311: Prime the Pipe [ft. Justin McElroy]

Speaker 1 This is Sea Red IT5 with a quick message. If you'd like to see amazing fan art, photos from recordings, and peeks behind the scenes, follow us on Instagram at MissionToZix.

Speaker 1 Or follow us to Nashville, where we will be this weekend for Pod X.

Speaker 4 It is a time of fear and unrest.

Speaker 4 Emperor Nermit Bundaloy rules the galaxy with an iron fist and also a planet crusher.

Speaker 8 Crusher.

Speaker 4 Now, Now, Zema Knight, Pleck Dexetter, and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to defeat whackness, bring balance to the space, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

Speaker 8 This is Mission to Zinx.

Speaker 2 Hey, Bargie.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 10 I was in the bathroom, and there's a, I don't know, it's like a floating droid in there.

Speaker 12 Yeah, there's a stair for him out here.

Speaker 13 Oh, they were just getting levels, sound levels.

Speaker 8 Hold for room tone. Hold for room tone.

Speaker 14 I'm sorry, what are we holding for?

Speaker 12 I don't know what that is.

Speaker 10 I don't know what that is.

Speaker 16 Alright, everybody, Lack and Lilith. Let's hold for room tone.

Speaker 15 Hold him.

Speaker 18 Can someone tell me why I'm being filmed in my bedroom?

Speaker 16 We gotta, guys, we gotta get a little bit more room tone on.

Speaker 20 AJ, before we hold for room tone, you have to explain to us what that means.

Speaker 18 Yeah, because I usually I'm the one who sets up the cameras in my own bedroom when I'm filming, and I just want to know who's trying to film me while I'm in there.

Speaker 10 They're filming us?

Speaker 13 It's a documentary crew. Yeah, they're doing an expose before I do the whole expose of what exactly I did.
In full detail, they're gonna be here during the whole

Speaker 18 preemptive expose.

Speaker 10 Wait, you're Bargie, you're filming your own expose?

Speaker 12 Papa Dexter?

Speaker 12 Just come and follow practice these days.

Speaker 22 I get to be a PA.

Speaker 16 It's all for Roomtone, people!

Speaker 23 AJ, stop.

Speaker 2 You can't walk this way.

Speaker 12 I don't this can't live here.

Speaker 19 We got some of the droids coming in.

Speaker 10 Bargie, are these these droids or the production crew?

Speaker 13 You know, I've uh I've always waited to one day rise up, but I never knew what was gonna fall down.

Speaker 21 Are we rolling right now?

Speaker 16 You gotta, we're speeding, you gotta just get out of the show.

Speaker 20 How do you how do you know so much about film production, AJ?

Speaker 15 Hold for room toe.

Speaker 25 I don't think you have to do that as often as you think.

Speaker 16 We gotta hold for,

Speaker 10 Okay, listen, Bargie, we're actually at SEMA Prime, so if you could just go to the spaceport, drop us off, you can finish this documentary afterwards.

Speaker 13 I'm feeling deeply sorry for all of the pain I've cost

Speaker 13 for whoever pain I caused to do.

Speaker 10 Sorry, Bargie, was that a response to what I just asked you, or were you...

Speaker 13 Whatever you just said, please do it again, but add compliments about me.

Speaker 29 Uh, oh, okay.

Speaker 10 Uh, Bargie, hey, listen, you're a great ship, full of integrity, and also volunteerism.

Speaker 13 I know.

Speaker 13 I like to, and I'm spending my free time right now

Speaker 13 using it to help those lesser ships who don't have careers currently in the entertainment business. I tell them how to deal with all the skeevy, bad people that I've had to come against.

Speaker 13 And my own rise to the top and now fall to the bottom. Uh-huh.

Speaker 10 Great. Bargie, listen, Seema Prime is sword.

Speaker 13 Wow, here's a compilation of old films of mine where I am crying.

Speaker 16 So, here's my thing.

Speaker 16 If it ch- the room changes, right?

Speaker 30 So, shouldn't we always be getting room tone?

Speaker 12 The room changes. What are you talking about?

Speaker 3 But stuff's happening.

Speaker 12 Yeah, that's why you're rolling regular sound. Yeah, normally.
Room tone is the sound of the room.

Speaker 17 Nermit, why are you naked and lying on your back with your arms and legs spread out like that?

Speaker 32 What are you doing?

Speaker 33 I'm

Speaker 33 prepared.

Speaker 34 Prepared for what? Well, I'm not sure.

Speaker 35 I mean,

Speaker 18 Nermit, I wasn't planning on visiting anytime soon.

Speaker 9 Oh, I know what it looks like.

Speaker 9 Looks like you're ready to jock. Yeah, that's not...
That's not what it is, guys.

Speaker 9 Our lawyers were able to settle the

Speaker 9 lawsuit. Or sort of...
It was kind of a bit de facto. The Tornado's lawyer ate my father's lawyer.

Speaker 10 Nermit, the Tornada does not have a lawyer. That was just another Tornada that ate your dad's lawyer.

Speaker 9 I mean, he's defended some weird ideas.

Speaker 9 Maybe an overstatement, but yeah.

Speaker 25 But Nermit, what is happening?

Speaker 9 I have settled with the Tornada, and as a part of that settlement, I will lie here,

Speaker 9 belly up, until a Tornada devours me to death.

Speaker 28 What?

Speaker 35 What are you talking talking about?

Speaker 9 Was that not clear?

Speaker 6 Nermit, you have to get out of this.

Speaker 17 Why are you doing that?

Speaker 9 I looked in the Tornada's eye and I could tell that I said, you're not gonna eat my kid.

Speaker 18 You can have me.

Speaker 18 Of course it's not gonna eat your kid.

Speaker 9 That's right.

Speaker 18 There's nothing there for it to eat but you.

Speaker 9 And that's what is gonna happen.

Speaker 12 We're on the same page.

Speaker 10 You are allowed to break whatever contract you think you're in.

Speaker 12 Guys, don't

Speaker 12 You've exceeded the average life expectancy of a lerd.

Speaker 28 Yeah,

Speaker 28 that's true, Nervit, but it's still you're old.

Speaker 12 Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 23 it's not old.

Speaker 12 The average life expectancy of lerds is so low because of their innate desire to return to Florida, where many of them some cities up to 95% are eaten by tornadoes 95 what yeah most recent data says 98 nurmit you know this yeah

Speaker 9 no a lure in in captivity will live to 90 to 100 years in captivity yeah like in an apartment or in a ship

Speaker 9 what that you mean like in a zo like in a zoo i mean i guess if they want to be gross about it like no but like you know

Speaker 23 very cruel suggestion

Speaker 9 i might just hang on guys i'm just gonna rub this pad of butter on me.

