Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-3-24

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 3 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And up,

Speaker 3 just check it in.

Speaker 3 Checking in on you.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 3 How's it going, everybody?

Speaker 3 I'm on my way up to Tacoma,

Speaker 3 Washington. Tomorrow morning.

Speaker 3 One more day here with the family back east.

Speaker 3 Get to play with the kiddos and everything.

Speaker 3 Fly up there early tomorrow. I got a show at the Tacoma fucking casino and resort facial Botox Center, whatever the hell it's called.

Speaker 3 I'm going to have my first cup of coffee.

Speaker 3 I just went out to get coffee a half an hour ago.

Speaker 1 Or maybe I won't.

Speaker 3 Or maybe I won't. I kind of got it out of my system.

Speaker 3 It's been been a great thing. I don't know about coffee.
Coffee is fucking, it's fucking delicious. But I'm really starting to wonder, like,

Speaker 3 you know,

Speaker 3 I don't know. It fucking dries you out, makes your shit come out like lava rocks unless you're fucking drinking a gallon of water every day.

Speaker 3 It tricks you into feeling like you're not tired, which fucks up your brain, which leads to like Alzheimer's and fucking dementia.

Speaker 3 But then there's all these other studies that say, you know, a cup of coffee a day, the caffeine, it's good for you. I mean, what do you believe?

Speaker 3 Somebody sent me this video, this absolute jerk off on Instagram. And he was talking about how to not deal with the,

Speaker 3 what do you call it? The, in the afternoon, the crash from drinking coffee. So he's giving you all these tips.
And I swear to God, he's doing the video. He's standing there.

Speaker 3 He's wearing hospital scrubs with the thing on his head like he's about to go into surgery.

Speaker 3 It's like, did you go down to the costume store? Did you go down to casting? And they fucking, are they rebooting ER?

Speaker 3 This is the only time you could make this fucking video. We need you to have credibility.
I want a guy to teach me how to build a deck.

Speaker 3 And he's dressed like the construction worker and the fucking village people.

Speaker 3 He's got a hard hat on and his fucking work boots. So I know this guy, you know, he knows stuff about fucking decks.

Speaker 3 Anyway, I've been drinking green tea with Jasmine.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 it's been fucking working for me.

Speaker 3 And I'm thinking about getting a cup of coffee. I think I'm going to do it on the because I'm going to the Michigan Wolverine Washington Huskies game, which I think is going to be a great game.

Speaker 3 You know, Michigan has a good record, but they they look really limited.

Speaker 3 They don't have really any passing or anything. It's sort of run the ball down your throat, but that's always been Big Ten football.

Speaker 3 And I'm not sure about the Huskies. I don't even know what the hell their record is.
I know their coach went to Alabama and they lost a bunch of players too. So it should be great.
But,

Speaker 3 you know, I shot my special up there. in June and I had an extra day at the Moore Theater,

Speaker 3 which was just fucking phenomenal.

Speaker 3 So we rented a boat and we went around,

Speaker 3 you know, down where all those

Speaker 3 Bill Gates guys live and everything. But we went by, we went right by the Huskies Stadium.
And I was like, oh my God, is that where the Huskies play? They play right on the water.

Speaker 3 And I was like, fuck this. We got to go to a game.
And we looked up the schedule, saw they were playing Michigan. We were like, all right, that is the game.
So we are making it happen.

Speaker 3 And old Billy Freckles, old Billy Freckles, taped in fucking June. I already have a new hour.

Speaker 1 I got a new hour.

Speaker 1 It's all over the map.

Speaker 3 You know, I'm swinging for the fences here, but I went out and I did some spots this week.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I don't know what it is. This is like the easiest hour I've ever had to write.
It's just fucking pouring out of me. Thank God.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I don't know. I think it's because I'm happy.
I'm really happy in life or whatever. And

Speaker 3 I'm fucking chill. So it's just like flowing out of me as opposed to being,

Speaker 3 it's kind of funny because, you know, for young comics, listen to this. They have that whole thing.

Speaker 3 I remember when I was coming up, I don't know what they tell you guys, the younger comics, but when I was coming up, I remember there was this stupid thing where they always say, you know, don't get too happy.

Speaker 3 You get happy, you're going to lose your funny. And it's like, that's not the case.
You're just going to have a different perspective. on how you look at the world.
You're still going to be funny.

Speaker 3 It's stupid.

Speaker 3 It's a talent. It's a gift that you have.
You You don't lose it. I guess if you stopped working on it, you would.
But I mean, if you can sing, you can sing.

Speaker 3 It doesn't make a difference if you're happy or sad, right? Why would being funny be anything different? You know,

Speaker 3 I don't know. I'm just excited that this election is almost over.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 3 and I am, I have not watched one

Speaker 3 second of it, other than for a moment

Speaker 3 my wife had on the DNC

Speaker 3 fucking whatever the hell that was, swingers party. And

Speaker 3 I mean, I don't even know, like, I don't even know what I was watching.

Speaker 3 It was just,

Speaker 3 it is just so fucking bizarre to watch politicians on both sides come out smiling like we're not completely bankrupt, like we're not stuck in these never-ending wars, like our food supply is not turned into poison, like there aren't five fucking tech nerds from fucking Silicon Valley that are going to eventually own everything.

Speaker 3 And they're coming out there ear-to-ear grin like everything is okay.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 3 It's fucking bizarre. But anyways, let's talk about shit that matters, like sports.

Speaker 3 Rest in peace to Kembe Mutumbo.

Speaker 3 Great center for the Atlanta Hawks. He had that great thing where he wagged his finger at Jordan, and then Jordan came back down and dunked on him and fucking wagged his finger back.

Speaker 3 That was fucking, that's back when men played the goddamn game.

Speaker 3 He could stand in the paint and fucking elbow people. You know, I saw this thing on Moses Malone, this highlight reel.

Speaker 3 One of my favorite big men of all time because he could handle the ball like a point guard.

Speaker 3 Go behind his back, you know.

Speaker 3 What was allowed a crossover back then? It was called a carry, so you couldn't do all that and one shit. And then he would just drive drive the lane like a number two.

Speaker 3 And he would go fucking up and under, pull his legs up, and reverse layup on like a 710 and a six foot 10-inch guy all the time. Or he would just come in and dunk on him.

Speaker 3 And I was watching this video, and there was all these great NBA players talking about him. And one of them said, you know, he wasn't the most skilled player.
It's like, what the fuck? Look at that.

Speaker 3 That's all I'm seeing seeing is skill.

Speaker 3 And he could pass. He's the reason why the 76ers finally got over the top in 83.
Moses, bring us to the promised land.

Speaker 3 I actually saw him one time. I was going into a cheesecake factory when I was on the road before I realized it was a horrific restaurant.
I went into the cheesecake factory.

Speaker 3 And he was in Houston, and he was sitting there in a booth. I couldn't believe it with like his family or something.
I was just in absolute awe. I was like, that is Moses fucking Malone.

Speaker 3 And also,

Speaker 3 rest in peace,

Speaker 3 rest in peace, Pete Rose.

Speaker 3 I got to tell you, man, that's the one

Speaker 3 this week, John Amos, all of these people, Pat. John Amos, the last cast member, I believe,

Speaker 3 from the Mary Tyler Moore to pass on. He had a reoccurring role.
He used to be in the back

Speaker 3 behind Mary and Murray, Gavin McLeod and Mary Tyler Moore before he did Good Times and did all of those films.

Speaker 3 But Pete Rose

Speaker 3 dying, even though he's like 83 or 84, what just fucking floored me is I'm old enough to remember him playing on the Reds the first time. I remember him going to the Phillies

Speaker 3 with Steve Carlton and them winning in 1980 and Manny Trio and that great team going back to the Reds, which was awesome because he just looked right in that uniform.

Speaker 3 I remember brief one him playing on the Expos for a second,

Speaker 3 breaking the Ty Cobb record and all of that,

Speaker 3 and then the whole gambling thing. And

Speaker 3 I'll be honest with you.

Speaker 3 Really thought in his lifetime, MLB and Pete were going to bury the hatchet.

Speaker 3 And I thought, you know, that eventually they were going to let him in during his lifetime. And I just can't believe that that never happened.

Speaker 3 And now, like, what do they do? They kind of have to just, like,

Speaker 3 stay with that. I almost feel like everybody from this era has to die.
And then people, like, you know, when I'm gone, they'll fucking there'll be something where they finally let them in.

Speaker 3 I can't imagine what gambling, legalized gambling will have done to the leagues by then. So it'll really be like silly.
But people do bring up that point. Like, it's kind of fucking ridiculous that

Speaker 3 MLB is in bed with all of these gambling sites and they won't let Pete Rose in the hall. That's not a fair comparison.
Because Pete Rose was a player

Speaker 3 and they didn't want you to gamble because you lose when you gamble, and then you owe people favors, and then you start fixing games. That's, I'm not saying Pete did that, but that was the fear.

Speaker 3 That's different than owners taking a cut of

Speaker 3 the proceeds and all of that.

Speaker 3 They're taking it off the crowd,

Speaker 3 and there's really no reason to fix the games because the odds are so in the favor of the casino, they're going to get their taste. It's really

Speaker 3 if you're the actual person gambling, you're going to lose, and then you're in this position of power being a player that you could do something to affect the outcome of the game and get out of debt.

Speaker 3 There are two things, but there's definitely hypocrisy in it because, and then it was also like back when Pete was doing it, gambling was illegal. So, you were

Speaker 3 in communication with unsavory people. You weren't basically in in with the mob.
Now, gambling is legal, so you are in business with a legal entity that is now paying taxes or whatever.

Speaker 3 I mean, they're just as fucking corrupt. There's never been any difference between, that was a great joke on the Penguin.
What's the difference between the mob and the government?

Speaker 3 One of them is organized, right?

Speaker 3 Silly joke or whatever, but like there's really no difference. So, but anyway, it really made me sad that

Speaker 3 they could never come around. But I understand baseball because Pete was his own worst enemy.
He used to always just,

Speaker 3 you know, just say the wrong thing. He just always said the wrong thing.

Speaker 3 Like when he finally admitted to betting on baseball after denying it for all those years, he goes, all right, I bet on baseball. Now let me in the hall.
It's like

Speaker 1 he needed.

Speaker 3 He needed like a lawyer to speak for him, to say, Pete is sorry.

Speaker 3 But what's funny is what made him such a great player and a manager and a competitor is kind of what inhibited him from like a sincere apology, I think, or

Speaker 3 an accepting one. But like,

Speaker 3 I get why they weren't putting him in, but they should have.

Speaker 3 They should have by the end. They could have easily just been like, look,

Speaker 3 he's been banned since 1989.

Speaker 3 He's sitting in casinos, signing autographs to make money. You know, he wasn't even allowed in a baseball stadium for, I don't know how, decades.

Speaker 3 You know, he was effectively punished, and nobody else since him has gotten in trouble for it. So I think that they made their point.
They could have let the guy in.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? It's...

Speaker 3 Because as much as what he did was the biggest fuck-up ever

Speaker 3 with the gambling, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 He was also one of the

Speaker 3 he was so great for fucking baseball. The guy was so fucking exciting and he was just so fucking amped up every game.
Remember when he would, he would,

Speaker 3 you know, get a guy out at first base, and then he would come running in and he would be like dribbling the baseball off the Astro Turf, just a fucking

Speaker 3 just on 11 every single game, dog day, a summer, or whatever.

Speaker 3 But whatever, what a shame that he didn't get in during his lifetime.

Speaker 3 But, you know, rest in peace to the hit king, the greatest hitter

Speaker 3 of all time. No one has more than him.
So, I mean, you got to give that up to him. And,

Speaker 3 you know, I love baseball and everything like that. As much as the home run hitters are great, like the guys that hit for average when I was coming up, you know, Rod Carew, George Brett,

Speaker 3 Paul Molliter had Wade Boggs,

Speaker 3 Tony Gwynn.

Speaker 3 I mean, just like masters, masters. And there's some great shit on like Instagram now, too, where there's this retired pitcher.
I forget the guy's name. And he just talks about each at bat.

Speaker 3 and what pitch he just threw and what he's throwing next and what he's setting the guy up for.

Speaker 3 And, you know, I saw this great clip, I mentioned it on Monday where this guy in the booth, I think for the Tigers,

Speaker 3 was saying like, he's probably going to come back with that slider and I think this hitter has a bead on it. And like the guy comes back with the slider and the guy in Detroit hits it for a home run.

Speaker 3 And it's just like,

Speaker 3 you know, as a fan, you're just watching the guy throwing. and the catcher catching it and the hitter falling it off or getting hit.
They had no idea like

Speaker 3 the rock, paper, scissors that's going on with like a

Speaker 3 hundred mile-an-hour object. It's fucking unbelievable.
So,

Speaker 3 anyway, the fact that he was able to perform at the level that he did

Speaker 3 in three different decades

Speaker 3 is incredible. So, you know, rest in peace to him.
And speaking of which, I've been watching the baseball playoffs. Playoffs, I keep, you know, I caught the end of

Speaker 3 the Royals shockingly closing out the Orioles.

Speaker 3 You'd think that would at least go three games. I mean, anything can happen in a three-game series.

Speaker 3 But the one that I've been watching has been the Mets and Brewers. And the Padres game has been coming on at the same time,

Speaker 3 which is so great that they're in the playoffs. They have a great fan base.
And they have one of the low-key, most killer ballparks in the league. But I've been watching Mets Brewers, and

Speaker 3 that kid, Jackson Churio, 20 years old,

Speaker 3 hit two home runs like it was nothing, opposite field. And he's not like a huge guy either.
I'm sure he's like

Speaker 3 solid as a rock, but like you just don't see him having that kind of power. And they like that second one was like,

Speaker 3 I think off the front of the second deck opposite field.

Speaker 3 And Garrett Mitchell with the go-ahead.

Speaker 3 And it was looking like the Mets were going to close out the Brewers in two games. So

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 3 Oh, Billy the tea drinker is all excited about fucking

Speaker 3 October baseball here

Speaker 3 and can't pick an NFL game to save his life.

Speaker 3 You'll see that on the Anything Better. I just keep getting my fucking ass.
This is the hardest year.

Speaker 3 Ever to bet. Like you cannot figure out one team from one week to the next.

Speaker 3 You know,

Speaker 3 who were the fucking commanders last weekend? And how did the Cardinals all of a sudden get good? And then the Bills kick the shit out of somebody and then get destroyed by the Ravens.

Speaker 3 And now the Ravens are playing the Bengals and they're only favored by like two and a half. Why is that?

Speaker 3 Bengals have been having a shit fucking year. I'm telling you.
I should have taken the Bengals because it makes no sense that they're going to fucking win. And that's kind of how like this year

Speaker 3 has been going. So, anyways, what the fuck is with this stupid thing?

Speaker 3 It's like my fucking wife's car. I drove that thing last night.
I fucking hate new cars. The whole inside is like lit up with like this blue shit.

Speaker 3 I felt like I was driving a goddamn aquarium down the street.

Speaker 1 And you go to park it, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

Speaker 3 The whole fucking time. How do I shut this thing off?

Speaker 1 You hold down the power button, right?

Speaker 3 What was there? A new update, and now there's a new way to shut it off.

Speaker 3 Do I gotta hold two buttons down?

Speaker 3 Is this how it works? Does that take a picture? All right, shutting it off.

Speaker 3 Alright, there we go. Is it done?

Speaker 3 It is done.

Speaker 3 Alright, so I'm getting geared up for Halloween. My son wants to go as Angus Young.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 so what we're doing is

Speaker 3 we're literally buying like a little school uniform, like legit

Speaker 3 and a tie and all of that type of stuff. It's going to be fucking amazing.
But this is the funny thing about him is like when he goes, when I put on like

Speaker 3 yesterday, he comes in. He goes, Dad, can you put on jail breaks? He calls it jail breaks.
And at first he was saying, can you put on jail break?

Speaker 3 Because that's how they sing it, you know, going to make a jail

Speaker 1 break.

Speaker 3 So he was,

Speaker 1 he's so adorable.

Speaker 3 So he's like, dad, don't put it on yet. Don't put it on yet.
And he goes in the other room and I bought this little electric travel guitar for him.

