204: Pro of Cons [ft. Nicole Drespel]

Speaker 1 This is Sea Red IT5 with a special announcement. Mission to Zix is coming to Los Angeles for our first ever West Coast live show.
Join us on July 29th at 7 p.m.

Speaker 1 at Dynasty Typewriter at The Hayworth as we record a brand new episode right in front of your eyes, featuring live sound design and extra special guests.

Speaker 1 Tickets available at dynastytypewriter.com or our website, mission2zix.space. Hooray for Hollywood!

Speaker 2 It is a period of civil war.

Speaker 3 The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated Alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance.

Speaker 3 Now, rebel emissary Pleck Dexeta and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

Speaker 2 This is mission to Zix.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 5 Okay. Rolling.
One, two, three.

Speaker 6 Welcome to Budgie's house. This is Baji's house.
Boom, boom, boom. Zoom into like all the electrical things.
Just like give everyone a big access to inside of me.

Speaker 10 This is the area where everyone hangs out. Baji's house.

Speaker 11 Hey, Bargie. Hey, Bargie.
Sorry. Wait, I'm rolling.

Speaker 12 Play, get out of the frame. Okay.

Speaker 11 We can just edit around that. Can I?

Speaker 2 Sorry, can I just add what is going on?

Speaker 13 What is this? What's the camera for?

Speaker 10 Switching ships.

Speaker 4 What?

Speaker 13 i don't know i have no idea extremely popular what is it about

Speaker 14 residents of ships uh switch ships and attempt to

Speaker 16 quality of the interior of the ships to like two crewship that uh that they did this on they uh they got an amazing film career now they're doing a bunch of holos you know oh this is like that show ship flippers Where somebody buys an old ship and then flips and then sells it.

Speaker 12 That's a little different.

Speaker 17 That's a little different.

Speaker 13 How is it different?

Speaker 12 There's only one ship in that program.

Speaker 18 Oh, I guess that's okay.

Speaker 14 Embassy Dexter with an incoming transmission from Mission Operations Manager Nermit Bundley.

Speaker 19 Hey, Nermit. Hey, guys.

Speaker 4 How's the new office?

Speaker 20 Check it out.

Speaker 19 All the data cables go through these trays on the ceiling, and they're like quotes on the walls. And can you see down that hall, there's like bibby pong tables that you can just use whenever?

Speaker 22 And they're like little meeting rooms with whiteboards. And you see how someone just went by on a little scooter?

Speaker 24 Very revelly looking.

Speaker 22 Yeah, yeah, and look, check out this chair.

Speaker 25 Oh man, I can go really low and then really high, and I can stand up.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 13 well, congratulations.

Speaker 24 Thanks. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 26 how about a mission?

Speaker 24 Yeah, let's do it.

Speaker 27 Great. Okay.

Speaker 12 Give us our mission, mom.

Speaker 24 Yeah, you know, missions operations.

Speaker 13 Missions operations manager. Now we can just call you mom.

Speaker 17 Missions operations Manager.

Speaker 14 The letters M-O-M-M are the forward word mom. No, I get it.

Speaker 29 I just don't think that you have to say that. Now that it's a much shorter name, you don't even have to shorten it.

Speaker 18 Mom just rolls right off the garage. I mean, it's hard.

Speaker 16 I don't really remember your name or not.

Speaker 31 Yeah.

Speaker 13 It's one of the first words we learned, so it's pretty easy for all of us to say

Speaker 13 mom bundaloi.

Speaker 12 My first word was death.

Speaker 29 Your first word was death? Yeah.

Speaker 14 It's extremely common on Darth Planet.

Speaker 31 Wow.

Speaker 29 Okay, I would go by that.

Speaker 8 Death? Death.

Speaker 21 That's like a really cool rebel name.

Speaker 31 Three cents? Huh?

Speaker 13 Uh, Nermit, what's your mission?

Speaker 29 Okay, so here's the deal. Uh, this mission is coming from uh rebel commander Sisugundu herself.

Speaker 17 Uh, yeah,

Speaker 23 so here's the deal: they were so pleased with the mission on Gash, I suppose, is where we ended up, retrieving all the water, which the rebels are very hydrated right now their skin is looking great and they're thankful for that and so we're going to do a high-level multifaceted infiltration mission

Speaker 29 absolutely yeah this is a mission that the rebellion has been trying to pull off for a long time and they finally feel like they have the team for it

Speaker 13 is the team they're referring to us

Speaker 29 yeah what did you say what do you mean what did i say no that we they were just really impressed with the water mission and I also told them how we were like one of the best teams in the Federated Alliance.

Speaker 14 Well, that would be an accurate.

Speaker 24 No way.

Speaker 10 We were below dead and missing teams.

Speaker 29 We were sabotaged and never got to reach our full potential.

Speaker 18 Sabotaged by our own

Speaker 24 usually me.

Speaker 24 Sure.

Speaker 13 Yeah, you know what, Nerman? I'm on board with this. Give us a big juicy mission.
Let's sink our teeth in and kill it. So keep going, buddy.

