312: Are You There, Rodd? It’s Me, Goerlich [ft. Monique Moses]

Speaker 2 It is a time of fear and unrest.

Speaker 2 Emperor Nermit Bundaloy rules the galaxy with an iron fist and also a planet crusher.

Speaker 5 Crusher.

Speaker 1 Now, Zima Knight Pleck Dexetter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to defeat whackness, bring balance to the space, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

Speaker 5 This is Mission to Sync.

Speaker 5 Um, paved black?

Speaker 10 Yeah. Yeah, what is it, Dark?

Speaker 12 Um, you wouldn't have to have um any secret snacks around, would you?

Speaker 13 Secret snacks?

Speaker 8 You know.

Speaker 14 Snacks that you're keeping a secret.

Speaker 15 Because you hide food.

Speaker 16 What does that mean? When have I ever hidden food?

Speaker 12 Okay, uh, one incident comes to mind. You hid that sheet cake from all of us.

Speaker 17 That was so much cake, and you had it all stashed away in in your room.

Speaker 18 When was that?

Speaker 12 On my birthday. Of all days to hide a cake from someone.

Speaker 16 The cake was in my room because it was your birthday. Yes.
And then I brought it out when I lit the candle.

Speaker 13 Do you guys not do that on your planet?

Speaker 10 No.

Speaker 12 Okay. And we don't set them on fire.

Speaker 13 Okay, yeah, noted. I won't do it again.

Speaker 16 I don't have any more cakes.

Speaker 17 Okay, I'm just going to do a quick pocket check.

Speaker 11 Get out of there.

Speaker 10 It's a big bathroom.

Speaker 12 I'm feeling awfully protective of all those.

Speaker 16 This is my Zima robe. There's Zima stuff in here.

Speaker 21 Zima space.

Speaker 21 That is

Speaker 17 a little cake.

Speaker 16 Very really.

Speaker 16 The shorts are, yes, still Federated Alliance issue shorts, but these side pockets can carry any number of things.

Speaker 13 So

Speaker 13 not.

Speaker 12 Cake? Dart food. Do you have cake in those pockets?

Speaker 19 First of all, even if I did have food in my pockets, it wouldn't be just loose pieces of cake.

Speaker 17 This is pretty rich coming from someone who's hidden an entire sheet cake before.

Speaker 16 That was four Dar's birthday.

Speaker 22 Don't hide five.

Speaker 26 Papa, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Speaker 25 I hide food.

Speaker 27 Do you know that I can eat my pinky if I need to?

Speaker 26 What? What?

Speaker 28 Yeah, they bred all the clints in case we're in a place where there's no food, we can always eat our pinky.

Speaker 25 It's high in protein.

Speaker 16 What do you mean you can eat your pinky?

Speaker 29 I mean, do you want me to show you?

Speaker 11 No. Oh, yeah, I can.

Speaker 8 No, no, no.

Speaker 30 I mean, if you want to just

Speaker 17 crack up.

Speaker 23 Oh, AJ.

Speaker 26 Does anyone want some pinky?

Speaker 10 No.

Speaker 10 Papa, come on.

Speaker 27 Papa, you. I mean, you hide food.
You probably want a little bit of this.

Speaker 16 Guys, I don't hide food.

Speaker 27 Does anybody want my pinky?

Speaker 26 I mean, I'm just holding it like an idiot right now.

Speaker 16 AJ, is it made of food or is it your finger?

Speaker 26 Well, it's both.

Speaker 26 Don't worry, guys. It'll grow back.

Speaker 17 That's the thing. It'll grow back.
It grows back.

Speaker 22 Listen, Dar,

Speaker 16 why were you asking if I had secret snacks?

Speaker 12 Isn't it obvious? I've eaten all the food aboard Bargie.

Speaker 16 You're still hungry? You just ate 42 trays of lasagna like a couple hours ago on Zima Prime.

Speaker 12 Yeah, and then I got aboard Bargie and ate everything that we had in storage.

Speaker 12 Honestly, if you put hot sauce on something, it's delicious. You can put hot sauce on anything.

Speaker 12 Tell you what, when you have a being growing inside of you, then

Speaker 12 I can judge you for how much you're eating.

Speaker 16 Alright, I'm sorry. I mean, I'm sure you're probably burning a lot of extra calories.
You gotta make a lot of calories. I get it.

Speaker 32 I've been hungry for a long time.

Speaker 33 What?

Speaker 32 I've been very hungry for a long time.

Speaker 17 Who is that? Bargie?

Speaker 32 I fooled you. You and it's me.
It's me. It's Bargie.

Speaker 17 What are you doing with your fool?

Speaker 12 What's going on? Bargie.

Speaker 32 I want to make a very important announcement.

Speaker 35 Oh, oh. Okay.

Speaker 32 I've had some time to talk to one of my little criminal friends. They were like, Bargie, you need to download this this app.

Speaker 11 Wait, little criminal friends? Criminal friends?

Speaker 32 You know, as you get older, you get a bunch of new friends.

Speaker 13 Bargie, you shouldn't have any criminal friends.

Speaker 32 Very deep, dark things that they've done. Like, think of the most horrific thing

Speaker 32 and then multiply it. Anyway, look what I can do.

Speaker 34 Hey, it's me.

Speaker 29 You know,

Speaker 36 the extra one.

Speaker 27 I mean, I don't really know who this is.

Speaker 17 Whoa,

Speaker 16 Bargie, that is a fucking

Speaker 17 guy out.

Speaker 31 Okay, AJ, no, it's just Bargy.

