MBMBaM 739: Face 2 Face: Munch Squad Works For Me Now

The McElroy brothers are not experts,

and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert,

but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

One, two, three, five,

side

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has blossomed.

It's ripened into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better with you.

Would you guys like to learn an interesting fact about mushrooms?

If I were if I were to ask you, are they plants or animals?

They're fungus.

It's plasma.

I'm pretty sure.

It's the fourth.

No, it's fungus because the study of mushrooms isn't botany.

It's mycology.

Okay.

Griffin.

Yeah, I wasn't listening to the show before, so I don't know.

I just knew that.

Oh, okay, cool.

If I were to say,

are they animals or plants?

What would you say?

I would say, what's an animal?

Damn.

Thanks.

In a lot of ways, plants is animals.

Some of them eat bugs.

Yeah.

That's sort of our thing.

Animals, that is.

Look how carefully the little spider spins the web around the fact that he doesn't know.

I don't know.

Yes.

All right.

Moving on.

Welcome to our show.

So happy to not be alone anymore.

And we are so happy to be here with you here in Cleveland.

This is an advice show.

I don't know if you've ever seen one of those.

Well, we haven't said our names yet, Justin.

Why not?

Well, weirdly, you sort of hopped in immediately with fun mushroom facts.

Now, to be fair, you started talking about dad karate chopping the

pants and crutch are super duper wet

with white claw, yes, with white claw.

Woo!

Woo!

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

Hey,

what's up, Trav Nation?

I'm your middlest brother, big dog woof-woof Travis McElroy.

It's hard to know when to get in there with my thing during the woof woof.

I know.

With applause, I'm like, oh, it's dying down.

The woof-woof just seems to continue.

Even when it's not being done, it's in their hearts.

It really is.

I'm the sweet baby one, Griffin McElroy.

That's nice.

Well, now that we know you can hit that level, let's start back at Justin and go through again.

It's a special relationship I have with Cleveland.

How's your tummy?

Not good.

So let me tell you the arc that happened, but Griffin's villain arc.

And it's to himself, right?

Yeah, 100%.

We drove here,

and this is what I saw today.

We stopped at a rest stop.

Yeah.

That's not going to be funny for a while.

We stopped at a rest stop.

It had a bunch of restaurant and quick service places.

And Griffin at 11.30 said, I can just bypass lunch and eat here.

And everyone's like, yeah, it's 11.30.

That makes sense.

He got a pastry.

Everybody else got lunch.

I didn't want to commit because I didn't want to eat Panera bread.

I'm sorry if that makes me a villain.

Wait.

So hold on.

Just to understand that woo.

Were you excited to hear the name Panera bread or do you just fucking hate Panera bread so much that okay kick ass.

It's hate.

So So then, cut to 4.30 when we arrive at the venue and Griffin's like, fuck, I should have eaten lunch.

I'm so hungry.

Yeah.

Then he sees pepperoni rolls have been provided by the venue.

Now listen, my

hind brain did a lot of stuff before my more evolved forebrain could get a hand on the ball.

It was already in the microwave for 20 seconds, and then I scorfed that bad boy right down my.

Within each of us is a deep vein of West Virginia dirt bangs.

Yeah.

And Griffin's like, oh, yeah, pepperoni, we're all didn't even think about it.

And he was like, that did me so right.

And then a ticking clock began.

Yeah.

And I think 23 and a half minutes went by.

We were doing sound check, and Griffin's like, I need to leave the stage right now.

Griffin, the day before this, went to a coin-operated arcade museum with me.

And while there, it's called Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum.

It's incredible.

Yeah.

Yeah, you've been there.

If you have, it's a corn-operated museum full of machines that date back to the 1900s and before.

And yes, my brother Griffin did order a hot dog there.

From the machine?

No, from the counter there.

Oh, thank God.

Which he describes.

I swear to God, it popped right out of the Teenage Meeting Ninja Turtles arcade machine.

Fully cooked.

Fully trying to eat that.

Yeah, hell yeah.

Which

he described as the most wrinkly thing he's ever seen.

It was pretty wrinkly.

Moments before horping it into his mouth in three bites, and minutes before complaining about the intestinal distress that the coin-operated arcane hot dog was causing him.

If you guys just want to let me know where the cool hospital is.

But Griffin, it's like daily, man.

The little plastic castle is a surprise every time.

Like, you know the...

Cat's away.

No, you're the only window.

Who's the cat?

If I don't have supervision of any kind from people who love me and feel some responsibility over me, I make bad food choices constantly.

I'm like a little baby over here.

Now, I want to say, because this has come up multiple times on the show recently, where you're like, you guys talk about me like I'm a child.

Yeah.

Yeah, before we went to the museum, Griffin was like, I'm so hungry.

And I was like, I have some fresh fruit in my room.

And you said, no, I'll find something there.

And I did.

And then when we, your brothers, are like, hey, bud, you need to take care of yourself.

You're like, I'm not a child.

Now, watch me eat this hot dog.

It's the wrinkliest thing I've ever seen.

Pepperoni roll was good as hell, though.

Thank you so much.

Hey, let's start the show instead of talking about how brave I'm being.

I think we can all agree by appearing on this stage here tonight.

I was saying, Say if Graven has to leave the stage for a moment, no one make a big deal out of it.

Don't write that check for me unless you're ready to cash it travis i'm trying to look out for you i appreciate it i was sitting on my porch as i often do during the summer and a delivery driver pulled up with a package what should i do in this situation if i go inside that makes me seem rude or anxious if i get up and walk away halfway to meet them it seems like maybe i'm trying to steal it or i'm overeager

If I greet them and let them put the package on the porch, I feel like I'm acting better than them or that I don't appreciate their efforts.

I've ordered a lot of online stuff and I really enjoy my porch.

So this will probably happen a lot.

Help.

I wish this mean delivery man would stop bugging me.

That's from Overthinking in Ohio.

Are you here?

Hi.

Okay.

I love the long con worry of you were sitting on the porch and then met them halfway to steal it.

As if you thought, I'm a neighbor and they get good shit here.

I'm going to wait on the porch till something comes.

Just in case there's a delivery today.

Oh, it's the perfect crime.

I'll just get a lawn chair and sit out there and wait.

Make sure they see my face and everything when they hand it to me.

Never be there again.

It's perfect.

Now, I was going to suggest you could like mark out an area for the bag and say, just right there.

But that does seem like a trap, doesn't it?

It does.

That's going to open up and drop them into a pit or something.

Yeah,

they're looking out for that kind of thing.

Boy, things here have changed since we were kids, huh?

Sheesh.

Yeah, wait.

Go off king.

Like, you never see Mr.

Rogers, like, putting on his slippers, like, won't you be.

Oh, fuck, it's me, Feeling.

Kids, get out of here.

Close the buttons.

Close the buttons, guys.

Shh, shh.

She's gone.

He's gone.

He's gone.

He just left it out there.

Clang, clang.

Pretend to be asleep right now.

They can see us through the windows.

When the liberty driver comes, just look at him and go, yes, please.

Give me package.

Give me package.

