503: Good Spot Hunting [ft. Christine Nangle]

Speaker 1 This is Sea Red IT5. Thank you to everyone who signed up to support the show during the Max Fund drive.
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Speaker 3 Space.

Speaker 3 Some is chill.

Speaker 3 Some is tuped up.

Speaker 3 All is part of the great, infinite, cosmic ballet.

Speaker 3 The venerable starship, the RSS Synergy, forges ever deeper into uncharted regions of their galaxy, growing the coalition of united planets in the name of science, benevolence, and peace.

Speaker 3 Now, lead envoy C-53 and his intrepid crew explore new worlds, forge alliances, and search for a way back home to finally fulfill their

Speaker 3 mission to sink.

Speaker 3 So, uh, quick question.

Speaker 3 Yeah, what is it? We're gonna be on Bargy.

Speaker 3 That's me. Yeah, we're on Bargy now.

Speaker 3 Do missions.

Speaker 8 Yeah, that seems to be what they've laid out for us. Yeah.

Speaker 9 Yeah, so how is this? I mean, this is just what we were doing in Zix, right?

Speaker 10 Well, for one, I'm no longer very popular holosaw. No one here seems to know me.

Speaker 11 That's good for a big difference.

Speaker 10 I feel out of all of you, I am losing the most.

Speaker 8 Well, Bergie, although I am lead envoy, I don't seem to have any access to an actual droid frame, and I'm still trapped inside a toaster.

Speaker 8 So I sort of feel like that might be more of a net negative than what you're talking about.

Speaker 12 I mean, I have no complaints. I'm free from captain duties, and I get free childcare during the day.

Speaker 17 Oh, wow, really?

Speaker 18 Yeah, they have like a whole daycare center set up.

Speaker 10 Wait, Dai, you are supposed to. If I say a bad thing, then C says the bad thing, and you were supposed to also say the bad thing.

Speaker 18 Wow.

Speaker 12 I just, it's really hard because I feel like this society really prioritizes like a really healthy work-life balance.

Speaker 10 I don't understand what that means.

Speaker 12 Like, all of our medical expenses are covered.

Speaker 20 Okay.

Speaker 21 We've lost some things, but we've also gained some things.

Speaker 9 And now we're just kind of doing our thing.

Speaker 13 I guess so.

Speaker 18 It's almost as though the more things change, the more they stay the same, right?

Speaker 24 What does that mean?

Speaker 25 How's that possible? Never mind.

Speaker 26 It doesn't matter.

Speaker 7 Hey, Fleck.

Speaker 12 Nermit told us to all go hang out in the hangar.

Speaker 12 He was really proud of that one. But

Speaker 28 did he say what we were doing today?

Speaker 18 Yeah, I feel like we asked him to give us the mission, and he was like very coy about it. He just told us to wait here.

Speaker 8 Lead Envoy C53, I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations, Missions Assignments, and Missions Envoy Associate, Nurban Uncle.

Speaker 18 Did you just announce that to yourself?

Speaker 8 Well, as Protocol and Diplomatic Relations Officer, obviously I need to announce incoming transmission so that we're prepared to make contact.

Speaker 31 But as lead envoy, they're also for me.

Speaker 13 Yeah,

Speaker 7 smooth operator.

Speaker 18 I just feel like it's not necessary. You could just be like, hey guys, guess what?

Speaker 18 Phone call cut.

Speaker 31 No? Okay.

Speaker 10 I like that it's formal. You know, I like that things change.

Speaker 32 You like it, but you change.

Speaker 10 I like that things change. Just stay the ch..

Speaker 10 You know.

Speaker 16 Hold on.

Speaker 18 Are you trying to say the more things change, the more they stay the same?

Speaker 10 The more things change, the more C stays the same.

Speaker 34 Uh, actually, I feel like C has maybe changed the most out of any of it.

Speaker 10 Since days were toast in that sassy toaster.

Speaker 16 I don't know.

Speaker 7 I don't love it all.

Speaker 35 Yeah, we should pick up the call probably.

Speaker 17 Oh, yeah, I got to.

Speaker 7 Hey, Hermit.

Speaker 23 Hey, crew. Hello, envoys.

Speaker 34 New title, huh?

Speaker 36 Yes.

Speaker 34 What's that title again?

Speaker 37 Missions Operations, Missions Assignments, and Missions Envoy Associate.

Speaker 23 I think it sounds good.

Speaker 12 Mama Mia, that's a mouthful.

Speaker 24 No, it's not.

Speaker 37 It never needs to be an acronym.

Speaker 33 Yeah, well, if they spell something, we're saying it out loud.

Speaker 33 Wait, hold on, though, Nermit.

Speaker 18 You could have just given us the mission when we saw you earlier today.

Speaker 33 Why did you have to call in?

Speaker 23 Why?

Speaker 31 Look!

Speaker 8 Yeah. Look.

Speaker 18 Yeah, you're in an office now?

Speaker 42 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 41 But look at this.

Speaker 16 Oh.

Speaker 22 Oh, it's a different office. Whoa!

Speaker 38 Wait, Nermit, is your office in one of the reflectoriums?

Speaker 42 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 5 I can literally go anywhere in this thing. So watch, I can change.
You think this office is cool?

Speaker 40 Check this out.

Speaker 18 Yeah, that's just a larger office.

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 45 Nermit,

Speaker 32 yeah, it is.

Speaker 18 Your office is in a reflectorium.

Speaker 16 Why don't you just change it to like the cliffs of Philem or a sunny beach?

Speaker 33 Uh, excuse me, do you see this?

Speaker 39 It's a stand.

Speaker 40 It's a stand- Yeah, you got a standing desk. Yeah.

Speaker 18 Uh-huh. You conjured a standing desk.

Speaker 17 Exactly.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Living the dream.

Speaker 34 No, but Nermit, turn around.

Speaker 18 Look, you've made an office where out the window is another office building.

Speaker 33 Surely, at least put something interesting out the window.

Speaker 5 What do you mean? Do you know what goes on in that office?

Speaker 46 No, nothing. It doesn't doesn't exist.
It's a fake place.

Speaker 40 It's a software as a service company.

Speaker 29 What is it?

Speaker 40 Enterprise software.

Speaker 47 Enterprise software. Yes.

