503: Good Spot Hunting [ft. Christine Nangle]

This is Sea Red IT5.

Thank you to everyone who signed up to support the show during the Max Fund drive.

The Max Fun member-exclusive enamel pin sale is on for just a few more days until May 28th.

Proceeds benefit everyone on an organization that connects families in need with low-cost internet services and devices.

Go to maximumfund.org/slash pin sale for more info.

Space.

Some is chill.

Some is tuped up.

All is part of the great, infinite, cosmic ballet.

The venerable starship, the RSS Synergy, forges ever deeper into uncharted regions of their galaxy, growing the coalition of united planets in the name of science, benevolence, and peace.

Now, lead envoy C-53 and his intrepid crew explore new worlds, forge alliances, and search for a way back home to finally fulfill their

mission to sink.

So, uh, quick question.

Yeah, what is it?

We're gonna be on Bargy.

That's me.

Yeah, we're on Bargy now.

Do missions.

Yeah, that seems to be what they've laid out for us.

Yeah.

Yeah, so how is this?

I mean, this is just what we were doing in Zix, right?

Well, for one, I'm no longer very popular holosaw.

No one here seems to know me.

That's good for a big difference.

I feel out of all of you, I am losing the most.

Well, Bergie, although I am lead envoy, I don't seem to have any access to an actual droid frame, and I'm still trapped inside a toaster.

So I sort of feel like that might be more of a net negative than what you're talking about.

I mean, I have no complaints.

I'm free from captain duties, and I get free childcare during the day.

Oh, wow, really?

Yeah, they have like a whole daycare center set up.

Wait, Dai, you are supposed to.

If I say a bad thing, then C says the bad thing, and you were supposed to also say the bad thing.

Wow.

I just, it's really hard because I feel like this society really prioritizes like a really healthy work-life balance.

I don't understand what that means.

Like, all of our medical expenses are covered.

Okay.

We've lost some things, but we've also gained some things.

And now we're just kind of doing our thing.

I guess so.

It's almost as though the more things change, the more they stay the same, right?

What does that mean?

How's that possible?

Never mind.

It doesn't matter.

Hey, Fleck.

Nermit told us to all go hang out in the hangar.

He was really proud of that one.

But

did he say what we were doing today?

Yeah, I feel like we asked him to give us the mission, and he was like very coy about it.

He just told us to wait here.

Lead Envoy C53, I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations, Missions Assignments, and Missions Envoy Associate, Nurban Uncle.

Did you just announce that to yourself?

Well, as Protocol and Diplomatic Relations Officer, obviously I need to announce incoming transmission so that we're prepared to make contact.

But as lead envoy, they're also for me.

Yeah,

smooth operator.

I just feel like it's not necessary.

You could just be like, hey guys, guess what?

Phone call cut.

No?

Okay.

I like that it's formal.

You know, I like that things change.

You like it, but you change.

I like that things change.

Just stay the ch..

You know.

Hold on.

Are you trying to say the more things change, the more they stay the same?

The more things change, the more C stays the same.

Uh, actually, I feel like C has maybe changed the most out of any of it.

Since days were toast in that sassy toaster.

I don't know.

I don't love it all.

Yeah, we should pick up the call probably.

Oh, yeah, I got to.

Hey, Hermit.

Hey, crew.

Hello, envoys.

New title, huh?

Yes.

What's that title again?

Missions Operations, Missions Assignments, and Missions Envoy Associate.

I think it sounds good.

Mama Mia, that's a mouthful.

No, it's not.

It never needs to be an acronym.

Yeah, well, if they spell something, we're saying it out loud.

Wait, hold on, though, Nermit.

You could have just given us the mission when we saw you earlier today.

Why did you have to call in?

Why?

Look!

Yeah.

Look.

Yeah, you're in an office now?

Mm-hmm.

But look at this.

Oh.

Oh, it's a different office.

Whoa!

Wait, Nermit, is your office in one of the reflectoriums?

Mm-hmm.

I can literally go anywhere in this thing.

So watch, I can change.

You think this office is cool?

Check this out.

Yeah, that's just a larger office.

Yeah.

Nermit,

yeah, it is.

Your office is in a reflectorium.

Why don't you just change it to like the cliffs of Philem or a sunny beach?

Uh, excuse me, do you see this?

It's a stand.

It's a stand- Yeah, you got a standing desk.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

You conjured a standing desk.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Living the dream.

No, but Nermit, turn around.

Look, you've made an office where out the window is another office building.

Surely, at least put something interesting out the window.

What do you mean?

Do you know what goes on in that office?

No, nothing.

It doesn't doesn't exist.

It's a fake place.

It's a software as a service company.

What is it?

Enterprise software.

Enterprise software.

Yes.

That's the least interesting business they could possibly be.

