MBMBaM 775: Face 2 Face: Cookies and Clam

McElroy brothers are not experts.

And their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert,

but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

My life,

oh,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

I'm better with you.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, welcome, my brother, my brother Beats to the My Show for the Modern Era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

Hi, I don't know why that was so fast.

I took so long getting to the here, yeah, and I didn't have enough montane to say the

what's up, Trav Nation.

I'm your middle is brother Travis of room, vroom, McElroy.

How's it going, Trav Nation?

It's me, your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin Bill for Jeff McElroy.

I noticed that someone had put a big pile of gum on the stage.

I didn't pick it up because I'm not going out like that.

I'm not saying most of you would be capable of poisoning us.

I wasn't even worried about that.

I'm worried about trick gum.

Okay.

The gum mystery has been solved.

I will say that this is mostly an audio-based, mouth-based medium.

but thank you for for thinking of us speaking of which though i do want to give a special shout out um to the people who fueled tonight's show angry line coke brought their food truck and made us some delicious burgers yummy

so if the show is especially meaty and delicious that's why that's why thank you angry line cook

And I

that meal didn't need anything for me but a

tiny sweet treat to wash wash it all down.

Okay,

so here's what happens.

A tiny sweet treat to wash it all down.

Yeah, so about 5.45, Griffin comes down.

Justin and I are finishing our delicious burgers.

Griffin says, are you guys ready to prep for the show?

Justin says, yeah, let us finish digesting first, and then we'll head up and we'll prep.

As if that's a span of time that is universally recognized.

It takes like 18 hours to digest something, I think.

So Griffin leaves to go to the room where we're going to prep.

30 seconds later, Shannon comes in.

Shannon helps with our social media and communication stuff.

She's here at the show tonight.

Hi, Shannon.

Hi, Shannon.

She comes in and she goes, hey, I'm going to go to the candy store around the corner.

Does anyone want to go?

And Justin's like, yeah.

And leaves the building.

Okay.

So the hoops troops are going to be with me on this one.

I just know it.

Here was my rationale.

Candyland was the name of a store.

They had little gummy bears that I love and I wanted it.

So

our jobs aren't hard and I know that, right?

Right.

And I knew that if I if I tried to do a show knowing that I hadn't gotten the candy that I wanted, I wouldn't be giving you

the show that you deserve.

Right.

Yeah, but Jay-Man, the problem.

You don't want me to resent you

for the problem.

You're depriving me of work.

The three of us work very hard to pretend like our jobs are hard and important.

And when you choose candy overdoing them, it really drives home like, oh no, the fiction's been eroded away.

Right.

So I think some of the more salient points you may have missed.

So I'll start back at the beginning.

I did want the candy.

I don't know if I wasn't.

Yeah, it was very good.

I got some caramel corn.

It was like called like yummy snack or something like that.

It was fantastic.

It was called yummo snack?

Snack-aline or something like that.

Wow.

It was great.

And then they had like a bomb pop flavored taffy.

I got that for the kids.

Some chocolate rocks.

You love those?

If later on in the show Justin's falling behind in the choreography a little bit, just know it's because that was the section of the rehearsal that he missed for the candy.

That's very true.

I will say it's a lovely shop, though, and you should be proud, St.

Paul.

I don't know why my brothers are so against supporting local businesses.

I'm just trying to buy the candy I can with the time that I have on this earth.

Yeah, I like my local businesses on wheels moving around to wherever I am instead of me having to leave where I am and go to them, Justin.

That's a good point.

That's a really good point.

So are there candy food trucks?

I'm locking that in.

TM, TM, TM.

You can't.

I'm an avid disc golfer and I need something cool to say or do when I hit an ace, which is basically when you get a hole in one.

What are some cool things I can say or do when I get an ace?

That's from Ace Venturer.

I'll try again.

Ace Venturer in Apple Valley.

Are you here?

Are you here?

Hey.

Yeah.

Hey.

What's up?

Sorry, like, can we try that one more time?

Are you here?

Okay, cool.

No, sorry.

There were like nine people.

I think some people were excited about Apple Valley.

Okay.

Hey, we can be neutral or excited about a place.

Don't shit on Apple Valley.

I don't know anything about it, but people live there, I'm sure.

We can knock this one out of the park.

As easy as we could score an ace, 100% of the time.

Yeah.

I thought you guys would say.

That's what you all don't know about us is when we are not podcasting.

Like every second we're not podcasting.

Slinging that frizz.

We're frolfing left and right.

Slinging them, gang.

Slinging them.

I knew that that would be easy.

That's something we could have done in our first 700 episodes.

So I've decided to up the difficulty with the following question.

I'm a wedding photographer, and as you can imagine, I end up saying the phrase, okay, now kiss a lot.

It gets repetitive.

I want to mix things up.

So, do you have any alternative phrases or things I can say to get couples to kiss?

That's from Macking in Minneapolis.

Are you here?

Okay, so what I am suggesting to you guys is I only want phrases that work for both.

Put it in there.

No, okay.

So, right.

That's, I warned everyone that he would do that.

And he has now.

Can we be serious now?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Smooched?

That's cool.

It's going to be a lot easier to do the disc golf one than the one where you tell two people to kiss.

So I do think focusing maybe first step on what can you say to two people to make them kiss that will not get you in jail.

i'll tell you what it is i didn't expect the tense to be tripping me up as much as it has but it's very hard to celebrate something in the past and also encourage something in the future that is the main

you can't say smooched it because they haven't yet that's how you that's how you smooch it no no no show me how you smooch it okay

That's my favorite.

I love the original Smash Bros, but every time Captain Falcon hits that B special

That's how you smooch it what about smooch city smooch city is pretty good

smooch city yeah I mean smooching doesn't mean anything

in the golf context we all understand that's just a sound this is just a celebratory it doesn't have to relate to golf frisbee golf excuse me how offensive but it just has to sound celebratory enough right that you would yell it upon a successful ace yeah most uh jubilant sort of exhaltations are usually not sport-specific.

Like, you're rarely like, basketball the shit out of that one.

Now that I've hit an ace, I want to watch two people kiss.

Now, hold on, Travis is on to a little life hack here because you can be like, hit that ace?

Hit that ace is not bad, because hit is both a command and also a past tense reference.

French that ace.

French?

I don't think the

I'm not a wedding photographer.

I don't think you have to specify the depth of insertion of the kiss that you're taking a picture of.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

I want to, this one is a little bit wordier.

What about today

you've shown us all how it's done, and I can't wait to see what's next.

And then, if it's with the wedding, you start going like, huh?

You're a subscriber.

Let him cook.

That was the whole recipe.

Oh, shit.

I guess what I'm confused about, Justin, is say I'm saying this.

I hit an ace, and then I say, today,

you've shown us all how it's done.

