405: A More Prefect Union [ft. Jordan Carlos]

Speaker 1 This is SeaRed IT5 with a few announcements. Due to a pandemic in a quadrant far from Zix, the Max Fun drive has been postponed.
More details about the drive are at the end of this episode.

Speaker 1 In times like this, when society must come together, or in this case, separate, for a common cause, we are reminded how lucky we are to be part of a community-supported operation like Maximum Fun.

Speaker 1 Mission to Zix will continue to put out episodes, edited, and sound designed from our isolation bunkers on the off chance that the absurd travails of a crew far away might comfort you during this trying time.

Speaker 1 Stay safe, stay fresh, we jucking love you.

Speaker 2 It is a time of chaos.

Speaker 5 Without a ruler, the galaxy is paralyzed by lawlessness, unrest, and of course, the colossal, all wheat,

Speaker 5 which looks like a supernova hitting rock bottom.

Speaker 5 Now, Captain Dar and their intrepid crew must survive the looming threats, reunite a fractured galaxy, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

Speaker 4 This

Speaker 13 is Mission to Sink.

Speaker 13 Hey, Captain Dar.

Speaker 15 Uh, what's going on? Do you notice there are a lot of uh people on the ship that are not us?

Speaker 16 I'm sorry?

Speaker 20 Why is there a sign that says waiting room on the loading dock?

Speaker 12 No, I'm stupid.

Speaker 15 Wait, I'm I'm sorry. There are other people here?

Speaker 9 I just have been

Speaker 14 so busy with all this

Speaker 15 paperwork. I just haven't even had a chance to uh shower yet.

Speaker 21 I don't know. I don't I just thought that you'd probably be the person I'd forgotten.

Speaker 22 No, you get them for me.

Speaker 15 I should be the person that would know.

Speaker 11 RG, why are there people on the ship?

Speaker 22 They're taking meetings. We're doing a bunch of generals.

Speaker 23 Okay. I'm in development now.

Speaker 24 We got a general on board?

Speaker 12 Fallen! There's a general on board.

Speaker 16 Okay, no.

Speaker 12 Agent, general swivel, Agent.

Speaker 25 That's not.

Speaker 20 Even if there were a general, that's not what you want.

Speaker 18 Other generals.

Speaker 22 No, no.

Speaker 22 A general in the entertainment biz lingo is when people without jobs come and pitch themselves to you and then I as a s person in development, go, Okay, wow, and then I never do anything about it.

Speaker 18 Oh, that's a general meeting.

Speaker 26 Okay, so there's no general involved?

Speaker 12 No.

Speaker 22 Well, I mean, maybe they could be.

Speaker 17 That would be interesting.

Speaker 20 If the general had a a solid elevator pitch and a sweet log line.

Speaker 22 Yeah. Soink ink, I'm ready for you.

Speaker 29 Soink ink.

Speaker 15 Okay, so here's the idea. Yeah.
So it's a workplace dramedy.

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 15 But um, everybody's a blorp.

Speaker 22 And I've seen it.

Speaker 11 Oh.

Speaker 22 Yeah.

Speaker 15 Well, I have some other stuff. Okay.

Speaker 15 So

Speaker 15 it's a courthouse dramatic. I've seen it.

Speaker 22 Alright. Get some water.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much.

Speaker 31 Oh, thank you.

Speaker 16 Wow.

Speaker 10 Wow.

Speaker 20 Listen, Bargie, are these meetings going to be done pretty soon? I think we're going to need to get to the loading band at some point.

Speaker 22 Number five.

Speaker 12 Oh, that's me. Okay.
Hi, Papa.

Speaker 4 Hi, my name is I'm Dempia Gilmore.

Speaker 22 Okay, you know, I'm only taking this meeting because I know your father, right?

Speaker 24 Oh, really? You know Papa?

Speaker 16 Of course I know.

Speaker 16 Papa.

Speaker 24 He is so sick.

Speaker 32 Yeah, but Bargie, the loading dock is the waiting room.

Speaker 15 You could use a cargo hold for the meetings.

Speaker 20 We have to sort of do crew stuff out here.

Speaker 22 Daw, thank you so much for doing the paperwork for me.

Speaker 21 Oh, wait.

Speaker 15 I thought this was for us. No, this is for you.

Speaker 22 You're helping me.

Speaker 21 These are all NGAs.

Speaker 15 I just. I mean, I didn't really understand any of it.
This is my first time as captain, so I just figured, you know, paperwork is paperwork. And I've been filling it out for hours.

Speaker 12 Yeah, Darth.

Speaker 18 Normally, you're not going to have to do that much paperwork. It's captain.

Speaker 15 Well, I mean, I never saw Pleck doing any paperwork.

