Men of Yesteryear, Pervs of Yesteryear, Elastic Waist Jeans | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-6-25

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you.
I'm in New York City. It is raining cats and dogs, which is something I'm not used to.
I haven't been in a long time just to have a nice rain like this for the hell of it. you know you forget after a while you live out in Los

Hangales you live in a desert

you know it like rains. Hopefully it rains when you're out there.
And it rains for like a month. It rains like crazy.
And then it never rains in California. Remember that song? But boy, don't they warn you.
It pours. Man, it pours.
I never understood understood like what it meant i didn't understand any of that i remember asking my mother going it never rains in california what it really is is it's the desert it doesn't rain it rains like once a month so if you were confused about that song for the last 50 fucking years um i hope it i hope i undid it for you. Um, anyway, so,, so I'm a raincoat guy.
I'm not an umbrella guy. You walk down the street and then you got to lift it up because you don't want to hit somebody in the fucking eye with it.
And then it just becomes this thing, unless you get one of the smaller ones. And then the smaller one, all it does is keep from your eyebrows up dry and the rest of you gets fucking drenched so i just go raincoat and uh i'm an older man at this point so you know if they had raincoat pants like readily available i would buy those too but only if they were like nba tear away style which is what you want so when you show up to work people go you got on fucking rain rain jacket pants man that's when you fucking rip them off right in front of them like you're going in to drop 40 on the fucking nicks you fucking rip them off and then all that fucking rain water goes all over how you want to talk about my pants what do you think about my pants pants now? Look at you.
You need a face towel. But then what you have to have on underneath it, you got to have some fucking sick-ass like, you know, badass clothes and everybody else has on their rain-fucking outfit because they bought a fucking umbrella and they were all making fun of you, you know? Because you fucking showed up like you had upper deck tickets for the Cleveland Browns or some shit.
Anyway, the hell did I want to talk about? I saw some fucking good movies this week. I watched that Robert Duvall movie with Karen Black.
Amazing, amazing actor. One of my favorites.
It's called The Outfit. And dude, there are some, it's one of my favorites and uh it's called the outfit and dude there was

it's one of the greatest 70s car movies ever as far as like you're just watching it like what the fuck kind of car is that there was a car in there i'm not good with the the chrysler dodge Plymouth shit, but it was called a Monaco, a 1973, and it was like this beige, but more on the white side beige, and it looked like they were combining an LTD with an Eldorado, and I don't know, some sort of Chrysler shit, you know? Chryslers were always fucking weird to me. I like their muscle cars, but like their luxury cars had, they weren't cool.
They were like old man looking, I always felt, the Chrysler shit. And the Chevys were the best, the best looking, the Cadillac.
You can't beat the fucking Cadillac. And Buicks were a second and then the Lincolns you know uh obviously the Lincoln Continental the Suicide Door one that one is iconic but I don't like that one from the 50s where they got the you know the lights on top of the lights and it's at like a 45 degree angle it was the longest production car ever like the back end on that car is just I I don't know.
I don't like it at all. But, um, Chevy, man, I hate to say it, being a Ford guy, in the fucking 60s, the Impala, the Malibu, what else did, what was their fucking top of the, I guess it was a Cadillac.
Um, but that's back when they used to have, like, you know, I've talked about this a million times, but I really wish they would get back to this shit because, you know, luxury cars, they didn't make an entry model or an affordable fucking model. You had to be successful.
Yeah, you had to be crushing it to drive a Cadillac. if you were just crushing it, but not crushing it, crushing it, you got the Buick.
If you weren't quite crushing it, you got an Oldsmobile. And if you were moving up, you got a Pontiac.
And if you just fucking got there, you drove a Chevy. That's how it worked.
And it was like, I'll just throw numbers out.

So you could get a Chevy for five to six grand.

Then Pontiacs was seven to nine grand.

It was just like that.

It moved up in like two, $3,000 increments.

But there was no like $5,000 Cadillac just so you could say you're driving a Cadillac.

You had to have your big boy pants on back then.

And you also had to be a man. If you were a woman, you had to have your big boy pants on back then and you also had to be a man all right if you had if you're a woman you had to fucking stay home i told you a long time ago i was on the road and i saw this this sign in this diner it said get her a ford it was like the 1940s and i was thinking like wow man that's it's pretty luxurious that you would buy your wife a car i thought people sort of one car families back in the day who had the money to go buy their wife a new car and then i realized what they were saying it's like you know get her a forge you drive the lincoln you drive the mercury okay you just get her an entry you know she you know she doesn't need to worry her little head with all these buttons and electric windows and all of this shit.
A V8 engine. She can't handle that.
Just get her a Ford. Let her putz around town.
She'll feel fucking special. I wish I could talk to a woman from back then.
Like, what the fuck was that? They don't seem like they were upset, though. But but it was just like it's kind of funny now to listen to women how openly they discuss how dumb they find men and i just can't imagine during that fucking time the confusion of that that you would be sitting there listening to these fucking morons talking about all this i can't imagine what they used to talk about when the guys went to work.
They must have been laughing their asses off him. But just be like, you know, be like smarter in a lot of ways.
And this guy, this meathead guy's coming home, talking to you like you don't know your fucking ass from a hole in the ground. I always feel like that's got to be like what it's like for people that

come to this country and they're like bilingual and they got to listen to

Americans and only speak one language.

Give them shit because they speak English with like an accent.

It's like, yeah, it's a second language and I can actually communicate with you.

I know I have an accent, but I can speak more than one language. Like, what the fuck? It is kind of funny how, like, English is, like, the language of the world, and everybody thinks, like, oh, the reason why that is is because it's the best language, the fucking white people, best fucking that dumb shit.
It's like, no, it's because the English went around the world and fucking uh had an empire that's what happened and they made people speak it speak the king's english i don't want to listen to you speaking your fucking mumbo hey i don't got time for your culture in your own country but thanks to the tyranny and the impression the oppression of the English Empire, Americans, we can travel around a lot of places and we don't have to learn to speak a fucking language. It's kind of amazing.
I don't think it's good for us. I wonder if we have more dementia in this country because we only speak one, because they say that, you know, I get afraid of that.
I get scared of that shit so like they say like you know taking naps is good for your brain playing an instrument learning another language or whatever um which i've been getting my ass kicked on on fucking duolingo because you know you got that stupid shit where they get you to compete with other people and uh it's been very liberating because i only have time to do one lesson a day so i'm keeping my streak going i've done french almost 160 days in a row but like since i've been i've been rehearsing in the play i've only done like one or two lessons a day and then the app goes like you're gonna you're gonna get demoted unless you're above the line and it's just you know, just go fuck yourself with that, okay?

I'm so sick of how everything turns into, you know, get them to run.

Get them to chase the fucking carrot so they interact with it.

Anyway.

So.

Oh, Christ.

What the fuck did I just do to my heart?

Did I just hit stop?

