MBMBaM 774: Bear No Skyver

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true.

It's better, it's better with two.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother, and Me, an advice show for the modern era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

Yeah, what's up, Trav Nations here, Miller's brother, Trave's big dog wolf of Very McElroy.

Wonder what that's all about.

Yeah, trying to meet.

Hopefully, there's a story there.

I can't wait to crack that nut.

And I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin, Matt.

McClroy.

And I've got the old magnifying lens out looking for clues.

I think, Griffin, I think

I have my old tricks acting up.

I think we got 16% fits of this.

I think speaking

chances get in the state of Denmark.

You guys might not have noticed, but...

I smell a bit of food.

My energy's a little bit off.

Yeah.

I don't know.

speak on this travis i well i've been thinking about it a lot and listen i've said it before and i'll say it again i'm so grateful when you guys cast me in the role of travis yeah it like my career was not doing great at the time and ever since i got we say we saved we saved you yeah it's it's done wonders for my career but i feel

us him it's easy so i'm check the legal documentation we saved him i'm worried that at this point, the storylines have gotten a little

stale.

You don't pay to worry.

You're paid to act like Travis.

You're not paid to worry.

Real Travis is worried.

I know.

Listen, and I know I'm not the writers.

But I feel like the storylines have gotten a little stale.

Sure.

We've been doing the show for a while now, and I thought maybe I could pitch to you guys some new kind of like storylines or plot points that we could.

And maybe we could even come up with some of our own.

Oh, sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you want to.

You want an army?

Yeah, I take it back.

I know a few weeks ago we pulled you aside and we said that you really weren't nailing the role of Travis.

But you are crashing.

You really, Steve.

You really stepped into it.

Thank you.

I've hit it and stepped into it.

I've spent a lot of time with the real Travis trying to get inside his head.

I am so sorry.

You are

receiving the special hazard pay that we do all through.

Thank you very much.

So what's your first pitch for us, Travis?

Because, you know, I like consistency.

People like this product, and I'm not looking to shake things up just to be a, just, just a race to be last to the disruption market.

No, I think, I think that this is going to be just a really seamless transition.

So we introduce like a cool teenage cousin character named Skyver.

So this is going to be one of our cousins because I don't think they're still making those.

No, he's Travis's cousin.

I still don't think, I still don't think when you're in your, in your mid-40s, I don't think you're getting a lot of new cousins.

Well, he could be like an illegitimate cousin or something, however, we want to do it, or like a long-lost cousin, something like that.

Okay, I'm just saying we saw the fam last week while we were while we were and you're telling me that you could name every single one of them and tell me there's with 100% certainty there's no Skyver among them that they could bear that they could all and also that they could bear no Skyver.

Yeah, for sure, man.

Okay, so then I love it that's a family gathering and my wife looks to me for guidance and I look back back at her the void looks back at you i didn't tell you the void knows less than you do hey i'll tell you who the cool ones are i know the i know all the cool uncles well skyver is definitely one of the cool ones he skateboards and he's like a bassist in a high school van and is he he's gonna be on the show we're splitting programs with so what happens is

The Travis character and Skyver go to a museum together or something and like touch an old spooky staff and they switch

bodies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So then like Skyver as Travis has to do the podcast, and Travis as Skyver has to.

And are we going to follow Travis?

Are we going to follow?

Yeah, we're going to follow both of them.

And then hold on, wait, which you is going to be on the show?

Yeah.

Which you, young body, old brain, or old, old body, young brain?

Well, we're going to cut between the storylines is like they weave back together because we'll see Skyver as Travis doing the podcast and Travis as Skyver learning to skateboard and sell drugs.

How do we communicate?

I don't feel like we've ever tried to communicate like mixed, mixed timelines, like

Street Blues style.

Yeah.

In like in the podcast form, I don't feel like that happens.

We don't do family guy style cutaways.

We do a lot of other voicemails.

Voicemails from voicemails and like

videos that Skyver sends us, that kind of thing.

That idea is a real stinker, Trav.

What else do you got?

Well, then you do one.

And if it could have a focus on the Travis character, that would be great.

Maybe it could even be

about me or Justin.

I guess.

Okay, what do you got?

got?

I don't actually have, I mean.

I don't really have anything.

That's the problem.

Okay, we finally.

I am going to join the Swedish House Mafia.

And that's going to be my new thing is I'm going to talk a lot about all of our shows and all of our parties and some of the new tunes we've got coasting over the UK Airways.

And obviously, there's going to be some pretty big lifestyle changes for me.

I don't know anything about Swedish House Mafia

except that they're a house music supergroup.

It's gonna be quite a learning curve.

There'll be a huge learning curve.

I have to learn Swedish.

Have to learn Swedish.

Tough.

I was thinking of another one where we win a sweetsteaks and we think it's to go on a cruise, but we win the whole cruise ship.

And then we own a boat and then it's about us with the cat.

And then it's like three captains.

It's kind of cool.

Let me, let me, let me just, can we put a little guard?

Can we put some guardrails on this motherfucker?

Okay.

okay, yeah.

Like what

we can't, we can't get a boat, and I don't want to pretend to be on a boat for an extended period of time.

So, like, any of your ideas that are like we find we hire a teenager to now be on the show, like, you understand the level of bits we're capable of.

I become balliances with extended plot lines in the past have been some of our

most notorious

whoopsies.