And I can't wait to see what comes.

I admitted early on we were having some tense issues.

No, hey this is actually and we rarely have this a pronouns issue yeah

i made the a's and someone else showed me how it's done is my dad there who taught me to play

this disc golf okay all right today i think we've all seen pretty good how it's done

I love it.

Justin was like, we're going to have a tense issue.

I'm going to lean on that as hard as I fucking possibly can.

Today, I think we've all seen together how it's done.

And I think this is the moment we've all been waiting for.

I think, just to run it back to if this is a singular line of wedding photography, if you imply the moment you've been waiting for is getting to see them kids,

that's deeply upsetting.

How about this?

Okay.

How about this?

And it depends, I think it works in either situation depending on the sort of emphasis that you put on it, which is,

you know, that's what I want to see.

It's the okay, I gotta, I gotta see it.

No, no, no, no, no, you know, that's what I gotta see.

Everyone's gonna look around, like,

what did we do?

What did he like to see?

You know what I want to see, versus

you know what I want to see.

Okay, okay, what about this in that line?

Okay, big moment.

That's cool.

Oh, man, Travis,

you blew it wide open.

This is not only a great catchphrase for when you have a moment of athletic achievement, it's a nice vibe to bring to any kind of athletic event.

You make a big three-pointer to win the game, you stop.

Okay, big moment.

Yeah, just internalize that.

I'm going to take a mental picture of this so I remember it on my failure days, that I've always been great, and I don't need every day to be great.

And also, I need you two to kiss now

okay was all of that out loud shit you you sink a hole in one with the frisbee sorry disc

and then after you sink the hole in one you look at the next player you say

on your tempo and then you walk away

so you've changed the rules of the game no no no the game is fair So this is a celebratory phrase, but it's a little more braggadocious, keeps it a little more clear.

Okay, but no, I think a celebratory phrase must be delivered as soon as the disc goes in the chain or the hole or something.

The disc goes in the hole.

You look at the next player on your tempo.

That fast?

Yeah, because

you don't even look to see if it goes in, right?

Yeah.

Like, when you're ready, and then it goes in.

Yeah.

When you're ready is probably

a little bit.

Is it good to make an athletic achievement and say when you're ready?

But it's like you're ready for their turn because you know yours is going to go in the hole.

Yeah.

This isn't legally binding, you know.

What do you think about get to the hole?

Travis, I don't think hole.

You have a lot of

bad ideas to that end.

Plant one.

You said when you're ready after hitting a hole in one, you also said you've shown me how to do it.

Which, you know what?

If you're picturing that directed up to the heavens about your walk with Christ, that's great.

It actually works really well.

I can't take the credit.

He's shown me how to do it.

Yeah.

I'm disc golfing with the Lord.

Hey, plant one on the hole, Christ.

Hey.

If you put a comma in there, plant one on the hole, Christ.

Come on.

This is the moment I've been waiting for.

All right, well, when you're ready.

I do think the best option is something of a sort of

circus ringmaster of

and now the moment we've all been waiting for.

Now you can't say that.

You hit the ace, or you're trying to get them kissed, and you say, this is the greatest show, and you just announce it.

It fancied doesn't work if you're watching someone kiss.

I said it out loud, and I've done it.

Does a fanfare work?

Could you give either situation a butter but

kiss, kiss?

No, if you do that, okay, if you're waiting for photographer and you've done all the other shit, and then you're like,

they're gonna get it, I think.

Can you establish amongst your cohorts a sort of disc golf persona that you call Dr.

Kiss?

And then when you get one in the chains, I don't know, but it's gonna make our jobs way easier.

It's gonna give us access to

a lot more kissing-based vernacular.

How about another question?

Yeah, sure.

My dad has recently started a semi-popular fishing Instagram and it started getting recognized in our small hometown.

How does he deal with his new fishing fame and how do I deal with my new Nepo baby status?

That's from Fishing for Compliments.

Are you here?

Hello.

Hello.

I can't believe you came.

I'm so honored.

We're such big, big fans of your daddy's fish channel.

First of all, everybody.

Everybody's just watching backstage.

good

good

good correct

we grew up in the harsh limelight of local fame as you know

it's true we dealt with a lot of people telling us that they used to listen to our dad a long time ago or asking us if our dad's still on the air or asking us if our dad's still alive.

So we're

we know what this is like,

or asking if our dad can get them tickets to the big Billy Race Iris concert, and yeah, of course, he can, but he won't, but he won't.

You can't have that kind of act.

It's the access that's the issue.

It's the access that's the issue because now we have an even more famous dad that makes it sound like we got a new, different

our own dad escalated in fame

entirely thanks to us, but

what I've seen still counts.

There's a lot of discussion these days about like Nepo babies and stuff.

And what I've seen is oftentimes, like Nepo babies, why'd you laugh?

I haven't gotten to the punchline yet.

Oftentimes what Nepo babies will do.

You can laugh whenever you want.

That's true.

It just scared me.

I'm big into it.

And Nepo babies will try to swing hard away while still being...

in the industry, but hard away from like what their parents did to set out on their own.

So

what if you started carrying around a fishbowl with a live fish in it?

Right.

Which I think is the opposite of fishing.

That's right.

It is, Travis.

You define it.

Because fishing is getting the fish bowling out of the water.

And you're like, this fish stays easy.

You ride on the bowl, not for dad.

Not this one, Daddy.

I'm working hard to keep this fish alive.

This guy is protected, dad.

The fish you'll never catch.

Oh, that's God.

Build a little outpost in the neighborhood pond with a harpoon gun slung over your shoulder.

And when someone comes by, say, don't even think about it.

Start training the fish to use the harpoon gun when you're not around?

Because then what are people going to say?

Oh, they're only in charge of the pond because their dad's a famous fishing influencer.

No, that doesn't make any fucking sense.

Can you cash in on your dad, dad's name and success before he does?

Can you start selling branded lures to this freak for them?

I'm going to throw out, it just popped in my head, but call the brand FinFluencer.

Yeah.

And then use that.

Or you don't.

Or don't, I guess.

That was the lukewarm, the cold reaction.

I get it.

I thought FinFluencer was really good.

Sometimes we do A-B testing on you all, and we appreciate your

metric is usually

if a room of people who have paid to be here because they enjoy us doesn't enjoy the joke, we tend to let it go.

That's about as warm of a reception as you can hope for, honestly.

Because it's like fish have fins, right?

Okay.

I got it now.

That's really good.

I don't think you do, Justin.

No, I got it.

And the word influence.

Save us, Justin.

Rescue us, Justin, please.

Here's another question.

My partner and I are in our early 40s.

One of our hobbies is playing pinball.

And it's going to the point where we now own 30 pinball machines.

