MBMBaM 737: Face 2 Face: Amble Down to Dumpster Party

The McElroy brothers are not experts.

And their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert.

But if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small small acquaintance has blossomed.

It's ripened into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

My life, oh.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life, oh,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true.

It's better, it's better with two.

Hello, everybody, welcome to my brother.

My brother being a vine show from the modern era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

What's up, Trav Nation?

I'm your middlest brother, Travis, big dog, a wolf wolf McElroy.

McElroy.

What's up with Trev Nation?

I'm your sweet baby brother and 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin McElroy.

I had a question for you before we begin.

They told us when we booked the shows that either Tyson's or Tyson's corner of Virginia is acceptable, and I do not like that.

No fucking way, man.

I don't like that.

There's one that's right and one that's wrong.

Please enlighten me as to which.

I prefer to.

Okay, see, I worked in Purcellville, Virginia for two summers.

Shout out, Perceville.

And it was always Tyson's Corner to me.

And I don't know about this slick Tyson's rebrand, okay?

So hi.

Tie town.

No, I don't.

I think I'm going to say hello, Tyson's Corner.

Thank you for having us in your beautiful town.

I'm so excited you're all here in Trav Nation Embassy.

Tonight, for the next two hours, you all have diplomatic immunity.

Congratulations.

I prefer the possessive Tyson's corner over just a random plural Tyson.

We live in many Tysons.

This is Tyson's corner.

Yeah.

What are you doing standing here?

This is Tyson's corner, man.

If he sees you.

We should mention our trophies.

This has never happened before.

We won something.

To us.

The fun folks here at the Capitol One Hall brought us these little trophies that have our name on them, and it says sold out on it.

And

that has nothing to do with us and everything to do with you.

So it's kind of all of our trophies.

We will be.

No fucking way, man.

This is my first goddamn trophy.

It is nice because they put the date on there, too, so it's nice to pinpoint when I sold out.

Yeah.

It's really nice.

So we can look back on it and be like, when did Travis...

Oh, it was the 23rd of June, 2024.

Yeah, man, he went totally capitalistic at that point at Capital One.

Yeah.

It worked out.

It's just, I never thought I'd get a trophy again.

You know?

Yeah.

After I was

when you were a scorekeeper for the basketball team?

Yeah, that was probably my last main trophy.

And it's it's just nice to get a trophy again.

Yeah.

Well, you have kids now, and any trophy they win is kind of yours, too.

My dad's a good one.

But they haven't won any trophies either.

Not a big

well, one day they'll start a podcast that'll sell out a big crowd and get a special trophy for it.

My only regret is that this is the first tour, maybe ever, that dad hasn't tagged along for, and he doesn't get to see his three sons win their first three trophies ever.

I thought you need to take a picture of us with the trophy, post it for our tour.

We'll put our dad's phone number up on the screen.

If you would all text photos of us to our dad at various angles,

try to ransom us to our dad.

See how it goes.

I would love to know.

I'd like to know how much we're worth today.

What's the going rate?

I mean, after these trophies, man, we're going to be sitting pretty.

Maybe if everyone could take a picture of us with the trophies and then post it on social media with a caption, like, they did it.

Yeah.

And then it's like, if you're not looking too close, you'd be like, damn, I don't know what it was, but it looks pretty good.

I mean, I guess they won the big podcast they wore the year.

Grammy?

Is that the Grammy?

Did they get the first podcast in Grammy?

Yes.

As you've certainly guessed, this isn't a device show.

And we're going to take your questions and turn them alchemy-like into wisdom for your edutainment right now before your very eyes.

I live in Colonial Williamsburg in a small apartment complex.

Heck of a Great Wolf Lodge there.

Yeah.

Is that where you live, question asker?

Do you live at the Great Wolf Lodge?

Because nice, nice, a couple

of sweet life of Zach and Cody shit.

A couple months ago, people started gathering at night outside one of the dumpsters.

The small gathering has since evolved with people bringing chairs, then a grill.

Now there's a whole TV set up in someone's trunk.

Brothers, how do I get invited to the dumpster party?

This happens almost every night, and I'm so curious what their deal is, but I don't want to seem like a narc.

That's from nosy neighbor in colonial Williamsburg.

Are you here?

All right.

Nice.

You're so high up.

Yeah.

I'd invite you to the dumpster party.

Yeah.

Is it possible?

And I hadn't considered this possibility before, but it did start as something illicit.

And then they were like, you know, as long as we're here.

Yeah, this is a child.

Let's get to know each other.

You guys want to watch suits?

People started bringing their kids and they're like, I don't know about this scene anymore, man.

The dumpster party used to be about something.

It used to be a happening.

You know,

no one has ever sent out like an evite to a dumpster party, right?

No one has ever, there's ever been a knock at the door and the butler has lifted up a silver tray to say, my lord, my lord, it's finally happened.

The social event of the year.

I also don't think you can be uninvited from a dumpster party.

That's true.

