Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-3-24

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in, checking in on you. How's it going, everybody? I'm on my way up to Tacoma, Washington, tomorrow morning.
one more day here with the family back east play with the kiddos and everything fly up there early tomorrow I got a show at the Tacoma fucking casino and resort facial Botox center whatever the hell it's called I'm gonna my first cup of coffee. I just went out to get coffee half an hour ago.
Or maybe I won't. Or maybe I won't.
I kind of got it out of my system. It's been a great thing.
I don't know about coffee. Coffee is fucking, hey, it's fucking delicious.
but i'm really starting to wonder like uh you know i don't know it fucking dries you out makes your shit come out like lava rocks unless you're fucking drinking a gallon water every day it tricks you into feeling like you're not tired which fucks up your brain which leads to like al like Alzheimer's and fucking dementia. But then there's all these other studies that say, you know, a cup of coffee a day, the caffeine, it's good for you.
I mean, what do you believe? Somebody sent me this video, this absolute jerk off on Instagram, and he was talking about how to not deal with the, what do you call it the the in the afternoon the crash from drinking coffee so he's giving you all these tips and i swear to god he's doing the video he's standing there he's wearing hospital scrubs with the thing on his head like he's about to go into surgery it's like did you go down to the costume store? Did you go down to casting and they fucking, are they rebooting ER? This was the only time you could make this fucking video. We need you to have credibility.
I want a guy to teach me how to build a deck and he's dressed like the construction worker in the fucking village people.'s got a hard hat on and his fucking work boots so i know yeah this guy you know he knows stuff about fucking decks anyway i've been drinking green tea with jasmine um and it's been it's been fucking working for me.

And I'm thinking about getting a cup of coffee.

I think I'm going to do it on the,

because I'm going to the Michigan Wolverine Washington Huskies game,

which I think is going to be a great game.

You know, Michigan has a good record,

but they look really limited.

They don't have really any passing or anything.

It's sort of run the ball down your throat but that's always been big 10 football um and i'm not sure about the huskies i don't even know what the hell their record is i know their coach went to alabama and they lost a bunch of players too so it should be great but um you know uh i shot my special up there in june and i had an extra day at the more theater theater which was just fucking phenomenal so we rented a boat and we went around you know down where all those bill gates guys live and everything but we went by we went right by the husky stadium and i was like oh my god is that's where the huskies play they play right on on the water. And I was like, fuck this.
We got to go to a game. And we looked up the schedule.
So they were playing Michigan. We're like, all right, that is the game.
So we are making it happen. And old Billy Freckles, old Billy Freckles taped in fucking June.
I already have a new hour. I got a new hour.
Uh, it's all over the map. You know, I'm swinging for the fences here but uh i went out i did some spots this week and um i don't know what it is this is like the easiest hour i've ever had to write it's just fucking pouring out of me thank god and um i don't know i think it's because i'm happy i'm really happy in life or whatever and uh and i'm fucking chill so it's just like flowing out of me as opposed to being uh it's kind of funny because you know for young comics listen to this they have that whole thing i remember when i was coming up i don't know what they tell you guys the younger comics but when i was coming up i remember there was a stupid thing where they always say you know don't get too happy you get happy you're gonna lose your funny and it's like that that's not the case you're just gonna have a different perspective on how you look at the world you're still gonna be funny it's stupid it's a it's a talent it's a gift that you have you don't lose it i guess if you stop working on it you would but i mean if you can sing you can sing, you can sing.
It doesn't make a difference if you're happy or sad, right? Why would being funny be anything different, you know? I don't know. I'm just excited that this election is almost over.
And I have not watched one fucking second of it, other than for a moment, my wife had on the dnc fucking whatever the hell that was swingers party and uh i mean i don't you know i don't even know what i was watching it was just it is just so fucking bizarre to watch politicians on both sides come out smiling like we're not completely bankrupt like we're not stuck in these never-ending wars like our food supply is not turned into poison like there aren't five fucking tech nerds from from fucking silicone valley that are going to eventually own everything and they're coming out there ear to ear grin like everything is okay. I don't know.
It's fucking bizarre. But anyways, let's talk about shit that matters like sports.
Rest in peace to Kembe Mutombo. Great center for the Atlanta Hawks.
He had that great thing where he wagged his finger at Jordan. And then Jordan came back down and dunked on him and fucking wagged his finger back.
That was fucking, that's back when men played the goddamn game. He could stand in the paint and fucking elbow people.
You know, I saw this thing on Moses Malone, this highlight reel. One of my favorite big men of all time

because he could handle the ball like a point guard. Go behind his back, you know, what was allowed a crossover back then.
It was called a carry, so you couldn't do all that and one shit. And then he would just drive the lane like a number two.
And he would go fucking up up and under pull his legs up and reverse lay up on like a 710 and a six foot 10 inch guy all the time or he would just come in and dunk on him and I was watching this video and there was all these great NBA players talking about him and one of them said you know he wasn't the wasn't the most skilled player. It's like, what the fuck are you? Look at that.
That's all I'm seeing is skill. And he could pass.
He's the reason why the 76ers finally got over the top in 83. Moses, bring us to the promised land.
I actually saw him one time. I was going into a cheesecake factory when I was on the road before I realized it was a horrific restaurant.
I went into the cheesecake factory, and he was in Houston, and he was sitting there in a booth. I couldn't believe it was like his family or something.
I was just in absolute awe. I was like, that is Moses fucking Malone.
And also, rest in peace, rest in peace, Pete Rose. I got to tell you, man, that's the one this week.
John Amos, all of these people, John Amos, the last cast member, I believe, from the Mary Tyler Moore to pass on. He had a reoccurring role he used to be in the back but behind mary and in murray gavin mcleod and mary tyler moore before he did uh good times and did all of those films um but pete rose dying even though he's like 83 or 84, what just fucking floored me is I'm old enough to remember him playing on the Reds the first time.
I remember him going to the Phillies with Steve Carlton and them winning in 1980 and Manny Trio and that great team, going back to the Reds, which was awesome because he just looked right in that uniform. I remember brief one, him playing on the Expos for a second, breaking the Ty Cobb record and all of that.
And then the whole gambling thing. And, uh, I'll be honest with you.
I really thought in his lifetime, MLB and Pete were going to bury the hatchet. And I thought, you know, that eventually they were going to let him in during his lifetime.
And I just can't believe that that never happened. And now, like, what do they do? they kind of have to just like stay with that i almost feel like everybody from this era has to die and then people like you know when i'm gone they'll fucking there'll be something where they finally let them in i can't imagine what legalized gambling, will have done to the leagues by then.
So it'll really be like silly. But people do bring up that point.
Like it's kind of fucking ridiculous that MLB is in bed with all of these gambling sites and they won't let Pete Rose in the hall. That's not a fair comparison because Pete Rose was a player and they didn't want you to gamble because you lose when you gamble and then you owe people favors and then you start fixing games that's i'm not saying pete did that but that was the fear that's different than owners taking a cut of uh you know the proceeds and all of that.
They're taking it off the crowd. And there's really no reason to fix the games because the odds are so in the favor of the casino, they're going to get their taste.
It's really, if you're the actual person gambling, you're going to lose. And then you're in this position of power being a player that you could do something to affect the outcome of the game and get out of debt.
There are two things, but there's definitely hypocrisy in it because, and then it was also like back when Pete was doing it, gambling was illegal. So you were in communication with unsavory people you weren't basically in with the mob now gambling is legal so you are in business with a legal entity that is now paying taxes or whatever i mean they're just as fucking corrupt there's never been any difference between uh that was a great joke on the penguin what's the difference between the mob and the government one of them is organized right silly joke or whatever but like there's really no difference so but anyway it really made me sad that um they could never come around but i understand baseball because pete was his own worst enemy.
He used to always just, you know, just say the wrong thing. He just always said the wrong thing.
Like when he finally admitted to betting on baseball after denying it for all those years, he goes, all right, I bet on baseball, now let me in the hall. It's like, he needed like a lawyer to speak for him to say pete is

sorry and did that but what's funny is is what made him such a great player and a manager and a competitor is kind of what inhibited him from like a sincere apology i think or as an accepting one but like

um

I get

why they weren't putting him in

but they should have they should have by the end they could have easily just been like look he's been banned since 1989 he's sitting in casinos signing autographs to make money you know he wasn't even allowed in a baseball stadium for i don't know decades you know he was effectively punished and nobody else since him has gotten in trouble for it so i think that they made their point they could have let the guy in you know what i mean they it's because as much as what he did was the biggest fuck up ever with the gambling, you know what I mean? He was also one of the, he was so great for fucking baseball. The guy was so fucking exciting and he was just so fucking amped up every game.
Remember when he would, you know, get a guy out at first base and then he would come running in and he would be like dribbling the baseball off the AstroTurf. Just a fucking, just on 11, every single game, dog day, a summer or whatever.
But whatever, what a shame that he didn't get in during his lifetime. But rest in peace to the hit king, the greatest hitter of all time.
No one has more than him. So I mean, you got to give that up to him.
And I love baseball and everything like that. As much as the home run hitters are great, like the guys that hit for average when I was coming up, you know i love baseball and everything like that as much as the home run hitters are great like the guys that hit for average when i was coming up you know rod carew george brett uh paul molitor had wade boggs um tony gwynn i mean just like masters masters and there's there's some great great shit on Instagram now too where there's this retired pitcher.
I forget the guy's name. And he just talks about each at bat and what pitch he just threw and what he's throwing next and what he's setting the guy up for.
And I saw this great clip clip I mentioned it on Monday where this guy in the

booth I think for the Tigers was saying like he's probably going to come back with that slider and

I think this hitter has a bead on it and like the guy comes back with the slider and the guy in

Detroit hits it for a home run and it's just like you know as a fan you're just watching the guy

throwing and the catcher catching it and the hitter falling it off or getting hit they had no idea like

Thank you. It's like, you know, as a fan, you're just watching the guy throwing and the catcher catching it and the hitter falling it off or getting hit.
They had no idea like the rock, paper, scissors that's going on with like a hundred mile an hour object. It's fucking unbelievable.
So anyway, the fact that he was able to perform at the level that he did in three different decades is incredible. So, you know, rest in peace to him.
And speaking of which, I've been watching the baseball playoffs. Playoffs? I keep, you know, I caught the end of the Royals shockingly closing out the Orioles.
You'd think that would at least go three games. I mean, anything can happen in a three-game series.
But the one that I've been watching has been the Mets and Brewers. And the Padres game has been coming on at the same time, which is so great that they're in the playoffs.
They have a great fan base. And they have one of the low-key, most killer ballparks in the league.
But I've been watching Mets Brewers, and that kid, Jackson Churio, 20 years old, hit two home runs like it was nothing, opposite field. And he's not like a huge guy either.
I'm sure he's like solid as a rock, but like you just don't see him having that kind of power. And that second one was like, I think off the front of the second deck opposite field and Garrett Mitchell with the go-ahead.
And it was looking like the Mets were going to close out the Brewers in two games. So I don't know.
Oh, Billy the tea drinker is all excited about fucking October baseball here and can't pick an NFL game to save his life. You'll see that on the Anything Better.
I just keep getting my fucking ass. This is the hardest year ever ever to bet like you cannot figure out one team from one week to the next you know who were the fucking commanders last weekend and how did the cardinals all of a sudden get good and then the bills kick the shit out of somebody and then get destroyed by the ravens um and now the ravens are playing the Bengals and they're only favored by like two and a half.
Why is that? Bengals have been having a shit fucking year. I'm telling you, I should have taken the Bengals because it makes no sense that they're going to fucking win.
And that's kind of how like this year has been going. So anyways, what the fuck is with this stupid thing?

It's like my fucking wife's car.

I drove that thing last night.

I fucking hate new cars.

The whole inside is like lit up with like this blue shit.

I felt like I was driving a goddamn aquarium down the street.

And you go to park it, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

The whole fucking time.

Thank you. and you go to park it, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

The whole fucking time.

How do I shut this thing off?

You hold down the power button, right?

What was there, a new update and now there's a new way to shut it off?

Do I got to hold two buttons down?

Is this how it works? Does that take a picture all right shutting it off um all right there we go is it done it is done um all right so i'm getting geared up for halloween my son wants to go is angus young and uh so what we're doing is uh we're literally buying like a little school uniform like legit and a tie and all of that type of stuff it's gonna be fucking amazing and but this is the funny thing about him is like when he goes when I put on like uh like yesterday he comes in he goes dad can you put on jail breaks he calls it jail breaks in, he goes, Dad, can you put on jail breaks?

He calls it jail breaks.

And at first he was saying, can you put on jail break?

Because that's how they sing, you know, going to make a jail break.

So he's so adorable.

So he's like, Dad, don't put it on yet.

Don't put it on yet.

