313: Well Hello, Partner [ft. Johnathan Fernandez]

This is CRED IT5 with a message of gratitude to all of our supporters on Maximum Fun.

These freshies make the show possible.

If you're a MaxFun listener who finds yourself enjoying the show, we invite you to update your listening habits to include Mission to Zinx.

If you're not a supporter yet and want to help keep the show in existence, enlist at maximum fun.org/slash donate.

Oh, and you'll also get tons of bonus content like the live episodes, mailbag episodes, ringtones, and way more.

That's maximumfun.org/slash donate.

Thank you so much.

It is a time of fear and unrest.

Emperor Nermot Bundaloy rules the galaxy with an iron fist and also a planet crusher.

Crusher.

Now, Zema Knight, Pleck Dexetter, and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to defeat whackness, bring balance to the space, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This is Mission to Sink.

Hey, Papa.

Yeah.

You know, I've been thinking about that view on RV2826.

Well, that's that's great, AJ.

Yeah, it's really inspiring.

Yeah, yeah, I think it's a good idea.

Oh, oh, wow, okay, yeah, very nice planet on all of us on.

Yeah, wow, thank you.

That's actually very sweet to me.

Dar, you want to see my the picture I drew?

Wow.

Very good picture.

Yeah, you just drew a circle.

Yeah, that's RV2826.

Right, he drew the circle.

That's us, that's us.

That's us.

We're all just standing right on top of its atmosphere.

Thank you.

AJ, would you like me to put this on the refrigerator?

I mean, that is what it's

there.

I mean,

AJ, the fridge is a place of prominence.

This is a very big deal.

I know, look at all this stuff.

RG's headshot.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Yeah, little some nests on top.

Yeah.

Yeah.

These are tickets to a Peanut Gordo's concert.

Yeah.

You weren't there for that.

Yeah.

Hey, Papa, could I grab a quick aside with you?

Uh, sure.

Is it just me or I don't know.

Sometimes AJ kind of feels like a test run.

You mean like for having a child?

Yeah.

It kind of feels like training wheels almost.

Yeah, you know, I mean, there's a lot of the same.

You gotta have discipline.

You gotta teach discipline.

Sure.

And I'm glad we're in agreement because I wanted to ask, how am I doing?

You are doing great, Tar.

You're doing great.

Do you think I'm making an impact on AJ?

Well, you did throw him down the hall yesterday, which...

Now, I said training wheels.

I didn't say he was exactly like how it's going to be when it's mine.

Well, and honestly, you know, your child probably won't have a blaster to brandish all the time.

So I think it's sort of a different thing, but

you should probably throw him around a little bit less.

I mean, I got tossed around all the time when I was AJ's age.

Yeah, but you don't have any bones.

Your brain's not in your head.

Listen, Dar, depending on what you give birth to, you might have to be pretty careful with it.

I'm pretty sure whatever I give birth to is going to be a lot like me.

I mean, I'm sure it will be in a lot of ways, but tough.

I mean, I don't want to be beautiful.

Sure.

Sexual.

That doesn't really imply any kind of sturdiness, the amount of sensuality.

Very, very hot.

These are VIP passes to the Premiere of Atmosphere 5.

Wow.

That's a photo of my wedding from yesterday.

Wait, wait, wait.

Bargie, what did you say?

Bargie, what?

Yeah, it's not a big deal.

I got married yesterday.

But yeah, Bargie, we were all on the ship.

We didn't have a mission yet.

I'm married now.

At the very least, you could have woken us up.

You could have invited us.

It was quick, it happened.

It's not out of love or anything like that.

It's.

You know how much I love a wedding.

Anyway, just continue.

It's not a big deal.

I'm married now, so.

Wait, wait, wait.

Who's the sentient you're married to?

The ship that's next to me right now.

Oh, wow.

I hadn't noticed this ship was close.

It's near death.

It's in its last engine.

It's the oldest, one of the almost oldest ships out there.

A beautiful young bride.

Yep, very young.

A very young.

Wow, is that?

Yeah, it's a ship runs on coal.

Oh, I love you so much.

Bergie, what's his name?

My name is

the Blazing Rochester.

Is this ship made of cast iron?

Well, yeah, it's one of the earliest prototypes of a ship.

It seems too heavy to leave any atmosphere.

I've got a couple extremely modern parts that are made of something called steel.

Okay, all right.

Not that I'm interested, but he's worth a lot of money.

Oh, so when he blows up, you'll probably need to get away from it.

know.

I know.

I like that very much.

C-53,

how does it work to have a coal-burning propulsion engine out in space?

I mean, I'm dazzled by the fact that something could be on fire in the vacuum,

I got a lot of questions, too.

What is this?

What does that mean?

That doesn't answer the question.

I'm just going to push him a little.

