115: The Space Awakens [ft. Justin Tyler]

The period of civil war has ended.

The rebels have defeated the evil galactic monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance.

Now, Ambassador Pleck Dexeta and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This

is Mishma.

Hey guys,

I was thinking about you know how C53 was always like I

don't care about my body.

I tore off my arm doesn't matter

He always acted like his body was like a speeder or something like can you get to the point of making me feel better?

I'm sorry.

No, you don't have to feel bad.

You did the right thing.

I destroyed him.

You destroyed his shell is what I'm saying.

But I kept the cube.

So I think if we find another shell to put the cube in.

This is not something I'm unfamiliar with.

I know a mini uh cubes back in the day.

Oh, really?

Put him into whatever, and he's all about the personality.

At the end of the day, it's all about who's in the cube, you know what I mean?

Oh, yeah.

Okay, so, Bargie, now, for example, this humidifier.

How would I put this cube in this humidifier?

Open yourself.

What?

Just yell at it, open yourself.

Oh, yell at okay.

Um, humidifier, open yourself.

I feel bad about taking the cube that's in here out.

He's a bad person.

Really?

Yeah, he uh.

It doesn't work very well.

No, it never works.

And why?

It's intentional.

If you put it to anything else, it'll ruin it.

It's because we've had an argument, but just not over it.

Okay.

Well, I'm gonna put the humidifier cube.

Okay, I'm gonna put George on the shelf here.

Let's all just remember that this cube goes in the humidifier.

I'm gonna put C53's cube in the humidifier and just see what happens.

Hello?

C-53!

This is amazing!

Is that you?

It's Pleck.

Where am I?

I can't see anything.

Listen, you're gonna be.

I can only sense how damp it is in here.

C53, you are on, you're on Bargie, you're safe, everything's fine.

I apologize for taking you out of the body you were in before, but it was no good.

Trust me.

It was no good?

You just destroyed my frame?

Well, it was kind of acting up.

There was like a kid that was being weird, and you were like, burnt, burnt, override, and all these guns kind of came out.

I didn't even know you had guns, but you do, by the way.

Or you did.

I seem to have a gap missing from my memory storage.

Yeah, probably for the best.

It's not really, not really worth thinking about.

So, anyway, everything's fine.

Got a brand new home for your cube, so welcome back.

You mean I am in a non-standard frame?

I mean, frame, I would say, even is a strong word.

This is.

Am I?

Here, let me just

fog your

little display here.

Yeah.

No, now you can see.

Can you see me?

Yes.

Oh.

You seem disappointed.

What's more fun than a humidifier?

I can think of a rather long list of things that I think would qualify as more fun.

Well, listen, it's just gonna have to do for now.

I mean, I've been carrying you around in the pocket of these Alliance shorts all day too.

My shorts are dry.

Can you point out I'm in a humidifier?

A device that disperses water?

Hey, since you actually work now, George.

George never worked.

Do you humidify the place?

Yeah, actually, we could use a little...

Listen, I'm gonna work on getting you like a droid frame or like a.

No, no, it's fine.

Seem to be able to manifest some rudimentary trends here.

Oh, wow.

You can move around?

Yeah, this is a uh this is a mobile humidifier unit.

Huh.

Hmm.

It's really doing something for my congestion.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you need me to tour in?

Maybe just like a couple matches.

Okay.

Oh,

that.

That's been an option this whole time.

Yeah, here you go.

Oh, man.

This is living the light.

C53.

George was really holding out on this.

George would never do anything.

You know, this is one of the top quality humidifies.

It was donated to me by uh by a ship.

It was a token of love.

Well, actually, it uh it sings a love song.

Really?

Turn the dial to five.

Let's see if it works.

Oh, all right.

Uh, sorry, C53.

I'm just gonna try this here.

That's quite all right.

Oh, my God.

Okay, alright, yeah, that's good.

We'll probably do that later.

Hey, C53, could you just do us a favor?

