L10: Just the Tubes of Us [LIVE ft. Rachel Wenitsky]

Hey everybody, Alden Ford here.

Happy Max Fund Drive!

As you know, Mission is Xix and all Maximum Fund shows are primarily made possible by listener support, and the Maximum Fund Drive is your chance to help us make our show.

At maximumfund.org/slash join, you'll see monthly levels for pretty much any budget from $5 a month up to $200 per month.

And yes, people who can afford it and love Max Fun shows actually do give that much.

Most people choose $10, $20, or $35 a month, and you can choose whatever level is right for you.

We have always loved making Mission to Zix,

but it's become something else since we started it.

It's now a show that we love making with you.

The late nights editing and mixing, the Zoom recording sessions in four different time zones, the orchestra, which this season has been upgraded to 61 pieces.

These are all things that you, our supporters, make possible.

And please believe me when I say that we always try to make every dollar you give us come right back to you through your headphones.

I hope you can hear it.

It's never been an exaggeration to say that Mission to Zix could not exist without your support.

But this year, it's especially true.

You may have noticed, for example, that we have had fewer ads this season.

I mean, it's understandable.

The sponsors are a little more strapped than usual, and that probably means fewer companies that are excited to learn that on Mission to Zix, their product will be sold by alien cultists, library perverts, and tuper spickle.

But we know that this year, more than most, is a weird time to ask you to give a free comedy podcast here money.

There are plenty of places and people and causes in need at a time when your own financial stability might not be what it was a year ago.

I won't pit our show against any of that.

What I will say is that for me, Mission to Zix has been a welcome oasis of normalcy at a time when some things I used to take for granted, like live performance, audience interaction, even just joking around with friends, are all but non-existent.

I've always been grateful to be able to make this show, but this year it's given me a connection to comedy, to my friends, and to you that I didn't think would ever feel quite so rare.

And it's been amazing to hear from listeners that the show is also helping them cope or connect or feel a little bit normal during this scary and surreal time.

So if you are in a position to support Mission to Zix financially, we would so appreciate it if you would consider doing so now.

And if you're a Maximum Fun listener who's gotten into our show since the last drive, we would be honored if you added us to the list of shows you support and even consider increasing your level.

That's maximumfun.org slash join.

Stay tuned after the episode for details about all the rad stuff you can access slash get if you join or upgrade during the drive, including bonus content, gifts, and more.

And now, I'd like to present a live episode recorded back in January as part of the Brooklyn Podcast Festival at Brooklyn's incredible bellhouse with our amazing returning guest, Rachel Winitsky.

If you're anything like me, it will be a little unsettling, heartbreaking, and invigorating to hear the sound of hundreds of people in one room.

Thank you so much for listening to Mission to VIX.

Enjoy.

And very excited to welcome out our special guest tonight, Rachel Winitsky.

Bring her out here.

So tonight you're going to hear an interim episode.

This is going to be an episode about what happens between seasons.

So this is going to be very exciting.

We have one more thing that we would like to do.

Because this is an episode that takes place after the season three finale, we don't have a crawl that reflects what is going on in the galaxy right now.

So I have a question.

Is there anyone in the audience who thinks that they can do a pretty good British accent?

Yes, you?

All right, come on up, come up.

Hi, thank you.

What's your name?

Michelle.

Michelle, thank you for being here.

Yes.

So

for those of you who don't know, every episode of Mission to Zix starts with a crawl narrated by a dulcet sounding British man.

And that's what you're going to do tonight.

Yes.

So here is the version of the crawl, and you're going to read it along with the music.

You've got this.

Alright, ready?

Give Michelle a hand.

Alright, so you're gonna read this and then the episode will begin.

Okay?

All right, here goes

It is a time of confusion.

Seriously, like what the chuck is happening

with the Emperor defeated the galaxy is sort of unsure what to do, especially because of the emergence of the gigantic, horrifying celestial body that has has appeared in the Zix quadrant.

It looks like some sort of flaming cosmic zit.

Now, Zema Knight Pleck Dexeta and his intrepid crew must plan their next moves, reunite a fractured galaxy, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This

is

mission

to

Z.

Hey guys, we're back.

Oh, not so loud.

No, please.

What the check happened in here?

Um, we haven't had a chance to clean up yet.

Wait, guys, we were gone for like an hour and a half.

That's enough time for a powerful orgy.

