207: A Phoenix Raises [ft. Christopher Scott & Matt Little]

Speaker 1 This is Sea Red IT5 with a special announcement. Mission to Zix is performing live in Los Angeles for the first time ever on July 29th at 7 p.m.

Speaker 1 at the Dynasty Typewriter at the Hayworth, featuring the return of extra special guest John Gabris. Tickets at dynastytypewriter.com and missiontozix.space.

Speaker 2 It is a period of civil war.

Speaker 4 The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated Alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in in the balance.

Speaker 2 Now, rebel emissary Pleck Dexeta and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

Speaker 8 This

Speaker 6 is mission to Zix.

Speaker 10 Hey, C-53.

Speaker 11 I got us a pet. What? I got us a pet.
A pet? Yeah.

Speaker 11 I was hanging out with my ship friends and uh they were all happy. They all seemed to have a pet and now they were like, you're looking down, Bargie.
Why don't you go get a pet?

Speaker 11 So I ordered a pet and now we got a pet.

Speaker 13 Oh, that's really great.

Speaker 11 It's gonna come any moment now.

Speaker 12 Bargie, what kind of animal is the pet? I just clicked pet and ship. Seems very good.
I can't wait.

Speaker 11 I think a pet is the answer.

Speaker 16 I mean, you know, they say you shouldn't like get a pet or like, you know, they say like after a breakup or like you lose your job, you shouldn't even get like a haircut, you know?

Speaker 18 I would like you to answer Barce's question.

Speaker 19 Who is they?

Speaker 21 It was like a magazine for teens.

Speaker 12 What was the name of the magazine?

Speaker 15 The teen.

Speaker 22 It was a long time ago.

Speaker 24 It was my older sister's.

Speaker 21 I was reading it.

Speaker 23 You know, I didn't have a lot to do on Ranga 6.

Speaker 14 So, anyway, they say.

Speaker 16 They say you shouldn't make any big lifestyle changes when you're in like a transitionary period.

Speaker 11 Why would you need another ship in your life when you have a pet?

Speaker 22 Vargi, you know,

Speaker 14 I know it's hard, you know, I haven't been in a relationship in a while.

Speaker 14 Oh,

Speaker 26 that does sound adorable.

Speaker 27 C53, how many species of pets will eat a Tellurian?

Speaker 12 Oh, wait.

Speaker 12 Interesting question. If we're just talking about commonly accepted breeds for pets,

Speaker 12 at least four dozen.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 16 Bargie, before you open the door,

Speaker 17 can I just look in this air hole real quick?

Speaker 23 Just to make sure.

Speaker 31 Okay.

Speaker 32 Oh, wow.

Speaker 33 Oh, okay. All right.

Speaker 21 That's terrifying.

Speaker 24 Listen, Bargie, could you just.

Speaker 23 Yeah, let's wait until I'm sort of on a mission before you let that out, because that might be pretty dangerous.

Speaker 11 Oh, I ordered two pets, I'm sorry.

Speaker 15 But Bart Bargie, come on.

Speaker 18 Was it a BOGO?

Speaker 11 It was a big a BOGO. Yeah.
It was a big BOGO weekend.

Speaker 27 Wait, are will BOGOs eat Tellurians?

Speaker 18 Oh, buy one, get one.

Speaker 12 Oh, buy one, get one. Okay.

Speaker 12 I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations Manager Nermit of the Loyal. Okay.

Speaker 22 Hey, hey, Nermit.

Speaker 12 Hey, guys.

Speaker 12 What?

Speaker 12 Seem to be scrambling to buy something.

Speaker 35 You called us. you guys doing?

Speaker 18 You called us. Why are you scrambling to hide something?

Speaker 31 I called you absolutely on purpose. I didn't bump the button.
And how are you?

Speaker 21 I mean, we're fine.

Speaker 12 Did you call us on accident? No, no, no, no, no. I didn't.

Speaker 35 Did you nub dial us? No, I didn't.

Speaker 12 No.

Speaker 31 Yes, I nubbed you fine. And if you saw this, it's

Speaker 19 it's

Speaker 31 it's a

Speaker 31 it's a poster of Turkmannequin's giving a talk and they panic

Speaker 16 you have a Turk mannequin poster in your office it's not I didn't hang it.

Speaker 15 It's I where's our poster?

Speaker 31 No, he's well you were not giving a rep talk

Speaker 18 reb they have a thing where sometimes you get to give like a 15 minute

Speaker 18 little speech

Speaker 18 about a thing you're like a specialist in yeah a rev talk.

Speaker 31 Yeah, and so they're having him talk and I'm not even gonna go.

Speaker 12 You know Turkmannequin's red talk talk about

Speaker 18 tell us

Speaker 31 it's about how to strap explosives to the core of a ship.

Speaker 16 Oh, are you serious?

Speaker 38 Wow.

Speaker 39 He doesn't know.

Speaker 15 He's not qualified to do that.

Speaker 31 That's what I said.

Speaker 3 And that's Samo and Wing.

Speaker 31 And that's why I'm not going.

Speaker 18 How'd you get the poster?

Speaker 31 They handed it out to everyone who

Speaker 18 bought tickets.

Speaker 34 You know what, Norman? I don't like what's happening over here.

Speaker 31 We've got a mission.

Speaker 14 Do we?

Speaker 11 Is Tiny Toots in that poster?

Speaker 12 Why don't you just show us the poster?

Speaker 40 Wow.