When Nermit calls, can you just be like, hey, I'm sorry, I'm off camera.

I just gotta

robot it up over here for a second.

I gotta do what?

Like, robot it up or something.

I don't know.

Just like pretend, like, make up a reason for being off-screen.

Just lock yourself in the bathroom.

That's what Pleck always does.

I

a good burn.

C-53.

That's right.

You don't have a restraining bolt anymore.

It would seem I do not.

Well, I guess it's a whole new world, guys.

We got an incoming message message from Junior Missions Operator Nermit.

That was pretty good, Bargie.

You got very close.

Alright, pick it up.

Hey, Nermit, what's up, man?

Greetings.

Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundalo.

Hey, wait.

C-53, I can hear you, but like coming out of the bathroom.

Yep, that's where he is currently.

Wait, droids don't use the bathroom.

Yeah, but it's, I just, you just gotta trust us on this when everything's fine and like normal.

Yep, totally normal.

Yep.

Why are you making such a big point out of how normal it is?

Just letting you know everything is nominal, as they say.

C53 is just taking a quick shower.

We're just gonna humidify works.

C53 does not shower.

No, he's just went in there just because he's kind of...

C53, say, hey.

See?

Why did Elpin just steam shoot out under the bathroom door when he said hey?

He likes

a hot shower.

Yeah.

Maybe we should just skip ahead to you telling us what our mission is.

You know, what's so great about us is our friendship and how great we are at hanging out with each other and not asking uncomfortable questions.

All right.

I will live inside the mystery in my brain.

Let's pull up the mission here.

Okay, you are going to the asteroid belt of Kryncryn.

Okay.

Um, to one one particular asteroid, 951N, where there is a mining colony.

And the Federated Alliance needs an ambassador team to go down here because there is some kind of internocene thing going on between various groups of miners.

Oh, okay.

All right.

So it's an arbitration mission.

We got to go separate the dogs.

Great.

No problem.

I think we're going to just pack up the humidifier and we'll get on our way

You're baiting me goodbye nermit you have to hang up first though because season you should probably yeah you should probably hang up because I don't know how to do it.

That's fine.

Does Bargy not know how to hang up either?

Don't you just say hang up?

End transmission.

Hang up.

C53, how do you end the transmission?

It's simple.

First activate your internal root command and then from there pass the microphone.

You lost me.

Nermit hang out.

I don't know.

With troubling news.

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Do it!

In the name of young Centurion 2.

Hey there!

Oh,

y'all the ambassador crew?

I'm sorry.

What?

Y'all the ambassador crew from the Federator Line?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, great.

Welcome to 951N.

Okay.

Big old thing, paint thing, and humidifier.

That's great.

Glad to have y'all here.

How did you know this was a humidifier?

Well, it's a bit humidifier.

We have humidifiers here.

I mean it.

It's dry here.

You feel the air?

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I guess it's dry.

Yeah.

I'm surprised you guys even have an atmosphere on here.

It's a very thin atmosphere, and so we have to wear the breathing mask.

Yep.

Watch, watch, hold on.

I can't do it very long, but if I take off my mask, you can feel that it definitely affects my speech.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

Yeah, it does.

Yeah, so I can't breathe without that mask on.

Listen, all day long,

we mine asteroid scabs.

What are those?

You know, when bits of detritus hit an asteroid and it grows a scab and you mine it.

Maybe a crater?

No, I'm talking scabs.

I'm talking a thing over on top of the crater.

We mine that.

Don't we, Sal?

Yeah, we do.

We take that and we put it inside of them.

That's right.

We put it inside and ship it out.

I'm sorry, what do you do with the scabs?

We harvest it and we mine it and we take it to the highest bidder.

That's what we do.

We take those scabs and we just send them right out.

Yeah.

Listen, welcome to the asteroid.

I hope y'all can help us with our arbitration.

Uh, yeah, happy to.

So, uh, maybe, you know, I'm Plek Dex Setter.

This is Dar.

This is our humidifier C-53.

Wait.

What?

