MBMBaM 764: Sneak a Pi in that Mobo

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has blossomed.

It's ripened into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

I,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true, all

It's better.

It's better with two.

Hello, everybody.

Welcome to my brother, my brother, me and Advice Show for the Modern Era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

What's up, Travis Nation?

It's me, your middlest brother, Travis of Room Vroom McElroy.

Start your engines, baby.

It's me, Griffin McElroy, Built Ford Tough.

Start your engines.

Time to race.

Speaking of car stuff,

beauty blog it.

That's what's inside of of a garage door opener.

Justin's been so cool lately.

Travis, are you getting these Mr.

Robot vibes from this dude?

Because you know what?

Justin's been biohacking.

Justin's been biohacking.

He put a garage door opener under some subcutaneous folds.

This chip, I had this installed actually.

Yeah.

This is an implant.

And that's what it would be cool.

It didn't even close your garage.

Yeah.

No, it opened and closes my mouth.

Stop it.

You didn't need that.

Tell me about some of your other sort of like remote control bio bio mods that you've got going on.

My remote control bio mods.

Well, I had the icones put in so they can pop out whenever I see a beautiful lady and it says Aruga.

Nice.

And I had the trumpet mouth put in.

Yes.

How much did that cost you?

What?

How much did it cost?

Well, he did it himself.

That's what I'm saying.

I'll tell you the truth, Travis.

$300 a dame.

Every time a dame strolls by per dame.

Because it's a CO2 cartridge.

Oh, you got to reload it.

It's like airbags.

At least distance from the city.

Do you need to get your eyes reset back in every time?

Well, do you remember dad's friend Lee that used to work at Pearl Vision at the Charleston Town Center?

He did.

He just puts them back in for me like a mob doctor.

He did just go to his house and he just scoots him back in for $38 and I have to help him reprogram his security.

He does my procedures where it makes my mouth, my jaw fall all the way down to the floor and my tongue unrolls like a rug anytime I see a babe.

Yeah.

And he like focuses, I guess, only on like sort of like babe

spotting.

He helps me.

If someone offers me a bunch of money, my eyes roll around like a slot machine and then comes up dollar sign, dollar sign.

He'll reset that back to where I can see again.

That's cool.

But that's not, that wasn't a bio mod.

That was a tattoo of a dollar sign I got on the back of my eyeballs.

And then I trained really hard to be able to spin around when you see money.

This ink fiend has had so many jobs done.

He's more tuned than man.

And then it's like,

it's just like you've gotten so many things.

You've got the big flat hand like somebody just drove over at the steamroller.

Do you remember, Trav, when we had to stage that intervention because of how big an ink fiend Justin had become and was becoming more tuned than man?

And it was problematic because during the intervention, he walked over to the sandwich table and he stacked them all up into one big sandwich and then opened his jaw all the way and they ate the sandwich in one bite while we were reading the letters about how his like toon man behaved and was a shit.

Yeah, the chick stuck out and made the shape of a sandwich.

I remember that.

And I think that's probably, and he started crying then.

I think that's when he realized he had taken things too far.

Yeah.

There's a cut.

And he left the toothpick in.

And if you look at a resistor, there's...

colored bands around it that tell you what kind of resistor it is.

And if you understand the code, you can know what kind of resistor you're looking at.

Can you imagine what that's right?

What?

I'm resisting this right now.

You should open up to it because I think it's cool that Justin's learning about the secrets of how the world works.

Well, where are we at on this?

Because you were just saying intervention and now you're like, I actually like this and it's cool.

Where are we at?

Sometimes Griffin just says whatever he thinks is funniest.

That's true, but I left the cartoon analogy behind.

I love having techno, Justin.

Like, I love Tinny.

I mean, we all love techno, Justin.

Well, no, it doesn't sound like it.

You just said you're resisting techno, Justin.

I'm fully embracing him, and I'm saying, hack it, mod it, buy it, fix it, chop it, screw it.

Just like Griffin only says things when they're funny, I say things to make people like me.

And I thought Griffin was going to agree with me and then he didn't.

So I'll tell my real truth.

That must have been really, really, really, really hard.

That must have been really tough.

And I'm proud of you for getting through it.

It was.

Thank you so much.

I only speak the truth.

That's my thing as a brother.

And I'll tell you, I'm in hour seven of Lake Washington Technical College's Elect 102 course.

Yeah.

Presented by Professor Joe.

And it is, I am learning so much, Travis.

And I will say also, Sydney is learning so much.

Oh, wow.

And she's loving that.

And I have so many opportunities in our day-to-day life to relate to her things that I like.

She'll say, Will you hand me a battery?

And I'll say, Oh, you know what?

Actually, that double A is not a battery.

It's actually a cell, which would be a battery, would be a group.

And then she leaves.

Oh, she's gone.

Yeah.

Well, probably because,

you know, I think maybe Dr.

Sidney McAlway is afraid of having any practical knowledge.

Yeah.

That's the problem.

It's all all flights of flibberty gibberts with her.

Yeah, she's just not the grounded sort like me.

I'm just glad that here, 764 episodes in, we finally laid out the rules of the riddle where Griffin's the brother who always says something funny.

I'm the brother who always says something to people, make people like them, and Justin always speaks the truth.

Now you get to ask us one question to see if you can move on to the dungeon.