Speaker 3 He gets his backpack from school because early on when Angus would be on TV, he even wore the backpack for the whole schoolboy uniform. He puts on his backpack, then he puts on the guitar.

Speaker 3 He has to plug the cord into the guitar, which is plugged into nothing.

Speaker 3 And then

Speaker 3 he puts a hat on.

Speaker 3 And like the level that he pays attention to the videos, like when the hat comes off, when Angus brings the guitar up, he can do the, you know, the Chuck Berry duck walk now.

Speaker 1 So.

Speaker 3 I don't know. I really think he's going to stick with

Speaker 3 guitar and drums because this morning I went into his room and I heard him. He has this little toy ukulele.

Speaker 3 And he was just in there.

Speaker 3 Like he had his back to the door and I came walking in. He was just like strumming the thing

Speaker 3 and like pretending he was like playing guitar and everything. It's like really

Speaker 3 amazing.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 3 To have your son be like that into the exact same band that you were into is pretty wild. So,

Speaker 3 anyway, speaking of which, I'm going up to

Speaker 3 leave here. I'm going up to fucking Washington, as I said, going up to Tacoma.
And I don't know, what do you guys think about this Michigan

Speaker 3 Huskies game?

Speaker 3 I thought, you know, once they lost to Texas, got destroyed, I thought USC was going to beat them. And I was like, oh, man, this is going to be a bad game.

Speaker 3 I'm going to go up there and watch Washington kick the shit out of him. Now I feel like they got a shot.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 we shall see.

Speaker 3 Here's something that I would like to fucking bring to the United States of America. Now that I'm on tea and I'm not drinking coffee anymore.
This should be like a half hour, 45-minute nap

Speaker 3 in the afternoon. Now, you know, these corporate, heartless, reptilian cunts would never allow that.
But if you could somehow convince them

Speaker 3 that in the long run, it was going to increase productivity after the nap for the rest of the day rather than everybody just walking around because they ate shitty American food, they're fucking

Speaker 3 whatever, glucose, your salt, your sugar, whatever. Something's through the roof, and you're inevitably going to crash.

Speaker 3 And then you got to drink a cup of coffee to trick your body into thinking you're not fucking tired.

Speaker 3 And it's like basically driving a car around with low oil, and eventually you're going to fucking burn burn out the engine.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 3 I don't know. I think I'm gonna start doing, like, I've been writing this script with a buddy of mine

Speaker 3 and I'm gonna fucking suggest to him, I'm just gonna say, every day at two o'clock, can we just fucking, you know,

Speaker 3 you can keep writing. I'm gonna go in the other room.
I'm starting to yawn now, just think of it, and just fucking taking a half-hour nap.

Speaker 3 Like they do in other parts of the world that have like real food. You know, not saying they don't have their fucking problems.

Speaker 3 Do you know what I mean? How great would that be?

Speaker 3 I mean, could you run for president on that platform?

Speaker 3 And if elected, all companies would be required, that would get you assassinated, you get fucking whacked.

Speaker 3 All companies would be required to let their employees take a 45-minute lunch, I mean, 45-minute nap

Speaker 3 every day at 2 p.m.

Speaker 3 But then that one introduced like, where would they sleep?

Speaker 3 And what if you hired a pervert who's like pretending he's sleeping, but he's really sipping coffee so he can stay awake during nap time and do God knows what to everybody zonked out?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 3 It could be amazing. That's something I want to look up.
Countries that allow naps.

Speaker 3 Wouldn't that be funny if that was like the fucking reason you moved? Like, you don't give a shit what government they have.

Speaker 3 They could have the harshest dictator ever, and you're just like, wait, you're telling me

Speaker 3 every day at 2 p.m. though? Listen, I know he's out there torturing people to death, and we're all starving.
And he fed his uncle naked to some dogs.

Speaker 3 But I get a nap every day at 2 p.m.

Speaker 3 That's fucking amazing.

Speaker 3 I think I can do this.

Speaker 3 What kind of food you got over here? Is it actual food? If I can get actual food and a nap in the afternoon, wouldn't that be fucking amazing? Do you know how fucking stunned,

Speaker 3 for those of you not in my country, how stunned me and my fellow Americans would be if

Speaker 3 they actually did something

Speaker 3 for the general population that was positive other than just trying to figure out another way to wring another fucking dollar out of your wallet?

Speaker 3 They did something for the environment. They did something for the food supply.
And they let you take a nap.

Speaker 3 You know?

Speaker 3 And they just dialed it back like 15%

Speaker 3 on this whole fucking, what do they call it, grind culture?

Speaker 3 Jesus Christ, how low is that guy flying?

Speaker 3 You ever have a helicopter fly over your house, and at first it's like, oh, that's cool. Then you start going, is that guy going to hit my house?

Speaker 3 Is he dive bombing down there?

Speaker 3 Anyway, oh, I went on a fucking

Speaker 3 great flight the other day.

Speaker 3 I flew to this uncontrolled airport that I'd kind of been avoiding because it's always like really busy over there. They always feel like there's like four or five people in the pattern.

Speaker 3 And, you know, it's always like, you know, people flying those Cessnas, and I'm flying a helicopter, so they go faster, and they fly at a higher altitude.

Speaker 3 And a lot of times they can't see what's beneath them. And I just, I just really

Speaker 3 don't like that shit. So I was just like, all right, I'm never going to that airport.
And just the other day, I was like, you know what? Fuck this.

Speaker 1 I'm going to that airport.

Speaker 3 I'm going to give this a shot. Did I talk about this? Was this Monday or Sunday? When the fuck did I do this? I hope I didn't already talk about this.
Yeah, so I went to this airport cable.

Speaker 3 I did talk about this. All right, well, there you go.
I'm still fucking proud of myself that I was able to figure it out. It was funny, you know, facing your fears.

Speaker 3 I go over there, and there's nobody in the pattern.

Speaker 3 And there was just one guy,

Speaker 3 you know, in the run-up area waiting to get on the

Speaker 3 runway.

Speaker 3 And I was able to just go,

Speaker 3 there's like a little rock quarry there. And this other helicopter pilot goes, just fly over that, then cut across midfield, do a 270, and land right at the helipads

Speaker 3 that are right at the beginning of 2.4.

Speaker 3 I did it, and it was great. It was fucking amazing.

Speaker 3 But I will tell you this: it was fucking hot as balls. And we're going to have another heat wave out of here.
People, it's October.

Speaker 3 It is October, and we're still having heat waves out here. This fucking global warming shit is terrifying.

Speaker 3 Like, how much longer, you know?

Speaker 3 When the fuck are they going to do something?

Speaker 3 I have this, okay, here's what my theory is. You know, these scientists talk about how there's like a zillion other Earths out in the solar system that have the exact same

Speaker 3 ecosystem that we have?

Speaker 3 There's a part of me that thinks that the people that run shit have the technology to leave this one

Speaker 3 and go to the next one.

Speaker 3 And what they do is they just go around

Speaker 3 ruining these earths, and then they just go on the next one and they just leave us all down here to fry up in the sun or kill each other off or whatever, wait for the oceans to rise up.

Speaker 3 Isn't that a happy thought?

Speaker 3 That's the thought of a coffee drinker, Bill. I thought you were drinking fucking green tea with Jasmine.

Speaker 3 Anyway, I'm really excited to go up to

Speaker 3 Tacoma and do this new hour. And then my next shows are going to be in Paris, France.
And then I have this killer run run of dates going up the 99

Speaker 3 freeway out here in California. Basically playing a bunch of old Fox theaters that are going to have incredible history everywhere from like, well, first of all, I'm doing

Speaker 3 the Libby amphitheater or whatever in Ojai. That's where I start.
And then I go to Bakersfield.

Speaker 3 Fresno, Stockton. There's one other town in there that begins with a V.
I can't remember what.

Speaker 3 But I I should have my hour down after that week. So I will be ready to go.
I did the goddamn work. I'll have my new hour ready.
I'm getting off book for Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross.

Speaker 3 You know?

Speaker 3 I don't know. What the fuck else can I be? And I'm not watching any of this election coverage, so I still feel pretty

Speaker 3 good about myself.

Speaker 3 Oh, God, these two choices. You got to listen to this fucking idiot Donald Trump for four years, or you have to listen to somebody that talks through their nose.

Speaker 3 Or you know what? You know something? Here's one. It doesn't matter because I'm not going to pay attention to any of it anyway because

Speaker 3 it doesn't matter because the corporations and the banks run the fucking shit anyways. There you go.

Speaker 3 So you just hang out, you watch October baseball and you fucking play with your kids. Is that the solution? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 3 or you're like that Tesla guy, not Tesla guy, the Twitter guy.

Speaker 3 He's building a rocket, he's trying to get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 3 you know what?

Speaker 3 I don't think he has status because he's new money, he's new money to the Illuminati people, and he's showing up, you know, and he's trying to look like he's a blue blood, he's trying to look like he has the good genes.

Speaker 3 So he gets the hair plugs, he gets the Botox, he laminates his face and everything, and

Speaker 3 trying to trick these fucking lizard people into the fact that he's figured out how not to age. And they're still like, yeah, buddy, you're not getting on the ship.

Speaker 3 So he's like, all right, I'll fucking build my own. And he's acting like he's doing it so he can give us rides.

Speaker 3 First of all, dude, you got to be out of your fucking mind

Speaker 3 to get on one of those fucking Twitter rockets.

Speaker 3 Twitter rocket.

Speaker 3 Social media fucking rocket.

Speaker 3 You know, that's like that, you know what? The first thing I thought of when I saw him making that rocket was that fucking

Speaker 3 man, that man-made, the fucking do-it-yourself submarine that was going down to the Titanic.

Speaker 3 Oh my God.

Speaker 3 If he had to choose between the two,

Speaker 3 fucking burning up on re-entry or imploding, you got to go with imploding,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 3 Super fast. Although I would feel like if you burned up on re-entry, that's got to be a quick one, too.

Speaker 1 I think that's just,

Speaker 1 I think it's done.

Speaker 3 I didn't know

Speaker 3 I had an impression of burning up in re-entry. That's my impression of it.
If you guys can top it, let me know.

Speaker 3 And then I feel like imploding

Speaker 3 in a do-it-yourself submarine, I think you're just talking to people. Going, so how long is it going to.
And then it's just it. How long do you think it's gonna take to get

Speaker 3 I just do a bit about that? And then you're fucking dead, and you're in you, you're fucking sitting across the desk from God,

Speaker 3 and he has like his back to you because he wasn't expecting you for like another fucking 30 years. And then you're like,

Speaker 3 and he turns around, what the fuck are you doing here?

Speaker 3 Oh, I died.

Speaker 3 You died doing what?

Speaker 3 I was, this guy built a submarine.

Speaker 3 And we went down to look at the Titanic.

Speaker 3 You know, God, God has to deal with fucking people dying every second. So he probably doesn't even remember Titanic, Titanic.
Why does that ring a bell?

Speaker 3 Oh, you mean that fucking ship? They were talking shit to me?

Speaker 3 Not even God could sink it, so I flicked a couple of ice cubes out of my drink. I remember that.

Speaker 3 What do you mean you were going down to look at it? For what?

Speaker 3 Fucking morbid son of a bitch. Well, now you can look at all the dead people you want.
Welcome.

Speaker 3 Welcome.

Speaker 3 Here we are.

Speaker 3 Anyway, I'm babbling here.

Speaker 3 I got to get off my life here. And so are you guys.
All right, that's the podcast. Have a great weekend, you cons.

Speaker 3 Go blue.

Speaker 3 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday,

Speaker 3 October 3rd, 2016. What's going on? How are you?

Speaker 3 Oh, shit. Wait a minute.
Today was supposed to be the fucking first day of the pink football, and I didn't see any of that shit out there.

Speaker 3 Did they abandon it? Did I dream that it went away?

Speaker 3 They probably walked away. Too many people were getting wise.
They made their money. The old filthy, stinking NFL snuck away.

Speaker 3 Throw their pink money to raise awareness. Ah, yeah, you know, we'll fuck, you know, we made our fucking money off of it.

Speaker 1 We'll, uh, we'll, we'll, maybe there's a, I don't know.

Speaker 3 I should, I, I thought it was in October. Isn't that when the pink lady takes in all that money because everybody's suffering? Fucking asshole, to buy yourself a pink yacht.
Isn't that how it works?

Speaker 3 You know, and then everybody walks around with a little fucking pink

Speaker 3 pocket square or some shit.

Speaker 3 Let's take a moment of silence to listen to all the money that is not going towards the disease we all think we're trying to fight right now.

Speaker 3 Jets pass over. Fucking somebody eats some fucking cotton candy.
And on to the games.

Speaker 3 All right, I'm not going to be like this, okay? It's Sunday when I'm recording this. I just got back from...

Speaker 3 A fun weekend. I did two nights in Madison, Wisconsin.
And then I did a gig in Omaha, Nebraska. Went into the Cornhuskers game versus Illinois, which is a great time.

Speaker 3 Legendary, legendary football stadium. Can't believe I finally got there.

Speaker 3 Back in the day, I used to do, I'm going to actually talk to my agent because I used to do so many fucking college gigs back in the day when I was coming up.

Speaker 3 And then somewhere along the line, you know, you get a following and then you just go to the city and you either go to the club. Or if you're lucky, you go to a theater or some shit.

Speaker 3 And somewhere along the line, I just kind of, I got out of doing, I want to get back to doing that shit. But all I remember was I did a zillion fucking colleges in Nebraska and Kansas.

Speaker 3 I was forever flying into fucking Kansas City and driving out to Hayes.

Speaker 3 Is Hayes, Nebraska?

Speaker 3 Is it Hayes, Canada? I can't even remember. Dodge City,

Speaker 3 Grand Junction.

Speaker 3 I can't remember the names of them. It was so fucking long ago.
I just remember when you got on the 80 in Nebraska. Jesus Christ, Cleo, you're going to scratch the whole podcast, buddy?

Speaker 1 Huh?

Speaker 3 Come here.

Speaker 3 Let me help you with that. It's under your collar.
I got you. I got you.
I got you. There it is.
There it is. Oh, look at that face.
And when they stick their face out a little further.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's the spot. There it is.

Speaker 3 Good?

Speaker 3 All right, great. Okay, anyways, Jesus.

Speaker 1 Go on. Go lay down.
Go lay down, buddy. Come on.
Come on.

Speaker 3 So you go across the 80.

Speaker 3 You get about halfway across the state, and there was this weird, like a fucking footbridge would just go across this highway.

Speaker 3 And major highway. I mean, you can basically take that thing all the way out to San Francisco if you go west.
And I think it,

Speaker 3 I don't know where the hell that one dies. I drove the 70 the whole way.
That one dies somewhere. I drove it from like...

Speaker 3 picked it up in like Utah off of the 15, drove the 70 all the way into like fucking Pennsylvania like a madman.

Speaker 3 I can tell you that I drove cross country in like three and a half days by myself with all my shit in my car, my big square fucking TV,

Speaker 3 you know, parking next to, you know, in parking lots, sleeping.

Speaker 3 I wouldn't even get a fucking hotel room. I got a hotel room one night, but then I had to like pick the fucking TV up and take it in.
It was just a pain in the ass. So I was just like, ah, fuck it.

Speaker 3 The next night I slept in the car. Anyways, I drove like a fucking lunatic, like 70, 80 miles an hour the whole way there.
and um

Speaker 3 didn't get pulled over till i got to the george washington bridge and that's when i got pulled over and the cop came up the window and go you know it's funny i drove here all the way from los angel the guy goes shut the fuck up and give me a

Speaker 3 he didn't he didn't he didn't give a shit about how how i thought it was a funny little moment that you know i just drove fucking 2,500 miles and I didn't have a problem.

Speaker 3 And I got down to the last three miles of my trip. And then I'm getting a ticket.
And this man did not give a shit. And he gave me a ticket.
So,

Speaker 3 anyways, I'd done a bunch of college gigs out there. So throughout the years, that's how I went to all the baseball stadiums, football, and all that shit when I was on the road.
And

Speaker 3 every fucking time I would be anywhere near Nebraska,

Speaker 3 if they had a game, it was always at night. Or if they had a game, they were on the road.
And I was never able to go. So fortunately, I finally got to go.
And it was pretty cool.