And then you say, no, no, no, stay.

It's a one-on-one unboxing.

Yeah.

Like and subscribe.

Don't cry.

I got Twister in the mail.

Let's play it together.

Here's a, here's, when you're, when you're confused about social interaction, here's what I tend to default to.

How stoked am I going to be not to have to walk up that driveway?

And the answer is very stoked.

Thank you.

Thanks for coming to meet me.

I appreciate it.

I didn't want to carry the box all the way down.

If you come up to get it as a delivery driver, I think it's a delivery driver.

I'm stoked.

Thank you.

That was very nice of you.

Thank you.

Justin, then you've never been in the position where you meet them halfway and then they have to take a picture proving they delivered it.

Holding it in the

a thing that has happened to me, so then I get texted a picture with my hands.

Yeah, yeah.

I wanted to do some tasteful portraits of me in my soda stream refill tank.

I'll treasure this forever, Michael.

Thank you.

That is a cheap way of getting family portraits done.

This is my new social media platform, too real.

I also think that there is a proximity that is too close for you to come to meet them to get the package.

You don't want to be standing on the curb, just kind of bouncing up and down.

Well, the Wells Fargo Wagon is up.

Shut it up, Rod.

Nope, you're wrong.

On the curb, it could be accidental.

If you're on the house and then you sprint up to the curb, that's not good either.

But if you're standing on the curb curb doing this yeah

back and forth are they coming

now there's also i don't know how big the porch is but if you're too far away from this like if it's a big porch and you're at the far end of the porch and you just watch them come up and leave it and leave that's actually that's the worst version for me

okay i thought you were gonna put your friend endorsing this well you said if it's a big enough porch which made me think how big a porch does this gotta be for you to if it's a wraparound you're around the corner yeah now that okay, now that would be bad to see that happening as you're coming up to the house.

I should be arrested.

Um, how about another question?

Our new neighbor has been slowly moving in next door and left a large wooden bookshelf in their yard.

The next day, it started raining, and I thought I'd be a good neighbor and covered the shelf with a tarp to protect it.

It's been a week now, the rain has passed, and the neighbor has been to the house multiple times since then, and they have not acknowledged the tarp-wrap shelf in their yard.

Brothers, I'm not looking for praise for being a good neighbor, but I do want my tarp back at some point.

Do I just take it back?

Do I have to cover the shelf back up if it rains again?

Do I wait till they acknowledge it?

What do I do?

That's from Tarpalis in Cleattle.

Are you here?

Woo!

All right.

Now, one time there was a big old windstorm in Cincinnati.

Yeah.

Maybe you guys have heard of it.

And

someone in our neighborhood's trampoline blew like two blocks over.

Yeah.

And I've always thought that if I woke up in the morning and there was just suddenly a trampoline in my backyard where once there was none, I would have a thought of, thank you, God.

Yeah.

And so perhaps your neighbor was like, what are the chances?

It started raining and a big wind blew a tarp over to cover my bookshelf.

Miracles really do happen.

It's such a blessing.

Like the universe did that for you.

You're not going to question the universe.

Yeah.

And then if you go over and grab it, the neighbor's like, whoa, hey, that's my miracle tarp.

The universe did that for me.

You know how in algebra they love when you like do it backwards?

Like that's the first part I saw, but it's like, okay, first, make it backwards.

Do you get it now?

This, I feel like, is a really good example of you have to think of the inverse of this question.

And if you would also send it into this podcast, you have probably made a mistake at some point.

If someone's like, hey, I put a boatshelf outside and I was about to bring it in, and and then my neighbor ran over and covered it with a tarp.

And now I don't want to take the bookshelf in because that's like I'm stealing their tarp.

Is it theirs now?

Is it theirs now?

Did they claim my bookshelf?

Sincerely, should I move?

And then we'd be like, yeah, man, you got to get out of here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're trying to kidnap your bookcase.

That's so weird.

Horses, ghosts, or whatever.

Whatever they thought it looked.

And we'd be like, maybe they thought it looked cold and they're just trying to put a bookshelf shirt on it.

And then you guys would be like,

that's not funny, Griffin.

And I'd be like, whatever, man.

And then I'd be weirdly quiet for the rest of the episode.

So thank goodness you're not that good.

So glad we didn't get that question, guys.

Sliding course.

Yeah.

What a miracle.

Maybe they wanted it wet.

Yes.

Maybe it was dirty and they wanted the rain to wash it off.

Maybe that was a bookcase they got from a relative they don't like.

Yeah.

Maybe they wanted a good excuse to throw it away and that swelling of the wood is exactly what they were waiting for.

Oh no, it's trash now.

Maybe it's the laziest birdhouse on earth.

Maybe they thought they were putting together a sort of tiny public library, but didn't really know how it works or anything.

Maybe they're afraid it's haunted now.

Maybe, because it does look like probably a big blue eyeless ghost.

Can you sneak over to their yard and discreetly?

Clearly, clearly, yes.

and discreetly steal the bookshelf out from under the tarp while leaving it

the prestige no don't steal it if you're gonna do that you have to get it into their home

put it into their home reverse heist justin

i'm hearing it yes i

yeah if you're gonna do that load it up with books dude come on man oh yeah it's the least you could do start covering other shit in their yard with tarps

yes like one a week Really slow roll this.

We just want to keep it free of dust for when Madam returns from her estate.

Yes.

Okay.

I have one foolproof saw for this.

It's a little bit of work, but you're going to need to put one of your bookshelves outside.

And then you take the tarp back and put it on yours.

You're like, I'm sorry, I've only got one tarp.

And a lot of people on this street, one of the normal things we do is put bookshelves outside.

So I'm glad you heard about that.

You're already on that tip.

That's very cool.

Does your bookshelf also stink like rancid shit?

Because mine does.

That's why it lives outside.

No, I know it doesn't because I got real close to it when I put the tarp on.

Yeah, that was me.

I know.

I should have said something to you about it at any point.

I'm sorry.

I'm tired at this moment.

I came back in and told my wife, I don't know why they put the bookshelf outside.

It doesn't stink like rancid shit

like ours does.

I take the training to work every day, and every day I I find myself jealous of the conductors and their sweet hats.

I've been pining for one of those hats since I was a child.

Unfortunately, there's nowhere I can find that sells them, meaning I'd have to get one straight from the source.

How can I convince one of these conductors to give me their hat?

Should I offer them money or something?

That's from languishing on the Long Island Railroad.

Are you here?

No.

On that train.

Living that train life, baby.

I don't blame you.

Hey, I'd rather be on a fucking train than on this stage doing a show right now.

I love trains.

I get it.

it.

Offering money isn't going to work.

That's the number one thing that they teach them.

Hey, can I give you money for a hat?

This is the test.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because they have to be incorruptible.

Because the biggest danger for train guys is somebody's going to be like, I'll give you $100 if you pass these next three stops.

I'm in a huge rush.

You've got to have somebody who's like, I don't think I'm going to be able to do that.

That's why they're paid so well.

Right.

I'm incorruptible.

Right.

All the power is in the hat.

With the hat on, you can go right into the captain's chamber and say, we're going backwards all of a sudden.

