209: Altar Boy [ft. Lennon Parham]

Speaker 1 This is Sea Red IT5 with a quick reminder. Our Los Angeles live show is this coming Sunday, July 29th, at Dynasty Typewriter at the Hayworth.

Speaker 1 Watch us create a new episode on the spot with live sound effects and vocal effects featuring special guest John Gabrith. Tickets at dynastytypewriter.com.

Speaker 2 It is a period of civil war.

Speaker 2 The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated Alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance.

Speaker 2 Now, rebel emissary Pleck Dexetter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

Speaker 2 This is mission to

Speaker 2 Z.

Speaker 3 Female hungry.

Speaker 4 Bino. Female hungry.

Speaker 5 Bino, we just gave you food.

Speaker 3 Final hungry.

Speaker 5 Okay, hatch is opening. It looks like some people are back.

Speaker 2 I gotta say, I was scared to do that mission without power, but I think we nailed it. Oh, hey, guys.
How'd it go while we were gone?

Speaker 2 Still.

Speaker 2 You guys now feed Pino? Oh.

Speaker 5 Oh. We fed him.
We've done many things to make this little thing Pino continue to exist.

Speaker 4 And where were the two of you? What took so long?

Speaker 2 Oh. Well, we were on a mission.

Speaker 4 It was supposed to be a fast turnaround. Did you just.

Speaker 2 I mean, it was a fairly quick mission by our standards. We were forced to compete in an ancient ritual, but we were victorious.
Yeah, we did it.

Speaker 4 Victorious.

Speaker 2 A traditional flatbread.

Speaker 4 You won bread?

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, I mean, but that's a big deal on the mission. It was a cultural exchange.
We were the breadwinners.

Speaker 4 Did you go out with the boys afterwards and celebrate

Speaker 2 part of the ritual?

Speaker 5 Here's the thing, okay? I'm gonna let you in on a little hot tip. Dawn, I got to talking.
And I'm realizing

Speaker 5 we've had enough.

Speaker 2 Of what?

Speaker 5 Of all the things we have to do.

Speaker 4 Listen to us. We're done.

Speaker 2 We have done. What does that mean exactly, B.

Speaker 5 It means the thing that is sorted and the continuing. We have done.

Speaker 2 I know what done means. I know the definition of done.

Speaker 4 We just feel like

Speaker 4 we're doing a lot of the lifting here. I mean, physically, I'm doing a lot of the lifting here.

Speaker 2 Dar, that's because compared compared to me, you're incredibly strong.

Speaker 4 Ugh, see, it's like you don't even want to try.

Speaker 5 And it's like, um, hello, I'm the only one flying. No, but Bargie, I'm the one going through the journeys into space.
Where are you?

Speaker 5 Am I correct?

Speaker 4 And here's the thing: Bargie has a career. She doesn't just want to fly you around wherever you want.
She has a career that she's.

Speaker 2 I know. Okay, listen, guys.

Speaker 5 Guess what? Long story short, I'm done.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 3 so hungry.

Speaker 3 like syntax.

Speaker 2 Yes, these are frequently the end of our lessons.

Speaker 5 Anthony Dar and I have had enough of handling all the responsibilities.

Speaker 2 Emissary Dexter, perhaps we've been falling into these traditional roles without even realizing them. Oh, this this box of roles that they gave us? Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 2 I shouldn't have put them in the center of the room. I was.

Speaker 2 Get out of there. there!

Speaker 4 G-H-H-O-H-A-H-A-H-A-H-A-H-A-Thoo-Traditional. Well, they're gone.

Speaker 2 So.

Speaker 2 How long is Bino's digestive tract? It seems like that's... Short.

Speaker 4 It's incredibly short. Very short, yeah.

Speaker 2 Listen,

Speaker 2 Bargie, I mean, maybe we don't say it enough. We really appreciate both of you.
And, you know, I'll try a little bit harder to... It's too late.

Speaker 5 Okay. Yep, we're going on a trip.

Speaker 2 Wait, what? You heard her. You're going on vacation?

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 2 Alright. Now, Bargie, are you gonna like send your consciousness somewhere? Because, like, I can't really exist in space without being inside you.

Speaker 4 Are you gonna?

Speaker 4 See, there's something else you're responsible for.

Speaker 3 Bino, know that Bargie and Dar also carry the mental load of responsibility on the ship. Yep, thank you.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Bino. That was a pretty full sentence.
Bino, maybe, C53, maybe you're getting through.

Speaker 2 from Missions Operations Manager.

Speaker 2 Hey, Nermit, what's up? Hey, guys.

Speaker 4 Oh, you want to tell us about your deck? Do you need to emotionally unload?

Speaker 2 What? No.

Speaker 3 Bargie and Dar no take the emotional load anymore.

Speaker 5 Yep, we're done. We've had enough.

Speaker 4 So just give us the mission, Nermit.

Speaker 2 Okay, all right. We've walked into a bit of a yikes.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah, Nermit,

Speaker 2 what's our leave situation? If Bargie and Dar wanted to go on a vacation, could they they do that?

