205: Allen: Resurrection [ft. John Robert Wilson]

It is a period of civil war.

The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance.

Now, rebel emissary Pleck Dexeta and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This

is mission to

Hey, C53.

Yes.

How's the how's the new bod?

Um, I'll be perfectly honest.

It's taken some getting used to.

Yeah.

I'd take- I mean, it's taken me some getting used to.

Even though my skin is gray.

Yeah, no, that's the weirdest part.

Does it give you any special abilities?

Or does it just look weird?

I mean, I can feel

sensations more.

Oh, it actually has like nerve endings and stuff in it?

Yeah, like here, I'm gonna touch your forearm.

Wow, clammy.

Yeah, uh, here, do it to me.

Like this?

I can feel that.

Oh.

Congratulations.

Oh, also, there's this.

Oh, does that happen every time someone touches you?

Yeah.

Did I hear music in here?

No, it's C53.

No.

Come on.

Wait, what's happening to C53 and uh, the pink one and they're doing it?

No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, didn't you hear his Calvis playing?

I know you all have feelings for each other.

other, I feel it.

I know the tension, but we won't have to stop.

If someone could just get the switch to that, yeah, sorry, sorry.

Barge, you know,

I wouldn't juck anybody on this ship.

Good.

So, wait, hold on a second.

Dar, I mean, I don't want to get too personal right now, but when Nermit was on the ship, you guys never.

I said, at present, I would not jock anyone on this ship.

Interesting.

Wow.

Hey, Bargie, I've heard you talk a little bit about shipping.

Is that when two ships juck, or was that when two people juck on a ship?

It's when you hope two people on a hollow get together.

No.

You ship them.

Oh, okay.

In a relationship.

Oh, yeah.

Now that makes sense.

We just call it jucking on a ship.

Okay.

All right.

Fair enough.

Fair enough.

Bargie, what do you call it when two people in a hollow who you ship juck?

It's called too far.

You should keep it unresolved.

Tangier.

Oh, sure.

Okay.

We don't want to see them really get together.

It's all about the storyline.

Once it gets resolved, it's not interesting anymore.

When would you say that, like, the main character, or like one of the main characters, like the one who's looking for love on like a great show?

When would you say that that character should find love?

No prospects.

Yeah, the whole time.

Like, say for the first season or third.

No prospects.

Usually they die.

Sorry?

Usually they just die alone.

They die alone.

Disappointing.

Huh.

Emissary Dexter.

I have an incoming transmission from Mission Devil.

Don't answer it.

Don't answer it.

Wait, why not?

I've been avoiding his calls, so it'll be really awkward if you take it now and I'm standing right here, clearly not busy.

When's the last time Nervet called you?

Maybe

44, 32 on Friday.

Very specific, Dar.

Oh, yeah, sure.

You know what?

Pick it up.

Pick it up.

Yeah,

hey, Nermit.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys.

Uh, yeah.

Wait, are you walking right now, Nermit?

Yeah, I mean, you guys really should do this.

A lot of research shows that you really shouldn't sit too much.

Yeah, here at the Rebellion, they have good ergonomists.

Oh, Nermit, our job doesn't involve being at a desk.

Oh, that's a good point.

Yeah.

I mean, honestly, Dar and I spend quite a bit of time running from

hostels.

Hi, Dar.

Hi, Nermit.

Hi.

Hi.

So, yeah, just, um...

Uh...

Everything alright?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, everything's fine.

Are you able to concentrate on your job when you're walking on a treadmill?

That seems...

Yes, absolutely.

And, you know, you could they have this beam dike chair for me over here, and we have, like, unlimited drinks.

It's just like a really

good word culture here.

So, anyway,

Great.

That's a distress signal.

You seem really happy about that distress signal.

Well, we get to answer it.

Okay.

You know what I mean?

Sure.

Great.

How long has it been blinking?

Let's see.

I'm 22 minutes into my 30 minutes of treadmill.

Are you prioritizing your exercise over this distress call that's coming in?

I mean,

you're running out of oxygen.

Ask whoever sent that distress call.

I can't.

That's part of the distress signals.

We're not getting any communication.

Nermit, I feel like.

Did you change your hair?

I don't think I've ever seen you slick your feathers back like that.

Oh, it is?

Um,

I gotta say, I don't like it very much.

I don't like those black-frame glasses that you're wearing either.

Yeah, I have to agree with everybody.

This new look is really bad, Nermit.

Oh, thanks for telling me.

