219: Tiny Toots' Adventures

It is a period of civil war, but things are still pretty chill.

Sure, the Federated Alliance is headed to the hidden rebel base, but as far as the best crew in the Zix Quadrant is concerned, that just means more asses to kick.

Still basking in adoration from having definitely blown up the delegator, Rebel Emissary Turk Manikid and his attractive but super humble crew travel farther and faster than any other emissary team to explore rad and exotic new worlds, repeatedly confirm their obvious heroism, and sign holographs for fawning bug creatures and stuff.

This is Tiny Toots Adventures.

1820?

Yes, emissary mannequin.

Do you like wake up every day super psyched to be on tiny toots like I am?

Well, I don't wake up by power-up, but every morning I compile data that proves that we are the most efficient, successful, and may I say, coolest emissary team in the rebellion.

High five, low five initiating hype protocol.

Can you give us some sick words of inspo?

Funny, you should mention that.

I was just about to give us all our daily affirmation.

Fantastic.

Um, just think about this through the rest of your day.

I have been given endless talents, which I will utilize today, like I utilize every day.

Alright, let's all say it together.

I've been given endless talents

that I will utilize today.

Security officers Parka and Anarak, as a two-headed Dos Cabezos, this is usually your time for brooding, is it not?

Yeah, I really find it important to spend a lot of time brooding.

We are like so happy you came out of the brooding chamber.

Yeah.

Of course, on this ship, there is a chamber for literally anything you could ever imagine meeting and door wanting.

You know, it would really take a toll on our mental health if we didn't have a special chamber just to brood in.

But after about 20 minutes a day, we come out of there feeling fan-chucking castic.

But there's so many rooms on you, Tiny Tooths.

It's like we're living in our own little palace cruise line.

Sometimes I like open a door and there's somebody new in there, like this door.

Oh, hi, everybody.

Hey there, buddy.

Uh, you guys want a maid-to-order omelette?

I'll call whenever you need me.

Wow, well, we might think about it later.

Yeah?

Think about it right now and decide later.

Dark past, bright future.

If it got any brighter, it burned our checking retinas straight out of our skulls.

Anarak, I know you've done a lot of

stuff we don't want to think about, but I wouldn't want to be fused to anyone else.

Parker, you one jucked-up son of a bitch.

Yeah, but I can't help but respect you.

Oh, wrap our arms around

us.

Oh, Tiny Toots, I actually have an incoming voice message from a Bino and Bargie, Bargie and Bino LLC production company.

Uh, hey, Tiny Toots, Bino here from Bargy and Bino Bino and Bargie LLC.

Be just following up, just circling back about an optical attachment to the Bargerian Jake Bino web project.

Bino sent contracts over earlier just to give a look-see and see if that works out, and we'll have a package deal.

Alright, enough of this junky garbage.

Yeah, we need an orange beer.

Parker Anorak, I just want to say

your gruff exterior and anti-heroism is very popular and cool.

Wow.

Can I just say your quiet demeanor, but otherwise impeccable efficiency is also pretty cool?

Well, I don't like to brag, but I do think competency is the coolest thing there is.

Amen to that, brother.

Amen to that.

Amen to that, brother.

Wait, tie shoots!

America?

We didn't get to say it, but congratulations on your three

movie franchise development deal as part of the

Morble Cinematic Universe.

Hilarious.

Please,

this is so sweet, but I really don't like to brag.

Unless it's in front of one of my enemies, like, in which case, then, I love to brag.

I live to brag.

I love it.

Can I say I really respect the studios for trusting those young male indie directors they're putting on the blockbusters without a lot of, you know, experience.

I feel like we haven't complimented Mannequin enough.

Yeah, guys, you don't need to, but like, let's do it.

I mean,

first of all,

you are an Afdonis.

Yeah.

Your body is just like, if I had eyes, they would pop right out of my ship skull.

Hey, quick, quick up.

I got another app.

Whoa, whoa.

