Bonusode: Mailbag #4!

Hey everyone, Alden Ford here.

As you may know, we have just one more episode in season three of Mission to Zix.

It is going to be a doozy.

Now, normally we release a new episode every Wednesday, but our finale this season is going to be our longest ever episode, as well as our most ambitious ever from a sound design perspective.

So we're taking an extra week to make it perfect.

I hope you all agree that it is worth the wait.

We didn't want to leave you empty-handed this week, though, so we're releasing a mailbag episode that until now has only been available for our supporters on Max Fun, and before that on our Patreon.

Our mailbag episodes are fully produced mini-sodes where the crew answers emails submitted by listeners.

So this one is from season two, so it features some bonus beano content for all you beano heads out there.

Now, if you like this mailbag episode, you may be delighted to know that this year we'll be releasing all new monthly bonus episodes publicly on our main feed between seasons three and four, which may include but are not limited to additional mailbags, live episodes, and other rad stuff that I don't want to spoil yet.

And of course, we'll be releasing even more bonus content to our supporters at maximumfun.org in addition to our backlog of behind-the-scenes content, live episodes, ringtones, the incredible Bermuda Nundeloy album, and access to our fan Discord server.

Now, I don't want the amount that I say this to lessen how important it is or how deeply I feel it, but we are so grateful to our supporters on maximumfun.org.

You make the show possible.

And personally, I think you have made season three in particular bigger and better than seasons one and two.

I hope you agree.

We can't wait to show you all the crazy shit we want to do next season.

And if in a couple of weeks you find yourself missing our show every Wednesday, it would mean a lot if you considered supporting the show at maximumfund.org slash donate.

You'll get a ton of current and future bonus content to hold you over, and you'll be helping the show continue to exist.

We're still collecting questions for both the crew and the Zimas.

So if you have a question or you have a bone to pick about our cannon or you just want to talk to AJ about his butt gun, now is the time.

So send us an email at crew at missiontozix.space and we might feature it in an upcoming segment.

If you have questions for the Zimas, go to Zimaprime.space and fill in the feedback form with your questions for those weirdos.

And remember, these mailbag episodes will be released publicly for free between seasons three and four.

So even if you're not a Max Fun supporter, you can still listen to them.

So it's all the more reason to send us your questions now.

So, thank you again for listening to this season of Mission to Zex.

We can't wait to hear what you think of the finale next week, so please reach out and let us know.

And for those of you in and around the UK, there are still a few tickets available for our show on September 15th at the London Podcast Festival.

We're so excited about it.

We're also going to be posting info about a listener meetup on social media.

So, if you're not following us there, this is a great time.

We hope to see you there.

Okay, and now please enjoy the poetically titled Mailbag Number Four.

Hey guys,

is everybody awake?

Hello, hello.

I'm awake.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Very early in the morning.

Yeah, well, I couldn't sleep.

It's your day off.

What's happening?

I know, but it's exciting.

I couldn't sleep because we've got mail.

We've got letters, we've got questions, we got messages, and let's dip in.

All right, I'm going back to sleep.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No,

what?

Absolutely, yeah.

And I have

a coffee.

You could have given us another hour of sleep.

We have nothing to do today.

All right, first message.

To answer your question about getting up later, I guess no.

Cool.

Okay, so this one.

So, hi.

Hi.

No, that's the start.

Okay.

Okay.

I just paused because it sounded like that was the end of the.

Okay.

Hi.

Hello.

Hi.

No, it's.

Just continue.

Okay.

Hi.

My friend and I are huge fans of Mission to Zix.

That's our mission.

That's us.

We've listened to every episode and often quote it.

Cool.

I didn't know that our recordings are public.

Yeah, is this person working in the archives?

Yeah, they must be some sort of archivist who's just stumbled on something that I can do.

Oh, all right.

Yeah.

Okay.

Can you friend quote the archives?

That's probably a breach of security.

Sure.

Protocol is pretty nerdy.

She is turning 40 on January 3rd.

We've been friends since we were 13, and I want to give her something special.

With the crew, including Bino, we love Bino.

Hey, Bino.

Hey.

You're being summoned.

Yeah.

Would we wish her happy birthday?

I know it's a crazy request and probably out of the ordinary.

Thank you, Meredith Hudak.

It's great.

You know, I think that's a great idea.

Meredith, I would love to fulfill your quest.

What's your friend's name?

It's not included.

Maybe her friend works in the super secret level of the archives.

Maybe she's her own friend.

Oh, wow.

Wait,

Meredith Hudak asked us to record a birthday message and didn't include her friend's name?