I did, right? Is it still going? It's still going. it's still going all right let me let me do something right here uh very important announcement uh here we go the 12th annual Patrice O'Neill comedy benefit is going to be Sunday May 18th at the New York City Center 131 West 55th Street between 6th and 7th Avenue, New York City.
Doors open at 7 p.m. Show starts at 7.30 p.m.
The lineup is as follows. Rosebud Baker, Greer Barnes, D.C.
Benny, Tim Dillon. I'm going to mess this name up.
Neemish Patel, Sean Patton, and me, Bill Burr, and as always, the great Rich Voss, who's done it 11 times, who will be coming back to MC. And we might have a special guest drop in.
I'm working on that right now. You never know who's going to show up.
Tickets are on sale now.

They are 75 bucks and tickets can be purchased online at www.nycitycenter.org. Patrice 2025.
Patrice is P-A-T-R-I-C-E.

Pat Rice.

Um,

or by calling the box office at 2 1 2 5 8 1 1 2 1 2.

All of this info will be posted on my socials handles and on my website.

And as always shout out and thank you to our amazing producer,

Maureen Taron.

Um,

she is the captain of the ship and she's the reason why it, you know, it goes every year. So, anyway.
Look at that. I think the rain stopped.
Would you look at that? I also have, you know, I might be adding another I know I am, I just can't announce it yet for whatever fucking dumb reason. I have a benefit that I'm doing overseas that I'll be talking about more whenever I'm allowed to.
I don't know how the fuck that works. Anyway, we're getting close.
We're getting close to doing starting on Monday. Monday night we go on in front of our first packed house previews this is like previews it's the preseason and then the season starts March 31st so I can't fucking wait I can't wait I can't wait to see how plays.
I can't wait to see where the laughs are,

where the moments are and all that shit.

I've been having so much goddamn fun.

And we rehearsed this morning

and then I had a little break

and I actually ran off and went to the fucking gym.

I've been killing it.

Oh, Billy, no tits.

Look at that, man man it's fucking coming down

but I will tell you what

oh my god

I did some fucking damage

Jesus Christ

if you put my torso

on the Mecham auction

you know

it wouldn't have met the reserve

I'd have to take the reserve off

and I

I would be like

ah yeah I'm not selling it

forget it

I gotta

I gotta

it's too much bondo

oh my god

Thank you. off and I would be like, yeah, I'm not selling it.
Forget it. It's too much bondo.

Oh my God.

You have no

idea how fat you are until you do

yoga without a shirt on and there's like a

fucking mirror to the side

and you're doing a forward bend. You're like,

what the fuck? Do I sell shoes

for a living? Who the fuck is that?

Is that me? Jesus fucking Christ. Just no excuse for it.
There's really no excuse for how out of shape I got. You know, if you guys work for a fucking living, you have to be somewhere.
You know what I mean? I, you know, I got all goddamn day to not be a fat fuck, you know?

And I still failed at it. Fucking ridiculous.
Yeah, so I went over to my big gay gym that I joined, gay as it wants to be. And, you know, I got in there and I got on the treadmill.
I put it at the fucking angle I needed to.

I worked, I was walking briskly,

so I would burn fat. you know, I got in there and I got on the treadmill.
I put it at the fucking angle I needed to.

I worked it.

I was walking briskly so I would burn fat because that's the new way they say that you're burning fat.

You know what I mean?

And I do like these guys on like the fucking social medias,

the medias of social.

I love people that give advice and they're like yelling at you.

You know what I mean?

You can just see like the awful parent that the person had.

You're sitting there like, why are you yelling at me, dude?

Teach me about, you know, stop doing cardio before you lift weight.

All right, man.

I didn't know it was bad.

You know, as far as I know, this is the first time you you're telling me I believe it's the first time I met you like like what are we doing here so anyway I figure once I get to the once we we have we stop like doing all the rehearsals or tech run throughs and we're just doing the show, even on the days when I have a matinee, I don't have to go to work. I got my whole morning free so I can finally fucking get my goddamn ass back in shape.
Holy shit. Holy shit.
I'll tell you one thing. Okay? Everybody fucking talking about snowflakes this and snowflakes that.
I'll tell you, you know, the biggest example of fucking being a snowflake and soft is American jeans. You know, with these elastic waistbands.
So the number on your jean, you know, whatever, 34, 32, you could actually be a 38 waist and you could still get into 34 they're not fucking helping it they're all i'm telling you they're all in fucking cahoots with each other um oh my god i actually went out and i got like one of those uh those tape measure things when they, when they're measuring you for a suit. And I put that fucking thing around my waist.
It went up to 39 inches and I ran out of tape. I was like, what the fuck? Oh my God.
I have, oh, I have eight inches. I got to lose.
I got to get back down to a fucking 32, which I'm going to do, but I, but I've been eating fucking protein and that shit, so I'm not gonna be, I'm not gonna go Dallas Buyers Club on you here. I'm gonna fucking, oh, Billy Peck's here.
I'm trying, whatever. What the fuck ever, you know? Anyway, who gives a shit? It's MotoGP season.
It's fucking March Madness season. F1 is going.
Fucking Mark Marquez is riding with the factory Ducati team. Lewis Hamilton is with Ferrari.
You know, he's going to try to fucking dethrone that other kid who keeps winning, who I always call Sebastian Vettel. I always fuck up the names.
I'm not a big F1 guy. Although, you know what's funny is I keep getting shit on my Instagram of Jackie Stewart telling stories.
That guy has such amazing goddamn stories. That guy drove when people fucking died.
People fucking died in that goddamn sport back when that guy drove. Jesus Christ.
They used to drive these race cars. They look like that shit that the kids would make in.
Remember Cub Scouts? Is that still legal? Was there enough kids that got molested? Well, I guess the Catholic Church is still legal. that's still legal you still have to have scouting

right

Jesus fucking Christ I'll tell you it was a wild

time when I was growing up man

there was just creepers

every

the church scouting

paper route

martial arts

little league baseball

pop one of football

I mean they were just behind the tree

in the park

Thank you. arts, Little League baseball, Pop 1 or football.
I mean, they were just, they were behind the tree, in the park. You know, it's funny because sometimes I think like because of social media and all of this shit out there that like it's so like, it's almost like, kind of like the amount of people that are now like smoking weed or eating gummies or anything like that.
It's off the fucking chain now because it's legal. Before it was legal, you had to have a guy.
You had to know somebody. Sometimes it wasn't consistent or whatever.
It was a fucking pain in the ass. Now it's legal.
Everybody fucking does it. I kind of of thought like, you know, pedophiles and all that.

I felt like there was, it feels like there's more today because of like social media and all of that type of shit.

And I just think it's easier to be, maybe it's easier to be a creep now.

I don't know. I have no idea.

