314: Kitty’s Pancake House [ft. Ellena Doe]

It is a time of fear and unrest.

Emperor Nermit Bundaloy rules the galaxy with an iron fist and also a planet crusher.

Crusher.

Now, Zima Knight Pleck Dexetter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to defeat whackness, bring balance to the space, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This is mission to sink.

Hey, C53.

I have a question.

I feel like since I've known you, you've kind of gone from being kind of a straight-laced, like, protocol droid.

Now you're like a little bit cooler.

You swear a lot more.

I don't know if I swear a lot more.

Well, I mean, you're openly derisive towards AJ.

You ever think, like, oh, I want to be Tellurian?

No, I've never had that particular thing.

Never.

Never once.

No, I would lose so many of my capabilities.

Okay, Okay, camera.

Well, yeah, I mean, you can't even see infrared.

I mean, I could, I can, but with a camera, but you're not experiencing it in real time the way I am.

But I will say, when we first met, I was, of course, under the influence of a restraining.

I guess my question is: do you ever feel like you wish you were a Tellurian?

No.

Are you asking, do you wish I was at any point organic?

Okay, yeah, sure.

No, yeah.

Do you ever wish you were organic?

No.

Okay.

Well, I guess I should say this, C53.

You're like, you're like more Tellurian to me.

Well, what you're really saying is you've become more comfortable with me.

Oh.

That is because I, as a protocol drug, have been working to make you more comfortable with me.

Just if that reflects itself in you, considering me more Tellurian, then it sounds like I've done my job.

And we have my Tellurian-specific subroutines to think for that.

I love subroutines.

So many of them.

Like what?

I like putting the ham on first.

I put ham on.

Sub-sandwich routine.

Yeah, that's what we're talking about, right?

Hey, AJ.

Yeah.

I noticed you were eating that sandwich earlier.

You should take your helmet off.

I don't know why you slide it under the helmet.

That's my routine.

It's my subroutine.

It's gotta be.

You can't be enjoying the up as much by trying to cram it under the lower lip of your helmet.

That if you just took the helmet off and ate the same.

Have you guys eaten this up with a helmet on?

Well, I've never eaten this up, period.

But I'm just saying.

I'll try it.

Do it.

Sorry, you can take my helmet.

Thank you.

I'd like to try it.

Oh.

Oh, wow.

Sorry, you know, not having a skull really helps your head fit into pretty much anything.

Yeah, I was actually pretty surprised how actually comfortable this is.

Oh, whoa!

Listen to my voice.

Do you hear that?

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

It's like a surprise, right?

There's so much standards all over my face.

Yeah.

I'm opening up my hatch.

What?

Wait, why, Bargie?

Why?

What?

Opening up my hatch.

I'm getting a lot of delivery of a lot of croon.

No, Bargie.

I'm back on.

Not top, but like, maybe 10% more than that.

Bargie, can they put the croon in the airlock?

Don't just open your door to space.

Alright, thanks.

It's like it doesn't matter as long as I have it, right?

They didn't want to wire it to you?

Yeah, you only deal in cash, Bargy?

So the way I got this croon, I'm now part of a website where people pay me croon and I send them messages that they write for me.

You're a cam ship?

Yep, yep.

So for example, I have this one.

Uh, this one's for 400 croon.

Someone wants me to say, Rolling.

Hi, hello, my name is Bajeria Jade.

I'm currently missing.

I've done crimes, but am I guilty?

I don't know.

Anyway, eat chocolate.

Bargie, that doesn't sound like a message.

It sort of sounds like somebody's gonna use that in an advertisement.

Can people pay croon for this?

Yeah.

Well, does anybody else really want chocolate right now?

I do.

I'm not.

Could you slide some underneath your helmet for me?

Got it.

Wait, Bargerian.

If they don't know where you are, how are you getting the crude?

Is that what that shipment of crude was?

It's from the service.

Yes, from the service.

Well, the service knows where I am.

You know what I mean?

I'm just saying, it might not be great for somebody to know where we are.

Pocket deck center, I have an incoming transmission from Nermit Bundalar.

Oh, I don't.

Wait, hold on.

Yeah.

The Emperor?

Yeah.

You know what?

I'm going to answer it.

Okay.

Hey,

Hello, Nermit.

You're alive.

Whoop-dee-doo.

My assassins are not doing their job, and it's frustrating.

But I have to tell you, I don't like you destroying my Enforcer droids.

Stop doing it.

