MBMBaM 776: The Great Brother Spiral of 2025

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has blossomed.

It's ripened into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true,

it's better, it's better with two.

I like

our

hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother, and Me, an advice show for the Modron era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

What's up, Trav Nation?

It's me, your middleest brother, Travis, Big Dog, Wolf Wolf, Room Vream McElroy.

What's up, Trav Nation?

It's me, your sweet baby brother, 30 and 30, Griffin McElroy.

Now, we had a fun night at the McElroy household last night because we were all excited for the announcement of Taylor Swift's new album.

And

the name of it, and the name of it is

Diary of a Showgirl.

So, so

the Life of a Showgirl.

Life of a Showgirl's Diary.

So, we,

I watched this.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Showgirls.

Showgirls Tiberius.

I wanted to be, we all wanted to be part of the Zeitgeist at my house, and

we love Taylor Swift.

So, our friends John and Craig and Autumn and Dez, and everybody came over, and we watched the event.

Now, the event in question was of special interest to me because it was a podcast hosted by brothers.

Yeah.

Yes.

Okay.

I love it.

And that shit usually gets you foaming at the mouth.

I love it.

Justin.

No, Griffin.

Actually, you're confused because I love it.

We love it when other brothers, other than us,

fucking come in, including a Travis.

I will say this, Griffin.

If I don't love it right now, the the tone of the next few minutes might be unpleasant.

Okay, so let's just say that I love it.

Yeah.

Okay.

Is that all right?

I know you love it.

I did not know prior to this that one could use podcasts to announce information about upcoming albums.

Podcasts can't be news.

Like, that's the one thing I have felt so safe and secure saying, whatever the fuck I want on here, because I have been promised time and time again, podcasts can't be news.

You can't get news from podcasts.

See, that's what I thought too.

But then Travis and his brother, not Travis, they absolutely like changed the game.

They had a huge

game of football with the way they played it.

Actually, I not for joke last night at one point was standing on our couch saying, this can't be a podcast.

I make podcasts.

It can't be.

This can't be a podcast.

No way.

But I want to, I'm never too old to learn something new.

You know, this old dog could still learn a new trick.

And I want to start like I want to learn it to be the masters.

I'm so glad, Justin.

I'm so glad to hear you say that because I'm excited to announce the information about my new album.

Okay, Life of a Showgirl,

Life of a Showgirl 2, but it's

T-O-O,

right?

So, to really maximize the

full title is Life of a Showgirl, T-O-O, Travis version, yeah, Ska Punk and Sensual hits.

Skunk, I think you mean, is having important money?

No, because they're separate.

There's commas in between.

Ska, punk, each alternating track.

Can I get through the full title?

I'm so sorry.

It's just so long.

Life of a Showgirl 2, Travis version, Ska, Punk, and Sensual Hits from the 50s, 60s, 80s, and today.

Why skip the 70s and the 90s?

Couldn't get those rights.

Couldn't be bothered.

To the decades?

Yeah.

Also, why have you decided not to be the Travis character that seems like the cleanest I'm already

I'm already the Travis character I see okay yeah Taylor Swift was being the Travis character on their podcast

so what uh to explore Travis's new album I uh uh in an effort to try to learn from what will almost certainly be the most popular most listened to podcast in all of human history I have just taken the exact questions literally verbatim that were asked of Taylor Swift in last night's interview by Captain Heddick from 1010.

I'm sorry.

Jason Kelsey, I'm sorry.

I had a wrong tab open.

I'm sorry.

Justin I'm not sure.

Chronic's mistake.

A wrong tab.

I've been reading about 1010 earlier.

It's going to take me weeks to decipher whether or not that was a burn or just kind of a harmless

or a compliment.

It might be a compliment.

It could be a compliment.

I guess so.

So

are you ready ready for our interview?

Yeah.

Well, Justin, you've sent me some quotes also to sort of pepper in here.

Mine don't seem quite as germane to you.

Travis Kelsey was also on the show, and he is Taylor's boyfriend, and he also talked, but he was not the interviewer, and he was not the subject.

He was just kind of a color commentator.

So I've sent you some color that you can add at your ledger.

I think it's great that he maintained journalistic integrity by not interviewing her.

There's obviously a bias because they're boyfriend and G-friend.

And Jason really put the fucking screws to her.

I'll tell you that much.

Here we go.

Didn't let her escape by without talking about her jet.

All right, Travis.

Yeah.

One of my favorite things this summer was Travis reclaiming his masters.

His recording of his first six albums finally became his.

And you haven't really talked about it.

You made this beautiful post on all your social channels thanking everyone that

made it happen and everything.

But why don't you tell the 92%.

It's gonna be bigger and

he's gonna be bigger, stronger voice juice.

I'm so sorry.

But like, the delivery is great and you're getting all the words right.

But I think part of what makes it so Zeitgeist is he's fucking huge.

And so the sounds he makes are so deep and resonant and people love to hear that.

But why don't you

tell the 92%ers how it really felt

to reclaim my masters?

Well, I got my masters in

science, all of it.

So it was like 100 masters there.

But then I got the masters back for all my previous albums.

And it felt good,

but then I listened to them and they weren't good.

Like the masters were kind of bad in retrospect.

Oh, come on, babe.

Oh, come on, babe.

Oh, come on, babe.

Not like that.

Come on, babe.

You did great.

Yeah, they were just all so fast.

I didn't realize how fast they were.

And I sound like Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Time for more questions?

I have a question.

Babe, can I ask a question?

Sure, Travis.

I want a wild otter so bad.

I just want to find these little creatures.

Yeah, I know.

You bring that up a lot.

Mostly in the bedroom.

And I understand that, baby.

Thank you.

We'll work on that later.