Well, if you have a startup with ever-growing server needs, Play, you're gonna eat those words.

It's me to be your fool.

Can you then chuck out?

AJ's with me.

So why are you here?

What's happening?

You want to assign a mission?

All right, just like what we always do.

Yes.

Yes,

yes, AJ.

Nerman, what's the mission?

Okay, so.

The Tarbassians and the Perganos

are this close to signing a peace accord on planet Talcas.

But they're at an impasse.

So

don't worry.

You do not need to negotiate this impasse.

Okay, that's great because we've never heard of Tara.

We don't know who many of those people are.

Their dispute is one of the central interplanetary conflicts of the sector.

What sector?

Nermit.

This sector.

What?

We don't know what sector this is.

What are you talking about?

Fear not.

Your ignorance is actually immaterial because you will not be negotiating this piece yourselves.

You will be escorting Ambassador Thar Jucco to do so.

Wait, what?

No, that can't be his name.

You'll be escorting Thar Jucco.

No!

It's not Tupo.

Oh, right.

Jucko is innocuous.

Guys, come on.

Thar Jucko is a galactic elder statesman of diplomacy.

He's the father of Fenk Nesh Jucco.

Who Daladam is also his last two?

The cousin of Bill Tonk Jucko.

Just keep listening

batteries to him.

We just got to

be in here for a full 24 hours, okay?

Give us some context.

Grand nephew.

Okay, this ends in Jucko.

Willa Pench.

Okay.

Who, of course, negotiated the peace between northern and southern Tegnia on the battlefield.

What does that mean?

Have you slept?

Who can sleep when you're.

Ugh.

Stop.

Different office.

Different office.

Literally, the only thing that's changed.

I I can see one computer screen in the background changing.

That's the only thing that's changing us the entire time.

I've been reading about the Juckos and switching offices, baby.

Okay.

All right.

Anyway, you will be escorting Thar Jucco to mend the age-long war between the Tarbassians and the Perganos.

You just gotta get him there.

It's a bidding first mission.

I was gonna say, that sounds like a lot of responsibility for us.

We've never done anything before.

I've been talking you guys up.

What have you been saying that would earn us this distinguished mission?

Good luck, guys.

Alright, well, he did send coordinates, so as soon as we get Fire Joko on board, we can

AJ, you got it.

You got it every time.

I know, but you gotta bottle it up now.

Alright, okay.

And oh my,

here you have the grand double staircase ascending from the foyer, flanking what I assure you was an ornate floor-to-ceiling crystal chandelier, the crown jewel of Wiggles Manor.

I can picture it.

nice.

Now watch your step over the shattered sconces and mouse-dropping.

That's right, this way.

This pile of moldy lumber was a championship-grade billiard table.

I like this place.

What was the price again?

80 million crown, though it will surely go over asking.

Well, now hold it right there.

I want a place for romantic weekend getaways as much as you do, honey, but that's beyond our budget.

Well, sir!

You know, I really shouldn't do this, but how about I let you in in on a little secret?

Littler the better?

Well, closer.

Yes?

Everyone needs an escape, but those can be hard to come by right now.

Enter Dipsy.

Well, now you're yelling the secret.

Who needs a sprawling ruined palace when you can get lost in a world where your pleasure is the only priority?

Dipsy is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on.

So it's lack real estate, except it's sensual narratives?

Yes.

What turns me on is napping.

Away from a husband.

But um dumb.

Then you're in luck.

Dipsy also has wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories, and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off.

The thing that titillates me most is a bargain.

Well, then loosen those suspenders.

They are fixed length, I'm afraid.

No, but you've got the little metal tabs.

You lift them.

What?

Well, Dipsy is offering.

I didn't make the suspenders.

All right.

Dipsy is offering an extended suspension.

Just to be perfectly transparent, I do make suspenders, but I didn't make these.

These are the work of a colleague.

All right.

Anyway, Dipsy is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com/slash zix.

Let me write that down!

That's 30 days of full access for free when you go to D-I-P-S-E-A stories.com slash Z-Y-X-X.

My notebook has cute little shrimp on the cover.

Ha ha ha.

Dipsystories.com slash zix.

Or, you know, by the manor.

A fountain filled to the brim with larvae.

Ah, as I see we have entered the atmosphere.

May I retire to some private chambers to prepare for what is to come?

Of course, feel free to use that closet without the mattress as your chambers.

That's actually my room for the door thank you ambassador jeko

uh yes ambassador jeko it's been a pleasure uh transporting you here we'll let you know what we've touched down yes ambassador jacko what a pleasure it's been why are you smiling hey

why don't you go look out the window or something we're about to land okay okay papa

oh look at that oh snow it's a snow planet

I don't know if this is a snow planet.

I think it may be just a planet where it snows sometimes.