And we each have 60 arms we want to invite our co-workers from our new jobs over to our place but we are not sure how to address the pinball machine in the room I'm sorry do you mean the 30 pinball machines yeah in the room if we ever invite people over without disclosing the pinball machines and they arrive at essentially an arcade shoved into a house that seems awkward to explain in the moment however if we tell people we have all these pinball machines we are afraid we will seem like real weirdos

and people will never come over in the first place

what should we do to ease people into our home and that's from flipping out in Minnesota are you here

hello hi listen please don't be scared before we make any jokes I want to make one thing clear if you love pinball machines that much and they would think you were weird for having pinball machines, you don't need them as friends.

But

thank you.

that's a very very good point but no one's gonna be like if you ask do you want to come hang I got 30 fucking pinball machines no one's gonna be like no way man what do you live in an arcade

that would actually rule that fucking rules what I love about that is I will often finish a round on a pinball machine and think, I got about as much out of that storyline as I was going to.

I hope there's more pinball machines with in-depth plot.

But what's that right next to it?

Why is the Adams family?

I can't wait to find out what happens on that two by six inch screen.

Okay, I actually do do that.

That's true.

The problem, the problem, okay.

I've been doing a little bit of this with like a little

arcade cabinet in my basement that I've been messing around with.

Thank you.

Again, you didn't use the plural.

Stand on your business and lead by example.

You have many arcade machines in your business i have a bunch of little rinky dink arcade machines i'm making myself they're somebody taller than i am

great

some of what i'm saying you own this built these arcade machines okay put the stuff in them they're incredible okay i just don't want to seem bougie all right i made them

oh that's a real issue if you say i have 30 pinball machines i'll be like fucking one percent bougie asshole

you do need to clarify because you said this in the extra details in your question that you don't have kids.

Lead with that because that immediately made me understand how you're able to have

30 pinball machines and just they can't all be on at the same time, right?

Just to clarify or else you'd lose your mind, right?

Right?

Okay.

I think that with

pinball machines, arcade machines, it's a similar problem you're going to have is that when someone comes over, even if they're excited about the machines, there comes that moment afterwards where you have to be like, well,

I'm going to go some other place.

Because being in the room with you and watching you decide what to do in here, I am going to kind of lurk around the corner in case you get stuck with any of the machines and how they work or don't work.

And then I'll spring out of nowhere

and pretend like I wasn't watching you even though I was watching you.

If you do make that part of your sales pitch, the allure of 30 pinball machines will be lost on me and I will not want to attend that function, unfortunately.

Well, what I do love, because what you've established here is you could have so many people over because for me, as much fun as I'm having playing a pinball machine is exactly a polar opposite of the lack of fun I have watching someone else play a pinball machine.

Yeah, yeah.

Wow, nice move.

Yeah.

Cool, man.

Oh, there it goes.

And so

having another pinball machine that I can use while someone else is using a pinball machine would alleviate a lot of the boredom from taking turns.

Okay.

You get a friend to come over.

Good stuff.

And you tell your other friends, everybody, your coworkers, you're having a pinball party.

And then you invite a friend to come over.

And this friend has a t-shirt-down polo shirt.

And on it, it says, Pete's periodic pinball.

And it's a pinball rental service, right?

So everybody shows up for the pinball party.

And if it goes really good, then you tell people like, hey, good news.

I decided to buy out.

That one.

If it doesn't go good, right?

If everybody's like, this sucks, you could be like, yeah, it does, but you guys can't come over anymore.

But dang,

I'm really going to have a word with Pete.

I thought it'd be way more fun and cool.

Oh, guys,

you're not going to believe this.

Pete's periodic pinball burnt down and they said I could keep all the machines.

Can you believe that shit?

It turned out my uncle worked at Pete's Periodic Pinball and he died.

And all the machines are mine.

There was a codicle in his will that if I could get 100,000 points on the Adams family machine,

and long story short, and I got trapped in the machine for a while.

I was shrunk down.

I had to run around for the bit.

Anyways, you don't want to get bored with all of this.

See you Friday.

Everything we said is way more normal than just just saying, yeah, I'm a pinball enthusiast who has 30 pinball machines.

There's way weirder shit people could have in their house.

You need, okay, you need a room

before that room that has one in it.

Like an airlock.

Like an airlock.

Exactly.

You need to, you need them to acclimate to the idea that you own a pinball table, right?

You need them to like compress.

I mean, ideally, you'd have, I think if my math is correct, like eight rooms where it's like one pinball machine two pinball machines four pinball machines yeah okay it has to follow them and like Sibonacci sequence

fair enough the idea bringing out you go back to eight for a while I think yeah I think the ideal is two machines because then it's not like you inherited it from your grandpa right you liked it a lot you got two and you let them acclimate to that and you judge their response because it will be exponential two machines in the room and then a real beefy extension cord cord running out of the room through a hole in the wall with a lot of noise and lights coming from underneath the door.

And you wait for them to ask about it.

I'm like, oh, yeah, you want to see the other 28?

I got him in rotation.

No big deal.

This is where I keep the ones that are chill.

These pinball machines can hang.

Would you like another question?

How about a segment?

Welcome to Munch Squad's a podcast

within a podcast

profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating and this one's gonna drive you wild if you're a gamer.

oh hell yeah man i love all that i got two stories one for the gamers one for the non-gamers let's start with the gamers who

finally finally we come for our our rights are considered first

finally someone's thinking about us

um i i uh let's let's see can we see the the goods the sir the goods yeah huh yeah so

krispy cream is featuring you're being driven wild by desire.

It's okay.

I know.

I'm just once again reminded, and I know I comment on this every time, that without fail, they'll be like, all right, we made some cool donuts, and here's just some losers.

You can't have 12 cool donuts in the same basket.

You can't have 12 fun ones.

Okay.

You got to have one for grandma.

Sure.

She doesn't play games.

She wouldn't understand a Pac-Man.

They get scared of the ghosts.

They went so hard.

Ready players?

Yeah.

That's what we call ourselves.

Ready players?

Krispy Kreme today announced an amazing

collaboration with Bandai Namco Entertainment America Inc.

for Pac-Man's 45th anniversary, celebrating the global cultural icon with all new donuts inspired by the classic game.

Fans will want to chop these new donuts before

chop these new donuts.

Charm these new donuts before it's game over.

yeah

like before you die

trust me guys if you gamers get up to heaven and st.

Pete's like do you eat them donuts and you're like no he'll send you straight to hell

available beginning today for a limited time at participating US shops the Krispy Kreme X Pac-Man collection features three new donuts in a nostalgic custom Pac-Man game dozen box that's the sweetest Pac-Man level ever including the Pac-Man party donut

It's an original glazed donut piped with yellow buttercream flavored icing, sprinkled with celebration sprinkles, and

top of the Pac-Man piece.

I would love a more mature gamer fare.

How about a team ghost donut?

