207: A Phoenix Raises [ft. Christopher Scott & Matt Little]

This is Sea Red IT5 with a special announcement.

Mission to Zix is performing live in Los Angeles for the first time ever on July 29th at 7 p.m.

at the Dynasty Typewriter at the Hayworth, featuring the return of extra special guest John Gabris.

Tickets at dynastytypewriter.com and missiontozix.space.

It is a period of civil war.

The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated Alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in in the balance.

Now, rebel emissary Pleck Dexeta and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This

is mission to Zix.

Hey, C-53.

I got us a pet.

What?

I got us a pet.

A pet?

Yeah.

I was hanging out with my ship friends and uh they were all happy.

They all seemed to have a pet and now they were like, you're looking down, Bargie.

Why don't you go get a pet?

So I ordered a pet and now we got a pet.

Oh, that's really great.

It's gonna come any moment now.

Bargie, what kind of animal is the pet?

I just clicked pet and ship.

Seems very good.

I can't wait.

I think a pet is the answer.

I mean, you know, they say you shouldn't like get a pet or like, you know, they say like after a breakup or like you lose your job, you shouldn't even get like a haircut, you know?

I would like you to answer Barce's question.

Who is they?

It was like a magazine for teens.

What was the name of the magazine?

The teen.

It was a long time ago.

It was my older sister's.

I was reading it.

You know, I didn't have a lot to do on Ranga 6.

So, anyway, they say.

They say you shouldn't make any big lifestyle changes when you're in like a transitionary period.

Why would you need another ship in your life when you have a pet?

Vargi, you know,

I know it's hard, you know, I haven't been in a relationship in a while.

Oh,

that does sound adorable.

C53, how many species of pets will eat a Tellurian?

Oh, wait.

Interesting question.

If we're just talking about commonly accepted breeds for pets,

at least four dozen.

Yeah.

Bargie, before you open the door,

can I just look in this air hole real quick?

Just to make sure.

Okay.

Oh, wow.

Oh, okay.

All right.

That's terrifying.

Listen, Bargie, could you just.

Yeah, let's wait until I'm sort of on a mission before you let that out, because that might be pretty dangerous.

Oh, I ordered two pets, I'm sorry.

But Bart Bargie, come on.

Was it a BOGO?

It was a big a BOGO.

Yeah.

It was a big BOGO weekend.

Wait, are will BOGOs eat Tellurians?

Oh, buy one, get one.

Oh, buy one, get one.

Okay.

I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations Manager Nermit of the Loyal.

Okay.

Hey, hey, Nermit.

Hey, guys.

What?

Seem to be scrambling to buy something.

You called us.

you guys doing?

You called us.

Why are you scrambling to hide something?

I called you absolutely on purpose.

I didn't bump the button.

And how are you?

I mean, we're fine.

Did you call us on accident?

No, no, no, no, no.

I didn't.

Did you nub dial us?

No, I didn't.

No.

Yes, I nubbed you fine.

And if you saw this, it's

it's

it's a

it's a poster of Turkmannequin's giving a talk and they panic

you have a Turk mannequin poster in your office it's not I didn't hang it.

It's I where's our poster?

No, he's well you were not giving a rep talk

reb they have a thing where sometimes you get to give like a 15 minute

little speech

about a thing you're like a specialist in yeah a rev talk.

Yeah, and so they're having him talk and I'm not even gonna go.

You know Turkmannequin's red talk talk about

tell us

it's about how to strap explosives to the core of a ship.

Oh, are you serious?

Wow.

He doesn't know.

He's not qualified to do that.

That's what I said.

And that's Samo and Wing.

And that's why I'm not going.

How'd you get the poster?

They handed it out to everyone who

bought tickets.

You know what, Norman?

I don't like what's happening over here.

We've got a mission.

Do we?

Is Tiny Toots in that poster?

Why don't you just show us the poster?

Wow.

You know what, guys?

I'll take one for the team.

