318: Malice in Chains [ft. Brennan Lee Mulligan]

This is SeaRed IT5 with a special announcement.

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It is a time of fear and unrest.

Emperor Nermit Bundaloy rules the galaxy with an iron fist and also a planet crusher.

Crusher.

Now, Zema Knight, Pleck Dexetter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to defeat whackness, bring balance to the space, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This is Mission to Zinc.

AC53.

Yes.

How's the progress going on that transmission we got on the microchip?

Limited.

But

my latest attempts at decryption

a little bit more.

Listen to this.

I can almost pick it out.

I can almost pick it out.

I've actually been toying with my source code a little bit.

For the sake of

improved cryptography ability?

Wait, no, C5Tree, you're not supposed to edit your source code.

I know I'm not supposed to, but we need to decrypt this message.

My conversation with Oak Tree sort of changed my mind about that.

Well, she changed your programming at the root level about it.

Right.

Right, but it was a check and balance that keeps you from doing something incredibly dangerous to your ones and zeros.

Or it was a false barrier to self-improvement.

Anyway, like there's some safeguards that are in place for good reason.

Right.

Yeah, like most safety in my butt gun.

I'm sure.

Yeah, absolutely.

Perfect example.

Thank you, AJ.

But I'm just getting a sandwich.

Yeah.

I was thinking more of like, you know, when you sneeze, you close your eyes.

Is that so?

Is that so?

Not me.

You don't close your eyes.

No, I was genetically bred not to close my eyes when I sneeze.

See what happens to your eyes when you sneeze.

And they get a little bigger and they go back up.

Well, that seems not great.

Yeah, you should close your eyes.

Do it voluntarily.

No, I have to be always ready, constantly alert.

Even when you're.

I'm like, watch.

Lock and loop.

I don't know what's going on.

They bulged.

press up against the Pfizer.

I saw the web outline

too smearing.

Yeah, that's the hard part.

I'm Baji and I approve of this message.

What?

Wait, Bart?

I'm Baji and I approve of this message.

Bargie, are you running for something?

What?

No, no, I just, uh...

Ah, funnels.

I'm back in the biz, babe.

And uh, my IG got me some work.

He just told me to record a bunch of these lines.

I don't know what they're for, but but uh, I'm approving a bunch of things, I guess.

Wait, Bartie.

Uh, we do like 25

more of these.

Bargie, you shouldn't approve things if you don't know what they are.

I'm Bargie, and I approve of this message.

That's too much.

Did anyone ever ask Bargie where sh she went when she like left us?

Yeah, Bartie, where did you go?

When we were on Cheryl.

Let me do a sexy tick.

I'm Bargie, not approving this message.

Well, I'm a rogue.

That was a sexy tick?

Let me tell you, monks chips, that really gets gas bubbling.

I saw a lot of exhaust being belched out the back of you during during that line.

Do you have an incoming transmission?

From

Leximar Punch.

Yeah, of course.

Baby B.

Hey, baby, you.

Yeah.

Hilarious.

I love you.

You're so funny.

You look.

I can only see your interior, but you look amazing.

I've lost a lot of weight.

You have.

I was going to say that.

Distress and anxiety.

I was going to say.

cry

it's like an unhealthy whitelist oh good that's the best kind i've been sickly sometimes oh good good good lot of stress a lot of stress great oh i'm so glad to hear that barge i just want to say you're back i've got a great opportunity for you

there's two high-profile directs oh really as we call them what are the names

that are uh if you just give me the cords i will send them your way

barge yeah we're back on top Everything's

forgiven.

Forgotten.

Oh, a hundred, a trillion percent.

What exactly did you do?

You want to just

say it for me and just, you know, enunciation would be factor.

Well, if I were to be completely honest and say exactly what it is I've got.

Let's buy a bunch of people.

Don't have to incriminate myself like this.

I don't think you want to give away that information to anyone.

Ooh, what kind of hot goss are we talking about?

Hey, Dar, wow.

Dar, you're looking amazing.

You're back to regular size.

Thank you.

It's just like

all the ups and downs of pregnancy, and then finally, it just all clicks, you know?

