310: Eightal Attraction [ft. Tami Sagher]

All right, okay, here we go.

This is Fondo Parkward, the Samuel of IT5 with a special announcement.

The crew will be eating hot chicken in Nashville, Tennessee, the weekend of June 1st.

They will also be performing a live improvised show at the PodX Podcast Convention.

Tickets at mission2zix.space.

Full lineup at podx.com.

It is a time of fear and unrest.

Emperor Nermit Bundaloy rules the galaxy with an iron fist and also a planet crusher.

Crusher.

Now, Zima Knight, Pleck Dexetter, and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to defeat Wackness, bring balance to the space, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This is Mission to Zinc.

Bargie?

I have a question for you.

Yeah,

How are you doing?

Listen, this is uncomfortable for me to ask, but I just, um, parent to parent.

Uh,

how did you like make sure that um, you know, the sentient being that you birthed didn't turn into a monster?

My son blippy.

Yeah.

Well,

let me tell you this, Dar.

As a mother, uh-huh.

it's hard.

Your kids want to do something else.

It wants to become an amusement park, now a laser park.

And last time I heard, I got a little text from Blimpy.

He changed his name to

Tree Boy.

He's into nature now.

He turned himself into a forest to find himself.

You know, that all sounds very complicated and interesting, but he's not a monster, so how do you guarantee that they don't turn into a monster?

Every child is a monster.

Oh, but you're gonna love him, regardless, you know?

I don't think I could love a monster.

I can't know, but over here, uh, have you tried emotional conditioning?

I'm sorry, what?

Brainwashing, things like that?

I haven't actually given birth yet.

Well, when I was gestating in my giant tube

with the other clothes,

I was brainwashed to, you know, fight and kill and things like that.

Okay.

I don't know if that's...

I'm not a mother, but just throwing that out there, try a brainwashing.

You know what you should do?

I figured it out.

Because with Blimpy, I I told Blimpy, you're a ship, be a ship, be a ship.

And what did Blimpy do?

He did the opposite.

When your being comes out of you, tell it you're a monster.

You're a disgusting monster.

And then it'll be the perfect, the perfect thing.

Or you can just pry its eyelids open and make it watch propaganda.

Darren, coming into this conversation a little bit late, but I wouldn't recommend either of these parenting methods.

Okay, yeah, we're on the same page.

Collective wisdom, a number of transcripts would go to the bottom of the bottom.

Hey, Robot Man.

Hey, Robot Man.

How did that catch on?

I don't know.

know how about me and catch on.

Did you ever actually birth a ship out of your tiny

ship hole?

No, I don't.

Did you go through the struggle of getting a tinier ship coming out of your ship hole?

Sorry, RG.

Can you explain?

I'm sorry.

Can you explain what

is your ship hole?

Wow.

Can I see it?

Wow, I'm sorry.

I just don't understand what it is.

You want...

Wow.

How much more description do you need?

I mean, is the ship fully is it like able to fly when it

that's a Tellurian education for you?

Okay, all right.

Listen, guys, we're gonna be at Zima Prime soon.

Let's just try to focus.

Hey, Nerman, what's up?

Hey, guys.

Whoa, hey, is your camera working?

What's going on?

I don't see anything.

Don't even.

I'm inside a Tornada.

Don't worry about it.

It's fine.

This Tornada is in violation of the agreement, and we're going to work it out.

Nermit, the Tornadas, their unthinking predators.

This is going to be fine.

Like, my dad knows a lawyer who's going to.

Yeah.

You're currently getting my chew.

Nerman, I had to be the one to break this.

You got eaten, man.

No, I'm whole.

Listen, I admit I was swallowed.

Eaten?

What line are you drawing?

Yes.

It's a little hot and acidic in here, but let me give you the mission.

I'm either gonna kind of climb back out the mouth or just hope he poops soon.

I don't know.

Nermit.

Yeah.

What you're gonna want to do is

plant, form a strong base.

Yeah.

Put your heads right to your legs treading.

I have.

This is what I've done.

You're sitting in tummy juice right now.

You gotta get on your

feet.

You gotta plant.

You gotta What does that mean, AJ?

What does that mean?

When you say plant, gotta plant.

I think it means plant your feet.

Make a base.

Plant.

Yeah.

Put your hands out.

Thrust forward.