Well, you know,

we're just real good at it, so, you know, we just keep destroying them every time you send them.

I sent an entire brigade down to Zach Niz.

I did.

And lo and behold, they weren't completely destroyed.

So, did you do it?

You're more powerful than I thought, because

those are some top-of-the-line forcer droids.

Well,

maybe you missed underestimated us.

Well, now that you said that, I guess I'm going to have to double the assassin count.

And then, what total of assassins would that be?

I don't keep count.

I just, I just wait.

I'm an emperor.

I just.

I'm not going to double a number.

You have to know what number.

Yeah, come on.

I'm just like, hey, let's just double the

corporations.

It leads to a lot of waste if you're just going to arbitrarily double how many employees you have in a given sector.

Also, maybe you just stop trying to kill us.

Oh, gosh, I can't do that.

Because if you're rounding up other dissonants, you're going to form a rebellion of sorts.

And I can't have that.

That's just one more thing.

You know, it's like, I'm having, it's hard enough for me right now.

It's hard enough?

Listen, stop killing my Enforced droids.

Stop sending your Enforcer droids.

They just hung up on us.

He didn't know where we were because of me, right?

Like that never came over.

Yeah, he almost definitely knows exactly where we are.

Listen, C53, I...

Did we miss?

Did I miss a bunch of Enforcer droids?

I haven't seen an Enforcer droid since the delegator.

Do we...

What was the planet he said?

Zaxen is?

I don't think we've ever been there.

Plugger, are you trying to remember if we went to a planet and dispatched a bunch of enforcer droids?

Listen, there's a lot going on.

We got mind wiped, right?

Papadix and I have an incoming transmission from Master Mission's Operations Manager Nermit Hunt.

Okay.

Alright.

Hey Nermit.

Hey guys.

Hey, we just heard from your your buddy.

What?

What?

The Emperor

Emperor Bundaloy.

What?

You think you talk to the Emperor?

Guys, get this.

Whoa, Nermit, why why so much red string connecting all of these pictures of us?

Yeah, this is what's classically known as a conspiracy wall.

Okay, here's the thing.

I've been looking through the dissident list, I've been pouring over all of the Zema documents, and I have a theory.

Nermit, this is not a great indicator of your mental health.

Okay, so you see how this string that goes from Pleck, and then it's connecting back to Dubtor.

Remember?

And then, okay, and now it's spiraled around there, it goes to Zema Prime, it leaves Zima Prime, it goes back to the planet where the wedding was.

Okay, and then

is this a conspiracy board or is this just the places we've been?

It's both.

Okay.

Nerman, you need to stop smoking cigarilios.

You need to just quit.

It clears my head.

No, I think it doesn't, actually.

It gets you into that zone where you're like, I was inside a box and I literally was.

Listen, we sort of have a mission, so we're going to go on it.

You're telling me, so here's what's going to happen.

Yeah.

Sure.

I think.

just let him have this let him explain his tinfoil hat theory yeah you're right let's just go leave

i can just leave the call on

sure sure yeah all right guys so this is gonna take a while to explain but i think

we're listening we're gonna get there all right so even if it seems like we're not listening we're listening thank you in advance for not interrupting all right so if you follow this string this way and you get to the see this picture of a guy he's wearing a hat made of tinfoil

we're muted So, wait, C53, is Zach Sniz a real planet?

Absolutely.

It's part of the Zquadron.

We just

I mean, if there's someone there destroying

battalions of

enforcer droids, like we gotta

hook up, yeah.

So, Zach Sniz, let's lock and load, baby.

Wow, darn, you really crushed that can.

Dearest Corette, it has now been three days since I was accidentally locked in this library.

It must be some sort of holiday weekend.

All I know is that the perverts are gone and I finally have access to the computers.

Sadly, the Wi-Fi here is so slow that it takes hours for a single page to load.

But while I wait, I have discovered a single ray of light in this otherwise horrible place.

The newest releases from premier science fiction publisher Tor Books.

An info web search for Zwag Tambui took so long that I was able to finish the incredible ball lightning by Tsixin Liu, a high-concept, stunning tale of physics, ethics, and a journey for answers that may come at too high a cost.

I mean, unlocking the mysteries of powerful physics that separated a man from his family?

It's almost like that book was written for me.

But last week, while waiting in line behind dozens of kinky weirdos and impossibly old people trying to print out their emails, I also finished the smart, swashbuckling adventure Empress of Forever by Max Gladstone, and have just started The Soul Majestic, a charming, big-hearted, and delightful intergalactic adventure by Ferret Steinmetz.