I I didn't even know you can get an ab here, but I got an ab here.

I think that brings the count to an even 24.

Yep.

Yeah.

Let's put it on the wall.

You know, Anarak and I are relentlessly asexual, but boy, you make it tougher every day, mannequin.

Oh, sick!

My new reptot came out.

Fantastic.

It's a good put up a clip.

Oh my gosh, look stream

activating reptot now.

Revolutionary ideas worth fighting for

Reptox.

So, if you're ever feeling down, all you have to do is look into your mirror and be like, who is that?

That's Turk Mannequin.

I'm Turk Mannequin.

I'm awesome.

I'm Turk Mannequin.

That's who I am.

I could talk about your choice of jacket for hours.

Oh, sh oh, Snoop.

I'm glad another app.

Ah, that's when you got 23.

That was 23.

Oh, fantastic.

It was...

I'm so glad I got to to bear witness to both 23 and 24.

And already 5 billion views.

Emissary Mannequin, we've got an incoming transmission from Senior Missions Operations Manager, Mel.

Hi, guys.

Oh, hey, Mel.

Well, if it isn't our favorite senior missions operations manager,

and you're winters.

Does everyone go in face?

Succinct as always, Mel,

only mine for Nermi.

Hey guys,

what?

Oh my, it's a- it's a crew of Tiny?

Just a little bit of specific transmission.

Generally, uh, my mind's full of bad, bad memories, but just that that crystal clear voice of Mel really pierces through.

One of the most soothing tones in the galaxy.

Yeah.

Amistato mannequin.

Yeah.

Since Mel wants us to retrieve a planet crusher crusher engineer to question about a possible vulnerability within the plans, how would you like to proceed?

Same way we would like always proceed, bro.

Kicking ass?

That's right.

Fantastic.

Sounds like a plan.

Sounds like a plan.

Alright, fun sidekick: Squeegee the sentient mob.

Do you have any feedback?

Yeah, Squeegee never pulls focus.

Fantastic.

Classic Squeegee.

You have received an audio transmission from Rebellion Headquarters.

Tieback will follow decryption.

Hello, crew of tiny toots.

It's me, Funtasia Fun Fun, with your daily deal.

That's right, it's time when you, the absolute primo emissary team of the whole Rebellion, receive exclusive offers that other teams don't even get to know about.

I know that each of you is famous, attractive, smart, and busy.

Which means you probably need a whole mess of skilled and loyal personal assistants, am I right?

Or at least people to fill random rooms in the ship so it's fun when you open the door.

You're in luck because your deal of the day is a free trial of ZipRecruiter.

There are job sites that send you tons of wrong resumes to sort through.

That's not smart.

But you know what is smart?

Go to ziprecruiter.com slash zix to hire the right person.

ZipRecruiter doesn't depend on on candidates finding you, it finds them for you.

Its powerful matching technology scans thousands of resumes, identifies people with the right skills, education, and experience for your job, and actively invites them to apply so you get qualified candidates fast.

That's why ZipRecruiter is rated number one by employers in the U.S.

What is U.S.?

Based on hiring sites on TrustPilot with over a thousand reviews.

Kind of like how you're the number one ambassador team based on my review.

You're gonna have all those positions filled by the time Old Fantasia is back with tomorrow's daily deal.

Hint, hint, one for the price of one appears anything.

So head over to ziprecruiter.com/slash six to try it for free.

That's ziprecruiter.com/slash six.

Fun!

That's all I know.

Help me.

End of message.

Team, everyone be on the lookout.

I've scanned and there are several guards on the perimeter here.

Halt!

You'll never get into this prison.

I've got guards all around it.

Do you?

Cause it looks to me like you don't.

Hey, who goes there?

What's this?

What?

We don't need to get past all the guards if we throw your guards at your guards.

Hey, what's going on here?

We're throwing your guards at your guard.

Wait, what?

What?

You forgot what your guards.

Oh, you're throwing my guards at my guards.

Hey, happy birthday.

Cause...