But I think, I still think there was a, maybe there was the same amount. it's kind of like how people feel like you know we're getting dumber yeah we're not we're not we're not getting dumber if if you if you go back just watch vintage newsreels where they go out and they talk to people in the street and they get their ideas on shit and you'd be surprised i mean there's some people that are more eloquent than people today but people at least have more of a worldview you know at least or at least a national view with the fucking internet because back in the day you lived in your hometown that's what the fuck you knew you knew that the local news and the local sports team that was it like when i moved to new york city i remember in the mid 90s one of my buddies from back home was he goes you know where do you live and i you know i told him i was living on you know what the fuck was i 97th and lex lexington and he was like dude what's with all the fucking numbers down there what What's with the, like, clueless.

Like, I had no idea.

Like, when I thought of New York City,

it was Empire State Building,

taxi cabs, Frank Sinatra.

And there was a couple of big concerts in Central Park.

That's all I knew. And obviously the sports teams, but I didn't know what I...
I couldn't name the boroughs. I had heard of them.
But if you asked me to name all of them, I couldn't have done that. I would have missed Manhattan.
I would have missed Staten Island. Because they just called it New York City.
But you heard enough about Brooklyn in the Bronx. Because a welcome back Carter was in Brooklyn and then fucking Robert Redford did that movie Fort Apache, the Bronx.
So I knew of those and that was it. Because I saw a news clip recently and it was about the busing riots and all that in Boston.
And they were talking to people in the street. Jesus Christ.
You want to talk fucking meatheads? Fucking meatheads. That was one of the dumbest ideas in the history of Massachusetts.
That they took a place that racist and they were like, you know what? You don't think it would be a good idea. You know all these people that fucking hate each other up there and they don't get along? Well, what if we just mixed them all up? What if we forced them to interact with each other without, you know, any sort of social lubricant beforehand? Let's just fucking throw them all together and see what the fuck happens.
For you younger people, spoiler alert, it didn't work out. It didn't go so well.
It was fucking insane. Yeah, that was...
That's one of those stupid liberal ideas. Like, well, what if we just put them all together and they're just like interacting is that you're just gonna do that you're not gonna uh there's gonna be no education no sort of easing the things you're just gonna just gonna put them together huh that's that's what you're gonna do all right would you just watch trading places um anyway let me uh let me let me do some of these reads here for the week uh squarespace hey folks this podcast is sponsored by squarespace if you don't know squarespace uh squarespace is the all-in-one platform that makes it ridiculously easy to build a professional website.
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Well, I think that is the podcast, everybody. I'm going to see if I can watch this moto jp rice from last i i saw some of the highlights what happened mark marquez was cruising

and then he slowed down because he was trying to save his tires and let somebody pass him so he

could try to pass him back i was i was a i was a confused i didn't understand what was happening

um i'll tell you right now i don't know why this is the first time in a long time. I have the urge to go to a dive bar by myself, sit down, all right, and just start fucking boozing.
you know? One ice cube, four fingers. All right? Up and over the ice cube.
Don't give me this eyedropper shit, all right? You know? And have like three of them. Come home, face down on the mattress, point it in the wrong direction, you know, wake up the next morning in sweatpants with one sock on, going, oh God, what the fuck did I do, you know? I'm not gonna do it.
But I was leaving the theater tonight and I was thinking like, man, I was thinking, man, if I was still drinking, I would go out tonight. And you know what? I don't want to go out with anybody else.
I want to go out by myself. OK, and fuck all these people that talk about drinking by yourself.
That's a it's a red flag. It is a red flag, but I'll tell you right now.
It's's, I don't want to encourage this behavior. I loved drinking alone.
I'm not trying to go George Thoreau good on you, but I fucking enjoyed it on a fucking weekday night, enjoying the privilege of being in this fucking business that I could go out on a Wednesday night and get fucking shit faced because I didn't have anywhere to be until eight o'clock the next night at a goddamn funny bone.

Those, my friend, were the fucking days. I had no kids.
I had no wife. And I could just go out

and I could get fucking hammered. Fucking hammered.
That's how I dealt with my demons back in the day. Now what I do is I sit here alone and I watch old movies from the 70s.
Once again, I recommend, highly recommend the outfit with Robert Duvall and Karen Black and a whole bunch of other great actors in it and the fucking cars are amazing and i really feel like that um those four-door sleds because they're they're rare i think that they're going to be worth something at some point maybe not i don't know all i know is i was you know i'm thinking about getting enough you know i need a daily driver i'm just looking at everything i looked at the burt reynolds fucking trans am you get one of those in mint condition these fucking assholes want 200 grand for it for a fucking pontiac go fuck yourself fucking trans am that car was a piece of shit everybody knew that you had that car three years you did like 20 burnouts on it. The fucking transmission fell out.

They didn't make that car right.

That was actually after the catalytic converter.

200 grand for an underpowered fucking car

you can't even keep on the goddamn road.

It's the Smokey and the Bandit one.

If you get the red one,

you know, it's like 40 grand. That's how fucking good looking Burt Reynolds was.
He was so good looking and charismatic that he made that piece of shit worth 200 grand all these fucking years later. Rest his soul.
You don't see movie stars like that coming around. Maybe you do.
I'm just fucking old.

I don't want to be that cunt.

Anyway, plowing ahead here.

That's the podcast.

Have a great weekend, you cunts.

And yeah, remember, all right?

It's the United States of America.

United States.

Don't hate other states, all right?

People are allowed to think different things.

Let's stay together.

Don't let a handful of fucking billionaires

This is the first time I'm going to use this. don't hate other states alright people allowed to think different things let's stay together don't let a handful of fucking billionaires that own 24 hour news network fucking divide you go to that mom and pop place god damn it fuck these box stores fuck these billionaires alright that's it listen to the music picked out by the amazingly talented Andrew Themless and we have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast.
All right, that's it. Listen to the music picked out by the amazingly talented Andrew Themless.
And then we have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast.

All right, take it. We'll be right back.
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, March 6th, 2017.

What's going on, everybody? I am in Phoenix, Arizona.

Isn't that exciting phoenix arizona um it actually is man i'm psyched i'm working at stand up live doing two shows tonight two shows tuesday two shows wednesday i'm um you know putting together my new hour and everything and i got a bunch of shit i've actually been listening to my act i always you know when i'm putting together a new hour oh i always record i just never listen well now i'm finally listening to my act i figured it out when i can do it because i who the wants to sit there and listen to yourself what i'm doing is um uh i listen to it on the car ride home you know if i had a decent set if i had a shitty set what's the fucking point you know what i mean it's kind of like if you're always taping your your team right but you only watch if they win you know i know people who do that shit they like know what the fuck happens before they watch and if they lose they just don't even fucking watch so i've actually been watching and that type of shit and uh speaking of, your team winning and losing. Olav Freckles came in last night and I went to the Phoenix Suns were playing my Boston Celtics.
So I decide, you know what, I'm going to go to that game. Right? My 117th fucking franchise professional home team.
I've put a professional sports team that I've seen a home game of.

117 of these motherfuckers.

I got 10 more to go.

I can't get out of any 10.

Every time I get to 10 and I'm like, oh, one more team, I'll fucking, then I'll have nine left.

Then somebody moves.

You know, I got down to 10.

