113: Dead Subquadrant’s Got Talent [ft. Caitlin Puckett]

The period of civil war has ended.

The rebels have defeated the evil galactic monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance.

Now, Ambassador Pleck Dexeta and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This

is Mishmi.

Hey, Dar.

Yeah, what's up, bud?

What?

Do you just call me Bud?

It's j don't make this.

Don't do this.

No, just.

I just.

I'm sorry, I had to.

I regret it already.

Calling me Bud?

Yeah, it was casual.

I was just trying it out, and now you've made it weird.

I'm, you know what, Dar, I'm gonna hold on to that in my little heart.

Don't.

Huh.

Alright, uh, well, what I was gonna ask you is, um,

what do you, uh, do you have big plans for the croons that you that you took from the the Moss planet?

What do you mean, big plans?

I mean, I'm just, if I had that many croons, I would be like plotting out my next moves, you know?

I feel like you're the kind of person who.

What would your next moves be if you had all those croon?

Oh, man.

Don't get me started.

I'm curious.

I'm trying to get you started.

Ambassador.

Okay, first off, mattress.

I would definitely buy a mattress.

You're getting one in the mail.

Yeah, I mean, am I?

He's not.

It already came and I threw it out.

Bargie, come on.

I didn't like it.

It didn't feel good on me.

I only want the best top quality things.

You know, if I had all those crudes, what I would do?

What would you do?

I get softer engines.

Ooh.

17 more windows.

Yeah, now we're talking.

See, Bargie's got plans.

Bargie, did you say you would get legs?

Wait, did you- Did you say you would get legs?

I missed that part.

Would they be functioning or would they just be?

So when we would like touch down on a new planet, you would.

79 beautiful, buxom, buxom legs.

Can legs be buxom?

I thought buxom was the quality of the body of the legs.

They are buxom.

And I get 17-ish heels.

But for me, that's very tiny.

Yeah, that's not that

ambitious.

Yeah.

Okay, okay.

Well, now I feel, I mean, my plants, I sort of pay on.

I wouldn't get nearly that many legs, actually.

Please tell us.

We'd love to know the limits of your imagination.

Look after a mattress.

We didn't hear any additional things you would purchase

in our decks there.

Just getting started.

Okay, so mattress, obviously, first one.

A trip to Rangus 2, which I've always wanted to go.

Not allowed.

But I think if I had enough croons, they would let me.

And, you know, I've always wanted to see the capital world,

Quantaris.

Okay.

Okay.

I don't know how to do it.

Two very unsexy places.

Okay, fine.

Then, like,

those were the top three things that

came to your mind.

Yeah.

Ambassador Dexter, I have an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundaloy.

Hey, Nermit.

Hello.

Hey, what?

What would you do hypothetically with like a three-foot pile of croons?

Hypothetically.

Jeez, I would look up at it.

Oh, right.

It's taller than you.

And then I'd just pay to take some night courses to study for, you know, just to move forward in a curhold career.

You'd continue to work for the Federated Alliance?

Yeah,

that is a very tame answer to this question.

I mean, what can be more exciting than missions operations manager or senior missions operations manager or whatever is above that?

Nerman, if you and I have a good to spend a little alone time together, I think I can help you learn what would be a little more exciting than that.

Uh-huh.

I'm

sorry.

I'm just gonna go off the camera for a second.

Steam rising into frame.

Hang on.

Yeah, Darth, that'd be great.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

So is this Nermit?

Is this one of those calls where you don't have anything to tell us?

That's not a kind of call I do.

Lately, we've been getting a lot of calls.

It's just

shooting the shit with old Nermit.

You know, what you're describing is when you tried to hang up on me.

Yeah, you're probably right.

We'll see you next time, Nermit.

Bye, Nermit.

Bye.

Do not.

You know, you know not to.

Ceasing transmission.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ambassador Dexter.

I have an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager, Nermit Bundaloy.

Hey, Nermit.

Nermit, long time no see.

I uh have a mission for you.

Can you believe it?

Yeah, great.

Okay.

So this is this is kind of wild.

When it came through, I thought, interesting.

Is it as wild as what you would do with a three-foot stack of crones?

Yeah.