Well, no, it's snowy, so it's a snow planet.

Oh, wow, Barty, cool.

Bargain gets it.

It's a snow planet.

That's usually how planets are.

It's just like one thing.

Judging by how disgruntled the people are here, I'd say this is not a snow planet.

Look at those commuters.

They look that guy with the briefcase, he looks so angry that it's snowing.

Describe the driving on this planet as aggressive.

Like, they can't beat.

They're happy.

They're on a snow planet.

I bet it's X-Mars all the time here.

Oh, wait.

Hey, hey.

What is it, Barty?

What's the problem?

You haven't landed yet?

Yeah, I'm just letting you know there's a problem.

What is the problem?

I don't know, you tell me.

Oh,

Bargie.

Barger, are you having trouble navigating on the snow?

I love snow.

I love rolling in snow.

I love flying in snow.

I used to date a sentient being made of snow once.

Didn't work out there.

Better be clear of those engines.

Well, I've landed, and I'm still sensing a problem, which I still won't describe to you.

I'm mysterious.

Okay.

Bargie, we'll go outside and take care of this

problem that you're having.

This snow is really piling up.

Except for right here.

Look where we landed.

It's all dug out.

Yeah, Bargie, sweet parking spot.

No.

No.

No, I don't think so.

Turn around.

Back where you came from.

This is my parking spot.

Oh, oh, yeah, we're actually just dropping off an ambassador, so uh.

Yeah, and I'm actually just about to rearrange your face, so.

Whoa!

Okay,

all right.

Hey, listen.

Sorry, are we not allowed to park here?

Well, you're not allowed to park here.

We had, like, snow squalls this morning.

I dug out my spot, and lo and behold, I look out my window, and your dinky old boat is parked at my spot.

Oh, but it's a ship, first of all.

Birch, you're gonna walk us out.

It's okay.

Listen, I'm sorry, we're sort of new to this culture a little bit, so uh...

Are you making fun of me saying culture?

Are you trying to say that I don't have culture?

Is that what this is about?

No, I don't.

No, no.

We meant no offense.

Sorry, is that a toaster?

Is that a toaster?

Is he looking at

the morning?

Normally I'm in a frame.

He's actually our lead envoy and a toaster.

Sort of a two-for-one.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't care if you're a toaster or not, but you're looking at me like you got a problem with me.

Okay, that is a the ocular sensor on this toaster.

Sort of angry looking, yeah.

Listen, just if there's anywhere else to park, we're happy to just get out of your way.

I mean, you're free to look.

This whole neighborhood has become crazy.

It's really hard to park.

Yeah, but you didn't like, this isn't like your space.

You know what I mean?

Like, how is it your space?

I'm sorry, just one quick aside.

Yeah, sorry, just one second.

Just super quick.

Listen, crew.

We will not be bullied.

This is our first assignment.

We parked fair and square.

Okay.

And this is where we're going to stay.

I mean, if you look at the sign posted here, it says no parking only on Squad's Day.

And it's Walk's Day.

So.

Yeah.

So we're going to stay because, you know, there's no taxis.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, you didn't mark the place.

Uh, yeah, I did.

I had uh three armchairs down there, and you just landed right on top of them.

Well, now

we don't see, see, come on, I don't see any armchairs.

So, how's the armchair even mark it?

Do you know what I'm saying?

Am I supposed to be intimidated by like a

super tall, beautiful, model-esque being?

And there's like an ethereal light about you.

No, whatever.

Feel free to drive around in the neighborhood and try to find a spot.

Ever since all those envoys showed up here trying to like drop off their delegates and whatnot, it's been totally impossible to find a spot.

I think it's Oddboy, but you know, whatever.

AJ.

Are you making fun of me?

No, I'm just saying.

AJ,

not a good type.

I'm just saying, like, I think it's Oddboy, right?

Because when I say stuff that's not right, everyone corrects me.

So, and they look at the same thing.

Well, AJ, that's different.

We're not a little bit different.

We're just sort of part of the same crew.

We don't know anything about this person.

Yeah, what's your name?

Not that it's any of your business, but my name is Justine.

Okay, all right,

Justine.

Listen, we're just here to drop off an ambassador.

We'll be on our way, so like actually, like I think we sort of have to chill here until they're done with the negotiations.

Justine, we are a crew of envoys here on behalf of the coalition.

I'm sorry, I'm not going through this again.

This happened before with the Fallupians versus the Montclairs and the Sherberts versus the Sherbets.

I'm like, you know, I had to walk like eight kilomets to get home after work.

And I'm not doing that to my mom.

I woke up early this morning because it's my mom's anniversary of her being sober.

And I dug out her car for her in order for her to go shopping because we're running out of Talc and Cheese.

So maybe it's a special day for you, but guess what?