I'm like, all right, the next one's going to get me nine and then the fucking ram the rams move back up to 11 right so then i go see the thunder and i'm thinking all right look man i'm down i'm down to fucking i'm down to nine and i'm like wait a minute wait a minute i saw the new jersey nets i never saw the brooklyn net so it's still 10. so i'm like all right next week next week when i go see the suns i'll be down to nine teams left right so i'm sitting there watching the suns and i'm like versley i'm down to single digits the fan slam is going down one of the loneliest accomplishments ever i guess if you went with a bunch of other people.
gotta find the old pictures of me at these stadiums i swear to god they're all like disposable camera pictures held by a stranger um you know when i was doing all these fucking gigs in the middle of nowhere and shit and i passed through the major cities and i would just go to a goddamn game anyways so last night last night I'm thinking, all right, I'm going to the Suns-Celtics game.

I'll have nine teams left.

And I'm like, wait a minute, the fucking Chargers just moved to Los Angeles.

So in a month I'm working in San Antonio and I'm going to a Spurs game.

Going to the fucking Spurs.

And then I think I'll finally be down to nine. You know, god forbid if the fucking raiders don't move to vegas after that um but anyways i uh i went to the sun's game right so i show up immediately um the club hooked us up with tickets gave us great tickets we're sitting two rows behind the fucking one of the uh what do you call it in basketball one of the nets one of the goals one of the backboards right two two rows back so it's really three rows back because they got all the fucking cameramen you know but still it's like great seats and i look down on the right there's this guy just riding the refs in the in the first quarter and he really gives a shit so i'm looking at verzi and i'm just looking over going look at this fucking guy's out of his mind there's a guy who gives a shit this is a hardcore season ticket holder man look how much i'm laughing like he's just like he knows the refs names he's calling him out and all that shit and verzi starts going he goes i bet that's the owner i'm like nah i mean the owner wouldn't be sitting down he wouldn't be yelling like that if he was the owner and he's like well mark cuban rides the reps like that i get the out of here so finally you know i go all right man i'm gonna look this guy up right so we we look him up and it's the owner i gotta tell you phoenix sun dude, you guys got a great fucking owner.

Robert Sarver is his name, man. We ended up talking to him at the end of the game because I tweeted, I was making fun of, what's his face, his shoes, his sneakers, the fucking worst sneakers I've ever fucking seen.
Kelly Olenek

the big white goof

the seven foot

fucking pylon out there. Right? I don't, you know, Celtics love that guy.
He got so many goddamn minutes. Maybe it's a road trip or whatever.
But dude, he had these fucking sneakers on. I think Garrow, your premium, wore him in that fucking Super Bowl against the redskins when he fucked up the field goal too they were like they look like black football cleats from the early 70s the ugliest fucking things i've ever seen so of course i tweet about that's what i did so i tweeted about the thing and i guess the owner's son was watching he goes oh he's probably sitting right next to you blah blah blah that's how i didn't meet the guy but anyways long story short so i tweet about this fucking things making fun of the guy's sneakers thinking obviously these have to be the worst fucking sneakers without a doubt even with the internet even with twitter even with all of these fucking cunts that are on social media nobody can argue that these are the ugliest fucking sneakers ever right they were low top fucking field goal kicker cleats from the fucking early 70s right and all these sneaker heads are like you mean you mean the kobe 11s i guess it's a kobe bryant sneaker and and what because it says kobe on it all of a sudden it's the kobe's dude do you mean the shack 14s i fucking hate sneaker heads i fucking can't stay in them with their 5 000 fucking pairs of sneakers taking them out of the box showing them off on mtv cribsbs and licking the sole.
So it's like, you see, I never even wore these joints before. Yeah, I can tell from your fucking man tits you never wore them before.
These sneakers, why don't you go take a fucking walk in them? Bursey's a big sneakerhead. I'll tell you, you know what? It's fucking overrated.
It's so fucking so fucking overrated jordans you know what i mean i'm not saying they're not good looking some of them most of them are fucking ugly as shit and dude the the fucking mouth breathing dopes maybe that's what it is the amount of oh geez i'm walking around now i'm walking through the amount of fucking dopes that wear Jordans. You know what

it is about Jordans? It's, you don't even have to fucking think. You know what I mean? All you

got to do is get a pair of Jordans. You know, everybody's going to like them.
Oh, yo, are those

the sixes? Are those the Jordan sixes? Dude, look at these sixes. I got them with the black,

with the gold outline. Yo, these sneakers are crazy gold outline yo these sneakers are crazy right these sneakers are crazy you know I don't know these fucking mouth breathing morons with the goddamn sweatpants and their Jordans you know Ferzie's a big Jordan guy he loves Jordans he's wearing a pair this week.
They're fucking ugly as shit.

They're all black and then they got like this white wall tire thing down. And just because it says

Jordans, I'm going to go, Paul goes, dude, check

out these new Jordans. You like them? I go, no.

Actually, I don't.

And he can't understand. He goes,

they're Jordans.

Dude, these are Jordan

ones. It's like, dude, I don't give a fuck if they're

Jordanite. I'm so sick of the numbers.
Dude, what's your favorite Jordan? You like the 7s? Really? You like the 7s? Now, you got to make sure that it just says Nike on the back. If it has him on the back, then those aren't the real ones.
The Kobe 11s? Like, what do you guys guys think that if you fucking put them on you're somehow going to be able to dunk you're going to score close to 80 points in a fucking nba game because you're wearing kobe's the sadale three sevens i don't know i i don't understand and if a fucking sneakaker is ugly, it's ugly. I don't give a shit.
I cannot fucking believe. You guys have to go on and you have to look at a picture of those fucking sneakers.
They're like referee sneakers from the fucking early 80s. It's just a black low-top fucking slipper with the Nike swoosh on it.
Dude, you mean the Kobe 11s?

Dude, the Kobe 11s

are fucking crazy. They're crazy.

I'm telling you, you get yourself,

you get yourself a fucking

track suit

and you put on a pair of those,

dude, over. Over.

You go out to the club, people, people,

are those the sixes i i just don't understand fucking basketball sneakers okay some of them are good looking some of them aren't just they they drive me up the fucking wall paul versi is the funniest fucking human being i've ever met in my life like he's he's he's one of these guys like I love him to death, but the shit that he likes, it's so he likes obvious shit.

He'd be like, dude, you know what I like?

You know what I like?

I like amenities.

It's like, really, dude, you like getting extra shit, extra comforting shit.

That's amazing.

You know, I never really thought about that.

I don't know. I have to think about this do i like amenities you know what i like paul i like a lack thereof i like less than like who would ever say dude you know what you know what dude is there anything better than pizza is there anything better than a great slice of pizza? Dude, you know what I like? I like

a bologna sandwich.

Dude, a bologna

sandwich with white American

cheese and mustard, dude? Dude, the mustard

puts it over the top. It's crazy.

It's a joke. I mean,

it's literally a joke.

It just...

I don't know.