Alright, so there's this section of the quadrant, the 9-2 subquadrant.

You know it?

I'm familiar with the 9-2 subquadrant.

That's true.

No recorded nebulae, no recorded activity, no life forms, no planets, planetoids.

Very little to see.

Right, but...

There was an autonomous channels that was, you know, on a routine trip through here.

It has sensors.

It picked up readings as if there is a planet with an atmosphere.

Yes, a planet in this subquadrant, and you are going to check it out.

Great.

Whatever's on this planet, whatever life forms, they've never heard from the Federated Alliance.

This is a true ambassadorial.

This is like a really uncharted territory.

Yeah, this is a pure ambassadorial mission, literally showing up.

Doesn't sound suspicious to anyone.

Oh, what do you mean?

An empty subquadrant now contains an entire planet?

Yeah.

Are you aware of how hard it is to miss a planet?

Attention, rebels.

Attention.

This is your leader, Rolfus Tittle, with a quick news update about our troop movements and victories won.

We had a sortie on Carfen.

We blew up a military magazine from the Federated Alliance.

It's a big victory.

For those of you who are monitoring the ship Liberty Ding-Dong, they do have a whiffle infestation and it has gone critical.

Do not engage.

I repeat, do not engage with Liberty Ding-Dong.

Remember, as my old mentor, Rax Releas, once told me, rebellions are built on hope and advertising dollars for internet-based products.

And to that point, I know some of you are thinking, Wolfish, we usually hear you selling a product on this.

I am a military leader.

I am a general.

I'm not a salesman.

But while I'm here, I might as well say that you should follow this show on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

And rate review it on iTunes.

Tell any rebel friends you have to listen to the show.

Ah,

war is hell.

Sometimes I wonder where the general ends and the salesman begins.

God damn it, what have I become?

Rofus Tittle over now.

Guys, this is very exciting.

A new planet.

Should we get like a Federated Alliance flag and like, you know, like stick it in?

It's not quite a planet, though.

Is it?

Allow me to magnify the image.

Whoa,

that is angular.

Yes.

Typically, planets do not have this level of regular polygon shape.

Also, I am detecting that this planet contains organic life.

Oh,

like uh, like new species?

Not exactly.

Hey, you guys can just keep going.

What?

Where do they said that?

What?

The dodecahedron.

Over here.

The planet.

Yeah.

You're...

Well, I'm not a planet.

I'm a dodecahedron.

You're talking to us just straight through the...

I'm speaking through telepathy, but I know the way I do it is boring.

No, that's actually really cool.

This is awesome.

C53, Bargie, can you hear this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes, Ambassador Exeter, I am receiving audio, but I must admit, I'm not sure how it's possible.

Yeah, this is really incredible.

Do you

have a name?

Dodeca Helen.

Your name is Dodeca Helen?

Go ahead, laugh it up.

No,

that's a really great name.

This is my given name.

Huh.

What were your parents' names?

They were twelve polygons.

Their names were

EP

Lee

Two.

Are you naming

these are the names of all of the all of the polygons?

Yeah, because when twelve polygons really, like, love one another, they come together and boom.

Wow.

Sorry, I interrupted your list of names.

That's okay.

I'll continue.

There's Mallard.

There's 426.

Ambassador Dexter.

This entity may have been birthed in a time when names were new and young, so perchbop.

Names may seem strange and unusual to you.

There's.

No, these are rad names.

Alba.

Elba.

Flipper.

That's it.

Well, what do you do out here?

Yeah, what's your deal, Helen?

I'm a mortal.

I mean, you can ask me anything.

I'm all knowing.

That sounds amazing.

How long have you been alive?

I've been alive for the last billion years.

Wow.

Just to round it up.

Yeah.

How did you just pop up?

No, I've been here.

People have purposely not told their friends about me.

I bring everyone down.

I mean, hey, I think you're really cool.

I mean, you're a 12-sided ball the size of a planet.

How many of us can say that about ourselves?

So, immortality.

Like, you must have seen just almost everything.

Everything, ask me.

I've seen it.

Oh,

okay.

Um, a Bath Gaza made of lasers?

Seen it.

Have you ever been worshipped by a planet because they thought you were a deity?

Oodles.

Many, multiple times.

