203: Sea World According to Gerp [ft. Ali Gordon]

It is a period of civil war.

The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance.

Now, rebel emissary Pleck Dexeta and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This

is mission to zinc.

Hey, Nermit.

Yeah.

I uh I'm glad to see you're mostly better after your hot dog incident.

That was rough.

Yeah, wow.

I feel like a pillar that supports a building was put through my body vertically.

Sure, sure.

That's pretty much what it looked like.

Yeah, yeah, I guess it was.

It was that.

I just had to help out Dar

okay, I don't want anyone to be alarmed,

but I am retaining a lot of water.

Okay, and I am saying this as an announcement before I come out of my room.

Oh, don't you don't have to worry about that, Dar.

You're beautiful all the time.

Dar, we wouldn't judge you.

Wow.

Okay, wow.

Yep.

There are a lot of nitrates in those hot dogs.

Sure, sure.

Are you stuck in the hallway?

Are you stuck?

Are you not?

Are you stuck?

I can't move.

And I would like a push.

I'm going to crawl under you and then.

Nope, now you are also stuck.

This seems

like I'm stuck under a leg scale.

Is there anything I can do?

I'm just

waiting wider in the hallway.

Yeah, can you open this wider?

You want me to make my hallway wider?

Yeah.

That's who I am.

I can't really change

my insides.

Do you feel like my always too narrow?

Am Am I no, no, no, I'm

not sure.

I've been thinking instead of too narrow recently, but I finally was like, I like who I am for who I am.

No, no, Bargie.

No, no, Bargie.

You don't want to get your hands done?

Then you're going to have that very dumb look.

Sure, sure.

Yeah.

Just a hair.

Maybe we can kind of just get a little vacuum pressure and pop old Dar right out of there.

All right, I'll crack it open.

Oh, okay.

I'm just going to hold on to this bar here.

Oh, all right.

Old Dar

just popped right out.

Emissary Texetter, I have an incoming transmission from Rebel Leader Alphas Tittle.

Whoa.

Is it for me?

Apparently.

Yeah.

Hello, sir.

Emissary Tech Setter.

Yes.

Crew of the Bargerian Jade.

Hello.

Yes, sir.

Hello.

Hello.

Long live the rebellion.

Yeah, absolutely.

Long live the rebellion.

me.

Long live the rebellion.

Yeah, long live the rebellion

jade.

I wanted to give you a brief update on Park Tardaguest.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Wow, what is it?

He's alive, right?

He's missing.

I have no idea

where his last location was.

Communication went really bad.

It just got very weird.

Yeah.

Almost like someone tampered with it.

Crew of the Bargerian Jade.

Yeah, in the absence of Captain Tardiguas,

we need you to fulfill a mission for the Rebellion.

Whoa, really?

Wow.

The Rebellion is low on supplies.

Specifically, water.

Water?

That's a water, which seems like a crucial thing.

Isn't there water sort of everywhere?

I mean, I'm holding a lot of it right now.

You're a chatty lot, aren't you?

Yeah, sorry.

We're just sort of used to it.

Usually when Nirma gives us a mission, we're kind of like, hey, that's a weird thing happened with you today.

It's like not even about the assignment.

The assignment is sort of, you know, usually kind of tangential.

I don't know how.

I have a question for you, Dean.

I have a question.

What do you think about my homies?

What?

Tonight?

I don't listen.

They're fine.

They're fine.

They're fine.

Wow.

Okay.

No, Agi, he was like, they're fine.

What's up with you, man?

I need this crew to report to the planet of Gilgesh, a lush water planet.

The inhabitants are very particular about their resources, so I want you to go and negotiate.

Sure.

Get the water and get out.

Are you soldiers or not?

Are you rebels?

Long live the rebellion.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're emissaries.

Yeah.

All right.

Go to Gilgash.

Get the water.

That's it.

That is truly it.

Sure, sure.