One of us has the gems.

One of us is immaculate in his word and it's me.

And I'll give you a gym if you want.

Do you want a gym?

Would that make you happy?

He says that, but can you even?

I don't even know, man.

They want you to not know how to fix your own electronics.

This is

what I'm saying.

They.

They want you to not know how to fix it.

But if you get in there in the guts, unplug it, you know.

Yeah, sure.

Wait, I'm writing this down.

Hold on.

Unplug it.

Write that down.

Okay.

Find new brother who's more tolerant of your hijinks.

Okay.

Yeah.

And then get in there and get in the guts and fix it.

Yes.

Have you had a

have you had a shaking humility moment yet?

Because I got into modifying like game consoles, old game consoles,

mostly as a flippity gibbet during COVID, a COVID flippity gibbet.

And then one time my lamp on my bedside table started to flicker.

And Rachel was like,

that's been doing that a lot lately.

I don't know what's going on.

We might need to replace it.

And I was like, I'll just fix it.

And then

she was like, that probably won't happen.

I was like, don't worry about it.

And then I took the wire out of it.

And I was like, oh, I don't know.

This isn't a Game Boy.

Fuck.

Where's the motherboard?

It's a lamp.

Fuck.

Okay.

That happened to me because I took a lot of blacksmith.

I took a lot of blacksmithing classes

during COVID.

And then I was out on the street

walking with my wife with a parasol when a horse threw a shoe.

Yeah.

And then they were like, oh, we need a new one of these.

And I'm like, oh, you got got it.

Yeah, and then I didn't have any of the tools or knowledge.

They don't want calipers.

They don't want you to reshod your own horse.

No, they don't want that.

Yeah.

What is the same?

Same they as the technology people is the horse people or I mean eventually yeah

that is it was a technology at some point you understand Justin

pulling something blew someone's mind.

Yeah.

Is the they you're talking about like the developers of like Civ games and the technology tree that they make that you have to like research each one it's been taken travis here you know you know you right you know your family and friends yeah okay okay now you know everybody else that you see walking around right yeah

that's us okay and then they anyone you've never seen or met before it is your that is evil and pulling the strength okay that they

capitalism capitalism

capitalism

capitalism

want you to fix your own stuff i want you to throw it in the landfill Look at this.

Do you know how?

Listen, I'm down to five pieces of this garage door opener that I have.

I'm closer than ever.

Fuck yeah, man.

One of these days you're going to take apart.

I lost one of them.

I probably didn't need that one.

But you know.

No, that's crap.

You're going to take apart a gadget one of these days.

Inside, you're going to find the secret you need to destroy the government.

They leave all these parts like buttons, like this case.

I don't want any.

I want this.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

I just want chip.

I want to get a chip.

You want that fragile, vulnerable chip.

Give me that cyber.

That garage drawer opener is way too big.

It needs to just be the cyber and a single little input.

That's all we need.

I don't need a case for my PC.

All the parts just sit on the floor.

Look at all this wasted PCB right here.

Carve all this off.

I'm going to get in there and drill it in.

It's a good

second MOBO right there.

This is great, Justin.

I can get a pie in there.

Get a 20.

I can see a pie in that MOBO.

You've really

seized the means of opening and closing your garage door, door, and I respect that immensely.

Don't try to hide a MOBO from Justin.

He will get it.

He will find it.

He'll find that Mobo.

He will find it.

That's my one get one free.

No.

Listen,

when the robots come for us, if you need a human who hasn't lost the knowledge of how to get

a calendar from a small computer onto a large TV display, I will be right there ready to hack that in.

No problem.

Or if your dad just needs help setting it up, ask Justin.

Are you going to rebuild the remote, the garage door opener, or what's the plan here?

You saw it, right?

I have absolutely no plan.

So you're like Jason Bourne taking apart his M16 rifle or whatever, and he sets it on the bed, and then his handler's like, Good, now rebuild it.

He's like, I don't, I, are you kidding me?

I didn't keep track of how to look at that dude.

I dropped one of the fucking things on the floor.

Like, that's gone.

I really broke this good.

Do you have one that's already together that I can look at so I get kind of an idea of where what goes?

Or

something, maybe schematics?

Hey, how about we do some advice that's a lot of tech you got jangling around in there probably i moved it all out of reach or else i'm going to be fiddling with it yeah

solution will come to me at some point and i'll just i got into lock picking during uh covet i bought a little lock pick practice lock and there were a lot of times where i was working and also picking locks just out of the camera's uh eyesight i'm doing it right now yeah cool you'll never know yeah am i

hey griffin where'd you go with that?

I mean, the same place I went with hard candy making and retro game console modifying, which is that I had a second child and stopped fucking all of it.

All of it's gone.

All of it's done.

Yeah, this is an advice show.

So we're going to take your questions and turn the Malcolm Yulek into wisdom.

This is the first one.

The train I take to work every morning passes the local zoo, specifically the giraffe enclosure.

All spring, my absolute favorite part of my long commute has been getting a glimpse at these amazing long-necked fellas.

However, as the foliage has grown, I believe they added new trees, my view of the giraffes is fully obscured and I've been robbed of my daily moment of joy.

How do I get the zoo to trim its trees or perhaps to cut out a little window for train passengers to see the animals through?