Speaker 2 How does that?

Speaker 2 I don't.

Speaker 6 I think it's because Bargie doesn't go on the mid-like Bargy drops you guys off and it's like, hmm?

Speaker 5 It just. It just.
I. I just didn't.

Speaker 2 Sarah Glinch.

Speaker 2 It seems like.

Speaker 2 I don't want it.

Speaker 2 I just.

Speaker 2 Maybe you should just give us our mission.

Speaker 6 Guys, this is exciting. You ready?

Speaker 2 I'm excited.

Speaker 6 Have you heard about the Society of Sutopia?

Speaker 2 Sutopia? Yes.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 6 Don't be embarrassed if you hadn't, because they're very secretive.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 6 There's tell of them, but there has not been much contact. There's rumor that they have extremely advanced technology, but they do not engage with other societies.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 6 they have

Speaker 6 asked for a rebellion delegation to come.

Speaker 2 And guess what? That's us. It's us.

Speaker 2 That's great. I mean, I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I feel like a planet with, you know, Topia in the name is probably pretty.

Speaker 2 Although I did say that about Magnificu, and I was wrong. You don't even have Topia in there.
Yeah, but Magnific was in there, and I was... Oh man, I was really...

Speaker 2 suffixes.

Speaker 6 No, I'm with Fleck here. I mean, like, all the little bits of Intel I've heard are like, this is gonna be great.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, I mean,

Speaker 2 what are we doing there?

Speaker 6 The communication said, desire to share technology with rebellion.

Speaker 2 Okay. Boom.
Yeah, that seems

Speaker 2 that seems almost too good to be true. Nah.

Speaker 2 That. Okay.

Speaker 2 Even you saying that seems too good to be true. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Nah.

Speaker 2 Hey, hey, Nermit, do I have a vacation day?

Speaker 2 Just one? Yeah, at least. Can I give it to Bargie?

Speaker 2 Uh, let me check the system here, and no. Nope, I don't.
I just don't know. I forgot.

Speaker 2 I just, man, I think Bargie needs a vacation day. I don't.

Speaker 2 This doesn't involve you. All right.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Alright.

Speaker 2 Guys, I'm gonna.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna send the coordinates.

Speaker 2 Resolve. Naturally.

Speaker 6 Alright, go get them.

Speaker 2 Thanks.

Speaker 5 This is.

Speaker 5 bullshit.

Speaker 7 One new message. No encryption detected.

Speaker 7 Your Excellency, it is I, Lieutenant Bordoff.

Speaker 8 I bow low before your supreme power, bearing most excellent news. The earlier logistical hiccups are cured.

Speaker 2 Cured!

Speaker 8 I was admittedly despondent, wondering how in Rod's name we could find 10,000 qualified tugship pilots in

Speaker 8 the Zix squadron. Then I found ZipRecruiter, and it was a snap.
It's the one place where hiring is simple, fast, and smart. Where growing businesses connect to qualified candidates.

Speaker 8 And ours, ours is a growing business, to be sure.

Speaker 8 I mean yours, yours, sir, my master. Yes, I found these skilled tugship pilots at ziprecruiter.com slash zix.

Speaker 8 And now, now the device is officially en route from the late Phoenix Ash's estate. These pilots have sworn to secrecy on their very lives, so the others in the council shall be none the wiser.

Speaker 8 How did we find such loyal souls?

Speaker 8 Well, with their powerful matching technology, Zip Recruiter scanned an enormous amount of resumes, an insane amount, to find people with the right experience and discretion and invited them to apply for the job.

Speaker 8 It's so effective that 80% of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day. Speaking of first days, the day of reckoning nears, my lord.

Speaker 8 I am shivering with excitement for your assent.

Speaker 8 And excitement to fill out our fearsome royal guard with qualified individuals at ziprecruiter.com slash zix.

Speaker 8 In fact, it can be tried for free by anyone at that exclusive address. ziprecruiter.com slash Z Y X X.

Speaker 8 Zip Recruiter, the smartest way to hire. Your servant, signing off.

Speaker 8 Then I'll click

Speaker 8 increase.

Speaker 8 It probably worked.

Speaker 7 Message deleted.

Speaker 7 Wow.

Speaker 2 Holy crap C53 this place is amazing it is

Speaker 2 very clean

Speaker 2 Welcome

Speaker 2 to Zootopia. Whoa!

Speaker 2 You can teleport?

Speaker 9 Well yes, of course.

Speaker 7 This is Zootopia.

Speaker 2 Yeah, sure. I I can't do that.
I don't know anybody who can do that.

Speaker 10 I can do it too.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 10 We all can do it here. This is in Zootopia.

Speaker 2 This is amazing.

Speaker 2 Well, hey, I'm Emissary Plaque Deck Setter. This is C53 and Dar,

Speaker 2 we're here with the Rebellion.

Speaker 2 Ah, yeah, the Rebellion.