An unglazed shell donut filled with chocolate-flavored creme, dipped in black icing and decorated with black Pac-Man mace, and topped with a team ghost piece.

Can I just say, I love how they've left a little shard of cream there to let you know there's

Yeah, don't get it twisted.

It's shitting.

Also,

inevitably, in every box that Dunkin' Donuts puts together, there's always one donut that you know the donut chefs at the actual Krispy Kreme brick and mortar locations see for the first time and go, God damn.

Fuck, really?

It has so many different things.

Ah, this is.

Hey, Derek, you're the ones that's going to take care of those, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll do the ones that require steady hands.

Don't worry.

And then we got lastly the strawberry power berry donut.

It's an unglazed shell donut featuring strawberry-flavored cream, dipped in red icing and topped with white sprinkles and green leaf icing.

That looks incredible.

Yeah.

And there's no way it looks like that when I buy it at this point.

It will look exactly like that, but it will be as hard as a rock.

Pac-Man is one of the most recognized video game characters of all time and has made an impact on the world by connecting with people across ages and borders and genders.

I swear to God, that's what it says.

A big swing.

Through the power of play for over 45 years, just as Krispy Kreme connects people through the sweetness of enjoying and sharing donuts.

Wow.

That's so cool that they can be like Pac-Man fixed everything and so did we.

Don't get, hey, listen.

Krispy Kreme is also celebrating thusly.

They're They're aiming to give guests 45,000 free original glazed donuts between May 12th and 8th.

So you can eat them before a ghost gets you.

Yeah.

It's during hotlight hours, which is 7-9 and 5-7 or whatever.

The hotlight is shining.

And if you can, in honor of Pac-Man's...

It's like a sex thing.

It's like the donuts are fresh.

In honor of Pac-Man's love of fruits, if fans help achieve this high score, they'll unlock the return of Krispy Kreme's popular strawberry glazed donut, which the brand last offered for a limited time in August 2023.

That's right.

So they're holding, okay.

They're holding the strawberry frosted donut hostage.

Yeah.

Until you get off our fat asses to eat 45,000 donuts.

Free donuts.

They want you to eat 45,000 free donuts, and then they will give you back the strawberry donut that you fucking eat.

While they just sit and watch as America eats 45,000 donuts, yeah, yeah, dance for us.

Eat the donuts.

We'll give you more doughnuts.

You know, Dave Skenna's got to get up on this.

I'll give us some Dave Sona.

These all new Pac-Man donuts are sweetest in multiplayer mode.

So press start on a dozen and chomp on a maze of flavors with family, friends, and co-workers,

said Dave Skenna.

Did you mean to say that like Count Donut?

No, it's just, it's hard to not say Dave Skenna like Count Donut.

Partnering with Benai Namco and Pac-Man is a new high score score of sweetness that they already used that one

today marks an incredible milestone as we celebrate pac-man's legacy and his 45 years of impact across genders and

this pride month we must celebrate everything where that pac-man has given us

No one has done more.

Oh my god.

Hey, do you think that next they'll partner with Sega and make me a donut that looks like Sonic's foot that I can eat like I've always dreamed of?

Hey, Sonic's foot.

Hold on.

Hold on.

Your verbiage is confusing.

I want to eat Sonic's foot.

Okay, stop.

Especially if it's cream-filled.

Okay, but in...

Do you want to eat Sonic's red shoe that his foot always lives inside?

That's his foot.

Okay.

Are you saying, wait grevin sorry are you saying that there are images out there somewhere of his foot without a shoe on

we have worked don't you dare paul don't you dare paul i'll walk off i'm done

We we would need to cover ourselves in tarps like we're on the front row of a Gallagher show before we start showing uncensored sonic feet up here.

Yeah, not for free.

Hey, that's on our Patreon.

Hey,

paul can i very briefly show the other image this is more of a munch squad jr uh and i just want to let everybody know that mars has launched a twix sneakerdoodle the flavor fans have been waiting for this i just say real quick yeah i forgot that mars was the name of the company that makes candy so i saw mars launches yeah and Twix in the same thing and I was like, did we fucking put candy on Mars?

This is the press release that feels the most like somebody's like, well, I have to do it legally, but I don't know what to write.

And here's what they came up with.

Twix,

good start, proudly part of Mars, which is true,

is launching its latest product innovation, Twix Snickerdoodle.

Inspired by the warm...

cinnamon sugar goodness of a classic snickerdoodle cookie this new release taps into the deep well of nostalgia

Hey, what's that mean?

What could that mean?

I mean, what could it mean?

It goes in the deep well of nostalgia while embracing the current tastes and trends that fans crave.

Cool.

Yeah.

That's how it transcends time and space.

Guys, here's what I'm trying to get across to you.

Twix Snickerdoodle takes...

everything that fans love about Twix.

Yeah.

Crunchy cookie.

Yeah.

Gooey caramel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Smooth-milled chocolate.

Yeah.

There's two of them.

And then it levels it up with a cinnamon sugar swirl of Snickerdoodle flavored caramel.

The result is a bold new bar that brings cozy cookie energy to the candy aisle.

Oh, shit.

Travis is being penetrated from nostalgia from the past and energy from what may be.

Where did I go?

Here at the nexus of past and futures, Twix.

I've seen it all.

Twix Snickerdoodle is the third cookie-inspired flavor to join the Twix lineup, right behind the hit debut of Twix Cookie Dough and Twix Cookies and Clam.

And what?

And what?

Clam.

I thought you said clam.

Yeah.

Cookies and clam.

Now this.

I know it's a little bit unorthodox, but I've got a pitch for a clavor combination you guys are going to go nuts for.

Now they come come to Martin Twerliger and they say, Martin, marketing president of Mars Wrigley North America, we need a quote about Twix stickerdoodle.

And he said, I have nothing.

And they say, please, please, Martin, you must have something.

He said, well, I do have one quote that I swore I'd never use.

Because it can be used for any Twix product.

And it would surely show that I had given up on the Twix brand.

Please, Martin, we're desperate.

We're going to print.

Okay, if you insist.

He gets out a small wooden chest from under his bed.

Two keys from underneath his bed.

He calls his ex-wife to bring in the key that she has around her neck.

He gave her 30 years ago.

He opens it up because Twix is the iconic brand of two.

We're always looking for ways to double down on flavor.

Yeah, man.

Twix Snickerdoodle gives fans a new twist on the layers they already love.

It's the perfect balance of familiar and trendy flavors.

And we know it's going to be a fan favorite.

And then he turned to dust.

Yeah.

Anyway, that's the Munch Squad.

Thank you very much.

And I know that I just, I just talked a lot, but I'm going to talk a little bit more.

I recently got a new boss at my very corporate job.

During their introduction to our team, they mentioned they have been a contestant on a hit television program, Naked and Afraid.

