317: Retreat Yourself [ft. Jackie Jennings]

Do you have questions about the Midnight Shadow?

Would you like AJ to share their paste recipes?

Then contact the crew at crew at mission2zix.space for a chance to be featured on our upcoming mailbag episodes.

Or maybe you have questions for the mystical Zema Masters?

Submit a request at ZemaPrime.space for a chance to be featured on their upcoming mailbag episodes.

It is a time of fear and unrest.

Emperor Nermit Bundaloy rules the galaxy with an iron fist and also a planet crusher.

Crusher.

Now, Zima Knight, Pleck Dexetter, and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to defeat whackness, bring balance to the space, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This is Mission to Zinx.

Hello?

Hello?

Hey.

Wait, hold on, Papa.

Are we in a different cart of Barty?

I must have taken a wrong turn.

Ow!

Dar, you alright?

What's happening?

Why are you both stepping on me?

Sorry, I didn't...

I feel like the corridor used to go the other direction.

I just woke up and came out, and it's like, what?

What's going on?

Yeah, Dar, why are you underneath us?

This isn't my room.

I'm usually sleeping so soundly on three mattresses.

I'm glad that the mattresses have are still enough,

you know, big enough for you because you're gigantic yeah I'm very large right now I'm in my last mester

if you could

if you could just

squeeze you out

let me just

C-53 were you in Dar's room

I powered on

I was getting very little sensory information Mr.

Robot Man I think you're gonna just scan this place yeah what is going on where is it where are the lights everything is hi everybody Hi there.

Hi.

You're on a different ship.

I know, I know.

Have you kidnapped us?

Did you kidnap Bargie?

No, my name is Cheryl.

I'm Bargie's best friend.

Okay, Bargie had to go deal with a couple things.

Wait, you're Bargie's best friend?

This is a red flag.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

I thought I was Bargie's best friend.

No, I'm DJ.

Okay, so she didn't give me guys your names or any information really.

Where is Bargie?

Bargie has had to go deal with a couple things.

But until then, welcome to my homey little place.

Thank you so much, Cheryl.

Can you turn the lights on in here, please?

Oh, I don't believe in lights.

I believe in experiencing life in the dark.

I may have a sunny exterior, but I've seen dark shoot.

Okay.

Okay, I can see why you're friends with Bargie.

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

We're just two gal chips who just love to brunch, you know?

Cheryl, can I just ask, how is it possible that we ended up on you and we didn't know?

We hatched a hatch platonically, and I believe you were asleep.

I don't know.

I didn't ask questions, but if Argy ever wants anything from me, she saved me enough times that I would do anything for her.

I would murder.

I would destroy.

I would take a life form and make it deceased.

Okay.

Hey, can I have a quick aside with you guys?

Uh-huh.

Where are we having this aside?

Oh, wait.

Sorry.

Are you not involved?

Okay, I'm gonna go in for it here.

So.

Okay, Agent.

Okay.

Okay, turn around.

Now we should be pretty good.

Okay, my aside is this.

The ship is sort of like, kind of has mood swings, am I right?

There's maybe some things we don't know about.

Cheryl.

Follow up.

Do you want me to blow a hole in it and just like we just got into space?

That would be a good idea.

Be blasted out into space.

That's your solution.

Anyone got a better idea?

Hi.

I'm Cheryl.

The ship.

You know, I can hear you.

Everything that you're saying is going into me.

Well, that was an aside, Cheryl, so.

I don't know how we got here or why exactly Bargie felt like she needed to transfer us, but she left a message.

Oh,

can we listen to that?

Yeah.

Feels like that should have been the first thing we got to do.

Yeah, I should have thought of that.

nothing to do with you or anything we've done in the past.

But if anybody asks, you don't know where I am, and you don't know what I'm doing, but it's still a good idea.

Just don't ask any questions.

Okay, how do I turn it off?

I'm satisfied with this.

How do I turn it off?

Cheryl, I think you turn it off.

I know.

Cheryl don't cut this.

How do I turn it off?

Hey, Black.

How do I turn this off?

I mean, I usually press the button.

Did you listen to her record this message?

I remember her asking that question.

The rest of it, I wasn't.

I don't remember any of that.

All due respect, but you're coming off as a jucking idiot right now.

AJ.

AJ, you've had quite a turn, if I can be this candid about your arc.

No, I'm just, I'm just bummed.

I like Bargy.

I don't like being in the dark.

Listen, Cheryl, do you have a transmitter?

I sure do.

Can we just borrow that for a sec?

We're just going to call a buddy.

Yeah, the thing is, the video doesn't work, but only the audio works.