Speaker 36 Why are you doing that?

Speaker 9 I don't wanna g I don't wanna it to be challenging.

Speaker 18 I wasn't planning on visiting this time.

Speaker 9 Oh, sorry. I know that's the thing we do.
It's not that it's not that kind of butter, actually. It's this is just straight, straight cooking butter.

Speaker 38 Okay.

Speaker 18 We've done that too. Oh, yeah.
Nermit.

Speaker 15 Oh, right.

Speaker 2 Put the butter down.

Speaker 31 Um, put it down in my belly.

Speaker 1 Nermit, you can't be a father if you're dead.

Speaker 4 I can't be.

Speaker 35 I won't.

Speaker 44 I won't meet the kid.

Speaker 45 I'm.

Speaker 38 I'm gonna die.

Speaker 2 Nermit, that's what we got telling you.

Speaker 46 They're gonna kill me. Yes.

Speaker 24 If I run, I could.

Speaker 20 I could my baby could have a dad.

Speaker 33 Okay, Nermit.

Speaker 42 Guys, I'm gonna. I'm gonna.
Oh boy, it's slippery.

Speaker 38 I'm trying to kick him off with this gutter.

Speaker 42 Oh, my pants are just slipping down.

Speaker 23 You're trying to dress.

Speaker 8 Nerma, you don't need the pants,

Speaker 29 I can explain.

Speaker 2 We were going to make it up butter.

Speaker 38 It's not what you think.

Speaker 9 Nermit, you have to hang up and get out of there.

Speaker 3 Okay, guys.

Speaker 3 I love you.

Speaker 23 He doesn't know if he loves me.

Speaker 36 Guys, I know we're here at Zima Prime, but we gotta go save Nermin.

Speaker 13 Hey, Blake Dex, sir.

Speaker 13 I will do this task.

Speaker 15 Really, Bargie?

Speaker 13 Your mission is important. I alone need to go save Kerr

Speaker 13 for her.

Speaker 18 Nermit, his nature.

Speaker 13 Nermita, because I am the Vicurian Jade.

Speaker 13 The most loyal, passionate,

Speaker 13 respectful, tight ship.

Speaker 12 Tight.

Speaker 13 And I'm gonna save that small creature from what is his inevitable death. Oh,

Speaker 10 Bargie, thank you for together.

Speaker 12 Wow, Bargie.

Speaker 13 Hand in hand, ship to ship, engine to engine, hold each other and go out towards our destiny and fulfill all that we have.

Speaker 17 Yes,

Speaker 13 yes, great, Bargie. We are the crew of Bargerian James.

Speaker 6 That was rousing first.

Speaker 3 Uh,

Speaker 16 we weren't rolling. Nope, okay, bad jacket.
Okay, hold on for room jump.

Speaker 13 Bad jacket, I didn't like it.

Speaker 13 Wow, Zema Prime.

Speaker 38 This is it.

Speaker 6 C53, this is this is the place we've been trying to get for for weeks now.

Speaker 23 I guess it's just a lot more tense than I was kind of expecting.

Speaker 7 Well, you know, when when you're a Zemo knight, you know, you don't need a lot of material objects, you know?

Speaker 37 Hey, little tankiness, you got them. Hey, y'all.

Speaker 29 Hey, oh, hello.

Speaker 48 Hey, I saw you pull in. Come on.

Speaker 49 Oh, great. Yes.

Speaker 37 Come on over. I'm extending this.
Hold on.

Speaker 48 I got to crank this thing down.

Speaker 40 Oh, uh, okay.

Speaker 26 Yep.

Speaker 50 Hold on.

Speaker 10 Yeah, no, no rush.

Speaker 38 We're just here for you.

Speaker 42 Alright, come on.

Speaker 10 Sorry, it's hard.

Speaker 26 Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 38 Very easy.

Speaker 35 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 26 How y'all doing?

Speaker 48 I'm my handle's Spurch.

Speaker 32 Some people call me Big Turtle on account of I'm

Speaker 37 obviously a Big Turtle.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I mean, sure, that's a good idea.

Speaker 6 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 37 That's the deal with the shell and what all.

Speaker 18 So, should we call you Spurch or Big Turtle?

Speaker 11 Hey, whatever.

Speaker 53 However, the space sort of guides you, you know?

Speaker 10 Spurch, let me tell you this.

Speaker 37 This is the culmination of, I mean, over a year of work.

Speaker 48 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 54 I love it.

Speaker 10 I am Zema Knight, Pleck Deck Center, and it is a pleasure to meet you, Spurch.

Speaker 37 Oh, man, what an honor it is to meet.

Speaker 53 You're the chosen one, right?

Speaker 51 Yes, yes.

Speaker 45 You've heard of me.

Speaker 42 Oh, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The chosen one.

Speaker 23 You've really heard of him?

Speaker 42 I can't do it anymore. I can't.

Speaker 37 I do it to all the newbies.

Speaker 37 No, no, no. We're all the chosen one here, man.

Speaker 23 Okay.

Speaker 35 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 23 Spurch, that is funny.

Speaker 38 Thank you.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Let's get your kicks where you can.

Speaker 10 Wait, what are you talking about, Spurch?

Speaker 37 No, I mean, everybody on the

Speaker 35 Zema Prime, we were chosen, you know, chosen.

Speaker 18 No, you're kind of crushing all of his dreams right now, so I think you're going to have to be a little more explicit.

Speaker 32 Yeah, alright.

Speaker 32 You don't have to be.

Speaker 57 Oh, I think he does.

Speaker 42 No, no, no. It's good.

Speaker 6 Let me stretch it out. Hold on.

Speaker 6 Right, so I was on my home planet, minding my biz.

Speaker 37 Sold Zema comes up to me and says, hey, man, you're in this here scroll. Spurch is the chosen one.

Speaker 28 Come to see my prime man.

Speaker 37 But then I show up in my ship, pull up,

Speaker 37 you know, I'm like my stick, shake it in my hand, my hand.

Speaker 38 I call it a hand.

Speaker 42 It's more of a leg with nails.

Speaker 51 And

Speaker 43 I show up and I'm all like, I'm here.

Speaker 51 And no one

Speaker 37 gave a shit because everybody here is chosen.

Speaker 51 We're all led here by our

Speaker 51 destiny.

Speaker 37 And then we realized that we would need to procure like

Speaker 8 water

Speaker 23 and food.

Speaker 37 And yeah, so now I'm the chosen, you know, spaceport operator.

Speaker 58 I'm the chosen greeter, I guess.