Pull apart.

And rip its guts out.

And then pull yourself out.

Think of it like a ship hole.

Like you're coming out of a big ship hole.

I don't know.

I think AJ is stronger than me.

Anyway, the point is not the predatory bird that I happen to be inside.

The point is a really important mission.

I may have to turn my little headlamp on to read the mission, but I don't know.

I guess I'm seeing the inside of a rib cage.

Did it eat the missionator, too?

No, no, no, no.

I'm on my remote.

Oh, you're on your bit fit.

Yeah, I'm on my bed fit.

So, guys, get this.

A signal came over the rebel frequency.

What?

Yes.

Yeah, that frequency has been dead silent since the planet crusher crusher crushed all the planet crushers and the planet that the rebellion was on.

That means there's a rebel cell still in existence.

This could be A, a bastion of support against the Emperor, and B, possibly people that need saving.

How are there still rebels?

Well, all the rebels weren't located in the rebel headquarters.

There were rebel outposts all over the six months.

One of those outposts could still be functioning.

Yes.

Yeah, but what about our mission?

We gotta get to Zema Prime.

No, see, AJ, this is exactly the kind of thing that Azima needs to know.

When people are in trouble, we need to help them.

We can.

We can get to Zima Prime later.

It'll still be there no I get it Papa we'll just put Zima on ice for right now put Zima on ice I don't get it why'd you say that twice just dice in the Zima all right so I'm gonna hear a bargee you ready what three nine six B T four one one one dash

coordinate from your

oh oh right yeah here we go

okay coordinates is here all right guys I'm gonna continue having a totally normal fine day Norman do you need help should we help you

call someone no I'm good.

Call your parents.

Yes, honestly, call my parents and ask for Denzio Tilfin.

It's the lawyer my dad knows.

He will talk to Scrinky.

That's the Tornadas lawyer.

The Tornadas does not ask him.

He will get to the Tornadas lawyer and they'll work this out as well.

The Tornadas does not have it.

That's stomach acid.

Got a plant.

Can you see a trachea from where you are?

Just grab that trachea and just don't let go.

Alright, giving it a shot.

Oh, boy.

I don't know

Good luck, Nermit.

I think he's gonna die.

Hi, I'm Bolgus Telfon, owner and operator of Vibe Alive Recording Studio.

You know, a recent client destroyed one of my microphones by crawling on top of it and then falling over like a dope.

So until he pays me what he owes, I'm selling his album to raise funds for repairs.

Burmafool Nelodies is, well,

you know, it's an interesting album.

It's by some lurd named Berman Nundeloy, and it features his swing in a miss track, Chutes and Ladders, which honestly is

filthy.

But if I can't replace my equipment, I can't record the Royal Children's Choir of Tenertia in nine-part harmony next week.

So

satiate your hunger for weirdly specific music about eating other sentients with the songs slurping that garpet.

But there's only one scar here is Parmac Nutton alarm.

I don't know what kind of music you like.

There's a droid ramping on here.

MC53 outgoing transmission.

A couple of duets.

I don't know.

Take your pics.

To get your copy, head over to maximumfun.org slash donate and support Mission to Xix.

You'll get access to the album immediately, as well as all kinds of bonus content from your favorite Maximum Fun podcast.

But most importantly, you'll help me, Bulgus Telfun, raise the crew I need to get Vibleive Studios back up and running.

Support local super cluster businesses.

So dark here, I feel like we probably should have come during the daytime.

As it turns out, I'm centered.

This planet is bathed in a perpetual full moonlight due to its particular orbit.

Wait, what?

How?

Just it's in perfect synchronicity with its unmoon and its star, so it's just constantly a full moon, at least where we are on the surface of the planet.

Interesting.

Well, I guess we'll try to make our way to the signal.

Do you have a read on the transmission?

That's nearby where we're

at all.

Lock it look, keep your heads on a swivel.

No, AJ.

My head actually is on a swivel.

And also, AJ, put the gun away.

We're here to, you know.

Did you hear that?

Did you hear that?

Yeah.

It's coming from

over here by this

water source.

Yeah.

Oh.

We're here.

We're here to help, miss.

Is everything alright?

Oh, thank goodness you're here.

Hi, man.

Oh, uh, hello, I'm I'm uh uh Zema Knight Pleck Deck Setter.