Speaker 3 I actually met Larry the cable guy there. I'd never met him, seen him, you know, blow up throughout the years and got to hang out with him.
And he's like the fucking president out there. So,

Speaker 3 like, they had like that, all their Heisman Trophy winners were there that day. So, Mike Rozier came in and actually got a picture with him.

Speaker 3 And Larry, the cable guy, photo bombed it in the background. I was there with Nate Craig.
We had a great fucking time.

Speaker 3 So, thanks to Larry for letting us in to his

Speaker 3 fucking, what do you have you called? The living room, the suite there. It was just great.
But, anyways, the

Speaker 3 stadium was amazing. Those people are fucking loud, too.
That wasn't like the most riveting game either. Like the first half, of course, the part that I saw before I had to drive back up to Omaha

Speaker 3 kind of sucked. And also,

Speaker 3 it really sucked because I bet Nebraska and they were given 20 and a half points.

Speaker 3 And halfway through the second quarter, I'm just thinking, why the fuck?

Speaker 3 Would I give 20 and a half points to Lovey Smith? This guy,

Speaker 3 this guy fucking coached in the NFL.

Speaker 3 Sorry, I'm Yona here. Guy coached in the NFL for like, I don't know how many goddamn years.
Now he's at the college level.

Speaker 3 You're going to give, I'm going to give this guy 20 and a half fucking points. And Larry kept going, ah, don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.

Speaker 3 We scored more points in the fourth quarter than anybody else. And they actually came back and they made it close.
But by then, I was long gone.

Speaker 3 And we drove up and had a great show in Omaha, which I've never done

Speaker 3 a gig there. I've landed at that fucking airport a zillion times, but I have never

Speaker 3 done like an adult show. There was always like a college show.
So

Speaker 3 that was, it was just a great fucking weekend. But I come home today.

Speaker 3 I came home really early because I wanted to come home, watch the Patriots, see if we could go 4-0. And I knew this was going to be our

Speaker 3 toughest game because Rex Ryan really gets up for the fucking Patriots and Bill Belichick and all that. And

Speaker 3 we got a butts kicked, basically.

Speaker 1 We lost on all levels.

Speaker 3 Offensive line, couldn't protect

Speaker 3 whoever the fuck's our quarterback, NC State guy there.

Speaker 3 Got our asses kicked on special teams. And, you know, when you keep going three and out, your defense is going to get tired.
But I got to tell you something.

Speaker 3 After all of that bullshit, to only lose 16 to nothing, I was pretty happy with that. And now, fucking what's his face? Tom Brady's back.
So it's over.

Speaker 3 It's fucking over. The whole fucking thing is behind us now.
You know,

Speaker 3 I was worried, what if we go 0-4?

Speaker 3 You know, 1-3 would suck. 2-2 would be great.
3-1 would be ridiculous, and 4-0 is like fucking impossible. We went 3-1.
And then meanwhile, the crybaby Colts, oh, your balls were too squishy.

Speaker 3 Just waiting once we came through.

Speaker 3 Those fucking cunts went 1-3.

Speaker 3 Those fucking cunts flew to the other side of the world to get their asses whipped by the fucking Jacksonville Jaguars. You know what? And in the end of all of this bullshit, the Patriots are 3-1.

Speaker 3 The Colts are 1-3. The football guards have spoken.

Speaker 3 Fucking horseshit.

Speaker 3 Dumbest, fucking, most pathetic ass fucking, every fucking, it drives me nuts.

Speaker 3 I keep saying I'm going to stop talking about I keep going up and I just, I keep looking up the Colts and all the fucking shit that they did and just nothing. They get nothing.

Speaker 3 Suck for luck. Remember that? Let's tank a whole fucking football season.

Speaker 3 Ben Andrew Luck wishes they didn't do that, huh?

Speaker 3 Anyway, so it's all back to normal, and you guys can all fucking relax because I'm never going to talk about this again.

Speaker 3 I'm never going to trash Jim Mercy again. I make a promise.
I'll promise you guys that I will go at least,

Speaker 3 I'd say 30 minutes into the next podcast before I trash him. Nah, I don't know.
Whatever the next fucking things he does, I'll fucking trash him again.

Speaker 3 But I'm just like Tom Brady's coming back, coming back against Cleveland, which is a decent team. It's where fucking Belichick used to coach.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 then they let him go. They fired Bill Belichick.

Speaker 3 Who knew?

Speaker 1 Who knew?

Speaker 3 Did anybody watch that Clemson fucking Louisville game, man?

Speaker 3 I was on stage when I was in Omaha, so I missed the first half, but I came back about midway through the third quarter. What a fucking unbelievable game.

Speaker 3 I also missed Tennessee. Tennessee had, like, if it wasn't for the Clemson Louisville game, basically had the game a week, two weeks in a row.
I think they're undefeated at 4-0 or 5-0.

Speaker 3 2-0 in the SEC.

Speaker 3 Just a bunch of great games. And I got to talk to people like my people, all right?

Speaker 3 People in Massachusetts, people in New York, places where I've lived. Those are pro football

Speaker 3 cities. I'm telling you, you're fucking missing out.
I feel bad for you if you're not into college football.

Speaker 3 I understand if you're married, you got kids, and at some point you got to take them out for a fucking ice cream. I get that, but you're fucking missing out.

Speaker 3 I would just say, just pick a fucking team. You know, I was never like a BC Eagles fan.

Speaker 3 I liked Boston University. And their football team, you know, doesn't exist anymore for whatever fucking reason.
I don't know what happened.

Speaker 3 I used to go to those games when I was a kid at Nickerson Field there,

Speaker 3 where I also went and I saw a USFL game. I saw the Boston Breakers versus the Washington Federals.
We won, of course.

Speaker 3 The place was packed, too.

Speaker 3 I don't know. So

Speaker 3 just pick a fucking team. Just pick a team to follow.
Don't be a douche and pick Alabama.

Speaker 3 But you got to pick somebody competitive or you're not going to get into it. So I picked LSU and I'm going to see LSU next week when they play Florida.
And I don't know, it's going to be a weird.

Speaker 3 I hope that game doesn't suck. I didn't see how LSU did this week, but I know that they fired less in their fucking offensive coordinator.
So

Speaker 3 it's kind of crazy to do that in the middle of a fucking season. I've never really seen that before.

Speaker 3 But, anyways, I made an ass of myself, as always, when I landed in Nebraska because we had to get up at 7 in the morning.

Speaker 3 Because I thought the fucking game was at 12.30. I don't know if when I was out here, when I bought the tickets, if it just said

Speaker 3 it was just doing like Pacific Coast time, because we were two hours behind him. I don't know why you would do that.
So I thought the game was at 12.30. So I got like 7 a.m.

Speaker 3 flights out of fucking Madison, Wisconsin, connecting Chicago, O'Hare, which is always a nightmare. You know, that fucking airport's like nine miles long, right?

Speaker 3 So we fucking

Speaker 3 we connect there and then we land and when I got off, I was so fucking tired and I had gone out the night before like a fucking asshole and when I landed I saw this kid when I was going to the rental car place he had this Kansas Jayhawks shirt on and I've always loved Kansas I don't know why I was just one year I just I started watching them

Speaker 3 I just liked them you know and

Speaker 3 So I've always wanted to go to the field house and everything. So I saw it and I was like half asleep and I was just like, oh shit, Kansas, you Jayhawks fan? He goes, yeah.

Speaker 3 I go, they play in Lincoln or Omaha. Like, I wasn't even thinking.
Like, and the kid's like, they play in Lawrence, Kansas.

Speaker 3 And I just walked away. And I was so fucking tired, it didn't even hit me until Nate started laughing at me.
I was like, oh, my God, he's going to think I'm a fucking idiot.

Speaker 3 He was like, yeah, I listened to the podcast and everything.

Speaker 1 I was just like, oh, yeah, Kansas.

Speaker 3 Do they play in Nebraska? That's basically what I said to him. And he just sort of looked at me like,

Speaker 1 no.

Speaker 3 He probably walked away, like, wow, that really isn't an act. He really is that fucking stupid.

Speaker 3 So, anyways, I want to read this thing to you.

Speaker 3 This is one of my favorite things that I've seen in a while. The Ryder Cup in golf.
All right. I'm sorry that this is all fucking sports.
You know, I can talk Trump for a second if you want to.

Speaker 3 What is this horse shit that they get the guy's fucking tax

Speaker 3 information? Somebody sent that in.

Speaker 3 All right. I love everybody go, oh, somebody, somebody that works for him sends it in.
Now, why aren't they being prosecuted for something?

Speaker 3 Like, you just can't take somebody's fucking tax refund and send it in. And then the fucking, they, all they got is like,

Speaker 3 they got like one year of his shit or something like that.

Speaker 3 And they just looked at it and he claimed a fucking 900-something million-dollar loss when his casino went out of business or something like that. And then they go,

Speaker 3 and he legally found these loopholes.

Speaker 3 Keyword there is legal.

Speaker 3 So I don't understand. And I fucking can't stand the guy.
And

Speaker 3 I'll tell you, I'm not voting for that fucking guy. I'm not voting for fucking Hillary either.
And fuck all you cunts who go, well, if you don't vote for Hillary, that's like voting for Trump.

Speaker 3 Go fuck yourself. It isn't.
I'm going to try to find somebody,

Speaker 3 you know,

Speaker 3 that's, I don't know, remotely fucking honest. to try to encourage more honest people to run for this fucking office.

Speaker 3 I just don't understand all the pussies out there that just cave and go, these are our two choices. I'll just fucking pick one of these.
And if, you know,

Speaker 3 like they keep writing, I guess it's this guy, Gary Johnson, people are freaking out about. Like, he's the next fucking great white hope, you know.

Speaker 3 He's going to somehow stop the bankers, right? Or some shit. And

Speaker 3 so they keep writing these fucking articles because they're worried that they just make the assumption that

Speaker 3 if you didn't vote for Gary Johnson, that you would vote for,

Speaker 3 what's her face? Oh, crooked fucking Kathy there. Hillary Clinton.
I hate when they do that. Like they don't understand what people are doing when they vote for

Speaker 3 a third option.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 It's you're saying fuck these two people and fuck both those political parties. They just always assume that when you go that to that third party that you're really a Democrat.

Speaker 3 Like there's no Republican out there sitting there going, there's no fucking way I could vote for Trump or Hillary. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 3 Anyways, let's, let's, uh, but the guy fuck, like, somebody swipes his fucking tax return. That can't be fucking legal.
I don't think this guy has it laying around. Somebody, it's from 1995.

Speaker 3 Somebody obviously snooping for the fucking thing. Like, basically, there was a legitimate crime committed.
The New York Times looks at his fucking tax refund.

Speaker 3 All they can say is that he legally legally found loopholes. So great.
So then he didn't cheat on his taxes.

Speaker 3 I don't know, like the fucking Clintons pay taxes. What the fuck are they doing? Throw their daughter a $3 million fucking wedding?

Speaker 3 The best, the most money Bill Clinton ever made was $400,000 a year fucking his president until he started giving all those speeches to the cunts that funded him. They washed all their bribe money.

Speaker 3 They're all filthy. Oh, I'm the angry voter.
i'm gonna write in my dog hate when people now that's that's throwing your fucking vote away like everybody in washington goes wow

Speaker 3 this guy was so fed up he wrote his dog's name in guys i think we all need to stop and figure out what we're doing cleo why are you so itchy

Speaker 3 cleo

Speaker 3 did you get into something

Speaker 3 this dog we got this great backyard as we're waiting for the fucking kitchen to get done did i tell you guys what happened did i tell you when they went into the floor what the fuck they found found?

Speaker 3 That's now going to make it go an extra two fucking weeks.

Speaker 3 And we don't have this place as long as that, so I think I'm going to be staying in a fucking hotel. It's just, I don't know why we did it.
I don't know why we did it.

Speaker 3 I mean, I was kind of all for, hey, why don't we just stay in the house until it catches on fire?

Speaker 3 And when the cloth wiring flashes or whatever the fuck it does and just burns the whole thing down, we just walk away from this. Wouldn't that be great?

Speaker 3 Do you ever think of how fucking great having everything you own just burned to the fucking ground? As long as you got some money in the bank.

Speaker 3 Obviously, if you don't have any money in the bank, that would be fucking.

Speaker 3 But if you just get, you know, you're working,

Speaker 3 you could just walk away from all of it, right? No more trips to goodwill, right? No more, nothing sentimental that you just can't get rid of anymore.

Speaker 3 It's just all, you got the fucking shirt on your back. You're like fucking Johnny Appleseed.

Speaker 3 You know?

Speaker 3 I got to tell you, the longer I live, the more urge I have. Like, I was out in Nebraska and I was fucking in like Wisconsin and I was envious.

Speaker 3 I was like, look at all this fucking space these people have. Look at those trees.
Look at that. They have water.

Speaker 3 Shit doesn't just catch on fire out here. Sure, they got them tornadoes out there.

Speaker 3 You know?

Speaker 3 But I went down this road when I was in Wisconsin. I swear to God, it's like one of those roads that they shoot a car commercial on.

Speaker 3 And I was just out there like in Nebraska going, this right here, this is where you could actually, you could have a fast car.

Speaker 3 You could ride a fucking motorcycle and not worry that someone's going to fucking kill you every three seconds. You could actually get your car,

Speaker 3 you know, up to 80, 90 miles an hour out here.

Speaker 3 LA, you got to try to do it at three in the morning, and you get on the fucking highway, and that's the only time those poor baskets can try to fix the fucking thing.

Speaker 3 So then they have it all go down to one lane, and you're sitting in traffic again at three in the morning.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 it's beautiful. I fucking love Wisconsin, man.
I'm a big fan of Milwaukee, too.

Speaker 3 And Nebraska was the shit.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 3 I think I would slowly, you know, who would go crazy? My wife would go crazy if I brought her out there. First of all, because she'd probably be like one of the only black people in fucking Nebraska.

Speaker 3 But I would also be able to leave. You know, I could fly around and go do gigs and go to a big city and then fucking come back.
You know, it'd be hilarious.

Speaker 3 Then, then she'd want to be a road dog with me. Like, then she'd be all excited.
Where are you going? I want to go.

Speaker 3 Because, like i don't know if you guys notice but nia never goes on the road with me unless i go i'm going if i go to miami all of a sudden she wants to support me because i get lonely out there if i go to new york city

Speaker 3 anytime i leave the country you know but when i really fucking need her you know

Speaker 3 when i'm fucking

Speaker 3 going to i don't know going out to el paso or some shit like that but i can't even say that because i had a great time when i was there that's the fucking thing when i go on the road i whatever people do i i just people there's no way people just sit around not having fun.

Speaker 3 They're going to figure out how they're going to have fun. You just got to figure out where the fuck it is.
And, you know, who knows?

Speaker 3 Next thing you know, you're in Jacksonville, Florida at a fucking gun range, shooting a gun with the silencer. I actually got to fucking do that.

Speaker 3 And everybody, whenever they bring up Jacksonville, oh my God, there's nothing there.

Speaker 3 All I think about is feeling like I was in the Secret Service, right?

Speaker 1 Right, Cleo?

Speaker 3 One of those James Bond fucking movies? It was a disappointing sound, by the way.

Speaker 3 The silencer. It didn't have that cool fucking movie sound.
It goes like pew, pew. Didn't sound like that.
It had a metal clanky sound. It was really quiet.
If you were a light sleeper, you'd wake up.

Speaker 3 It'd be like, did somebody just get killed in the other room? But if you're like a normal sleeper, Cleo, you can't scratch the whole podcast, all right?

Speaker 3 Now, goddamn it, you weren't scratching it all before I started. And the second this thing comes on, just lay on the wires.
Come here,

Speaker 3 do you have any concept of a podcast?

Speaker 3 Do you? You can't just lay on the mixer.

Speaker 3 You're just looking at me like, can you fucking start rubbing my belly here? Or what? What are we trying to do here?

Speaker 3 All right, so let me get to my favorite fucking thing I've read in a long time.

Speaker 3 Clear, you got to get off the wires. That's my fault.
I called you off. I love you, buddy, but you got to go.
Go on, get over there.