Speaker 48 That's the least interesting business they could possibly be.

Speaker 5 Well, if you have a startup with ever-growing server needs, Play, you're gonna eat those words.

Speaker 14 It's me to be your fool. Can you then chuck out?

Speaker 40 AJ's with me.

Speaker 10 So why are you here? What's happening?

Speaker 3 You want to assign a mission?

Speaker 8 All right, just like what we always do.

Speaker 47 Yes. Yes,

Speaker 17 yes, AJ.

Speaker 49 Nerman, what's the mission?

Speaker 5 Okay, so. The Tarbassians and the Perganos

Speaker 5 are this close to signing a peace accord on planet Talcas. But they're at an impasse.

Speaker 20 So

Speaker 49 don't worry.

Speaker 5 You do not need to negotiate this impasse.

Speaker 22 Okay, that's great because we've never heard of Tara.

Speaker 50 We don't know who many of those people are.

Speaker 5 Their dispute is one of the central interplanetary conflicts of the sector.

Speaker 47 What sector?

Speaker 33 Nermit. This sector.

Speaker 20 What?

Speaker 46 We don't know what sector this is. What are you talking about?

Speaker 5 Fear not. Your ignorance is actually immaterial because you will not be negotiating this piece yourselves.
You will be escorting Ambassador Thar Jucco to do so.

Speaker 7 Wait, what? No, that can't be his name.

Speaker 5 You'll be escorting Thar Jucco.

Speaker 49 No!

Speaker 29 It's not Tupo.

Speaker 8 Oh, right.

Speaker 8 Jucko is innocuous.

Speaker 5 Guys, come on. Thar Jucko is a galactic elder statesman of diplomacy.
He's the father of Fenk Nesh Jucco.

Speaker 8 Who Daladam is also his last two?

Speaker 29 The cousin of Bill Tonk Jucko.

Speaker 8 Just keep listening

Speaker 8 batteries to him.

Speaker 29 We just got to

Speaker 8 be in here for a full 24 hours, okay?

Speaker 8 Give us some context.

Speaker 5 Grand nephew.

Speaker 8 Okay, this ends in Jucko.

Speaker 41 Willa Pench.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 5 Who, of course, negotiated the peace between northern and southern Tegnia on the battlefield.

Speaker 46 What does that mean?

Speaker 48 Have you slept?

Speaker 5 Who can sleep when you're.

Speaker 3 Ugh.

Speaker 5 Stop. Different office.
Different office.

Speaker 18 Literally, the only thing that's changed. I I can see one computer screen in the background changing.

Speaker 8 That's the only thing that's changing us the entire time.

Speaker 5 I've been reading about the Juckos and switching offices, baby.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 16 All right.

Speaker 5 Anyway, you will be escorting Thar Jucco to mend the age-long war between the Tarbassians and the Perganos. You just gotta get him there.

Speaker 32 It's a bidding first mission.

Speaker 48 I was gonna say, that sounds like a lot of responsibility for us.

Speaker 26 We've never done anything before.

Speaker 32 I've been talking you guys up.

Speaker 12 What have you been saying that would earn us this distinguished mission?

Speaker 40 Good luck, guys.

Speaker 8 Alright, well, he did send coordinates, so as soon as we get Fire Joko on board, we can

Speaker 8 AJ, you got it.

Speaker 23 You got it every time.

Speaker 17 I know, but you gotta bottle it up now.

Speaker 25 Alright, okay.

Speaker 8 And oh my,

Speaker 52 here you have the grand double staircase ascending from the foyer, flanking what I assure you was an ornate floor-to-ceiling crystal chandelier, the crown jewel of Wiggles Manor.

Speaker 8 I can picture it.

Speaker 26 nice.

Speaker 52 Now watch your step over the shattered sconces and mouse-dropping.

Speaker 52 That's right, this way. This pile of moldy lumber was a championship-grade billiard table.

Speaker 53 I like this place.

Speaker 26 What was the price again?

Speaker 52 80 million crown, though it will surely go over asking.

Speaker 42 Well, now hold it right there. I want a place for romantic weekend getaways as much as you do, honey, but that's beyond our budget.

Speaker 7 Well, sir!

Speaker 52 You know, I really shouldn't do this, but how about I let you in in on a little secret?

Speaker 34 Littler the better?

Speaker 54 Well, closer.

Speaker 52 Yes? Everyone needs an escape, but those can be hard to come by right now. Enter Dipsy.

Speaker 42 Well, now you're yelling the secret.

Speaker 52 Who needs a sprawling ruined palace when you can get lost in a world where your pleasure is the only priority? Dipsy is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on.

Speaker 42 So it's lack real estate, except it's sensual narratives?

Speaker 31 Yes.

Speaker 53 What turns me on is napping.

Speaker 12 Away from a husband.

Speaker 26 But um dumb.

Speaker 52 Then you're in luck. Dipsy also has wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories, and soundscapes to help you relax before you drift off.

Speaker 16 The thing that titillates me most is a bargain.

Speaker 52 Well, then loosen those suspenders.

Speaker 42 They are fixed length, I'm afraid.

Speaker 52 No, but you've got the little metal tabs.

Speaker 40 You lift them.

Speaker 6 What?

Speaker 52 Well, Dipsy is offering.

Speaker 7 I didn't make the suspenders.

Speaker 32 All right.

Speaker 52 Dipsy is offering an extended suspension.

Speaker 36 Just to be perfectly transparent, I do make suspenders, but I didn't make these.

Speaker 42 These are the work of a colleague.

Speaker 11 All right.

Speaker 52 Anyway, Dipsy is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com/slash zix.

Speaker 52 Let me write that down! That's 30 days of full access for free when you go to D-I-P-S-E-A stories.com slash Z-Y-X-X.

Speaker 53 My notebook has cute little shrimp on the cover. Ha ha ha.

Speaker 52 Dipsystories.com slash zix.

Speaker 7 Or, you know, by the manor.

Speaker 52 A fountain filled to the brim with larvae.

Speaker 38 Ah, as I see we have entered the atmosphere.

Speaker 14 May I retire to some private chambers to prepare for what is to come?

Speaker 12 Of course, feel free to use that closet without the mattress as your chambers.