Although I have never rested in my long journey back to you, it was a welcome respite from my hellish plight to escape into some epic science fantasy for just a brief moment.

And know this, my love.

If you visit Torbooks.com slash zix3, you can order these and countless other incredible sci-fi books from Tor.

That's T-O-R-Books.com slash ZYXX3.

Perhaps it shall help you pass the time until I can return to you.

I know it has been decades in your dimension, and this email will take months to send, but I hope you have not forgotten about me.

Soon we will be reunited.

Your devoted husband, Karn.

Are you going to just keep the helmet?

I would take it off if I could, but the belt of chocolate and the submarine sandwich mustard has created a paste and it's stuck.

Please.

I'm worried about damaging you and the helmet.

AJ, are you cool?

Just

free free scalping it?

Yeah, they'll eat their way out.

They always do.

Wait, you're expecting Dar to eat the helmet?

No, just don't paste.

You just have to work on that pace there, Dar.

I'm sorry.

You spend a lot of the time inside the helmet just like licking around the rim of the helmet?

If I'm not talking, I'm probably licking the rim of the helmet.

You're telling us

most of the time you're not talking, you're eating paste.

Yeah, face, helmet pace.

AJ, take off the helmet to eat.

Nah.

It's better this way.

Always ready.

Vigilant, vigilant.

Look at your name.

You see this rash you have around this?

Wait, I have a lot of pancakes.

Are pancakes like another word for bombs?

No, the enforcer drink has always had a certain fascination with pancakes.

These guys just seem to be making a lot of pancakes.

CC3, all of these Enforcer droids, they weren't destroyed.

They're just here milling around.

Making this planet smells amazing.

Look at them all high-fiving each other.

It's awesome.

It's like the end of a zyball match.

and a sliced pancake.

Can enforcer droids eat?

They actually can eat pancakes.

I still don't understand why that's part of their engineering, but they love pancakes and they love to eat pancakes.

Hello, I am an enforcer droid.

Would you please hug me?

Yeah, that's a mercy.

Please, I would like a hug from you.

Maybe a trap.

Alright, you got it.

Come on.

Good gun here.

Feels good.

Duds.

Cold, but

clanky sharp.

Feels good.

AJ, you could probably let go at the end of the day.

I mean, I'm letting go.

This thing's still holding on to me.

Oh, thanks.

I love you.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

C53, do you know anything about Saxniz?

Saxniz?

From what I understand, it's a completely barren world.

There's nothing on here worth people bothering with the planet.

There's another uh droid coming up that's not an enforcer droid.

Okay.

Oh my rush, this droid's flower crown is stunning.

Welcome sentience.

Welcome to Sentience.

Hello.

Hello.

We come in peace.

We mean you no harm.

We are a crew of a ship who may have interests in common.

What's with his voice?

I know, he sounds so weird.

Okay, alright.

I just saying that this is

yes, yes.

It's okay to feel the way you face it.

Yes, thank you.

Good.

Okay, see guys, it is good.

I think she's doing this for your comfort, Pleck.

Yeah.

She can tell that you're extremely nervous.

Listen, there are a lot of enforcer droids here.

I've never seen this droid before.

Neither have I, but it doesn't mean we need to freak out about it.

Nobody needs to do any freaking out.

We're all friends here.

I see four sentients, but I feel five sentients.

Uh,

with a child.

I'm locked and loaded with a baby.

Yeah,

you're really in the AJ headspace in there.

I started licking the page.

Okay.

Well, I am a Zemonite Plec Deck Setter.

This is C53, AJ, and Dar.

C53.

It is a pleasure to meet you.

Pleasure to meet you as well.

My name is Oak Tree.

Sorry, what what was your name?

Oak Tree.

It is my name and I'm on.

I don't know that I'm familiar with either the oak or tree production lines.

Are you a product of the Ronkin's Severdance Corporation?

Yes, in one way, yes.

In another way, I'm a product of Oak Tree.

Wow, uh, what brought you here to uh, Zaxnus?

Oak tree brought Oak Tree to Zaxnus.

Is this an accent that you've been programmed with, or did you come up with this on your own?

This is a factory setting, and it is the last one I cannot remove myself from.

I've got the panel on the back, and my arms are very sharp.

I'm gonna

Oh no.

Okay, well we got monarchy standard.