Remember when you were huge and then your head got small, and then you were like, Yeah, I'm gonna categorize that as an up and a down of uh

pregnancy.

Okay,

which one was the up and which one was the down?

Being huge, up, small head, down.

Yes,

yeah.

Well, whatever it is, Dar, you know, you look happy and healthy and yeah.

No, this is great.

We're in the home stretch.

Just a couple more months, and, you know, this little sentient creature will slide out of one of my shoots.

You don't know which one?

No, it's always a surprise.

That's sort of fun.

Dar, I think you're going to make it a fantastic panel.

Thank you, C.

I'm budgie, and I approve of this message.

Oh, thanks, Barge.

Yeah, I'm not sure that's related, but uh,

this is the wrong one.

Yeah, yeah, I thought that was the right one.

It's in here, I know.

Nermit, I don't think you're supposed to be like diving into the scrolls like that.

No, it's how I found it in the first place.

I didn't know it was.

Sort of like what a cartoon character would do.

What?

Yeah, I just feel like normally you would just, you know, take out each one, read it, store it away.

I have been trying, and I don't for anything.

I set them all up, and then the Zimas come in here and just play around, and I have to do it all over again.

There's like they're monkeying around in here.

They just come in and metal mindset.

No, not now.

Guys, not

guys,

not now.

See, okay, I get it.

Yeah, that's very frustrating.

Guys, here's the question that popped into my head.

I sat upright from a deep sleep and I thought, who is writing these scrolls?

That's something that came to you in a dream.

Yeah, that's a what a boring dream.

No, it's what?

I mean, it's a good question.

It's just not a very dreamy.

You're supposed to have too hard.

And then I started doing research and cross-referencing handwriting on these scrolls and realized that many, many of the oldest scrolls were written by the same hand of a young and very powerful prodigy of the space, Cor Balevor.

Whoa.

What a badass name.

Cor Balevor!

I know, Rick.

That's just, I mean,

I mean, yeah, it's a very cool name.

Guys, Cor Balevor is definitely one of the most powerful and freshest.

Okay, just let him go.

You know, just let him go.

He's in that core cargo.

Yeah, I'll be in the court.

I'm gonna be play acting Corbale.

Let him swing.

Okay, Nermit.

So, yeah, this Zima had a cool name.

What's the point?

That's not even the good part.

That's not why I called.

I called about this.

Alright, Nermit.

I was reaching for my Sigarillio ashtray, and I knocked over the stack of scrolls.

Okay.

No, follow me here.

I knocked over the stack of scrolls, so they landed in reverse order, and the backs of the scrolls fanned out.

And guys, I'm going to pull my camera back.

Look at this.

What am I looking at, Nermit?

It's a map.

Well, the card just looks like a bunch of doodles.

That's what a map is.

Nermit,

you have to stop smoking cigarilios.

They're turning you into a crazy person.

No, these scrolls.

I thought they were all words, but the lines of writing form a map that's an astrogation chart.

You're telling us that Cor Balevor is somewhere.

Core Balevor needed us to find this exact orientation of scrolls falling out of this pile in order to find him.

This is why

that seems dubious.

Normally, I'd be the first to point out that Nermit should stop smoking.

Look at it.

If this down here is Zima Prime,

and then this, of course, is the Trimelian cluster,

I think we have essentially a roadmap to wherever Corvaldor is.

And Bargie and I approval of this message.

Great.

I got it.

Okay.

Just do some simple substitution here.

C53, do those coordinates lead to an actual place?

Well, believe it or not.

They lead right here

to awful lot of secundus.

Awful lot of secundus?

That's right.

Is that a system?

It's a planet.

And one of my favorite positions.

Wait, Dar, really?

Yeah, you've never tried it?

I think you know that I haven't.

I think you would prefer being the secundus.

Okay, sure.

You need a lot of core strength to be the Maflada.

Fair enough.

Well, great.

Let's.

This is clearly why we ran into dirt.

This is why RG dumped me on Seema Prime.

It's all making sense.

Yeah.

I think you're right.

What's that song that you're singing?

I just made it up.

Okay.

I'm Tuper Spickle.

I'm a little wooden boy who's also a Zima Knight in training on my way to Zima Prime.