Speaker 23 That's actually my room for the door thank you ambassador jeko

Speaker 8 uh yes ambassador jeko it's been a pleasure uh transporting you here we'll let you know what we've touched down yes ambassador jacko what a pleasure it's been why are you smiling hey

Speaker 49 why don't you go look out the window or something we're about to land okay okay papa

Speaker 14 oh look at that oh snow it's a snow planet

Speaker 57 I don't know if this is a snow planet.

Speaker 18 I think it may be just a planet where it snows sometimes.

Speaker 56 Well, no, it's snowy, so it's a snow planet.

Speaker 27 Oh, wow, Barty, cool.

Speaker 2 Bargain gets it.

Speaker 14 It's a snow planet.

Speaker 23 That's usually how planets are. It's just like one thing.

Speaker 12 Judging by how disgruntled the people are here, I'd say this is not a snow planet.

Speaker 34 Look at those commuters.

Speaker 33 They look that guy with the briefcase, he looks so angry that it's snowing.

Speaker 8 Describe the driving on this planet as aggressive.

Speaker 23 Like, they can't beat.

Speaker 2 They're happy. They're on a snow planet.

Speaker 38 I bet it's X-Mars all the time here.

Speaker 10 Oh, wait. Hey, hey.

Speaker 14 What is it, Barty?

Speaker 48 What's the problem?

Speaker 8 You haven't landed yet?

Speaker 10 Yeah, I'm just letting you know there's a problem.

Speaker 19 What is the problem?

Speaker 20 I don't know, you tell me. Oh,

Speaker 8 Bargie. Barger, are you having trouble navigating on the snow?

Speaker 8 I love snow.

Speaker 10 I love rolling in snow. I love flying in snow.
I used to date a sentient being made of snow once. Didn't work out there.

Speaker 8 Better be clear of those engines.

Speaker 10 Well, I've landed, and I'm still sensing a problem, which I still won't describe to you.

Speaker 10 I'm mysterious.

Speaker 12 Okay. Bargie, we'll go outside and take care of this

Speaker 12 problem that you're having.

Speaker 40 This snow is really piling up.

Speaker 47 Except for right here.

Speaker 24 Look where we landed. It's all dug out.

Speaker 12 Yeah, Bargie, sweet parking spot.

Speaker 10 No.

Speaker 57 No.

Speaker 44 No, I don't think so. Turn around.
Back where you came from. This is my parking spot.

Speaker 18 Oh, oh, yeah, we're actually just dropping off an ambassador, so uh.

Speaker 44 Yeah, and I'm actually just about to rearrange your face, so.

Speaker 44 Whoa!

Speaker 26 Okay,

Speaker 8 all right.

Speaker 46 Hey, listen.

Speaker 49 Sorry, are we not allowed to park here?

Speaker 44 Well, you're not allowed to park here. We had, like, snow squalls this morning.
I dug out my spot, and lo and behold, I look out my window, and your dinky old boat is parked at my spot.

Speaker 12 Oh, but it's a ship, first of all.

Speaker 8 Birch, you're gonna walk us out.

Speaker 40 It's okay.

Speaker 18 Listen, I'm sorry, we're sort of new to this culture a little bit, so uh...

Speaker 44 Are you making fun of me saying culture? Are you trying to say that I don't have culture? Is that what this is about? No, I don't.

Speaker 17 No, no.

Speaker 14 We meant no offense.

Speaker 44 Sorry, is that a toaster?

Speaker 36 Is that a toaster? Is he looking at

Speaker 31 the morning?

Speaker 8 Normally I'm in a frame.

Speaker 41 He's actually our lead envoy and a toaster.

Speaker 8 Sort of a two-for-one.

Speaker 44 Yeah. Yeah, I don't care if you're a toaster or not, but you're looking at me like you got a problem with me.

Speaker 14 Okay, that is a the ocular sensor on this toaster.

Speaker 35 Sort of angry looking, yeah.

Speaker 8 Listen, just if there's anywhere else to park, we're happy to just get out of your way.

Speaker 44 I mean, you're free to look. This whole neighborhood has become crazy.
It's really hard to park.

Speaker 24 Yeah, but you didn't like, this isn't like your space.

Speaker 55 You know what I mean? Like, how is it your space?

Speaker 12 I'm sorry, just one quick aside.

Speaker 38 Yeah, sorry, just one second. Just super quick.

Speaker 12 Listen, crew.

Speaker 12 We will not be bullied. This is our first assignment.
We parked fair and square. Okay.
And this is where we're going to stay.

Speaker 8 I mean, if you look at the sign posted here, it says no parking only on Squad's Day. And it's Walk's Day.
So.

Speaker 57 Yeah.

Speaker 14 So we're going to stay because, you know, there's no taxis. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 8 Like, you didn't mark the place.

Speaker 44 Uh, yeah, I did. I had uh three armchairs down there, and you just landed right on top of them.

Speaker 13 Well, now

Speaker 12 we don't see, see, come on, I don't see any armchairs.

Speaker 23 So, how's the armchair even mark it?

Speaker 55 Do you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 12 Am I supposed to be intimidated by like a

Speaker 12 super tall, beautiful, model-esque being? And there's like an ethereal light about you. No, whatever.

Speaker 44 Feel free to drive around in the neighborhood and try to find a spot.

Speaker 44 Ever since all those envoys showed up here trying to like drop off their delegates and whatnot, it's been totally impossible to find a spot.

Speaker 55 I think it's Oddboy, but you know, whatever.

Speaker 34 AJ.

Speaker 44 Are you making fun of me?

Speaker 14 No, I'm just saying. AJ,

Speaker 14 not a good type.

Speaker 23 I'm just saying, like, I think it's Oddboy, right?

Speaker 9 Because when I say stuff that's not right, everyone corrects me. So, and they look at the same thing.

Speaker 40 Well, AJ, that's different. We're not a little bit different.
We're just sort of part of the same crew. We don't know anything about this person.

Speaker 24 Yeah, what's your name?

Speaker 44 Not that it's any of your business, but my name is Justine.

Speaker 58 Okay, all right,

Speaker 31 Justine.

Speaker 40 Listen, we're just here to drop off an ambassador.

Speaker 8 We'll be on our way, so like actually, like I think we sort of have to chill here until they're done with the negotiations.