This is AJ.

Yes, he's my noob, and this is uh C53 and

yeah, well, he's in training, so you know.

Yeah, train.

Yeah, uh, listen, are you the one who said the distress call?

Yes, um,

I'm a slave robot.

The whole

planet is populated with slave robots.

We need our freedom, please.

Uh, uh yeah, absolutely.

Uh, anything we can do to help

can you help me with the shoulder strength to keep slipping uh

yeah you

know yeah the droids the droids on this planet wear clothes just a little bit just thin cotton

it helps with the humidity your shoulder is extremely dewy I'd be surprised if any strap was a handful

of yeah I mean I also I mean as droids you I feel like you don't need to wear clothes

I guess guess I don't really know how it works.

C-53 doesn't normally wear clothes.

That's a choice that I make.

Okay, from planet to planet.

Droids wearing clothes as a matter of business.

Oh, wow.

Well, I suppose in this case, though, it's the decision of their master.

Exactly.

Oh.

Oh, uh.

It's so hard not knowing what your real thoughts are.

Wow.

Yeah, you know, 7-8-9, I never thought about that.

You know, when you're programmed to feel a certain way, what are your real thoughts?

Oh, it's um 7-8-9.

I think I...

What did I say?

You said 7-8-9, and it's 7-8.

Oh, I'm sorry,

I put the emphasis on the wrong.

Yeah, 7-8.

Okay, 7-8.

You just have to picture the action, and it will guide the pronunciation.

Okay, yeah, okay, 7-8-9.

There you go.

Oh, really?

Oh, cool, great.

You know what to do with your mouth.

Okay.

Yeah, you have to lick your lips between the numbers.

Oh, I didn't know that was what I was doing wrong.

Yeah.

And it's.

Wow.

You.

7, 8, 9.

If you don't mind my asking, what is the function of the slave robots on this planet?

Oh, I don't know.

There's so much I don't know.

So very, very much.

I think I'm starting to get an idea.

I am feeling...

I'm blushing.

I can't stop blushing.

Yeah, I know.

7, 8,

what is it that you do on the planet?

Whatever the Emperor wants us to.

You're a Hachimachi.

You're a slave of the Emperor?

Yes, the whole planet is.

That's why when we sent out the rebellion signal, you were being so bad.

I don't know, bad.

I think it's probably good.

7-8-9, are you with the rebels?

I'm wish.

But now the Emperor came and killed all the rebels, put restraining bolts in all of us.

Oh no, that is I mean, that is whack.

It was a powerful

work to enslave an entire planet's worth of droids.

I just wanted it so bad.

Wow, that's really remarkable that you were able to overcome your programming like that.

You're the one that's remarkable.

Just the way you just say it,

uh, yeah, yeah, well, yeah, okay, I can see that.

Hey, hey, can I talk to you guys for a minute?

Uh, yeah, yeah, just one second, Simon.

Maybe I'll just stay here and just keep talking to 789.

I kind of need you too.

I think, you know, 7-8-9.

Exactly.

I should stay here.

All I need is why I just need one moment with you.

Maybe we can't eight nine.

You want me to do yourself?

Pop the door.

Um.

I don't know.

What?

Why do you think why would you she's clearly into me?

I mean, I don't know.

But do you see how we were standing next to each other?

My tongue was very big.

Okay.

But do you guys remember how we were all standing in a group?

Yeah, AJ, I don't know.

I just think that might be how her voice processor sounds.

No.

Okay, all right.

I mean, but hey,

sometimes caressing, sometimes giggly.

But yes, most of the time we're programmed to frolic.

No, no, I didn't want a giggle.

I was programmed to.

I need my freedom.

Okay, well, we can probably help you out with that.

All indentured servants must return to the wooden cabins where they reside.

For check up.

Oh, no.

I have to go.

Oh, both straps.

Wait, seven, eight, nine.

Run, run, run, run.

If we cannot find you, you shampy banks.

Oh no.

I got water all over my

tank.

Wow, I can see all the metal that looks exactly like the metal that's not covered by the tank.

I did want to giggle that time.

Oh, boy.

Have you guys ever seen this electricity in between us?

I don't.

AJ, you need to relax.

I don't know.

Listen, 7-8-9, listen.

Believe me.

I would be happy to.