Speaker 7 I am Tila. Ah, Tila.
Assistant to the Chosen Leader.

Speaker 2 Oh, great.

Speaker 9 I am Nila, assistant to the chosen leader.

Speaker 2 Tila, Nila, got it.

Speaker 11 And you're both assistants.

Speaker 4 You're not like a first assistant, second assistant, Dex Settle.

Speaker 9 There's no class system.

Speaker 7 There's no class system on the class.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's better, honestly.

Speaker 7 Class systems are built on violence.

Speaker 2 Oh, is that true?

Speaker 7 Think about it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, yeah, I guess I'd care.

Speaker 7 There won't be violence here.

Speaker 2 Sure, great.

Speaker 4 That sounds incredibly relaxing.

Speaker 2 And Dari, I don't think I've ever seen you this laid back before.

Speaker 4 Just feel like there's good energy here.

Speaker 7 We try to maintain a high level of good energy here.

Speaker 9 Our electronics are insane.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 2 Oh!

Speaker 2 Oh, that's a technology thing? I thought maybe it was like a species thing because you guys look like tellurians, but you have sort of these weird ridges on your head.

Speaker 2 Weird ridges? I probably shouldn't have said it like that. That was.

Speaker 4 And you said it so loud because you were trying to have them hear it from across the room.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know. Yeah, that was.

Speaker 7 Take you to the chosen leader.

Speaker 4 Sure, great.

Speaker 2 Wow, that was extremely soothing.

Speaker 2 Hello.

Speaker 11 I am the chosen leader of Sutopia.

Speaker 11 You may call me Gelen.

Speaker 2 Hello.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 11 Greetings.

Speaker 11 Please don't kneel.

Speaker 11 Stand up.

Speaker 2 He just

Speaker 2 sort of knelt without even thinking about it.

Speaker 11 Let us join hands. Okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, great.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 11 Nila, Tila, bring the flowers.

Speaker 2 Of course.

Speaker 11 Nila, Tila, step into the flower circle.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay.

Speaker 11 Yes, they are great assistants.

Speaker 10 Thank you.

Speaker 7 Thank you.

Speaker 9 You're welcome. We now kiss your mouth.

Speaker 7 We kiss your mouth.

Speaker 11 I kiss your mouth.

Speaker 2 Wow. Whoa.

Speaker 2 Wow, they are really going at it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Now, do we each get to kiss you on the mouth

Speaker 11 if that is what you desire? Sure is.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 11 Your name is Dar.

Speaker 2 Is that correct?

Speaker 4 Yes, it's like you really see me.

Speaker 11 I feel that you are a fierce warrior, undervalued amongst your crew. You have so much to give.

Speaker 4 You could just tell that by looking at me?

Speaker 11 Absolutely. Can't everyone?

Speaker 2 No. I mean, I listen, Dar, I am intimidated by you on a, I mean, daily basis.

Speaker 11 What is your name?

Speaker 2 Oh, I'm Pleck, uh, Pleck Deck Setter. Um,

Speaker 11 what a fabulous name with Emissary. Insane amount of consonants.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, Rangus 6 has some sort of dorky names. Deck Setter's about as good as it gets, honestly.
I mean, Sue Topia, very cool. Where does that name come from?

Speaker 11 Oh, the founder of our planet was an amazing woman named Susan. Oh!

Speaker 2 Susan!

Speaker 2 Susan!

Speaker 11 Wow.

Speaker 11 They called her Sue for short. Sure, sure.

Speaker 2 Common nickname.

Speaker 11 Take both my hands, Pleck.

Speaker 2 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 11 Stare deeply into my eyes. Oh, boy.

Speaker 2 Your eyes are like bottomless.

Speaker 2 Can I just say you're maybe one of the most beautiful beings I've ever seen in my entire life?

Speaker 4 That's the first thing you notice about her. She's a chosen leader of this planet.

Speaker 2 I was so comfortable. I just, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. I know I'm supposed to keep it professional, but this is weird, guys.
I'm like, I'm very, this is a strange place.

Speaker 2 Are you in touch with the space?

Speaker 2 Uh. Cool, yes, good.
I can tell. I feel like we have a connection, and I think it's got to be the space.

Speaker 11 Sure, that's what it is.

Speaker 2 The less you can bring the space during any of our diplomatic missions. That would be great.
That would be really good. All right, fine.

Speaker 11 Please enter this

Speaker 11 cave so that we may sit and talk

Speaker 11 about your mission.

Speaker 2 Uh, yeah, great. Thank you.
Tila, Nila, yes, please get the sitting pods.

Speaker 2 Sitting pods, here we go.

Speaker 2 Put your hearts on the sitting pods.

Speaker 11 And you're seated.

Speaker 11 Is everyone comfortable?

Speaker 2 Incredibly.

Speaker 2 Gallen, this is an amazing planet. How did you come to be leader of this place?

Speaker 11 I was chosen.