Speaker 32 It's a vocal modulation act. Little criminals are like, hey, it's really fun.
It records everybody around you at all times. Wait.
Downloads their information in the voices.

Speaker 9 That sounds very legally questionable.

Speaker 32 And then you could edit it and mix your own sentences like this.

Speaker 34 Hey, it's me, Pleck Dork Sarter.

Speaker 36 Always crapping in the bathroom.

Speaker 34 Blah, blah.

Speaker 24 That's not what.

Speaker 11 I've never once said that.

Speaker 24 I've never once said that.

Speaker 17 Always pooping in the bathroom.

Speaker 29 Papa, you're pooping in the the bathroom a lot.

Speaker 32 Oh, he is C53. I got this one too.
I've been practicing. I've been noticing you and all the things that you say.
Here we go.

Speaker 34 Oh, it's B C 53, a boys pooping in the bathroom.

Speaker 19 Now that's actually, I don't think I've ever seen that trip.

Speaker 12 I don't think that's right.

Speaker 38 No.

Speaker 32 I respect you too much.

Speaker 17 Thank you.

Speaker 25 Yeah.

Speaker 17 We have an incoming transmission from Master Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundala. Okay.

Speaker 16 Hey, Nermit, what's up, man?

Speaker 29 Hey, guys, I think I. Oh, I suppose I bumped the button.

Speaker 16 You bumped the call button?

Speaker 26 Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 19 I mean, Nermit, what are you rolling?

Speaker 16 What are you rolling in that piece of paper?

Speaker 29 Oh, a little...

Speaker 39 Just a cigarilio.

Speaker 24 Did you say a cigarette?

Speaker 9 Sigarilio?

Speaker 39 Yeah, that's like a cool name.

Speaker 13 Nermit, you smoke?

Speaker 39 I'm starting.

Speaker 40 Why?

Speaker 16 What are you doing?

Speaker 39 I realized, like, I was so locked into my thinking on philem and nesting, and I was so focused on being a dad being a dad, but then the question is, what kind of dad?

Speaker 39 And I found the answer.

Speaker 17 I want to be a cool dad.

Speaker 3 Nermit,

Speaker 11 listen, you're,

Speaker 16 with all due respect, you're not gonna be that.

Speaker 12 Not possible.

Speaker 31 No, that's what I mean.

Speaker 1 So many kids are like, my dad's a nerd, or my dad is, like, I don't relate to him.

Speaker 42 And I think if I do things like how I'm leaning in this hammock, kind of see how I'm very chill. I don't.

Speaker 10 Yeah, you look very uncomfortable. It's not comfortable, but it looks chill.

Speaker 42 And then things like smoking, or like I would say a curse word that I don't normally like, let's do a jumping mission.

Speaker 26 You shouldn't teach a child to smoke and curse.

Speaker 26 That's not a cool thing to do.

Speaker 13 But hear me out. Like,

Speaker 42 I want to be the kind of dad where a kid is like, do you want to go steal skateboards with me?

Speaker 43 Nermit.

Speaker 43 Nermit.

Speaker 44 Put that out. What happened to organizing the scrolls?

Speaker 7 Nermit. And data management.

Speaker 43 Nermit, you're supposed to be organizing the Zema society.

Speaker 23 You're like, get on top of it.

Speaker 3 Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 43 We were not planning for you to absorb their culture.

Speaker 29 Nermit, just call us when you have a mission, okay?

Speaker 45 No, no, no, let's hang out. I want to let's hang out.

Speaker 8 Let's hang.

Speaker 26 Let's hang out.

Speaker 7 Nermit.

Speaker 20 Yeah, well, I mean, I have a mission. Let's do it.

Speaker 20 I have one.

Speaker 10 Do you? Yeah.

Speaker 7 Yeah. Um,

Speaker 6 bibbib-bib-bib.

Speaker 10 Yes.

Speaker 20 Here it is: RV2826.

Speaker 30 Oh.

Speaker 39 You know it?

Speaker 7 I know.

Speaker 16 What is RV2826?

Speaker 39 All of the Zimas are talking about it, how it's just like this amazing, like gathering ground with such sweet energy. It's mind-changing.
Big Turtle talks about it. Kiarano talks about it.

Speaker 39 And everybody, Little Boy,

Speaker 39 the Zimas say that

Speaker 39 when you get to the top and you see the view,

Speaker 26 you're basically looking through Rod's eyes.

Speaker 11 What?

Speaker 43 And they're like, you gotta go.

Speaker 9 Well, more to the point.

Speaker 17 RV2826 is is on the Geps quest, which is, of course, all very significant.

Speaker 13 What is that?

Speaker 46 What is the Geps Galactic Ecology Preservation Society?

Speaker 10 Are you not familiar?

Speaker 16 Wait, Nermit, our mission is to go to a park?

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 11 What? Bada boom.

Speaker 12 And you're sending us there because your new stoner friends think it's an excellent place to hang out?

Speaker 39 Exactly, Darget.

Speaker 17 Nermit, we are being hunted by assassins sent by the Emperor. And you want us to go to a galactic park?

Speaker 11 Why do we have have to go here?

Speaker 11 I'm confused.

Speaker 16 How the juck is this helping our mission to defeat the Emperor?

Speaker 39 Sometimes you just, I think the voyage is the destination, man. Am I right?

Speaker 17 Wait, what?

Speaker 10 What? Wait.

Speaker 17 What did you just say?

Speaker 39 The voyage is the destination.

Speaker 26 Wait, the wait, hold on.

