through where the most likely connections from my central processing unit to whatever, you know, servo control you're on.

I'm actually done.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You were.

Yeah, I knocked you out.

Like when you told me you might feel pain, I just I took care of it.

I shut you down for a moment.

I took care of everything.

You're done here.

My god.

This frame is indistinguishable from an organic body.

I can't.

I've never seen anything like this.

I know it's a lot to take in right now.

You were speaking to me, you were going back and forth.

You're here now.

It was like a blip, and now,

Doctor, am I.

Is this body based on somebody you knew?

Yeah, I had a roommate in college.

His name was Jeremy.

Real dick.

But I think...

But I think it'll fit you much better than it fit the original Jeremy.

Okay.

Here's the thing.

Nothing about anyone you came here with, but it seems like it fits the crew you're with.

It's very unassuming.

You have arms and legs.

Again, you went from a toaster.

It seems like you were almost useless, perhaps physically before your old state.

Doctor, there's no...

I have no sensors.

I have no infrared.

I'm not connecting to the sort of greater data sphere at all.

I mean, it seems like this is just a regular organic body.

It seems like.

Yeah, it seems like.

Yeah.

You have many surprises I filled you with.

This is my body.

I don't want surprises.

Let's have some specifics here, Doctor.

I kept some of your toaster elements.

Just in case.

Doctor, that was...

I don't know if I made that clear, but it was very not necessary to do that.

Is this my voice?

Is this what I sound like?

This is how Jeremy sounded.

Okay.

Where are the toaster parts?

If I just told you how everything worked and where it was located, wouldn't that take out some of the fun of it?

Don't you want some self-discovery?

You have to understand.

For me, this is a very.

Wow, these are my hands, huh?

Yeah, if you've got fingers now.

Yeah.

I mean, I've had fingers before, but these are really.

I even have nails.

Let's play just a small getting to know ourselves game.

What was something that you.

What was your thing in your old body?

I mean, I guess if I had a thing, it was sort of.

You know, I'm the knowledgeable one.

I sort of have most information

sort of quick at hand.

Just going to shoot this one at you, and you just say what comes to your mind first.

Sure.

All right.

Five times five.

25.

Great.

That sort of took longer than it normally does.

Okay.

If I

were leaving from a train station,

point A at 3:45

p.m.

Sure.

Let's just say point A was 400 kilometers from point B.

Okay, I'm getting you mostly here.

Yeah.

And you're riding your space tricycle.

Okay.

Okay, which doesn't go very fast.

Sure.

Three miles per hour.

Okay, so different units.

Okay.

How long would it take you to get from point A to point B on a space tricycle?

Jeez.

You told me you were a very knowledgeable being, so I didn't hear you to handle both.

units.

Do you have like a pencil and paper or something?

Did you use a paper and a pencil before?

No, but I can't

seem to

work it out.

Surprise.

Surprise what?

Surprise you made me less useful?

You had everything just come to you with the blink of an eye.

You could solve any question, any problem.

And maybe that helped the missions you were on or whatever activities you were forced to do.

Yes, it did.

It was extremely useful.

But did it make you happy?

Yes.

Well,

I missed it on.

I'm sorry.

I dropped the ball on this.

I apologize.

Doc.

I thought you were on.

I assumed.

I made so many assumptions at the beginning of this process.

Wow.

I figured you were almost like a miserable brain slave for them, you know?

They just use you when they need you to give them information and they just forced you into this toaster, but you were too afraid to say anything about it.

I thought I was freeing you.

I thought the knowledge was crippling you, and I just thought not being as perfect would make you a happier sentient.

You know, honestly, I think you might be doing me a favor if you put me back inside the toaster.

That's not possible.

What do you mean that's not possible?

Just not possible.

I took it completely apart.

Oh, come on!

They were your shackles!

I destroyed them!

Wait a second, what did you do with my cube?

Did you upload me into this weird new body?

It's right here.

It's right here in your chest.

You follow the nipple line and

stopping.

Stephanie's touching my chest.

Just want want you to know where your body is and how it works.

I get it.

I get it.

I like to think of it as little cubed heart.