Speaker 2 That's why I'm calling me chosen leader. That makes sense.
Yes. And how does that is that like a it's a vote with our minds? Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, cool. I was hoping for some like a twist.

Speaker 11 Everyone has equal footing here in Sutopia. And even though we have advanced technological creations, we all share them equally.

Speaker 7 We have no theft in Sutopia.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's good.

Speaker 9 It makes it very easy to order dinner.

Speaker 2 Sure, sure. Yes.

Speaker 11 No jealousy.

Speaker 7 No violence.

Speaker 9 Dinner ordering again, very easy.

Speaker 7 It's just fun just to all be together and order dinner. We have large dinners.

Speaker 11 We do have a very flourishing dinner business here. Really? Yes.

Speaker 2 Like a delivery situation or like people like to cook?

Speaker 11 All of that.

Speaker 2 Yes, both. Okay.

Speaker 2 Now, do you split the check evenly? Or

Speaker 7 what is check?

Speaker 2 What is check?

Speaker 7 What is check?

Speaker 11 I am unaware of this check.

Speaker 11 I wanted to share with you this new technology we've developed. I have been watching from afar the great work that you're doing for the rebellion.
Oh, there is an innocence about your team

Speaker 11 that is alluring to us.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, that's pretty much my whole thing.

Speaker 11 I have tiny gifts for each of you. Please accept this technology.

Speaker 2 Technology. Technology.

Speaker 2 Technology.

Speaker 2 Open your tiny gift. Technology.
Thank you. Okay.

Speaker 2 I'll just open this up.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow.

Speaker 11 Place it on your neck.

Speaker 11 It will adhere to your neck. Don't be afraid.
Okay. Much like

Speaker 11 what's that called when people suck on their neck so hard?

Speaker 11 Like a hickey.

Speaker 11 Thank you, Taylor. Thank you, Neil.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah.
How does the technology work exactly?

Speaker 11 It allows you to know what others are feeling.

Speaker 11 What is their true emotion?

Speaker 2 What's wrong? Oh, just looking at you, I feel

Speaker 2 so bad. What? What? Why? Do you feel this way all the time?

Speaker 2 Uh, what would describe it? What is it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that sounds about right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh boy, what happens when you look at Dar? I don't feel

Speaker 2 great. What? Thank you.
Relaxed and sure of myself.

Speaker 2 Also, like a

Speaker 2 powerful sexual entity at the same time.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 2 It's honestly very good.

Speaker 2 I mean, I can see your emotions sort of like floating around you. This is incredible.
Gallon. Yes.
This is. What are you getting off of me?

Speaker 2 Uh, you're sort of embarrassed for me. Yes.
Yeah, that's pretty accurate, actually.

Speaker 11 We will now pick you up and carry you to the sea of want.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 11 Please relax into Tila and Nila and my arms.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 There we are.

Speaker 11 I'd like to introduce you to all of my peoples.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 They're all female.

Speaker 2 Chosen leader, Gallim.

Speaker 11 Yes.

Speaker 2 Uh, chosen leader, I've never seen a male of a species before.

Speaker 2 Is that what that pink one is?

Speaker 10 His face is.

Speaker 2 Wouldn't say pink exactly, it's just sort of like a light.

Speaker 11 I'm so sorry that Pleck felt the need to correct you.

Speaker 9 Chosen one, I was speaking and I was interrupted. That's never happened to me before.

Speaker 11 Sometimes it is difficult when you are not connected to the greater mind

Speaker 11 to know when someone else has finished their thought

Speaker 11 and they must end your thought in order to begin theirs.

Speaker 2 Which is why I waited this time.

Speaker 2 I didn't have anything to say, I just wanted to just show that I could do it.

Speaker 2 Do what? Wait? Wait, yeah.

Speaker 11 For the end of my sentence?

Speaker 11 Good job.

Speaker 7 Do you want us to congratulate you?

Speaker 2 No, no, no. That's okay.

Speaker 2 I just want to let you know, like, from here on out, I'm just going to listen. I don't believe that.
Okay. Oh, boy.
All right.

Speaker 2 Is everyone on Sutopia female?

Speaker 11 That is correct.

Speaker 11 That is how we maintain such peace and such focus on emotional integrity.

Speaker 2 Must be some form of parthenogenesis, how they reproduce.

Speaker 4 Also explains why there's a female leader.

Speaker 2 Wow. There could be a female leader on a you know planet with both.

Speaker 4 I mean, of all the planets we've visited, how many of them have had female leaders? Not a ton.

Speaker 2 It's a shameful state across the galaxy.

Speaker 11 Dar, you would make an amazing leader yourself.

Speaker 4 Wow, thank you.

Speaker 9 Shall we blow on Dar to accept her as one of our own

Speaker 11 if she chooses?

Speaker 4 I would take a blow job, absolutely.

Speaker 2 You are part,

Speaker 2 part of us tonight

Speaker 2 You are part

Speaker 2 of us forever

Speaker 2 Please welcome to these open bosoms

Speaker 2 and hold our hands tonight

Speaker 2 Almost did it.