Speaker 26 The voyage?

Speaker 43 Guys, by the end of the strip, all of your minds are gonna be that blown.

Speaker 3 Hold on, hold on.

Speaker 46 like RV2 out of the middle of the middle.

Speaker 43 Yeah, I think we're gonna have like an endless supply of vibes.

Speaker 12 I think this Nermit bundaloy is the whack one now.

Speaker 40 Yeah, I think you're right.

Speaker 16 Nermit, I have to ask you.

Speaker 48 I don't think I've ever asked this. Yeah.
Do we have to?

Speaker 48 I don't want to do this.

Speaker 43 I mean, I might be real chill, but I'm still your boss, so yes.

Speaker 5 Is the destination?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 48 You're our boss?

Speaker 11 Greetings, air travellers.

Speaker 49 Oh, don't be startled.

Speaker 10 I'm just a weary urchin boy, far from my home on gymnasia.

Speaker 49 Only too far these edge and ran out of beard.

Speaker 10 Anyway, why have you?

Speaker 49 Did you know that on gymnasia, the thing we love most, well, almost as much as X-Mars, is stories.

Speaker 5 That's right.

Speaker 10 And on my humble journey back home, I've been reading a right good one.

Speaker 49 It's called The Android's Dream by New York Times bestseller and Eagle Award winner John Scalzi. See the Android's Dream? It's a wild and woolly paper novel on interstellar diplomacy.

Speaker 49 So a diplomat right creates a galactic incident when he kills an alien diplomat in like a super unusual way.

Speaker 49 And then to avoid war, the government of his made-up planet Earth must find an equally unusual object.

Speaker 24 A type of shape used in the alien races coronation ceremony.

Speaker 49 Let me say, what a relief to take a break from scraping the chimnoids in the old 6 squadron to escaping to the fantastical galaxy of this wonderful book.

Speaker 10 And you can read it too.

Speaker 49 Just Just visit tourbooks.com/slash zix2 to see many ordering options.

Speaker 10 And that's not all. There, you'll also find links to two other amazing John Scalsey titles from Tor Books.

Speaker 49 First, there's Fuzzy Nation, which is this extraordinary retelling of the sci-fi classic Little Fuzzy.

Speaker 10 Have you heard of it?

Speaker 49 It's good. And then there's Agent to the Stars, a playful mushroom of science fiction and Hollywood satire.

Speaker 46 All free books are in new paperback editions with new covers and new introductions.

Speaker 49 Order them quick at tourbooks.com/slash zix2. That's t-or-rbooks.com slash Z-Y-X-X.

Speaker 49 Number two, safe travels with new friends and happy rich.

Speaker 16 Wow, look at all these look at all these vehicles parked here.

Speaker 29 Sorry about that. We're just

Speaker 20 standing in the way. You deserve this spot for the night, but nice to meet you.

Speaker 20 We're just walking through.

Speaker 26 Yeah, we're

Speaker 3 a lot of tourists here.

Speaker 12 I've never seen so many child sentients on leashes.

Speaker 8 I've not seen it. Sorry.

Speaker 26 AJ, get out of the firefight.

Speaker 26 Sorry about that.

Speaker 20 Excuse me, are you using that stick gun? I'm just collecting firewood. No, no, no.

Speaker 16 This is a very... This is an ancient weapon.

Speaker 29 It's a dingle hopper.

Speaker 20 Okay, but does it burn? Is it dry?

Speaker 22 Yeah, I certainly would burn, but you should definitely burn.

Speaker 7 AJ,

Speaker 21 yes, sir. Sorry, Pleck doesn't like to share.

Speaker 12 Everything that's his stays his.

Speaker 16 Okay, that's not

Speaker 29 a food hider.

Speaker 40 Alright.

Speaker 20 AJ, let's move on.

Speaker 20 Dar,

Speaker 16 let's find some place to get you some food. I keep hearing that rumbling, and it's kind of freaking me out.

Speaker 26 Yes, luckily. RV 2026 is a holy stuff, Rister.

Speaker 12 I mean, if you could just reach into one of your pockets and hand me something to tie.

Speaker 31 You don't have any food.

Speaker 20 You wouldn't have to endure my rumbling tummy.

Speaker 7 What's in this pocket?

Speaker 20 Listen, let's just go in and we'll all buy something and then we can all have secret snacks.

Speaker 29 Alright.

Speaker 23 Hey, y'all, can I help y'all?

Speaker 16 Yeah, actually, thank you.

Speaker 22 We're just looking to pick up a couple snacks.

Speaker 15 Oh, God, good, because I have every flavor of sun chip.

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 15 wow. Harvest cheddar,

Speaker 15 original,

Speaker 15 harvest cheese.

Speaker 3 Wait, harv.

Speaker 43 Harvest cheese? Yeah.

Speaker 29 Why with those?

Speaker 12 It doesn't matter. I'm going to take both.

Speaker 16 Uh, listen, though, we're just swinging through.

Speaker 22 Uh, you know, we've never been to this park before.

Speaker 13 Um, it's really nice.

Speaker 33 Oh. A lot of travelers here.

Speaker 11 Welcome.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 15 You know, it's nice to be on a galactic park because all kinds of people from all walks of life are here to see the mountain view.

Speaker 23 Sure.

Speaker 15 You know, the one and only mountain view.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 20 A lot of motor homes here.

Speaker 15 Yeah, well, I mean, you know the planet's called RV2826.

Speaker 16 Yeah, I just thought that was sort of

Speaker 2 coordinating.