Boy, oh boy.

Did you know there's a prophecy about me?

Ooh, wee, it's a tragic one.

Apparently, I'm the chosen one of letting my wide-eyed innocence put me into dangerous situations.

How about that?

Hey, mister, have you seen the Zima Prime website at Zemaprime.space?

Golly, it's a keen website.

It's got everything an aspiring Zima like me could ever want.

Blog posts from Zima Masters, a Destiny quiz, a Zima name generator, and a members-only page with secret scrolls to decipher.

And you know how they made it?

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It's a swell place, I hear.

Full of nice folks who don't suspect a thing.

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I don't know, that last one was a guess.

You know, speaking of websites, I was on an info web forum about the space, and some Zimas were talking about how the Wax Sparks Knights have returned from the shadows and are growing in power once again.

Should I be concerned about that?

Boy, I hope not.

Hot diggity, I can't wait to get to Zema Prime.

Oh my rod, this whole planet's covered in lava.

Chucky!

Finally, a lava planet!

This pool!

What is the entry of the lava planet?

Hardcore, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

I would like the possibility that you could misstep and start melting.

Yeah, also

we should consider the possibility that Tellurians can't survive on this planet.

Only the strong survive on a lava planet, Papa.

Almost no one survives on the lava planet.

Lava melts again.

How hardcore is that?

Take a look at the topography here.

So it's like just

cooler lava.

I mean, anyway.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's what rocks are.

A lot of rocks are.

Wait, what?

Rocks are rocks.

Yeah, AJ, I'll explain later.

Alright, Bargie, let's open up the hatch.

Here we go.

Feel the rock.

It's the lava.

No, I think what we're feeling is the lava.

The lava.

Well, this part remains it's very hot.

I keep going to be a little careful here.

Not only is it very hot.

On the surface, left lava support is, but your husband bursts and looks particularly free.

Yeah, they're on fire.

She is

okay, you're gonna die by me like that.

Okay, AJ, let's just stand down for a second.

Okay, look, we just need to find Corbailborg.

Shut down a bird?

It looks like a fire skullbird.

It's such a badass planet, Papa.

It's lava and awesome.

Corbalebor lynch, of course he does.

Well,

we don't know that.

I mean, this information.

I can take cuta.

You're not dead.

We never die.

We just get more annoying.

Wow.

That's an interesting evolution.

Oh, this is awesome.

Yeah, uh uh sure.

We would actually we're looking for Corvov.

So if you know where he is.

Oh, I do.

Significantly more.

This is not what I would have pictured, you know, a semen night's.

Is it just

crone or is it saying kill, kill?

I don't know.

Okay, I think we get thank you, thank you, okay, thank you.

Don't

you

that bird was just kind of circling, he was kind of sinister, but then he shot it and it got reeled right up in our grills.

This is all badass.

Look at that castle's made of like shit that's like spiky and a shiny rock.

This is crazy.

Wow.

I mean, this seems to be the only structure on the planet that could possibly have a person in it.

Wow, a fog that talks just rolled in real fast.

You guys heard that too?

No, no, no.

I mean, saying my name.

Yeah, I don't think that's the good part.

This is so awesome.

Look at all those chains and bones.

Totally bad at it.

Papa Dixon.

Are we sure

that you're meeting a powerful semen warrior?

I'm just saying a lot of the stuff around here feels

obviously I'm not the extra here.

I'm not awesome, AJ.

It feels very well.

Okay,

this is sort of what I'm talking about.

Yes, let's do this.

Hello?

Okay.

Yeah.

AG, don't just run in there.

Oh boy.

Okay.

So we follow him, right?

Okay, let's do this.

Guess we should.

Welcome all to Verata Secundus.

You must forgive my choir of lava crows.

They mean only the best.

Uh, yeah, it's n-it's no problem.

Sorry, AJ shot one.

I really apologize about that.

Then, worse for luck is your friend AJ, for to shoot a lava crow is to invite only more peevesomeness into one's life.

Yeah, we got a pretty sentiment.

You must

So awesome.

Yeah, I was wondering.

I'm not even seeing

those chains.

I don't, but I mean, he he's not moving.