Why did you do this?

Because you were gone for an hour and a half.

Can I just say I understand why you would do that when Plex not here, but it hurts a little bit to find out you've done that when I'm here.

I'll tell you why we did it.

What's that supposed to mean?

I'll tell you why we did it.

Dara and I, we like to chat.

You know, we like to decompress and we complain about our jobs, you know?

She has a glass of white, I have a glass of red oil, and we just talk.

And then we got to talking, and we're like, why don't we have an orgy?

Although, to clarify, because you know you got dirty minds, Bleck.

What?

It wasn't a sexual orgy, okay?

No hatches were opened, okay?

No hatch-to-hatch happened.

I mean, it's none of my business.

There's a sexual orgy of the mind.

There's like

three.

There's like three people passed out in my room.

Who are these people?

Philosophers.

Philosophers?

I guess that's pretty good.

Yeah, it's like a professional thinker.

Sure.

No, I know what a philosopher is.

Hey, guys, guys, I'm stuck.

My torso's stuck in this orange beer bottle.

Nerve Yeah.

How did that happen?

I was at a mind orgy.

I went to the mind orgy.

You had the orgy with Nermit?

And not me?

Nermit got the invite to the orgy?

Uh, not so much the invite as

he heard us in the next room.

And closest thing to an invite I get.

Alright.

Nermit, you've got two options.

I can pull you out of the bottle or I can break the bottle.

Oh, boy.

Neither of these options are good.

I want to make sure that you're not going to be able to do it.

How did you get?

Was it like a suction thing, or did you crawl?

How did you get inside this bottle?

So you've never been to a mind or team.

I guess.

Actually, you're right.

You know, I might be able to just.

Get out.

Oh.

Oh, wow.

Oh, boy.

Well, guys, you know, I gotta say, you know, ever since we defeated the Emperor, I feel like we've been kind of just coasting, you know?

Got a situation here, everyone.

AJ,

you invited AJ to the mind originally?

No, yes, he was invited.

Yes, absolutely.

This feels.

I feel very consulted.

AJ, AJ, what is your situation?

There is a butt gun incident.

I repeat, the butt gun has gone horizontal.

Oh, boy.

Oh, my rod.

AJ, are you okay?

Are you okay?

Gonna be performing an extraction.

Everyone, just stay calm.

I will not be able to be on the mission.

This could take seconds, it could take hours,

it could take days.

I'm not a doctor.

Okay, all right, AJ, I mean, I don't know if we're gonna really have a mission

today.

We're you know, we're just sort of cleaning up after the orgy, I guess.

Oh, thank you for offering to clean up.

I sort of meant we as a group.

Thank you, Fleck.

All right.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

Yep.

I guess I'll just

felt the safety go off.

Okay, AJ, AJ,

you need to

stay in the bathroom.

You need to take care.

Okay.

Are you alright?

Yeah, absolutely.

Okay, alright.

Alright, AJ.

Look,

I don't know what you're doing or what needs to happen, but if you need help, let us know.

But otherwise, just just maybe keep your distance.

Oh, okay.

All right.

We're now at a

Code Brown.

This is a Code Brown now.

Okay.

All right.

Leave me be.

Go on without me.

Okay.

He agreed to do that.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

These are my books.

Just gonna get out.

I'm sorry.

Dar, it was so much fun.

Bargie.

So nice connecting with you.

He's a philosopher.

I just have to say, um,

you have a beautiful mind.

I don't know what a philosopher is.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

Would you call that like an escape pod of shame?

Shame?

Yeah, like you know, you're like, oh, I'm still wearing my philosopher's garb.

Now I gotta escape pod home.

There's no shame in what we did.

Okay, yeah, no, that's not.

Don't mind the sticky floors, though.

Okay.

What is it, Nermit?

Yeah.

Beep boop, boop, boop, beep, boop, boop.

Boop, boop, boop.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Nermit, what are you doing?

That sounds like someone's calling in.

Boop, boop, boop, boop.

That's not what it sounds like.

You're just making a noise.

I'm never there when it rings on that end.

I don't know.

That doesn't sound like that, Nermit.

Okay.

You know, if you want to talk to us, Nerma, you can just talk to us.

I'm just going to do it from up here on the fridge.

Guys, I'm going kind of crazy.

We don't have any missions.

You know, Nermit, it's okay for us to just relax and have a good time.