Wait, how did you know it was my birthday?

Because this candle I'm about to blow out is your life.

Wait, whoa, that's so deep.

Happy first anniversary.

The traditional present is a guard.

No, it's paper!

The guards have been neutralized.

Let's keep going.

Ah, the bridge is out.

There's a lava pool below us.

I know how to deal with this.

Hey, lava pool.

Go away.

Well done, Turk.

Thanks.

Prepare yourself, team.

The greatest obstacle of all.

A set of two adorable twins.

Oh, geez.

Um,

hello, baby.

Just leave it to us.

Well done.

Their heads came straight off.

Well done, punting both of them.

Oh, the floor has opened.

This is a pool of water filled with electric squiggles.

Be careful.

Well, there's nothing that electric squiggles hate most than a bedtime story.

Parker Anorak, I believe this is you.

Yeah, you guys.

once upon a time there's a little boy named Billy.

He went into the woods and like when he saw there very much hated the woods so much just came right back out.

It's working.

It's working the squiggles are falling asleep.

Alright, let's go team

Sleep tight squiggles.

Don't let the squiggles bite.

Right, they are.

Don't bite each other, Anorak means.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

Watch out, team.

There's a laser grid ahead of us.

We'll have to step very lightly.

So, hey, what's up?

Listen, um, in the laser grid, there's like uh

hey, laser grid?

There's a laser grid?

I'm sorry, hey laser grid?

Hey, laser grid?

I'm like a super sick laser group.

Hey, laser grid!

Hey, laser grid!

What?

Hey, laser grid!

Okay, laser grid.

Laser laser grid?

Yes.

There it goes.

Grains and broth.

That's the Turkmannekin way.

Let me out of here.

No, let me out of here.

Wait, guys.

That's a hologram.

Let me out of here.

Let me out of here.

See what happens when we throw this croon at it.

Whoa.

My head.

Alright, let's find the real engineer.

No, please!

I was real!

That's not the one we want!

Man, sometimes this job is real hard, but it's real humbling.

Because you know what?

I'm doing it with my best friends.

Take that back, I'm doing it with my only friends.

Take that back, you're my family.

Take that back, I'm in love with all of you.

Best way to celebrate this new emotional awakening?

Everyone shirts off, skin, skin, high vibe.

Hello?

Help me, please.

Help!

Get out of here!

Hey, don't be afraid, engineer.

It's just me, Turkmannekit.

Did you free my twin brother?

Honestly, don't.

Does it?

Yeah.

No.

He was gone before we got here, unfortunately.

Might have been a hologram.

Yeah,

too.

he was

right inside the first door, past the laser trap.

There are a lot of doors.

Straight up right after the first, right after the laser trap.

On the left, can't miss him.

Team, I don't want anyone to panic right now, but the only way out of here is across a giant punnel.

Well, then I need something absorbent.

Yeah, our rocky skin isn't absorbent at all.

Maybe Squeegee can help.

Squeegee?

Maybe Squeegee can help and then return to ship and be quiet.

Alright.

Oh, fantastic, Squeegee.

Just do the purpose and then leave.

Here he goes.

We don't know anything different.

Squeegee knows exactly where like Squeegee is enough, Squeegee.

You moved that water perfectly and now the floor's bone dry.

Squeegee's purpose has been clear from beginning.

Come on.

Bye, Squeegee.

Thank you, Squeegee.

Love that guy.

Emissary mannequin.

Would you like me to hail Tiny Toots?

You're the best one in the best.

I'm sorry, Tiny Toots a ship or a.

Oh, wow.

That's a joke.

Why you're a.

It's that ship.

Boopity boop, boop, boop.

I'm right here.

You're I must be out of the little fellow if you don't know who Tiny Toots is.

I'm saved.

Could we quickly go grab my brother?

Tiny Toots, give her biography so this little num nut knows who you are.

Tiny Toots was born in a small but beautiful auto shop.

I was small.

Some would say I was...

tiny.