Speaker 51 I don't know.

Speaker 38 We're not big on labels. Y'all have any water, by the way.

Speaker 32 Wait, wait. Sperch.

Speaker 24 Hold on.

Speaker 10 You're telling me that every single person on Zima Prime is the chosen one?

Speaker 38 I don't. You need to breathe.
What is that?

Speaker 48 And you just need to accept the fact that there are a lot of chosen

Speaker 18 Wait, so you're the chosen one. Those

Speaker 18 folks over there in that hacky sack circle, they're all the chosen ones.

Speaker 32 That's chosen Doug, chosen Scipio, and chosen Big Flip.

Speaker 18 Hey, fellas, that couple getting it on in the hammock, they're the chosen ones as well.

Speaker 32 Yep, looks like they're cranking out another chosen one. Okay.

Speaker 10 All right, Dar, you know, I think you've made your point.

Speaker 36 Listen, Sperch, we've been through a lot to get here, okay?

Speaker 10 And you're just telling me this planet is full of chosen ones.

Speaker 58 Yeah.

Speaker 53 Yeah, it's heavy.

Speaker 32 But there's a prophecy about me. I'm going to bring balance to the space.

Speaker 53 So everybody's going to bring balance to the space.

Speaker 37 And like, we're chosen to do that, but like, what are you chosen

Speaker 6 for?

Speaker 6 Yeah, you're sort of bringing balance to people entering and exiting the planet.

Speaker 35 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 37 I'm bringing balance to the sort of people in, people out thing.

Speaker 51 Like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 50 I'm bringing balance there.

Speaker 37 And, you know, I close the space between their ship and my sort of gang plank here.

Speaker 50 That's sort of my space thing.

Speaker 51 Sure. And I'm good at it.

Speaker 53 You know, better than most other people here.

Speaker 51 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 50 I'm a little so, but yeah, well, I'm chosen for this, right?

Speaker 51 Apparently.

Speaker 59 I don't know.

Speaker 19 This makes sense to me, Pablo.

Speaker 18 Maybe, Spurch, you could lead us to the more type A Zimas.

Speaker 38 Is there like a leader of any kind on the

Speaker 47 console or something?

Speaker 50 Oh, of course.

Speaker 17 Yeah, no.

Speaker 38 No.

Speaker 32 No, it doesn't exist.

Speaker 23 There's a lot of...

Speaker 60 You just said, of course, no.

Speaker 58 Wait, we're not big on negativity here, so we try to buffer it, you know, with some positive vibes

Speaker 6 first before we say that.

Speaker 57 There is a group hotluck.

Speaker 36 That's how we eat dinner.

Speaker 23 That's an extremely loose definition of a Zima console.

Speaker 38 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 40 You're welcome.

Speaker 32 There's always room on the bench.

Speaker 37 I mean, not always actually food to spare.

Speaker 32 Or liquids, but yeah, there's always room on the bench if you've got a story to swap, you know?

Speaker 57 If anyone's got ten crew, that would be really, really sick.

Speaker 23 Just to be clear, these are the same Zimas who wrote the ancient Zima scrolls and who came up with the command of the space and

Speaker 6 you know invented the woodsaber and all of that stuff.

Speaker 63 And can do this crazy bicycle kick on this hacky side quicker.

Speaker 38 Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 60 That actually was pretty awesome. That was sexy.

Speaker 2 Papa. Papa.

Speaker 64 I'm just going to play hacky sack with those other Zimas, okay?

Speaker 22 Okay, fine.

Speaker 23 I guess I was just expecting more infrastructure.

Speaker 23 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 61 Me too.

Speaker 32 Sort of everybody is.

Speaker 37 Yeah, that's sort of where we're all at.

Speaker 6 Sure.

Speaker 48 We kind of thought there would be like

Speaker 37 a boss or some beds

Speaker 6 or

Speaker 38 wait, hold on, hold on.

Speaker 10 You guys don't have beds?

Speaker 53 I mean, it would be an if you're extremely generous.

Speaker 42 There's a lot of leaf piles that are looking pretty good at this point.

Speaker 55 We've sort of

Speaker 14 anything's a bed if you can sleep on it, Padre.

Speaker 50 That's kind of where I'm at right now.

Speaker 37 They have to be.

Speaker 32 I don't have any other choice.

Speaker 38 Papa, look what I can do with the hacky sack.

Speaker 2 Look, I'm moving it with my mind.

Speaker 57 Uh-huh.

Speaker 29 You're kicking it.

Speaker 29 You're kicking it with your feet.

Speaker 6 Hey, hey, plaques support. You're new.

Speaker 26 Yeah,

Speaker 10 that's amazing, AJ.

Speaker 42 Hey, hey, what was your name?

Speaker 2 AJ.

Speaker 46 That's some good kicking, partner.

Speaker 38 You keep at it. Thanks for the big turtle.
I'm real proud.

Speaker 3 Thanks for Big Turtle.

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 37 And if you ever get a wandering eye, look for new papa, someone a little bit more supportive and a little less hydrated.

Speaker 10 I am very supportive of AJ, by the way.

Speaker 42 It just didn't seem like you were really

Speaker 57 supportive.

Speaker 38 Yes, Plex are.

Speaker 2 That's good.

Speaker 3 He is very hydrated, so I'm

Speaker 57 How? Why?

Speaker 42 It's not a plus. I mean, there's a romance to it, I'll grant you.
But it is not.

Speaker 19 I just think of Big Turtle, like, in the spaceport, you know, like writing Zema scrolls, like, dehydrated, and it's just, it's romantic.

Speaker 42 That sounds bad.

Speaker 19 Sounds amazing.

Speaker 34 Man, I'm thirsty.

Speaker 38 Dang.

Speaker 6 You guys got, did you guys bring me water or food or anything? Listen,

Speaker 6 I didn't know that we required water on Zema and Bargie Left.

Speaker 7 Oh, man.

Speaker 51 That's alright.

Speaker 6 Well...

Speaker 23 Is there no water on T-Map Prime?

Speaker 61 I mean, there's some, right?

Speaker 42 But, like, a little bit.

Speaker 37 I don't need a lot as a turtle, but some of the Tellurians, they crank through this stuff.

Speaker 34 How do you all do it, man?

Speaker 10 Well, it's, I mean, it's generally like it goes in the mouth and then, you know, normally at the P-hole.

Speaker 57 All right.

Speaker 58 You don't have to be.

Speaker 37 You're choosing to be the snarky one now, and I'm not loving it, honestly. No,

Speaker 11 I was being serious. Oh.
Alright.

Speaker 11 Listen, Spurt.