I'm gonna go to the talk and I'm gonna figure out what his deal is.

And I'm gonna

help us at all, though.

You know what, guys?

I'm not going to the talk.

Okay.

Thank you.

Why don't you give us our mission that we have?

So, here's what you're doing.

Have you guys heard of Phoenix Ash?

No,

should we have?

Phoenix Ash is a shadowy character with deep, deep ties to the Federated Alliance, okay?

So, he works for the Federated Alliance, or is he just like really good friends of people in the Federated Alliance?

Yeah, how do you ha I mean, we had really deep ties to the Federated Alliance, we were working for them, okay?

Dice Nermit's doing a bad job today.

I'm I I

my best friends don't like me.

How do you operate on your job?

Nermit, do you need a pet?

We have two.

We have two.

I guess.

It was a BOGO.

Oh, you know, you gotta get the second one.

Exactly.

I have no information about either.

Well, one of them makes this sound,

and the other one makes this sound.

I'll have the first one.

Okay.

You chose wrong.

What?

That one's the scary one.

What?

No, I don't need a pet.

Okay.

That's what people who need pets say.

Really?

Anyway, continue.

You are going to the Totopa Casino.

This says on your no-funny business, okay?

What does that mean?

It says no funny business, meaning no one will know you arrived.

No one will have noticed you left.

Phoenix Ash will not know that he met you, but you should come back with precious, precious intel.

It's a stealth stealth mission.

Oh,

so Tellurian, droid, and Dar walk into a casino.

Yep,

exactly.

All right.

And Pleck, this is really rare, and you need to be responsible, but we are going to give you a couple hundred croon so that if you end up, you know, in a game of chance, you can blend.

Wait, you're giving us money?

No, he's not giving it to you.

It's just and if we lose real big,

asking for Pleck.

You can't lose more than you have.

Okay, well, you know, you never know.

Guys, the Totopo Casino is a dangerous, alluring place, and you have to resist all of its magnetism.

So, is it actual magnets?

Yeah, C53 should not be around magnets,

but there are a lot of literal magnets, and also it's just very alluring.

Sort of a bogo for magnetism.

And I think this is the kind of thing where once you guys successfully complete this mission and you report back in, we're gonna be closer than ever.

You know?

We're gonna feel the love.

Let us know how his RevTalk goes.

Attention.

Attention.

Can anyone hear me?

This is Captain Hart Tardigas transmitting from the depths of a hyperdrive vortex.

One moment I was welcoming some amazing new rebels into the rebellion, and then zap!

My fighter is stranded in a technicolor ether separate from time and space.

I can't even begin to describe what that was.

Finally, I'm picking up scraps of rebel communications, including this.

Support from our noble rebellion against the future Federated Alliance comes from Squarespace.

We use Squarespace to build our amazing official rebellion website, therebellion.space.

You can go there now to see the gorgeous poster for Emissary Turkmennekid's Rev Talk.

Wow, is it a beautiful?

The site also has Jordan Bakorkin's hit song, This Dependent's Day.

Download the track and check out the video.

And fear not, although my very being is at the whims of the pulsing fabric of reality itself, I've been using my ScamCom signal to faithfully file my advice column Hark's Tough Love, where I answer your burning questions.

TheRebellion.space has lots more, including the page Make a Site, where you can get this amazing offer, a free Squarespace trial, and 10% off your first purchase when you visit squarespace.com/slash six and use the offer code ZixZYXX.

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That's all at your favorite website and mine, TheRavellian.space.

Park Tardigas Plot fighting on.

Why you run?

You know what, guys?

I gotta hand it to Bargie.

She had a bunch of straight-up costumes in that room we've never been into.

I look good.

Does this suit look familiar to you, C422?

Emissary Dixeter, I must inform you that that is the suit that Jim Jr.

died in.

What?

I should not be wearing this.

It fits very well, though.

Welcome!

Welcome to Tatopa Casino.

Uh, hi, hi there.

