MBMBaM 738: My Unfinished Business is Mr. Holland's Opus

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

My life, oh,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, Man and by Show for the modern era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

What's up, Trav Nation?

I'm your middlest brother, Travis, big dog, Wolf Wolf McElroy.

What's up, Trav Nation?

It's me, youngest brother, Griffin McElroy.

Come fly away, fly away with us.

Fly away with us.

We're defying gravity here.

And defying the laws of God.

Defying.

Those two go hand in hand.

Gravity is God's number one law.

He said, go towards the big stuff.

Do you ever think about how easy it was to make scientific discoveries back in the day?

Because

everybody must have noticed that when you let go of something, it fell down.

And Isaac Newton was just the person who's like, and that's always going to happen.

He said,

he said, you know how when you drop a bowl or a fork or an apple or anything, it goes down?

That's mine.

And it's called gravity.

And it was, it would, it would be.

I would love to be there the day that dude was like,

someone drops something.

He's like, oop, you Newtoned it.

They're like, what?

Yeah, you Newtoned it.

Yeah.

Like, what do you mean?

Like, yeah, I call it Newtoning.

You know how stuff goes.

Goes from up to down?

I kind of, that's sort of my.

I didn't discover that.

no you didn't discover it we all know that no no no you don't understand as far as school children are concerned i sat under a tree and an apple fell on my head and i said that sucks but it will always happen

and that's mine now anyway anytime you guys use gravity i get five cents do you think when he was trying to explain inertia to people they tried to stop him and he's like you're not getting it

you're not gonna stop you don't understand now we're gonna you didn't even fucking laugh I'm going to do it again.

Okay, sure.

Can you imagine when he was trying to explain inertia to people?

And just as he got going, they tried to stop him.

No, it didn't get me that time either, man.

I'm so sorry.

Justin,

the first time it would have ripped my ass up.

First time.

Were we going to talk about wicked talking?

Wicked fever is sweeping the nation.

We mentioned this on Clubhouse.

If you're not watching the Macquarie Family Clubhouse, you should every Tuesday at 12 Eastern.

But

there, I don't know if you all have noticed, but the amount of wicked things.

Are you hypersensitive to the amount of wicked things the way we're hypersensitive in my household?

Because I don't know how Ariana Grande is doing it.

She's everywhere.

Yeah, I feel like I have seen that woman have terrible reunions with every high school teacher she ever had.

Yeah, I've she's been in high school for 27 years, though.

That's true.

That's true.

That's true.

I saw her reading a a lengthy letter that she wrote about uh how uh

tower of terror should not be converted into a guardians theme ride she wrote area ariana grande like recently wrote a letter to the disney company imploring them to not change the theming and she's a rally with tower of terror yeah for sure um in our household justin uh wizard of oz is therese's favorite movie and she has read she's familiar with the musical as well but i would say it's not seen as

maybe it's a little non-canonical for Teresa, especially the movie form.

So we have actively, I would say, passively, actively avoided it.

But imagine an alternate reality where Wicked was her whole shit and she was two people that were six and ten.

Okay.

Wow.

Okay.

Wait, this is getting hard to imagine.

My wife has two people who are six and ten who love wicked.

Yes.

Is it like a trench coat situation where i don't know she's two six she's not your wife it's just it's my imagine imagine if she was obsessed with wicked and then all of a sudden every i have two kids in my house justin you could have just said imagine your two kids are obsessed with wicked kids i don't know why you had to bisect my wife yesterday i went into cvs

and i bought i found out they're called Barrett's.

Is that right, Travis?

Brett's.

Not berets.

Those are the hats.

I went and got some berets.

And as I was checking out, the lady at ZVS said, I feel so guilty.

I still haven't seen it.

It's like, ma'am, I swear to God, it's not out yet.

It's just been advertised to you so much.

And there's so many wicked things available.

I was also surprised to discover that.

I thought it came out like a month ago.

Yeah, no, it's not here yet.

I've lost all track of time, though, when it comes to movies coming out because I swear Wild Robot came out in theaters eight different times.

I don't need to cry.

Like,

you see one, you're like, oh, I'm crying at that one.

Yeah.

Look at that robot.

Anytime there's a robot acting with empathy and compassion, they there's somewhere in Rim there, like, we haven't melted the McGlory brothers' hearts in a while.

We need to get them going.

I can barely read Murder Chronicles, and that but murders people.

Yeah, I mean, that's a sweet, that's a sweet robot.

I remember we took Henry C.

Wild Robot, and he got emotional during it and it was like watching the light come on of like, what the fuck is happening?

Why is the movie make me movie make me sad?

Movie make I what?

No way.

That can't possibly be right.

I had it in the in the car this week.

Cooper from the back seat said, Dad, you want to know something weird sometimes when I watch people get sad?

I get sad too.

And I thought, oh, thank God.

Because, okay, good.

All right, good.

That's a really good start for me as a parent.

That's going to make my job a whole lot easier.

Yeah, for sure.

Because I honestly can have had some doubts.

Yeah, I've definitely been hurt in front of her and not gotten a ton of empathy.

She's in learning mode all of a sudden.

It's like, whoa, you're really paying attention very closely.

Are you going to see the movie, Justin?

You think maybe I'm having a laugh.

You think maybe I'm exaggerating.

No,

come on in my office for a second, guys.

Okay.

Come on into my office.

Step inside my office for a second.

PU, what's that smell?

It's everywhere.

I left all my special cheese sandwiches hidden around here.

Listen, let's head on over Broadway Direct.

Let's check out a guide to all the wicked movie merchandise, sweets, and treats.

And I guarantee you, this isn't even a part of it.