It's also a special day for me.

I just happen to live in the neighborhood where you're having your negotiations.

That's not my problem.

Okay.

You have a refrigerator right across from the big

compound here.

Justine, I mean, how long have you lived next to this palace?

Well, I've been here since I was born, and it's rude to ask a lady her age.

I don't know how it is on your planet.

It's rude on our planet, too.

Thank you.

But what I will say is, it comes and goes.

Sometimes it's like a rec center for the senior citizens, but then like.

It's not even a palace all the time?

No, it's just sometimes it's just like, oh, great, envoy time.

Like, everybody, like,

okay, AJ,

please, please.

Yeah, I think it's just a dialect, AJ.

I think it's just a regional sort of dialect.

And I think this also might be an either-neither situation where, you know,

no, this happened with the neithers versus the neithers, too.

Oh, no.

And all of a sudden, everybody's like, here we go again.

Cancel a block party.

There she goes.

Yeah, mom.

What's the big old thing goodbye space?

I don't know, mom, but I'm sorry.

There ain't no room for your regot Elantra for some reason.

I don't know.

Maybe you should have a conversation with these jokers.

I'm on the edge, Justine.

I'm on the edge.

I know.

You've got to understand.

She cannot be put through stress right now, okay?

She seems agitated, that's for sure.

All right, I'm just gonna circle the block again, Justine.

Oh, wow, yeah.

No, I see there's a resemblance with you and your mom.

You're both tall and what was the word, Dar?

F3.

Ethereal.

Yeah, both those things.

Everyone keeps calling me that.

Never understood what it meant.

I assumed it's an insult.

Ethereal sort of refers to the way that every time you turn your head, your hair sort of like whips

gently in slow motion.

As if there were a fan blowing it.

Oh, yeah.

Or you yourself and your beauty had the power to slow down time?

Oh, yeah, I get that from my dad.

Oh, cool.

Where's he doing?

He's in prison.

Okay.

If you need to know, my dad's in prison.

Wow, I'm so sorry.

Because he works there as an inmate.

Oh.

Undercover.

Okay.

He was arrested for impersonating a prisoner.

So we're not quite sure where he is right now in the process.

That's a lot of twists.

Yeah, who knows?

That's thorny.

I lost the thread at one point.

you.

Just see, I'm sorry, just one more quick aside, and then we will leave you alone.

Crew,

I know that, like, she's just some random person, and like we have, like, a big job to do, but like, surely we can find another spot.

Yeah, or maybe we could just let the ambassador off again.

Maybe one of us should just go get him and then put down.

Did I say earlier?

Darn, why aren't we taking this around?

We flattened those three armchairs fair and square.

I don't know.

This is,

I always get corrected when I say stuff.

So I don't understand why I don't get to correct somebody.

Because culturally, they might just pronounce it.

Also, AJ, we have translators in our noses.

She's not even speaking a remotely recognizable language to us.

It's just what the translator is putting into our brains.

Well, my nose worm is broken then.

Maybe.

Well, I mean, it did sound like invoid to me, though, too.

To be fair, okay,

I didn't take issue with it.

I didn't say anything about it.

Hold on, hold on.

AJ, good for you.

Good for you.

It is good for us.

It's real good.

I like your energy, dude.

What's your name?

Oh, I'm AJ2A4.

Oh, nice.

Hey.

Hey, what's up?

Hi.

What is happening?

I don't know.

I thought we were.

Oh, man.

He's like squeezing his biceps.

Listen, Justine, the peace between the Tarbassians and the Perganos may depend on Ambassador Tharjeko getting in there.

So

you have the opportunity to really help the peace process.

Look, that's not my job, okay?

What I do is I throw out the ice at the rectory.

That's my job.

My job is not negotiating peace or whatever.

I stay out of politics.

I don't care.

But what I do know is I have my own patch of land on this crazy planet and you're parked in it.

Wow.

Okay.

You know, Justine, we totally respect that.

So I think our best move is to just find another place.

Darn it, okay.

Stop.

Stop.

Stop.

Oh,

sorry.

Sorry, we're just doing a light negotiation of our own.

We will have you in there in just a minute.

Oh, the clock is ticking, sort of.

You just have to escort me in and then hang out here for six, seven hours.

So

we're figuring it out.

Mom, just circle one more time.

Mom, circle one more time.

I am handling this, I promise.

Okay!

Okay, so just if you could just

really stress out, if you could please to settle this just promptly, thank you.

I will go back into my chamber and

we will do our best.

Absolutely.

Yes.

What do we gotta do, Justine?

What do we gotta do to make this fray?

I think we have to just go and give her a parking spot.

It just makes me want to flag some frustration.

Look, get all the muscles out.

Well, I mean,

she's still circling, so we could still, you know, we could still be talking.