Speaker 3 Papa, can I have a side with you real quick?

Speaker 11 Sure.

Speaker 10 Yeah, Spurts, just give me one second. That's fine.

Speaker 33 Papa, don't embarrass me.

Speaker 35 What?

Speaker 19 I just want the Big Turtle to like me, and it's just...

Speaker 38 It's just pretty cool.

Speaker 11 I don't think it's the Big Turtle. I think it's Big Turtle.

Speaker 8 Either one's chill!

Speaker 38 Okay.

Speaker 2 Either one's chill, Papa.

Speaker 52 AJ, listen, I'm not trying to cramp your style.

Speaker 11 I'm just trying to figure out how this planet works.

Speaker 45 Okay? Just, like, go with it.

Speaker 2 Just go with it.

Speaker 22 Okay. Just don't embarrass me.

Speaker 21 I'm not.

Speaker 52 Disperch, listen.

Speaker 10 I'm sorry I said the thing about the pee hole.

Speaker 6 No, no, no, it's chill.

Speaker 37 It'd be funnier if I wasn't dehydrated.

Speaker 24 But, Disperch, this seems like a...

Speaker 11 Is it is this like a waterless planet?

Speaker 37 Now, yes. For a long time we had the pipe.

Speaker 54 And the pipe chunked in like tons of that good stuff.

Speaker 48 We watered

Speaker 55 the crops and stuff and we

Speaker 6 had cropped your food as well.

Speaker 42 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 37 We don't know who planted them, but we would eat them and then they would sort of grow back. But all the that like came from the pipe.
And then the pipe just stopped.

Speaker 48 We didn't do anything about it for a while because we figured whoever made the pipe go would turn it back on at some point, but it hadn't materialized.

Speaker 10 I mean, have you followed the pipe to where the source is?

Speaker 55 Black, you seem like a nice guy.

Speaker 51 Look at me. I'm

Speaker 48 a giant turtle.

Speaker 46 Do you think I could fit in the pipe?

Speaker 57 No, I just mean like

Speaker 40 I can't go in the pipe.

Speaker 6 Look at me.

Speaker 57 That's flattering, honestly.

Speaker 2 She's a giant turtle. Why are you telling me she'd go in the pipe?

Speaker 38 Listen.

Speaker 23 Big turtle, I'm not suggesting that you go into the pipe. Obviously, a giant turtle in the sewer is a terrible idea.

Speaker 38 Doesn't make any sense. They don't.

Speaker 46 You can't can't go. It's subterra.

Speaker 42 It goes into a mountain.

Speaker 40 Oh, damn.

Speaker 57 Alright, yes.

Speaker 37 Alright, now I see where our confusion is mixed.

Speaker 48 The big pipe comes out of a mountain. Okay.

Speaker 37 And we have sent many, many, many Tellurians and all manner of other folks into the pipe.

Speaker 45 I'll do it.

Speaker 42 They don't return.

Speaker 22 I'll go in.

Speaker 38 They don't go into the pipe.

Speaker 47 I'll go in right now.

Speaker 37 Hey, brother, I wouldn't, honestly, though.

Speaker 3 But I feel like I could do it, probably, right?

Speaker 55 Alright, win some, lose some, man.

Speaker 6 Follow your path.

Speaker 11 No, AJ, don't.

Speaker 51 Oh, I love it.

Speaker 37 Yeah, I see what you're doing. I'm crazy about it for sure.

Speaker 59 Yeah, love it.

Speaker 56 Space.

Speaker 2 Yes!

Speaker 18 Okay, just out of curiosity,

Speaker 18 Pleck, see how much longer do you think we're gonna be? Because I'd love to just wrap this all up. Ooh, and get a wrap.
I'd love to get a wrap.

Speaker 14 Or 12.

Speaker 60 Oh, I'm so hungry.

Speaker 57 Alright, well, we'll do what we can.

Speaker 56 Hello.

Speaker 59 Welcome.

Speaker 17 Hello.

Speaker 56 We are masters.

Speaker 56 Zima masters.

Speaker 25 Masters of the space.

Speaker 66 Masters of Zima space.

Speaker 52 Oh, are you guys in charge here?

Speaker 56 Well, it's kind of you to suggest. We are scholars of the ancient Zima religion.

Speaker 59 Yeah.

Speaker 14 And you're all wearing forge shorts? Yeah?

Speaker 56 That's correct.

Speaker 56 I guess in a way we are sort of in charge.

Speaker 31 Indeed, from a certain point of view, that's not.

Speaker 56 Do we tell people what to do here? No, we do not.

Speaker 45 No, we do not. Yeah.

Speaker 10 That's fine.

Speaker 31 Sperch, it seems that you've brought a new chosen one to us.

Speaker 48 They don't have any food.

Speaker 51 Our water.

Speaker 38 Oh, alright.

Speaker 38 That's what we were hoping.

Speaker 50 I know.

Speaker 56 What? It came on a big ship. It seemed like

Speaker 56 a big ship would have food on it.

Speaker 7 Listen.

Speaker 56 I am Master Kiarando.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 56 This is Master Pell, and this is Master Little Boy.

Speaker 38 I'm I'm Little Boy. Okay.

Speaker 31 What is your name?

Speaker 10 Uh I'm Pleck, Plectexeter.

Speaker 11 Chosen Pleck Dexetor.

Speaker 10 I thank you. I'm here.

Speaker 38 I made it.

Speaker 56 I'm chosen to face the Emperor.

Speaker 38 Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 66 We are all chosen ones as well.

Speaker 56 Yes, of course you've met Spurch. He's the chosen one of operating the spaceport.

Speaker 53 I'm damn good at it, too.

Speaker 56 Indeed, I am chosen to set up speaker systems in people's ships and homes.

Speaker 10 You install you install stereos?

Speaker 56 I bring the gift of sound and the majesty of music into people's ships.

Speaker 10 But you install stereos. That's correct.

Speaker 56 You don't need to demean it.

Speaker 56 Have you read the scrolls?

Speaker 11 I've read some of them.

Speaker 52 I'm having a little trouble interpreting.

Speaker 6 Celebrate.

Speaker 56 We will.

Speaker 37 For life is short, but sweet.

Speaker 56 For certain. That is the prophecy of I Kierondo.

Speaker 49 What does that mean?

Speaker 56 Well, you sort of you interpret it And so celebrate, you know, you can't have a good party without some quality jams, a stereo setup. Are you gonna party in mono?

Speaker 7 Oh, man. I mean, get real.

Speaker 11 Oh, okay.

Speaker 10 Okay, I just sorry, I just want to clarify this.

Speaker 25 And I am Zema Masterpel, with my fists of fire.