Speaker 3 Go on, go see mommy.

Speaker 1 Go see mommy. Go on.
Go on.

Speaker 3 I love that she knows what that means.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 I got to read this fucking thing here. All right, so the Ryder Cup is like, I don't know what it is.
I fucking hate golf. I don't hate it.
I like smoking cigars.

Speaker 3 I like getting drunk, but I just can't fucking.

Speaker 3 The fucking asshole stand over the ball for like nine hours. You're going to slice it.
Just fucking hit the thing and drop another one. And they all fucking.
You want to talk about fucking cheaters?

Speaker 3 Jesus fucking Christ.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 I had a six.

Speaker 3 Six, what?

Speaker 3 Fucking lost balls, you asshole. We fucking saw you whacking at it.

Speaker 3 One of my favorite things to do when I golf is I count every fucking stroke. If I'm on the fucking,

Speaker 3 if I'm teeing off, whatever the fuck you call it, all right?

Speaker 3 If I swing and miss, I count that fucking thing. Because people are like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I was trying.
That counts. You cheating cunt.

Speaker 3 You know why there's so much cheating in fucking golf? Because the people, generally speaking, who play it are not fucking athletic. You got a lot of bankers.
You got a lot lot of stuffed shirts.

Speaker 3 You got a lot of people just motivated by fucking money. They were never picked in gym class, okay? They had their underwear yanked up over their fucking head.
And it had this anger in them.

Speaker 3 Oh, I'm going to show them. Someday when I come back to the fucking high school reunion, I'm going to have this fucking unbelievable car or whatever the fuck it is that deal.

Speaker 3 Or maybe they're born into money. Or maybe I'm just completely full of shit and I don't like the sport because

Speaker 3 my legs are white like the mozzarella. Maybe that's what it is.
But anyways,

Speaker 3 I've been telling you guys that I really like wearing golf clothes. It's so fucking comfortable.

Speaker 3 It's breathable and movable because there's so many fat, fucking unathletic fucks that play that game and they got to walk around. Who's kidding who?

Speaker 3 They get the golf cart and they waddle up to their fucking ball. You know what I mean? They got all this shit.

Speaker 3 Their fucking socks matches a stripe in their collar, right? They got the baggy shit on. And you know them,

Speaker 3 when they go fucking, when they go back with the club and they gotta move that that fucking mush of mantits and belly underneath that shirt you know what i mean like like the way your lat is or where their lat should be right there's all this this said it's all marbled and that shirt has to fucking stretch right so because of those fucking people complaining to the clothing companies like that i'm telling you The shit is crazy how comfortable it is.

Speaker 3 I love it. My wife hates it.
So anyway, so the Ryder Cup is basically when the Americans Americans play, I don't know, I guess we play Great Britain and somebody else who gives a fuck about golf.

Speaker 3 And it's country versus country. It's like the Olympics, except nobody really gives a shit, right?

Speaker 3 I know people care, right? So anyways,

Speaker 3 there's some fucking guy, Danny Willett, and he has a brother, and his brother

Speaker 3 just went off on Americans, the American fans.

Speaker 3 It's fucking hilarious. And I guess, of course, it's some big goddamn controversy because somebody had the nerve to call Americans, you know.
I don't know. I don't, I've never understood why

Speaker 3 you can't do that. Or why if somebody's, if your brother says something fucked up and you're in the public eye, all of a sudden you have to answer for it.

Speaker 3 Like this guy was like stammering, like apologizing for the guy. I'd be like, who said it?

Speaker 3 Your brother.

Speaker 3 Who? Who said the thing that you're upset about? Who said it?

Speaker 3 My brother, right, yeah. Well, fucking go talk to him you cunt

Speaker 3 the fuck

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 3 and why can't they say that why can't they say that and why does that make the sport lose fans you know what i mean you know why because there's fucking kids in the world oh my kid heard that well did he you know what else he heard he heard you fucking your wife the other night all right that's his mother what do you think that did to him what do you think was worse

Speaker 3 oh jesus bill i'm always grabby when I fly that day. All right, here we go.

Speaker 3 So anyways,

Speaker 3 so I guess they're playing each other.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I guess we play in England, in golf, or some shit. Like, anybody gives a fuck? I guess a lot of people give a fuck, but I don't.
So I assume no one else does because I'm self-centered. So anyways.

Speaker 3 His brother was texting with somebody. This is once again, I don't know how somebody found this, if it was a fucking email or whatever.
Well, why don't I read it for you?

Speaker 3 Danny Willett was quietly going about his business during a write-a-cut practice around Wednesday morning when all hell was breaking loose on social media thanks to a scathing screed his brother wrote for a website in which he called Americans fat, stupid, greedy, classless bastards.

Speaker 3 You know what I love about that? That guy, he just hit the nail on the head. Can we honestly, can we fucking argue any of that, generally speaking?

Speaker 3 Come on, let's go through them. Fat, you got us.
Stupid, yeah, can we, yeah, you know, I'll give you that. Greedy, absolutely.
Classless bastards. Totally, 100 fucking percent.

Speaker 3 Dude, this guy's insults on the fucking golf fans that show up to this thing.

Speaker 3 It's like when Larry Bird would just be doing the three-point contest and he just kept shooting him through the net, you know, and when he ends it with classless bastards, that's the two-point ball, the colored one in the end.

Speaker 3 Dude, I read this thing,

Speaker 3 like the headline says, Family Feud. Willette's brother, however the fuck you say his name, it just says, Colin, Americans, fat, stupid, greedy bastards.

Speaker 3 And I was on the plane and I bursted out laughing.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I was like, please let this article be as much of a joy to read as the headline. And it was, he said, the

Speaker 3 Man, here we go, stupid. I can't even say this word.

Speaker 3 The excoriating of American golf surely was not a part of Darren Clark's captain's handbook, part of which states the visiting team shall not rile up the opposition's home crowd with trash talk.

Speaker 3 These were some of the choicest of his words in the article. I got to read this fucking article.
This is what he said.

Speaker 3 For the Americans to stand a chance of winning, they need their bang mob of imbeciles.

Speaker 3 The only thing that can make this funny is listening to this guy say it in an English accent. This is the greatest shit I've read in a while.

Speaker 3 To get their bang mob of imbeciles to caress their egos every step of the way. Team Europe needs to shut those groupies up.

Speaker 3 They need to silence the pudgy basement dwelling irritants stuffed on cookie dough and pissy beer, pausing between mouthfuls of hot dogs so they can scream bubba buoy until their jelly faces turn red.

Speaker 3 He just keeps going. They need to stun the angry, unwashed, make America great again swarm, desperately gripping their concealed carry

Speaker 3 compensators and

Speaker 3 belting out a mini erection-inducing mashed potato, hoping to impress their cousin.

Speaker 3 They need to smash the obnoxious dads with their shiny teeth, Lego man hair, medicated ex-wife, and resentful children. Oh my god.
If I wasn't so lazy, I'd give this guy a standing ovation.

Speaker 3 How do you get mad? I mean, how do you get when a guy goes that hard? How the fuck do you get mad at that? I mean, that's hilarious.

Speaker 3 Come on, man.

Speaker 3 And, you know, you could do the same thing about them. They're their fucked up teeth.
They're fat, fucking fish and chip-eating jackasses.

Speaker 3 Neo-Nazi fucking racists beating the fuck out of each other at their fucking stupid ass pussy fucking football games. You can't use your hands.

Speaker 3 Everybody flopping around the ground. Dude, soccer is such a shitty fucking sport.
Women's soccer is actually better than the men's.

Speaker 1 All right?

Speaker 3 And I'm just talking legit. I don't mean like volleyball because they're fucking hearted, dude.
Look at the fucking ass on her. I'm not looking at them, even remotely, even objectifying them.

Speaker 3 I'm just saying straight up as a sport. The fucking ladies play.

Speaker 3 Somebody trips them, they get up. These fucking guys are rolling around on the ground.

Speaker 3 Oh my god,

Speaker 3 it's like watching musical theater without the fucking music. It's horrific.
There, so I did that. Now does my brother have to apologize to me?

Speaker 3 Fucking standing ovation. What the fuck? I got to give that guy a shout out.

Speaker 3 Not to Danny, because Danny then, for some reason, he asked, you know, he laughed his fucking balls off. And, you know, in some really comfortable clothes.
Golfing clothes.

Speaker 3 He must have been laughing his fucking ass off and just be like, dude, why the fuck did you do that to me?

Speaker 3 He just goes, I just, after that fucking masterpiece, all right, whether you agree with it or not, that was a fucking Lego man hair or pissy beer. Come on,

Speaker 3 if they're fucking concealed carry compensators,

Speaker 3 okay. And then this is what he says.
You know, off the record, he laughed his balls off. And then on the record, he's just like, I'd just like to apologize to everyone involved.

Speaker 3 I spoke to him on the phone after, and I was made aware, after I was made aware of what was being said, and I said to Peter, I was obviously disappointed at what was said and what was written about the American fans.

Speaker 3 They took me under their wing fantastically back in April, I guess when he won the Masters.

Speaker 3 And as soon as I got off the golf course, I went to see Davis, and me and Davis had a chat for a few minutes about it all.

Speaker 3 He took it really well, and

Speaker 3 we took it really well. They were fucking laughing their balls off.
And you know what's funny is then they got a picture of the American fans, you know, and these every

Speaker 3 people in the photo, and there's not one of them that I would not go out and get shit faced with. I mean, these, yeah, these are the fucking people.

Speaker 3 You need those people. These are the people they're not going to do anything in life.
They're going to watch other people do shit in life and go fucking nuts, right? When you accomplish something.

Speaker 3 And when you don't, they're going to say you suck and talk a bunch of shit about what they would have done, right?

Speaker 3 Who doesn't love being that guy?

Speaker 3 They're all draped in the fucking... One guy's dressed like Uncle Sam.

Speaker 3 Another guy, for whatever reason, he has an American flag shirt and then he has like a Park Ranger hat on. Maybe that's a golf thing.

Speaker 3 And the other guy has got the fucking, he's got the American flag over his head while wearing a baseball hat. He looks like an,

Speaker 3 he looks like an old woman, like when she, like, he's wearing like a shawl or something.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's fucking late. You know, and there's nothing better, too.
The dumber the fans are at a golf event when they're around pros, that's one of my favorite things. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Because you just say everything about like tennis and golf is shh.

Speaker 3 Shhh. Like, stop talking.
Shh.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? It's fucking, look at the fucking NBA.

Speaker 3 You're going to take a fucking foul shot. Like, a third of the stadium is doing everything but taking their dicks out and shaking it in your face.
And these guys can consistently make it.

Speaker 3 How about a little focus?

Speaker 3 Tennis is the same way. Quiet, please.
Quiet, please. You know what I mean? They don't boo, they whistle.

Speaker 3 Oh, speaking of which, there's a fucking incredible documentary out there about

Speaker 3 Serena Williams last year when she tried to do the Serena slam. I mean, she won four in a row.
I mean, she won the U.S.

Speaker 3 Open, but it was in 2014, and then she won the Australian, then she won French, and then she won Wimbledon. So that's four in a row right there.
She did it the way Tiger Woods did it.

Speaker 3 Like four majors went by, but I guess, but Serena Williams actually,

Speaker 3 not Serena Williams, sorry, Stephanie Graff actually did it.

Speaker 3 And somebody else, I forget her fucking name, actually, I believe, I haven't looked it up in a while, but I believe they did it in a calendar year. So I'll give him that one.

Speaker 3 But when they were breaking Tiger Woods' balls, give me a fucking break. Nobody's even come close to doing that.
And he fucking, he won four in a row. So,

Speaker 3 whatever. And if you'd read Andre Agassi's book, Open, which even if you're not into sports, which I don't think anybody left listening to this podcast is not into sports after this fucking shit,

Speaker 3 that's all I've been talking about this week.

Speaker 3 If you read his book,

Speaker 3 it's one of the best books I've ever fucking read as far as like an autobiography.

Speaker 3 I fucking hate reading. I got ADD out the fuck.
I got, I guess, a mild form of dyslexia, and I'm a fucking moron.

Speaker 3 So, I mean, I got a lot working against me all right and i was riveted reading that book totally fucking engaging and uh if you've actually read that book and then you watched the serena documentary just like the just the what that sport does to your body and shit it's fucking half the fucking thing is her laying on a table getting a massage

Speaker 3 you know that probably just sounded all creepy but i'm serious If you read the Ogassi thing and the guy's sitting there talking about he's taking like a fucking hour-long shower trying trying to get his body to be able to move again when he's just played the first round of a major and he's got to somehow fight his way through that and getting shot up with shit it's fucking unbelievable but um

Speaker 3 it's a it's a great great documentary and uh you gotta love the documentaries because my wife will not watch sports you know but if there's a documentary about it like a 30 for 30 you know documentaries bring people together

Speaker 3 You know, like I won't watch real housewives, but if they did a documentary on one of them and how the fuck they ended up on there, you know, they would be interesting.

Speaker 3 You are an absolute fucking failure.

Speaker 3 If you make a document, an uninteresting documentary, I'm trying to think the last time I ever saw

Speaker 3 a documentary that wasn't on some level interesting. Like, you literally fucking watch somebody like,

Speaker 3 hey, this is how they make milk bottles.

Speaker 3 You know, the...

Speaker 3 The, whatever the fuck you call it, the

Speaker 3 way we go about making it, whatever that big word is, the process. That's not that big.
That's a medium word, Bill.

Speaker 3 Has not changed. It's remained the same for hundreds of years.
And you just go down a fucking rabbit hole just watching that shit. Tom Popper,

Speaker 3 the great Tom Popper, fucking

Speaker 3 made me a loaf of bread. Actually, who's kidding? Who? He made it for Nia.
Nia was the one asking for it, right? Tom doesn't give a shit about me. The man uses me.
You know, comes over here.

Speaker 3 He smokes all my cigars. He drinks all my liquor.

Speaker 1 I'm totally joking.

Speaker 3 Tom's one of the great human beings I've ever met.

Speaker 3 He's a great guy. And he made it for both of us because he's a sweetheart.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 so he was telling me this whole thing about how, you know, how you make

Speaker 3 sourdough bread like the old-fashioned way and how the yeast bacteria is in the air and you make like this concoction of like flour because yeast eats flour and you mix it with water and you got to leave it out.

Speaker 3 And then when it starts to, like for a couple of days, and then when it bubbles up, you know, it's going to start to smell like beer.

Speaker 3 And, you know, and if you didn't fuck it up, you know, once it gets to a certain point, I don't know, you put like plastic wrap.

Speaker 3 It's like this whole fucking process just to get this thing called your starter. So you can get the fucking sourdough

Speaker 3 taste in there, I guess. And that concoction is one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 3 And you just, you just,

Speaker 3 it's fucking unreal because once you make it, you just keep feeding it and it keeps living.

Speaker 3 And evidently in France, they have these concoctions that somebody started, this starter or the, or mother, they call it mother, which is really creepy.

Speaker 3 Like they started it like hundreds of years ago, like a hundred years ago. Somebody started it and they just kept passing it down.
People just kept feeding the fucking thing.

Speaker 3 It's really, it's fucking bizarre. But that shit, like if there was a documentary on making bread, I would sit down and I would, I would watch it.

Speaker 3 You know, but if there was a fucking sitcom about people that made bread, I would fucking take a gun out. I wouldn't kill myself, but I would want to.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Why do I always go to suicide?

Speaker 3 Does anybody else? I just always think that. I just always think about like, yeah, you know,

Speaker 3 I could either sit through this or I could dive under that passing bus.

Speaker 3 I'm not going to do it.

Speaker 3 Hey, would you do it if you absolutely fucking knew

Speaker 3 without it that'd be weird if you knew without a doubt that there was there was a better place

Speaker 3 you know what i mean if you knew without a doubt there was a better place and you were going to it like

Speaker 3 you got you got to be thinking back there's there's there had to be a couple events you know we're just like geez i got this paper due i'm with this girl i gotta break up i don't want to fucking break up with her you know

Speaker 1 It just, all right, that was dark.

Speaker 3 Okay, let's let's get out of that. You should never do that.