It's not.

She's not here right now.

Yeah, it kind of seems like Justine is on Team Not Mouthargy.

I say that.

Do you like talk to people a lot, Justine, or what?

Do I talk to people a lot?

Yeah, seems like you're like, you don't, or whatever.

No, it's justine flirting with AJ?

I'm sorry, do you want me to be part of this aside?

I want to watch this sexual tension play out.

Okay, alright, I just wanted to make sure I was clear.

It's hard because with AJ's helmet on, it's just hard for me to tell what he's thinking.

Oh, yeah, they're upside-down push-ups.

So, I'm like, doing a headstand.

I'm like, pushing up by a handstand.

Oh, man.

I can do one at it, too.

So, it's just kind of, yeah.

Got some strong hands.

Hey,

me and my mom, we're gonna throw potatoes at the delegates later.

Do you want to stick around?

Oh, that sounds awesome.

Yeah, I totally would do that.

Can we do that?

Are we allowed to do that?

AJ, no,

we're sort of part of that thing.

You know, we're kind of representing.

I don't know.

I think I'm gonna be Team Watch AJ throw potatoes to delegates.

I keep hearing everyone discussing.

Should we move Baji?

Should we not move Baji?

Should we move Baji?

No one's asked Bargie if Baji wants to be moved.

Well, I've just assumed no, Bargie, but if you want to decide which side you want to be on,

are you on team?

You want to move.

Duh, as you know, one of my greatest pet peeves is when someone assumes something about me, okay?

I have a full life, everybody.

I make decisions myself, but my decision is recognizing right now that nobody wants Baji around.

Nobody wants to talk to Baji.

Baji was never good enough for the roles or for that relationship or for her own son.

I recognize what's happening right now.

No, you don't have to say that.

So, I actually don't think this is about this anymore.

Oh,

No!

No, why'd you come back?

No!

Well, this complicates things.

Thank you.

Oh, though, this is embarrassing because she moved, but

my mom's not back yet, so we're just standing in an empty parking spot with three flattened armchairs.

Well, also, Tharjuko has to get off of Bargie.

I've heard that the Tarbassians are brandishing arms, and uh the negotiations have broken down so we could why are we in the air?

Oh, I just need a moment!

Wow!

Toop!

Wow!

Top!

Just taking a walk around the block!

Well tup Jaco!

Oh, you know, why the manor?

Squeak, squeak!

Tell us again about how you were brought here from the past!

It's a funny story, actually.

So one minute, I'm trying to eat some guy's leg as a sandwich, and next, I'm here in Wiggles Manor.

With you, Lot.

You might tell me I'm in the future.

That's good enough for me.

You're possibly adaptable, Squeak.

Nothing to it, really.

If we can't change with the world around us, we're all living in the past, isn't it?

Squeak, squeak?

Well, yeah, and plus, I've benefited hugely from therapy.

Because here in the future, it's finally okay to talk about our mental health.

That's why I'm excited about the sponsor, BetterHelp.

Seamouse, BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions.

They'll match you with a therapist in under 48 hours, they will.

So squeaking fast!

Right?

Back when I'm from, before Dame Wiggles time-snatched me, only thing you could hope it'd be fast is your demise of the executioner's blade.

But remember, my rodent friend, you don't need a traumatic event to benefit from therapy.

Maybe you're feeling anxious or depressed, or your stress feels like it's too much to manage.

I'm anxious about going to an office again, Squeak, after working from decayed chateau for so long.

Makes sense.

So why not get some tools to cope and make your life just a little bit easier?

And by the way, BetterHelp is way more affordable than in-person therapy, but can be just as effective.

Plus, you can get 10% off your first month at betterelp.com/slash zigs.

I didn't even know what a percent was before, let alone figure I'd get 10 of them off.

That's better H-E-L-P.com/slash zigzag.

Have you considered wearing something under the tunic squeak?

No, that's one part of the future I'll never participate in.

Okay.

Crew, I am lead envoy.

The responsibility falls to me.

I assure you, I can handle this.

Okay, Justine,

please, please, please give us this parting spot.

I mean, the ramifications for this sector are enormous.

Bargain needs to land again.

Heavy are the lips that blow the captain's horn.

Well, I'm gonna need some insurances.

Well, Justine, I'm sure I could deliver you a holographically notarized document on behalf of the Coalition of United Planets that would ensure that you and your mother, of course, would be guaranteed to.

What if we like park Bargie for a while and then pile in your mom's car and then you drive us around your depressing neighborhood?

Sounds fun.

Yeah, I mean, I wasn't even gonna suggest that, but that's smarter.

Is it smarter, though?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is.

All right, now cold off.

I'm ready to come down.

Okay, all right, Barge.

You are clear to land.

Oh, and here comes

Justine's mom.