What?

Hi, Norm.

Hey, Mel.

Hi, we're gonna drink orange serum.

Nor worry.

Do you wanna come?

Totally.

Thanks for inviting me.

Yeah, you wanna do it.

Disconnect the call.

Um, like, oh, four.

Oh, no.

Dar, is everything okay?

No, it's fine.

You just got really you all of your talents stuck out when you said that.

I'm going to walk out of the room.

If he calls back, I

am no longer on the ship.

Oh, wow.

C-53.

C-53, I think, I think Dar's a little jealous of Mel.

I think you're probably not wrong.

You're wrong.

Wow.

They're so funny.

You're funny.

So I could, I totally got it on my calendar.

I'll see you there.

Okay, bye.

Okay.

Hey, Nermit.

Hey, hey.

I don't know what we're talking about.

My um

35 minutes?

Well, no, I just wanted to say that, like, pretty much all the glasses you can choose from here are frames like this, and it's what almost everyone's wearing.

I thought it looked okay.

Do you even wear glasses?

Are you visually impaired at all?

I mean, do I wear glasses?

I'm wearing glasses.

No, do you have to wear glasses?

Nobody.

What do you mean have to?

There's not rules.

No,

people have to wear glasses.

There are people who have.

No, I have perfect vision.

Also, Nermit, your eyes are sort of on the sides of your head.

Like, the glasses cover up sort of the middle part of your head.

Well, yes, that would be a problem if I needed glasses.

Yeah, that's good.

Okay, good point.

Fair enough.

Alright, the three of Dar's.

What?

Dar had to leave the ship to

maybe she's leaving to charge her phone.

What?

Yes, that's why she's left.

She's charging her phone.

Great.

So anyway, guys, there's a distress signal.

No, listen, we're on it.

Just send the coordinates, Nermit.

That's all you need to do.

Nermi getting this photo with me.

I'm going to put it on my hologram.

I can't understand you, but that sounds awesome.

Is she speaking?

Is she speaking regular?

Yeah, but it's like she's got she's so cool that her accent is like basically unintelligible.

Nermi ambulan, hashtag forever.

Mel, I agree, and that's awesome.

Do a little high five.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Anyway, the rebel long-haul cruiser Dezel Mosh is sending this distress signal.

That's all we're getting.

Distress.

Listen, Nermit,

I never thought I would be the one to say this to you, but we gotta go get to work now.

Yeah, yeah, you do.

So, guys, you know what?

I'm gonna extend this workout 10 minutes, because why not?

All right, man.

Talk to you later.

All right.

What are you worried about, Nermit?

Yeah, I don't like this at all.

Do

I gotta say, he's acting straight up whack right now.

Yes, exactly.

I'm not jealous of some, I don't know, some creature with marbles in her mouth.

I'm

mad that he's changed.

Yeah, I don't know if I like it either.

Well, we should probably help whoever sent that distress signal half an hour ago.

I hope whoever we save is a babe.

Oh boy.

Possible.

You have received an audio transmission from Rebellion Headquarters.

Playback will follow decryption.

Hello rebels.

This is Commander Rolfus Tittle.

With a few critical announcements.

First off, I'm fine.

A lot of rumors out there, and old Rolfus is straight up okay.

Listen, though, relationships are a lot of work.

Okay, okay.

More importantly, due to overwhelming demand, I have written a field guide to dealing with clints, which you can find on our official rebel website, the rebellion.space.

It's even accompanied by a highly accurate illustration of a couple of stupid clints.

So, head over to the rebellion.space, the amazing site that we built using Squarespace.

Seriously, it's a real site that you can visit.

There's also a brand new post from our trusted rebel advice columnist Hark Tyrgast.

He's what?

With this just in.

We've intercepted a new, highly encrypted message from the disgusting Federated Alliance.

Man, we've thrown our best cryptographers on this thing and can't figure out diddly.

Maybe you can decrypt it.

The message is up at the rebellion.space, along with Hart's advice, my guide to neutralizing clinse, plus others, way cool Rebel stuff.

And while you're at it, listen, Rebel.

Click on make a site for a free Squarespace trial and 10% off your first purchase.

When you visit squarespace.com/slash zix, Z-Y-X-X, and use offer code Zix.

That's all at the Rebellion.space.

Rofus Tittle.

You're totally stable and sober commander.

Signing off.

End of message.

Wow, that is a big ship.

C-53, do you know anything about this ship?