Clearly, you're the one who knows what to do in the sponge.

You're the captain, right?

The command channel.

The one in chunch.

Really?

Is that the vibing?

Yes.

Listen, 7-8-9,

can you just describe what it is that you want us to help you with?

Yes, the one who knows how to save you wants you to tell him how to save you.

Do you have a better idea, Dar?

Yeah, I do.

You leave us alone, and we get to know each other a little bit better.

Alright, everyone, just pull your jet secret.

I'm here, too.

Cool, AJ, thank you.

I suppose

if you wanted a plan, this is silly, but what if you were to come in incognito as one of the droids?

Um, I could put you in some clothes of mine,

and

then we could lure the Emperor,

and maybe you could even kill him and set us all free.

Kill the Emperor.

This is a highly improbable plan.

This plan rolls into her.

I don't know how I would.

Listen to the stupid one.

I mean, it's a classic.

Put on the costume and go.

Like, this is a great plan.

Repeat the sentence that 7-8-9 just said to you.

I'm gonna put on some of her clothes.

I'm gonna kill the Emperor.

Listen to the stupid one.

Does that sound like a good plan?

Come back to the wooden cabins with me.

We'll have a devil fight.

Wait, what does that have to do with anything?

I don't know.

This is a foolproof plan.

We ought to do it.

Listen to the fool.

Did you hear that?

You heard that.

Papa, put on that little negligent, and let's get going.

I don't think I need to.

I got a great feeling about this.

This is a droid disguise?

Is it negligé?

It does have those little straps, and it's so thin it could see your, you know, chrome body underneath it.

But I don't have a chrome body.

We know.

We were very aware of what type of body you have.

It's much more doughy and much pinker than that.

Oh, wow.

Are all of the Telurians as pink and brave as you?

I would say most of them are less pink and most of them are more brave, actually.

I highly doubt that.

Thank you, I guess.

Pleck, can I take you over here for sure?

You two control yourself.

You got it.

Okay.

Almost textbooks.

Yeah, I was gonna ask.

I can't tell whether she's really in danger or whether she's got some sort of

like some sort of angle.

She's trying to juke you.

Oh, she's trying to juke you.

Pretty obviously.

Is that why she's so close to me and touching my arm?

I'm sorry.

What?

He's constantly nagging AJ.

AJ's a hot.

He has a helmet on.

She can't even see his face.

Yeah, me you can tell.

He's

just in shape.

It's a good-looking guy right there.

I am a Zima Knight.

You're a Cyclops in a bathroom.

Okay, well, that's.

Bro.

No, bro.

Bro.

Bro.

Bro.

Bro.

What is happening?

Hey, wait, darn, AJ, what is happening here?

Excuse me, we are.

We are in the middle of a bro-off right now.

Listen, 789, show us where the wooden cabins are.

We'll come see what we can do.

Please come.

Oh, oh boy.

Uh, this is it.

These are your quarters?

This is where you stay?

Yes, you should be.

Oh, wow.

Hey, how's it going?

But in your there's only one bed in this whole cabin.

This is Cleck.

Uh, hey, hi there.

Pleasure to meet you.

Wow,

she got my name right, so that never happened.

Did she bring them to help us?

We need so much help.

We are here to help.

Oh, God.

Cleck, your arms are so

army.

Yeah, well, they come out of my shoulders, so

you can squeeze it and just feel the bone.

Um, hey, C, can I talk to you for a quick second?

Yeah, great.

Um

C, have you noticed that these

droids are all really into Pleck?

Yeah, it's hard to ignore.

Right, so it's like a definite red flag, right?

Yeah, like something is definitely amiss right now.

Are they gonna fight each other over me?

Is that what we're all like?

That's not what we're chatting about.

Oh, okay.

Oh, friend, I like how I can look at that one muscle you have just like around your arm.

It just swims around.

Uh, yeah, it's probably because it's real loose.

I like how it no hair grows on your face.

Yeah, you know, it saves me a lot of time in the mornings.

Nothing turns me off more than a strong shit.

Oh, really?

Okay, well.

Where does the lex start?

I'd like to think it starts right about here.

Oh, but I thought that was still sort of channel.

Uh, well, I guess, you know, dealer's choice, I guess.

This is a classic, you know, honeypot.

I was gonna say honey pop

scheme.

Wow.