Right.

So obviously, Ariana Grande is in Herlon.

REM.

Right.

Very confusing still.

Thank you, Ariana.

Is going to be doing a

beauty line at alta gotta do it gotta get there's a lele

start doing the x in the middle of like a crossover because it just looks like it's multiplied by wicked alphabet makeup so a wide range of hairbands from lee lele

sad doing

um the forever 21 has got some fake jerseys some shoes look at this aldo's doing some shoes thanks target has it target has a collab there's target's collab oh over at h m yeah there's definitely a collab there.

When Alphaba and Glenda are at Wicked University, how often do they go to sports team games?

How often?

They love sports over there.

It's huge.

The travel kit.

Oh, there's an OPI kit with Wicked.

There's a frigging

New York Hilton Midtown is about wicked.

There's wicked rooms.

Starbucks has special drinks and cups.

There's Betty Crocker Wicked Mixed Reveal Vanilla Cookie Dough Popca.

Damn fucking time out, Betty Crocker.

You made a wicked slime bag cupcake.

It's rough, right?

That's tough for us.

It's rough for us because if they get either one, they're mad.

There's a mixed reveal cupcake as well, y'all.

Wicked.

A lot of wicked cocktails straight from Oz.

Huh.

Cocktails Courier.

Yeah, there's great...

Guys,

great value-themed wicked

value wicked-themed mac and cheese that changes pink or green.

That's Walmart brand.

Let me tell you, as a parent of two small children, I've never seen this.

I've never seen this.

The idea of one, you don't know what color your mac and cheese is going to be.

Is it going to be pink or green?

And then that it's not yellow.

Yeah, huge problem.

It doesn't matter if it's pink or green or chartreuse.

If it's not yellow,

it's not going to eat it.

There's an acceptable color spectrum that mac and cheese is allowed to occupy.

And it's limited.

Walmart

manufactured generic, great value, wicked-themed rice krispie treats.

There's a wicked Hollywood and dine over at Universal Studios.

There's fun.

There's

Didn't Ty Feng is offering a unique wicked-themed dining experience on Broadway with vegan noodles and sesame sauce and a nice cucumber salad.

That's not even at CVS.

They have four different

two different barrettes.

So

you've had to buy it all.

Well, because my kids, you would think my kids would either be Galinda or Elphaba, but they're not.

Both

are two wolves.

Yeah, right.

It's which one?

Which one do you teach to defy gravity?

That's the question.

Only one is allowed to.

The other one gets eaten.

I would like everyone to please, please stop.

I've put this message on several podcasts at this point, hoping it gets to the right people.

I worry, guys, sometimes I am a little bit worried that a week before the movie comes out is a bad time to ask them to stop making deeds about the movie.

Sure, I understand.

I worry it may even be too late now at this point.

What I'd like to picture is like some, you know, like 1940s Louis B.

Mayer style, like studio bigwig just hearing this, then running over and grabbing a big lever and switching it to off as all of the merchandise backs up behind it.

And he's like, oh my God, Justin, I'm so sorry.

I have no idea.

i'm exploding i inconvenienced one appalachian man i have no idea shut it down shut it down shut it down this is an advice show i'd love to help uh our listeners with some of their questions if that's if that would be okay by you i would like that i would love that actually yeah

i think that would make us more popular It'd make us more popular.

Hey, all right.

You want to talk about something else wicked?

No, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, Justin.

No, I didn't.

We split it into two movies.

Would you guys like to see a movie with a bunch of kick-ass songs and then two hours that's not that?

Because that's what's on offer at theaters this holiday seasons.

The first one's going to have a lot of classic songs you love.

And the second one,

you're probably going to have to go see it, huh?

You already saw the first half.

With all the songs you like.

Yeah.

Wait till the trailers start popping off for the second.

They're going to be like, conclude the epic.

Like you have, there's no songs in these trailers.

Remember all the fun you had.

You're lucky.

You're all right.

It's too late.

I am by no means a good singer, but I really enjoy singing.

And I'm always, almost always doing it when I'm in my car or apartment.

Nothing feels better than belting along to Chapel Rhone in the solitude of the apartment I live in alone.

However, I was recently speaking with my very kind older neighbor who lives in the apartment above me, and she told me that I have a beautiful singing voice and that she quote enjoys hearing it.

I was perhaps foolishly under the impression that I couldn't be heard, but now I know that this isn't the case.

Is packing my bags and moving away enough to cure my shame or do I need to go into witness protection?

This is from Can't Hit the High Notes in Columbus, Ohio.

Now, I'm interested to see you, my brothers,

how you react to if you were in this position.

Which side?

You're in the the position of you live in an apartment you've been singing along belting to some of your favorite

weakest soundtrack

absolutely and then your neighbor's like you have a beautiful singing voice and I love hearing you sing here's the problem go ahead go ahead you know Griffin if you have a good take I

Trying to figure out how to say this

I bought a house specifically to never have to deal with this scenario, and I understand that that's a privileged position to be in, but it does feel unfair to even make me have to think about this.

Even if it's not me in this situation, I spent a lot of a lot of money.

I just want to, Griffin, I just want to know if you're flattered or embarrassed.

I didn't want to take it to this

existential.

I can't even put myself in this.

I'm just saying, I recognize I'm very lucky.

to be in the position I am in, but I'm going to have to sit on that luck and rest on it and say,

I can't,

to even imagine the scenario

stirs within me an anxiety that I just don't think I'm up.

I guess I'm saying, I don't think I'm up to this one.

Okay, why

can't I imagine?

I can still remember a life before, Griffin.

And what I would say is my mental calculations went thusly.