Uh, we're just uh you guys seem like you should be over in the high roller section, right?

Uh, yes, yes, a suit like that, a suit like that, uh, you know, it's just all the high rollers, eh?

Uh, yep, and our droid.

Ah, good, good.

I'll set you up with one of the best dealers we have.

Ah, thank you.

Great.

Sorry, I'm just a little confused.

Are you the greeter at this casino, or are you the owner of the casino?

Never been to a casino before?

I'm a greeter.

Great.

And I'm the walker.

Let me walk you over.

Oh, wow, cool.

Where are we walking him?

Walking him over to D34LR.

Come on, greeter.

Join me.

That's almost absurd.

Ritual notions.

Yeah, it's a ritual.

It's not a way to make sure that you start spending croon.

It's not that.

Keep going.

Alright.

Very nice.

This is really opulent casino.

It's alluring and magnetic, right?

It's definitely magnetic.

Well, it's a magnetic core.

I'm glad it has a magnetic core.

Boys, I just want to jump in real quick.

There was one costume that fit me in Bargy's dressing room.

One.

Do I feel like a high roller in this

large, shiny balloon?

No!

I'm not

100% sure that's a costume, so much as they were.

That may have just been a balloon.

Thank you, sir.

I will take very good care of them, sir.

Thank you very much.

Wow, cool.

Hey,

just here to play a couple games,

not get too involved.

My name's Corp.

Uh, Corp Tom Tomstopper.

Okay, well, at this table, we play Royal North Nortan.

Uh, and it's 100 Kroon blinds.

I'm sorry, Dixon, we should step away from the table immediately.

Oh, C53, you used to be.

C53, you used to be a Nortan dealer.

I used to be a Nortan dealer, do you understand me?

Not a Royal Nortan.

We have plenty of open seats.

That looks pretty much the same, right?

There's a river over there.

It's a...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't do nothing.

I'm just gonna...

Just one game.

Seems fine.

Got money on the table?

We are playing.

Great.

Are you familiar with Royal Nortan?

I'm familiar with Nortan.

Oh, it's very similar.

Oh, great.

See?

See if it's three or four.

Like Nortan, there are three suits.

Okay.

Gems, jewels, stones.

Great, yep.

Unlike Nortan, there are also three sub-suits paired with each suit, which are also jewels, gems, stones.

So you'll be given two cards per card, which you must hold together.

So there would be jewel jewels, jewels, gems, jewels, stones, gem stones, gem gem, gem jewels.

Make sense, etc.

And then stone jewel, stone gem, and stone stones.

Wow, you see, you're picking it up so fast.

It's 100 crore buys.

Uh, sure.

For the last time,

I will advise you to leave the table.

C53, you know, I really.

C53, I think you're making a bit of a scene.

I'm not making a scene.

I'm just grabbing him

and telling him he's too

stupid for this game.

But I've already bought in, and I really want to beat him.

Okay, listen, I can't let Dargo down this road by themselves.

I gotta try this.

One hand, C53.

One hand.

Alright, so there are your ten cards.

Remember, every card is paired with another card, so that's only five cards.

Make sure you hold them together so they don't become separated, otherwise there will be consequences.

Now, can I switch the cards from one to

know.

Great, here are the nine cards in the chamber and the three cards in the pit.

Unlike normal Norton, each betting round will consist of also passing one card to the right and putting one card face down.

Then whoever has the highest bid from the previous round gets to select either one card from the pit or three cards from the chamber to flip up.

Okay, just one second.

Yeah, C53.

What do I do?

Boom.

Now you're worried about how to play Royal Norton.

I just lost the thread for like a second, and that's the point.

Okay, okay.

Yep, it's the most complicated card game in the galaxy.

There are also five base cards included with the normal number cards.

There is the Heliophant, the Empress, the Emperor, the Prince, the Assassin.

If you have the Assassin in your hand at the end of the rounds, it is worth minus 3 points.

Okay, yeah.

If it is paired with either the Empress or the Emperor, it is worth 17 points.