Speaker 8 Justine, we are a crew of envoys here on behalf of the coalition.

Speaker 44 I'm sorry, I'm not going through this again. This happened before with the Fallupians versus the Montclairs and the Sherberts versus the Sherbets.

Speaker 44 I'm like, you know, I had to walk like eight kilomets to get home after work. And I'm not doing that to my mom.
I woke up early this morning because it's my mom's anniversary of her being sober.

Speaker 44 And I dug out her car for her in order for her to go shopping because we're running out of Talc and Cheese. So maybe it's a special day for you, but guess what? It's also a special day for me.

Speaker 44 I just happen to live in the neighborhood where you're having your negotiations. That's not my problem.

Speaker 14 Okay.

Speaker 8 You have a refrigerator right across from the big

Speaker 31 compound here.

Speaker 33 Justine, I mean, how long have you lived next to this palace?

Speaker 44 Well, I've been here since I was born, and it's rude to ask a lady her age. I don't know how it is on your planet.

Speaker 31 It's rude on our planet, too. Thank you.

Speaker 44 But what I will say is, it comes and goes. Sometimes it's like a rec center for the senior citizens, but then like.

Speaker 33 It's not even a palace all the time?

Speaker 44 No, it's just sometimes it's just like, oh, great, envoy time.

Speaker 44 Like, everybody, like,

Speaker 17 okay, AJ,

Speaker 31 please, please.

Speaker 18 Yeah, I think it's just a dialect, AJ. I think it's just a regional sort of dialect.

Speaker 8 And I think this also might be an either-neither situation where, you know,

Speaker 44 no, this happened with the neithers versus the neithers, too.

Speaker 25 Oh, no.

Speaker 44 And all of a sudden, everybody's like, here we go again. Cancel a block party.

Speaker 44 There she goes.

Speaker 44 Yeah, mom. What's the big old thing goodbye space?

Speaker 44 I don't know, mom, but I'm sorry. There ain't no room for your regot Elantra for some reason.
I don't know. Maybe you should have a conversation with these jokers.
I'm on the edge, Justine.

Speaker 44 I'm on the edge. I know.
You've got to understand. She cannot be put through stress right now, okay?

Speaker 8 She seems agitated, that's for sure. All right, I'm just gonna circle the block again, Justine.

Speaker 43 Oh, wow, yeah.

Speaker 9 No, I see there's a resemblance with you and your mom.

Speaker 14 You're both tall and what was the word, Dar?

Speaker 49 F3. Ethereal.

Speaker 16 Yeah, both those things.

Speaker 44 Everyone keeps calling me that. Never understood what it meant.
I assumed it's an insult.

Speaker 8 Ethereal sort of refers to the way that every time you turn your head, your hair sort of like whips

Speaker 8 gently in slow motion.

Speaker 12 As if there were a fan blowing it.

Speaker 44 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 8 Or you yourself and your beauty had the power to slow down time?

Speaker 12 Oh, yeah, I get that from my dad.

Speaker 25 Oh, cool.

Speaker 17 Where's he doing?

Speaker 44 He's in prison. Okay.
If you need to know, my dad's in prison. Wow, I'm so sorry.
Because he works there as an inmate.

Speaker 2 Oh. Undercover.

Speaker 34 Okay.

Speaker 44 He was arrested for impersonating a prisoner. So we're not quite sure where he is right now in the process.

Speaker 54 That's a lot of twists.

Speaker 11 Yeah, who knows? That's thorny.

Speaker 8 I lost the thread at one point.

Speaker 12 you.

Speaker 18 Just see, I'm sorry, just one more quick aside, and then we will leave you alone.

Speaker 56 Crew,

Speaker 17 I know that, like, she's just some random person, and like we have, like, a big job to do, but like, surely we can find another spot.

Speaker 8 Yeah, or maybe we could just let the ambassador off again.

Speaker 14 Maybe one of us should just go get him and then put down.

Speaker 12 Did I say earlier?

Speaker 47 Darn, why aren't we taking this around?

Speaker 11 We flattened those three armchairs fair and square.

Speaker 8 I don't know.

Speaker 14 This is,

Speaker 21 I always get corrected when I say stuff.

Speaker 14 So I don't understand why I don't get to correct somebody.

Speaker 8 Because culturally, they might just pronounce it.

Speaker 46 Also, AJ, we have translators in our noses. She's not even speaking a remotely recognizable language to us.
It's just what the translator is putting into our brains.

Speaker 56 Well, my nose worm is broken then.

Speaker 33 Maybe. Well, I mean, it did sound like invoid to me, though, too.

Speaker 8 To be fair, okay,

Speaker 14 I didn't take issue with it.

Speaker 31 I didn't say anything about it.

Speaker 8 Hold on, hold on. AJ, good for you.
Good for you.

Speaker 8 It is good for us. It's real good.

Speaker 44 I like your energy, dude. What's your name?

Speaker 14 Oh, I'm AJ2A4.

Speaker 44 Oh, nice. Hey.

Speaker 8 Hey, what's up?

Speaker 20 Hi.

Speaker 23 What is happening? I don't know.

Speaker 14 I thought we were.

Speaker 49 Oh, man. He's like squeezing his biceps.

Speaker 8 Listen, Justine, the peace between the Tarbassians and the Perganos may depend on Ambassador Tharjeko getting in there. So

Speaker 8 you have the opportunity to really help the peace process.

Speaker 44 Look, that's not my job, okay?

Speaker 44 What I do is I throw out the ice at the rectory. That's my job.
My job is not negotiating peace or whatever. I stay out of politics.
I don't care.

Speaker 44 But what I do know is I have my own patch of land on this crazy planet and you're parked in it.

Speaker 31 Wow.

Speaker 51 Okay.

Speaker 18 You know, Justine, we totally respect that.

Speaker 33 So I think our best move is to just find another place.

Speaker 27 Darn it, okay.

Speaker 46 Stop.

Speaker 31 Stop. Stop.

Speaker 8 Oh,

Speaker 8 sorry.

Speaker 8 Sorry, we're just doing a light negotiation of our own.

Speaker 8 We will have you in there in just a minute.

Speaker 35 Oh, the clock is ticking, sort of.

Speaker 32 You just have to escort me in and then hang out here for six, seven hours.