And he goes in the other room, and i bought this little electric travel guitar for him he he gets his his backpack from school because early on when when angus would be on tv he even wore the backpack um for the whole school boy uniform he puts on his backpack then he puts on the guitar he has to plug the cord into the guitar, which is plugged into nothing. And then he puts a hat on.
And like the level that he pays attention to the videos, like when the hat comes off, when Angus brings the guitar up, he can do the Chuck Berry duck walk now. So I don't know i i really think he's gonna stick with uh guitar and drums because this morning i went into his room and i heard him he has this little toy ukulele and he was just in there like he had his back to the door and i came walking in he was just like strumming the thing and like pretending he was like playing guitar and everything.
It's like really amazing. I don't know.
To have your son be like that into the exact same band that you were into is pretty wild. So anyway, speaking of which, I'm going up to, I got to leave here.
I'm going up to fucking Washington. As I said, going up to Tacoma.
And I don't know. What do you guys think about this Michigan Huskies game? I thought, you know, once they lost to Texas, got destroyed, I thought USC was going to beat them.
And I was like, oh, man, this is going to be a bad game. I'm going to go up there and watch Washington and kick the shit out of them.
And I feel like they got a shot. So we shall see.
Here's something that I would like to fucking bring to the United States of America. Now that I'm on tea and I'm not drinking coffee anymore, this should be like a half hour, 45 minute nap the uh in the afternoon now you know these corporate heartless reptilian cunts would never allow that but if you could somehow convince them that in the long run it was going to increase productivity after the nap for the rest of the day rather than everybody just walking around because they ate shitty american food they're fucking whatever glucose your salt your sugar whatever something's through the roof and you're inevitably gonna crash and then you gotta drink a cup of coffee to trick your body into thinking you're not fucking tired and it's like basically driving

a car around with low oil and eventually you're gonna fucking burn out the engine like

i don't know i think i'm gonna start doing like i've been writing this script with a buddy of

mine and uh i'm gonna fucking suggest to him i'm just say every day at two o'clock can we just

fucking you know you can keep writing i'm gonna go in the other room i'm starting to fucking suggest to him, I'm just saying, every day at 2 o'clock, can we just fucking, you know, you can keep writing. I'm going to go in the other room, starting to yawn now, just think of it, and just fucking taking a half hour nap.
Like they do in other parts of the world that have like real food. You know, I'm not saying they don't have their fucking problems.
So you know what I mean? How great would that be?

I mean, could you run for president on that platform?

And if elected,

all companies would be required.

That would get you assassinated.

You'd get fucking whacked.

All companies would be required

to let their employees

take a 45-minute lunch,

I mean, 45-minute nap

every day at 2 p.m.

But then that would introduce, like, where would they sleep?

And what if you hired a pervert who's, like, pretending he's sleeping,

but he's really sipping coffee so he can stay awake during nap time

and do God knows what to everybody zonked out?

I don't know it could be amazing that's something i want to look up countries that allow naps wouldn't that be funny if that was like the fucking reason you moved like you don't give a shit what government they have they could have the harshest dictator ever and you're just It wait you're telling me every every day at 2 p.m though i listen i know he's out there torturing people to death and we're all starving and he fed his uncle naked to some dogs um but i get a nap every every day at 2 p.m that's fucking amazing i don't i think can do this. What kind of food you got over here? Is it actual food? If I can get actual food and a nap in the afternoon, wouldn't that be fucking amazing? Do you know how fucking stunned for those of you not in my country, how stunned me and my fellow Americans would be if they actually did something for the general population that was positive, other than just trying to figure out another way to wring another fucking dollar out of your wallet.
They did something for the environment. They did something for the food supply, and they let you take a nap, you know? And they just dialed it back like 15% on this whole fucking, what do they call it, grind culture.
Jesus Christ, how low is that guy flying? You ever have a helicopter fly over your house and at first it's like, oh, that's cool. Then you start going like, is that guy going to hit my house? Is he dive bombing down there? Anyway, oh, I went on a fucking, went on a great flight the other day.
I flew to this uncontrolled airport that I'd kind of been avoiding because it's always like really busy over there. They always feel like there's like four or five people in the pattern.
And, you know, it's always like, you know, people flying those Cessnas and I'm flying a helicopter. So they go faster and they fly at a higher altitude and a lot of times they can't see what's beneath them and I just I just really don't like that shit so I was just like all right I'm never going to that airport and it's the other day I was like you know what fuck this I'm going to that airport I'm gonna give this a shot did I talk about this was this Monday or Sunday when the fuck did I do this I hope I didn't already talk about this yeah so I went to this airport cable I did talk about this all right well there you go I'm still fucking proud of myself that I was able to figure it out it was funny you know facing your fears I go over there and there's nobody in the pattern and there was just one guy you know in the run-up area waiting to get uh the runway and uh i was able to just go there's like a little rock quarry there and this other helicopter pilot goes just fly over that then cut across midfield do a 270 and land right at the uh the helipads that are right at the uh the beginning of 2-4.

I did it.

It was great.

It was fucking amazing.

But I will tell you this.

It was fucking hot as balls.

And we're going to have another heat wave out here.

People, it's October.

It's October and we're still having heat waves out here.

This fucking global warming shit is terrifying.

Like how much longer, you know? When the fuck are they gonna do something i have this okay here's my what my theory is you know the scientists talk about how there's like a zillion other earths out in the solar system that have the exact same ecosystem that we have um there's a part of me that thinks

that the people that run shit

have the technology to leave this one

and go to the next one.

And what they do is they just go around

ruining these earths

and then they just go on the next one

and they just leave us all down here

to fry up in the sun

or kill each other off or whatever, wait for the oceans to rise up isn't that a happy thought that's the thought of a coffee drinker bill i thought you were drinking fucking green tea with jasmine um anyway i'm really excited to go up to uh tacoma and do this new hour and then my next shows are going to be in Paris, France. And then I have this killer run of dates going up the 99 freeway out here in California.
Basically playing a bunch of old Fox theaters that are going to have incredible history. Everywhere from like, well, first of all, I'm doing the Libby Amph amphitheater whatever in ojai that's where i start and then i go to bakersfield fresno stockton there's one other town in there that begins with a v i can't remember what but um i should have my hour down after that week so uh i will be ready to go i did the goddamn work

i'll have my new hour ready i'm getting off book for glengarry glenn ross you know i don't know what the fuck else can i be and i'm not watching any of this election coverage so i still feel pretty uh good about myself oh god these two choices you got to listen to this fucking idiot donald trump for four years or i have to listen to somebody that talks through their nose or you know what you know something here's one it doesn't matter because i'm not going to pay attention to any of it anyway. Because it doesn't matter.

Because the corporations and the banks run the fucking shit anyways.

There you go.

So you just hang out.

You watch October baseball and you fucking play with your kids.

Is that the solution?

I don't know.

Or you're like that Tesla guy.

Not Tesla guy.

The Twitter guy.

He's building a rocket.

He's trying to get the fuck out of here.

Um, you know what?

I don't think he has status cause he's new money.

He's new money to the Illuminati people and he's showing up, you know, and he's trying to look like he's a blue blood.

He's trying to look like he has the good genes.

So he gets the hair plugs.

He gets the Botox.

He laminates his face and everything and trying to trick these fucking lizard people into

the He's trying to look like he has the good genes. So he gets the hair plugs.
He gets the Botox. He laminates his face and everything.
And trying to trick these fucking lizard people into the fact that he's figured out how not to age. And they're still like, yeah, buddy, you're not getting on the ship.
So he's like, all right, I'll fucking build my own. And he's acting like he's doing it so he can give us rides.
First of all, dude, you got to be out of your fucking mind to get on one of those fucking Twitter rockets.

Twitter rocket.

Social media fucking rocket.

You know?

That's like, you know what?

The first thing I thought of when I saw him making that rocket

was that fucking man, not man-made,

the fucking do-it-yourself submarine that was going down to the Titanic. Oh my God.
If he had to choose between the two, fucking burning up on re-entry or imploding, you got to go with imploding, right? Super fast. Although I would feel like if you burned up on re-entry, that's got to be a quick one too.
I think that's just, and then done. I didn't know.
I had an impression of burning up in re-entry. That's my impression of it.

If you guys can top it, let me know.

And then I feel like imploding in a do-it-yourself submarine,

I think you're just talking to people.

So how long is it going to... And then it's just it.

How long do you think it's going to take to get...

I just do a bit about that and then you're fucking dead and you're in you're fucking sitting across the desk from god and he has like his back to you because he wasn't expecting you for like another fucking 30 years and then you're like and he turns around what the fuck are you doing? I died.

You died doing what? I was, this guy built a submarine. And we went down to look at the Titanic.
You know, God, God has to deal with fucking people dying every second. So he probably doesn't even remember.
Titanic. Titanic.
Why does that ring a bell?

Oh, you mean that fucking ship?

They were talking shit to me?

Not even God could sink it, so I

flicked a couple of ice cubes out of my drink?

I remember that.

What do you mean you were going down

to look at it? For what?

Fucking morbid son of a bitch.

Well, now you can look at all the dead people you want.

Welcome.

Welcome.

Here we are.

Anyway, I'm babbling here.

I got to get on with my life here.

And so do you guys.

All right, that's the podcast.

Have a great weekend, you cunts.

Go Blue. oh shit wait a minute today was supposed to be the fucking first day of the pink football and

i didn't see any of that shit out there did they abandon it did i dream that it went away ah that's they probably walked away too many people were getting wise they made their money the old filthy stinking nfl snuck away with all their pink money to raise awareness uh yeah you know we'll fuck you know we made our fucking money off of it well uh well well maybe there's i don't know i should i thought it was in october isn't that when uh the pink lady takes in all that money because everybody's suffering fucking asshole to buy yourself a pink yacht isn't that how it works you know and then everybody walks around with a little fucking pink uh pocket square or some shit let's take a moment of silence to uh listen to all the money that is not going towards the disease we all think we're trying to fight right now jets pass over fucking somebody eats some fucking cotton candy. And on to the games.

All right.

I'm not going to be like this, okay?

It's Sunday when I'm recording this.

I just got back from a fun weekend.

I did two nights in Madison, Wisconsin.

And then I did a gig in Omaha, Nebraska.

Went to the Cornhuskers game versus Illinois, which is a great time.

Legendary, legendary football stadium. Can't believe I finally got there back in the day.
I used to do, I'm going to actually talk to my agent because I used to do so many fucking college gigs back in the day when I was coming up and then somewhere along the line, you know, you get a following and then you just go to the city and you either go to the club or if you're lucky, you go to a theater or some shit. And somewhere along the line, I just kind of, I got out of doing, I want to get back to doing that shit.
But all I remember was I did a zillion fucking colleges in Nebraska and Kansas. I was forever flying into fucking Kansas City and driving out to Hayes.
Is Hayes, Nebraska? Is it Hayes, Canada? I can't even remember. Dodge City.
Grand Junction. I can't even remember the names of them.
It was so fucking long ago. I just remember when you got on the 80 in Nebraska.
Jesus Christ, Cleo, you're going to scratch the whole podcast, buddy? Huh? Come here. Let me help you with that.
It's under your collar. I got you.
I got you. I got you.
There it is. There it is.
Oh, look at that face. You know when they stick their face out a little further? Oh, that's the spot.
There it is. Good? All right.
Great. Okay.
Anyways. Jesus.
Go on, go lay down. Go lay down, buddy.
Go on, go on. So you go across the 80.
You get about halfway across the state, and there was this weird, like a fucking footbridge would just go across this highway. And major highway.
I mean, you can basically take that thing all the way out to San Francisco if if you go west and i think it uh i don't know where the hell that one dies i drove the 70 the whole way that one dies somewhere i drove it from like picked it up in like utah off of the 15 drove the 70 all the way into like fucking pennsylvania like a madman i'll tell you that i drove cross country in like three and a half days by myself with all my shit in my car,

my big square fucking TV,

you know, parking next to,

you know, in parking lots,

sleeping.

I wouldn't even get a fucking hotel room.

I got a hotel room one night,

but then I had to like pick the fucking TV up and take it in.

It was just a pain in the ass.

So I was just like, ah, fuck it.

The next night I slept in the car. Anyways, I drove like a fucking lunatic, like 70, 80 miles an hour the whole way there.
And didn't get pulled over until I got to the George Washington Bridge. And that's when I got pulled over and the cop came up the window and go, you know, it's funny.
I drove here all the way from Los Angeles. The guy goes, shut the fuck up.
Give me a, he didn't, he didn't, he didn't give a

shit about how, how I thought it was a funny little moment that, you know, I just drove fucking

2,500 miles and I didn't have a problem. And I got down to the last three miles of my trip.

And then I'm getting a ticket and this, this man did not give a shit and he gave me a ticket. So

anyways, I'd done a bunch of college gigs out there. So throughout the years, that's how I

went to all the baseball stadiums, football and all that shit when I was on the road.

And every fucking time I would be anywhere near Nebraska.

If they had a game, it was always at night.

Or if they had a game, they were on the road and I was never able to go.

So fortunately, I finally got to go.

And it was pretty cool.