Wee!

We've got to break 88 miles per hour.

I'm never getting back to Hill Valley.

Now, let me ask you this.

When you say straight to the source, do you think the conductor is the source?

Yeah, that's also my question is...

They buy the hats also.

It's not like when they get the job, the conductor's like Fontenelle spreads open and a hat.

See, I was thinking more of like a make your own lightsaber thing.

It's not like, well, there's one last last step you must complete, and they send them into the woods, and then they come back with their own conductor's hat.

And how they made it is each one's journey.

To Lids at the mall to get their hat.

I don't think Lids sells conductor hats.

I bet if you...

Any job you want, our hats give you the power of that job.

What do you know, Lids?

See a firefighter guy?

We got a hat for that here at Lids.

I'd like a Lids employee's hat.

God damn it.

Dang it.

You thought of it, huh?

We always are worried somebody's going to pull that off.

There's got to be a service that sells uniforms for jobs.

CentOS, right?

That's all they do.

No, not that.

Okay.

It could be.

The problem is I don't think you can call one of those services and get one of something because they're just going to assume that you're...

in a heist and you need to disguise.

I think at this point, probably Catch Them If You Can is like required viewing for any uniform provider.

Yeah, where they're like, nah, nah, nah.

If a guy just shows up and like, I lost mine, yeah, yeah, okay, let's play that scene out.

Let's play that scene out.

Okay, you lost yours.

Uh, where is it?

I lost it.

Okay, where'd you lose it?

If I knew that, okay, well, let me ask you this: is it on the train?

Fuck, yeah.

Okay, because if he had said no, call me, I'll do it.

I'll do the right.

Is it on the train?

No, man.

I was going too fast on the train with the window up and it flew right off the

window, man.

You gotta help me out.

I grew it myself.

One of the main rules we have is you don't take your hat off and you don't take it off the train.

So if it's not off the train, I don't know how you lost it.

So you're saying that every conductor has to leave their hat in the train before they get off the train?

I'm saying if you suddenly don't have a hat, you're going to have to do some explaining to your bosses about where your hat went because they're on guard for it.

That's the number one thing you have to do is not lose the hat because they cannot have other people pretending to drive the trains.

It's wholly unacceptable.

I don't think the conductor drives the train.

We are torn about this currently.

Is a conductor a plant or an animal?

There's been a lot of back and forth about this.

Fair enough.

Science isn't sure.

I drink coffee every day, so I go through a lot of mugs.

My roommate has mugs with pictures of him and his fiancée on them.

So my question...

Did you summer in France?

Is it the word fiancé drink?

No, did you hear hear the pronunciation, Griffin?

Then my question is, would it be weird?

Say it again.

Okay.

I drink coffee every day, so I go through a lot of mugs.

My roommate has mugs with our pictures of him and his fiancé on them.

So my question is, would it be weird to drink out of them?

I don't want to unnecessarily run the dishwasher for half a load, but I don't want to seem weird putting my mouth on something that has my picture of my roommate and his beloved on it.

That's from Seeking to Be Caffeinated in Not Cleveland.

Are you here?

All right.

Oh, wait.

Hold on.

Very important follow-up.

Is your roommate here?

Thank God.

Awesome.

Now, listen.

I picked this question, and we chose this question.

And it wasn't until hearing my brother read it

that I processed them as not the mugs, but thinking about it as drinking out of them, my roommate and his fiancé.

But you're not.

And when I thought about it in that way the answer is so obvious to me travis do you think that when the roommate no i don't think that's what they meant no no no i know but for a moment there you definitely did think that when the roommate drank out of this mug with his own picture of him and his wife on it he was like

drinking out of me and my wife

yeah all right dude i'm not saying like

We're drinking out of me and my wife, more of like, my wife and I's love has warmed my coffee.

I think there's a way to drink out of your roommate and fiancé mug.

And my immediate thought is straw will help get you out of this situation.

That seems weirder to me.

That seems weird.

It seems weirder to you to not.

I'm really sure.

If it's like if you needed to briefly, if you're making a movie and you need to very briefly communicate that the roommate was a problem, the number one way you would do it

is by having them drink out of your special love mug, right?

Like if they're, if you see, like,

yeah, Burp.

Yeah, you're like, well,

we got to get rid of the roommate, right?

Clearly, he's the problem in this.

He's the third wheel.

It's like you're doing a big kiss on it, though, kind of, huh?

It is like you're kind of trying to.

You can see that, and I'm an extremely, weirdly jealous roommate.

Are you kissing a picture of my fiancé and me also?

There is,

there is a moment for me where if I'm the roommate and I'm like, why won't he use those mugs?

I think it's weird to not like...

I think they're really nice mugs.

I don't understand.

They're always the last ones left.

We put them in the mug things that people would use them.

Or else we put them in our special hidden spot.

Can you just scratch their faces off the mugs?

Put a sticker of your own face next to them.

That's cool.

Yeah.

Or on top of the fiancé.

Can you make it a little bit more of a thing?

Like you're really celebrating it.

Like

as you're drinking you're like yep that's the love I'm crazy about

you can really taste the Kevin and Patricia

hey are you guys microwave safe

again Travis they're not drinking out of the roommates and I can't make that clear enough to you start getting your own mugs with pictures of you going ah on it

Hey though, but can you get a mug that has a picture of you drinking out of their mug on it?

And then see who drinks out of that motherfucker.

Arms raise.

I want to munch.

I saw it get stuck in your face.

I thought you saw your sleep paralysis demon in the waking daytime hours.

I saw everything in you, tense up, and try to push it out.

It's thematic.

The return is here.

Fan favorite potato cakes are back in Arby's.

Shit, man.

Wow.

I really...

I have a new...

That's all the...

I have a new voice inside out style in my brain, and it's just the pepperoni role who's like, I don't want to fucking look at that right now, man.

Get that out of here.

Joy is like, yum, yum.

I love fried potato cakes.

Disgust is like, I don't know, but the pepperoni roll is like, get that shit out of here,

or I'm pushing the yarts button.

Do you mean hash browns?

Hash browns.

No, Trav, it's Arby's, so it's potato cakes.

And Kyle McLaughlin is going to explain why you should join the Order of Potato Cakes.

And he's here tonight.

This July, Arby's is answering fans' calls to bring back potato cakes.

A fan favorite, potato cakes have passionate fan base across the social media insisting on the return of the shredded potato fried to a crispy golden brown.

There's no better building material, says fans.

Yeah, man, I've been plugged into social media these last couple weeks because of...

the news.

And man, it's hard to follow because of all these people demanding potato cakes to come back at Arby's.

The iconic side is gracing Arby's menus nationwide for a limited time.

I mean, do they use the word gracing?

Yeah, Travis, it says gracing, Arby's menu.

Gracing Arby's menu.

I mean, maybe.

For the past three years, Arby's fans have mourned the loss of their beloved potato cakes.

Mourn what?

Mourn the loss.

Do you know how fucking sad it is that

Arby's is like, well, we can't sell them the fried potatoes they love anymore.

It's just too expensive.