Speaker 23 Okay, so Bargie is going to fly you deep into Federated Alliance territory so you can steal something of incredible value to the rebellion.

Speaker 19 And you are going to at some point meet up with

Speaker 19 a serious artist

Speaker 19 of cons.

Speaker 14 A Connor? Yes. A swindler.

Speaker 19 Yeah, sure. She's going to get you inside.

Speaker 4 Charlatan.

Speaker 12 That's another word.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 14 A confidence woman. Is that a longer version of that?

Speaker 17 Wow. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 25 Sure.

Speaker 29 Her name is Tresidora Lonley.

Speaker 27 Lonley. Hmm.

Speaker 31 I don't know.

Speaker 12 Well, I love her already, so I can't.

Speaker 13 Where are we meeting her?

Speaker 24 So, yep.

Speaker 14 Because she's meeting you.

Speaker 2 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 21 Whoa. Whoa.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 16 Sorry, someone else is in the.

Speaker 10 I always forget to tell you.

Speaker 13 How long has she been here?

Speaker 16 Like three days.

Speaker 17 What? What?

Speaker 12 How have you camouflaged yourself like that?

Speaker 10 First rule of a con.

Speaker 10 If you're not already conning, you're getting conned.

Speaker 10 Wait,

Speaker 10 you're getting conned.

Speaker 8 I mean, yeah, I guess.

Speaker 13 Yeah, always be conning. Exactly.

Speaker 18 Your costume is incredible.

Speaker 4 Thank you.

Speaker 8 Part of the ship.

Speaker 8 Yep.

Speaker 13 I'm a master of disguise.

Speaker 13 Treasure, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Emissary Plekdexeter.
This is C53 and Dar.

Speaker 12 And of course, you've been hiding inside of the Bargarian Jade.

Speaker 18 Welcome.

Speaker 10 Gang, you're telling me stuff I already know.

Speaker 14 Any con artist worth their sale, of course, done extensive research before hiding out on a ship for three days.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it's time to actually get to work. Are you ready to work?

Speaker 9 Yeah, I'm ready.

Speaker 14 Absolutely.

Speaker 17 Let's do it.

Speaker 10 The second rule of a con is everyone's involved in the con.

Speaker 29 Guys, I have a day chock full of meetings here, so I'm gonna sign off.

Speaker 23 I just could not be more excited for you. You're gonna go in deep.
You're going hard.

Speaker 31 You're gonna...

Speaker 25 Yep.

Speaker 13 Why were you making such strong eye contact with Dar when you said that?

Speaker 29 No, I just I was looking at each of you individually and I um

Speaker 19 death signing off

Speaker 10 So chosen to our friend you can call me Trey Trey yep

Speaker 10 Trey I'm afraid the exact details of the con were left out of our mission briefing sure have you uh I gotta ask this I'm getting a sort of a new kid vibe. Have you guys pulled a con before?

Speaker 16 Yeah, well, you know what's con, uh,

Speaker 2 With you?

Speaker 2 With me.

Speaker 16 Oh. We had 14 wonderful years together.

Speaker 14 We made a couple of hollows.

Speaker 13 Bargie, that doesn't sound like a con, that sounds like a relationship.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 16 He's uh,

Speaker 16 he's my son's father.

Speaker 32 Wait,

Speaker 13 Bargy, Blimpy is the illegitimate son of spaceship Spielship?

Speaker 16 Yep.

Speaker 12 That kind of explains why he wants to be a theme park.

Speaker 13 Yeah, it sort of puts things into perspective. I've always kind of thought you gave Blimpy sort of too much of a hard time, but man, he's got a lot to live up to and he's not doing it.

Speaker 16 He looks like his father in a time. Anyway, let's move past.
Why are we talking about me?

Speaker 9 Well, you know,

Speaker 13 C-53, you have a long history. You've pulled a couple cons in your day, right? Good with sleight of hand.

Speaker 14 This frame regret

Speaker 14 does have quite the finger decks.

Speaker 9 Here, watch.

Speaker 24 Take a card. Okay, great.

Speaker 9 Put it back in

Speaker 21 You got it.

Speaker 14 Oh,

Speaker 17 yep.

Speaker 14 The fingers are very sticky. That's the problem.

Speaker 8 Sure.

Speaker 10 Permanently sticky. It's not a problem.
Because one of the most important things we need for this con is sticky fingers.

Speaker 17 Okay, they're back in.

Speaker 10 Great, great. So, C53, you're going to be sticky fingers.

Speaker 13 Oh, that's your

Speaker 14 con name?

Speaker 10 It's your con name, it's also what your role in the con is going to be.

Speaker 10 Great.

Speaker 13 Well, Dari was like practically a con person for a while.

Speaker 12 Perhaps you're aware of my most famous con.

Speaker 12 There were 11 of us.

Speaker 12 We were all out of the game, but

Speaker 12 this one old friend really wanted to get us all back together.

Speaker 8 I haven't heard of that.

Speaker 9 No?

Speaker 8 No, I haven't heard of that.