Do you have a favorite thing from the Eras tour?

My favorite thing from the heirs tour

um that would be well i request local donuts in the green room um

i say give me the best local donuts and then i

and then i juggle them um

baby gotta juggle those donuts well i gotta amuse all the otters that travis brings into the green room and then he wants one specifically whose life i saved who knows that i saved his life i guess that's in reference to the otters from before.

Okay, great.

Now, let's talk about something I don't know.

Okay.

What is numerology?

You don't know.

You threw that phrase out there.

Like, that's a common.

What is numerology?

You don't know what numerology is.

That's a direct quote.

I don't know if it's directed at Taylor.

Probably not.

I doubt he would ever fucking Dane.

It's the power of numbers and their significance.

Like, one is the loneliest number

that you'll ever see.

Seven is, of course, up.

13, if 13 people sit down at a table, the first one to stand up is going to be the next one to die.

Basic stuff like that.

You get it, right?

That's why we won't have dinner with more than eight people, just to give us a margin of error.

Yeah.

Because if five people sit down and I stand up, I'm not trying to die from a witch's curse.

I don't know where to go.

I don't know where to go from here.

Now,

what

how many countries did you do on the tour?

Awesome.

Fucking Google it, bro.

You can fucking easily Google that information, brother.

Don't waste my wife's time.

I mean, girlfriend.

What?

No.

Graham Elsman is here on Great Heights, guys.

You're here first.

Secret marriage.

I'm here to announce Travis's even next album after that.

I take it.

Hey, Travis.

Yeah.

How do you go about

knowing how to do an Easter egg?

I don't even know.

Great question.

Where does that process start?

Are you like, well.

Is that the end of it?

That's a great question, Jason.

I start by using the wax crayon they provide and I color color little shapes on it.

That way the dye won't permeate the shell at that point.

And then I dip a little bit of the egg in one color, flip it over, dip it in a different color.

And then inside the egg, I hide secrets about merch that's coming out and like upcoming announcements and stuff like that inside the Easter eggs.

And then I hide them.

all over the continental U.S.

Yeah.

You have to find them and eat them to learn the information.

And this

this is another fun numerology thing is that Travis told me that if I even decorate one egg, the number one, I'll die.

So I'm not allowed to decorate any of the eggs because she said it is another numerology curse.

Yeah, we've been able to use the power of numerology to determine all the different ways Travis Kelsey could die and help him avoid it.

So many.

It's a lot.

I know I look tough, but I'm a weenie man.

Yeah, death already has it out for Travis Kelsey.

all right favorite favorite thing i'm sorry about the weenie man thing if he ever heard this he'd be pissed and he's huge so i'm sorry about the weenie man

all right favorite favorite thing about the eras tour was

besides going to it and just like being like amazed at everything

i mean i was on an i think i was on another podcast recently just like all the songs All the like everything you just talked about where it changes so much.

There's something new every 20 30 seconds it was incredible the non-stop length of it but i will i'm gonna be remiss if i don't say one of the things i loved is watching griffin mcroy get on that stage yeah the man in the tuxedo yeah

the fans have the the fans have their own show literally right it was i i remember being in gelsenkin germany if you say it with a german accent it probably sounds more like the actual city but okay

My American accent is Gelsenkin.

Gelsenkin.

And I remember seeing that part of the show, and they were literally doing circles and like putting the orbs up in the air and passing them to each other like they were performing.

Yep.

I remember that.

That was.

Speak about orbs.

Yeah, I remember the orbs very clearly.

I actually, during that segment, teleported away for a brief period.

That's when I appear on stage.

You teleport, you say, here comes Deweeny Man.

Yeah, well, I appear with Nikolai Tesla to develop that technology.

And

that's actually how I'm able to make so many amazing transitions.

Is when the orbs appear, I clone and the other tailor drops into a vat of acid and I teleport across the stage in a different costume.

And you never know, babe.

You never know which one you're going to.

You're never going to.

Yeah, it haunts me.

It haunts me.

One of the orbs hit me in in the chest, and it was terribly hot.

Yeah, no, that will happen.

I asked you, babe, why they had to be so hot.

And you said for the show.

For the show.

Nikolai Tesla designed them that way.

And I did warn you about the orbs because that's one of the ways you could die.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Did you learn anything throughout the like...

Is there anything at the end of the tour when you were wrapping up that you wish you had been doing the whole time?

Yeah, I'll tell you how to do differently now that the entire tour is wrapped up.

I I wish we had disposed of all the Taylor clone bodies at the time they were created.

We waited till the end.

You converted most of them to bracelets.

Yeah.

And they sold very well.

They were spoiled.

Yeah, they sold very well.

But when you're faced with thousands and thousands and thousands of Taylor clone bodies to deal with,

it's insurmountable.

We should have just dealt with them one at a time because we use about 500 per show.

And I love them all.

I love all my bracelet wives.

Yeah.

Each and every one of them.

Yeah, it's a thing.

Travis, one last question for you.

Of course.

How many people, this is actually for both of you guys.

How many people have come up to you guys and talking about or spoken about how much they've appreciated you being a part of the Chiefs and like their daughters all of a sudden being into sports?

Because I get it all the time.

I can't imagine how much you guys get it.

Literally never.

No.

How much the game has grown.

Not once.

How much the game has grown.

I cannot walk down the street without being stopped and being thanked for being a member of the Chiefs team.

When they put me in a safety, no one thought I was going to be able to do it.

They said, what?

That's not how it works.

But then I scored all the points.

12.

Yep.

B,

I had no idea that was.

Yeah, that was a pleasant surprise seeing all the little girls in the stands at games.

And you can see a proud father right there standing next to him.

It's definitely been fun to see that.

Like, surprise.