We got a crew.

Why is the ship talking?

I feel like I know your voice.

You're the guy that sells underwear.

Well,

Oh, okay.

Listen, get the chucking water.

Guys, we're gonna go to Gilgash and we're gonna fill giant tankers with water and it's gonna be amazing.

See, I bring your money.

Can you just tell us about like your music career instead?

Uh, I mean, sure.

So, I'm working on this new.

I mean, if you do you like music, this is a mission briefing.

Okay, all right, everybody, calm down.

I agree with them.

Okay, everybody's to calm down and be very professional because I have the acting coach coming.

Calm down.

Oh, Bargie.

Birge.

I can't deal with this little bit of business right now.

I'm not involved in your lives.

This is the best.

But you could be because now you're the person who gives us the mission.

Yeah, Commander Tittle, I mean, Bargie has a very storied career.

She's on her way back up.

I have a printout of Bargie's filmography.

If you want to look at here, this is a very good thing.

What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with you all?

Before you go, I have a couple of signs I need to practice beforehand, so you don't mind.

You have received an audio transmission from Rebellion Headquarters.

Playback will follow decryption.

Attention, rebels!

This is Commander Sisu Gundu with a very exciting voicemail.

Suck in other voicemails.

That's right, I'm here with news about our official Rebellion website, therebellion.space.

Built with Squarespace, yeah, it's a real website that you can visit.

Like, we we literally made a website.

Head to therebellion.space, ASAP, because we posted some insane stuff, like an advice column by the one and only HarkTardegast, who will even answer your questions.

A page where you can upload sounds that could end up in one of our weekly propaganda messages.

And get this?

We've uploaded a heavily encrypted communique that we intercepted from the stupid Veteran Alliance.

Can you decrypt it?

We sure can't.

So head over to the Rebellion.space, where you'll also find a link to this amazing offer.

A free Squarespace trial, and then 10% off when you purchase a website or domain.

That's at squarespace.com/slash zix and use offer code zix or better yet, just click make a website when you're browsing all that scorching hot, exclusive rebellion intel on the best website ever made, the rebellion.space.

It was insanely easy to make, and we definitely don't know what we're doing.

The rebellion.space.

Sisu Gundu signing off.

End of message.

Hey, this does not look like a water planet.

No, this is neither verdant nor lush.

Hey, Bargi, are you sure you got these coordinates right?

Yeah, this is a planet that you told me to go to.

I guess so.

Well, I mean, I don't don't know.

C53, does this look right to you?

Well, no, it doesn't look right, but I can confirm that these landmarks are correct with our maps of Gilgush.

It just seems very

dry here for a water planet.

Weird.

Alright, I guess let's just open the hatch.

Let's do this.

Wow.

That is warm.

Wish I still had those alliance shorts, you know?

This bathing suit feels a little ridiculous right now.

Guys, I think something's wrong.

I don't know.

I mean, the coordinates are right.

This is gilgish.

Hey, Nermit, how you feel?

Like, this is sort of like your zone, right?

You're like a reptile.

Yeah.

It kind of feels like nap time, because that sun's beaten down.

I could sun the old little rough belly.

Wait, Nermit, can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

Are you cold-blooded?

Yeah.

So, like, when it's hot like this, do you get real?

I get kind of good.

Yeah.

Do you like stay real skin?

You get good.

You stay watch this little stretch.

I'm gonna stretch out.

That's adorable.

That is maybe the most comfortable I've ever seen Narmet look.

Yeah, that's good stuff.

But if I if I scare you, yeah, what do you mean?

Wow, he went like 20 meters.

He went like 20 meters in like half a second.

That is classic lizard, guys.

Classic lizard.

Yeah, he really would describe that as darted away.

Oh my god.

He darted.

I guess the water must be over the horizon because we can't see it from here.

Come on, guys.

Guys, this looks like it used to be some kind of settlement, but there's no one here.

