MBMBaM 770: Hy-paw-thesis

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has blossomed. It's ripened into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life,

it feels love.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true.

It's better, it's better with you.

It's better with you.

Hey, everybody, welcome, my brother. My brother, me and advice show for the modern era.
I'm the oldest brother around these parts, Justin McElroy. What up, Travis Nation?

It's me, your middleest brother, Travis Rim Vernon McElroy. What's up, it's Griffin.
Great fucking news, guys. Guess what, dude?

I got great news. Things are about to turn around.
Things are going to turn around for the three of us in a big major way. Oh,

I've been waiting for them to turn around. I got my letter yesterday in the mail.

I got picked for the next squid game. Oh,

they got, they're going to get, I'm going to be in the next, I'm going to do the next squid game. I will say,

I only know a little bit about the franchise. I didn't know that they communicated via the U.S.
Postal Service. Yeah, I was surprised too.

I think that's how they do it in the sort of North American branch. Oh, yeah.
Because no one's really checking that shit anyway.

I just don't like when they adapt it. You know what I mean? The American squid game is going to be so weird comparatively.
Yeah, for sure, for sure, for sure.

The games I will be a little bit more familiar with, probably these deadly backyard games. Right.

Like Deadly Cornhole and stuff like that. Deadly Cornhole, I have heard they did that last Squid game, so I doubt they're going to bring it back for another one.

But it was like cornhole but the cornhole board had a big landmine in it oh man so if you hit it it it blow it blew up the other team and they died maybe regular lawn darts regular it's just called fast lawn darts that was again that was last season they got you uh with that so probably no repeats there i'm gonna be working this season griffin as a den mom oh

in the squid game this year for like i'm gonna be they'll probably put me in a different region but what's that mean what do you do so basically i'm the guy who after the squid game if you

die, I get your stuff and I put it in a trash bag and toss it out of a trash chute. And if you don't die, I give you a juice box and a banana-flavored little Debbie.
Oh, cool.

A banana-flavored little Debbie. Banana cake little Debbie is the only one she got in the stock.
They're so good. Yeah, you get, it's like a moon pie, but worse.

Well, I'll see if I can work on that, Justin. I got hired to do craft services.

That's cool. For the competition.
I need to be very clear that I have to do it. No, for the competition.
Yeah. Okay, good.
I didn't, I guess they do feed them. You do got to feed them, I guess.

Yeah, yeah.

Can I tell you? I'm freaking out though because I kind of committed to catering for like 600 people.

I told them I could do it. And they said, you have like a company and stuff.
And I said, yeah, I don't. See, that's funny you said that because my letter said, bring your food from home.

They said, bring a pet lunch. They said, bring a bag lunch.
And I said, won't I be there for six days? And they were like, yeah, but maybe you're not going to be around for six. Let's be honest, man.

You're not going to be able to have

just the one-bag lunch. You'll get a bad thing.
They do the first game first thing on the first day, and then you end up with twice as many lunches as there are. Exactly right.
And then

you just keep half. And then it filters down.
You're right, Trav. Yeah.

Griffin, you just have to hope that there will be an understanding amongst all the participants that you will be killed later at some point.

And it is not an urgent thing that you need to be killed in money. Keep me around as a special little snack.
You know what I mean? Like something. Yeah.

It's always nice to know when you're in a squiggin scenario and god knows the three of us have been there too many times it's not i've never been in a squid oh really my first okay yeah have you been in a squid game oh a couple yeah shit man yeah man how come you don't have a like a billion billion dollar gave it away that's in one

yeah okay

i gave it i gave it to one yeah my friend one he has

and

it's in one travis gave it a little one it was all in crypto Yeah, which was the mistake I made. You just gave your friend Juan a flash drive.

Yeah, but it's important that you pick somebody where you're like, I don't like them. Nobody does.

And so when we get to the inevitable scenario where they're like, you have to kill somebody to move on to the next one, we've kept him around for that.

I don't want to do that. If the games are like, you got to kill someone, I'll be like, pass.
Cause they let you pass one game. Oh, if there's a game they say like,

man, I wish I'd known that, man.

They're like, today we're playing Four Square, but instead of the ball, we're going to use

a gun. And you bounce a gun on the ground.
And then you have to use it and hurt someone. I would say pass.

Can I tell you the worst part about being on a squid game, Griffin? And you have this to dread, the waivers. Oh, my God.
You guys signed so many waivers.

Wafers? Those little cookies? No, that's great. That's why they brought me into new craft services because

I know the recipe for the wafers.

You know what, guys? Kitty aside, those little wafers,

where you got to etch those out with a needle. Yeah.

They're the same. They're seafoam candy, basically.
Wait, do I have to make those? Well, they're one of my favorite candies. And my problem is I'm such a little stinker

that I'd get in there and start trying to get out my umbrella or my diamond or whatever. And I'd think,

you know, like I'd get hungry. I'd start with the scraps.
Yeah. I would break off parts and be like, hmm.

In the squid game they did for Netflix. Yeah.
Where they filmed one of them. Yeah.
That was pretty put it on Netflix. Bold problems.
A bold choice. No problems.

They got exactly the right lesson from putting putting that on their network. The guy, absolutely.
Mr. Beast at least had a great takeaway from that series.

The guy who solved it, the hero licks the back of it to weaken the structure of it so he can carve it out. But I'm thinking, yeah, right, Buster.
You just want, you wanted to lick some of that foam.

I can tell. So, sorry, when you said the squid games they filmed for Netflix,

you meant of the mini squid game they do. Yeah, the squid game, not the squid game game game game game.

They recorded one of them a few years back and they put it up on netflix called it squid games sorry okay have you guys been saying squid games because i thought you were saying like disney's kid games where you went and you competed

yeah i was doing like wild and crazy kids quit and i was squid games that they filmed was the one that they did with actual people for real stakes that's what i thought you meant because they actually did the squid games i'm so sorry yes they did a weird knockoff where i guess the where the real world guys were like and now we're doing squid game and it's like they're already doing squid game dude you don't need to also do squid game they just recorded a squid game yeah do you like your chances

no absolutely not law of large numbers there's like 500 of these guys that i'm going up against i do not like my chances the only game i was ever good at at the schoolyard was four square i don't mean to brag

that's not that doesn't really count you don't

ever did was cookie crunching and that's hard for me because i feel like my one skill is not going to be that good because I'll see that wafer and I'll think

delicious. I don't think I'm,

let's talk, I don't want to you don't want to, I don't want to do squiggies. I'm second-guessing the shirt.
That's what I'm saying. Oh, man, no, the show, it's a great shirt.
I don't know, man.