The Emperor is worth minus 5 points, and the Empress minus 7 points.

Okay, all right.

All right, first betting round before we place our face-down card and pass one card to the right.

B3-4-LR.

I'm sorry, I have one more question.

Sure.

The river?

Is that for drowning people in?

Yes, after 10 rounds, the loser is drowned in a river.

Okay, great, sure.

So, C53, same rules.

As long as I don't lose 10 rounds, we're in good shape.

I can't stress how important it is.

I need you to lose it this game, so I start looking better.

Okay, alright, so I will just take one of these cards.

You're betting now.

Oh, yep, sure.

I was just betting now and placing one card face down and passing one card to the right.

Sure, but I already bet with the hundred croon that I put in.

No, that's a blind.

That is just to enter into the round.

Okay, yep.

I bet 600 croon.

Tar, where did you get the croon?

That is none of your business.

Okay, fair enough.

This is my ninth round and I can't wait.

I'm gonna put in 500 croon and I like to deal in and out.

That is fair.

Great, great.

So I'll just pass this card to the right.

That means you automatically lose the round.

What the f- I thought that was part of it.

There's a bet of 600 and 500.

You can choose which one you wish to match.

Okay, I guess I'll match 500.

I'm getting pretty close to the bottom of my croon already.

You are committed to playing an entire 11 rounds.

Cool.

Would you like to speak to the pit boss and extend a line of credit?

Is that possible?

Oh, yes.

Great!

Ah, my high roller.

Hello, hello.

And I just, I, I forgot to grab my croon tube.

Alright, well, I can extend a line of credit.

Hey, perfect.

Alright, so what are you putting against that?

Oh, I just gotta play a couple rounds.

Old Nortan.

What?

Do you not know how credit works?

Usually you have to put up a piece of collateral.

Right.

Oh, um, uh, I guess my droid?

No, no, no.

All right, the droid is in.

As collateral.

I hate when they do that.

We have to show an ownership deed, and he does not have that.

Alright, now turn over half your hand.

Okay, top half or bottom half inside.

Okay.

Oh, I see your hand adds up to a prime number.

Yes, it does.

All hands must be picked back up and passed to the left.

Oh, that was.

But.

So this isn't my hand anymore.

It was good though, right?

Are you having fun?

I'm I'm sort of.

I feel like I may have missed a couple key rules at the very top of this.

Can I interrupt his round and do a back-to-back?

Yes, you can.

I'm sorry, what is it back-to-back?

That was six individual cards, which are then paired with additional cards and can bet on each additional hand.

Okay, I see.

I'm getting.

He has to name them.

Daniel.

Daniel.

Daniel.

Daniel.

And Daniel.

And Daniel.

I thought there were six cards, though.

All right, Hyroler.

here's your croon up against your droid-ass collapse.

It shouldn't be possible.

C-53, listen, I'm really sorry about this.

And Zim, I'm sorry, ma'am.

Oh, wow.

Well, that was your turn.

Yes, that wasn't.

That wasn't your tenth round.

What?

No.

No.

Oh.

Oh,

okay.

Hyrola.

Yeah, yeah.

You're about to meet one of our biggest high rollers here at the casino.

Whoa.

Oh, I can't wait to see two high rollers go up against each other.

Now, do you supply those trumpets or no, those are his.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, I love this guy.

Here he is, folks.

Hey, thanks so much.

D34LR, how are you, my friend?

Mr.

Mass, thank you.

It is so great to see you again.

I'm sorry.

Your name is Mr.

Ash?

Uh, yeah, Fo Enix Ash.

Foe Enix Ash?

Yeah.

Great.

That's a really rolls off the tongue.

That gown that you are wearing is incredible.

Where did you get that?

Thank you.

It was custom.

Ah, custom.

Mr.

Ash, would you like me to load another shoe?

Yeah, you know what?

I like this table.

I like the vibe here.

Let's load two shoes.