Oh, something is inside this little bowl.

Hello.

Hello.

I'm Emissary Pleck Deck Setter.

I'm here with C-53, Protocol Diplomatic Relations droid.

Dar is our security officer and Nermit Bundler.

Hi.

I'm Gerp.

Gerp?

Gerp.

Gerp is your name?

Gerp is my name.

Wow.

It sounds like what I say when I blow bubbles, when I swim around this little tank.

That's...

Wow, that is adorable.

Thank you.

Visitors!

Oh, hi!

I'm Gerp.

Oh,

why are you you so close to Gerp's tank?

No reason.

Nerman, you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Quit, look at your lips like that.

You know, Gerp, hey, listen, we're here from the rebellion.

Oh, the rebellion.

We don't get a lot of visitors around here.

Yeah, well, you know, we heard actually this is a water planet.

Yeah, I'm in water.

This is my tank.

I'm Gerp.

Yeah, yeah, Gerp.

You mentioned that, Gerp.

Gerp, didn't your planet used to be covered in water?

Oh, yeah, a long time ago, when there were still other people who didn't look like Gurp on this planet, they used to stand upright.

We were a source of entertainment for them.

They'd lean over our little tanks and say that we look cute and provide us with food.

And then, hmm.

Hi, visitors.

Oh no, guys, can I talk to you guys over here?

I think if you hold the tank, I could dive in and just grab GERP.

No,

why would you do that?

Because doesn't that look like the most delicious thing you've ever seen?

What are you doing?

You gotta calm down right now.

I'm in my chill zone.

No, no, no.

You're planning.

I just think we should eat GURP.

What are you talking about?

This is the first person that we have met on an alien world, and you're suggesting that we eat.

This is obviously a meal.

This can't be who we're meeting.

Okay, he's not suggesting we eat GURP.

He's suggesting that he eats GURP.

If there's more GURPs around, you can have them, but I call this first GURP.

Yeah, there are other people like GURP.

We swim in our little tanks, and they're a little further that way.

If you want to get there, you're going to have to carry me.

How did you get all the way out here?

If I rock, the motion of the water in the tank will propel me a very small amount.

Oh, no.

Visitors!

Have you seen that star?

It's beautiful.

You mean the sun?

This one?

That one.

Yeah.

Gorgeous.

Yeah, it's very, very hot.

Oh, no.

Take a look at this picture from the surface of Gilgash from 10 years ago.

Oh, no.

That sun's about 40 times the size.

Oh, boy.

In the sky.

Yeah, Gerp,

I gotta tell you, I think this

star's getting bigger.

Yes, it is getting bigger.

It's so beautiful.

It warms my tank.

I think there's less water in here.

Oh, no.

Are we here to do astronomy or to find those other GURPs?

Am I right?

Let's get over to Nermit.

Nermit,

what are you doing?

I just.

This is.

You have a little knife and fork out.

Where did you even get that?

Huh?

I packed a knife and fork.

Nermit.

What?

We are here on a diplomatic shift.

You should not do emissary work on an empty stomach.

What are we looking for?

Water?

Well, when I was where I was, before I forgot where I came from, there was water.

Take me that way.

Okay, so

sure.

Okay, this way.

Oh, wow.

This is

heavy.

I'm not sure why I'm the one carrying.

I'll do it.

Why would you ever get it?

That guy looks excited to carry me.

He's got a little bib on.

and where did you get a bib?

A fork, and bib in your slat.

Because when I heard Water Planet, I thought of home and thought.

Wait, you're from Water Planet?

I mean, there's a lot of water on my planet.

A lot of water on my planet.

Um, me too.

That way.

Okay, all right, Dar, can you carry GERP?

Yes, I can carry GERP.

And just make sure.

Very far away from Nermit.

This species obviously wouldn't know if it's alive or dead.

What are you?

What the the juck, Nermit?

What?

Speaking to the same Nermit bundle that had memorized all of the Federated Alliance protocol?