I feel like I look like Beetlejuice got a wish and became a real boy. I don't know.
No!

You look like Beetlejuice coming out of the jungle mists.

I don't think I didn't like Beetlejuice on Safari anymore. I didn't get Beetlejuice at all.
I got like a cool character that everybody likes on White Lotus.

Yeah. Like I was pushing myself too far.
You know what I mean? I mean, like, no, Goggins would wear that. I don't know the show, but Goggins would wear that.
But you know, the feeling.

I don't want to talk about the shirt specifically. I want to talk about the feeling of when you put on a garment where you know you're pushing it a little bit.
I'm sure.

Where you know that you are lying about who you are and you're hoping everyone else just kind of goes with it. It doesn't point out that.
Yeah. No, I don't think so.
No. Big shout out.

I feel like i think it's okay to step into that we all wear masks oh

jim carry says i have a japanese style

i have a japanese style uh like jacket that was that was advertised to me on facebook it's like a tasteful elegant jacket that ties at the front okay tasteful tie and are you just bragging or no it's been hanging in my closet sort of

like a like a yukaka for

perhaps every time that i take it down i think perhaps this is the elegant occasion i must where i'm gonna i where i'm gonna wear this i must i must protest

i simply must i must stand on stand on business right now justin to tell you i don't think so

i just agree listen griffin we are in as you could tell from my lack of ever wearing it 100 full agreement yeah full agreement well justin i disagree with griffin here it's the first time it's ever happened but i'm gonna say when you put on a garment you must ask yourself who is wearing who

and i think that if you put that that elegant jacket on and you second guess yourself that jacket's wearing you my man and that's not the case you gotta put that jacket on and and and make that jacket your own and know that the other jackets are like damn that you're looking good other jacket what is that and they're like it's a justin he's so i'm saying though that by wearing the wearing of this uh frock would i know that i would have to believe it to pull it off.

Yes. And that belief would represent such an incredible act of hubris on my part.

Oh, that's what they don't tell you about the emperor's new clothes is that there's a version of that where everybody's like, listen, I know he's not wearing any clothes, but that man's confident as hell.

Look at that. He's so bold, hanging brain out in the public yard.
And I think that's a we're supposed to mock him in that story, but here's a dude who looks at himself naked and says, I look so good.

Right. That even though, listen, I'm in on it too, I know I'm naked, naked, but damn, look at

this. There's an alternate ending of that story where that kingdom becomes a naked kingdom.
Everyone's like, damn, he's so brave and bold. What are we doing with these things?

Why are we ashamed of these forms that God gave us? It's a religious story in my version of it.

And then everyone would be naked. Go ahead.
I'm done. Beautiful, beautiful.
Give me 30 seconds. Oh.

Last chance to get your bets in on whether you think I pull it off. I'll come back in.
Are you going to change it? Oh, you're going to be able to do it.

I know exactly where it is.

30 seconds. Yeah.
I'm going to to put it on, and then we'll get an official vote. Okay, Griffin and I will talk about it.
Okay.

No matter what, we should give it a 10 out of 10.

Well,

it's going to depend entirely on the length for me. Oh, yeah.

What length works for you?

If it's a jacket with a cinch,

there's interpretations of that that I think work for Justin.

If it is knee length, all of a sudden,

I don't think. It's like a mid-thigh, I think I would enjoy it.
Mid-thigh is even approaching,

is approaching the danger zone for me, if I'm being honest. Well, there's a shortness, too, that wouldn't work.
Well, yeah, man.

Well, I don't know, because I kind of like a fucking like cyberpunk crop top jacket. I think Justin could pull one of those off really fucking.
Yeah, well, but then why would it have a cinch?

Why would it have a tie if it's you don't need a cinch for a crop top? Yeah, no, I mean, defeating the purpose, one might argue. Just go around your armpits.

I don't know where the cinch would even go at that point. Yeah.

All right, here we go. All right, let's see it.
Maximize your window for the full effect. Yeah.
Good call. Oh, I like the new color.

What material is this? Huh. What material is this that we're talking about?

I don't know. Let's see some of the details.

That's the washing instrument. It's 100% technical polyester.
Oh, technical polyester. So you could do like work in it.

So I roll up to the function. Yeah.
Okay. Bind it.
Cinch it.

This is not what I was expecting. I was expecting

more of a Yukata. This is just like a.

I'm saying if you had a

clean, crisp white shirt,

maybe an absolute hat. Like me, Justin Tyler McElroy.
Like I'm the person who's doing this.

I tell you, man, I'll tell you what it's giving me. And you can take this how you want it and sort of measure yourself against it if that is how you choose.

This is giving me Ethan Hunt on the lamb in Jakarta or something like fucking running along rooftops. Like it's kind of action chat.

So you're saying if I make a hole with a gun perpendicular to me, who I am on the planet, the absolute opposite. Yeah.
100% through the mantle.

I think through the mantle core of the earth, pops out the 100% opposite, furthest I could be from how I should be dressed

like the biggest possible miss, is what you're saying. Here's what I'll say: the fit is great.
The fit fits you great. Right.
And I think if you rolled up to like a backyard barbecue.

The tummy bolo, I could honestly do without.

But I'm saying the t-shirt underneath makes it look like not right. But if you had.
The t-shirt underneath is because the Beetle Dew shirt would look

a white dress,

cool sunglasses. You were out at a summer barbecue.
What are those? Or a patio party? I was taking off my sunglasses. Those are so small, man.
Your fingers were so little.

Why are you going to get a little bit of a small shit? If you had some Morpheus, some cool Morpheus glasses.

Oh, yeah, dude.