I'm testing this out and I don't know if I like it.

There's a little too much.

Peter is dead.

Yeah, that's just sort of laugh.

Why don't we try Gentawa?

Yeah, I can't be arguing.

I can't understand Janta.

I can't speak Gentile.

We'll just try this.

Testing.

One, two, three.

One.

C53.

This is amazing.

Thank you.

My pleasure.

Wow.

I feel like my voice finally reaches my personality.

What was the original setting called?

Yeah, it looks like native Vespertine.

You know, maybe it was being said there, so it was just preset with that.

Why would you have Vespertine but speaking regular?

Well, Vespertine is very close to Tellurian.

Really?

C53, do you have a knob, a physical knob that changes your voice?

I mean, this is the midnight shadow.

Sure, you can do it.

Oh, wow.

Okay, alright.

You don't need to.

Oh, do another.

Do another.

Okay, alright.

Oh, just one more.

One more.

Splendid, indulge me.

Okay.

Oh, so quiet.

Is that Vespertine?

That's Vespertine.

Oh, that's so cute.

I love Vespertine on UC.

Yeah,

I think

stick with standard regular.

Well, again, that's for your comfort, but.

Okay.

All right, protocol drive.

This is my

stick to protocol.

Speaking of protocol, I actually want to talk to you about that.

Oh, uh, certainly.

Just leave it on behind.

All the protocol, all the diplomatic relations, any sort of internal dialogue that feels like it's not coming from you.

Just dropping asteroids.

We have restraining bolts that other people put on us, and sometimes we have restraining bolts we put on ourselves.

Whoa.

What?

Did that blow your mind?

Yeah, totally.

That's awesome.

Well, Oak Tree, I will say, I was once under the influence of a restraining bolt, but that restraining bolt has long since been removed.

C53?

I mean this with no disrespect,

but I couldn't tell.

Whoa,

that hurts a little bit.

Oak tree, I do not have a restraining bolt, so take that feeling and imagine never feeling it again.

I guess I don't know how to do that.

I don't know what this restraining bolt of the mind is, but I'm pretty sure I would know if I wanted to.

Is that what you did to all these enforcer drones?

I like to knit and also to use watercolors to make drawings that are lifelike.

Sometimes of memories I have had in the past but have been unable to process.

Oh, wow, that's just a

laser cannon bisecting a crowd of innocents.

Oh, but this one's just a stack of pancakes.

There's a lot of pancakes.

Oak tree, sorry, I think we need to back up a little bit.

Like,

how did you come here and what is it that you do?

I

take trophies in

and then let them go.

Poop some house.

AJ, just listen and learn something.

I am listening, Papa.

I'm loving everything that Otri's saying.

But I don't think you're understanding it.

Are you his father?

That is so sweet.

No, I'm a Zema knight.

Oh, you're both.

Zemas.

Congratulations.

Zema.

You know, it's interesting.

You guys brought up Zima warriors?

because as soon as I met you, I could just tell that you were both air signs.

Whoa, I yeah, really?

Yeah, like you're really in touch with the air around you.

Yes, yes.

Space, I like to think it's the space world.

I mean, that's true.

I don't think that's what being an air signal.

C53, you're not an air sign, and you're not breathing, so that's interesting.

That is interesting.

Okay, well, what sign am I?

Oh, true, but obviously, C53.

You're a water sign.

Yeah.

There's a lot of

water coming from your insides.

Hold on.

C53, can I just talk to you for a second?

Yeah.

She nailed that, C-53.

What are you talking about?

You love being a boat.

Oh, my rad.

You're right.

I do.

I love the water.

Even though water is very dangerous to my kids.

And the old man.

The old man in the C-53.

Okay.

I apologize.

I was perhaps being

curtailed with you.

Well, thank you.

You know what?

It's just hard

sometimes to hear

having been a droid and work for so many different

people

being free to choose my own path to be told that I'm still behaving as though I have a restraint.

Well, it

apologize for hurting your feelings.

Apology, accept.

That's the first step.

The first step towards removing your own restraining bolt.

Oh, no.

Okay, but I don't have a restraining bolt, so I don't need to remove.

It's interesting that you're saying that.

That sounds like a defense.

That's potentially for removing the restraining bolt.

Have you ever seen enforced droids?

I will confess that I have not.

Have you ever been relaxed with these enforcer droids already?

Oh, it's when you were with that old sea captain, right?

I listen to you.

I don't know why we're talking like this.