Who's going to kick you out?

It's a dumpster.

You don't own this.

Probably.

Maybe you do.

Now, what if you showed up in a raccoon costume?

Yes.

I mean, then they're like, oh, they belong here.

Yeah.

They were here first.

This is their land.

And then even if you can't pull off a convincing raccoon act, you've got an interesting story.

And they're going to want to know about it.

If you do amble down to the dumpster party, I would set aside a little time, just private private time beforehand, where you can write down a list of things that you are and are not okay with happening at the dumpster party.

Because you need, you can't do any math then, right?

You need a very clear, very long and detailed list of like, oh, oh, okay, that's my, oh, okay, I'm going.

You're passing what around?

Oh, oh,

would I like to buy?

If somebody starts pulling on ski masks, you're like, oh, time to go.

Would I like to buy a, no, huh?

I have to go this has been so cool but um if i was a police i would try to make you tell me more right we all agree about that i'm not doing that i'm just going bye i'll be back at the next dumpster party until this happens again and then i'll go

just go on down there or you know

don't do that don't you can't just when someone comes to us with such a finely crafted question like this travis you can't just sweep the legs out from under it and say just go to the dumpster party what if they don't know anybody at the dumpster party then you get to know them or you show up and say oh sorry I thought this was a different dumpster party well as long as I'm here yeah have you considered the possibility that you are already at the dumpster party

oh that up there that's the people

They're a part of this community just like us, but the way they chose to interact with the party is looking at us from time to time.

We don't know much about them, but we like to believe they keep us safe somehow.

They're watching for storms.

They'll let us know if a storm's coming in.

If you come downstairs, they may be like, oh no, what omen?

What portion has brought you down here, people?

What have you seen?

You are on the wall.

Are they coming?

Keep us safe, people.

I have two children.

Brag.

Ages.

Six and four.

It's not me.

It's the question asked.

Oh, okay.

Who would like to learn to ride bikes?

The problem is, neither I nor my husband knows how to ride a bike.

Brothers, how do I teach my children to ride bikes when I don't know how to do it myself?

That's from bipedal in Baltimore.

Are you here?

Okay.

No way.

How many of you are there?

I'll fucking do it, man.

No problem.

You'll teach them or teach their children?

Either or, man, whatever.

I'll do all for you in one.

I'll give you a group rate.

That's a good deal.

That's a pretty...

I didn't even say what my rates are, but thank you, Travis.

I like to hype up your business ventures.

It's $1,500, but you only have to do it the one time.

That actually doesn't make it better, Griffin.

$1,500 for one session, no follow-up?

You're not paying me for the one session of bike riding.

You're paying me for the 30 years of bike riding training that I've given out to people.

How many other people have you trained to ride a bike?

Including my kids?

Yeah.

Zero.

Okay.

Okay.

You got one in the tech.

I got it all pent up.

I've got this beautiful moment pent up inside of me.

I don't want my first time teaching people to ride a bike to be my kids.

I'm not going to do a very good job at that.

Oh, okay.

You want to drive run with other people's kids?

Yeah, I want to dry run.

You're going to use these kids as training wheels.

Yes.

That makes perfect.

Yeah.

That makes perfect sense.

You know, one of the main things about learning to ride a bike is you should never look behind you.

And I think that you can use that to your advantage if you had another adult to step in for you.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And you just encourage the child, do not look back.

Yeah.

Do not look back.

I will be holding you and supporting you the whole way with all the different bike riding advice.

And I might sound a little different than the Greeks too.

That's just fear.

I might sound a little bit like extreme sports athlete Travis Bestrana, but don't worry about it.

I'm right there.

You might see me taking video from the side.

That's just a swamp gas thing.

Don't worry about it.

That's a weather balloon, son.

That's not me.

You might see me through the window watching suits.

You could, you could, it would be a pretty great lesson about life if you taught your child to ride a bike.

And then at the end, you're like, okay, now me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't know.

I had no clue.

The whole time I had no clue.

I'm so glad you figured it out.

I was making all that up.

Pedal harder?

What was I talking about?

I don't know, man.

I don't know how bikes work.

the whole time but i was sure you're gonna fall i could just see me with a youtube tutorial open on my phone with my child there like there's no fucking way they put it they put a towel under their arms that's no way have you seen that

instead of hunching over and holding they just put like a big beach towel around and they hold it uh to catch all the pit sweat that the kids yeah make

i uh i saw a video and they were like here it is parents the easiest way two minutes your kid will be riding a bike and they're like start at the top of a hill and it's like

okay all right so i told my kids like good news kids i got this problem solved and they were like we won't be participating in this particular version of this like you're gonna need to take it back to the drawing board dad this is not working for you there is in this in this modern era almost always at least two schools of thought for every major parenting choice you can make and one is very thoughtfully considered over generations and generations of human beings taking care of other human beings.

And the other one is just do it fast and hard and bad.

Yeah.

And it's done.

Hard, fast, bad, done.