We defeated the evil emperor.

That's good.

We could take a couple months.

Yes, okay, he did transform into a gas giant-sized flaming eyeball or something, but that's not our fault.

He gets my action!

Okay,

all right.

I guess we're gonna.

Or I'm being requested to say we have an incoming message from

I care.

Is it Nermit?

Nerf.

Alright.

Nermit.

Fine.

Do you have a mission?

What is it?

I was digging in the Missionator, and you know how, like, a synthesizer will come with pre-recorded music?

There's some like stock missions.

What?

Yeah.

Nermit, we're not gonna do that.

We're not gonna do that.

Also,

what would be a stock mission on a missionator?

I don't know, but I'm just gonna say, like, we

might have the chance at succeeding at one.

I mean, all right, fine.

Okay, awesome.

Let's try it out.

It's a

Army!

Great startup scene.

Beautiful.

Alright, so go to a planet.

What else does it say?

Find resources.

Retrieve them.

High five.

Oh!

What?

What is.

That's not me.

I'm actually getting a call from inside the midnight shuttle.

It's so weird that

almost never happens?

Well, some some albums are private.

Okay,

okay, okay.

You should pick it up.

Yeah.

Hello?

Hell hello?

Is anybody there?

Hello?

Yes, we're all here.

My best friends!

My best, best friends!

Do you know who this is?

Oh my gosh!

Marf?

Yes!

Marf!

Yay!

Marf!

Don't mind the cheering Orgy

Orgy attendees.

That sounded like a bunch of philosophers waking up.

Still drunk.

Yeah.

Martha, how is everything going?

Long time?

Oh, no.

Oh, so bad.

What happened?

Something horrible has happened.

The worst thing has happened.

Was the whole planet destroyed?

No.

Do you go on trial for like a lot of financial

hurt or injured?

No, no.

Bad haircut.

Oh, yes, but I got past it.

Okay.

Listen, something terrible has happened.

It's almost hard to speak it out loud.

So, you know how my whole thing is that I own a store?

I mean, there's a lot.

You contain multitudes of our people.

Have you heard of Mary Kandu?

Oh.

No, I'm not familiar.

She wrote a book about how you should only keep things that spark joy.

So I read the book and I got rid of all my stuff.

Oh no!

This works!

I got rid of all my stuff!

I don't think that Marie Kondu...

It's actually spelled Marie, pronounced Mary.

Okay.

Okay.

That's my fault.

Mary Kondu.

I don't think Mary Kondu assumes you own a business.

I thought that was just a personal

fluttering.

There's an appendix in the back that says this could apply to your small business, your corporation.

That's maybe like a step too far.

Yeah, that's

presumptuous.

Your corporation?

What sparks joy in a corporation?

I don't know.

It doesn't seem right.

Either way, I got rid of all my stuff.

All it kept was.

Oh, you kept your tube, obviously.

Yeah.

My tube.

Yeah.

But only only one.

And I miss the rest of my tubes.

Marv, we feel terrible.

Um, we do feel bad.

What can we do?

Darn, what was that?

What can we do, really?

This is a good question.

Are you willing to go to bed for Marf and try to get her things back?

Oh, that's where this is headed?

I thought so.

You know, guys, we are looking for a mission.

Maybe we could help Marv get some of her stuff back.

Could you?

Yeah, yeah.

I think so.

Could you, really?

What happened to all the stuff?

Well, so I gave it all away.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

So to a junk planet.

Oh.

Oh, no.

Uh,

just taking a wild stab based on planets in the vicinity and known junkers.

Yep.

You didn't give it to the tree torrents, did you?

I may have.

Marv.

Marv.

Yeah.

I may have.

Oh, she might have.

Marv.

Marv, this is some of the shrewdest traitors in the galaxy.

That's why I've called you.

I need help.

I need my best friends to come help me get my stuff back.

All right.

Well, Marv, you know,

we'll meet you there, I guess.

You know, we can give it a shot, right?

Yeah, I'll meet you there.

Guys, this is good.

We have a mission.

We can help our friend?

Huh?

She said best friend.

I'm still here, and I can't.

Wow.

Yeah.

I had no idea how much junk there is on this planet.

Sort of their deal.

Okay.

All right.

You're just saying.

said.

Yes, I know.

No, I know.

I know.

I know.

I know.