So, anyways, look for The Life of a Showgirl 2, Travis version, Ska Punk, and Central Hits from the 50s, 60s, 80s, and today coming out October 3rd.

October when?

3rd.

Oh, no, that's one of.

Sorry, Travis.

No.

It's one of the numbers.

Delay it, babe.

Delay it to not a number.

Make it come out not a number.

Make it on Christmas.

Make it on.

Make it on Arbor Day, babe.

Do it on a leap year, babe, for me.

I'll die otherwise.

Well, my husband accompanied me to the doctor recently.

As he waited for me, he read one of the waiting room magazines.

Later that day, he discovered that he had accidentally put the magazine in his bag and taken it home.

Fuck yeah.

He is adamant about returning the magazine as soon as possible, but I'm on the side of keeping the magazine and avoiding the awkwardness of coming in to return a magazine they will surely, surely replace.

Brothers, what should we do?

That's from pilfering patients in Palm Beach County.

They won't replace it.

Huh?

They won't replace it.

The crime you've done.

Don't like try to...

assuage your guilt by convincing yourself like this is a victimless crime.

There's been a victim and a perpetrator who is you i'm not saying there is a crime there's a crime

i don't know about all that but i am saying that the idea that they would be like oh that week old people magazine is gone don't rest until we find another copy

unless it's a fucking like limited edition commemorative batman

this is where okay you're a hundred percent this is a hundred percent the issue right because when i was growing up magazines were cheap they're disposable you know what i mean you could get they came out every week.

Entertainment Weekly came out

every week.

There was a new one, and then you'd throw the old one in the frigging garbage, right?

Yeah.

But these days, you got to think about bookasines.

That's the biggest, fastest-growing segment of publishing.

And when you're talking about periodicals, and those things have a shelf life of 18 months.

So you may have just stolen something that was supposed to be.

That's a coffee table.

That is an escape.

That coffee table book has a six-bound coffee table volume.

If we're talking glossy, full-color photography that is found on high quality stock if we're talking a nacho deep dive into the tomb of king tight if we're talking a time magazine full like this is james dean's whole deal take that back other people need that but if it's a highlights it's a highlights you've already solved the picture search Highlights is barely a magazine.

Do you guys think that they missed...

I'm using the collective thing, you understand?

the publishing industry, I guess, missed a trick because I feel like

when the writing was on the wall for the magazine industry, they start should have started zooming in a lot faster, right?

Sure.

If there was a magazine at this point, because the market is so narrowed, if there was a magazine just called, like, what the fuck is happening in this waiting room, and it's just about like different games for waiting rooms, like different, like, things in this, like secrets about the waiting room you are in.

You know, like that'd be very targeted about like cool ways to wait for the, this is the only time I'm going to be thinking about my teeth.

Get me now.

You know what I mean?

I want to think about tooth stuff.

What really goes on in the dentist room?

Yeah.

Do you want to

interviews with the people on a TV screen who are like doing commercials for Invisalign while you're in the waiting room for the dentist's office?

There should be a chart in everyone that says, how bad is this going to hurt?

Seriously.

And like, look it up.

Like, actually, it's pretty bad.

They're like, oh, but here's the problem justin already it's gonna be totally eaten up by online publishing because if i could get an up-to-date like up to the minute story that's like another guy walks into the waiting room and a story populates is like what's up with that guy's hair and i can read a story right i gotta be i gotta be plugged into society like to follow the the events of the waiting room um

yeah and then but then the problem the problem with any of this like targeted thing is it's going to become more and more political, more and more fractious.

And then you're going to have like right-wing magazines on the right side of the room that are like, Yeah, what a new doormat wasn't really made in America.

You'll get more and more targeted.

Well, they don't, they don't give they don't give a fuck about that, but it'd be something like, look at that guy over there, how, how crazy, huh?

Something more along those lines.

I'm glad you, hey, Griffin, I'm glad you overruled what I said to layer on.

Look at that guy, how crazy.

That was good, Griff.

Nice, nice.

A little, just a little.

I would like something to calm me down in the waiting room book.

I don't know what that looks like.

Maybe scratch an aromatic aromatherapy element to it, a page or

a sample of some sort that will bliss me out just a little bit.

Like a perfume sample in the magazine?

Yeah, but one that's been like, one that'll calm me down.

Oh, like an aromatherapy, a little bit of oil to dab underneath the lip.

Yeah, that's all I'm saying.

Maybe a little bead so that it can survive the transit, and it's like a little bead.

And you rub it where they'd print it on the, which I never thought could have been a very good sort of representation of the cologne experience, right?

To print it onto the magazine page, yeah, rub the stinky page on your face, like that's X.

That's now

for you.

Here's what I'm thinking: go ahead, Track.

My children go to a dentist where

at the end of the experience, they get a token that they can, I know, that they can place in a token in a gossip bomb machine and get a toy what if that's cool what if all the magazines are kept behind the counter and the promise is like hey if you do a good job in there if you're a good like dental patient boy you get to take a magazine home you get to have one of these magazines and you can take it home and then people will see you like on the bus home reading the magazine and they're like he was good at the dentist he did he didn't bite the dentist at all this time i don't know that a magazine is going to get me in the door as much as i love magazines i do love the idea of adult prizes just in general, but especially for going to the dentist, I am a bit overdue for an appointment, and I've really been dragging my heels.

But if I was able to drag my heels in a new pair of Heelys that they would provide me as I walked out the door, God knows I'm paying enough for this service, throwing some rolling shoes at the end.

Isn't it interesting how we as a society have made it?

So, adding the word adult before a thing makes it seem a little extra

the second you're like adult prizes.

Adult prizes feel so

unsexual to me.

It doesn't feel sure prizes.