You're Plech Dexter?

Yeah.

You're Plek Dex Setter?

Well, Ambassador, Plech Deck Setter.

I don't give a joke about whether you're an ambassador or not.

You're Pleck Deck Setter?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah.

Are you known in this person?

I don't think so.

Hey, Sal.

This is Pleck Deck Setter.

He's a Pleck Deck Setter we got here.

Might have been mama, my mom, mama.

Oh, Durf.

Oh, Durf talks about you all the time.

Durf Setter.

Who is Durf?

I believe his name is Old Durf.

He's old, Durf.

He's pretty old.

Old Durf lives further out on destroyed.

That's what we call astroid.

We call it the

lot of time?

It saves a little bit of time.

But listen,

Mr.

Dick Sitter.

Yeah.

Click Dick Shitter.

Yep, yep.

Click Dick Sitter.

That's good.

Yeah, you need to go find old Durf is what you need to do.

This big old alien and this humidifier can handle this arbitration.

Sure, why not?

All right.

Hey, Poot.

Hey, Poot.

Poo!

Are these the aliens sent here?

What?

To explain why you've been stealing my scabs?

These are all gifts.

I'll see you guys later.

I'll show you some destroyed hospitality.

Pooh, get your food off that.

This may take us some time to get it.

Yeah, good luck, guys.

I guess

where should I go to meet this old girl?

You just need to go that direction.

Just keep on going.

And old Darth's cabin is like not far.

If you miss it, you'll go all the way around, because that's how stroids work.

That's how stroids

Yeah, that's how most things work.

But destroys, it's a lot faster.

This is uh

this is pretty inhospitable terrain out here.

Who would live on an asteroid if they weren't here mining it?

Hello

Hello, what are you doing here?

Oh, uh, I'm I'm looking for old Derf.

That's me.

I'm Derf.

Well, I'm what business do you have here?

I actually am looking for you.

I was sent

by one of the miners.

There are only three.

Oh, okay.

Great.

My name's Pleck Dexetter.

What?

You're...

You're Pleck Dexetter?

Uh, yeah.

Yep.

Pleck Dexter.

I'm an ambassador with the Federated Alliance.

I've been hunting for you here

for

so long.

Why?

Why?

My name is Derf.

No, I know that.

Young Derf Dinkerson.

Young Derf?

Yes, young.

I don't why do you...

What do you mean?

They're calling me old now?

Well, I mean, I'm pretty- look out, young are.

Look at me.

I'm looking.

watch this backflip.

Wow, that was Abby.

That was pretty good.

The gravity's very low.

Dad, don't I know it?

But would an old Derf be able to do a fun little trick like that?

I don't know.

I don't know what young Derf was capable of, so it's hard to tell.

I just told you I've been waiting for so long.

You come and insult me, you agest?

Well, you've got, I mean, you've been waiting long enough that you're old now.

I'm just saying, I don't know what is that what you see before?

Lizzie, were you out here on an asteroid looking for me?

Because that was clearly the wrong.

Okay, fine.

I was on Rangus 6 for like 22 years.

You could have come there at any time.

Okay, send me a map then.

I don't know.

I'm just waiting for you.

Why are you waiting for me?

Because of the prophecy.

What?

You're the one.

I'm the one.

A great galactic force flows through you, the space.

What space?

The space.

The space is all around you.

It's within you and mostly outside.

It's like, look around, look up.

Okay.

Did you look

space?

That's space.

Yeah.

Look over that way.

It's more space.

Yep.

It's everywhere, see?

I don't.

What does that have to do with...

That's a force?

Yes.

It's like a force, but it's empty.

It's a space.

Okay.

You've never felt the space around you.

Yeah, but I hadn't thought.

I mean, yeah, all the time.

It's all around me, right?

Exactly.

Thank you.

You're getting it.

I think everybody sort of gets that, though.

That's not like.

The space flows through you.

It's within and without you.

It's at the end of of your fingers.

It's in your toes.

It's in your peehole.