Speaker 17 That's a good indication.

Speaker 15 Well, I just thought that was because it was Pleck.

Speaker 12 Also,

Speaker 11 I wasn't the captain.

Speaker 21 You weren't the captain.

Speaker 18 Captain Dora, I have an incoming transmission from temporary emergency and serial negotiations missions missions operations manager Nermit Bungaboy.

Speaker 25 Alright, let's take that call.

Speaker 23 Hi, Nermit. Hey.

Speaker 25 Nermit, thank you for you.

Speaker 15 How much paperwork am I supposed to be filling out? As Captain,

Speaker 35 we haven't sent any.

Speaker 36 Will you ever send any?

Speaker 20 I mean, I think in the papers.

Speaker 35 The paper is the future, so I guess possibly, but we haven't. I guess it would only be in the future.

Speaker 20 No, probably none.

Speaker 17 Probably none.

Speaker 23 Ah, she's not around.

Speaker 31 You don't have anything to say or anything.

Speaker 28 You just yellow.

Speaker 38 Everything froze because there was like a power outage.

Speaker 28 Oh, no, Nermit.

Speaker 25 Yeah. You're cold-blooded.
Anyway, Nermit, you had something to say?

Speaker 11 Oh, I called, yeah.

Speaker 28 We almost never call you.

Speaker 38 It's ice cold here, guys.

Speaker 35 My brain is off.

Speaker 20 Nermit, you gotta get that electricity back on.

Speaker 28 You're gonna gonna be getting

Speaker 28 real dumb.

Speaker 25 Electric blanketers.

Speaker 25 Yeah,

Speaker 41 you're a jucking idiot.

Speaker 42 I'm gonna run my head.

Speaker 45 Okay, I remember.

Speaker 14 Oh no.

Speaker 24 Nermit, what's what's the mission?

Speaker 20 Okay, the machinery's frozen over, but I'm gonna turn this crank and we're gonna get some temporary power so charge or stuff and get you the mission.

Speaker 11 Okay.

Speaker 24 Where did you get that?

Speaker 15 Uh, the closet.

Speaker 17 Oh, boy.

Speaker 28 C-53, it's.

Speaker 21 I mean, I feel bad that the power's off, but when he uses the crank, it can be.

Speaker 17 Yeah. And power.

Speaker 17 That's a true.

Speaker 15 I feel an idea.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 21 Nervit, quick, while your brain still works.

Speaker 24 Tell us the mission.

Speaker 24 Got it, go.

Speaker 20 Crew, you need to go meet Prefect Intelius Quint Quinn, who is the head of basically a perfect happy society.

Speaker 20 Pisu Gundu needs to know how he achieved that. Yeah.
And I'm sending you the the coordinates now.

Speaker 9 And the reason...

Speaker 42 I got him. Is...

Speaker 20 We better turn that crank again, Nermit.

Speaker 44 I don't know.

Speaker 20 We should send him a hat or something.

Speaker 18 I've just seen...

Speaker 43 So ice.

Speaker 11 Oh, boy.

Speaker 26 So ice.

Speaker 20 Alright, Nermit.

Speaker 20 Put a coat on or something.

Speaker 42 We'll see you later.

Speaker 18 Why don't you go down to the boiler room or something?

Speaker 20 Huh?

Speaker 32 Nermit, we'll see you later, alright? You called me?

Speaker 32 No, man.

Speaker 42 Okay, we're gonna get this.

Speaker 30 We're gonna thaw out.

Speaker 15 Go for it.

Speaker 22 Can I just say something a word about bird?

Speaker 20 No, no, no.

Speaker 20 Yeah, no,

Speaker 12 we are too.

Speaker 21 Yeah, it must be rough to have an idiot around, yeah.

Speaker 18 Does anyone get the feeling we've been here before?

Speaker 11 I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 32 Are the coordinates familiar to you?

Speaker 47 I mean, it looks familiar, but these coordinates don't match anything in my database.

Speaker 12 I feel like this odd cropping sensation just feels so familiar.

Speaker 31 Hi there.

Speaker 22 Welcome to the Zank District, the most peaceful place in the universe.

Speaker 15 Okay, wait.

Speaker 47 What?

Speaker 26 That sounds great.

Speaker 37 Wow.

Speaker 14 Is this the same Zank District?

Speaker 20 I mean, CP3, you're the one with all of the

Speaker 20 knowledge about this.

Speaker 21 Wait, what's the Zank District?

Speaker 49 Enough from this conversation.

Speaker 50 Yeah, this is.

Speaker 16 No, I want to know.

Speaker 12 I didn't want to, but this is a Zank3. Hey, hey, hey,

Speaker 12 What?

Speaker 44 What? Wait, what?