Well, that, okay, now you're, I don't like that, but adult prizes.

Prizes for grants.

A Costco, a Costco, a renewed Costco membership when you prize out the door.

Elegant prizes.

Elegant prizes.

I'll come and I'm going to come do your dishes for you.

Adult prizes.

Oh, like coupon from a free back room.

yeah stuff like that maybe they let you get in there with in their teeth i think if i go to the dentist enough times and it would have to be a pretty big punch card but on like the 30th visit it should be like you've got it by now look you get a turn on like you can you can or on the dentist teeth the prize could be you get to skip your next one you get to skip your next appointment that could be cool too it drives me crazy when they're doing the dentist stuff and they're talking to me and i can't use my gift you know yeah like like I can't share my gift with them.

I make them knock me clean, clean the fuck out.

If they're doing anything in my mouth, they have to incapacitate me because I'll be right back.

I tend to get more broad because I can't, you can't really get a lot of like thinking material in when someone's like elbow deep.

So I tend to get kind of like Rowan Adkins.

There's a lot more like facial expressions.

Like when they ask.

I just assume that's how dentists.

Not that.

They will ask you to leave.

Yeah.

I think that's how dentists get their sick kicks.

The power trip of asking you questions and knowing you can't answer.

It's a control thing.

They're high on power.

They know.

They know I can't talk.

So that's why I bite them and then I talk anyways.

You know what I mean?

To reestablish.

You don't.

You don't do that.

I would have heard about it if you did that.

There's no way you do that, man.

I don't do it.

You're right, Griffin.

Yeah, no.

I've never done it.

This is the difference between us and the Kelseys and Tay is like that was an hour, I think.

I don't know.

I didn't watch it.

Of like pure honesty and authenticity.

and I just feel like you'd move us further away from the light of when you lie like that Christ

well yeah but also of

no

I'm thinking you make mainstream relevance oh yeah

yeah that is predicting yeah that's the kind of because like they are brothers doing a podcast you know how close

and like they hooked them with the tailor stuff and the announcement stuff they also probably were cognizant of the fact that this is the first episode of our show a lot of people are listening to.

We can't tell lies about who we do and don't bite.

Like we have to keep it pretty legit because now this episode is the onboarding for everyone who came here for the one thing.

So let's not like, let's drop our best shit.

Let's drop I want to rescue a sea otter and have it and steal it and take it.

Let's drop numerology.

Like hit them with the heavy hitters, but don't lie, but just try to watch it.

Don't lie about bites.

But I got to say, I will say one thing that I really respect is that for the rest of the great heights for us 92%ers, they kept it real.

Like, it still felt like our show that we love very much.

I love us, and me and the fans were like, we were worried that Taylor would upset the delicate balance of the show that we have come to really rely on in

the months since they got into it.

What do you get out of them on the episodes Taylor's Not On, Juice?

Well, man, the insights are huge, but what's cool is you get guys on there who, and I mean, I just, I get guys on there are usually a little more buttoned up yeah but because they're with um he's Swiss boyfriend and Captain

from Tim Tim they like they can like relax a little bit so like you might have Bill Murray on there and you and Bill Murray might start doing prank calls chopping it up yeah you know what I mean just like silly stuff like that like get Ryan Reynolds and maybe you get him doing prank calls as Deadpool you know what I mean but it's like more nice to see Ryan Reynolds let loose getting getting back out there.

Yeah,

hey, one other thing I wanted to say about that stream because I watched all of it, and this is another huge shout out from the 92 percenters to Taylor.

Just got to keep it real because we were worried she would upset the apple cart.

She is a true fan, she is a listener.

Herself, I love that.

She knew some of the stingers and some of the bits.

She actually knew the show pretty well.

And she had said she listens to every episode.

And I guess the ball's in your court, Sydney.

But

I mean, really,

Taylor Swift listens to that podcast.

These dudes are so huge and they will beat our asses graveyard dead.

I do not want to know that.

They couldn't perceive us.

Do you know why it's called great heights?

Because they couldn't perceive us without microscopy.

Like an ant challenging a human adult, Griffin.

Like it, yeah.

No, like a like a spore.

Do you think

God care about our blasphemy, Griffin?

Do you think the wind cares when I shake my fists?

If I scream at the sun,

the sun does not scream back.

The sun does not, I do not burn the sun.

They would have to bust

me.

Their special jeweler's loop just to see us scurrying about.

And they'd chuckle.

They would chuckle.

i just i just feel shitty because they have taken their podcast they have they have parlayed it into nfl success and pop stars and it's like what are we doing with our podcast nothing i didn't even know that that was an option you know what i mean that i could parlay anything we've done into a sports career

see i out of this whole situation i feel best uh for the green brothers because like so far we have been the blade against which they sharpen their own katana katana in combat, and we have really not been able to provide much of a whetstone, so to speak.

Now, they have this new brother competition that they can, you know, chase at.

They haven't been able to chase us for a while because they've been so far ahead.

One interesting difference, also, with the Green Brothers and us is that this event will not make them insane.

Yeah, you know what I mean?

Like,

sure, it won't be.

The existence of it won't make them temporarily insane.

I think

our best hope is that we somehow enter into a multi-directional feud between us, the Kelsey Brothers, and the Green Brothers.

And we let the Green Brothers and the Kelsey Brothers Duke get out.

I don't like my children's children to be able to find my name written down somewhere in history, Travis.

I'd rather not be scorched from living memory.

But if we let them do it out long enough while we hide,

then he can swoop in right at the end and maybe have a chance.

This Reservoir Dog standoff is is us in the corner, guns akimbo, while the greens do their own thing and the Kelseys do their own thing.

And we're like, fucking, just think about it.

This is Travis casting us exactly where we belong.