And then I booked a couple of substantial rolls.

And, you know, the same stuff, but the star kept rising.

Story never gets old.

Arguably a perfect story.

Yeah.

Listen, I can't thank you enough for breaking me out of that prison.

It was terrible.

Hey, what's your name, son?

Khan.

Corn?

Khan.

Corn?

My name is Khan.

Korn?

Listen, we'll call you Korn.

It's for your own safety.

I don't understand how.

But that doesn't matter now.

I'm free, and I have you to thank.

Whose autograph do you want first?

Cause uh well here, I'll sign this Glossy Hollow first.

Okay.

To Korn.

Yes, it's actually not Korn.

It's Karn.

Oh, we're gonna be calling you Korn from now on.

Okay.

Listen, Korn.

Uh,

people hear that Karn is a board tiny toots.

They're gonna get suspicious.

Oh, I see.

Okay, yes, I see what's happening.

We never make mistakes.

Okay.

Okay, yeah, I I feel like we uh maybe we should use like a like Jeff is a real name.

Korn just I think is corn is a vegetable, usually.

And the Sarah Mannequin, shall I begin the interrogation?

Uh y' not necessary.

I'm actually totally willing to give you guys information.

Yeah,

fantastic.

No, duh you don't oh wow, that is yeah, don't put that anywhere near me.

Listen, can I just say something?

The Planet Crusher Crusher I made against my will.

I was held prisoner at the facility.

I built the Planet Crusher Crusher over the course of 60 years inside of a Pocket Universe.

To your time, in your universe, it was about a two-week period.

But for me, it was 60 years.

60 years?

I was actually born in the Pocket Universe, maybe six months ago.

And then over the course of.

And your mother named you Korn.

It was actually...

It's actually Corn.

It's Corn.

Okay, how about we just say Jeff?

How about we just say Jeff?

Jeff better than corn.

Jeff is a real name.

Corn is not a real name.

Um, I know eight corns.

You know acorns?

You know eight corns or acorns?

I know eight.

I know bail corn.

I know dale corn.

I know Sarah corn.

I know corn corn.

I know Jeff corn.

Are you counting corn corn as two corns?

Now I know corn.

I don't have to tell you anything about the planet crusher crush if you don't want me to.

It seems like you're sort of not interested.

Do you think you're gonna get out of here without telling us every single weakness of the planet crusher crusher?

No, I'll tell you right now.

First, though, when you when you grab me,

um, do you control the right arm and you control the left arm?

What?

No.

Are you

actually?

Well, you know, it's kind of weird because I actually control the left arm.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Right arm, left leg.

Okay.

Wow.

Does that get confusing to you or I guess it's just sort of no, memorized it.

Well very impressive.

Yeah.

This is taking way longer than all interrogations take.

Usually someone gets on the ship and they're like

sweet.

It's Turkmannekit.

I know your reptox.

Your reptox are amazing.

Wow.

What's your deal, Pza?

Oh, listen.

I've never been to this universe before.

I don't know anything about it.

You don't know that we're all famous.

No, that's why you're not giving us what you want.

I'll tell you anything.

Wait, crew, this is like a really humbling experience right now, so let's all like take a moment to realize maybe being successful isn't always about being famous.

Mannequin, you are so spot on.

We should really appreciate this very rare instance where someone didn't instantly know and appreciate us.

Accessing humility subroutines.

Wow, I'm so grateful for this experience.

We should guys

like to thank you so much.

That's Corn or Jeff?

Either one is fun.

We're going to

fair enough.

Initiated humbling experience.

Oh, I thought you were going to be.

Oh, you're humbling me.

Okay, alright.

That's a fast

slap.

Listen.

Listen.

I have a vested interest in bringing down the Federated Alliance.

Okay.

Guess how many abs that guy's got, then double it, and you're still low.

Okay, I was gonna say, like, probably 18 total.

Yep.

Way off.

Way off.

Okay, wow.

You thought he had nine abs?