Twice.

My question is, should I watch?

I fear that seeing the bare ass of the person who determines my financial future would ruin the professional relationship immediately, especially if they do poorly in a funny or sad way.

And that's from Moon by my manager in Minneapolis.

Are you here?

Hi.

I've never watched the show, but I'm strongly under the impression that there's a lot of blurring and censoring going on.

I think you can show an ass, dude, no problem.

I've seen ass on survivor for sure.

They don't show front stuff, but I've seen ass after ass on survivor.

You sound like a 12-year-old boy bragging to his friends.

Yeah, I've seen ass on Survivor.

Oh, your parents don't let you watch Survivor?

That's a shame.

I saw Mike White's ass.

It was week eight or not, something.

It was bad, but

it was an ass for sure, Mike dude.

Write it down.

Write it down.

I'm on the list.

I would say that I've realized that being worried that the people around us are going to do poorly in a funny or sad way is just part of being alive.

You can't run from that.

People are going to do poorly in funny and sad ways every day around you.

And it's your job to figure out how to deal with that.

You can't put it off.

You can't run from it.

You can't be either naked or afraid.

You have to just embrace it.

Yes.

I would also point out that this seems to me like a classic corporate power move.

Because here's what I'm thinking.

This is your new boss in a very kind of corporate business.

There's no way they would bring up in an icebreaker that they were on Naked Unafraid twice.

Oh, come on.

If

they didn't like do

they weren't proud of it in some way.

There was a story in the newspaper about it.

I guarantee you, local business fella.

Does bad.

Does bad.

In a both funny and sad way.

They did it a second time.

They came back for a second episode.

How bad could the first episode have been?

Yeah.

That they were convinced.

I'm saying both times they were like, oh, you're trying to call out the big dog?

You want me to come out?

I'm not going to lie.

I'm a little less afraid this time.

But a lot more naked.

Do you think I'm going to turn inside out?

Do you think when you come back for the second season of Naked and Afraid, there's a moment where they blast all the clothes off you?

Like at the beginning of a Metroid game, where it's like, oh my,

oh, no, I made those clothes last time on Naked and Afraid.

What's that?

A guy with a knife.

Ah, I'm scared again, too.

Fuck.

I can't believe this.

Dracula's here?

Fuck.

No, no.

You guys really older cave for this one.

It would be a cool thing to

just save for the appropriate moment.

Pull it out at the right time.

You're saying you don't drop it in two truths and a lie, no matter how bad you want to.

God, so bad, so no no no no no don't let it go and then uh yes no i i think that once you are being terminated on the off chance it happens to some of us that's one that you could bust out and uh in closing philip i've seen your bare butt

or you could you once again uh do an uno reverse of that power move when they're like hey um you really didn't deliver on that uh proposal i asked you to do you're like yeah would you say philip i kind of showed my ass

So I don't think you should extort your boss because of their

deliver that information without asking for anything in return.

I think that's slander.

Extortion, you expect compensation.

You've got to...

Naked and afraid is nude art.

And do you have a problem with nude art?

Yeah, really good question, Griffin.

Your boss participated in nude art.

Grow up a little bit.

We're all naked underneath here.

We're all pretty afraid, I'd say.

It sounds like your boss is naked, and you're afraid of the beautiful human body.

But one of the great gifts from the big guy, I'll remind you.

Dad?

Sorry, Juice.

I forget sometimes you're saying God gave us our incredible nude bodies

in the Garden of Eden, Griffin.

Yeah,

read the Bible.

The original Naked and Afraid.

When they were cast out after eating the apple.

I've got some literature backstage I want to show you.

I can't wait.

About nude art.

You're going to love this shit.

Why don't we have to?

Dude, I've got some pictures of every.

Travis has so many pictures of survivor butts to show us backstage.

I'm over the moon.

I had it printed out in a book.

It was beautifully bound in leather.

It's lovely.

You'll love it.

It's real human butt skin.

on that note maybe we should go backstage and look at travis's new survivor collectibles all right so here's the deal we're going to take a break you are going to go use not for this was pre-planned this is not we're not going to go look at survivor news

they don't let them fool you they both got so revved up okay listen don't listen to travis listen to me okay we're really going to take a bathroom break and you are and you can buy a poster they're out in the lobby right they're thank you so much

this is one of my favorite picks That's your only chance to get them.

Go get a coin.

Go use the bathroom.

Go send your question, and then we'll be back with you in just a minute, okay?

Thank you very much.

You know, Griffin?

Yes, Travis.

No one really knows how stamps work.

No one.

They're little pictures that make mail-go places?

Crazy.

Yeah.

I don't know if they have microchips in them that are programmed to deliver the the mail to places what and my question is what doesn't have microchips in them now in 2025 macro chips don't have microchips in them that's that's absolutely true how do i get these little magic pictures tro well griffin

man am i glad you asked because for a long time you'd have to go somewhere that sucks yeah man It's going somewhere, oh, the worst.

But luckily with stamps.com, you don't have to go anywhere.

You can do it right from home.

Oh, that sounds way better.

And especially in this day and age where so many people are doing business from home and shipping out a bunch of stuff, like, I don't know, invoices or I don't know, maybe they're making jewelry out of stuff they find around the house.

Yep.

They have to ship a lot of speakers.

That's me.

Yeah, I know.

You make a lot of spoon jewelry, and I appreciate it.

I call it spoonry.

Yeah.

You have used up all your spoons, though, and you eat cereal with a fork.

I've been meaning to talk to you about that.

It's wet.

Yeah.

It's a a big wet mess but with stamps.com it's not a mess good yeah i'm glad to hear that because you can take care of it wherever you are and they even have a mobile app um and you it's so easy and

they have up to 89 off rates on usps and ups that's so it's like that's almost a hundred percent basically if you were to round up yeah i guess so don't waste time worrying about being a postage expert or standing in line to drop off letters and and packages.

Let stamps.com do what they do best so you can do what you do better.

Took me a second to parse that sentence, but it makes sense.

It makes sense.

It's just you should have done a dry run on it.

I know, but I don't like doing things dry, like cereal.

So, go to stamps.com and use code MyBrother to sign up for a special offer.

No contract, cancel anytime that's stamps.com, code my brother, all one word.

You remember when Bill jumped his skateboard over the

fire pit in the backyard during the big 4th of July barbecue, babyback rib bash?

I kind of remember it, yeah.

Well,

I took 100 pictures of it because

Bill died from that.

But doing what he loved.

Doing what he loved, jumping over the big fire during the baby back barbecue.

And

that picture is, one, evidence for

court, but two, a special precious summer memory.

It is weird that there's foul play suspected when everybody watched him like say, I'm going to jump over that fire.

And everybody was like, no, please don't do that.

I mean, I'm going to do it.

Bill had a hundred beers.