Okay, in retrospect, that was a dumb thing to say, but I'm just saying, like,

the buildings are made of junk.

The vehicles are made of junk.

There's people who are, like, wearing cotton, like, uh, wardrobe.

I get that.

I get that.

Nice eye patch.

Oh, thank you.

I will sell it back to you.

No, what?

Oh.

You seem to be in need of an iPad.

I want an iPad!

I want an iPad!

Oh, let's start the bidding over here.

Give me that!

Thank you.

But you got to watch yourself.

Yeah, he's never learned if you just take back the iPad for him.

I feel like just going free socket is going to be

harder to negotiate.

Nobody likes

hello.

I am a tire.

Guys, this tire is talking to us.

Yeah, this is one of these Bronco cybernetics coverage made sentient tires for a while.

It wasn't please.

They couldn't include a full cybernetic brain in the tire.

But they have a family.

I'm five years old.

I'm an all-weather radial.

They understand enough to speak, but not enough to understand like a moral dilemma is the problem.

I don't know.

How much?

Dar, don't buy a set of tires.

It could be a good deal.

We don't need any tires.

They're clearly in a jam.

You're gonna let the whole family go for real cheap.

Son!

Yes, mother.

Oh, no.

Wait, but I'm rolling away.

Okay, how much?

Six croons for the floor.

No, that's a great deal.

No, it's not.

It is.

We don't need it.

Just practically.

Just know before you buy us, as you drive upon us,

it wears down our tiny bodies.

Oh, my rod.

Yeah, you see why the market for these never really took off.

Oh, yeah.

No.

Listen, I'm sorry.

Go find your mom, I guess.

Marp!

It's me, I'm far away, and I'm running towards you!

No!

Marp!

Guys!

Coming this direction!

Just testing that junk hill.

I'm taking a rest.

That's fine, that's fine.

Don't need to tire yourself out.

Okay, I'm running again.

I'm here!

Wow!

Wow!

Oh, hey!

Marp, it is great to see you again.

It's amazing to see you all.

We're also so sorry about that.

I mean, it seemed like a good idea.

You know, clarify your life, make it simpler.

Yeah, I'm sorry that book ruined your life.

It really did.

And then when I was done, I had to get rid of the book.

Sure.

It was awful.

Do you feel, you know, freed at all?

I don't know, you can come and go from your planet as you please.

I guess.

But

what use is your freedom when you don't have a bunch of junk in a basement to love?

Which brings up a good point, Peter.

Yeah, that's good, I guess.

Well, listen, Marf, do you have like a list?

Like, what do you need us to get for you?

Okay, so I'd love to get back my bunch of frisbees.

Okay, sure.

Just gonna make it last year.

Bunch of frisbees.

I need the shield of whim.

Shield of whim?

Okay.

Priority-wise, are the frisbees below us?

Frisbees are first.

Wow.

Really?

Keeping frisbees up top?

They were at the front of my store, and I would see them every single day.

I just missed them.

Okay, all right.

So round.

And in a pinch, frisbees can be plates.

So

a shield.

Oh, sure.

On a whim?

Is the shield of whim a frisbee?

Be clear about this.

I can't say that it can't be used as a frisbee.

I can't say it's round, it's quite thin.

What else is on the list?

There's the great jeweled helmet of Merd.

Oh, okay.

Have you heard of it?

Great jeweled helmet of Merd, absolutely.

I pulled it out of a dune.

Yeah.

And of course,

my precious tubes.

Sure.

Wow.

Wow.

Yeah.

Someone's using it right now.

Wait, is that the one that you have?

Is that the one you have, or is that a different one?

No, that's a different tube.

Mine makes it sound like this.

You gotta follow that too.

Yeah, that's why I need the rest of my tubes.

The sound is fading a little bit.

It just sounds like this.

That's not ideal.

I can't stand that.

Alright, well,

before anything gets sold away, maybe should split up?

Yeah, yeah, I think you're right.

You know what?

I'll go try to find the frisbees.

Great.

Okay?

I could look for the Grave Jeweled Helmet of Myrrh.

Sure.

Thank you.

I'll look for the shield of whim.

I guess I'll look for the tubes.

Okay.

Great.

Good.

So we're all going off by ourselves.

Yeah.

Yep.

I don't see any problems with that plant.

What a helmet you've got, Dick.

Well,

it has many jewels.