Speaker 3 It's not an option. There's always hope you know

Speaker 3 you know what's a great thing you know to get you out of a depression you get a dog you get a dog like mine that'll put you in a happy mood dogs are the fucking best you know you come home they're just i know every comic has done a bit on this but they're just so fucking psyched to see you they're always fucking psyched to see you you can never disappoint them you know what i mean they just love you they're the best you know the other night you know when i was i was fucking uh i had to move my car right

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 3 And it was like, you know, street cleaning day, so it was opposite side of the fucking street parking.

Speaker 3 So, you know, I'm like, God damn it, I'm at the drive like 15 minutes down the fucking road or some shit, right?

Speaker 3 And my dog was already asleep, but because it heard me going outside, it immediately got up and was looking at me like, are we going out together? Are we going out?

Speaker 3 And I was looking like, no, no, just, I'm fucking just moving the car. Relax, dude.
So I go out there, I drive down the street, and it was like a 15-minute walk back.

Speaker 3 Took me, you know, a couple minutes to drive over there. So I was gone like 15-20 minutes.
I come back to the house. My wife's already in bed.
She's already in bed.

Speaker 3 She's not concerned about me, right? The lights are all off in the house. I open the door quietly, and who's fucking sitting right there, still waiting for me? My dog, still fucking waiting for me.

Speaker 3 And I just looked at the thing. I was just like, yeah, you know, and it didn't.
And it wagged its tail, and I locked the door, and then it walked with me down the stairs to go to bed.

Speaker 3 It was like, it was like a bodyguard.

Speaker 3 You know, I'm telling you, they're the fucking best. Having said that, some fucking lady on my flight

Speaker 3 on my way out, like, dude, this whole

Speaker 3 I need my dog because I'm afraid to fly fucking thing is getting out of control. Like the size of dog that you could bring on.

Speaker 3 This person brought on a dog that was like the next weight class up from a cocker spaniel. And a poor husband like is bringing the whole fucking doggy bed.

Speaker 3 And I'm thinking, going, are they really thinking they're going to stick that in between the rows? And they didn't. They jammed it in the overhead compartment.

Speaker 3 Like the two of them took up an entire row's overhead compartment.

Speaker 3 Just fucking selfish cunts. And every time I, you know, she'd walk by with the dog and look at her, she'd do that smile, like, isn't it adorable? Oh, yeah, the dog's adorable.
You're not.

Speaker 3 You know, you're a selfish fuck. That's what I was thinking.
But then you know what? The dog was totally well-behaved. It wasn't a fucking problem.

Speaker 3 And of course, they sat in the row right in front of me. And

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 3 I don't know. You know, I got to learn to let shit go.
I really do. I actually, I'm trying right now.
Two things I'm trying to do. All right.
Not flip out when I drive and not get mad at technology.

Speaker 3 If I could do that, I would yell 80% less.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I think my wife would enjoy her life a lot more. You know?

Speaker 3 All right. Well, I got to pause here to

Speaker 3 read some advertising. I don't even know if it's come in yet.
And then I got to read the questions for this week.

Speaker 3 By the way, congratulations to the fucking Buffalo Bills. They've been looking great the last two weeks.

Speaker 3 You know, all you guys, all the Buffalo Bill faithful out there, you were ready to kick Rex to the fucking curb. A lot of you were, right?

Speaker 3 Like he was going to turn around that shit show

Speaker 3 in a couple of games.

Speaker 3 He's a fucking damn good coach. And I don't know what his record is against Belichick, but he's got to be the closest to 500 of anybody.
I mean, Tom Coughlin's the guy that owns Belichick.

Speaker 3 You know, he's the guy that when they all fucking hang out in the end, Bill's going to sit there laughing, going, you know what? You guys all gave me a rough time. But this guy,

Speaker 3 this motherfucker right here,

Speaker 3 this guy's the guy.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 Let's see if I got the fucking advertising here.

Speaker 3 Come on. Give me the advertising.
One time, one time, 624. Where the fuck is it? And

Speaker 3 nothing. All right, I gotta hit pause.
It ain't gonna be a big deal in your life. It's just gonna be a couple of seconds.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 I'm gonna give my dog a fucking flea bath.

Speaker 1 All right?

Speaker 3 What's wrong with you?

Speaker 3 All right, I love you too. Okay.

Speaker 3 All right, I'm back. Just like that.
Just like that.

Speaker 3 Of course, I didn't fucking.

Speaker 3 Why would I turn it on until I get hang on a fucking second?

Speaker 3 Okay, and I'm back again.

Speaker 1 All right. Ah, fuck.

Speaker 3 Goddamn phone is hot as shit.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 4 Oh, shit. Give me the loop.
Give me the loop.

Speaker 3 All right. Now we're on to the questions.

Speaker 3 We're on to the questions. Yet, that, that, that, do, do, do.

Speaker 3 Why you guys ask me for advice? I know why, because you just want to hear me read out loud. I know it is.
I know you don't take it seriously. And anybody takes this seriously, you're on your own.

Speaker 3 This is a disclaimer.

Speaker 1 All right?

Speaker 3 Why would you take advice from me? I went to summer school, two out of four years in high school, should have gone all four.

Speaker 3 My sophomore teacher hooked me up, gave me the D-minus, and senior year, it was like, what's the point? Evidently, I have to learn a trade. All right, comic book stuff.

Speaker 3 Dear Billy, unbreakable.

Speaker 3 We all know how you hate comic-con stuff. Actually, I don't.
I don't. It's just, they're an easy target, and I'm lazy.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 3 Although I recently watched some reality, I was on a plane, right? I was on the plane, the plane. And there was some show, and there was just these guys standing around in,

Speaker 3 oh, what the fuck? It's a comic book store out here. And I started to watch it, and they were all doing that fucking, if this comic guy, comic book guy fought that comic book guy.

Speaker 3 And I can't sit through that, but I can sit through, dude, who was better, Gretzky or Lemieux.

Speaker 3 I'm telling you, if Lemieux didn't have those years off,

Speaker 3 I'll fucking stay in that forever.

Speaker 3 But, you know, I can't get into comic book shit shit as much as, you know, I liked the superheroes when I was growing up, but then, you know, I got older and I grew up.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 3 Superhero movies and Luke Crate. I don't hate that shit.
I just like making fun of it. He said, you've mentioned in the past, the only superhero you liked was Luke Cage, aka Power Man.

Speaker 3 No, I liked Spider-Man too. Captain America, Iron Man.

Speaker 3 Batman was cool. More of the comic book.
On TV was, you know.

Speaker 3 I liked that show when I was younger, but then it was just sort of silly, too campy for me.

Speaker 3 I liked the Heath Ledger Batman, and I loved that Christian Bale. You know, even everybody made fun of his voice.
It fucking made sense that he would change the sound of his fucking voice.

Speaker 3 You know, you guys know what my voice sounded like. If I had a three-quarter fucking mask on

Speaker 3 and I just started talking to you, you'd be like, dude, what the fuck's with the mask, Bill? You know?

Speaker 3 Anyways,

Speaker 1 well,

Speaker 3 you should be excited to know he has his own Netflix series now. Get the fuck out of here.
Luke Cage does.

Speaker 3 It's super popular and getting attention, not just because it's great, but also because it's topical. It knowingly acknowledges the significance of a bulletproof African-American wearing a hoodie.

Speaker 3 Through the series, Luke engages with police officers who shoot him and leave holes in his hoodies. The police often interrogate and harass black people in Harlem who have done nothing wrong.

Speaker 3 Oh, I got to watch that. He goes, my questions are, do you still like Luke Cage while you watch the series? Yes, yes.

Speaker 3 Do you think it's good to acknowledge Trayvon Martin and the Black Lives Matter movement in this way? Yeah, why not?

Speaker 3 When you watch those fucking, those Pixar movies, they talk about global warming.

Speaker 3 You know, they had the ant thing and they go, you know, one ant's not tough, but you got to, if all the ants start moving, they can take us over. That was all about like the fucking Bilderberg people.

Speaker 3 If they can do all of that shit, why can't they bring up that stuff

Speaker 3 i love it is that is that a good way to acknowledge this first of all who the fuck am i to say that that's not an issue that that that has made my life like uh i don't have to worry about my life you know what i mean so i would ask why don't you ask black people that

Speaker 3 do you think it's good to acknowledge

Speaker 3 anyways love your podcast and your stand-up uh greetings from ontario um

Speaker 3 yeah i'm just like that's i mean i like when

Speaker 3 I like, as much as I,

Speaker 3 I like Superman versus Batman.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 I like when they do the comic book stuff.

Speaker 3 And as much as like, you know, the people can fly and they're fucking the size of an ant and shit like that, the more reality that they bring into it, the more grounded that they keep it, the more I like it.

Speaker 3 And I know Superman versus fucking Batman. They're like, Jesus, how many people did they fucking kill? That never entered my mind.
I didn't give a shit.

Speaker 3 They're like, they did billions of dollars worth of damage. Who gives a fuck? My favorite thing was they were saying that superhero can't, they can't be out there acting unilaterally.

Speaker 3 Like, they didn't like that Superman was going around just helping everybody,

Speaker 3 regardless of whether they would trade with the United States or not. And I just love that the United States felt that they could claim Superman.
It was fucked up.

Speaker 3 I guess he got adopted by United States parents and he did get a free education. Yeah, what the fuck are you doing?

Speaker 3 You know what? I stand by the American government on that one.

Speaker 3 No, but the more that they can bring in like the

Speaker 3 just the real world reality, I think that that shit's great. And the dark, I mean, in the comic books, it isn't always like dark, depressing.
They're fucking lonely.

Speaker 3 It's like, I never liked the X-Men thing. It just sounded like a bunch of whiny teenagers to me.
They didn't go dark enough or make it adult enough. It was probably for teenage kids.

Speaker 3 Who's kidding who?

Speaker 3 It probably wasn't for a fucking bald 48-year-old male.

Speaker 3 We got to get these guys.

Speaker 3 This is our demographic.

Speaker 3 These are the guys that are going to buy all the fucking swag.

Speaker 3 I actually,

Speaker 3 when I was a kid, I read comic books and I really liked the drawings and the different ways that they would go about it. And when,

Speaker 3 you know, sometimes they take up a whole page and they draw something or they'd have like three of the squares would all like a bullet got shot and they'd just show where it went and stuff.

Speaker 3 Like, I really liked it. And I thought it was incredibly talented in that thing.
But I stopped short of

Speaker 3 dressing up like them and having a fucking lightsaber fight. You know what I mean? I guess that's where you lose me.

Speaker 3 And, you know, to be honest with you, what I'm doing is what a lot of people do is I'm taking, like,

Speaker 3 you know, most golf fans are not like those fucking animals at the Ryder Cup screaming and yelling like a bunch of fucking lunatics. You know what I mean? A lot of them are,

Speaker 3 you know.

Speaker 3 You know, you know, I went to the Masters. The people were fucking cool, but

Speaker 3 it's just fun to make fun of them, I guess.

Speaker 3 Jesus, Bill, did you retract everything that you've ever said about it?

Speaker 3 Sort of.

Speaker 3 I'm trying to be a better fucking person, man. I got to stop.
Like, I just,

Speaker 3 the word cunt and all this stuff, like, just flies out of me in public, and it's getting worse. And,

Speaker 3 you know, it's gotten to the point where now it actually, for the first time in my life, like, embarrasses me. So I'm trying to see the other side of that.

Speaker 3 And I know people are like, well, then you're not going to be funny anymore.

Speaker 3 Believe me, I will fuck up plenty in my life. I don't need to be screaming cunt when there's children around in a fucking airport.
All right, Montreal Pit Bull Ban. Hi, Bill.

Speaker 3 I think your special Let It Go did a lot to educate people about what sweet and loving pets pit bulls can be.

Speaker 3 I don't have a pit bull myself, but I do not believe in breed-specific legislation or banning certain breeds of dogs just because they're more likely to be owned by assholes who will train them to be violent.

Speaker 3 I live in Ontario where pit bulls are already banned.

Speaker 3 When Mark

Speaker 3 B-U-E-H-R-L-E, how the fuck do you say that?

Speaker 1 Bruh,

Speaker 3 was in the Toronto Blue Jays. You mean on the Toronto Blue Jays? He chose to live alone in Toronto away from his family rather than give up their pit bull.

Speaker 3 Recently, Montreal Council voted in favor of a bill to ban new pit bulls and other dangerous breeds as well as impose strict regulations on pit bulls already living in the city, including muzzling.

Speaker 3 Oh, putting a muzzle on them. From what I read, the bill seems to be a panic reaction to the death of a woman who died following a dog attack.
Here is the article if you want to read it.

Speaker 3 I would love for you to speak out against this super lame bylaw and continue to use your fame as a platform to educate people about. Dude, I don't do that.

Speaker 3 I'm not going to be that person. Hey, I have a podcast.
Now you should listen to me about social issues.

Speaker 3 Perceived as dangerous. Your bit about Dr.
Cleo is seriously one of my favorite things in life.

Speaker 1 Oh, thank you.

Speaker 3 I wish everyone could hear it. Thank you so much.
Bill, go fuck yourself.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, I mean,

Speaker 3 I don't know. I don't know what the fuck happened up there, but like, I don't think pit bulls are bad dogs.

Speaker 3 I will tell you, my dog's a fucking psycho and would try to kill you if you came into the house, would attack you because it's possessive, it's envious, jealous, whatever the fuck it is.

Speaker 3 And my dog is dangerous. And,

Speaker 3 you know and if i'm standing there i can't be like cleo these people are cool but i think what it is is

Speaker 3 with my dog

Speaker 3 with its personality and the the information that i did not have access to um

Speaker 3 and i don't have like like this dog like really like if this dog when this dog's with my fucking trainer

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 3 And it stays with him, people come and go, complete strangers coming to his house, and the dog doesn't flip out. But with me, it does.
I let it up on the bed.

Speaker 3 I fucking snuggle with the thing and shit. It thinks it's on the same level as me.
For whatever reason, it feels like it has to run shit.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I just, you know, after a while, because I'm so fucking busy, I just had to like

Speaker 3 sort of adjust my life around the dog, which is not another thing you're not supposed to do. But,

Speaker 3 you know, I could walk it down the street. It doesn't go after people.
But if someone just walks up to me out of nowhere and starts talking to me, it starts barking.

Speaker 3 It doesn't growl or show its teeth, but it definitely considers it like a threat.

Speaker 3 But this is the thing. What I've noticed since having this dog is that there are a bunch of dogs that do that of all breeds when I walk down the street.

Speaker 3 And what I see rather than the dog is I see the owner. And

Speaker 3 I am not,

Speaker 3 you know, I made a lot of mistakes with my dog. And

Speaker 3 whenever my dog passes and I go to get another one,

Speaker 3 I don't know if I can do it, dude. I don't know if I cannot have the dog be up on the fucking bed.
I have to be disciplined enough to do it.

Speaker 3 I actually, when I was in Vancouver one time or Seattle or something, this woman told me, like, she doesn't let her dogs walk on the rug.

Speaker 3 I come home, she goes, I don't even look at them until I set everything down. They're waiting for her and waiting for her.
My dog just gets to do whatever the fuck it wants.

Speaker 3 And I think that that can be,

Speaker 3 you know, a dangerous thing

Speaker 3 the bigger your dog is.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 what I would actually say is rather than have a pit bull ban,

Speaker 3 what I would say is if you're going to get a dangerous breed, and a pit bull is a dangerous breed, and all that means, I'm not saying the dog is inherently dangerous.

Speaker 3 I'm just saying that if your dog goes to bite somebody, like anybody's dog can, the level of damage that a pit bull can do versus if you get bit by a chihuahua, you have to understand, you know, you have to respect what you have.

Speaker 3 So, what I would say, rather than have a pit bull ban,

Speaker 3 I would say, what if people, before you're able to have a pit bull,

Speaker 3 you have to take an intensive course and become a fully educated, great dog owner, which is what I wish was available

Speaker 3 to me before

Speaker 3 I got my dog, because I had to learn all these lessons the hard way and, you know, trying to undo all of the shit that the dog learned as I'm leaving every other weekend and I'm in a writer's room all day.

Speaker 3 It was, you know, like owning a dog is a tremendous amount of responsibility. So that alone, forget about

Speaker 3 all the fucking horrible people, human beings that are out there that do horrible fucking things to animals.