Yeah, of course.

Listen, Pleck, you've eaten Garfon.

Yeah, it was dead, though, is already.

Well, this fish will be dead.

If you want to eat Gerf, I think you can.

Yes, you should just come then.

Why'd you pull me out?

I had him.

Nermit.

Nermit.

What?

Oh, boy, less water in my tank.

Oh, no, no.

So we'll catch up to him in a second.

That was one of my softer slaps.

I feel a little guilty.

I mean, his bones are hollow.

Oh, boy.

Wow.

Are these your friends, Gerp?

I think so.

Hey, it's Gerp.

Walter!

It's me, Gerp.

Oh, it's Gerp.

Guys, these are Gerp, and that's GURP.

That's GURP, and I'm GURP.

But I'm GURP!

These are visitors!

Uh, hi there, uh, GURP, GURP, GURP.

Uh,

I'm GURP, too, and I'm also GURP!

Oh, boy, my friends call me GURP, because my name is GURP.

Sort of get it.

First name, GURP, no last name.

Gerp was my father.

Call me Gerp.

Wait, what is Gerp?

Oh, I'm here, and I brought visitors.

Girl,

Gerp!

report.

What is it, Gerp?

Wow, it is a real pleasure to meet you, Gerps.

Thank you.

You might be asking, where is the leadership?

Well, anybody that I can ever remember having power, they're gone now.

It's just Gerp.

We all like each other, so I guess you could just talk to Gerp.

Oh, that's good.

I mean, you guys sort of have like a real utopian society here.

Emissary Dixler, I think we need to review the concept of a utopian society.

Oh, I guess I just mean that like they kind of got it all figured out, you know?

Like,

step aside here for a second.

Gerb, just give us one second.

Okay, I'm Gerb.

You sure are.

Not that they'll remember us talking about this in front of them, but I still think decorum.

Yeah, sure, we should keep it over here.

Yeah,

yeah, their planet is about to be incinerated and fall into their own sight.

Oh, my.

I mean, is there anything we can do?

I don't know.

Can you reverse the movement of a planet?

We could baggie all of them and take them back onto the ship.

Does anyone have like a skin?

I think you forgot to put down GERP.

Dar is carrying GURP.

Are you saying

the planet is in some sort of danger?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, well, no, no.

What?

I mean,

the planet's in danger.

Hey, look!

Visitors!

I'm

Yes, you can.

I've gone places.

Okay.

These GURPs are going to be burnt up by their own star pretty soon anyway.

These are so close to the prime delicacy on my planet.

If you understood what tasty

was my father, I'm Gerf.

I'm Gerf.

We're so happy.

Have you seen the star?

Oh, the star.

Have you seen the star?

I mean, yeah, it's huge.

It's big.

Beautiful.

I feel like it's big.

I mean, C53, is it bigger than it was when we got here?

Oh, yeah.

You know,

it's so much bigger.

Star, big star.

Let me show you a projection of how how soon we are going to fall into the star.

The top of my bowl is bubbling.

I know I mentioned earlier that I felt ridiculous wearing this swimsuit, but I feel even stupider right now because it's just riding up in all this sweat.

But you're getting a tan, which is nice.

Ambassador Dexeter, did you apply a preventative lotion before exiting Barge?

Nah, I tanned pretty easy, so I think I'm probably good.

Very red.

Very.

I feel pretty good.

You're pinker than normal.

Sometimes I remember people.

Hmm.

Something.

Do they look like this skeleton over here?

Whoa, look.

Hmm.

If I try to remember, it was about that size.

Their skin.

It started to sizzle.

Oh, boy.

It wasn't.

They couldn't.

And they made such horrible noises.

Big star.

Yeah, big star.

I remember one of their heads exploding.

What?

Just exploding.

I remember one of them came and they were like, we're here to take your water.

And they started to take our water, and then they fell down and they became a skeleton.