Multiple times.

Yeah.

Have you ever seen a robot uprising where robots take over a planet and then the robots get corrupt and fall prey themselves to another race of robots?

Twice.

A ship being a long-term committed relationship with another ship that actually works out.

Sorry, the ship works out as in exercises or that the relationship works out.

No, no, no, the relationship.

Because I've seen them both.

Oh, okay.

Okay, what about a dress that was both blue and gold?

Yeah.

But also brown and white.

Yeah.

And it led to many deaths.

Have you ever seen somebody come out of a black hole?

And go back into it?

I mean, sure.

Yeah.

Wow.

What about a pair of pants that four Tellurians can fit it into?

Even though they are all very distinct and different body types.

I've seen it where they're all facing forward, where they're facing backward, or two are facing forward, two are backward, three or four,

forward,

and one pair of pants.

Simultaneously?

It's a single pair of pants that has eight openings for legs.

Oh, oh, okay.

Yeah, wow.

I'm not even sure that's what Dara was asking about.

How that sounds

very interesting.

See, have you ever seen

two stars crash into each other, but between the two stars was a ship with a bunch of kittens on it?

Yeah, I've seen that.

That sounds so sad.

That was the same day my cat died.

Oh, boy.

Dear.

Is there a deck sound?

Why would you bring that up?

Sorry.

I just was, I felt like that would probably never happen.

Dodeca Helen, uh, so you've seen like wars, you've seen civilizations rise and fall.

Oh, sure.

Huh.

You're gonna outlive all of us.

I know.

I think about that every second of every day, about how everyone I encounter is gonna die.

They're just a glimpse of my life.

I'm just waiting for death, but it's never gonna come.

I mean, I've tried to end it.

I can't put myself around a noose.

I'm too even.

Oh, sure.

Well,

that seems like.

Was that the first thing you tried?

The rope would just tighten and then remain firm.

Yeah, but well, I mean, I don't know.

Nermit only lives like 26 years, so, I mean, better than that, right?

And you know who Nermit is, so.

Yeah, I do.

You actually know who Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Mundeloy is.

I do.

He puts out transmissions of himself singing in the cleaning chamber.

I'm sorry, repeat that information, please.

He puts out transmissions that he makes from his cleaning chambers.

Can we see this again?

I can replay it.

Let me just switch to my sixth side.

Wow, that's a big screen.

Huh.

This one goes out to the fans on

right.

I hold up my hands

and I hold up my little bird fears and this one goes out into the body.

Okay, all right, all right, that's right.

I think I get it.

Do you think he's sending these out?

Oh, yeah, they're on purpose.

Every day, like, he thinks to himself, was this a good one?

And he always says, yes, you see why I wait for death.

Wow.

Well, you know, hey, we're here now.

We were here to just tell you that you can be part of the Federated Alliance.

I'll hail the Federated Alliance.

Oh, sure, sure.

I'll hail the Federated Alliance.

I mean, I could,

but I don't know.

Well, Dontek Helen, maybe we can work together.

You know, I have experienced basically everything,

but

there's only one thing I can think of that I haven't seen.

Oh.

Well, what's that?

A live talent show.

Wait, that's the one thing you've never seen?

In a billion years?

I've never seen a live talent show.

I can't fathom the progression,

the fever in the audience.

Have you just never come close enough to a planet that's having a live talent show?

How is this possible?

I don't know.

I've just never seen it.

If you guys could bring me a talent show,

maybe that could bring a little joy.

I'd join your alliance.

It's the one thing I'm missing out of everything in the universe.

Ambassador Dexter, we have an incoming transmission from a clerkship.

Oh, uh, hello?

Sergerian Jade, state your federated alliance code.

We'll shoot you out of the sky.

Do it now.

Okay, yes.

Do it now.

All right, well, transmission.

All right.

That fake checks out.

Thanks.

Listen, I'm here on orders from the council itself.

Oh.

You're interfacing with this dodecahedron?

Oh, yeah, we're just kind of getting to know getting to know her name is Dodecahed.

Yep.

Dodecahelen.

Would you uh uh allow us to speak privately for a moment?

Yeah,

that's a usual request.

We'll be right back.

Uh, what what can I do for you?