Speaker 3 I mean, I'm hypocritical because I eat chickens and cows and pigs and shit.

Speaker 3 And, you know, they don't exactly treat them. You know, they always say, oh, it's free range.
It's organic and all that shit.

Speaker 3 And then you watch the documentary and they're cutting their beaks off and feeding them cows and shit. And it's fucking horrific.

Speaker 1 But,

Speaker 3 but, you know, these people who fight dogs and these people who like, you know, I mean, I honestly think like, you know, there was some case in like New York where this guy just, he was in an argument with his girlfriend.

Speaker 3 He snatched the girl's dog out and fucking like spiked it on the ground and killed it. And the girl woman's daughter was in the other room.
And this motherfucker only got 60 days. It's just like,

Speaker 3 you know, I just kind of feel like somebody big enough should have grabbed him and spiked him down on a kitchen floor.

Speaker 3 And then he'd have to fucking deal with the ramifications of that rather than my tax dollars paying 60.

Speaker 3 paying for $60 worth of free fucking meals for this guy to be in some fucking halfway house.

Speaker 3 Like the level of fucking anger issue that that guy has, Like,

Speaker 3 I mean, that, that is like,

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 that's really a shame. And that's a really,

Speaker 3 that's what they're doing up there is they're trying to protect people and they, they're not going to throw any money at it. So they're just going to say, all right, no more of these dogs.

Speaker 3 No more of these dogs.

Speaker 3 That's what they're doing. So,

Speaker 3 you know, but I got to be honest with you, getting mauled to death by a fucking pit bull. I mean, do you want to go out like that? I mean, that's pretty fucking horrific.

Speaker 3 Um, but um, and then also horrific is them then killing every other pit bull out there.

Speaker 3 So, uh, that would be my suggestion: is that you know, and if you are considering getting any dog,

Speaker 3 I'm sure that there is there's things that you could go out like, I that's the number one fucking thing that I wish I did because I absolutely fucking love animals.

Speaker 3 I love dogs, I fucking love them, and uh, everything that I do, you know,

Speaker 3 is probably wrong because the dog feels like it's on the same level as me and it has to run shit. And that's why people come through the door and it flips the fuck out.

Speaker 3 And I have to put the, you know, I just,

Speaker 3 I just know how the dog is. What I did, I just adjusted to it.
I'm just like, all right, I know I'm having people over. So I just

Speaker 3 take the dog downstairs and I just keep in the room downstairs. Nobody even sees the fucking thing.

Speaker 3 That's the way I had to operate with my my dog. And

Speaker 3 I can tell you that that's one way to do it, but it's not the way to do it because there's that constant anxiety of thinking, what if it ever got out? What the fuck happened?

Speaker 3 Oh my God, blah, blah, blah. And I have to live with the guilt of someone else getting hurt.
And then I'd get the shit sued out of me.

Speaker 3 I mean, it's a really serious fucking thing when you get a German Shepherd, if you get a Pitbull, if you get a Dobman pincher, if you get a fucking golden retriever.

Speaker 3 I mean, those dogs can fucking do damage. And the fact that you can just go, oh my God, it's cute, and just take the fucking thing home.

Speaker 3 Forget about if you found it by the LA River and you have no idea what the other people did to it. I mean, I know my dog got abused.

Speaker 3 I picked up my hockey stick when I first got it and I was stick handling in the living room, as you do, right? And the dog immediately ran to the other side of the room.

Speaker 3 And I was like, oh my God, somebody was hitting this thing with some sort of a stick. So what I did was I just laid the hockey stick down in the middle of the room.

Speaker 3 I went all the way in the opposite side of the room and I just, I'd call the dog over and the dog would come over and go all the way around the stick and then come over, lick me on my face, and I go, I go back to your bed, and it would go back to its bed, and each time it sniffed the stick a little bit more, a little bit more, and I just baby-stepped it to the point where by the end of it, I could, you know, stick handle in my garage, you know, with the tennis ball and shit, and it didn't give a shit.

Speaker 3 But I wish I did that. on other areas, but I never,

Speaker 3 once you see your dog going after somebody, you never quite trust it again, and then you have that fear, and then they sense the fear, and they process that.

Speaker 3 Is the fear is the person at the door, and it's a fucking,

Speaker 3 it's it's I've learned so much by fucking up. So, my next dog, um,

Speaker 3 I will not make those mistakes, but um, I don't think that it is a problem with the breed. I think it's uh

Speaker 1 it's the the

Speaker 3 the size of the dog and the mistakes that I fucking made, you know? So, anyways, moving on. All right, moving to the States.

Speaker 3 Hey, Billy Sletpeg. I'm a 21-year-old guy from Sweden, and I'm thinking about moving to the U.S., but I can't decide where.
I've narrowed it down to three cities: New York, San Francisco, and LA.

Speaker 3 Great fucking choices. So, my simple question is: where do you think a guy in my age will have the most fun?

Speaker 3 And by the way, will your new special be on Netflix? Yes, it will be. Can't wait to see it in season two of F is for Family.
Hope you and Neil lives continue to be great. Well, thank you.

Speaker 3 Go fuck yourself. And FTT.

Speaker 1 I don't know what that means.

Speaker 1 Fuck fuck something or other.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 It depends on what you want to do. All right.
You are going to get fucking laid in all three of those cities.

Speaker 3 Coming over there. Swedish guy, you can speak.
fucking another language. I mean, it's over.
It's a fucking rap. You can have an accent.
You know, it's a rap. You're going to get laid.

Speaker 3 It all depends on what type of women you're in and what kind of weather you like. If you can deal with the winter, I would say go to New York City.
New York City is the Paris of the United States.

Speaker 3 It's the best one we have.

Speaker 3 As far as like just culturally, it's just fucking amazing.

Speaker 3 San Francisco is

Speaker 3 fucking unbelievable, too. Like,

Speaker 3 first of all, the food in all three of these are unbelievable. San Francisco is going to be the most expensive, believe it or not.

Speaker 3 All that computer money, I guess, is fucking ruined that city.

Speaker 3 Then New York and LA is actually starting to,

Speaker 3 you know, get really expensive too.

Speaker 3 LA, brutal fucking traffic.

Speaker 3 There is a drought.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 what would I do? 21, you know what, man?

Speaker 3 I think I would go with New York just because If you want to go back and visit,

Speaker 3 you're cutting out like five hours of the flight.

Speaker 3 Um, when you were in New York, I would visit San Francisco and LA,

Speaker 3 you know, but you know, don't sleep on others, other bunch of great Madison, Wisconsin's fucking great, Pittsburgh's the shit.

Speaker 3 Cleveland's coming around, you know, every time I go there, it's getting fucking better and better. Um, I love all those fucking Rust Belt cities.

Speaker 3 Um, Chicago's the shit,

Speaker 3 Nashville,

Speaker 3 New Orleans. There's so many fucking places to go.
So many fucking places to go. But I think New York is a great place.
It's a great place, you know?

Speaker 3 And there's a lot of liberal New Yorks there, New Yorkers there, and they just think anything from another country, especially

Speaker 3 any country from Europe, is just automatically better and more amazing. So, you know, and you'll be a good person for them to fucking sit there shit on the United States.

Speaker 3 It's like, you guys put your shoes on this way and we do it that way. It was like, I was listening, my wife listens to NPR, and they were sitting there talking about how in one of those fucking,

Speaker 3 countries over there where they have a million people on bicycles, no one really gets fucked over by someone opening the car door into them, you know, when they parked, because they have this thing called the fucking, whatever.

Speaker 3 They open the door with their right hand so that gets them to look over their shoulder. And they acted like it was this astounding fucking achievement.
And why didn't we ever think of that?

Speaker 3 I'll tell you why we never thought of it because no one rides a fucking bike over here. 90% of people do not ride bicycles.
Over there, everybody rides a fucking bike, just about.

Speaker 3 Most people can't even afford a fucking car. They have bike lanes.
It's a part of how they grow up. That's the only reason why.

Speaker 3 It's like I never used to look for motorcycle riders until I rode a motorcycle. And then now I always, you know,

Speaker 3 I creep over to the left, let them drive along, you know, in between. I always make sure I'm looking for them, you know.
And I never did that before I rode. So anyways.
I'm off on a tangent here.

Speaker 3 Okay, friend being taken advantage of at a fire station.

Speaker 3 The fuck does this mean? They're making him cook all the chili? Are we talking molested here? Dear Mr.

Speaker 3 Burr, a good friend of mine is trying to be a firefighter, and I feel like he's totally become their bitch.

Speaker 3 Instead of being hired full-time, his fire department has him hired as like a reserve or whatever, and it has him working full-time hours, basically.

Speaker 3 That would be nice, but since he's a reserve, he's literally getting paid like below minimum wage. He's been doing this for around a year or so, and the department he's in definitely is understaffed.

Speaker 3 They just don't want to make him full-time because they would have to pay him an actual salary.

Speaker 3 Now, I don't know anything about jobs and careers and stuff, but I feel like he's definitely getting taken advantage of. What should I do? Should I tell him he's being fucked over?

Speaker 3 Would love to hear your opinion on the matter. Love the podcast.
Can't wait for efforts for family. Go fuck yourself.
And when are you coming to Northern California?

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 I would say,

Speaker 3 I would just say to him, say, hey, listen, you know, I know that,

Speaker 3 you know, I would just bring up work. How's it going at work?

Speaker 1 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3 Do they have any plans of making you full-time anytime soon?

Speaker 3 Listen to what he says and then just ask him, well, you know, how long?

Speaker 3 So what's the game plan? Have they hinted anything about it? And just see what he says. Sometimes it's hard.
You got to let your friends learn hard lessons.

Speaker 3 Sometimes you just got to kind of let them get fucked over. I mean, just bring it up, see what the person says.
And hopefully your friend isn't like that guy in the joking goodfellas.

Speaker 3 You know, that just

Speaker 3 means he's content to be a jerk. What am I going to say then? My wife two times me?

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's what I would do. I would just bring it up.
I've had friends in those situations and, you know, that can be very difficult.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so that's what I would do. That's a simple one.
Just bring it up, ask them how's it going, and ask them if they have any plans. And then I would say, so, you know, not trying to be nosy.

Speaker 3 I'm just looking out for you, you know, because I want to see you succeed.

Speaker 3 What is your plan then? Because there are other firehouses out there where you could maybe get hired on. All right.
Jim Ursay Guitar Collection. Oh, Jesus, my buddy Jim Ursa.

Speaker 3 Hey, Billy B. Bender.
I was reading the guitar

Speaker 3 Fictionado magazine this month, and there was an article about Warren Hayes playing Jerry Garcia's guitar, Tiger, at Red Rocks a few months back.

Speaker 3 This was the last guitar Jerry ever played live before his untimely death. Anyways, long story short, the article went on to disclose Jim Urce was the actual owner of the guitar.

Speaker 3 Well, that's what happens with

Speaker 3 most of those instruments. They are owned by rich people who are not musicians.
I'm not saying they're not lovers of music, but

Speaker 3 that's where it all ends up. And then actual musicians, they buy their own gear and then they make that gear legendary.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 I did that shit. I bought a 71 Ludwig Green Sparkle John Bonham fucking kit.
Like, so then what? Now I'm going to play like him? That was an expensive lesson to learn.

Speaker 3 You know, but I know there's some other kid, you know, going down to fucking

Speaker 3 pro drum shop out here in L.A., and he's going to buy a fucking

Speaker 3 kit that's a particular color and everything, and he's going to tune them up, or she's going to do it, and they're going to have a sound, and they're going to put it together, and then everybody's going to want that kit.

Speaker 3 So it doesn't surprise me.

Speaker 3 I mean, he owns a team in the NFL. This guy's a fucking billionaire, right?

Speaker 3 He said he paid $850,000 for it at auction. You know what's great about Jim Ursay money?

Speaker 3 Is if he's a fucking billionaire. All right, even if, even if you fucking, if you had it, if you had 100 million bucks, spending $850,000 is spending less than 1% of your fucking money.

Speaker 3 But if you're a billionaire, then what is the fucking decimal point moves over one more? Is that it? Is it 0.01%? Less than that? I don't know. He said he paid $850,000 for an auction.

Speaker 3 Not to mention he also owns Bob Dylan's Stratocaster from the Newport Festival, George Harrison's Gibson SG.

Speaker 3 Jesus, what a fucking collection. And even Prince's Yellow Cloud guitar.

Speaker 3 Although I appreciate someone preserving musical history like he has, as a longtime guitarist and Patriots fan, I say fuck him for not allowing these guitars to be in the hands of musicians.

Speaker 3 What are your thoughts?

Speaker 3 I separate Jim Merce,

Speaker 3 the football owner. When you start talking about his guitar collection, then he's just a regular person to me.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 So he's just a rich guy. that he's a music lover, and I don't think they should necessarily be in the hands of musicians because

Speaker 3 I think that you should be influenced by great artists, not go out and

Speaker 3 try to do what they already did. I think the fact that you as a musician will go out, you know, like if I was a musician, my goal would be like, I would want my guitar to be famous too.

Speaker 3 Like how Stevie Ray Vaughn's, you know, or John Bonham's Vista Light kit became famous. Like,

Speaker 3 none of those things were famous. No one knew what they looked like until they got into the hands of those unbelievable artists.
So

Speaker 3 I think that the fact that they go for all that money and they end up in rich people's hands is just a testament to

Speaker 3 the greatness of the musician and how music affects people. Even a guy who's a fucking NFL owner, the fact that he's into the dead, he's into George Harrison, he's into Prince,

Speaker 3 he's into Bob Dylan. I mean, you can't fuck with any of those influences.
The guy's got good taste in music, you know.

Speaker 3 But there's no magic in those guitars, though.

Speaker 3 I mean, I could literally have Bonham's kit, and I'm going to sound like a comedian playing drums, and you guys are all going to be like, hey, can you fucking knock it off?

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? So I don't think that, I think that they,

Speaker 3 they're just like pieces of history now, I think. Like, if you have like fucking Napoleon's sword.

Speaker 3 I don't think that, oh, well, that should be in some motherfucking dictator's hands chopping somebody's fucking head off. I I mean, I don't think so.
I just think that

Speaker 3 if you're into that type of shit, which I totally am, I'm completely into memorabilia, but I refuse to buy any because so much of it is fake.

Speaker 3 And also,

Speaker 3 I just have enough shit in my fucking house. I don't need any more shit in my house.
And

Speaker 3 I also, I don't want my fucking house to look like a fucking

Speaker 3 hard rock cafe. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Where I got fucking Jim Morrison's fucking meundis on the wall. Framed, you know, and they're probably some guy.
It's probably a better chance of being Jim Ursa's fucking meundis than Jim Morrison's.

Speaker 3 So, yeah, I don't begrudge him. And

Speaker 3 I think that's fucking awesome that he has it because,

Speaker 3 well, I guess then that's why musicians should put maybe, I don't know. There is something cool to touch the thing.

Speaker 3 Like, if you could ever, like, just hold that that

Speaker 3 Jimmy Page double-necked SG that he played Stairway to Heaven on.

Speaker 3 If you could just fucking hold that thing and just feel like, like, I think you just start whispering when you had it, like, oh my God.

Speaker 3 This is, he looked at John Bottom and would give him the nod when he was coming out of the solo, you know? Okay, it was probably creepy listening to me fucking whisper.

Speaker 3 I would be like that around that shit. But, hey, man, if you got the fucking money, you know,

Speaker 3 they can have it. So there you go, man.
Go make your guitar fucking legendary and then see how much Jim Mercy will pay for yours. You know, but then again, you'd have to be dead.

Speaker 3 Well, Bob Dylan's not dead when you give it up for auction.

Speaker 3 My dog right now is sitting just to the left of my computer. She's staring intensely at me.
She's been fed. She's been out and everything like that.

Speaker 3 And all that says is she wants to be let up on the couch. And you know what? I can't do it.

Speaker 1 I'm going to turn it around.

Speaker 3 I'm too weak. I can't resist.
You're too fucking adorable. Why is your head shaped like a fucking muscular light bulb? You ever notice that, you little bare face?

Speaker 1 Huh?