Dude, some Morpheus half moon glasses. This should be a new segment on the show, hit check.
Some Morpheus half moon glasses, sunglasses, with that untied, very, very

short Yukada, I think is a a strong fucking look.

Those are not going to be half moon. Do you think these gunners with it? No, I don't think it.
No, that actually actually

broke it. Fully, fully ruins it, man.
Okay, fair enough. All right.
Well, thank you guys for indulging me. For sure.
Of course.

I think you could pull it off.

Well, we just demonstrated the opposite, so your hypothetical. Is that what you took away from that? The problem is

shorts. The problem is the journal.

I had elegant slacks. If

I saw the cargo pockets peeking up over those over that jacket,

yeah. Spoilers.
I'm just saying when you rolled up in that jacket, it was not a no for me. That there was potential there.
I think you could do it.

There will come a day. Don't get rid of it, is what I'm saying.
There will come a day where you get rid of it. Yeah.

What I do with my clothes is I donate them to Harmony House. And I feel like that jacket would land even worse there than it is in my home, honestly.

If it's even less appropriate, there would be some confusion. Yeah.
There would be some mild. Yeah.
There's a, yeah.

Here's our first question. I work at the zoo as a lion scientist.
This comes with a lion scientist. Fucking hell, man.
Cool.

You learn about so many cool fucking jobs through this show, don't you guys? I'm glad that I...

It does sound like a lion who's a scientist. That would be a scientist lion, I guess.
It does sound like a lion who's a scientist, but I love that there's a lot of things. You don't know.

Can I say so far, you don't know if that's true? Because if a lion was a scientist, they would be able to write an email to a podcast. I guess that's true.

I assume they would be doing lion-based science which i think shows a lot of ignorance on my end yeah but they work at the zoo because it's a lion man you can't be running around in public well maybe they work at the zoo like a writer might write at a coffee shop right where it's just like i don't work at the coffee shop i do my work at the coffee shop

they're being polite they live in a zoo it's a it's a lion you know what i mean like they're being tasteful about it would a lion doing lion experiments have like hypotheses like what happened I eat?

Hypotheses. Thank you.
What happened? I eat two pig tummy hurt. Like,

drink from, drink,

I drink

yucky water, tummy hurt. Like a lot of just sort of like figuring out if tummy hurt when

I think that's what I mean. Where does Arzelle go after eat? Where does gazelle go after eat? My hypothesis, sharks.

What is red water and gazelle?

Why delicious?

Why delicious?

The question I, the lion scientist, have to ask is: how come the circle of life features so much poop, has so much defecation?

Circle of life is more of a sine wave of life where it's like, oh, a thing is alive, and then something eats it and turns it into poop, and then that goes right back to grass.

It's just kind of grass, guy, grass, guy, you know?

Yeah, and I'm just saying that if I was a lionist and I'm at the zoo, I would have so many chances to see people cooking and eating food that they would look at like the raw shit they're eating and go, huh?

A lot of

cooking happening at the zoo that I'm not aware of. Yeah, man.
People gotta eat. People gotta eat.
But from the lion exhibit. That's the whole appeal of the aquarium.
Is you get to see people cooking.

No, it's just you go to the aquarium and you go, man, I want to eat some fish.

I ate that.

Hey, I would love to keep reading. Oh, yeah.
Right.

Oh, yeah. Make it past the first sentence if you insist.

This comes with unlimited free zoo access during opening hours. Additionally, my girlfriend and I love yogaing together.

the city i live in does not have many good parks for yogging but the zoo has a lot of open green spaces and pedestrians oh

pedest pedestrianized paths you know you know i read these yes when you write them you know i read them out loud don't do things like that drop a little cow trips for you along pedestrianized yeah thanks

hey i'm just saying question answer that makes it sound like they didn't begin as paths for pedestrians but pedestrians have taken them over yeah yeah cool i have seen nobody jog at the zoo ever but people do come in to walk with their dogs how can i start yogaing at the zoo without alerting the zoo's security and losing my job because from titty in the deer park

that was like a weird fucking experience for a dog

To go and walk around the zoo? Yeah. Sure.
Yeah. Where the dog's like,

I have a hard time with squirrels. What the fuck is that?

It would be like if you took me on a trip to monster jail and it was like humans, sort of, but they were 12 feet tall with like claws and crazy shit yeah i was like cool cool they look alarmingly like me cool so you're saying stay small stay small stay nice i guess i feel like the zoo's one of those places you cannot run like a poolside or um a courthouse or there's not a lot of places but i feel like zoo's one of those places because if i see someone running at the zoo

I'm also going to start running at the zoo. Yeah.
So the gorilla's

gorillas gone out. I 100% agree with you.
I feel like running at the zoo is like yelling fire in a crowded theater. Yeah, there is an assumption if you're running at the zoo.

Now, I think I also have an assumption that even if you weren't being chased

by running at the zoo and running past the large animals there, I feel like you were running the risk of triggering some sort of biological

normally. They wouldn't, but they're like something in their brains like, gotta kill it.
Gotta do it. Go.

I think that there is a level of animation one could achieve to like a high hyper jogging animation one might see on a cartoon where people will be like, that's jogging. Right.
Where there's no

sweatband. Oh, yeah.
Okay, good point. And you're like fully pumping

shorts. Yeah.
Ankle weights. Wrist weights.

That's why the mall, the Heinz Mall printed out those t-shirts and said, like, I'm not insane. I paid to be a mall walker, which maybe that makes me insane.
I don't know. You got to pay?

Yeah, man, because you get in early. You can go in before, like, that's how some people got like, uh, would get early in line for consoles.

They would pay to be a mall walker and they would go walk up to the Babbages and stand outside of it and then go get a console.

That's a very generational indication that an of an age where someone would be worried that the mall might be too crowded to walk around in during business hours. Fair point.

Or maybe they just don't want a bunch of fucking jabronis with forever 21 bags slowing down their critical path, right? You can't draft behind somebody with a bunch of bags from Spencer Gibbs.

You know what I mean? They're going to blow your lines.

No one has jogged at the zoo ever. People do come in with their dogs.
Can you get a dog and jog with the dog? Oh, a big Marmaduke type, and it looks like he's walking you. I can't help a dog.