Like, for example, when we were sponsored by gay, remember the

2.0 era yeah yeah man relaunched the show for like 10 episodes yeah yeah it was like way more sponsored uh that was nobody liked that um there was the eclipse episode where the whole thing sounded terrible and it looked like a nightmare because we recorded it during the full eclipse and everyone hated that yeah you know the star wars incident don't yeah

i became a dog for a while but that just was basically i said i'm a dog now so like there was no props or new hiring there's no overhead effect of so like we I'm on the you know financial side of things I'm always balancing the book our successes are usually almost accidental yes less than playing accidental and I can't stress this enough virtually costless

I don't basically free to implement I hate to resume drop but as you guys know I was recurring on touch by an angel first run and as it went on

you played Gordo the slime angel yeah go on and the budgets increase over time.

Have you guys talked to the studio about increasing our budget to a point where we could get like a business?

Well, the studio is the listeners, Trav.

That's what's so great.

That's what's so great about the Max Fund model is that we are directly.

It's not a Max Fund drive.

I'm going to start speaking in a tone of voice that's going to.

If you activate him, we'll have to shoot a tranquilizer dart.

Or for the next 10 days, he'll just be prattling on about

a budget increase from the studio is going to have to entail a bunch more people listening to our show and donating specifically so that we can do a whole role play where we are boat captains.

Like, that's

slush fun.

That doesn't exist.

Let me ask you, go ahead.

When y'all were talking angels, I was actually thinking, are we wedded to the Justin McElroy character?

Oh, no.

Listen, this is

right.

Okay.

Yeah, I guess.

I was thinking he finally needs a romance, right?

Yeah.

He's been

kind of willing.

Will they, won't they, for a long time?

With his marriage.

What if he had an angel romance?

Huh.

With an angel.

Speak on that.

Angel romance.

Angel falls in love with him.

No, she is an angel who falls in love with him because

he is like as close as she has seen to like an angel on earth.

Yeah.

Okay.

Both visually and just sort of like personality-wise and mentally.

And she falls so hard that she is like,

I want to make myself real.

Cool.

Like a real

person.

So

that I can be with.

Are you imagining

Sidney's face listening?

Oh, that's a great question.

Casting.

Do you have casting in mind?

So this is important.

This is important.

The Justin character is unaware of any of this taking place.

The angel storyline is completely, it's just a very relatable.

This is good.

See, Travis, this is good because it's free.

It's free to say there's a horny invisible angel behind justin at all times just waiting oh so not cgi because i was picturing that cgi no travis no free no cutting no casting no voice acting no no any initials if you do any initials we probably can't okay cgi sag now we got to be careful here saga that's a good one sag no we know

we can't say that though because like as fired up as people are about ai taking over creative jobs.

No AI can't afford it.

Well, yeah, but I think it may be worse to say it's not AI, but it's invisible and it's imaginary.

Imagine using...

Wonka can do it.

You know what I mean?

That's true.

That's a good point.

Wonka

Wonka storyline we could incorporate?

Not for free.

Okay.

Not for free.

Not for no cost whatsoever.

Okay.

I could say, I could say, I mean, here's the extent of it, Travis.

Do you want to see?

And you let me know if this would be satisfying.

Okay.

It would be like, it doesn't be like,

and you'd be like, and i'd be like

salutations welcome into my candy factory and i would gesture behind me to just like my office and i would say stuff but it wouldn't be timely and i wouldn't do a good job with it so like a free wonka is not even worth the worth the attempt i'm i'm not gonna say no to it To free wonka?

Just think about it.

I think it works.

I think it plays.

The last thing I want to ask you guys.

Well, what if he's just all about nuts?

Oh, yeah.

What if he's Willy Wonka, but instead about like chocolate and candy?

He's only about different kinds of foods.

Billy Tonka.

What do you think?

I'm thinking of

nutty wonka, and that doesn't.

Give me

a two, give me two business days.

Okay.

Give me two business days, and I'll come back with something, okay?

Okay.

Would you guys be would you guys be okay if I, you know, pilot season's coming up, if I submitted my resumes, checked out some other things?

Checking a look around?

I mean,

I'm not saying I want to leave.

You think the grass is greener?

Yeah, good luck, pal.

We've been

19 years

out there.

Okay.

I refuse, but go for it.

I will say I refuse to be the bushel under which you hide your candle.

Okay, because

if Hank and John want like a third brother.

We should do a switch.

We should do a switch.

Hold on, hold on.

Now, hold on.

Wait.

Now, hold on, hold on.

This is interesting.

If you guys wanted to offer me more money, I'd stay, is what I was going to.

Okay.

Oh, is this just you were just trying to flex on us?

This is interesting now.

What do we have that the greens don't have?

It occurs to me, one more brother.

You know what I mean?

What do they have that we don't have?

Well, where do I start?

You know,

respect from their colleagues.

Yeah, man.

I mean, where do I start?

So here's what I'm saying.

Uh-huh.

Make it,

Green Brothers.

Make us an offer.

One for one.

One, no.

I don't want one of their

money.

No, no, something.

Wait, I'm being traded now.

Wait, hold on.

It's not a trade.

It's not a trade yet.

Just don't do it for like a second round draft pick.

That's what I'm saying.

It's at least a future.

It's actually, Trash, can I tell you?

We've hit our budget cap.

Fuck.

And yeah, we missed the trade deadline.

So, like, we gotta, we gotta, it'll be a

sweetheart deal with those greens.

Honestly, we didn't know how to broach it with you, but when you were like, pilot season's coming up, I was like, thank you.

Ding, ding, ding, ding.

Well, now, hold on, because the Troundation might get, you know, maybe consider just upping the budget?

I'll take the tea business and leave them the coffee.

You know, what about that?

How about this?

The tea will still be for charity.

That's even, they can use that if they want.

And then the coffee side, pure profits.

Oh, this is a literal thing about their thing.

I thought that this was an extended metaphor about me.

No, no, no.

I say we have, we have the power, the additional power of a third brother, right?

That's huge for us.

And it's really all we have to offer, right?