Speaker 45 So

Speaker 12 we're figuring it out.

Speaker 44 Mom, just circle one more time. Mom, circle one more time.
I am handling this, I promise.

Speaker 53 Okay!

Speaker 31 Okay, so just if you could just

Speaker 29 really stress out, if you could please to settle this just promptly, thank you.

Speaker 17 I will go back into my chamber and

Speaker 40 we will do our best.

Speaker 31 Absolutely.

Speaker 41 Yes.

Speaker 21 What do we gotta do, Justine?

Speaker 55 What do we gotta do to make this fray?

Speaker 38 I think we have to just go and give her a parking spot.

Speaker 14 It just makes me want to flag some frustration. Look, get all the muscles out.

Speaker 20 Well, I mean,

Speaker 44 she's still circling, so we could still, you know, we could still be talking. It's not.

Speaker 44 She's not here right now.

Speaker 12 Yeah, it kind of seems like Justine is on Team Not Mouthargy.

Speaker 31 I say that.

Speaker 9 Do you like talk to people a lot, Justine, or what?

Speaker 44 Do I talk to people a lot?

Speaker 55 Yeah, seems like you're like, you don't, or whatever.

Speaker 7 No, it's justine flirting with AJ?

Speaker 12 I'm sorry, do you want me to be part of this aside? I want to watch this sexual tension play out.

Speaker 17 Okay, alright, I just wanted to make sure I was clear.

Speaker 33 It's hard because with AJ's helmet on, it's just hard for me to tell what he's thinking.

Speaker 14 Oh, yeah, they're upside-down push-ups.

Speaker 56 So, I'm like, doing a headstand.

Speaker 55 I'm like, pushing up by a handstand.

Speaker 2 Oh, man.

Speaker 2 I can do one at it, too.

Speaker 56 So, it's just kind of, yeah.

Speaker 44 Got some strong hands. Hey,

Speaker 44 me and my mom, we're gonna throw potatoes at the delegates later. Do you want to stick around?

Speaker 56 Oh, that sounds awesome.

Speaker 55 Yeah, I totally would do that.

Speaker 14 Can we do that? Are we allowed to do that?

Speaker 38 AJ, no,

Speaker 38 we're sort of part of that thing.

Speaker 49 You know, we're kind of representing.

Speaker 7 I don't know.

Speaker 12 I think I'm gonna be Team Watch AJ throw potatoes to delegates.

Speaker 10 I keep hearing everyone discussing.

Speaker 10 Should we move Baji? Should we not move Baji? Should we move Baji? No one's asked Bargie if Baji wants to be moved.

Speaker 12 Well, I've just assumed no, Bargie, but if you want to decide which side you want to be on,

Speaker 49 are you on team? You want to move.

Speaker 10 Duh, as you know, one of my greatest pet peeves is when someone assumes something about me, okay?

Speaker 10 I have a full life, everybody. I make decisions myself, but my decision is recognizing right now that nobody wants Baji around.

Speaker 8 Nobody wants to talk to Baji.

Speaker 10 Baji was never good enough for the roles or for that relationship or for her own son.

Speaker 25 I recognize what's happening right now.

Speaker 41 No, you don't have to say that.

Speaker 12 So, I actually don't think this is about this anymore.

Speaker 21 Oh,

Speaker 14 No!

Speaker 46 No, why'd you come back?

Speaker 46 No!

Speaker 14 Well, this complicates things.

Speaker 44 Thank you. Oh, though, this is embarrassing because she moved, but

Speaker 44 my mom's not back yet, so we're just standing in an empty parking spot with three flattened armchairs.

Speaker 12 Well, also, Tharjuko has to get off of Bargie.

Speaker 4 I've heard that the Tarbassians are brandishing arms, and uh the negotiations have broken down so we could why are we in the air?

Speaker 10 Oh, I just need a moment!

Speaker 16 Wow!

Speaker 31 Toop!

Speaker 31 Wow!

Speaker 31 Top!

Speaker 31 Just taking a walk around the block! Well tup Jaco!

Speaker 31 Oh, you know, why the manor?

Speaker 31 Squeak, squeak! Tell us again about how you were brought here from the past!

Speaker 3 It's a funny story, actually.

Speaker 3 So one minute, I'm trying to eat some guy's leg as a sandwich, and next, I'm here in Wiggles Manor. With you, Lot.
You might tell me I'm in the future. That's good enough for me.

Speaker 3 You're possibly adaptable, Squeak. Nothing to it, really.
If we can't change with the world around us, we're all living in the past, isn't it? Squeak, squeak?

Speaker 3 Well, yeah, and plus, I've benefited hugely from therapy.

Speaker 29 Because here in the future, it's finally okay to talk about our mental health.

Speaker 3 That's why I'm excited about the sponsor, BetterHelp. Seamouse, BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions.

Speaker 3 They'll match you with a therapist in under 48 hours, they will.

Speaker 31 So squeaking fast! Right?

Speaker 3 Back when I'm from, before Dame Wiggles time-snatched me, only thing you could hope it'd be fast is your demise of the executioner's blade.

Speaker 3 But remember, my rodent friend, you don't need a traumatic event to benefit from therapy. Maybe you're feeling anxious or depressed, or your stress feels like it's too much to manage.

Speaker 3 I'm anxious about going to an office again, Squeak, after working from decayed chateau for so long. Makes sense.
So why not get some tools to cope and make your life just a little bit easier?

Speaker 3 And by the way, BetterHelp is way more affordable than in-person therapy, but can be just as effective. Plus, you can get 10% off your first month at betterelp.com/slash zigs.

Speaker 3 I didn't even know what a percent was before, let alone figure I'd get 10 of them off.

Speaker 29 That's better H-E-L-P.com/slash zigzag. Have you considered wearing something under the tunic squeak?

Speaker 3 No, that's one part of the future I'll never participate in.

Speaker 42 Okay.

Speaker 8 Crew, I am lead envoy. The responsibility falls to me.

Speaker 7 I assure you, I can handle this.

Speaker 32 Okay, Justine,

Speaker 15 please, please, please give us this parting spot.

Speaker 7 I mean, the ramifications for this sector are enormous.

Speaker 15 Bargain needs to land again.

Speaker 12 Heavy are the lips that blow the captain's horn.

