Windows, Evolution, the Boroughs | Monday Morning Podcast 10-13-25

Hey, what's going on?

It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, October 13th,

2025.

What's going on?

How are you?

Duh, Jesus.

I'm doing my podcast here.

I guess I could close these windows

on my buddy's front porch,

the fucking traffic going by.

It was quiet as hell two seconds ago.

I'm getting to be that age.

I'm getting to be that age where I talk about the traffic.

I gotta close the goddamn windows.

There's too much goddamn traffic out there.

There we go.

That's a little better.

Anyway, start of a new week.

There we go.

That didn't fucking do anything.

Isn't that how life is?

There's a problem, you get up, you try and solve it.

For half a second.

You go, there, it's better, and then you're like, wait a minute, no, it isn't,

no, it isn't.

And that's called going to the gym.

I got to get my ass back in the gym.

I've not been in the gym in like fucking two weeks.

I fell out of it.

I fell out of favor with the gym.

Just haven't been going.

I got to go.

I've been stretching

like the old fucking man I am, kvetching.

But I just, I don't know.

I stopped going.

And then I got into other shit.

And then in the back of my head's like, Bill, you're at an age you have to go to the gym.

It's not a, you have to go to the gym or you have to eat like a bird or you're going to be a fat fuck.

And

I chose to ignore that voice.

I didn't argue with it.

I was like, I know, I know, you're right.

You're right.

You're right.

So it starts today.

Billy's back.

Billy's back and he's gonna be in trouble.

Hey yeah, hey yeah.

BB's fat.

Yeah, I'm gonna get back into that.

But

I don't know, took the last couple fucking weeks off.

Finally got a chance to watch some football.

Sucked watching the Wolverines lose to the Trojans.

But running back went down early.

Fucked us.

So congratulations to them still.

I got to tell you.

I hope they never make

USC a new football stadium You got to keep that's like one of the most iconic stadiums when that thing's filled up and the fact that it actually wasn't completely full

Like you could get some tickets.

I mean, it's a fucking huge place, but it always reminds me of the first two

NFL AFL championship games that were later renamed the Super Bowl.

That's pretty sick.

The first two Super Bowls

were played in that stadium.

I haven't been there in a minute, but

last time I went there, I saw a Rams game, so it's been a while.

But

I'd always think that every time I went in there, like Vince Lombardi,

Hank Stram.

I think were the coaches.

Hank lost that one, and then he came back and won Super Bowl IV.

Oh, Jesus, here comes the Super Bowl Rainman.

Bart Starr.

That was my trivia question with

Mahomes, Patrick Mahomes.

Last quarterback to win the Super Bowl, to win number 15

before Patrick Mahomes

and to even name a quarterback.

That wore 15.

I had to go back to like Neil Lomax, but it was Bart Starr Super Bowl 1 and 2.

There you go.

See, now you can get on with your week.

Now you're on your way.

Dude, my buddy's got a nice fucking house.

This is like a borderline breezeway.

No, it's not a breezeway.

It's a porch.

Porch is on the front of the house.

A breezeway was either at the end of a house.

You know?

The classic was it was just on the end of the house.

Like you pulled your giant 70s gas gustler into the garage, you got out of the garage, you opened the door, you were in the kitchen, dining room, living room there.

Then there were bathrooms either upstairs or downstairs, depending on the layout.

And then if you continued on down the hall, there'd be just like an open like breezeway.

And you had like screens on it in the summertime.

And in the winter time, you replaced it with the storm windows, is is what they were called.

And all of that shit would be in the fucking garage.

And your wife would be like, You got to get those windows out.

There's a storm coming.

All right, all right, Mary.

I'm going to fucking do it.

I told, what did I talk to you about?

The swearing in the house.

Or

we had a breezeway in a house I was growing up in when I was

really young.

And it went garage, breezeway.

and then you were into the dining room, living room to the right, kitchen straight ahead.

Some of the entries, that was a split-entry house,

split entry for squirrely people.

What do I want to do?

Do I want to go upstairs and deal with my marriage, or do I just want to go downstairs to the family room?

Whoever built the split entry realized that a relationship is a fucking wild animal.

That's what I fucking,

I don't know, dude.

That's what I always tell my

friends that are getting married or whatever.

Yeah, it's like, it's fucking, it is not stagnant.

It is fucking forever moving.

You gotta keep an eye on it.

You gotta keep an eye on it.

It'll fucking come over and bite you in the ass.

Anyway, yeah, my whole neighborhood when I was growing up, that's what it was.

It was mid-century moderns, but we were basically still were in mid-century.

It was 1970, so no one was saying mid-century at that point.