Just one moment.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a good thing you're out here now, because some old lady just got drowned.

Oh, man, I missed it.

So she lost that round, which means we won the first round.

No, the house won.

Okay.

If someone is drowned, the house wins.

Got it.

Okay, sure.

Now,

just in case, and there's not, but just in case there was someone at the table who had no idea how to play this game.

Well, I would tell them to watch Mr.

Ash.

That's it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So,

tell me about your robot friend over here.

Oh, this is Collateral.

Mr.

Collateral.

This is C17.

He's just a good old droid.

We have a rapport between each other.

Do we have a good relationship where one of us offers sound, well-measured advice, and the other one ignores it entirely?

Sometimes.

Let's get that second round going, huh?

D3?

100 crude lines?

Yeah, just

a ton of crude lines.

This one's actually 10 cards.

Yes.

Yeah.

I'm very...

I'm not a trouble following.

Back up the drowning thing.

Oh, wait, what is this?

Hey, there they are.

Good to see you, boys.

Hey, boys.

Sorry, how many questions have you asked about the game at the table so far?

Just a couple, just to make sure that it.

He is currently three short of making a dupe.

Oh, no.

Okay, well.

Okay.

I know that this is one of my three.

But a loop is bad, right?

A dupe, not a loop.

A loop is something entirely different.

That sounds like two questions that were asked.

I think it sounds like two indeed.

Oh, I'm so sorry, my friend.

Let's reload those shoes.

You know, I got a question.

Hmm.

Because you do seem fun, and I do like you.

So I want to ask your husband here, how much

would it be

for a night?

With your beautiful wife over here.

Wait, are you are you referring to me?

Of course, Corp.

Oh, yeah.

So how much for uh and I'll tell you, no price is too high when the proposal is this indecent.

I love it.

Why are you here?

Why are you still here?

I'm the pit boss.

I'm the notary public when an indecent proposal happens.

Yeah, so you do have your stamp, am I right?

I do indeed.

Alright.

No price is too high?

No price is too high.

Okay.

Fo Enix, can I ask you what what does a night with you entail?

Oh man, well, the first thing that we would do is we would sit down on a bench.

Okay, we would look into each other's eyes deeply, and then after ten minutes, on the count of three, we would try to guess what the other person was thinking.

We would keep yelling words at each other until we said the same word at the same time.

Oh, great.

And then I would take you on the deck.

The deck?

Oh, yeah, the deck.

My planet crusher crusher.

Did you say planet crusher?

No, I said planet crusher crusher.

I would love to see something so large that it could crush a planet crusher.

Well, if you stick around with me a little bit longer, see what a planet crusher crusher does and let me explain this to your beautiful face and eye.

My eye isn't really supposed to look like this, but you know what?

A planet crusher crusher is the thing that eliminates the evidence of the thing that has destroyed a planet.

Great.

Cool.

That's good n- that's good information to know.

Hold that thought.

Corp C-17 Hill word.

Yes.

Just worry about it.

Yes, we will call it Dern.

Gavel, Gavel, Gavel.

I allow it.

That last part sounded pretty interesting.

He's talking about a ship that crushes planet crushers.

C-53, you mentioned that a while back, and I always thought it was sort of a theoretical, but it sounds like that's a real thing.

But let's revisit the fact that he wants to pay me to spend a night with you.

I think it sounds too good to be true.

I mean, I get rid of you for a night, I get a whole bunch of crew, and I think we'll get to that in just a second, Dar.

I'm terrified of that, by the way.

Oh, he sounds pretty pleasant.

Yeah, what's the worst that could happen?

What are you talking about?

You

sold me to a casino.

Okay, well, I collateraled you to a casino.

Do you understand how credit works?

I'm I'm going to win it all back.

Or

you did deserve that.

Or instead of winning it all back, we just get it all from this very charming individual.

And, you know, everything's square.

C is fine.

You get to experience something that, honestly, wish it was me.

How are you not into this guy?

Jim.

What?