Speaker 15 No, it's very literal. RVs 28 feet to 26 inches are allowed here.

Speaker 3 Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 16 That covers a pretty wide range of motorhomes.

Speaker 15 Very tall RVs with very, very short, small RVs. But yeah, you guys just here for snacks? Because I also do blessings.
This is also a church and a convenience store.

Speaker 10 Wait, what?

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 15 Lots of tourists come in and they want to make sure they are blessed up for their trip.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 19 Wow. What is your name?

Speaker 3 Gurlik.

Speaker 19 Gurlik? Yeah.

Speaker 16 Well, it is a pleasure to meet you.

Speaker 15 I'm a priestess.

Speaker 44 Sure.

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 15 I really just live

Speaker 15 to serve, to bless, to restock bebops and zoozoos.

Speaker 31 Sure.

Speaker 45 Where are the bebops and zoo's?

Speaker 15 Oh, they're just down that aisle there.

Speaker 12 Gotta get me a couple hundred of those.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 16 Yeah, girl, like,

Speaker 16 how did you become a priestess?

Speaker 15 Oh, well, I met Rod at a concert.

Speaker 3 You met Rod?

Speaker 15 Yeah, he is a very chill dude. And also a deity.

Speaker 19 Right.

Speaker 15 But more chill than deity.

Speaker 2 Right, sure, sure.

Speaker 15 Mm-hmm. And he was always looking for followers.

Speaker 15 You know, and I was like, I'll follow you. And I did.
And then he was like, you won't be a priestess? And I'm like, heck yeah.

Speaker 23 That is pretty chill.

Speaker 15 Yeah, it is very chill.

Speaker 19 It's really great.

Speaker 29 Darn, you're really making your way through some of the ice cream.

Speaker 12 Why do you feel the need to announce that to everybody?

Speaker 30 I was just like, this aisle is sort of slick with ice cream. I don't know.

Speaker 12 This isn't your aisle.

Speaker 21 Stay in your aisle.

Speaker 12 Girl, like, are we allowed to start eating the food in your store or do we have to wait until we've paid for it?

Speaker 15 Oh, you have to wait till you'll pay for it, honey.

Speaker 12 Understood. I'm just gonna have to.

Speaker 23 Oh, no. Sorry.

Speaker 11 I'll just cook.

Speaker 2 Okay, no, Tar.

Speaker 51 My good woman, my good woman, here to be blessed.

Speaker 15 Oh, welcome, welcome. So you're gonna do seven hail rods and um

Speaker 19 a lighter,

Speaker 51 newspaper, just a couple of greeting cards. Hail, hail rod, oh hail rod, oh hail rod, hail rod, and hail rod and hail rod.

Speaker 15 Okay, that's for it, Kroon.

Speaker 15 You're blessed. Get out there and go see that geyser at the top of the mountain.

Speaker 11 Okay, thank you so much.

Speaker 5 I never a child, but I'm gonna be good on leash.

Speaker 15 Oh, yes. All children must be on leashes.

Speaker 5 Sure. Yeah.

Speaker 10 Uh, Grillik, just a quick cue for you, quick question.

Speaker 26 Um,

Speaker 23 Papa, no offense uh but if i wanted to leave the zimas and join whatever you're into how would i do that oh really okay yeah that's great we're always looking for new followers oh that sounds interesting yeah you're just gonna leave the zimas i'm just keeping my options open i'm just like spiritual you know i'm like the best at being spiritual i just like when it comes to spirituality i'm like yeah Oh, wow.

Speaker 15 Yeah, no, you can definitely join. Just have to put on this apron here and work here three days a week.
Oh.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 16 Wait, but being a priestess involved working at this convenience store?

Speaker 31 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 38 Uh

Speaker 10 priestesses. Yeah.
I don't know.

Speaker 26 I don't know, I don't know.

Speaker 38 Um, what?

Speaker 3 Yeah, what is it?

Speaker 12 I just, um.

Speaker 12 I gotta ask you something.

Speaker 19 What is it, Tart?

Speaker 12 Can you please move aside?

Speaker 16 What I'm standing up against this aisle.

Speaker 12 Yeah, but there's just a whole array of powdered donuts behind you.

Speaker 18 Tart, you need to slow down a little bit.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 26 Yeah.

Speaker 12 He was blocking the donuts.

Speaker 26 Why are we moving? Why are we moving?

Speaker 15 I mean, how else are you gonna get around the park? Whoa. It's a very big park.

Speaker 48 Is this store on wheels?

Speaker 15 It certainly is, son.

Speaker 15 Because this is the only store on RV2826.

Speaker 16 Wow. So

Speaker 16 your store just travels around the planet to where all the tourists are.

Speaker 15 Sure enough. Does.

Speaker 15 You guys here to see the mountain?

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 15 Are you sure? Because when you get to the top of that mountain, there is a view there that is.

Speaker 23 Oh my goodness.

Speaker 15 Is the sky blue?

Speaker 12 I mean on some planets,

Speaker 8 is water wet?

Speaker 15 Sure. Water's wet everywhere.
Water's wet, yes. And that mountain view is a view to behold.

Speaker 15 Also, there's a geyser on top of the mountain.

Speaker 16 Wow, that must be really nice to be around such natural beauty all the time.

Speaker 15 I thank Rod every day for the opportunity. Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Do you need ice? Because we have bags of ice at the back of the store.

Speaker 22 Yeah, we could use a couple bags of ice.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 14 Think of the top of my ice cookie.

Speaker 14 Yum, yum, yum, opening up the fridge and

Speaker 10 darn! What are you doing?