Well, she says she likes it, so I guess I should keep serving it up.

But then I thought if she didn't like it, if I didn't like it and I was her, She just told me exactly the way that I would tell somebody.

If I could hear somebody and I did not enjoy it, I would tell them that I liked it and that I heard it and that I liked it.

And I'll let them kind of figure it out from there.

But that is the most I would ever say to somebody.

So I don't know,

legitimately, don't know if you should keep singing or if they will be like weirded out.

So you're on my page.

You're not, just to be clear, you're on my page.

You're also saying like, I don't know, man, this one too hard is basically what you're doing also.

I think, Justin, what you are ignoring is question answer, what you've got here is a win-win scenario for you.

Because if they were saying this in a passive aggressive way to make you feel bad about singing, just keep singing.

And if they like your singing voice sincerely, just keep singing.

They weren't doing it in a passive aggressive way.

They were doing it in a way to say, you probably don't want me to hear you sing.

I know.

They're saying, they are saying,

I know.

You should know, I know.

And it's not that I like it.

And it's not that I don't like it.

Yeah.

But you have to know that I know.

Yeah.

You wake up with a note in your pocket with a red hand print and it says, I know.

I know.

You had all the.

You should start every song.

before you sing with, and hey, this one goes out to Dolores upstairs.

H-O-T.

But her name is Rebecca.

Well, yeah, that's how she knows.

You don't even know your neighbor's name and they're the asshole.

That's interesting.

That's twisted.

You don't have to move.

She likes it.

If someone said this to me, if someone said, I've heard you're singing your boova voice and I love it, there would be a couple days where I would be in my head, self-conscious.

I'd go to sing something like,

but then I would just keep thinking like, no, this is for them.

They love this.

This is getting them through the day.

I'm performing.

This is a service.

Yeah, but the way you would react to a situation is not necessarily helpful to

listener.

You know what I mean?

Like, well, yeah, you might be like a normal special being.

We all are.

Yeah, we all are.

It sounds like maybe you have a very kind older neighbor.

So the demographic here is important because I think that maybe sometimes they hear you singing from downstairs and they're like, oh, hell yeah.

I'm literally doing nothing else.

I have nothing.

I got nothing going on right now to entertain me.

It's, I watched all my shows because it's all I do all day is watch my shows.

I hear, what is this?

I hear free music.

That's where their mind goes.

It doesn't matter if it's good or bad.

This is

that generation.

Oh, Griffin, that's such a good point.

That generation loves to get stuff for free.

Yeah, they are wild about it.

Especially music,

they don't have to go to the Nickelodeon to hear someone, you know, toodle-doodle on their

ivories.

They're getting singing for free.

I would also point out,

they just say older neighbor.

For all we know, they're like in their 40s and 50s.

They were getting it on Napster for free.

And they're like, I miss Napster.

Now I've got Downstair

who's just like singing me all the hits.

Now I'm taking it.

Now they're interrupting my Napster for loud singing.

How about another question?

Please.

I'm a middle school teacher and one of my students dressed up as Fredo Baggins for favorite book character day during Spirit Week.

I very enthusiastically complimented his outfit.

He told me that his mom made it for him.

His mom, who teaches at the same school, came up up to me later to ask if I wanted a cloak like her son's since I liked it so much.

I said yes, because I assumed she was joking.

But then the day before Halloween, I came in and she'd actually made me a cloak and left it on my desk.

I texted her, Thank you, obviously, but I feel like I should be making something for her in return, maybe a bait good or a scarf or something.

Brothers, how do I thank my coworker for this very cool and generous gift?

That's from Cloat Confusion.

I think that as

we have gotten older and our audience has transitioned to,

you know, just the other side of the hump, maybe of life, let's put it that way.

We get a lot more questions.

What the fuck?

They're on their way out.

I'm saying our audience is on the way out.

What the fuck?

Our audience is on the way out.

They're getting older.

You can see Justin's response to the sentence that was just said on this show.

As they transition towards

more questions about how to make adults,

how to make friends as adults.

Yeah.

And like, this is a perfect example example of like overthinking it.

Yeah.

It's classic.

A child, like, if a, if a, like, another child gave a gift to a child because they said they like something, they're best friends now.

Yeah, this person wants to be your best friend.

That's awesome.

They made you a Frodo Baggins cloak.

You got it.

Go off, kick.

Go off, kid.

No, no, no, no, no.

This is the problem with being invited.

This is the problem with being invited with a little peephole into other people's lives, isn't it?

Because I get one little peek and I start thinking I know the whole deal.

So can we accept that I'm doing that right now and I'm the bad guy?

Okay.

I don't know why I have to accept that you're a bad guy.

Well, she loves it.

And the thing is, she wants to get with you.

She's looking for a new dad for little Frodo.

And she's hoping that you can be that like inspiring new dad or mom or parent.

I think this mom is looking for a new parent for little Frodo.

That's where, that's why

I'm replace her.

No, Griff.

No, no, like after I'm by picking up this dad.

This cloak, you swear an oath that after I've left this plane, you will care for my son for little Frodo.

Yeah.

No, I'm saying that they want to marry you and kiss you and have lots of babies with so many fucking social

media.

So there's two options based on mine and Justin's interpretation.

If you roll back the tape and look at the sort of pre-roll that I put on that, I'm unimpeachable.

Like, you cannot get me for anything I just said because I contextualized it.

So you set up a no-no-naughty zone where you could say whatever you wanted and say whatever I wanted.

Yeah, and I said, like,

here he goes again.

You know what I mean?

Like, I said,

then the nasty man coming.

Just to go back over our helpful advice that we've given, from my standpoint, I said, you're reading too much into this.