That's the secret.

You know, there had to be a time way, way back, millions of years ago, when the first

parent bird had baby birds in their nest and said, well, how am I going to teach them to fly?

Exactly.

I know.

Boot.

Just right out there.

I can't teach them in steps.

Oh, I know.

I'll just shove them out the nest.

Be like that bird.

No, right.

That's beautiful, Travis.

Definitely espouse that on stage with a stage that I am also on with you, and everyone can see both of us at the same time.

And also, I'm dressed like Toad.

That was you.

That kid was assassinated.

That was me you.

Hey, wait, hold on, real quick.

Question asker.

Wow.

You seem to have lived into an adult life without ever learning to ride a bike.

Maybe convince them they don't need it.

I struggle with that a lot because my kids will get frustrated and they're like, is this important?

And then they're like looking in the garage for my bike like

not gonna find it kids i mean it's not there i don't know i want a trophy and i've never ridden a bike yeah if i'm being honest to a kid i would say it's maybe once every couple of years it's gonna be extremely important when all of your friends are like bike time and you're like fuck

but the rest of the time you can have diarrhea or whatever on the day and you don't have to sweat it.

That was sort of my MO.

I have a perfectly perfectly functional gastrointestinal system.

It's just sometimes I'm inconvenienced by things I never really learned how to do.

Wow, you never learned how to do a lot of that.

Oh no, the house of cards I've built around myself.

I have been in various drum lines throughout the years and have marched world-class to make it to finals in indoor drum line.

I'm a cymbal player, and I always get excited to tell people about the things that I've done.

However, when I mention cymbals, they just clap their hands together and say, like this?

But it's a lot more skill-based and complex than that.

How do I convince people that my instrument is cool?

That's from Cool Cymbal Crasher from Charlottesville.

Are you here?

Okay, great.

Obviously, there's more to it than just this.

Right.

Sometimes you got to hit them with a

one of those.

Or maybe you kind of wiggle them gently together so it makes like a like slow build.

So that is called the shimmer, and that happens without them.

They're already shaking.

They're trying to control it with everything else.

Oh, I stop the shimmer.

Because the symbols are drawn together naturally, like mangoes.

They're both magnetic.

A lot of the work is holding it apart.

Yeah.

I see.

Well, there's the rubber.

The rubber.

The rubber is huge, man.

People love it because they know something's about to happen, right?

When you hear them start to scrape together, it's like, here it goes.

And in a marching band, it's also part of the flash and bazaars.

You got a big mirror strapped to your hand.

You can do one of these.

Yeah.

Way for a moment.

People love that.

You can throw it like Kung Lao's hat at an opposing marching band.

Would you say we've covered most of the stuff?

Would you be comfortable?

I don't know if the microphone is out there.

Would you be comfortable telling us more about cymbal playing?

It's okay if the answer is no.

Yeah, cool.

Hi.

Hi, brothers.

Hello.

Reagan.

My pronouns are she, her.

Hi, Reagan.

Yeah, symbols.

They're really heavy.

Yeah.

They're really heavy.

They're really heavy.

Okay.

Wait, Reagan.

Sorry, Reagan.

Yeah.

Is that what you wanted people to know about symbols?

No.

We bring you up to the mic, and we're like, tell us all about symbols.

And you're like, they're heavy.

Paul had to run a quarter mile.

Many Pauls died to bring us this information.

Well, you also, you do these things called juggles where you like throw them up in the air and you like rotate them a couple times.

Oh, yeah.

There's a lot of stuff that you do.

You got to make sure you catch them because if they fall on the pavement, they're going to crash.

Do you throw them like a kung lao hat at an enemy marching band ever?

But you could.

I've pretended to.

I pretended to use them as a guillotine a lot fuck yeah

that's cool

reagan let me ask you if somebody's like oh just like that and you could say like no they mean a lot more than that and then someone's like what do you mean you say well they're symbolic

shit that's good my friends have said that before they've made that pun a lot damn it thanks reagan

you could also oh thank you oh

i don't know if travis was dismissing you with that thanks

we have so many questions unless you want to sit down that's fine it's up to you I get it.

I don't like standing either.

I don't get why people

wouldn't think that's cool.

It's the thing that when you say, like, here's a marching band, right?

I think it's the thing people most look forward to.

That, and when the drum major throws their shiny stick in the air and catches it.

Well, those are the two best things.

And so it's in these shapes.

Sometimes the marching band makes the shape of a Pac-Man and it moves around like Pac-Man, and that's super good.

Or when the symbols are like, shh, everybody loves it.

Yeah.

I should let you guys know, my college marching band once made Sans Undertales.

That's fucking incredible.

Absolutely.

I think that the symbol, and I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, is the drop of marching band.

Yeah.

And you should wear that as a badge of honor.

And if anyone gives you a hard time, you say, interesting.

And then 30 minutes later, when they're not paying attention, you get right up behind their ass.

And you give them a...

A big one.