We need to destroy this thing.

No, I just uh I don't think so.

Seems unnecessary.

We're going to blow it out of this docahedron.

Also, it's immortal.

I think think it's...

Yeah, I think we've established it's immortal.

That's a dangerous connection.

We're going to destroy it.

I don't know that we're going to be able to do that.

I understood.

Alright.

Even with your significant firepower, I'm not sure you'll be able to accomplish it.

This ship

But the problem is, the surface is so angular and smooth that all of our trajectories seem to just kind of slide right on.

And while you do that, we will scan for any weaknesses and devise a plan to blow this Dove Decahedron up.

You guys got some fun stuff?

It's coming together.

I don't really care.

It was just mainly a pleasantry.

Do the talent show.

Do it, or we'll blow you out of the sky.

Okay.

Okay.

That seems like a very high-stakes situation for a very

high-stakes.

This is dealing with a council of seven.

There's a telepathic dotecahedron that's getting into its thoughts.

What could be more serious, Ambassador?

Deck center.

Okay.

No.

All right, we'll see you later.

Well, uh

Helen.

Helen, you still there?

It was neither a yes nor a no.

You heard that, right?

Yeah, I hope they succeed.

I wanna die.

What?

This is an almost ceaselessly grim conversation.

Dodeka, Helen, I mean, listen, like, surely something's worth living for.

A live talent show.

One act after another.

Variety.

That's the last thing that gives me hope.

Let me tell you.

Well, I'm starting to get excited.

Man, this could be it.

This could be my ticket to loving life.

I hope you guys have time.

Helen,

I'd say, with Pleck as our headliner, we are your new hope.

Hmm.

Okay, all right.

Yeah, you know what?

I'm going to get to work.

I kind of got to go through

my old list of tricks.

Darn, is this wise?

It is incredibly wise.

I can't wait.

I just made programs.

Oh, wow, I'm hosting it.

Okay.

Alright, let's get started.

Cue the music, myself.

Welcome to the first annual mission to 6

talent show.

We're gonna do this every year!

I'm ready.

I got my judge's sash on.

Guys, what did you make that out of?

Stardust.

Oh, cool.

Some of you might know who I am.

Yes, I am.

The Bungarian Jade.

Where have I been?

Let's just say.

Space is is very huge.

Let's do some monologue jokes.

Let's get political.

Um, what's the

seven friends, right?

Hey, what happens when one of them aren't friends?

Huh?

Is that another six acquaintances?

You know?

Okay, anyway, let's get to our first talent

C53.

Bang, bang, bang, bang.

Hello, I am C53, Protocol and Diplomatic Relations Droid aboard the Bargerian Jade.

For this talent show, I will be performing my world-famous talent of reciting pi to 10,000 decimals.

Thank you.

Hey, Plex.

Are you nervous, but

I am really nervous.

You don't have to be nervous.

Oh, I just...

I feel like my whole life has been...

I've always kind of suspected I didn't really have anything to offer, and this is really

putting it into perspective, you know, putting it under a spotlight, like literally.

I guess all you can hope for is that

those Clints figure out how to kill her first so you don't have to perform.

The other option would be that the thing that I do is really cool.

Yeah, I think you're really just going to have to hope that they blow up Helen before you have to take the stage.

Oh man.

Alright, then.

Skill.

Alright.

So

most of you definitely don't know this about me.

Helen, you might know this about me.

I am a classically trained dancer.

And

for tonight, I will be doing a dance that I have not done since I was

much younger.

And it's

a tap dance to We're in the Croons.

One, two, three, four.

Looks like we're in the croons.

One, two, three, four.

Looks like we're in the croon.

Throons and rounds.

Shovel off to back, Gazar.

Wow, darn.

That was truly remarkable.

Uh, yes, I have.

I'm a very skilled dancer.

I would never have guessed that about you, but I am very impressed.

A delight, a hard act to follow.

All right, now let's say about you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's uh let's give it another go for C53.

Thank you.

I am C53, Protocol at Diplomatic Relations Droid aboard the Bargerian Jade, and tonight I will be demonstrating my world-famous talent of sling of hand.

Oh.

So Decaka Helen, would you pick a card?

Certainly.