Speaker 31 You know what, guys? I'll take one for the team. I'm gonna go to the talk and I'm gonna figure out what his deal is.

Speaker 12 And I'm gonna

Speaker 12 help us at all, though.

Speaker 31 You know what, guys? I'm not going to the talk.

Speaker 12 Okay. Thank you.
Why don't you give us our mission that we have?

Speaker 31 So, here's what you're doing. Have you guys heard of Phoenix Ash?

Speaker 42 No,

Speaker 18 should we have?

Speaker 31 Phoenix Ash is a shadowy character with deep, deep ties to the Federated Alliance, okay?

Speaker 18 So, he works for the Federated Alliance, or is he just like really good friends of people in the Federated Alliance?

Speaker 22 Yeah, how do you ha I mean, we had really deep ties to the Federated Alliance, we were working for them, okay?

Speaker 11 Dice Nermit's doing a bad job today.

Speaker 12 I'm I I

Speaker 31 my best friends don't like me. How do you operate on your job?

Speaker 43 Nermit, do you need a pet?

Speaker 12 We have two. We have two.

Speaker 37 I guess.

Speaker 18 It was a BOGO.

Speaker 35 Oh, you know, you gotta get the second one. Exactly.

Speaker 31 I have no information about either.

Speaker 12 Well, one of them makes this sound,

Speaker 12 and the other one makes this sound.

Speaker 12 I'll have the first one. Okay.

Speaker 22 You chose wrong. What?

Speaker 28 That one's the scary one.

Speaker 12 What? No, I don't need a pet.

Speaker 11 Okay. That's what people who need pets say.
Really? Anyway, continue.

Speaker 31 You are going to the Totopa Casino.

Speaker 31 This says on your no-funny business, okay?

Speaker 3 What does that mean?

Speaker 31 It says no funny business, meaning no one will know you arrived. No one will have noticed you left.
Phoenix Ash will not know that he met you, but you should come back with precious, precious intel.

Speaker 31 It's a stealth stealth mission.

Speaker 12 Oh,

Speaker 18 so Tellurian, droid, and Dar walk into a casino. Yep,

Speaker 12 exactly.

Speaker 7 All right.

Speaker 31 And Pleck, this is really rare, and you need to be responsible, but we are going to give you a couple hundred croon so that if you end up, you know, in a game of chance, you can blend.

Speaker 22 Wait, you're giving us money? No, he's not giving it to you.

Speaker 18 It's just and if we lose real big,

Speaker 35 asking for Pleck.

Speaker 31 You can't lose more than you have.

Speaker 3 Okay, well, you know, you never know.

Speaker 31 Guys, the Totopo Casino is a dangerous, alluring place, and you have to resist all of its magnetism.

Speaker 18 So, is it actual magnets?

Speaker 22 Yeah, C53 should not be around magnets,

Speaker 31 but there are a lot of literal magnets, and also it's just very alluring.

Speaker 12 Sort of a bogo for magnetism.

Speaker 31 And I think this is the kind of thing where once you guys successfully complete this mission and you report back in, we're gonna be closer than ever.

Speaker 13 You know?

Speaker 31 We're gonna feel the love.

Speaker 22 Let us know how his RevTalk goes.

Speaker 37 Attention. Attention.
Can anyone hear me? This is Captain Hart Tardigas transmitting from the depths of a hyperdrive vortex.

Speaker 37 One moment I was welcoming some amazing new rebels into the rebellion, and then zap! My fighter is stranded in a technicolor ether separate from time and space.

Speaker 37 I can't even begin to describe what that was. Finally, I'm picking up scraps of rebel communications, including this.

Speaker 37 Support from our noble rebellion against the future Federated Alliance comes from Squarespace. We use Squarespace to build our amazing official rebellion website, therebellion.space.

Speaker 37 You can go there now to see the gorgeous poster for Emissary Turkmennekid's Rev Talk. Wow, is it a beautiful? The site also has Jordan Bakorkin's hit song, This Dependent's Day.

Speaker 37 Download the track and check out the video.

Speaker 37 And fear not, although my very being is at the whims of the pulsing fabric of reality itself, I've been using my ScamCom signal to faithfully file my advice column Hark's Tough Love, where I answer your burning questions.

Speaker 37 TheRebellion.space has lots more, including the page Make a Site, where you can get this amazing offer, a free Squarespace trial, and 10% off your first purchase when you visit squarespace.com/slash six and use the offer code ZixZYXX.

Speaker 37 Trust me, you're going to love Squarespace's beautiful templates and award-winning 24-7 customer service. That's all at your favorite website and mine, TheRavellian.space.

Speaker 13 Park Tardigas Plot fighting on.

Speaker 33 Why you run?

Speaker 2 You know what, guys?

Speaker 16 I gotta hand it to Bargie.

Speaker 36 She had a bunch of straight-up costumes in that room we've never been into.

Speaker 44 I look good.

Speaker 45 Does this suit look familiar to you, C422?

Speaker 33 Emissary Dixeter, I must inform you that that is the suit that Jim Jr. died in.

Speaker 42 What?

Speaker 23 I should not be wearing this.

Speaker 44 It fits very well, though.

Speaker 47 Welcome!

Speaker 39 Welcome to Tatopa Casino.

Speaker 39 Uh, hi, hi there.

Speaker 47 Uh, we're just uh you guys seem like you should be over in the high roller section, right?

Speaker 48 Uh, yes, yes, a suit like that, a suit like that, uh, you know, it's just all the high rollers, eh?

Speaker 15 Uh, yep, and our droid.