Speaker 10 I don't busy myself with other people's cons. Third rule of cons is: if you're worrying about other people's cons, keep your eyes on your own con.

Speaker 24 Oh, that makes sense, yeah.

Speaker 18 Yeah.

Speaker 10 The fourth rule is the most important rule.

Speaker 9 Why is it not the first rule?

Speaker 10 Because you don't want to overwhelm people with the most important rule.

Speaker 8 You want to build up to it? You want to build up to it.

Speaker 12 That's a tip, not a rule, what you just said.

Speaker 13 No, no, she was setting up the rule.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I'm explaining why I'm getting to the most important on fourth.

Speaker 10 It's not going to work if we're not friends.

Speaker 9 It's not going to work.

Speaker 14 That's the fourth rule.

Speaker 13 Yeah.

Speaker 13 Is that the fourth and final rule?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Huh. And I would actually say the first three rules, we're a con.

Speaker 28 Wow.

Speaker 17 There's only one rule.

Speaker 24 Wait, do we have to be friends?

Speaker 12 Any of these rules before?

Speaker 10 Well, how well those cons go?

Speaker 13 I mean, at first, you did get captured by the Alliance, and now you're here with us.

Speaker 12 Okay, I was going to say, at first, it seemed like it wasn't going to work, and then it did work, and then it worked, and then it didn't work.

Speaker 4 I think

Speaker 13 that sounds like a textbook-long con.

Speaker 12 I mean, yeah, I was the only fall person. I'm the only one that was captured.

Speaker 14 Is that why we must all be friends? So that if at any point during the con, the con is exposed, then we won't flip on each other. Exactly.

Speaker 13 Billy, that's kind of folded into rule number four. Yeah.

Speaker 15 Being a good friend involves not conning your friends.

Speaker 14 Yep.

Speaker 10 All right, let's get down to business. Okay, Dar.

Speaker 8 Uh-huh.

Speaker 10 Mary, Juck, kill. Pleck, C-53, Bargie.

Speaker 14 Oh, I thought you meant get down to business, isn't it?

Speaker 10 This is business.

Speaker 10 What is the fourth and only rule?

Speaker 13 Well, friends, gotta be friends with you.

Speaker 12 Okay, obviously, Mary C.

Speaker 27 Thank you.

Speaker 12 We have great chemistry. Yes, naturally.
Juck Bargy, because talk about a story. And then

Speaker 10 death to plague.

Speaker 13 Yeah, no, that makes sense. Yeah.
That is sort of a softball.

Speaker 12 Trey Lonely.

Speaker 10 Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to be rude.

Speaker 13 Wait, is your last name pronounced lonely? Yeah.

Speaker 10 Why?

Speaker 13 I'm just curious.

Speaker 16 Yep.

Speaker 16 Okay, okay, my turn. My turn.
Chuck Mary Gill, Banan Forensic,

Speaker 16 Jordan Bokorkin, or Gork the Sork.

Speaker 2 Oh, oh boy, wow, that is...

Speaker 17 That's tricky.

Speaker 12 Well, Gork is so charming.

Speaker 33 Yeah, Mary, I think Mary.

Speaker 4 Mary Gork.

Speaker 14 See, I think I would juck Gork.

Speaker 10 What's it who would you marry?

Speaker 14 No, no, no.

Speaker 10 Can I ask a question?

Speaker 10 How do when you guys play, does marrying mean no jucking, or does marrying include jucking?

Speaker 13 I've always thought about it.

Speaker 7 Sure. Sure, sure.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 13 Well, you know, I always thought just for the purposes of the game, Mary was like, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I don't get to juck you.

Speaker 10 Right, that's what. Okay, those are my rules to witch on to share.

Speaker 12 Yeah, I mean, that's true of my own planet. You marry someone that you spend the rest of your life with, but you only reproduce with other people.

Speaker 13 Did Mary Juck Kill originate on your planetar?

Speaker 10 Oh my god, I think it did.

Speaker 13 Yeah, that must.

Speaker 13 That makes sense. Yeah, that really makes sense.

Speaker 12 We marry and never juck the person we're married to. We juck everybody else.
Yeah. And then we kill at least one person every six months.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Okay. That all checks out.
Wow.

Speaker 10 We often played at the beginning of any academy semester.

Speaker 12 You went to academy for cons?

Speaker 13 Yeah. UConn?

Speaker 13 Sure.

Speaker 16 Wait, do we I'm sorry. Did we finish the issue? Can I go to sleep mode now?

Speaker 12 No, sorry, you're right. You're right.

Speaker 10 Let's get practical.

Speaker 4 Okay, great.

Speaker 10 Um, Pleck and C. Would you grab this rope?

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 4 Okay, just put it around your wrists.

Speaker 10 All Alright. Great.
And take each other's hands.

Speaker 17 Sure, sure.

Speaker 10 Unknot the rope without letting go of each other's hands.

Speaker 2 Okay. I just have a small helper arm that I can.

Speaker 17 Yep.

Speaker 2 Nice. Okay.