But for a second, that's from must-see mammals on the mass.

Your complaint is that they're not giving away their product for free and just bleeding money.

You're sampling it every day, having free giraffe looks.

That's all they have.

Literally the only product they have on offer.

It's giraffe looks.

They've got stuffies, corn dogs, and they have, look at it, giraffe.

That's only large lollipops that your kids will have finished and leave stuck somewhere.

Yeah.

Giraffe is also like one of the five or six animals at the zoo that's like, you came to see this one, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Here's a hole.

We built a whole house full of bugs and snakes or whatever.

And you're like, cool.

I'll tell you what the problem is.

What?

Giraffes are supposed to be eating the leaves on the trees.

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah.

Why aren't they doing?

Maybe you need to.

And I know.

I'm going to look at them.

This is going to be hard, but you're going to have to buy a ticket to the zoo.

And you're, I know, I know.

Listen, I know.

But then you're going to have to go maybe coach these giraffes.

On like maybe, oh, look, oh, look at those leaves over there.

Look at how good they look because if they were seeing the giraffes the giraffes can reach it giraffes eat the leaves on the top of the trees that's why they stretch their necks out so hard and so long right and so why aren't they eating that maybe go and trim leaves lower down i if i okay let's flip a perspective you're a giraffe you go to the zoo meeting and you say hey

I have to see train every day.

Yeah.

And I'm trying to pretend that I live in the jungle.

Okay.

Or the savannah or what have you.

I would like to live.

Yeah, wherever they're at.

You know, my general feelings.

It's one of the trees ones, probably.

And I don't think it's just one place.

So maybe I don't know.

We can walk.

So

he's in a zoo.

I never got a chance to know these things.

I'm voiced by David Schwimmer.

Call him down.

My accent's a little off from the other giraffes.

All right.

Sorry.

I was raised in captivity.

I think you do.

There is a you're going to need to get started on a on an elaborate heist.

But it's like a instead of stealing something, it's you're going to be doing a little bit of pruning.

You're going to need to roll up to this place with a little

some big clippers or chainsaw, depending on the thickness of these trees.

Actually, if someone spots you climbing into the giraffe exhibit with a chainsaw, they're going to

assume God didn't want them to be this tall.

No, man.

That horse was built wrong.

Come on down here, big fella.

You think you're so tough?

The good news with tree heist, Operation Tree Heist, is if you do get caught, you have an amazing exit strategy of you slide down the giraffe's neck.

Of course.

Like a Fred Flintstone.

That would be nice.

We've all thought it.

What a wonderful, wonderful angle they provide.

I could really zoom down one of those those hairy necks.

It must be hard for a giraffe to want, I assume, want to be ridden like a horse.

They're jealous, but no one can reach it.

It's not like ergonomically designed to mount.

You know what I mean?

And the giraffe would love it if somebody just hopped on and rode it.

Here's my theory of evolution.

Giraffes evolved from horses, and they were just the horses that whenever humans would be like, time to ride, they'd be like, oh,

oh, they're really not feeling it.

Let me just scoot up.

Tiptoes, tiptoes.

Tiptoes, stay stretch up.

Now you can't get up there.

And it just makes sense.

It just makes sense.

I'm a delivery driver.

Most of my stops are businesses.

It's not uncommon for there to be a pizza party happening at said business when I arrive.

Sometimes they offer me a slice, which is always appreciated.

However, sometimes they don't, which I find quite rude if I'm being honest.

Brothers, how do I get in on that hot zot these parties have not offered?

Do I ask them?

What if they say no?

Do I just grab a slice when no one's looking?

Please help me.

I'm so hungry for pizza.

That's from Pizza Party Pirate in Rochester.

Hmm.

Is this pizza for everybody or just the ones who close the account?

Or

employees or PMPs?

Employees.

Strangers.

Just Dave over there.

Where are we at on the pizza availability?

Pizza is one of those loaves and fishes type things where you wouldn't, it wouldn't ever occur to you, I think, to eat some

beef medallions.

You know what I mean?

Like, if there was some leftover beef medallions and asparagus tips, you wouldn't think, I'm going to fix me a plate.

But there is something about pizza where it does feel communal almost as soon as it's prepared.

Sure.

And

frankly, no one ever calculates perfectly the amount of pizza that's needed per person anyways.

So either it was already going to run out before everybody got their fill, or there was going to be too much left, right?

If there's too much left, you should give the delivery driver some.

And if it was going to run out too early anyways,

give it to to the delivery.

Statistically insignificant, a single slice of pizza.

Slide it on down.

I would be bummed if my pizza arrived and there was a piece already eaten.

If the request was made, hey, let me get down on this.

Absolutely.

For sure.

It's one slice.

Who cares, man?

No problem.

No problem.

It's a single slice.

Unless the delivery driver is like the second person to the pizza party, right?

Like everybody's there.

If anybody's so late that they didn't get a piece of pizza, sometimes we have to to be reminded that there are consequences to our decision.

And if I come in and I'm like 20 minutes late to the pizza party and I'm like, you guys didn't save me a slice?

And I look over and the delivery driver is eating one and I'm like, what?

What the hell?

And they're like,

you were 20 minutes late to the pizza party.

That's tough, though, because you don't want to be the person who's like, go on, man, get in there.

And then everybody else comes down.