I'm going to push him away.

I'm pushing you away.

Oh, fuck.

He's a Okay, and you go.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Goodbye.

I love you.

Definitely, it's love that this is.

What is that paddle wheel on the back of the blazing hot chest?

You have to assume that's for gaining speed through a particularly thick nebula.

I mean, I can't imagine that's going to come into play very often.

It's so weird.

That's very strange.

Papa Dexter.

I have an incoming transmission from Master Missions Operations Manager.

Hey, guys.

Hey Nermit, how's it going?

Nermit, are you in a speeder right now?

Uh yeah, kinda.

I mean it's it's not it's

no no no no this is it's up on blocks.

It's like

it's my house and it's my home office.

It's my home and office here on Zema Prime.

So

yeah, I've got a little outdoor space here under this awning.

Oh, oh sorry, actually Kirondo's here to install my speakers.

Hello.

Yeah, actually sorry, Kiyarando, I'm on a I'm on a call, but yeah, come on in.

Just put them

up in the corners here.

That's not where you should put them, my friend.

Then, where?

Leave me to my job, and I shall leave you to yours.

Okay.

Wow.

Trust in the space, Nermit, and the sound quality rewards will be considerable.

All right.

Thank you, Kirondo.

So, yeah, guys, you're welcome.

Oh,

great.

So, Nermit, what is the mission?

Oh, I'm glad you asked.

It's got a little backstory.

Okay.

So, okay, tuck in, everybody.

Yeah.

All right, so I've been thinking, what are our problems?

We've got it, we've got assassins after us.

Yeah, we've got weird ships hounding us, we've got agents of the Empire.

Yeah, you know, I mean, the Emperor knows exactly where we are because Bargie

can't turn off her location services.

Yeah, so my son has the password.

We know, Bargie, we know.

You've talked to your son so many times between then and now.

Just ask him.

I'm respecting my son's privacy.

I'm gonna get it from him when he's ready.

Okay,

okay, fine.

Listen,

Nermit, go on.

So, you know, clicking through the mission entertainment, I'm not seeing much.

So I call Flix Dunker and I say, Flix, we need a smuggler.

Yeah, that's a good point.

Nermit, is this your mission?

Yeah, I

mean, I get a finder's fee at minimum.

What fee?

What are you talking about?

Like, a thing, a pat on the, you know, nub.

I don't know.

Nobody's patting your nub.

Yeah, also, Nermit, your tail is back.

You don't have to.

Who is this smuggler?

B-Rock.

B-Rock.

B-Rock?

B-Rock, I am told, is the Primo smuggler in the quadratic, the galaxy.

And I know where he hangs out.

Okay.

Big Teachy's Lounge.

Coordinates incoming.

Big Teachy.

Is that a Teachy bar?

Yeah.

I love it.

A Teachy bar.

I haven't been to a Teachi bar since college, probably.

Well, Nermit, yeah, I mean, let's give it a shot.

Hey, hey, by the way,

this is a good mission.

Tell Flex Dunker he did a good job.

No way, it's my mission.

Okay.

Hey there, Mom.

Oh, Josh.

Look, Mom, I know you're pretty stressed out, but that's no excuse to be driving against traffic on this one-way street, okay, mom?

I just obviously have a lot going on.

I'm not here to argue.

Look, I was thinking, you could use a little support this season now that all the kids are out of school and they're back home with you and it's crazy.

Down at the precinct, we all have subscriptions to care of.

It's a monthly supplement subscription service.

It keeps you at your healthiest, mom.

Okay, mom, hear me out.

Care of's custom-built vitamin packs can help give you energy, better sleep, they help you manage stress, and keep you feeling great.

Okay.

Plus, their fun online quiz asks you about your diet, your health goals, your lifestyle choices, and it takes just five minutes.

That's only like a third of your free time each day.

It should be fine.

Okay.

And then snap, your personalized care of subscription box gets sent right to your door every month with your personalized daily packs.

Okay.

And now,

this bit's a KPD secret, but since you're the mother to every cop in the precinct, and also you create the air we breathe, I'll let you in on it.

Okay, okay.

If you go to takecareof.com and enter promo code Zix, you'll get 25% off your first care of order.

Right.

That's takecareof.com, promo code ZYXX for 25% off.

Thank you.

Yeah, then

I'm gonna let you off with a warning, okay?

This time.

All right, listen.

Let's keep it street niche and also Toad is on the roof.

Mom, fly.

All right, Toad, just get in the van.

Takecareov.com slash zix.

Can I get it?

Bartender, this one is on the for the girl.

In fact, why don't we just get the...

Why don't we just get the round for everybody here at the TG bar?

Wow!

You hear that, everybody?

Our next round's on Roxwell!

Of course, it's him.