So, like, if they've got something that where they feel, if they want to cut us in, not even cut us in, but like, I would really love to, like, the merch biz or whatever.

Like, they can drop all the lawsuits that they have against us.

And that, because that would be some of those

self-choices.

The ones where they're like, we're the brothers doing shit doing podcast shows.

And

they tried to copyright brothers doing podcast shows like

last year.

It's like, come on, guys.

So like, drop that.

I could guess on that.

I don't have to leave this show to do a crossover guest, right?

Can you imagine how disruptive you would be to the finely tuned machinery of those brothers and the way that they

need, though?

You could also be the sloppy wet rag thrown into the gears of the grandfather clock that is the Green Brothers.

You could be the sloppy wet rag that gets all the gears all sloppy and gross and rusty.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We love the sloppy rag here, Travis.

I'm saying I love getting sloppy with the dog.

Powdered coffee creamer cast on to the campfire that starts the forest fire that burns the forest.

We're all sloppy dogs here, and I love it.

I'm saying if you went over there, man.

Yeah, you could

stand on the pope's jacket.

Yeah, as they say.

Maybe I could go over there and just do some like insider, like bring them down from the inside to up our

dude.

That's good shit, actually.

Yeah.

Or you could be like brother v brother.

If you do that, Trav, we are perfectly willing to be like, that was the plan all along.

Yeah.

Like, I'll play along with that if you want.

Okay.

Can we do advice?

I've been invited by a company.

Sorry, I do need to stop.

I need to share this with you because it's going to be relevant if you see me on video trying to move over where my back is covered with stickers right now for an allergy test.

Oh, I've got, guys, I've

got 78 goddamn stickers on my back right now.

Is that an exaggeration?

No, 78.

78 big ones.

Did they apply them individually?

No, they came in six big patches.

How many of them are like Paw Patrol?

I'll show you if we blur out the video because I don't really want this.

No, not for those back perverts.

Oh my.

It looks like you got a bunch of tattoos that are now covered up.

This feels like I'm in fucking red dragon.

This feels like I'm in.

No one made you do this.

Well, I knew that.

Is this what you want?

I can't turn my body like this, and I knew it was going to come up.

No one would have noticed.

No one would have asked.

You brought it up, dude.

Oh, my.

Fuck.

All right.

Now

so i'm so excited to talk to you about this griffin speak on it yeah um as you know i

i have sensitive skin i have skin sensitivities and um in order to kind of get to the bottom of it i'm doing a little bit of sort of like

looking inward and like trying to figure out what makes at the outside of your skin at the outside of my skin to see what i'm allergic to each one has a little bit of common household product

stuff on them and then they're gonna take it off they're gonna say that looks fucked up so number 14, what is that?

Oh no, it's

soap, like any soap.

Have you thought proven that maybe one of them is blank and it's a test to see if you're faking it?

Maybe I like the way it feels, if I'm being honest.

I'm my pictures, yeah.

I feel like John McClain at the end of die hard when he has the gun behind his back.

That's basically what I'm working with.

Huh, it gives a stretch.

Do you promise that you are going to

tell us the details of this?

Yeah, Juice, I promise on the next episode, I'm going to tell everyone exactly what I'm allergic to so that they can kill me next time they see me.

Nice try.

No.

No, Jason Mansuchis made that mistake and now he's on the run.

He had to go to England just to get him.

He can't step outside without someone throwing an egg at him on the street.

Left and right.

How did you come by this sheet?

Did you just see it at CVS and you're like, let's go, let's go?

Yeah, I went to CVS.

I said, give me the biggest, stickiest sheet you have.

I would love to not.

I'm just curious about the sheet.

I've never had one.

So I'm just curious where you got the sheet.

I went to a special sheet doctor I do you think I'm freestyling

you had to wait in a waiting room and everything right you had to drive there wait in the waiting room the whole thing right yeah for this how bad are they like what is happening to you

like what are you having

can you feel like pin like grid What has been going on with your skin where you're like, I have to go look, man.

What is happening?

Before we can take any serious measures, before I can start huffing that fucking sky Rizzy and changing my fucking biochemistry biochemistry and becoming a stronger, better, more engineered brother.

I gotta see what makes me fucking tick, dude.

They don't just give Sky Rizzy to anyone.

These are more storylines.

This is great.

The Sky Rizzy art, but the Skyrizzy, Sky Rizzy.

Skyrizzy is too real, dude.

I can't bring Sky Rizzy into the conversation.

Unless, one, I do end up taking it.

Two, it does end up working.

And three, they want to sponsor us.

Four up.

A lot of people.

You start taking the Sky Rizzy, and then you become the Dova Kizzy, right?

and you can do all of the shouts yeah yeah fizzy rizzy dizzy uh

did you say fizzy rizzy

yeah

eight people are busting bust

busting right now eight people are busting up one of them's on this call you got me yeah

i

have been invited to by a company to dinner to discuss a really cool project it'd be amazing to be a part of they are paying for the dinner the thing is, my favorite item on the menu is quite expensive, and I don't want to seem like I'm taking advantage of the free meal.

Additionally, I don't want to seem nervous by only ordering the cheap stuff.

How can I find a perfect balance between seeming grateful of them paying while also being professional and cool?

P.S.

This is a charcuterie board restaurant.

God, that's a helpful post script.

Thank you so much.

That's from Troubled in the Treasured Valley.

The charcuterie board restaurant edition is great because it gives the context of, like,

I'm looking at at this board

with some meat, but you know what?

I think I, oh, I kind of want the one with a lot of meat on it.

If you take someone somewhere where there is a $40 slice of iberico ham on the menu, I don't think you can get upset when they spend the $40 on the single slice of iberico ham.

There is truth.

I mean, here's what I'll say.