Yeah.

So I think that that is maybe the foul.

But we don't have that in photographic form, just the awesome stunt.

He's last act on earth.

You can see in the photo, I'm looking at it now, that he had an additional 20 beers in his cargo pants pockets.

Yeah.

And that might have contributed.

He didn't get much.

I said over the big fire.

It was really pretty smack dab, right?

That was the plan originally.

Yeah.

So, anyway, aura frames is the best way to commemorate Bill and all of your favorite summertime memories.

It is the best digital photo frame, according to Wirecutter, and they know what they're talking about.

And according to me, Griffin McElroy is the best digital photo frame.

We have given these out to so many people because it's super easy.

There's unlimited storage.

You got as many photos and videos as you can find.

It's super simple to set it up.

You just plug it in and you share away.

And if you have people in your life who are not the most tech savvy, but you want to see pictures of your kids or your cool classic car collection or Bill who died,

you can get all of that stuff uploaded for them and manage their library for them.

And then they don't have to worry about a thing.

They just get all these precious memories and they're beautiful aura frame.

So, Griffin, if I wanted to memorialize the amateur daredevil in my life,

how would I do that?

Well, you can start reliving your favorite memories by visiting auraframes.com.

For a limited time, listeners can get $35 off on their best-selling Carver Matte frame.

That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com, promo code MyBrother.

Support the show by mentioning us at checkout.

Terms and conditions apply.

Oh, they always do, don't they?

That's true, Trav.

Hey, we got some live shows coming up, friends.

We're going to be in Atlanta next here at the end of the month.

We're going to be doing Mabim Bam.

We're going to be doing Taz, Taz vs.

Popeye,

which is going to be unhinged.

We're going to be doing stuff at DragonCon.

We're also going to be doing some shows later in the year in Texas, Utah, and California.

I just announced in Texas we're doing Adventure Zone versus Hercules.

Yes, I'm very excited about that.

All our tasks won't be tazed.

I'm disappointed.

I hope it'll be more Disney-focused, less Sorbo.

I mean, there will probably be a fair amount of Sorbo content, but not in any kind of way that endorses the fella.

Oh, God, no.

I was A as the one running it.

The exact opposite.

Yeah.

Tickets for all our shows are on sale now, and you can get those tickets and find out all the info at bit.ly slash MacroyTours.

We've also got a back to school sale going on with select items up to 40% off.

We've got back to school bundles there and a free mystery pin with purchases of $30 or more.

And 10% of all proceeds this month are going to World Central Kitchen.

So go check that out, macroymerch.com.

And you know what?

Let's get back to the show.

Bye.

I mean, not bye.

Don't turn it off.

Listen to the rest of the show, but buy from us here in the ads.

Bye.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined.

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Lollum.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

We haven't checked in in a while.

Would you say you're living faster than fear this year?

I mean, I don't know.

I feel like the fear is trying to keep apace.

Justin, how are you doing?

V-Saw V, you're relative speed to fear.

It's cool to start out the act of our show with, Are You Afraid?

Okay,

we're going to turn.

I'm doing great.

Thank you for asking.

We're going to turn the camera outward towards you all.

There's no camera.

I don't know why I said that.

Camera of light.

We're going to do audience questions, but before we do that, I like to think that we make an impact like Pac Man.

We transcend gender.

We transcend gender here at my brother, my brother, and me.

Also, this is the time for our traditional and customary apology to the people who sit in the splashstone of light.

I'm so sorry you didn't sign up to be the background players for the audience questions, but damn it, we appreciate you.

Yeah, thanks for taking

Yeah, you're good.

You can approach them.

You're second?

That's okay.

That's fine.

Yeah.

You two rock, paper, sisters.

Everyone's so orderly.

Okay, welcome, my friend.

Hello.

Hi, how's it going?

Good.

Excellent.

Cool.

Good to see you.

Yeah.

Thanks for coming.

What is your name?

My name's Matthew.

What is your question?

So I'm staying with my sister currently, and she refuses to buy breakfast food while we're visiting.

How do I get my sister to buy like bagels so that we have something for breakfast?

Is your sister here?

No, she's not.

Awesome.

When you say refuses, like you've been like, hey, would it be okay to buy some bagels?

And she's like, no!

It's a consistent problem.

It's been brought up before, and like, we have family gatherings at our house regularly.

Never buys any breakfast food.

Could you?

Could you bring some next time you go, bury them around the yard for next?

That was an option, Matthew would.

No, no, no.

I'm saying for future, like

a squirrel.

You bury them, and so so when you come back, you're like, wait, there's some cinnamon raisin by the fence.

That's embarrassing, though, if you wouldn't fulfill my one dirty need, so I had to bring my own bagels from home, which I buried in the yard like a dog for some additional reason.

Well, yeah, Griffin, if you put them under her mattress, they're going to get flattened.

Okay, fine.

Come on, think.

They are doing yard work, so I think I could sneak.

things into the yard.

Get some bagel dead drops going.

Is your sister not a big bagel, a breakfast eater?

Yeah, they don't eat breakfast at all.

I mean, you could save them from themselves.

It's a, and I'm gonna, everybody brace yourself because this is the first time you've ever heard this.

It's the most important meal of the day.

I mean, yeah.

Yeah, I don't think you're the bad person for wanting to eat a delicious bagel.

I think we all get that.

Sometimes you go to people's houses and they don't have diet soda and it's like, okay.

It's too bad that your sibling isn't Justin McElroy because anytime we go stay at that dude's house, he's like, Remember how you said you liked those Toll House pretzel flips three years ago?

I found a box of them on eBay for you, especially.

I like to put out a spread for breakfast, get everybody energized for the day.

You know, sometimes a simple can of cinnamon rolls, you know,

along with the large pantry of various cereals that you've bought on a whim.

Boy, professionally, professionally, Travis.

Yeah, sorry,

professional critic.

I think if you show up with a bag of bagels under your arm, but don't leave them in the kitchen.

Leave them with your personal stuff.

And then when you come down for breakfast, you have the bagels underneath your arm already.

It's your personal bag.

And if anybody gets any ideas, oh, isn't that interesting?

Yeah.

You should be allowed to have a breakfast locker at your sister's house that only you know the passcode to and is full of your favorite special stuff.

Does breakfast locker fit the bill?

Yes.

Excellent.

Thank you so much, Matt.

Thank you.

Hello.

Hello.

Hi, my name is Lo.

And thank you for waiting in an orderly line.

You were first to the mic.

You were so desperate.

But you did defer.

Very tasteful.

Thank you.

My Faster Than Fear this year was joining the local femme armored combat team.

Hell yeah.

We have two leagues here.

We have an open team, which is the Twin City Wiverins, and then we have the Flowers of Battle, which is the femme team, which I'm joining.