I gotta go.

We all gotta go.

Yeah, this probably smuggler who's just as good.

Yeah, one of the slick suckers.

Guys, what are you talking about?

This guy's the best smuggler there is.

When I was on Strike Team, we tried to catch him all the time and never could.

He was so slick.

And he'd always be like,

later.

Wait, all three of you know B-Rock?

Well, you're known as B-Rock.

I do know him as

Rando Roxwell.

Oh, yeah, that's how I know that one.

Dar, C-53, how do you both know him?

We were partners.

Wait, C53, you had sex with Brando Roxwell?

No, I was his smuggling partner?

Brando Roxwell.

As a second in command, we were smuggling partners.

That makes sense.

I never asked, I guess.

Wait, Dar, so you were his smuggling partner, too?

Oh, no, we just kissed him.

Okay.

All right.

Actually, was it?

You know what?

I should have.

Yeah, I should have.

I don't know why I mixed that.

Of course, that was.

All right.

Listen, it only happened once, but it is sear

into my memory.

It is something that I like to revisit on cold, lonely nights.

Maybe we just find another spot.

Yeah, we should just go because I kind of left it.

I kind of left old B-rock here brokenhearted, if you know what I mean.

And I haven't seen Brando in

almost 10 years, so

there's too much history, you know, with me and with C.

Okay.

Very well handled.

Oh, hi.

Wow, this is such an honor.

Big fan.

Is that a Clint?

Did you see Petre's gun?

Did you see that?

Petre's blaster?

Yeah, he's gonna kill you.

He got it right up to my head.

I know.

I know I'm not looking right now because I don't need to look before I pull the trigger.

Brandon's with me.

C 53.

As I live and breathe,

Roxwell.

really got a pair of robot balls to come in here.

Well, I wouldn't be here if I didn't need you out.

Super honor, AJ.

Yeah, this is

very amazing.

You do a blaster on me.

It's pretty awesome.

Alright, let me put the gun back in a fancy way behind my hip.

My gun is in my butt.

I shouldn't have told you that.

I'm just nervous.

I'm just nervous.

You know what, AJ?

Let's hang back.

Let's get a drink.

Okay, okay.

All right.

I'll just say, you know, I used to chase after you.

We all would chase after you, and just the excitement's all on this end of the table, because, I mean, really love your stuff.

Really stretching my patience, Clint.

Wow.

Okay, yeah, Papa.

Let's get a drink.

Yeah, I said Fifth of Three, you were in a very different body last time I saw you, but I'll smell that cube anywhere.

No.

What are you doing here?

It wasn't my idea either, just for clarity.

Oh, look, I wow, I was so distracted by my gestating pool of rage and didn't even notice this big beauty over here.

And you are glowing.

Oh,

no, no, no, that's not till the next Octomaster if I don't start glowing.

Maybe, I don't know what it is, but you look fantastic.

Let me just say that real quick.

Oh, my rod.

It's great to see you.

No, you don't remember me.

Um, I remember.

Remember me?

Yes.

You don't.

Yeah, yeah, no, yeah.

Your name, yeah.

Yeah, your name, I know.

Sure, I just said it.

Call me by my name.

Uh, there you already.

Hey, Dar, uh, do you guys want drinks or what?

It's Dar.

And I just came up with that.

Good for my brain memory.

So, nobody wants drinks.

No, but I'm gonna go back to the fucking time.

Hello Hello there.

Hello.

Hey, you know, if Brando Roxwell's buying, I'll guess we'll take two orange beers.

Oh, yeah,

that was a round on the house for everyone who was in the bar.

Oh, we were actually in the bar at that point.

I'm going to rewind the tape here if you're entering, and then

hold that security camera right there.

Pause.

You can see here.

Yeah, we're right there.

We can open the door.

Almost.

Let's cut to the other camera that's horizontal, the profile view next to the door.

And

nose just a hair short.

not quite in.

Well, I'm in, but he's not right.

Oh, yeah, you actually, good thinking, Clint.

Yeah, the Clint, just the chin of his helmet is in, and Pink One, you're just a hair behind.

What's your poison, Clint?

Oh, uh, orange beer.

Okay, all right, well, then that one's on Randall Roswell.

All right.

What about you, buddy?

I guess I'll just take an orange beer.

Okay, here we go.

That's 16 croon.

16 croon.

Well, it's the last one fear.

They always

ramp it up as we go.

The price.

supply and demand.

Okay.

Yeah.

Fine.

Okay, here you go.

I'll give you 18 croon.

Oh, hang on.

Wait a minute.

What?

It's not an auction.

You can't.

I already bought it.

I already gave you money.

It's not how a bar works.

I just.

You wanna try and be 18 croon?

Because you can't.

Also, why did she give you 18 croon?