It's like, does it even need to be said of course it's a

bologna sandwich yeah it fucking hits the spot

old mainstream poly dude you know what i like you know i like i like a golden retriever

dude you know what's crazy a white picket fence

um sorry i gotta get him back on this podcast because i will

bartnick calls him mr maxim

Thank you. um sorry i gotta get him back on this podcast because i will bartnick calls him mr maxim because everything that he likes it's like it's he likes what everybody likes but then he's got this simplistic fucking great philosophy where he'll be like bill but bill what's wrong what's wrong with sweatpants you know and you can't argue with them i yeah there's there's nothing wrong with it it's just you know the conversation is just like it just doesn't need to be most of the conversation just doesn't even need to be had dude is there anything better than just walking around in sweatpants dude you put on a pair of sweatpants with some Jordan 3s?

Over.

Over.

Dude, what is better

than having on a hoodie

and a pair of Kobe 11s

you go to a massage parlor

and she's jerking your dick.

I mean,

am I crazy? It's over. It's a i crazy it's it's over it's a it's joke it's literally it's a joke all right i'm sorry fuck all you sneaker heads out there god bless you with your little fucking hobby of keeping your sneakers clean and you know fucking walking on your heels anytime there's any sort of rubbish on the ground.

Grown fucking men

just walking like a goddamn duck on their heels.

Hey buddy, what the fuck

you doing? I got on the sevens.

What is it, the first day of

school?

Dude, you know what I love? You know what I love? is there anything better than when it snows on christmas that's the type of shit he says it's like no yeah that's great paul i think everybody's pretty much in agreement i even think jewish people like if it snows on christmas you know what i mean it probably adds to their chinese food i don't like who the fuck doesn't like a fresh blanket of snow as long as it isn't a goddamn storm dude you know what i like amenities is there anything better than taking a steam uh no i mean you know that also, that is a great thing that everyone is in agreement with. You know what I like, dude? I like fresh air.
Is there anything better than like non-polluted air when you breathe in? I mean, it's crazy. It's literally, it's a joke.
Jesus, I went on a fucking tangent there. Oh, my God, if half a second I thought the recorder wasn't recording.
I forgot my fucking microphone, so this might sound a little bad. Dude, is there anything better than just laying in your bed and just waking up and doing your podcast? I mean, it's a joke.
It's literally, it's a joke. You know, i have to look up these fucking sneakers how the fuck kobe bryant one of the greatest fucking top what two three players of all time individual players teammate he was a fucking nightmare um you wait till that fucking confessional comes up um let me sit there putting my password here stupid laker fans always chant MVPvp at the guy i hate that celtic fans are chanting mvp at isaiah thomas by the way it reminds me of laker fans that were always every time fucking kobe stepped on the court and did not pass the ball and scored 40 fucking points and they lose again and they have vp um did you see him dunk on that guy and then they lost oh my god he's unbelievable maybe if we get 58 free agents in here and fucking phil jackson they can win a title mvp all right um no but he's doing he's wearing the kobe's he's wearing the kobe he left i have to look these fucking sneakers up how ugly these goddamn things are and the fact that these fucking sneaker heads.
You mean the Kobe's he's wearing the Kobe 11 I have to look these fucking sneakers up how ugly these goddamn things are and the fact that these fucking sneaker heads you mean the Kobe's I mean the rep sneakers those fucking cleats this guy's wearing he looks like fucking Ken Stabler out

there Kobe 11 you cannot tell me that this fucking the computer doesn't listen to you oh my those

are fucking dancing slippers Jesus at least he got the best he got the best color

Thank you. kobe 11 you cannot tell me that this fucking the computer doesn't listen to you oh my those are fucking dancing slippers jesus at least he got the best he got the best color they come in pink they come in red and white they got a miami dolphin color dude those literally look like women's sneakers like you should have like the low-cut sock with the little ball on the back if you wear those fucking things and i'm looking look look at the ones 120 130 dollars i bet this i bet if i went on youtube and this and i looked up kobe 11s i bet there's some fucking asshole sitting there licking the fuck who was the guy fat joe did that in his MTV cribs and he had like check these up he's like the fucking Jordan Sixers and then he licked the bottom of them it's like dude do you realize the sweatshop that those things were fucking made in and you think those things didn't hit the ground in there and god knows they probably don't let they probably those people go to the bathroom at their fucking station and you're going to lick the bottom of those damn sneakers.

They were in a hermetically sealed sneaker box, dude.

They were in a cardboard box and were shipped over here from the other side of the world.

I think I'll put my tongue on them.

All right.

I'm going to look this up.

I'm going to see if I can find that.

I'm going to find a fucking video here.

Kobe 11. All right.
I don't know why why but the first video that came up said exploding poo and a guy had shit on his face now i didn't think they did that type of stuff on fucking kobe 11s shoes all right and some asshole's gonna do a fucking review nike kobe 11 performance review dude these are the ugliest fucking sneakers i've ever seen in my life these ones are actually worse kobe bryant gives lebron james his autographed shoes god what the fuck do they talk about other than winning championships that'd be like listening to fucking superman and like fucking Batman talking. All right.
Kobe gives away shoes to a fan. Here's I shit all over the guy.
He's like the nicest guy ever. Kobe helps a busload of sick children get to the Staples Center by towing it with his own body in his Kobe 11s.
All right. Maybe I was wrong.
Nike Kobe. I got to get off this fucking subject what am I gonna listen to some guy do a fucking review of the sneakers Nike Kobe 11 performance overview my initial thoughts I fucking love you too who gives a I guess you guys are listening to my thoughts but I'm just being a fucking moron anyways let's get back to the goddamn game all right so Kelly Olenek's out there and his Kobe 11s, dude.

They were fucking crazy.

Dude, you get a seven-foot white guy in Kobe 11s?

It's over.

It's over.

I mean, the black guys are still going to go right around him and have their nuts in his face when they dunk on him.

But, I mean, his feet from the ankles down, it's over.

It's going to be a joke. it's literally a joke um all right anyway so we go we watch this game the owner of the sons is a fucking riot um totally just watching him riding the referees like old school guy you know right down there on the court watching the game and uh you know he's not about some luxury box or anything like that right so anyway so we're watching the game and the celtics come out flat which you knew they were gonna you knew they were gonna because they've just beat the lakers anytime i'm telling this right now gamblers gamblers anytime the the any boston team right I'd say the Bruins or the fucking Celtics go on that west coast trip if you want to make some money bet against them the day after they play either the Clippers, the Kings or the Lakers because they fucking go to LA and after the game they all go out they bang a bunch of fucking broads a bunch of fucking actresses or whatever the fuck it is they do and then the next game when they go to san jose down to anaheim out to phoenix up to portland whatever the fuck they go next there's always a letdown so the celtics come out flat the fucking sons are all over him whoever the guard was on the sons was just as fast it seems as isaiah so he was right up on him um frustrating the hell out of i mean isaiah had i think four fouls in the first half and um so we're watching the game and i'm just going like i fucking knew it i'm so excited to finally see this team i've been watching seen almost every game of this year and they come out flat i'm like oh man am i really going to the fucking hangover game ah what do i give a shit i got three fucking tickets but still you know there's a bunch of celtics fans there they're all going fucking nuts and everything we had like nothing to cheer about i think we were down by like 10 after the first half um and we just start chipping away chipping away away, chipping away.
First half was ugly.