It's like, I'm so sorry.

I thought you got in there already.

Well, no, I'm not sorry.

Don't be late next time.

If you are a delivery driver.

They had a project.

They were trying to get done, and the boss was telling them if they didn't get it done, they were out of here.

No excuses.

No excuses.

They need this job.

If you're a delivery driver and you roll up to a function where you're going to be catering and the vibe is off,

you are endowed certain rights in that scenario.

And some of it is the pizza that you are delivering.

Are we supposing that we are agreed in this that the person asking the question is not delivering the pizza.

Yes, correct.

I assumed that's exactly what we're talking about i thought you two were talking cross purposes i wanted to clarify this okay that there so let me get this straight travis in your imagination this delivery driver is stopping by to drop off unrelated lunch items to a place that has already had pizza delivered to well yes driffin here's why i think that because it's what it goddamn says in the question Let's see what the tech supports.

Go on, Travis.

I'm a delivery driver.

Most of my stops are businesses.

It's not uncommon for there to be a pizza party happening at said business when I arrive.

Yeah, let's speak on now.

Okay, but that's it.

We're arguing.

So we're arguing fucking semantics now.

We're not.

They're having a pizza party.

And the party.

Travis is arguing semantics.

Please go on.

The party is going.

The party is popping.

One little.

The catalyst for setting off this party powder keg hasn't showed up yet.

That's you with the za.

The pizza party is already happening.

Why are you delivering food to a a life

in reality griffin you're you're enormously wrong and i do want you to keep digging so in your what you're saying is that sometimes it's a pizza party and sometimes it's just a pizza in the context of this question no sometimes it's just the you if i have people over to have a pizza party Uh-huh.

Come on over to my place tonight, gang.

We're watching.

Come on over.

We're watching Andor have a couple slices.

It's going to be fucking eat and or they Stop selling.

They heard people

coming over.

It's going to be a time.

We're going to have a time.

Now, what's the other option?

Let me please finish the first option.

There is no second option.

There is merely this hypothetical situation that's going to take your guys' shit apart.

We're having a pizza party tonight, gang.

Come on over.

We're going to watch all of Andor, and we're going to have a couple slices.

My six best friends show up.

We're at the house and we're having the time of our lives.

But what?

The pizza's running a little bit late.

What are we having right now?

What is the moment that we're in right now?

What is this event that we're, what was on the Facebook invite right now?

What are we in?

The pizza party.

The pizza party.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

The pizza's not there yet.

But has that changed the central thesis?

That doesn't change the central thesis of what the gathering's all about.

But the question says it's not uncommon for there to be a pizza party happening.

So what you're saying, the question asker doesn't say I'm delivering pizzas to a pizza party.

So that means that there is other uncommon events or maybe the more common event of I'm bringing, what, eight pizzas in and a pizza party is not happening.

Dave's just real fucking peckish that day?

The fact that you...

I think the essential question that Griffin has to answer is this.

And this is where

I actually don't have an answer.

Oh, juice.

You've chosen your side in this.

Oh, no, no.

In your

No, no, no.

To my hypothetical, I don't have an answer.

could you have a pizza party where the pizza does not arrive and it is still a pizza party no

if the pizza doesn't arrive it's not a it's it's a failed pizza party it's a gathering if but i would argue you're not having a pizza party until the pizza arrives well because you cannot both be having a pizza party and then in hindsight not have had a pizza you were classifying it in hindsight as not a pizza party because the pizza never arrived if the pizza arrives 30 minutes late you're gonna look back at that whole event at all the memories that you formed or Royan and you're gonna say that whole thing was a fucking pizza party do you understand what I'm saying there's no way that I as a okay

but

there's no way that I as a delivery driver of pizzas am thinking

obviously I have a bias that the pizza party don't start till I walk in yes

right yeah so wouldn't that embolden you to get a sweet slice no but I wouldn't state it in the question that a pizza party had is going on when i arrive because from my point of view the pizza party cannot begin until i have arrived so i wouldn't say a pizza party happening at said business when i arrive because i'm the pizza delivery driver unless i'm not

I'm a different delivery driver.

Please, I know people are a hell of a lot more.

People are getting frustrated.

This is so important.

This is what we're doing here is always important.

Obviously, this is

science.

But if we don't know the answer to this, I do not know how to guide this person.

I simply don't.

And I do, I may be in the wrong here.

I've been outvoted.

I'm happy to concede the position, but I'm saying a little bit of clarity of language.

Maybe we get

a follow-up email.

I would love for this to be resolved peaceably.

And I think a little bit of grace on my part.

I think a little bit of grace on my part.

I think everyone's

grace.

I mean, don't get me wrong.

There's two of you and one of me.

So if I'm right, it's going to be double good.

It's going to feel double fucking good.

Okay.

But But I will still be like pretty chill about it.

And listen, question and answer.

Ask for a slice of the pizza, the weird pizza that they ordered for like one person who had a bunch of special requests and no one else is going to eat it.

And they're going to end up throwing most of it away anyways.

They can spare a slice of that one.

Yeah.

I can't.

Do you know what drives my new thing is when I have a large group of people that I'm trying to buy pizza for, this has happened quite...

quite a lot recently and everyone is saying they like all kinds of pizza.

You're not helping me.

I want to give you the pizza of your dreams.