You are living in a fool's paradise if you think that a dog is going to run past huge animals. No

way.

No way. He's going to stop and bark at them.

Um, he's going to at least smell them.

The takeaway I'm having from this question is: it's people can bring dogs into zoos. Yeah.
I'm having a really hard time getting past that point. Yeah.

What if you lose it and the zookeeper's like, well, ours now. You're an animal.
You know what I mean? It's Guess what? It's

the dogs. Yeah, you're part of the zoo.

I was wondering the other day if my dog would bark at a dinosaur or not. Why were you wondering about that?

I think I was watching a trailer for Jurassic World and it got me thinking about in Jurassic World, the first one, Bryce Dallas Howard talks about no one comes to the zoo, to the

dinosaur zoo anymore because people are bored of seeing dinosaurs. So they're going to be bigger, scarier dinosaurs.
And I said, no one wants bigger, scarier dinosaurs.

They want littler dinosaurs that they can keep at home. I remember your thesis.
Yeah. And then I thought, if I had like a 10-foot tall dinosaur in my backyard,

would my dogs get along with it or lose their shit at it? Your imagination is so fantastic. Thank you.
And fantastical.

And I find myself every day thinking how jealous I am to be able to think of things like, what if there was a 10-foot dinosaur in my backyard? I never think about shining.

Not what if there was a 10-foot dinosaur in my backyard. How would my dogs react to a 10-foot dinosaur in my backyard? That's even a step beyond.

Like, first of all, I would have to imagine that I had dogs, was the type of person who liked being around dogs for extended periods of time and wanted to own a dog, and then the dinosaur thing.

And then, what if they met? Like, that's five steps that there's, I just couldn't. Lily would get along great.
Buttercup would not care for it. Buttercup would fucking definitely not.

I think part of the issue is

you don't see running at places. I think if you run at places where people are supposed to stop and look at stuff,

I think it kind of screams privilege. You know, it kind of says, it would be like if you're at the museum and you're running at the museum and you're like, there's a painting.

There's another painting. There's another painting.
It's like, yeah, you're just blowing past them. You're not stopping to enjoy the paintings.

If you run past a dolphin and the dolphin's like, look at me, I can think. And I have a hole that shoots air.
And you're just like, don't care.

The dolphin might be like, well, a lot of people, other people used to care. You know what I mean?

When they made the flipper show and stuff people used to love dolphins you're worried about hurting the animal's feelings well it's not just that it's like if you stop to if you stop to look at a dolphin right you're like shit yeah you know what i mean like every time yeah this thing's cold it's like zipping through the water it feels so free okay but then and then some guy is like

on your left on your left and you're i guess i guess you feel like I guess I'm kind of an idiot for looking at these stupid dolphins so long. I guess they are kind of boring.

That guy just didn't even look at them. I I guess I'm the idiot because that guy just ran past and even looked at him.
I'm wasting my time. Maybe there's better animals that this guy knows about.

Yeah. And I was he jogging towards.
And those animals, they only let a few people see him every day. He's going to...
I don't want to miss my window. They get all used up.

But here's the problem, Justin. As a man who does move quickly through museums and such.
Life. Yeah, life.

I find myself when I stop to appreciate, say, a painting or an animal or whatever, the speed at which my brain goes, how long do I need to stand here and appreciate it before I can move on?

You know, once you stop, now it's an indefinite amount of time where you're looking for

a thing.

15 seconds and you're like, I get zebras. Every docent I've talked to said if they see someone looking at a painting for 15 seconds, they think, this guy gets it.
More than that, their case is.

More than that,

you're just not going to get it. If you're an awkward person who's thinking too much about this at a museum, you got to practice my method.

And I know we've had a pretty visual episode so far, but the trick is to not let your body ever fully stop moving. Oh, that's right.

Like you walk up and you see the art and then like your feet slow down, but now your head's moving. Like, huh, you're looking at it.
But then when your head stops to look, oh, now the feet are moving.

Oh, now we're crossing over here, right? And then we're kind of looking at it. And then we're looking at it from this angle.
Yeah. And before you know it, I'm gone.
Justin's doing a lot of.

I already looked at the art. Justin's doing a lot of bending at 45-degree angles.

You do need a better look at it. Yeah, you can do it.
And then as I'm trying to get a better look at it, oh, what's that? I'm on to the next art. It also helps.
I find myself in that scenario.

Looking at me, looking at the art would think he looked at that fucking perfectly. He looked at it the exact right amount.
He looked at it from all the right angles. He said the right things.

He nodded his head. When you look at it from the last angle, if you announce, oh, okay, then yeah, ah, okay.
Yeah.

The fucking patented, like, if you really, if you get stuck and you're like, I feel like I've been looking at this too long, people are looking at me.

If you need it out, I would highly recommend the quick swoop back to look at the plate. Yeah, that's a good reset.
You get a little nod, a little nod. Acrylic.
That's what I thought.

Scoot your face up like you forgot. Like, wait, was it acrylic or what? And then you swoop back into the plate watercolor.
Okay. And then you're like,

completely engaged. Completely.
And maybe remove your glasses and touch your eyeballs in a way it's not clear if you're just like, oh, rubbing his eyes. Or maybe there was a tear.

We don't know.

The plate's good if you need a reset too, because you could squint at that for a while like you're reading it, and no one's got the patience to watch you do that.

It's a good reset. Hey, can I ask you guys a question, hypothetical? Fun to think about? Fun to think about.
Nothing that I've said has been hypothetical, by the way, or a bit. This is 100%.

This is how you do it.

Absolutely.

If you guys got to go in a museum, and it was just going to be you in there for like an afternoon, do you think you would have some sort of like powerful experience in there?

Just given the time and freedom? Do you think you would come out of there after your afternoon of solo art appreciation, some of the great masterworks?

Do you think you're coming out of there like, fuck, like, I get it. I've

really get it now. If you've been creeped out by the Mona Lisa, that's different.
You know what I mean?

If you've been like, if you've ever had the threat, if you've ever had the thought, I think the Mona Lisa is going to Five Nights at Freddy's me. Yeah.

Then that's really, you've experienced it on a deep level, I think.