Speaker 12 We got wayward youth who need guidance.

Speaker 11 Is that a euphemism?

Speaker 14 What are you gonna do with these youths?

Speaker 12 Yeah. Oh, that sounds pretty good.
Wait, so wait, what was the Zank district before?

Speaker 21 It seems like a pretty nice place right now.

Speaker 33 Hey, Cleck.

Speaker 13 Yeah.

Speaker 15 Are you feeling that same, same like heated throbbing sensation deep from within yourself?

Speaker 11 Dar, I don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker 13 I'm a former pervert who's now rehabilitized.

Speaker 26 Definitely give it off that pervert energy.

Speaker 13 I'm a former pervert and I'm volunteering here today. I'm part of the committee to re-elect the prefect.

Speaker 3 That's right. Okay.

Speaker 20 We're not really interested. I mean, I hope you're not.

Speaker 13 Don't you want to meet the prefect?

Speaker 44 Oh, actually,

Speaker 9 yeah, we can meet

Speaker 32 Yes.

Speaker 11 Follow all these other former perverts.

Speaker 43 We're forming a very stable lives.

Speaker 15 So, all of you former perverts, all of you.

Speaker 11 We used to be perverts, but now we're critics.

Speaker 12 Yeah, we're good stuff, buddies.

Speaker 41 You live the perverts of the past.

Speaker 27 You know what's under this trench coat?

Speaker 8 Clothes.

Speaker 12 Clothes.

Speaker 11 And a diploma. Yeah.

Speaker 39 And a button.

Speaker 21 Oh, yeah, it says I like it.

Speaker 50 Here you go, Miss.

Speaker 29 Rotten down.

Speaker 52 Oh, you are such a sweet.

Speaker 52 Let me kiss your forehead.

Speaker 23 We appreciate you so much.

Speaker 39 It always feels so good delivering meals to the elderly and homeless elderly.

Speaker 44 Tell us Quint Quinn.

Speaker 40 IQ Q.

Speaker 33 IQQ.

Speaker 33 Oh, wow.

Speaker 16 Oh,

Speaker 54 I knew this moment would come, and I have been bracing for this. And I knew that

Speaker 32 if I had the power and the strength

Speaker 8 to call upon my rod, my scrimp, to call upon my rod, that I would be strong.

Speaker 56 Do not fail me.

Speaker 45 I do not strike you down in vengeance, but I embrace you as my own children.

Speaker 32 Come to me.

Speaker 10 Come to me.

Speaker 14 Yes.

Speaker 9 Embrace me embrace me loading robot

Speaker 40 Embrace me

Speaker 37 And you too ship

Speaker 24 Look at you

Speaker 32 my rod and wheel just reliving the searing trauma of being blasted out into the cold depths of space by those that I thought were my friends.

Speaker 24 Somebody recap real quick for me. What's going on?

Speaker 12 Who do you?

Speaker 24 I'm AJ. I'm

Speaker 14 do we know what?

Speaker 31 No, I don't think we do.

Speaker 32 Do I owe you money?

Speaker 25 What?

Speaker 45 Do you owe me money? Maybe. Let me tell you something about debt.

Speaker 56 It's gross and it don't belong here in the Zank system.

Speaker 9 And we don't owe nothing to nobody.

Speaker 20 AJ, IQQ stowed away aboard our ship with the intent to blast us with a sex gun, and we

Speaker 20 had no choice but to

Speaker 49 what?

Speaker 27 It's a funny story.

Speaker 20 It is sort of a funny story.

Speaker 27 When you look back and look at it, it's a funny story.

Speaker 12 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 32 We can all kind of laugh.

Speaker 15 I'm actually feeling a little sick right now, just remembering it.

Speaker 33 I just can't, like, ugh.

Speaker 18 It looks like you get the chills or something.

Speaker 15 Yeah, I don't know what it is.

Speaker 14 Just maybe it's the thought of having to face this shameful memory.

Speaker 30 Listen, we are so sorry. It was really not.
We never meant to.

Speaker 15 I mean, no, no, we meant.

Speaker 61 I mean, at the time, sure, we were

Speaker 49 working for the center of alliance.

Speaker 24 It was a very different time in our lives.

Speaker 50 Yeah, you cool.

Speaker 45 But let me tell you something. It is the rushing waters under the Jeruelian's fan.

Speaker 27 Do not worry.

Speaker 20 Wow, that's very kind.

Speaker 20 Let's just say we all had different jobs, and IQQ, I am glad that you are happy and healthy and seem to have really turned things around for yourself.

Speaker 31 Hello.

Speaker 12 Right, recycling.

Speaker 12 And repurposing. And yes.

Speaker 25 That's very nice. Requirement.