Please, a little guidance.

My joy when we're on tour and we get pizza and Rachel's there and Rachel is like all veggies.

And it feels like a mini game that I'm winning where I can just add every veggie on the menu and the pizza place is going to be so impressed.

And it's like, nobody ever orders these.

This is great.

And I'm just like, yeah, throw alfalfa sprouts on there.

Carrot coins.

Yeah, go for it.

She loves these things.

And it feels like I'm winning a game.

Hey, guys, if I could be so bold, why don't we head on over to the money zone?

I respect that.

Yeah, please.

You know, Trav, a great way to get started with your project that you were telling me about would be a website.

Oh, yeah.

I know.

I know what you were telling me that you thought that there was no way you could ever figure it out.

And I told you you.

Figure out my project?

Yeah.

Well, which one was I telling you about, Joseph?

Because I have so many project ideas bouncing around all the time.

The candle one.

And you were saying that

the candle one.

And you were saying you could never build a candle website.

And I said, Maybe, Trav, you should believe in yourself.

I meant to be clear.

What I meant by that, believe in yourself, was you should use Squarespace.

Now, do you remember specifically which candle project I was telling you about?

Because I have so many candle ideas.

I do remember it was Travis McRoy's Eaton Candles.

And

multi-purpose candles you can.

They were the fully edible, non-digestible candle that the whole family will love to smell.

And they don't taste good.

No.

No.

And you had the tagline cooked up, which would look great as a header on a Squarespace website that was like, smell them or eat them.

I don't give a shit.

Yeah.

Here's the best part.

I'm going to put non-toxic on them, but it's spelled like the bread, like non.

Yeah.

Right.

And like the words, there will be hyphenated or anything like that.

And then when people are like, yeah, I eat this came out, I got really sick.

I'm like, it says toxic.

Yeah.

I was about to say that Squarespace would prefer you not to do immoral things with your website.

But you know what?

Squarespace is probably not in the business of judging morality.

I don't think Squarespace wants to be a referee for all the world's problems.

You know, I think they just want to get some world-class designers, have them make some of the best templates in the world, and let you put your photos and the stuff you want to sell and your videos and your text and all that stuff into the templates and give yourself a real professional-looking website.

Edible candles?

There's a question mark on it, too, which helps.

Yeah.

Head to squarespace.com/slash my brother for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, use offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Hey, Griffin, I've been wondering,

did you know that fast-growing trees is the biggest online nursery in the U.S.

with thousands of different plants and over 2 million happy customers?

Yeah,

dude.

Oh, cool.

Did you know that I'm one of those happy customers?

I didn't.

Oh.

I felt like you should keep keep track of the things happening in my life.

I got a redbud tree for them, which I planted in my front yard, which is thriving.

And I got myself a little Meyer lemon tree that I'm growing in my office.

It's a real beaut.

The children are thrilled to have lemons in like two or three years.

I don't know how long it takes to make lemons, but I'm going to make lemonade because fast-growing trees.

sold me a lemon tree and I'm very happy with it.

And they have like plant, you know, different kinds of plants, not just trees, but stuff you can, you know, plant in your yard, plant inside your home,

privacy slogan.

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All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's Learn Everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined.

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Lum.

I'm Caroline Roper and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

I work as a hostess at a historic pirate restaurant in Savannah, Georgia.

At the restaurant, we have pirates on duty who explain our history to guests and give tours of the building.

Real pirates used to come here in the 1700s.

It's actually pretty cool.

Yeah, you don't have to convince us.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm on board.

These tour guides obviously get to dress like pirates, while I, as a host, wear a simple black shirt and black dress pants.

My question is: how can I introduce the idea of my boss to my boss of possibly letting me dress like a pirate too?

Maybe not every day, but sometimes at least.

I love Renaissance Veris and would very much appreciate being able to carry some of that whimsy to the monotony of regular life.

Hmm.

That's from Pirate Envy in Savannah, Georgia.

I think that this is a question of where does the pirate

experience begin?

Because it sounds like it begins beyond the

understand.

Oh, so

the pirate experience begins at conception.

For the pirate, I get the pirates experience.

When you mean pirates are born, not made, Travis?

Is that your...

Okay.

When two pirates love each other very much.

Recessive pirate gene.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The instant that they climax, that's when the pirates, that is the exact moment that God has endowed that pirate with their soul.

When they yell Varshi Blows.

Yeah, man.

Yeah.

When they're great harpoon.

I don't want to do this anymore.

I don't blame you.

I don't blame you.

We're talking about stretching the perimeter of the pirate immersion

another 20 30 feet uh just put some fucking barrels outside of the door and like a sail and have uh some shanties playing in the parking lot and then when they by the time they roll up they're already in pirate mode it's not weird that there's a pirate working at the host stand i think that it is weird because i want the romance of piracy i want the illusion you know i don't want to see pirates rolling silverware

i don't want to see pirates helping people to their table or writing down my name.

I don't want a pirate to do any of that.

I want that to be regular people.

I need a pirate to just be a dramatic figure waltzing in, taking orders.

You know, you know, wait, sorry, because pirates taking your dinner order, though.

Yes, that's like, because I'm on their boat, I think, in the fiction.

That's so wild, man.

It's so wild to me that you're saying, I can't have a pirate show me to my table, but I will ask a pirate for the wine list.