Uh,

this one, if that's okay.

That's fine.

Oh, she just telekinetically grabbed a card.

Alright, remember that card?

Now reinsert it into the deck.

Okay, great.

And

is this your card?

No.

Great, fan.

No, no, no.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

I didn't mean the card in my hand.

I meant the card in my cube.

Oh, yeah, that's it.

Oh, very nice.

How did you do that?

How indeed?

I do know, but it was executed so well.

Thank you very much.

Great job.

See ya.

Now I will resume reciting pieces.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

you don't have to do that.

Now, before we go on to our last act of the evening, why don't we take a moment to reflect upon those who we've lost.

The Flasse with a sad song from my old love,

Corn Laclange.

My wife

of you.

Hill, Hill, my palm.

When the nebula is blue.

Nigel 23.

Then another

cycle goes by.

Illy, Mick, Illy, Mick Ill.

Then a tear falls from my eyes.

Time.

So when the moon is up.

Old dog of the big cat.

Alright.

Fantastic.

Fantastic.

I've forgotten time, Dyke.

Alright, now moving on to our final act.

Argy, I found an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager, Nermit Underloy.

Oh, perfect timing, Nermit.

Hey, guys, I'm so sorry.

I'm not really supposed to do this, but I'm so excited to hear about this planet.

I just had to just check in.

So.

Well, Nermit.

Yeah.

You came just in time.

You actually missed a,

I mean, I would say, like, a heartbreakingly beautiful performance from Dar.

Hmm.

Wow.

But wait, you're music.

Next up the stage is Junior Mission's whatever his name is.

Do a talent.

Just hurry up.

Wait, what's going on?

Nermit, this is Dodeka Helen.

She's an immortal, all-knowing, telepathic, telekinetic shape.

We're doing a talent show for her.

I need this.

Well, I don't do any sort of performance.

We've recently become aware that you do a number of performances vocally in your cleaning chamber.

That is on my private computer.

I don't think it's as private as you.

I mean, it's government property.

I use a different screen name.

Your screen name is Burmit Mundaloy?

Yes, it's not my name.

It's unguessable.

It's my name with a different letter on each of those.

We understand what you're doing,

okay.

Okay, guys, here we go.

One, two, three, four.

Got a long speeder ride, hopping on my speeder.

Gonna ride it, ride it.

Got a long speeder ride, gonna ride this speeder a long time.

All night, all night, speeding on this speeder.

It's a ride.

Speeding on this speeder, it's a ride.

Speeding on the speeder, cause I'm permitted.

Numberloin.

He worked his own name into the song.

Oh, that's good.

That's pretty good.

Pretty good.

Thank you.

Pretty good stuff.

Many.

Guys.

And finally, our final act.

You know him, you have whatever feelings you want to feel towards him.

Uh, the pink one, plaque, lots of.

Thank you, Bargie, for such a

introduction, that was, for me.

Ladies and gentlemen, you see before you a glass of filtered water from Barji's refrigerator.

C-53, can you tell me what the temperature of this water is?

Indeed, it is 43 degrees.

43 degrees.

That's quite cold by anyone's measurement.

Well, not exactly.

Until, ladies and gentlemen, I deposit a very special item into this water.

This is a moderately large, fairly warm bean

that I have procured from a magical world.

Oh, boy.

I shall put the bean in the cold water.

Any other bean

would not have an effect on the temperature of the water, but this bean radiates a heat whose source none can name.

I'm putting the bean in the water.

I don't know what will happen.

This is the most exciting moment of my life.

Water shouldn't be bubbling like that.

A bean is not hot enough to cause it.

That's a relic.

The relic is bubbling.

Right, but the bean itself is low boiling.

It shouldn't make the water boil.

While I'm waiting for the bean to do its little trick, you miss the large deity floating in space.

Yeah.

Where are you from?

Right here.

Oh, yeah.

This is not a talent.

This is you're just talking to people.

It's just, it's called crowd work.

You here on a date?

No, you know you're.

That was me.

No, no, I'm just trying to.

I'm trying to.

Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright.

C-53.

Yes.

Keep in mind, ladies and gentlemen, his restraining bolt prevents him from telling a lie.

C-53, can you tell me the temperature of this glass of water?