Speaker 39 Yes, we don't use those for pornography anymore.

Speaker 32 We use it to make the laws and to help the people.

Speaker 39 Sure. And that's what we're all about.

Speaker 32 That's really

Speaker 9 wonderful.

Speaker 2 Why don't you join me in my pleasure gardens and I will relate to you the story of my past, my present, my future, perfect, and beyond.

Speaker 39 Come on into the pleasure gardens.

Speaker 24 Yeah, we were here before.

Speaker 4 Well, they're more pleasurous now than before.

Speaker 31 Look at all this. Yeah.

Speaker 30 It's just so green and very lush.

Speaker 4 Very lush, isn't it?

Speaker 58 Wow. So lush and feckin'.

Speaker 34 Whoa, it looks like there's a farm and table restaurant right over there.

Speaker 2 Yes, well, it's actually table to farm.

Speaker 45 You take the table to the farm and you pick out what you want. You got your blebe larps and you,

Speaker 45 you know, it's in season, it's the crayons right now.

Speaker 44 Pardon me, pardon me.

Speaker 11 Turn your lights on.

Speaker 43 Okay.

Speaker 46 Sorry, guys.

Speaker 43 Take the table.

Speaker 12 There you go.

Speaker 12 Oh, wow.

Speaker 24 Oh, oh, yeah.

Speaker 44 Oh, wow.

Speaker 53 Table to farm. Table to farm.

Speaker 59 Much has changed in the Zyng system.

Speaker 53 Now, it was a horrible event that I have since forgiven you for, Clark, when you blasted me into the cold vacuum of space.

Speaker 48 And I had time to reflect as all my particles reversed and all of the moisture in my body was extracted and taken out.

Speaker 32 As I felt my lungs go through my throat

Speaker 39 that

Speaker 32 I would forgive you

Speaker 9 because

Speaker 31 so what was this guy before he was a prefect

Speaker 26 you shot him in space but what was he before relaxed

Speaker 11 I solicited

Speaker 50 solicited

Speaker 32 flesh

Speaker 8 I'm not proud of it

Speaker 12 and now

Speaker 55 that is a terrible word yet on the money

Speaker 45 But yes, that's what I was. As was my father before me, as was his mother.

Speaker 31 Wow.

Speaker 42 I didn't know that about you.

Speaker 21 And now you reconsidered everything, and now you're a prefect of a district assistant.

Speaker 27 I am, and I have y'all to thank for it.

Speaker 32 I would.

Speaker 33 How did you survive in space?

Speaker 7 How did I survive in space?

Speaker 54 I tilted my body to the right angle

Speaker 62 and re-entered the Zync system.

Speaker 37 Are you free?

Speaker 18 Phil, from things?

Speaker 10 Nothing is free.

Speaker 44 It costs me.

Speaker 58 My body was crushed on impact.

Speaker 20 Is that why you're mostly like cybernetic?

Speaker 27 Yes.

Speaker 55 I still forgive you.

Speaker 8 I have it in my heart.

Speaker 55 And I pray to Rod every day because to hold that mantle is not easy.

Speaker 2 I got it easy. It's not easy.
I totally get that.

Speaker 42 Oh, pimping ain't easy pimping ain't easy but you know what else ain't easy politics in a modern age

Speaker 39 and it's hard to be to have the public trust and to be a servant of the people but i have instituted and we now have zero percent infant mortality rate we have

Speaker 39 yeah we have zero percent dog mortality rate now dogs live forever

Speaker 44 at some point right though

Speaker 32 dogs live forever

Speaker 44 Then we all volunteer.

Speaker 56 Everybody volunteers.

Speaker 4 So if you volunteer to be police, if you you volunteer to not be police, if you volunteer to be, you know, arrested by police.

Speaker 57 Everybody is volunteering and the whole system works.

Speaker 3 You've created almost a utopia?

Speaker 4 Yes, a utopia.

Speaker 63 Coat donations, coat donations, just

Speaker 63 stuff them into the holes of this former glory wall.

Speaker 9 Right there we go.

Speaker 40 Coke donations.

Speaker 12 This is the glory wall.

Speaker 44 This is the glory wall.

Speaker 63 Just be careful. There's still some weird stuff in it.
Just put the coat in gently.

Speaker 55 There's a lot of mucosas, but you know what?

Speaker 45 Now instead of pee-pees being shoved through there, there's pea coats.

Speaker 24 So true.

Speaker 44 Wow, that makes you better.

Speaker 45 Would y'all like a little tour of the Zank district?

Speaker 44 Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 61 We would like nothing more.

Speaker 2 Then let me get my little tour bot out here.

Speaker 45 Oh, you have a tour bot? I have a tour bot.