I guess you could say that's a lot of jewels.

I don't know, I've seen helmets with more jewels on them before.

What did you say?

Okay, helmets.

I'm just saying it's where did you see such a helmet with more jewels?

Oh, um,

just out and about in the galaxy, I guess.

Out and about?

Yeah.

Where?

I need it.

Hold this worse helmet.

Okay?

Point me out and about.

And all you need is me pointing a direction?

It better be the right one.

Brother, you're gonna love this direction.

Okay.

Here I go, but just to be safe.

You wait here.

I absolutely will do that.

I don't know why he's laughing.

What do you mean, 30,000 croons for these frisbees?

That's too much.

I'm just saying they're mass-produced.

There's millions of them.

You know what?

Okay, Liz.

I don't have 30,000 croon.

I can.

I don't know.

10 croon?

No, I I can't do 20,000 either.

Okay, 12 croon.

12 croon and a kiss.

I don't know.

Seems wrong.

Are you saying that a kiss from me is worth, I don't know, 18,000 some croon?

19,988 croon.

I was just behind you.

Where did you get the helmet?

How did you get that?

I've been negotiating with this Triton for 20 minutes or so.

A kiss for me?

I don't have what you'd call a mouth in many respects.

But

who am I to say

master negotiator?

How do you think Dar is doing finding that shield?

All right, for a bunch of tires, you're all pretty good at Frisbee.

Thanks to you, I knew

it's our mother coming back.

Will you tell us a story like our mother used to?

Cause here's the problem:

We

love her.

She is the heir to our tire.

She literally fills us with air.

Okay.

How's it going?

Badly.

I mean, I have the shield of whim, but.

These terrors are making me feel real bad.

Yeah, I really, you know, when we came to the junk plant, I thought, we're going to do a lot of negotiating.

We're going to meet a lot of cool, weird people.

We're going to see a lot of stuff.

The depressing tires were not.

I would never have guessed that.

And they are literally depressing because their mother's not here to give them air.

Yeah.

They were actually extremely poorly made tires.

They lose a lot of air.

No.

They're not good.

Listen, I gotta call Marf and see how she's doing.

Hey, Marf.

Is this how you expected it to go?

No, no.

Our father dissuaded.

We gotta go.

We gotta go.

We gotta go.

We're gonna take a 10-minute break, get a drink, we'll see you in a few minutes.

C53, are you sure the coordinates lead here?

This is not like the rest of the planet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Some of this stuff looks like it's been here for years and years.

I mean, this is monarchy era junk.

I don't like this.

How much for that?

Dar.

Dar, what are you doing?

We're trying.

I mean, you just heard yourselves, right?

This is disgusting.

I'm going to get a really good deal.

Dar, we are trying to find Marf.

She's in trouble.

Our best friend is in danger.

How much would you like to pay?

My name is Mary.

Huh.

How do you spell it?

M-A-R-I-E.

Wait, wait.

Oh, no.

You just got so much bigger.

Yeah, as you spoke, a giant back half of you rose up.

Oh, that's disgusting.

You're taking too much time.

You've got to make a decision.

Do you want something or not?

Who are you?

Who are you?

My second head goes by

Kundu.

What have you done with Marf?

She's up there.

Guys, don't worry.

I've got this.

I'm a trained Zema knight.

All right.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, do I hold on, hold on, hold on.

That's the plan here.

Yeah.

Well, I'm just going to go up and, you know, whack the monster a few times and then

it's a wood saber.

That's the first time you've picked that up in days.

Okay.

I have an innate ability to use it.

While you argue over sticks,

maybe consider a discount

set of tubes.

Wow.

Those tubes don't belong to you.

We want them back.

Don't run at the.

No, don't do that.

Just sad to watch.

Yeah, you're.

You're embarrassing us.

We like to apologize.

We were sitting down.

Why don't we

scamp?

And why don't we pause for a little back story?

I don't know if you need to do that.

We convince idiots to get rid of their precious, precious things.

Of course, it's a scam.

And then we take those precious things and make them part of us.

Hor, hor, hor, hor, hor, hor, hor, hor, hor, hor.

Very deliberate laughter.

Yeah.

C53, can you tell how big this monster is when it goes underground?

I mean, my sensors are only so powerful.

There's so much interference from all this material.

The only thing that could bring us down is...

Wait, should we...

And we never discuss this part.