There is no way that you will order the charcuterie board for yourself and it will stay for yourself.

Yes.

Everybody's going to want to have a polka prod.

So I would maybe lay it out like this.

You know, I was thinking about the charcuterie, but do any of you guys like it?

Because they bring so much.

That is cool.

You guys are going to have a little bit.

It's not really worth getting.

And then everyone will be like, oh, you should go for it.

And then as soon as they bring it, you start giving them looks like, what do you think I don't want?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You start scooting,

just slowly sectioning.

Take all the olives, putting all the olives at three o'clock.

Take all the olives.

Sad apricot.

You see them reaching for the honeycomb and you swat their hand away.

Like, no, not that.

Boy, those olives are looking good, though.

Look at that weird, spicy jelly.

Oh, wouldn't you love to have some of that weird, spicy jelly?

Wouldn't you love a thing?

What about a thing?

Maybe some proshute.

I don't like any charcuterie, so like, honestly, I could name the whole thing.

That's so wild.

Sometimes I'll be like, don't take the one kind of cracker.

I like, please, that's all I'm eating tonight.

Why did we come here?

here you can always do the like oh i'm torn i'm torn between i kind i want this but i don't know and let them tell you to do it give them they give you permission to get right that's the unspoken right like if you take someone to dinner and they're like oh you know i immediately uh you know the the Porter house grabbed me, but I don't know, man.

Maybe I need like a, and they'll be like, oh, you should get it.

And then you're going to get a lot of people.

You're saying like, open it.

You're saying like have an opening offer that's higher then settle back down like have an opening bid that's like way

he was suggesting like i want to get this but i don't know and get let them give you permission i do like that move justin though of like i'll take um should i get a hundred slices of the a5 wagu beef uh nah i'll just get this other still pretty expensive thing instead but they have clarified it is the most expensive thing on the menu that's tough oh you could also point it out like it's a rare kit.

Like, oh, man, I can't believe they have this.

You guys see they have this on the menu?

Guys, holy shit, they have pate here?

We gotta, they don't just make this anywhere, man.

They sell it by the pound?

That's wild.

A pound of pate for me, just for me?

Damn.

I've never had it.

My grandfather used to talk about it all the time.

I've never seen it on your menu.

He used to, he said he loved it more than my grandmama.

And then let them say it.

Let's all try it.

We pretty famously have been pretty hot on charcuterie in recent years.

And I just want to update sort of my feelings about it publicly.

I bet everyone was wondering.

I think I really feel like the worm has turned for me on charcuterie.

I no longer know where it fits into a meal.

I no longer know.

I don't understand how to effortlessly slide it in between.

a salad course and

you know the sandwich that I ordered just in the face you're making right now.

No, I think

it's interesting because

we have had a pivot in my house to where the only thing Sinis is charcuterie.

So that's interesting.

I noticed that while I just bought, did you notice that?

I noticed you put out a charcuterie board while we were there, and I was like, that's crazy.

And I just keep a charcuterie board out for her pretty much all the time.

And she's a lot, a lot happier, I will say.

I'll put a massive charcut within reach.

I'll go right down the middle

and say that I'm now at a place where the problem is I don't know what's coming.

I order it.

Used to be you order a charcuterie at a restaurant, you're getting a fancy board.

Now they say like charcuterie, and it comes and it's just like a grown-up luncheon ball.

It's a pizza.

Yeah.

Sometimes you're at a restaurant and your brother orders charcuterie as an appetizer and then it comes and it's 80 different types of bad pickles.

And then everyone's sad.

Some people like pickles and

olives

and funky pickles.

Okay.

The cheese.

What are you trying to prove with that funky cheese, everybody?

Come on.

That's the part that makes it.

It pairs like like I'm Justin.

It pairs with this.

I know, but like, you eat the funky pickle.

You eat the sticky cheese with

a honeycomb.

Right, but here's what I'm saying.

If you can accept

people give me a hard time for the raw cheese thing, right?

But if you look way down at the other end of the tunnel,

you see people eating some funky cheese, like some really, truly decrepit shit that that would really turn a lot of.

You know that if you go way down the pipeline, it gets funky and bad, right?

Can we agree this?

Yeah, but Justin,

let him finish.

Stop.

Let him finish.

If we know that the end of the tunnel is sin,

is distance from that sin not a virtue?

Wow.

Wow.

Justin, that's cool, man.

Powerful?

Powerful.

Let me tell you how I live my life, Justin.

I think that I would be a person who just absolutely went ham for cocaine.

But I don't do cocaine.

It would be very bad for me.

Oh, yeah, man.

We've all had that thought of like, oh, it would be a huge brand shift.

Yes, it would be

bad.

Because for any of us, it would be so

bad.

A brief golden era for my brother, my brother, and me, to be sure.

But

so brief.

We would never.

Let's make this clear.

We would never,

not our thing.

Not our brand.

But it would be a killer run.

I mean, six killer.

Yeah, six episodes.

Whoa.

Whoa.

But the problem is, Justin, I don't know.

It would be unlistenable.

Unlistenable.

You would have to play it at 0.75 speed to understand a word we were saying.

We would interrupt each other so much that there would be four voices talking at once sometimes.

It would be through

throat singing to interrupt each other.

Me and the rest of the ghost hunters have isolated this one.

This one man is just yelling about horses.

Who is this man?

But my point being, yeah, I can't live a fully clean lifestyle.

I know, I don't have that kind of self-control.

So I must do things like eat funky stinky cheese.

They try to let the evil to

let your passenger to let that dog out.

I know

I would be less worried about ordering a too expensive charcuterie board and way more stressed out about properly eating it and doing all the right combos and all the right pairings and,

you know, not focusing.