Well, the Desmond Marsh is, of course, a long-haul cruiser.

I know this ship very well.

We used to stay out back in the day.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

I'm surprised to see him, you know?

I thought he perished.

Well, hey.

He was a hard-living ship.

You think I go hard?

This ship goes hard.

Wow, okay.

Bargie, can you like hail the ship and see if everything's okay?

Okay.

Hey.

It's me.

You remember me?

Is there the Bargerian chase?

That's me.

You remember me.

Oh, man.

As I thrust and land the Bargerian Jade.

It's been a while, BJ.

I thought you were gone.

I thought you'd be the way you used to live, man.

It's crazy.

Look at you right now.

How are you doing?

You look...

You look horrible.

Where's the left side of your ship?

Uh, oh.

Right there.

The whole left side's missing, isn't it, man?

Do you still make music?

Yeah, I got together with a couple other chefs and we were...

Hey, I'm sorry I'm sorry to break in here, guys.

Hey, Desilmash, uh, we got a distress signal from you?

Is everything alright?

Yeah, yeah, man, you're probably from me.

Uh, yeah, I'm not really my light skin as a fuzzy, and you know, as you can see, the left side of my hole is missing.

Yeah, that seems like something you would take notice of.

You seem pretty seem pretty chill about it.

Sometimes you eat the asteroid, sometimes the asteroid eats the asteroid.

I don't know if either of those things ever happens.

Yeah.

Yeah, boy, you have no idea what took the side of your ship.

I wish I did, Greg Squishy Man, but I do not.

C-53, should we just go?

I I think that's the only way we're gonna get anything.

We are going on that ship.

Yeah,

darn dark.

I open my hatch to you, fellow travelers.

This whole guy's vibe just puts me on it.

Alright, you ready for the hatch to hatch?

Yeah, hacking it up.

Oh, man.

Oh, yeah.

You know, C-53, I've actually never traveled between two ships in space.

Really?

Yeah.

You've never gone hatch to hatch?

No, I haven't.

I guess, I guess I can picture it, but.

It's pretty simple.

Margie, are we safe to travel through the hatches?

Hold on, let me put this fabric over my hatch, because he's this full of you, I don't trust it.

So I just...

I need you guys to just go through this fabric.

So does every ship have

a compatible hatch?

Okay.

What's up?

Alright, let's go, you two.

Hustle, hustle.

Okay, all right, off the ship, off the ship, let's go, let's go, let's go.

Hello, friends!

Welcome to the Desel Mosh!

You're not terrible.

Hello.

Hello!

All of you look like my friends.

Oh, hi.

I'm Alan Fazehugger.

Welcome aboard.

Alan Fazehugger.

Alan Fazehugger, that's my name.

All of you guys look like really cool people, especially you.

Me?

Yeah.

Thank you.

I mean, I don't even know why you're here, but would you like to just throw the zyball around with me later?

Oh, yeah, definitely.

Oh, that sounds like a great time.

You know, you know, zyball grass comes from my planet.

That's amazing.

Yep.

That's why I rang as six.

I'm a huge zyball fan.

Ah, well, the grass sometimes came from my my farm.

I hate to cut through the pleasant trees here, but Alan, your ship's roster says there are over 700 people on board.

Oh, yeah, they're all sleeping right now.

Shh, everyone be quiet because everyone's sleeping.

Oh, great.

We'll be very quiet while uh, C, could you take a couple photos of me and Alan together?

Um, sure, I can record.

Okay, Alan, get close.

Sure.

Okay, great.

I'm gonna pick you up for this one.

Wow, you're so strong.

And I'm gonna put you over my head for this one.

Oh, my goodness.

Um, all right, and Al, just lovingly embrace me.

Okay, okay.

You know, Dart, listen, I think those pictures are probably good to make Nermit jealous.

We could probably get on with the mission.

I'm sorry, what?

What?

Nermit jealous?

I'm just saying, I'm just saying that's your goal.

I'm just saying if

I wanted to make Nermit jealous, I would ask that you take a photo of this.

Wow,

wow,

did you take enough of those?

I mean, I had to.

That's a potential, you know, SR violet.

Please upload those to Nermit.

Wow, thanks.

That was really enjoyable.

Wow.

That was weird to see.

I mean, your mouth is sort of like the size of his head.

That actually happens a lot with partners.

Yeah, a bunch of my friends call me Big Mouth, but my name's Alan.

You can call me Alan.

Hey, Alan.