Speaker 14 Did that violate the spirit of the game?

Speaker 10 I mean, no, because that's who you are. And so that can't violate the spirit of the game.
That's great.

Speaker 13 The rope is now tied around my hands.

Speaker 11 I'm not really sure what to do.

Speaker 10 Dar?

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 10 I want you to come over here.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 10 Grab Pleck's hands and get the rope off of his arms without letting go of his hands.

Speaker 4 Can I I break his arm? No, no, no, no, no, no. No.

Speaker 13 Dar, please, please don't hurt me like that.

Speaker 12 I'll just.

Speaker 13 Oh, wow. Slice it right in half with one of those chest talents.
There you go. Thank you, Dar.
That was much cooler and much less painful. Thank you.

Speaker 4 Wow, I really feel like I'm closer to you guys now.

Speaker 16 Sorry,

Speaker 16 do we complete the mission?

Speaker 10 Actually, Bargie, don't go into sleep mode, but shut down your sensors. Everyone, close your eyes.
Oh.

Speaker 8 Oh, okay. okay

Speaker 17 the ship has crashed oh and there's an escape it's a hypothetical thing is a thought

Speaker 10 after the crash you find an escape pod sure it only fits you and one other member of this crew okay point at the person you're taking with our eyes closed yep okay

Speaker 10 everyone's pointing yep

Speaker 10 open your eyes

Speaker 10 Okay, yeah, you're all pointing at C-53. Okay, let's go con.

Speaker 10 Oh.

Speaker 9 wait, what?

Speaker 12 I felt like you got us really close together, then you drove us apart real fast.

Speaker 10 Yeah, yeah, and the con is gonna be about finding your way back to each other.

Speaker 12 I don't know.

Speaker 12 Who are we conning?

Speaker 14 Yeah, who's the connie in this situation?

Speaker 12 Yep. The mark.

Speaker 7 Yes.

Speaker 12 Is she a connie, or is he a mark?

Speaker 8 It is.

Speaker 14 Are we conning a connie?

Speaker 18 Yes.

Speaker 13 Connie meaning the person the recipient of a con.

Speaker 17 Yes.

Speaker 15 Or the name Connie.

Speaker 27 Right.

Speaker 15 You're conning a Connie named Connie.

Speaker 9 Yes.

Speaker 8 Okay. And Mark.

Speaker 14 And Mark?

Speaker 9 Yes. A Mark named Mark.

Speaker 7 Yes.

Speaker 17 Seems awesome.

Speaker 24 That can't be right. What do we want from you?

Speaker 4 Do you? I'm sorry.

Speaker 10 Do you want more information about these people so that you feel bonded to them?

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, okay.

Speaker 13 Because once they become friends, they're part of the con and we can't leave them behind.

Speaker 4 Oh, wow. Pleck, yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 16 Wait, Pleck just figured something out?

Speaker 16 Hello, and

Speaker 31 greetings,

Speaker 35 citizens of Milsh.

Speaker 35 It is I,

Speaker 35 your most esteemed governor, here with a public service announcement.

Speaker 35 As we enter the ninth year of our Milsh in winter,

Speaker 35 scores of citizens are

Speaker 35 suffering from what can only be described as

Speaker 35 bone deep malaise.

Speaker 35 Luckily, we have a guaranteed pick-me-up, the new podcast, Nerdificent.

Speaker 35 Every week on Nerdificent, comedians Danny Fernandez and Iffy Waterway deep dive into exceedingly

Speaker 35 fascinating nerdy subjects. Be it the mind-expanding frontiers of virtual reality or the surprising renaissance of tabletop games.

Speaker 35 They take you from the origins to the exciting future of each thrilling, nerdy topic. It's very cool.

Speaker 35 So listen and uh

Speaker 35 subscribe to nerdy visit now on Apple Podcasts or

Speaker 28 wherever,

Speaker 35 wherever you get your podcast.

Speaker 35 It is infinitely more enjoyable than listening to the uh

Speaker 35 haunting winds that howl through the endless canyons of Milsch.

Speaker 22 Magnificent.

Speaker 35 Now I uh

Speaker 35 I'm going to go. Uh

Speaker 35 my dear wife is

Speaker 35 making soup.

Speaker 10 Does everyone feel like they know their roles?

Speaker 18 I I gotta tell you, Trey, I have no idea.

Speaker 36 Want to do a quick recap?

Speaker 4 Uh, yeah, I'd love that.

Speaker 10 Great. Dar, you're back.

Speaker 34 I'm back.

Speaker 10 Yep. You get that?

Speaker 2 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 9 Great.

Speaker 8 Pleck? Yep.

Speaker 10 Pleck, you're on the up.

Speaker 2 I'm on the up.

Speaker 18 I don't get it. Excellent.
Just see your sticky fingers.

Speaker 10 Yep.

Speaker 10 On the up. Okay.
And I will be master of disguise.

Speaker 13 Now, see, that I understand. I could do that.

Speaker 4 Maybe.

Speaker 10 I mean, it's sort of a riskier position.