In?

It's inside.

It's in the very tiny space in the middle of your peehole.

It's what comes out first when you pee and feels in the gap at the end.

And you can feel you're a powerful being.

The heat.

I'm powerful.

Your coming has been foretold.

How did you get here?

With

a group of great warriors brought you here?

Perhaps a princess or something like a queen?

Well, sort of.

I came on a washed-up celebrity with...

You came on a washed-up celebrity?

Yeah, this is.

I came on a washed-up celebrity.

No, I...

No, no, you've got it all wrong.

I'm just trying to hear what you're saying.

Look, I've been waiting for this moment for

enough time to go from young to old, so that's a chucked up amount of time.

All right, listen.

I came in a washed-up celebrity ship with a furry, sort of omni-gendered security officer doesn't like me and and a humidifier.

Oh, because I have a dehumidifier if you want to swap.

Oh, well, I'll let you know.

Why do you have a dehumidifier on the asteroid?

Because it gets wet here.

There's barely an atmosphere.

I'm going to train you.

I'm here.

I'm going to train you in the ways of the space.

Okay.

Yeah, no.

I have an ancient weapon to pass down from what?

You have an ancient weapon?

You have an ancient weapon passed down from generation to generation amongst the great Zima warriors.

Zima warriors?

You're a Zima knight.

I am?

It's a great ancient group of knights that would protect the galaxy and all these different people in it.

We fought in all the great wars.

The shit wars of Rangus.

It's terrible.

Yeah, I mean, I remember those.

Yeah.

Not personally.

People talk about them all the time.

Yeah, no.

That was when Rangus, that was when the whole population of Rangus won

got in a big civil war and everybody dispersed on the next five planets.

Because they were fighting like monkeys with shit.

That was a long time ago.

And we've moved way on.

Way past that.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

No, I still keep in touch.

There's still people playing around.

What does the prophecy say about me?

About you?

Yeah.

You will unite the two sides of the space, bring about a galactic peace.

You know, I've always really felt like I was destined for greatness or for something bigger than myself.

All along.

You're a Zima warrior.

Yeah.

You know what?

I'm gonna do that.

What's the next step?

Lesson number one, dress better.

Okay.

I mean, your pants are covered in stains.

What does that have to do with me?

I don't know.

Most good guys who are like having a chill time have clean pants.

Well,

I mean, I like to think these are each a mark of a good story.

And also, these are Federated Alliance-issued shorts, so I have.

What do you wear in shorts?

You're out on a mission.

It's a uniform.

I have to wear it.

Shorts?

I would prefer pants.

Yes.

Dress up.

Dress better.

Okay.

I can't press.

You socks are pulled up like you're some sort of camp counselor.

This is an ancient weapon.

It's called a wood saber.

Huh.

So it's a.

It looks sort of like a stick.

That's a wood saber.

It's an ancient weapon of the Zima Knights.

Okay.

Does it turn on or?

It's on always.

If it ever goes off, I don't know, man.

No one's ever turned a stick off.

So hold the stitch.

Hold the woodsaber.

Okay.

Dang.

Wow.

I really.

I can feel the power.

Like, I can feel the power flowing through this woodsaber.

You look more powerful.

I thought you'd be, like, thinner, but you're more powerful holding that.

Well, you know, I...

The rations they give you on the ship are like pretty high calorie.

And then most of the time you spend is traveling.

I sort of thought there would be a lot more like athletic sort of happenings on the missions, but no, it's mostly like talking.

Oh, oh, hold on.

I should.

You haven't asked me very many questions, but that's fine.

I should probably

take this.

I've told you a pretty big thing.

You're pretty cool with it so far.

I'm just processing.

One second.

Hello?

What is taking you so long?

Well, no, guys, I met.

Wait, are those your I can see them.

Look, I'm waving it.

They're right there.

Oh.

Are you waving at us right now?

I uh tell him.

Tell him I'm.

Yeah, that's dirf.

That's dirf.

Yeah, what did they say about me?