They're potatoes.

We have to fry them.

We can't make the numbers work.

Also, Arby's, hey, Arby's, hey, Arby's.

Three years ago, there was some other stuff happening globally that also had us pretty bummed out.

That also maybe might have had an impact on sales of

potatoes.

I don't know, man.

I'm looking at their sales.

It's fucking April 2020.

I'm looking at our sales.

I don't get it.

They've fallen off the face of the earth.

They must just be so sad about the potato cakes.

You guys are living a pretty privileged life if at some point in 2021 you didn't have to say out loud, this too!

You're taking this too, huh?

All right, thank you.

My last bit of joy, potato cakes.

From the

y'all, in the past year alone,

don't cry.

It's okay.

In the past year alone, potato cakes have been mentioned more than 10,000 times on social media.

That's not a lot.

With loyalists issuing passionate pleas for the revival.

Why do you have to justify selling hash browns?

Just sell them or don't?

We didn't want to.

We didn't want to.

We fucking hate these things.

But you guys...

From the thousands of social posts to online petitions and even dedicated fan accounts, Arby knows the true adoration of potato cakes devotees and is eager to please.

Paul do you have the video handy oh god

hello

and welcome to the order of potato cakes now hold on no don't continue in the comments section

some might say you were obsessive or deluded heck some might consider it corporate harassment

But in the order of potato cakes, we

call it passion.

So Paul has briefly taken a a break.

Travis, did you have a question?

Yeah, that's Illuminati, right?

What he did?

Nah, it's a hash brown.

That's the shape of potato cakes.

That's the shape of them.

Or deluded.

Heck, some might consider it corporate harassment.

You remember when McDonald's made a clown?

Because you see the world like we see world.

Huh, I love that.

See that devotion.

That's great, Gen.

That's what I'm talking about.

You belong here

with us.

Oh, God.

The Order has taken over Arby's social media to ensure the prophecy is fulfilled.

Don't worry, they're far.

But the will of the Order has prevailed.

You already won the meal!

Potato cakes are back at Arby's.

The only thing missing is you.

Our ranks grow stronger each day, but we must remember.

Was he quite calm?

the Order of Potato Cakes needs your help.

The more you comment about Arby's potato cakes, the more you purchase Arby's potato cakes, the closer we all get to true potato cake enlightenment.

Join us.

What am I supposed to fulfill?

Let's fulfill the prophecy.

And together, we will demonstrate one simple thing to the powers that beast.

Potato cakes

must remain.

This concludes our orientation.

Or else.

I hope,

I pray that QAnon gets its hands on this commercial.

Just because

I think it would finally put that whole thing to bed.

Yeah.

Because half of the people.

Wait, which whole thing?

QAnon or the commercial?

Probably QAnon, because half of the QAnon people would be like, this is nothing, guys.

And the other half would be like, I don't know.

I appreciate it.

I think it's part of it.

If you really look at it, I think Kyle's passing along some pretty coded deep state messages.

Can we go?

Hold on, real quick, Paul.

Can we go to like second 25, I think?

Somewhere around that.

Yeah, I wanted to talk about it.

No, keep going back.

I want to see his shoes.

There we go.

So, yeah, if we can pause right there.

So,

what I want to talk about here is of this two-minute video,

these shoes are visible for about three seconds.

Yes.

So, someone very passionately chose these shoes for Mr.

McLaughlin.

Or unless

he brought them from home today.

Also possible.

And then they made sure like and if you could just cross your legs Kyle so we can see him real quick.

We don't want those shoes to go to waste.

Oh, thank you so much.

This is what I wanted to say about this ad really.

This is Kyle McLaughlin.

starring in an ad that is pretending to be for some sort of like Jijun Institute style fake retro computer cult.

And it's also called McLaughlin again.

And it's for potato cakes and it's a fake infomercial.

What I'm saying is like, I think I've brought the Munch Squad to heel.

I think Munch Squad works for me now is what I'm thinking.

I worry that I've like perverted it to my own.

It's like, well, I know one way we can get a little attention.

Yeah.

What about the husky boy in the bimpam?

Right.

This feels like they did some dream mining.

It really does feel like to a point where it's like, and it's about Arby's potato cakes because since 2021, I've been mourning their absence.

So,

did you request this?

Several omens have recently foretold the re-emergence of Arby's beloved Krispy Side item.

Is this from the press release?

I'm just reading the texts.

Several omens have recently foretold the re-emergence of Arby's beloved crispy side item, and only Lynn enthusiasts like McLaughlin can be trusted to inform all the members of the order of the details of potato cakes limited return.

As a potato cakes devotee myself, I'm proud to enlighten all potato cakes lovers about the return of our cherished menu item, said McLaughlin, leader of Arby's newly founded order of potato cakes.

We've been waiting three long years and our voices have finally been heard.

Potato cakes are back at Arby's thanks to the powers that beef.

When I said powers that beef,

you know how you all are finding this kind of funny, but not as funny as it should be?

It's because they just made it for me.

Do you understand how narrow, like, they wrote powers that beef in my own blood.

You know what I mean?

It's like...

We've also we've talked about a lot of celebrity endorsement pairings and quite often they reek of like I don't know man I I don't care anything about this put my name on it.

This is the most like Kyle McLaughlin had ideas for.

What are they?

Fried potato triangles?

I've written up a script for what I'm going to say.

I've figured it out already.

I have shoes picked out already.

I already have some shoes that are appropriate.

What's the budget for the commercial?

$700?

How much of that is for me?

None of it.

Okay.

So this is gratis.

Fair enough.

Anything for you, Arby's.

To further honor Potato Cake's return, Arby's will also offer offer a variety of bespoke, limited edition merch items created specifically for the order, including a potato cake amber necklace, potato cake candle, enamel pin, and official garb of the order in the form of a t-shirt and hoodie.

And I listen to the bad.

Well, I just want to say that the sad thing is I didn't read this paragraph until...

I got up on stage.

So it's been a kind of distracting show trying to see how much of that I can still buy.

I was wondering what you were doing, Justin.

I did catch a little bit of it.

I needed to be able to say like, and I bought it all.

But you know, like I.

Arby's has built a reputation of offering bold, delicious menu items from our well-known classics like roast beef sandwiches

and jamoca shake to our limited time specials like, yeah, for sure.

And the bourbon BBQ sandwiches, it's not as good as Rax's, but I bet they didn't even make it up here.

The fans asked for again and again.

Now we're bringing back potato cakes, one of our most requested and beloved items, to celebrate the true love, passion, and devotion our guests show for them day in and day out.

I guess they didn't tell her about the skit, huh?

They should tell people about the skit if they're asking for a quote so they don't come off like a real, you know, turd.

Right.

Anyway, they're back now.

You can go get them.

Not right now.

Please wake down.

Not this second.

But thank you.

And thank you, Arby's, and thank you, Kyle.

I really appreciate it.

I'm tired of sitting on my butt and not doing anything to help anybody.

And I'm not even doing anything about my dream.

And I promised you guys that I was going to in 2024, I was going to make real progress on my dream.