Yeah, I remember one of them said, I actually cam pretty well, and then his head exploded.

Okay, fair enough.

How hot is it, C-53?

It's close to 200 degrees out there.

Oh, that's higher than I thought.

You know what?

Hey, uh, hey, Bargie.

Yeah.

Uh, could you just swing by and pick me up?

I'm just gonna apply some sunscreen here.

Okay, star screen.

Roberta is currently with me.

We're going through some scene work, so you're gonna have to be part of it.

Oh, yeah, sure.

I'm happy to weigh in.

Wow, your head is bubbly.

Okay, just but as quickly as possible, please.

Hey there, pull up a chair.

Get you your regular home.

Well, now, you look a little down.

You know, what I do when I need to tune up, which is pretty much all the time, I

listen to my favorite podcast, Spontaneation.

It's a completely improvised show where you never know what's coming.

It's totally improvised, okay?

Host Paul F.

Tompkins and his special guests bring you, you, into hilarious new worlds every episode.

From the monologue to interviews to like narrative sketches.

And one crazy thing about Paul, this is so crazy, he sounds like Rip Ciso, the famous rock on tour from Chymnasia, but like with a totally different accent.

So get this.

In honor of Pride Month right now, hang on.

You're banned.

You.

I'm banned.

You.

Oh, me.

No, I'm looking at somebody else.

I'm banned.

You got two minutes.

Super maximum.

Sorry, that's my brother.

We don't get along.

Anyway, what was it talking about, right?

Spontaneanation this month, in honor of Pride Month, has an incredible lineup of super talented LGBTQ performers stopping by the show all month long.

People like Stephanie Beatrice from Brooklyn 9-9, you know, and Natalie Morales from Parks and Recreation.

You don't want to miss this, okay?

So here's your next order coming up.

I don't care what you want to order.

This is what's coming.

You are listening to Spontaneation with Paul F.

Tompkins every Monday.

Every Monday on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

I don't care where you listen.

Why would I have a dog in that fight?

I just care what you listen to, you know?

And when you leave, I want you to take my stupid brother.

You're the stupid one.

I don't know if you've looked at these uniforms.

These are Federated Alliance uniforms.

On the on the skeleton, yeah.

Uh hmm, I try to remember Kirk.

Do you remember any explosions happening?

Oh, yeah, other big bright stars and

yelling, screaming, people screaming.

Oh, we've thrown the gravitational pull of the planet off!

Yes, big star getting closer.

Everyone

scared.

People screaming, not enough escape pods for so many soldiers.

People screaming, this is the end of our life.

Well, that was a terrifying interlude.

Yeah, um, really just sitting in it right now.

Wait, are we to believe that there was an alliance battle happening while this star was coming so close that Tillurian life couldn't exist?

No, they knocked this planet out of its orbit.

Oh,

that's worse.

Yeah, they doomed the world, they destroyed an entire ecosystem.

Could you imagine different groups who just hated each other so much they would sacrifice an entire planet?

No, that's so dumb.

What?

Hey, hey, I'm Gerk.

Hello.

I made a mistake in greeting the first one.

So you guys came to the planet for the bright star?

No, Earth.

Sad to say we were here for the water, which apparently no longer exists.

Oh, yeah, we remember that day.

It all went away.

Your cognitive powers seem to grow the hotter it gets on this planet.

It makes me feel good.

It also makes my whole tank go bubbly.

Look!

Oh, see, this is.

I mean, guys, this it's literally cooking in its own water.

Come on, just give me this one.

Feels good.

Come on.

Literally, no.

What?

It is boiled fish.

Hey, guys.

Hey,

how are you feeling, buddy?

No, we're okay.

Oh, boy.

Wow.

It was.

You guys were right.

I should not have stayed out there for that long.

I think it was.

Hear your skin crackling.

Yeah, well, it's fine.

Uh-uh.

Beetle's helping.