Speaker 9 I'm a tour bot.

Speaker 45 This is a repurposed butt.

Speaker 9 The patch is a little wonky, but it works. Okay.

Speaker 44 Tourbot, please take them.

Speaker 50 I've never seen a tour bot make such strong eye contact.

Speaker 46 The Zank District has been created into a more vibrant and safe community by our prefect.

Speaker 52 Thank you, the Prefect now.

Speaker 24 Thank you.

Speaker 14 Yeah, Yeah,

Speaker 3 yes, Smart.

Speaker 8 Now, follow your tour bot.

Speaker 7 I myself have to go and prepare remarks to speak before my people.

Speaker 57 I'm giving a treatise on utopia.

Speaker 14 Oh, my God.

Speaker 33 Oh, well, well, that sounds really nice.

Speaker 15 So.

Speaker 44 Okay, huh?

Speaker 14 Why is she quivering?

Speaker 12 Yeah, we were thinking about that, Prefect Hintelius. This is most

Speaker 32 uneasing.

Speaker 39 I don't like it.

Speaker 8 And reminds me of my old life.

Speaker 14 Sure.

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 50 Alright, well, thank you, Prefect Intelius.

Speaker 33 Sorry, sorry, sorry about that.

Speaker 44 I'll get this out of the control. What is it? God.

Speaker 15 I'm actually feeling a lot better now.

Speaker 46 As you can see here, these former sex dungeons are now labrars.

Speaker 50 Labraris.

Speaker 37 The internet connection is so strong.

Speaker 32 Wait, you've made Labraris here with a strong internet connection?

Speaker 37 Yeah.

Speaker 20 That's unheard of.

Speaker 20 Excuse me, tourbot. Can I ask you a question?

Speaker 9 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 20 What happened between when you were a sex bot and now?

Speaker 46 I decided to go for higher education, using the money I had as a jackpot to focus on my own self-development.

Speaker 46 I can now speak four languages.

Speaker 5 Droids only speak four languages.

Speaker 46 I only used to know zero language.

Speaker 44 Well, the language is a language.

Speaker 46 How many do you speak?

Speaker 23 Uh, me?

Speaker 50 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 15 He barely speaks one.

Speaker 20 I also like to think I speak the language of the space.

Speaker 46 As you can see outside, this used to be where all the animals exchange genitalia.

Speaker 9 I don't think we came here when we were here before.

Speaker 44 Really?

Speaker 46 Separate from us. Now they live in peaceful cohabitation.

Speaker 46 Ah, they're getting a table.

Speaker 32 Uh, the animals?

Speaker 46 We here have table-to-farm restaurants where we get tables to farm animals

Speaker 46 so they can sit down and study.

Speaker 44 Okay. Oh, like desks.

Speaker 50 How's the tour going?

Speaker 14 Oh, oh.

Speaker 12 How's the tour going?

Speaker 45 Thank you very much.

Speaker 32 It took almost three seasons, but we

Speaker 8 turned this mother around.

Speaker 9 Wait, I didn't tell them.

Speaker 46 I didn't tell them about all the statistics. Would you like me to do that?

Speaker 57 Please inform them on the statistics.

Speaker 61 It's your very favorite thing to do.

Speaker 46 There is 0%

Speaker 9 crime.

Speaker 46 There is 100% health care.

Speaker 46 Literacy rate is 200% because we can all now read twice.

Speaker 32 Wow, wow.

Speaker 44 Wow, that's pretty good.

Speaker 46 Happiness level is at an all-time high.

Speaker 3 And so, with

Speaker 31 pants on,

Speaker 9 sure, yeah,

Speaker 12 we think I'm talking about

Speaker 12 it.

Speaker 14 Well, maybe just let us handle this.

Speaker 32 I don't know if this is a poop.

Speaker 14 Yeah, darn.

Speaker 33 The captain, I'm the captain.

Speaker 15 I have the need

Speaker 28 Okay, all right.

Speaker 60 If I may, if I may, her energy is very sexual.

Speaker 56 I mean, and very upsetting.

Speaker 39 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 57 And now, speaking of upsetting and disturbing, I wonder why it is that you are here after all these many cycles.

Speaker 20 We come with a mission of galactic unification.

Speaker 4 Now, before you came with a mission and blasted me into the blackness.

Speaker 50 Okay, yeah.

Speaker 44 This is sort of...

Speaker 20 Okay, it's a different kind of mission than that.

Speaker 20 Sisu Gundu has a plan to reunite the galaxy, and I think what you've done here in the Zinc District is something that Sisu could learn from and take to the rest of the galaxy.

Speaker 44 These lessons.

Speaker 7 Yes.

Speaker 57 You believe that there could be a unified utopia?