Master of the house, going to catch a grand

anything that falls from his crony beard.

Um, listen, how about another?

I don't know.

Maybe we go to the money zone.

Money zone?

Yeah, sure.

Sure.

Do they get money for their

script?

It's script.

Casper just backs up Fabergé eggs.

Just a magic shit.

Just a full of virgin blood.

It's gotta be here.

Squarespace.

Yeah.

Yeah, listen, if you have a dream, it's never too late to start realizing it.

You could start your new podcast any

of ways.

One of the ways you could kick off as a relaunch would be to have Taylor Swift on your podcast.

Another one would be to launch a website for your podcast.

Maybe that's another approach.

It might be a little more sustainable, honestly.

Maybe have Taylor Swift launch a website for you.

Yeah.

Yeah, if she was going to make me a website, I do hope she would use Squarespace.

Particularly.

She becomes so into the limelight of announcing things on podcasts that she's on every podcast announcing everything.

Now, granted, we're far down the list, but if I could get her on our podcast announcing anything, I'd be so excited.

Now, Travis, don't say that because Taylor on the episode said

it was her first podcast appearance, but it's the first time she'd been asked, which seems unlikely, but I do have to own my part in that.

I haven't done it.

I did not have the guts, you know?

I didn't reach out.

Fair.

I didn't ask.

I'm going to say open door.

Open door.

I wouldn't show up.

I'd be sick that day, guys.

I think we could start.

I think if we started a like, I briefly flitted across my mind, like the McElroy brothers will interview Taylor Swift.

And in my head, I was like, the McElroy brothers will be like arrested and sent to embarrass them.

Like, we'll be sent to jail.

Like, we'll be sent to jail for 30 years.

And, like, no one will ever even do that.

We'll do a bad job.

It'll be a double thing.

But you know who always does a good job?

Squarespace.

Yeah, sure, sure.

Squarespace.

Sorry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, I guess in summary, we're fuck-ups.

We're worthless.

Go ahead with Squarespace.

I'm getting more worried about getting beat up by one of those strong football guys because they wouldn't even have to do it themselves.

They know like retired football guys.

But you know what?

Squarespace lets you do it yourself

with great tools that anyone can use.

You don't need

neither brains nor brawn to use Squarespace.

Because they have world-class designers that are making templates that you can plug your own photos, your own information into, and it's going to look like a pro made it.

It's like a real website and everything

so head on over to squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use offer code my brother to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain now maybe you find yourself like in just for example where you've been talking a lot about two meaty men And then they came and found you and beat you up real good.

And now you need a doctor fast.

You need a doctor right now.

Special doctor for football ass whippings.

Also, also, you've recently become, due to a rather unpleasant first half of a podcast, you've recently become radioactive and no one really wants to help you.

Yeah.

So you've moved.

You've had to move multiple times.

You're in a new place and you need a doctor fast because the meat men found you no matter how hard you tried to hide and they will always find you.

Or maybe you've just moved to a new city and you don't know any doctors there and you need to fill out your network of healthcare providers.

Um, Zock Doc is, I will say, personally speaking, great for that.

So, I found all my all my folks here in DC.

I guess if you were on the lamp from the Podcast Brothers, um, it would also be good for you because I don't think they ask you that in like the questionnaire, like, are you being hunted?

Are excuse me, are you being hunted by football players?

Yeah, um, but Zock Doc is geniuses, really.

Football, football geniuses, it's a free ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality and network doctors across every specialty and click to instantly book an appointment.

It seriously is super duper easy.

Like

in the last couple months, I've used ZocDoc a few times to find some specialists for myself and my family, and it's super, super easy and fast.

Don't know what else to say.

He's probably understating it.

Griffin's medical maladies are so fast and frequent.

It's oh, oh, it's yeah, it's a, I'm, I'm plugging holes on the Titanic.

Oh, important medical up there.

I tell you that, I think Titanic actually just had the one big one big hole.

Griffin, how did your allergy test turn out?

Yeah, Griffin.

Oh, guys, I'm so, so, so glad you asked.

Fine.

Nothing, nothing.

There was a

foaming agent that I had a minor positive reaction to, but it could have just been something that was already there.

I am, they said, unkillable.

Okay, now wait.

Hold on.

Griffin.

So I didn't want to.

I mean, obviously, I wanted to refrain from bullying.

Yeah, go ahead.

Um,

the results were in.

And I think Travis probably felt the same way.

I think, but now that you know that it's

now that, well, it's not that I know, it's that medical science has now officially confirmed that you're just a huge wimp.

Yeah, I mean, the science is in, and Griffin,

it's it's like it's not allergic.

It's nothing that's causing it.

Do you understand?

It's inherent weakness.

It's like inbuilt weakness.

Psoriasis is weakness entering the body.

Correct.

Right.

If you really, if you really think about it.

But don't worry, guys.

Once I start pumping that fucking Skyrizi through my body like the fucking Bane toxin, and I get huge and smooth, you guys.

You guys.

So they looked at your body and they said some foreign substance must be causing

from inside the body.

So stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash my brother to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today that's z-oc-d-oc-c.com slash my brother zocdoc.com slash my brother

i want to get a sign made that says days without a make-good requested second big zero i can hang up

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined!

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Lawrence.

I'm Caroline Roper.

And on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else, too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Can I tell you guys the

problem I'm keep coming back to with the Kelsey Brothers?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, wow.

We're still a joy.

That's the most important event in podcast history.

When I see especially another Travis, but anyone succeeding at a thing that I don't succeed at, I think that's okay.

I can't do what they can do, but they couldn't do what I can do.

Right?

I couldn't be a football hero.

But then I see them have a very successful podcast.

And then I'm like, well,

well, I guess I

have nothing.