I was actually afraid to Dar's mouth, but I'm sure that for Tellurian, your mouth seems to be.

I have no weird features about me at all.

It's a strange statement to make.

My body is perfectly proportional in size.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Your friends call you Big Mouth?

Yes, my friends call me Big Mouth.

My friends that are sleeping on the ship now.

Yeah, sorry, Alan, can we talk about that?

Is everything okay?

Everything's fine.

Alan, who's missing the side of your ship?

Those are renovations where

the entire port side of the ship is golden.

Those are renovations we've been making lately.

Renovations, safe for travel, safe for the ship.

I mean, I guess that makes sense.

I gotta say, I don't know how often you communicate with your ship, but like the Deselmash does not seem to be like aware of what's happening.

Hey, yeah, Deselmosh.

I already, I've been, I've been across hurting you for a while.

Oh,

have I just been having my ass

slapped away in space?

Slapping in the lack of breeze.

Alright, rejecting hatch.

Sorry, guys.

Get back to it.

Don't mind, old Dez.

I gotta say, your ship's sort of like a weirdo.

Yeah, it's an old, weird ship, but we have a good time anyway.

Uh, Alan, perhaps you can answer some questions for us.

What do you haul aboard the Desert Law?

All sorts of raw goods.

That's a very vague, unspecific answer.

A variety of raw goods and materials.

You know, Alan, I gotta say, I know that we've never met, but you seem very familiar.

It's something about your voice.

I feel like I know you too.

Yeah, Alan, I feel like we've met.

Something about the tamor of your voice.

Very familiar.

Yeah.

I mean, people say I have one of those faces, one of those voices.

Yeah, maybe that's one of those.

People say I have one of those faces and one of those voices.

I don't think I've ever said that to somebody.

You have one of those faces and voices?

I don't know.

Alan, what do you say to another location and why don't you put this on?

Oh, thank you.

A shirt.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, look.

Where did you get that?

Is that my shirt?

I'm improvising here.

Okay.

Hey, we're twins almost.

A couple of good-looking guys.

Oh, stop.

Come on, Alan.

Show us another room, Alan.

Yeah, why don't you show us one of the barracks where all your other crewmates might be sleeping?

Sure, follow me.

So, your crewmates are asleep.

Why are you the one that's awake?

It's the night shift.

I drew the short straw.

Yeah, it's just me.

That makes sense.

700 people, only one person works the night shift.

That's right.

Everyone's got to sleep sometime.

It's statistically.

Yeah, a third of the time.

Probably.

Hey, are you guys on the are you guys on the ship yet?

Alright.

And we've had this conversation already.

Okay.

Hey, Bargie, are you out yet, everybody?

I am across from you.

Wait, is my hat still flapping up?

We've been talking about you forgot exactly what we would have been talking about.

What?

I'm just always with this.

Okay, I'm sorry about that.

Don't mind old Diz.

You guys just get to it.

Your ship is cool, but oh man.

The distress signal makes a little bit of sense.

It makes sense.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, this is the barracks.

Yep, this is where everyone's sleeping soundly in their sleeping pods.

Wait, what?

Sorry, Alan, could you just excuse us for just a while?

Could you join me on one of these sleeping pods?

Yes, I will.

Can you continue to take photos?

I mean, I'll do it, Dar, but just be careful.

Are we gonna make out some more?

Yes.

C-53,

look at these sleeping parts.

Does that person look like they're sleeping?

No, they're all covered in some sort of goo.

Is that like a cryostasis material I'm not familiar with?

No.

Also,

straight up open, yeah.

I thought maybe it was a species I wasn't familiar with, but not

yeah, yeah.

This seems.

I'm getting a a little bit creeped out here.

Are you getting all of these?

I'm giving you gold right now.

No, just because I'm not looking directly at you doesn't mean I can't.

I just need to make sure.

Listen, Dara, forward all of these pictures to you.

I'm happy to do that.

Not me, Nermit.

He needs to see

every moment of Darby.

This feels like maybe the wrong time.

This is a bad technology.

Did you see her?

Did you see Matt?

Mel.

Yeah, I know.

Did you hear how she sounds?

Yeah, I don't

have cool earrings.

Yeah.

We're all friends right now.

Does anyone want to talk to me for a second?

Yeah, it's C53.

I think C53 had something to talk to you about, real quick.

Dar, can I talk to you for a second?

Fine.

Alan, allow me to just put this hand on your chest and uh give you a brief skip.

It's like going to the checkup.