And the fucking houses were only 10-15 years old.

We used to call them Brady Bunch houses.

And

mid-century moderns, and then there was

split entries.

Which were the fucking worst.

Split entries, like your bedroom window downstairs was at like ground level.

So if you had any sort of water issues, it would come in on the wall-to-wall carpet.

And

also, I remember getting like, you know, the big punishment was go to bed.

You had to go to bed early.

So my friends would be outside playing.

And they would be looking in my window, like knocking on the window, laughing at me.

Or putting their faces up, trying to see in.

I'd be all embarrassed under the covers.

Look at Billy.

He's got his pajamas on.

He's already in bed, little fucking baby.

The level that kids curse to

swear, swore.

That's what it was.

It was called swearing when I was a kid.

He swear at me.

Yeah, that

kids with foul mouths and parents, their level of drinking.

I do remember that.

And all of those parents, when I look back, so many of them,

they were like,

by the time they were my age, they had a fucking foot in the grave.

Like, people used to drop all the time, late 50s, early 60s.

Like, that was it.

They just, I don't know, shit happened to them as a kid.

Then they started drinking and smoking, and they just didn't stop

until their heart did.

And that was the 70s, ladies and gentlemen.

And that's when I first started watching My New England Patriots.

All right, when they had Jim Plunkett, Sam Cunningham, Randy Vataha, Mike Patrick, John Smith,

John Hanna,

Tony McGee, Julius Adams.

These are the classic names.

Daryl Stingley, Russ Francis.

Who the hell was that coach?

Chuck Fairbanks.

Dude, Chuck Fairbanks is arguably the best coach in the fucking AFC.

A year later.

Dude, fuck that cocksucker.

Right up until this weekend, watching my New England Patriots.

I was worried that there was going to be a hangover game playing the Saints.

Who I, I don't know.

I kind of love that team because I love that city and that's one of my favorite stadiums.

I think it's kind of the best stadium, low-key the best stadium in the league.

The Superdome.

That's where they used to have all the Super Bowls when I was growing up, and

they redid it perfectly.

They updated it, but they still kept it.

It's the fucking sickest-looking thing ever.

I'm a big fan of the architecture.

There was that whole idea where we were sort of ignoring that there was no breathable atmosphere in outer space, and there was really this belief that we were going to go into space.

We were going to be traveling around.

We were going to be meeting other people.

We were going to be living out there.

And just the whole idea of it spawned this flying saucer-looking fucking architecture.

Like,

like you go to LAX where the original tower was.

Now it's a restaurant or some shit.

I don't know what it is.

But that's like right out of the Jetsons, the Super Dome, just shit like that.

A lot of stuff in Seattle.

A lot of the architecture in Seattle has that whole, nah, man, we're going to do it.

All of that.

They told all of us that in the 70s, we were going to live, there would be people living on the moon by the year 2000, and there was going to be underwater cities.

Like it.

I can't say Atlantis.

Atlantis was not an underwater city.

That was a city that got swallowed up by the ocean, correct?

Am I correct in assuming that?

Anyway, I'm getting off track here.

So I was worried that the Patriots were going to have like the hangover game.

And

I got to tell you, man, Mike Vrabel has this team where optimistically, me and my friends were going like, hey, man, you know, that we keep going this direction, the end of October, we're going to be that 500 team.

No one wants to play.

We just got to reel in the turnovers, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

You know, we could win, whatever, six, seven, eight games this year.

He's got them there already.

Like that game against the Saints yesterday was a game two weeks ago, we would have lost it because we would have had like two, three turnovers and like 100 yards in penalties.

You know, we still had some penalties on a couple of big plays, but

I don't know.

I always look at that like,

you know, they had a penalty.

They

called back a fucking touchdown.

It's like, well, did you ever think that maybe if we weren't fucking cheating on that play, we wouldn't have scored?

Especially if it's a run.

If there's a guy like holding and the guy goes right by the dude holding the dude, they're like, oh, he called back a fucking touchdown.

It's like, well, he got the touchdown

because the guy was holding on to him.

I don't know.

I don't pretend to understand most of the

decisions.

Once again, people, two-point conversion.

Just because it's two points doesn't mean you don't have to score another touchdown.

Okay, you understand that?

It just took you four downs.

You went for it on fourth down and you scored, you scored a touchdown.

It took you four attempts to fucking do that.

And now it's the two-point conversion and because it's only two points, you're thinking like it's something easy.

No, you have to score another touchdown to only get two points.

And then you don't get it.

And then you come down.

Now you got to go again because you could have kicked the extra point.

Two extra points is two points.

So now you got to go.

Now you start chasing it.