Speaker 11 Are you okay?

Speaker 3 I mean, I'm fine. Dar,

Speaker 54 what are you doing interrupting my feeding?

Speaker 16 Dar, why are you in that refrigerator?

Speaker 21 Oh, you know, just keeping it cool while I'm down a couple of gallons.

Speaker 14 Would you mind? I think my iced tea is on your.

Speaker 11 I don't mean to be rude, but there's nothing here for you.

Speaker 8 It is iced tea o'clock.

Speaker 10 Okay, I didn't know that was a thing.

Speaker 19 I've never heard of that. I do not have my iced tea every o'clock.

Speaker 11 Do you know what happens? You get thirsty.

Speaker 19 Oh, wow, she just deflated like a balloon.

Speaker 15 Garlic, garlic, is it is it time for the noonday sermon about the view? Oh, it is.

Speaker 47 Come on, man.

Speaker 16 You give a sermon from inside the convenience store?

Speaker 15 Yes, we have several devotees who come in every day at around noon. It's time for the view! I'm just gonna crouch near the first aid section.

Speaker 22 I heard this was worth going to see.

Speaker 15 I like that she gives her opinion about the view.

Speaker 14 Yeah, I don't like being hassle-backed, but I think her sermons bring me a lot of joy.

Speaker 8 Behart,

Speaker 15 she's the Sherry Shepherd of the flock.

Speaker 41 During the sermon of the view, she gets rid of all the evil inside of you.

Speaker 38 This evil inside of me today, I can't help myself.

Speaker 23 I'm gonna go crazy.

Speaker 15 All right there, calm down.

Speaker 31 Has this guy come here before?

Speaker 15 Oh, every day he's here.

Speaker 19 He's here every day.

Speaker 15 Every day he says he's gonna go crazy and he's fine.

Speaker 22 Sounds like maybe he is crazy.

Speaker 15 No, he just needs a little more rod in his spirit. Disciples, it is so lovely to see you.

Speaker 3 The word of Rod.

Speaker 15 Oh, yeah, just a quick little moment.

Speaker 16 Like some 800 holo film?

Speaker 3 Oh, we do.

Speaker 15 Here we go. That is 16 prune.

Speaker 30 Yeah, no problem.

Speaker 44 Alright.

Speaker 15 Disciples. There are things in our life that we find.

Speaker 22 Sorry, you're at a Zuzus?

Speaker 15 Oh, Zuzus. You can find them in the back hall.

Speaker 2 I already checked.

Speaker 13 Somebody ate them all.

Speaker 31 I had just fully stocked them.

Speaker 15 How could someone have eaten up a Zuzus?

Speaker 3 Or...

Speaker 53 Err.

Speaker 23 I don't know.

Speaker 53 Dar, dar.

Speaker 12 Maybe we should check Plex pockets.

Speaker 16 I don't have...

Speaker 18 I don't have any Zuzus.

Speaker 12 You've got a lot of Zuzu on the left side of your mouth.

Speaker 15 So far, this sermon is experimental.

Speaker 15 Disciples, there are things in our life that we find to be an obstacle. Am I right, disciples?

Speaker 10 The evil side of you that wakes you up every morning and it's like, join the wax side.

Speaker 15 Yes, that.

Speaker 15 But if you have the Lord rod in your heart There's no mountain that you can't climb and get to the top of and see

Speaker 3 the view

Speaker 15 So you said with the help of rod yeah there ain't no mountain high enough

Speaker 15 Yeah, it's true.

Speaker 29 Yep, but is there a river wide enough?

Speaker 29 Oh Dart you alright

Speaker 16 Dart you don't have to throw up the candy.

Speaker 19 We'll just pay for it.

Speaker 3 Oh, oh golly.

Speaker 10 Are you she looks like she is choking.

Speaker 3 Oh, darn.

Speaker 15 I can, I can help you. I can help you.

Speaker 47 Everyone, stand back.

Speaker 15 She doesn't need medical attention. She needs broad.

Speaker 23 Okay, it's just

Speaker 9 gonna go out of here.

Speaker 15 Okay, do you see this medallion around my neck? I need you, the robot one. I need you to take this medallion.
All right, I want you to turn it clockwise twice, turn it counterclockwise once.

Speaker 3 Great.

Speaker 9 Awesome. Contact emergency services, I feel like

Speaker 3 you should be done. You

Speaker 15 go to the back there, grab me several different flavors of sun chips. You got it.

Speaker 44 Cool.

Speaker 11 What does that have to do?

Speaker 3 You, pink one. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 15 I'm going to connect to Source Energy. I'm going to connect to Rod himself.

Speaker 40 What? The Rod? The Rod?

Speaker 15 Just hold a second. I'm going to give him a little call on this cell phone here.

Speaker 41 CP3.

Speaker 3 I think Dar is in real trouble.

Speaker 10 I completely agree.

Speaker 9 Robbed.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 15 I need your help.

Speaker 15 I have a person choking in the middle of my store.

Speaker 15 I think so.

Speaker 19 Did you do it, Robot?

Speaker 3 Alright.

Speaker 15 Alright. How you been, by the way?

Speaker 15 You know, I'm good. I miss you.

Speaker 10 What? Talk to Kerill.

Speaker 15 Oh, Tiffany. Tell her that I am excited for her bridal shower.

Speaker 15 I cannot wait.

Speaker 26 What?

Speaker 15 Oh, fantastic. Alright, I gotta go save this person's life now.

Speaker 15 Thanks, Rod.