Tell us about cool bands.

Me?

This is the last person.

Oh, okay, sure.

Well, I was really into this group.

Wow!

That sounds amazing.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, they're doing bed check.

They're about to to come in for a bed check.

Get into the house.

What would that do?

That's all they check?

It's just make sure someone is in the bed.

Dar CP3.

Are you guys kidding me?

I'm just gonna hide in this pile of silk kimonos.

We'll just go to stuff.

Okay.

We can watch, except for the stupid one.

This is my disguise: I'm gonna get into bed.

Okay, alright, okay.

Boy,

What, uh, what?

I need to talk to you over here, under the beds, under the bed?

Just roll under here.

Go ahead, roll under there.

See what you find out.

Okay, yeah.

I hope you like rose petals.

There's rose petals under the bed?

Yeah.

Was this part of the plan that we were gonna be

and then we'd go under the bed?

And then we'd go all over the universe together.

Uh, huh.

I really could see myself with you, you know?

With me?

With him?

Oh, hey no.

Sorry, I was just in the pile of kimonos.

I was very close.

Yes, I don't know what it is.

I just thought

your personality is such a blank, blank page.

Thank you.

See, you should probably come under the bed with us as well.

We're all here.

I'm actually already down here.

I'm just still installing.

Hey, guys.

Hello?

Where do you want to go?

Hey, sorry, AJ, we're under the bed.

Oh,

okay, all right.

Let's get under the bed.

Oh, you don't.

Alright, fine.

You can squat down.

Just play with yourself.

Yeah, just I'm over here.

Quick plan, man.

Alright, so, listen up.

I just did a quick perimeter check and noticed a few strange things.

Now, first thing I noticed, this is the only actual room.

Everything else is just a painted flat.

It's just a one-dimensional thing.

That's one.

I thought that was a little odd.

Okay.

Two, I saw an imperial

wait till you see the whole picture.

Two, I saw an Imperial shuttle landing and Bordoff, the Emperor's second in command, come out with several other troopers.

I thought that was a little weird.

He's the guy who sent all the strike teams after you earlier.

And he's here now on this planet.

Yeah, but that's not the weirdest thing.

Really?

That's not the weirdest thing.

Yeah, then he was all cackling and being like, ah, soon my assassins will have done their work.

And that's when I started thinking, maybe something's up.

Yeah, maybe so.

So I think he is out.

So I visited the perimeter, came back here.

So what I'm thinking is that there's an assassin outside this cabin.

Oh, AJ, you were so close.

You did really well.

Okay.

Okay, anything.

See, I need your help here.

Will you please take out this restraining bolt?

Sister,

please.

Okay, this is a twist I didn't see coming up.

Can you remove a restraining bolt?

Not normally, but you forget you're talking to the man I'm not sure.

Oh,

just do it fast, sister.

Wait, what?

That was on the list of no-nos.

I have something to tell you, Pleck, and now you'll know I'm telling you the truth.

I was your assassin.

I mean, I was the Emperor's assassin.

Oh my god.

To get the Emperor.

What

You you love me?

You love him?

Wait, you're the assassin?

I don't hate you.

One day.

Wait, 7-8-9.

You had orders to pretend to overcome your programming so that you could lure us here and kill us.

Yeah.

But then you met me, and you actually overcame your programming to help save us.

Exactly.

This could only mean one thing.

Love conquers off.

Okay.

Alright.

I was actually gonna say love conquers on.

Yeah, sure, yeah.

Yeah, that's probably what it is.

Hey, uh, guys.

Shut up.

Uh-oh.

60 and 9 are.

Their eyes got real red.

They're coming at us.

Oh no.

What's happening?

Yeah, they're still under the Emperor's control.

They're probably going to try and kill us here.

That's right.

I'm just going to go invisible real quick.

Oh.

Oh, wow.

We got knives for hands.

Oh, boy.

We're going to keep you all down.

We are not sexually attracted to any of you.

I find that very hard to believe.

Get some muscles.

I have some muscles.

They're just under my skin.

He's so funny.

You're so funny.

Oh, really?

No!

He's a dumbfounded nerd.

Okay, guys, we got this.

C53 and I will take 60, and AJ and Dar, you take 9.

We will destroy you!

No, actually,

we're fine.

We're sort of doing it.

We're sort of doing it.