My flaps will not stop shaking.

I don't.

Are you kidding?

No.

He's got it.

There is something about.

His hair is so greasy and he has all those rings.

And he's

just the way he licks all of his chins when he's talking to you.

Is it not completely arousing?

I'm not into it.

And then we get to find out a little something about a little planet crusher crusher.

Okay.

And not only that, he just says things with such confidence that I am

ready to shoot.

Okay, yeah, wow.

Would you like to shoot this hand?

I would.

All right, double the bet.

We are currently at six losses.

Oh, my goodness.

Okay.

Better won that river up.

I shall.

If you're overly concerned, some of our more wealthy clients download their consciousness for a small fee.

Oh, that's great.

So after they're shot, they can be reloaded into a new body.

Yeah, that's great.

Okay, yeah.

It is only 17,000 croon.

Okay, well.

And how much of a tube of credit has my dear corpse taken out here at the casino?

It's really sneaking back there.

Well, there it goes.

Into the distance.

Okay, so theoretically, I can hate to see a tube of credit that long.

Well, at first, but if you, you know, if you're able to pay it back, then what's the problem?

But I also do want to point out that

if you accept my proposal, you will have a much longer tube of credit.

Yeah, that's true.

That's true.

Because the Notary Public over here, the ink is wet on his stamp.

I'm hovering.

Listen, Phoeenix, listen.

Good plan.

That's two more losses.

Who seems like?

Oh, Norm is up to currently 11 wins.

Notice how people are putting down cards as they've been talking and you've just been staring into space.

C17.

What?

Come here for a second.

Minor recess?

Minor recess.

C53, don't you understand?

I can't lose this game.

I'm connected to the space.

All I have to do is reach out with my feelings.

I can see the cards before they're even flimmed over.

You don't know what you're trying to do with the cards.

That's where the space comes in.

My hand just guides them where they need to go.

I haven't activated it yet because I was waiting for the stakes to get higher.

This has been a very frustrating day for me personally.

Thank you, C53.

Wow, there's a lot of table talk happening today.

Alright, we're back.

Norm, I just want you to know that I love your style so much.

I have some fashion friends on a distant planet, and I'm thinking about

the idea of a fashion line called Normcore based on your style.

I feel like it's something we should talk about later.

That sounds really, really good.

Yeah.

You know what?

You're at nine losses, my beautiful friend, and I feel like we are at we are at what is called the river's edge.

Is it nine already?

Yes, we are at nine.

Then, in that case, I think it's time for me to go all in with my tube of credit.

Thank you.

Now, you just need to choose two cards.

You can swap two of the cards in your hand for one of the cards on the table and one of the cards from the player directly opposite of you.

Take two cards, pass one to the left and one to the right.

Pick one card in the pit and flip it up.

Take one card in the chamber and flip it over.

You can swap two cards in your subset of your suits with another player's cards.

But you must also make sure you have at least a prince or emperor in your hand on

the pit.

I'm gonna stop you right there.

I'm gonna stop you right there.

I know exactly what to do.

Passing this card to the left, passing this card to the right, flipping this card in the pit, and putting these three cards on top of the stack stack of 16 cards to my right.

Pleck, there are 11 more steps, and you cut him off before he explained them all.

No,

I think I pretty much sum the total of your hand.

Okay, if it is under 20, you must reach across the table, tap the rhythm of the anthem of Gudus,

pull your hand back, put those cards back over.

Say no more.

Is

this the card I need to win?

It was rhetorical.

It was rhetorical.

It was rhetorical.

D-34LR.

Do you have an assassin in your hand?

If I do, it is

this one.

That is a two.

Okay, yep.

And that is.

That's a lost.

Yikes.

Mr.

Ash, would you like to make a decent proposal him before we drown him or after?

Well,

I feel like the way this is going, I'll do it afterwards.

Did you hear that?

Court?

He's gonna wait till you're drowned to a decent proposal you.

Oh, wow.

Oh,

my

rod.