Well, I dunno right at the base of his neck.

I could I thought, no, there's no way those are.

I was born with nine abs.

That's offensive.

Okay, sorry.

Uh, permission to discontinue conversation and merely scan his brain for the information needed.

Yeah, I'll tell you.

I want to tell you.

Okay.

Ow.

Oh.

Oh, sorry.

Pardon says also that we have to shave all the hair off.

We have to shave your hair.

Why does that have to...

Why is that part of it?

Part of the scan.

No.

Now I'm scanning.

Wait, hold on.

So my skull is not a barrier for your scanner, but hair?

Just the hair.

Just the hair.

Hey, will you a droid, buddy?

You know how scanners work all of a sudden?

No, I actually engineered several scanners that see right through here.

No, no, no.

Okay.

Listen, this just eliminates us having a long, drawn-out conversation where we all talk to you.

We just do a quick scan and we're in and out.

But don't you wanna don't you wanna know my backstory about how I was doing it?

No, it's not about the journey, it's about the destination.

Also, we have a Pilates glass that we have to do starting right now.

Space Pilates.

Now

tuck

and breathe

tiny tootship as our instructor.

And now, quick breaths.

Corn, I cannot hear your quick breaths.

What am I supposed to do?

Lobby's mode is over.

Corn, why are you constantly bewildered?

I was in a prison for a decade.

They put me to work on the Planet Crusher Crusher, and once they finished it, they threw me in a jail cell and took the Planet Crusher Crusher to your universe.

Wow.

There might be other rebel groups that want to hear this kind of backstory.

This is fairly important.

I thought it was important on some level for me to explain that I put them there on purpose.

I made two of the three vulnerabilities so that it would be easier from any angle and with any size fighter to fly in and destroy.

Why?

I despise the Federated Alliance.

I despise Wagtam Buoy.

They have my son.

Oh, that's good.

Someone's looking after your son.

No, that's not how it works.

Oh, okay.

No.

We all have sons.

Yeah.

Do we?

Most of us.

Most of us have sons.

Yeah, we got a couple sons.

Okay, well,

then surely you understand how important this is that I'm able to rescue my son.

Everybody's got at least five sons.

That doesn't.

That doesn't.

That's not true, though, I don't think.

I'm pretty sure that's true.

Anybody can't remember meeting someone without a son.

My son's name is Korn.

Your son.

You have a a son named Corn?

Corn mannequin.

Just one of the many corns mannequin knows.

I know eight.

You already listed eight, and none of them were your sons.

I listed six.

Oh, so corn corn was just one corn then.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, that answered my question.

Guys,

do you understand?

We're not only the best, coolest, hottest team, skin to skin right now,

I don't think so.

I'm not really sure.

I appreciate it.

But now we have the information to help the rebellion?

Kick ass against the Federate Alliance.

Emissary Mannequit, we've got an incoming transmission from Senior Missions Operations Manager, Mel.

I see Marijan.

We're doing great.

Oh, geez.

Well, isn't this convenient?

Wow, my bad.

Well, we will be heading to the your cordness as soon as possible.

Can you get will your escape pod go back to my universe?

If you want to know the vulnerabilities of the six planet crushers, my drops and runners.

Run save you, Corn.

Let's suit up into our super sick victory outfits.

Let's suit up.

We might be the only ship out there, but they forget we've got the keys to the castle with these plants.

Guys, you know, rebellion's all about a collective, but

that's never been our thing, because we've always known we're number one.

And yeah, maybe sometimes we doubt that we were the ones who destroyed the delegator, because we were all blacked out from that moment from doing too much Pilates.

Right.

Could have been us.

Could have been us, could have been somebody else, but it probably was us.

I like to think it was us.

Me too.

What's our move, Turk?

Tinatoot, set a course for Rebel HQ, because it's hero time.

And as we're making our way to victory, why don't you play us the clip from your greatest hollow of all?

I am so glad that you suggested that.

Uh, commencing clip now.

Tiny.