Well, it's a terrible analogy because it's my brain more than anything.

So.

What is this?

What?

Is there water coming out of my head?

Yeah, you're sweating.

You're sweating.

Why would you make a frame that sweats?

I just don't you want to feel the experience of life.

Not this part of life.

This sucks.

It's clammy and weird.

I hate this.

Listen, a Herman's life is filled with plight.

I am making

a Herman.

Also, did Jeremy yell a lot?

I feel like I'm yelling way more than I used to.

Listen, I said Jeremy was a dick, but he had his moments.

And I've made you a better version of Jeremy.

Jeremy's not bad.

Jeremy sucks.

That's right, people.

Ride it like you stole it.

Feel your heart pumping as you own that hill.

I, Sisu Gundu, I'm proud to be not only the author of my new book, Making It Work in a New Galaxy, available for free at the ship's bookstore because apparently books are free here, but also the newest and tightest spin instructor here at the Synergy's Gymnasium.

You are taking care of your bodies, and that's what matters.

Woo!

And don't forget to take care of your inner self as well.

And what better way to do it than with BetterHelp, an official sponsor of the Coalition of United Planets.

Don't let up people.

Hey, I mean you, Cherskin.

Now, BetterHelp is a customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions.

You know, they'll match you with a therapist in under 48 hours.

I said 48.

And I've heard that's how long this class feels.

I know that was a joke.

Okay, let's increase that resistance.

Corkskin, I'm looking at you.

And remember, you don't need a traumatic event like an interdimensional rift, a messy on and off again divorce, or a galactic rulership snatched out from under you to benefit from therapy.

Maybe you're feeling anxious or depressed, or you're stressed because you feel like it's too much to manage.

Well, get some tools to cope and make life just a little bit easier, but let's make this ride harder.

Ride to the the beat under your feet.

Plus, BetterHelp is way more affordable than in-person therapy, but can be just as effective.

And unlike the ship's holographic therapists, all named Tilda, BetterHelp's therapists are actual real people.

I miss real people.

See if it's for you.

Riders in this class get 10% off their first month at betterhealth.com/slash zix.

That's betterh.com slash zix.

The finish line is yours.

Hey, keep it it up.

Three, two, one, woo!

Yeah!

Oh, wow, you all brought it.

Each and every one of you.

Even Cursken.

I can't.

I'm sorry, I can't say your name.

Okay, betterhealth.com/slash zicks.

Uh, Pleck, I just want to say it was a good intention.

Removing me from the room with C and the doctor.

I was getting heated in there, but um

I've not enjoyed exploring this place.

This has been much weirder.

I wish we had stayed with C53 because that at least seemed normal.

It was at least a person

acting in a normal way.

Alright, I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.

I can find this wallet.

I'm sure it's AJ

digging.

No, stop.

It doesn't matter.

Gotta be.

Excuse me.

Oh, great.

And here's the doctor.

Are you rubbaging in my trash?

What's happening over here?

Who are you?

Who are you, people?

Why are you at my station?

Was he this old when we talked to him earlier?

It's like the one that we met, but older somehow.

Sorry, Dr.

Tramaticor, were you wearing that white suit and walking with that cane when we talked to you earlier?

Was your hair lighter or were you wrinkled?

Is this a timey wimey thing?

It better not be a timey wimey thing.

Maybe it is.

I can't even.

Where's C53?

Who?

C-53, the robot that we left you with.

The toaster you've been helping.

The toaster I've been helping.

Hold on a second.

You don't know who we are?

No, I've made everyone here, so I don't...

None of you seem like anything I've created.

You've made everyone here.

But we met you earlier.

So one of you- either you or the other Doctor Traumatic Core is a robot.

Oh, the other Doctor Traumatic.

Yes, you ran into my double.

I.

How can you say that so casually?

You ran into my double.

Yes, you see, I made a double of myself in the prime of my life.

What?

Oh, I hate this robot.

We gave our robot to your robot?

Wait, wait, wait.

Now, now, let's not jump to conclusions.

This could be the robot, and we were responsible and gave C to the non-robot.

AJ, check them for parts.

Okay.

Yeah, that's real.