And honestly, it's no, it's late in the year and I'm running out of life.

I'm running out of time.

What should I do?

Help.

Well, Justin, is your dream to build a beautiful website?

It could be the first step of a dream, maybe.

Okay, because if you want to build a beautiful website to engage with your audience and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, and on your terms, you could do that on Squarespace.

And I'll tell you, Justin, it's pretty weird that you didn't already know that because we've talked about Squarespace.

Well, like a lot, like a lot.

You could say, Trav, that this is my third time talking about Squarespace today.

And it just hasn't sunk in?

Because I guess at this point, we're also telling our audience again about Squarespace, which we've talked about a lot.

Yeah.

And I don't know why our audience is so fucking dense.

Get the net, audience.

I'm just saying, guys.

We have to fucking tell you about Squarespace.

I don't want to get angry about it.

I've held my tongue for too long, audience.

It's Squarespace time.

Buckle in.

We've all used it.

We've all made websites with it.

It's successful.

And look at us now.

Look at us now.

We're so successful.

It's so easy and it makes your stuff look good.

They give you templates and you pick the stuff out of the templates you want and it looks like you're an internet pro

and you don't actually have to know anything except that Squarespace is the place you should go to do the things.

So go to squarespace.com for a free trial.

When you're ready to launch, go to www.squarespace.com slash my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Now, Justin.

Fly, you fools.

Now, Justin, I don't know if having a website is going to really further your dream of...

If memory serves, you said you wanted to be a Mortal Kombat guy.

You said you wanted to be a playable fighter in Mortal Kombat.

And I don't know how the website is going to.

My dream, if you'd remember, Griffin, is to do a better job sharing my photos with my friends and family.

Having to be a Mortal Kombat playable character was his nightmare, Griffin.

Justin has an a recording nightmare every night.

Yeah, where was my they show up and just beat his ass.

That was my Are You Afraid of the Dark episode?

My dream is to the Are You Afraid of the Dark episode is just 21 minutes of Justin getting his ass fucking stomped by Scorpion and Katana and Sub-Zero.

All of them working together, which they don't normally do.

And it's weird because normally they don't give the other fighters lines about why they're doing it and why they feel so good about kicking the other person's ass.

This time they have to absolutely team up to stop my ass.

For quote, wrongs you've committed against them and God is what they keep saying.

They make special fatalities just for just for just like Johnny Cage.

Johnny Cage rips off his penis and throws it and it smacks against the Hollywood sign.

Wait, he rips off his own penis?

That's how bad he is at Justin?

Johnny Cage yells, I hate Justin so much, and he rips off his own penis and throws it against the Hollywood sign.

And Justin dies of shame.

So aura frames are really good frames.

Aura frames, you said?

I've been trying to tell you guys about aura frames.

They're so good.

But I segued into it.

You guys started talking about all this nonsense this absolute garbage about people's dicks and stuff i'm just trying to make that's here in the coffee just i'm trying to make we didn't make that up it's word for word i have all highlighted in the coffee i'm a family i have i have a i'm a community leader guys you gotta be you're right okay just do a normal ad it's a gift i'm with you now It's a gift.

You give a gift to somebody you love and you have an aura frame.

You can set it up ahead of time on their Wi-Fi details.

You can get it all hooked up they don't need to be tech havy to have one and you don't really have to be tech savvy to use it it's really easy with the aura app you can upload pictures that you take right away wirelessly to anybody's frame your own frame at home or maybe like a grandma uncle whatever it's a beautiful gift we've given them to lots of people if you got everybody loves them if you got kids and your parents aren't online then this is this is a way to get the pictures of your kids to your grand but to your parents without having to explain how you know instagram works and technology and keep them off of it keep them off social media.

Yeah, please, Christ.

They don't need to be on the bus.

Tell them that the aura frame is Instagram.

They don't know that.

They don't.

No, they don't.

Hey, if you would like to try this out, I promise you, it makes a great gift.

I've literally given it to probably a half dozen people at this point.

For a limited time, visit auraframes.com and get $45 off Aura's best-selling Carver matte frames by using promo code MyBrother at checkout.

That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com, promo code MyBrother.

This exclusive Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year, so don't miss out in terms of condition supply.

Real quick, it's got a couple announcements before you get back to the rest of the show.

It's Blart week, baby.

The 10th anniversary of Tell Death to Us Blart drops this Thursday on American Thanksgiving.

It is.

So all week we'll be showcasing special Blart content.

You can see Blart marathons all week long.

We're not doing any of that.

Look in your mailbox.

There's a Blart mailer in there.

Just doing the one episode that we did record a while ago, but it's coming out and it's going to be great.

Please join us as we watch Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 with our friends Tim and Guy for the 10th year running.

Also, we're doing our Candle Nights special on December 14th at 9 p.m.

We've got special bits we've made and special videos and we're going to do mabim bam bits and it's all holiday themed and we don't cuss and it's a great time of year and you get together and you share it with your family and it's just lovely.

Bit.ly slash candle nights tickets 2024 is where you can go to get a ticket for that.

So you should do it and then join us December 14th at 9 p.m.

It's all pre-recorded, but we air it live so everybody can watch it and chat about it and it's a it's a good vibe, I promise.

Yeah.

And speaking of a good vibe, if you're listening to this week of, right now, week of Thanksgiving, I am appearing off-Broadway in the 20s tavern.

It's a live DD improv off-Broadway show.

It's an absolutely chaotic, good time.

You can get your tickets at the 20sidedtavern.com.

I'm only doing seven shows, so don't miss it.

The 20sidedtavern.com.

Come see me there.

I'll be doing like a stage door meet and greet after each show.

So So come, see the show.

We got merch.

We got some new merch for Candle Knights.

The Candle Knights poster and ornament are available now, designed by Matt H.

Taylor.

And all proceeds for that particular item and the Candle Knights show go to Harmony House, which works to end homelessness in the Huntington area through permanent housing and supportive service programs.

And then also, other merch we got, Death Blart 10-year anniversary poster celebrating our so far pretty great track record of stage doors.

Fallers with yeah.

Killer.

And also, if you want to get fungalore merch, you should should do it before the end of the year.

And 10% of all merch sales this month of November will be donated to the First Nations Development Institute.

Their mission is to uplift and sustain the life ways and economies of native communities through advocacy, financial support, and knowledge sharing, all at macroemerch.com.

And in case we didn't say it in the episode, thanks to Montane for the use of My Life is Better With You.

I know we said it.

We always say it at live shows.

I pride myself on my situation.

Just in case.

Who knows when this one?

But I do thank Montane.

I do thank Monte.

I thank you.

Enjoy the rest of it.

Bye.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined.

No, no, no.

It's it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom London.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

We

are now going to call some folks down to the microphone that is here at Stage Left House Right.

We ask you to send in your questions.

I'm gonna call out your name and your seat number and when you approach what

god damn it dude because you crushed a can of white claw he did it with his mind Griffin okay I was trying to send a secret signal hey it got through all right

all right thanks Paul when you come on down I was really have you guys ever done hey Here's a quick question.

Have you guys ever done the crush on your head thing?