I bought the.

She'd buy it from me.

She outbid you.

20 croon.

No,

20 kroon.

C53, you have the real nerve showing that cube around here again.

It looks like you're healed from the incident.

Or this volume.

That was the quickest mission we've ever accomplished.

Feel pretty good about that.

Was pretty crazy.

Yeah, you really shot everything out of the sky when you needed to in pinpoint perfection.

I mean, you know, it was crazy was when you and I spent the night together.

That was nuts.

So you know what I always come back to?

Is that time

on eight?

You left me.

That's the time that I guess I really remember.

With you,

I remember that also.

Yeah, I hope so.

There we were, pinned down by Clint's smoke grenades going off everywhere.

Blaster fired, yeah.

But you left me there.

Did you, Jack?

Because you talk so close to each other's faces when you're talking.

Well, this is classic, just like tension.

This is just a different type of tension.

But

This is the only way I know how to show my aggressive tension.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm getting it now.

So I got some information about the deals that we're gonna be doing after we leave the bar.

Oh, let me just make a real quick announcement.

Hey, everybody, just got another deal for another smuggling.

Yeah, yeah.

I can't believe you're my partner, you know?

My partner, I'm sorry.

Who are you?

Who are you?

Excuse me.

This is my new droid, 458.

Better known as Monkey.

Oh, Munch and I have been flying around for,

well, ever since you were out of my life, Secretary.

I saved your life.

See, I remember that we were on a very important mission to smuggle toys for the species known as the Tots.

And it was very important.

I know how important toys are for Tots.

Alright, you don't have to remind me.

Remember yelling your name and you were not there.

I don't remember anything because I was minewiped by the monarchy and worked in their palace for the next three years.

Left you for dead, like how I left you without saying anything.

We were about dead.

Tired.

That's not really the same situation.

Okay, it's really not.

It's not.

Well, it's when you feel like you're

on record that I left you and didn't leave my number.

So uh what's your story, Pinky?

Uh are you like a Rangus guy?

Kind of rube.

I mean there's billions of Talurians from the Rangus system so that's yeah but you're like in one of the cut you're like in the what some of five seven

yeah yeah six huh I'm not one who stereotypes but you know but if the few fits

yeah how like your whole species are bartenders okay wait I'm sorry are you is your whole species is your

you're a bartender species?

Yeah, I mean you're allowed to choose another job if you don't want to like be cool, but

look how many arms he has, Bob.

Yeah, I mean it makes it makes sense.

Yeah

I've never had beer before this is pretty good.

Wait your first beer?

AJ you've never had a beer before?

Nope.

Oh hang on.

Let me get my camera out.

We got a wall.

Here, I'm gonna take a picture of the camera.

Wait, you're a whole wall of people who've never had a drink before.

Well their first one, that is their first one.

Yeah, look at all these people.

They're all.

all statistically, how is that possible that you have enough people walk into this bar that have never had a drink before?

Look at all those hollows.

I didn't notice.

I wondered what they were for.

You reach the drinking age and then you celebrate with your first beer at this bar?

Big T Cheese.

Baba.

Baba.

What?

What is it, AJ?

I'm not the drinking age.

I'm only five.

C-53, what was I supposed to do?

I had to leave you behind because I had to get those koosh balls back to the kids.

It was always about the koosh balls, wasn't it?

About the koosh balls, or about the wacky wall crawlers, or about sticky hands, or whatever it was.

It was never about me, was it, Brando?

No, it was about the kids.

Okay, okay.

And not that I wanted it to be about me at the time, but now I'm gonna make this about me.

I left no lasting impression on you.

Uh, Darden, right?

Darden?

No.

Uh, all I know is that you might not say you're glowing, but you are glowing to me.

Oh, this is so troubling because that works on me because I feel like a little tingle in my groin.

But then I think about the fact that I made no impression on this charming person.

No, I have a.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure we holotaped it.

And Munchie, you could you have that in your files, right?

Somewhere in the job I don't like.

Tell me about it, Munchie.

So you like this Munchie?

This Munchie's

Well, Munchie doesn't abandon me.

I just remember turning around and you were gone, and so I left.

So I'm assuming that you come back after all this time and you need something, I'm assuming.

Yeah,

we do need something.

Because obviously we're not going to, you know, get to the bottom of what happened 10 years ago anytime soon.

I mean, I would love to get to the bottom of it, but it just doesn't look like that.

So, we both would love to get to the bottom.

I love this.

Whoa, Ted Rotka here to let you know any unauthorized modification of his frame invalidates your warranty with the Ronka Cybernetics Corporation.

A friendly reminder from your pal, Ted Ronka.

I avoided the warranty.

Okay.

You want to mix it up?

We'll mix it up, friend.

Alright, let me take off my jacket.