Speaker 6 Ah, good, good.

Speaker 47 I'll set you up with one of the best dealers we have.

Speaker 39 Ah, thank you. Great.

Speaker 36 Sorry, I'm just a little confused.

Speaker 27 Are you the greeter at this casino, or are you the owner of the casino?

Speaker 37 Never been to a casino before?

Speaker 39 I'm a greeter.

Speaker 26 Great. And I'm the walker.

Speaker 42 Let me walk you over.

Speaker 6 Oh, wow, cool.

Speaker 42 Where are we walking him? Walking him over to D34LR.

Speaker 26 Come on, greeter. Join me.

Speaker 30 That's almost absurd.

Speaker 33 Ritual notions.

Speaker 39 Yeah, it's a ritual.

Speaker 47 It's not a way to make sure that you start spending croon. It's not that.

Speaker 6 Keep going.

Speaker 6 Alright.

Speaker 51 Very nice.

Speaker 8 This is really opulent casino.

Speaker 42 It's alluring and magnetic, right?

Speaker 40 It's definitely magnetic.

Speaker 47 Well, it's a magnetic core.

Speaker 32 I'm glad it has a magnetic core.

Speaker 18 Boys, I just want to jump in real quick. There was one costume that fit me in Bargy's dressing room.
One.

Speaker 18 Do I feel like a high roller in this

Speaker 26 large, shiny balloon?

Speaker 42 No!

Speaker 42 I'm not

Speaker 32 100% sure that's a costume, so much as they were.

Speaker 50 That may have just been a balloon.

Speaker 39 Thank you, sir.

Speaker 52 I will take very good care of them, sir.

Speaker 6 Thank you very much.

Speaker 26 Wow, cool.

Speaker 17 Hey,

Speaker 23 just here to play a couple games,

Speaker 23 not get too involved. My name's Corp.

Speaker 22 Uh, Corp Tom Tomstopper.

Speaker 29 Okay, well, at this table, we play Royal North Nortan.

Speaker 42 Uh, and it's 100 Kroon blinds.

Speaker 32 I'm sorry, Dixon, we should step away from the table immediately.

Speaker 28 Oh, C53, you used to be.

Speaker 24 C53, you used to be a Nortan dealer.

Speaker 33 I used to be a Nortan dealer, do you understand me? Not a Royal Nortan.

Speaker 42 We have plenty of open seats.

Speaker 10 That looks pretty much the same, right?

Speaker 23 There's a river over there. It's a...

Speaker 33 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 6 Don't do nothing.

Speaker 38 I'm just gonna... Just one game.

Speaker 36 Seems fine.

Speaker 42 Got money on the table?

Speaker 6 We are playing. Great.
Are you familiar with Royal Nortan?

Speaker 15 I'm familiar with Nortan.

Speaker 39 Oh, it's very similar. Oh, great.
See? See if it's three or four.

Speaker 42 Like Nortan, there are three suits.

Speaker 39 Okay. Gems, jewels, stones.
Great, yep.

Speaker 52 Unlike Nortan, there are also three sub-suits paired with each suit, which are also jewels, gems, stones. So you'll be given two cards per card, which you must hold together.

Speaker 39 So there would be jewel jewels, jewels, gems, jewels, stones, gem stones, gem gem, gem jewels.

Speaker 52 Make sense, etc.

Speaker 23 And then stone jewel, stone gem, and stone stones.

Speaker 18 Wow, you see, you're picking it up so fast.

Speaker 39 It's 100 crore buys.

Speaker 38 Uh, sure.

Speaker 32 For the last time,

Speaker 30 I will advise you to leave the table.

Speaker 16 C53, you know, I really.

Speaker 43 C53, I think you're making a bit of a scene.

Speaker 40 I'm not making a scene.

Speaker 54 I'm just grabbing him

Speaker 25 and telling him he's too

Speaker 13 stupid for this game.

Speaker 43 But I've already bought in, and I really want to beat him.

Speaker 39 Okay, listen, I can't let Dargo down this road by themselves.

Speaker 38 I gotta try this.

Speaker 21 One hand, C53.

Speaker 6 One hand.

Speaker 52 Alright, so there are your ten cards. Remember, every card is paired with another card, so that's only five cards.

Speaker 52 Make sure you hold them together so they don't become separated, otherwise there will be consequences.

Speaker 10 Now, can I switch the cards from one to

Speaker 23 know.

Speaker 52 Great, here are the nine cards in the chamber and the three cards in the pit.

Speaker 52 Unlike normal Norton, each betting round will consist of also passing one card to the right and putting one card face down.

Speaker 52 Then whoever has the highest bid from the previous round gets to select either one card from the pit or three cards from the chamber to flip up.

Speaker 23 Okay, just one second.

Speaker 16 Yeah, C53.

Speaker 32 What do I do?

Speaker 25 Boom.

Speaker 12 Now you're worried about how to play Royal Norton.

Speaker 15 I just lost the thread for like a second, and that's the point.

Speaker 6 Okay, okay.

Speaker 6 Yep, it's the most complicated card game in the galaxy.

Speaker 52 There are also five base cards included with the normal number cards.

Speaker 42 There is the Heliophant, the Empress, the Emperor, the Prince, the Assassin.

Speaker 53 If you have the Assassin in your hand at the end of the rounds, it is worth minus 3 points.

Speaker 39 Okay, yeah. If it is paired with either the Empress or the Emperor, it is worth 17 points.

Speaker 52 The Emperor is worth minus 5 points, and the Empress minus 7 points.