I feel like it.

Not for you.

i clearly wasn't asking everybody in the audience to answer individually for themselves but i do love that spirit on the way and would you answer like yeah yeah for sure obviously justin um are we gonna do it right now no please i'm really not already crushed my kid i was just curious i don't think i would have i think it would hurt and we'd

feel like you

you're not gonna i'm not stone cold steve austin if that's what you're asking yeah no shit griffin i'm not gonna but like

you think you could right i mean i've bit been into one like a werewolf and teen wolf.

I'm already

going to the hospital after the show, so I may as well

cut my forehead terribly.

I think the trick has to be you squeeze a little as you do it.

I think you got to squeeze a little as you do it, right?

I don't know, man.

I'll ask stone cold Steve Austin next time I see him.

We're going to call you down to the microphone.

Please let me get through this.

Please.

It's not funny.

It's just informative, but I have to to do it and you're not letting me.

It's just an explanation.

This is actually a good time for me.

This is actually the perfect time for me to finish my Arby's transaction.

You have to log in?

Just

go log in with Arby's Arby's account.

You have it saved.

Your Jonathan has his Arby's account password saved on his password manager

Stop looking, Travis.

I can't do anything.

What if that's the thing that gets you on the dark web sites?

Arby's today suffered a terrible hack.

I mean, they're dope.

Okay.

I get emails about it all the time, like, hey, they cracked this password, J-Man.

It's like, well, they'll give me street cred.

Let them rifle through there.

I don't care.

It's a long purchasing history.

When you come to the fucking microphone,

when you come to the microphone here at Stage Left HouseRight,

if you want to give us your name, your pronouns, if you'd like, and a synopsis of the question that you sent in, that would be lovely.

Hello.

Who are you?

Hey, hell yourself.

That was not supposed to stump you.

I've been a designer for most of my life.

No name.

What's your pronouns?

Well, some things happened three years ago, and I went on some hard times.

Wait, are our mics not working?

Wait, I need to.

I'm Paul.

I'm sorry, he hit me.

It's okay.

Hey, Paul, welcome to the stage, Paul.

All right, Paul, with our introductions out of the way.

They're new meds.

It's all good, Paul.

What's going on, Paul?

How can we help?

So I've been a designer for like 30 years.

Went on some hard times about three years ago.

Something happened.

But anyhow.

Was that the potato cakes getting taken out of Arby's?

Because that hit a lot of us.

You know how it goes.

That's when Macquarie stuff went downhill fast.

I finally landed a job in sales, but I don't have a whole lot of experience at it.

And I wanted to sort of inject some fun and pizzazz into my sales pitch, and I was hoping you guys could help me.

I do sell headstones.

Yeah.

Yeah, you save that for the end in the email, too.

And we were all, my brain was all getting really excited about different gags.

And then, oops, right there at the end.

It's just so sad.

Okay, I got two things for you.

Okay.

First,

start talking about like a celebrity endorsement, like this is the headstone, like John Wayne uses, right?

And so that way, you tie it in that way.

And then, if you want a little joke, you can say, and you can use it, it's flexible, headstone, footstone, however you want to do it.

No, that won't go over real good.

It's proven to be.

You make a joke.

Listen, screens are the future.

How big are screens right now for you guys?

Yeah, I thought so.

The next step after that is...

Do you mean measurement or popularity?

No, no, no.

Screens like screens in the headstones, it's huge.

Yeah, but you said how big it is.

I just mean highlight you were asking

a quarter inches.

Like how many...

No, no, no, no.

I don't need a big screen there.

I'm not trying to be flashy forever.

And besides, if you get a big screen in your headstone, what about in five years they got better screens?

You're going to look like a dork for dying when you did.

You don't need that.

So you need AI to update it.

So whatever is hot then, that's what's on your headstone.

Yeah, it's like here lies Justin and then you've got like a Fortnite guy or you know, yeah, and he's like skibbeting all over me

And my name and these but then what if there's a glitch and that's what it gets stuck as forever and then in the year 3100 during the second great human renaissance people are like we got to smash this fucking headstone guys.

We can all agree we like this one the least History's greatest villain.

Creep up.

What's his fucking deal?

Is there a law that says the dates on a headstone have to be true?

Technically, no.

Okay.

Oh, shit.

Because if you could stretch it out to a ridiculous number and then wait like 200 years from now, someone's like, yeah, what the fuck?

Whoa, they were born in 1251, died 1998?

That's all I want.

That's cool.

Or have it go backwards.

Whoa.

I'm trying.

Does it have to be the right name, or can you put like Benjamin Button on there and just like freak everyone out?

I'm trying to think.

That's the real Benjamin Franklin.

And we found it.

I'm trying to think of other

de facto sales bitch stuff that's already out.

Like, oh, that's my favorite.

No, that's that one's delicious.

Like, you can't do that.

That works at a restaurant.

Or like, yeah, people.

are wild about that one.

We hear a lot of, we get a lot of repeat business on that.

Like, I don't know know why.

The last headstone you'll ever need.

Yeah, absolutely.

I don't know why we have ceded the fun marketing ground exclusively to like auto dealerships on TikTok.

I feel like there's an opportunity there for you to become the fun TikTok headstone dealer.

Maybe.

Is there a way to make a headstone get taller over time?

A big, like, you know, lickomade?

A big lickamade stick that looks like it's dipping into my coffee.

Edible headstones.

Can it be a 3D printer, but it's like so slow?

So, like, in 30 years, it'll finally finish, and it's a statue of me or something.

That would be killer.

What's your usual pitch?

Like, yeah, where do you start?

How much money?

Usually I start with, I'm sorry, your family member dies.

Yeah, okay.

That's a bad place.

That's not fun.

There's no places there.

Yeah, yeah.

No, we should have said something.

God damn it.

Why did you say that?

No, that's the place to start like, man, I'm so glad you're here.

Nah.

Finally.

My dumbass was just like, do a TikTok dance.

I should have said, apologize about their debt failing memory.

Wait, people aren't picking out their own headstones ahead of time?

You got to get that going.

I don't want these hammer and echers picking out my headstone.

They're going to get boring ass headstones.

I want to pick my own headstones.

Why am I God's green earth?

Would we be the ones?

In what reality?

We are 20th on that list if we are anywhere on it.

Because my wife is crying so hard, she's throwing up.

Travis, I swear to God, there's probably literally two dozen people that would do a better job in the line of secession.

But do you know

if you let my seven-year-old

you have known us for a very long time?

If you let Griffin and I be in charge of it, you will not like it.

You won't like it, dude.

Our asses guaranteed.

I was going to do that anyways, but I thought it was going to be like, nice headstone, bro.

True here.

This is my impression of Griffin and I for the rest of our lives.

It's what he would have wanted, right?

I mean, he would have.

He would have got it.

He would have gotten it.

He would have got it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He would have gotten it.

He would have got it.

Can you make some of the headstones vert ramps and just like...

I'd love that action.

Super easy.

That would be cool.

How would you do that?

If one in a million people who stepped on my grave fell into it, that's actually what I want.

Just a trapdoor, and you never know what it's going to go.