I pleck Dergseter.

Yes, yes.

Look not with your eyes of flesh.

Reach into the core of your being.

Yeah, I actually don't.

I'm halfway there, because I only have one eye, so.

Oh, shit.

Oh, it's fine.

Oh, truck me.

I'm so sorry.

I just want to say that.

No, it's

not.

No, that's a hundred percent on me.

My condolences on your injury.

It's really not a big deal.

I mean, you know, depth perception.

I understand your plight only too well, for indeed both of my eyes were lost in battle long ago as a warrior of the Seema.

I was fighting on the front lines, and I found myself astride a massive column in the ruins of ancient Balkatha.

A Spartan reached out on a spar of giant brass and cut my eyes from my head.

Blinded by this injury, I held aloft my woodsaber and hurled it across the battlefield and cut him down where he stood.

Wow, when you threw a stick at someone and then died?

Was it a sharp woodsaber?

Blunt as could be.

Oh, yeah.

High gear eye for the Corveilborg guy.

Yes, a cyborg is what I am called.

My eyes were cut from my head as my arms were cut from my torso

my legs from my waist

and eventually

over years of fighting on the front lines of the Suma Knights

eventually my head was cut from my torso and then my torso

are you dead

no what no when would I have died

when your head was cut for your torso torso?

I was fighting.

No, well, it's a okay, so

hold up.

I was fighting with an enormous crab who the wooden saber in his crawled hands, striking down upon me.

He stabbed me.

This guy was extremely had on a hat.

He was very...

There was a lot of extra stuff.

He has thick carapace, and he was wearing armor.

And the armor hadn't.

it's a lot he was a extremely extra

it was crazy

oh yeah sorry so yes i was shot down my head severed from my neck now what i didn't now what i didn't mention is i was fighting in a hospital and in the step that i took i literally was taking a step into a cybertronic replacement chamber so i mean talk about an extremely lucky break

space though isn't it

That is the space.

In a later combat, my torso was severed from my head, arms, and legs.

That seems very unlikely.

Okay.

Hold on.

His head, arms, and legs got cut off.

No, no, no, wait, but then which part you which part did you keep after that?

So, I was hanging off the prow of a spaceship, my woodsaber in my hand, to leap from the front and cut an enemy destroyer in half with my woodsaber.

I leapt, and one of the enemy cannon fired and blew my torso.

Blew the center out.

Now, here's what I didn't mention: the enemy ship was running extremely low on ammunition.

They had run completely out of torpedoes, phases, all manner of weaponry.

And what they had begun firing was cybertronic torsos.

What a story.

Truly the best story I've ever heard in my entire life.

Corbalevor, I have been training to become a Zema warrior, and it's all led me here to Mufalata Secundus to meet you.

Please show me.

Show me what I can do to fulfill my destiny.

Ah, yes, brave Pleg.

The space has led you here.

Yes, yes.

This is so awesome.

These bindings were put in place by the Zima in ages long past.

Only the pure of heart may unmake them.

Well, then we might be able to get the money.

Okay, C53, I could.

I'm pretty pure of heart.

I mean...

No, wait, what did I...

What did you say?

What did you say?

I think...

I think...

Wait, did you say the enemies of the Zemas or the Zemas?

Right.

What would you...

What would you say?

Well, we're on the side of the fresh, right, Papa?

Yeah, absolutely.

Exactly.

So, so am I, so so, so that we're so then the enemies of the Zeeba, which is what I said.

Oh, okay, cool, okay.

The point being, I am trapped here in these chains of pure space.

I am in the middle of the.

Oh, you're gonna leave me here with this guy and AJ?

Who's chained?

I think.

I don't see anything.

Mr.

Spaceman, come on.

Okay, listen, I uh Cora, I apologize.

Um uh just give me one one moment.

Um

C-53, what is it?

What?

This guy's like insanely evil.

I I don't know.

I mean, you spend a couple hundred years on a volcano planet, you're gonna be a little bit intense.

A good Zema on a volcano planet

using birds of pure space,

and then that guy trained a fleet of lovy crows to sing in a minor chord?

But C53, you're not seeing the big picture.

This is clearly the prison made by the whack.