Water is now 271 degrees, although the bean remains much cooler than that.

Uh-huh.

And C-53, as we all know, water boils at 212 degrees.

That's correct.

How is this possible?

A magician never tells.

Isn't this technically a talent of the bean?

It is a talent of the bean.

Wow, thank you very much, Black Deck Sitter.

Give it up for the bean!

The bean!

I'm merely the beans keeper.

I make no claims to have the powers of the bean.

I just showcase its abilities.

Beans keeper deck setter.

I don't know if this is a great idea if relic was entrusted to us.

Its protection is essential.

Also, I can feel it starting to crack.

Okay, I'm gonna, you know what?

I'm gonna take this bean out of this water.

I think we've we've made our point.

I don't know how else to tell you to ship me the bean.

I have said it literally.

I've said that.

Well, now that it's maybe won me this talent show, I have no use for it.

You can have it, sir.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, sir.

This is my talent, right?

My challenge is hosting.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, who won?

There's a surprise guest.

It's me.

What?

This is a surprise.

My shtick is: I do poetry with my ventriloquist dummy.

It's a cube.

So get ready, buckle up.

I don't.

I don't actually have a buckle.

Buckle up, Nermit.

This is title.

It's actually not necessary for you to find a buckle.

Find a buckle or not.

You have to find a buckle.

You know what?

Forget it.

Forget it.

Dodeca, Helen, please.

Tell us your ventriloquist poem.

Please, we need to see something better than the previous act, otherwise, that's the one the show ends on.

Okay, let me.

I raised water above its boiling point.

Fiend did that.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We're so sorry.

Please, please.

We will remain silent.

Okay, let me just get cubey here.

That's a cube.

All right, the title of this poem is

12 Days, Twelve Wishes,

Ten Months.

Twist.

As I spin,

I think of you, mom.

As I lie flat, I think of you, second dimension.

As I do this, I think of all the galaxies that have come and gone.

I'm cuey.

You can't even see her 11th side moving at all.

I'm not done.

Boom.

This is who I am.

I go down, I go down, I go down.

Splash.

And that's a wish.

Get ready.

Get on your feet.

This girl's about to beat.

One wing, one flipper, two knives.

QB's trying it on the size.

Hey.

Yay!

Oh my god.

QB is so jaunty compared to your normal attitude.

QB's the star.

That was amazing.

The both of you were perfect.

Are you so?

Much of the imagery of that pony was very unsettling.

Thank you.

Okay, but who won?

QB's the winner.

Hello.

All right, we all agree.

Great job, QB.

Well done, QB.

Well deserved.

And now QB gets to do his winner's speech to the stage, QB!

Well, what's there to say?

What a great day.

A lot of great talent we saw.

Super fun.

Bargerian Jade, what an honor it was to have you here.

Oh, it was an honor to be here.

I haven't hosted since the Cool Cool Awards.

You wouldn't know it.

C-53, man, that pie was so delicious.

Excellent joke, QB.

And dar, I'll say this.

I was looking and I could see tears go down all twelve sides of Dodeca Helen during that dance.

Oh, thank you very much.

I hadn't danced in a long time.

I forgot how it makes me feel.

And Nermit Bundaloy?

Yeah.

Wow, what a song.

Really could feel the

speed of the speeder in that song.

Great, you can subscribe to my channel if you want.

Don't promo this right now.

And Ambassador Dexetter, what can we say?

The bean did most of the work.

But the real honor goes to Dodeca Helen.

What What an incredible poem!

Oh, thank you, QB.

And I couldn't have done it without QB right here.

Hey, wait, looks like they're two glowing points coming towards us.

Dodeca Helen, you managed to vacate this sector as fast as you can.

Oh, don't worry.

She's turning them around with her psychic power.

And they're going back to the point of origin.

And that ship has exploded.

Oh, we may have a clinch.

I did.

They used them against me, and today is the first day I've felt good about myself.

This is...

This is why I needed a talent show.

Dodeka Helen, can I just ask?

I mean, it's amazing because it seems like when you were speaking through QB, you have such a verb for life

and so much optimism and pizzazz.

What if you could just channel that when you are you?

Yeah,

QB was in me all along.

I feel great.