Speaker 15 Okay, so we are connected via medallions and

Speaker 15 you are saved.

Speaker 15 Do you see that is spirit right there? That is a mixture of spirit and technology that saved your life.

Speaker 44 Wow.

Speaker 15 There's nothing you cannot overcome when you have Rod in your heart. He's there to help you.
He's also dating a wonderful woman named Tiffany and they are

Speaker 15 They are the sweetest couple. I cannot wait to go to the bridal party.

Speaker 15 And that is what life is about.

Speaker 5 True, I'm really happy to get that cruise.

Speaker 5 It's wonderful.

Speaker 52 I got some chips.

Speaker 11 Oh, I'll have some of those.

Speaker 26 Okay.

Speaker 17 You know, they fold light. I think you make those chips.

Speaker 52 Yeah, they're chips made of suns, right?

Speaker 16 Every bag's got at least five suns.

Speaker 26 Yeah, it says it on the bag.

Speaker 15 So, are you guys gonna pay for all these snacks?

Speaker 48 Yes,

Speaker 11 I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 26 That's a different from our face cheddar.

Speaker 5 Whoa.

Speaker 5 Gerlic. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 35 Look at this.

Speaker 15 There you go.

Speaker 35 Papa, we're on the top of the mountain.

Speaker 33 What?

Speaker 1 Look.

Speaker 15 Look out the windows of the convenience dude.

Speaker 35 Papa, you thought that we weren't moving the whole time.

Speaker 28 And we were moving. And you know what that means?

Speaker 4 Uh, the journey is.

Speaker 35 You're a dumbass, is what I'm saying.

Speaker 23 What?

Speaker 35 You didn't know that we were moving.

Speaker 28 You're a dumbass.

Speaker 35 We've been moving this entire time, but you didn't think we were.

Speaker 16 I didn't think we were. I didn't know.
I don't.

Speaker 38 But do you just see the lesson?

Speaker 35 You're a dumbass.

Speaker 16 I think the lesson is that the journey is the destination.

Speaker 16 Okay.

Speaker 28 It's kind of a spifty-fifty spot.

Speaker 15 Everyone, just look at at this for you. Tell me what you feel in your heart of hearts.

Speaker 38 I feel it.

Speaker 1 Like, there's something inside of me.

Speaker 6 Like, Rod is speaking to me. Rod is telling me to do things.

Speaker 38 Rod is saying, get rid of the big one who craps in the bathroom.

Speaker 8 Oh, no. Get rid of them.

Speaker 10 Get rid of them.

Speaker 6 I have to do it.

Speaker 42 I need to do it.

Speaker 10 Rod told me.

Speaker 8 No. Rod told me he'd do it, and then we'd hang out.

Speaker 10 We'd hang out.

Speaker 16 Okay, we want everybody to calm down. I've got this.

Speaker 20 I'm a Zima warrior.

Speaker 16 Hey, listen, buddy. I don't know who you think you are, but me and my noob are gonna take you out.

Speaker 7 I'm AJ.

Speaker 16 Get ready to meet my dinglehopper.

Speaker 22 What? It's what it's called. This is sick.

Speaker 23 I have a gun.

Speaker 5 The town has got a lot of strength.

Speaker 44 Not in the name of Raw.

Speaker 10 You saved all of us.

Speaker 16 Durlink did exactly the same thing that 7-8-9 did. She jumped horizontally in front of all of us and absorbed all of those shots.

Speaker 52 She really, uh, 7-8-9 this one, right?

Speaker 22 Don't verb that, AJ.

Speaker 15 I could not have your blood be on my hands and in this convenience store.

Speaker 10 So kind to sacrifice yourself.

Speaker 15 I just

Speaker 15 everything's going black.

Speaker 23 Very bad, AJ.

Speaker 15 Just know that I did it for you, but I also did it for me. All I've ever wanted to do was be of service, whether it was

Speaker 15 selling people taquitos that have been grilling all afternoon, or

Speaker 15 giving them, you know, hope for a spiritual connection.

Speaker 9 Two equally important things.

Speaker 2 You did it.

Speaker 16 You did it. You brought so much hope and inspiration to people.

Speaker 1 Taquitos.

Speaker 16 And Taquitos.

Speaker 12 These taquitos are delicious.

Speaker 16 Just stop eating.

Speaker 15 Just stop eating because there'll be no one there to restock.

Speaker 12 I'm sorry. Are you all shaming me for being hungry?

Speaker 5 No,

Speaker 5 it's just hard.

Speaker 23 Gerlick is dying right now.

Speaker 15 Gerlick, I've given the ultimate sacrifice my life.

Speaker 9 Truly, Gerlick, Rod shines through you.

Speaker 53 Oh, thank you.

Speaker 47 Please, Rod bless you.

Speaker 15 You guys do one thing for me.

Speaker 23 Absolutely. Anything.

Speaker 15 You take this cell phone,

Speaker 15 and will you call Rod?

Speaker 13 Right now? now, yes, please.

Speaker 15 Of course.

Speaker 16 Oh, there's actually three rods in your contacts. Which one?

Speaker 15 Which one is it? Do the one with two D's.

Speaker 31 Okay.

Speaker 15 I bet you didn't know Rod had two D's.

Speaker 9 Wow, we actually didn't.

Speaker 8 We didn't know that.

Speaker 9 No one's ever asked.

Speaker 15 It has two D's.

Speaker 13 Oh no.

Speaker 16 It's kind of of voicemail.