Okay, that's fine.

That's actually all right.

Yeah, it's C53.

Do you think you can call Nermit?

Maybe he can help us out.

Here we go.

Objects that are happening.

Outgoing transmission from Master Missions Operations Manager.

Hello, this is Master Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy here on Zima Prime.

What up?

Oh, AJ!

Hey, Nermit.

Hey, yeah, we're calling from Cheryl.

Oh, gosh, that...

It's so good to hear from you.

I've been dialing Bargie all day.

Do you know where she is?

No, I keep getting her voicemail.

Why didn't you dial one of us?

Yeah, you sound like a jucking idiot, Nerma.

Okay,

I'm upset.

I don't like being in unfamiliar places.

Wait, so the screen is totally dark.

Oh, yeah, this is good.

This is gonna be an audio.

What would I see if it were video?

The same.

Yeah, it'd be the same.

Cheryl doesn't have any lights, so.

What are you, a jucking idiot?

Looking to see you.

Hey, Jay's on.

Who's with me?

Listen, Nermis.

Hey, Jay, why are you acting out?

You got a real hornet in your helmet, friend.

I'm afraid of the dark, okay?

I'm afraid of the dark.

What?

AJ, we're gonna do this.

Some people find these distracting.

This might help.

Sorry, guys.

I just.

Okay, that's not much.

Oh, wow.

No, that's got...

Wow, your eyes really emit quite a bit of light.

Yeah, it's most people find it distracting because they need towards my face when I speak.

Yeah, but you're right.

I want to make eye contact, but it's just

hurting so much.

Nermit, listen, whatever the mission is, you're gonna have to help us get there because honestly, Cheryl's not the most helpful ship.

Okay, uh, I'll do that.

I'm Cheryl, the ship, but I'm having fun.

I'm having a fun time by myself.

So, guys, here's the mission.

I have this pamphlet, you can't see it, but uh, you'd be super.

Believe me, if you saw this pamphlet, you'd be into it.

Wait, Nermit, our mission is in a pamphlet?

Yes.

Are you posting?

Let's go inside that pamphlet.

No.

No, it's not the pamphlet.

You're not going into the pamphlet.

I said, are we going to a spa?

Close.

The worst option would be we're going into the pamphlet.

All right.

If we're going to have to blow ourselves out of this pamphlet, we're going to have to bring ourselves.

Oh, wow.

Going into it.

I'm glad I don't have a visual.

I assume that was the butt gun.

Oh.

Well, I missed the butt gun.

I was at the community bulletin board here on Zima Prime, and there's normally all sorts of pamphlets.

I just, I read them for, you know, for fun, or I normally don't give them too much thought, but this one this is a retreat run by Angelina Torp.

Who's Angelina Torp?

Angelina

one of the dissident Angelinas.

12 of the 13 pages of dissidents were Angelinas.

This is one of them.

She's running a retreat, so I signed everyone up.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

What is the retreat?

This retreat is called Know Yourself, Know the All.

That sounds sort of like

psychobabble.

Yeah, it does sound like gibberish.

Exactly.

It's in this pamphlet.

So you're all signed up.

Listen, why are we?

This sounds like a self-help seminar.

What are we doing?

We need help.

No, we don't need help.

We don't need self-help.

No, guys, we've been looking outside for all of this help.

We go to a planet.

What if the answers are in us?

You've gotten so impressionable since you moved to Zima Prime, and I don't like it.

So how do we get inside this pamphlet?

Oh, AJ.

Do you want to tell us how we're going to get inside the pamphlet?

Oh, I got a few ideas.

Okay.

Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt.

I know Bargie said you guys don't like being interrupted.

Bargie interrupts us all the time.

I've taken a seminar with Angelina, and she, as you can see, changed my life.

I am

a very stable, happy ship.

I no longer get as angry as I used to.

I don't go into dark places.

I'm Cheryl.

You're saying you don't go to dark places anymore?

No, and I moisturize my hall every day.

You credit Angelina for that?

100%.

Guys, I'd love to keep John and Yakin, but you got registration at 0902 Sharp, and you're going to pick up your

0902.

Nermit, where's the registration?

Oh, it's pretty bright and early.

I don't know.

First idea is this.

We find some pamphlets and we steal their disguises.

The disguises?

The pamphlets are what?

We go in and disguise ourselves as pamphlets.

AJ, do you know what a pamphlet is?

That's like a...

Oh, yay.

I can see how high you're holding your hand in the answer.

And you're incorrect, too.

Yeah, Cheryl, you know where Angelina Schwarz, you know where it is, right?

Yeah.

All right, take these guys there.