Speaker 20 I think so. I mean, seeing what you've done here...

Speaker 57 Does she like my swimming bats?

Speaker 27 What I've done with the animals?

Speaker 20 I mean, I don't know that she knows about them specifically, but I'm sure she'd be very, very impressed. Listen, IQQ,

Speaker 20 just as you have put your past with us behind you, maybe the next step is to join forces with Sisu, and maybe we can not only reunite each other, but the whole galaxy.

Speaker 3 I'm touched.

Speaker 19 Thank you. In the right places.

Speaker 11 Uh, yeah, right, yeah, of course.

Speaker 59 Uh, not in a sexual way.

Speaker 14 No, yeah, no, of course.

Speaker 51 For money, right, but no, I get what you're saying, I get what you're saying.

Speaker 56 I cannot look at you as I make my decision, but join me on this veranda as I look out over the Palantine hills.

Speaker 55 Okay,

Speaker 9 wow, what a beautiful view.

Speaker 58 Isn't it something that goes down and then around there?

Speaker 31 Yeah,

Speaker 3 my people.

Speaker 20 Wow, look at all those people.

Speaker 7 Let me address my people now

Speaker 57 to take what you have said

Speaker 7 and tell them what will be.

Speaker 14 I'm ready for my speech to give it to the people.

Speaker 4 Let me undo this long scroll formally printed on pornographic papers.

Speaker 19 My people.

Speaker 11 Yes, it's me.

Speaker 59 Harken unto my voice.

Speaker 39 I am about to address you.

Speaker 54 Not undressed, but

Speaker 11 over the old days.

Speaker 38 Yes, and you won't get that off.

Speaker 19 What we have done here has reverberated through the interlink.

Speaker 32 We have created a utopia of sorts here in our zinc system. The streets aren't sticky anymore.

Speaker 13 The streets get broad damn right.

Speaker 54 We volunteer and we depend on one another and that is the foundation of a good society.

Speaker 6 That we are responsible for the lives of others, that we are responsible for the well-being, as I am responsible for the public trust.

Speaker 62 That is what is within all of us.

Speaker 8 In the zinc system, there is no one that is below, no one above, no one on top, no bottom.

Speaker 51 Everybody

Speaker 55 is astride one another.

Speaker 59 We have gone through so much together.

Speaker 55 I being your solicitor in general,

Speaker 8 but no more.

Speaker 32 I am your comrade.

Speaker 39 Maybe I am

Speaker 39 You know,

Speaker 8 first among equals, but

Speaker 27 I am your friend.

Speaker 6 I am here to shepherd you, and we have come so far.

Speaker 44 I have news, great news.

Speaker 59 Sisu says that she would like us to join with her and teach her the ways of the Zinc system.

Speaker 8 What we have here will be scaled and amplified till it reaches the farthest reaches.

Speaker 8 I am

Speaker 8 Machine now in the county. I'm advantages in our vote.

Speaker 32 These are all good things.

Speaker 2 I have something to say in closing that will really bring this home.

Speaker 7 In Jintawa, there are two ways to say the word utopia.

Speaker 4 Jintawa, the world that we hope to be.

Speaker 19 In Jintawa,

Speaker 45 the world that can never be.

Speaker 56 But I tell you right now,

Speaker 38 we live in a world of ideals, and nothing, nothing can stop that.

Speaker 33 There's something inside you that's vibrant.

Speaker 18 Just pardon

Speaker 12 my reach.

Speaker 26 What kind of gun is that?

Speaker 15 Oh, that's the sex gun.

Speaker 32 Why did you do that?

Speaker 15 Well, you know, obviously I was using it, and the batteries died, and, well, then I had to use something else, and then I was tired, and I

Speaker 15 just left it up there.

Speaker 44 Yeah, all right.

Speaker 21 Listen, is your sex gun like a butt gun or something?

Speaker 25 No,

Speaker 11 no, it's actually pretty different, I think.

Speaker 14 What

Speaker 50 if

Speaker 32 that?

Speaker 50 I remember that.

Speaker 25 I remember that option.

Speaker 25 Give it to me.

Speaker 7 The past is present.

Speaker 56 Am I equal to the challenge of throwing this away?

Speaker 12 No.

Speaker 16 Tell you, throw it away.

Speaker 48 God

Speaker 50 damn, if I do, I'll break it.

Speaker 40 That's what I want you to do, I'll break it.

Speaker 12 Why it's glowing.

Speaker 58 It's glowing all the more.

Speaker 9 Red and ready to go.

Speaker 58 I cannot let this go.

Speaker 23 No! Dark!

Speaker 15 No? Okay. I mean, I'll just quietly think about this to myself then.

Speaker 2 I cast it aside.