Has like a...

My old ship doing a loop-de-lip on the back of it.

What the heck?

I want you to know he wouldn't take that jacket off when we jucked.

Because that's how I jucked Darved.

AJ, I don't like what this Brando Roxwell's doing to C-53 and Dar.

They look very upset.

I want to introduce him about Pop Big Olive Zema Warrior, Zema Knight.

You try to goad me into fighting?

Why don't you fight him?

I want to see my Papa fight him.

I don't know if I like him.

I think you can beat him up.

Probably.

AJ, I'm not going to beat him up.

I'm just saying.

I'll come with the dingle hopper.

I'm not going to.

I'm not going to hit him.

No, I want another orange spear.

It's good.

It's good.

Hey, AJ, I think you're probably good.

I'm sliding it down to you, y'all.

Oh, drink all night.

On the wall.

You drink all night.

It doesn't rhyme, but I love it.

Hold on.

I don't know if we should.

Why can't we put it in my helmet?

No, AJ, listen.

Oh, I like this guy.

He's fun.

AJ.

No, AJ, we gotta stay vigilant.

Okay.

At first, I was like, it tastes bad, but now I'm like, it tastes good.

Yeah, you got the taste.

Yeah, I mean, that's usually how it works.

Pink one, you kind of have a lightweight or something?

You just have the one?

Pop is a lightweight.

Not like me.

I know how to drink.

Okay, AJ, let's just.

I know how to drink.

AJ, stop.

You need to calm down.

You didn't even cause that.

No, AJ, put the stool down.

But you put the stool down.

How can we put it down when you're holding a stool?

I'm holding a stool.

Why does you hold a stool?

AJ, AJ, let's not cause a scene here.

You want me to sober up?

You want me to sober up?

Yeah, actually, I do want you to sober up.

Yeah, okay.

All right, sorry about that.

Wait, what?

Oh, all the alcohol just fell out of his arm.

Yeah.

Wait, how did you do this?

I sweated out.

Whoa.

What?

I just went sweated out all my pork.

Oh, nasty.

What?

All right, everybody.

Rules about the bottom-up.

Round one.

They reach bottom off.

Go!

So it was a decade ago, and I remember saving your life, and then I left.

Okay, it was a decade ago, and I have footage of you leaving me behind.

Well, I mean, your turn's not over, because I have to see the footage.

Okay,

here we go.

If it exists.

Alright, okay.

Alright, okay, alright, alright, alright.

My cube has been mined

a few times.

There's been a little degradation of the footage.

Alright?

But

I'll play it for you right now.

See, where are you?

I can't see.

I see.

It's so

this road spoke to me as I can't.

Yeah, it's very cloudy in there.

Just keep speaking all girls in what direction are you?

Look, see, I feel like this is a crossroads.

I think this is what people call a crossroads.

I'm gonna have to make a tough decision soon.

I got my best friend,

and then I have this load of coosh balls I have to get to the kids on the other side of the house.

See, I'm gonna give you a couple more seconds if you don't show up.

Yeah, it's just so degraded.

I don't think that we could have really told you what was happening in here.

I was down.

He left with a shipload of coosh balls.

Four kids.

You and I joked ten months ago, and you said you loved me.

And I felt very uncomfortable about that amount of emotion, so I snuck out.

It's a joyful fire!

Fire!

You know, AJ, it's been nice to just have a moment with, you know, my noob, just kind of get a couple drinks.

And this bar is great.

Oh, thanks, guys.

Big T Cheese, yeah.

Big T Cheese.

Are you enjoying yourself?

Here's one for the wall noob, and hey, you know what?

Here's one for you, two pink pink guy.

This one's on B-Rock.

Oh, that's great.

I finally made it into Brando's round.

Yeah, alright.

Oh, this is B-Rock's round.

Wait, yeah, I said that.

It's Brando Roscock?

That's Brando Roswell.

I'm B-Rock.

You're B-Rock?

Yeah.

B-Rock the Smuggler?

Hey,

you bore my fucking hand to me, bad.

Come on, what are you trying to do?

I'm just your neighborhood bartender.

Wait, so you were B-Rock the entire time?

Yeah, I didn't turn in the B-rock.

Oh, okay.

Wait, AJ, that means we came here to meet B-rock.

I mean, you can't really get a drink here without meeting me.

Okay, no, I mean, we're here to meet you about smuggling.

Oh, I don't know.

I mean, I don't think you can afford old B-rock.

Okay.

Yeah, I mean, I guess not.

I mean, it is against the Emperor.

What'd you say?

I mean, we're trying to fight the Emperor, so these smugglers would, you know, help us for that, but you're right.

We don't have the money.

Wait, what did you just say?

You know, these would be for the Emperor, so but you're right, we don't have the money, so we'll get going.