Speaker 10 And I wouldn't, Pleck, I wouldn't want to put you.

Speaker 13 Yeah, you're right. I'll be on the up.
Good job on the crowd.

Speaker 31 Good job on the crowd.

Speaker 4 Even in informal wear, of course.

Speaker 31 What brings you to Gemino?

Speaker 4 Oh, uh, we're here to um uh we're here to attend the party?

Speaker 10 Yep. Okay.
We're invited to the birthday party. We're old friends.

Speaker 28 Oh, old friends.

Speaker 8 Yep. Yeah.
Well, if there's one thing a clip will let through to a party full of high-ranking VIPs of the Federated Alliance, it's an old friend.

Speaker 13 Are you being sarcastic or what?

Speaker 31 What's wrong with you? No, good.

Speaker 24 Great, because we're old friends.

Speaker 10 Are you? Just from way back.

Speaker 31 Oh, you're old friends from way back?

Speaker 8 Yep. Yep, yep.

Speaker 31 Oh, once I found out that you're old friends from way back.

Speaker 4 He sounds facetious. He sounds old.

Speaker 4 Can we get up? Can we get off the ground?

Speaker 2 Oh, you can get off the ground. Thank you.

Speaker 13 Is there a lot of clint detail around the party?

Speaker 13 I would say maybe

Speaker 17 500, 600.

Speaker 10 Great, and Dar, could you turn around?

Speaker 20 Absolutely.

Speaker 10 And on our back, could you just draw a map of where everybody well, yeah, I'll happy to draw a back map.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Here we go.

Speaker 31 A lot of people don't know this, but I'm kind of the guy who's the best at drawing maps.

Speaker 13 You're sort of a cartographer, Clint.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 8 Oh, could you just. Yeah, right.

Speaker 29 Like, yeah, I cut a knot there.

Speaker 21 Oh, okay, great. But this is compromising the mouth.

Speaker 2 You're just drawing over that one spot over there.

Speaker 18 Well, okay, see, that was very important.

Speaker 31 The scale is sort of

Speaker 31 all accurate. Well, enjoy the party.

Speaker 31 Old friends from way back. I don't need to see IDs.
Get on in there.

Speaker 10 Thank you, 0521.

Speaker 39 These must be some old friends. My name is Terrell.
I welcome you to the party of

Speaker 40 Connie and her twin brother, Mark.

Speaker 39 And this is my twin brother, Terrell.

Speaker 37 Thank you, Terrell.

Speaker 39 And here, of course, on Gemino, we are all twins.

Speaker 12 Well, can you really be twins when you're attached to each other? You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 39 Well, yes, you literally definitely can. Come, let me take you over here.
The speech is to begin very soon.

Speaker 21 Welcome to our birthday party. Today is the day we were born.
Both of us at the same time.

Speaker 38 As you know, I am Mark

Speaker 38 and I'm Kenny.

Speaker 39 The Patsy Twins.

Speaker 12 And as you know, here on our birthday, as is custom on Jebino,

Speaker 12 Connie and I are leaving our most valuable safe open.

Speaker 16 For you to peruse through all of our most expensive jewels and such.

Speaker 12 As a show of trust to all the other twins on Jebinder.

Speaker 21 Seems almost like a setup at this point.

Speaker 12 Yeah, this feels like

Speaker 12 a setup.

Speaker 12 But I assure you, Connie, is it a setup?

Speaker 16 Let me answer that.

Speaker 21 No.

Speaker 16 And as is also custom at these parties, the person who's the most pink gets the same speech to us all. Oh.

Speaker 17 Oh, that's.

Speaker 2 That's Connie.

Speaker 39 It's me, Tyrone and Terrell.

Speaker 38 Let me escort you up, sir.

Speaker 37 You're very pink.

Speaker 34 What happened to Taraf?

Speaker 18 Huh?

Speaker 34 Oh.

Speaker 12 But you were a different

Speaker 21 attached triplets? Then we somehow didn't see Triplets.

Speaker 12 No, look from the other.

Speaker 10 Look from the other angle.

Speaker 18 It depends on which way they're out us.

Speaker 37 We were perpendicular to us. Gemino.

Speaker 40 You were born on Triple.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 21 Okay. This is a lot of backstory.
I feel like we don't need it.

Speaker 40 You've called me out.

Speaker 8 We called you out.

Speaker 34 Give me your pink friends.

Speaker 10 Get up there there and give a speech.

Speaker 4 You're on the up days, the pinkest.

Speaker 39 What is your name? Say your name.

Speaker 18 My name is Pleck.

Speaker 4 Welcome, Pink Pleck.

Speaker 2 That's Pink Pleck.

Speaker 13 Yeah, so hey, just wanted to say, as a guy who just goes way back,

Speaker 13 way on man, way back with

Speaker 21 Pink Pleck doing his worst job will probably distract them for at least five to ten minutes.

Speaker 12 That's all we need, right?

Speaker 10 That's it. That's all we need.

Speaker 18 Dart, turn around. Let's look at that map.