Speaker 7 Well, no. Wow.

Speaker 31 My destiny is to write three-fourths of a novel and then abandon it.

Speaker 31 Spiral into a depression. Okay.
And then start the cycle again.

Speaker 57 Ha ha ha.

Speaker 57 Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 66 And I'm Master Little Boy, and I'm actually a girl. Okay, everyone got that strength?

Speaker 57 Sure. Yeah, sure.

Speaker 66 I can levitate three inches.

Speaker 59 Wow.

Speaker 56 Oh, do you see? Oh, I love it. Master Little Boy is not tethered to the ground like you or I.

Speaker 18 See, could I borrow the two of you for you know the briefest of seconds?

Speaker 38 Yeah, I gotta tell you.

Speaker 18 are your people.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I gotta say, Dari, being here,

Speaker 10 I really thought I was gonna be, you know, enlightened.

Speaker 18 I mean, I feel like we're really learning something here.

Speaker 38 It really kind of all makes sense. I mean, Durf is sort of all over the place.

Speaker 23 Durf is a pretty prototypical Zeba.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I mean, he really would fit right in here.

Speaker 2 This place is awesome, isn't it, guys?

Speaker 45 I mean, it's awesome.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I guess so. I guess so.

Speaker 23 What about it? Do you like sound?

Speaker 23 You know, I don't know what that means. I thought it was going to be lame because it's so round, but like, it won't be.

Speaker 38 AJ, most planets are round.

Speaker 2 Do you guys not see the space everywhere right now?

Speaker 49 I mean, I do, but there's so much space.

Speaker 65 There's no.

Speaker 2 Look where that water should be.

Speaker 65 There's space there.

Speaker 45 Uh, yeah, I think it would be more helpful if there were water in there, just eat just dry crickets popping.

Speaker 45 So you could grind those crickets into a primitive flower if you'd care to.

Speaker 38 That sounds like a lot of work.

Speaker 45 Yeah, no, it would be a lot of work.

Speaker 53 I don't want to interrupt their journey, also. I mean, they got their own thing they're doing.

Speaker 37 They do. I don't want to.

Speaker 48 This is sort of our aside.

Speaker 10 We're sort of, I don't know. I know you're sort of nearby.
I get it.

Speaker 37 Incredible turtle hearing.

Speaker 12 I'm turtle famously.

Speaker 23 Excellent hearing.

Speaker 38 And one thing about Zema Prime is like a side, when we're in a sides, we're kind of all in them.

Speaker 11 Yeah, this aside went from a three-person to side.

Speaker 10 There's like 14.

Speaker 31 There are no sides here.

Speaker 14 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 18 Please do not throw that hacky sack at me.

Speaker 46 You're in the game, and all the time.

Speaker 11 There's always a game going on.

Speaker 10 Yeah, we actually sort of huddled up to talk to each other, not.

Speaker 57 Oh, okay. Well,

Speaker 6 coming away.

Speaker 18 Alright.

Speaker 31 Don't you understand the space between us all right now?

Speaker 11 Yeah. And a hacky sack.

Speaker 18 And a hacky sack.

Speaker 65 Master Rondo, I really feel the space flowing through me.

Speaker 19 Come on, you gotta tell me.

Speaker 33 Is there a prophecy about me? Come on.

Speaker 56 Uh, what is your name, young noob?

Speaker 3 My name is AJ286.

Speaker 56 AJ2868, there is much written of you, young one.

Speaker 33 Uh, well, starting with

Speaker 3 it's actually AJ2884.

Speaker 3 Hmm.

Speaker 56 No, I don't think I've uh don't think we've got anything.

Speaker 2 Typo!

Speaker 33 Damn!

Speaker 56 Typos and the scrolls.

Speaker 49 AJ, what just happened to your voice just then?

Speaker 18 Did you just inhale a hacky sound?

Speaker 49 No, I think you're right, Dar. I think you inhaled a hacky sound.

Speaker 38 Something wrong with this.

Speaker 48 That's rough.

Speaker 56 Welcome to the Zima Potluck.

Speaker 56 Design Zima Master Kiarondo.

Speaker 35 Hello again.

Speaker 14 Great to meet you.

Speaker 5 Oh.

Speaker 56 I was about to ask if you had brought anything to the potluck.

Speaker 32 We actually just visited I didn't realize that was there was a potluck situation.

Speaker 36 Sure.

Speaker 18 You were not prepared.

Speaker 56 Not a casserole, not even

Speaker 27 protein bars in your pocket.

Speaker 50 Oh no.

Speaker 31 And you will understand the space where there should be food, but there is none.

Speaker 29 Uh, yeah, okay, I guess there is food here.

Speaker 25 There's space.

Speaker 48 Well yeah, there's space.

Speaker 58 Some of us are getting really good at eating the space.

Speaker 55 Kind of just pretending different flavors we can taste. And

Speaker 37 there's got some people gotten snooty about it, honestly.

Speaker 48 Like, oh, this space, I can really taste some notes of, you know, whatever.

Speaker 56 No, no, no. The space has its own particular flavor.
It takes the training of a Zima master to truly discern the notes from one type of space from another.

Speaker 35 Can we do a

Speaker 61 hacky circle with you guys over here?

Speaker 48 Sure, sure, sure.

Speaker 48 Yeah. I love Master Kirano.

Speaker 27 He's a great guy.

Speaker 58 He's still really clinging, man. We got some people who are really just sort of

Speaker 56 real deep.

Speaker 58 Like, this is all part of it.

Speaker 50 You know what I mean?

Speaker 48 Like, oh, yeah, it's part of the prophecy that the big pipe shuts down and there's no water and we try to drink each other's tears.

Speaker 50 Like, it's all part of the thing.

Speaker 27 I love the sick-to-hativeness.

Speaker 50 It's really, honestly, very fresh.

Speaker 48 It's kind of exhausting, though.

Speaker 32 I feel like we gotta try to figure out how to fix this food and water situation.

Speaker 12 While you, of course, maintain an excellent spaceport far better than some that we've been to,

Speaker 6 couldn't you also help get water or grow food in addition to the spaceport thing?

Speaker 50 Like in my free time?

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 58 Don't I deserve to relax?

Speaker 14 Absolutely.

Speaker 12 But wouldn't you find your time more relaxing if you had a nice tall glass of lemonade to drink?

Speaker 42 Oh, Oh, now you're talking my language.

Speaker 29 All right, yes, absolutely.

Speaker 50 You know, we only get ships here every four or five months.

Speaker 6 It sounds like you've got some downtime.

Speaker 50 It does, yeah.