Speaker 44 Well, I'm gonna need some insurances.

Speaker 8 Well, Justine, I'm sure I could deliver you a holographically notarized document on behalf of the Coalition of United Planets that would ensure that you and your mother, of course, would be guaranteed to.

Speaker 23 What if we like park Bargie for a while and then pile in your mom's car and then you drive us around your depressing neighborhood?

Speaker 16 Sounds fun.

Speaker 44 Yeah, I mean, I wasn't even gonna suggest that, but that's smarter.

Speaker 54 Is it smarter, though?

Speaker 31 Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is.

Speaker 8 All right, now cold off. I'm ready to come down.
Okay, all right, Barge. You are clear to land.

Speaker 8 Oh, and here comes

Speaker 56 Justine's mom.

Speaker 44 Mom, it's fine. It's fine.
I said they could. I said they could.

Speaker 44 Just chill.

Speaker 8 Your daughter has been kind enough to loan us your parking spot, and as collateral, we will all be getting into your station wagon while the negotiations proceed.

Speaker 53 Just get in the club and nobody smells my cheese.

Speaker 11 Okay, guys.

Speaker 44 Guys, um, that's my mom.

Speaker 44 Uh, don't, please don't smell her cheese.

Speaker 25 Oh, no, I want to.

Speaker 56 I don't know even that would I want to now that I can't.

Speaker 44 Well, maybe, I mean, you can smell whatever you want, you know. Oh, no, but like, just nobody bring it, nobody bring it up.

Speaker 20 Come on.

Speaker 57 Everyone, cram in.

Speaker 58 Yeah, I can't believe you fit in here, Dar.

Speaker 12 Wow, Pleck, I understood the Regan Elantra had room for the entire family, and I thought we were family.

Speaker 20 I'm sorry, you're right.

Speaker 15 I'm I'm sorry.

Speaker 8 Actually, one of us will need to leave the vehicle, and someone has to accompany Thorjoko inside to the actual excellent.

Speaker 31 Not quite.

Speaker 8 Here we go!

Speaker 8 Thank you.

Speaker 44 Mr. Soldier, you want to sit up? You can sit on my lap if you don't have a place to stay.

Speaker 56 Yeah, there's not much room, so I'm happy to sit on your lap.

Speaker 44 Okay, this is whoa. Does that metal?

Speaker 56 Just like armor.

Speaker 8 Are you sure that's comfortable? He's very heavy.

Speaker 44 No, it's... I'm very strong.

Speaker 17 Yeah, well, clearly.

Speaker 44 In fact, actually, you can see right up there, up on the left, is my boxing gym.

Speaker 45 Wow, wow, there it is.

Speaker 44 Where I used to box, but I'm not allowed to... not allowed in there anymore

Speaker 44 mostly because I was stealing janitorial supplies. But when I was boxing, I was very strong.

Speaker 17 Janitorial supplies.

Speaker 56 What kind of supplies did you get?

Speaker 44 Just like napkins and two mops.

Speaker 20 Pretty cool.

Speaker 47 Their faces are so close to each other.

Speaker 4 We seem to be driving straight away from the palace, and I've gotten

Speaker 4 a lot of money.

Speaker 57 Jumpo, don't worry about it.

Speaker 12 We're absolutely going to go back. It's just that right now I'm really watching this play out with AJ.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Okay, the Perganos have taken half of the Tarbassian delegation captive.

Speaker 45 Oh,

Speaker 45 boy.

Speaker 54 Sounds like a situation you don't want to be a part of.

Speaker 12 That sounds dangerous. So we should just

Speaker 57 be pretty soon.

Speaker 31 Yeah, so the armor is just a simple polycarbon weave.

Speaker 6 You know, nothing. That's pretty standard.
Okay.

Speaker 43 And sometimes I get this like paste in my helmet.

Speaker 9 If I eat the food and it like kind of disintegrates in the helmet and it like sticks to my head and sometimes it sort of saves me stuff for later.

Speaker 44 Yeah, that's how like I get jelly beans in my bra.

Speaker 34 Oh, yeah. All the time.

Speaker 20 Yeah.

Speaker 12 Okay, never mind. This is a soulmate situation.

Speaker 8 Working for him. This is

Speaker 56 Yeah, well, I mean, where's that cheese? I thought we were gonna smell the cheese.

Speaker 2 Where's that?

Speaker 14 We were supposed to not smell it.

Speaker 31 Oh, yeah, right.

Speaker 2 That's forbidden.

Speaker 44 Sorry, mom.

Speaker 53 It's like I told you to do something and you didn't listen.

Speaker 56 Hey, hey,

Speaker 57 what's your name, lady?

Speaker 53 Grustine.

Speaker 56 Grustine?

Speaker 55 You need to be nicer to your daughter.

Speaker 8 Like,

Speaker 56 I don't know what being sober is or whatever, but like, you need to know.

Speaker 31 AJ.

Speaker 14 It doesn't mean that you can be mean to your daughter.

Speaker 31 She seems cool and nice.

Speaker 24 She gets good back rubs. What?

Speaker 31 She just threw AG out of the car.

Speaker 54 Family pass at the boxing gym.

Speaker 12 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not a captain thing.
That is a me thing.

Speaker 44 Mom, this is not the first boyfriend you've done this to.

Speaker 14 Every time you come out, I like it.

Speaker 12 Yeah, we do need to go back

Speaker 12 for AJ.

Speaker 14 Oh no, AJ is I think

Speaker 14 you can see him.

Speaker 44 Oh my goodness, he's so fast.

Speaker 12 Look at him.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 17 He's a clone, but he's a clone of a super soldier, so you know.

Speaker 44 But you know what that means? You know what I think that means? That means he can run that fast away from us, too.

Speaker 8 I mean, technically, that is true.

Speaker 49 Yeah, but no,

Speaker 40 I'll tell you this, Justine. AJ's one of the most loyal people I've ever known.

Speaker 20 Really?

Speaker 12 I mean, he defected from his troop to follow us around space.

Speaker 41 Yeah, I mean, okay, sure, when you look at it that way, but

Speaker 2 hey, hey, AJ.

Speaker 57 Okay,

Speaker 20 he's making the roll the window down signal.

Speaker 56 Mom,

Speaker 44 can you just put the window down, mom?