It's us.

Hey, go!

We know who it is.

We wanna play.

Well, we're about to have an open seat.

Yeah, this beautiful woman here is about to be drowned in that river over yonder.

I'm actually a

speaker for LR.

We're actually willing to play Milch Holdam, Royal North Tan.

Oh.

So that means we'll play for Corp over here as well.

Yes, your life is now there blind.

It is worth 100 croon.

Cool.

Cool.

Sounds about right.

Bink, what do you think?

I don't know, Pamo.

He is a moor.

Yes, we are.

We've been told to be very under the radar.

We are like both really into our characters right now.

Like, we're also full of dust.

We're so dusty.

Okay, okay.

And see.

Uh, okay, so.

Here's your card.

Yes, we've got the cards.

C34LR, these tables are completely soundproof underneath.

I'm really impressed.

They're very high quality.

It's a very high-class casino.

We're ready to make our move.

Alright, I've got two Heliophants in the chamber, a stone, a gem, a twinkle.

And then I actually am rolling a die right

Would you like to spin additional?

I would, please.

Here's the spinner.

Thank you.

And then

I think that's the rhythm that you were looking for.

Yes, it is, sir.

Impressive.

Bink and I are one, so Bink, go for it.

Okay, I'd like to put the second one on the third one, and then the fifth one on the twentieth one, but don't put it on the fifteenth, my eyes tried to.

No worries, man.

Could I like to take the third one and and set it on fire, but then bring it back to life and then set it free, and then we'll know what we got.

This game is so easy.

Yeah.

Oh, triple zing.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Pamela and the Zinc win the entire round.

Wow.

That includes winning U Corp

and C17, which you put up for collateral.

And Norm, you come out completely even.

Great.

I've never been at the table when someone's hit a triple zing before.

It's very rare.

So weird.

Oh, and that means 12 losses for Phoeenix in that hand.

Oh, no.

Which means drowning.

No, certainly there's a way around this.

Oh, no.

The rules of Royal Norton are very strict.

You know, when I was born, a prophet looked over my body and said two words, River, Phoenix.

Oh, no.

And I feel like the prophecy's been fulfilled.

I mean, I guess so.

Sir, River.

Okay, Mr.

Right.

Phoenix, before you go, I just

feel bad.

I, you know, like, I just, I'm sorry I couldn't reciprocate your feelings, but uh, maybe before you get drowned, we could try that, uh, try that ritual you were talking about.

Oh, you mean where we stare at each other longingly and then we try to say the same word?

Yeah, yeah.

Alright.

Let's try one.

Okay.

Limaze.

Lemazi.

Lemizy.

Wow, it was the first try.

All right, time to die.

Damn it, I really thought that was gonna work.

Alright.

Oh, so in that final moment with him, Pleck, you didn't think to ask, who did you sell the Planet Crusher Crusher to?

I just, I felt bad, you know?

It's not very often that someone's like attracted to me and like, you know, it wasn't for me, but I was like, hey, you know, felt like we had a connection.

Well,

he downloaded his consciousness up into the...

into our memory banks, so who knows?

Maybe he'll come back one day.

All right,

listen, C17, I think it's probably time we got out of here.

You know, it's customary to tip the dealer.

Hey, Bargie, where's uh where are the pets?

They're gone.

What?

I know there were two pets, and I got to the stage where I hope that

a trust was made between us.

I had games, I sang it to sleep, and then I woke up and Bino ate pets.

Yep.

What?

How did you do that?

Beano open mouth and eat pets.

But the pets were so much larger than Bino.

Wait, what is pout mode?

I'm pouting.

Oh,

I see what's happening now.

Ehh, pouting.

You might notice some spawn differences from sleep.

Yeah, no, I get it.

I have an incoming transmission from Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundler.

Hey, Nermit.

Hello.

How was the Reb Talk?

I wouldn't know.

Did he sign your chest?

I

mean what is that?

I didn't go to the talk,

okay?