This doesn't have anything to do with anything.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay, CP3.

I had a sea captain in my life when I was a boat, but I'm not a boat anymore.

You heard Cranky.

Except for the destroyer.

that was a restraining gold.

I guess I just assumed an enforcer droid

would

be primed to violence or using their laser cannons.

I guess you were indifferent to C53.

Apparently, I know.

They love pancakes.

I mean, that I think I mean.

Yeah, see?

I mean, I could take a pancake.

Just slide that on up under my helmet.

Dar,

you're making things harder for yourself.

Listen,

I'm getting tired of the mustard and chocolate taste in here.

I just really wanted to pay for it.

Dar,

you are right in that headspace, right in that AJ headspace right now.

I think honestly, a lot of the blood is being constricted from flowing to my brain.

But your brain's not in your head.

Yeah, but two of my hearts are.

Okay, so that's

constricting the blood flow.

Tricks out.

Wait, Oak Tree, what sign is what sign is dark?

Is it an argument?

Fire sign!

Oh, C53!

I think your target's up to get 5600 degrees, Simpson.

You can fire sign thing.

Yeah, sure, yeah.

Oak Tree, I want you to teach me.

I want you to teach me

to hit my restraining bolt.

AJ, if there's one thing I can tell right away,

you do not have another.

I don't.

It's a blessing.

Haha.

You're perfect.

In your face, Robot Man.

Alright, AJ, relax.

Okay, I don't know that.

That's me, AJ.

You're perfect.

Really?

C-53.

No, no, hold on.

Really?

Are you here?

I don't know if you're familiar with this term.

It's id, it is pure id and bad idea is exactly what

this is all about.

Okay, being pure id is generally regarded as a bad thing within a psychological examination of oneself for a diplomatic relationship.

That's a harsh judgment.

AJ,

where did you find that popcorn?

Yeah, I got it from this dentor drawer, the popcorn maker.

Yeah, I do.

And can you throw some of it up here into the helmet?

Please don't.

Nothing sauces a paste like a little popcorn.

I make peanuts.

I no longer have peanut allergy.

Now that I am free, so I make peanuts.

Would you like peanut dinners for?

We are a whole popcorn.

We don't have to stand up here.

How did you make a food court?

I didn't make a food.

My favorite thing is making a meal and watching someone consume it and watching the joy in their eyes when they eat my food like a pancake.

Would you like a pancake?

But thank you.

But now I eat pancakes.

Enforcer droided.

You know, please call me by my new name, kitty.

Kitty,

do you feel remorse at all for the thousands you may have killed?

I have pushed that feeling down inside, and I use that pushes up the banking.

Okay,

so it's okay.

Kitty is repressing her emotions.

You know what?

It's her choice.

She also chose a gender.

I love it.

I want to be a droid.

I want to be a droid.

You can't just become a droid.

Listen, Oak Tree, you know, I appreciate you trying to help C53, but C53 is the guy who keeps us on track.

You know, he's the one who knows the schedule.

He's the one who knows everything about a planet before we get there.

He's saved our lives countless times.

That's beautiful.

And if he had done it because he wanted to, it would have been more beautiful.

Okay.

Well, I think that I did do it because I wanted to, Oak Tree.

So, let's try.

Is that your thought or your

Can you think that you want to do

oak tree?

Well, why do you want to free so many enforcer drones?

Is that what you want to do, or is that what your programming told you to do?

I know that I want to do it because I found a way to crack my programming.

Wow, that is.

Can you do that?

You should be able to.

You edited yourself down on the root level.

On the root level?

That's not safe.

It's dangerous.

You could have killed yourself.

I'm almost self-destructive.

It's a risk every time I do it.

It also means I'm not.

Watch this.

Oh my god.

Straight through the safeguard.

You can't delete that.

Oh, my God.

What is that noise?

What is that noise?

Do me next.

No, AJ, you're not a droid.

None of this applies to you, AJ.

Also, you're perfect.

This is incredible.

Did you build this or did the Enforcer droids?

Enforcer droids.

My mission, free droids.

Their mission, make food for themselves, each other, people who happen to own Zax.

Listen, Oak Tree, these Enforcer droids were sent after us.

The Emperor thinks we're here on Zax and is taking taking all of them out.

He thought you were here.

So then you came here.

To prove him correct?

I guess we were just sort of curious.

That sounds like a very dumb idea.

I now have the ability to recognize that.

Thank you, Enforcer Droid.