Speaker 2 Teal, you don't quite have that range.

Speaker 2 Wow, darn, what a ritual.

Speaker 2 The choreography was magnificent.

Speaker 4 I

Speaker 2 needed this so badly.

Speaker 11 Please allow these dozen Zootopians to rub your body all over so that you may relax and release the tension that is built up from dealing with all of these hooligans. Thank you.
You deserve it.

Speaker 4 I just wish Bargie was here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think she would call her. Oh, here, I'll give you one of our galactic phone.

Speaker 2 Actually, we have communicators, so these phones can just call anywhere in the galaxy instantly. Okay.

Speaker 2 Usually we need to have like a transmission ID to call somebody.

Speaker 12 Oh, hey. I'm ready to be a star again.
Hey, Bargie, it's just so hard, and I feel like it's getting nowhere. Is it because I'm old? Well, I'm ready.
I'm ready.

Speaker 5 Who is this?

Speaker 4 Bargie, it's it's it's me, Dar.

Speaker 2 And I uh I just I really think that you should be here right now. I just feel like we should really be united.

Speaker 4 You know, all together with everyone here on Stutopia.

Speaker 2 It's just a really beautiful, perfect place.

Speaker 2 Oh, hey, Bargie.

Speaker 12 Hey, what's up, I get

Speaker 12 this place seems nice. Uh, women, good job.

Speaker 2 I can clap.

Speaker 11 Thank you.

Speaker 2 Bargie, how do you make those clapping noises? Is that

Speaker 2 something inside that's clapping together? Is that like a sound effect that you're playing?

Speaker 12 Yeah, I just clap my engines, both of them together.

Speaker 2 I don't understand.

Speaker 2 Yeah, don't you shouldn't help me.

Speaker 2 Bang, bang. Okay.
Bang.

Speaker 12 Look, you interrupted him.

Speaker 2 You're right.

Speaker 2 Right. Sorry, Gallan.
Go ahead.

Speaker 11 We're getting used to it.

Speaker 11 Well, Bargie, is it?

Speaker 12 It's Barcarian carrying Jeep.

Speaker 11 What a beautiful, beautiful name for a ship.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 11 It looks like it's been a while since you've had anyone take care of you.

Speaker 12 I fight there's always been any more of an independent person. Never really needed anyone, but sometimes, you know.

Speaker 11 Sometimes it's nice if someone knows what you need without having to ask.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I guess.

Speaker 12 You're right.

Speaker 2 It's it's gas, right? Mostly gas. Oh, sorry, I

Speaker 2 really

Speaker 2 don't. Bargie, don't.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 11 I shouldn't have please allow us to shine you up I don't have enough crooned for that it's okay croon yeah no here please money is no object here wow someone's giving me a gift it's been in thank you so much

Speaker 2 thank you

Speaker 12 oh wow okay hello this tickles but it feels good yeah the blowing feels good right

Speaker 2 oh the thinking is magnificent i have the rage tila it's really not it's not your fault it's just Tila. I'm just sure you do.

Speaker 11 Beautiful.

Speaker 11 C-53, what do you need that you've never said out loud?

Speaker 11 We'll call them for you.

Speaker 2 Hello. This is C.

Speaker 2 Why are you calling?

Speaker 2 I, to be honest, was sort of put on the spot, but I've been

Speaker 2 thinking about you for

Speaker 2 decades.

Speaker 2 You know what you did. I know, and I want to say,

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 C-53, who is this? This is really not the time for this. Just waiting for me.
Okay, sorry. This is a big moment for me.
He's just wearing a sea captain's outfit. I'm trying to...
Yep.

Speaker 2 Could you maybe use that device you just got to read my emotions and see where I'm at right now?

Speaker 2 Fine. Go ahead.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Sorry about that.

Speaker 2 You know what you did,

Speaker 2 but you got a great energy about you right now. I don't know what it is.
I

Speaker 2 forgive you for one of the things.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 even that is. But I'm not gonna forgive you for the other bigger thing.
I understand.

Speaker 2 And this is where I leave you.

Speaker 2 CFG3.

Speaker 2 Are you okay? No, uh, no, I am not. Oh.
But that was big. I've been thinking about that for a long time.
Oh, wow. I mean, and like, droid, is that how a long time is like how long?

Speaker 2 The same for boats, okay.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, that's just a very emotionally raw moment.

Speaker 2 Wow. Did that have something to do with you being a boat? You know, I just really want to browse back into it.

Speaker 2 Okay, now.

Speaker 2 He had like a corncob pipe.

Speaker 4 He had made the choice to have wooden appendages rather than metal.

Speaker 2 Yep, that's very fashionable on this planet, so sure, sure, sure, sure. Don't worry about it.

Speaker 4 There were seagulls.

Speaker 2 There were a lot of seagulls, yes.

Speaker 7 Chosen leader.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 7 When will they pay the price?