Speaker 21 Residents have a certain labyrinth flight that they're going to do for sure.

Speaker 13 The three of us and my twin flag.

Speaker 10 And we don't want to lose our place. So, see, it's probably good if you run your hands along the walls wherever we go, so that we'll know from the trail of stick that you leave behind

Speaker 10 if we've been somewhere before. Sure.

Speaker 21 Is that why I'm sticky fingers?

Speaker 10 Yeah, why else? I'm just.

Speaker 2 I could have just because we walked along and recording the whole time.

Speaker 12 Okay, this is important. We can't turn down this way.
When he was drawing, I felt on this top chute that there's a whole squad.

Speaker 21 Yeah, you get down.

Speaker 31 Oh, okay.

Speaker 28 All right. Show us your fake.

Speaker 28 Oh, all right.

Speaker 28 There it is.

Speaker 18 No, it's a good fake. It's a good fake.

Speaker 31 All right, just leave.

Speaker 4 Leave me alone. All right, on your way.
All right.

Speaker 13 Wow, that felt so good. Yeah.

Speaker 21 I never thought to do that.

Speaker 12 A great speech.

Speaker 10 That was such a wonderful speech.

Speaker 12 Smashing speech. Smashing.

Speaker 4 Thank you.

Speaker 12 What a lovely night. The loveliest.
The way that the night is structured.

Speaker 2 Yes. It's.

Speaker 12 I feel funny for even saying this.

Speaker 12 But a crack crew could really come in and some real damage if they wanted to huh not that that would ever happen but well the first thing that would happen is that they'd have to have a fall guy who would create a distraction

Speaker 4 a fun distraction

Speaker 10 who's very large known for their muscles yes they would need a security person

Speaker 24 yeah totally

Speaker 4 okay now

Speaker 4 Trey, what is the thing that we need to grab while we're in here? Oh wait, what?

Speaker 10 No, get out of the vault.

Speaker 26 What?

Speaker 10 Why would we walk into the vault?

Speaker 4 Why wouldn't we walk into the vault?

Speaker 10 Didn't that seem obvious?

Speaker 10 We're at a birthday party. What do you think the most valuable item here is?

Speaker 12 The cake.

Speaker 10 Yes.

Speaker 10 I guess I don't.

Speaker 18 We're wasting time.

Speaker 38 Young man, young man.

Speaker 12 Connie and I would like to invite you to our personal table. Please come with us.

Speaker 13 Oh, no.

Speaker 4 No, you must come with us.

Speaker 13 I couldn't possibly.

Speaker 38 No, come with us.

Speaker 12 Oh, uh, yeah sure we'll come back behind the stage behind the stage yeah uh this is a party in your honor yes of course but we want to talk to you okay

Speaker 12 please everyone enjoy enjoy come with us black all right

Speaker 12 black i'll tell you this when i think of the things that we have in that that vault

Speaker 20 lots of uh like valuables or

Speaker 12 we've got the jewels and the jewels are all conflict jewels conflict jewels oh boy wow also in the vault are all the checks that we have for all, you know, the murders that we

Speaker 12 are hit men for the Federation.

Speaker 12 We are rich hitmen who do it for sport. We don't even cash the check.

Speaker 34 Only on the weekend.

Speaker 12 It is just fun. It's a weekend thing.

Speaker 4 It's a weekend thing. Wow.

Speaker 13 Just happy birthday, guys.

Speaker 4 Happy birthday.

Speaker 12 It's better than the alternative, am I right?

Speaker 2 We're having fun.

Speaker 34 Happy birthday. Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.

Speaker 34 Alright, yes.

Speaker 12 How are you hiding so much stuff?

Speaker 10 I have uh luggage.

Speaker 4 Wow, I didn't even

Speaker 38 realize I'm here.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Your fifth rule of a con is walk like you should have luggage.

Speaker 11 Fifth rule, you told a

Speaker 2 you said that there were

Speaker 2 three rules to a con, and the fourth rule was the only rule.

Speaker 2 The previous three rules were cons.

Speaker 10 Yes, the fifth rule is walk like you should always have luggage, and the sixth rule is I lied about the number of

Speaker 10 ground.

Speaker 2 We could have just been telling them whatever for so long.

Speaker 12 Such a fool. I do feel a little foolish right now.

Speaker 20 Clints are so sad.

Speaker 10 I think the saddest thing about Clints is that they should all be friends when the only thing they can't be is friends.

Speaker 38 You are blowing my jucking mind.

Speaker 12 Pleck, it is just so refreshing to talk with someone like us, you know?

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 20 So refreshing.

Speaker 13 Yeah, no, I'm basically just like you guys. Yep, just loving that alliance and killing.

Speaker 12 even though you don't have a twin we still like you oh yeah well you know

Speaker 13 it's a

Speaker 24 good old fleck old tech

Speaker 13 fleck or tech which was i know i sorry it was tech fleck is a different different guy is it your triplet we have a strict anti-triplet no absolutely no it's just the two of us just me and old tech right okay

Speaker 12 Connie Yes, do you think he's a triplet?