I mean, it was like a first quarter score with like four minutes to go.

It was like 32-27, it seemed.

Maybe it was like six minutes to go.

So at the half, I think they were both in like the 40s. I don't even remember.

And I said, Paul, jokingly, I go, you watch.

They're both going to score over 100.

They're going to eat up or whatever.

So, of course, they come out. Everybody starts hitting their shots.

It turns into this great game.

And then the fourth quarter comes and we start chipping away, chipping away, chipping away.

We're down by like 10 or 11.

And then we're down by eight.

Then we're down by five.

And then we're down by four.

Next thing you know, we're up by like two.

So you guys all know how the fucking game ends, right?

We fucking missed. what's his face uh brown missed that foul shot and isaiah missed a foul shot they would have fucking iced it and uh we let him hang around hang around fucking hang around in the end i can't remember who was tied we were up by one it all happened so you know it happens so fucking fast when you're at the game and you don't have an announcer holding your hand.
And you don't have something that you can actually look at. There's too much shit to look at.
So we go to inbound the fucking ball. Right? This guy goes around Jay Crowder.
I think tied it up. We're like, fuck.
Right? That's right. We were up by two.
Instead of being up by three and forcing them to take a three, and they probably would have missed the fucking thing.

That's right.

The guy goes right around Crowder, lays it in.

Crowd's going nuts.

There's like four seconds left.

They go, all right, they're going to try to get it to Isaiah Thomas.

Let's see what happens.

We fucking inbound the ball.

Isaiah, one of the only times I've seen him mess up this year,

messed up the pass.

He was kind of looking up court, you know,

because there's only four seconds left before he caught the ball. They it out to this dude what the hell was his name i actually wrote it down so i would give him the respect he deserves tyler ulis they kick it out to him and he hits a three-pointer at the buzzer to beat the celtics now here's the thing row fucking seats.
And guess what? I didn't even see the play.

It happened on my end.

You know why?

Because the fucking assholes who were in the,

they're in the front fucking row.

They inbound the ball and they could see that,

you know, Thomas was fucking it up.

They stand up.

You're in the front fucking row.

What are you standing up for?

This is a great deal. you know um thomas was was fucking it up they stand up you're in the front fucking row what are you standing up for there's nothing in front of you you're fucking cunts and all of a sudden i just saw the ball go through the net and everybody goes and the horn goes off everybody goes nuts i go what the fuck does that count did that just go in what the fuck just happened i had to go home to watch the to see what the fuck happened.
I was sitting in the second row. I couldn't see it because these fucking assholes stood up in front of me.
I don't understand standing up when nothing's in your way. Haven't you ever heard that expression? Why stand when you can sit? Why sit when you can lay down? Why stand up when you're in the front fucking row and what is blocking your goddamn view anyways all right i'm done fucking bitching here i had a i had a great time and evidently kobe 11s are fucking crazy man you know dude chris everett should wear that fucking sneaker that's what it looks like it looks like one of the different colored ones.
I like, you know. Do you know something? That is a testament to how great Kobe Bryant was.
You know, it's almost like he's so fucking good. Nike was at the factory going like, how fucking ugly do you think we could make a sneaker if we put your name on it? These people that lick the bottom of the fucking sneaker they still buy these goddamn things you know what now that i'm looking at them because i'm an old man they don't look like you'd play basketball great they look comfortable as hell as far as when they're in a different color i guess they look like slippers now here's the thing i want to i want to fucking ask you kobe had that horrific uh achilles um injury i swear to god which is is like that was the end of anybody's career that is like the classic old man basketball injury is you go to take a step and your fucking achilles goes right right up the of your leg um i mean i don't even i you obviously i don't play hoop at all but i still fucking i'm always stretching my fucking achilles i swear to god before i get out of bed that's i don't know what it is about that injury i just know like five or six people that have had it and i want no part of it i want no fucking you never walk right again i mean if you got kobe's money you know you can go to germany and meet the grandsons of the nazi fucking doctors and they'll spin your fucking blood in a centrifuge whatever the fuck they do and then you come back and you can still dunk or whatever you know but most people don't have kobe money so what's going to happen is is you're going to go down to the veterinarian down the street and he's going to sew that thing back.
And you're never going to be, you know. That's it.
God help you if you're ever in a situation where there's panic and the crowd starts running and it's a stampede and you've blown out your Achilles at some point in your life. You're going to get trampled.
You know? You're going to be that zebra in the Serengeti that gets eaten by the fucking alligator is basically what's going to happen. But, you know, he has the low tops.
I wonder if that probably had nothing to do with it. I'm just surprised guys are wearing low-top fucking sneakers again.
Because, you know, I don't pay attention to this shit i usually watch hockey right and first he's going like no no no kobe kind of brought the low tops back everybody's wearing so i looked out on the court and i saw a number of people with low tops so people still had like these high top sneakers on but the amount of ones like that that they were like velcro you know like a little kid he can't tie his sneakers he had like velcro high tops with like a belt around your ankle and i was i don't know i don't know about those either you know it's hilarious how arrogant i am that i actually think that the world cares what a 48 year old white guy thinks about sneakers well why don't you just get a pair of shell toes um so anyways we went to the goddamn game and uh we had a great fucking time uh robert sarver and his family are great we met we met him briefly but just talked to him just great people like that guy dude if i was a phoenix fan i would be very happy with that guy as an owner even though i know you guys are rebuilding that guy fucking loves his team there's a lot of owners they don't give a shit you know they own a team so they can have hookers and blow up in a fucking suite dude that guy he was it looked like he i was gonna say it's like he had money on the game and he does he's paying the fucking players um anyways um all right so let's plow ahead here um i should probably read some goddamn advertising right here all right loot crate oh give me the loot all right okay here we go here we go here we Let's get back to the fucking podcast. So I've been listening to a bunch of fucking old school country, not all the way back to Hank Williams, but like that outlaw shit, you know, right before the outlaw shit.
Is George Jones considered outlaw? I don't know. But listening to him, obviously, to all of these other fucking guys, right?

And I ended up listening.

I remember this song.

Do you guys remember Johnny Paycheck?

Johnny Paycheck was this country singer.