That could be anything.

That could be anything.

Yeah.

What do you mean by that?

Look, that crow is on fire.

Who knows what that crow talks about?

I don't even need to eat anymore.

This is just for jacket kicks.

Welcome back to the conversation.

What did I miss?

What you missed?

This guy is pure evil.

Cool, I think we got good.

Listen,

I am so sorry to plug in, and this is on me.

I think we may have gotten up on the wrong foot.

The reason I enjoy drinking the blood of the innocent is that I myself am innocent and require their blood to sustain myself.

What do you not get about it?

He's innocent, so he needs the blood of the innocent.

Uh, yeah, Adrian, that might be true.

Listen, so you have you always been Corbalevor?

That's like such an awesome name.

I have been known by many names.

Corbalevor was my given name.

I was also known in my years of service as Kaj Malice.

Caj

Malice?

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

I

hate to do this, but I would love if Pleck and I could have a word alone.

Oh, we call those asides.

They happen all the time.

Don't worry about it.

Yeah, guys, just give me just one second.

We'll be over here.

Is this blood of the innocence for everyone?

Or what's the deal?

Oh,

That's short, I guess.

I call upon the mists of the castle of Kobal for

movement.

C fifty three?

AJ.

You and I have much to discuss, Pleck.

Yes.

Your friends pour poison into your ears.

They speak lies, for they fear the power of the space within you.

How fares your training, young knight?

Uh

yeah.

Listen, Court, to be honest, it's been a little bit disheartening.

Ah,

I am so sorry to hear that, young Bleck.

Surely your mentor has been diligent and by your side at all times?

Uh oh, Darf?

Uh,

no.

We've actually only hung out like three times, and he's died at the end of each of those encounters.

I wouldn't say we've had a lot of quality time together, Darf and me.

It's almost like he would rather be dead than see you.

Uh uh yes, yes, it literally is like that.

Well, at least you've got such supportive crewmates.

Your friends.

Yeah, I mean, I like to think so.

Bargie

doesn't.

I'm not positive she knows my name.

Dara's kind of caught up with, you know, the baby right now, and I get that.

C-53 doesn't believe in the space is really the biggest problem.

And AJ, he means well, but he's

incredibly stupid.

Well,

just because you don't see eye to eye with all of your crewmates, at least they always treat you with respect, don't they?

Cor,

I sleep at an angle in a bedroom the size of a phone booth because Dar has three mattresses and won't give me one.

Hmm, that sounds pretty jucked up, my guy.

I would I couldn't sleep in the cargo hold because they had a bean in there.

Yes, how does it make you feel, Black?

Bad, you know what?

It makes me feel bad, Cor.

It makes me feel a little bit like my crew doesn't respect me enough, even though I'm doing as much as I can to save the galaxy.

Oh,

of course.

I don't know.

Evil dark magic, like Cone of Silence.

I think Pop is fine, though, right, Dark?

Because, like, I mean, he loves us, like, we're his crew, right?

Like, he's not gonna, like, turn on us.

Oh, no, we'd torture him mercilessly.

Well, guys, I'm nice to him.

Are you guys not?

We could have been better to him, I think is what I'll say.

Yeah.

Maybe we can just melt to him and try to encourage him.

Oh, Pleck,

your friends call out to you from beyond the Veil of Silence.

They are worried that you will discover your true nature.

Notice your friends have only come to respect you

at the threshold of you claiming power.

All of your kindness to them made you weak in their eyes.

I think they've literally said that to me.

Pleck,

have you ever

thought about

what it would feel like to receive an invitation to a social event

and respond, maybe?

I always wanted to do that.

I can't be forced to make a decision weeks ahead of time.

Imagine the power of forcing a host to think of whether or not you will arrive at their shindig.

Yes, I'm the one going all the way to their place.

Do you know what you would call that?

Replying, maybe, to an event?

Uh,

it would be uh

thing to do.

But Cora, how can you be whack?

You wrote so many of the Zima scrolls.

Of course, Black.

Scrolls written in the heyday of my Zelda tree for the Zima.

Long did I toil for them,

and great strides were made.

My prowess with the Woodsaber was second to none.