I actually met Larry the Cable guy there. I'd never met i'd never met him seen him you know blow up throughout the years and uh got to hang out with him and he's like the fucking president out there so like they had like that all their heisman trophy winners were there that day so mike rozier came in and actually got a picture with him and larry the cable guy photobombed it in the background, I was there with Nate Craig, we had a great fucking time, so thanks to Larry for letting us in, to his fucking, what do you call it, the living room, the suite there, it was just great, but anyways, the stadium was amazing, those people are fucking loud too, that wasn't like the most riveting game either, like the first half.
Of course, the part that I saw before I had to drive back up to Omaha kind of sucked. And also, it really sucked because I bet Nebraska and they were given 20 and a half points.
And halfway through the second quarter, I'm just thinking, why the fuck would I give 20 and a half points to Lovie Smith? This guy fucking coached in the NFL. Sorry, I'm yawning here.
Guy coached in the NFL for like I don't know how many goddamn years. Now he's at the college level.
I'm going to give this guy 20 and a half fucking points. And Larry kept going, ah, don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it. We scored more points in the fourth quarter than anybody else, and they actually came back and they made it close, but by then I was long gone, and we drove up and had a great show in Omaha, which I've never done a gig there.
I've landed at that fucking airport a zillion times, but I have never did like an adult show. There was always like a college show so um that was it was just a great

fucking weekend but i come home today i came home really early because i wanted to come home watch the patriots see if we could go 4-0 and i knew this was going to be a tough game toughest game because rex ryan really gets up for the fucking patriots and bill belichick and all that and uh We got a butts kicked.

Basically, we lost on all levels.

Offensive line.

Couldn't protect whoever the fuck's our quarterback. NC State guy there.
Got our asses kicked on special teams. And, you know, when you keep going three and out, your defense is going to get tired.
But I got to tell you something. After all of that bullshit to only lose 16 to nothing i was pretty happy with that and now fucking what's his face tom brady's back so it's over it's fucking over the whole fucking thing is behind us now you know i was worried what if we go oh and four you know one and three would suck two suck.
2-2 would be great. 3-1 would be ridiculous

and 4-0 is like

fucking impossible.

We went 3-1.

And then meanwhile,

the crybaby Colts,

oh, your balls

were too squishy.

That's why we lost

my game.

Right?

Those fucking cunts

went 1-3.

Those fucking cunts

flew to the other side

of the world

to get their asses whipped by the fucking Jacksonville Jaguars. You know what? And in the end of all of this bullshit, the Patriots are three in one.
The Colts are one in three. The football gods have spoken.
Fucking horse shit. Dumbest fucking most pathetic ass fucking every day.
Every fucking drives me nuts. I keep saying I'm going to stop talking.

I keep going up and I just I keep looking up the Colts and all the fucking shit that they did and just nothing.

They get nothing.

Suck for luck.

Remember that?

Let's tank a whole fucking football season.

Ben Andrew Luck wishes they didn't do that, huh?

Anyway, so it's all back to normal and you guys can all fucking relax because I'm never going to talk about this again.

I'm going to go talk about this again. I'm never going to trash Jim or Jim or say again, I make a promise.
I'll promise you guys that I will go at least. I'd say 30 minutes into the next podcast before I trash him now.
I don't know. Whatever the next fucking things he does, I'll fucking trash him again.
But I'm just psyched.

Tom Brady's coming back. Coming back against

Cleveland, which is a decent team.

It's where fucking

Belichick used to coach.

And

they let

him go. They fired Bill Belichick.

Who knew? Who knew? him go they fired bill belichick uh who knew who knew um did anybody watch that clemson fucking louisville game man that was i i was on stage when i was in omaha so i missed the first half but i i came back about midway through the third quarter what a fucking unbelievable game um i also missed tennessee tennessee had like if't for the Clemson-Louisville game, basically had the game a week, two weeks in a row. I think they're undefeated at 4-0 or 5-0.
2-0 in the SEC. Just a bunch of great games.
And I got to talk to people like my people, all right? People in Massachusetts, people in New York, places where I've lived. Those are pro football city cities.
I'm telling you, you're fucking missing out. I feel bad for you if you're not into college football.
I understand if you're married, you got kids. And at some point you got to take them out for a fucking ice cream.
I get that. But you're fucking missing out.
I would just say, just pick a fucking team.

You know?

I was never like a BC Eagles fan.

I liked Boston University,

and their football team doesn't exist anymore for whatever fucking reason.

I don't know what happened.

I used to go to those games when I was a kid

at Nickerson Field there,

where I also went and I saw a USFL game. I saw the Boston Breakers versus the Washington Federals.
We won, of course. The place was packed, too.
I don't know. So just pick a fucking team.
Just pick a team to follow. Don't be a douche and pick Alabama.
But you got to pick somebody competitive or you're not going to get into it so I picked LSU and I'm going to see LSU uh next week when they play Florida and uh I don't know it's going to be a weird I hope that game doesn't suck I didn't see how LSU did this week but I know that they fired less in their fucking offensive coordinator so it's kind of crazy to do that in the middle of a fucking season I've never never really seen that before. But anyways, I made an ass of myself, as always, when I landed in Nebraska because we had to get up at 7 in the morning because I thought the fucking game was at 1230.
I don't know if when I was out here, when I bought the tickets, if it just said it was just doing like Pacific Coast time because we were two hours behind hours behind him i don't know why you would do that so i thought the game was at 12 30 so i got like 7 a.m flights out of fucking uh madison wisconsin connecting chicago o'hare which is always a nightmare you know that fucking airport's like nine miles long right um so we fucking, we connect there and then we land.

And when I got off, I was so fucking tired.

And I'd gone out the night before like a fucking asshole.

And when I landed, I saw this kid when I was going to the rental car place.

He had this Kansas Jayhawks shirt on.

And I've always loved Kansas.

I don't know why. One year I just started watching them um i just liked them you know and uh so i've always wanted to go to the field house and everything so i saw it i was like half asleep and i was just like oh shit jayhawks fan he goes yeah i go they play in lincoln or omaha like i wasn't even thinking like and the case, like they play in Lawrence, Kansas.

And I just walked away and I was so fucking tired.

It didn't even hit me till Nate started laughing at me.

I was like, oh, my God, he's going to think I'm a fucking idiot.

He was like, hey, listen to the podcast and everything.

I was just like, oh, yeah, Kansas.

Do they play in Nebraska?

That's basically what I said to him. And he just sort of looked at me like, no.
He probably walked away like, wow, that really isn't an act. He really is that fucking stupid.
So anyways, I want to read this thing to you. This is one of my favorite things that I've seen in a while.
The Ryder Cup in golf. All I'm sorry that this is all fucking sports you know I can talk Trump for a second if you want to what is this horse shit that they get the guy's fucking tax information somebody sent that in all right I love everybody go oh somebody somebody that works from sends it in now why aren't they being prosecuted for something like you just can't take somebody's fucking tax refund and send it in and then the fucking they all they got is like they got like one year of his shit or something like that and they just looked at it and he claimed a fucking 900 something million dollar loss when his casino went out of business or something like that and then they go, and he legally found these loopholes.
Keyword there is legal. So I don't understand.
I fucking can't stand the guy. And I'll tell you, I'm not voting for that fucking guy.
I'm not voting for fucking Hillary either. And fuck all you cunts who go, well, if you don't vote for Hillary, that's like voting for Trump.
Go fuck yourself. It isn't.
I'm going to try to find somebody. You know, that's, I don't know, remotely fucking honest.
To try to encourage more honest people to run for this fucking office. I just don't understand all the pussies out there that just cave and go, these are our two choices.
I'll just fucking pick one of these. And in you know like they like they keep writing i guess this is guy gary johnson people are freaking out about like he's the next fucking great white hope you know he's gonna somehow stop the bankers right or some shit and uh so they keep writing these fucking articles because they're they're worried that they just make the assumption that if you would if you didn't vote for gary johnson that you would vote for um what's her face oh crooked fucking uh kathy there hillary clinton i hate when they do that like they don't understand what people are doing when they vote for a a a third option you know what I mean? You're saying fuck these two people and fuck both those political parties.
They just always assume that when you go to that third party that you're really a Democrat. Like there's no Republican out there sitting there going, there's no fucking way I can vote for Trump or Hillary.
You know what I mean? I don't know. Anyways, let's let's.
But the guy fuck like somebody swipes his fucking tax return. That can't be fucking legal.
I don't think this guy has it laying around. Somebody it's from 1995.
Somebody obviously snooping for the fucking thing. Like basically there was a legitimate crime committed.
The New York Times looks at his fucking tax refund. All they can say is that he legally found loopholes.
So great. So then he didn't cheat on his taxes.
I don't know. Like the fucking Clintons pay taxes.
What the fuck are they doing? Throw their daughter a three million dollar fucking wedding? The best and the most money Bill Clinton ever made was 400 grand a year fucking his president until he started giving all those speeches to the cunts that funded him. They washed all their bribe money.
They're all filthy. Oh, I'm the angry voter.
I'm going to write in my dog. Now that's throwing your fucking vote away.
Like everybody in Washington goes, wow.

This guy was so fed up, he wrote his dog's name in.

Guys, I think we all need to stop and figure out what we're doing.

Cleo, why are you so itchy?

Cleo, did you get into something?

This dog, we got this great backyard as we're waiting for the fucking kitchen to get done. Did I tell you guys what happened? Did I tell you when they went to the floor, what the fuck they found? That's now going to make it go an extra two fucking weeks.
Um, and we don't have this place as long as that. So I think I'm going to be staying in a fucking hotel.
It's just, I don't know why we did it. I don't know why we did it.
I mean, I was kind of all for, hey, why don't we just stay in the house until it catches on fire?

And when the cloth wiring flashes or whatever the fuck it does and just burns the whole thing down, we just walk away from this.

Wouldn't that be great?

Do you ever think of how fucking great having everything you own just burned to the fucking ground?

As long as you got some money in the bank.

Obviously, if you don't have your money in the bank, that would be fucking.

But if you just get, you know, you're working. You can just walk away from all of it, right? No more trips to goodwill, right? No more nothing sentimental that you just can't get rid of anymore.
It's just all. You got the fucking shirt on your back.
You're like fucking Johnny Appleseed. You know? I got to tell you, the longer I live, the more urge I have.
Like, I was out in Nebraska and I was fucking in, like, Wisconsin and I was envious. I was like, look at all this fucking space these people have.
Look at those trees. Look at that.
They have water. Shit doesn't just catch on fire out here.
Sure, they got them tornadoes out there. You know? But i went down this road when i was in wisconsin i swear to god yeah it's like one of those roads that they shoot a car commercial on and i was just out there like in nebraska going this right here this is where you could actually you could you could have a fast car you could ride a fucking motorcycle and not worry that someone's gonna fucking kill you every three seconds you could actually get your car you know up to 80 90 miles an hour out here la you got to try to do it at three in the morning and you get on the fucking highway and that's the only time those poor bastards can try to fix the fucking thing so then they have it all go down to one lane and you're sitting in traffic again at three in the morning um so it's beautiful i fucking love wisconsin man i'm a big fan of milwaukee too um and nebraska was the shit and uh i don't know i think i would slowly you know who would go crazy my wife would go crazy if i if i brought her out there first of all because she'd probably be like one of the only black people in fucking nebraska but but also be able to leave.
You know, I could fly around and go do gigs and go to a big city and then fucking come back. You know, be hilarious.
Then she'd want to be a road dog with me. Like then she'd be all excited.
Where are you going? I want to go. Because like, I don't know if you guys noticed, but Nia never goes on the road with me unless I'm going.
If I go to Miami, all of a sudden she wants to support me because I get lonely out there. If I go to New York City, anytime I leave the country, you know, but when I really fucking need her, you know, when I'm fucking going to, I don't know, going out to El Paso or some shit like that.
But I can't even say that because I had a great time when I was there. That's the fucking thing.
When I go on the road, whatever people do, I just, there's no way people just sit around not having fun. They're going to figure out how they're going to have fun.
You just got to figure out where the fuck it is. And, you know, who knows? Next thing you know, you're in Jacksonville, Florida, at a fucking gun range, shooting a gun with a silencer.
I actually got to fucking do that. And everybody, whenever they bring up Jacksonville, oh my God, there's nothing there.
All I think about is feeling like I was in the Secret Service. Right, Cleo? One of those James Bond fucking movies.
There was a disappointing sound, by the way. The silencer.
It didn't have that cool fucking movie sound. It goes like, didn't sound like that.
It had a metal clanky sound. It was really quiet.
If you were a light sleeper, you'd wake up. It'd be like, did somebody just get killed in the other room? But if you're like a normal sleeper.
Cleo, you can't scratch the whole podcast, all right? Now, God damn it, you weren't scratching it all before I started. And the second this thing comes on, just lay on the wires.
Come here. Do you have any concept of a podcast? Do you? You can't just lay on the mixer.
You're just looking at me like, can you fucking start rubbing my belly here or what? What are we trying to do here? Alright, so let me get to my favorite fucking thing I've read in a long time. Cleo, you gotta get off the wires.
That's my fault. I called you off.
I love you, buddy, but you got to go. Go on.
Get over there. Go on.
Go see Mommy. Go see Mommy.
Go on. Go on.
I love that she knows what that means. All right, I got to read this fucking thing here.
All right, so the Ryder Cup is like, I don't know what it is. I fucking hate golf.
I don't hate it. I like smoking cigars.
I like getting drunk. But I just, I can't fucking, I can't, the fucking asshole stand over the ball for like nine hours.
You're going to slice it. Just fucking hit the thing and drop another one.
And they all fucking, you want to talk about fucking cheaters? Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, I had a six.

Six what?

Fucking lost balls, you asshole.

We fucking saw you whacking at it.