I'm gonna go back into my coma.

I'll talk to you guys later.

Alright.

Okay.

Listen, guys.

We're not gonna get any water on this planet.

There's water in every one of these tanks.

We need

Well, GERP, if we take your water, will you all die?

I don't know.

I've never been out of my water.

I think the answer to that is you would die.

Each one of you GURPS would die.

But we might not.

We might become part of the bright star.

Yeah,

no, no, no.

Maybe all that which comes from the big star must return to the big star.

Maybe energy can neither be created or destroyed, but only only transferred therefore gurp would actually just become part of the universe yeah and maybe gurp has seen so much

so many sizzling bodies maybe

maybe the star is what makes that all make sense We love the bright star.

Okay, my small fishy zealots, you do not need to jump out of your little tanks.

Jump, jump, jump, jump,

destroy.

What?

Stop that right there, or I will have C switch.

They have me right back onto the ship.

What?

They were chanting it.

I was just

chanting anything you say, we'll chant it.

You know that these GURP are very impressionable.

Nerman, I am just gonna

pick you up by your leg.

I'm just gonna

trust you.

You don't think you're in control of yourself?

Come on.

Okay.

Oh, the blood's going to my hair.

All us GURPS just want you to be happy.

We are incredibly happy.

Are you happy?

Oh, uh,

that's a really

good idea.

I can't really.

It's not.

Are you happy?

GURP!

We are happy.

We are happy.

We are happy.

I'm saving it.

Nermit, I was holding you upside down for your own benefit, not so that you could dive into the tanks of these GURPs.

You dipped me in the tank, and I took the opportunity.

These GURP look exactly like milnids.

And where I grew up, milnids were served

once a month.

And if you gotta move,

let's be real.

How much radiation are in these GERP?

I mean,

the star's getting brighter and brighter and brighter and brighter and brighter.

Whoa, look at that, GERP.

That GURP's about to get out of the tank.

You seem to be

okay without water.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Mm.

Look at me.

Now they're all doing it.

Gurt, I feel the best I've ever felt.

Yeah, look.

Look at me.

I can walk far.

Walking on those things, but what did it call?

Oh, yeah.

Fin!

Well, flipping your friends, you don't don't get too far.

Legs are required for jumping.

Dancing!

I'm Gerf!

I'm Gerf!

See, are they evolving?

I this is highly unusual.

Look!

My fins turned into ten little individual digits!

This creature seems to have some sort of relation to massive amounts of stellar radiation.

The more they absorb, the faster they seem to be moving up the evolutionary chain.

This is the thing!

The science bee is getting smarter.

I believe my my name.

I need a last name.

What about Gerp?

Gerp Gerp?

I'm

Gerp.

I'll be Gerp Gerpson.

My father was Gerp.

Alright, maybe they're not moving up that fast.

Still admirable.

It's still impressive.

Yeah.

The bright star is going to be here soon.

Star, we have about 20 minutes before you and I are incinerated.

But what do we do?

Do we do we shuttle them to another planet?

Please don't take us from our planet.

Look that way.

Do you see the bright star?

Exactly.

See how it sort of sizzles your eyes if you look at it for too long?

When I look away from the bright star, I still see it because it's been burned onto my retinas, but also because I feel like it lives inside of me.

I love the bright star.

I don't want to go anywhere else.

Please take our water, but leave Gerp.

Darp, I feel diplomatically we are not permitted to remove them.

GURP, we are honored by being presented with your water, but as you can see, it's mostly just boiling off from our bowls at this point.

It would be largely useless for us to take this water.

Oh, well, also, you can stop by at our nearby planet.

There is a lot of water there.

Your nearby planet?

Yeah, Gesh.

We're Gil.

That's Gesh.

We're planets that are really nearby each other, and that one has a lot of water.

Wait a minute.

Gil

Gesh is

twin planets.

Mm-hmm.

It's close, a little hop, skip, and a jump.