I don't know.

but whatever that that Kayshawn

booty booty however you say it was a

was definitely a force

and a bunch of clutches and all right sorry oh fuck the kids man the kids they'll wear you out so I watched the game Well, every few seconds my son was going, Dad, will you play with me?

And I always have to say yes.

I say yes every fucking time.

And most of what it does is it involves me watching him play

or being a little person that he has like one of his dinosaurs eat because he's obsessed with uh

jurassic park and jurassic world

because we go to sit down and go hey you're gonna want to watch jurassic park he's like it's jurassic world

and um

it's kind of interesting My daughter doesn't like to watch violent shit, but my son loves it.

Like, he's been watching Kojak with me forever

and then he'll be watching like jurassic world and he's all like look that daddy the dinosaur's gonna eat him the dinosaur is gonna eat him he loves it

um

so i i think you know the world makes a lot more sense when you have a girl and a boy

It's like, yeah, we're kind of drawn to

like he builds cities and then he just like rips them down.

I go, what do you like better?

I go, do you like building this city or destroying it?

And he goes,

destroying it.

I don't know what it is.

I think everything that's happening is supposed to be happening.

Is that what it is?

Does God get bored with what he creates?

So he just sort of has like, you know, there's that bacteria?

Oh, shit.

How long did it cut out for?

Why does it announce that there's a fucking low battery?

It announces that there's a low battery and then stops everything that you're recording.

Why does it do that?

Why does it do that?

Whatever.

You missed an episode.

I don't know where it stopped.

I was saying, does God create things

and then get bored of it?

So he has sort of this flaw in it.

So it sort of destroys itself.

And then he's like, all right, that was cool.

And then he just makes something else, you know?

Like, he made the dinosaurs.

And he's like, it's cool, man.

Look at that big fucking thing

running after the.

Oh, he ate it.

Oh, you know.

He's kind of a weird guy, no?

God.

Oh, just the animal world.

This eats this, and that eats that, and this fucking stings this.

And this doesn't, this fucking eats grass.

It just stands there, hoping it can run faster than the other things that eat grass so it doesn't get eaten.

This is what God does.

This is.

It's the animal world.

And I think he got bored with dinosaurs and he went, ah, fuck this.

I feel like God's a lefty.

Just, you know.

I don't feel like he's got the heat that a right-hander needs, like the 100-mile per hour fastball.

I think he's just throwing junk at about 85 little off-speed shit, throws a fucking meteor,

kills off of them, kills off the fucking dinosaurs.

Then what did he have?

According to religion, he made two white people that then created all the people, which doesn't make sense.

But then if you go the other way, scientists say we're all from Africa, so we should all look African, right?

But no, we all went north and our bodies,

I don't know, because we weren't in the sun.

And then you got somebody else who goes, no, we came from the trees.

It gets to the point.

It's like, you know, dude, it's okay to say you don't, you know,

that's a certain level of maturity that some people never get to.

And I think if you're a really smart person, I don't know if you ever get there.

But if you're of average intelligence, a great day in your life is the day where you could just be like, you know what?

I don't know.

Can't answer that.

You know what?

I have no fucking idea.

I have no idea the answer to that question.

And you know what?

And I'm okay with that.

And I'm not even going to pretend like I do.

My kids ask me questions sometimes.

What is it?

I'd be like, I don't know.

I have no idea.

They're like, dad.

Because they're at that age.

My daughter's coming out of it where she thinks I know everything.

Now she's really starting to look at me like for who I am.

She starts to be like, Oh, wait a minute.

Maybe I need to read a few more books if that's what's fucking leading the charge over there.

Um,

no, I kind of find uh

I don't know, there's a lot of shit.

Obviously, you don't know the answer to, and there's a lot of shit you don't want to know the answer to.

And that's why we have sports and video games and fast food.

You just have a bunch of distractions.

Because if you really saw what the fuck was going on,

you know what would happen?

You'd tell your friends about it, and then they wouldn't believe you.

So then that's it.

And then you're just standing outside of Dave and Busters, and you have to make a choice.

Do I walk away like Bill Bixby or do I go in there and just join it?

Do I just fucking join it?

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Anyway, I took my Holly in to get fucking serviced.

I can ride that son of a bitch now.

You know, I'm not going to act like I'm a master of it, but I somehow became one with that thing.

You know, and what sucked was I've had the bike for a year, year and

I kept getting gigs where they say don't ride it.

Can't ride a motorcycle, you can't fly, yada, yada, all that type of shit.

So I have an embarrassingly low amount of miles.

So in the last month,

you know, I've doubled the miles that I've put on the thing

and

just have a lot more faith in my abilities.