Mom, it's fine.

It's fine.

I said they could.

I said they could.

Just chill.

Your daughter has been kind enough to loan us your parking spot, and as collateral, we will all be getting into your station wagon while the negotiations proceed.

Just get in the club and nobody smells my cheese.

Okay, guys.

Guys, um, that's my mom.

Uh, don't, please don't smell her cheese.

Oh, no, I want to.

I don't know even that would I want to now that I can't.

Well, maybe, I mean, you can smell whatever you want, you know.

Oh, no, but like, just nobody bring it, nobody bring it up.

Come on.

Everyone, cram in.

Yeah, I can't believe you fit in here, Dar.

Wow, Pleck, I understood the Regan Elantra had room for the entire family, and I thought we were family.

I'm sorry, you're right.

I'm I'm sorry.

Actually, one of us will need to leave the vehicle, and someone has to accompany Thorjoko inside to the actual excellent.

Not quite.

Here we go!

Thank you.

Mr.

Soldier, you want to sit up?

You can sit on my lap if you don't have a place to stay.

Yeah, there's not much room, so I'm happy to sit on your lap.

Okay, this is whoa.

Does that metal?

Just like armor.

Are you sure that's comfortable?

He's very heavy.

No, it's...

I'm very strong.

Yeah, well, clearly.

In fact, actually, you can see right up there, up on the left, is my boxing gym.

Wow, wow, there it is.

Where I used to box, but I'm not allowed to...

not allowed in there anymore

mostly because I was stealing janitorial supplies.

But when I was boxing, I was very strong.

Janitorial supplies.

What kind of supplies did you get?

Just like napkins and two mops.

Pretty cool.

Their faces are so close to each other.

We seem to be driving straight away from the palace, and I've gotten

a lot of money.

Jumpo, don't worry about it.

We're absolutely going to go back.

It's just that right now I'm really watching this play out with AJ.

Yeah.

Okay, the Perganos have taken half of the Tarbassian delegation captive.

Oh,

boy.

Sounds like a situation you don't want to be a part of.

That sounds dangerous.

So we should just

be pretty soon.

Yeah, so the armor is just a simple polycarbon weave.

You know, nothing.

That's pretty standard.

Okay.

And sometimes I get this like paste in my helmet.

If I eat the food and it like kind of disintegrates in the helmet and it like sticks to my head and sometimes it sort of saves me stuff for later.

Yeah, that's how like I get jelly beans in my bra.

Oh, yeah.

All the time.

Yeah.

Okay, never mind.

This is a soulmate situation.

Working for him.

This is

Yeah, well, I mean, where's that cheese?

I thought we were gonna smell the cheese.

Where's that?

We were supposed to not smell it.

Oh, yeah, right.

That's forbidden.

Sorry, mom.

It's like I told you to do something and you didn't listen.

Hey, hey,

what's your name, lady?

Grustine.

Grustine?

You need to be nicer to your daughter.

Like,

I don't know what being sober is or whatever, but like, you need to know.

AJ.

It doesn't mean that you can be mean to your daughter.

She seems cool and nice.

She gets good back rubs.

What?

She just threw AG out of the car.

Family pass at the boxing gym.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's not a captain thing.

That is a me thing.

Mom, this is not the first boyfriend you've done this to.

Every time you come out, I like it.

Yeah, we do need to go back

for AJ.

Oh no, AJ is I think

you can see him.

Oh my goodness, he's so fast.

Look at him.

Yeah.

He's a clone, but he's a clone of a super soldier, so you know.

But you know what that means?

You know what I think that means?

That means he can run that fast away from us, too.

I mean, technically, that is true.

Yeah, but no,

I'll tell you this, Justine.

AJ's one of the most loyal people I've ever known.

Really?

I mean, he defected from his troop to follow us around space.

Yeah, I mean, okay, sure, when you look at it that way, but

hey, hey, AJ.

Okay,

he's making the roll the window down signal.

Mom,

can you just put the window down, mom?

Okay,

slightly ajar.

Okay, that's fine.

Listen, you can be a lot nicer to Justine.

She does everything for you.

Maybe, you know, maybe, maybe the more things change, Justine, the more AJ.

That doesn't apply.

That doesn't apply in this situation.

It doesn't apply in this situation.

No, he's right.

They do say the same.

Another man trying to speak for me.

Not let me have my own opinion.

Justine.

I think I've had just as much as I can take of this.

Oh, no.

Justine, what have I always told you about relationships?

Men are trash.

Relationships are trash.

You're trash.

I'm trash.

Everything is trash.

This car is trash.

Cheese is trash.

These sentients in front of us are all trash.

And I love you.

I love you too, Mom.

I love you so much.

Justine, you don't have to stay here, you know, with your weird smelly mob digging out her parking spot every time it snows.