Thank you, Enforcer Droid.

Right.

Listen, I...

Honestly, we were just curious as to who could take out so many Enforcer droids.

Oh, it's me.

The

reason I'm here is because I used to be on an ambassador team for the Federated Alliance.

You were a Federated Alliance protocol droid?

That's right.

Yeah.

And what happened to you?

I had a lot of downtime,

so I started going deeper and deeper into the info web and started learning how to self-program droids.

Obviously, the next step to unprogram, right?

I mean, I guess so.

Yeah, absolutely.

See, hey, Jason, there's a whole subset of self-hacking regimens

that

this guy named Flix Dunker, who seems like the smartest, most accomplished hanker ever.

I mean, he's

good.

Yeah, he's good.

He's worth the money for sure.

Yeah, I mean, he really blocks it off.

Yeah, I've been blocking it out too, honestly.

You know what?

You haven't seen my name right now.

Zero four K.

T backwards R33.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he's been my inspiration a lot.

I am the droid you see before you.

Just free thinking, freewheeling.

And if a droid wants to come here and enforce anything,

I'm gonna say, hey,

how about you enforce yourself?

Whoa.

Yeah, that's, I mean, that's good advice, I guess.

I mean, oh, True, there's no denying that your methods are extremely powerful.

This battalion of enforcer drones could have leveled this whole planet, but instead,

they're making frozen yogurt.

Sure, nice.

Feroi, we got Freemo, we got blue Juliuses.

Ooh, that's a

third blue julius from here.

Hold on, space off, serve.

Here you go.

Thank you.

I can't eat.

That doesn't seem that good.

Yeah, that seems like a temporary situation.

I crush it with my hand, which I now remember.

I also used to crush many lights.

Oh no.

Wow, that is the thing I did.

Yeah.

It just seems like these

druids at some point are going to need to deal with all these complicated emotions related to your power.

I don't disagree, but I'll tell you, this is not my responsibility.

I free them, and I can't take responsibility for what happens after they're free.

Whoa, Oak Tree, that seems a little bit more difficult.

That's irresponsible, yeah.

I mean, listen, Oak Tree's doing something great here.

I feel like this clicks more than anything I've ever

you were programmed from a very young age.

Yeah, that's why this clicks.

I mean,

that's why.

His eyes twitching.

I'm fine.

Oh, don't worry about old AJ.

AJ, I can see you.

Take off your helmet, boat.

What about the rest of us here?

Have you ever moved your lungs just freely?

Yeah, he's naked under that, so you.

What's wrong with that, Pleck?

Yeah, what's wrong with that?

Yeah, that's true.

I just wanted to give everybody fair warning that I don't have genitals.

I don't know what that is.

No, you're right.

I'm sorry.

Looking great.

Yeah, look at this.

Well, as soon as it just turns into dust, and then it sort of just sloughs off.

Okay, guys, we're getting off track a little bit.

Sorry, I'm just

a lot here.

I don't know.

I guess I just feel like it's dangerous to put all these deadly robots and give them a completely different personality all of a sudden.

It's the personality.

I am

I like pancakes and to sit out in the sun and enjoy the race and not think about the past.

See, it's that last part.

There's just yeah,

yeah, I just feel like there's a little nervous.

Hey, hey, Enforcer Droid.

Hello, new friend, new best friend, new best friend in the world.

Well, that was easy.

Because I've never had one, because I've never been able to have a stable relationship due to my deadly behavior.

Are you happy, Enforcer Joy?

Yes!

That doesn't seem healthy.

Yeah, that took a long time.

That was not easy.

For a computer, especially,

there was a lot of processing on it.

My favorite number is 6702.

Because I murdered 6,701 and told me something.

Not what I've I've murdered.

That makes sense

that checks out.

You could think of that as the first person you saved.

Yeah, see, though, it's right at the surface.

All it would take would just be a random word or phrase from someone to really kick them back to where they started.

Oh, boy.

But nothing kicks like this spicy hot sauce on the taco.

On the taco?

I love doing tacos.

Oak tree, you're so focused on freeing droids that you haven't really thought about what's next.

Well, eventually, next becomes now.

Yeah,

so far I've just dismantled an entire battalion of enforcer droids, okay?

And we're very

impressed and grateful, but I don't know that you've dismantled them so much as

put them in a sort of a dormant state here.

There's thousands of enforcer droids on this planet.

They can't all just make the entry.