And so I.

I'm happy with the level of success we've achieved.

It's a principle.

It's the principle.

This is what I'm saying.

He was supposed to be good at football, and I was good at podcasting.

And we didn't have to compare and contrast our experiences.

And then he's kind of encroached into my experience.

And way faster, like way, way,

way faster than we did it.

So, what if I became like an NFL guy?

That would be awesome.

Yeah.

It'd be like that.

It'd be like that movie with Mark Wahlberg in it where he just wanted to be a kicker so bad.

Yeah.

What was it?

Flight plan.

Yeah.

Flight plan.

Yeah, I think that was it.

I think it was called Eagle Man, Flight Man.

Yeah.

Could it possibly have been called Eagle Man Flight Man?

But I think that was it.

You could be like that because he was older and he did have quite a bit of football experience before he decided to go from being a bartender to an NFL kicker.

Well, I could also do like the Dennis Quaid movie where he's old and gets really good at pitching all of a sudden because his old tendons healed in such a way

that he got you could also get rookie.

You could get rookie.

No, no, Travis is talking about the rookie.

No, no, Travis is talking about the rookie of the year, which is a combo of the two that he just made up.

I really like it, though.

Yeah.

No, I'm pretty sure that Dennis Quaid's character, when he was little, his arm healed in a way that made him good at pitching.

But then

when it broke again, they were like, you'll never pitch again.

And then he got really old and it was like, oh, healed again.

You're super good at pitching again.

Right.

So, Travis, I guess the takeaway is go to the doctor.

Yeah.

Get knees.

elbows, shoulders, surgery.

That will make you good at pitching.

Now you're going to start there.

And you're going to be a really good pitcher in the

MLB.

Yeah.

Took me a second to remember that acronym.

And

then you'll do like a Jordan thing where you're like, I've already conquered MLB.

Now I'm going to go do football.

Okay.

How long do you think that will take?

Because, I mean, I'm already 41.

So how long?

Fuck.

Wow.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa, 40 or 11.

No way.

Travis, how did you pass me, dude?

Well, I assume.

I assume Travis Kelsey is older than me because he's bigger and more successful, right?

No way, dude.

Wait, what?

Oh, by the way, he's bigger than me.

Steve, he's bigger than me.

How could he be younger than me?

He's larger in so many ways.

How could he be younger than me?

This is the law dictated by World President Steve Barmer.

He's the biggest and richest guy there is.

And it's vice president Reggie Fisabe, the second biggest, richest guy there.

The biggest, oldest man alive.

The biggest, oldest, richest guy there is.

I celebrate.

One thing that occurred to me that I don't celebrate enough with Taylor Swift is that the way she,

no, so I'm serious.

I am in awe and huge respect of the way that she has decided to deploy excess, which is creating increasingly complex riddles and alternate reality games for people to decipher.

She was saying on the show that some people said, Oh man, I don't know, Taylor.

It's getting a little zodiac killer.

And she was like, How about we do more?

It's like, that I respect.

If you're like, Yes, I have infinite riches and power.

What I'm going to do is create an alternate reality layered on top of our reality where I am the riddle master and no one around me knows how deep it goes.

It also excellent.

I also love that she took, speaking of excess, there's a TikTok trend of like, hey, my boyfriend wants to show you.

And then it's like his Gundam collection.

And you guys are going to watch and be really nice.

And and Taylor Swift said I think I can do that even further my boyfriend has a podcast and you guys are going to be nice and watch it really does feel that way

such a good call the idea had to have come from the meme like hey wait a minute you can do this I mean legally speaking we could do this right all three of us do podcasts with our wives we are throwing stones inside of a glass house yeah I feel like listen Yeah, but Teresa's not doing it.

She's nice to me.

Do you think that some of this might be motivated by envy?

Do you think the green-eyed monster may be fucking around somewhere, Griffin, in some hidden crevice?

It's just the principal of the thing.

I'm perfectly content with the level of.

If there was a principal on that show, Griffin, that would be perfect for you.

If I could just come on and be the principal of Great Heights and be like, you Kelsey Brothers ratted again.

Stop screaming.

That podcast.

Wait, why would you, wait, Justin, if you had the chance to cast yourself as the principal on the Kelsey Brothers podcast, why wouldn't you be a Mr.

Feeney type?

Why would you be a Mr.

Belding?

He'd be a big Belding.

Why are you going?

I'm going to teach the richest football players that just got Taylor Swift on their podcast.

I have fucking

how to mod his RG473XM.

Eat shit.

How to download all the Sega CD emulators.

Now you be quiet.

Now you be fucking careful.

You're right.

You be careful.

You're right.

Travis could say that.

Travis could say that shit, not me.

Not him.

No, not Matt.

I am.

Oh, shit.

I thought I was saying that.

Travis Kelsey.

I got so excited for a second that I could say it.

How about another?

How about a second question?

Oh, we sensed it.

This is a second question.

I have a problem where my barber out of nowhere the last few times has asked me if I want my eyebrows trimmed.

I keep saying no, but the line of questioning has started to make me nervous about my eyebrows being out of control.

How do I ask my barber if they actually think I need an eyebrow trim without coming across as self-conscious or accusatory?

I really like my barber and I don't want to put them on the spot, but I've had too many sleepless nights wondering if what I see in the mirror is really what everyone else sees.

That's from preening in Pennsylvania.

This is great.

I'm excited to talk about this.

I'm thrilled to talk about this.

Thrilled.

Thrilled to bits.

I didn't know this was a thing I needed in my life until I went to a barber who was like, you want me to trim your eyebrows?

And I was like, I guess it's hair.

So it's your jurisdiction.

And they did it.

And I was like, wow, that looks a lot.

better.