They said you seem cool.

Listen, um, do you want to stop what I said?

I said he looks old.

Oh, that's yeah, not

coming through.

No, you're no, the reception's good.

Listen, Derv, do you want to come with us?

I would love to.

Let me change into my like seeing people robe.

Oh, sure.

Oh, wow.

You were.

Yeah.

Turns out there are only three miners on this destroy.

We should probably go back over there with them.

Yeah, I would love to meet this great group of people that have brought you to me finally.

Well, like I said, it's sort of one of them doesn't like me, and the other one is

a humidifier.

Nah.

Sound like a merry band.

Well, it's possible that the humidifier likes me.

It's just that he hasn't been allowed to have opinions until just now.

Yes, the prophecy foretold that the great Plectex Center would talk about if the humidifier liked him or not.

That was in the prophecy.

Yes, that's a great sacred text.

Will the appliance like the great one?

Oh man, I really feel like it's all lining up.

Now, should I bring my dehumidifier?

Are we gonna do that swap we talked about?

Or should I leave it?

Yeah, no, bring it along.

Yeah, bring it along.

No, grab it along.

Oh, wait, you should probably pretty much bring everything.

Do you want to come back here later?

Yeah, I mean, I've sort of made a home here.

I have a family.

They're in my little mud hut.

You have a family?

Yeah, that's fine.

They know my job is you.

Oh.

Should I say hi to...

Don't talk to them.

We've been stuck here for so long, and our kids are weird and hmm

Well, just give my best I guess.

Yes, you bet so let's see dehumidifier dress robe.

You should are you gonna say goodbye to them?

No, I just want to sort of pop in pop out, you know real sure

skip my woodsaber cleanse it dad.

Oh shit run just go go go go go go no I'm sorry one of my kids told me dad yeah yeah

dad hey young derf derf junior yeah I know I'm derf junior Why are you so cocky?

You live on a stroid.

Because my dad's one of the Zima warriors.

And I'm going to be a Zima warrior, too.

No, you don't have it.

What?

You don't have it in you.

What?

Young Derf, do you feel the space?

No.

See?

I'm going to go with this pink stranger.

I'm not...

not pink.

You're pretty pink.

Yeah, I'm pink.

I'm pink as opposed to any other color, but I'm not like pink-pink.

What line are you drawing?

It was foretold that the great one would be very pink.

Okay, well, then fine, I'll take it.

You are so easy.

Hey, Defined, you grab the dehumidifier.

Oh, no, you just made that up, so I let it go.

What?

This is a prophecy!

All right, let's go back to the ship.

And here's another picture of me and my sisters.

You can see they're not kind of ignoring me, but you can see the family resemblance, right?

I can.

You know what?

This is beautiful

picture.

Hey, guys.

Hey.

You guys are still transmitting?

Yeah, we sort of couldn't figure out how to disconnect.

We've been cashing up, honestly, we've never really had a heart to heart.

Now I see everything.

I understand things from your side.

Likewise, I see things in your movies, the layers, and some of those lesser, less successful movies that I like now.

Hey, guys.

This is Durf.

Hey.

Hello.

Hey, who's that?

It's uh

Junior Missions Operations Manager Nerman Vondo of the Federated Alliance.

Hi, he's he's written about in the texts, the prophecy.

He's uh gonna be a black.

Let me just get over here.

Oh, Nermit, well, they have a quick aside

mission A.

Oh, that's great.

We are happy to reveal that the arbitration is complete.

Yep.

Why are

C53?

Why are you underneath a table?

I can only hear you.

Alright.

So, you can now end transmission.

Well, I just wanted to...

Before I sign off, you can see that I've shown Bargy my legs.

I don't really volunteer to show anyone my legs very often.

A certain trust.

You'll see that they're bird legs, though my body is a lizard body.

Nerman, we've all seen your legs before.

There was that whole week you couldn't figure out how to position the camera.

Yeah, we were talking to your legs exclusively, but

that's why I wasn't so shocked.