Speaker 3 Why can't you be like this with company? Why can't you see that I'm relaxed around them and then you're relaxed? Why do you treat everybody like they're a fucking axe murderer?

Speaker 1 Huh?

Speaker 3 All right, that's the podcast.

Speaker 3 Go fuck yourselves. And

Speaker 3 I gotta say again, congratulations to the Bills and that they're turning that fucking thing around there. I always like the Bills back.

Speaker 3 I don't like their fucking fans because I had a bad experience when I went out there and I wore a Patriots hat.

Speaker 3 You know, three fucking people, when I was taking a piss, pushed me. Fucking pussies.

Speaker 3 But, anyways, I also had a fucking Patriots hat on in their stadium, and I had my dick out. What the fuck was I thinking? Give me, Jesus Christ, why don't I just slit my own throat?

Speaker 3 But I liked them from back, you know, Joe Ferguson, O.J. Simpson, and all those days.
And it was always snowing. And I always liked the Buffalo Bills from back then.
So that's what happens.

Speaker 3 If you start to like a team when you're a kid, you know, even when they become your rival, you don't give a fuck.

Speaker 3 So Psych Tom Brady's coming back, and I'm just going to say a bunch of shit that I already said. All right, go fuck yourselves, and I'll check in on on Thursday.

Speaker 4 What's up, everybody, and welcome back to the Anything Better podcast show, NFL Edition for week number five

Speaker 4 with your hosts, me, Paul Versey over here.

Speaker 1 Bill Burr over there.

Speaker 4 Got the Greek freak out in Beverly Hills over there. And you know, this ain't a show without Jake the Snake with the injury reports.

Speaker 4 Bill, I just got, oh, you know what? Before we do that, let's just shout out our sponsor. It's the BetMGM Sportsbook, guys.
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Speaker 4 We also have the first touchdown offer here, which is always fun. You simply place a prop bet on who the player you think is going to score the first touchdown in any NFL game.

Speaker 4 If your player doesn't score, but instead scores the second touchdown you'll get your stack back in cash bill i just got good news i was talking to somebody saying oh i had a good week i went three and one and somebody goes no i think you went four and oh and i go i don't know if the packers covered and i just found out that i did get that and i went four and oh which

Speaker 4 did i need so it felt better to hear that that's good you're back paul gersey in october no not back but i'll take it.

Speaker 5 Dude, this has been the most miserable fucking year gambling

Speaker 5 this fucking year. I don't know who the fuck anybody is.

Speaker 5 It's so good. It's like the Bills kick the shit out of whoever the fuck they kicked the shit out of, and then they play the Ravens, and it's like they can't even play football.

Speaker 4 Oh, my God.

Speaker 5 I just, I fuck this year, dude. Fuck this year.

Speaker 3 Dude, Cincinnati.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 5 All I know is my cats suck. That's the only bet I fucking hit last week.
Everybody, like,

Speaker 5 who the fuck is anybody right now, Paul? Who the fuck can you look at the team and be like, this team is this, this team is that?

Speaker 5 I'm telling you, dude, I am getting NBA in the 2000s vibes.

Speaker 5 And my prediction is the fucking Chiefs are going to play the Ravens in the AFC Championship game, and the refs are going to fuck the Ravens because the Chiefs are their fucking cash cow.

Speaker 5 That's their story. Patrick Mahomes, is he the next time, Brady? Can they fucking 3P?

Speaker 5 Oh, my God. Taylor Swift.
That's their cash cow. So the level that you're going to have to beat those guys, you're going to have to be up by like fucking 17,

Speaker 5 18 points in the fourth fucking quarter.

Speaker 4 We should do a side bet. Me and you should do a side bet because I think somebody takes the Chiefs out this year.

Speaker 4 I don't think the Chiefs are going to 3-peat this year. So if you want to do a side bet, we should do that.

Speaker 5 What is giving you that indication, Paul? That's like the level of fucking holding that those fucking guys do is just, it's fucking insane.

Speaker 5 On both sides of the ball, on both sides of the fucking lining, the refs are just standing there.

Speaker 4 Yeah, no, I mean, listen,

Speaker 4 there's definitely favoritism, but I think a team's gonna just literally like he he goes like this to huddle up.

Speaker 5 He does this stupid thing, and they fucking zoom in on his fucking hand. It's a fucking movie, dude.
It's a fucking, what am I watching?

Speaker 5 Where's this fucking lethal weapon?

Speaker 5 Where the fuck's my camera? Where's the camera?

Speaker 5 And they zoomed in on it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah. No, this is, let me ask you this question.
You've been watching NFL longer than me. When was the last year that the NFL was this weird and unpredictable?

Speaker 5 Why are the Commanders all of a sudden fucking great last week?

Speaker 4 Dude, two weeks ago.

Speaker 5 I'm supposed to be like, oh, they fucking turned it around. And now the Ravens kick the shit out of the bills.
I'm supposed to say, oh, that's who the fucking Ravens are.

Speaker 5 They're going to lose this week to the Bengals. Listen, Paul, every year I fucking lose to the book like most people, but not like this year.

Speaker 5 This year is just like, this is, it's like every team is fucking bipolar.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, it's

Speaker 5 I'm over it, dude. I don't give a fuck.
I just picked four fucking teams and I don't give a shit. I'm like a housewife at this point.

Speaker 4 Speaking of that, you go first.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 5 I'm going to take the Pats minus one, playing the Dolphins. They're fucking, they're a chicken without a fucking head.
They don't have a quarterback. And I feel like we have a good coach.

Speaker 5 We played good enough on the first two games that we can beat a team that's as banged up as the Dolphins are.

Speaker 5 Pat's minus one. Now watch, we'll lose by 40 and next week we'll win by 40.

Speaker 4 I'm going to take,

Speaker 4 I like that. I think that unfortunately the Dolphins season is horribly because of that.

Speaker 5 I hope that tour guy is going to be all right, man.

Speaker 1 I know, man.

Speaker 1 No, it's a fucking young kid.

Speaker 5 He's got his whole career ahead of him.

Speaker 4 I'm going to take Aaron Rodgers and the New York Jets getting two and a half. Everybody thinks the Vikings this and that.
And I keep saying Sam Darnold is going to lose and he hasn't yet.

Speaker 4 But if the Jets lose this one,

Speaker 4 I just think the Jets are going to figure something out. And I think Sam Darnold is due for a bad game.
I know I said that two weeks in a row.

Speaker 4 I'm just going to take the Jets getting two and a half in Minnesota.

Speaker 5 I'm going to take the Chiefs getting five and a half, laying five and a half Monday night. I like that officiating crew.
I think they like Taylor Swift.

Speaker 5 I think the Kelsey brothers should do some more commercials.

Speaker 5 And, you know, I think we should just gas these guys up, just make them as big as they can as we wait for the next Brady, Elway, Peyton Manning to fucking show up in the league.

Speaker 5 In the meantime, we'll just keep propping these guys up. I'm going to take them minus five and a half against Derek Carr and the Saints.

Speaker 4 How funny is that if you were like, this, I got to tell you, I looked at the report of the officials.

Speaker 5 These guys are like, they don't like barbecue. They don't like vinegar base.
They like molasses base. So I'm going to take the Chiefs over the Panthers.

Speaker 4 All right.

Speaker 4 I like that pick. Let's see here.
You know what?

Speaker 4 I'm going to take the Commanders.

Speaker 4 I'm going to take the Commanders. The Browns have had so many opportunities.
They just, you know, I think this Jaden Daniels kid, this rookie is really kind of good. We'll see what happens.

Speaker 4 I could be wrong, but I think that they're going to hit a stride this year right now. And I'm going to take them minus three and a half.

Speaker 4 I don't love the half a point, to be honest, but I think that they're a better team than the Browns. So I'm going to take, I'm going to take the two.

Speaker 5 I agree with all of that, Paul. And that's why I'm taking the Browns because it makes no fucking sense that they're going to show up and win.

Speaker 4 Oh, a little head-to-head.

Speaker 5 Nice. I got two head-to-head.
I got another one coming for you.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 I like it. All right.

Speaker 5 I don't give a fuck. I'm like the angry voter right now.

Speaker 5 I'm just waiting for some guy with a two by four to tell me that he's going to turn the country around and I'll vote for him even though he can't complete his sentence.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 4 Oh, man.

Speaker 4 Dude, I'm going to go.

Speaker 4 I'm going to take the Packers again. I'm going to take the Packers minus three against the Rams.
I don't know who the Rams are. One week the Rams win.
The next week, I don't know.

Speaker 4 I'm going to just fucking stick with the Packers because their backup quarterback is good and their first string quarterback is good. Minus three.

Speaker 5 Is Love playing?

Speaker 1 Jake the Snake.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah. Jake, we need a little Jake the Snake appearance.

Speaker 1 Hey, there. Hey, how you doing?

Speaker 5 Snake here for the ladies. What do we got?

Speaker 6 Jordan Love is expected to play this week. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Yeah. He's back.
He was back last week. You know, they're limiting him in practice, but he's going to play again.

Speaker 5 So you like him against Vince Ferragamo?

Speaker 6 Yeah, I do.

Speaker 1 Stafford? Massive. That's for Bet,

Speaker 5 tough as nails, getting it done with his two top receivers out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, all right. He's a great person.

Speaker 5 Guess what? I like Sam Darnold. After saying I don't like a quarterback with Darn in his last name, I'm going to go with the Vikings.

Speaker 5 I just think

Speaker 5 I don't fucking know. The Jets allegedly have a good defense.
Where the fuck has that been the last few weeks?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 um

Speaker 5 uh dude i watched this this fucking video on moses malone

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 5 moses malone dude like you never saw it like a guy back then he moved like a fucking point guard he could handle the ball he'd go into the trees go up and under him and do a fucking layup and pick his seven foot legs up he could dunk on anybody in the league Was he seven foot?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 He's a man child. He came right out of high school, went right to the, I think he went to the ABA.
I think the Houston Rockets were ABA. I can't remember.

Speaker 5 But I'm listening to people talking about him.

Speaker 5 And God bless Bill Walton, rest his soul. But he goes, no, he wasn't the most skilled player.
It's like, what are you talking about, dude?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 What are you talking about with your banged up feet?

Speaker 5 Your fucking headband. What are you? He wasn't the most skilled player.
The guy was fucking unbelievable. He took the 76s to the promised land.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I didn't even know.

Speaker 5 Most people can't give it up for somebody's fucking greatness. Is I shit on the Chiefs.
Old Billy hypocrite here.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 4 You're right. They, they did.
Come on, man. They know.

Speaker 4 All right, here we go. My fourth and final pick.
This is the one that I

Speaker 5 do like that Rashi Rice, and I also like that defense.

Speaker 1 And I like the

Speaker 1 holding on.

Speaker 1 Rashid Rice is out.

Speaker 4 Rashi Rice is out Rashi Rice is out he's his knee is ripped he's gone for a year oh fuck me

Speaker 5 um but no they still got what's his name I'm probably gonna lose that one Paul can I punt this week is that all right can I just take a knee can I Jeff George and turn around and throw the ball out of the fucking end zone I mean I don't know who the Raiders are

Speaker 5 in like a fucking year

Speaker 5 I go two and two every week and every once in a while I get a one and three and then I fucking lose four games to the book every fucking year.

Speaker 4 You all, Billy Winsome, lose some.

Speaker 5 I'm not Billy Winsome, looms some. I'm fucking, I'm going under.
Lifeguard is fucking talking to some hot chick on the beach. I'm going under for the third time over here, Paul.

Speaker 4 Oh, I hate this Falcons Bucks game. It's a division game.
It's, I hate it.

Speaker 5 With the Buccaneers last week.

Speaker 1 I know. I know.

Speaker 5 Where the fuck did that come from?

Speaker 4 What's going on? Oh, the Eagles. Are the Eagles not playing?

Speaker 4 Oh, the Eagles played right what's going on why are the eagles not on here is that bye week he's still president the second he said he wasn't running i've i haven't seen him since oh dude i did a joke about that on stage in tampa i go get in the basement and

Speaker 4 i go shut up

Speaker 5 i just had him on the back porch on a rocking chair with a blanket on his legs

Speaker 4 This Bills Texans game is literally a pick'em. It's a literal pick'em in Houston.
The Bills are coming off a bad bad loss.

Speaker 4 I'm not going to touch it.

Speaker 5 I'm coming off a great win.

Speaker 5 And then a bad loss. And then you got the fucking Arizona Cardinals.
Look at them every other fucking week.

Speaker 4 In all the years I've watched NFL football, this is the first time I feel like I'm throwing a dart at a board. I don't know.
I mean, there's a couple I like, but I don't know.

Speaker 4 You know what I'm going to do?

Speaker 5 Paul, usually by this time of the year, you're kind of fucking starting to figure out who people are. At least I like to think.

Speaker 4 I'm going to take, this is what I'm going to do.

Speaker 4 If they lose now, if they lose now, the season is over.

Speaker 4 They just gave this kid fucking $200 million and they're 0-4.

Speaker 4 I'm going to take the Jacksonville Jaguars at home,

Speaker 4 minus two and a half against the Colts, who I believe Richardson is out, right, Jake?

Speaker 6 We don't know for certain. He's questionable, but

Speaker 6 yeah, he's banged up, but he could play in that game.

Speaker 4 I'm going to take Trevor Lawrence.

Speaker 4 He seemed like a nice kid

Speaker 4 when I saw him eating a Buffalo chicken sandwich at a golf course in Vegas.

Speaker 4 He's 0-4. He's 0-4, dude.
If they go 0-5, I mean, his chances are already out.

Speaker 5 I don't like the way he's looking at his offensive coordinator.

Speaker 4 Dude, he's looking

Speaker 1 at everybody.

Speaker 5 Fucking answers. Like, what are we doing here? That's the thing.
The problem is not Trevor Lawrence. It's somebody with a clipboard isn't giving them the right shit.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I'm just going to take them at home because it's under a field goal a field goal wins it and they need their 0-4 they're desperate in front of a home crowd there you go my fourth and final pick and i'm sticking to it well i would have a better chance of picking a korean baseball game right now than i could pick a

Speaker 5 nfl game

Speaker 5 yeah if anybody is out there Whatever I picked, go the opposite. You're going to go with.

Speaker 1 Is anybody out there?

Speaker 5 Yeah, you're going to go at least fucking three and one.

Speaker 4 Who sang that song? Is that Van Halen?

Speaker 5 That was Def Leppard.

Speaker 1 Def Leppard. Yeah.

Speaker 4 What is it? Photograph? Which album, Bill?

Speaker 5 I think that's the Pyromania album.

Speaker 1 Does anybody care? Right? Is that what they say? Anybody wonder?

Speaker 4 Dude, by the way,

Speaker 4 Def Leopard, underrated, I think. So good.
Pyromania. It was Pyromania.

Speaker 5 Pyromania.

Speaker 4 What year, Andrew?

Speaker 5 Pyromania high and dry.

Speaker 1 Those,

Speaker 5 Those are the

Speaker 5 dopes.

Speaker 4 1983, Pyromania, dude. I'm going to start downloading it.
You know what? I'm flying out to Washington to hang out with my buddies this weekend.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're going to go.

Speaker 4 Oh, the Jordans are packed. The Jordans are in the fucking.
The Jordans are in the luggage with the crease beast.

Speaker 4 I'm coming out there and I may put some Deaf Leopard in the ears on the fucking.

Speaker 5 Wait, what's the Crease Beast? Do you have shoots? Do you have shoe trees for your sneakers?

Speaker 4 i i uh they there's a new invention bill

Speaker 1 you see he's laughing like it's so excited i am

Speaker 3 billy wait a minute bill you know

Speaker 4 shoe trees for your gym shoes no listen to me yeah yeah bill you know when i get excited bill knows me well

Speaker 4 so the sneakers crease so they tried doing these the old invention was like this ugly plastic thing But a sneakerhead came up with it. Oh, Bill, there's got to be a better way.

Speaker 5 Here's a I swear to God, sneakerheads are the gayest straight people in America right now.

Speaker 4 But this guy knew what he was doing. He came up with a cushy thing that goes in

Speaker 3 and I'll show you. I got it.

Speaker 1 Fist and fresh.