Five Nights at Louvie's is

something, something powerful.

All the great masterworks come to life. I think you're talking about Night of the Museum, you guys.
Look at. Oh, okay.

Thank you. Thank you.
Justice is right. It is.
Yeah, it's basically Night of the Museum in it. We're just backing it.
Yeah, you backed it via Five Nights at Freddy's. Sorry.
You got to.

This is just a three-point turn. We were just backing in.

We had to stop. We had to stop and do a pit stop at Five Nights at Freddy's to get to Night of France.

You drove too far you passed night at the museum and you had to pull into five nights at freddy's driveway and they're lunching were we having guests oh and then they're going back to night of the museum i'm envisioning a half corroded cowboy owen wilson just like his metal jaw hanging open like doing his bits being all scary coming out of the events what a what a what a time man what a time what a man what a movie i think we're ready for one more grown-up gritty one before we call it nightmare at the night

nightmare at the Museum. Could be something.

Could be it.

Wow, we've been talking since we're doing it. No kidding, dude.

You know what the problem is? I just love talking about

talking to you guys. But you know what I really love talking to you guys about most? Products.
Make it conversations that let us income.

Absolutely. Not even close.
Let's go.

It's gotta be here.

All right, guys. I'm looking at the copy here for Squarespace.
It says they want us to do like a teen-focused kind of hipper version,

something that's really going to appeal to the youth. So, just

yeah. Oh, Griffin, you got it? Okay.
Yeah, I can handle that for sure. That's easy.
This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

We should say that

just to cover ourselves legally.

Listen, if you own a business or are some sort of independent contractor, artist, creator of some sort, and you need an online platform where you can offer your services and get paid all in one place and get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payment systems and streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools.

If this is a thing that you need in your life, because you're creative with no idea how this side of the world works, Squarespace can help you out.

And I'm going to get to the teen stuff here in a second. Okay.
Yeah, I didn't want to interrupt. Oh, I did want to interrupt, but I'm

just noticing a lack of anything that would appeal to the youth demographic. No, but they're patient.
So I'll, teens, I promise I'm going to get you in the end. So Squarespace is amazing.

We've all used it. I mean, the three of us, I don't know if everyone listening has used it, but the three of us have used it a bunch of times.
I've made a couple websites with it. Couldn't be easier.

They look great. They have amazing templates, great support, everything that you need.
And again, like a lot of great tools for helping you

run a little business, if that's what your calling is. Head to squarespace.com slash mybrother for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MyBrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Got a number one Victory Royale game fortnight.
You got

number one on the board right now, just with the tomato town.

Okay, yeah, that worked. It was a lot of it condensed right there at the end.

But the Squarespace is loving it. Justin.
I punched my office chair like four times while flossing just then, and it hurt. It's really bad.
I think I heard it.

Justin stamps.com actually is looking for the same thing, but they specifically said they wanted you to do it because they think you're the most in touch with the youth demographic.

That's so fucking funny. You can't trick me.
I'm your older brother. Nice fucking trifle.
No, it says right here.

Last time I went to the post office, the post office gentleman looked at me and he said, and he gave me a crate of packages that he'd been saving from my post office box there at the

post office because I don't go in frequently enough. And he said to me, I thought you were turning over a new leaf.
Wow.

Because I told him that I was going to turn over a new leaf and come in more frequently to collect the winnings from my post office that all you kind people send all your cereals and what have you to P.O.

Box 54 Huntington, West Virginia, 25706. Don't send any more craft mac and cheese.
We're good.

Thank you.

But I can't turn over a new leaf because I'm too busy at home printing off all my postage because I don't need to go to the post office as much anymore because stamps.com makes it so easy to do at home.

Put the thing on the scale, they print the postage and they do it for

a lot cheaper

than the guys at the place. It's actually in the ad copy.
They say

be proud of that fact. Like, say that, but you don't have to be proud of that.
Don't waste time.

You don't have to do fiscal responsibility. It's kind of their main thing.
So

you're stepping all over it. He's going to get to the teen stuff.

Don't waste time worrying about being a postage expert or standing in line to drop drop off letters and packages. Let stamps.com do what they do best so you can do what you do better.
Vape.

Go to stamps.com and use code my brother

to sign up for a special offer. No contract cancel anytime.
That's stamps.com code my brother. It will make things easier for you.
Stamps.com does not endorse vaping of any kind.

It's not a vaping business. No, it's not.
But it is for real vapors only. Yes, but it's not.

It's not. It's not.

Wink.

Hello. Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network podcast.
Oh, no, I'm sorry. No sales calls.
Goodbye.

It's a multi-award-winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.

I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time.

She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old.
She's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, Mother, get your shoes on.
Yes, the orthopaedic ones.

I don't want to have to carry you home again, do I? Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast, Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, Mother.

This is a musical theater, not a Parisian bordello. Simply go to maximum fun.org.
I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!

Have you been looking for a new podcast all about nerdy pop culture? Well, I have just the thing for you: Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries.

Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries is a weekly pop culture history podcast hosted by me, host Austin. And me, host Brenda.

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From theme parks to cartoons to 80s, 90s, and 2000s nostalgia, we tackle it all. Check us out every Tuesday on maximumfun.org and wherever you get podcasts.

I want to munch. Squad.

I want to munch. Squad.

I love mixing

electronic instrumentation in there. It's very, very modern rock.

Well, I have to change with the times or else what am I doing over here, man?

So

you guys like, you want to talk about Sidney Sweeney? Do you want to talk about Sidney Sweeney? Every time that she has, I feel like, come up in our sort of area, it has been for

a product that is being sold that maybe features something she touched or looked at.

I think it would be exciting, though, to be the first three straight white men with an opinion on Sidney Sweeney. That would be exciting.
That would be very groundbreaking, I think.

No, this is not about Sidney Sweeney selling her bathwater, although, I mean, good honor if I could get away with it 100%. Sure, no question.
No one wants very much. No one wants my yucky stuff.

Not even environmentally friendly if you think about it. Reduce, reuse, recycle.
Yeah.

So

Sidney Sweeney didn't sell her bathwater. That's great.
But that's not what we're here to talk about today, guys, because we're here to talk about...