And then when they wake back up, you say, no, it's more like that.

Yeah.

Do you have, is there a strict ethical code about not giving people a full smash with their unawares?

Is there like, because I think that would be the first thing you learn is like, now listen, if I'm going to teach you how to do a full smash, you cannot do it when someone's unawares.

Do you ever smash the symbols so hard that you're like, man, I wish I was further away from this?

Yes.

Is there a way to direct it out away from you?

You've got to smash it, but at an angle.

So all the sound goes forward and not back.

I mean, it still hits you either way.

Why do you do it?

It's so small.

That's so loud.

It's the loudest thing.

It's heavy.

It smashes you in the face when you do it.

Try the trumpet.

That all goes out.

A lot lighter, too.

Yeah.

And everyone thinks the trumpets are literally.

I am curious

why you chose the symbols, or did perhaps the symbols choose you?

The symbols chose me.

It's a very long story.

Okay.

Okay.

We don't have to get into it.

Reagan.

I appreciate it.

Thanks, Reagan.

Appreciate it, Reagan.

Hey, listen, when someone's on your podcast and you ask them a question, they say it's a long story.

I'm going to take them at their award.

We got a fast-moving show.

Yeah, Reagan can sell out a show here and tell the story if they want to.

Should we do another question?

I am a 13-year-old boy who is five foot nine inches tall.

I'm already taller than everyone else in my family, but I want to, like...

really want to hit six feet tall.

Do you have any tips or advice for how to get at least six feet tall?

That's from bonus inches in Bethesda.

Are you here?

Wait, wait.

Are you here?

Awesome.

Nice.

Have you checked to see how much you've grown since you sent the question in?

It was two days ago.

Okay, so I doubt it's that intense.

I mean, you've come to the right place because we're three six feet tall gentlemen.

What was your secret, Travis?

What were the vegetables?

My secret?

Tall vegetables.

That's true, man.

Celery.

Yeah.

That's the only tall vegetable that comes to mind.

Asparagus.

Oh, yeah.

I think rhubarb, if you cover it, it grows weird and tall.

I'm not sure.

The commercials say milk.

Where are we at on milk?

We feel.

I think milk is still one of the favorites.

That's what we're making.

That just makes you denser.

That's how I became six feet wide.

Yeah.

Would you trade density right?

Any day of the week, man.

No fucking problem.

Absolutely.

So the same amount of molecules in your bones, just taller.

There's some places in my house only I can get to, and that's cool.

You know what I mean?

If there could be even more places that were my own little secret goblin holes, I could squirrel away little butterscotches and sweets in them, and no one would be the wiser.

That's great for me.

I would love a few more inches.

I don't.

I'm.

It was you.

There was one person who started laughing at that.

And it started.

It was, it was a poor, it infected everybody.

It was the mind.

It was a tragedy for me.

Why was that, do you think, when Gervin said he could use a few more inches?

I don't know what it was.

What about that?

It was funny.

I'm 5'6,

and I used to be 5'7.

Yeah.

And then I checked, and it was 5'6.

Yeah.

So I'm 5'6.

And I don't, that doesn't bother me.

I don't think of myself as a short like little guy pie.

It doesn't bother you that you lost an inch somewhere?

No, everybody makes mistakes.

The point is,

the point is, I don't think it bothers me, but sometimes,

sometimes I stand up on a little ledge.

And I see anybody ever stand up on a little ledge and have a moment where they're like, this?

I could get used to this.

I could get used to

Four inches.

A four inch ledge, and I'm up there, I'm drunk on power.

Yeah, for sure.

I'm speaking like this.

Yeah, particularly thick sandals.

And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's why cowboy boots exist.

Yeah.

To make those people feel cool.

Cool and tall.

That's why I wore them.

They made me six foot five.

You know about space travel, right?

Because that's the only definite option I know about.

Sorry, like the rack.

If you go to space, if you go to space, you come back taller for a while.

Okay.

So if you get to like 5'11, and by the time you're adult, we're all going to space all the time, no big deal, you could get up there and maybe get that last.

So when you go in space, it pushes you apart, is what you're suggesting.

Well, only if you go in space when a big giant grabs your feet and spins around really fast and lets you go and you fly off into space, then it stretches you out.

I think if you get near a black hole, you would get pretty tall for a sec.

Yeah.

They say like when you wake up first thing in the morning, you're taller than by the end of the day because everyone's sunk down.

So just don't get out of bed.

That's huge, man.

The more you lay down, the taller you'll get.

That's science.

Also, bed source.

Bed source is another thing, but it's worth the trade-off, trust.

So many little goblin holes.

Oh, I'm so jealous.

Not the bed source.

Not the bed source.

No, I don't want those.

I'm ready, Trev.

Oh, okay.

I have a little game.

It's called Abnimals Present Shirts, Pants, Both, or Neither.

For any of you who don't know, Abnimals is my own

personal predilection,

where I have a weird fascination with the cartoon Animals from the 90s, where it's animals but with abs.