Advancements in the arts of freshness were mine for the making.

And I crafted the greatest weapon our order has ever known.

The dinglehopper.

Wait, the dinglehopper?

A woodsaber unmatched throughout the galaxy.

That's...

I have that.

I have that.

I have the dinglehopper.

Holy...

Holy shit.

That's wild.

What are the odds?

I know that shit.

That's nuts so.

That is...

That's 100% nutso.

That's crazy.

This is the same one, right?

It's not just a different one.

No, no, I'm looking at it right now.

Wow.

I know it's like coincidences or whatever.

It's like the space, that's like what the dealers, but I'm not gonna lie, this is a wild one.

Right, yeah.

Well, I would love to get down from these chains and hold that bad boy.

Yes, Cor,

I shall use the Dingle Hopper to free you from your prison.

Yes.

Oh my rod, it's making the noise.

Listen.

It makes a noise.

doing it, Black.

That's not a good time.

You've done it.

I am free, my sweet boy.

Come and kiss me, my sweet crows!

Well, hello!

C53 Dar AJ?

Hey Corr,

what's up with that?

Well, from my point of view, the Zima are evil.

No, no, no.

Listen, Cora's got a point.

You know, we went to Zima Prime.

We met everybody.

They couldn't get their shit together.

We are extremely efficient over on the whack side.

You might say that we are ruthlessly efficient.

Yeah, but because you were like, cool, they were like nice.

What's cool about being nice?

I don't know.

Being nice is cool.

Spell it off of me, AJ.

Explain using words why it's cool to be nice.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you don't yell at him like that.

Yeah, you lay off this gun.

Yeah, we yell at him like that.

I just very well.

If you're chosen the fresh side, then I have no choice left but to summon my ancient woodsaber.

He just grabbed it out of my hand.

You just stole my dingle hopper.

The dingle hopper.

I summoned it by stealing it because I'm whack as hell.

Yeah, crows!

Lift me up!

My man!

And my main

You know what, C-53, I might.

Okay?

Why would you do that?

I'm pretty sick of all this fresh nonsense.

I'm sick of the crew treating me like jucking crap all the time.

I'm sick of sleeping at a 45-degree angle.

Tell them.

Papa, did it ever chucking occur to you that they tease you because they like you?

That's not a thing, AJ.

Everybody does to me.

I'm the most well-liked person on the ship.

AJ,

you're a big, dumb idiot.

You know what I think AJ stands for?

What?

A jucking moron.

Okay.

Okay, C53.

You know what?

I think you're sort of a know-it-all.

Anyone ever told you that?

Anyone ever told you that, C-53?

No, I have no day.

Alright, you know what?

Dark,

don't look down on you, Dark.

Don't look down on me.

You know it's physically impossible not to.

Okay,

look at how quickly the fresh may fall.

There is another way.

The Emperor offers benefits to all his most loyal servants.

What's the mattress situation?

As many

mattresses as you could hope to sleep on.

I sleep on a tower of mattresses, hundreds of mattresses tall.

Seems deeply embraced.

I am afraid constantly of falling off.

The slightest breeze sends the tower of mattresses careening through the sky.

I scream non-stop as I attempt to sleep.

Bleck, take my hand.

You could be as a son to me.

Step through as I have just done and join me.

I just stepped through the portal in the room.

And you're on the other side still, but I'm through on the other side.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, no, we're all

safe.

I just wanted to be clear spatially what's going on.

Some of the crows are through the portal with me, and a few other different crows are still on the other side of the portal.

With you!

Yeah, we can hear.

Yes.

Yes, I'm coming.

We're gonna die here.

What?

Ah, yes.

Oh, okay.

Wait, what?

What?

It's me.

C-53.

Your best friend.

Oh my god.

One thing to say.

Ah,

that bar, what the heck are you doing?

Ah, you hit me in the face.

Yeah, I know.

You were about to join the Emperor.

Papa, I know you were kidding and didn't mean it, but some of this stuff would have hurt if I had really thought about it.

Slap.

Ah, How dare you?

I'd be sunning my genitals on the jucking beach in Hollywood if it weren't for you.

You're the one who convinced me to be here in the first place.