Speaker 19 Okay, all right.

Speaker 53 All right, first betting round before we place our face-down card and pass one card to the right.

Speaker 15 B3-4-LR.

Speaker 17 I'm sorry, I have one more question.

Speaker 45 Sure.

Speaker 15 The river?

Speaker 41 Is that for drowning people in?

Speaker 52 Yes, after 10 rounds, the loser is drowned in a river.

Speaker 39 Okay, great, sure.

Speaker 24 So, C53, same rules. As long as I don't lose 10 rounds, we're in good shape.

Speaker 18 I can't stress how important it is. I need you to lose it this game, so I start looking better.

Speaker 10 Okay, alright, so I will just take one of these cards.

Speaker 48 You're betting now.

Speaker 50 Oh, yep, sure.

Speaker 52 I was just betting now and placing one card face down and passing one card to the right.

Speaker 23 Sure, but I already bet with the hundred croon that I put in.

Speaker 52 No, that's a blind. That is just to enter into the round.

Speaker 18 Okay, yep. I bet 600 croon.

Speaker 9 Tar, where did you get the croon?

Speaker 18 That is none of your business.

Speaker 42 Okay, fair enough. This is my ninth round and I can't wait.
I'm gonna put in 500 croon and I like to deal in and out.

Speaker 36 That is fair. Great, great.

Speaker 10 So I'll just pass this card to the right.

Speaker 33 That means you automatically lose the round.

Speaker 15 What the f- I thought that was part of it.

Speaker 44 There's a bet of 600 and 500.

Speaker 29 You can choose which one you wish to match.

Speaker 34 Okay, I guess I'll match 500.

Speaker 15 I'm getting pretty close to the bottom of my croon already.

Speaker 29 You are committed to playing an entire 11 rounds.

Speaker 42 Cool.

Speaker 53 Would you like to speak to the pit boss and extend a line of credit?

Speaker 39 Is that possible?

Speaker 3 Oh, yes.

Speaker 32 Great!

Speaker 44 Ah, my high roller.

Speaker 42 Hello, hello.

Speaker 14 And I just, I, I forgot to grab my croon tube.

Speaker 47 Alright, well, I can extend a line of credit.

Speaker 15 Hey, perfect.

Speaker 47 Alright, so what are you putting against that?

Speaker 55 Oh, I just gotta play a couple rounds.

Speaker 17 Old Nortan.

Speaker 42 What?

Speaker 47 Do you not know how credit works?

Speaker 48 Usually you have to put up a piece of collateral.

Speaker 6 Right.

Speaker 17 Oh, um, uh, I guess my droid?

Speaker 6 No, no, no.

Speaker 6 All right, the droid is in. As collateral.

Speaker 33 I hate when they do that. We have to show an ownership deed, and he does not have that.

Speaker 39 Alright, now turn over half your hand. Okay, top half or bottom half inside.

Speaker 45 Okay.

Speaker 48 Oh, I see your hand adds up to a prime number.

Speaker 45 Yes, it does.

Speaker 39 All hands must be picked back up and passed to the left.

Speaker 44 Oh, that was. But.

Speaker 50 So this isn't my hand anymore.

Speaker 36 It was good though, right?

Speaker 7 Are you having fun?

Speaker 15 I'm I'm sort of.

Speaker 24 I feel like I may have missed a couple key rules at the very top of this.

Speaker 56 Can I interrupt his round and do a back-to-back?

Speaker 42 Yes, you can.

Speaker 36 I'm sorry, what is it back-to-back?

Speaker 52 That was six individual cards, which are then paired with additional cards and can bet on each additional hand.

Speaker 7 Okay, I see. I'm getting.

Speaker 56 He has to name them.

Speaker 56 Daniel. Daniel.
Daniel. Daniel.
And Daniel. And Daniel.

Speaker 10 I thought there were six cards, though.

Speaker 47 All right, Hyroler. here's your croon up against your droid-ass collapse.

Speaker 39 It shouldn't be possible.

Speaker 42 C-53, listen, I'm really sorry about this.

Speaker 23 And Zim, I'm sorry, ma'am.

Speaker 33 Oh, wow. Well, that was your turn.
Yes, that wasn't.

Speaker 50 That wasn't your tenth round.

Speaker 6 What? No.

Speaker 6 No.

Speaker 6 Oh.

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 3 okay.

Speaker 47 Hyrola. Yeah, yeah.
You're about to meet one of our biggest high rollers here at the casino.

Speaker 26 Whoa. Oh, I can't wait to see two high rollers go up against each other.

Speaker 18 Now, do you supply those trumpets or no, those are his.

Speaker 6 Oh, cool.

Speaker 42 Yeah, I love this guy.

Speaker 39 Here he is, folks.

Speaker 2 Hey, thanks so much.

Speaker 57 D34LR, how are you, my friend? Mr.

Speaker 55 Mass, thank you. It is so great to see you again.

Speaker 38 I'm sorry.

Speaker 23 Your name is Mr.

Speaker 36 Ash?

Speaker 57 Uh, yeah, Fo Enix Ash.

Speaker 24 Foe Enix Ash?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 51 Great.

Speaker 50 That's a really rolls off the tongue.

Speaker 57 That gown that you are wearing is incredible. Where did you get that?

Speaker 54 Thank you.

Speaker 18 It was custom.

Speaker 39 Ah, custom.

Speaker 55 Mr.

Speaker 42 Ash, would you like me to load another shoe?

Speaker 57 Yeah, you know what?