Speaker 2 What? Huh? I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 You just told us that it didn't cost any croon to, you know, experience all this joy and female energy.

Speaker 2 We should mention we do not have a lot of croon.

Speaker 11 Kroon is not what I need.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's not what my people need.

Speaker 2 What do you think?

Speaker 11 Please lay down

Speaker 2 on this altar. Okay, this seems like this might not end well.
Should I be worried?

Speaker 2 Yeah, usually not.

Speaker 9 Shall we remove his clothes?

Speaker 2 Yes, please.

Speaker 4 That's true.

Speaker 9 Shall we remove his clothes?

Speaker 11 Yes, I thought I had made myself clear.

Speaker 9 It was hard to hear because so many people were talking.

Speaker 11 If you could leave the attitude at the door, I would really appreciate it.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow, love my job. I feel like there was a little crack in the armor there just for a second.

Speaker 11 Don't sit up, lay back down.

Speaker 2 Lay back down. Okay.

Speaker 11 Hold on to the straps.

Speaker 2 Uh, stra okay. C53, should I be nervous about this? Straps on an altar? Um,

Speaker 2 that feels good. This has been a real seaside because lying on an altar generally bad, but then removing clothes sometimes good,

Speaker 2 but then straps less good. Yeah, point in the negative colour Gallen, can I ask Tila Nila?

Speaker 11 No, you know what clothes are?

Speaker 11 I mean, can you please remove his clothes? I don't want to say it again.

Speaker 7 Okay, yes, yes, sorry, sorry.

Speaker 2 Tila, Nila, you guys are assistants, right?

Speaker 2 Yes,

Speaker 2 but I thought this was sort of like an egalitarian kind of utopian society. Yes, so how does that work? Are you like below everyone because your assistants are just below the leader? No, no.

Speaker 2 No, what?

Speaker 2 No. No.
I don't.

Speaker 7 That seems please move so I can take this clothing off.

Speaker 2 No, I just I want to see how does this is how does the hierarchy here work?

Speaker 4 Hierarchy.

Speaker 9 Hiya.

Speaker 2 Hierarchy. Hierarchy.
Your view can say it perfectly and the other one really struggles with any new word.

Speaker 2 Hey,

Speaker 7 we serve because we choose to.

Speaker 2 But so you take orders, though.

Speaker 9 They're conversations,

Speaker 7 suggestions and responses.

Speaker 2 Seems like orders, though.

Speaker 4 You're dear.

Speaker 2 Surely, surely you know the word order.

Speaker 9 Erder.

Speaker 2 You were just talking about ordering dinner like ten minutes ago.

Speaker 9 Order dinner.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Here we are.
Order dinner. Now, do the people who work at restaurants work for you?

Speaker 7 No, they work because they love to serve. They love the hospitality industry.

Speaker 2 Oh, my take off his clothes.

Speaker 7 Yes, of course. I am

Speaker 2 said it enough times. Okay, yes.
Now, that was definitely an order. That's an order.

Speaker 7 Thank you for that suggestion, Galen. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Hey, wow.

Speaker 11 Here, place this nosturtia flower over your members.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 11 Much better. I can see that you're more comfortable that way.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 I appreciate that. Dar,

Speaker 11 I'd like to give you

Speaker 11 this tulum.

Speaker 11 It is to draw blood

Speaker 2 from.

Speaker 11 Crawl under the altar and stab him from underneath.

Speaker 2 Now I think this is where I'm starting to get a little bit nervous. You're gonna

Speaker 11 just quickly have something you wanted to say.

Speaker 2 I get it. I apologize.

Speaker 2 Sure, totally.

Speaker 11 Thank you, Dar. Okay.

Speaker 4 I'm sorry, as you were saying, Gallen, how do you want me to bleed, Pleck?

Speaker 11 Crawl under the altar, stab him him through the table and up into the spine. His blood will drip down slowly through the port and into these collecting buckets.

Speaker 4 And you want all of Pleck's blood?

Speaker 11 That's correct. I need a shit ton of blood.
And I need someone who loves him to do it.

Speaker 2 Uh, okay. Sorry, can I

Speaker 2 jump in real quick right now?

Speaker 11 Uh, you would, even if we said no. Okay, fair enough.

Speaker 2 Fair enough. Um, can I opt out of this process?

Speaker 11 I'm sorry. You've accepted our technological gifts, and so now you must pay with your life.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and I will say, my blood is, as far as I can tell, I'm not supposed to lose more than a couple pints before I get real

Speaker 2 dead.

Speaker 11 Yes, I think I've made myself clear when I said, quote, pay with your life.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay, all right.

Speaker 4 It's like you still had to mansplain to her, even though she knew exactly what she was asking for.

Speaker 2 Darn, whose side are you on right now? It's really hard right now. I want to be on her side, but I clearly have an allegiance to you.

Speaker 4 But wow, it's just like I've been treated so well here, and at home, I have to cook eggs for Bino every five minutes.

Speaker 12 They gave me a nice shirt.