Speaker 4 Oh, dude, they're really comfortable.

Speaker 5 Oh, wow.

Speaker 4 I'm going to show them to you.

Speaker 5 That's amazing, Paul. Maybe you can fucking laminate them and walk around.
They could be shiny and new your whole fucking life.

Speaker 4 No, they're inside the shoe and cushy.

Speaker 1 They're fucking.

Speaker 3 I can't even.

Speaker 5 There isn't anything more fucking boring than listening to two sneakerheads talking about which Jordans they like the best. And they're always like 50-year-old guys.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't like that. The cement

Speaker 5 with the flying Jordan guy

Speaker 5 in teal

Speaker 1 over.

Speaker 5 Dude, I got a matching bathrobe.

Speaker 5 You like chicks with their fucking shoes in the closet. They're sneakers.

Speaker 4 No, no, listen.

Speaker 1 Look at these clothes.

Speaker 5 look at these things warm

Speaker 5 jordan ones those are classics yeah smokes i didn't walk around and put

Speaker 3 shoe trees

Speaker 5 what's a shoe tree a shoe tree is what a salesman puts in those wooden things you put inside your fucking wingtips oh oh like when you're when they're off yeah so you don't look like willie lowman when they look down at your feet going should i buy something off of this guy and your shoes are collapsing like your dreams Oh, my dad had those big wooden blocks that he had put in his shoes.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I don't know what you meant.

Speaker 5 My dad, I know he was barefoot and his shoes had tassels on them, Garen fucking teed, and he had shorts, Larry Bird shorts on.

Speaker 4 Yes, there we go. That's a shoe tree.

Speaker 4 Yeah, my dad had the wooden ones that were like shiny. It's hysterical.

Speaker 5 The amount of brand new Jordans that are thrown out because they get a crease in them and floating in the ocean. That's some sea turtles fucking floating around.

Speaker 5 There's 45-year-old men have to walk out of the house looking like it's the first day of school in eighth grade every day of life.

Speaker 4 I don't know why people don't donate them to people that need sneakers. There's a whole fucking thing for that.
Homeless people and shit. Like, why would you throw them out?

Speaker 5 I don't know what you guys do with them. And then I don't know.
Paul, I mean, I literally watched you walk on your heels for a quarter of a mile.

Speaker 1 Yeah, those were

Speaker 5 in Minneapolis. You walked on your fucking heels with your toes up.

Speaker 5 That's one of the greatest laughs me and Bartnick ever had. I almost went over and took your hand.

Speaker 5 I was going to take off my North face and put it over a puddle.

Speaker 1 I remember that.

Speaker 4 Trying to think which one those were. I think those were.

Speaker 5 When are you going to stop dressing like Jay-Z in 2002, Paul?

Speaker 1 No, I don't got it.

Speaker 5 You made the album. How crazy is that?

Speaker 4 Look what I got on now. I got these.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 5 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 These are, these are $30 Marshall.

Speaker 5 Caitlin Jenner threes.

Speaker 4 These are the dad twos.

Speaker 5 Were those Reeboks?

Speaker 4 Those are Reeboks.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'm just fucked.

Speaker 5 Dude, I'm just, listen, I don't give a fuck about your sneakers. I just fucking,

Speaker 3 you know.

Speaker 1 You went one and three.

Speaker 5 Because this fucking betting this year for me, it's just been a bad relationship.

Speaker 1 uh i just

Speaker 4 you're doing better than i am you dude what about me i was down eight games i was ready to people were going hey versey i lost my house on you yeah but what you have going for you is this delusion yeah

Speaker 5 like when i lose i'm like i suck when you lose you're like this isn't me yeah this is

Speaker 5 it's the funniest ever i can't see it i can't see it i'm not singing it like it's like everybody who gambles loses not not me but dude you're you're on you paul the only thing i have going for me this season is watching you four pete i don't want to put pressure on you but if you let me down bill the officials are against me

Speaker 1 i'm like the chiefs

Speaker 5 i'm glad you won this week because i didn't want to listen to you whining about another bet you lost by half a point um also

Speaker 5 by half a point well yeah i mean if you took the other team you would have won by half a point i'm just here to say that i can't pick i can't throw it in the ocean at this point Have you been watching any of the uh October baseball?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 7 I gotta get off the phone.

Speaker 4 I could give a fuck.

Speaker 5 Um, really, yeah, I mean, yeah, I'm not that's brewer's game. That 20-year-old kid went yard like fucking Andrew Jones back in 96.

Speaker 5 Two times call, opposite field, tied it up in the bottom of the ninth, and then they went ahead to tie this

Speaker 5 up one to one. I love October baseball.

Speaker 4 Um, Bill, we won the Monday night special.

Speaker 5 Yes, we did.

Speaker 5 I have another fucking Zoom call.

Speaker 5 Let's do the Monday Night Special real quick.

Speaker 4 Yep, yep. I got to hit the airport.

Speaker 5 Sorry to all the fans. I'm bringing the negativity, but there's somebody out there that is feeling my pain.

Speaker 4 All right, we got the Saints and the Chiefs.

Speaker 4 Chiefs minus five. You already picked them, so we'll go with that.

Speaker 5 I didn't even know Rashi Rice is out.

Speaker 5 What a shame, dude. That kid is a fucking superstar, man.

Speaker 4 No, I like them at home.

Speaker 5 Failing the Chiefs out

Speaker 5 more than the offensive line holding every play is Rashi Rice getting open.

Speaker 4 Oh, that kid Worthy, too. That fast kid rookie is doing really good for them.

Speaker 1 All right. And what's going on?

Speaker 5 Pacheco's hurt?

Speaker 4 Jake, what's going on, Pacheco? Is he hurt?

Speaker 6 Yeah, he broke his leg, so he's going to be out for a while, but he's coming back later.

Speaker 4 Mahomes to throw one, Kelsey to catch one.

Speaker 5 I know. Kelsey's been quiet this year, dude.
I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 4 I think prime time under the lights, he's going to do it on a Monday night game.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I believe in that guy.

Speaker 5 He's got, and wait, you know what? He's got to be dupe.

Speaker 4 All right. So let's do this then.
We'll do the Chiefs to the Chiefs to win by six, Kelsey to catch one.

Speaker 5 Touches because that Rice kid was killing it so much, and that worthy guy you were bringing up. Maybe, you know, I don't know.
So now that that guy's hurt, I know.

Speaker 4 They're stacked, dude. They got a lot of talent, too.
I like that bet.

Speaker 4 Mahomes to cat, mahomes to throw one, Travis Kelsey to catch one's to go like this,

Speaker 4 mahomes to go like this. How many times?

Speaker 1 What's the underover?

Speaker 4 What's the under over on that

Speaker 5 mahomes to do his shadow puppets?

Speaker 1 Um, all right,

Speaker 5 oh my god,

Speaker 4 uh, yeah, I got to get to the airport. There you go.
This is our picks.

Speaker 5 Uh,

Speaker 4 the Chiefs to win by six, Mahomes to throw one, Travis Kelsey to catch one. There you go.
We're going to get the Monday night special two weeks in a row for you guys.

Speaker 4 There you go.

Speaker 3 At least somebody's winning.

Speaker 5 Somebody's winning.

Speaker 1 All right. I got to, I got to go do it.
There you go, guys.

Speaker 1 I'll see you later.

Speaker 5 Next week. Bye-bye, Paulie.

Speaker 4 Bye, buddy. I'll see you later.

Speaker 1 Bye.

Speaker 4 All right, guys. You know what to do too.
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Okay. You can put in, here's what you do.

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And the offer is, hold on, I'm getting the offer right now. Sorry, Andrew.

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Look, the Anything Better show is coming.

Speaker 4 I know Bill is pissed off that he went one and three, but you know what? He's still right there. I was down eight games, guys.

Speaker 4 I was down eight games. Look, I still have to come back because this week, who knows what could happen, but now I am down four.

Speaker 4 Okay, we'll see what happens this week.

Speaker 4 We gotta hope. We gotta hope, guys.
But we hit the Monday night special for you guys. Hopefully, you guys stick with me.
Stick with me, at least for a little bit.

Speaker 4 If I get really bad, then you don't have to. But I, you know, hey, look, I would go with the guy that did it three times.
Andrew, Jake, do you guys have anything else before I get out of here?

Speaker 4 I got about five minutes here.

Speaker 6 No, I mean, I'm licking my wounds after another 0-4 weeks. So I'm trying to bounce back here and catch up to you, Paul.

Speaker 4 The one thing that Bill said is right. Like, this is the first year.
I just don't know who anybody is.

Speaker 4 I don't know what's going on with the Cincinnati Bengals. I think that's a team.
I obviously don't know what's going on with teams like the Raiders and the Broncos.

Speaker 4 I don't know what's going on with the Jaguars.

Speaker 4 Sam Darnold is all of a sudden Joe Montana and the Minnesota Vikings are the best team in football. Nobody saw that coming.
Aaron Rodgers is

Speaker 4 staring at the press conference reporters, pissed off because he doesn't know what the fuck is going on. It's a wild, wild time,

Speaker 4 but like everything else, Andrew, like everything else. It's the universe finds a way to fix itself.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 7 that Jets game, they're in London. london roger's knee is a little

Speaker 7 you know so i mean that's he's on a plane like that's not going to be great for him um but as far as still as as the the thesis of this week goes is not knowing the teams um if you bet against the public so far this year you're anywhere between it depends on where where you are where you're booking but like you know probably anywhere between 65 75 percent um wow yeah it's crazy so it's i mean you have to look at these public games like uh the Ravens and the Bills last week, right?

Speaker 7 I mean, everybody was all over the Bills because of the way the Ravens have been. So you got to look at those games and go, what's up?

Speaker 7 So now this week with the Bills, I mean, that's a huge bounce back spot to a Texans team that's underperforming,

Speaker 7 you know? So

Speaker 7 I liked,

Speaker 7 yeah,

Speaker 1 I like the Bills.

Speaker 7 And I like your Jaguars pick. I like your Jaguars pick.
By the way, Anthony Richardson is practicing, but he's only taken a few snaps.

Speaker 7 The rumor is that it's going to end up being Flacco. So we'll see.

Speaker 1 I mean, you never know.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I mean, you never know. Flacco could come in.
And, I mean, God forbid, but I just feel like,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 4 you know, look, I feel like, you know, to review my picks real quick,

Speaker 4 I feel like.

Speaker 4 Jaden Daniels as real, yeah, we got our picks here. Here we go.
Yeah. So I got the Jets.

Speaker 4 Like I said, I just, and Aaron Rodgers' leg is going to be in a fucking thermal chamber on that airplane. I'm not worried about that.

Speaker 4 I think that the Commanders, dude, Jaden Daniels figured something out. And you know what? In week two against the Giants, I saw him starting to turn a corner.

Speaker 4 And even though they won the game, they did not look good. The Giants could have won that game.
And since that game, he's really been good. And he's starting to get chemistry.

Speaker 4 So again, I don't like the half a point, but I do like them. The Jaguars have to win.
I mean, you have to win. And listen, the Packers have been,

Speaker 4 the Packers and the Lions are the two. I think the Packers and the Lions are the two teams in the NFC.

Speaker 4 No disrespect to the 49ers and no disrespect to even the Vikings, but I don't think it's going to be sustained. And

Speaker 4 I think the Packers,

Speaker 4 the Packers showing a young quarterback can do it too.

Speaker 7 The Vikings, I think the Vikings can beat any of those teams. They've shown that they can.
But as far as the Niners go, I heard this this morning. Shout out to Sean Green, Sports Campa Podcast.

Speaker 7 He was saying that he had heard that this potentially could be the last season for McCaffrey because his injury did not,

Speaker 7 the treatment, which is fairly widely reported in Germany that he went, didn't perhaps didn't take because they didn't come out and say there was any real good news.

Speaker 7 And as far as anybody who's looking at the screen, you see like Jake and mine pick, like Jake's only got one pick in.

Speaker 7 And then mine, I just, because I am filling this out, I just kind of put in some soft picks. And then before the Thursday night game, I send it off to these guys.

Speaker 7 So, yeah, Jake's with you on the Packers game there. I kind of like that too.

Speaker 7 Yeah, the Rams are just

Speaker 7 a lot of injuries, not a lot of consistency.

Speaker 6 I'm with you on Packers and Commanders, Polly, so hopefully we split them. I deal with the Packers.

Speaker 1 You want to punch you in, Jake?

Speaker 4 Yeah, I mean, I'm not,

Speaker 6 but I'm leaning that way.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 4 it's weird, but it's also like some things need to now, you're getting to week five.

Speaker 4 So you're going to start to see teams not tank, but it's getting to the point where if you're an NFL team, if you're an NFL team and you're 0-5 or 1-7 or 1-6 or something like that, then they really start to figure in next year.

Speaker 4 I hate to say this to 49er fans because I do like the 49ers, and I have a lot of friends who like the 49ers.

Speaker 4 And I performed in front of the owner and the GM and the president of the 49ers and they couldn't have been cooler. And I really liked them.

Speaker 4 So I don't mean any disrespect, but I did hear a sports analyst say it.

Speaker 4 I forgot who it was, but they said at the beginning of the season, they go, I was watching the 49ers and they just look exhausted.

Speaker 4 What they've gone through to go to the Super Bowl two years in a row, I don't think people understand really what that takes. A long season beat up.

Speaker 4 You go to the Super Bowl or two out of three years, whatever it was, you go to the Super Bowl multiple times in the last few years, I should say.

Speaker 4 And to get back and do it again and to keep everybody healthy and to keep everybody on the same page and to pay everybody, it's a lot. So I just don't know what they could sustain.

Speaker 4 And if McCaffrey is as bad as what you're saying, if McCaffrey is like, they're going, dude, this guy's leg is really screwed up. I mean, their backup.

Speaker 1 The running back is good, though.

Speaker 7 That injury report at the beginning of the year was really soft on McCaffrey. That was like, yeah, he's going to be okay.
Like, it's not as bad. And then it's just like, clearly it was worse.

Speaker 7 Clearly, it was worse just based on preseason, based on, you know, first, like, it was just clearly it was worse. So I just think that's the direction that it's going.

Speaker 7 I think there's a little, I think they're protecting maybe him. I don't know.

Speaker 6 Well, Burrow had the same thing last year. So that's how I kind of knew.

Speaker 6 I was like, oh, McCaffrey is probably not going to play for the first few weeks because that's what happened to Burrow, but this is obviously a lot worse than what Burrow was going through.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 7 Also, Paul,

Speaker 7 you had mentioned you liked the Bengals in that.

Speaker 4 Do I, let me see that game.

Speaker 1 I know you're not taking them. No, Bill.

Speaker 1 That was Bill. Bill took them.
All right.

Speaker 3 Bill took them.

Speaker 7 I do kind of like the Bengals in that spot.

Speaker 7 Kind of do like them in that spot. I don't know why.

Speaker 4 I mean, dude, their back is against a wall. I mean, look, this is like you're playing for your life at home.
I mean, you're playing for your life at home.

Speaker 4 You can't, if they lose that game, they're one and five.

Speaker 1 If they lose that game,

Speaker 7 yeah, the Ravens' corners are trash. And that's literally what the Bengals have:

Speaker 7 they've got T. Higgins.
They've got Jamar Chase. They're both healthy.
They were both healthy last week, but like, I mean, Chase has been, but

Speaker 7 Higgins was there. But yeah, it still didn't happen.
And

Speaker 3 it's division.

Speaker 7 I mean, that's a lot. It's a good spot spot for the Bengals.

Speaker 4 All right, guys. Well, listen, enjoy the week.
I have to go catch an airplane. I'm getting picked up here in like 20 minutes.

Speaker 4 You have the picks. You guys know the offer.
Guys, bet responsibly. Enjoy it.
Don't get crazy.

Speaker 4 Look, I was down eight. Now I'm down four.
We'll see what happens. We're going to try to keep fighting up this battle.
We're going to try to keep clawing up this mountain to see if I can do this.

Speaker 4 This is like the like, this is one where I'm just like, I'm like the Niners. I'm exhausted, but I'm going to do it.

Speaker 1 That's why I think

Speaker 1 it's the best.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I'll see you guys. I'll talk to you guys next week.