Speaker 57 I like this table. I like the vibe here.
Let's load two shoes.

Speaker 46 Just one moment.

Speaker 51 Yeah.

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 17 It's a good thing you're out here now, because some old lady just got drowned.

Speaker 57 Oh, man, I missed it.

Speaker 18 So she lost that round, which means we won the first round.

Speaker 55 No, the house won.

Speaker 9 Okay.

Speaker 25 If someone is drowned, the house wins.

Speaker 3 Got it.

Speaker 14 Okay, sure. Now,

Speaker 14 just in case, and there's not, but just in case there was someone at the table who had no idea how to play this game.

Speaker 52 Well, I would tell them to watch Mr. Ash.

Speaker 7 That's it. Yeah.

Speaker 57 Yeah. So,

Speaker 57 tell me about your robot friend over here.

Speaker 42 Oh, this is Collateral. Mr.
Collateral.

Speaker 24 This is C17.

Speaker 23 He's just a good old droid.

Speaker 15 We have a rapport between each other.

Speaker 46 Do we have a good relationship where one of us offers sound, well-measured advice, and the other one ignores it entirely?

Speaker 39 Sometimes.

Speaker 7 Let's get that second round going, huh?

Speaker 6 D3?

Speaker 42 100 crude lines?

Speaker 39 Yeah, just

Speaker 13 a ton of crude lines.

Speaker 18 This one's actually 10 cards.

Speaker 41 Yes.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm very...

Speaker 13 I'm not a trouble following.

Speaker 33 Back up the drowning thing.

Speaker 3 Oh, wait, what is this?

Speaker 57 Hey, there they are. Good to see you, boys.
Hey, boys.

Speaker 57 Sorry, how many questions have you asked about the game at the table so far?

Speaker 14 Just a couple, just to make sure that it.

Speaker 55 He is currently three short of making a dupe.

Speaker 5 Oh, no. Okay, well.
Okay.

Speaker 3 I know that this is one of my three.

Speaker 39 But a loop is bad, right?

Speaker 42 A dupe, not a loop.

Speaker 29 A loop is something entirely different.

Speaker 18 That sounds like two questions that were asked.

Speaker 57 I think it sounds like two indeed. Oh, I'm so sorry, my friend.
Let's reload those shoes.

Speaker 57 You know, I got a question.

Speaker 3 Hmm.

Speaker 57 Because you do seem fun, and I do like you.

Speaker 57 So I want to ask your husband here, how much

Speaker 57 would it be

Speaker 57 for a night?

Speaker 57 With your beautiful wife over here.

Speaker 16 Wait, are you are you referring to me?

Speaker 20 Of course, Corp. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 57 So how much for uh and I'll tell you, no price is too high when the proposal is this indecent.

Speaker 5 I love it.

Speaker 44 Why are you here?

Speaker 42 Why are you still here? I'm the pit boss.

Speaker 42 I'm the notary public when an indecent proposal happens.

Speaker 57 Yeah, so you do have your stamp, am I right? I do indeed.

Speaker 5 Alright.

Speaker 18 No price is too high?

Speaker 57 No price is too high.

Speaker 57 Okay.

Speaker 23 Fo Enix, can I ask you what what does a night with you entail?

Speaker 57 Oh man, well, the first thing that we would do is we would sit down on a bench.

Speaker 57 Okay, we would look into each other's eyes deeply, and then after ten minutes, on the count of three, we would try to guess what the other person was thinking.

Speaker 57 We would keep yelling words at each other until we said the same word at the same time.

Speaker 9 Oh, great.

Speaker 57 And then I would take you on the deck.

Speaker 57 The deck? Oh, yeah, the deck. My planet crusher crusher.

Speaker 16 Did you say planet crusher?

Speaker 57 No, I said planet crusher crusher.

Speaker 14 I would love to see something so large that it could crush a planet crusher.

Speaker 57 Well, if you stick around with me a little bit longer, see what a planet crusher crusher does and let me explain this to your beautiful face and eye.

Speaker 57 My eye isn't really supposed to look like this, but you know what? A planet crusher crusher is the thing that eliminates the evidence of the thing that has destroyed a planet. Great.

Speaker 36 Cool.

Speaker 16 That's good n- that's good information to know.

Speaker 18 Hold that thought.

Speaker 18 Corp C-17 Hill word.

Speaker 38 Yes. Just worry about it.

Speaker 3 Yes, we will call it Dern.

Speaker 57 Gavel, Gavel, Gavel.

Speaker 6 I allow it.

Speaker 18 That last part sounded pretty interesting.

Speaker 12 He's talking about a ship that crushes planet crushers.

Speaker 15 C-53, you mentioned that a while back, and I always thought it was sort of a theoretical, but it sounds like that's a real thing.

Speaker 18 But let's revisit the fact that he wants to pay me to spend a night with you. I think it sounds too good to be true.

Speaker 18 I mean, I get rid of you for a night, I get a whole bunch of crew, and I think we'll get to that in just a second, Dar.

Speaker 22 I'm terrified of that, by the way.

Speaker 18 Oh, he sounds pretty pleasant. Yeah, what's the worst that could happen?

Speaker 13 What are you talking about? You

Speaker 12 sold me to a casino.

Speaker 15 Okay, well, I collateraled you to a casino.

Speaker 25 Do you understand how credit works?

Speaker 14 I'm I'm going to win it all back.

Speaker 3 Or

Speaker 18 you did deserve that.

Speaker 18 Or instead of winning it all back, we just get it all from this very charming individual.