Speaker 2 Good rod.

Speaker 13 No, that's not.

Speaker 20 Actually, guys,

Speaker 13 I gotta love with you. I'm just me.
I just don't I don't have any any siblings at all. I'm an only child.
I was born on a farm planet and uh what

Speaker 8 what

Speaker 12 Connie, let's kill him.

Speaker 13 Oh, I'm sorry, you're gonna kill me

Speaker 12 because you're an only child, which

Speaker 10 is uh, it's despicable.

Speaker 12 It's despicable.

Speaker 13 Um, are you sure that's the tradition, though? Cause that seems sad.

Speaker 12 All right,

Speaker 12 how do we get Pleck out of here?

Speaker 10 Yeah, I don't know. He's supposed to be on the up and he's in deep.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's not great, Pet.

Speaker 20 Subtle

Speaker 20 messages.

Speaker 10 If one person is lagging behind, the group goes and gets them.

Speaker 4 Because we're friends.

Speaker 13 Connie, Mark.

Speaker 6 You can kill me if you must.

Speaker 6 But uh, I'm gonna uh just want you to do it slow.

Speaker 6 What? Yeah, I wanted to kill you slow. Yeah, I want you to if you could if you could kill me in a way that take like eight, ten minutes, that would be ideal.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Pleck. Wait, huh? Pleck.
What?

Speaker 38 Pleck, look up.

Speaker 6 What?

Speaker 2 Pleck, look up.

Speaker 6 Yes, what? Oh, so, guys, before you kill, I've just got to climb up this ladder.

Speaker 5 See him! No!

Speaker 2 Ah!

Speaker 6 Hey, Garth, save yourselves. Trey has taught me something about friendship.

Speaker 13 And I'm going to sacrifice myself.

Speaker 38 You flattened cutty.

Speaker 12 And I'll do that to you, too.

Speaker 2 Try it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, really.

Speaker 2 Ugh.

Speaker 12 You were supposed to be up.

Speaker 13 See, I didn't really realize that physically meant. I thought I was going to be like up in their face.

Speaker 12 That was our meeting place. Up.
We're escaping through the roof.

Speaker 13 There was a lot going on, guys. This got really weird.

Speaker 10 Well, just every other name turned out to be very literal, so I figured that was going to be pretty easy to sure.

Speaker 28 Well, if you want to get up to where we are, just follow the sticky fingers.

Speaker 30 Oh,

Speaker 24 is that what that was about?

Speaker 28 Sure.

Speaker 13 Listen, guys, thank you for saving my life. I thought I was going to be the one to like sacrifice myself, but it turns out I was the one who got saved because you guys are friends with me.

Speaker 13 So, regardless, I feel like we really learned something from Trey about friendship.

Speaker 17 Okay, let's go. All right, all right.

Speaker 2 Trey, we made you proud by exhibiting the power of friendship.

Speaker 10 Yeah, guys, this was really incredible.

Speaker 10 It's been awesome working with you.

Speaker 10 And I'm going to take this stuff and get out of here.

Speaker 3 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 What stuff are we taking?

Speaker 10 Just the cake, and I'm just going to.

Speaker 12 What are you going to do with luggage filled with cake?

Speaker 10 You know, just head on out.

Speaker 2 Wait, Trey, hold on. Back to the rebellion?

Speaker 10 Yep, yes.

Speaker 13 Is the cake important to the rebellion in some way?

Speaker 36 For sure.

Speaker 36 Hugely.

Speaker 2 I feel like the rebellion can make their own cake.

Speaker 10 The rebellion, thanks you.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Trey, I feel like there's something being unspoken.

Speaker 10 Guys, you know, the most important thing about friendship is secrets. So.

Speaker 4 I thought that

Speaker 4 was

Speaker 12 no fun if you don't tell anyone.

Speaker 12 What is happening?

Speaker 34 Trey!

Speaker 10 I was in that cake.

Speaker 13 What? Who are you?

Speaker 18 Trey's best friend.

Speaker 12 Best friend?

Speaker 18 Yeah.

Speaker 13 Trey, I think you have to explain what's going on now, because I'm very confused.

Speaker 10 It feels pretty straightforward, but um,

Speaker 18 guys,

Speaker 10 don't be mad. Um,

Speaker 10 I

Speaker 10 I conned you.

Speaker 13 What?

Speaker 13 You conned us?

Speaker 10 Yeah, this was an unsanctioned con. This con was actually a rescue mission.
This is my best friend.

Speaker 18 Hey.

Speaker 12 But we are all friends.

Speaker 2 You told us that friendship mattered most, and we trusted you, and you conned us.

Speaker 10 Guys, don't you think best friendship sort of trumps friendship? But dang, I d the

Speaker 13 the whole point, the whole rule of conning was that we were all in this together.

Speaker 11 Right, but

Speaker 10 close your eyes.

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 13 Oh, where'd she go?

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 13 Yeah, we shouldn't have done it.

Speaker 13 We really trusted her right up till the end, and she screwed us again.