Like, I don't know if Sidney Sweeney really loves taking baths or not. And I don't actually know if it makes her feel happy deep down in her heart to sell her bathwater to a bunch of people.
Right.

I don't know. But I do know that she loves Baskin Robbins so fucking much she can't even handle it sometimes.

How do I know?

Because Baskin Robbins is bringing serious star power to your ice cream outings this summer with the launch of the Suite on Sydney menu, a limited-time offering co-created with longtime Baskin-Robbins fan and actress.

She always demands those credits be listed in those orders. In that exact order.
Yeah, Sydney's. I'm a double threat.

I think in IMDb, at the very top, it does say Baskin Robinson, the crazy enthusiast.

Available starting July 1st, the Suite on Sydney menu celebrates Sydney's signature sweet tooth and love of Baskin Robbins with two colorful creations perfect for a refreshing summer snack.

Now,

I do enjoy. I just want to show you guys, just to give you guys a little bit of.

I mean, Baskin Robbins usually comes correct.

I've been chasing the high of the Baskin-Robbins little clown Sunday cup for kids where the cone is the hat and they put the frosting on the you can't go home again, man. No, I'm not.

It's not going to hit the same way. They do those, they call them creature creation.
But it's not the same now because I'm a grown-up and I think about everything.

And there's so much adult context to eating it now. The joy of getting that when you're a child can't be replaced.
Can't be beaten. Are you trying to show us multimedia?

No, I'm trying to get you guys to shut up so I can tell you.

You have a look on your face sometimes, Juice, when it looks like you're trying to get something to load or screen share. And I thought I clocked that on your face.
I apologize. I was mistaken.

No, that's okay. It's fine.

No, I was going to show you this video, but it's like...

Oh, so I was right.

And you made me feel bad about it anyway. Okay, let's not do this.
No one wants this. You know what I mean? Yeah.
I need to do this. I love talking to you guys.
Yeah, it's still fun. No, I

said with such personal influence. What I would say is

officially for the record, I would do it if I didn't have to.

Yeah, that's a really good bottom line for us to take on. Yeah, I would talk.
There's a lot of shit I do that I definitely would not do if not, you know, fully obligated to do it.

I do, I just wanted to, I, I have these two different pictures. Uh, I'm trying to get the video to, to, to, for you guys.

I just feel like it's that there is an exact Sidney Sweeney selling stuff to you, Poes, that Sidney Sweeney has nailed.

And just comparing these, these images, there's a, there's an exact look on the face that says, hey, buy this from me, Sidney Sweeney. I'm looking at, I'm not looking at you.

There's something up and to the right that is. Yeah, there's something up and to the right over here that that's that's the taller you that you could be if you buy this.

I'm excited to see a picture of this person. I don't have any context for who they are, they're very low profile, but I hear their name whispered sometimes.
Yeah,

they've got a menu that you're about to enjoy. Cool.
Oh,

um,

is that Sidney Sweeney? Oh, yeah, it is.

She really loves our rainbow sherbet. She comes here all the time.
Wait, seriously,

is Sidney Sweeney posing outside about

talking about how honey

she is

for ice cream, and she's sneaking in at night and eating the ice cream when they ask her not to. That's so cool.
Yeah,

it can be. be.

Summer's looking sweet at Baskin Robbins. Try my new suite on Sydney menu.
Available at Baskin Robbins nationwide for a limited time.

Okay.

So that's our

favorite.

There is an underlying horror to that commercial. The way

that the Baskin-Robbins employee says

it can be

implies that there is a deep fear behind his eyes that he is afraid to voice.

Yes, that when he opens the store in the middle of the night, Sidney Sweeney's there stealing ice cream. Waiting.
And she's like, what? And he's too afraid to say anything.

Hey, what this is like, I don't know Sidney Sweeney personally. And I

would never like

impugn her character because I don't know her as a person. No.

But I do think we need to allow for the possibility that if you are close to Sidney Sweeney, you suddenly gain access to an horrible truth about the universe and the nature of yourself or something.

Something truly terrifying that you can't communicate to anybody else. That is what the commercial seems to suggest.

I hope one day I am famous in a particular way where a brand will come to me and say, we got a whole campaign we want to do.

And the whole thing with the campaign is that you're a fucking sicko freak for our shit. Yeah.
And

I want to partner up with Taco Bell and have there be a commercial where like I keep coming in to use the Taco Bell bathroom.

And eventually the guy at Taco Bell is like, sir, you can't keep coming in here just to use the, just to use the bathroom. Is that Griffin McRoy? Yeah, he's a freak.

But I'm beloved actor Griffin McCoy. Yeah.
And I'm kind of acting like a weird android who's warning for the Taco Bell bathroom. Hollywood Blockbuster star Griffin McRoy.

And he says he can only shit in our Taco Bell bathroom. I want both of you guys.
Okay, I want to give you the lead up paragraph.

And then after that, I want both of of you guys to give me the Sidney Sweeney pull quote about this partnership. I want you guys to give me what you think about this.

I imagine every pull quote is going to be like, ah, give me that cool creamy stuff. Hey, say, this is the one that's going to be fine.
You can change the locks as much as you want.

You're not fucking keeping me out.

The quote, I will tell you, for consistency's sake, the quote is out of cafe. I'm Sydney Sweeney Todd, bitch.
I'll get it. I'll mess you up.

The quote is out of cafe. It is Sidney Sweeney, the entrepreneur.
And not Sidney Sweeney, the freak for Basket Robbins. Okay.

At the heart of the new menu is Sydney's signature scoop, which features rainbow sherbet in a chocolate-dipped waffle cone with rainbow sprinkles and topped with gummy verminis. I will just say this.

Oh, man.

Chocolate plus rainbow sherbet is disgusting.

That's fucked up. Yeah, you've probably disgusting.
Also, as someone who did work at the country's best yogurt for a couple of summers,

please listen to me and please know that I'm speaking the truth. You can't put gummy anythings on ice cream, it turns them into a truly unpleasant tooth texture experience.

Yes, joining the scoop is a new refreshing beverage.