One of my favorite things to do when I golf is I count every fucking stroke.

If I'm on the fucking, if I'm teeing off, whatever the fuck you call it, all right?

If I swing and miss, I count that fucking thing. Because people go, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I was trying.
That counts. You're cheating cunt.
You know why there's so much cheating in fucking golf? Because the people, generally speaking, who play it are not fucking athletic. You got a lot of bankers.
You got a lot of stuffed shirts. You got a lot of people just motivated by fucking money.
They were never picked in gym class, okay? They had their underwear yanked up over their fucking head and it had this anger in them. Oh, I'm going to show them someday when I come back to the fucking high school reunion.
I'm going to have this fucking unbelievable car or whatever the fuck it is that deal. Or maybe they're born into money.
Or maybe I'm just completely full of shit and I don't like the sport because I am, my legs are white like the mozzarella. Maybe that's what it is.
But anyways, I've been telling you guys that I really like wearing golf clothes. It's so fucking comfortable.
It's breathable and movable because there's so many fat, fucking unathletic fucks that play that game and they got to walk around. Who's kidding who? They get the golf cart and they waddle up to their fucking ball.
You know what I mean? They got all this shit. Their fucking socks matches a stripe in their collar, right? They got the baggy shit on.
And you know them. When they go back with the club, and they got to move that fucking mush of man tits and belly underneath that shirt, You know what I mean? Like the way your lat is or where that lat should be.
Right? There's all this. It's all marbled.
And that shirt has to fucking stretch. Right? So because of those fucking people complaining to the clothing companies, like I'm telling you, this shit is crazy how comfortable it is.
I love it wife hates it so anyway so the rider cup is basically when the americans play i don't know i guess we play great britain and and somebody else who gives a fuck about golf it's country versus country it's like the olympics except nobody really gives a shit right um i know people care, right? So anyways, there's some fucking guy, Danny Willett, and he has a brother, and his brother just went off on Americans, the American fans. It's fucking hilarious.
And I guess, of course, it's some big goddamn controversy because somebody had the nerve to call Americans, you know,'t I don't I've never understood why why you can't do that or why if somebody's if your brother says something fucked up and you're in the public eye all of a sudden you have to answer for it like this guy was like stammering like apologizing for the guy I'd be like who said it your brother I who who said the thing that you're upset about? Who said it? My brother. Right, yeah.
Well, fucking go talk to him, you cunt. The fuck? And why can't they say that? Why can't they say that? And why does that make the sport lose fans? You know i mean you know why because there's fucking kids

in the world oh my kid heard that well did he you know what else he heard he heard you fucking your wife the other night all right that's his mother what do you think that did to him what do you think was worse oh jesus bill i'm always grabby when i when i fly that day all right here we go So anyways, so I guess they're playing each other.

And like. grabby when i when i fly that day all right here we go um so anyways uh so i guess they're they're playing each other and uh i guess we play in england in golf or some shit like anybody gives a fuck i guess a lot of people give a fuck but i i don't so i i assume no one else does because i'm uh i'm self-centered so anyways his brother was texting with somebody i this is once again i don't know know how somebody found this, if it was a fucking email or whatever.
Well, why don't I read it for you? Danny Willett was quietly going about his business during a Ryder Cup practice around Wednesday morning when all hell was breaking loose on social media, thanks to a scathing screed his brother wrote for a website in which he called americans fat stupid greedy classless bastards you know what i love about that guy he just hit the nail on the head can we honestly can we fucking argue any of that generally speaking speaking. Come on, let's go through a fat.

You got us stupid.

Yeah, can we?

Yeah, you know, I'll give you that greedy.

Absolutely.

Classless bastards.

Totally.

One hundred fucking percent.

Dude, this guy's insults on the fucking golf fans that show up to this thing.

It's like when Larry Bird would just be doing the three point contest and he just kept shooting

him through the net, you know, and when he ends it with classless bastards, that-point contest and he just kept shooting them through the net.

And when he ends it with classless bastards, that's the two-point ball, the colored one in the end. Dude, I read this thing.
Like the headline says, Family Feud. Willett's brother, however the fuck you say his name.
It just says, colon, Americans, fat, stupid, greedy bastards. And I was on the plane and I bursted out laughing.
uh yeah i was like please let this article be as much of a joy to read as the headline and it was he said the uh man here we go stupid i can't even say this word the excoriating of american golf surely was not a part of darren clark's captain's handbook part of which states the visiting team shall not rile up the opposition's home crowd with trash talk. These were some of the choices of his words in the article.
I got to read this fucking article. This is what he said.
For the Americans to stand a chance of winning, they need their bang mob of imbeciles. the only thing that can make this funny is listening to this guy say it in an english accent this is the greatest shit i've read in a while to get their bang mob of imbeciles um to caress their egos every step of the way team europe needs to shut those groupies up they need to silence the pudgy basement dwelling irritants stuffed on cookie dough and pissy beer, pausing between mouthfuls of hot dogs so they can scream Bubba Bowie until their jelly faces turn red.
He just keeps going. They need to stun the angry, unwashed, make America great again swarm, desperately gripping their concealed carry compensators and belting out a mini erection-inducing mashed potato, hoping to impress their cousin.
They need to smash the obnoxious dads with their shiny teeth, Lego man hair, medicated ex-wife and resentful children. Oh, my God.
If I wasn't so lazy, I'd give this guy a standing ovation. How do you get mad? I mean, how do you get when a guy goes that hard? How the fuck do you get mad at that? I mean, that's hilarious.
Come on, man. And, you know, you could do the same thing about them.
They're fucked up teeth of fat fucking fish and chip eating jackasses neo-nazi fucking racists beating the fuck out of each other at their fucking stupid ass pussy fucking football games you can't use your hands everybody flopping around the ground dude soccer is such a shitty fucking sport women's soccer is actually better than the men's. All right.
And I'm just talking legit. I don't mean like volleyball because they're fucking harder, dude.
Look at the fucking ass on her. I'm not looking at them, even remotely, even objectifying them.
I'm just saying straight up as a sport. The fucking ladies play.
Somebody trips them. They get up.
These fucking guys are rolling around on the the ground oh my god it's it's it's like watching musical theater without the fucking music it's horrific there so i did that now just does does my brother have to apologize to me uh fucking standing ovation what the i gotta give that guy a shout out not to danny because danny then for some reason, he asked, you know he laughed his fucking balls off. And, you know, in some really comfortable clothes.
Golfing clothes. He must have been laughing his fucking ass off and just be like, dude, why the fuck did you do that to me? He just goes, I just, after that fucking masterpiece.
All right, whether you agree with it or not, that was a fuckinggo man hair our pissy beer come on if they're fucking uh concealed carry compensators um okay and then this is what he says you know off the record he laughed his balls off and then on the record he's just like uh i just like to apologize to everyone involved. I spoke to him on the phone after, and I was made aware, after I was made aware of what was being said.
And I said to Peter, I was obviously disappointed at what was said and what was written about the American fans. They took me under their wing fantastically back in April, I guess when he won the masters.
And as soon as I got off the golf course, I went to see Davis, and me and Davis had a chat for a few minutes about it all. He took it really well, and he took it really well.
They were fucking laughing their balls off. And you know what's funny? They got a picture of the American fans.
And there's three people in the photo, and there's not one of them that I would not go out and get shit-faced with. I mean, yeah, these are the fucking people.
You need those people. These are the people.
They're not going to do anything in life. They're going to watch other people do shit in life and go fucking nuts, right? When you accomplish something.
And when you don't, they're going to say you suck and talk a bunch of shit about what they would have done. Right.
Who doesn't love being that guy? They're all draped in the fucking one guy's dressed like Uncle Sam. Another guy, for whatever reason, he has an American flag shirt and then he has like a park ranger hat on.
Maybe that's a golf thing. And the other guy has got the fucking he's got the American flag over his head while wearing a baseball hat.

He looks like an,

he looks like an old woman.

Like when she,

like he's wearing like a shawl or something.

Oh, that's fucking,

you know,

and there's nothing better too.

The dumber the fans are

at a golf event

when they're around pros,

that's one of my favorite things.

You know what I mean?

Because you just,

everything about like

tennis and golf is

shh, shh, Like stop talking. Shh.
You know what I mean? It's fucking NBA. You're going to take a fucking foul shot.
Like a third of the stadium is doing everything but taking their dicks out and shaking it in your face. And these guys can consistently make it.
How about a little focus? Tennis is the same way. Quiet, please.
Quiet, please. You know what I mean? They don't boo, they whistle.
Oh, speaking of which, there's a fucking incredible documentary out there about Serena Williams last year when she tried to do the Serena Slam. I mean, she won four in a row.
She won the U.S. Open, but it was in 2014.
And then she won the Australian. Then she won French.
And then she won Wimbledon. So that's four in a row right there.
She did it the way Tiger Woods did it. Like four majors went by.
But I guess Serena Williams actually... Not Ser, that's everyone.
Sorry. Stephanie Graff actually did it.
And somebody else, I forget her fucking name. Actually, I believe I haven't looked it up in a while, but I believe they did it in a calendar year.
So I'll give them that one. But when they were breaking Tiger Woods balls, give me a fucking break.
Nobody's even come close to doing that. And he fucking, he won four row so whatever and if you've read andre agassi's book open which even if you're not into sports which i don't think anybody left listening to this podcast is not into sports after this fucking shit um that's all i've been talking about this week um if you read his book it's it's one of the best books i've ever fucking read as far as like uh an autobiography it's on it's it's on like i i fucking hate reading i got add out the fuck i got i guess a mild form of dyslexia and i'm a fucking moron so i mean i got a lot working against me all right and i was riveted reading that book totally fucking engaging and uh if you've actually read that book and then you watch the serena documentary just like the just the what that sport does to your body and shit it's fucking half the fucking thing is her laying on a table getting a massage you know that probably just sounded all creepy but i'm serious if you read the agassi thing and the guy's sitting there talking about he's taking like a fucking hour-long shower trying to get his body to be able to move again when he's just played the first round of a major and he's got to somehow fight his way through that and getting shot up with shit it's fucking unbelievable but um it's a it's a great great fucking documentary and uh you gotta love the documentaries because my wife will not watch sports you know but if there's a documentary about it like a 30 for 30 you know documentaries bring people together you know like i won't watch real housewives but if they did a documentary on one of them and how the fuck they ended up on there you know that it would be interesting you are an absolute fucking failure if you if you make a document an uninteresting documentary i'm trying to think the last time i ever saw a documentary that wasn't on some level interesting like you literally fucking watch somebody like uh hey this is how uh they make uh milk bottles uh you know the uh the the whatever the fuck you call it? The way we go about making it, whatever that big word is.
The process. That's not that big.
That's a medium word, Bill. Has not changed.
It's remained the same for hundreds of years. You just go down a fucking rabbit hole just watching that shit.
Tom Papa, the great Tom Papa, fucking made me a loaf of bread me and like who's kidding who he made it for nia nia was the one asking for it right tom doesn't give a shit about me the man uses me you know comes over here he smokes all my cigars he drinks all my liquor i'm totally joking tom's one of one of the great human beings i've ever met um he's a great guy he made it for both of us because he's a sweetheart and um so he was telling me this whole thing about how you know how you make sour sourdough bread like the old-fashioned way and how the the yeast bacteria is in the air and you make like this concoction of like flour because yeast eats flour and you mix it with water and you got to leave out. And then when it starts to, like for a couple of days, and then when it bubbles up, you know, it's gonna start to smell like beer.
And, you know, and if you didn't fuck it up, you know, once it gets to a certain point, I don't know, you put like plastic wrap, it's like this whole fucking process just to get this thing called your starter. So you can get the fucking sourdough taste in there, I guess.
And that concoction is one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen in my life. And you just, it's fucking unreal.
Because once you make it, you just keep feeding it and it keeps living. And evidently in France they have these these concoctions that somebody started the starter or the or mother they call it mother which is really creepy um like they started it like hundreds of years ago like 100 years ago somebody started it and they just kept passing it down people just kept feeding the fucking thing it's really it's fucking bizarre but that shit like if there was a documentary on making bread i would sit down and i would i would watch it you know but if there was a fucking sitcom about people that made bread i i would fucking take a gun out i wouldn't kill myself but i would want to you know what i mean why do i always go to suicide does anybody else like i just always think that I just always think about like, yeah, you know, I could I could either sit through this or I could I could dive under that passing bus.
I'm not going to do it. Hey, would you do it if you absolutely fucking knew? Without it, that'd be weird if you knew without a doubt that there was there was a better place.
know what i mean if you knew without a doubt there was a better place and you would go into it like you gotta you gotta be thinking back there's there had to be a couple events you know we just like jeez i got this paper due i'm with this girl i gotta break up i don't fucking break up with her you know it's just all right that was dark okay let's get out of that. You should never do that.
It's not an option. There's always hope, you know? You know what's a great thing? You don't want to get you out of a depression.
You get a dog. You get a dog like mine.
That'll put you in a happy mood. Dogs are the fucking best, you know? You come home.
They're just, I know every comic has done a bit on this, but they're just so fucking psyched to see it. They're always fucking psyched to see it.
You can never disappoint them. You know what I mean? They just love you.
They're the best. Do you know the other night, you know, when I was, I was fucking, I had to move my car, right? And it was like, you know, street cleaning day.
So it was opposite side of the fucking street parking. So, you know, I'm like, goddammit, I'm about to drive like 15 minutes down the fucking road or some shit, right? And my dog was already asleep, but because it heard me going outside, it immediately got up and was looking at me like, are we going out together, are we going out? And I was looking like, no, no, just, I'm fucking just moving the car, relax, dude.
So I go out there, I drive down the street, and it was like 15-minute walk back. It took me a couple minutes to drive over there.
So I was gone like 15, 20 minutes. I come back to the house.
My wife's already in bed. She's already in bed.
She's not concerned about me, right? The lights are all off in the house. I open the door quietly, and who's fucking sitting right there, still waiting for me? My dog.
Still fucking waiting for me. And I just looked at the thing I was just like, yeah, you know.
And it wagged its tail, and I locked the door, and then it walked with me down the stairs to go to bed. It was like a bodyguard.
You know, I'm telling you. They're the fucking best.
Having said that, some fucking lady on my flight, on my way out, like, dude, this whole, um, I need my dog because I'm afraid to fly fucking thing is getting out of control.