I don't even need to send you cohorts.

Of course.

No worries.

All right.

Hey, Nerm.

Yeah.

But if you don't hear from us,

I think Cheryl has done something to our bodies.

That's a safe assumption, Nerm.

Just keep track of us, okay?

Guys, you know what?

I

look forward to hearing what you find inside yourselves.

I know what's inside of me,

and I know what I'm gonna do about it.

Okay, yeah, let's get to that, let's get to that retreat.

Um, um, listen, everyone.

I, uh, Melissa, have an announcement to make.

For uh, too long, the people of Amber have been at the mercy of the tyrants of the God Disappeared Party.

And here we are, once again, every inhabitant of the planet in this underground waiting room, biting our time until we are forgiven and returned to the surface.

It is time to take matters into our own hands.

I'm talking, of course, about using this time to catch up on some incredible audio dramas.

Now hear me out.

Allow me to recommend my favorite new science fiction podcast, Vast Horizon.

It's an epic tale of survival against all odds.

Vast Horizon is about an agronomist named Nalira who's on an enormous spaceship called the Bifrost, which is on its way to populate a new system with 400,000 people aboard.

Something happens and Nalira wakes up in one of the ship's emergency rooms alone.

It's a story about one woman's quest to solve the mystery of a mass disappearance.

It's like this show is made for me.

Anyway, the show's beautifully sound design audio logs follow Nalira as she overcomes a series of mission-critical problems just to survive.

And her only companion is the ship's malfunctioning AI, who is constantly putting Nalira in danger.

Fast Horizon is available for free wherever you get your podcasts.

And epic new episodes are released every two weeks.

Oh,

and the primary vote for this year's Light Rail Party will be held tomorrow morning right here by the back of the line.

We have 35 candidates this year, so hopefully that won't backfire horribly.

Ugh, is that incense?

Yes, I'm sensing a kind of particular time here.

Ugh, boy.

Look at all these eager to self-actualize retreaters.

Huh, don't remind me of the Zema, right, Papa?

Okay, it's definitely different than the Zimas.

Oh, everybody's already in this room.

Maybe we can just sneak in quietly and pretend like we're gonna have a lot of water.

And everyone turn and face the door.

I thought that it started at 0902.

No, the class starts at 0845.

Registration is at 0902.

Registration is during the class?

It is during the class.

We'll take a pause, register.

and continue.

Okay, sorry about that.

Sorry.

Our bad.

That's alright.

The all is all.

Alright.

Okay.

Yeah, Pleck.

The all is the all right.

Pleck, Papa, she knew your name.

We just said we just said,

but that's not how I knew it.

Okay.

Pleck.

Robot.

Paul.

Close.

Close, though.

That's neither of us.

So are you just handing out nicknames to people?

Nicknames, I'm stripping you of your nickname and handing you your real name, which I retain the right to strip away and give you back your nickname.

I've gone between Paul and Sun Forest countless times.

But you were Paul?

I started as Paul.

Everyone starts as a Paul platform.

My name was Bert, and then she called me Bertie B.

That's true.

Bertie B.

So that was sort of more of a nickname then.

Everyone, go to a cubby, grab a mat, a cushion, a ball, a cube, and another mat.

And I'll warn you, you won't need the cube.

Okay, we should.

No, take the cube.

You just won't need it.

So...

Excuse me, but are you the cult leader?

Oh,

I don't like the word leader.

Um.

What?

Suspicious cultist?

I don't like the iss on the end of words.

You must be Angelina.

Angelina Torp.

Angelina Torp, T-O-R-P.

Wait, Papa, how did you know her name?

A-J.

I must have been mind-watched.

Your Papa is in touch with the all.

Okay, yeah, sure.

I mean, you might say.

I like to think of it as a space, but yeah, I say.

Space, Rod.

Catarsonism.

What is

all of space, time, religion?

It's the all.

You're in touch with the all, pleck.

Okay.

Don't let the all touch you back.

Okay, yeah, alright.

Yeah, I like that.

That's a good way of thinking about it, you know?

No, it's not.

Okay.

I disagree.

I love it.

You

have many moons inside of you.

Oh, are you pointing at me?

Yes, you.

Dennis.

I can't tell if you're trying to guess my name or you've just given me Dennis.

Everyone grab all of the props.

Please make your way to your meditation mats.

Oh, I see a good spot up in the front.

Yes, please come to the front.

Excuse me.

Out of the way.

Ow, ow!

Oh, ow.

You guys come in or what?

What's going on?

Dar, we can.

You should just say in the back.

No, everyone's facing the door.

And everyone, please face away from the door.