Speaker 18 And, you know, everything's square. C is fine.
You get to experience something that, honestly, wish it was me.

Speaker 18 How are you not into this guy?

Speaker 18 Jim. What? My flaps will not stop shaking.

Speaker 20 I don't.

Speaker 51 Are you kidding?

Speaker 15 No. He's got it.

Speaker 18 There is something about.

Speaker 3 His hair is so greasy and he has all those rings.

Speaker 13 And he's

Speaker 18 just the way he licks all of his chins when he's talking to you.

Speaker 20 Is it not completely arousing?

Speaker 35 I'm not into it.

Speaker 18 And then we get to find out a little something about a little planet crusher crusher.

Speaker 25 Okay.

Speaker 18 And not only that, he just says things with such confidence that I am

Speaker 39 ready to shoot.

Speaker 6 Okay, yeah, wow.

Speaker 42 Would you like to shoot this hand?

Speaker 44 I would.

Speaker 42 All right, double the bet.

Speaker 36 We are currently at six losses.

Speaker 9 Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 57 Okay. Better won that river up.

Speaker 39 I shall.

Speaker 29 If you're overly concerned, some of our more wealthy clients download their consciousness for a small fee.

Speaker 20 Oh, that's great.

Speaker 29 So after they're shot, they can be reloaded into a new body.

Speaker 38 Yeah, that's great.

Speaker 36 Okay, yeah.

Speaker 48 It is only 17,000 croon.

Speaker 42 Okay, well.

Speaker 18 And how much of a tube of credit has my dear corpse taken out here at the casino?

Speaker 40 It's really sneaking back there.

Speaker 12 Well, there it goes.

Speaker 33 Into the distance.

Speaker 27 Okay, so theoretically, I can hate to see a tube of credit that long. Well, at first, but if you, you know, if you're able to pay it back, then what's the problem?

Speaker 57 But I also do want to point out that

Speaker 57 if you accept my proposal, you will have a much longer tube of credit.

Speaker 38 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 36 That's true.

Speaker 57 Because the Notary Public over here, the ink is wet on his stamp.

Speaker 42 I'm hovering.

Speaker 23 Listen, Phoeenix, listen.

Speaker 55 Good plan.

Speaker 42 That's two more losses.

Speaker 13 Who seems like?

Speaker 29 Oh, Norm is up to currently 11 wins.

Speaker 46 Notice how people are putting down cards as they've been talking and you've just been staring into space.

Speaker 24 C17. What?

Speaker 3 Come here for a second.

Speaker 46 Minor recess?

Speaker 42 Minor recess.

Speaker 38 C53, don't you understand? I can't lose this game.

Speaker 27 I'm connected to the space.

Speaker 27 All I have to do is reach out with my feelings. I can see the cards before they're even flimmed over.

Speaker 40 You don't know what you're trying to do with the cards.

Speaker 15 That's where the space comes in.

Speaker 38 My hand just guides them where they need to go.

Speaker 27 I haven't activated it yet because I was waiting for the stakes to get higher.

Speaker 40 This has been a very frustrating day for me personally.

Speaker 23 Thank you, C53.

Speaker 33 Wow, there's a lot of table talk happening today.

Speaker 39 Alright, we're back.

Speaker 57 Norm, I just want you to know that I love your style so much. I have some fashion friends on a distant planet, and I'm thinking about

Speaker 57 the idea of a fashion line called Normcore based on your style. I feel like it's something we should talk about later.

Speaker 45 That sounds really, really good.

Speaker 51 Yeah.

Speaker 57 You know what?

Speaker 57 You're at nine losses, my beautiful friend, and I feel like we are at we are at what is called the river's edge.

Speaker 20 Is it nine already?

Speaker 13 Yes, we are at nine.

Speaker 17 Then, in that case, I think it's time for me to go all in with my tube of credit.

Speaker 45 Thank you.

Speaker 52 Now, you just need to choose two cards.

Speaker 52 You can swap two of the cards in your hand for one of the cards on the table and one of the cards from the player directly opposite of you. Take two cards, pass one to the left and one to the right.

Speaker 44 Pick one card in the pit and flip it up.

Speaker 52 Take one card in the chamber and flip it over. You can swap two cards in your subset of your suits with another player's cards.

Speaker 48 But you must also make sure you have at least a prince or emperor in your hand on

Speaker 36 the pit.

Speaker 49 I'm gonna stop you right there.

Speaker 49 I'm gonna stop you right there.

Speaker 49 I know exactly what to do.

Speaker 34 Passing this card to the left, passing this card to the right, flipping this card in the pit, and putting these three cards on top of the stack stack of 16 cards to my right.

Speaker 18 Pleck, there are 11 more steps, and you cut him off before he explained them all.

Speaker 49 No,

Speaker 49 I think I pretty much sum the total of your hand.

Speaker 53 Okay, if it is under 20, you must reach across the table, tap the rhythm of the anthem of Gudus,

Speaker 52 pull your hand back, put those cards back over.

Speaker 17 Say no more.

Speaker 24 Is

Speaker 14 this the card I need to win?

Speaker 26 It was rhetorical.

Speaker 16 It was rhetorical. It was rhetorical.

Speaker 10 D-34LR.

Speaker 49 Do you have an assassin in your hand?

Speaker 14 If I do, it is

Speaker 49 this one.

Speaker 39 That is a two.

Speaker 17 Okay, yep. And that is.

Speaker 39 That's a lost. Yikes.