Yes, going to the checkup.

Going to the checkup.

Just keep repeating that statement.

Stay going to the checkup.

That's what we do.

We Tellurians go to the checkup.

Dar, listen.

I listen.

I totally get what you're trying to do with Nermit.

I mean, I don't blame you.

I think it's actually kind of sweet that you're really, you know, upset by...

I didn't like it either when we talked to him on hollow.

But now suddenly he's too cool for me.

For

me, no, Dar.

Hey, Dar, that will never happen, okay?

Nobody's too cool for you.

He said so in his phone call on Friday at 4434.

What?

I just think I'm too cool for you, Dar.

He said that?

Yes.

Hey, Dar, sorry I didn't call earlier.

There's been the AC has been on so strong in my office and I've just been so like I've been too cool to call you and oh hey dar listen I don't think that's what he meant.

No no keep listening and also I just got a lot going on.

Do you want to know?

Yeah, totally, Mel.

Yeah, I'm coming.

Sorry, Dar.

Once this AC gets fixed and I have like less awesome stuff going on, I can totally have time to call it.

Oh, yeah, I don't like that.

Now, do you see what I'm saying?

Yeah, I get it.

But listen, Dar, just real quick.

Have you noticed something about these bodies?

What?

The bodies?

The dead bodies next to us?

These people were murdered.

Oh.

Wow, I could see how self-absorbed I've been.

I mean, I don't want to call you out like that, but you brought the ion cannon, right?

Yeah.

Okay, just let's just make it sure.

No, no, no.

Wait.

No.

No.

Wait, no.

It was inside of me, and now it's not.

During our photo shoot, I think it

fell out?

Oh, no.

Going to the checkup.

Alright, Alan, and I have just about finished up that scan.

This is like a hug from a friend.

It's very unlike that, which is so strange that you'd say that.

Dark!

Emissary Dexter, do you want to take a look at this scan that I just did of Alan?

Oh, would love to.

I'm going to busy myself on this computer console on the wall.

Okay, you notice I was just flailing his arms in front of that console?

Yeah, the console's off, too.

Yeah, it's not on.

Let me turn your attention to this scan.

Oh, wow.

So that's the rough shape with Alan here.

Yep.

Notice anything unusual about the scan?

Well, it's full of insects.

Yep.

Yep.

It's got a big old body full of bugs.

Hey, fun, fun, quirky fact.

He may have

swiped the ion cannon that I was storing inside of me.

That's sort of rule number one.

One job as security officer.

I have many jobs as security officers.

I think all of them fall under the realm of security.

Fair.

However, my chief job today was

get back at Nermit.

It was.

This is not completely.

Bleck would agree.

Listen to the rest of this recording.

So, Mel.

We just met, but I just feel like I've known you for a long time, you know what I mean?

No, no, no, no,

yeah.

I'm totally fine.

Okay,

this isn't anything.

I think there was a nub dial.

I think the nub of his tail accidentally dialed you.

Doesn't matter!

She called him Nermi.

Oh, yeah, that's gotta hurt.

Yeah, that's painful.

Alan, fair enough, sure.

Alan, can I ask you to do me a favor?

Sure.

Just cough.

That didn't resemble a Tellurian cough in any way.

No.

Yeah, what aren't you trying now?

Arguably.

Okay, yeah, that's sort of what yeah.

Future children, prepare to be assimilated.

Soldiers, for the rest, we're employing perfect battle tactics to assimilate you with all the different units in our perfect caste system.

Weavers, form out the royal drones.

Through millions of years of evolution, we perfected all of our caste.

Okay, listen, Growman.

This is not our first experience.

Don't you remember us?

I'm a Cleck Dexa C53.

No.

Dar.

Dar.

All of you look the same to me.

No,

we were on the Bargerian Jade you used to date.

The Bargerian Jade?

Yeah, she's here.

Are you guys on the ship now or what?

Dez, we're here, man.

You guys made it all right?

We're fine.

Alright, well, let me know if anything weird's happening.

We will.

Alright, bye.

Everyone, prepare for egg laying in your eyeballs.

Come down.

No, listen.

Can we just...

Okay.

Listen, grower mind.

You summon grower minds.

I mean, I don't know, summon.

I just...

You're willing to come peacefully.

No, I mean, not really.

I just feel like let's try to find some sort of common ground.

You know, you went your way, we went ours, and we decided we were going to have a peaceful parting.

I feel bad a little because I just don't remember that at all.