Ah, that was bound to happen.

Yeah.

Now, everybody, lie prone on your.

Angelina, I've had some uh back problems recently.

Is there a modification?

Modification to the exercise or to your back?

To me.

Oh no.

Whoa.

It's alright.

Cry it out.

Lay on your back.

Feel the pain no matter how excruciating.

Her solution was to just do it anyway, huh?

Ow!

Yes.

It should hurt.

It should.

Pain is just the mind telling your body that something is bad for for you.

Usually, you're supposed to listen to that.

Okay, can I have the four of you up front, please?

I am up front.

I saved us all a spot up front.

Yes, I want all four of you up front.

None of them have their lanyards.

Did they skip registration?

It's very unclear to me, but that is a good point.

Let me check my files.

It might be under the Nermit Bundaloo.

Yes, okay, four under Nermit Bundaloi.

What you missed registration.

I

you're disrupting the vibe in here, okay?

Okay.

Sorry.

Yeah, I apologize.

You know, we just...

We're here for the retreat.

I'm having a vision.

Uh, okay.

I'm having a very intense vision right now.

Okay, we can leave you well.

No, I'd like all four of you to stay, and I'd like you up front, actually.

Okay.

Okay, even further up front than you already are.

I'd like us in a huddle, actually.

Oh, an aside.

Yes, an aside.

I'd like to have an aside with all four of you.

Okay, listen, I have a pretty good thing going here, alright?

And the four of you walk in here with your attitudes, disrupting what's going on, disrupting my room.

So you admit this is a scam?

It's not a scam.

Alright?

It's a cult.

It's not.

I don't like the word it's a, okay?

Now, just lay on your mats and let it happen.

I've dealt with skeptics before.

You're not the first,

okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

What did she say?

What did she say when you were in a huddle?

What did she reveal to you?

Paul, go back to your mat.

My name is Sun Forest.

Sun Forrest, put your feet up on your cube.

Go back to your mat.

Don't you can't trick me into using this cube.

Sun Force, we learned some stuff.

And I'll trade it for you if you tell me how to get inside this baby.

Yeah, wait, hold on.

I'm in on this cube.

Breathe even.

No one's ever gotten into the pamphlet.

Many have tried.

Many have tried to get into a pamphlet.

And breathe in.

Not that.

That's fair.

That's fair to see.

I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

I'm sorry, what?

I'm going to have to ask you, the robot, Pleck,

everyone but Paul.

Yeah.

Even Birdie B?

Birdie B, I've asked to leave many times, and Birdie B continues to stay.

You know what?

You know, it's C53, Darren.

I think that's fine.

Let's go take a break.

We'll catch up with Angelina after this, whatever this is.

Yeah, okay.

Oh, man.

C53.

This is perfect.

You gotta get in here, C53.

It's the midnight shadow, C53.

This is great.

It's more activating the mode.

Here we go.

Oh wow, the midnight shadow has bloated.

This is restorative in a way I had not envisioned.

Man, forget how great a pool is.

Hey, this big thing is displacing a lot of the water.

This big thing?

I got a cold.

And when I have a cold, I like to rub my nose into the water to get it clean.

Woo!

Okay, this big thing is trying to get out of the pool.

Out of the cold.

Children, stop using me as a flotation dog.

Okay, we are

really

super psyched to see the one who made it.

Very impressive.

I will say I'm kind of the alpha of the group.

But anyway, let's do it.

You each serve a distinct, important purpose.

And now, for 50 croons each,

I could tell you what that purpose is, not just in this room, but for the universe.

A personalized vision for each of you.

Wow.

50 first, me, first, me, first.

Yes, Birdie B.

I am having a vision unrelated to the croons.

It's happening naturally.

Oh, wow.

Yes.

Whoa, incredible timing.

Yes.

You

have a great

destiny ahead of you, Birdie B.

I do.

Yes, Yes, what is your favorite thing in the universe to do?

And

singing.

And

walking.

Yes.

I see it.

I see singing, walking, painting.

I see the path, the rainbow path, and the all pushing you forward towards singing, walking, and painting.

And for 50 croons,

and all that you need to propel you down that path to singing, walking, and painting greatness

is

faith in yourself, Birdie B.

Wow.

Faith in yourself.

Amazing.

Alright, Paul.

Actually, my real name is AJ.

AJ.

Well, actually, my real name is AJ2884, but.

That's the name that was given to you by your creator.

How did you know that?

Mmm, I'm wise.

Is it because it's written on my arm?

Yes.

Wow!

What is it that you like to do most in the universe, Paul?

Wow, that's a good question.

Um,

oh, shooting blasters.