It actually, can I say,

Griffin is right.

This person should say the waiters can't be pirates.

I don't think the waiters are pirates.

What is up with you guys at reading comprehension today?

There's pirates on duty that give tours, and there was no mention of waiters or servers or nothing.

This is a good point.

This is a good point, Travis.

When you go to the fucking Epcot Garden Grill, it's not like there's 60 chips and dales.

Like, the roast beef is really good.

Pardon,

excuse me, for a living, then I assume in this economy, restaurants can't just have idle pirates walking around.

You're going to put them to work.

Wait a minute.

They're also the bathroom attendant.

They're the tour guide and the bathroom attendant.

This restaurant has so much excess headcount.

I don't do anything with the fucking.

You work at a restaurant?

Wow, you should make me dinner sometime.

No, you don't understand.

I'm a historical pirate cosplayer.

I'm kind of like the guy that dances in the Mighty Money Boston.

So it's like,

yeah, I think this has got to be an everyone dresses like a pirate or no one dresses like a pirate.

You could slowly introduce, like, over time, pirate accessories to your look and pirate things and just like slowly add them on until you just do dress like a pirate.

And it's like, yeah.

You know,

if you had asked me straight up, I would have said, no, that'd be weird.

But now that I've seen you with like the bird and the cutlass and the eye patch and the band.

I will say this.

Cutlass should be last.

That's the hardest.

Not first.

God, no, not first.

Cutlass before Flintlock, but then you're done.

After that, Cutlass, Flintlock, like Parrot is actually pretty late, honestly.

That is a health coding.

I think you start with boots that kind of fold over on top and maybe are a little floppy.

That might be style.

Your boss doesn't know.

Yes, I think that's a good.

Maybe don't do weapons because if I walked into a restaurant and the host had a gun, no matter how antiquated it may be, I'm still not going to feel like especially comfortable.

Well, I do like that thing in movies and TV shows sometimes where like a bartender will have a weapon like up over the bar, like a baseball bat or whatever, to let me know that if stuff goes down, they've got a baseball bat.

You could do something like that.

A cutlass on the wall behind your host.

We're talking decoration.

Oh, okay.

So a cutlass just on the host stand at all times, just so people know.

That's better than in some movies when the bartender like pulls out a shotgun they had underneath the bar i always think like god that's stressful yeah can you imagine that's your day-to-day and you keep a lot of under other stuff under there i'm reaching in there to get the cherries for a drink and my hand brushes the shotgun i'm gonna panic every time yeah like if someone's like can i bring my dog in here it's like oh man i don't think so my son my son my son tucker loves those maraschino cherries yeah he can't fucking come back here man no but you have all the little umbrellas and stuff no no no no no no no no no.

This is a gun area.

This is a place for cutlasses.

No, don't order drinks over here.

Scoot four feet to the right to order your drinks.

Why can't I order them here?

It's not safe.

It's just not safe.

It's just not safe for you.

I want a munch.

Squad.

I want two munch.

Squad.

Welcome to Munch Squad.

It's a podcast of the podcast profiling the latest and greatest of brand eating.

And guys, I have such good news for you.

What?

Burger King is going to release a menu celebrating the new how to train your dragon movie.

Yay!

Now, Trav, I know that you're

you, you appreciate this franchise.

So I wanted to run through the items with you to see how you, a fan, feel about the menu that is coming come along here because Griffin and I don't have the familiar

franchise.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So calling all dragon trainers.

So I'm guessing

is that a title?

Well, it's right there in the name of the movie.

So a dragon trainer is just any of the people who train the different dragons there.

Well, Evangelia.

Yeah, just

the whole storyline.

Yeah, they got names like Funk Nuts and like all kinds of wild shit.

Yeah.

Burger King in co-promotion with the new live-action How to Train Your Dragon film.

Oh, I'm glad they clarified they weren't just doing it solo.

Solo.

Hey, Liz, we haven't reached out to them, but we're huge fans.

I love this shit.

They invite guests to take a trip to the Isle of Burke.

It got cut off.

No, that's it.

Isle of

what?

Burke.

That's just the name of it.

Oh, that's it.

That's why I'm saying, man, everything in this movie is like Gronk.

Four dragon-inspired takes on fan favorite music.

Nuts and Gronk

Chug, Chugball.

Like, everything in this movie has.

Wait, so you have seen the movie, Griffin.

I'm just saying, just come up with some normal names.

Available starting Tuesday, May 27th.

The new lineup was developed to help BK and How to Train Your Dragon fans alike celebrate the release of the new film, which soars into theaters on Friday, June 13th.

Okay.

As the home of the flame-grilled Whopper, Burger King is no stranger to fire.

Huh?

And reimagining America's most iconic burger.

That's why BK is inviting guests to take their taste buds on a bold and flavorful journey with the adventurous new menu offerings, including the okay.

Now, Trav, this is where you're going to have to help me because I don't.

The Dragon Flame Grilled Whopper.

You know what?

I actually have an image, so let me share it with you guys because I feel like the

don't jump ahead of me, please.

But oh, okay.

The Dragon Flame Grilled Whopper, the star of the show, features a quarter pound of flame-grilled beef, okay, served on a red and orange marbled bun, colored with natural spices and vegetables.

Oh, okay.