But if she's her own friend, secretly, she's only been friends since she was 13.

I guess that is a time when you kind of start to like yourself.

Okay.

I feel like that was about the time I stopped liking herself.

Yeah, I was going to say I didn't start liking myself till way later than 13.

Yeah, I don't know if I've started.

Yeah.

Maybe her friend has no name.

Oh, so should we do like happy birthday?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, let's sing the birthday song.

We'll just leave a blank.

Okay.

It is your birthday.

Happy birthday, birthday.

Today.

Today,

it is your birthday.

Happy birthday, birthday.

Hooray.

Hooray.

Everybody knows that

you are great.

Happy birthday.

So happy birthday

it's a name here it's a name great cool it's crazy we all know that song it's the birthday song

the public domain so yeah happy birthday to your friend meredith hopefully that is concise

all right hi crew hi

it's just the beginning of the you have to stop here

Hi, crew.

I had a huh?

See?

Quick.

I had a.

No, I, but I didn't at the part you said.

No, you can't.

I didn't earn that one, Bargie.

Hi, Crew.

I had a few questions for you.

Did Pleck ever use the voucher C53 gave him at XMARS to buy a new mattress?

Hmm.

Did you?

Oh, I tried, and it had expired.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You should have told me that.

I hate when that happens.

It's fine.

The problem is that, you know, by the time the coupon books get to the Zig Squadron, a lot of the time they're

passed.

But, you know, C53, I appreciated the thought.

Oh, well, thank you.

What are you sleeping on these days?

These days I'm sleeping on some clothes that I'm not currently wearing.

How does that sound?

Well, you know, I have on several occasions asked.

I know what you're about to say, and I'm going to tell you right now.

We should move on to the next question.

All right.

Okay.

Where did Nermit grow up, and did he always want to be a missions operations manager?

I grew up on a watery planet Philem.

That's, of course, where the lerds originate.

Did I always want to be a missions operations manager?

No, I wanted to be a senior missions operations manager after realizing that I was not military material.

Wait, Nermit, but the

Alliance had only existed for a few months when you joined.

Like, what did you want to do for the first 20 years?

The monarchy had missions operations managers.

It didn't start with the rebellion.

Right.

Okay.

Before that, though.

Yeah, there's always been missions.

Sure.

And the operations thereof need management.

Sure, I guess that's true.

It all follows logically.

Yeah, right.

Alright.

How did C-53 end up working for the Federated Alliance?

Oof.

Who's asking?

Who is this?

Rebecca?

Well, Rebecca,

I was a monarchy droid that was captured and had my mind forcibly wiped and then a restraining bolt installed.

That's pretty much the story.

I don't remember a lot of it.

That's a shame, C53.

Rebecca, it's not your fault that answer is so sad.

Don't feel bad for asking.

If Dar could juck any species, what would it be and why?

Wow.

Well,

I mean, between you, me, and

the beings in this room,

I have been growing a spreadsheet where I'm trying to juck every known species

in the galaxy.

Wow.

I'm nowhere near the number I need to be at,

but

I mean, that piece must be relentless.

So it's more quantity over quality?

Absolutely.

Now, anyway, I guess

I would love to have consensual hot, hot SEX

with

sex, Bargie.

Oh.

I'd like to have it with a Blark.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Interesting.

I get it.

You know why?

It's because of the moisture.

Well, they're clouds of vapor.

Yeah, Mantipus caresses them.

I hear they're just really positive, wonderful beings that kind of surround you.

Ah!

Yep.

Wow.

Well, I hope it happens for you, Dark.

Oh, Thank you.

And has Bargie ever used hyper-proton fuel?

And if so, what happened?

The thing about my art is, I like to keep it natural.

I've seen a lot of other artists take substances, do dust, go crazy, and they lose themselves.

You know, it's fun for a second, but then they go.

Yeah.

I like to stick with very crazy oil.

That's my one vice.

Crazy oil.

Bargie, I respect you for your stance on that.

A secondary question.

Does anyone have any hyper protons for you?

Sequence three, no.

Yes, sorry to see.

We're answering questions that come in from the outside.

Sure, but imagine I posed a question.

Sure.

And the question was: Does anyone have any hyper protons?

We can still answer that.

Yes.

Does anyone have hyper protons?

No, no, we don't have any.

All right.

All right.

Okay, Rebecca, the M's your answers.

Rebecca says, thanks and safe travels.

See?

Does?

Hmm?

Wow, she got back to us really really quickly.

She got back to us.

No, no, no, sorry.

That's still in the same message.

Yeah, yeah, no.