That makes so much sense that you were just like, yes.

Yeah, okay, those are your legs.

So, uh, so we'll write up this mission as a success.

We will, goodbye.

All right, all right.

I don't know how to turn this off.

Yeah, we still don't know how to turn it off.

I can't do transmission.

How did you do that?

How did you do that?

Okay, no, I just mean, are you connected to the rest of the ship?

The human fire is.

Oh, that's so.

I am.

Oh.

Darf, what's going on with Nermit?

Nermit.

Nermit Bundaloy?

Yeah.

He's there are there are two sides to this space.

There's

the fresh side.

Okay, yep.

That's what you are, the avatar of.

Sure.

And there's the totally whack side.

What?

The fresh side is all the good things like a uh like a great sandwich uh sweet kick flip great ollie then of course there's the the whack side of the space that's the side where you're like stub your toe drink your last frosty bev

try to do a kickflip but you totally epic fail huh and nermid is

he's on the whack side of the space what he's he's whack he's totally whack what he's been seduced by the whack side of the space How?

The space must always be in balance.

It's like, you know how there's inner space and outer space?

I know inner space.

Yeah, well, I know outer space.

Oh, see?

It's in balance.

You know one, you know the other.

That's why you guys are buddies.

What is inner space?

Inner space.

The internal life.

The life of the mind.

Ambassador Texel.

Oh, yeah, okay.

So you are

the avatar of the inner space because you're always focused on your pinkness, your inside parts.

You're like really good.

Oh, yeah, Sorry,

I should catch you guys up.

Listen,

Durf has been saying a lot of stuff that was kind of really making sense to me, you know?

It's like he told me about the space, right?

Like, so, so, if I look at you, Dar, there's like space between us, but that space is all around us.

So, air?

No, no, no, no, no, no, because if it's space, like outside in space, there's no air out there, but it's still space.

That's outer space.

See how quickly he's picked this up?

I don't want to alarm anyone, but I sense some bullshit happening inside of my spaceship.

What?

How do I just sense it?

So I don't radar.

Okay.

Okay.

Um.

Here, take my dehumidifier and just like plug it in next to that and see what happens.

Uh, okay.

I thought you wanted you want the humidifier?

Yeah, I'll take the humidifier.

I can just swap the cubes, probably.

Okay, see, I swap the cubes.

Hey, C53, do you mind?

Do you mind swapping to a dehumidifier?

Um,

I guess not.

Okay, all right, I'm just gonna power this down here.

Swap the old cubes.

And

here we go.

How do you like the dehumidifier?

I'm still monitoring ambient humidity.

I still have a tank of water, but now it's coming in instead of going out.

The space flows through you, C53.

Okay.

And Messer Dexter a moment, please.

Sure.

Yeah, can I?

Why don't you and I catch up while they have their little powwow?

Yes, so you are Plex mate.

No.

Oh, uh,

okay, uh, bodyguard, protector.

Maybe sure?

Best friend?

Oh, way off base.

Ambassador Dexter,

what has old Derf said to you?

He said that I am the chosen one of the space.

Okay.

There was a prophecy about me to harness the fresh side of the space.

Okay.

This prophecy said your name specifically, Pleck Dexetter?

Yeah.

And Ambassador Dexetter

has old turf made any mention of the Zima Knights.

Yeah, yeah, the Zima Knight.

He said I was gonna be a Zima Knight.

Yes, the Zima Knights come back every few years.

Everyone's always like, oh, look, the Zima Knights are back.

This is great.

I love Zima.

And then they realize, oh boy.

No, no, no, no.

Listen, if this is all nonsense, then what is this?

This is an ancient Zima weapon.

It's on all the time.

How is it powered?

How would you...

If it doesn't turn off, it's endless power.

That's a stick.

You're waving a sticker.

It's a wood saber.

And I'm not waving it, I'm wielding it.

In front of you?

Yep.

I would never.

I would never raise it in.

I would never raise it in offensive.