And I just went to get the autograph.

I didn't even mean to get the autograph, okay?

I ran into Turkmanika in the bathroom, and

you had a marker.

No, he

he just said, hey, hey, little buddy, you want an autograph?

And I don't want to be rude and listen, no, you don't have to apologize.

It's okay.

We're our own team.

Yeah.

And you know, sometimes we do pretty well.

Yeah.

Because you know what?

What?

We found Foe Enix Ash.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And we watched him get drowned in a river.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Actually, I would say we were responsible for him getting drowned in a river.

It was pretty high pro.

We also learned that Foenix Ash owned, at one point, a planet crusher crusher.

A planet crusher?

No, no.

No.

A planet crusher crusher.

A planet crusher designed to crush other planet crushers.

Oh, this, guys, this is huge.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, it is literally.

It would have to be.

It would have to be bigger than something big enough to crush a planet.

No, but I mean huge for us.

The real question is, who did he sell it to?

Right.

Hey, my uh, my friend, a fellow ship said he gave a really good red talk.

Oh, um, I have a clip.

Mermaid, you did a rev talk?

No, I mean, they they needed um some play the clip, Barge.

You know what?

A lot of missions operations managers think it's about them because you're the manager, but here's the here's the real truth.

At the end of the day, it's about your team.

It's about your emissary.

It's about your protocol droid.

It's about your security officer, and it's about your ship.

Thank you.

I know we didn't publicize this talk as much as the others, and

I'm glad you guys were still in the lunchroom.

Where's Turk Mackett coming out?

He's in the giant auditorium.

Nermit.

Yeah.

You know what, Nermit?

Yeah.

I take it back.

That was really nice.

Yes, I knew it.

They did a second one about how to write music.

Oh, no.

Can we see a clip from that one?

You did two RevTalks?

Yeah, they've got ones at night where it's more of an entertainer focus.

They're called RevX.

It's slightly different.

Okay.

You got a clip?

So, weirdly, like, these keyboards have things just programmed into them.

You can just look at this.

I'm going to hit one button and listen to this beat.

And I'm just going to rip on something I see.

You know, like, and

you could pet all your pets on their heads,

and you want to go to bed, but you stay up late.

Making art that could someday be real great.

You want to be an artist, artist, artist, artist.

You want to go the farthest, farthest, farthest, farthest.

Do it, you can do it.

You're all so great and beautiful.

So, you know, guys, just follow your dreams.

This is C-Red IT5 Credits and Attributions Droid commencing Outro Protocol.

Emissary Pleck Deck Setter was played by Alden Ford.

C-53 was played by Jeremy Benn.

Security Officer Dar was played by Allie Kokesh.

Bargie the Ship, The Drowned Gambler, and Wink were played by Mujan Zolfagari.

Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundaloy was played by Seth Lind.

The Pick Boss and Samo were played by Winston Knoll.

D-34LR was played by special guest Christopher Scott.

Chris is a writer and comedy person living in New York City.

He performs nerd improv with Thank You Robot and teaches improv at the Upright Sistance Brigade.

He has written a couple of novels he doesn't let anyone read and loves Disney World.

Follow him on Twitter at TheCA Scott.

Foe Enix Ash was played by special guest Matt Little.

Matt also performs with Thank You Robot in Science Exclamation Point every month at Caveat NYC and co-hosts Lasers in the Jungle at UCB East.

He is the guy who filmed the fabled pizza rap video and you can follow him on Twitter at TheMat Little.

This episode edited by Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Additional sound effects submitted by listener Rebecca Pridmore.

Thank you, Rebecca.

This episode was recorded at Robert Ducky Jr.'s Puppy Pound in Brooklyn, New York.

Music by Brendan Ryan.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom.

Thanks, Audioboom.

A very special thank you to our Patreon supporters for making season two possible.

Why is Bargie's manifest short one signal balloon?

Yeah, it's not.

Maybe just get us one cent.

It was the only thing that fit.

Okay.