Sometimes you go too hard on like one of the meat types and you fully, fully finish it before anyone's touched the other meats and you feel so self-conscious about that.

Yes.

That's why you have to shuffle it together like a big sandwich like they do in Scooby-Doo or Daddy.

Well, make them do that for me.

Make the restaurant do bring it to bring me a charcuterie board that you've done like nachos.

that's nachos though that's nachos what they should do is bring it to you laid out like candyland where you follow the path adding the pieces together as you go you get a line of stuff organized in a way of just like yeah just keep going down the line eating these give it to me on like a ski alongside a luge a charcuterie luge a shark or shark charluzerie and i want

to sound like i'm at a like i'm at a frat party give me an illusory charcuterie like just Oh man, just for me.

We need to go to the should we go to money zone?

Yeah, let's go to the money zone.

Squarespace is completely unaffiliated with anything we were just talking about.

I cannot stress that enough.

They have nothing to do with anything that might have happened previously.

It actually says here first thing in the end.

Sorry, guys, that was pre-recorded.

That's a pre-recorded thing we played before every Squarespace ad.

They've asked us to start including that before.

They asked you guys.

Hi, I'm Justin McElroy, a paid professional endorser for Squarespace.

They were like, do you guys do pre-roll so we stop coming in hot on the heels of your fully throated cocaine endorsement?

Here's what I'll say about, can I say something serious about Squarespace?

They are probably our longest advertiser.

They've been with us the longest.

And here's what I'll say about Squarespace.

A lot of companies will tell you what they want you to say.

And we've been working working with Squarespace so long that I shit you not.

It's just a big list of don'ts.

Yeah.

Like we don't, they don't have stuff they want us to do.

It's just a big list of things they don't want us to do.

And that's great.

This might be a fit for us.

It's a bit of a niche reference, but I think they're like the Oliver Platt to our bear restaurant.

Like they're our uncle who shows up like, guys, you know, I love you.

You know, I love you.

You gotta stop.

You got to.

Listen, what they do do is they make it really easy to build a website.

And, you know, I would even say kind of fun, if you wanted to make a little project a little micro thing just to entertain yourself get a dream going just something to noodle with an idea you've had a website is a great place to start if only just like to organize your thoughts i've used squarespace to build websites for a few different things and i have had a really enjoyable time making the site and they have the these templates that are made by people who really know what they're doing you pull those in you pull in your own photos your own text you can sell your own stuff you can uh

do whatever you would like with a Squarespace website.

It's really powerful, even though it's really easy to make.

So head to squarespace.com/slash my brother for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, use offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

If there's one thing about me that everyone knows, it's that I am financially responsible.

You are not.

That is why you need to use rocket money.

No, I am now because I use rocket money.

That's an interesting.

I guess using rocket money does make you fiscally responsible, but also rocket money is the thing you use when you are not particularly fiscally responsible because they handle a lot of the heavy lifting.

Yeah, but if I got a bionic enhancement to make my arms stronger, Griffin, I would say, I'm strong now.

You wouldn't be like, no, your bionic enhancement is strong.

That's a good point, Travis.

Rocket money is a bionic enhancement for fiscal responsibility.

It's a bionic enhancement.

It's an implant in your brain that says, like, hey, you forgot to unsubscribe to Super Slime Maker 3D free light version.

The subscription you did.

Adults only.

Adults only.

And it was like a three-day free trial.

And you're like,

I'll remember.

And you don't fucking remember.

And then you've been paying $69.99 a month for free Slime Maker light version.

Rocket Money is an implant in your brain that says, hey, cut that out.

Start saving lots of money.

I genuinely have used it so many times every time, genuinely every time it's caught some shit, whether it's an MMORPG I haven't played in a year and a half, or

most of the time, though, it is slime apps for the kids.

Yeah.

And, you know, the good thing about Rocket Money is they don't tell your friends.

They don't tell your friends if you do dumb stuff.

That's not part of the service.

Yeah.

Very discreet.

They've got 5 million members who saved over a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions.

Members saving up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions.

Reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

Go to rocketmoney.com slash my brother today that's rocket money.com slash my brother rocket money.com slash my brother rocket money elite discreet so sweet that's gotta be a tagline for something else that's probably true yeah that they maybe don't want to

take

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined!

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Lawrence.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

I recently drove past a local barbershop and noticed something cool.

The barbershop has an original Donkey Kong arcade machine, a good old classic.

I want nothing more than to get my hands on that arcade machine just to play a few rounds and maybe even get on that high scoreboard.

However, I am bald.

I do not need haircuts and I do not need beard management.

How does a bald man with a well-kept beard get into a barber shop to play some Donkey Kong?

That's from Desperate Kong.

Well, there's always massage, but what's the problem with that?

Maybe your barber doesn't do massage.

And if you ask a barber that doesn't do massage

for a massage,

I think you will be escorted from the premise.

Sometime, sometime I'll be on YouTube, and the algo will be like, I got some new ASMR stuff for you.

It is

an elderly man

on the streets of Pakistan and he is doing this to a guy.

Oh, yeah.

Like fucking slapping the shit out of his head and

grabbing his

ears and just fucking pulling his ears as hard as he can.

And you see it and you're like, that looks chill, actually.

I don't know where one can request that particular.

I don't think you can go to your

normal everyday

cutter of hair and say like, slap my fucking scalp 20 times and pull my ears till they make noise.

Well, what you have to do is when the barber says, what are we doing today?

You pull up that full video and say, full video, and you say, you're going to jerk my neck to the side so hard, I'm going to go limp for a minute and a half.

That's what you're going to do.

And also, I'm thinking like a size four guard clippers around the sides and fade it up into the top.

Please, thank you.