Oh, up.

Hey, back off.

Back off.

I do not want to have to use this thing.

I only am going to use it in defense.

Go ahead.

Use it.

I'm going to attack you.

I'm ramming you over my.

Stop it.

Steve.

No, I wouldn't do that.

You're my friend, C-53.

Hit me.

Okay.

Oh, you've broken your woodsaber?

It's because you hit it against a metal object.

Okay.

It's a stick.

Well, now I have two.

Twice as powerful as I was before.

Well, now,

better not get close to me.

What's going to happen if I get close to me?

Can you please tell your weird friend what our relationship is?

He's been guessing for a while.

It's sort of like a bit of a...

You guys have hooked up a couple times.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm totally misreading this.

It's sort of like the sacred text have said that you are very, uh, the Plectex editor is a very profound lover.

Oh,

yeah, that might be a good idea.

This makes sense now.

You have found the wrong plech deck setter.

There's another plectexetter.

Okay, no, I'm pretty sure it's me.

It's obviously him.

The space is flowing through him.

Yeah, see?

Thank you.

Wait, is what's wrong with your woodsaber?

Oh, I have two now.

That's not I was just doing some training.

I was just doing some training with C53.

You broke his stick.

You broke.

It says woodsaber dehumidifier.

Well, no, I was just training, and I.

How were you training?

I wasn't there.

Here comes the sales pitcher.

How much will it be to start training with you?

There's no true it's not.

I'm not asking for money.

Really?

Look, do you not believe?

Do you not believe in this space?

No.

Watch this.

Put on this blast shield.

Oh, okay.

Now,

hold your stick up.

Uh, which one?

The longest one.

Okay.

It's a woodsaber.

It used to be a woodsaber, now it's fallen from grace.

Are you real?

Is his sarcasm...

Can you turn it down a little bit?

You know, it didn't used to exist at all until yesterday, and now it's

full force.

A restraining bolt we can put on this?

I don't know if you can get a restraining bolt that fits on a dehumidifier.

But I wouldn't do that anyway, because he's my friend.

Oh, cool.

You're friends with a a demoisturizer.

I'm a dehumidifier.

What's the difference?

Why are you so high and mighty?

I don't know.

We just move you from one thing to another.

Why are you so high and mighty?

Let's wait and watch this demonstration.

Listen, Dirf, my blast shield's been down for a little while.

I have no idea what's going on.

The space is flowing through you.

This is excellent.

Hold up the longer end of your woodsaber.

Okay.

Oh, nope, the other longer end.

Okay, sure.

I can't tell which one's longer because my blast shield is still.

That's, again, foretold.

Now, I'm going to throw a series of crater pieces at you.

First off, it's craters.

Those people are nightmares.

Yeah, no kidding.

Yeah, so don't use their words.

I'm going to throw these pieces at you, and you feel the space around them.

Oh, okay.

So, how do I do that?

Just like just feel it flying toward you, and then you guess when

this

enough, no kick.

You're doing medium.

No.

Nope.

Wait, just wait, feel, feel it.

What am I supposed to do?

What am I guessing?

You're guessing where the piece of crater is going to hit you.

Over here.

No, you don't say it.

Use your woodsaber.

Okay.

You batted away, dummy.

How do you not pull up your blast shield?

You don't get the basic...

Even the basic concept here.

Of guessing?

Yeah.

How am I supposed to guess?

You must look deep within yourself, and then you'll just feel a tingle.

Okay.

Like in my brain?

You'll know where it's coming from.

What are you talking about?

Is it like a genitals thing?

No, come on.

This is serious.

You said you know.

You said a tingle in my mind.

Wait, you just go right to your genitals?

I said my brain first, so I went to my genitals second.

Okay?

Well, get a pin of metal on this little pleck.

He went to his genitals second.

That's pretty good.

Pretty good compared to what?

Some pervert?

Ow!

Sorry, that was...

I shouldn't have thrown that when I was out of it.

No, no, no, I would never have been able to guess that you were going to do that then.