Do we tell them?

Do we tell them?

Are they going to reveal their weakness right now?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no,

no, you should give it to Marf.

Marf knows how to use it,

but she's all the way up there.

Do you throw it?

I don't know.

You know, you're right.

Marf.

You were always better with this than I was.

Here.

Catch.

See?

I cut the gag out of my mouth.

Wow, my

goodness.

very risky.

Yeah, I hear it.

I hear it.

We're sorry, Marv, but your stuff belongs to us.

I don't think so, Mary Condue, because I've got a little backstory of my own.

And it's called, I'm Really Good at This Thing That I'm Holding.

Here I come!

Shink,

shing,

shing!

Wow!

I like that she makes her own sound effects in addition to the sound effects.

We have no choice but to throw all of these love seats at you.

No,

not love seats.

Deal with the irony.

No, no, ow!

Facy boy!

The ones that require

this one as a massager!

Shwing!

Wait, did that

do it?

Was it the final swing then?

I think it wasn't.

I did it!

Was it the final swing?

Here's a plastic bottle.

No, I wasn't!

No!

No!

Swing!

Swing!

Swing!

Swing!

You thought they were recyclable!

They last forever!

Wait, there's one more swing left in me.

Here it comes.

Hold on, I'm taking a rest.

Smart,

yeah, you gotta rest.

This is hard.

Oh, you oh, swing!

This was a moment of confusion.

I guess we'll never really know who or what Mary Kondu was.

Well, no, it was clearly a two-headed garbage monster.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

I mean, besides that, I mean, like, was it always into garbage?

Hey, what?

Listen.

Wow.

Wait, it's somewhere in this pile of junk.

I'm going to search for it.

Help me dig.

Come on, Tube.

I know I'm close.

Tube, where are you?

I'm coming, Tube.

Wait for me, Tube.

My tube!

My freshest tube!

I love you so much, my beautiful tube.

Oh, my beautiful tube!

I missed you.

Miss my beautiful tube, I miss you.

Beautiful music is the only thing that resurrects.

Oh, no, what do we do?

Jock, my voice is just too beautiful.

This always happens.

Wow.

Sorry, you singing so beautifully that somebody is resurrected from the dead has happened to you multiple times.

Yes, people are like, wow, amazing.

Real backstory.

Oh, I'm walking down the street towards.

What the Juck?

My mother wanted that was assisted suicide.

She was in pain.

I'm so sorry.

What did you do to me?

I'm so sorry.

Chuck a name.

I'm so sorry.

End flashback.

End flashback.

Wow.

Well, I watched you go through something in your mind just now.

Yeah, I don't know what you were just thinking about, but it looked pretty chucked up.

You don't want to know.

Sounds intense and inappropriate.

In fact, I'm glad we don't know what it was.

I hope we never know.

You know, guys, I don't feel comfortable down here.

I think we should get back to the surface.

We're still working on the garbage monsters blocking our way.

Remember the garbage monster?

Mary Kondu is back alive because of my beautiful singing.

We have to stop her, but I'm all out of swings.

Oh, I know.

Let's try singing.

Yeah, yeah.

What if it resurrects it again because it's so beautiful?

We're alive.

Let's see.

Okay.

There's a.

Okay.

Bye-bye.

Like, two notes?

Yeah, that's very fast.

You did it.

Your bad voice saved the day.

Okay, I have a pretty good voice.

Your bad voice was in you the whole time.

Well, happy to help, I guess.

Thank you so much for helping me.

Look, all of my tubes, my shoe, all of my stuff.

Yeah, there's like 65 C-series droid frames over there.

Yeah, I got I didn't need them, but, you know, I guess it's okay to have

some stuff.

I mean, sure.

You know, Marv,

I feel like being down here in the bowels of Mary Kondu, it makes me realize, you know, there's got to be a middle ground.

You know, you can have some stuff.

You don't have to get rid of everything.

You have to be true to who you are, but you just can't let it get out of hand.

You're right.

I really feel like, in a way, defeating Mary Kondu was like a metaphor.

How do you think?

Well, I think it's a metaphor because, like, I wanted stuff, but then I got rid of the stuff, and then I wanted it back.

But then I met like a stuffed monster who kind of represented that voice in my head that was like, collect more stuff, spend money on stuff.

And then I defeated that monster, and so it was sort of like saying that I didn't need my stuff.