You know, you could do so much more.

Don't you want more?

Is that what people say?

You know, guys, every day I go to my own house and I knock on my own door and

I hope that I'm not gonna answer my own door and I got out of here and then I always answer my door and I'm like, how did I do this again?

And I'm like, I don't know.

What are you knocking for?

What do you want?

And I'm like, I was hoping.

And I just want to tell you, you don't get stuck here.

Don't get stuck here in this neighborhood.

Oh, we're my first meeting, late.

So you knock on your own door every day?

Those days, yeah.

What if you weren't there to answer it?

Yeah, man.

Are you just making fun of me?

No, honestly, you've posed a really strong hypothetical.

That's what my mom was addicted to, by the way.

Hypotheticals.

Hypotheticals.

Wow.

Wow.

In theory, they're very dangerous.

Yeah, in theory.

That's true.

Thank you, C53.

You know, Justine, AJ's right.

Your society is interplanetary.

You could leave here whenever you wanted to.

We could give you a ride to the RSS Synergy if you wanted.

Nah,

they don't want to meet me.

They do.

We're not even from this galaxy, and they gave us a job almost immediately.

Really?

Yeah.

They're not going to make fun of me or think that I'm not fancy enough?

I mean, I don't think so.

Our lead envoy, if you'll remember, is a toaster.

Yeah.

So I'm just saying, you know, I think if you're feeling stuck here, come up to space with with us, you know?

Maybe you can find a reflectorium to hang out in.

Be a part of the coup, you know?

Oh, wow.

Or the other thing we could do is break into the boxing gym and really, like, really take the

stake.

Yeah, it's like steal a couple more mops.

Yeah, mess it up.

And then steal all the janitor stuff.

You know?

That's the thought.

It's one of the two.

Either, you know,

join the idyllic

in a utopian space society or

Let's get that gym.

Let's get that gym.

Oh, just the wit, really?

Wow.

I mean, they barely let you posit that to them before AJ and Justine started running towards the boxing gym.

Well, the good news is we're back at the palace.

Um, Ambassador Jeko, we're so sorry it took so long.

Several Porganos have defected to the Tarbassian side.

It turned out that the Tarbassian leader was secretly harming their own position in favor of the Porganos.

So, um,

this sort of seems like helpful info to have before you go in to negotiate peace.

I could have stopped all of it.

Are you listening to this like on a play-by-play sports radio?

Howard Harry, how do you know this?

You have one ear, buddy.

Okay.

Okay,

so everyone, if you could just get into your happy baby

happy baby, happy baby.

You have just completed

your craft.

What are you saying?

I'm sorry, this is restorative yoga for the elderly.

The boxing gym closed down months ago.

If you're more than 15 minutes late, you're supposed to just not come.

Oh, shut up!

Ow!

Ow!

I don't feel like a happy baby.

Nobody trying to be a hero.

Nobody trying to be a hero.

Just give us all the janitorial supplies.

That's all we want.

Do you guys have plumbing stuff?

Or, like, we need all of it?

Just make it a good thing.

Brother, I got all kinds of plumbing problems.

Oh, hey, Uncle Dave.

Hey, Justine, how you doing?

I'm good.

Sorry about this.

I thought it was still a boxy chim.

I'm working on my hip.

I got a lot of flexibility issues.

All right.

Well, yeah, we're strange.

Don't talk to me.

Oh, okay.

Well, your boyfriend threw a trash can at me, so I thought we maybe were back.

Oh, I'm not her boyfriend.

You said you were my boyfriend.

Oh, am I your boyfriend?

Well, I guess I should probably tell you this.

I'm six years old and I have no genitals.

Uh-uh.

Not again.

I'm out of here.

I'm out of here.

Okay.

Well, that could have gone over better, buddy.

I'm single.

Okay, I found Parking.

Everybody, get out.

Oh, okay.

Thank you, Christine.

You know, it was a pleasure.

Glad you found Park.

Oh, wow.

She parked right under Bargie.

Huh, look at that.

We should have thought of that earlier.

Oh, so your argument was for nothing?

Okay, let's see you inside, Jucko.

Well, luckily, only one Tarbassian and one Borganeau remain, so it should be a relatively directed.

Oh,

hundreds.

What?

They're at lunch, so they have to leave one.

I see the parson.

You made it sound like they had murdered each other.

You knew exactly what that sounded like.

You editorialized too bad.

No?

You know what?

No, I said just the truth.

Sorry, I have to say for an ambassador.

That's a pretty manipulative move.

Yeah, you bury a lot of leads.

Well, I cannot change your wrong opinion about me

because you know what they say.

The wronger your opinion about me is, the more it stays the same.

So I will not try to change it.

That's what my tattoo says.

Did you say there was lunch?

Oh, not for not for Envoys.