They're like ripped animals.

Yeah, sexy animals.

So this will be about animals from the TV show Street Sharks.

Whoa.

And I have tastefully censored the photos and my brothers will have to guess if that character is wearing shirt pants both or neither.

We're so bad at this game y'all.

It's really hard harder than it should be honestly.

Okay, let's pull up that first image Paul

Travik.

Okay, so this is clearly street sharks.

Yes.

Clearly.

And this is Shrimp Louie.

Shrimp Louie?

Shrimp Louie is a mutated shrimp and and one of Dr.

Luther Paradigm's later Ceviates.

He's not very strong.

He's quite the coward.

And his primary weapons are big blaster guns.

Why didn't the sewer sharks kill this guy day one?

Yeah.

Pity.

I guess, yeah.

They are sharks, though.

They should.

There's some natural instinct that should have been.

It does look like this one is about to kill him.

That's true.

It looks like he's actively being struck by a motorcycle.

Here's what I think.

Here's what I think.

Belt, bandalier, nothing else.

Whoa, holy shit.

A bold.

I guess it works for Chewy, man.

Yeah, man.

I think that this is some of your worst question mark doing today.

I think that...

That's a small sliver that you have left.

That's one of his arms, bud.

Okay,

you're not good at that.

That's not a skill you have.

I'm not a designer by trade.

I'm a comedian.

I'm an artist.

Justin is effectively saying neither with his belt and bandolier guess.

I feel like this shrimp.

he's wearing long

extremely playful gloves i'm gonna say both pants and shirt okay to be clear i'm saying shirt i just think it'll be a bandolier is a shirt and you're thin with a belt i said like it's upper gear maybe it's a belt that was a bandolier a shirt but a belt

is shirt i'm not gonna go i'm not gonna get dequed because i said because you counted it as neither i don't think it's naked i think it would count as a shirt we always say this juice we always fucking get at each other's throats instantly.

That's what you want.

We never get it right because the animals are always so much more naked than we think they're going to be.

Okay, let's reveal.

Show me Shrimp Louis.

I mean...

Now, what I love about this character.

You get two points.

You get one point.

Okay,

but he's got the bandoliers.

I'm going to strap on, but it seems to strap under his exoskeleton.

that's cool yeah it does kind of end in his shell doesn't it yeah and what is he demonstrating

and this is how i cower here's how i make love and what's the middle hand for i don't know now can i make an argument that the exoskeleton of this shrimp creature does count as a shirt amp absolutely not okay no it goes into his raised eyebrows okay that

extend off of his face just had to be sure okay next image, Paul.

Shit, man.

Are these all

street sharks?

This is Slobster.

Okay.

If Slobster is not wearing pants, they're doing an Austin Powers thing where the bike is hiding his wiener.

Slobster is one of Dr.

Baradine's earlier experiments, along with Slash.

He was created by injecting a get this lobster with the DNA of villainous figures like Genghis Khan and Colonel Thomas Blood.

Give me those two names again.

Genghis Khan and Colonel Thomas Blood.

I don't know that one.

Becoming an anthropomorphic lobster that salivates constantly.

All right.

Slobster.

Even better.

And Slobster, can I describe his facial expression as just go around already?

Yeah, I know.

Just go around.

You're being incredibly graceful to Slobster with that.

Can we get a close-up on Slobster's face, Paul?

Just like an extreme Slobster close-up.

If he's not wearing pants, this cartoon should never have been on the air.

And let me just tell you folks, if your friend looks like this after a party, don't let him drive.

No fucking way, man.

They're not safe to drive.

I'm going pants, no shirt.

Pants, no shirt.

I'm going, man, I also think it's pants, no shirt.

I'm all say fully clothed, but the sewer sharks are so nude, guys.

The sewer sharks are also, you know, here's laughing at at him derisively having the time of their lives could he not find a bigger motorcycle and that's really funny to them

you know what

he's not wearing a shirt he's fully nude this is a fully nude lobster man fully nude lobster okay let's reveal paul fully nude yeah

and yo wait hold on sorry let me amend that yes and also no

no slobster no slobster no man okay next we're ball

i travis i don't know what i'm looking at my my man.

Give me at least an orientation here.

That's Clamando.

That's Clemando.

Wait, why does he have clothes inside of the shell?

He extends up beyond the shell, Griffin.

I don't know what to tell you.

God, I hate this one the worst.

This one sucks to think about it.

In an episode called Shark to the Future, Brilliant.

An alternative future where Dr.

Luther Paradigm has taken over

the world featured Clemando as one of the mutated creatures on Dr.

Paradigm's side.

His origin was later revealed.

As a human, he was a dock worker.

He was, this thing used to be a human

who worked for Malcolm Medusa III.

One day, he slipped from the dock and fell into the sea where someone had dumped barrels of toxic waste.

Why they were dumped right next to a dock or how no one knew about that is never explained.

All right, here's where I'm at.