Speaker 2 Look at this new shirt I have.

Speaker 4 You look beautiful, that is so flattering, Bargie.

Speaker 12 She just gave it to me and then told me I looked great without judging me and my size.

Speaker 11 Now we will begin the blood draw. Please take this Tulum and crawl under the altar.
altar, Dar. Then you will be able to be with us for the rest of eternity.

Speaker 2 Uh, Kellen, can I ask you what you're gonna use all my blood for?

Speaker 11 To propagate the species. Oh.
Sue created a way to take the blood of a man

Speaker 11 and impregnate multiple women at once.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 wow.

Speaker 11 See, without the blood of men,

Speaker 11 we are dying off.

Speaker 2 Oh, Gelan, are you particular about the

Speaker 2 man's blood that you use? Because I think you might be getting a not

Speaker 2 great deal.

Speaker 2 What? C52?

Speaker 2 No, yeah, that's.

Speaker 2 But it's just my emotion, Hickey, is telling me that you're telling the truth.

Speaker 11 It's my understanding that blood is blood, is blood.

Speaker 11 Is blood is blood, is blood, is blood.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay.

Speaker 4 It can be any male blood.

Speaker 11 Yes.

Speaker 11 Right now, what I need is for you to stab this dude and drain his blood.

Speaker 2 Okay. I don't know what's wrong.
Dar,

Speaker 11 I believe that you could be the next chosen leader of this planet.

Speaker 4 I'm sorry, Pleck, I just have to do it.

Speaker 2 A what?

Speaker 2 Well, you know, Dar, I'm just glad that you love me. Ah!

Speaker 2 Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood,

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 only

Speaker 2 blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood,

Speaker 2 blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood.

Speaker 4 I think I've uh filled up this bucket now.

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 2 here you didn't even squirm very much.

Speaker 2 Just uh,

Speaker 2 it felt

Speaker 2 fine. No big deal for me.
Just got a lot of blood.

Speaker 2 That's weird. Why I'm so pink.

Speaker 11 Why are you not pale? If if all the blood has been drained from your body, you're still talking.

Speaker 2 I mean, maybe I'm actually

Speaker 2 makes him look less pink

Speaker 2 has

Speaker 11 dar,

Speaker 4 I just, I think I've exhausted myself here on this planet and I'm ready to return.

Speaker 2 Yeah, can I actually have my clothes back?

Speaker 11 Sure.

Speaker 9 I gave him something.

Speaker 9 Ooh.

Speaker 2 That's a much more flattering cut. Thank you.
Thank you for tailoring my

Speaker 2 deep feelings. Okay.

Speaker 4 So, chosen leader, is there anything else you need from us now that now that we've had a fair exchange?

Speaker 11 Well, I wish you would make another decision. You're still set on leaving?

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 11 Well, then I guess you must go

Speaker 11 by life.

Speaker 12 I'm saying, though, I booked a movie.

Speaker 2 No, what? You booked a movie

Speaker 2 on Suitopia?

Speaker 12 Yeah, people here just seem a little more open to the idea of putting me into films. They write better roles for people like me.
They actually care about representation. Their roles are more honest.

Speaker 12 The lines make more sense. We're not just one-dimensional ships that are just there to make the other characters which drive around that stage.
It's great.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Pargi, listen, I know this is a big break for you, but we know we gotta get out of here.

Speaker 12 Alright, so I have to start whenever you want me to.

Speaker 12 Just send over the contracts.

Speaker 12 What's the union rate? We're doing a day rate. What's happening?

Speaker 2 Yun yun yao?

Speaker 2 Oh. What's a

Speaker 7 what's a yunyao? We have no unions here.

Speaker 2 Oh boy. But

Speaker 2 how do you uh pay your address?

Speaker 7 For the love of the art. But and and the idea that you get exposure and down the line.

Speaker 2 Oh no, that's probably not gonna work.

Speaker 12 Well, everybody back on the yes.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 Gallon, we're gonna go.

Speaker 4 Thank you for this tech.

Speaker 11 Oh, you have to give those back.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 4 that hardly seems like a fair trade now.

Speaker 2 I gotta say, I mean, I had a lot more blood in me than I thought. I'm happy to help everybody because I

Speaker 2 Are you kidding me right now? What?

Speaker 4 I filled the bucket with my blood.

Speaker 2 Well, but I if you had lost that much blood you would be dead twice over. That bucket was enormous.

Speaker 2 Wait, I didn't. But Dar stabbed me.

Speaker 4 I was pinching you.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow, sorry. Thank you, Dar.
Wait, I thought it had to be male blood. I'm...

Speaker 4 It could be that I'm as male as I am female.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 But of course, it's probably that blood doesn't have gender.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. I guess I hadn't really considered considered that part.
Here I was thinking I really was just

Speaker 2 very strong and tough.

Speaker 4 If someone else could be on Beano Duty tonight, I would really appreciate it.