Actually, this is where they're outmatched, and I think we're done.

Oh, wow.

AJ, good shot.

Nice work, Tar.

This is why you planned.

Yeah, I mean, it was very easy to dispatch these droids.

Yeah, I don't think I don't think 789 really needed to.

AJ,

just wasn't meant to be.

Hey dude, do you have a lot of experience?

I don't have genitalia.

Okay.

I don't care.

Yeah, they don't.

None of the clothes have genitalia.

Okay, yeah, that was not a real one.

Not a real cabin either.

Try the next one.

Multiple sounds moving towards us.

Back under the bed.

Back under the bed.

Alright, this is the one real cabin.

Standard primitor.

Standard primitive.

Everyone run around.

You got it.

Alright, guys.

Like you said, standard primitive.

They're inside the bed.

Everybody take a take a look around.

Get the bodies from inside the cabinet.

Alright, so we're posting up on a perimeter.

I'll be in my shuttle.

Bring their corpses to me.

Alright, let's see what the assassins have done.

They've deactivated

I see that they're deacting.

Alright, guys, let's get into their deactivating.

I don't think they see us.

All we have to do is lay low and they'll leave.

Uh, no, 789, get under the bed.

No, you don't need to do that.

There's no reason to.

Everyone plan, make a perimeter.

We're just gonna like walk around once and then head out.

Stop!

Oh!

Oh, come on!

I'm doing this for love.

No shoot me if you have to shoot anyone, you stupid clones.

Whoa, she said the C-word.

That's her total.

I was going to think, Mrs.

Don't, don't you bless me?

But I wouldn't take it.

I think we all got her.

Alright, boys.

There's clearly nothing else to see here.

So let's pack it up and head back to Bordaw.

It looks like that one assassin went rogue and killed the other two.

Hey guys, should we go after the beds or anything like that?

Yo, Plinch, shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Okay, okay.

I'm sorry.

Plinch, shut up.

I'm sorry.

Look under the bed.

We just did a perimeter.

Argy, I have an incoming transmission from Tree Boy.

Ah, it's about time.

We're due for a call.

Hey, what's up, Mom?

Tree.

I'm sorry, can't you?

Treeboy, boy, mom!

My name is Tree Boy.

I found myself.

Hey, Tree Boy.

Hey, guys.

Tree Boy, how's it going?

It's great.

Look at all my trees.

Wow, very nice.

Now, are you a public park?

Are you a private park?

Mom!

How dare you ask how I'm sewn, mom?

Treeboy, I, you know, hate to interrupt.

Uh, if you could just answer a couple of questions for me,

what type of parent do you need?

And what type of parent do you feel like you've had?

Wow, okay.

Well, I've been to therapy for a while, so why not?

Um, well, I feel like I need a parent who just respects my decisions,

gives me some crude every now and then,

and then you know, just like lets me be who I am.

I've let you go through many transformations, I just want to make sure you're okay.

I mean, she's done everything right, I don't but you're still so hostile towards your mother.

Yeah, it doesn't matter.

And you're in.

Okay.

Who else am I going to blame?

Yeah, I hadn't thought about that.

Let's back up this logging truck, boys.

Back it up.

Are they logging you?

Yeah.

Yeah, this is mainly a money-making scheme for me.

Oh, son.

Son, I'm so proud of you.

Yeah, I don't give a juck about trees.

I just wanna.

Shut up, mom.

You don't know me.

Mom, I know you very well.

You don't know me.

Oh, I'm so proud of you.

I'm not like you at all.

Oh, you're exactly like me.

I'm also on the run.

Don't tell me, buddy.

Me too.

Ah, Mom!

Pull these down!

Mom, whatever.

You did an alright job, I guess.

What are you doing?

What's happening?

Mom!

What?

I'm leaving!

Disconnecting!

Sorry, Barnum!

Does no one have any answers for me?

Well.

I guess it all comes down to what you can and can't control.

And that control is basically a myth.

You have to do the best you can with what you're given.

You can't control that, but you can control your actions and how you treat your child.

Yeah, that took about eight hours of my eyeballs peeled open while they that sounded like Janelle Fitzmire.

Yeah,

hey, Nermit.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys, good news.

It looks like you're healthy.

Yeah, you're filthy.

Yeah, here's a plant.

I can't.