I look so clean.

I look like a really clean man right now.

Sometimes I think about the fact that there was a day in my life, and I don't know when it was, I can't pinpoint it, but I aged to a point where my body said, now you need to worry about your eyebrows.

Because when I was young, I don't remember being a nine-year-old with untrimmed eyebrows.

Right.

That never happened.

That wasn't a concern.

But it's,

they started.

I think I might have, but I don't know.

I think I fucked it up the first time I cut them.

You know what I mean?

Like,

I remember the first time I cut them because I got a the trimmer thing and i had a guard and i had a guard on there that said eyebrow i thought oh shit

all right you know and i was like what happened i guess you should cut these and then i cut it and then i've continued to do it at really

i would have to say almost random intervals in the month since right but i feel like the necessity of it is only because I did it the first time.

Like if I had never cut them, maybe they just like were kicking it perfect.

yeah i mean they were like what were they doing before that you know like they weren't falling down my face they weren't growing down my hey hey green you're never sishing one of these how come my eyebrows don't just like grow down my face pal it's up it's so crazy

if they got big and but if they got big bushy peter gallagher deals i would be like fine let them rock that's not how they do it they just wild spires a bramble

every 15th hair will shoot out like a wild barn owl yeah and those have to be those have to be those are wild.

Those are wild.

When you find a four-inch guy and you're like, how did you do this?

You're like, I'm doing that.

You're fucking mintat.

Right above my own eyes.

You're a mintat from Dune with your stained lips or whatever.

And sometimes

I'll feel like an itchy right here and I'll scratch it.

I'll be like, what's scratching me?

It's my own curly, huge,

over-eye pubes.

No, thanks.

Get them out of there.

Griffin, I'm glad you invoked Peter Gallagher because, question asker, there must have been a point where Peter Gallagher said no enough times to someone wanting to trim his eyebrows that he was like, This is my thing now.

And everyone went, Yeah, hell yeah, it is, Peter Gallagher.

That's great.

Do you know what's funny?

Actually,

a ton of maintenance, almost daily maintenance on his because they grow like

a foot and a half every day.

They don't do anything.

It's just two big curtains, two big, beautiful dark curtains.

And he has to sort of

for the eyes, you pay extra.

Yeah.

That was really good.

I don't sleep them out of the way for less than 30 G's.

It's really cool.

You want to see the eyes in this scene?

Here you go.

You should.

There they are.

Get your eyebrows trimmed.

It feels fucking great.

It feels good.

Do it yourself.

It's free.

Do it yourself all shit.

In general, if I'm offered an additional service for the same amount I'm paying by a professional, I always say yes because it makes me feel like a fancy tapper gentleman.

Usually surprisingly.

Absolutely.

What a curveball.

From Travis.

Absolute shocker.

My grandma's nickname is the furnace, and I inherited her warm-natured jeans.

Summer is my enemy, and my hands are always warm and toasty.

The other day at board game night, I brushed hands with my husband's co-worker, and his hands were frigid.

I wanted to ask if I could warm them, but realized what an absolutely feral question that would be.

So, brothers, how can I share my warmth with the world without sounding like a creeper?

That's from Warm Heart, Warmer Hands.

And this feels like maybe, maybe a grounder you didn't need us for.

Maybe.

Let me give you my warmth.

My warmth.

It's this kind of challenge.

The Kelsey brothers wouldn't back away from this.

That's true, Trav.

We got to get in there.

Nut up, as they say.

When you're playing in Green Bay and you're in a huddle with all the other guys, you're not too proud to share your warmth.

Patrick, give me those cold hands, brother.

We need to warm those hands.

Those are golden hands, Patrick.

She calls them rehearsals i call them practice yeah it's the same thing but we both call it intermission because i like that better than halftime it implies it's classier yeah hey guys i'll go ahead and read the next question too because it's germaine hey guys it's me chilly chili mike i you know me i always am cold and i have cold my blood barely moves barely even any in there cold cold cold body and it's awesome in the summertime it's like being an air conditioner in the summertime and my co-worker's wife touched me, which side question, what's that all about?

But she felt too hot.

So

how can I make her cold with my skin?

Here it is.

You need a non-contact heat exchange.

Pair of gloves, pair of gloves.

You get the inside of those gloves cold.

I get the inside of these gloves hot.

We exchange.

We balance our temperature.

No contact.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you for that answer, Mike Pence.

I agree.

We should not touch women when we are not married to.

I'm saying the amount, the length of time to pass

hand heat to hand cold would be too long

for friend contact.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Especially husband's co-worker contact.

Maybe you have a close friend you can walk around holding hands with.

That's awesome.

But that's a decision.

Everyone's got different, everyone's got different stuff going on in their marriages and their romances and their arrangements.

We're not here to pass blanket judgment on anyone i'm saying personally speaking that would be a long time for skin to skin with someone

i don't know the exact amount of time but even if it started casual if you go to warm someone's hands at first you could like look around the room and you could maybe

like think for a second but eventually you're it's gonna be like

hey

There you are.

Are you feeling this?

Yeah.

Here I am.

I mean, what is this?

You know what I mean?

Like, what is this?

Here we are.

Here's what is this?

Justin, though, you've given me an idea.

Just from the very motion that you did,

if you impart some kind of wisdom or life lesson to them while you're holding their hand like that, hey, hey, come here, come here.

You're worth it.

Something.

But you're worth it.

It's not going to get them warm.

You need like a huge, like

when people look into your essence and

you have an energy that when you and recognize that if you weren't there and everyone around you knows like stall for time until the heat has been projected what about you throw a parable at them you know and they're like hey have you heard the story of the frog falling into the well life's a little bit like that sometimes when you think and you just talk for a while and then end it with like just think about that if you're gonna hold my hand and do wisdom at me, it's got to be pretty good shit.