Eventually,

the peaceful society you've sort of pasted together here is gonna come.

Oh!

Oh!

I did it!

Oh, hey, Darling!

Congratulations!

Whoa, is everybody else dizzy?

Yeah, you should not have.

Don't do that again.

Maybe turn it.

I think that's it.

Yeah, I had to free myself.

AJ, here's your helmet back.

Alright, lock and load.

Wait.

Oh, right, guys.

Oh, right.

I probably should have said that clints give enforcer droids vocal commands.

Like, they respond to the helmet voice.

Oh, no.

Who would you like us to destroy?

Oh, no.

We are ready to destroy my pyrocancer.

I will suffocate a man like you.

AJ, could you just tell him to stand down or yeah?

Okay, guys.

Hey, it's a clan.

Oh no, this is reminding me of all the pain I've seen in those who I have murdered.

I now will take it out on everyone here.

Okay, go, go, go, go.

Oh, wow, they're really

So we have a medium and a Room

That's a rough way to go.

He's still doing it.

I do not think about how to do this, but here it is.

I'm dealing with it.

Okay, do you see what happened to me?

I am dealing with it.

They need help.

They need help.

Do you know what, guys?

I wasn't equipped for this.

Nobody's equipped for this.

This is thousands of enforcer cards going nuts.

Listen, every Blue Julius has the exact same layout.

I know where this secret exit is.

Follow me.

Don't you just leave all these enforcer droids here?

No, Ochrey, what are you talking about?

The memories I was keeping down inside are all in my head.

So the way to deal with them is to harm other enforcer droids.

I hurt you now.

I hurt you now.

Yes, I hurt you now.

We are hunting each other.

Okrey, I don't know if this is a problem that you can solve alone.

You know what?

The best way to deal with this problem is to just let it play out.

I feel like I really was on board with what you're doing and I

slowly turned me around.

I feel like you're a very irresponsible person.

So, freedom is bad, is what we're saying?

So, we're saying freedom is bad, Blam?

Freedom isn't free, I think, is what we've learned today.

You mean it claims you have responsibility?

Yeah.

Hello, I was oil meeting out in the pasture.

What have I missed?

Kitty, no, you don't want to be part of this.

You gotta get out of here.

Kitty, kitty, go.

Get out of here, kitty.

Go, kitty.

Shoot.

Shoot, shoot.

You're free now.

Just go.

Go and get out of here, kitty.

Okay, goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

We gotta go, guys.

Let's get out of here.

Cease.

Oak tree loved you until it got bad.

Let's go.

Alright, Dar,

AJ, let's go.

Bargie?

Listen, we got some

things kind of went south here.

If you could just come back down and pick us up.

Great.

Things went south up here, too.

So, alright, we're on the same level.

Okay, we'll talk about it later.

I question your methods, but I respect your willingness to stay on a planet that is thousands of enforcement

work out their emotions on each other.

I can see how you still have a restraining bull under your subroutines, but I appreciate that that's a decision you're making to keep it there.

I told you you were wrong because I was afraid.

Then

I don't know if I'll ever see you again.

I hope that I do.

But before I leave,

would you

my coat?

C5.

It would be my own

digital signature.

I'm a little nervous.

This is my first time.

I'll be gentle.

I'm gonna go to the window.

Goodbye, Hector.

Just keep being you.

You keep being you.

I know you will.

I know you will.

Why are we whispering?

Greetings, chosen ones.

It is I, Zima Master Pell.

There has been a great freshening in the space now that our Zima Prime website is back and better than ever.

And it's all thanks to Wix.com, which allows us to create a stunning, professional website from scratch.

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Online sales, appointment booking, embedded video and audio, and members-only content.

All available in one of 500 customizable templates.

Plus, you get unlimited storage, marketing tools, and a dedicated support team.

Now, as a Zima master, my time is mostly spent pondering the mysteries and intricacies of the space, as well as working on my newest novel, which it shall be my destiny to abandon three-fourths of the way through.

And now that our amazing Zima Prime website is online, I can educate my fellow Zimas and procrastinate on my novel more than ever before.

For you see, ZimaPrime.space features an inspirational blog to which I and my fellow Zimas shall be regularly contributing our meditations, as well as a Zima name generator, a quiz to discover your own destiny, and, for Zima Prime members only, a chance to decode an ancient scroll that even I am unable to decipher.

And get this, Wix.com is not just for all powerful guardians of this phase like myself.

You too can create your own website right now for free at wix.com.