Sydney's signature fizz, which blends rainbow sherbet with starry lemon lime soda and is topped with gummy bear minis. No, that's choking hazard.
Yeah, why would you put you, Sydney?

You choked me, Judith.

I love Euphoria.

Awesome.

This summary sip will be available to a lucky few in exchange, in exclusive, limited time, color change. Oh, I wanted it to be in exchange for something.
In exchange,

for this firstborn child. Okay.
I mean,

we did do it at TCB Webby. We did.
I just want to get out there and say Sorbet Fizz while I was still working there as Sprite. Kevin Sorbet Fizz.

But at the time, we didn't know that much about Kevin Sorbet.

He hadn't gone sour yet. Okay.
So he's Kevin Sour.

Give me my quote.

Griffin first. What's the quote from Sidney Sweeney? I can't start.
I can't start. My summer hasn't officially started until I've chomped down on.
Oh, now you know she didn't say chomp down.

My summer can't start without Baskin Robbins there,

without the Colt, without Sherbert from Baskin Robbins and these gummy bears on him.

Okay,

I think something like, as a longtime Baskin-Robbins fan, I'm so excited to be able to get to partner with them and bring this fantastical summer flavor to life. Yeah.

Definitely not going to go a single clause without establishing that she is a freak for this basketball.

We have been doing this bit too long, officially. Baskin Robbins has been part of my life for as long as I can remember.

It's where a lot of great memories were made, and I still find myself going back pretty often, said Sweeney. Rainbow Sherbet has always been a favorite.

So getting to see it featured like this really feels special. Awesome.
Listen, Listen,

I don't want to hate on Rainbow Sherbert, but it kind of feels like every other... It's vulgar.

Every other flavor has already been paired with a celebrity, and they're like, we've got rainbow sherbert left, Sydney. Who's going to?

If you mix it with gummy bears, maybe you can call it your thing. The only thing worse is Wild and Reckless.
And my kids love that one. And I think it's disgusting.
What is that?

We're always looking to give our Baskin-Robbins guests their favorite flavors in new and exciting ways, says Nicole Beltwell, who works there.

Sydney's love for Baskin Robbins runs deep, and we're so excited to put her signature scoop on the menu alongside a new, refreshing way to enjoy it in a fizz.

This bold and fun duo is sure to be a go-to order this summer. It's just, there's lots of ways that companies work with celebrities in a fictional manner.

Sometimes it's fun, like they're the new president of flavor blasting or something, and then they're at the Super Bowl. Like, what's up? It's me, Tom Bodette.
I have a new job.

Probably wouldn't be him. It'd be like a, you know, Julia Louis Dreyfus.
I'm in charge of flavor blasting. I'm the president.
Some sort of fictional sort of role.

But then sometimes they are just like, say, this person likes it. Doesn't that mean something to you? Huh? Come get it.
They like it.

I would like to see one of these, be it a Tim Beebs or a Ryan Reynolds, whatever his thing was, or Sidney Sweeney's scoop.

If they just came out and said, and Basque Robins said, I would get $1 for everyone sold. So please go buy them i have expensive tastes and i really

should have to if we have to say in our in a youtube video we're playing you know uh we we got these ryan's world toys directly from ryan's world

if we have to legally say that to remain fcc compliant i do think it would be dope if if ryan reynolds had to be like and also yeah i get a dollar every time you guys do this every time you sign up i get a little bit i get a dollar i like this i like sherbet ice cream.

The commercial ends with Sidney Sweeney barreling the camera. I like this ice cream.
I like doing this ice cream. There's nothing you can do about it.

But I'm, and I think it is cool that more people are going to eat it. I'm doing this because they said they would give me $1 for every one of these cones they sell.

So

before we go, I do just want to share this because I thought it was delightful.

Unrelated, Christophe Poirier is the chief new concept officer for a restaurant spin-off. Okay.
Okay. I'm not going to show you the restaurant spin-off yet.
We'll show that at the end.

And this is his quote about the new spin-off. I didn't know you could spin off restaurants.
Sure. I'm sure you did.

I've told you. I've told you lots of times.
I don't like it. Like McCosmic, the drinks, the drinks-only McDonald's.
Remember drinks-only McDonald's? That felt like a remember the robot

that was only run by robots? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that.
Yeah, yeah. A lot of customers right now are chasing culture.

They're not necessarily focusing on, I want to have a boneless chicken product. That's true.

Nobody wants that. They just want not even an experience, a vibe.
And it's funny because a lot of brands are focusing on the experience. I think experience is a little bit basic.

I have five Gen Z's at home. I'm the happy father of a blended family.
None of my kids said, Hey, dad, today I'm really looking forward to a great experience. Fuck yeah, man.

This was the best press release ever. Is this still a press release?

This is part of a story about this launch. And I just say, if

you say to

a one human being or a group of human beings, my children looked at me today and said, I'm not looking forward to a great experience. That feels like.
They didn't say that.

The kids. It didn't say that.

Okay. Sorry.
We do need to be clear here. Yes.
This is not a situation where the kids told their dad, I'm not looking forward to a great experience.

This is a situation where the kids did not say to their dad that they want a great experience. Those are two completely different scenarios.

None of my kids said, because this guy's the dad of a happy happy blended family with five Genesis.

And none of my kids said, hey, dad, today I'm really looking forward to the great experience. No, they're looking for the vibe.
Yes. This is what they are.
What does he think vibe is?

What they are looking forward to with brands. It's something that reflects their personalities and not just fits their appetite.
They love individuality, strong flavors, and a shareable experience.

Wait. Yeah.
Wait. No,

Travis, he's got to take some baby steps back to boneless chicken wings. And a shareable experience, but not a great experience.

But I would say the success is all about the vibe and just the magnetic attraction of the brand. Yes.

Finally, someone who gets me. You get it.
So here's the, here's it. Here it is.

Shit, man. Yeah, man.
Yeah, dude. This is saucy by KFC.

This is saucy. Saucy.
Very KFC. The exclamation point at the end of Saucy, it's very distracting from some kind of accent placed between the U and the C that looks like a frowny face.
To dip thumb.

Listen.