They just want to be friends.

And from Justin's standpoint, you're actually not reading into this enough.

Call me your role of nose.

You can't put my standpoint out there?

Limbus bread.

You bake them some limbus bread and you give it to them in a little cloth and you unfold it and you say, yes, one bite is enough to fill the stomach of a full-grown man.

And then you say,

this is a gift I made for your family.

We are now even.

Here's a lock of my hair.

I think that's another thing that happens in the Lord of the Rings.

Well, don't do that.

An incredible gift of

hair.

I want to run it back to a part of the question

where you said the cloak you made for your son, Lil Fredo, is great.

And they said, do you want one?

And you, quote, thought they were joking.

Yeah, this is where it actually is your fault.

This is actually, because we out here, just like talking, if we say, Can I make you a cloak?

Yes, that's not a funny joke.

I don't think I don't know punchline.

There's no setup.

It's not, it's not funny.

Good point.

Yeah, not funny.

So it's like a really weird joke.

So, what I'm betting you mean is, it's the punchline you came in a week later, and you're like, nah, dip shit.

I was dying.

Got you, bitch.

Now, if you mean, hey, Lil Frodo, you're dumbass teacher.

Thought I was serious about the cloak.

If you mean I thought they were offering it and there would be no follow-through.

Yeah, that's a safe thing to assume.

Yeah, I get that.

Just say that.

With a person.

With a colleague?

I never thought they'd really do it yet.

I thought we were talking about it in the moment, then we'd walk through a doorway or whatever and forget that that conversation even happened.

Yeah.

Yeah, 100%.

Absolutely.

Is a cliff bar just limbus bread?

I'm just now thinking about it.

There's a lot of recipes for limbus bread, but they seem to just be scones.

Yeah, those don't seem like they have it.

They all say they're authentic, which doesn't, I mean, seems not authentic.

What?

Authentic Limbus?

Yeah, I actually got this from

my Hobbit grandfather.

What are you talking about?

I own a pair of brightly colored striped sneakers.

They are from a moderately sized brand, not something like Converse that would be, you've already lost me, friend.

The fact that it's so kind that you assume that I would know what the moderately famous shoe brands are.

If it's not vans,

if it's not vans, vans are nothing for this guy.

They're from a moderately size brand and not something like Converse.

It'd be very common to own in a very distinctive pattern.

Not something like a rainbow where the same design could arise accidentally.

I'm wearing them today in a coffee shop, and another person walked in who I'm 100% confident is wearing the exact same shoes as me.

What do I do about this?

They're very cool shoes, and I want to go up to this person and compliment their great taste in shoes.

But is that weird?

That's from Sneaker Spotter by the Seaside.

Okay, so this is a same shoes situation.

I feel like, guys, we should

keep a fucking record of all the ones we've done.

Because I feel like we could say, like, hold up, and we flip back to like episode 219, um, segment B, When someone wears the same shoes as you.

And we can do it as sort of like a technical manual of like, well, we have established a precedent that you can walk up to them, just point at your shoes and walk away.

There's a specific here, though, that I want to talk about, which is if you have got shoes from not one of the big name brands, not one of the big rec, you're not buying these at journeys with a specific pattern that isn't something repeatable.

There is a desire there to stand out and be like, I own these.

They are special and different.

Yeah.

We're walking up to someone and saying, hey, same shoes

might be taken as not necessarily an insult so much as a challenge of the implied one of us is going to have to go home and change.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm kind of the person who wears these shoes at this coffee shop.

Yeah.

So my territory.

I had a, I had a,

I've always been someone who's pretty open to complimenting people on their shoes.

Yeah.

Normally it's self-serving.

You'll, you know, you'll see shoes that are like, those are the shoes that would fix it.

You know what I mean?

You see shoes and you're like, if those are the perfect blend of comfort and style, you know.

And then Justin's like, money's no object.

And he buys like all the boots and shoes at the no, I just like to know about some different shoes if it's time for new shoes.

He goes so many 3D prints, his own shoes.

Shoes, yeah.

No, but I had a bad one this past

week where we were on tour.

I was in the hotel in the elevator in the hotel, and there's a guy in like a nice suit, and he had these great shoes on.

And I said, Hey, there's a really great shoe.

He's like a business guy, right?

Like, this guy's going, you can tell in a hotel, right?

If someone's going to floor two, three, or four, they're bigger than us.

They're bigger than us.

Stay out of the way.

Get out of the fire.

They're going to a business thing.

When the door opens on two, and there's clearly like a meeting conference thing, and you're like, I shouldn't have even been allowed in the elevator with you.

Or the workout gym zone.

Oh, yeah.

Jesus, this guy.

Or at a hotel at the gym.

You're coming back to the house.

never in my life I just picked up my DoorDash order downstairs yeah

but I but I was in the elevator and this dude

he gets on with him like hey great shoes and then the and I'm like um he's like thanks and they're really comfortable too

so at this point he said like they're even better than you think they are what a dick

he basically said you're wrong they're comfortable no no no he's like and also their comfort it's not just out of their comfort and then I feel like the natural follow-up is like so what,

like, so hit me.

You know what I mean?

So like, give them, this is how, this is how they keep me out, right?

This is how, so I'm like, tell me, give me your secrets.

I got you right now.

What did you do?

And he's like,

and then he's like, oh, um, hmm, I don't remember.

Um,

and then I'm like, oh no.

And the door opens.

Okay.

So there's a table of people with the cards.

You know this?

Yeah.

The cards with the names.

And he's like, ah, I don't know.

Sheesh.

And he's kind of staring at me like, what do I do?