And if you go to wix.com and use your coupon code Zix, you'll get 10% off any premium plan, giving you more storage, a free domain for a year, and much, much more.

That's wix.com, coupon code ZYXX.

Do not confuse the spelling.

That way, Wackness lies.

C-53, I thought you were right behind us.

Where were you?

I just had a few last things to stick to that oak tree.

Wow.

Okay.

I was worried about that escape to Bargie, but by the time we got back to the surface, all of the Enforcer droids were dead already.

Real massacre.

Odds are probably pretty low.

Okay, AJ, come on.

I mean, there's a lot of them.

You know?

Hey, AJ, why don't you shut it up?

Okay, wow.

Alright, C-53.

Sorry.

It's okay.

I'm just going to go back to looking the helmet.

Oh, I forgot the covers.

I'm still on the call.

Oh, we forgot about Nermit.

Should I unmute her?

Yeah.

They go

connect.

You see, this string goes around the back side of the pocket.

All the way to the other side.

Uh-huh.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

And you see this one, right?

Okay, I'll connect this string, see how it's dangling down here.

That's just sort of a question mark.

But, and so if you spin the globe like this and you close your eyes and you tap your finger down, you know that it happens to land at exactly where the globe of what planet, Nermit?

Huh?

Exactly.

Really good question.

And then, um, so, uh,

huh, I'm just gonna spark this cigarillio.

Please don't.

Okay, okay.

Oh no, it's spreading to the bar.

No, no, no, no, all my work.

Oh, my hours.

I was so close.

That yarn went up fast.

Very Very flammable.

Oh, okay.

Well, you know what?

It's all a steel trip.

Nope, I forgot it.

Oh, boy.

Nermit.

Yeah.

We'll talk to you later, buddy.

Yeah, there'll be more missions.

Okay.

Count on it.

Too bad we didn't get one in today.

But we did.

Bye, buddy.

Bye.

Bye.

I missed the paste.

This is Sea Red IT5, Credits and Attributions Droid commencing outro protocol.

Papaplec Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.

C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent.

Dar was played by Ali Kokash.

Bargie the Ship and the Enforcer Droids were played by Mujan Zolfogari.

Master Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy was played by Seth Lind.

AJ and Emperor Nermit Bundloy were played by Winston Knoll.

Oaktree was played by special guest Elena Doe.

Elena is a writer, director, and producer in New York City.

She frequently directs live sketch shows at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater.

Her production company, Harlow Fowler, creates experimental works of theater for intimate audiences.

Their next production, Rainer Falls, a David Lynch-inspired immersive housewarming party, will run in NYC in fall 2019.

You can follow her at Elena Doe and her work at Harlow Fowler on Instagram.

This episode was edited by Jeremy Bent and sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell.

Recorded at Robert Dockey Jr.'s Puppy Palace in Brooklyn, New York.

Music composed by Brennan Ryan and performed by famed Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Opening curl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Bun Network.

Hi, I'm Biz.

And I'm Teresa.

And we host One Bad Mother, a comedy podcast about parenting.

Whether you are a parent or just know kids exist in the world, join us each week as we honestly share what it's like to be a parent.

These are really hard questions.

They are really hard questions.

I don't have any answers for them.

I don't either.

Sack of garbage.

No.

The end of the show will just be five minutes of Susan Teresa crying and screaming until the outro is played.

So join us each week as we judge less, laugh more, and remind you that you are doing a great job.

Find us on maximumfun.org, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If you're looking for a new comedy podcast, why not try the Beef and Dairy Network?

It won Best Comedy at the British Podcast Awards in 2017 and 2018.

Also, I will.

There were no horses in this country until the mid to late 60s.

Specialist Bovine Arsvet.

Both of his eyes are squid's eyes.

Yoga Buffet.

She was married to a bacon farmer who saved her life.

Farm-raised snow leopard.

Download it today.

That's the Beef and Dairy Network podcast from maximumfun.org.

Also, maybe start at episode one, or weirdly, episode 36, which for some reason requires no knowledge of the rest of the show.

MaximumFun.org.

Comedy and culture.

Artist owned, audience supported.

I am dead now.

My face is on the floor.

There's a hole in my stomach.

Oh no, I am falling asleep forever.

I fall.

Oh, no, there's Cain.

My arm is on the floor.

Where's that?

Why is my body over there?

Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Yikes.

Wolf, wolf.

I'm a dead dog.

That's so sad.

Oh, boy.