Hold on.

Okay.

This dumping of toxic waste had a large grouping of oysters oysters surrounding him.

The waste fused the man's and the oysters' DNA together, turning him into the human-oyster hybrid.

This show is terrifying, man.

It's so scary.

You're telling me that can happen?

Yeah.

Yikes.

And look at the guy next to him's like, this was my son.

I have been looking at this the entire time it's been up, just trying to figure out what could be below what's the parts of the guy.

What's below

the shell?

Yeah.

because i think about oyster yeah it's not usually anything down there well he's also part man

yeah that's what scares me the most trav okay definitely please christ i've been so good lately let there be pants on this

i would from what i'm seeing here i could i don't even know if you could say conclusively about pants unless they're like hiked way up yeah yeah this could be like which is the cool look now i don't know if people know that and that and it started with Clamando.

Yeah, yeah.

Clamando started that trend.

High-waisted pants.

I will say pants, no shirt.

Shirt, no pants.

Reveal.

Yes!

Well, hold on, hold on, hold on.

That's pants and shirt, pal.

Oh,

now we're going to go.

We did establish a precedent with bandolier, didn't we?

Damn it.

Okay, now hold on.

Let's think through this.

The shell.

Is the band if that's a bandolier?

It's not going all the way around.

It's a cool necklace.

It's just sitting there.

I also would think just he can't reach it.

Yeah.

There's no way.

So, is that his body?

Wow, I don't like looking at this one anymore so I like to.

Do you think that that other guy is like, listen, if you're going to party with the street sharks, you're going to have to lose some of those clothes, Muchacho?

How about just half a shell?

What do you say?

Is the shell part of it?

Okay, let's see that next one.

Ball.

God, there's so many.

This one's adorable.

This one's El Sordo.

No, Travis.

It is

rather

real name.

El Sordo was a circus performer who worked with a large marlin named Spike.

You know how circus performers do.

Worked with a large marlin named Spike.

In satellite sharks, Spike was abducted and used by Dr.

Paradigm, and his trainer sought them out in the desert.

The two were eventually fused, it says

in quotes, together, resulting in a combination of memories.

But he is dominantly the human in action and personality.

El Sordo helps the street sharks and Manta Man fight the mecho sharks.

Fuck yeah.

El Sordo remains active in entertainment, having been on a naval ship in one episode where he was exercising his skills with double swords by slicing fruit in half while they're in midair.

How embarrassing for El Sordo that that's what his career turned into.

Hey, what's up?

Thanks for your service.

Just start hucking fruits up here.

I'm going to show you.

You guys are going to flip shit.

I guess all you could say I'm the real fruit ninja.

Okay, let's go.

Let's go.

Your kids are going to love it.

Shirt, no pants.

El Sordo is speaking to me, and he's saying, shirt, no pants.

He's saying, kill me, please.

Listen.

Euthanasia me, please.

I don't drown me in vodka.

I don't want to lose it.

I don't want to lose the audience, but here's what I'm going to say right now.

Yeah.

I think we'd all be better off if Dr.

Paradigm was killed.

It seems like Dr.

Paradigm has gotten away with a lot of crimes against us and sharks.

In a later episode, spoiler, his DNA is fused with the piranhas.

So he does get a little taste of his own medicine.

Becomes a super piranha dude?

Well, he doesn't change as much as El Sordo.

No, Travis was being literal.

He takes his special piranha medicine.

He tastes it, and he's like, oh, interesting.

What did you guess about this?

Oh, shirt, no pants.

All day.

Oh, this is pants, no shirt.

Really?

Positive.

Shirt.

Fuck.

Damn it.

Mm-hmm.

Man, they really spent a long time illustrating his bathing suit area.

Yeah, they really shaded the hell out of it, didn't they?

They worked hard at it.

Harder than at the teeth.

He doesn't have a shadow from his body, but he's got a shadow on his balls.

That's cool.

Okay, we got one last one here.

Okay.

What?

What?

Travis is that?

Well, that's Kilamari.

Kilamari is the third of Dr.

Luther Paradigm's evil severe, created from a squid that was captured off the Great Barrier Reef in Australia.

Slash and Kilamari despise each other, mostly because Slash made a sny remark about Kilamari's initial inability to talk, and that Kilamari is much more intelligent than Slash.

Kilamari has the ability to project natural spears or harpoons from his mouth.

Fucking I'm Team Kilamari.

You're telling me I'm supposed to be rooting for the sharks?

These projectiles drip with an extremely potent venom.

Hell yeah, they do.

I love that.

Now, in his debut episode titled Lone Shark, he almost killed Jab, but Lena and Benz concocted an anti-venom, which has since reduced his life.

Whatever.

Bullshit.

Nobody can resist his incredible toxin.

I'm going to say Kilamari is a big threat.

You can't have a big believable threat when they're completely nude.

I'm gonna say pants and shirt on Kilamari.

I'm sorry, Juice.