Can you write on every headstone, no treasure here?

Guaranteed.

Wink.

That statement has to be true.

Well,

is there a law about that?

Better question: have we helped you?

Yes.

Thank you.

Oh, good.

This is such a relief.

Good luck.

Hello.

How's it going?

Hi there.

Hi, how's it going?

Going good, Ryan.

He, him.

Hi, Ryan.

Hello, Ryan.

I teach for a living, and I have a lot of free time in the summer.

And one of the things I like to do is go to garage sales locally because you never know what you're going to find.

Yeah.

And you kind of do.

Oh, yeah, it's mostly garbage.

Board games and smelly clothes.

Half of a basketball hoop.

12 records.

Ripped up Pokemon cards, you know.

That's a story there.

That's the holy grail, really.

Why do they rip them up and keep them?

Bad breakup.

So what is your question?

How can we help?

My question is, though, what do I say to the people running the garage sales when I don't buy anything?

You say anything else good inside?

Where's the primo store?

Where's the

shit?

You got

any free rigs?

You got any stock in the back room?

By which I mean your house.

Where's the black market and your hoe?

Take me to the seedy underbelly of your house.

Where's the stuff for the

delivered connoisseurs?

Hey, do y'all do food?

I'm hungry.

Hey, I love the display you got out of here for the normies.

But what do you got for us discerning adults?

Wing wink.

Wink wink.

Where's the beaded curtain I can step through?

Right.

Where's the adults only section?

You can do what I do whenever I leave a place without buying something and loudly announce to anyone who's listening that I left my wallet in the car and then

leave.

You do that every time you leave a garage sale without buying something.

He does that when he leaves my house, girl.

I do that when I leave.

Most places without buying something.

Yes, I will announce that I left my wallet in the car.

Now there is a problem with that though, Justin, where garage sales do mainly take place outside.

So they would watch you.

Get into car.

Start car.

Change gears.

Drive away.

Yes, but by the time I've gone, so have they.

For my mind, I mean.

And what's better, Travis?

Don't you think it's better for the garage sale runner to be like, oh, he's fucking gone, rather than the person working at the shop that can't see Justin get on, drive off, just waiting?

Should we lock up?

It's way past closing time.

Nah, man.

Juice said he'd be back with the wallet.

And I'm a huge fan of my brother, my brother.

Me.

I know I didn't say that to him then, but he's coming back.

Yeah, i think you gotta be honest with this shit sucks you gotta get better shit

you made precious memories with this stuff

no you no you didn't hear me i said one man's trash is another man's treasure i'm not the person that thinks it is treasure so i have to go i will be honest with you ryan i don't think i've ever done this because you can usually find something at a garage sale for like a quarter and that's a penalty you pay for not finding any cool shit shit at the garage.

Yeah, although that's weird when you're like just the ashtray thanks

I just started smoking.

I haven't started smoking yet, but I'm thinking of taking it up.

I don't know if I like smoking, but I love Betty Boop.

Ryan, if you walk up to a garage sale, what is it the first thing you're looking for?

Like what are your what are your what's your first priority?

Touch?

Non-ripped up Pokemon cards.

Non-ripped up.

Okay.

it.

So Pokemon cards are the number one.

Then you just walk up, look them square in the eye, and say, I'll take all your Pokemon cards.

And when they say none, you say, okay, then why did you make me come?

Yeah.

Then why did you put Pokemon through

Pokemon for sale on the poster?

You didn't?

Fuck.

What address is this?

I gotta go.

Have you ever not stopped?

Have you ever driven past, like, got any Pokemon?

Nope.

All right.

Bye.

I 100% have done like the slow drive-by where you can kind of like scope it out and you're like,

you don't have to stop here.

One time I was at a garage sale with Rachel when we were still living in Austin and before we had kids and stuff, when we could still just drive around the neighborhood in the weekend and look at garage sales.

And

we were like, fuck yeah, that one's got a hammock for sale.

So we bought the hammock.

And then they were like, all right, so

are you going to be by with the truck later to pick it up?

And we were like, oh, yeah,

that's right.

It has to get to our house somehow.

It's a hammock.

Forgot about that part of it.

So what did you do?

It was like three blocks away.

We carried it home.

That's how we got strong.

Huh.

We used it like four times.

It was well worth it, guys.

Excellent.

Does that help?

Yeah, that actually really helps.

Awesome.

Cool, Ryan.

Thank you.

I didn't expect you'd feel that way.

Did anyone else?

Oh, thank God.

Hello.

Hi.

How's it going?

Hi.

I'm Katie H.

I asked a question about hot air balloons.

Yeah, Katie Hallie.

Yeah, Katie, so many questions from us on.

I'm so delighted.

Hi.

So what's up with the hot air balloons, Katie?

My question was, how do I get them to stop landing in my yard?

Yes.

Now,

right?

So

this is rare for us with their hula hoofs.

I'd love to let Katie talk for like 30 seconds because I do need a lot of information really quickly.

So I live in like the middle of a cornfield and it was an empty lot for like 40 years.

So I think it was just like their secret landing spot.

To do, to get...

Okay, yes.

I guess if you do need to piss your shit as a hot air balloon pilot, you can't do it in the sky.

No, you gotta plan for that.

Okay, sorry.

They did plan for it.

They had this nasty little cornfield they would park in and do their business before rising back up.

Hey, Katie, I know this isn't the question you asked, but moving forward in the future, if someone asks you where you live, don't say, I live in the middle of a cornfield.

I am.

Because Because it does sound like you've just risen up from the ground.

Okay, but

they're still parking it, you're saying.

Yes.

How often?

Like at least once like a year, they'll try and land on the balloon.

Travis,

you say that.

But my rate of hot air balloon parking encounters is approximately zero a year for the whole of my life.

One a year is a lot of hot air balloons to randomly land in your...

If you all had an annual hot air balloon visit I think you could make more space in it for your life if it was more frequent that's it's almost worse than it's set up

you could set up like an outpost and sell them goods and serve ah you're here to trade first and then if it happens every few years it's magical like brigadoon once a year is the worst frequency it can happen with

it's like really weird too because like they've people on the ground I don't know if you guys know this but they have like people on the ground They like come driving up my driveway with like walkie-talkies, and they're like trying to tell them not to land because there's a house there.

Yeah, do they land on your house?

No, but how fast are these fucking balloons going?

They can't clock the fucking house on the ground.

I didn't know hot airplanes.

It's too late.

I don't know what to do.

Give it more hot.

Yeah.

So it go up.

I didn't know landing was such a committed process.

I was like, no, man, I'm coming in.

Tell the house to move.

I know why they need pullers, obvious.

It's a delicate balance for sure.

I don't know why they need spotters for houses.

It's just a balloon.

Don't go there.

You have literally nothing obstructing your sight line except for maybe four ropes.

Katie, you need to put a bunch of cactuses on your roof.

That's the hot air balloon's natural enemy.

Hey, Katie, you got a label maker?

No.

Can you get a hold of a label maker?

You want to own a hot air balloon?

I'm saying that guy lands.

You're like, bring her in, pal.