Listen, Derf.

I think the prophecy was wrong.

No.

It's you.

I know it's you.

I believe in you.

You know what?

I'm just going to take this humidifier.

It's worth like 18 kron.

Do you have like a jucked-up cube I can put in this?

Twarji, you mind if we put George in.

Honestly, you could throw him outside.

No, no, no, no.

What he did was it was unforgivable and we haven't spoken in about 10 years.

What did he do?

What could a humidifier do that's unforgivable?

I'll just take this humidifier and I'm gonna walk out of this airlock.

Oh, don't do that.

Definitely don't do that.

No, that's...

You must.

It's time for me to go to the space.

Go to this.

You mean be shot into space?

I mean, die and may be struck down, but I will only get more and more powerful.

We can at least drop you.

Yeah, we can just drop you.

We actually haven't even jumped to hyperspace, so we're...

I mean, we're right next to the asteroid.

I I will jump myself into hyperspace, the freshest of hyperspace.

Okay.

The last thing I need to tell you is: beware the whackness that is Nermit.

Huh.

Nermit?

He will try to seduce you to his seduce plack?

You mean like sexually?

I can't say.

You'll know it when it's happening.

That's the space.

Hmm.

The space between.

Oh, but what's happening?

Your heart.

No, what is that?

Huh?

It's an ancient song.

A beautiful song, and it's like a later period song, but it's still like Deese.

A later period of ancient?

Yes, it's like there's ancient, there's like when it was like pretty good, and then it got a little later, and it was still alright.

Oh, yeah, that's when the ancient music I kind of checked out on.

You got rid of, you checked out that?

Yeah, there's a couple good songs after that.

Really?

Yeah, just like one or two.

I like those first, second ancient albums I'm into.

Yeah.

Anyway, I'm gonna just jump out of this airline.

Oh, no, don't do that.

No, no, Derf, listen, I've learned so much.

I've learned so much.

No, Pleck,

just

keep it fresh.

Man, he was the only one.

all.

Wait, where did he go?

He's completely he's disappeared.

It's in one piece

Nermit and plaque

C-Red IT5 credits and attributions droid commencing outro protocol.

Ambassador Plec Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.

C-53E was played by Jeremy Bend.

Security Officer Dar was played by Ali Kokesh.

Bargie the Ship was played by Mujan Zalfagari.

Junior Missions Operations Manager Nerman Bundeloy was played by Seth Lind.

Old Durf was played by Justin Tyler.

Justin is an actor, writer, and director in New York.

He is currently writing for The Opposition with Jordan Klepper.

He is co-creator of the Us to Be Character Showcase Characters Welcome and hosts the weekly variety show Gentrify with Alden Ford and Brandon Scott Jones.

He also co-hosts Comic Book Club, a weekly comic book show and podcast in NYC.

Follow him on Twitter at JTSizzle.

This episode of Mission to Zix was recorded at the stately O'Connell Mansion in Brooklyn by engineer Shane O'Connell.

This episode, edited by Seth Lind.

With sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Music by Brendan Ryan.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Cretchley.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom.

Thanks, Audioboom.

Do you have a pressing question for the crew?

Send an email to crew at missiontozyx.space.

Yeah, please.

Bargie and I are just going to be talking all day.

Okay, well, you guys get to know each other.

We will, I guess we'll see you after the mission.

951N.

Yeah, can we just, oh, boy.

I guess I'll just read these coordinates to you, Bargie.

Okay.

Okay.

So, okay, first, the y-axis.

Apply.

Y-axis is 6895.

Slow down.

Slow down.

What?

Read each letter to me as slow as you can.

Okay, it's all numbers, by the way.

Is that okay?

So

first number is 6.

4.

Hold on.

6.

How does C53 do this so fast?

It just automatically puts it inside of me and then it works.

6.

Where's the 6?

Where's the 6?

What is that?

I don't understand what's happening inside of you right now.

I feel like that's the

clearly.

Yeah.

Great.