I've actually come up with like some like exercises and stuff.

I just ride it around the airport,

you know,

trying to do tighter and tighter circles at like slower and slower speeds, you know.

And I always do it in a place where I have plenty of room to like ride out of it, just roll on the throttle and

bring it back up again.

But

it's fun as hell.

So I brought it over to the dealership, and

I used to always get intimidated looking at all those fucking Harleys.

Now I've been riding one of those bigger ones.

So it's just like everyone that I look at, I was like, you know,

I think I could handle riding that.

I don't know.

I know.

You guys are like, Bill, what the fuck are you getting into this?

I don't know why.

You know why?

Because it clears my fucking head.

Because my brain never shuts off.

All right.

One of these days, you know what?

I'm going to just do one of those fucking hero doses.

I got to, I'm going to do that.

I'm going to do one of those creepy fucking guided mushroom trips,

you know, where you just meet somebody and you just put all this faith in them that they're a fucking good person.

You know, that is one of my favorite characters: the toxic spiritual person,

you know, the person that will berate you while they're burning incense

kind of person that beats their kids with a yoga mat.

You know, there's a fucking, there's a lot of that.

Back when I used to be on

Instagram, there was a lot of toxic spirituality.

You know, remember that kid, Rest His Soul, used to do humble brag?

I feel like if he was still alive, that would be another thing.

Like the sort of the toxic spiritual person

where you just see them

acting like they're trying to help you when you know it's just clearly about them.

Anyway, so,

oh, how about the NHL season has started?

And my Boston Bruins, who had an absolute abysmal season last year, are 3-0.

I saw some of the highlights from the Buffalo Sabres,

the Buffalo Sabres game.

I have yet to watch a game, but

Jesus Christ, did we need that coming out of the gate?

You know, Swayman, you know, contracts all right, so he didn't hold out, so I feel like he's up to game speed.

It's still just so goddamn weird

to, I'm still like in denial that Marshawn is gone.

I feel like

I just wanted him to just have signed one of those six-week contracts just to get the Panthers through the playoffs.

And then, all right, now he's coming back, right?

He's coming back.

Nope.

But I understand the business aspect of why we had to make that move.

It's because the team was in shambles, and

I think Marshawn's like 36, so he was going to ask for that last big contract, which if we had the pieces in place,

it would have made sense to pay him.

But if we have to go out and go start all over again, we're going to sink all this money into this guy to have an absolutely shitty team.

And then, you know, people people up top are thinking, then, meanwhile, we're all going to lose our jobs because we're not winning games.

So he became the sacrificial lamb and then immediately proved his worth.

You know, we just didn't have the pieces around him.

Yeah, that was a tough one.

That was the

There's been some tough ones.

Tom Brady to the Buccaneers was.

I don't know if I've still gotten over that.

Brad Marchand to the Panthers.

There you go.

You want to write in something?

How about that?

Watching, and I don't mean like...

Dude, and by the way, by the way, look at this.

Tom Brady goes to the Buccaneers.

That season they win the Super Bowl.

Brad Marchand goes to the Panthers.

That season they win the fucking Stanley Cup.

So it's not like, it wasn't like, you know,

when Emmett Smith went to the Arizona Cardinals and then he just played that one last season.

That even that sucked.

But I felt like that was more on

the player than it was on the

ownership.

I get like at the end, like I understand like the Packers when they're like, dude, we want you to retire as a Packer.

You know, and Brett Favre just keeps playing and he,

you know,

he just can't call it quits.

They have to move on at some point, so I get that.

I don't know what happened with Aaron Rodgers, but all I know is that guy still seems to have plenty left in the tank.

I think there was something going on.

He didn't like the ownership, they didn't like him.

I don't know what the fuck happened, but all I do know is

you know

it's a shame when he went to the Jets, he got hurt, you know,

like literally the third play.

The Jets are so fucking bad, like I don't even consider them in my division anymore as a fan.

You know, I can actually separate the fact

that they're in my division.

I don't take any joy in what's going on down there.

I just sit there going like, Jesus, you know, like you ever see, like,

all right, back in the the day, you go to a house party, your friend gets into a fight, you're rooting for your friend, of course.

He kicks the shit out of the person, and then he keeps kicking.

There's a point where you're like, all right, all right, all right.

And you go in and you break it up.

Enough, enough.

That's like where the Jets are.

Like, enough.

Just, you know, Jesus Christ.

And this is the thing, too.

That's the side of New York City that they never show you, that they don't want to show you.

All right.

Everything from fucking the New York Yankees.

All right.

Frank Sinatra, even the apartment on Friends, all of that shit.