Because otherwise it needs to be like

a soothsayer with a warning from the future, or else I'm going to be like, I just had the weirdest experience.

Oh, it's going to be weird no matter what.

But now the story's the weirdest.

But make it work.

Not the hand holding.

Yeah.

I have found a lot of success in my day-to-day life.

And this is not a joke, but I've found a lot of success in my day-to-day life.

If you're in a setting, especially like a food-related setting, if you say, Can we go to the Lord in prayer real quick?

Every you will usually buy yourself a full social reset at that point because everyone will start looking at you like,

is he serious?

Is he not serious?

Yeah, and that's probably enough time for you to warm the hands.

So, I think if you swoop up and you're like, Can we go to the Lord in prayer just super quick?

And then, while they're listening to you and you start hitting them with the dear Jesus, we just thank you so much for everything you've done for us, Lord, and we just pray for your trouble and your aura and your essence and the energy of the Lord.

Thank you so much for sending us.

And you use this in your real life, Justin?

In my day-to-day life.

Not the hand-holding thing, but like the, if I'm in an uncomfortable conversation and there's a group of people, I will sometimes say, can we go to the Lord in Prayer?

Because it's a pretty good, no one really has a good comeback.

And a lot of people will close their eyes.

And then it's usually a pretty good chance to just sort of like reset.

Have you ever tried, Justin, to leapfrog that into like, can we go to the Lord in Prayer?

And then everyone, and then you just pick a random person and like, would you like to lead us?

Oh, that's cool.

That's such a good move, dude.

Sometimes in my life, I've deployed this when we're about to eat at dinner, and then there'll be like one person there who you'll realize, like, uh-oh, they like this.

Like, they, yeah, they're doing it.

And then I'm sometimes, I'm already the one talking, and then they lower their head really quick.

So they can't see me and everybody else.

Like,

so I'm all of a sudden, like, uh-oh.

I have to really take this seriously now.

And then I'm doing a prayer that's like

could be like if you looked at the transcript the next day on another podcast and read it, you might be able to make it seem spiritual, but the tone is like, get a load of this guy.

Yeah, the tone will be lost when they come.

Right.

If that happens again, just drop a rub it up, dub.

Thanks for the grub.

Yay, God.

And then everybody's like,

is it?

It's offensive.

I said, yay, God.

I said, yay, God.

That is only acceptable if it's Y-E-A and it goes at the start.

of the prayer.

That's one of like the 14 acceptable introductions.

I don't know what goes at the start of the prayer, but I know what goes at the end of the podcast.

Amen.

That's the outro.

Oh.

Amen.

Amen.

Yep.

That's why we say amen.

No, remember, we just cut it.

Rachel keeps cutting it out because she says it won't do well with our audience.

We were recording three hour-long episodes, guys.

The call to the altar at the end of every episode gets cut.

Yeah.

She cuts it every week.

People are going to save souls.

People will be like, I don't understand this joke you made at the intro.

Yeah, it's because we we set the joke up in the altar call.

At the end.

From last week.

At the end.

All the best characters.

It's an altar callback.

That's it.

End of show, Trav.

End of show.

Good shit.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Who else do we owe gratitude to?

Next week, we're going to be in Atlanta for DragonCon.

We're also going to be doing Adventure Zone versus Popeye.

I've been excited about this show for months.

I cannot, I literally, I'm so excited to do this show.

I'm also going to be on hinge we're also going to be doing a my brother my brother make my dad eat spinach on stage oh yeah yeah oh yeah i won't because i can't but we can make dad do it i'm the oldest i'll make daddy i'm the biggest i'll hold him down you eat you feed him um

We're also doing a My Brother, My Brother, and me while we're there.

And we'll be doing Dragon Con events.

Go to bit.ly slash MacroyTours for all the information and ticket links.

We're also coming to Texas, Utah, and California with more shows, including more Taz Versus shows.

Tickets for all those are on sale now.

Also, want to let everyone know, Dad is doing D D in a Castle in November.

It's going to be a super fun time.

He's a fun DM to work with.

Spots maybe.

Well, we've done it.

Spots are available.

Yeah, for those.

I don't know what'll happen.

You can't predict the future.

No, but I've seen him run D D in a Castle and he doesn't know what to do.

What if a castle explodes?

What if Castle explodes?

Yeah, it's not Dad's fault.

It says zone is contract.

So you can get those spots for D D in a Castle with Dad in November.

Check that out.

We got some merch up in the Macroy merch store.

We're running a big back-to-school sale on a bunch of our stuff.

All our essentials, our erasers, our pencils.

Hey, we got backpacks and fanny packs and notebooks and

results that you wrap around the books to carry them with that they did in the old timeies.

We also have

the Keep Your Grades Up pin is back in stock.

There's a lot of things to inspire your educational journey.

That's all up at macrowaymerch.com.

And 10% of all proceeds this this month will be going to World Central Kitchen.

So again, macrowaymerch.com.

And thanks to Montane for the use for our theme song, My Life is Better With You.

Make sure you check out that new album.

It's Hard to be a Fish.

It's truly, truly spectacular, fun, wild,

cool album.

That's cool to listen to, and it feels good to listen to it.

Hey, Justin, would you read the fear this week?

Yeah, Travis, I would love to.

Thank you for the honor.

You're welcome.

I appreciate it.

This year, I will be faster than my fear that the unplugged toaster will shock and kill me because I put it away.

My name is Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Griffin McElroy.

It's been my brother, my brother.

Me, kiss your dad.

Square on the lips.

It's better with you.

My life, oh.

It's better, it's better with you.

It's better.

My life, oh.

it's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better with you.

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