I feel like if I'm reading between the lines here, there's something this person is not saying to us okay so they want to go in and look at the donkey car arcade machine if they were to go in play they want to say like if they were to go in and say hey i'm a big fan you you care if i play a few rounds they'd be like did you bring quarters like absolutely that's a profit center for us thank you so much that's not what this person it's the part where he says and maybe get on a high scoreboard uh-oh

wait a minute how long maybe you're gonna be there a little while huh pal maybe it's not just you want to go in and play a few rounds.

Maybe they're going to have to start explaining to people why the ballman in the corner keeps shouting fuck every 30 seconds.

Yeah, this is not

this is not a you're saying that you're looking for a new home for your

casual, yes, right.

This is not a casual, this is not someone who wants to duck in because you, it is not odd to go in and play a few rounds.

It is odd to be like, well, we're closing up the shop for the day, sir.

Did you need something?

What time do you open tomorrow?

You could get your eyebrows shaped.

I love a good eyebrow shaping.

Say, like, hey, they polish.

You can get polishing services, right?

They do polish stuff there, man.

Maybe start going in with different designs of beards from the Hunger Games movies and just like, give me one of these.

That's good.

Yeah.

Could you go in?

Listen,

could you go in when it's busy, really busy, with a toupee?

Okay,

and you put your name in, okay?

Yeah.

And then there's like a long wait, right?

Yeah.

So you're just kicking it, playing all the Kong you want.

Yeah.

And then they say your name and you got a choice.

At that point, you can A, let them cut your toupee.

Yeah.

I don't think that's a good idea.

They're going to be that.

You could throw the toupee on the ground, say never again.

And they got out the door.

Yeah.

But they got you.

Grab your toupee like you're really mad at the long wait.

Pull your own hair out.

Oh, you could do that.

Get huffy.

Be like, I'll come back when you're less busy.

Yeah, that's cool.

That's the voice you have.

And they'll be like, we're ready for you now.

And it's like, and it's the principal.

And then you start throwing barrels.

I have to get back to my wife's office.

What do you do?

I got to ask you.

You're on the run of your life.

You're about to hit that fucking Billy Mitchell kill screen.

You are about to make history.

And then

call your name.

You can't be like,

shut up.

Shut up.

I need an hour and a half.

I'm getting so close to Billy Mitchell's kill screen.

Now, hold on, wait.

If no one clocked you, write your name down.

No one clocked you.

And when they call your name, you can just look around like, huh, nobody?

Okay.

Weird.

This is a Mr.

Conky Dong.

Is there a Mr.

Conky Dong here?

And then as it, like, about 45 minutes in, maybe you start giving like a perfunctory, like,

oh man, it's a weight's really getting out of hand.

Yeah.

Hey, do you guys think on the opposite end of this question, if when you own a barber shop and you think about getting a Donkey Kong arcade game, that you have like this conversation on the other side with anyone else that you're like, okay, but here's my one concern if we get the game.

Yeah.

That someone's going to come in.

They're bald.

neatly trimmed beard.

They're going to want to play the game for hours.

What do we do then?

I mean, my bigger concern as a stylist at this salon would be that I don't want to hear every 20 seconds boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom

I don't want to hear

I don't want to hear that fucking a million billion times a day while I'm just trying to do my craft that's a very that's a good point actually it must make a lot of money because otherwise it's the novelty I love this man I love this big gorilla I love Mario and I love the way he jumps that's not the golden era for hearable sounds and so I don't want that and give me a call.

Now listen.

Yeah.

Fucking rips, man.

They had a Daytona USA machine at Huntington High School, and you could hear that shit from the cafeteria.

And it was such a cool learning environment.

Yeah.

Yeah, just when you thought the wait for lunch couldn't be any more intolerable, you had the siren song.

And also

there was a loose ground wire on the machine, so if you touched the right bolt on it, it, it would electrocute you, which was also a lot of fun when you were bored at lunchtime and you didn't have quarters.

Let's go away.

Let's go away.

Oh, that was effortless.

Yeah.

I want a munch.

Squad.

I want to munch.

Squad.

Welcome to Munchquad, podcast of the podcast, profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating today i have kind of a uh an a b testing thing for you guys i do a lot we do a lot of upbeat feel-good stories on the munch squad and i would just uh yeah that's mainly what we do here it's a feel-good thing and i just wanted to share with you guys two stories and i would love to know which one makes you feel the worst

emotionally physically which one makes you feel worse great now i should i should warn you justin this is one of my biggest anxiety triggers.

Like when I'm at the optometrist and they're like one or two, where I start second-guessing myself so hard every time.

Okay, I don't think.

Well, let me say this: it's a loose structure.

Yeah, how about that?

Not really that important.

But this isn't going to change the way I see forever or whatever.

If I get it, you're not going to get this question wrong and then have headaches forever.

Okay, cool.

It is a high-stakes game, Travis.

That's a fellow glass.

First up, can you guys see?

Yeah, you can see

Smoothie King introduces new fiber maxing smoothie to support wellness goals.

Look at this, guys.

Just see this, how would you describe the shake that you're looking at right now?

I would describe it

as a grimace shake that has been whipped to stiff peaks.

Yeah, a grimace shake who decided to like, now that Debbie's left me, I'm going to get back, I'm going to get a body that makes Debbie sad that she left me.

There's a measuring cup in front of it with something that's supposed to stand in for, I guess, fiber pure psyllium husk hiber fiber and then if that is at scale the cup behind it is roughly two feet tall yes yeah you'll be maxing your fiber for sure what's great too is on on this page they have in that image four blueberries and what looks to be a gallon of fiber as if to say like we want to let you know what you're going to be tasting when you drink this drink it's going to be like a fiber factory that looked at some blueberries earlier Enjoy.