Not even a little bit.

Not even a little bit.

Yeah, it was a huge deal.

The workers don't remember.

The soldiers don't remember.

Okay, alright.

I think that we don't remember sort of covers the whole thing.

I

don't assimilate beings millions of times per cycle.

Of course, I would have forgotten you.

I mean, sure, yeah.

I mean, that makes sense.

Statistically, fine.

But I will never forget

the Bargerian Jade.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, great.

Well, that's us.

That was us.

That was us.

Yeah, yep.

Remember?

Wait, the Bargary Jade is here?

Yeah, that's what we told.

We've been telling you that.

Oh my gosh, she's here.

I felt so bad since the last time.

I really kind of cleaned up.

I was in a bad place before.

Really?

And I was...

A part of my brain was not in the right brain space.

Are you saying you, like, regret what you said to Bargie last time?

Yes, I called her a cantankerous, bitter old ship, and I feel very bad about it.

Yeah, wow.

That's, uh...

I've been taking my frustration out on all sorts of worlds.

Some pitiful war that you've been busying yourself with, I've absorbed from both sides.

Oh, you mean rebellion and federated alliance?

Is that what you call them?

I mean, yeah.

You're just wearing different clothes.

I mean,

there are some key ideological differences, I think, in what I mean.

Okay, fair enough.

Yep, great.

Listen, Dart, you know, I feel like you and the grower mind are kind of going through the same thing right now, which is that, you know, you had this thing, you feel a little weird about it, and you're trying to figure out how to fix it, right?

I think what I'm going through right now is

I tried to make Norma jealous by hooking up with the grower mind.

And could anyone tell me where the ion cannon is?

Oh, this ion cannon.

Oh, delight.

We should have more than one weapon.

Hey, so listen, Grower Minds.

This has been great catching up again with you.

Again, I don't remember you at all.

Yeah, well, for us, it's very cool.

We're just gonna get back to Barge.

So, um, good luck with the rest of your assimilation.

That's right, you flew here on the Bargerian Jade.

Are you friends with the Bargerian Jade?

That's actually a really good question.

Yeah.

Is he anyone?

If you were in mortal danger, would the Bargerian Jade come to your aid?

Yeah, you know what?

I thought about that a lot, and I think, you know, I think she probably would.

I don't think this line of questioning is going to end well, friends.

What do you mean?

My children seize them.

Oh, no!

Make a perimeter, soldiers!

What does the perimeter do?

It's a battle tactic that your pitiful mind cannot understand.

Royal drones, seize the largest, seize the big one.

Seize him.

Bulls, seize the great one.

Matt.

Turn on a mind control.

If you could just hit that button.

We are the cat.

My minions only take orders from the grower mind.

My children hit the button.

Weavers,

form a perimeter around the button.

Weapons, press the button.

Really, anyone.

Just one.

You just need one to press the button.

Yeah, no.

Listen, Grower Mind.

You cannot escape the grasp of the Grower Mind.

Sure, Bargie doesn't have a whole lot of strong feelings for us.

I don't think you killing us is gonna really help anything.

As soon as I insert this egg into your skull, Bargerian Jake will show up and come to your aid.

Hey, you know, the ship we're on, turns out there's a lot of keck here, and we've got some

like sort of, I would say, ovipositors might be the word, sort of heading towards our eyeballs.

He's trying to say you want me to come back.

The thing is, is uh,

as much as we used to be good friends back in the day, it's really hard to honour this guy.

It's getting very annoying.

Are you talking about Des?

Yeah, Dez.

No, no, no.

And it's like, oh, I get it.

You know, Desert.

Yeah, no.

If you want to look at the video feed, you'll know.

There's a lot of camera.

Okay, but

fine.

I'll help you.

Just promise me that Dez will not talk to me again about the growing universe.

What

hey, BJ, you still there?

Don't here's the thing: it's just that the uh

the universe is still great, you know what I mean?

Thank you.

Did I ever hear you say that I have the cash?

I have the cash?

Game over, man.

Game over, man.

I can feel it going into my eyes.

Oh, I guess I'll have to set myself to struggle.

Get a couple people out of you before you do that.

Okay.

No, no, I must be assimilated into the brute.

We are dead.

Okay, hold on, hold on.

Sorry.

I know what this is about.

Girl of mine, good to see you.

It's been a while.

Again.

Do you know what links I've had to go through just to be able to talk to you?

Here's the thing.

You uh, you messed up a couple times, and I'm not, we're not doing this again, okay?