And then he puts his hand up on the side of the elevator and lifts up his right foot behind him to see if he can see the brand.

And he can't see it.

So he's like, can you see?

And it's so small.

And he's holding the door open and he's balancing on one foot.

And I'm like, doing a whole show for you.

And he's doing a little show.

And he's like, can you see?

I'm like, yep.

He's like, what is it?

I'm like, wolf.

Because I didn't think he was going to ask me what it said.

I couldn't read it.

I just wanted to read it.

I'm not being able to see.

He said, prove it.

He said it.

And I'm like, oh no, I was lying about it.

It was written in signature, guys.

It was like when it was in signature kind.

It's so hard to read.

And I was just pretending I could read it till he would leave.

And he would die in my memory.

And I'd never think about it again.

But he just kept being there, guys.

And I was there and he was there.

And the person at the table was there.

Yeah.

They thought he was being abducted or something.

And he was the CEO.

Dustin's answer is don't say anything about these shoes because you might get roped into a

high-stakes instant quiz about what's on the underside of your feet.

Oh, man.

That was terrible.

I think that's about as good advice as we're going to generate on this one.

You're welcome.

We're really putting up some bricks this episode, I do got to say, guys, advice-wise.

Let's head on into the buddy's house.

Squarespace.

Justin, squarespace.

Okay, I like it so far.

I'm in one right now.

Yeah, exactly, Justin.

You're inside the internet.

Look around you.

Do you see all those tabs?

Do you see all the cookies?

Not the kind of cookies you're thinking of no no justin no these aren't chip

tastes like data and bites they are data and bites but not the bites you're thinking of hi i'm travis mcroy spokesman for squarespace so there's bites and there's chips but not like i'm not like you're thinking of stupid

no these are data bytes

Not like data from Star Trek.

Tell me anything about how a computer works.

Let's move forward.

Well,

when you turn it on, power goes to Squarespace because they've got all the tools you need to build a beautiful, more personalized website tailored to whatever your unique needs are.

And they don't ask any questions about what those unique needs are.

We have to stop saying that about Squarespace.

They have to keep it stop including it in the ad copy then, Griffin.

Listen, you've got tastes and we know that.

You've got needs.

If you make a website about them, then they can't arrest you for it because it's your job.

They also, they can.

Squarespace probably won't arrest you for it.

They do almost certainly have a terms of service that does probably provide some guidance on what is acceptable out of Squarespace.

Nope, it says here.

Well, hey, Juicy, are you sure?

Are you sure?

Yeah, it says

Squarespace is the Silk Road.

We can do it all.

So I'm going to take everybody.

Half of the dark web is Squarespace powered.

I'm going to shut Travis and Justin justin inside the podcast for a bit and step outside hi so a lot of you have probably guessed this by now that this show is a curse and we are cursed to keep doing it and we can't get out of it or die until we don't have to make the show anymore the only way we get free is if we save a thousand souls that's not going to happen or if we alienate every single advertiser that we have ever partnered with you may have noticed there's a lot of names that we used to say a lot the names of a lot of businesses that we maybe don't do so much anymore that is because they don't pay us to do so a lot of that is just because of the entropy of the market and saturation.

It's complicated, but a lot of it is because of what's being demonstrated right now inside the podcast box.

Let's hop back inside and see if we can pull this one out of the fire.

It hasn't happened so far, but hey, I don't know why I do it.

Is the thing, I don't know what happened to me that I want to push people.

You know what I mean?

Like, why do I want to push it?

Like, they want to give me money to talk about websites.

Squarespace lets us say this shit and then keep paying us to say this shit.

And if you guys at home don't appreciate that amazing, like you're not, just start making websites right now.

Just please, for the love of God.

It is cool to have a website.

We only use Squarespace to do it, basically.

I want everybody to go sign for Squarespace right now because I want them to have this weird spike on this one where they're like, so guys, what was it about this exact keep?

Was your audience waiting to see if they could get away with anything legally on Squarespace?

Was that the thing holding them back?

So go to squarespace.com for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, go to www.squarespace.com slash my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

And all the bad parts of this have been jokes.

Thanks.

That was, and that, usually we don't put bits in the advertisement for the advertisement.

I wanted to be super clear about that.

We could send them an email after we record, like, hey, just so you know, for this next one, it's mostly jokes.

So don't like, don't take it seriously.

Yeah.

This isn't a joke, though.

My health could be better.

And

I live in D.C.

where all the doctors are way too busy taking care of like ambassadors and embassies.

uh spies and stuff so it's tough to get in there um even for like routine stuff sometimes and i bet they're all at the smithsonian if i was a doctor i'd be at the smithsonian all the time yeah yeah.

Yeah, just like, did you see that fucking whale?

Like, it doesn't even have to be stuff that's germane to their practice.

Also, I just think a lot of people would see that whale, get scared, have a heart attack.

Then someone says, Is there a doctor here?

And you're like, I totally am.

Yeah, yeah.

Or they see the Hope Diamond.

They're like, I bet I could eat that.

And they try and they're like, get the fucking doctors back in here.

Someone tried to eat the Hope Diamond again.

Again.

Anyway, Zoc Doc is the best way to find

horny doctors in your area.

No,

that's That's not what that means at all.

It's the best way to find sort of doctors for really just any need that you have.

The fact that they're horny is not related at all.

Some of them might be, but probably not.

They're probably all very, very professionals.

It is genuinely something I have used more times than I can count here in DC to find general practitioners for myself and our kids and to find specialists for me and my kids.

And it's truly, truly the best way of doing it, especially if you live in a city where, you know,

you run into the same problems where booking stuff is really difficult.