And in that way, I feel like ultimately, it is a metaphor.

You know who would love this?

A mind-organ.

Yeah,

yeah, we should call up some philosophers.

Oh, hey guys, how did the mission go?

Oh, hey, AJ.

Good.

Oh, it was good.

How did the butt gun?

Pretty good.

Really?

What?

You put it back?

Yeah, absolutely.

I don't.

Alright, man.

Nermit, how did it go up here?

It took him a real long time.

It was nasty.

Oh!

Oh!

I'm

getting another phone call.

Oh.

Hey!

Hey!

Murph!

Murph!

You got the store back in shape.

Everything's back.

It looks great.

Thank you, so I feel really good about it.

You guys gotta stop by sometime.

Oh, we should.

It looks very tidy.

It's smaller, it's clean, it's full of just the stuff I need.

And tires!

Oh, you took the tires.

You sell tires now?

Yeah, I sell tires now.

Marv, they look so happy.

Yeah, no one wants them.

How much for the tires?

Oh,

they're not for sale.

That doesn't make sense.

It's a store.

Okay.

Marf, you know, it was great to see you again.

And

you did great work out there with the dingle hopper.

Of course, but hey, Pleck.

Yeah.

Check your back pocket.

Oh.

That's right.

I put the dingle hopper in your back pocket in the chaos of the end of that whole thing that happened before.

Wow.

You didn't notice?

It's a big stick.

I mean, I, well, you know, it's just, it's the, the thing is that the robe is always kind of like whacking against.

I'm my my buttocks are not numb, okay?

It's just I have a lot of layers, they're always shifting.

There's the shorts, which are very tight, and then the robe, which is very loose.

It's, you know, you wouldn't understand.

You don't even have nerve endings, C53.

Wow.

Wow.

I hope you make good use of it.

All I have left to say is

enjoy the dingle hopper.

I hope you have

that guy just woke up.

That guy was dead.

This is C-Red IT5, Credits and Attributes Destroyed, commencing outro protocol.

Pop a Plex Deck Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.

C-53 was played by Jeremy Ben.

Dar was played by Allie Kokesh.

Bargie the Ship, Sad Tire, Kiss Sinking Junker, and Marie, or excuse me, Mary, were played by Bujan Solfagari.

Master Missions Operations Manager Nerman Bundeloy, Depressed Child Tire, and Kondu were played by Seth Lynn.

AJ was played in Abstentia by Winston Knoll.

Marf was played by special guest Rachel Linitsky.

This episode was performed live at the Bellhouse at the Brooklyn Podcast Festival.

Live sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famed Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Opening crawl narration by Michelle!

Shift design for the Bargarian Jade by Eric Boyce.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

And Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Bun Network.

A special thanks to everyone who gave this performance, Enchanted Legs.

Guys, that's our show.

Thank you so much for coming out.

Enjoy the rest of the festival.

Have a great night.

Hey there, it's Alden again.

I mentioned up top that we would tell you about some of the exclusive content and gifts you can get for becoming a new or upgrading member of Maximum Fun.

So here we go.

If you join now, at any level, you will get access to exclusive Mission to Zix content, including five more live episodes with a sixth on the way very soon.

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If you become a member at maximumfund.org slash join, you'll get access to all of this exclusive stuff and more to be released in the future, plus bonus content from all of the other Max Fun shows.

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And of course, there's amazing physical stuff that you can get also.

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If you join at or upgrade to $10 a month, you can get a custom enamel Mission to Zix pin that's only available during this year's drive, plus access to the bonus content.

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Thank you again for listening and for helping.

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Join these heroes, old and new, at maximumfund.org/slash join.

See you next week.

Maximumfund.org.

Comedy and culture.

Artist owned, audience-supported.

So today we're going to be using you guys to help us in our upcoming fourth season.

That is, if you would like to have your voices in the show.

Great.

If you don't want your voice in the show, just don't say anything.

This first one is very clear.

This is obviously going to give away a big thing.

You're going to be able to figure out what the episode is about.

You're going to say, We are legs, army of legs.

We are legs.

Army of legs.

We are legs, are we at legs?

We are legs, are we in length?

We are legs, are we in length?

Amazing!

Sorry for the big spoiler.

I know that everyone was wondering,

and it's the answer is yes.

Thank you so much!

That was awesome!

That is incredible!

Those sounds and more available.