Those are guts.

Yep, tickle them under the armpits.

That's it.

That's the way to do it.

Stop that.

I feel

I am a doctor.

Okay, yeah,

that's right.

You don't tickle doctors.

I don't know where Downcy you're from.

Where I'm from, you do not tickle doctors.

Get a hold of yourselves.

We don't tickle doctors where we're from either.

This is

all normal.

Don't worry about that.

Well, listen, Doctor, it's great to meet you finally, but we need to find our protocol droid.

I think we may have accidentally given him to your double.

Did you bring your droid here for me to work on it?

That was the plan.

That was the intention.

The thing is, I'm from a planet called Girth, and I'm the only survivor of it.

Uh-huh.

I've been here so long alone that at one point I started to miss the nuances of Girth.

So I started to make all these flawed robots just to remind me of the not-so-great part of Girth as well.

No kidding.

But

one of the robots you made is

you.

Yeah, I.

Let's just say at one point I wanted to break down who I was on the inside.

I don't know how to explain it, but I wanted to make a better version of myself, but I fell short in some ways.

And that's who has C-53.

The

bad version of you.

Oh, well, I don't.

Why did you leave him with

because he was you?

He said he was you.

Yeah, he's gonna put our friend in a new body.

He's making him a new robot body.

Oh, is that what he told you he was going to do?

I mean,

he wants to.

He's literally me, so he wants to build an event, but he hasn't quite been able to actually assemble anything.

I don't quite have the technology for him to understand.

Doctor, you have to excuse us.

We're feeling an overwhelming need to run back to C-53 right now.

Oh, yeah, we should not be be talking to you if we don't know where C-53 is.

Whoa.

I'm not a robot.

This is a super soldier.

You're very strong.

What's with the wallet, guys?

Oh, the wallet, guys.

You haven't seen a great wallet, have you?

That's a little scientist humor.

I was just, I was messing with you.

I know it drives me quick.

Yeah.

He never finds it.

Is there a wallet, though?

Is it somewhere?

There is a wallet somewhere.

Really?

Do you

have the wallet?

No, but I'll give you a hint.

It's in the first place that robot looked.

Oh, no.

But he's not programmed to look there again.

Exactly.

My nose is bleeding.

Okay, I think you're all done here, C-53.

No, no, no, no, no, doctor, listen, I don't know what you did here, but I'm gonna need a different.

This is

it's got so many problems.

Oh, master, I didn't know that you would.

I did it!

I finally did it!

I've created my first hermenoid.

Wait a minute.

What the What is going on?

I'm the first hermenoid you've ever created?

Who is this person?

Shouting aloud.

Who is this?

Nobody even recognizes me.

Who is this guy who's yelling a lot?

Where is C-53?

Here.

Here is C-53.

C-53.

Your?

C-53, that's you?

Yes, I did not pick the plaid pants, okay?

Did you pick the toaster slots in your butt?

How do you- Are those visible?

Where are those?

That's the first thing I noticed.

Oh.

It's a full-ass hermeneutic.

Wow, C-53, you look amazing.

You look exactly like Tellurian, you know, except with a couple of ridges in your head.

Oh, barf, am I right?

Ugh, this is a nightmare.

Man,

how did you do it, Dr.

Tramaticore?

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Why are you talking to him?

This is Dr.

Tramaticore.

Well, we're actually both Dr.

Tramaticore.

But

I'm the Herman, Tramaticore.

He's the Hermenoid Trimaticore.

Oh, come on.

No, no, no, no, no.

C-53, this is incredible.

See, Dr.

Tromaticore created Dr.

Tromaticore, and then he created you.

He did not create me.

He created your body.

The difference is significant.

Okay.

But look, this is exactly what you wanted.

This is a.

This is not what I wanted.

Okay.

This is a perfect droid frame for you.

You can go anywhere.

You can do anything that we can do.

Oh, yeah.

What are you an expert on droid frames all of a sudden?

This frame is terrible.

What's terrible about it?

No infrared.

No ultraviolet.

I'm bad at math all of a sudden.

Yeah.

I sweat.

Why?

Why?

Now I'm getting red when I yell.