And I want to know how to intimidate the other teams.

Okay.

I need...

Okay.

When you say combat,

imagine we know nothing aside from some pretty badass clips of TikTok that I have seen of this exact sport.

Give me sort of a basic rundown because how aggressive can you be?

Okay, so Boo Hurt is actually a Ukrainian-based sport that is full armor.

There's different types of fights between like duels and stuff like that, but it is like there's a very, like, there's a few places you can't hit, like back of the neck, back of the knees, et cetera.

But other than that, you are in full armor hitting each other.

Okay, yeah.

I can think of two ways just from what you just said of how you could become an incredibly intimidating figure in this sport.

I only watch one sport and it's hockey.

And the only people who.

Wait, are there fans of hockey in Minnesota?

It's the ones who do the stuff you're not supposed to do that the other ones kind of keep an eye out for.

Maybe just the back of the leg stuff, though.

Back of the neck stuff feels egregious, but if you can be like, oh, better watch out for Lo, they do back of the leg stuff.

What if, Lowe, you showed up to this armored combat event, no armor?

And you're like, I ain't even worried about it.

That's cool.

Hey, are you so good that no one's ever gotten you even once?

No, because Travis's idea.

Don't try to intimidate them.

Lo, you should be worried about placating them.

If you get hit at all, I don't know about you, but me, I'd be like, how do I convince them?

I do want to be part of the league, but I don't like getting hit.

I think, Lo, if I were you, I would show up in the armor and never take the armor off and make sure you find your opponents before they put their armor on.

What about go check the back of their neck?

You know, like you got a little measuring tape like, oh, nice.

Just making sure.

Yeah.

Perfect.

That's exactly nice.

I don't have one of those, a back of a neck, I mean.

Anyway,

what if you, instead of at the event, get them before they put their armor on, get them way before the event before they put their armor on.

That's cool.

And like they wake up and you're there full armor of the sword and you say like, Alo always pays their debts and you hit them in the chest right then.

Well, no.

All right, you're out.

I'll see you at the event.

Is that how it works?

If you hit them in the chest, you you say, you're out?

No, the goal is to hit them hard enough that they go down most of the time, or it's point basis.

So when they're about to buy my idea.

When they're about to leave for the event, they open their front door, you throw a big handful of table salt in their eyes, I guess.

And then they can't drive there, and it's like DQ.

That's cool.

Oh, there's cut their brake line.

Yeah, there's like 100 ways to fuck up their car.

And that would be not intimidating.

So we're just kind of having fun up here and disregarding the premise of your question.

What about double armor?

You've got armor on, and then you put bigger, thicker armor over it.

Lo, this is going to be a lot, and I apologize in advance.

Can you pretend to be killed during a fight?

Hold on.

But then come back to life.

That would be really good.

I don't think you'll have.

You'll probably start to get some non-believers after a few years.

So you probably only need to pull this once once every year.

Yeah.

What do you think?

72 months to do it.

How about every time you show up, you wear shoes that are one inch taller?

And so, by like the 12th time, shit.

Like, you know?

Lo, I feel like we've really helped a lot.

Do you agree?

More than usual.

Yeah, thank you so much, Lo.

Good luck.

Appreciate you.

Hello.

Hi, my friend.

How's it going?

It's going good.

I'm Kyle Hehim.

Hi, Kyle.

I just want to say, real quick, Kyle, before you get to your question, that I appreciate our fans so much for so many reasons for letting us live this incredible

creative life that we get to live and to work together as family.

It's so special and so wonderful.

But what I love the most is that every live show, you guys always kneel down in the aisles.

As if to say, don't perceive me.

And I love it.

No, you're not.

You're trying not to block sidelines for everybody else.

And you all are so thoughtful and amazing.

So thank you.

I just wanted to say thank you for that.

Yeah, you're good, eggs.

Or you don't like standing up for a long time.

I like that it's also good.

That's you, man.

Hell yeah.

Okay, Kyle.

Hello.

Hello.

So I'm auditioning for the Minnesota Vikings drumline.

Hell yeah.

You were, I thought that sentence was going to end with Vikings, and then I was going to be like, I,

just from the jump, I don't think they call it auditioning.

I'm still bulking up for the season.

I'm assuming kicker, kicker, we could agree, kicker, yeah.

I've prepared two monologues and 90 seconds of a song.

I didn't look into what they do, but I love acting like a Viking.

Okay, so you're auditioning for the drum line for the Vikings.

Yeah, and so part of the final audition has us playing a solo in front of a panel of judges.

That part's normal.

The trouble is that this solo is happening on a stage in the middle of the Mall of America, open to the public.

So I know what to play for judges and other percussionists, but I don't know how to do that and also play for like a general audience at the same time.

So my question is, how can I hype up the Mall of America crowd while also still impressing the regular judges?

Yeah, okay.

So Kyle, I'm hoping just to get a baseline, I'll give you a few standards.

Sorry?

Everybody here should show up.

Oh, boy.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, okay.

That one option is everyone here shows up and pops off.

If I could get a baseline.

Bass drum line.

And thank you.

If you could just give me like a, just in your standard delivery, no extra mustery thing, just like a, okay, party people, are we ready to rock?

Just to get like a...

But Kyle, just do it last week.

Just how you normally do it.

Like how you normally do it.

Okay, party people, ready to rock?

Yeah.

Dude, I'm fucking...

If I'm at the, if I'm at the height to the max, if I'm at the mall of America and I see someone wearing one of those big drum things and they say that that way into a microphone, I'm grabbing my kids by the hand saying, sorry, we're not going on the SpongeBob roller coaster.

I got to see what this fucking dude's bringing to the table.

Yeah.

I would try, I would start with a slow point to the upper decks.

You know what I mean?

Like a slow, like, call it, before you even start drumming, there's going to be such a lack of drumming that people will look down like, what is going on down there?

I thought they were supposed to be drumming today.

Kyle, here's what happens.

You get up there with your drum.

Do you play the drums that lay down or the drum that stands up?

It's a snare drum, so it's just

called that's the funny thing.

You get up there, you start to hit.

Oh, it makes a weird noise.

What?

You pick up a disc golf disc.

What?

Your friends up there on the second level.

You hit an ace.

You say, smooch sound, fake kiss.

You start fucking going at it.

Yeah.

Kyle, I guarantee, if you deliver that callback joke to this one specific live podcast recording,

the entire Mall of America is going to lose their fucking minds.

Are you good at drums?

I mean, I like to think I'm okay.

Okay, I just didn't know if this was like on a whim.

I woke up one day and decided to audition.

Let's put it this way.

The Vikings didn't ask me to audition.

Sure.

So then you probably don't need us up here going like, have you tried like goon chat?

Do that APT song.

I think that would be fun.

Yeah, have you ever tried Does the Goosh, Does the Goosh, Does the Goosh?