And I swear to God, he had a hit song called Take This Job and Shove It. And it was such a fucking hit.
It's so struck a chord with people that they actually turned it into a movie. There was actually a movie called Take This Job and Shove It.
It was just it was about a fucking guy who was working in a job that he hated and he wanted to tell him you know basically tell him to go fuck themselves but he didn't have the nerve and i think it was because the lyric was someday i'm gonna get the nerve to say it and everybody could relate to it being like hey i also hate my fucking life and i want to make a change but i don't know how to do it. You know what I mean? It's like the whole Donald Trump fucking phenomenon, not the informed people.
You know what I mean? I'm talking about the mouth breather. You know what I mean? Like with Hillary Clinton, you had the informed person that wanted to vote for her, and then you had the hissy fit, fucking dope.
dope this will be great for women like your life was really gonna fucking change um i swear to god i i just don't i don't i don't understand adults who haven't fucking figured it out yet that you're you're on your own okay playtime is over nobody cares about you okay i don't care what color their fucking their fucking tie or their bra is. They don't.
The level of money that you have to have and then you have to give it to these people for you to even be on their radar.

you have to be going to these 10,000 100,000 50,000 dollar fucking plate dinners with them and then you have to stand in a line of people that all paid that money

okay and you got to get up there with your fucking shapeshifter fucking lizard eyeballs and you got to try to peer into their soul i didn't think you'd talk to them you just walk up with a napkin that says how much money you're going to give to them and then you're on their fucking radar has nothing to do with your genitalia anyways so all the okay so i'm getting off the rails here so this fucking guy johnny paycheck he's got this fucking song song come on take this job and shove it it's the funniest fucking just there's no way to listen to this song and not fucking just be i played it for paul versi he was crying and laughing he goes this can't be a real song i go. I go, dude, not only is it a real song, it was turned into a movie.
Just the way he says, shove it, his voice drops way down. He goes, take this job and shove it.
I ain't working here no more. My woman done left, took all the reasons I was working for.
These are the actual lyrics. You better not try to stand in my way cause I'm walking out the door.
You can take this job and shove it. I ain't working here no more.
And this stupid bass line comes on. Boop-ba-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.
And he gets all like kind of quiet. You know when a redneck gets quiet you know and starts talking leans in it's fucking scary you know non-whities even for white people that's fucking scary there is nothing scarier than a redneck leaning in at a bar thinking that you we're all on the same team that's some fucked up shit because you're immediately like, I don't want to do.

I don't I don't want any part of what you're about ready to tell me, sir.

And I want to try to get out of this conversation gracefully.

How do I dismount out of this fucking conversation that the second they when a fucking redneck looks the opposite way of the conversation and then leans in?

I'm telling you, this should be like a a fucking an injector seat on your barstool to get you the fuck out of where'd he go did I get left behind so I swear to God so when he gets into the verse right he it's like he's leaning in I've been working in this factory for now on 15 years.

All this time I watched my woman drowning in a pool of tears.

You know, and what I love about all those old school country songs is that fucking women always leave.

They're always crying or whatever.

But these fucking assholes, they never say why.

And whenever I listen to these songs, it's just's just like dude what the fuck were you doing i get it you're working at this factory you don't like the job why is your woman drowning in a pool of tears what the i mean are you taking this fucking so you don't have the balls to try to get a better job tell your boss to fuck off so what happened you come home you take it out on your wife is that what you're doing i've had shit jobs i've had low pay for the first fucking i don't know how many years of being a comedian was a low-paying job i never had a girlfriend drowning in a pool of tears i mean i definitely made him cry but that's because i was an asshole had nothing to do with my fuck i wouldn't blame my job i've been featuring on the road for now on 16 years one of these days anyways you got you just listen to the fucking song you got to hear this song you got to um johnny paycheck um i know i'm making fun of him but i actually i don't know there's something about this i listen to this fucking song and it just gives me all kinds of ideas for characters and shit like that and movies and whatever um but i've been downloading george jones george jones tammy winette all these fucking people. And I swear to God, you got to listen to George Jones.
These days, these days I barely get by is inadvertently one of the funniest fucking songs you're ever going to listen to your life. Do you have one of those friends that just calls up and complains all the time? And you try to help him out and go, hey, well, what if you do?

No, I can't do that.

Well, the fucking guy who's just resigned himself.

You know, hey, with my luck, this would X, Y and Z would happen.

It's like, yeah, with that fucking attitude, that's exactly what's going to happen.

You know what I mean?

I got a couple of friends like that.

After a while, you're just like, dude, you're a white guy in the United States of America. How far down the fucking track before the race starts do you have to be? Jesus fucking Christ.
How the fuck are you complaining? Complaining. I'm not saying that white people should not complain.
I know there's a lot of people drowning in a pool with tears. Harder these days, I'm going to blow my top.

It's like, dude, why don't you just address the fact that you don't like your job?

Apply from some other jobs.

If you don't have the training, take some night courses.

You know, get the training you need.

Instead of sitting there seething, coming home, taking it out on your fucking womb.

George Jones has another

fucking song called the grand tour i listen to i'm telling you you got to listen to these fucking songs right i listen to that song it's like george what in the fuck did you do to your woman. It's like step right up.
Come on in. If you'd want to take the grand tour of a lonely house that once was home, sweet home.
You're like, Jesus Christ. And this motherfucker, he goes through his whole house.
Over there is the chair. where she'd bring the paper to me and sit down on my knee and whisper oh i love you hey you're like jesus christ right there you want to get out of the house this motherfucker won't stop straight ahead is the bed where we lay in love and something dude he gets all the way to the nursery you're like oh jesus christ and he goes she took the fucking baby and the key thing in all of this is he says there's her rings and her things and it's like this fucking woman

left all of her stuff and took the baby george what the fuck did you do to her this woman didn't leave you she fled the fucking scene there's some sort of detail you're not fucking giving me here Where are the empty booze bottles?

I mean, what do you, what do mean, what do you... I actually listened to that song, I Feel Bad for the Woman in His Life, until I found out she left.
Then I actually feel good. Yeah, get the fuck out of here.
Get that kid out of there, too. I mean, I'm supposed to feel bad for you? Sounds like you went out back to chop some wood and she just grabbed she saw some daylight somehow got the chains off around her fucking ankles grabbed the kid and get the fuck out of there um anyways let's read some oh there's gonna be some pure country fans gonna be like you're missing the point man take this job and shove it i ain't working

here no more all right pro flowers everybody woman done left me

my woman done left me hey johnny paycheck come on it's just you and me well what did she what

what did you do you know i imagine if she around on you you would have mentioned it all right maybe i'm taking these fucking songs a little too seriously um i i have a problem with that like when i listen to rap music you know like who's who's that new group that everybody's me goes when i when i watch their videos and shit, and they're coming up in those supercars, and they're holding the fucking money out, it just, it literally, I have to look in the other direction. It just drives me nuts seeing artists doing that.
I just, I'm always thinking in my head, please, please buy some real estate. Please don't blow it all on fucking Kobe 11s.

Oh, my God.

Dude, watching artists, watching people who don't understand money, I guess, but I would say artists, you know.

The shit that we fucking do, it's just the dumbest.

You know, it's another stupid fucking thing.

I love these people that buy watches that are like, it's like, dude, that thing, you could hang that on the fucking wall.