Like the size of dog that you could bring on.

This person brought on a dog that was like, uh, the next weight class up from a Cocker Spaniel.

And a poor husband, like, is bringing the whole fucking doggy bed. And I'm thinking, going, are they really thinking they're going to stick that in between the rows? And they didn't.
They jammed it in the overhead compartment. Like, the two of them took up an entire rows overhead compartment.
Just fucking selfish cunts. And every time I, you know, she'd walk by with the dog and look at her, she'd do that smile,'t it adorable oh yeah the dog's adorable you're not you know you're a selfish fuck that's what i was thinking but then you know what the dog was totally well behaved it wasn't a fucking problem and of course they sat in the row right in front of me and um i don't know i don't know you know i i gotta learn to let shit go.
I actually, I'm trying right now. Two things I'm trying to do, all right? Not flip out when I drive and not get mad at technology.
If I could do that, I would yell 80% less. And I think my wife would enjoy her life a lot more.
You know?

All right.

Well, I got to pause here to read some advertising.

I don't even know if it's coming yet.

And then I got to read the questions for this week.

By the way,

congratulations to the fucking Buffalo Bills.

They've been looking great the last two weeks.

You know? All you guys, all the Buffalo Bill

faithful out there, you were ready to kick

Rex to the fucking curb. A lot of you were.
right? Like he was going to turn around that shit show in a couple of games. He's a fucking damn good coach.
And I don't know what his record is against Belichick, but he's got to be the closest to 500 of anybody. I mean, Tom Coughlin's the guy that owns Belichick, you know? He's the guy that when they all

fucking hang out in the end, Bill's gonna

sit there laughing, going, you know what? You guys

all gave me a rough time, but this guy!

This motherfucker

right here.

This guy's the guy.

Alright, let's see

if I got the fucking advertising here.

Come on, give me the advertising.

One time, one time. It's 624, where the fuck is.
Yeah, come on. Give me the advertising.
One time, one time.

624, where the fuck is it?

And nothing.

All right, I got to hit pause.

It ain't going to be a big deal in your life.

It's just going to be a couple of seconds.

All right?

Maybe I'll give my dog a fucking flea bath.

All right?

What's wrong with you?

All right, I love you too.

Okay.

All right, I'm back. Just like that.
Just like that. Of course, I didn't fucking...
Why would I turn it on until I get... Hang on a fucking second.
Okay, and I'm back again. Alright.
Ah, fuck. Goddamn phone is hot as shit.
Alright. Oh, shit.
Give me the note. loot give me the loot all right now we're on to the questions we're on to the questions yet that that that do do um why you guys ask me for advice i know why because you just want to hear me read out loud i know it is i know you don't take it seriously and uh anybody takes this seriously you're on your own this is a a disclaimer, all right? Why would you take advice from me?

I went to summer school two out of four years in high school,

should have gone all four.

My sophomore teacher hooked me up, gave me the D- in senior year.

It was like, what's the point?

Evidently, I have to learn to trade.

All right, comic book stuff.

Dear Billy Unbreakable,

we all know how you hate comic con stuff. Actually, I don i don't it's just they're an easy target and i'm lazy you know what i mean i don't know i i although i recently watched some reality i was on a plane right i was on the planes a plane and uh there was some show and there was just these guys standing around in um oh, what the fuck? It's a comic book store out here.
And I started to watch it and they were all doing that fucking if this comic guy, comic book guy fought that comic book guy. And I can't I can't sit through that, but I can sit through, dude, who is better? Gretzky or Lemieux? I'm telling you, if Lemieux didn't have those years off, I'll fucking stay in that forever.
But, you know, I can't get into comic book shit. As much as, you know, I liked the superheroes when I was growing up, but then, you know, I got older and I grew up.
Alright. Superhero movies and loot crate.
I don't hate that shit. I just like making fun of it.
You've mentioned in the past the only superhero you liked was Luke Cage aka Power Man. No, I like Spider-Man 2, Captain America, Iron Man, Batman was cool.
More the comic book. On TV it was, you know, I liked that show when I was younger, but then it was just sort of silly, too campy for me.
I liked the Heath Ledger Batman. And I loved that Christian christian bale you know even everybody made fun of his voice it fucking made sense that he would change the sound of his fucking voice you know you guys know my voice sounded like if i had a three-quarter fucking mask on and i just started talking to you you'd be like dude what the fuck's with the mask, Bill? You know? Anyways.
Well, you should be excited to know he has his own Netflix series now. Get the fuck out of here.
Luke Cage does? It's super popular and getting attention, not just because it's great, but also because it's topical. It knowingly acknowledges the significance of a bulletproof african-american wearing a hoodie uh through the series luke engages with police officers who shoot him and leave holes in his hoodies the police often interrogate and harass black people in harlem who have done nothing wrong oh i gotta watch that he goes my questions are do you still like luke cage will you watch the series Yes.
Do you think it's good to acknowledge Trayvon Martin and the Black Lives Matter movement in this way? Yeah. Why not? When you watch those fucking those Pixar movies, they talk about global warming.
You know, they had the ant thing and they go, you know, one ant's not tough, but you got to follow. The ants start moving.
They could take us over. That was all about like the fucking Bilderberg people.
If they can do all of that shit, why can't they bring up that stuff? I love it. Is that a good way to acknowledge this? First of all, who the fuck am I to say that? That's not an issue that has made my life like, I don't have to worry about my life.
You know what I mean? So ask why don't you ask black people that do you think it's good to acknowledge anyways love your podcast and your stand up uh greetings from ontario um yeah i'm just like that's i mean i like when uh i like um as much as i've i like superman versus batman all right i like when they do the comic book stuff and as much as like, you know, the people can fly and they're fucking the size of an ant and shit like that, the more reality that they bring into it, the more grounded that they keep it, the more I like it. And I know Superman versus fucking Batman.
They're like, Jesus, how many people did they fucking kill? That never entered my mind. I didn't give a shit.
They're like, they did billions of dollars worth of damage. Who gives a fuck? My favorite thing was they were saying, superhero can't, they can't be out there acting unilaterally.
Like they didn't like that Superman was going around just helping everybody, regardless of, you know, whether they would trade with the United States or not. And I just love that the United States felt that they could claim Superman.
It was fucked up. I guess he got adopted by United States parents, and he did get a free education.
Yeah, what the fuck are you doing? You know what? I stand by the American government on that one. No, but the more that they can bring in, like, the...
just the real-world reality, I think that that shit's great. And the dark...
I mean, in the comic books, it isn't always like dark, depressing. They're fucking loners.
Like I never liked the X-Man thing. It just sounded like a bunch of whiny teenagers to me.
They didn't go dark enough or make it adult enough. It was probably for teenage kids.
Who's kidding who? It probably wasn't for a fucking bald 48 year old male we got to get these guys these this is our demographic these are the guys that are going to buy all the fucking swag um i actually uh when i was a kid i read comic books and i really liked the drawings and the different ways that they would go about it. And when, when, you know, sometimes they take up a whole page and they draw something or they'd have like three of the squares would all like a bullet got shot and they just show where it went and stuff.
Like I really liked it. And I thought it was incredibly talented in that thing, but I stopped short of like dressing up like them and having like a fucking lightsaber fight.
You know what I mean? I guess that's where you lose me. And to be honest with you, what I'm doing is what a lot of people do is I'm taking...
Most golf fans are not like those fucking animals at the Ryder Cup screaming and yelling like a bunch of fucking lunatics. You know what I mean? A lot of them are...
I went to the Masters. The people but it's just, it's just fun to make fun of them, I guess.
Jesus, Bill, did you retract everything that you've ever said about it? Sort of. I'm trying, I'm trying to be a better fucking person, man.
I got to stop. Like, I just, that the word cunt and all this stuff that just flies out of me in public and it's getting worse and uh you know it's gotten to the point where now it actually for the first time in my life like embarrasses me so i'm trying to see the other side of that and i know people like well then you're not going to be funny anymore i just believe me i will fuck up plenty in my life i don't need to be screaming cunt when there's children around in a fucking airport all right montreal pitbull ban hi bill i think your special let it go did a lot to educate people about what sweet and loving pets pit bulls can be i don't have a pit bull myself but i do not believe in breed specific legislation or banning certain breeds of dog just because they're more likely to be owned by assholes who will train them to be violent i live in ontario where pit bulls are already banned.
When Mark B-U-E-H-R-L-E, how the fuck do you say that? B-U-E-H-R-L-E, was in the Toronto Blue Jays. You mean on the Toronto Blue Jays? He chose to live alone in Toronto, away from his family, rather than give up their pit bull.
Recently, Montreal council voted in favor of a bill to ban new pit bulls and other dangerous breeds, as well as impose strict regulations on pit bulls already living in the city, including muscling. Oh, putting a muzzle on them.
From what I read, the bill seems to be a panic reaction to the death of a woman who died following a dog attack. Here is the article if you want to read it.
I would love for you to speak out against this super lame bylaw and continue to use your fame as a platform to educate people about... Dude, I don't do that.
I'm not going to be that person. Hey, I have a podcast.
Now you should listen to me about social issues. Perceived as dangerous.
Your bit about Dr. Cleo is seriously one of my favorite things in life.
Oh, thank you. I wish everyone could hear it.
Thank you so much. Bill, go fuck yourself.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know.
I don't know what the fuck happened up there. But I don't think pit bulls are bad dogs.
I will tell you, my dog's a fucking psycho and would try to kill you if you came into the house, would attack you because it's possessive, it's envious, jealous, whatever the fuck it is. And my dog is dangerous.
And if I'm standing there, I can't be like, Cleo, these people are are fucking cool but i think what it is is with my dog with its personality and the the information that i did not have access to um and i don't have like like this dog like really like if this dog when this dog's with my fucking trainer like and it stays with him people come and go complete strangers coming to his house and the dog doesn't flip out but with me it does I let it up on the bed I fucking snuggle with the thing and shit it thinks it's on the same level as me for whatever reason it feels like it has to run shit and I just you know after a while because I'm so fucking busy i just had to like sort of adjust my life around the dog which is not another thing you're not supposed to do but um you know i can walk it down the street it doesn't go after people but if someone just walks up to me out of nowhere and starts talking to me it starts barking it doesn't growl or show its teeth but it definitely considers it like a threat so um but this is the thing what i've noticed since having this dog is that there are a bunch of dogs that do that of all breeds when i walk down the street and what i see rather than the dog is i see the owner and um i am not uh you know, I made a lot of mistakes with my dog and um whenever my dog passes and i go to get another one um i i don't know if i can do it dude i don't know if i can not have the dog be up on the fucking bed i i have to be disciplined enough to do it i actually when i was in vanc Vancouver one time or Seattle or something, this woman told me like, she doesn't let her dogs walk on the rug. I come home.
She goes, I don't even look at them until I set everything down. They're waiting for her and waiting for her.
My dog just gets to do whatever the fuck it wants. And I think that that can be, you know, a dangerous thing.
Um, the bigger your dog is. So, um, I, I So what I would actually say is rather than have a pit bull ban, what I would say is if you're going to get a dangerous breed, and a pit bull is a dangerous breed, and all that means, I'm not saying the dog is inherently dangerous, I'm just saying that if your dog goes to bite somebody, like anybody's dog can, the level of damage that a pit bull can do versus if you get bit by a chihuahua, you have to understand, you know, you have to respect what you have.
So what I would say, rather than have a pit bull ban, I would say, what if people before you're able to have a pit bull, you have to take an intensive course and become a fully educated, great dog owner, which is what I wish was available to me before I got my dog, because I had to learn all these lessons the hard way and, you know, trying to undo all of this shit that the dog learned as I'm leaving every other weekend and I'm in a writer's room all day. It was, you know, like owning a dog is a tremendous amount of responsibility.
So that alone, forget about all the fucking horrible people, human beings that are out there that do horrible fucking things to animals um i mean i'm hypocritical because i eat chickens and cows and pigs and shit and uh you know they don't exactly treat them you know they always say oh it's free range it's organic and all that shit and then you watch the documentary and they're cutting their beaks off and feeding them cows and shit and it's fucking horrific um but but you know these people who fight dogs these people who like you know i mean i honestly think like you know there was some case in like new york where this guy just he was in an argument with his girlfriend he snatched the girl's dog out and fucking like spiked it on the ground and killed it and the girl woman's daughter was in the other room and this motherfucker only got 60 days it's just like uh you know i i just kind of feel like somebody big enough should have grabbed him and spiked him down on a kitchen floor and then he'd have to fucking deal with the ramifications of that rather than my tax dollars paying 60 paying for 60 dollars worth of free fucking meals for this guy to be in some fucking halfway house. Like the level of fucking anger issue that that guy has.
Like, I mean, that, that is like, I don't know. I don't know.
But that's, that's, that's really a shame. And that's a really, that's what they're doing up there is they're trying to protect people and they, they're not going to throw any money at it.
So just gonna say all right no more of these dogs no more of these dogs um that's what they're doing so uh you know but i gotta be honest with you getting mauled to death by a fucking pit bull i mean do you want to go out like that i mean that's that's pretty fucking horrific um but um and then also horrific is them then killing every other pit bull out there. So that would be my suggestion is that, you know, and if you are considering getting any dog.
I'm sure that there is this things that you could go out like that's the number one fucking thing that I wish I did, because I absolutely fucking love animals I love dogs I fucking love them and uh everything that I do you know is probably wrong because the dog feels like it's on the same level as me and it has to run shit and that's why people come through the door and it flips the fuck out and I have to put the you know I just I just know how the dog is what i did i just adjusted to i'm just like all right i know i'm having people over so i just take the