Speaker 50 I cast it away.

Speaker 24 I cast it again.

Speaker 40 Still holding it.

Speaker 15 Wow. I mean, this is the most arousing speech I have ever heard.

Speaker 54 This moment, I see it at the dawn of a new day. My people have come so far.

Speaker 39 Our lessons to be learned throughout the galaxy about utopia.

Speaker 45 But part of me says,

Speaker 37 duck it.

Speaker 11 And that part wins.

Speaker 40 The power

Speaker 12 of sex.

Speaker 14 Oh no.

Speaker 3 Bless you.

Speaker 12 Satisfaction.

Speaker 52 All the hard work you did.

Speaker 27 All the hard work is going to get even harder.

Speaker 12 No.

Speaker 31 I turn it on you face.

Speaker 9 Double barefoot.

Speaker 15 So, Adrian, does that answer your question? Do you understand the difference between a butt gun and a sex gun?

Speaker 11 Do the people in the back...

Speaker 23 Yeah!

Speaker 52 We're not creeps anymore. We're back to being perfect.

Speaker 41 Now we're back to juck machines.

Speaker 41 Must jack.

Speaker 41 Must jack.

Speaker 32 Prefected time.

Speaker 37 You turned everything around.

Speaker 60 Yeah, I had turned everything around, but you know what? Now we're gonna do it, doggy.

Speaker 20 I just took it

Speaker 48 I just took it from semi

Speaker 14 automatic.

Speaker 33 Oh no.

Speaker 10 I know what else is coming down as them pants.

Speaker 39 Everybody report to the sex phase.

Speaker 20 Now, IQ,

Speaker 20 think about what you're doing.

Speaker 50 You're gonna undo everything you've done.

Speaker 7 This cake had been baked. Sugar cane.
No.

Speaker 27 I remember your name.

Speaker 32 It's all associative.

Speaker 33 It's all come back.

Speaker 44 Thank you so much.

Speaker 39 As I was hailing through Seattle.

Speaker 37 Coming back here, I said to myself, should I forgive him him for what we did?

Speaker 20 I mean, to be fair, it was Bargie that ejected you.

Speaker 25 Oh, I'm with your commands.

Speaker 25 I mean, yes, a little bit. Oh, you are, oh, you not the captain.

Speaker 12 Uh, actually, Darza.

Speaker 26 It actually does the captain.

Speaker 14 I don't have time for this on Ninja.

Speaker 25 I'm gonna blow everybody away with a piston.

Speaker 28 That's right. Get some, Bargie, Bergie, Bergie.

Speaker 23 I'm sure you want to get some more sexual-like.

Speaker 19 Hold still so I can hit you, y'all.

Speaker 8 So jumping around like a fleigh on a hot brick.

Speaker 30 You gotta get Bargie. Quick!

Speaker 33 Get behind me. It's just no time.
Get behind me.

Speaker 17 Oh, wow. Yeah, John's gonna be that set.

Speaker 15 Get back to Bargie. Oh, I mean, that's how I ran the battery down the first time.
So.

Speaker 28 Oh, that tickles.

Speaker 33 Okay, hit me again, Daddy.

Speaker 33 Yeah, hit me there, hit me here.

Speaker 20 Oh, the armpit is an arise, so

Speaker 16 I've been saying it for years.

Speaker 30 So, can we get your endorsement for Sisu?

Speaker 8 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 12 If I will endorse Sisu, tell her to ready herself.

Speaker 14 Oh, dude, I know, but lay the message.

Speaker 15 Captain Darr, I gotta say, hold on, I need to finish this cigarillio first.

Speaker 18 Alright, Captain Darr, that was some of the bravest. Yeah, you really saved us.

Speaker 21 Yeah, you really just planted and took it. You saved us, Captain Darr.

Speaker 33 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 15 And I'd save you again if I could.

Speaker 24 I think we got

Speaker 24 a bad thing.

Speaker 22 I'm going to say a development deal is in deal.

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 22 I don't know. There were no confirmations that I emailed the producer.
It bounced back, but I'm sure that they'll

Speaker 15 talk about it. We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for a major galactic announcement.

Speaker 17 Whoa, I know what good.

Speaker 43 It's IQQ.

Speaker 29 It's IQQ.

Speaker 36 Hearken unto my voice, all that are living. Know this.

Speaker 36 Design system will be taking over very soon to fill the void that was left by the Emperor.

Speaker 12 And I'll be bringing my sex gun to a neighborhood and quadrant near you.

Speaker 18 You will no longer needlessly want for food, beverages,

Speaker 36 shelter of any kind, for you will be all on your backs pleasuring others.

Speaker 36 business folk and the like

Speaker 29 do not worry the work will be over soon soon, and many life forms quickly consummate.