Speaker 2 You know what, guys? I'll be on Beano Duty. You and Bargie should relax.
Thank you. Okay.
Yeah, you know, Bargie, you look great. You're all shined up.
You got that new shirt.

Speaker 2 I don't I don't know what really that means, but I...

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 2 Where on the ship is the V part?

Speaker 5 Turn around the whole ship so you can see it.

Speaker 2 I'm inside the ship, Bargain.

Speaker 2 I can't see it.

Speaker 5 Oh, okay, right. Just to clarify, do you understand the seven things you need to do to take care of Vino?

Speaker 2 Well, there's the bedtime story. Uh-huh.
There's the tuck. Yes.
Then there's the re-tuck when he jumps out and reenacts the meeting scene.

Speaker 4 You should start your rotation now of how many eggs you need to cook him throughout the

Speaker 2 night. There's the scramble.

Speaker 2 There's the boil.

Speaker 2 There's the poach.

Speaker 4 Yeah, there's two more steps.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 There's the forehead kiss.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 barricading the door. Always right, yes.
Yes. Barricading the door.

Speaker 4 In case Bino goes insane.

Speaker 2 It's very terrifying, but what if we just let it happen one time? You know what? Do you remember the time we almost let it happen?

Speaker 2 I'm going to play this this clip. I remind you,

Speaker 3 Bino, won't dance.

Speaker 2 Listen, I've been dancing for 20 minutes.

Speaker 5 We've been.

Speaker 2 Dar is the dancer. I can't dance.

Speaker 4 He doesn't want me to dance. He only wants you to dance.

Speaker 3 Bino won't dance.

Speaker 2 You know what, Bino? I've already danced for you.

Speaker 3 You know, you. You don't want dancer, Bino, go insane.

Speaker 2 Okay, fine. Just go insane, Bino.
See what I care. I'm done.

Speaker 2 Okay, Bino. Beano, go insane.

Speaker 1 Black will just keep puppeteering you until she's happy.

Speaker 2 Beetle loves dance.

Speaker 3 Beetle thinks dance is the curious form of expression.

Speaker 2 Black,

Speaker 2 never do that. Thank you.

Speaker 8 Okay, alright. I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Emmary Dexter, I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations Manager Nermit von Delor.

Speaker 2 Hey, Nermit.

Speaker 2 Oh man, they had so much cool stuff. Call anywhere in the galaxy immediately without any sort of coordinates or transmission ID or anything.

Speaker 2 Teleport anywhere. Short-range teleportation was

Speaker 2 emotion reading, like a mind-meld sort of thing. We got all of it.
Oh, great. And then they took it away from us when we wouldn't give them all of my blood.

Speaker 2 Oh, geez. But what? They did have it.

Speaker 2 I mean, I have a lot of pictures of the tech.

Speaker 6 I don't know. That doesn't seem like it was what they were after.

Speaker 2 You know, speaking of Galactic calling C-53,

Speaker 2 I am so curious about what you possibly could have done to that sea captain.

Speaker 4 Yeah, one day, I hope you're comfortable telling us the story about the old man

Speaker 11 and the C-53.

Speaker 1 This is Sea Red IT5 Credits and Attributions droid commencing outro protocol. Emissary Plech Dexter was played by Alden Ford.
C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent.

Speaker 1 Security Officer Dar was played by Ellie Kokesh. Bargie the Ship and Nila were played by Mujan Zolfagari.
Missions Operations Manager Nervi Bundeloy was played by Seth Lind.

Speaker 1 Bino and Tila were played by Winston Knoll. Chosen Leader Gellen was played by special guest Lennon Parham.

Speaker 1 Lennon is an actor and writer who co-created and starred in the sitcom's Best Friends Forever on NBC and Playing House on USA with frequent collaborator Jessica St. Clair.

Speaker 1 Together they host the Earwolf podcast Womp It Up. Lennon has also appeared on Madman, Arrested Development Veep, Lady Dynamite, Bob's Burgers, and many other shows and movies.

Speaker 1 Follow her on Twitter at Lennon Parham. This episode edited by Seth Lynn was sound design and mixed by Shade O'Connell.
Music by Brendan Ryan, opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Speaker 1 Mission to 6 is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks, Audioboom.
This episode was recorded at Robert Doggy Jr.'s Puppy Pound in Brooklyn and at Forever Dog Studios in Los Angeles.

Speaker 1 Speaking of Los Angeles, we are very excited to greet inhabitants of that quadrant this coming Sunday, July 29th, at our live show at Dynasty Typewriter at the Hayworth, featuring special returning guest John Gabris.

Speaker 1 Tickets at dynastytypewriter.com or mission to 6.space.

Speaker 2 Be no hungry.

Speaker 2 Oh, hey, hey, Beano. It's pretty early, isn't it?

Speaker 2 Be no hungry. No, I mean, early for you to be in this episode.
Sorry.

Speaker 2 I was trying to change it up a little bit. Yeah, no, no, no.
That's good. That's good.
Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry. Okay.
That works. No.