Slap.

Ow!

Agent!

We're doing it!

Too many buddies!

Ah!

You play so fine as a crow, threw!

I've never got it before!

You're kind of not burning this!

It's gonna- it's gonna be a lot more than a second.

It's gonna be real hot.

Core,

I'll just come in here real quick

and grab my dingle hopper.

Watch!

Slap!

Ow!

Ow!

Don't you have any self-respect, you miserable, worthless ragged!

How did you do that?

Well,

good question, Papa.

I think I sort of saw the space between Cora's heart and mine.

It was a space I filled with time.

I guess that pretty much explains it.

Guess?

I guess.

Does it feel tingly?

Is that how it's supposed to feel like my arm fell asleep?

Uh, maybe.

Can we see the lava now?

No, like the portal.

Let's just do this.

Guys, we should probably get out of here.

Oh, yeah, this.

Yeah, let's find a big lane.

What you call Bergie?

Plenty of extra blood if he is.

I'll take you, Rodi.

Let's do it.

No, no, no, no, no, Bro.

No, no, thanks, Chris.

Yeah, are you guys gonna be okay?

Yeah, we're being fired.

Oh, you ready?

Okay, take care.

Yeah, sorry, I guess.

Okay.

Wow, really?

Went to a pretty dark place there for a little bit.

Yeah.

I mean, literally and figuratively.

Yeah.

I suppose that's true.

Papa, you said some pretty

awful things.

I really owe you guys an apology.

Apology accepted.

Thank you, AJ.

Yeah,

we're accepting apologies.

Chuckya.

I don't know how it happened, but you know, for a while there, a lot of the stuff that Cora was saying kind of made sense to me.

Also, it was like flowing in and out of your ears.

It was like it was going through your hand or something.

Yeah, he had like glowing red eyes and shit.

Yeah.

I'm not sure if it was just his conversational charm.

He was a very powerful whack wizard.

He was a whack master.

You're hit by a real whack attack?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, Nermits.

Oh, thank gosh, I caught you guys.

So I had a small detail wrong.

So before you go to Mufalata Secundus, I shouldn't have kicked the Zimas out because they explained that this is actually a map to where they imprisoned him

after he became a incredibly wacky.

We already went.

Yeah, yeah.

I was seduced.

I said some things I regret.

He stole my wood saber, I stole it back,

and everything's cool.

So,

you know what?

In fact, everything is great.

Yeah.

Apologies.

I have two directorships in front of me right now.

We're in the middle of a deep conversation about my next girl.

Everything's

amazing.

Get back on top.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're asking a lot of intrusive questions, but I know it's just pot for the pot.

You know what I mean?

So, for the scene I'm imagining, it really minds kind of the dark backstory of not just the character, but the actress.

So, what are some of the things you've done?

And be pretty specific about dates and victims that are maybe the worst things ever.

Wow, yeah, doesn't this sound great, guys?

I'm not that sure these are.

Don't listen to that, robot.

And Bart, you just speak, annunciate clearly.

Barge, Bart, you gotta know this isn't right.

Wow, everything is amazing.

I am, I've never been this on top, but at my own volition.

You know what I mean?

I did this.

I did it.

I did it.

It was me.

I did everything.

Ladies and gentlemen, we got her on tape.

Sorry I didn't get the script.

Am I in a scene right now?

Or so.

The cuff?

Oh,

no.

Archie, what is happening?

I think these directors are clearly

police officers and that I am

under arrest.

Does anyone hear that sound?

It's like something

spelling assaults or something.

Oh.

No, no, no, it's not all the sand.

It's a lot of sand.

There's so much sand everywhere.

Where's all that sand coming from?

Oh, dark.

I need to be under arrest.

Okay.

Don't worry, I have been programming myself for just such an occasion.

I'm altering my code so that I can perform the medical functions necessary to help you deliver, if necessary, altering my source code.

Okay,

what are you saying?

Oh, no.

Paper flex.

Yes.

Am I going into labor?

I think so.

My tube broke.

This is Sea Ride IT5.

Credits and Attributions Joy, commencing Outro Protocol.

Pop-up like Duck Center was played by Alden Ford.