So just give me back the the tiny people inside of you and one big one.

Plenty of all the things you can infest.

You know, have fun.

I've infested and I've assimilated and I've destroyed so many things.

But nothing's like you.

I'm opening my heart to you.

Bargie, look.

Look at this Kek's heart.

How it glows green for you.

Do you see this glowing green light?

This is

the keck pouring his feelings out for you.

That's not my heart, that's something inside of me.

That's my Ion Cannon.

We are

waiters begin to run after you're crewing!

Bolts, also begin to run!

Run strategically!

Alright, don't run yet!

Wait, pick up the rear!

Darren!

Darrow!

That was really cool.

I'll admit, it was very embarrassing to have let my

heart get in the way.

I'm protecting you guys.

Good shot.

I feel really I feel alive right now.

I r I remember what's important.

You are shooting those keck as quickly as they can appear.

Oh, wow.

Found some real motivation there.

Sure.

Hey guys,

here.

Uh,

so

I started the self-destruct mechanism.

You started a self-destruct mechanism.

Brother, I started that self-destruct mechanism long ago, baby.

Oh, sure, yeah, okay.

Listen, the hatch is open.

I don't think I ever.

Did I retract it?

I would be very surprised if you.

Yeah.

If I made your character, I think I have an idea that could work out.

Uh, let's just go ahead to the hatch here.

Okay.

What?

What?

What are you doing?

We're just gonna.

We're just gonna ride the hatch back to March.

All right, and black is

there is air in the hatch.

Let's do it,

man.

Sorry, Des.

Sorry, Des.

Oh, man, look at it.

Go, just flying away.

Bye, Hatch.

Des, you are an

interesting ship, my friend.

So are you, man?

You're an interesting ship, too.

I am not.

You guys are all interesting ships.

Hey, come on, the kick is really in me right now.

Alright, time for Bargi to go.

It was great seeing you.

Good luck with everything.

No, we're still in the hatch.

We're in a loose hatch floating in space.

You need to open your cargo door.

Alright, it's open.

Just hurry up.

The kick are making a bridge with their bodies.

Oh, no.

I'm ready to commit!

Why, look at what I'm doing.

I'm using my children to build a bridge to you.

Okay, okay.

Workers, convince Bargie that my commitment was going to be strong.

We just silence well together, you know?

Now, bulls, show them our emotional strengths.

We are not afraid to cry!

Now weavers, lay crystal eggs and view them with Space Magic.

Space Magic?

Rose.

I'm sorry.

It's too late.

The jewels have reached the ship.

We've got to get out of here.

Yeah.

Bargy.

Alright, everybody is.

The jewels look great.

I appreciate it.

Thank you so much.

Come on, great seeing you.

Bargear and G.

Mark my words.

One day, you will be mine.

Mark my words.

This is it, man.

Dad, good times.

Farewell.

No, don't leave me with him.

No,

here's a thing of becoming one with the universe.

It just keeps going, you know?

It's just

whoa.

Man, for an old, weird, hippie ship, that was a powerful self-destruct.

You gotta be careful around those old reactors yikes

hey uh see yeah you didn't send those photos did you

dar i didn't and i'm gonna tell you why no no i i think that's for the best um could you just send them to me though i'm gonna

just remind myself not to get so caught up

reporting them to your account now thank you you know dar i'm sorry that was such a hard time for you with nermit and everything but uh i think he'll come around you know?

And honestly, it doesn't matter if he doesn't.

Really?

Yeah, it's not even really about Nermit, it's just about having the upper hand.

I mean, that's a really good thing to know about yourself.

Yeah.

That's, yeah.

Should we get out of this hatch?

Oh.

You know, it's starting to get comfortable in the hatch.

Yeah, I feel.

There is a smell, right?

Yeah, we gotta definitely still be my friend.

Sure.

I tried to clean it, but there's just a lingering odor in there.

You gotta remove that skin, C53.

I mean, I would feel the pain of removing the skin.

Oh.

What if we take out the cube, remove the skin, put the cube back in?

Okay, well, what if I turned off your nerve endings, tore off all your skin, and then turned your nerve endings back?

Huh.

Yeah.

Alright, fair enough.

Well, Bargie,

should we get on our way?

Yeah, why wouldn't we?

I don't understand the question.

I don't know.

It just seemed like this sort of segue at the end of a mission.

From Missions Operations Manager, Nermit Abloy.

Hey, Nermit.