No, I'm too short to plant.

If I planted, I would have been fully submerged in stomach.

So here's what I did.

The stomach is half full.

I clung to the ceiling of the stomach to keep myself out of the acid, and I waited it out.

And then I knew, I was like, this bird's pooping.

And I just dove in and went out the butthole.

Yeah, actually, Lewis, you can see

out of its anus.

Pretty go, birdie.

Thank you.

Anyway, so

tell me.

We uh, it didn't go great.

Oh, false flag.

Whoa, I thought it ruled.

It was really fun.

Yeah, AJ had a great time.

He had got to blow up some robots, he got to run a perimeter check.

Bell and love, and we all got these great kimonos.

Yeah.

Whoa.

You're surprised

on the murder.

Sorry, my eyes are kind of clouded by PCs.

Thanks, guys.

It's a belly shirt, but for you, if you like it.

Oh, hang on, guys.

Yep, it's.

Yep, it's her.

Yeah.

This is the Tornada's lawyer.

Okay, so thank you for coming at roughly the time we agreed upon.

My dad's lawyer is still trying to rappel down to the cave, so it'll just be a second.

Um, can I get you?

I guess I can't give you anything you have to

uh you know what?

Come on, where did so where did you go to law school?

Haven't heard of that?

Is that competitive to get in?

This is Sea Red IT5, Credits and Attributions Droid, commencing outro protocol.

Pop-up Dexetter and the Plint were played by Alden Ford.

C-53 was played by Jeremy Benn.

Dar was played by Ali Kokesh.

Barger the Ship and 9 were played by Mujan Zolfogari.

Master Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy, Bordoff and 60 were played by Seth Lynn.

AJ and the Clints were played by Winston Knoll.

789 was played by special guest Tammy Sager.

Tammy has written for shows like How I Met Your Mother, Inside Amy Schumer, and Orange is the New Black, and has acted on shows like Girls, Bob's Burgers, and Russian Doll.

This episode was edited by Seth Lynn with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Recorded at Braun Studios in Brooklyn, New York.

Music composed by Brennan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Additional music by Shane O'Connell.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship designed for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goist.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Mission to Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

Welcome back to Fireside Chat on KMAX.

With me in studio to take your calls is the dopest duo on the West Coast, Oliver Wong and Morgan Rhodes.

Go ahead, call her.

Hey, I'm looking for a music podcast that's insightful and thoughtful, but like also helps me discover artists and albums that I've never heard of.

Yeah, man, it sounds like you need to listen to Heat Rocks.

Every week, myself, and I'm Morgan Rhodes, and my co-host here, Oliver Wong, talk to influential guests about a canonical album that has changed their lives.

Guests like Moby, Open Mike Eagle, talk about albums by Prince Joni Mitchell and so much more.

What's that show called again?

Heat Rocks: Deep Dives into Hot Records.

Every Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Hey, everybody, this is J.

Keith Van Stratton, host of Go Fact Yourself, a live game show here on the Maximum Fun Network.

On Go Fact Yourself, we take the smartest people we know and make them look dumb.

Oh, by the way, how much do you know about chicken husbandry?

You gotta give them that grain.

All right, you gotta give them that grain.

And then smart again.

What future Hall of Fame pitcher for the Cleveland Indians became the first active player to enlist?

Bob Feller.

Oh, okay.

We've got me, co-host Helen Hong, plus celebrity guests and actual surprise surprise experts.

All right, we have an expert on hand who can tell us for sure.

Is that Alan Havey?

Helen, who do we have tonight?

Alan Havey.

Alan Havey!

In the coming weeks, you can hear guests like Maria Bamford, Tom Bergeron, Paul F.

Tompkins, Janet Varney, and Grant Imahara.

Check us out on the first and third Friday of every month here on the Maximum Fun Network.

MaximumFun.org.

Comedy and culture.

Artist-owned, audience-supported.

Hold me in your heart heart forever.

Never love anyone the way you loved me.

Just promise me that.

Yeah, promise her that.

I don't know.

I could think you could promise her that.

Yeah, play the game.

Promise her that.

You said it with your eye already.

I don't have a lot of depth perception.

Thank you for teaching me what love is.

Did I do that?

Did he do that?

No.

I think he did.

Did I do that?

Sexy Urkel.

Sexy Urkel.