Speaker 29 We're out on a sweet, sweet, sweet, hot, hot, hot date.

Speaker 9 Sorry.

Speaker 23 That's okay.

Speaker 56 But hey, before you leave a message on our feet, because we're using our terms now, we've progressed in our relationship.

Speaker 8 Listen to a Lou Diddy.

Speaker 16 Oh, they're gonna sing a song.

Speaker 31 I'm just gonna hang up.

Speaker 15 No, no, this is what I wanted to hear. The song.

Speaker 7 All right, Rod.

Speaker 7 Roba, robber, rod, love, tiff.

Speaker 7 T-t-tiff-t-tiff, love, rod.

Speaker 7 Ta-ta-t, Together we are.

Speaker 56 Together we are love.

Speaker 7 Together we are love.

Speaker 35 We are

Speaker 7 hearts.

Speaker 48 This is their.

Speaker 15 And then it ends abruptly.

Speaker 19 This is their outgoing voicemail.

Speaker 15 This is their outgoing voicemail.

Speaker 10 The most beautiful together.

Speaker 15 Filled with the spirit of love.

Speaker 15 Now I can die happy because I know Rod and Tiff are cool.

Speaker 15 Well, I

Speaker 15 ow.

Speaker 29 Her last words were: Rod and Tiff are cool.

Speaker 29 I didn't think that would have been it.

Speaker 29 Robot Man, Papa, Dar,

Speaker 30 look at the tattoo I see on that crazy guy who I just shot a bunch of.

Speaker 28 It's an assassin's guild.

Speaker 9 Somehow he knew you were coming here.

Speaker 16 He just waited around for us to show up.

Speaker 15 If you just walk a few more yards, you'll see the view.

Speaker 44 Alright.

Speaker 3 Thank you for

Speaker 3 watching.

Speaker 30 It was a recommendation, was her last breath.

Speaker 8 Wow.

Speaker 10 You know?

Speaker 10 Yeah,

Speaker 30 it's a good view.

Speaker 12 It's pretty nice.

Speaker 8 I know that

Speaker 16 the journey was the destination, but the destination was pretty good too.

Speaker 16 I'm stepping on my 26-hitch RV.

Speaker 11 Oh, my God.

Speaker 31 I am so sorry.

Speaker 10 Are you really?

Speaker 28 Oh, you're stepping right on my

Speaker 16 I'm so sorry.

Speaker 16 It really is.

Speaker 4 It really is.

Speaker 11 Hey, hey, can you hear me?

Speaker 14 It's me, Clarissa.

Speaker 11 I'm inside Cutting the Blah, but I have something super important to explain.

Speaker 14 There are more than 30 gyms in here, but the gym I manage has the most amazing website of them all. Because I built it using Wix.
More than 150 million people use Wix for their website.

Speaker 14 I don't have to explain it to them at all. But if you're not using Wix, here's the deal.
You can start and publish for free.

Speaker 14 Choose from over 500 stunning templates and change, customize, or add anything you want. My gym site is so wicked awesome with sick design features and built-in apps.

Speaker 14 And every Wix website is optimized for any device. I don't know how the other gems make their sites, but they're honestly like meh.
I'm not judging. I'm just explaining.

Speaker 14 Anyway, here's what you should do. Build a Wix website of your own today for free.

Speaker 14 And if you go to Wix.com and use the coupon code ZIX, you'll get 10% off any premium plan, which gives you more storage, a free domain for a year, and much more.

Speaker 14 That's wix.com with offer code ZYXX.

Speaker 14 Sometimes words that sound the same are spelled differently. Wix.com, code 6, for 10% off any premium plan.
Creation without limits.

Speaker 7 Unless you're in a blob,

Speaker 14 in which case the bob edge is the limit.

Speaker 38 Wow, I just thought of that.

Speaker 16 Archie, what is that noise?

Speaker 32 It's another shipment.

Speaker 31 Wait, is that is that a process server?

Speaker 32 That's okay, but I have another voice I can use.

Speaker 16 No, but if you say yes, will it serve you papers?

Speaker 32 Don't worry about it. They're not gonna serve me papers.

Speaker 11 Uh, okay.

Speaker 57 State your name.

Speaker 36 Nermin Bundaloy, the Emperor, but also a ship, because I'm doing that now.

Speaker 3 It is a very good.

Speaker 2 It is very excellent.

Speaker 57 State your purpose.

Speaker 5 Stay your name.

Speaker 36 Ship of Emperors.

Speaker 36 Why don't you find your purpose?

Speaker 57 I've never thought of that before. Thank you.

Speaker 17 Thank you.

Speaker 57 Emperor and him. That's it.

Speaker 36 Yeah, not Bargy.

Speaker 57 I will now return back to the Planet Crusher Crusher and let Emperor Nermit Bundaloy know.

Speaker 36 That's the ticket. Go now.

Speaker 57 Goodbye.

Speaker 32 Alright, that was great.

Speaker 17 Good job, everybody.

Speaker 16 That was an uncanny impression.

Speaker 17 That was

Speaker 17 very eerie.

Speaker 13 Oh my rod.

Speaker 33 I can't believe that worked.

Speaker 17 Look.

Speaker 17 Look, if you could get a little more cuts. just taking Rod's name and game.

Speaker 16 Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.

Speaker 17 We watched a miracle.

Speaker 11 Yeah, it's true.

Speaker 17 It's true.

Speaker 13 But when she was dying on the floor of that convenience store, where was her rod then?

Speaker 22 Where was her rod then?

Speaker 17 Comforting her through someone.