Speaker 36 Join me. Join us all in the zinc district.
All will be zinc. There is only the world that is zinc and the world that will soon get zank.

Speaker 65 I'm Ike Q, and I approve this massage.

Speaker 22 Oh, that wasn't what, uh,

Speaker 27 that wasn't what you were working on?

Speaker 22 It's a great idea, though. Well, uh, we'll go back to the papers to figure it out.

Speaker 18 Captain Dara had an incoming transmission from temporary emergency miserial negotiations, missions operations manager, Nermit Bunny.

Speaker 15 Oh, hey, Nermit.

Speaker 9 Nermit.

Speaker 18 How's it going? How's it going? What?

Speaker 21 The Juck.

Speaker 18 Uh,

Speaker 33 funny you should put it that way.

Speaker 21 Yeah, Juck is the name of the game.

Speaker 21 Is Sisu Mad? Does her hair still smell good?

Speaker 20 Or yes, and yes.

Speaker 26 Oh, yeah, I thought so.

Speaker 20 This was about galactic unification, and now there's another candidate vying for power.

Speaker 18 Well, Well, that is democracy, though.

Speaker 20 The one candidate is all you have to do is be better than them.

Speaker 18 I think that CC offers a very attractive alternative to the world then.

Speaker 49 IQQ image.

Speaker 11 Of course.

Speaker 40 Right.

Speaker 18 Only one great candidate and one sex maniac.

Speaker 14 Okay, well, yeah.

Speaker 22 This is a great idea.

Speaker 17 What is

Speaker 22 whatever is happening here? I'm into it. I don't have the money.
I cannot actually make it into anything, but I like it. Thank you.
Everybody in the waiting room, please exit.

Speaker 15 I think they're all Fredgie we're in space oh she's just opening the hatch

Speaker 22 they all wearing the space suits it's fine

Speaker 33 they took it seem like they're taking the helmets off why why would they oh they're pitching as they're going I see it's a dravity

Speaker 33 oh they're taking off their helmets they can pitch

Speaker 64 it's about a diverse group of young people in an urban settings hard yeah tough tough industry

Speaker 1 This is Siri IT5, IT5, Credits and Attributions drawing Menzig Ultra Protocol. Pleck Dexter was played by Elden Ford.
C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent. Captain Darr was played by Allie Kokesh.

Speaker 1 Bargie the Ship, the Chief of Staff, and the Tourbot were played by Mujan Sulfogari. Teen Mom, Nermit Bundeloy, and The Vat of Jizz were played by Seth Lind.
AJ was played by Winston Noll.

Speaker 1 Prefect and Telius Quint Quinn was played by special guest Jordan Carlos. Jordan is a stand-up comedian, writer, and actor in New York City.

Speaker 1 He has written for Divorce and for Swabs Club, and has appeared on many television shows including The Colbert Rapport, Frog City, and Black Mirror.

Speaker 1 He also co-hosts a podcast at Dalting from WNYC Studios. Follow him on Twitter at Jordan Carlos.
This episode was edited by Eldon Ford with sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell.

Speaker 1 Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Crowd cheers and reactions to the sex gun were generously provided by our season four kickoff live show Audience.

Speaker 1 Recorded at Robert Dockey Jr.'s Puppy Palace in Brooklyn, New York. Opening curl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.
Ship design for Margerian Jade by Eric Boyce. Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Speaker 1 Mission to Six is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

Speaker 35 Hi, it's Jesse, the founder of Max Fun, coming to you from the microphone at my home office where I am socially segregating.

Speaker 35 So we promised you a Max Fun drive this week, but things

Speaker 35 haven't exactly gone how we expected. So given the pandemic, we're going to postpone this year's drive.

Speaker 35 Events are still fluid, so we're hesitant to give you specifics about new dates. Right now, we have late April penciled into our calendars.
We'll keep you posted about that.

Speaker 35 As it stands, a lot of our drive machinery was already cranked up.

Speaker 35 So for one thing, you might hear a reference or two to the drive in our shows, which might have been recorded before we made this decision. And

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Speaker 35 During the next couple weeks, what would have been the drive, we're going to do our best to be extra available to you. We've got some streaming events planned, some social media stuff.

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Speaker 20 You free fell from space?

Speaker 61 Wow. Nothing is free.

Speaker 6 It costs me.

Speaker 58 My body was crushed on impact.

Speaker 20 Is that why you're mostly like a you're mostly like a

Speaker 50 two-dimensional

Speaker 50 that that makes you laugh

Speaker 39 that's humorous to you?

Speaker 44 Black.

Speaker 50 I still forgive you.

Speaker 61 Very rude.

Speaker 10 You one-eyed man.