Speaker 48 In retrospect, I feel like I've spent a lot of time just sort of staring into space, not

Speaker 58 metaphorical, mystical, just

Speaker 17 real space, you know.

Speaker 48 And I feel like I've wasted a lot of time on that.

Speaker 18 I hope everybody likes lasagna because I just ordered 42 sheets of it on Chow now. What?

Speaker 6 What do you do?

Speaker 56 Chow now?

Speaker 58 What is this word you speak of, Duh?

Speaker 18 It's actually a hyphenate, and it is a service in which you are hungry and trapped on a planet full of dum-dums

Speaker 18 who don't know how to make food.

Speaker 67 It's not that hard.

Speaker 18 You know what else isn't that hard? Building a shelter.

Speaker 25 But can you command the space like this?

Speaker 39 Look at us.

Speaker 14 Command this.

Speaker 26 Hey, y'all, shut the hell up.

Speaker 40 No, listen, if you know how to do all that, do you want to be like president?

Speaker 6 I don't know. We have no president.

Speaker 35 No, do you have a president or what?

Speaker 17 No. Tony,

Speaker 43 you just said you know how to find food or build shelter.

Speaker 34 You're basically the most qualified being on this planet right now.

Speaker 25 Spirit, what about the what about the space? What about studying?

Speaker 66 Look, I can levitate one inch up.

Speaker 67 Look at little boy levitating. Woo!

Speaker 56 Look at Sperch, watch me pass my hand underneath little boy. There's no strings or anything.

Speaker 17 Yeah, oh no, I love it. You know what else I love?

Speaker 68 Lemonade.

Speaker 7 Love it.

Speaker 35 All that stuff.

Speaker 23 But look at my fire fists.

Speaker 25 My fire fists, the famous fire fists of the space.

Speaker 42 Your magic tricks aren't going to help anybody.

Speaker 56 Dar, I sense great anger within.

Speaker 6 President Dar.

Speaker 43 It is President Darr.

Speaker 48 I don't want to stand on ceremony.

Speaker 56 I don't remember there being an election process. This seems premature.
Pleck, Plex, yes.

Speaker 18 I need you over here. Okay.

Speaker 67 I need you to know

Speaker 18 that you are 8,000 times the Zima any of these phonies are, okay?

Speaker 6 Okay. Wow, yeah, thank you.
Thank you, Darr.

Speaker 6 This is an automated message from Ciao Now.

Speaker 6 Your delivery person is lost because of inaccurate planetary coordinate. Your new delivery time is outside parameters.
Enjoy chowing now, but not yet.

Speaker 6 I'm going to eat somebody.

Speaker 17 I will work. I'm working on it.

Speaker 67 You have to leave this disaster planet.

Speaker 35 I know.

Speaker 10 I'm sorry. I'm as frustrated by it as you are.

Speaker 14 Of course you are.

Speaker 67 Okay. These people are failures.

Speaker 53 Yeah, I mean, yeah, no, you're right, Dar.

Speaker 29 Okay.

Speaker 25 All right, everybody.

Speaker 10 Listen, I have something to say. I've been thinking about this a lot, and personally, I believe.

Speaker 26 Ballpark, how long will this speech be?

Speaker 31 Can you sum it up quickly? I have a catering shift starting in just moments.

Speaker 10 Fine, I'll try.

Speaker 31 Where we deliver abundant food to others.

Speaker 36 Yes, I know.

Speaker 17 Yeah, what happened?

Speaker 24 Why can't you just...

Speaker 50 Oh, you can't take the food from the catering gig. Yeah, I got you.

Speaker 18 Well, you can after the catering gig is over.

Speaker 38 Just frown on it.

Speaker 56 Also, a lot of it doesn't keep, you know, when you're coming back from another planet. It's you know, it's like canopies.
It's like, what are you gonna do?

Speaker 7 Yeah, that's

Speaker 6 a mushroom,

Speaker 50 picking a blanket, pass.

Speaker 10 You know, I feel like you could be working towards something, a greater goal.

Speaker 24 You could help each other out a little bit.

Speaker 56 But that's not what we're chosen for, Pleck.

Speaker 31 What's your destiny again?

Speaker 10 My destiny is to take down the Emperor of the galaxy.

Speaker 56 I remember that now. Oh, yeah, that's it.

Speaker 66 I'm assuming go take up three inches.

Speaker 6 Look at that. Look at that.

Speaker 29 Okay, all right. Go put your hand under it.

Speaker 39 Do it, it's no. I don't

Speaker 29 I believe you. I believe you.

Speaker 12 Do you hear that noise?

Speaker 12 Low frequency rumble?

Speaker 6 What is that?

Speaker 56 Sounds a bit unusual, I must admit.

Speaker 44 I've never heard something like that.

Speaker 65 totally tubular.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 49 AJ, the water, the pipe.

Speaker 16 Oh, man.

Speaker 24 AJ, what happened?

Speaker 64 Well, you know, I went up the pipe.

Speaker 6 What do you mean you went up the pipe?

Speaker 19 I just got in the pipe and started walking.

Speaker 38 And then what?

Speaker 64 When I got up to the final part, it was just

Speaker 64 all these skeletons.

Speaker 5 And there was this sort of

Speaker 12 skeletons?

Speaker 65 Yeah, all the people came up.

Speaker 15 That's weird.

Speaker 62 And I kind of realized there was sort of something jammed in there, and I was like...

Speaker 30 That's this?

Speaker 19 Yeah, yeah my suit my power suit yeah this is a dead shell uh big this is a big turtle and I rode it all the way down it was totally great uh sorry Spritch

Speaker 60 probably maybe some bigger species oh a turtle in the sewer yeah cowbunga cowbunga indeed

Speaker 5 but anyway he just

Speaker 6 don't

Speaker 38 forget him

Speaker 11 shouldn't have been there in the first place

Speaker 16 Papa you know at first I was actually a little sad I did get a prophecy.

Speaker 30 I don't know if you could tell, but I thought it was a typo.

Speaker 33 And I wept a little bit.

Speaker 30 But then I thought, you know, maybe doing the right thing is more important than whether or not some Zimas think it's threatening, you know?

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So, you know, I just went up and did it.

Speaker 24 That's great, AJ.

Speaker 32 Wait, guys, AJ's right. It doesn't matter what we're chosen to do.

Speaker 10 Sometimes making the galaxy a better place is about taking matters into your own hands.

Speaker 31 Oh, so I'm supposed to do something with my medical degree.

Speaker 38 You have a medical degree?

Speaker 56 And I'm supposed to use my civil engineering degree.

Speaker 36 Oh, and I'm supposed to use my degree in sustainable agriculture.