dog downstairs and i just keep in the room downstairs nobody even sees the fucking thing

um that's the way i i had to operate with my dog and um i can tell you that that's one way to do it

but it's not the way to do it because there's that constant anxiety of thinking what if it ever got out what the fuck happened oh my god blah blah blah and i have to live with the guilt of someone else getting hurt and then i'd get the shit suit out of me i mean it's a it's a really serious fucking thing when you get a german shepherd if you get a pit bull if you get a doberman pincher if you Retriever, I mean, those dogs can fucking do damage. And the fact that you can just go, oh, my God, it's cute, and just take the fucking thing home.
Forget about it if you found it by the L.A. River and you have no idea what the other people did to it.
I mean, I know my dog got abused. I picked up my hockey stick when I first got it, and I was stick handling in the living room, as you do, right? And the dog immediately ran to the other side of the room and I was like, oh my God, somebody was hitting this thing with some sort of a stick.
So what I did was I just laid the hockey stick down in the middle of the room. I went to the, all the way in the opposite side of the room and I just, I'd call the dog over and the dog would come over and go all the way around the stick and then come over, lick on my face and I go I go back to your bed and it would go back to its bed and each time it sniffed the stick a little bit more a little bit more and I just baby stepped it to the point where by the end of it I could you know stick handle in my garage you know with the tennis ball and shit and it didn't give a shit but um i wish i did that on other

areas but uh i never once you see a dog going after somebody you never quite trust it again and then you have that fear and then they sense the fear and they process that is the fear is the person at the door and it's a fucking it's it's i've learned so much by fucking up so my next dog I will not make those mistakes

but I don't think that it is a problem with the breed i think it's uh it's the the the size of the dog and the mistakes that i fucking made you know so anyways moving on all right moving to the states uh hey billy slut peg uh i'm a 21 year old guy from Sweden and I'm thinking about moving to the U.S., but I can't decide where. I've narrowed it down to three cities, New York, San Francisco and L.A.
Great fucking choices. so my simple question is where do you think a guy in my age will have the most fun uh and by the way

will your new special be on netflix yes yes it will be. Can't wait to see it in season two of F is for Family.
Hope you and Neil lives continue to be great. Well, thank you.
Go fuck yourself. And FDT.
I don't know what that means. Fuck something or other.
All right. It depends on what you want to do.
right you are gonna get fucking laid in all three of those cities coming over there swedish guy you can speak fucking another language i mean it's over it's a fucking rap you can have an accent you know it's a rap you're gonna get laid it all depends on uh what type of women you're in and what kind of weather you like if you can can deal with the winner, I would say go to New York City. New York City is the Paris, the United States.
It's the best one we have. As far as like just culturally, it's just fucking amazing.
San Francisco is fucking unbelievable too. Like the first of all, the food in all three of these are unbelievable san francisco is going to be the most expensive believe it or not um all that computer money i guess is fucking ruin that city um then new york and la is actually starting to you know get really expensive too um la brutal fucking traffic uh drought and, uh, what would I do? 21.
You know what, man? I, I, I think I would go with New York just because if you want to go back and visit, it's it, you're cutting out like five hours of the flight. Um, when you were in New York, I would visit San Francisco and LA, you know, but you know, don't sleep on others.
Other bunch of great Madison, Wisconsin's fucking great Pittsburgh's the shit Cleveland's coming around. You know, every time I go there, it's getting fucking better and better.
Um, I love all those fucking Rust Belt cities. Um, Chicago's the shit Nashville, New Orleans.
There's so so many fucking places to go so many fucking places to go uh but i think new york is a great place it's a great place you know and there's a lot of liberal new yorks there new york is there and they just think anything from another country especially um any country from europe is just automatically better and more amazing so you know and you'll be a good person for them to fucking sit their shit on the United States. It's like, you guys put your shoes on this way and we do it that way.
It was like, I was just, my wife listens to NPR and they were sitting there talking about how in one of those fucking, you know, countries over there where they have a million people on bicycles, no one really gets fucked over by someone opening the car door into them, you know, when they parked, because they have this thing called the fucking whatever. They open the door with their right hand, so that gets them to look over their shoulder.
And they acted like it was this astounding fucking achievement. And why didn't we ever think of that? I'll tell you why we never thought of it, because no one rides a fucking bike over here.
90% of people do not ride bicycles. Over there, everybody rides a fucking bike, just about.
Most people can't even afford a fucking car. They have bike lanes.
It's a part of how they grow up. That's the only reason why.
It's like I never used to look for motorcycle riders until I rode a motorcycle. And then now I always, you know, I creep over to the left, let them drive along, you know, in between.
I always make sure I'm looking for him, you know, and I never did that before I rode. So anyways, I'm off on a tangent here.
Okay, friend being taken advantage of at a fire station. The fuck does this mean? They're making him cook all the chili or are we talking molested here? Dear Mr.
Burr, a good friend of mine is trying to be a firefighter

and I feel like he's totally become their bitch.

Instead of being hired full-time, his fire department has him hired

as like a reserve or whatever and has him working full-time hours basically.

That would be nice, but since he's a reserve,

he's literally getting paid like below minimum wage.

He's been doing this for around a year or so and the department he's

in definitely is understaffed.

They just don't want to make him full time

because they would have to pay him an actual salary.

Now, I don't

know anything about jobs and careers and stuff

but I feel like he's definitely getting taken advantage

of. What should I do? Should I tell him he's being

fucked over? Would love to hear your opinion on

the matter. Love the podcast.
Can't wait for F's for

Family. Go fuck yourself.
And when are you coming to Northern California? All right. I would say, I would just say to him, say, hey, listen, you know, I know that, you know, I would just bring up work.
How's it going at work? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Do they have any plans of making you full time anytime soon? Listen to what says and then just ask him well you know how how long uh so what do you so what's the game plan do they hinted anything about it and just see what he says sometimes it's hard you got to let your friends learn hard lessons sometimes you just got to kind of let him get fucked over i mean just bring it up see what the person, uh, hopefully your friend isn't like that guy in the joke and good fellows, you know, that just means he's content to be a jerk.
What am I going to say that my, my wife two times me? Um, yeah, that's what I would do. I would just bring it up.
I've had friends in those situations and, uh, you know, that can be very difficult. Um, yeah.
So that's what I's a simple one just bring it up ask them how it's going and ask them if they have any plans and then i would say so you know not trying to be nosy i'm just looking out for you know because i want to see you succeed what what is your plan then because uh there are other firehouses out there where you could maybe get hired on all right right. Jim Irsay guitar collection.
Oh, Jesus. My buddy Jim Irsay.
Hey, Billy B. Bender.
I was reading the Guitar Aficionado magazine this month, and there was an article about Warren Hayes playing Jerry Garcia's guitar Tiger at Red Rocks a few months back. This was the last guitar Jerry ever played live before his untimely death.
Anyways, long story short, the article went on to disclose Jim Irsay was the actual owner of the guitar. Well, that's what happens with most of those instruments.
They are owned by rich people who are not musicians. I'm not saying they're not lovers of music, but that's where it all ends up.
And then actual musicians, they buy their own gear and then they make that gear legendary. You know what I mean? I was, I was, you know, I did that shit.
I bought a 71 Ludwig green sparkle, John Bonham fucking kit. Like, so then what now I'm going to play like him? That was an expensive lesson to learn.
You know? But I know there's some other kid, you know, going down to fucking pro drum shop out here in LA. And he's going to buy a fucking kit that's a particular color and everything.
And he's going to tune them up or she's going to do it. And they're going to have a sound and they're going to put it together and then everybody's going to want that kit so it doesn't surprise me i mean he owns a team in the nfl this guy's a fucking billionaire right um he said he paid eight hundred fifty thousand dollars for it at auction you know what's great about jim ursay money um is if he's a fucking billionaire.
All right. Even if you fucking, if you had 100 million bucks, spending $850,000 is spending less than 1% of your fucking money.
But if you're a billionaire, then what is the fucking decimal point moves over? One more, is that it? Is it .01%? Less than that? I don't know. He said he paid $850,000 for an auction.
Not to mention he also owns Bob Dylan's Stratocaster from the Newport Festival, George Harrison's Gibson SG. Jesus, what a fucking collection.
And even Prince's Yellow Cloud guitar. Although I appreciate someone preserving musical history like he has, as a longtime guitarist and Patriots fan, I say fuck him for not allowing these guitars to be in the hands of musicians.
What are your thoughts? I separate Jim Irsay, the football owner. When you start talking about his guitar collection, then he's just a regular person to me you know what i mean so he's just a rich guy that he's a music lover and i don't think they should necessarily be in the hands of musicians because um i think that you should be influenced by great artists not go out and and try to do what they already did I think the fact that you as a musician will go out, you know, like if I was a musician, my goal would be like, I would want my guitar to be famous too.
Like how Stevie Ray Vaughan's, you know, or John Bonham's Vista Light kit became famous. Like none of those things were famous.
No one knew what they looked like until they got into the hands of those unbelievable artists. So I think that the fact that they go for all that money and they end up in rich people's hands is just a testament to the greatness of the musician and how music affects people.
Even a guy who's a NFL owner the fact that he's into the dead he's into George Harrison he's into Prince he's into Bob Dylan I mean you can't fuck with any of those influences the guy's got good taste in music you know but there's no magic in those guitars though I mean I could literally have Bonham's kit and I'm going to sound like a comedian playing drums. And you guys are all going to be like, Hey, can you fucking knock it off? You know what I mean? So I don't think that the, I think that they, um, they're just like pieces of history now.
I think like, uh, if you have like fucking Napoleon sword, I don't think that, uh, well that should be in some motherfucking dictator's hands, chopping somebody's fucking head off. I mean, I, I, I, I, I, I think like if you have like fucking Napoleon sword, I don't think that.

Well, that should be in some motherfucking dictator's hands chopping somebody's fucking head off.

I mean, I don't think so. I just think that.

If you're into that type of shit, which I totally am, I'm completely into memorabilia, but I refuse to buy any because so much of it is fake.

And also, I just have enough shit in my fucking house house i don't need any more shit in my house and uh i also i i don't want my fucking house to look like a fucking a fucking hard rock cafe you know what i mean where i got fucking jim morrison's fucking me undies on the wall framed, you know,

and there were probably some guy and it's probably,

it's better chance of being Jim Irsay's fucking me undies than Jim Morrison.

So,

um,

yeah,

I don't begrudge him.

And,

um,

I think it's,

I think that's fucking awesome that he has it because,

uh,

well,

I guess then that's why musicians should put maybe,

I don't know.

There is something cool to touch the thing. Like, if you could ever, like, just hold that Jimmy Page double-necked SG that he played Stairway to Heaven on, if you could just fucking hold that thing and just feel like, like, I think you just start whispering when you had it, like, oh, my God, this is a, he looked at John Bonham and would give him the nod when he was coming out of the solo you know okay that was probably creepy listening me fucking whisper i would be like that around that shit but um hey man if you got the fucking money you know they can have it so there you go man go make your guitar fucking legendary and then see how much jim mercy will pay for yours you know but then again you'd have to be dead well bob dylan's dead when you give it up for auction.
My dog right now is sitting just to the left of my computer. She's staring intensely at me.
She's been fed. She's been out and everything like that.
And all that says is she wants to be let up on the couch. And you know what? I can't do it.
I'm going to turn it around. I'm too weak.
I can't resist. You're too fucking adorable.
Why is your head shaped like a fucking muscular light bulb? You ever notice that? You little bare face. Huh? Why can't you be like this with company? Why can't you see that I'm relaxed around him and then you're relaxed? Why do you treat everybody like they're a fucking axe murderer? Huh? All right.
That's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves.
And I got uh i gotta say again congratulations to bills and that they're turning that fucking thing around there i always like the bills back i don't like their fucking fans because i had a bad experience when i went out there and i wore a patriots hat this they you know three fucking people when i was taking a piss pushed me fucking pussies um but anyways i also had a fucking patriots hat on in their stadium and i had my dick out. What the fuck was I thinking? Give me Jesus Christ.
Why don't I just slit my own throat? But I liked them from back, you know, Joe Ferguson, OJ Simpson and all those days. And it was always snowing.
And I always liked the Buffalo Bills from back then. So that's what happens.
If you start to like a team when you're a kid, you know, even when they become your rival, you don't give a fuck. So psych Tom Brady's coming back, and I'm just going to say a bunch of shit that I already said.