Yes, I see.

I'm having a vision unrelated to the croons you gave me earlier.

What?

Yes, Paul, shooting, blasting things.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yes, there's a rainbow path stretching ahead of you, propelled by the awe.

Yes, and with 50 croons, I could tell you how to propel yourself down the path.

Can I give you Papa's 50 croones?

It really, it makes almost no difference at all to me.

Wonderful.

Yes, this is.

All you need is faith.

Faith in

yourself, Paul.

Faith in yourself.

I wasn't going to say yogurt.

Well,

a little bit of tiny.

Yeah, that was pretty refreshing, you know?

All things considered.

Considered that it's filled with urine.

I'm gonna have to stir things later.

Fair enough.

Well, a drink?

Cool down.

Perfect.

Uh, hello there.

Hi there.

That's not what you can really expect out of a bartender.

What can I serve you?

We serve a lot of soothing drinks here.

Uh, you know what?

I will take an orange beer, please.

We don't have that.

What else do you want?

Uh, okay, yeah, just any any beer is great.

We don't have those.

What else do you want?

Anything you want.

We have it here.

Okay.

Uh What do you recommend?

I recommend a jungle bird.

Oh,

yeah.

Okay.

A little cocktail.

Yeah.

We take a jungle bird.

What is it?

What's in it?

Oh, it's filled with two pints of hope and a sparkle of innocence.

Okay.

Is that like the brand name or like what is the actual substance of it?

Oh, you know what you want.

How about a little volcano breeze breeze?

Yeah.

So we're not doing the jungle bird or?

I don't feel it's what you want.

Okay, creepy.

Eight parts nothingness, one part sadness, and a sprinkle of dysentery.

Okay, dude, what a dysentery.

It's refreshing.

Honestly, what I'm looking for right now is like

when you hear from someone, you haven't heard from in a long time, but it's not because you had like a falling out or anything, it's just because you know you grow apart a little bit.

It's about separation, okay.

Right, but whenever you do get to talk to to them, it always just feels like home.

Oh, fantastic.

You feel connected again, but

it's temporary.

It's a temporary nice

warm

of friendship.

That's actually called the spatial pooch.

Wow.

Yeah, well, I'll have one of those.

Okay, there you go.

Dar, wow.

You really knew your way around this menu.

Well, you know, I've really had to get creative with mock tails since I got there.

Yeah, I hadn't thought about that when I was there.

You know, this is probably a stupid robot question, but can you actually taste that stuff when you drink all these?

I mean, I'm tasting it right now.

Hey, you don't drink it with your mouth.

Oh, so how would I

ingest this?

If I would just pour it over my frame?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

What am I supposed to do?

You don't drink it with your mouth.

Do I look at it?

You don't drink it with your mouth.

Darn.

You obviously know what's happening.

What am I supposed to do?

You don't drink it with your mouth.

Come Come on.

Here's a straw.

Figure it out.

Alright, well, I'm just gonna.

I guess I'll just...

Just put it up your nose, but.

You said not with my mouth.

Wrong.

I think it's implied that don't do it with your nose either.

I'm very confused.

Here's the thing, Angelina.

You're talking about the space and the all and the.

How can they all be the all, you know?

How can they what be the what?

Wait, are you introducing something new?

The what?

Is the what something I should be thinking about?

Now, Paul, you've answered your own question, don't you agree?

How can the all be the all?

How can the what be the what?

I want everyone to give it up for Paul, who's answered his own question.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I did.

I see.

Well, it's pretty easy to answer your own question when you're when you're one with the all.

When you're what with the all.

Wow, Paul, ask yourself another question, Paul.

Am I hungry yes

Everyone

Paul

Paul ask yourself another question Paul

Am I overly suggestible no

possible for both of you there are higher planes possible Wait, so we're at the highest point, but there are higher planes possible.

No, there's always a higher plane possible.

How does it feel?

How are we feeling?

We're feeling powerful.

Powerful.

Yes, we're feeling like.

Open.

Open.

And if we were to subtract the number of croons we had coming in from the number of croons we have now in terms of weight, how much is still on your body?

Trick question.

Well.

Is it a trick question?

It's not a trick question.

Oh, I don't...

So, how much money do I have?

Is that what you're asking?

Oh, it's not what I asked, but it is what I'm asking.

Okay.

Whoa.

How much is this many?

Ah, the exact amount to ascend.

It's the all at work.

Yes.

You have the exact amount to ascend higher.

Angelina, just a quick question.

As I'm ascending,

is it possible to get in one of these pamphlets?

Now that I'm powerful and kind of using the all?