Topped with American cheese, crispy bacon, tomatoes, lettuce, onions, pickles, ketchup, and mayo.

This

compensating guys, come on.

That burger is the first ham burger I've ever seen that was perfectly spherical.

That beautiful

looks like it was drawn by God's compass.

It looks like a billiard ball, this beautiful, perfect ham burger now justin to if i may to understand the question you're asking

this burger is does it remind you of any of the characters from the movie or

well i think that many of them wouldn't would eat it

Okay, that's

you could say that about any movie ever.

There's some

maybe supersize me, I guess.

There's some red on the bun, which does make me think of, I guess, fire or blood.

Is there a lot of of blood in the franchise?

Well, there are Vikings and stuff.

I think it's implied.

Ah, crap.

You didn't tell me there's Vikings in it.

Yeah.

Now I'm kidding.

And

I assume when they say it's a dragon flame grilled burger, that they use dragon flame authentic to make it.

I would assume so.

Yeah.

There's also fiery dragon mozzarella fries.

Oh, that's a big part of the movie.

Mozzarella fries come up a lot

in the movie.

Every other minute when they get an injury, like I mentioned, they will often use mozzarella fries as like tourniquets or to plug up a wound.

They're mushy.

The dragon doesn't have teeth.

He needs mushy food.

It's like a whole thing in the movie.

In addition to bringing the flame, BK is bringing the heat with fiery dragon mozzarella fries, featuring melty mozzarella cheese, peppers, and fiery Calabrian chili pepper breading for the perfect fiery snack served in a one-of-a-kind, toothless inspired curtain.

Yeah,

that's actually what they do with the mozzarella fries, too.

They stick them inside the dragon's head for storage because dragons are very porous,

which is a big plot point in the movie.

So when they need to store their dragon fries, they put them in the dragon's head for later.

Now, Travis, if you can see on there the special toothless inspired carton,

you can see there, and there's wings on it.

And I guess...

And I guess my question is, does that make you feel something?

Do you like that?

Yeah.

The box looks like the dragon.

Here's what I'll say.

I do looking at it.

It makes me me feel something, but mostly that I'm looking at a knockoff picture of Toothless that I might see on like a boardwalk t-shirt and not like spray paint.

Yeah.

It doesn't look like your real son.

It doesn't look like toothless.

He looks like he's saying, if you try to eat these fries, I will bite your hand.

Is that maybe what live-action Toothless looks like?

I don't believe so.

I don't, I don't know.

I haven't seen it.

But I haven't seen the movie.

He's less rectangular than that in the movie.

And he's not as box-shaped.

yeah he does he is not shaped like a garden of mozzarella fries next up we got soaring strawberry lemonade and hey huge promotion to the person that had to try to sell this one yeah uh soar to new heights and quench your thirst for adventure with the all-new soaring strawberry lemonade yeah no that's actually straight that's canon because when they're flying on the dragon's backs there's a couple points where they go through pink clouds and then they come out and they're like i'm soaked in strawberry lemonade Why are there strawberry lemonade clouds up here?

Yeah.

So that's, that's a direct reference.

And Justin, I would love for you to have to come up with a how to trade your dragon theme tie-in for this pink.

It had to be dragon lemonade.

It's pink lemonade.

Yeah.

Dragon fruit would have been better.

But dragon fruit maybe doesn't taste so good in lemonade.

Oh, like they need it to, yeah, they don't.

You think originally it was regular lemonade and they're like, this is dragon's piss.

Yeah, man.

Can I tell you, if you have a kid of a certain age and you say you want a big cup of dragon piss, they would love it.

Probably.

Yeah.

Lastly, there's a Vikings Chocolate Sunday.

Finish the adventure with Vikings Chocolate Sunday.

Now, I take huge issue with this.

Okay.

Because can I tell you what it is first?

Well, all of the Vikings are lactose intolerant.

Okay, well, that's good to know.

The spicy mozzarella fries put these guys on the toilet for hours.

Hours.

Well, that's why it balances out because the spice, they're like, it's worth it.

A lot of the movie is real-time shitting.

After they eat the mozzarellas, they don't cut away.

You hear them.

Dragons mostly train themselves while you're stuck on the John because of the Burger King combo.

But unless you're about to tell me about a spicy Sunday, Justin, I can't imagine they're putting them through what would be hours of bathroom experience.

Finish the adventure with Vikings Chocolate Sunday.

I don't think I've ever heard that.

Finish the adventure.

Yeah.

A delicious sweet.

I've heard it went a pirate climaxes.

It features vanilla soft serve with Hershey's chocolate syrup and black and green cookie crumbles.

Quote, at BK, we love to bring partnerships to life that create an awesome experience for families.

And money.

Our new collaboration with How to Train Your Dragon is going to be fun for both kids and kids at heart.

Says somebody funny.

What about grown-ups at heart?

Nope.

Our team has created delicious.

I'm a mature, responsible, adult, married father of two.

I'm an adult at heart, and I have to get me some of these spicy cheese fries and this burger.

Our team has created a delicious menu.

Have the Dragon Ball burger.

Inspired by the beloved characters and themes of this exciting new movie that brings the experience to Burger King restaurants.

What themes would you say are best captured by Fiery Dragon mozzarella?

I guess the theme of heat.