Prepare for a really sinister adjective in this opener.

Smoothie King announced the launch of its new fiber maxing smoothie, a functional offering designed to support good health and meet the growing demand for the wellness forward food choices.

It's a fun, hey guys, this is a functional offering.

This word offering it's something.

You're not getting it for the flavor.

You're not getting it for the mouthfeel.

Right.

This is a you,

This is a hardware store now.

You buy this to do something.

This is an active food.

Can I ask you guys, does it bother you as much as it's bothering me that there's only two X's in fiber maxing?

It does feel like they've taken a middle.

If you do three, it's porno.

Yes, but do one.

Why not one?

Would it be amazing at that point?

Like, it just feels like it should be one X.

Intentionally increased, inspired by the rising wellness trend of fiber maxing, intentionally increasing daily fiber intake to reach the recommended 25 to 38 grams per day for the powerful

fiber, I guess.

Yeah.

The fiber maxing smoothie delivers a powerful 16 grams of fiber in 20-ounce serving, providing over half the recommended daily violence.

You tell me I got to drink two of these fucking things to eat.

I was going to say, man.

Can you imagine drinking one of these and be like, nope, didn't quite hit my fiber goals for the day?

Hey, I'm just throwing this out.

Do you think it's possible that when people are like, hey, here's the daily goal of fiber and everyone's like, I have to work so hard to hit that.

Yeah.

Maybe it's not a reasonable goal.

Yeah.

Yep.

I've been banging this drum for a while, Trav.

If you put the correct amount of metamucil in there, it becomes a sort of citric oatmeal and it's not, it's no good.

If in order to get the amount of fiber my body needs, I have to do something called fiber maxing, I have a real issue with the whole process.

Yeah.

Okay.

So,

just lastly, some ingredients.

It's crafted with a nutrient blend of wild blueberries, peanut butter, dates, bananas, almonds, organic spinach.

And I guess they can afford to use wild blueberries if they're only doing four.

They just go out back and grab them whenever they have to make one of these guys.

They do.

Throw it at the end of that list of ingredients, added fiber.

Yeah.

No kidding, man.

Yeah.

The smoothie is lightly sweetened with plant-based stevia for a naturally delicious taste.

Hey, why don't you go ahead and use a heavy hand on that?

Like, you know what I mean?

Like, how about you not?

We got a lot of fiber to mask, right?

How about you go ahead and you gave me a chunky, silty drink?

How about you gave me plenty of sugar in there?

Yeah, now you've given me like the Mississippi Delta of drinks.

Purple coal slurry.

Yum, yum, yum, yum.

And now it's time.

Now it's

next up for the B segment, I have a donut story that was too sad to tell Count Donut about.

Oh, good.

Yeah,

Krispy Kreme invites fans to experience a taste of the sweet life with all new Passport to Italy donuts.

Huh.

Cool.

Hang in there, guys.

Krispy Kreme is helping fans transport.

to La Dolce Vina this summer.

Fuck.

I told myself, well, I'm going to do this because I feel like I can put my hand on the scale.

To La Dolce Vita this summer with its all-new Passport

Italy collection, a sweet escape to Italy's vibrant desserts and culture.

And culture, huh?

You're getting the culture in there.

The culture of Italy's so much.

They're getting a culture up in there, cool, cool, cool.

They said culture.

They said, they wrote it.

You know?

They should have put that in quotes.

Culture.

Available beginning today for a limited time at participating Krispy Kreme shops across the U.S.

Krispy Krebs Passport to Italy collection features three of Italy's most iconic desserts reimagined as irresistible donuts, including the cannoli-inspired donut.

It's an unglazed ring donut half-dipped in chocolate icing and cookie crunch, dusted with powdered coating and topped with cannoli-flavored buttercream dollop.

That's cool.

I'm looking at these.

There are places all- Why are you looking at these?

Because Justin didn't give us a picture.

Did you search these?

No, I'm looking at the list of them.

I'm saying that there are places all over the US of A where you can buy a cannoli.

Yeah, you can see.

Where you can buy a tiramassu.

Right.

These are not unreachable.

Like, these are not unreal.

Okay, maybe.

Maybe those places can give you the cuisine of Italy, Travis.

Right, but are they giving you the culture?

It's about the culture.

Holy shit.

One of these donors has a little Italy flag on it.

and that's why I cannot get ahead of me.

Okay, thank you.

Sorry.

The Lamon Delight Donut, an unglazed shell donut filled with lemon delight flavored cream, creme, dipped in zesty lemon-flavored icing and topped with candied lemon.

Fucking wood.

Yes.

Yeah.

Tiramasu-inspired donuts, an unglazed shell donut filled with tiramisu-flavored creme, topped with sweet buttercream.

dusted with cocoa.

I mean, these all sound pretty fucking good, actually.

Yeah, of course they do.

They're pre-existing desserts that are crazy.

Yeah, that's a good point.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This quote: this summer, Krispy Kreme is transporting you to Italy Sweet Life.

No passport required.

Said, not Dave Skinna, but Allison Holder, Krispy Kreme chief brand and product officer.

They wouldn't even get Dave out of storage for this one.

They only get Dave out for the nasty shit.

For the

nice nasty shit.

Wouldn't it be wild if a passport was required?

Prove you've been to Italy because otherwise,

of course.

Just scan your passport face down, right there on the glass.

Yeah.

Oh, you've never been to Italy?

Sure, I'll sell you this tiramisu-inspired donut.

If you want to go fucking insane,

your mouth couldn't handle this without the correct optimization.

You'll spit it on the ground.

Oh, sorry.

She continues.

There's a taste of Italy's sweetest dessert traditions in every bite of our Passport to Italy donuts.