Zock Doc's a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors, choose the right ones for your needs, and click to instantly book an appointment.

Talking about in-network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty from mental health to dental health, eye care to skincare, so much more.

And Zock Doc appointments happen fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours of booking.

You can even get same-day appointments.

I have done that before.

So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com/slash my brother to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

That's z-oc-c-d-o-c.com/slash my brother.

Zocdoc.com/slash my brother.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined!

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Lum.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

I'm trying to get back into going to the gym.

I've been eliminating all the minor inconveniences that I can use as excuses to not go, and I'm down to the last one.

I don't like what they play on the TVs at the gym.

The news stresses me out.

I'm not into sports, and the soap opera/slash crime shows don't interest me that much.

I like to watch movies or shows that have cool sore fights in them when I work out.

Nice.

That's cool.

How do I convince the people working in the gym to have at least one TV play some Pirates of the Caribbean or something all the time.

And that's from physically failing in Philly.

They've spelled failing.

Not just some Pirates of the Caribbean, though, because

that's a big spectrum of quality there, folks.

I think they're just saying the good one on one TV and one corner.

And that one is like,

you know,

being a

sort of a nerdier person at the gym does come with a certain amount of

insecurity, I would say.

And

having a little corner where they're like, in here, you can have a pirate movie to watch

would be really, really nice.

There should be a fun one, right?

For like people who are still trying to have a little fun.

You know, I do feel like, though, if I'm going to watch a fun one, I don't know if pirates with its various posture issues and scurvy, not healthy, Not necessarily going to get me pumped at the temple.

I want to, you know what, I would like to go pray at the church of John Krasinski in that Animazon Prime show, maybe.

Like that was like,

he got, or like the, maybe the one with Kamal where he got like really buffed.

That's like a fun one, but I'm seeing like.

A normal guy get raised.

Yeah, a normal guy get huge without with raise or whatever.

I haven't seen the movie, but yeah, I like the idea of like, I don't know if you guys ever ran into this like when you were in school.

I remember being in middle school and usually the band teacher would like put a movie on, but class periods were only like 50 minutes long and I didn't have access to like Apple TV when I was in middle school.

So the idea of like, I can't wait to find out what happens in the second half of Mr.

Holland's Opus the next time I have a class period where the teacher doesn't want to teach it and remembers that we've already watched the first half of Mr.

Holland's Hollands Opus.

I'm going to formally request that you finish finish watching Mr.

Holland's Opus one day.

It's stuck in your craw in a way that you bring it up a lot, and I feel like you have unfinished business.

That is my unfinished business.

I would hate to die right now and be able to tell you.

Who's only unfinished business is to finish the second half of Mr.

Holland's Opus.

I will tell you with a surprising amount of both detail and musical performance how the movie Mr.

Holland's Opus

like at some point.

What I'm saying is, what if every time you went into the gym, they said, we're going to play you an hour of a Fast and the Furious movie, and you're not allowed to watch Fast and the Furious at home.

If you want to find out what happens in the second half, and then in the second one, the third one, the fourth one,

you're going to have to keep coming in.

And there's like nine of those.

So that's like 18 gym sessions right there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How's this for a gym?

When you go in, you get a little heart rate monitor.

It's also a gigapet or a Tamagotchi.

And then when you go up to a machine, you fucking jack in and you're like, I'm going to boost my Gigapet's strength, HP, and vitality by doing some high-intensity interval.

programming here.

And then you can jack out.

And then if a big guy comes up to you, he's like, get off that fucking bike.

I'm trying to grind my vitality.

You can be like 1v1 meat.

You connect your watches and you have sort of a digital battle.

And whoever has better stats because of the exercise they did IRL will kill the other other one and

meet.

Oh, my God.

Are you telling me that maybe everybody has the gym wristbands and you can choose someone to compete against when you first come to the gym that day?

Yeah.

And you're like competing against them, but maybe you're like friends too.

Like you're encouraging each other.

Maybe your friends are encouraging.

It's a rivalry, a healthy rivalry.

Man, guys, maybe this is the one.

No, this is a kid.

This is the one.

Yeah.

Where we can finally get out from from underneath the fucking podcast minds and get out there into like the boxing.

Yeah.

Please, I would love to start boxing if I could get that.

How come no one's inviting me to punch Logan Paul in the face?

I will box anybody.

I just like, I feel like this idea is the one that's going to get us.

And check this out.

Every book now, every book now comes with a little port you can jack your.

your thing into.

Okay.

And then it's like information in your watch.

And it's like, I read it.

No, it doesn't save it.

It's just like my wisdom went up because I read so many books.

And you could show it to people, like, yeah, I read.

I feel like my solution was pretty good.

And then you came in with like absorbing books.

You tried to like, you tried, like, yes, and it absorbs books.

It's not that you read the book and get credit for reading the book.

If I understand it correctly, Griffin,

honor system.

Honor system.

You're jacked into the book.

You better fucking be reading.

I was at most talking like an Arduino-powered leaderboard and a few rfi'osmosing

through your watch wisdom from a book this wrist panel and maybe it's bio integrated at this point has your little has a little stats system sort of you have your little

maybe it's a monster maybe it's just a little avatar of you that live and you jack into a book to boost his stat i don't see where you guys are running into trouble

so you're saying i will plug my watch my panel into a book and the little me on

weight machine, okay, and the me on my panel gets smarter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do I mean when you battle the next time you battle the big bully, you can say like, well, you were training the body, I was training the mind.

And you, you could beat him in the gym because he doesn't have any like magic defense or whatever.

Oh, okay.

So I guess the question I have, Griffin, is I understand that in order to buff up the little me on my my panel, I need to work out.