I feel I can do anything.

I feel I can spin.

Dude, Dakotan is moving very fast for a celestial body.

Okay, we're being pulled in her gravitational wave.

Braggie, back up, back up.

We're too close.

I'm bursting with confidence.

What?

Whoa.

With little 17-inch heels.

Oh, look at these getaway sticks.

I feel great.

They do look fabulous.

They really do.

They look buxom.

I don't know if they crawl.

Today, Khan is now a member of the Federated Alliance of the United States.

Yeah, we got one.

We got one.

Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundle.

I must say, your skills dealing with Dodo Kikan were not insignificant.

You really think so?

Yeah, you really turned her around.

Wait, what do you mean?

What you connected with her on a very deep level.

Yeah, it was really sweet, Nermit.

You mean did I did I do

diplomacy?

You really did.

I think you really did do diplomacy, Nermit.

Wow.

I mean, I just was feeling it.

I was going with the flow.

I mean, she did kill Clints.

She did kill

Clints.

A thousand

of the large Clint cruisers.

The only consolation is that as they're dying, they're probably really happy to watch the other ones die.

That might give them some small satisfaction, it's true.

Anyway, but you know what?

I think it's worth whatever is coming down on me to have just gotten to be in here in the mix with you guys.

It was good to have you on board for a mission, you know?

Yeah,

Black, Dar,

Bargy, Z,

and Nermit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Those are our names.

Those are our names.

Those are our names.

I'm worried about the bean.

It's

probably should not have gotten that wet or that hot.

It's still cracking.

What?

You know, we'll put it in transit and you'll get to see it for yourself.

Yes, just send it, okay?

We can probably fix it.

We'll glue it.

We shall send the bean.

What's different about the other the You've told me you'll send the bean other times.

Why is this different than the times when you didn't send the bean?

It's no different.

Wait, Dar, if it's no different, that means you're not going to send the bean.

It was so great talking to you, Nermit.

I know you're not going to send the bean.

So send it.

Great talking with you, Nermit.

We're not sending the bean, I assume.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

That would be really inconvenient for all of us.

Correct.

We can't send a cracked bean.

Very well.

And I shall resume my recitation.

6, 6, 4, 7, 0, 9, 3.

I mean,

I really don't understand how this

is related to what we were just talking about.

0, 5, 8.

Just thought I was particularly good at it.

You are very, you are very good at it.

I didn't get to do my talent.

What's your talent?

Seven, eight, six, seven.

I don't, just name the numbers.

That a tap.

Just name the number of X's I've had.

Bada bing, ba-boom, boom, bam, boom.

C-Red IT5 credits and attributions droid commencing outro protocol.

Ambassador Plec Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.

C-53E was played by Jeremy Bend.

Security Officer Dar was played by Allie Kokesh.

Bargie the Ship was played by Mujan Zalfagari.

Junior Missions Operations Manager Nerman Bundaloy was played by Seth Lind.

Cloned Light Infantry Nomadic Troopers were played by Winston Knoll.

Dodeca Helen was played by special guest Caitlin Puckett.

Caitlin performs with Ice Cold Bev at the Upright Sistence Brigade in New York.

You You can follow her on Instagram at Katie Puckett.

That's C-A-I-T-I-Puckett.

Mission to Zix is recorded at Braun Studios in Greenpoint, Brooklyn by engineer Shane O'Connell.

This episode, edited by Seth Lind.

With sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Music by Brendan Ryan.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Mission to Zix is brought to this galaxy by Audioboom.

Thanks, Audioboom.

Have you noticed a critical error in our canon?

Send an email to crew at missiontozigs.space.

You see before you a glass of filtered water from Bargie's refrigerator.

C53, can you tell me what the temperature of this water is?

Yes, that water is

61 degrees.

Oh.

Okay, well, it's been out for a little while.

The talent show's been pretty long.

It's warmed warmed up a little bit.

Do you want me to say a lower number?

I had no idea.

In front of the refrigerator.

Sure.

Oh, no.

Bargie, our refrigerator.

I just like it in that temperature.

Why is that?

We should not be keeping dairy at 61 degrees.

It's face.

C53, can you tell me what the temperature of this water is?

Indeed, it is 43 degrees.