Speaker 48 Mr. Ash, would you like to make a decent proposal him before we drown him or after?

Speaker 51 Well,

Speaker 57 I feel like the way this is going, I'll do it afterwards.

Speaker 32 Did you hear that? Court?

Speaker 40 He's gonna wait till you're drowned to a decent proposal you.

Speaker 6 Oh, wow.

Speaker 6 Oh,

Speaker 41 my

Speaker 41 rod.

Speaker 20 It's us. Hey, go!

Speaker 3 We know who it is.

Speaker 59 We wanna play.

Speaker 52 Well, we're about to have an open seat.

Speaker 57 Yeah, this beautiful woman here is about to be drowned in that river over yonder. I'm actually a

Speaker 59 speaker for LR.

Speaker 59 We're actually willing to play Milch Holdam, Royal North Tan.

Speaker 3 Oh.

Speaker 59 So that means we'll play for Corp over here as well.

Speaker 48 Yes, your life is now there blind.

Speaker 42 It is worth 100 croon. Cool.

Speaker 39 Cool. Sounds about right.

Speaker 59 Bink, what do you think?

Speaker 60 I don't know, Pamo. He is a moor.

Speaker 33 Yes, we are.

Speaker 18 We've been told to be very under the radar.

Speaker 60 We are like both really into our characters right now.

Speaker 3 Like, we're also full of dust.

Speaker 19 We're so dusty. Okay, okay.

Speaker 20 And see.

Speaker 26 Uh, okay, so.

Speaker 35 Here's your card.

Speaker 59 Yes, we've got the cards.

Speaker 57 C34LR, these tables are completely soundproof underneath. I'm really impressed.

Speaker 28 They're very high quality.

Speaker 52 It's a very high-class casino.

Speaker 20 We're ready to make our move.

Speaker 59 Alright, I've got two Heliophants in the chamber, a stone, a gem, a twinkle. And then I actually am rolling a die right

Speaker 53 Would you like to spin additional?

Speaker 59 I would, please. Here's the spinner.

Speaker 44 Thank you.

Speaker 59 And then

Speaker 59 I think that's the rhythm that you were looking for. Yes, it is, sir.

Speaker 39 Impressive.

Speaker 59 Bink and I are one, so Bink, go for it.

Speaker 60 Okay, I'd like to put the second one on the third one, and then the fifth one on the twentieth one, but don't put it on the fifteenth, my eyes tried to.

Speaker 6 No worries, man.

Speaker 60 Could I like to take the third one and and set it on fire, but then bring it back to life and then set it free, and then we'll know what we got. This game is so easy.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 44 Oh, triple zing.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 14 Oh, Pamela and the Zinc win the entire round.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 3 That includes winning U Corp

Speaker 48 and C17, which you put up for collateral.

Speaker 55 And Norm, you come out completely even.

Speaker 3 Great.

Speaker 57 I've never been at the table when someone's hit a triple zing before. It's very rare.
So weird.

Speaker 41 Oh, and that means 12 losses for Phoeenix in that hand.

Speaker 5 Oh, no.

Speaker 3 Which means drowning.

Speaker 36 No, certainly there's a way around this.

Speaker 46 Oh, no. The rules of Royal Norton are very strict.

Speaker 57 You know, when I was born, a prophet looked over my body and said two words, River, Phoenix.

Speaker 3 Oh, no.

Speaker 57 And I feel like the prophecy's been fulfilled.

Speaker 27 I mean, I guess so.

Speaker 42 Sir, River.

Speaker 28 Okay, Mr. Right.

Speaker 23 Phoenix, before you go, I just

Speaker 15 feel bad.

Speaker 23 I, you know, like, I just, I'm sorry I couldn't reciprocate your feelings, but uh, maybe before you get drowned, we could try that, uh, try that ritual you were talking about.

Speaker 57 Oh, you mean where we stare at each other longingly and then we try to say the same word? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 20 Alright.

Speaker 39 Let's try one.

Speaker 32 Okay.

Speaker 57 Limaze. Lemazi.
Lemizy. Wow, it was the first try.

Speaker 8 All right, time to die.

Speaker 48 Damn it, I really thought that was gonna work.

Speaker 12 Alright.

Speaker 18 Oh, so in that final moment with him, Pleck, you didn't think to ask, who did you sell the Planet Crusher Crusher to?

Speaker 36 I just, I felt bad, you know?

Speaker 14 It's not very often that someone's like attracted to me and like, you know, it wasn't for me, but I was like, hey, you know, felt like we had a connection.

Speaker 3 Well,

Speaker 39 he downloaded his consciousness up into the...

Speaker 47 into our memory banks, so who knows? Maybe he'll come back one day.

Speaker 42 All right,

Speaker 24 listen, C17, I think it's probably time we got out of here.

Speaker 48 You know, it's customary to tip the dealer.

Speaker 15 Hey, Bargie, where's uh where are the pets?

Speaker 28 They're gone. What?

Speaker 11 I know there were two pets, and I got to the stage where I hope that

Speaker 11 a trust was made between us. I had games, I sang it to sleep, and then I woke up and Bino ate pets.
Yep.

Speaker 15 What? How did you do that?

Speaker 59 Beano open mouth and eat pets.

Speaker 18 But the pets were so much larger than Bino.

Speaker 15 Wait, what is pout mode?

Speaker 11 I'm pouting. Oh,

Speaker 28 I see what's happening now.

Speaker 12 Ehh, pouting. You might notice some spawn differences from sleep.

Speaker 55 Yeah, no, I get it.