No?

we work here sort of i mean let's be honest

that was a bad job of the thing you were to do

i mean he's not wrong about that no it's hard to argue with that yeah

we did get to see the boxing gym though

whoa hey jay

i didn't have a trash can

Where's your team?

Hey, it broke up.

I didn't know we were together, but then when I kind of suspected we were...

Oh, you didn't know you were together?

Because we all knew you were together.

It was going really well, I thought.

Alright, peace broker.

Wow.

What?

Yeah.

You did that?

Yes.

Well, here's the thing.

One of them, this is crazy.

One of the porganos,

his last name is Toup.

And then I explained that to the Terbasian ambassador, and we had a big laugh about it.

And then everyone was having such a good time that they just agreed to be friends.

Because can you imagine your name is Doop?

No one say anything.

It's funnier this way.

And now, lot 136.

Two of the late dame's effects.

A small embroidered pouch, which contains some sort of blush or setting powder, and this fine walking staff.

We'll start the bidding at 15 croon.

15 croon.

15 croon from the small gentleman with the knife.

Do I hear 20?

20 croon, 20 croon.

20.

20 croon from the gentleman in the apron.

We're at 20 croon.

Look at this woodwork, friends.

Look at the stitching.

Who's at 30?

30 croon is a steel for antiques like this.

30 croon.

50 croon from the lady engulfed in flames.

Do I hear 60?

60 croon, 60 croon.

No.

All right.

That's 50 going once.

50 croon going twice.

Going three times.

50,000 croon.

croon.

Sir, the bidding is currently at 50 croon.

What can I say?

I'm an avid stick enthusiast.

See this one?

Just hoping to add one more to the collection.

Short for collection.

Sure, but

20,000 croon is way more

is when you say sold.

sold.

Sold for 20,000 kroon to the red-eyed cyborg in a cloak.

You are the proud owner of the late Dame Wiggle's walking staff and powder pouch.

Yes, and I think I'll take them traveling.

This is Sea Red IT5.

Credits and Attributions Joyed commencing outro protocol.

Play Deck Center and the Auctioneer were played by Alden Ford.

Lead Envoy C53, the prospective estate buyer, and Uncle Dave were played by Jeremy Benn.

Dar, the Yoga Instructor, and the Lady in Fire were played by Ellie Kokesh.

Barjie the Ship, Christine, and the Shrimp Lady were played by Mudon Zolfagari.

Nera Bundeloy, Bar Jucco, and the Time-Snatched Guy were played by Seth Lynde.

AJ and the Realtor were played by Winston Null.

Justine was played by special guest Christine Ningle.

Christine is a writer and producer for The Simpsons.

Before that, she was a writer for Saturday Night Live, Kroll Show, and Inside Amy Schumer, and head writer for The President Show.

Follow her on Twitter at NENGLISH.

For Bay of War was played by Brendan Lee Mulligan.

This episode was edited by Seth Lynn with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan to perform by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor.

Additional music by Shane O'Connell.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Cretchley.

Shift design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Our website is missiontozix.space, where you can order magnetic Zalcotron 5000 refrigerator emblems, hyper-proton fuel stickers, t-shirts, and more.

Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fund Network.

Somewhere between science and superstition, there is a podcast.

Look, your daughter doesn't say she's a demon.

She says she's the devil himself.

That thing is not my daughter.

And I want you to tell me there's a show where the hosts don't just report on French science and spirituality, but take part themselves.

Well, there is, and it's Ono Ross and Carrie on Maximum Fun.

This year we actually became certified exorcists.

So yes Carrie and I can help your daughter

or we can just talk about it on the show.

Ono Ross and Carrie on maximum fun.org Hi, are you someone who thinks that when one door closes, another one opens?

Someone who always sees the light at the end of the tunnel.

If you answered yes to one or both of these questions, good for you.

We are not those people.

Nope.

I'm Annabelle Gerwitch and I'm a, you know that other door door opening?

It probably leads to a broom closet kind of person.

And I'm Laura House.

When I see a light at the end of a tunnel, I assume it's a train headed right toward me.

Laura and I have created a brand new podcast for people like us.

It's called Tiny Victories.

We're sharing personal tiny victories or things we've read or seen that inspire resilience.

So if you're looking for a tiny reason to get out of bed each week, subscribe to Tiny Victories.

Available on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

Let's get tiny.

MaximumFun.org.

Comedy and culture.

Artist-owned, audience-supported.

Well, get in the car.

We'll drive it.

Okay.

All right.

Everybody in.

Okay.

It's huge on the inside.

Is this the shuttle to the negotiations?

No, no, Thar, you're just going to go right across the street.

Yeah, so you're going to be.

Should one of us stay and just kind of walk him across the street?

Or?

I'll probably be fine.

No.