I'll let you in on a secret that we normally only tell people who have achieved Ascension Level, or AS, 92.

But you seem like an eager student, so...

I am.

I'm very eager.

Birdie B's got nothing on me.

What?

What?

I have this black room.

Birdie B is black room.

Birdie B does.

Birdie B, I'll let you hear this as well.

It's a little treat, a little secret to my two best students.

It is, in fact, possible to become paper.

If the mind can conform to paper, the body can as well.

I knew it.

But you're not ready.

It would cause serious psychology.

I'm ready to be paper.

Paul.

I'm ready.

Paul, what's your name?

AJ280.

You are not ready, Paul.

I should have said paper.

You should have said Paul, which is

the name that I gave you 45 minutes ago.

Right.

You've ascended faster than anyone ever has before.

Yeah.

Yes, and for I'm having a vision.

For 10 kron, I can tell you what it is.

Oh, you got it.

Paul, you will, before this day is through, become a Pamblet.

Fantastic.

And then I'll finally find that dissonant.

Uh, what?

What?

Well, we're looking for a dissident, my team and I.

Angelina,

wait.

Oh,

this is a spread.

Oh, yeah.

batteries?

These are so good.

You just.

Wait, what do you do with those?

You just put that into your head.

Yeah.

What happens to it?

Oh, it's just your sort of pops.

And you get the battery accident.

Oh.

That's delicious.

But then, then what happens to the rest of the battery?

You just compact it and expel it later.

You said that, like, I could do that.

You can't do that.

Oh, these batteries are divine.

Dar, you can eat them.

Okay.

Okay, C53, I'm going to hand you a plate so that you can just load up for me.

Sure, absolutely.

I'm just gonna look for like.

Shrimp?

Oh.

Did someone say they were looking for shrimp?

No, I they haven't.

I think you're looking for shrimp.

I'll take a shrimp.

Hello.

What sort of shrimp do you want?

I feel like we've met before.

You might have met my sister.

Your sister.

Or my cousin.

Okay.

Or my aunt.

Do you all sort of look like a baby?

Or my best friend, Emily.

Yeah.

Or my enemy, Michelle.

Okay.

Are you guys all equally into shrimp?

We love shrimp now.

Okay.

Also, what uh what shrimp do you recommend if we're gonna be recommend the shrimp with the large tails,

but I do not recommend the shrimp with no tails.

They are not shrimp.

Those are mock shrimp.

Mock shrimp?

Oh sure yeah.

Do you wanna invest in a time trade?

What is a time trade?

Did you ever wanna own property in the beautiful island?

Oh boy, you asked her and then she brought out a whole presentation.

Now tell me three things you're afraid of.

Three things I'm afraid of.

Okay, bonji fruit.

Uh, the cold dark vacuum of space.

Uh, leaving nothing behind when I die, like leaving no legacy, friends, family.

Okay, at the Shrimp Island, you'll never have that problem because

which problem does that solve?

There's no bonji fruit.

Oh, great, okay, cool.

The second one is not a problem.

Uh-huh.

And your friends will visit you so much.

Okay, hey, this is sounded pretty good, C-53.

I'm over here by the battery.

No battery.

Where's your sentient

Oh,

why do you need that?

I was just doing a mass background check to see if you're qualified.

Yeah, okay.

It's 866.

Ow!

Ow!

Don't give me a chance.

But it's for back.

It's just for background check.

You don't know this woman.

She's the shrimp lady.

We saw her at the Clintillion.

No, we did not see her.

We saw her aunt or her enemy.

We don't know this person.

All right, all right, all right.

My name is Pierkin.

Pierkin?

Pierkin.

Listen, Pierkin, this has been a real delight.

You know what?

I'll think on it, and I'll come back.

Alright.

I have your number, so I'm going to call you relentlessly.

Alright.

Okay, you got it.

Guys, I think actually all the shrimp is mock shrimp.

I mean, I've made it a third of the way through this chafing dish, and I have to say that it's not settling very well.

I don't know.

I mean, what do you think it's made out of?

I mean, honestly, all I'm getting is battery acid.

These are true.

Yeah, these are

good.

I hear battery acid.

Okay, I'm gonna talk to somebody's in charge here.

I'm gonna talk to the chef here.

Excuse me.

Okay,

here's the issue.

Can you understand what he is?

Is this the chef?

Or did I just randomly address it here because

you just have to

hey aj what's up this is angelina thorpe she was the discipline

yep we've met listen angelina i i'm sorry your workshop wasn't for us but we did want to talk to you uh you know we represent uh a small movement trying to uh undermine the power of the emperor intrigue Trying to undermine the power of the Emperor.