Speaker 12 I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundler.

Speaker 22 Hey, Nermit.

Speaker 31 Hello.

Speaker 34 How was the Reb Talk?

Speaker 31 I wouldn't know.

Speaker 18 Did he sign your chest?

Speaker 31 I

Speaker 19 mean what is that?

Speaker 31 I didn't go to the talk,

Speaker 31 okay?

Speaker 18 And I just went to get the autograph.

Speaker 31 I didn't even mean to get the autograph, okay? I ran into Turkmanika in the bathroom, and

Speaker 22 you had a marker.

Speaker 31 No, he

Speaker 31 he just said, hey, hey, little buddy, you want an autograph?

Speaker 28 And I don't want to be rude and listen, no, you don't have to apologize.

Speaker 28 It's okay.

Speaker 22 We're our own team. Yeah.
And you know, sometimes we do pretty well.

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 22 Because you know what? What?

Speaker 21 We found Foe Enix Ash.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 12 Yeah. And we watched him get drowned in a river.

Speaker 32 Whoa.

Speaker 37 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 12 Actually, I would say we were responsible for him getting drowned in a river.

Speaker 16 It was pretty high pro.

Speaker 21 We also learned that Foenix Ash owned, at one point, a planet crusher crusher.

Speaker 31 A planet crusher?

Speaker 22 No, no. No.
A planet crusher crusher.

Speaker 21 A planet crusher designed to crush other planet crushers.

Speaker 31 Oh, this, guys, this is huge.

Speaker 15 Yeah. Oh, yeah, it is literally.

Speaker 16 It would have to be.

Speaker 22 It would have to be bigger than something big enough to crush a planet.

Speaker 31 No, but I mean huge for us.

Speaker 14 The real question is, who did he sell it to? Right.

Speaker 11 Hey, my uh, my friend, a fellow ship said he gave a really good red talk.

Speaker 12 Oh, um, I have a clip.

Speaker 15 Mermaid, you did a rev talk?

Speaker 18 No, I mean, they they needed um some play the clip, Barge.

Speaker 12 You know what?

Speaker 31 A lot of missions operations managers think it's about them because you're the manager, but here's the here's the real truth.

Speaker 46 At the end of the day, it's about your team.

Speaker 31 It's about your emissary. It's about your protocol droid.
It's about your security officer, and it's about your ship.

Speaker 31 Thank you. I know we didn't publicize this talk as much as the others, and

Speaker 31 I'm glad you guys were still in the lunchroom.

Speaker 12 Where's Turk Mackett coming out?

Speaker 12 He's in the giant auditorium. Nermit.
Yeah.

Speaker 22 You know what, Nermit?

Speaker 34 Yeah. I take it back.

Speaker 23 That was really nice.

Speaker 31 Yes, I knew it.

Speaker 11 They did a second one about how to write music.

Speaker 12 Oh, no.

Speaker 12 Can we see a clip from that one?

Speaker 15 You did two RevTalks?

Speaker 31 Yeah, they've got ones at night where it's more of an entertainer focus.

Speaker 12 They're called RevX. It's slightly different.

Speaker 6 Okay.

Speaker 17 You got a clip?

Speaker 31 So, weirdly, like, these keyboards have things just programmed into them. You can just look at this.
I'm going to hit one button and listen to this beat. And I'm just going to rip on something I see.

Speaker 12 You know, like, and

Speaker 12 you could pet all your pets on their heads,

Speaker 12 and you want to go to bed, but you stay up late. Making art that could someday be real great.

Speaker 12 You want to be an artist, artist, artist, artist.

Speaker 12 You want to go the farthest, farthest, farthest, farthest. Do it, you can do it.
You're all so great and beautiful.

Speaker 61 So, you know, guys, just follow your dreams.

Speaker 61 This is C-Red IT5 Credits and Attributions Droid commencing Outro Protocol. Emissary Pleck Deck Setter was played by Alden Ford.

Speaker 1 C-53 was played by Jeremy Benn. Security Officer Dar was played by Allie Kokesh.
Bargie the Ship, The Drowned Gambler, and Wink were played by Mujan Zolfagari.

Speaker 1 Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundaloy was played by Seth Lind. The Pick Boss and Samo were played by Winston Knoll.
D-34LR was played by special guest Christopher Scott.

Speaker 1 Chris is a writer and comedy person living in New York City. He performs nerd improv with Thank You Robot and teaches improv at the Upright Sistance Brigade.

Speaker 1 He has written a couple of novels he doesn't let anyone read and loves Disney World. Follow him on Twitter at TheCA Scott.
Foe Enix Ash was played by special guest Matt Little.

Speaker 1 Matt also performs with Thank You Robot in Science Exclamation Point every month at Caveat NYC and co-hosts Lasers in the Jungle at UCB East.

Speaker 1 He is the guy who filmed the fabled pizza rap video and you can follow him on Twitter at TheMat Little. This episode edited by Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Speaker 1 Additional sound effects submitted by listener Rebecca Pridmore. Thank you, Rebecca.
This episode was recorded at Robert Ducky Jr.'s Puppy Pound in Brooklyn, New York. Music by Brendan Ryan.

Speaker 1 Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.
Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks, Audioboom.

Speaker 1 A very special thank you to our Patreon supporters for making season two possible.

Speaker 16 Why is Bargie's manifest short one signal balloon?

Speaker 38 Yeah, it's not.

Speaker 38 Maybe just get us one cent.

Speaker 18 It was the only thing that fit.

Speaker 20 Okay.