Look, I'm hopping, skipping, and jumping.

Me got Gesh!

I bumped into you, Gerp and Gerp, and we're Gerp.

Now we're Gerp.

I'm becoming part of Gerp.

I'm becoming part of GURP.

Oh, it's morphing into one very giant GURP.

Hey guys, hey guys, Pleck, Eric.

Yeah.

Hey, Pleck.

How's everything going?

The same or weird?

It's way weirder now.

Very weird.

The GURPS are morphing as the star comes closer, and it turns out we're only on Gil and the nearby planet of Gush, which I assume is invisible beyond that giant star.

Yeah, that's where we need to go get the water.

So, if we could get Bargie down here asynchronously,

Gerp?

Yes.

It's been good to know you.

It's been

good to know

you.

I hope you're getting what you wanted by joining with a bright star.

Bright

star.

We'll never forget you, Kirp.

We'll never

forget you,

visitors.

I

am

Kerp.

We have to go.

Yeah, we gotta get out.

We gotta get out of here.

Well, in case you were worried you'd never see a planet fall into a star.

There she goes.

Checked

Can we please have some silence on in the middle of a scene?

Oh, sorry, Barte.

Okay, uh, Roberto, do you want to continue?

Uh, yes, Barg, just

just center a little bit more on this one.

Just great.

You are my father, but are you my father?

Are you my father's father?

Don't you recognize me?

Because I age so much to you.

What?

Yeah, what?

Sorry, I can't.

This Plek is like not good, you know what I mean?

Like,

I'll only hear via hollow, but I'm really feeling the energy off of Pleck.

Thank you.

Thank you, Roberto.

He's got it.

He's got something.

I'm not quite sure what is it the space.

Also, I'm gonna need 200 crore.

The great part is that if you keep taking classes, eventually

you'll you get success.

Anyway, go ahead.

Okay,

how do they rope Pleck into this?

Can we do the next thing?

Yeah, we can do that.

Okay.

Okay, okay.

Pleck, you moved me.

What, really?

What?

I don't know if you've ever considered this as a career, but

if you wanted it,

I really appreciate that.

Yeah, Bargie, I didn't quite.

It sounded like you were just repeating the word Jantawa.

No, I was

speaking Jantawa, or were you just saying Jantawa over and over again?

Cause there's a difference.

I was up way, really late last night just to get a chance to uh.

See, that's that's your mistake.

Bargie, you gotta prepare.

Pleck is right, Bargie.

You have to prepare.

Okay, good notes coming from Pleck Deck Tarter.

Bargie.

I know you've been in a lot of popcorn hollows, but maybe.

I'm just gonna turn off the hollow.

I uh turning it off.

Bargie, ceasing transmission.

Oh, yeah.

Bargie, we believe in you.

Speaking of

pleck.

Yeah, yeah.

How are you feeling?

You're flaking.

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

I'm into the flaking phase.

I'm good.

I'm good.

Pleck, is it weird to wish that you were just pink and not red?

Yeah, it makes me really realize I was.

I think I took a hard line about something I should have been kind of grateful for because now I really wish I was back to being pink.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's your color.

Nermit, quick, quick sidebar.

without you.

That's not plequ.

I mean, it's not like we would have

the authority to do this, but I think we have to put Nermit on some kind of probation.

Yeah, his behavior was unacceptable.

I mean, if we were still in the Federated Alliance, he might have been court-martialed.

That was too much.

Um,

Nermit,

yes.

Uh, we're going to put this as technically as we can.

You're on probation.

What?

What?

Nermit.

What?

I'll say it.

You're a loose cannon out in the field.

No, that was a one-off thing.

I can be trusted.

I'm cool as a

Blumshan.

What?

Blumshan?

I'm cool as a Blumshan.

It's like a sort of a long vegetable.

Emissary Dexter.

I have an incoming transmission from Commander Rolfus II.