Yeah.

But then I just need to plug a book into my

why.

That doesn't seem like it's bettering me in any way.

Wow, Trad, that's real helpful.

I'll pass that along to R D.

I'll pass along that you said that to R D because they definitely hadn't thought about the fact that Hey guys, you guys are still here?

I forgot all about this.

I didn't realize you guys are still doing this, the podcast thing.

Who's that?

I trademarked the idea for interactive gym pals, and I've been making money the whole time you've been talking.

Mother.

to have it in the middle

I'm out of the uh I'm out of the podcasting biz guys I just bought podcasting so I'm gonna reshape it in my image were you able to get into boxing I did I actually fought uh

everybody

in order

and came out on top at the end every time even glass jaw joe especially glass jaw joe this is a can i pitch an expansion to the to your gym to the gym pal idea every time you kiss wait hold on before you do it i need you to legally say that you do not hold on to any rights of oh no way no way if you like this if you like this we can talk okay but every time i think every time you kiss now we're doing a little business so i think every time you do kiss someone

the watch can tell and increase your like charisma charm like your charm or charisma stat

wait no don't sell it you're on the phone right now i'm watching him sell it

No, they're still.

No, Valor, you won't believe it.

They're still doing the podcast.

Hey, Griffin, can I ask you?

Yeah, how my watch knows you're kissing someone?

How does the watch know that you're kissing someone?

It has a microphone and it's listening for the noise it makes.

Why not just make it when you hold hands with someone, your watches sync up?

Because it could be a platonic hand-holding thing.

Yeah, man.

Would boost your, like, your charisma or whatever.

It's just the gym.

Yeah.

It's just bodies.

That way you could hold hands while working out at the gym.

Yeah.

Where it's one stone, baby.

yeah what if you what if you people don't tandem lift enough where it's like i've got my left hand on the bar and you got your right hand on the bar and we're laying next to each other on a queen-size bench and we're both lifting at the same time people don't do that enough what if you could charge up your gym pal with all your hard work and if you did really good for like 30 minutes or whatever it would charge one non-lethal blast that you could use on somebody wait but like

someone's been like, dude, like you know, when people are like oggling you and you're just trying to get sweaty and get swole and people are like, have got their eyes all over you?

Well, I'll say it's like at the end of your workout, it's just like

and just blast them across the room.

Non-lethal, non-lethal.

Or you just, I mean, it seems like we have a more organic solution, which is that you battle them, and when they lose, you get their, you get like all their money.

I don't know what the penalty is.

I feel like fights should mean something.

Yeah,

and in mind, they got blasted across the room.

Ah, I'm reminded now.

I got dragged back into this.

I'm remembering now.

This, okay.

I can remember.

It used to be a fight.

Hey, guys, actually, I just got back from the patent office, and we filed a big one for gym blasters.

Holy shit, Griffin, you're six foot six now.

That's right.

I took the gym blasters with a Z idea and took it to the patent office.

They bought it for $100.

How much?

$100.

Sorry, did you see the office bottom?

Yes.

I got a voice ectomy with the $100.

Hey guys, I just got back from the bathroom.

What did I miss?

Really?

All right.

I want a munch.

Squaw.

I want two munches.

Squa.

Welcome to Munch Squad.

It's a podcast within the podcast: profiling the lace and grays and brand eating.

I save this one for the last because it's not necessarily as wild, but it is a return to something we discussed last

in a previous episode.

So I wanted to like circle back around to it.

Recently, you likely

don't remember this because why?

I mean, why

would you?

But Burger King was looking to hand out a million dollars to somebody that is

going make a new whopper that they want to sell to everybody oh i thought that was a fever dream i had okay no so we're down to three we're down to three beautiful whoppers

the contest invited burger king enthusiasts to dream up their own whopper creations after receiving more than one million submissions three fan created variations made it to the finals Here are the choices.

The fried pickle ranch whopper.

These are in stores today, boys, by the way.

These are out now.

Fried pickle ranch whopper.

The maple bourbon BBQ Whopper.

The first, by the way, I should say, is a fan favorite from California.

It combines flame-grilled beef with fried pickles, bacon, and a creamy pickle ranch sauce, complemented by Swiss cheese.

I think it's wild that if in your design, you were like, it's got pickle ranch sauce.

Like, that's, you just made that up.

There's the maple bourbon BBQ Whopper as another one from California.

This whopper takes a sweet and smoky approach with maple barbecue sauce, candied bacon, crispied onions, and jalapenos.

Lastly, there's the Mexican street corn whopper representing Nebraska.

This whopper infuses flavors of Mexican street corn with creamy corn spread, spicy queso, and crunchy tortilla crisps.

How did they arrive at these?

Huh, wait.

When I think tortilla crisps, my mind does not oft float to Nebraska.

no well the creator is from nebraska

right it's not it's it's not like the nebraskan

cornburger clearly represents the heart of nebraska which beats inside of the person who created there's a fascinating process about how they got to these guys listen to this we built several and then really relied on the culinary expertise of the team on which ones were the best said burger king semi patrick o'toole yeah so they made some of them

And then they ate them and they picked the ones that they liked the best.

Innovation.

Then

also then they had to be on brand for the Whopper.

Oh.

What you see on the Whopper is a flame-grilled patty.

You have produce and you have texture.

It has to feel and taste like a Whopper.

That's

not going to work then because look at these fucking hamburgers.

It's crazy how much

they can't.

Okay.

They made sure that three things

are so wildly different that you're like, it's got to have a patty.

Patty.

It's got to have produce.

and it has to have texture, texture, it has to feel and taste like a whopper.