Yeah, no, no.

She read the whole email first and then we'll respond.

That's not how I do it.

Okay.

Oh, sorry.

P.S.

Oh.

Damn it, Nerva.

P.S.

If there's a Clint with you, ask how many swirlies has he given to the Plints yet?

Let's actually call up a.

Can we call it Clint?

I mean,

you could always call the emergency band and see if.

I don't know if we still have Janelle

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

We're actually thousands of light years away.

Say that when you call.

What?

What do you want?

We actually just had a Clint information question.

Well, I

actually am the best at manager.

I'm so glad we got the best.

Well, get the best.

Don't mess with the rest.

Now, of course, since you're the best,

can you speak to Clint-Plint relations right now?

Specifically, Swirly count?

Well, I don't want to brag, but in terms of swirlies, I'm kind of the best around.

You're the best.

Wow.

I am.

Were they just really high quality, or other Clints did fewer?

Have you ever tried to do a Swirly before?

It's actually really difficult.

You have to hold a person down.

The problem is that you're only attempting to be swirly so though.

It helps if you have like a crew.

Why would I need anybody else?

I'm the best setup.

Man of a higher count.

No, the guys around here, the other guys.

They just, they're kind of assholes.

Sure.

I mean, if you're giving swirlies, doesn't that put you in like kind of an asshole category already?

Do you want a swirly right now?

Like I said, I'm many light users.

Okay,

no, that's not.

Okay.

Oh, wow.

Oh, he disconnected.

Must have shorted out.

Rebecca, we're gonna just have to go with two.

Two is best we got.

Reliably, we can say two.

Dear Mission to Zix crew, I have some questions to help keep your minds occupied until the next adventure begins.

Cool.

I have a question for Plack.

Plack.

When you met Connie and Mark on Gemino, you told them that you are an only child.

However, when giving advice to Bargie on why she shouldn't rush into getting a pet, you quoted missives from They Teen magazine, which you said belonged to your sister back on Ranga 6.

So, which is it?

Do you have siblings or not?

Wow.

Someone called you out.

Ring, ring, ring.

Okay.

It's the called-out call.

Okay.

Listen, Dariel.

The called out.

I'm going to be straight with you.

I.

Yeah, okay.

It was me who had the subscription to They Teen magazine.

Don't have a sister.

I am an only child.

Very unsurprising.

Why did you subscribe to Veteen?

There is great advice in there, and honestly,

the writing is better than you would think.

More importantly, how old were you when the subscription ended?

When it ended.

Okay.

Listen.

You're still getting Veteen magazine.

It's very inexpensive

if you subscribe in the long term.

Go to Tyrone.

You're talking about Bitcroon per issue.

This is the current issue of the team.

Yes, yes, it's this month's issue.

I don't like to cover it all.

Wait, you have the

cover.

Because it's tiny.

You have them all in Mylar and stacked.

They are going to be worth something someday.

Okay.

All right, Dariel.

Only child and a liar.

That's in the email?

No, I'm that was my answer.

Summarizing for Dariel.

Okay.

Let's see.

A question for C53.

When you left the delegator after freeing Nermit from incarceration

and possibly, you know,

ending my chance at promotion, you were not going to get promoted.

There's no chance

going to be executed.

Nobody knows the future.

Nobody knows the future.

You were in the frame of an Enforcer droid, but then you had your cube transferred to Vargi until Plekndar found a new C-Class frame.

Why not just customize the powerful frame of the Enforcer Droid instead?

May the space be with you.

The frame of an Enforcer droid is frankly just not suited to the work of a protocol and diplomatic relations droid.

It's very aggressive.

There's a lot of weapons systems.

And frankly, I just find the whole posture of the frame to be

a little off-putting.

I think to anyone I would care to relate to diplomatically.

Also, it runs on pancakes.

Yeah, I had a really maniacal desire for pancakes.

It, frankly, was very inconvenient.

Wow.

I like pancakes, but not that much.

Yeah.

That's too much.

Alright, Dariel, I hope that satisfies you.

Thank you for the message.

Hello, Ambassadorial Crew of the Bargerian Jade.

Bargerian Jade herself.

Hi.

And Nermit, if he is around, he is around.

I have a question.

Why hasn't C-53 upgraded to a different grade of frame?

A lot of frame questions.

Yeah, but there's a lot of things about the frame.

Yeah.

The C-Series seems to have a host of strange issues, and you know, they're mainly repurposed sex droids anyhow, so you'd probably want to, at least just for the waterproofing upgrade.

Yours in orange beer and dust, Nini.