I would have told you guys. I'm just going to hit you guys with more Christophe Pourier info about Saucy because it's in Orlando.
It's pink instead of red. Our restaurant does not look like a shoebox.

There's a lot of windows. Yeah, dude.
Fucking, this guy's really, really got my number. It will allow us to unlock marketing synergies through geographic proximity.
Okay.

I'm imagining him hovering over like a

shattered chunk of the earth that has raised out beneath him as he channels these powers through a geyser of sauce raising up the chunks.

I like disruption, Poirier says. And what is the meaning of disruption? You take conventions and you take...

Sorry, wait. This is Adam Driver from Megalopolis.

This is Sephiroth.

What is the meaning of disruption? You take conventions and you turn convention upside down.

Right now, in the world, many brands are focusing on chicken tenders. So the world does not need another one focusing on chicken tenders because you are in the crowd.

I believe in disruption, which means what if the side is the core and the core is the side? When people are focusing on tenders, I truly believe the core is the sauce.

And then tenders and fries are becoming the side. and then it opens up to a new blue ocean of opportunities.
Gen Z, they love to explore. They love random things.

Our 11 sauces, it's very often that I see customers taking fries and mixing in one sauce in another, making their own cocktails. It's really what people want.

That is 100%

uninterrupted,

the quote from this person, that whoever he has spoken to in this has not even given the dignity of a Poirier explained excitedly. Yeah.

There is

nobody wide and wild. Because this,

this, they have let this man absolutely go off talking about saucy by no interrupt.

No Poirier shrieked emphatically, waving his hands dramatically in a way that I felt I was about to be struck, not out of anger, but merely out of gesticulatory excitement.

As a beam of light pierced his chest through the ground into the heavens. Right now, I got excited.

I truly believe that value should not be at the expense of the buyer.

Porrier says, Chiquito is a nickname to say cute and little in Spanish. Yes.
And when you move it to chick and saucy chick, we like to play on words and we like to play on names.

This is because saucy for me is really an attitude. So even a name, we could have called it a chicken taco or a chicken wrap, but the moment you call it a saucy chiquito, there is a vibe.

Don't you see?

Don't you see? Don't you see it?

You're blind. It's an omnichannel brand.

The best way to attract bees and butterflies is not to try and catch them. Cultivate a beautiful garden with beautiful flowers and bees and butterflies will come.

We definitely want to double down or triple down on the success that we have in Orlando. If anyone ever says we want to double down on the success we've had in Orlando, send them to prison.
Yeah.

So we will definitely come up with new openings very soon. He added,

as he cackled into the night, flying off on his flying chicken wing. Oh, Christophe Fourier, what a treat.
Look for Saucy. We're going to be.

Dude, I actually, I'm kind of down. Some of those picks looked all right, and I do like sauce quite a bit.

I just wish that it wasn't being run by fucking Kefka. That would be ideal for me.
You can't always get what you want.

I'm going to disrupt the chicken tenders game and turn it completely around with fish brittles.

Fish brittles? Yeah. You had chicken tenders.
These are fish brittles.

Okay. What form do those take?

They're just kind of thin, and when you try to bite into them, it just shatters.

Kind of like sticks.

More like thin sheets that can also be used to write on or panes of glass. Like nori.
Yeah.

Like, like finally something

gets real and it's made out of fish. Imagine peanut brittle, but made out of fish and clear.
That's clear. how you make it clear

no one accepted it

it's clear no one wanted it to be clear travest your market research has misled you yeah it's it it also blocks radiation yeah uh teens love vibes and clear food you can see through they eat their clear they eat their glass burgers they love this stuff well it started we started it as a way to replace plexiglass um and then somebody took a bite out of it jammy was messing around took a bite out of it, and said, This tastes like fish.

And I said, That's weird because no fish was used in the making of it. It was all chemicals.
And he said, I think we could sell it. And I said, Okay.

So this week we're going to be in Anaheim and Sacramento doing some live shows. We're going to be doing Dadlands, our adventure zone, original IP GM by Brendan Lee Mulligan, and Mabimbam in Anaheim.

And then we're going to be doing Mabimbam in Sacramento. If you're coming to either of those Mabimbams and you have a question or a fear you want read aloud, go ahead and email that to Mabimbam.

That's MBMBAM at maximumfund.org and put your city in the subject. They're going to kick ass.
They're going to kick ass. They're going to be kick-ass shows.

But if you don't live in California, we got other shows that we're doing all over this country of ours.

Atlanta, we're coming to Texas. We're coming to Salt Lake City.
We're going all over.

Why is it okay if they don't come to the California ones to hang their heads and come to these other ones? Yeah,

like you would be following the great folks. You know what I mean? Like, why are they picking and choosing? I am going to be at them all.
Yeah. You know? Okay.
Yeah, fair point.

So dad's also going to be doing D in a castle november 3rd to the 7th why do we keep promoting that that doesn't benefit me at all well that doesn't help me whatsoever stop saying that makes dad so happy you can find ticket links and everything so does so does doc savage books and they cost three dollars at the store you know what i mean bit.ly slash macroy tours is where you can go to get uh all that all that information we also have a bunch of new uh merch as it's a new month so check out the why not a wizard pen the fuck off king both designed by evan cruise uh who is what's their their face on Instagram.

That's what's with a Z. 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Immigrant Defenders Law Center.
So go check that out, MacRoyMerch.com.

Thank you to Montane for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better With You. It's a great track.
You know what else is a great track?

All of the songs on Montane's newest album, It's Hard to be a Fish, that just came out.

If you're looking for some new music to listen to and you have not checked out this album, you should do it because it's so fun and good and cool and original.

And I can't, I can't stop, can't stop pumping it. Thank you, Montane.
Thank you, Montane. May I share a fear with you guys? Sure, sure, please.
Yeah, then we'll get back to the podcast.

Okay, thank you. This year, we'll stop when we do this.
Oh, okay. Sorry.
It's part of the show. I got it.

This year, I will be faster than my fear that I'll spontaneously be asked to sing the Star-Spangled Banner for an audience and forget all of the lyrics. It's relatable.
My name is Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy.
It's been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad square on the lips.

It's better with you.

It's better, it's better with you.

It's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

Come at life,

It's better with you.

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