All right, go fuck yourselves, and I'll check in on you on Thursday.

What's up everybody and welcome back to the Anything Better Podcast show,

NFL edition for week number five.

With your host, me, Paul Verzi over here,

Bill Burr over there.

Got the Greek freak out in Beverly Hills over there.

And you know this ain't a show without Jake the Snake with the injury reports.

Bill, I just got, oh, you know what?

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Bill, I just got good news. I was talking to somebody saying, oh, I had a good week.
I went three and one. And somebody goes, no, I think you went four and oh.
And I go, I don't know if the Packers covered. And I just found out that I did get that.
And I went four and oh, which fuck did I need? So it felt better to hear that. That's good.
You're back. Paul Verzi in October.
No, not back, but I'll take it. Dude, this has been the most miserable fucking year gambling.
This fucking year, I don't know who the fuck anybody is. It's so weird.
It's like the Bills kicked the shit out of whoever the fuck they kicked the shit out of. And then they play the Ravens and it's like they can't even play football.
Oh, my God. I just, fuck this year, dude.
Fuck this year. Dude, Cincinnati.
I don't give a fuck. All I know is my pats suck.
That's the only bet I fucking hit last week. Everybody, like, who the fuck is anybody right now, Paul? Who the fuck can you look at the team and be like, this team is this, this team is that?

I'm telling you, dude, I am getting NBA in the 2000s vibes.

And my prediction is the fucking Chiefs are going to play the Ravens in the AFC championship game,

and the refs are going to fuck the Ravens because the Chiefs are their fucking cash cow.

That's their story.

Patrick Mahomes, is he the next time, Brady? Can they fucking three-peat? Oh, my God, Taylor Swift. That's their cash cow.
So the level that you're going to have to beat those guys, you're going to have to be up by like fucking 17, 18 points in the fourth fucking quarter. We should do a side bet.
Me and you should do a side bet because I think somebody takes the Chiefs out this year. I don't think the Chiefs are going to three-peat this year.
So if you want to do a side bet, we should do a side bet me and you should do a side bet because i think somebody takes the chiefs out this year i think i don't think the chiefs are going to three-peat this year so if you want to do a side bet we should do that what is giving you that indication paul that's like the level of fucking holding that those fucking guys do is it's just it's fucking insane on both sides of the ball on both sides of the fucking line and the refs are just standing there yeah no i mean listen def there's definitely favoritism but i think a team's gonna just literally like he he goes like this to huddle up he does this stupid thing and they fucking zoom in on his fucking hand it's a fucking movie dude it's a fucking what am i watching this fucking lethal weapon where the fuck's my camera? Where is the camera? They zoomed in on it. Yeah.
Yeah. No.
Let me ask you this question. You've been watching NFL longer than me.
When was the last year that the NFL was this weird and unpredictable? Why are the commanders all of a sudden fucking great last week? Dude, two weeks in a row. I'm supposed to be like, oh, they fucking turned it

around. And now the Ravens kicked the shit out

of the Bills. Oh, that's who the fucking

Ravens are. They're going to lose this week to the Bengals.

Listen, Paul, every year

I fucking lose to the book like most people

but not like this year.

This year is just like, it's like every

team is fucking bipolar.

Yeah. No, it's weird.

I'm over it, dude. I don't give a fuck.
I just picked four fucking teams and I don't give a shit. I'm like a housewife at this point.
Speaking of that, you go first. All right.
I'm going to take the Pats minus one, playing the Dolphins. They're a chicken without a fucking head.
They don't have a quarterback. And I feel like we have a good coach.
We play good enough on the first two games that we can beat a team that's as banged up as the Dolphins are. Pat's minus one.
Now watch, we'll lose by 40. And next week we'll win by 40.
I'm going to take, I like that. I think that unfortunately the Dolphins season is horribly because of that, that, uh, I hope that two guys going to be all right, man.
I know, man. No, it's a young kid.
He's got his whole career ahead of him. I'm going to take Aaron Rogers and the New York jets getting two and a half.
Everybody thinks the Vikings, this and that. And I keep saying Sam Donald's going to lose and he hasn't yet.
But if the Jets lose this one, I just think the Jets are going to figure something out. And I think Sam Darnold is due for a bad game.
I know I said that two weeks in a row. I'm just going to take the Jets getting two and a half in Minnesota.
I'm going to take the Chiefs getting five and a half, laying five and a half Monday night. I like that officiating crew.
I think they like Taylor Swift. You know, I think the Kelsey brothers should do some more commercials.
And, you know, I think we should just gas these guys up because make them as big as they can as we wait for the next Brady, Elway, Peyton Manning to fucking show up in the league. In the meantime, we'll just keep propping these guys up.

I'm going to take them minus five and a half against Derek Carr and the Saints.

How funny is that if you were like this?

I got to tell you, I looked at the report of the officials.

These guys are good.

They don't like barbecue.

They don't like vinegar based.

They like molasses based. So I'm going to take the Chiefs over the Panthers.
All right. I like that pick.
Let's see here. You know what? I'm going to take the Commanders.
I'm going to take the Commanders. The Browns have had so many opportunities.
They just, you know, I think this Jaden Daniels kid, this rookie is really kind of good. We'll see what happens.
I could be wrong, but I think that they're going to hit a stride this year right now, and I'm going to take them minus three and a half. I don't love the half a point, to be honest, but I think that they're a better team than the Browns.
So I'm going to take the commanders. I agree with all of that, Paul.
And that's why I'm taking the Browns. Cause it makes no fucking sense that they're going to show up and win.
Oh, little head to head. Nice.
I got two head to head. I got another one coming for you.
Oh, I like it. All right.
I don't give a fuck. I'm like the angry voter right now.
I'm just waiting for some guy with the two by four. Just tell me that he's going to turn the country around and I'll vote for him, even though he can't complete a sentence.
All right. Um, Oh man, dude, I'm going to go.
I'm going to take the Packers again. I'm going to take the Packers minus three against the Rams.

I don't know who the Rams are.

One week the Rams win, the next week, I don't know.

I'm going to just fucking stick with the Packers

because their backup quarterback is good

and their first string quarterback is good.

Minus three.

Is Love playing?

Jake the Snake.

Oh, yeah, Jake.

We need a little Jake the Snake appearance. Hey, there it is.
Hey, how you doing? Get the Snake here for the ladies. What have we got? Jordan Love is expected to play this week, yeah.
There you go. Yeah, he's back.
He was back last week. You know, they're limiting him in practice, but he's going to play again.
So, yeah. Do you like him against Vince Ferragamo? Yeah, I do.

Stafford.

Matt Stafford.

Tough as nails.

Getting it done with his two top receivers out.

Yeah.

He's a great player.

Well, guess what?

I like Sam Darnold.

After saying, I don't like the quarterback with darn in his last name.

I'm going to go with the Vikings.

I just think, uh, I don't fucking know.

The Jets allegedly have a good defense. Where the fuck has that been the last few weeks?

Yeah.

Dude, I watched this fucking video on Moses Malone. Yeah.
Moses Malone, dude. You never saw it like a guy back then.
He moved like a fucking point guard. He could handle the ball.
He'd go into the trees, go up and under and do a fucking layup and pick his seven foot legs up. He could dunk on anybody in the league.
Was he seven foot? Yeah. Wow.
He was a man child. He came right out of high school, went right to the, I think he went to the ABA.
I think the Houston Rockets were ABA. I can't remember.
But I'm listening to people talking about him. And God bless Bill Walton, rest his soul.
But he goes, no, he wasn't the most skilled player. It's like, what are you talking about, dude? Yeah.
What are you talking about with your banged up feet? Your fucking headband. He wasn't the most skilled player.
The guy was fucking unbelievable. He took the 76ers to the promised land.
Yeah, I didn't even know. People can't give it up for somebody's fucking greatness.
I shit on the Chiefs. Oh, Billy hypocrite here.
No, no, no, no. You're right.
They did. Come on, man.
They know. All right.
Here we go. My fourth and final pick.
This is the one that I. I do like that Rasheed Rice.
And I also like that defense. And I like.
But what the. Holding.
Rasheed Rice is out. Rasheed Rice is out.
Rasheed Rice is out. His knee is ripped.
He's gone for a year. Oh, fuck me.
But no, they still got what's his name? I'm probably going to lose that one. Paul, can I punt this week? Is that all right? Can I just take a knee? Can I Jeff George and turn around and throw the ball out of the fucking end zone? I mean, I don't know who the Raiders are.
I haven't gone three and one in like a fucking year. I go two and two every week and every once in a while

I get a one and three

and then I fucking lose

four games to the book

every fucking year.

You all Billy wins some,

lose some.

I'm not Billy wins some,

lose some.

I'm fucking,

I'm going under.

Lifeguard is fucking talking

to some hot chick on the beach.

I'm going under

for the third time over here, Paul.

Oh, I hate this Falcons-Bucks game. It's a division game.
I hate it. What the fuck was the Buccaneers last week? I know.
I know. Where the fuck did that come from? What's going on? Oh, the Eagles.
Are the Eagles not playing? Oh, the Eagles played, right? What's going on? Why are the Eagles not on here? Is that a bye week? He's still president. The second he said he said he wasn't running i've i haven't seen him since oh dude i did a joke about that on stage in tampa i go get in the basement and shut up i want to hear him on the back porch on a rocking chair with a blanket on his legs this bills texans game is literally a pick them it.
It's a literal pick-em in Houston. The Bills are coming off a bad loss.
I'm not going to touch it. They're coming off a great win.
And then a bad loss. And then you got the fucking Arizona Cardinals.
Look at them every other fucking week. In all the years I've watched NFL football, this is the first time I feel like I'm throwing a dart at a board.
I don't know. I mean, there's a couple I like, but I don't know.
You know what I'm going to do? Paul, usually by this time of the year, you're kind of fucking starting to figure out who people are. At least I like to think.
I'm going to take, this is what I'm going to do. If they lose now, the season is over.
They just gave this kid fucking $200 million and they're 0-4. I'm going to take the Jacksonville Jaguars at home, minus two and a half against the Colts, who I believe Richardson is out.
Right, Jake? We don't know for certain. He's questionable.
He's banged up. Yeah, he's banged up.
But he could play in that game. I'm going to take Trevor Lawrence.
He seemed like a nice kid when I saw him eating a buffalo chicken sandwich at a golf course in Vegas. He's 0-4.
He's 0-4, dude. If they go 0-5, I mean, his chances are already out.
I don't like the way he's looking at his offensive coordinator.

Dude, he's looking mad

at everybody. He's looking at him like if they have any fucking answers.

Like, what are we doing here? That's the thing. The problem

is not Trevor Lawrence. It's somebody

with a clipboard isn't giving them the right shit.

Yeah, I'm

just going to take them at home because it's

under a field goal. A field goal

wins it and they're 0-4.

They're desperate in front of a home crowd. There you go.
My fourth and final pick, and I'm sticking to it. Well, I would have a better chance of picking a Korean baseball game right now than I could pick a fucking NFL game.
Yeah. If anybody is out there, whatever I picked, go the opposite.
You're going to go with anybody out there. You're going to go fucking three and one who sang that song is that van halen that was def leppard def leppard yeah what is it photograph which album bill anybody out there i think that's the pyromania album does anybody care right is that what they say Dude, by the way, Def Leppard, underrated, I think.
So good. Pyromania.
It was Pyromania. Pyromania.
What year, Andrew? Pyromania, high and dry. Those are the go-to.
1983, Pyromania, dude. I'm going to start downloading it.
You know what? I'm flying out to Washington to hang out with my buddies this weekend. Oh, we're going to Washington.
Here we go. Oh, the Jordans are packed.
The Jordans are in the fucking. The Jordans are in the luggage with the crease beast.
I'm coming out there, and I may put some Def Leppard in the ears on the wait what's the crease piece do you have shoots do you have shoe trees for your sneakers i i uh there there's a new invention bill you see he's laughing he's so excited yeah yeah yeah yeah bill wait a minute bill you know me shoe trees for your gym shoes no listen to me yeah me. Yeah.
Bill, you know, when I get excited, Bill knows me well. So the sneakers crease.
So they tried doing these. The old invention was like this ugly plastic thing.
But a sneaker head came up with it. Oh, Bill, there's got to be a better way.
Here's what I swear to God. Sneaker heads are the gayest straight people in America right now.
But this guy knew what he was doing. He came up with a cushy thing that goes in.
Oh, did he? And I'll show you. Did they look crisp and fresh? Oh, dude, they're really comfortable.
Oh, wow. I'm going to show them to you.
That's amazing, Paul. Maybe you can fucking laminate them and walk around.
They could be shiny and new your whole fucking life. No, they're inside the shoe and cushy.
I can't even, I can't even, there isn't anything more fucking boring than listening to two sneaker heads talking about which Jordans they like the best. And they're always like 50 year old guys.
Yeah. I don't like that.
The men with the flying Jordan guy in teal? Over. Dude, I got a matching bathrobe.
You're like chicks with their fucking shoes in the closet. They're sneakers.
No, no. Listen, I'm not like that.
Look at these fucking things. Jordan 1s.
Those 1s. Those are classics.
Yeah, smokes.