We don't recognize the power of the Emperor here at the retreat.

Excellent, good.

Neither do we.

We have it on good authority that you have, you know, you have your issues with the Emperor, so do we.

I'm having a vision.

Pleck, I'm having a vision.

Excellent, great.

I'm having a vision.

And for merely 250 croons, I can tell you the contents of the vision.

It involves you, it involves the Emperor.

It involves an explosion.

Yeah.

The price just went down for 175 croons.

It's a fish.

I still can't afford this vision.

I mean,

I only have like 100 croon, and AJ has all of them, so.

All the vision hurts I need to get it out of me for 125 croons, 125 croons,

110 croons, only 110 croons, 110 croons, going once.

Oh, Bertie B, Bertie B, Bertie B.

For 110 croons, we'll hear the vision about Pleck and the Emperor and the explosion.

Thank you, Birdie B.

Pleck.

The vision that I'm seeing is that Pleck is.

you

are the chosen wah.

You're the chosen

little bit chosen.

I want to say it, but I can't.

So my hand is

empty.

You're the chosen one.

Wait, uh,

listen, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, hold on, hold on.

You subscribe to Veteen.

What?

You

subscribe to Vetin.

It's a source of shame.

I mean,

I never said that to her.

It would be a source of shame for any adult Tellurian.

The articles are surprisingly progressive and well written.

I'm sorry,

this hasn't happened in a long time for me.

This hasn't really happened to you.

I thought your whole thing was predicting the future.

No, are you dumb?

You're a robot.

You couldn't tell.

That's all garbage, okay?

We knew it was Galbar.

No, no, we all knew it wasn't garbage.

We all knew it was garbage.

It's just perfectly

sunny beach.

There was just a bolt of lightning.

Listen to me.

The worst is yet to come.

Oh, no.

The Emperor has many faces, and so far you've seen but

a few clouds rolling in.

The clouds.

Angelina, what is going on?

Listen to me.

Flexeniel, Eugene, Dexetter.

Oh, my rock.

Oh my rock.

Why didn't your parents spell it with an E?

It's just Eugene.

Real name?

That's a full name?

Pleck is my real name.

It's just shortened from Pleckthaniel.

Pleckthaniel.

Pleckthaniel.

Don't laugh at me.

We're in the middle of a vision.

Pleckthaniel, you'll have to be strong before the end.

You'll have to face the Emperor.

Yes, yes, the Emperor.

It's my path, it's my destiny.

Oh, there's bees in her mouth.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Do you need to?

Walk away.

No, no, I like the floor.

I like the ground.

Angelina.

Yes.

How do you know these things?

When you said the Emperor hasn't shown us his worst son, like,

what does that mean?

We need to know.

He has many faces, and he's only shown you a handful.

And it's also spelled Eugene without an E?

There's no

way.

Is it U-G-E-A-N?

I don't know.

I'm asking you.

A J in Eugene?

I just think so, but you said it was spelled weird.

No.

Just no E.

U.

G-E-N-E.

A J in Eugene.

But then, if Pleck knows his future, how does that affect the future?

Dar, listen.

I don't want to fight my destiny.

If I'm supposed to face the Emperor, it's what I'm going to do.

And if I'm supposed to be paper.

AJ.

That's what I'm supposed to do.

I don't think so, AJ.

That's anyone's bad.

Birdie.

Birdie, look at Bertie.

Angelina, thank you for all that you've taught me about the all.

Thank you, Paul, for being propelled forward by the all

for only 20 more croones.

I can tell you.

We haven't let her fish.

We haven't really come.

I think we're gonna get out of here.

Hello, it is I, Master Little Boy.

As a Zima Master, it is my destiny to instruct young Zimas to be chill as hell.

See?

Look at me levitate one inch off the ground.

Woo!

Now, I know you may be thinking, how can I learn to be so red and chill?

The answers you seek lie within the all-new Zima Prime website at Zemaprime.space, provided for us in freshness by wix.com.

ZimaPrime.space is full of indispensable advice on how to be chill, like inspirational blog posts, a destiny generator, a submission form to ask the Zima masters any questions, and member-only content that allows you to decipher an ancient Zima scroll.

And also, look at me, I can levitate three inches!

Whee!

But the chillest vibe of them all comes from Wix.com, who makes it so easy to make a gorgeous website that even a bunch of hacky-second cigarillio-smoking cater waiters waiters could do it.

With Wix you can start and publish your website for free using one of over 500 stunning customizable templates.

All your content is optimized for any device and every site includes Wix's powerful SEO tools making it easier for people to find your chillness on the info web.