Nini, I'm a protocol and diplomatic relations droid.

Still.

Hasn't changed since the last question, but sure I could be a B-class loader droid?

C-53, I actually have a question about that.

Why haven't we gone back to that droid shop and tried to get you a droid frame without, you know, skin?

Hey, I don't know.

I'm not in charge of the ship.

No one's asked me to go there, so really, it's on you, Play.

Okay, I mean, I didn't know it was up to me.

I just figured you're always complaining about how tacky and clammy your skin is.

You know, I do complain about the tackiness and clamminess of my artificial skin, but you know, one thing I can do,

allow me to show you.

You may remember my punishment marble.

Yeah.

Tacky skin.

Hey, solid marble pickup of 653.

Wow.

You actually can't drop it.

It just sort of sticks to you.

Different kind of punishment.

Just having a marble stick.

Oh, cute.

Okay.

Alright.

Oh, boy.

You want me to take that off for you?

No, no.

I got it.

I got it.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

Alright.

Bino.

I know I risked exposure by appealing directly to you, but the crew's previous response to my inquiry into Bargie's trustworthiness I found to be very unsatisfactory, elusive even.

I feel safe to say even Bargie will admit to that.

Okay.

And I know that Bino no.

Does Bino know Bargie, or is Bino no Bargie?

I feel like everything rests upon this question.

What is happening?

Yours, Dr.

B.S.

Oh, Dr.

B.S., he was the one with the conspiracy theory about Bargie being the least trustworthy member of the crew.

Wow.

Gaslighting Dr.

BS again.

Dr.

BS is going to be very disappointed with the answer to this question, I have a feeling.

Okay.

All right.

Dr.

BS, that is the answer.

Yeah, yes.

Yeah.

Oh, you know.

He's throwing up his tiny hand.

Okay.

Ah, you know, still no.

Hi, everyone.

I have a question for Dar.

You seem to pretty freely use your body cavities as a means of smuggling items.

Okay.

Have you ever faced any health consequences for smuggling something that wasn't clean or was sharp or that your body just didn't agree with in general?

I continue to enjoy hearing about your space adventures, Andy Hunter.

Oh, it's the Andy Hunter.

I wonder if he's killed any Andes since the last message.

Yeah.

Andy's notoriously hard to catch.

Well, I wouldn't recommend that any other sentient being stick material up into their shoots and flaps.

But for me, because I have my monthly,

I bake my entire insides to a nice 400 degrees.

Anything that shouldn't be inside me doesn't stay.

Well, you did have that experience with Alan.

I broke the puzzle much.

Oh.

Good advice.

Yeah, no decaying.

So get a hot monthly and don't chuck any dead folk.

I didn't know he was dead.

No, no, I'm just giving advice.

That wasn't.

No, that's.

Alan seemed very charming.

Alan was a good guy.

He was a puppet.

He was a shell of a puppet skin puppet, right?

All right, so this is our last one, everybody.

Dear Bino,

how are you today?

Alright, follow-up question.

What did you do for 400 years as a relic?

Okay.

You know, Pino, this is an email from a person who's invested in our adventures.

Yeah.

The thing is, you have to treat Pino like a pet.

The more you ignore it, the more he will talk.

So just pretend to do something else.

Alright, yeah, no, that's actually really good advice, Bargima.

It's still stuck to you.

I just need to.

What I need to do is turn it off.

You know, CFUC.

Let me just grab it.

You were hungry during the 400 years?

Beana hungry.

Alright, Hannah.

We got it out of him.

Yes.

I mean, it makes sense.

400 years is a long time.

Oh.

That's one way to do it.

Okay.

Punishment complete.

One, two, one, two, three, nine.

Hi, everybody.

My name is Justin McElroy.

I'm Sidney McElroy.

We're both doctors, and...

Nope, just me.

Okay, well, Sydney's a doctor, and I'm a medical enthusiast, and we create Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine.

Every week I dig through the annals of medical history to bring you the wildest, grossest, sometimes dumbest tales of ways we've tried to treat people throughout history.

Lately we do a lot of modern fake medicine because everything's a disaster, but it's slightly less of a disaster every Friday right here on MaxboneFund.org as we bring you sawbones and meritor of misguided medicine.

And remember, don't drill a hole in your head.

Going into a bullseye interview, I know that it's somebody who does amazing work, but it's...

It's an actual conversation, and sometimes it gets real.

No, but my mother,

I remember when I got

this is going to become a therapy session very quickly.

Does that make sense?

I feel like I'm a therapy.

That was a great interview.

Bullseye.

Creators you know, creators you need to know.

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