Wait, wait, wait.

Come back here.

Uh-huh.

What did you think?

Okay.

You're up against who?

The Emperor.

What did you say?

I hate the Emperor.

Yeah, really?

Yeah.

Yes.

He crushed the whole bartender squadron in the Battle of the Planet Crossers.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

We lost a lot of good drink slingers.

What squadron?

We lost a couple good bar backs.

The bartender squadron.

We lost several great hosts.

We lost a great, the best keg switcher in the bus.

Yeah, we lost a whole staff.

We lost our ordering guy.

You don't think about him.

You gotta have someone to keep your stock in order.

Yeah, yeah.

B-Rock, those bartenders were good bartenders and good rebels.

You know what?

I'll help you.

What did you say?

Hey, Dardenjun.

Dardin.

I just want to say that you might not say you're glowing, but I could tell that you're glowing.

You are so close to my face when you say this.

I feel like you're about to kiss me on my mouth.

Evidence, Evidence, Evidence.

Yeah, Munchie, play the tape.

We both consented to this hollow of our jucking being made.

It wasn't jucking, it was lovemaking.

Oh, right.

This was backstage at the Mononaru concert.

We saw Peeny have a meltdown on stage.

That's right.

Oh, you can see from the hollow that we're hooking up in his green room.

Yeah.

Hey,

you're such a fine specimen.

You're just really.

What's your name again?

It's whatever you want it to be, baby.

Oh, yeah, that's what I like.

They never told them their name.

They never told him their name.

All right, fast forward, fast forward.

Fast forward.

Anyone in the room?

It's.

We're gonna need the room in a moment.

Please.

Oh.

Okay, now that uh Peeny's manager is gone, I could tell you that

I love you.

Uh, er,

um,

This show just makes me love you more.

Munchie.

Hey, I could say that that might be the best junk I ever had.

Stop the tape.

That was everything I needed to hear.

Ugh, I am so happy.

My bottoms go back on.

And also, see, now that I see you without your casing, I uh I think, you know, I didn't see you ten years ago, but I could tell you what I could see you right now.

Loud and clear, rising shine.

It's all patched up.

Yeah, I absolve you of all your sins.

You know what?

Let's just say that we've had equal and opposite rages for the last decade, and now

it's all good.

Well, AJ, I guess we should go round up Darn C-53, huh?

Yeah, probably get an

autograph from Brendo Roxwell, probably.

No, I was saying, I think that the standard mission protocol

grab everybody, get the autographs, and get it.

Okay, listen, AJ.

I can't.

I'm with you, Papa.

What's we gotta do it?

I'm just gonna go step in and grab them, and then we can go.

Okay, fine.

All right.

Okay.

Not necessary.

Dar, C53, it's time to go.

Okay, if you haven't been watching, you know what, C53, I've watched enough, okay?

And I think.

Listen, I don't want to be involved in.

Okay, alright, fine.

Okay, you know what?

Fine.

Brando.

You know, AJ and I have been sitting over there at the bar this whole time.

And you know what I think?

Real honor.

Okay, AJ, just relax.

Just make it out to AJ2884.

Cool.

He'll get me next time.

Just put your heart on the shoulder there.

I just want to say something.

I think everybody in this bar thinks you're a pretty cool dude, okay?

Yeah, we love Brando.

Okay, no, there's a second part to it.

I'm not just stating a fact.

Oh, no, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

No, no.

It's just the first first half of a sentence.

However,

I happen to see through you, Brando.

Okay, I think you're just a jerk to my friends, that's all I see.

You tried to kill AJ and all of his Clint buddies.

I've now, granted, I've killed a lot of Clints too, but, you know, for the purposes of this.

Wait, what?

N never mind.

Beside the point.

You left C-53 behind your partner just because it was foggy.

It wasn't just any old fog.

It was foggy.

I don't think Brando Roxwell is such a great smuggler after all.

In fact, I don't even think he's the best smuggler in this bar.

What are you doing to me over here?

I think you go to a croon store, load up your ship with a bunch of crappy toys, and then you go sell them at a higher price to some schoolyard.

Papa Dex

toys would mostly be charities.

Yeah, I don't make profit off of any of that.

It's actually the most honorable thing he does.

Look, check this out.

It's, you know,

for the kids.

Oh, you have a tattoo that says for the kids.

Okay, you know what?

I probably overstepped on that one a little bit.

But you know what?

I think my original point still stands.

We don't need your smuggling routes.

We don't need your ship.

You could take your cheap toys for kids and shove them right up.

Oh, Rod.

Are you kidding me?

I'm after you.

Me, Vinnifer J-Ride.

No, it's Vinnifer Ride.

Venifer Jerry, Vinnifer J-Ride!