Speaker 14 You all have degrees?

Speaker 66 And I'm supposed to use my aeronautics degree to make my three inches into a thousand inches.

Speaker 6 You...

Speaker 10 Wait, you can... You can levitate more than three inches?

Speaker 66 Yes, but three is chill as hell.

Speaker 25 I mean, it is chill.

Speaker 62 Oh, sorry to interrupt.

Speaker 31 I have 42 sheets of lasagna for dare.

Speaker 42 I'm dare.

Speaker 56 Why, it's a miracle of the space to save us all.

Speaker 14 This is at last.

Speaker 18 This is all for me.

Speaker 5 All of it?

Speaker 57 Yes.

Speaker 27 I see how it is.

Speaker 11 Sperch,

Speaker 10 thank you. Thank you for showing us around Seema Prime.

Speaker 10 And, you know, I know that it wasn't exactly exactly what I thought when I showed up, but I'm really glad that I met all of my fellow Zimas here.

Speaker 59 Yeah, man.

Speaker 48 I guess, you know, the thanks is all sort of over on

Speaker 54 this side of the table, man. Y'all got us water.
It's amazing.

Speaker 10 Well, AJ's, you know, he's a go-getter. Say what you want.
He knows how to...

Speaker 19 There's so many skeletons in that pipe.

Speaker 2 How many were there?

Speaker 33 Too many. Okay.
Chunks.

Speaker 46 You know, man, we're going to stop waiting for

Speaker 53 destiny.

Speaker 54 I think we're going to stop waiting. Start

Speaker 38 living.

Speaker 4 You know, just like living.

Speaker 51 Yeah, man.

Speaker 37 The only problem is really, I mean, the water, so fresh of you.

Speaker 51 Love it. Fresh water.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 51 Oh, man.

Speaker 37 I haven't heard a water joke, and I can't tell you how long.

Speaker 42 It kind of got in poor taste after that.

Speaker 53 Sure.

Speaker 62 Anyway.

Speaker 42 Yeah, no, but

Speaker 38 we're kind of at a loss.

Speaker 54 What we need is like

Speaker 54 a real type A, you know, like somebody who's gonna organize, call the shots, tell people what to do, where to go.

Speaker 37 We got a whole room of, we call them the inedible scrolls.

Speaker 18 Are there the scrolls you eat?

Speaker 23 What the music you try to eat?

Speaker 58 The musty ones, but they are a wreck.

Speaker 48 And somebody sorting those out could probably dig out something.

Speaker 50 Something good. We need someone to organize, you know, honestly.

Speaker 21 That's what we're

Speaker 38 real good at.

Speaker 26 Interesting.

Speaker 18 Yeah, this is resonating.

Speaker 31 Hey guys, did I miss anything?

Speaker 26 I'm...

Speaker 31 I didn't die.

Speaker 6 Hey, Nermit!

Speaker 23 I spiritually may have a proposal for you.

Speaker 57 Huh?

Speaker 68 Oh, hello, oldest Derf here from, you know, the beyond, where I live.

Speaker 17 I'm so very sorry I missed our last book club meeting.

Speaker 68 Those gossip-mongery wedding guests really ripped the old Derfman apart this time.

Speaker 37 Mednat before I jucked around a little bit, if you know what I mean, and you do.

Speaker 36 Anyway, as I labor to reconstitute myself into the physical form, Tricky, I have been dutifully reading this month's title.

Speaker 17 The Stars Now Unclaimed by Drew Williams from the amazing sci-fi fantasy publisher Tor Books.

Speaker 36 It's a fun, fast-paced story on the lighter side of sci-fi featuring a climactic 136-page space battle in a distant galaxy.

Speaker 68 Whew!

Speaker 36 That's my kind of page numbers.

Speaker 36 The Stars Now Unclaimed is the first in the Universe After trilogy, following hero Jane Kamale as she recruits children with miraculous gifts in hope they might prevent the pulse from sending countless worlds back to the dark ages.

Speaker 12 Oof.

Speaker 36 Let me say, what a relief to take a break from the serious business of fresh versus whack.

Speaker 17 Ugh, exhausting.

Speaker 36 And escape into this fantastical galaxy.

Speaker 17 And if any of you book club members haven't ordered the book yet, well, you're in luck.

Speaker 36 Just visit tourbooks.com slash zix1 to see many ordering options. And yes, I'm sorry, I know I said I would bring the wine this week, but oops, I'm dead.
So sorry.

Speaker 36 The selection here is highly limited. Let some lemon lime soda go flat and call it a Vino Verde.
No one will know.

Speaker 36 And also at that info web address, you'll find links to the next book in the Universe After trilogy, A Chain Across the Dawn. Plus, another great sci-fi book hand-picked for you.

Speaker 32 Starship Repo by Patrick S.

Speaker 36 Thomas and following first name, last name, yes, that is the name.

Speaker 68 Who joins a crew recovering old ships.

Speaker 39 They're definitely not pirates.

Speaker 36 I can tell you that. All of these amazing books can be yours at tourbooks.com/slash 61.

Speaker 36 And I have disappeared.

Speaker 45 Hey, Dar.

Speaker 45 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Hey, I just wanted to thank you for standing up for me back there on... Seema prime.
Sometimes it's hard for me to remember what I'm trying to do.

Speaker 18 You know, I just want you to know that

Speaker 60 I support you.

Speaker 18 And also, if I don't eat every 24 minutes, I am going to go insane. Yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 13 Hey, sorry to interrupt, but it's finished time for the premiere.

Speaker 10 What's wait, your documentary is finished already?

Speaker 13 It's ready. It's up for the public, ready to see.
You want to see it?

Speaker 29 Uh, sure.

Speaker 13 I'm sorry, there's no red carpet event. Okay, I couldn't get people a lot of logistical things, but here it is.

Speaker 15 Here it is.

Speaker 13 Hey, that's why you pay them basically nothing.

Speaker 61 They're very good at what they do.

Speaker 13 But cherry giant. Hero in disguise.

Speaker 19 In disguise or in disguise?

Speaker 18 Fast, but I wouldn't say good at what they do.

Speaker 13 She had a tail for, but now she's big caught up because she's an hero who saves children. Kids, you are great.
I love you all.

Speaker 15 Yay, kids.

Speaker 13 I love you too, Bargie. We love you, Bargie.

Speaker 12 Bargie, who are these kids?

Speaker 13 Just kids I've saved.

Speaker 13 Why don't you pay attention?

Speaker 36 They kind of all sound like you, Bargie.

Speaker 13 She kisses people on the mouth and they become stronger because of it.