Speaker 16 It was his outgoing voicemail message.

Speaker 16 Yeah, he was on a date with Tiffany.

Speaker 17 Rod works in mysterious ways.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 17 It's not for us to know Rod's will.

Speaker 13 Man, you really came all the way back around in that C-53.

Speaker 17 Puppet Exeter, I have an incoming transmission from Master Mission Operations Manager Nermit Bunglow.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 16 Hey, Nermit.

Speaker 16 Oh, hey, guys.

Speaker 17 Well, Nermit, we can say that we saw the view and honestly,

Speaker 17 it was amazing. It was amazing.

Speaker 39 You guys chilled.

Speaker 17 I don't know that I'm relaxed.

Speaker 29 Okay.

Speaker 12 You know,

Speaker 12 I felt better.

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 17 What's all that smoke in the room?

Speaker 39 No, I'm just doing like a cleanse where I'm just burning these pine branches and getting getting the steam

Speaker 16 and smoke inhalation is a great cleanse.

Speaker 39 It doesn't feel good yet. I don't know if I'm doing right.

Speaker 10 I'm it's

Speaker 10 trying to

Speaker 16 say, you are too impressionable.

Speaker 16 You just put yourself in these situations and you get carried away and it's

Speaker 10 Nermit, you have a need to please, but it makes you vulnerable. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 39 I just I

Speaker 39 want these seemas to like me.

Speaker 17 Yeah, that's it. That's what I'm talking about.

Speaker 39 I just want to I want to be me and be cool, and it feels like those things are not the same thing.

Speaker 40 Uh, yeah, they're not.

Speaker 27 Yeah, Nermit, this constant worrying about about how cool you are is extremely uncool.

Speaker 37 Ah, darn it.

Speaker 29 Nermit, do yourself a favor.

Speaker 26 Have a cigarillio.

Speaker 13 No, Nermit, you don't have to.

Speaker 27 Oh, you can be like me and smoke a clone.

Speaker 17 Much worse.

Speaker 17 This is Sea Red IT5.

Speaker 58 Credits and Attributions droid commencing outro protocol. Papaplech Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.
C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent. Dar was played by Ali Kokash.

Speaker 58 Bargie the Ship, Tiffany, and the Zealous Assassin were played by Mujan Zolfagari. Master Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundaloy and Rod were played by Seth Lind.
AJ was played by Winston Null.

Speaker 58 Gurlik was played by special guest Monique Moses. Monique is a Canadian-born Brooklyn-based actor, writer, and comedian.

Speaker 58 TV credits include Dezus and Mira, Broad City, Full Frontal with Samantha B and digital shows for IFC's Comedy Crib and Comedy Central.

Speaker 58 She performs every Saturday night in NYC with Airwolf at UCB Subculture. And you can follow her on all social medias at Nutella Cartel.

Speaker 58 This episode was edited by Seth Lind with sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell. Recorded at Braun Studios in Brooklyn, New York.

Speaker 58 Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Opening curl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.
Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Speaker 58 Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission Disix is a proud member of the Maximum Bun Network.

Speaker 59 We are the host of My Brother, My Brother, and Me and now, nearly 10 years into our podcast, the secret can be revealed.

Speaker 59 All the clues are in place, and the world's greatest treasure hunt can now begin.

Speaker 60 Embedded in each episode episode of My Brother, My Brother, and Me is a micro clue that will lead you to 14 precious gemstones all around this big, beautiful blue world of ours.

Speaker 59 So start combing through the episodes.

Speaker 40 Uh, let's say starting at episode 101 on.

Speaker 60 Yeah, the early episodes are pretty problematic, so there's no clues in those episodes.

Speaker 40 No, no, not at all.

Speaker 60 The better ones, the good ones, clues ahoy.

Speaker 59 Listen to every episode repeatedly in sequence. Laugh if you must, but mainly get all the great clues.
My Brother, My Brother, and Me. It's an advice show, kind of, but a treasure hunt, mainly.

Speaker 59 Anywhere you find podcasts or treasure maps, My Brother, My Brother, and Me, the hunt is on.

Speaker 45 Well, Alexis, we got big news. Uh-oh.
Season one, done. It's over.
Season two, coming at you hot.

Speaker 15 Three years after

Speaker 10 technically almost four years.

Speaker 45 All right. And now, listen, here at Cana Pet Your Dog, the Skinner Shit Podcast.
Our seasons run for three and a half years.

Speaker 10 And then at season two, we come at you with new, hot co-hosts named you.

Speaker 45 Hi, I'm Alexis.

Speaker 7 And I also am on the field trip, dog tech.

Speaker 45 Yeah, dog news. Dog news.
Celebrity guests. Oh, big shots.
Will not let them talk about their resume.

Speaker 10 Nope. Only the dogs.

Speaker 31 Only the dogs.

Speaker 45 I mean, if ever you were going to get into Can I Pet Your Dog? Now's the time. Get in here every Tuesday at maximumfun.org.

Speaker 20 MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture.

Speaker 60 Artist owned. Audience supported.

Speaker 54 Wait, hold on. I'm trying to get get Germit's voice.
Hold on. Let me try it.
Okay.

Speaker 42 Hey, it's me. I'm a tiny little dummy.

Speaker 6 Oh, am I a lizard?

Speaker 20 Am I a stupid bird?

Speaker 18 I poop.

Speaker 42 And when I do, it's in the bubba bubba bathroom. I'm a dummy.

Speaker 54 Can I just clarify? I was not saying that. He was saying that himself.

Speaker 20 Lawless.