Papa, this looks like it's one of maybe the Emperor's assassins.

No, I don't.

No, no, I don't think so.

I don't think so.

You actually just need the one gun.

I don't even think you need that.

Do you guys need me to smear this over?

Because actually, FJR and I go way back.

Really?

Brando!

What's up?

Oh, it's good to see ya.

Finney.

Finney to the third.

How are you?

Listen, Fenneford, we don't have any gripes with you.

What exactly is the issue, Fenneford?

The

Oh, so your issue is Bartie.

I guess so.

Not the crew.

Where is she?

In space?

Yeah, in orbit.

Hey, FJR, why don't we take a walk outside and

let me smooth things over and we can talk about Bargie all you want.

Sounds good.

So, how you been, Brando?

You've been good.

Wow.

I can't believe that worked.

He's very confused.

So smooth.

Just like his sex style, he was very good in bed.

Yeah, no, no.

I just wanted to really punctuate it because I want everyone here to know that I slept with that smooth, smooth criminal.

Okay.

You think maybe we could hang out a little longer and he and I can.

No, what are you talking about?

No.

Genitals, smuggle channels.

His genitals, yeah, his genitals.

We have to get.

He just gave us a very narrow window.

We have to get off of this planet

Also, Dar C53, we found B-Rock.

It turned out it wasn't even Brando Roxwell, it was the bartender.

Wow,

sort of a shit I've done there.

Yeah, before I spent all that emotional

time

kind of unpacking all of that.

Wait a minute.

Okay, we got we should go.

We gotta go.

We gotta go.

We gotta go.

Hello, chosen ones.

It is I, Zeba Master Tonek.

As you know, it is my destiny to to create a stunning website for Zema Prime.

And I am here to tell you that my prophecy has finally been fulfilled, thanks to Wix.com.

Now, you may remember that for the last decade or so, the Zema Prime website has been complete garbage.

We've all had to use Tom Wellington's login, a real pain in the butt, but our website is back up and better than ever, thanks to the space.

And also, thanks, of course, to Wix.

With their incredible intuitive design tools, I created our amazing website, Zemaprime.space.

Visit the shiny new Zemaprime.space today to create your Zima name.

Book a session with one of our wise Zima masters, or reserve a spot with Master Sperch at our spaceport, read our inspirational blog posts, and more.

And get this, you can make a professional website by yourself for free with Wix.

In fact, over 150 million people use Wix for their website.

With Wix, you choose from more than 500 stunning templates and then customize anything you want.

It's almost like I didn't even need a cosmic destiny to make this website almost, almost like that.

And here's an extra fresh offer on top of all of that.

Head to wix.com and use coupon code Zix for 10% off any premium plan, which gives you more storage, a free domain for a year, and much, much more.

That's wix.com.

Coupon code ZYXX.

Yes, they rhyme, but their spellings could not be more different.

Ah, the mysteries of the space.

Oh boy, well, listen, Dar C-53, I know.

I know you guys have real complicated relationships with Brando Roxwell, but he saved us there right at the last second.

I guess I've been waiting for him to do that for 10 years.

Same.

No, that's my thing.

I know.

It just felt like we've shared so much so far that

I get it.

He almost got me, and it was awesome.

It was great.

Incredible.

AJ, I just want to talk to you.

You know, if Brando Roxwell jumped off a bridge, would you do it?

Two.

Absolutely.

Here, AJ, this is what it would feel like to jump off a bridge.

Yar,

you can't throw

AJ.

Love, baby.

He just said he wanted to follow Brando off of a bridge.

And now I threw him into the bridge.

Oh, my rotator cuts dislocated.

Luckily, he's biologically engineered that I can't hurt him.

Hey, Bargy, I just wanted to give you a fair warning.

When we were down in the bar, we ran into Finneford J.

Ryan, you know, the loan shark.

And he says you owe him a lot of croon.

What?

Why?

Why would I...

What?

You didn't tell him where I was, right?

You didn't say where I was when I was.

You didn't say I was in space, I was in the sky.

Did you know you might have actually?

Why would you say that?

Why would you tell him I'm in space?

You're in space most of the time.

Do you want me to be caught?

Well, say goodbye to all

the amenities inside of me.

That fridge is going to be gone soon.

It's going to be just dust.

Just take the drawing off of it.

It's my galleries.

It's where I...

It's my medium.

All I have right now is I have the people inside of me and my husband, who, uh, since you left, has not gone far.

He's just

you a couple times, hun-hun.

Baby,

my darling ship mate person,

right?

Yeah, the fire.

I thought more fire than the fire.

But I love you, Bargie.

You're my young sprite.

Oh, Bargie.

Look at crew.

Look at her.

Look, you can't, you're inside her, but look at this beautiful.

Oh, look at that wing.

Just too kind.