Hey, guys.

Oh, no.

Snap happened.

Oh, snap.

I broke them in half.

I owe you guys an apology.

I realized

I just like I had become someone I wasn't.

You know what I mean?

Like I

got excited to be accepted and in and also the hair gel was really like giving me some kind of skin thing.

And

you shouldn't it's not for feathers.

I know I should have read the bottle.

Like I'm gonna admit it, I was really excited to hang out with Mel.

And Mel was fun, but I realized at the end of the day, like, we didn't have that much to talk about.

Mel's cool, but Mel's, like, not

that deep, so

I'm just.

This might sound crazy, guys, but I'm gonna turn off this treadmill.

Oh, thanks, Nerm.

That means a lot.

You know, Nerman, if it helps, we really learned a lot about ourselves on this mission, too.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, that's good.

Even though I was like, mired in an identity crisis for

hours, I just was happy that I knew that my crew was out there answering this distress call.

Um, so some bad news on that front.

Oh,

but but what?

The good news is they were dead when we got there.

Oh, yeah, so

it was not our fault.

And also, the ship has been destroyed.

Oh, but

the good news is that the ship was sort of a burnout.

Now, the good news is the ship was full of keck, and the keck have also been destroyed.

Yes, well sure that probably is better news.

I'm just saying like we shouldn't weep too hard for Dez.

Dez self-destructed.

The Keck are an enemy of course the Alliance but also the Rebellion so like essentially you guys waged war against the Keck on behalf of the Rebellion.

And sort of won.

Sort of won.

I did get an egg implanted in my eye.

I say mitigated success.

You actually got one in your eye?

Yeah, I got in there.

Nope.

You're gonna have to see a doctor.

Yeah, that's uh that's how long do you think I have not long all that long.

Yeah,

how does that eye feel?

Bigger, tighter, I would say, tighter in its socket.

You know what, guys?

I just I'm gonna sit this one out.

Cool, I'll see you later.

No problem bars like I thought a lot about.

My

minority last year,

they're not there anymore.

Okay, but we appreciate the gesture, Nermit.

Yeah, I mean,

it feels good to know who you are, you know?

Yeah.

Totally.

You said I agree.

It really feels good to know who you are.

Yeah.

I think that's what I'm going to caption this photo that I'm posting.

What are you posting it to?

What's the photo?

Oh, you can just check it out on my hologram.

Okay, I'm just going to swipe through.

Oh.

This may be slightly disrespectful to the family.

That host.

Yeah, good point.

That was a dead body.

Alan was

Alan had been dead for days.

At the same time, he was very alive.

No.

No, he was like a skin puppet.

Dar, I gave it a star.

I liked it.

This is Sea Red IT5 Credits and Attributions Droid commencing outro protocol.

Emissary Pleg Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.

C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent.

Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh.

Missions Operations Manager Nervit Bundeloy was played by Seth Lynn.

The Deselmosh Longhaul Cruiser was played by Winston Knoll.

Bargie the Ship and Mel were played by Mujan Zolfagari.

The Girl Reminded the Keck and the animated corpse of Alan Fazehunger were played by special guest John Robert Wilso.

G.R.

performs monthly with Thank You Robot and Science Exclamation Point at Caveat in New York City and co-hosts the Fifth Element and Unlimited Lives podcasts.

Follow him on Twitter at John Robert Wilso.

This episode ended by Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

This episode was recorded at Robert Doggy Jr.'s Puppy Pound in Brooklyn, New York.

Music by Brendan Ryan.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchling.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom.

Thanks, Audioboom.

A very special thank you to our Patreon supporters for making season two possible.

Do you have a pressing question for the crew?

Send an email to crew at mission to zix.space.

Uh, Alan, perhaps you could answer some questions for us.

What do you haul aboard the Deselmache?

All sorts of raw goods.

That's a very vague, unspecific answer.

A variety of raw goods and materials.

You know, Alan, I gotta say, I know that we've never met, but you seem very familiar.

It's something about your voice.

I feel like I know you too.

Yeah, maybe we...

Oh, oh.

What's happening?

Kill me.

What?

Everyone bow before the undying will of the grower mind.

Oh, my rod!

That makes a lot more sense.

We serve the grower by.

We serve the grower by

the water.

Oh man, that was so good.

That's so funny.

I think we need to wait a little bit.

Hold it a little bit.

Oh, I don't know.

I do think Alan is so funny.

Alan is such a funny thing.

We might want a little more Alan.