There's a lot of heat in the movie.

Fire.

The theme of fire, I guess.

Well, they use the mozzarella sticks.

It's a metaphor for love and connection.

Because toothless sticks abide in the mozzarella stick and it stretches out between him and hiccup.

And there's a 45-minute long monologue about how the string of mozzarella stick connecting them is like the love that connects them.

And then they kiss them.

So that might be the theme.

They kiss.

This movie's eight hours long, by the way

um so there's there's the uh how to train your dragon scoop uh trav you can start getting that may 27th uh enjoy i don't know if i can wait that long i might try to make some of this at home it seems too dangerous

i'm just gonna wait does it come with a special crown you didn't even mention the special crown You know, the special crown is in the press release, so I didn't know how to cover it in our audio podcast.

But yes, there is a very good-looking crown that has horns on it so that's very exciting travis does that make you feel something it makes me feel confused because it says how to train your dragon only in theaters and i know that they're talking about the live action one but how to train your dragon is also a movie that's available pretty much everywhere else you're right it's not only in theaters is it moreover i don't want a crown that says how to train your dragon only in dream works how to train your dragon only in theaters on it i'm the immersion i get what you guys are going for here with this incredibly immersive

inspired combo meal, but I don't want to wear a crown that says how to train your dragon only in theaters on it because that's not what the real dragon king would wear.

Yeah.

Do you know what I mean?

Like have the courage of your convictions to know this is a how to train your dragon officially licensed Burger King crown.

You don't need to fucking put it on there.

Let me live my fantasy, please.

They should include a book of matches instead of a crown.

I think that would fit the theme more.

It's like pretend like you're a dragon at home and set fire to things.

And I think that would feel really on brands.

Yeah.

That's true.

I don't want any of this.

I celebrate them for not pitching it as a meal, though.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That's true.

It's an adventure.

That's why they use the term adventure.

Because that's a meal.

It's an adventure.

You can't restrict it.

It's not a meal.

It's a whale.

It's a strawberry lemonade and an ice cream sundae, a mozzarella fries, and a perfectly round dragon burger and a crown.

It's not a meal.

It's an adventure.

You got to have the burger orb, the spicy cheese fries, the giant sundae and the huge pink lemonade.

And the additional

crown on your third playthrough.

The real Isle of Burke.

The bathroom.

Hey, folks, thank you so much for enjoying this podcast, assuming that you did enjoy it.

And you're welcome for us making it.

Yeah.

Or sorry if you didn't.

Just I don't know why we're covering our bases like this, but.

Yeah, you usually don't hedge that much on the entertainment value of our products.

Apologies.

I don't know what got into me.

Hey, we're going to be, are we this week now?

As they're listening to this, right?

Yes.

We're going to be doing some shows this week in Michigan and Minnesota.

So if you can get tickets to those still, bit.ly forward slash McElroy Tours is where you can get those.

If you are coming to those and you've got a question you want answered or a fear that you'd like read aloud, email that to mbmbam at maximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line.

And we've got a bunch of other tour dates coming up, including California, Texas, Georgia, Utah, and a bunch of other ones.

If you go to bit.ly slash McElroyTours, you'll find all the info and ticket links and stuff there.

All the TAS shows are going to be Taz Versus, except for Anaheim.

That TAS show is going to be Dadlands with game mom Brennan Lee Mulligan.

Check those out, bit.ly slash McElroy Tours.

We got some new merch, including Flaming, Not Poisoning, Raging Tea of Doom, a spicy, caffeine-free tea that we made in collaboration with Goodstore Tea.

I love it.

I've gone through our stash entirely already and will need to procure more of this

delicious tea.

There's also a Plato's Rave 1000 piece puzzle designed by Danielle My Joe Birch.

And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Center for Reproductive Rights.

All of that is over at MacroyMerch.com.

And hey, thanks to Montaigne for these for a theme song, My Life is Better With You.

Check out some of the new tunes that Montane's been putting out, teasing on Sochi.

You're You're going to groove.

You're grooving.

I also want to say thank you.

We're recording this before Champions Grove, but thank you to everybody who came out to Champions Grove.

We had, I assume, a great time, and I assume it will be great.

So thank you all for that.

I also want to say I haven't mentioned it in a while, but I stream on Twitch fairly regularly.

If you go to twitch.tv slash thetravis mcroy, you can find it there.

We also haven't mentioned, hey, come watch McRoy Family Clubhouse.

It's every Tuesday.

Let's take it clean when you don't say come house.

Did I say, I don't think it came out as come house.

Wayne, let's just take it clean for me.

All right, let me try again.

Hey, and we haven't mentioned this in a while.

Come on down Tuesdays to the McRoy Family Come House.

And that's nailed in on Tuesdays on our YouTube channel, which is the McElroy family.

Nailed it.

God of your mark.

One of us was right, one of us was wrong, and history will decide which is which.

Do we have a fear or whatever?

Yeah, we do.

Griffin, why don't you read it?

This year, I'd like to be faster than my fear that I am aging to a point where I'm finally going to be able to relate to the Grown-Ups film franchise.

My name is Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Griffin McElroy.

This has been my brother.

My brother may kiss your dad square on the lips.

It's better with you.

My life, I.

It's better, it's better with you.

It's better.

My life,

oh.

It's better, it's it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better with you.

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