For the moment I laid scared, I thought her.

Oh, Bargie, I want you to know

you'll never have a care in the world.

Let me turn this internal camera on.

You see these stacks of war bombs?

I do.

I don't need them.

All I need is you.

Oh, that's nice, Rob.

Which war?

I can't even recognize it.

The war of the Tenertian

oligarchs.

You know what war?

They're still valuable.

Four centuries ago.

You're so handsome when you're historic.

We've changed what money we use since then.

This stack of weird money represents my love for you.

You didn't ask any questions about me, you just loved me regardless.

So beautiful, and that voice, that angel voice of yours.

Oh, you got it, angel voice.

You got it, angel voice.

You got it in your voice.

Ah, look at that voice.

I'm just gonna turn off my audio sensor.

And the thing I want you to know is anything.

I don't understand.

What is it?

I'm dying.

No, yeah.

Why would you?

My love for you was too strong.

Oh,

okay.

Well,

that was a bad decision.

Honestly, it makes you lasted that long.

There's so much smoke in that explosion.

Yeah.

Just pluming smoke.

It really shouldn't do that instance.

Wow.

Yeah, it's very strange.

Is it bad that I actually

fell in love with him?

He would just see what when I asked him questions, he'd respond and

he knew my name and

also he cold turns into diamond.

Bargie, I'm sorry about the blazing Rochester.

It's totally on fire.

It's totally a right time to take

I made a joke, right?

I mean, I want an extremely poor taste.

Now that's a blazing Rochester.

No,

that's the same joke you just made.

Oh.

Okay.

Looks like that Rochester is blazing.

You're better off the first time.

Okay, okay, okay.

That ship has exploded.

That's true.

Oh, no, darn.

No.

That time, we all know we wanted me to do that.

Yeah, that's good, parents.

This is Sea Red IT5.

Credits and Attributions joined, commencing, outro protocol.

Papa Cleck Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.

C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent.

Dar was played by Ali Kokesh.

Bargie the Ship and Munchie were played by Mujan Zolfagari.

Master Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy and the Bartender were played by Seth Lind.

AJ Infinifer J.

Ryan, The Lone Shark, were played by Winston Knoll.

Brando Roxwell the Smuggler was played by special guest Jonathan Fernandez.

Jonathan is a writer and actor in Los Angeles who just finished performing three seasons on the Lethal Weapon TV show on Fox.

The short film he wrote and started, Lillian, is playing at the Soho International Film Festival in New York later this month.

He'll be posting a ton about it on Instagram and Twitter, where you can find him at JFanPrime.

This episode was edited by Jeremy Bent and Alden Ford with sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell.

Recorded at Robert Donkey Jr.'s Puppy Palace in Brooklyn, New York and Maximum Fun in Los Angeles.

Music composed by Brennan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Additional music by Shane O'Connell.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

Hello, listeners of Maximum Fun.

I want to tell you about our newest podcast that tells you all about the truth of the flat earth.

Have you been looking out over the horizon and you've been thinking, wait a minute, this doesn't look round.

I've been lied to my whole life.

What is NASA doing with $52 million a day?

Uh-uh, come on.

We explode the myths.

Just kidding.

We're Ono Ross and Carrie, and we investigate extraordinary claims.

That's right.

We investigate extraordinary claims firsthand.

We go undercover in fringe groups.

We get alternative medicine treatments.

And we hang out with people who have unusual beliefs, like Flat Earthers, 9-11 Truthers.

We do ghost investigations.

We've joined Scientology and we got baptized in the Mormon church.

If it goes bump in the night, then so do we.

Why don't you check out Ono Ross and Carrie at MaximumFund.org?

Hi, I'm Joe Firestone.

I'm Manolo Moreno.

And we're the host of Doctor Game Show, which is a podcast where we play games submitted by listeners regardless of quality or content with in-studio guests and callers from all over the world.

And you can win a custom magnet.

A custom magnet.

Subscribe now to make sure you get our next episode.

What's an example of a game, Manolo?

Pokémon or medication.

How do you play that?

You have to guess if something's a Pokémon name or a medication.

Medication.

First-time listener.

If you want to listen to episode highlights and also know how to participate, follow Dr.

Game Show on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

We'd love to hear from you.

It's truly fun.

For the whole family, we'll be every other Wednesday starting March 13th, and we're coming to Max Fun.

Snorlax.

Pokemon?

Yes.

Nice.

MaximumFun.org.

Comedy and culture.

Artist owned, audience audience-supported.

Are your speakers actually always you?

Are these even plug-in, or are you just projecting sound through all the speakers you install?

Nermit.

Yeah.

Okay.

Don't overthink it.

All right.

All right.

I'll cut that out.

So,

a good idea.

Too complicated.

Throw it away.