From tiramisu to cannoli to lemon, dipped, dusted, and drizzled to perfection.

The commercial is this: a customer walks up to the counter, buys a box of these Passport to Italy donuts, goes to lift it to their mouth.

Fucking a haggard Diane Lane runs up and slaps it out of their hand and says, You're not, you're not fucking ready for this shit.

Unless you've walked beneath that Tuscan sun,

you can't even fathom the depths of these flavors.

I'm picturing Justin, one of our listeners, who turns out to be like a big head honcho in Italy, listening to this segment right now with their hand hovering over a big button that just says war.

Yeah.

Well, this is,

these are out now.

You can buy them off Krispy Kreme's Apple website individually and by the dozen.

Yeah.

One of the two products that you brought today, Juice, would put me in the bathroom for two calendar days.

Griffin's been fiber mining his whole life.

He's not ready.

I've actually made a pledge by 2027 to be perfectly fiber neutral.

And

I hope you two will consider joining me.

Yeah, actually, for every amount of fiber I go over the limit, Griffin actually gets

a certificate that lets him go under and it bounces out and backwards and i produce 10 times more fiber than i consume yeah guys do you want to know the worst thing about me and i know everybody is always

too hard on themselves i guess and i'm no exception but the worst thing about me oh it's top 20 is uh i'm sitting here thinking like

maybe not enough fiber is the problem you know what i mean like i'm sitting here thinking like sure maybe i should be gaming that's calm you know like we're all having a lot of fun here but i'm sitting here like in my head there's like most of it's show, and then there's like 10% that's like

30 grams of fiber.

That's called capitalism, where you've been programmed.

You've been programmed to think that buying something will make you feel better.

Well, it's just it, I think fiber is.

That's what, why we do it, though, right?

That's what the whole.

That's why they keep upping the fiber to sell us the fiber.

Big fibers out here.

Juice, can I invite you to come with me on my journey of self-discovery to learn what makes your body tick by covering your back with 78 really annoying little stickers and then one of them will come off and they'll be like yeah man it's your potassium levels and then you take a potassium supplement and then you're back at fucking a hundred percent wait you can do that because that's all i want when you see in like a sci-fi movie and someone gets scanned and they're like we've scanned everything we don't have that technology you know we do have 78 stickers to let you know which detergents you shouldn't use no i don't mind if i do If I get this test done, I assume I am legally required to tell my brothers during a podcast recording about it.

correctly just like a vasectomy

anytime any of us gets any kind of bio mods any kind of synth hacks any kind of augs uh i do think we should be transparent about it with each other and our listeners

yeah i uh okay well then fine just before we close here um

My hemorrhoids got so bad that I went to get medicine.

And then when I picked up the medicine, they they said

they're a dollar a piece do you want all 10

hundred and I said yeah sure right so then I got home and I looked at the shape of the medicine and then I realized that it wasn't mouth medicine oh and and ever since then I real ever since I got that container I've spent most of my time just kind of like slowly walking around looking at the distance contemplatively trying to weigh the various costs you know what I mean like thinking about how much relief is worth to me Not the cost of a dollar a pill.

No,

the cost of a dollar a pill.

We can put a suppository in Justin's butt.

With your support in the max fun drive, we could put a suppository

for just a dollar a day.

That's why, that's why the thing my kids have heard me say the most this week have has been, ah, nothing, sweetie, just thinking.

Oh, was I crying, babe?

Hold on, let me dry those tears, baby.

No, it's just allergies.

Yeah, Uncle Griffin did.

All 78 turned red, babe.

That's what they told him.

He's allergic to everything.

Everything.

It turns out all of his allergies have been like awkwardly leaning against each other to hold him up.

A mesh of allergies.

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast.

We hope you've enjoyed yourself.

We really appreciate you every week coming to listen to us and hang out with us.

And we hope you have fun.

Yeah, man.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Hey, can I tell you, I'm very excited.

Coming up, we're going to be in Atlanta for DragonCon, which I'm excited about because I love DragonCon.

And we're going to be doing live shows there, doing a My Brother, My Brother, and Me and Adventure Zone versus Popeye at our Adventure Zone live show.

I predict might be our stupidest Adventure Zone versus live show.

You can't even possibly predict that.

They've all been Popeye Construction.

It's pretty silly.

I'm just saying everyone should be there because it's going going to be something.

It's going to be something.

How do we get tickets to those to that show in Mabim Bam and also the shows we have coming up in Texas, Utah, and California?

Travis?

Griffin, you don't have to get tickets.

Spit.ly slash McElroy tours.

You are too slow.

We have merch up at the merch store over at macroymerch.com.

I'm talking about a Keep Your Grades Up pin and the Flaming, not poisoning, Raging Tea of Doom, which are

back in stock.

That's fucking amazing news.

This tea is so fantastic, guys.

The pin is wonderful too, but I drank buckets of this stuff.

And

it's a yummy way to wind down at the end of the day.

Also, I want to let you know we're doing a back-to-school sale with select items up to 40% off.

And we have three different back-to-school bundles that are on sale.

So go check those out.

And you get a free mystery pin with purchase of $30 or more with 10% of all merch proceeds this month going to World Central Kitchen.

So again, that's Matt Geroymerch.com.

And thanks to Montane for these red theme song, My Life is Better With You.

Check out Montane's new album, It's Hard to Be a Fish.

If you like good music, that makes you feel good and feel cool listening to it.

Hey, Justin, would you read Our Fear this Week?

I'd be happy to.

This year, I will be faster than my fear of the Goodyear blimps.

Yeah,

to the point.

I'm Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McRoy.

I'm Griffin McRoy.

It's been my brother, my brother.

May kiss your dad square on the leg.

It's about with you.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true,

it's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better with you.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.