Does the Goosh?

Yeah.

What about Buttagatta, Butter Geta, Butter Getta?

Yeah.

Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather.

I like, you could do that part in the whiplash movie at the end when he's like playing a drum solo and he's like, but not first off, do that whole drum solo.

It's crazy.

But then that part where he's like,

and he slows it way down for like 15 fucking minutes while Jay Jonah Jameson's going like, I hate you, but this is so good.

Listen, I don't know how much 10 minutes of Jay Jonah Jameson's time costs, but if you could get him there to yell at you while you play,

no matter how your audition goes, they're gonna be impressed.

Yeah.

Because they're like, fuck, is that JKJ Jonah Jameson?

JKJ Jonah Jameson Simmons?

Damn.

Can you squirt a little bit of fake blood in your palms at the end of your solo and just be like, ah!

I can hire somebody to slap me and say I'm not sitting in their tempo.

Yeah.

And then you start hitting them with your drumsticks until they die.

And they're like, whoa, we also can do drum self-defense.

And then I can audition for the football team after that.

Hell yeah.

Yeah,

does that help?

It does.

All right, thank you so much.

Good luck, Kyle, on your big audition.

I believe in you.

Hello.

How's it going?

Hi.

Hi, I'm Tate.

Hi, Tate.

How's it going?

Going all right.

Good, good.

What's your question?

So I asked you guys this way before the pandemic.

I have a pug that I have to take on walks several times a day.

Yeah.

He has a really bad habit where, whenever we're next to like a chain link fence, he backs his back legs up onto the fence, like with his feet,

lines his asshole up with like chain link fence,

and then poops through the fence

into

someone else's yard.

Always.

Right.

And so my issue is: I've been faced with several times: I know what Do I break into this yard to pick up the turd?

Right.

Or do I like ghost?

Because

this has been an issue in the past.

Well, I'm so glad you asked that.

So Griffin, what does Rachel do when you poop through a chain link fence?

The idea

that I could release stool without being completely secure,

without having a

shell,

a two-factor authentication

fail-safe system around me is so ridiculous that the joke you just made doesn't make any fucking sense.

Tate, I'm really glad that you described this as like your pug has a weird habit and not

a fetish.

Yeah, I don't want to freak you out, Tate, but this is like DEF CON not like Cesar Milan rolls up and is like, fuck, man, what?

How did you react the very first time it happened?

Kind of like, huh, that was a really weird one-off.

And then,

like, the next day, I was like, hmm.

I don't know.

That's crazy, because if I saw a human shitting through a chain-link fence, my first thought wouldn't be like, hmm, first time they've done this, I bet.

Wow, I'm catching a truly original moment here.

So, Tate, I don't know if you know this.

I used to be a professional dog trainer at PetSmart.

There's no way you have any experience with this exact thing.

No, not this exact thing, but.

I don't know if finger-blasting dog Venus and

the play.

Okay.

Tate.

Tate's referencing a I can't stress this enough.

That was a different job.

And that was not part of dog training, and I was not finger-blasting.

Of all the Jerunds,

I was squeezing their anal glands.

And I was bad at it.

I think they're of us enjoyed it.

The dogs only liked it because of how bad he was at it, T.

They enjoyed laughing and my experience, but what I was doing to say.

You wouldn't call it finger blasting if you're bad at it, guys.

Finger poking.

You have to catch your pug.

Every time you see him look at a fence and pause for a moment and decide not to do it.

Then you got to praise the fuck out of him.

Like, good boy, not shitting through that fence.

Catch him being good.

Absolutely.

Stay away from fences.

Is that a possibility?

I think we can.

You gotta

trick fences.

No, listen.

I know a dog.

What's the dog's name?

Portobello.

That's fucking great.

I know, I've met dogs like this.

I've met dogs like this, Tate, and you can't...

discipline them in the traditional way.

You got to get on their level and be like, hey, Portobello.

I get it.

Every time I look at a chain link fence, I also think, how funny.

I have a super funny, nasty idea.

I wish I was a little dirty dog so I could do

my nasty tricks.

Here's what you got to do, Tate.

Get a section of the Chain Link fence at home.

Really juzzh it up.

Make it fancy.

Make it an extreme pleasure to use.

And then Portobello sees other chain link fences and thinks, I got better at home.

That's true.

I'm going to save it.

Like when I'm traveling and I see any toilet that's not my favorite toilet at home.

And you bust out your chain link fence.

Yeah, and then I go home and I shit through a chain link fence for the amusement of everyone.

I got a kick-ass idea, Tate.

If it looks like this is about to happen and there's a house with a chain link fence, real quick, you run up to the front door, knock, ring the doorbell, say, hey, my dog is about to shit through your chain link fence.

It is now your decision which direction it goes through.

Are we going?

The clock is ticking.

It kick and go left to right, right to left, but whether or not it happens is not an option.

Do you want an outside job or an inside job?

Tate, does that help?

I think that helps.

Thank you so much, Tate.

Thank you.

And thank you all so much for coming to our show.

You all have been,

I imagine most of you were also here last night.

You've been fucking rad and amazing.

And we love you and appreciate you so, so much.

I want to say a huge thank you to our dad, Clem McElroy, for

that.

To Amanda, our business manager and our audio engineer this weekend

who's been handling the recordings.

To tour manager Paul, thank you for being here.

Thank you, tour manager Paul.

The wind beneath our wings.

I want to say thank you to Tom.

Thank you.

That video that you see in intermission and all of our video work.

That's thanks to Tom.

Except for the work that Miggy does.

Yes, Tom does the rest.

Tom and Nate went disc golfing today, and they had the good taste not to invite us.

So thank you for that, guys.

Heart agree.

Thank you to Shannon for taking my older brother to a candy store.

That's cool.

Thank you to Samara Jethwa for this incredible poster.

Make sure

there may still be some outside.

There's also probably still some Memorial Canned Food Drive

challenge coins out there.

So go check those out.

Thank you to Montane for the use of theme song My Life Is Better With You.

Thank you to the Fitzgerald for having us.

Thank you to the Fitzgerald Theater.

This is lovely.

Yeah, it's been amazing.

Seriously, it's been

the best time here.

So thank you all so much.

And we have one more fear that someone has sent in that they would like to be faster than.

And it looks like everyone's turned off their devices, so I'm going to be the one reading it by default.

I was thinking, what if we had the audience call out something after we read it?

Like, be faster.

No, that scares me.

I don't like that.

So don't do that.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, don't do that.

Don't.

Bad idea.

Boink.

No, don't do it.

Here we go.

This year.

I want to live faster than my fear of touching the honey bottle.

Sometimes life's sticky.

My name is Jesse McElroy.

I'm Travis McEroy.

My brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad square on the lips.

It's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

two.

It's better with you.

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