Bring her in.

No problemo.

As soon as it lands, Katie's, what?

What does it say on here?

Well, it's, let's see, it's at my house, and it says Katie's on it.

So I guess that's my hot air balloon.

But I'll go to the police, will you?

Because you landed in my fucking yard.

Yeah,

you landed on my yard, and if you'll notice, I'm 10 feet above you.

I'm flying away like the wizard of Oz.

You'll never see me again, motherfucker.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Hold up.

How do you go down?

Because.

Oh, no, wait, hold on.

Climb up that rope.

Hurry.

Hey, wait, do you guys still have any other cord feels?

Because I can't land here.

It would be hugely embarrassing.

But maybe with owners, you are less crabby than me.

Can you get some friends to come over and dress up as, I don't know, scary-looking balloon scavengers.

Okay, Griffin, sorry, really good.

Have the friends come over and dress like the cowardly lion, the tin man,

scarecrow, and Dorothy, and be so excited that the balloon came back.

That would also work.

Yeah, I think that would also work.

Katie, I was about to say that helped, but like, we're really doing a good job.

Yeah.

So I think

that I feel like question and answer, right?

Feel good?

Yeah, I thought so.

Thanks, Katie.

Thank you, guys.

That's a little Shrek on it.

A lot of you would probably think, I bet they don't have a Shrek hot air balloon.

We've got to stop making such big Shrek's, everybody.

Hi.

Hello.

Hello.

My name is Sawyer.

I use they, them pronouns.

Hi, Sawyer.

I got so lost coming down here.

I know.

I'm so sorry.

You're like, where is everyone?

In a labyrinth?

We got lost backstage a couple of times, too.

Yeah.

It's the Masonics were constantly under threat of invasion, so they needed to.

The weirdest part is all the arrow holes facing out.

Yeah, it's weird.

Anyway, Sawyer, what's your question?

Okay.

So my sister had a fish, RIP.

Its name was Screwdriver.

And as you do for the

traditional fish funeral, we flush it down the toilet.

Burial, let's see, yeah.

Nearly immediately, I had to use the bathroom.

Did you, perchance, eat a pepperoni roll 25 minutes prior to the funeral?

No, but it sounds good.

It doesn't.

Maybe for me.

So,

what happened next, I guess?

Luckily, we have like other bathrooms in the house.

But that one is like the one closest to my room.

Yeah.

It's the good one.

Yeah, your favorite.

That's fine.

We all have a favorite one.

Yeah.

You have a home base.

What would Screwdriver have wanted?

Like was Screwdriver nasty?

There may be some fish that are like, you'll never believe it.

It finally happened.

I never thought it would happen to me.

Every eight different cycles on this shit planet.

Seven different incarnations, finally it happened.

The burial pee I've been waiting for.

God.

Sawyer, if that ever happens again, let me prepare you with this statement.

I just need a moment alone.

I have a lot of feelings right now all building up inside of me.

I just need a moment alone.

Which is the ghost of screwdriver.

Ashes to ashes.

I'm about to bust.

You guys got to get out.

And now the traditional moment when you all quickly leave the room.

Paul, if you're still looking for headstone sales tactics, I think offering a burial at P could be novel at the very least.

It's not like that same day, right?

You got to let the sun set on screwdrivers.

Oh, no, am I.

Like.

No.

It's...

What are you talking about?

The flush has happened.

Flush is gone.

It's gone.

Now, a flush does have to happen.

Yeah, you gotta.

Yeah, you gotta flush.

You should be, can I say, though, pro tip to everybody, you should be flushing when you put it in.

Because if you don't, it's not good.

Say whatever you're gonna say before it enters the toilet.

Don't put it in.

And

say your words.

And make sure.

And honestly, while we're at it, make sure you flush before, too.

You really, you want to be.

You should be flushing in toilet colour.

It's a taste issue, honestly.

It's a taste issue.

You should be taking it.

It's a taste, not taste.

God, man.

Guys, this used to be a classy show it sounds like you're talking about sous videing your fish in the toilet it used to be a classy show for adults what do you mean

you can't say it's a taste issue are you getting dressed like you're about to walk off stage do you need to use the bathroom well i never

no i'm just saying it's distasteful to not flush before and after the service.

I'm saying there should be a little bit of taste applied to the ceremony.

And yes, ideally, you do have a marching band lead you into the toilet, Justin.

Obviously, in a perfect world.

Do you take out the little like blue cleaning disc inside the turlet before you put the fish in there?

That's what they would have wanted.

And turn off the music when it flushes because you have a special music.

That would be embarrassing.

I bet you cleanse the fish in the bidet.

Right.

Yes, fray it out.

No, you put the fish in first, fire out the bidet, give him one last ride.

Wee!

Goodbye.

Sawyer, does that help?

I don't want to talk to my brothers about this anymore.

Yeah.

Yeah, thanks, Sawyer.

I appreciate it.

Does it help?

It did help.

Thanks, Sawyer.

Thank you so much, Sawyer.

I knew it.

Hey, y'all, thank you so much for coming to our live show tonight.

It has been an absolute blast.

You all are incredible, and there's so many of you.

Holy shit.

Thank you so much.

That's amazing.

Oh, wait.

I'm going to be real.

You.

No, I don't know where my phone is.

Never mind.

But I'll tell all my friends later.

They'll be so jealous.

We want to say a big thank you to Justin Gray, who did our poster.

You can find it outside.

Maybe we signed a whole bunch of them, and you can buy them out front.

My favorite part is where there's a birdhouse in my soul.

And your face, for some reason.

I love it.

Well, that's where my soul is, but it's on my feet.

Thank you to Paul and Amanda and to Rachel and to Jack and everyone who helps us do all this stuff.

To Sawbones.

Hey, thanks, Sawbones.

To

Clint McElroy.

Thank you, Clint.

Thank you to the staff of this beautiful temple.

They've been so accommodating.

And our spread backstage, they really went above and beyond with the candy, and we so appreciate that extra touch.

There's like eight different candies back there.

It's great.

It's gorgeous.

Thank you to Montane for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better With You.

I have a wish here that I would like to elevate for fungal.

We don't need to, but I want to elevate.

Oh, and thanks to Sawbones for opening and absolutely crushing it.

I said that, right?

And thank you also to Paul and Clint McElroy.

And to you.

Thank you.

You all can see me, right?

Okay.

They brought Strudel to its backstage as well.

Not for you, for us.

And pepperoni rolls.

They will lose points for that when God judges them and thanks to paul and thanks to paul and hey big thanks to paul

the headstone dealer we have a wish for fung we have a wish for fungalore right

what an elevate shut up oh i'm sorry travis is it hard to talk sometimes on the show because the other two guys are just doing their fucking

all right we're gonna do a sound bath raise up this wish fungalore right

house house left your mind stage right just jazz it baby no rules just right just feel it and do it

I wish rain would taste more fun.

My name is Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Griffin McElroy.

This has been my brother, my brother, me.

Kiss your dad square on the lips.

It's better with you.

it's better with you.

It's better, my life are.

It's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life

all

is better with you.

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