Speaker 53 Okay,

Speaker 46 slightly ajar.

Speaker 58 Okay, that's fine.

Speaker 58 Listen, you can be a lot nicer to Justine. She does everything for you.
Maybe, you know, maybe, maybe the more things change, Justine, the more AJ.

Speaker 21 That doesn't apply. That doesn't apply in this situation.

Speaker 15 It doesn't apply in this situation.

Speaker 44 No, he's right. They do say the same.
Another man trying to speak for me. Not let me have my own opinion.

Speaker 35 Justine.

Speaker 44 I think I've had just as much as I can take of this.

Speaker 25 Oh, no.

Speaker 53 Justine, what have I always told you about relationships?

Speaker 53 Men are trash. Relationships are trash.
You're trash. I'm trash.
Everything is trash. This car is trash.
Cheese is trash. These sentients in front of us are all trash.

Speaker 53 And I love you.

Speaker 44 I love you too, Mom.

Speaker 44 I love you so much.

Speaker 43 Justine, you don't have to stay here, you know, with your weird smelly mob digging out her parking spot every time it snows.

Speaker 17 You know, you could do so much more.

Speaker 42 Don't you want more?

Speaker 2 Is that what people say?

Speaker 44 You know, guys, every day I go to my own house and I knock on my own door and

Speaker 44 I hope that I'm not gonna answer my own door and I got out of here and then I always answer my door and I'm like, how did I do this again? And I'm like, I don't know.

Speaker 44 What are you knocking for? What do you want? And I'm like, I was hoping.

Speaker 44 And I just want to tell you, you don't get stuck here.

Speaker 44 Don't get stuck here in this neighborhood.

Speaker 45 Oh, we're my first meeting, late.

Speaker 31 So you knock on your own door every day?

Speaker 44 Those days, yeah.

Speaker 12 What if you weren't there to answer it?

Speaker 16 Yeah, man.

Speaker 44 Are you just making fun of me?

Speaker 32 No, honestly, you've posed a really strong hypothetical.

Speaker 44 That's what my mom was addicted to, by the way.

Speaker 54 Hypotheticals. Hypotheticals.

Speaker 20 Wow.

Speaker 31 Wow.

Speaker 15 In theory, they're very dangerous.

Speaker 11 Yeah, in theory.

Speaker 34 That's true.

Speaker 35 Thank you, C53.

Speaker 18 You know, Justine, AJ's right.

Speaker 33 Your society is interplanetary.

Speaker 47 You could leave here whenever you wanted to. We could give you a ride to the RSS Synergy if you wanted.

Speaker 44 Nah,

Speaker 44 they don't want to meet me.

Speaker 31 They do.

Speaker 18 We're not even from this galaxy, and they gave us a job almost immediately.

Speaker 57 Really?

Speaker 57 Yeah.

Speaker 44 They're not going to make fun of me or think that I'm not fancy enough?

Speaker 40 I mean, I don't think so.

Speaker 33 Our lead envoy, if you'll remember, is a toaster.

Speaker 34 Yeah.

Speaker 49 So I'm just saying, you know, I think if you're feeling stuck here, come up to space with with us, you know? Maybe you can find a reflectorium to hang out in. Be a part of the coup, you know?

Speaker 20 Oh, wow.

Speaker 9 Or the other thing we could do is break into the boxing gym and really, like, really take the

Speaker 11 stake.

Speaker 12 Yeah, it's like steal a couple more mops.

Speaker 23 Yeah, mess it up.

Speaker 9 And then steal all the janitor stuff. You know?

Speaker 6 That's the thought.

Speaker 9 It's one of the two. Either, you know,

Speaker 9 join the idyllic

Speaker 14 in a utopian space society or

Speaker 44 Let's get that gym. Let's get that gym.

Speaker 20 Oh, just the wit, really?

Speaker 32 Wow.

Speaker 12 I mean, they barely let you posit that to them before AJ and Justine started running towards the boxing gym.

Speaker 8 Well, the good news is we're back at the palace. Um, Ambassador Jeko, we're so sorry it took so long.

Speaker 4 Several Porganos have defected to the Tarbassian side. It turned out that the Tarbassian leader was secretly harming their own position in favor of the Porganos.
So, um,

Speaker 15 this sort of seems like helpful info to have before you go in to negotiate peace.

Speaker 4 I could have stopped all of it.

Speaker 12 Are you listening to this like on a play-by-play sports radio?

Speaker 47 Howard Harry, how do you know this?

Speaker 4 You have one ear, buddy.

Speaker 20 Okay.

Speaker 34 Okay,

Speaker 34 so everyone, if you could just get into your happy baby

Speaker 16 happy baby, happy baby.

Speaker 34 You have just completed

Speaker 16 your craft.

Speaker 33 What are you saying?

Speaker 34 I'm sorry, this is restorative yoga for the elderly. The boxing gym closed down months ago.

Speaker 37 If you're more than 15 minutes late, you're supposed to just not come.

Speaker 16 Oh, shut up!

Speaker 16 Ow! Ow!

Speaker 32 I don't feel like a happy baby.

Speaker 2 Nobody trying to be a hero. Nobody trying to be a hero.

Speaker 24 Just give us all the janitorial supplies.

Speaker 8 That's all we want.

Speaker 43 Do you guys have plumbing stuff?

Speaker 2 Or, like, we need all of it? Just make it a good thing.

Speaker 61 Brother, I got all kinds of plumbing problems.

Speaker 35 Oh, hey, Uncle Dave.

Speaker 62 Hey, Justine, how you doing?

Speaker 44 I'm good. Sorry about this.
I thought it was still a boxy chim.

Speaker 61 I'm working on my hip.

Speaker 36 I got a lot of flexibility issues.

Speaker 57 All right. Well, yeah, we're strange.

Speaker 44 Don't talk to me.

Speaker 36 Oh, okay.

Speaker 61 Well, your boyfriend threw a trash can at me, so I thought we maybe were back.

Speaker 7 Oh, I'm not her boyfriend.

Speaker 44 You said you were my boyfriend.

Speaker 56 Oh, am I your boyfriend?

Speaker 9 Well, I guess I should probably tell you this.

Speaker 9 I'm six years old and I have no genitals.

Speaker 20 Uh-uh.