Speaker 2 You know, she suggests something, and you're like, okay, I'll try it.

Speaker 12 And all I wanted to know was why was her best friend in the cake?

Speaker 2 We may never know.

Speaker 5 Toodalidle, tootalidle, this little somebody call a ship?

Speaker 12 Bargie?

Speaker 2 That's not a ship.

Speaker 5 My name's not Bargie. My name is Little Boop Boop.

Speaker 5 I'm your ship.

Speaker 2 What? Little boop boop.

Speaker 2 Switch ships.

Speaker 2 Wait, but she got the gig.

Speaker 12 She got the gig.

Speaker 5 It might be a tiny ship made of wood in space. Sounds like a bad idea, but I have a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 She's made of wood? Bad idea. Little boop boop.

Speaker 5 Little boop boop.

Speaker 2 We should probably get out of here.

Speaker 12 Yeah, we've

Speaker 12 just murdered the two hosts of a birthday party and stole the cake.

Speaker 16 I'm gonna throw down some string.

Speaker 12 I know we're all friends now, but this is really tight quarters.

Speaker 13 It's all rocking chairs in here.

Speaker 2 Why are so many rocking chairs?

Speaker 4 No, no, come on, little boop boop.

Speaker 11 I don't wanna hear you.

Speaker 16 Oh, boy. Sometimes I catch a fire, and that's really weird.

Speaker 32 No, no,

Speaker 14 no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 25 Little boop boob, how often does that happen?

Speaker 16 Once every every all the time!

Speaker 16 I don't know, I lost count.

Speaker 13 Oh, uh, hey, guys, uh, Nermit is calling.

Speaker 24 Uh, hey, Nermit.

Speaker 41 Okay, I'm so glad I reached you guys in time. Trey Lonely is not who she says she is.
You guys need to abort this mission immediately.

Speaker 25 Yeah, I know.

Speaker 13 Yeah, I know. We figured that out.

Speaker 41 Oh, I'm glad you figured it out in time. So, you want to come back to

Speaker 12 we kind of got conned.

Speaker 21 Ah,

Speaker 31 hmm.

Speaker 41 Well, anyway, uh, what is what is all that wood paneling?

Speaker 25 I don't know.

Speaker 17 Listen to a love story.

Speaker 13 Could you get a could you arrange sort of like a pickup maybe before this ship catches on fire?

Speaker 16 Sorry, I just heard a joke. Do you want me to tell you? I love you guys.
You guys are my friends now.

Speaker 4 Wait, who was the crew that used to be on this ship?

Speaker 34 Where are they?

Speaker 21 I assume they're on Burger.

Speaker 12 And I assume they're a bunch of little wooden boys.

Speaker 28 Um, so, uh,

Speaker 16 welcome to my ship.

Speaker 16 Oh, I just heard a joke.

Speaker 16 Well, well, tell it. No, I just heard it.

Speaker 20 Beto finally feels seen.

Speaker 1 This is C-Red IT5 Credits and Attributions Droid commencing outro protocol. Emissary Pleg Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.
C-53 was played by Jeremy Bent.

Speaker 1 Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh. Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy and conjoined triplets, Tyrone, Tyrell, and Tyroff were played by Seth Lind.

Speaker 1 Bargie the Ship, Connie the Mark, and Little Boop Boop were played by Mujan Zolfogari. Cloned Light Infantry Nomadic Troopers, Mark the Connie, and Bino were played by Winston Knoll.

Speaker 1 Train LaLay was played by special guest, Nicole Druspell. Nicole is a writer for the Chris Gethard Show and White Hot American Summer 10 years later.

Speaker 1 She's appeared on 30 Rock and Broad City and performs every Friday night at the UCB East Village with Bucky. She also co-hosts the Audioboom podcast Inbox with Matt Straub.

Speaker 1 This episode edited by Seth Lind with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. This episode was recorded at Robert Docky Jr.'s Puppy Pound in Brooklyn, New York.
Music by Brendan Ryan.

Speaker 1 Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley. Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.
Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom. Thanks, Audioboom.

Speaker 1 A very special thank you to our Patreon supporters for making season two possible. Do you you want to send a physical item to the Zig Squadron? That would be red.

Speaker 1 Address your parcel to the Zig Squadron, P.O. Box 180-494, Brooklyn, New York, 11218.
And our team of trained Zerblins will take it from there.

Speaker 10 Okay, okay, my turn, my turn. Juck Mary Kill, Lauren Fisher, Dave Jijandu, or Gork the Cat.

Speaker 2 Oh, boy. Oh, boy, wow.

Speaker 25 That is...

Speaker 3 Oh, that's tricky.

Speaker 12 Well, Gork is so charming.

Speaker 33 Yeah, Mary, I think

Speaker 33 Mary Gork.

Speaker 12 Mary Gork.

Speaker 3 See, I think I would juck Gork.

Speaker 10 But then who would you marry?

Speaker 3 I know. I mean, it's tough.

Speaker 10 Yeah, now name him back.

Speaker 18 It's just that

Speaker 4 Gork.