C-53 and Master Kia Rondo were played by Jeremy Benn.

Dar was played by Ali Kokash.

Bargie the Ship and the Lava Crow were played by Mujan Zolfagari.

Master Missions Operations Manager Nerva Bundoloy and More Lava Crows were played by Seth Lind.

AG and Master Pell were played by Winston Noll.

Core Veilbler was played by special guest Brendan Lee Mulligan.

Brennan is the dungeon master of Dimension 20, a cast member of College Humor, and the writer of Strong Female Protagonist.

Find him on Twitter at BrendanLM, on Instagram at Brennan Lee Mulligan, and in real life at the bottom of an ancient ruin full of traps and puzzles.

This episode was edited by Seth Lynn with sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell.

Recorded at Robert Donkey Jr.'s Puppy Palace in Brooklyn, New York, and Headcom Studios in Los Angeles.

Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Opening crow narration by Jeremy Kretschley.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goise.

Audio hosting hosting by Simplecast.

Mission Distinx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

Hey, James.

Hey, Inuke.

What we doing, girl?

We are inviting the awesome listeners of Maximum Fun to join us at Minority Corner.

Ooh, fun.

But you know how we go on Tangent City.

We're the joint mayors.

We're not going to do that, okay?

Soups focus.

Okay, so Minority Corner is where you can all come and get your pop culture taped.

Plus, social commentary, news, and TV movie reactions like Avengers Endgame.

No spoilers here.

Ooh, snap.

Sometimes we dig into the vaults and we review and recap those movies you missed.

That's you, Hallibury's kidnapped.

I love how she always gives 1,000%.

Like Beyoncé.

Did you see Homecoming on Netflix?

She was burning it down like the mother of dragons.

Have you seen the latest Game of Thrones?

So good.

Only thing missing?

More black people.

What do you think about Mayor Pete?

Wait a minute, James.

We went on a tangent.

Yes.

Owel.

Join us every Friday for more tangents.

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They had run completely out of torpedoes, phases, and all manner of weaponry.

And what they had begun firing was cybertronic torso.

Okay, that seems.

So you're saying they shot out your real torso and the cyber torso.

You ever seen a game of space billiards where someone hits a ball with the cue ball and the cue ball just slams, stops right where the other ball is.

It seems very convenient, Core.

Hey, man.

Hey man.

You're not kidding.

I mean,

I mean, you want to know what I did right afterwards?

Big old hand across my cybertronic forehead and a loud pew

from me.

Woof!

Close one.

That is truly the best story I've ever heard.

What part of your body is original at this point?

What part of you?

Yeah, if you're a cyborg.

Well, my head, arms, and legs were all still the same head arms and legs from the same cybertronic organ.

So that's the torso.

Okay, but you were saying that all of those had been replaced at some point.

Eyebrows!

Eyebrows!

Yeah, his eyebrows are still original.

The real deal!

What happened was, basically, a couple years later, I found my old head, and I shaved the eyebrows off and just spackled them on there.

They are very expressive.

Waggle, waggle, waggle.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, no, really.

They're exquisite.

So I am technically a cyborg in the sense that there is one organic part of me.

You're really.

If there was a skirt in that.

But you just said there was a span of years where that was not the case.

Checks out for me.

Checks out for me.

Checks out for AJ.

Checks out for me.

Okay.

All right.

I'm Didop Quip.

And I'm Bardicle Kisses.

And this is Hollywood tonight.

Boom, boom, boom.

It's red carpet day for the Bargerian Jade's latest movie.

That's right, but every Bargerian Jade fan is wondering where is the Selenium Age Starlet.

Here is a clip from the Red Carpet where there is literally no one except for a sentient piece of moss.

What's the story behind this lackluster blockbuster?

And how can a star that was once so bright and then not bright at all for a very long time then became bright again for reasons unknown because honestly there's probably better people out there at this moment.

Remember Tiny Tooth?

Well all you Tiny Tooth fans have reason to say yeah.

She's back from the dead, but just as a hollow and doing better than before.

Tiny Toots will be returning to the big screen, but this time as a hollow-only creation.

And we have a clip of that after 79 days of commercials.

We'll see you in two and a half months.