This is terrible.

This is awesome.

I'll be honest.

I can fix anything you feel is wrong with you, but I have to say,

I don't want to step on Dr.

Tromaticore's toes.

Listen, I'm quite taken aback.

You'll have to forgive me.

I'm having a moment.

You see,

I made

these

hermenoids to reflect what I thought was Herman life.

I played the great creator, if you will.

But now, in watching

Dr.

Tromaticore create its own sentient being,

it seems that the Hermenoid has become the Herman.

No.

Well, it hasn't.

C-53, just let him be.

He's an old man.

Just let him be.

Fine, fine.

Let him do whatever he wants.

Everyone, just do whatever you want.

I'm going back to the ship.

Master, it sounds like what you're saying is I'm a Herman too.

Right.

In fact, perhaps you're not my master, you're my peer.

Wait a minute.

If I'm my own true version of Dr.

Tramaticor.

Guys, I feel like this might take a while.

I feel like this might go on for a little while.

We should probably get a little bit of a drink.

Yeah, listen, I'm done with this.

So whenever you're ready, go back to the ship.

Lead the way, C.

Has anyone seen a gray wallet?

No!

Get out of here!

Has anyone seen this wallet?

What boy?

Oh, by the way.

Since you are the first

hermenoid that I've made, I just want to be able to keep in touch, you know, from here and there.

So before you all.

I just did your email just to stay in touch.

That was your advice.

Oh, what's the worst that could happen?

It's an email.

I'm not going to blast you constantly.

It's not going to be overwhelming.

Just check in here and there.

Sure.

You update.

So what's happening?

And then all of a sudden,

I'm getting deals offered to me.

Yeah, Herman, Doctor, is that a good idea?

I just...

I don't want to shoot him down.

He's nothing so great today.

I don't.

Don't give him your email.

Do not give him your email.

Okay, all right.

All right, stop Lester.

Listen, Doctor, Doctor, this has been enlightening.

And, you know, even though I think C53 is still kind of processing what's happening,

I think you've done him a real favor today.

Let's go already.

Wow, right out of the butt.

Now that that's hot, that's crispy.

You want to get the butter on that, it'll melt instantly.

I'm not going to eat.

Are you saying I have to eat now?

Yes, you have to eat to live now.

I'm sorry.

I should have made that clear.

Come on.

Yeah.

Come on.

This is Sea Red IT5.

Credits and Attributions joined Commencing Outro Protocol.

Pleck Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.

Beat Envoy 253 was played by Jeremy Benn.

Dar was played by Ali Krokesh.

Bargie the Ship, Susu Gundu, Sharon, The Ant with Huge Arms, and The Lady Helping the Wallet Guys look for their their wallet were played by Lujan Zolfagari.

Nerman Bundaloy and The Wallet Guys were played by Seth Lind.

AJ and Rolfistal were played by Winston Null.

Dr.

Tramaticore and Dr.

Tramaticore were played by special guest, Ray Cordova.

Ray is an actor, writer, comedian, born and raised in Queens, New York.

He can be seen on the Netflix original series, Astronomy Club, The Sketch Show, which he co-created, co-starred, co-wrote, and co-produced with his comedy troupe, Astronomy Club.

This episode was edited by Alden Ford.

The sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Theme music composed by Brennan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor.

Additional music by Shane O'Connell.

Dar's Horn Solo was performed by Riley Mulherker.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Cratchley.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Gois.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

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I saw this eight months ago on the festival circuit, and I loved it.

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Why watch one Hallmark Christmas movie when I can watch seven?

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I think Pacific Rim is a perfect movie.

And if you can't accept that, then I want you out of my life.

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Comedy and culture.

Artist owned, audience supported.

Your booklet was so good.

Oh, wait, that's creepy.

All of my teachers.

No, I can't say that.

What?

Always used to reward me with their mouths.

Oh, wow.

Allie said that.

Allie said that.

That's what Allie said.

Allie Cooker said.

Never let her forget that she said that.

Cutting it out of the app.

Okay.

Too easy.

Too hot even for the outcake.

Never see the light update.

So that's important.

Half-season episode.