Papa?

Tiny.

Before I go off to war, I want you to take this.

It's my hat.

What will it?

Bang, bang.

Bang, bang, bang.

Here they come for me, Tiny.

I'm a rock.

No, those rocks can't get you.

They can't get you, I promise.

Bang, bang.

Don't you worry about me, Tiny.

I hear those rocks banging.

I'm a rock.

Time for me to go.

Tiny, you were that little girl.

Wow.

I really was.

Not even a scene-chewing rock can ruin that scene.

Emissary Mannequit, get ready.

We're exiting hyperspace in three,

two,

one.

I don't like this.

Oh, many, many fighters.

Many fighters.

This makes me feel bad.

Emissary Mannequit, I don't detect any rebellion fighters.

It seems like they haven't scrambled yet.

But I do detect 12 squadrons of Federated Alliance fighters.

Yeah, great

six planet crushers that are armed to the teeth.

Whatever.

It seems like the odds of our survival are 794,521 to 1.

We're the big number and they're the small number?

I'm afraid not, Tiny Toots.

Hey, team, the odds are bad, but you know what's good?

We're all together right now.

Yeah, yeah.

The thing about numbers is

in those odds, we're the one.

We're number one.

And I didn't hear a zero.

Did you guys hear a zero?

There's no zero in the calculation, no.

So I say,

let's beat these Bobols.

Emissary Mannequit, just to clarify, we won't be taking a direction towards the base.

We will be engaging the fighters.

Yeah.

I mean...

T20 has said there's only six planet crushers.

Yes, that's correct.

They must not know tiny toots was coming.

The fighters are scrambling towards us.

The laser cannons have heavily locked on us.

Things are quite dire.

Why are they shooting at us?

Don't they know who we are?

Shield strength down to 54%.

Oh, we're taking a lot of dudes.

Hey guys, what are we doing?

Shields at 48%.

We're the crew of talent suits.

Shields now at 32%.

We're number one in the ferry alliance and now with the rebellion.

And sometimes I don't even care who we're with, because all that we're with is together.

Shields at 20%.

Is that a sentence that makes sense?

No, but it doesn't matter because I believe in it and I believe in you.

Emissary mannequin, shields are at 5%.

Even if we made a retreat now, we would not be able to return to base.

Pretty soon those shields are gonna be number 1%.

Not a good thing.

I've never been afraid of life, and I'm not afraid of death.

I'm lifted.

Obliterated.

So bring it on, death, because death is just life continuing on.

That's not natural.

That's categorically false.

So let's just fly straight into that planet crusher and tell it who's best.

Wow, we're best.

Let's show it who's best.

Hey, crew, everyone get in a circle.

Squidchie?

Everyone's here.

Alright, everybody.

It's time to skin to skin.

for the last time.

Remember, you're all my best friends and beloves of my life.

And get ready to get your names into history books because

here

we

go.

Well, this is KR3D1 TZ Credits and Attributions Troy, commencing outro protocol.

Embassy Turk Vannekin was played by Mujahide Sulfagari.

D20 was played by Winston Doll.

Security officers Parka and Adarak were played by Seth Lynn and Jeremy Bent.

Tiny Toots was played by Ali Kokash.

Squeegee and Cord were played by Alden Ford.

This episode was edited by Alden Ford with sound design and mix by Shade O'Connell.

Recorded at Boomba Boomba Braun Studios, Brooklyn, New York.

Music by Brendan Ryan with additional music by Shade O'Connell.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship designed for tiny toots by Eric Goyce.

Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom.

Thanks, Audioboom.

Do you have a eulogy to write for the crew of tiny tooths?

Send an email to their colleagues at crew at mission to zix.space.

I feel like Park Eye and Interact could show up and see the three and be like, did you guys get incinerated?

It's like, it takes a lot more than that to kill Park Eye.

You're like, what?

How?

What more?

I literally got killed by a planet.

Yeah.

We pay rent inside a fireball.

Yes.