Kilamari is looking at my soul right now with those deeply offset eyes.

And he's telling me, Griffin, there's nothing under here.

My nudity is part of my power.

Don't take this from me.

I'm unashamed of what God and Dr.

Paradigm gave me.

Neither.

This is a nude squid, and I love him so much.

Let's reveal reveal paul barely pants barely pants all right also i don't know what's happening in the abdominal area

no one

no one farewell for now bye adieu

Hi, everybody.

It's me, Travis McGrey, your middleest brother, and I'm here to travel.

Travis, how did you get into my office?

Oh, Justin, I've always been in your office.

Okay.

Me too.

I live in this.

Whoa.

I live in this little bookshelf.

I read all the Animorphs books you got every day.

Hey, Justin, can we go back to you asked me how I got in your office and I'll tie it in?

How did you get in my office?

I flat standlied myself and mailed myself here with stamps.

Stamps.com?

That's right, Justin.

I had a big bulletin board fall over on me, flatten myself out.

Yeah.

And then I went to stamps.com, printed out postage, slid it right on my forehead because I forgot to buy envelopes.

And I tried to blow him back up with a pump, which I know you're thinking, just blow him back up with a pump.

I tried that.

He was screaming like it hurt so much.

Well, it just inflated one leg a lot.

Yeah.

Is the problem.

It just all went to one leg.

You know, the holidays are such a big hassle, but you can get ahead of it right now.

And free up.

We were on this whole Flat Stanley thing, but no, do your holiday daddy.

No, the ad is coming to an end.

I can feel it in my phone.

Wow, it really feels like we just started.

Are you sure?

I know.

The adventure is just beginning, and commercialism wears its ugly head again.

Oh, man.

Sign Sign up with stamps.com and enter code MyBrother for a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale.

No long-term commitments or contracts.

That's stamps.com code my brother.

Now,

like if you wanted to ship your brother a book on improv, look at how to do it or

if you've thought about it and you guys can keep doing your skit in the next ad if you want.

Well, it's funny, all this talk about Flat Stanley, because I was going over my finances the other day with Rocket Money, just going over some of the subscriptions that I may have forgotten about.

And I had one for a subscription.

You're waiting here managing them?

Or like Guynanances?

Okay.

Yeah.

Little Guyances.

Yeah.

But anyway, I was so like, I was.

Justin, that was in the improv community.

What we call instead of yes and that's or my thing.

So yeah, so anyway, I was looking at my fly.

My guy.

Is this part of it?

Is this part of it?

Yeah, so I was, anyway, I was looking at my fucking finances, and you know what I saw on my subscriptions list I forgot about was Thick Stanley.

This is a special website for bigger subscribers.

For discerning gentlemen.

Discerning gentlemen

who needs a Stanley with a little bit of meat on his back.

A more refined sensibility who likes a thick Stanley.

So I didn't get rid of that one with Rocket Money, but I did get rid of a lot of other ones with Rocket Money.

He actually double subscribed to it.

I became a triple

diet on all his devices.

I got a triple diamond membership and two promo invite codes for Thick Stanley.

He got into the stand stance.

But I can help you get set up with Rocket Money for free, absolutely.

It's a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Genuinely, I actually just did this three days ago and found no fewer than three different kids' edutainment apps that I had subscribed to and forgotten about.

I actually got a large transaction warning that I had forgotten about from Rocket Money.

So that was nice.

A good reminder.

I get updates weekly to say how my spending that week compared to my spending the week before, which is incredibly helpful.

I actually like that Rocket Money helps you guys the way that it helps me.

I thought we had a special, but then again, Rocket Money has over 5 million users.

Oh, it's the end of the ad.

Wow, I was in the middle of that.

Now, I'm sorry, Griffin, but I'm still in the middle of the day.

But it's in yellow, Justin.

We have to say it.

I'm sorry, guys.

You got to go to the yellow.

But Rocket Money has over 5 million users, and this saved a total of 500 million and canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the apps features.

Why wouldn't you want people to know that?

Well, I'm trying to keep the secret to just us.

Oh, I see.

I got you.

Anyway, cancel your unwanted subscriptions, not Fix Stanley, but the other ones by going to rocketmoney.com/slash my brother.

That's rocketmoney.com slash my brother.

One last time, rocketmoney.com/slash my brother.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined!

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Lum.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

There's still not a great way to come back from using the toilet in front of a bunch people

and feel like great about it.

It's not like I'm pretty proud.

It's not like we're the Rolling Stones coming up for an encore.

We pretty much told you we have to go use the toilet.

I went back there, Griffin.

I pissed like nobody's watching, man.

Excellent.

I really let it go.

Nobody's watching you use the toilet, Travis.

Yeah, that's the only way I do it.

You never like to biz like somebody's watching?

Nope, never.

Like, Jesus?

Come on now.

Oh, Oh,

breaking news.

It's a haunted doll watch.

Now, Paul, please do not reveal the image of the doll until I call for it, okay?