I know everybody's always talked about how gigantic those.

They don't want to show.

the losers.

They want to show you Mariah Carey and her fucking

foot

duplex

laying around in evening gowns.

That's what they show you.

What they don't want to show you.

They don't want to show you queens

right outside of Shea Stadium, wherever the fuck they play.

They don't want to show you Mets fans.

They don't want to show you Jets fans.

They don't want to show you off-track betting.

They don't don't want to show you 42nd Street the way it used to be

and the way it kind of still is.

Like, I don't know if you guys know this, but like, 42nd Street is like this, it divides the bloods and crips out there.

Cops always told me this.

I never saw it.

But there's like the level of shit that's going on.

The three different worlds, there's gang activity, tourists,

and New Yorkers

all

passing by one another on on that fucking street and in that area.

But anyway, that's the New York they don't want to show you.

They don't want to show people

that lose.

That's why I liked, you know, King of Queens.

You know, he was a UPS driver.

He was a working class guy.

Archie Bunker.

I guess they've shown it.

You know, whenever they go to Queens, it's never like people are not winning in Queens.

I don't know why.

But they make it seem like that's like the,

you know, if you're the knockaround guy who can't catch a a break, you're like, you live in Queens.

And then if

you're like ridiculously rich, all the shit that they show, that's Manhattan.

And then I just feel like Brooklyn is just

the coolest place on the planet, even though my people have come in there and really fucked it up.

Really fucked it up, bad.

Like we really,

you know.

And you know what?

I blame black people for that.

You just gave it one too many shout-outs on the hip-hop albums and you made my people curious and then we went in there and we fucked it all up.

And in defense of my people, Whitey,

you know, when they gentrify it, you're not getting the cool versions of us.

You're getting the fucking

the richie, the finance guys.

Anyway, I actually, yesterday I was trying to find a good breakfast burrito, so I googled the place

and I should have known by this stupid fucking name.

And I ended up going down there,

and it was in this Latino neighborhood, but it was like this brand new place.

Like there was like a legit Mexican

grocery store across the street, and then a bodega, you know, right next to it, you know, across the street from that.

And then this place was like the brand new, like ridiculous square footage.

We have coffee, we have pastries, we make breakfast burritos.

And so I was texting Nia

because it was sort of a spur-of-the-moment thing.

And I got, and the breakfast burrito was really good.

Not going to lie to you.

But I told her,

she goes, where did you go?

I said, I tried a new place.

And it's like, it turns out I'm like at the fucking, this douchey,

you know, that

gentrification is coming place.

So, I'm not going to go there again.

Um,

I'm going to stay in my white neighborhood.

I'm going to know my place.

Um,

anyway, but I have actually been trying to uh

I got to get a good recipe.

I made a breakfast burrito the other day that I actually really enjoyed,

um,

but I still need the potatoes because at the end of the day, I am Irish, so it is going to be German Irish.

It is going to be a little, I have to white it up for my bland sensibilities.

Anyway,

so Billy's going back to the gym.

I have one more cigar, and then I'm back on another 100-day thing.

I kind of like this shit, you know?

The excitement of coming off 100 days, and my daughter gives me five.

So then it actually becomes a really special thing.

So I have one more person that I want to smoke with,

and then that's it.

I go back undercover

and I don't come back up again.

Like I won't smoke again until like probably, I don't know,

January, February.

But this last time I went like

250, I went from January all the way to the end of

September.

So I kind of fake like with my addictive personality, like this is how I have to do it.

Because I really wish I could be that person that just sort of occasionally, occasionally.

I think I'm just going to have, like, coffee's going to be my own addiction.

My only addiction, I should say.

Other than that, like,

I have nothing.

And that's a good thing.

Because going back, like I said, at the age I'm at, you know.

People fucking drop.

So I'm an old dad or whatever.

It's getting too fucking dark.

But I do have to take that into consideration.

All right.

Well, that's the podcast, everybody.

I'm going to go spend some time with my lovely wife.

And thank you for listening.

Go, Pats.

Here we go, Bruins.

Here we go.

What else?

Celtics are coming up.

I watched a little bit of their preseason.

I didn't realize it was preseason.

I was like, Jesus Christ.

I know Tatum's hurt, but where the fuck is the rest of that?

I didn't realize they were still in like the preseason.

But I'm very thankful to have a bunch of time off here.

As far as my nights are off, and

my stand-up act is in shambles because I haven't been doing a lot of stand-up.

I've been staying home with the kids, you know, trying to make up for all that time I was away doing the play.

That's what I got going on.

All right, that's it, everybody.

Go fuck yourselves, and I'll check in on you on Thursday.