I'd know what time it was from across the room. Why do you have that on your wrist? The amount of guys that are like my height and my size, walking around with a watch that only would look right on like a fucking offensive lineman.
It's like, did you take that out of a submarine? Is that like deep sea scuba diving shit so you can you can you can go fucking go down to like what 9 000 feet and the the goddamn

dial won't bust on it i got me a big old watch

people in a different time zone can tell what time it is. Take this watch and shove it.
All right. I'm getting up against it here.
You know what I'm doing today, by the way? I'm going to go see old Cleodio. I'm going to see my dog Cleo.
The people that ended up getting her from us live out here. So, um, I'm actually going to get to see her.
I'm visiting her today and tomorrow. And, um, I can't wait to see her and everything.
She's probably not even going to give a shit because she's probably gonna be so in love with the other people. Cause I kind of realized that going, well, she was in love with the people that had her before us and within a week she fucking loved us i mean dogs just they adapt they just fucking adapt so um i got another five minutes here and then i gotta take off so i got time for like one question here let me see um let me get let me get a good one here uh Right.
Right. A dictator bill.
I'm 19 years old and I've been with my girlfriend. My woman don't laugh.
I'm with my girlfriend now for two years. I know what you're thinking.
Too young for all these silly problems. That's not what I'm thinking.
I'm thinking good for you. Way to go.
Way to go, fella. Anyway, for the first year of our relationship, literally everything was perfect.
I still love her just as much as I did then. I'm sure she loves me just as much.
However, during the second year of our relationship, an overnight shift changed. And then we stopped having sex.
It's basically non-existent and now and again every couple of months it will happen but i know she's not enjoying it this is because she was on the implant contraception injection at first i was questioning myself and if it was me that wasn't getting her in the anymore. But she promises me that it isn't because of the implant.

She says it's that.

What the fuck is a contraception injection?

Jesus, I never I've never heard of that shit.

It's an injection, so you won't get pregnant.

Dude, if you literally told me contraception actually meant it's going to get you pregnant, I would believe that too.

That's like one of those fucking words that I just ignored my whole life.

You know, like soliloquy.

Like, what the fuck does that mean, you know?

Contraception.

Implant.

Official site. Get the facts.
Official site.

Get the facts.

Fuck that.

I don't want facts.

I want pictures.

Images.

Okay, they're showing it that it's nice and small.

For some reason, they keep putting it up against their bicep.

They stick it in your fucking arm. What? This looks like some fucking robot shit.
Okay, it's birth control. Implant.
They stick a fucking toothpick in your arm and then you can't have a baby? don't get it anyways well yeah that's probably fucking annoying to have it in there you know what i mean she goes to hug you and the inside of her arm hurts anyways after the first i was questioning myself she says that it that has caused her to completely lose her sex drive she says she just had it removed and it's been a few weeks since and nothing has changed yet.

I feel so much resentment towards her every day and what I can only describe as depression as soon as I see her most of the time.

I find myself being such an angry, short-tempered person now when normally I'm usually happy and smiling.

Ah, Jesus.

Might be time to get out of this relationship, buddy.

But you know something?

If it really affected her like that, it depends on how long she had it in there maybe she needs longer than two weeks um but you know if you're gonna be an angry lunatic i mean if you don't leave eventually she's gonna but you know what you get yourself a song on it a woman done put a toothpick in her arm now she won't suck my dick one of these days i'm gonna whip it out And wipe it on the wall You can take my dick and shove it Right in your fucking mouth, you whore Ba-do-do-do-do-do-do-do Okay, I always seem to try and hide my need for sex And act like I don't ever want it And try to show disinterest But I never can can. I guess it just must be more important to me than it is to her.
I never thought sex was such a big deal. But the last year has taught me that when there's bad sex life in a relationship, it can really cause the whole thing to just break down.
It just got to the point now that I've said we need some space and a break because the last thing i want is to ruin our relationship um

dude you're fucking miserable man and you have to you have to you know it's you gotta be with somebody and like understand them and and you know be there when they're going through a tough time but like you know if they're not understanding how fucking miserable you are you're just gonna you're just going to keep getting more miserable and then you know, if they're not understanding how fucking miserable you are, you're just going to, you're just going to keep getting more miserable. And then, you know, then they're going to be miserable.
And then in the end, they're going to fucking break up with you. And you can be like, what the fuck? I should have done that to them.
Breaking up with somebody is not something you should do to them. It's something you should do for yourself.
All right. This is the deal, dude.
You're not fucking happy. All right.
You're not happy. It's great that you're taking a fucking break.
And I would go out and I'd fucking go try to enjoy myself and meet somebody that doesn't have a fucking toothpick in their arm. That doesn't want to touch my dick.
You know, I mean, that's just getting down to brass tacks here. That's what's going on.
Right. They stuck that shit in her and now you can't stick your shit in her.
So, I mean, you got to get the fuck out. I young dude you're 19 what are you gonna marry her what are you in the military people in the military getting married when they're 19 you know my woman done left um that's what you do i i it just sounds like uh you sound like you you need like a long time away from each other.
The way that was read, dude, that sounded like a fucking 40 year old guy wrote that in your 19. So that's kind of a good sign that maybe you should get the fuck out.
Um, who knows? But I, I would not say anything mean. I would not.
And, uh, I just, you know, you want to be able to see the person again and not get a glass to the head. know what i mean that's kind of what you're going for so the art form is you just tell them how you're feeling you know i'm just not happy i'm sorry that's just how i feel i'm just not happy and i'm finding myself less and less happy and um it's affecting my moods.
Everything you just said.

And I'm finding that I'm getting angry

and I don't want to be angry around you

and create any misery in your life.

So as much as this is going to hurt you,

I'm walking out the door.

You can take this relationship and shove it.

That's it.

Then walk out the door.

You know? And you'll probably walk out that door and you'll be sad a little bit and you walk a little more and you start skipping and then you're running down the street yeah you know might be one of those breakups or it could be the one oh why did i do it i don't fucking know but you're 19 you know if you got the whole you got your whole fucking life ahead of you you don't need being this this sounds like you're fucking married i'd get out all right that's it okay and that's the fucking podcast for this week go fuck yourselves i will uh check in on you on um on thursday and uh that's it i'll let you know how uh seeing old cle the next couple of days is, which is going to be fucking awesome.

And it's also, you know what, I'm psyched that, you know, we got a cool family.

And, you know, I think I'll come out to Phoenix a couple of times a year, you know, do a run of shows like I'm doing here.

Go to a game or something like that. I'll hang with the dog.
It's kind of nice, you know.

All right, that's it. I'll talk to you guys on Thursday.
night to high noon. I don't waste ink.
I think I drop mechaton bombs more faster than your blink. Cause rhyme thoughts travel at a

tremendous speed. You cloud the smoke

of natural blends of weed.

Only under one circumstance as if I'm

blunted. Turn that shit up.
My clan in the

front want it. Now with the MC's

came to live out the name.

They ain't got to perform.

Some had to snorkel.