Hey, Rolfus.

Rolfie of the Bargerian J mission status report.

Uh, we got it, man.

But I will say we went to the wrong planet.

Thank you so much for getting it.

Also, the planet is currently being pulled into the gravity well of the nearby star.

And I'm sure you've already noticed, but our little friend here is no longer pink.

Yeah, I got a little bit of eyes.

Don't care.

I don't care about any of this.

I just asked for a mission status report.

You told me that you were in the middle of the middle of the year.

I mean, these are the statuses.

Yes, Rolf.

The rebellion thanks you.

No problem.

Weird.

Have you ever heard that before?

But I will say that.

We've heard this before.

Yeah, this sounds more familiar.

I can't do this anymore.

You're an effective team.

You've helped us twice.

I cannot give you the missions anymore.

We don't get to go on missions anymore.

No, what I was hoping was we need a really crack missions operations manager back here at Rebel Base so that I don't have to interact with you, the crew of the Bargary Jade.

Oh, for like efficiency purposes, exactly, yeah,

exactly.

I know that missions operations manager Bundaloy, yeah, I'm not in that joint anymore,

yeah.

I'm really a field guy, but I would say that if you are if you are at Rebel Base, there is a six-month path to promotion, yeah, at

promotion to what?

Oh, of course we'd be senior missions operations manager manager.

Guys,

I feel like I know we've really become a unit here,

but I have something to tell you.

Oh, wow.

Sorry, I'm just.

Yeah, Bargri, just

give it two seconds.

I think we're clear.

Sorry, sir.

I've got here.

So I've thought about it.

I have an announcement.

I'm going to...

I'm going to go back to headquarters and I'm going to.

Oh, no.

Okay, there we go.

Fantastic.

I'm sending an autonomous shuttle to pick you up now, Mission's Operation Banner, by the way.

Okay, I'll just escort Nermit out there.

I gotta say C53, I'm relieved.

Nermit was

really blew it out there.

Yeah, in two different missions.

Yeah.

You revealed to the Florence immediately that we were working for the rebellion.

We weren't even sure they were pro-rebellion.

Sorry, sorry.

Nope.

Sorry about that.

nermit.

Yeah.

We love you, buddy.

I love you guys, too, and I.

This is C-Red IT5 Credits and Attributions Droid commencing outro protocol.

Emissary Plec Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.

C-53 was played by Jeremy Benn.

Security Officer Dar was played by Allie Kokesh.

Bargie the Ship was played by Mujan Zolfogari.

Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundaloy was played by Seth Lynn.

Acting coach Roberta Cracoer, Rolfus Tittle, and Bino were played by Winston Noll.

Group the Girp was played by special guest Allie Gordon.

Allie is an actress, writer, and improviser from New York City.

She can be found performing at UCB or with the popular, long-running show, Gas Station Horror, at the People's Inbro Theater.

Allie is also a performer on Second Best, a D ⁇ D comedy podcast, which can be found anywhere you like to listen to podcasts.

This episode was recorded at Robert Doggy Jr.'s Puppy Pound in Brooklyn, New York.

This episode, edited by Seth Lynn, with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Music by Brendan Ryan.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Boyce.

Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom.

Thanks, Audioboom.

A very special thank you to our Patreon supporters for making season two possible.

Hey, do you want to send a physical item to the Zig Squadron?

That would be red.

Address your parcel to the Zig Squadron, P.O.

Box 180494, Brooklyn, New York, 11218.

And our team of trained Zerblins will take it from there.

Wait, where's Gerb?

Oh, I'm here!

And I brought visitors!

Gerb!

Gerp!

Gerp!

Gerp!

Gerp!

I think some introductions are in order.

I'm Gerp.

Don't start without Gerp.

I'm also Gerp.

I have sad news to report.

What is it, Gerp?

I'm Gerp!

So stupid.

But Gerp, what is the sad news?

Oh, Gerp died.