Speaker 44 Not again. I'm out of here.
I'm out of here.

Speaker 50 Okay.

Speaker 36 Well, that could have gone over better, buddy.

Speaker 36 I'm single.

Speaker 36 Okay, I found Parking. Everybody, get out.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 18 Thank you, Christine. You know, it was a pleasure.

Speaker 58 Glad you found Park. Oh, wow.

Speaker 18 She parked right under Bargie.

Speaker 7 Huh, look at that.

Speaker 40 We should have thought of that earlier.

Speaker 4 Oh, so your argument was for nothing?

Speaker 12 Okay, let's see you inside, Jucko.

Speaker 49 Well, luckily, only one Tarbassian and one Borganeau remain, so it should be a relatively directed.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 31 hundreds.

Speaker 63 What?

Speaker 4 They're at lunch, so they have to leave one.

Speaker 11 I see the parson. You made it sound like they had murdered each other.

Speaker 28 You knew exactly what that sounded like.

Speaker 20 You editorialized too bad. No?

Speaker 4 You know what? No, I said just the truth.

Speaker 8 Sorry, I have to say for an ambassador.

Speaker 17 That's a pretty manipulative move.

Speaker 41 Yeah, you bury a lot of leads.

Speaker 4 Well, I cannot change your wrong opinion about me

Speaker 4 because you know what they say. The wronger your opinion about me is, the more it stays the same.
So I will not try to change it.

Speaker 4 That's what my tattoo says.

Speaker 12 Did you say there was lunch?

Speaker 4 Oh, not for not for Envoys.

Speaker 57 No?

Speaker 4 we work here sort of i mean let's be honest

Speaker 4 that was a bad job of the thing you were to do

Speaker 50 i mean he's not wrong about that no it's hard to argue with that yeah

Speaker 12 we did get to see the boxing gym though

Speaker 20 whoa hey jay

Speaker 31 i didn't have a trash can

Speaker 2 Where's your team? Hey, it broke up.

Speaker 9 I didn't know we were together, but then when I kind of suspected we were...

Speaker 32 Oh, you didn't know you were together?

Speaker 49 Because we all knew you were together.

Speaker 40 It was going really well, I thought.

Speaker 4 Alright, peace broker.

Speaker 17 Wow. What?

Speaker 32 Yeah. You did that?

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 4 Well, here's the thing. One of them, this is crazy.
One of the porganos,

Speaker 4 his last name is Toup. And then I explained that to the Terbasian ambassador, and we had a big laugh about it.
And then everyone was having such a good time that they just agreed to be friends.

Speaker 4 Because can you imagine your name is Doop?

Speaker 54 No one say anything.

Speaker 12 It's funnier this way.

Speaker 60 And now, lot 136. Two of the late dame's effects.
A small embroidered pouch, which contains some sort of blush or setting powder, and this fine walking staff. We'll start the bidding at 15 croon.

Speaker 59 15 croon.

Speaker 60 15 croon from the small gentleman with the knife. Do I hear 20?

Speaker 7 20 croon, 20 croon. 20.

Speaker 60 20 croon from the gentleman in the apron. We're at 20 croon.
Look at this woodwork, friends. Look at the stitching.
Who's at 30? 30 croon is a steel for antiques like this.

Speaker 45 30 croon.

Speaker 60 50 croon from the lady engulfed in flames. Do I hear 60?

Speaker 40 60 croon, 60 croon. No.

Speaker 7 All right.

Speaker 18 That's 50 going once.

Speaker 60 50 croon going twice.

Speaker 32 Going three times.

Speaker 59 50,000 croon.

Speaker 8 croon.

Speaker 60 Sir, the bidding is currently at 50 croon.

Speaker 14 What can I say?

Speaker 14 I'm an avid stick enthusiast.

Speaker 51 See this one?

Speaker 45 Just hoping to add one more to the collection.

Speaker 14 Short for collection. Sure, but

Speaker 32 20,000 croon is way more

Speaker 42 is when you say sold.

Speaker 32 sold.

Speaker 26 Sold for 20,000 kroon to the red-eyed cyborg in a cloak.

Speaker 60 You are the proud owner of the late Dame Wiggle's walking staff and powder pouch.

Speaker 14 Yes, and I think I'll take them traveling.

Speaker 1 This is Sea Red IT5. Credits and Attributions Joyed commencing outro protocol.
Play Deck Center and the Auctioneer were played by Alden Ford.

Speaker 1 Lead Envoy C53, the prospective estate buyer, and Uncle Dave were played by Jeremy Benn. Dar, the Yoga Instructor, and the Lady in Fire were played by Ellie Kokesh.

Speaker 1 Barjie the Ship, Christine, and the Shrimp Lady were played by Mudon Zolfagari. Nera Bundeloy, Bar Jucco, and the Time-Snatched Guy were played by Seth Lynde.

Speaker 1 AJ and the Realtor were played by Winston Null. Justine was played by special guest Christine Ningle.
Christine is a writer and producer for The Simpsons.

Speaker 1 Before that, she was a writer for Saturday Night Live, Kroll Show, and Inside Amy Schumer, and head writer for The President Show.

Speaker 21 Follow her on Twitter at NENGLISH.

Speaker 1 For Bay of War was played by Brendan Lee Mulligan. This episode was edited by Seth Lynn with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Speaker 1 Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan to perform by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Orchestra mixing by Danny Keith Taylor.
Additional music by Shane O'Connell.

Speaker 1 Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Cretchley. Shift design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.
Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Speaker 1 Our website is missiontozix.space, where you can order magnetic Zalcotron 5000 refrigerator emblems, hyper-proton fuel stickers, t-shirts, and more.

Speaker 1 Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fund Network.

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Speaker 64 Well, there is, and it's Ono Ross and Carrie on Maximum Fun.

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Speaker 53 Well, get in the car. We'll drive it.

Speaker 20 Okay. All right.

Speaker 20 Everybody in. Okay.

Speaker 20 It's huge on the inside.

Speaker 58 Is this the shuttle to the negotiations?

Speaker 39 No, no, Thar, you're just going to go right across the street.

Speaker 39 Yeah, so you're going to be.

Speaker 18 Should one of us stay and just kind of walk him across the street? Or?

Speaker 57 I'll probably be fine.

Speaker 20 No.