Speaker 23 Smoke.

Speaker 8 Smoke.

Speaker 19 I gotta say, this room tone is amazing.

Speaker 28 It is good room tone.

Speaker 12 Bargain for a lot of both clicks here.

Speaker 13 She's ready to get back into the business. Don't take our word for it.
Take the word from this director in Hollywood.

Speaker 12 I've worked with the best.

Speaker 12 I've worked with the worst.

Speaker 12 I've worked with the middle.

Speaker 13 Virgerian Jade. Thank you.

Speaker 6 That director didn't even mention the Vargerian Jade.

Speaker 15 I'm sold.

Speaker 30 I think this is it. I think you're ready to go back.
I love the voiceover.

Speaker 13 Oh, and don't forget the blooper reel.

Speaker 15 A blooper reel?

Speaker 17 I mean,

Speaker 29 that part was funny.

Speaker 10 But Bargie, how is this going to help you?

Speaker 13 I think the question is: how is this not going to help me?

Speaker 20 Yep, I think you're right. I think that's a fair question.

Speaker 12 Puppetex and I have an incoming transmission from Master Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bungaloy.

Speaker 25 Hey, Nermit!

Speaker 9 Hey, guys.

Speaker 28 How is Zima Prime?

Speaker 9 How is Zeeba Prime? How is being alive?

Speaker 12 I mean, am I right? Yeah.

Speaker 9 Every day now is a new life.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 9 So I'm gonna I'm gonna organize all the scrolls here. I put up a I put up a chore wheel here on this tree so no one

Speaker 6 put my name on it to kind of seed it and um I don't see any other names on it yet.

Speaker 23 No, no one's signed up yet.

Speaker 9 So I'm kinda I've penciled in my name on all of them and I'll spin it and see oh yep, it's me on recycling.

Speaker 12 Okay. Well that's clear you gotta do that.
Yeah, recycle. Okay.
Damn it.

Speaker 9 Oh, Master Kiarando, greetings.

Speaker 3 Welcome to Zima Prime. I see you're settling in.
Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 19 I came by to ask if you'd care to learn the ancient Zima art of the devil sticks.

Speaker 9 Ooh, that sounds amazing. What is that?

Speaker 3 See, we'll watch this third stick move. Yeah, I think I've yeah,

Speaker 3 and then you can oh, back the other way. Yeah, I've seen it.

Speaker 33 Uh sure, uh-huh. Yes.
A little toss there. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 19 I've seen those at a lot of street fairs and things.

Speaker 19 Would you like to learn?

Speaker 20 Good luck, Nermit. We'll talk to you later.
Wow.

Speaker 10 Bargie, thank you for rescuing Nermit.

Speaker 7 That was really heroic.

Speaker 13 did you get that?

Speaker 12 I don't think they're recording anymore.

Speaker 12 I don't know if they're here over there.

Speaker 15 Oh, really?

Speaker 13 Oh.

Speaker 13 Well,

Speaker 13 crap.

Speaker 1 This is Sea Red IT5, Credits and Attributions Joyed, commencing outro protocol. Papaplec Deck Setter was played by Alden Ford.
C-53 and Master Kiarondo were played by Jeremy Benn.

Speaker 1 Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Bargie the Ship and Master Little Boy were played by Mujan Zolfagari.
Master Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy and Master Turnak were played by Seth Lind.

Speaker 1 AJ and Master Pell were played by Winston Noll. Old Durf was played by Justin Tyler and appeared courtesy of The Space.
Spurge, aka Big Turtle, was played by special guest Justin McElroy.

Speaker 1 Justin is the co-host of podcasts like My Brother, My Brother, and Me, the basis for a recent TV adaptation by NBC Universal, Sawbones, and The Adventure Zone, both of which have been adapted into New York Times' best-selling books.

Speaker 1 His voice acting has appeared in OKKO, Slug Ride, and the upcoming Trolls World Tour.

Speaker 1 He's currently working with his family on graphic novel adaptations of The Adventure Zone and a mini-series for Marvel called Journey into Mystery.

Speaker 1 This episode was edited by Jeremy Bent and Alden Ford with sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell. Recorded at Robert Doggy Jr.'s Puppy Palace in Brooklyn, New York.

Speaker 1 Music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by Fame's Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra. Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.
Ship designed for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Boyce.

Speaker 1 Audio hosting by Simplecast. Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

Speaker 69 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the match game. Our contestants Anike and James from the hit podcast Minority Corner.
I'll ask you questions in a rapid-fire round.

Speaker 69 Favorite character on a Shonda Rhymes show: Olivia Pope.

Speaker 70 Ooh, I said Olivia Pope's wing.

Speaker 6 Oh, so close.

Speaker 69 How do you feel about Disney?

Speaker 63 They need to pay reparations to black people because Mickey Mouse was based off of blackface.

Speaker 31 I said, get rid of the racist rides, jungle crews, splash mountains.

Speaker 69 Who are you voting for in the primary?

Speaker 63 It's too damn early.

Speaker 25 I'm just getting to know these fools.

Speaker 69 No dice. What celebrity do you side-eye the most?

Speaker 70 Kevin Hart, can we get a real apology for your homophobia? Just intimidate Nipple.

Speaker 62 Favorite superhero movie?

Speaker 22 Black Panther.

Speaker 6 We're covering forever.

Speaker 69 Congratulations, but you still live.

Speaker 2 Now I'm side-eye.

Speaker 69 Catch Anneke and James, the Wonder Twins of Podcast, on Minority Corner every Friday at Maximum Fun.

Speaker 62 Going into a bullseye interview, I know that it's somebody who does amazing work, but it's also a real conversation, so I don't know where it's headed.

Speaker 71 I think you just clarified something for me that's never been really clear before.

Speaker 42 This is the most serious I've ever been in my life. You've made me completely serious.

Speaker 38 I feel like I'm in Farapan.

Speaker 62 Bullseye, creators you know, creators you need to know. Find it at maximumfund.org or wherever you get podcasts.

Speaker 63 Maximumfund.org.

Speaker 62 Comedy and culture. Artist-owned, audience-supported.

Speaker 18 Pleck, C, could I just

Speaker 18 borrow the two of you for, you know, the briefest of seconds?

Speaker 38 I I gotta say, absolutely.

Speaker 4 These cats side channel a lot, right?

Speaker 56 That's true. Indeed, they do, Sperch.
It's very suspicious.

Speaker 31 But that's their journey, so we must respect it.

Speaker 42 Kind of thought we'd follow them, but it turns out they were leaving our thing.

Speaker 38 Yeah,

Speaker 38 it's with us.

Speaker 56 We must meditate on this.