Hey, I can leverage

And here's the dankest nug in the dime canister.

If you go to Wix.com and use the coupon 6, you'll get 10% off of any premium plan, giving you more storage, a free domain for a year, and more.

That's Wix.com code CYXX for 10% off of any premium plan.

Look at me!

Again, I can lanchate three inches.

That's a lot, that's more than two.

It is good to be back.

Thanks for sorry, ocular sensors, Bargie.

Hi, hello.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

No, you do not have to apologize.

We are just so happy to see you again.

Yeah, I know she's your friend, but Cheryl is sort of crazy.

Wow, that's a mean thing to say.

Sometimes people are just emotional.

They've gone through things of the past, but that doesn't make them crazy.

She wouldn't turn on the lights.

Oh, yeah, she's not meant to have a crew, she's only meant to carry old meat.

Is the old meat kit?

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Old meat?

Archie,

under what circumstances would you meet a ship whose only job was to carry old meat?

There's certain places with, I don't know, I'm not the one who's the preference.

Disposing of old meat.

So let's go.

Why it was so dark and why it was so cold in there.

And why the walls kept moving.

Also, why you guys still smell.

No, that's because we went in the pool.

Yeah, that might have been the pool.

Listen, where I had to go, I couldn't bring other people.

Okay?

I was keeping you safe.

Anyway, while I was gone, I came across something very interesting.

I'm printing it out now.

I think I might go here.

I think it's a good thing for me.

Bargie, this is a pamphlet for the retreat we were just at.

It says I will find the all that is in myself.

I don't know what that means, but it sounds good.

Yeah, it's less good than it sounds, Bargie.

I gotta say,

yeah, yeah.

But look at this quote from Paul: The what is the what?

That's what's up.

I said that.

I said that.

I got in the pamphlet.

Yeah,

fuck yeah.

You finally did it.

I infiltrated the pamphlet.

Great mission.

We did it, guys.

Mission accomplished.

Call up the lizard.

Let's do this.

Call up the lizard.

What?

This is Sea Red IT5.

Credits and Attributions joined commencing outro protocol.

Pop-up Click Samuel Eugene Dexetter was played by Alden Ford.

C-53 was played by Jeremy Bett.

Dar was played by Allie Kokash.

Bargie the Ship, Cheryl the Ship, Birdie B, The Kid with the Runny Nose, The Bartender, Pierkin, and the Air Conditioner were played by Mujan Zalfagari.

Master Missions Operations Manager Nerman Bundeloy, Sun Forrest, and the Kid Whose Band-Aids All Fell Off were played by Seth Flynn.

Paul was played by Winston Null.

Angelina Torp was played by special guest Jackie Jennings.

Jackie is a writer and performer based in in New York.

Jackie is the lead host of the Sci-Fi Channel and the podcast Boarding Party.

She's written for the Chris Gethardt show, Funny or Die and Above Average.

Follow her on Twitter at OhHi Jackie.

This episode was edited by Jeremy Bent.

Sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Recorded at Robert Doggy Jr.'s Puppy Palace in Brooklyn, New York.

Music composed by Brendan Ryan, performed by famed Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Cratchley.

Ship designed for Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Mission to Zix is a proud member of a Maximum Fun Network.

Hello, Internet.

I'm your husband-host, Travis McElroy.

And I'm your wife-host, Teresa McElroy.

And together, we present Schmanners.

It's extraordinary etiquette.

For ordinary occasions.

We explain the historical significance of everyday etiquette topics, then answer your questions relating to modern life.

So join us weekly on maximumfund.org or wherever podcasts are found.

No RSVP required.

Check out Schmanners.

Schmanner, Schmanners.

Get it?

Have you ever watched a movie so bad you just needed to talk to somebody about it?

Well, here at the Flop House, we watch a bad movie and then talk about it.

Yeah, you don't have to do anything.

We'll watch it and we'll talk it.

We do the hard work.

Featuring the beautiful vocal talents of Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington, and me, America's Rascal, Elliot Kalen.

New episodes every other Saturday at maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcast, dude.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

MaximumFun.org.

Comedy and culture.

Artist-owned, audience-supported.

I mean, yeah, yeah, okay.

That's

what do you want it to be?

He's your guy.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's your guy.

Cookie, cookie.

Yeah, I think Eugene is really funny.

Eugene.

Yeah.

Okay.

But

cookie was also in the Bleck Cookie Deck Center.

That sounds like a nigga.

I think that always sounds like a sugar cane.

That's like if you were a baseball player.

Sugarcane cookie.

Blank cookie deck setter.

What if you're yeah, like

yeah, I think if you