I didn't fucking walk around and put fucking shoe trees in them.

What's a shoe tree?

A shoe tree is what a salesman puts in those wooden things you put inside your fucking wingtips.

Oh, like when they're off.

Yeah, so you don't look like Willie Loman when they look down at your feet going, should I buy something off of this guy and your fucking shoes are collapsing like your dreams? Oh, my dad had those big wooden blocks that he had put in his shoes. Yeah, I don't know what you meant.
I know he was barefoot and his shoes had tassels on him. Garen fucking T and he had shorts, Larry Bird shorts on.
Yes, there we go. That's a shoe tree.
Yeah, my dad had the wooden ones that were like shiny. It's hysterical.
The amount of brand new Jordans that are thrown out because they get a crease in them and floating in the ocean that some sea turtles fucking floating around. Those 45-year-old men have to walk out of the house looking like it's the first day of school in eighth grade every day of life.
I don't know why people don't donate them to people that need sneakers. There's a whole fucking thing for that.
Homeless people and shit. Like, why would you throw them out? Um, I don't know what you guys do with them.
And then I don't know. Paul, I mean, I literally watched you walk on your heels for a quarter of a mile.
Yeah, those were. In Minneapolis, you walked on your fucking heels with your toes up.
That's one of the greatest laughs me and Bartnick ever had. I almost went over and took your hand.
I was going to take off my North Face and put it over a puddle. I remember that.
Trying to think which one those were. I think those were.
When are you going to stop dressing like Jay-Z in 2002, Paul? No, I don't got you. You made the album.
How crazy is that? Look what I got on now. I got these.
Oh, my God. Yeah.
These are $30 Marshall. Caitlyn Jenner threes.
These are the dad twos. Were those Reeboks? Those are Reeboks.
Yeah. Fuck, dude.
I'm just, listen, I don't give a fuck about your sneakers. I just fucking, you know.
You went one and three.

Because this fucking betting this year for me, it's just been a bad relationship.

Dude, you're doing better than I am.

Shit.

Dude, what about me?

I was down eight games.

I was ready to fucking.

People were going, hey, Verzi, I lost my house on you.

Yeah, but Paul, what you have going for you is this delusion.

Yeah. Like when I lose, I'm like, I suck.
When you lose, you're like, this isn't me. Yeah.
This is me. It's the funniest shit.
I can't see it. I can't see it.
I'm not seeing it. It's like, everybody who gambles fucking loses.
Not me. But dude, you're on your...
Paul, the only thing I have going for me this fucking season is watching you four-peat.

I don't want to put pressure on you, but if you fucking let me down – Bill, the officials are against me.

I'm like the Chiefs.

I'm glad you won this week because I didn't want to listen to you whining about another bet.

You lost by half a point.

I lost by half a point.

Well, yeah.

I mean, if you took the other team, you would have won by half a point. to say that i can't pick i can't fucking throw it in the ocean at this point have you been watching any of the uh october baseball no i gotta get off the phone i could give a fuck um really yeah i mean yeah i'm not that's brewers game that 20 year old kid went yard like fucking andrew jones back in 96 two times field, tied it up in the bottom of the ninth, and then they went ahead to tie the series up one-to-one.
I love October baseball. Bill, we won the Monday night special.
Yes, we did. I have another fucking Zoom call.
Let's do the Monday night special real quick. Yep, yep.
I got to hit to the airport anyway. Sorry to all the the fans I'm bringing the negativity but there's somebody out there that is feeling my pain all right we got the Saints and the Chiefs uh Chiefs minus five you already picked them so we'll go with that I didn't even know Rasheed Rice was out what a shame dude that kid is a fucking superstar man man.
No, I like them at home.

Do you think it's bailing the Chiefs out more than the offensive line holding every play?

Is Rasheed Rice getting open?

Oh, that kid worthy too.

That fast kid rookie is doing really good for them.

All right.

And what's going on?

Pacheco's hurt?

Jake, what's going on with Pacheco? Is he hurt? Yeah, he broke his leg, so he's going to be out for a while. But he's coming back later.
Mahomes to throw one. Kelsey to catch one.
I know. Kelsey's been quiet this year, dude.
I don't know what's going on. I think prime time under the lights, he's going to do it on a Monday night game.
Yeah, I believe in that guy. He's got, wait, you know what? He's, he's got to be due.
All right. So let's do this then.
We'll do the chiefs to the chiefs to win by six, Kelsey to catch one touches. Cause that rice kid was killing it so much.
And that worthy guy, you'll bring it up. Maybe, you know, I don't know.
So now that those, that guy's hurt. I know they're stacked, dude.
They, they got a lot of talent too i i like that bet uh mahomes to cat mahomes to throw one travis kelsey to catch one like this mahomes to go like this how many what's the under over what's the under over on that mahomes to do his shadow puppets um all right oh my god

uh yeah

I gotta get to the airport there you go

this is our picks

uh the Chiefs

to win by six Mahomes to throw one

Travis Kelsey to catch one

there you go we're gonna get the Monday night special

two weeks in a row for you guys

um there you go

at least somebody's winning

alright I gotta go dude

there you go guys I'll see you later

Oh, no. special two weeks in a row for you guys.
There you go. At least somebody's winning.

Somebody's winning.

All right.

I got to go, dude.

There you go, guys.

I'll see you later.

Next week.

Bye-bye, Paulie.

Bye, buddy.

I'll see you later.

Bye.

All right, guys.

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Look, the anything better show is coming. I know Bill is pissed off that he went one and three, but you know what? He's still right there.
I was down eight games, guys. I was down eight games.
Look, I still have to come back because this week, who knows what could happen. But now I am down four.

Okay.

We'll see what happens this week.

We got to hope.

We got to hope, guys.

But we hit the Monday night special for you guys.

Hopefully, you guys stick with me.

Stick with me at least for a little bit.

If I get really bad, then you don't have to.

But, you know, hey, look, I would go with the guy that did it three times.

Andrew, Jake, do you guys have anything else before I get out of here? I got about five minutes here. Um, no, I mean, I'm, I'm licking my wounds after another Oh and four weeks.
So I'm trying to bounce back here and, uh, catch up to you, Paul. The one thing that Bill said is right.
Like this is the first year. I just don't know who anybody is.
I don't know what's going on with the cincinnati bangles i think that's a team i obviously don't know what's going on with teams like the raiders and the broncos i don't know what's going on with the jaguars uh sam donald is all of a sudden joe montana and the minnesota vikings are the best team in football nobody saw that coming aaron rogers is staring at staring at the the press conference This reporter's pissed off because he doesn't know what the fuck is going on. It's a wild, wild time.
But like everything else, Andrew, like everything else, the universe finds a way to fix itself, right? That Jets game, they're in London. Rodgers' knees a little, you know? So, I mean, he's on a plane.
Like, that's not going to be great for him. But as far as the thesis of this week goes is not knowing the teams.
If you bet against the public so far this year, you're anywhere between, it depends on where you are, where you're booking, but, like, you know, probably anywhere between 65%, 75%. Wow.
Yeah, it's crazy. So, I mean mean you have to look at these public games like uh the ravens and the bills last week right i mean everybody was all over the bills because of the way the ravens have been so you got to look at those games and go what's up so now this week with the bills i mean that's a huge bounce back spot to a texans team's underperforming.
You know? So I liked, yeah, I like the Bills. And I like your Jaguars pick.
I like your Jaguars pick. By the way, Anthony Richardson is practicing, but he's only taken a few snaps.
The rumor is that it's going to end up being Flacco. So we'll see.
I mean, you never know. I heard that this morning.
Yeah, I mean, you never know. Flacco could come in, and I mean, God forbid.
But I just feel like, yeah. Yeah, it's a good pick.
You know, look, I feel like to review my picks real quick, I feel like Jaden Daniels, yeah, we got our picks here. We go.
Yeah. So I got the jets.
Like I said, I just, and Aaron Rogers, his leg is going to be in a fucking thermal chamber on that airplane. I'm not worried about that.
I think, I think that the commanders dude, Jaden Daniels figured something out and you know what? In week two against the Giants, I saw him starting to turn a corner. And even though they won the game, they did not look good.
The Giants could have won that game. And since that game, he's really been good.
And he's starting to get chemistry. So again, I don't like the half a point, but I do like them.
The Jaguars have to win. I mean, you have to win.
And listen, the Packers have been, the Packers and the Lions are the two, I think the Packers and the Lions are the two teams in the NFC. No disrespect to the 49ers and no disrespect to even the Vikings, but I don't think it's going to be sustained.
And I think that, I think the Packers, the packers showing a young quarterback can do it too so the vikings i think the vikings can beat any of those teams they've shown that they can but as far as the niners go i heard this this morning shout out sean green sports can the podcast he was saying that he had heard uh that this potentially could be the last season for mcafree because this injury did not, the treatment, which is fairly widely reported in Germany that he went, didn't perhaps didn't take because they didn't come out and say there was any real good news. And as far as anybody who's looking at the screen, you see like Jake and mine pick, like Jake's only got one pick in and then mine i just because i am filling this out i

just kind of put in some soft picks and then before the thursday night game i send it off to these guys so yeah jake's with you on the packers game there i i kind of like that too um yeah the rams are just a lot of injuries not a lot of consistency i'm with you on packers and commanders paulie so Hopefully we split them.

Ideally the Packers.

Do I punch you in, Jake?

Yeah, I mean, I... Not officially, but I'm leaning that way.
Yeah, it's weird, but it's also like some things need to now. You're getting to week five, so you're going to start to see teams, not tank, but it's getting to the point where if you're an NFL team, if you're an NFL team and you're 0-5 or 1-7 or 1-6 or something like that, then they really start to figure in next year.
I hate to say this to 49er fans because I do like the 49ers and I have a lot of friends who like the 49ers and I performed in front of the owner and the GM and the president of the 49ers and they couldn't have been cooler. And I really liked them.
So I don't mean any disrespect, but I did hear a sports analyst say it. I forgot who it was, but they said at the beginning of the season, they go, I was watching the 49ers and they just look exhausted.
What they've gone through to go to the Super Bowl two years in

a row I don't think people understand really what that takes a long season beat up you go to the Super Bowl or or two out of three years whatever it was you go to the Super Bowl multiple times in the last few years I should say and to get back and do it again and to keep everybody healthy and to keep everybody on the same page and to pay everybody.

Uh, it's a lot.

So I just. get back and do it again and to keep everybody healthy and to keep everybody on the same page and to pay everybody uh it's a lot so i just don't know what they could sustain and if mcafree is as bad as what you're saying if mcafree is like they're going dude this guy's leg is really screwed up i mean their backup running back is good though that injury report at the beginning of the year was really soft on McCaffrey.
It was like, eh, he's going to be okay. Like, it's not as bad.
And then it's just like, clearly it was worse. Clearly it was worse just based on preseason, based on, you know, first – like, it was just clearly it was worse.
So I just think that's the direction that it's going. I think they're protecting maybe him.
I don't know. Well, Burrow had the same thing last year, so that's how I kind of knew.
I was like, oh, McCaffrey's probably not going to play for the first few weeks because that's what happened to Burrow, but this is obviously a lot worse than what Burrow was going through. Yeah.
Also, Paul, you had mentioned you liked the Bengals in that. Do I? Let me see that game.
I know you're not taking no bill that was bill bill took all right bill i do kind of like the bangles in that spot uh kind of do like them in that spot i don't know why i mean dude their back is against the wall i mean look this is this is like you're playing for your life at home i mean you're playing life at home. You can't – if they lose that game, they're 1-5.
If they lose that game – The Ravens corners – yeah, the Ravens corners are trash, and that's literally what the Bengals have is they've got T. Higgins.
They've got Jamar Chase. They're both healthy.
They were both healthy last week, but like – I mean, Chase has been, but Higgins was there. But, yeah, it still didn't happen.
And it's division. I mean, it's a lot.
It's a good spot for the Bengals. All right, guys.
Well, listen, enjoy the week. I have to go catch an airplane.
I'm getting picked up here in like 20 minutes. You have the picks.
You guys know the offer guys bet responsibly. Enjoy it.
Don't get crazy. Uh,

look,

I was down eight.

Now I'm down four.

We'll see what happens.

We're going to try to keep fighting up this battle.

We're going to try to keep clawing up this mountain to see if I can do this.

This is like the,

like,

this is one where I'm just like,

I'm like the Niners.

I'm exhausted,

but I'm going to do it.

That's why the best.

Um,

yeah, I'll see you guys. Uh guys I'll talk to you guys next week Thank you.