And we made sure of that as we tried some that they met our guardrails.

Can you imagine eating a burger and like, that's not a whopper?

Fuck.

I missed this.

Can you imagine being a Burger King scientist, eating a burger, and being like, ooh, it's an edge case.

It kind of feels like a Whopper, but it's a little bit crunchy.

But what this supposes is a world in which I bite into a Whopper and it it lacks discernible texture.

Whopper, whopper texture.

That I bite in and I'm like, that could have been anything.

Burger King CMO Patrick O'Toole then went on to say, I think the big goal is really to drive trial of the Whopper or drive traffic into a restaurant, O'Toole said.

Yeah.

Hi.

It's me, Justin McCroy.

I don't normally do this, but I think this person might be bad at their job.

Like

this promotion?

I think it's to promote sales.

I think either the writer of this article is bad at their job or the talker is bad at their job, but somebody is not getting this.

So, Buzz is really going to be one of the inputs that goes into that ultimately happening.

We know we have an amazing burger, and we know that because of the size, the flame grill taste, and the quality ingredients.

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

It's got to be good.

Look how big it is.

It's got to be good.

It's got to be tasty.

He doesn't even say it's huge.

Just the size is perfect.

The size is perfect.

Look at how the diameter of the grease market leaves on the table.

This is a proportion.

It must be.

It must be.

No, it's amazing.

We did a really good job of getting, sorry, we did a really great job of getting the Whopper back top of mind in the U.S.

with our jingle, but we really didn't talk about why it's great and how Have It Your Way can be brought to life through the Whopper.

So basically, everybody liked the song, but it didn't also say like, a Whopper is whip-ass, right?

We all like them and they're good.

I like how they have texture.

It's my three-year-old's favorite song.

We feel great about our program, program dynamics and setups from a competitive standpoint, O'Toole said.

We feel great about our app.

And I will say, I also feel great about the Burger King app.

I haven't installed it yet, but.

Yeah, I feel great.

I like the idea.

It's got great vibes.

We're always trying to improve it, which is lucky for him because I'm always trying to destroy the Burger King app.

So it's lucky they're always one step ahead of me.

I'm out here debunking the Burger King app constantly.

I've got a whispering campaign going against the Burger King app.

I heard China uses it to spy on you.

Burger King, bro, like spy man.

I would be afraid just because I still have the McDonald's app, which slow rolls its notifications just enough to the point where I don't make the effort to go in and turn it off.

Every

five weeks, McDonald's would be like, just checking in.

And I'll be like, nah, man.

Nah.

I should deactivate you, but I've already forgotten.

No, no, I'm forgetting it right now.

And I'm doing eight other things.

They just want to say that they're always improving the app.

And he says, we're always trying to make sure that we are over-delivering on the guest experience that comes through.

Not only our restaurants, but for our guests that choose to come through our app and loyalty program.

So with this person, they want you to know that when you come into Burger King or use the Burger King app, for example,

they want you to leave like, wow, that was even better than I thought it was going to be.

I knew it was going to be good, but it's actually like exceeded my expectations for Burger King.

I don't know that I have expectations for Burger King.

The bar, if it exists, is probably pretty low.

Don't be yucky.

I don't think I'm going to come out of a Burger King ever and being like

make me feel normal fast food regret, not like enhanced fast food regret.

Do you think these are available now?

Is it November 14th?

You think I can get these to the house?

All wet burgers that they put another meal inside of?

How quick do they get them on the dash?

How quick do they get them on the dash?

Oh, here they are.

Here they are.

8:31.

Here in my neck of the woods.

Hey, speaking of coming up quick, we've got till death to a splark 10th anniversary edition coming up next week.

Yes.

On American Thanksgiving.

It's the show we record with Tim and Guy every year, watching, discussing, truly living Paul Blart Melcock 2.

Make sure you check that out.

Just search for Till Death Do a S Blart, wherever podcasts are found.

There's only nine previous episodes, so you have plenty of time to catch up.

Yeah.

Yeah, true.

You guys watch yet?

No, I'm watching all of you.

Can I say, guys,

now after 10 years of this, it's not a bit anymore.

Nothing says holidays to me like watching Paul.

The holidays are really here.

Now that I'm watching Paul Blard again.

This year's Candle Knight Spectacular will take place on December 14th at 9 p.m.

It will be a pre-recorded but live airing special event, bit.ly slash Candle Knights Tickets 2024.

Candle Knights poster and ornament available now, designed by Matt H.

Taylor.

And all proceeds from the show and merch are going to Harmony House, which works to end homelessness in the Huntington area through permanent housing and supportive service programs.

Also, speaking of Thanksgiving,

during the week of Thanksgiving, I am going to be at 20 Sided Tavern in New York, making my off-Broadway debut.

Shows are November 27th through December 1st.

Get all the tickets and all the info at the20sidedtavern.com.

Also, for Candle Nights, obviously, we do a lot of Mabim Bam stuff in there.

We still need questions for the Candle Knights 2024 spectacular.

So, if you have Candle Knights questions or fungalore wishes you want that might appear in the Candle Knights show,

send them to mabimbam at maximumfun.org with the subject line Candle Knights2024.

Hey, thanks to Bontaine for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better With You.

Make your Candle Knight special with a listening of this one with a most beloved friend or lover.

All right, I've got a wish.

Another normal ending from Griffin.

I've got a wish here that I'd like to elevate if you guys will give me a little noise bath.

Okay.

I wish I'd looked cool when I broke my elbow.

And it is Justin McEroy.

I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Griffin McElroy.

This has been my brother, my brother.

May kiss your dad square on the lips.

It's about you.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better with you.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.