Let's meet our first contestant.

It's Milvia.

That's not a name.

I'm going to set up for you, Milvia, okay?

And I'm going to paint a word picture.

I want you to follow on your head, okay?

Okay.

Milvia, a highly powerful spirit, possesses the essence of a blood witch.

Wielding formidable magic rooted in the ancient arts of blood sorcery.

Her presence resonates with primal energy and deep mysticism, reflecting her profound connection to the forces of nature and the unseen realms.

Fuck yeah, hell yeah.

As a blood witch, Milvia harnesses the potent energies of blood to fuel her spells and rituals, drawing upon the life force within to manifest her intentions with extraordinary precision and potency.

Her magic is ancient and primal, tapping into the primal forces of creation and transformation.

I feel like we focus mostly on how Milvia is a witch and not that Milvia is also a ghost.

Yeah, yeah.

And can I also say how I love so much of that description?

Could have ended, every sentence could have ended with, or whatever.

All right, let's see Milvia.

That's not what I...

So,

okay.

I think you may have over-promised the

off-the-rack monster high-action figure.

That is,

for the first time in Hanodoll history, a toy has been listed that I would have to spend so much time actively stopping my children from playing with.

Yeah, yeah.

No, honey, there's a spirit in there.

Yeah, it's no, it's a vessel.

And her power extends beyond conventional witchcraft, delving into the realms of the occult and the esoteric.

She's a master of divination.

No, they're not over-promising.

Listen, this doll for $22 is a master of divination, possessing

to peer into the depths of the unknown and unveil hidden truths and secrets.

Milvia's energy is indeed fierce and unwavering, fueled by her deep commitment to protecting her keeper from harm.

As a powerful spirit of a blood witch, she possesses an innate sense of loyalty and guardianship.

She has been promoted to Avenger at this point.

I know they're doll.

I'm just going to say, I'm not familiar with Blood Witch mythology, but if they're protectors and guardians, gotta rebrand, gotta get a new name, y'all.

Guys, you gotta rebrand.

I'm just happy to see a doll on this list where the listing is not like this.

Haunted doll is going to fuck you up.

Yeah, gonna ruin your life and make all your shit float around.

Your dog's gonna start acting mad weird, and you're not gonna know why.

But don't get it twisted.

She's nine inches tall with the hat.

Don't let it be confusing.

She's nine inches tall.

Next,

Okay, from the same cellar from the cellar that brought you to the message.

From the cellar that brought you Milvia.

Me Esme.

This one's maybe the scariest of all.

This is just goes right into it.

I've communicated with her using various forms of divination and giving her a reading.

Esme is a baby witch.

She was 18 years old when she passed away.

She was born into a pagan family.

And though she's not given me a year, my reading suggests 17th century.

And she was summoned to this vessel by witchcraft Esme has been bound of her own free will well

huh okay you can some people are into that heard you can spin off a bunch of occult bullshit here at at the in the description of this I'm still kind of stuck on 18 year old baby witch

Esme specialized baby witch you're 18 years old

Get a job

responsibility.

She likes to recharge her energy in moonlight, surrounded by crystals, her spirit activating the crystals around her, enhancing their powers, and imbuing them with protective and healing properties.

She's a great assistant if you practice crystal witchcraft.

Can we see her, Paul?

No,

no.

Now, this one is eight inches tall, and it is the mom from the Baron St.

Bears.

An unmodded

factory condition

mom from the Baronstein bears.

Fresh off the factory line.

Can I tell you what's wild?

I didn't remember the mom from Baron St.

Bears being a baby witch when I was a kid.

She is safe.

Stop showing us the butts of the dolls, eBay and Paul.

This is where the ghost got in.

She is safe in homes with children and pets.

I'm not sure she'd be safe in a home with pets.

No, I don't think so either.

That's a cheer toy.

That's cool.

She's a cheer toy right there.

Cool.

She can take selfies, though.

She likes Esme.

Well, when Bae catches you, Esme likes offerings offerings of lavender and the honey.

Also changing her power and bond her with her keeper.

She does not take well to dark energies or loud noises.

We're an environment that lacks.

Tiny kids.

Where do you keep your bear and same bear mom toy?

Outside where she likes it.

And her name is Esme.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

She's a crystal witch.

Last contestant.

Are they competing for our...

I know who has my vote so far.

Yeah, for sure.

Let's hold off on that image for just a second Paul because it's very important

this captivating

yeah you just got to show them Paul

no

they're starting to play hardball with the people that collect witch stuff

They're starting to comfort them where they live with pictures of cats playing with each other.

What cats levitating?

This captivating frame limited edition print by renowned artist Susan Van Camp, measuring 12 inches by 10 inches,

depicts two majestic cats.

Majestic is what we're calling.

It says it depicts two majestic cats gazing out at the viewer, which is demonstrably untrue.

Wait, which one?

Wait, which one is it, though?

Because that's two different pictures.

Yeah, that's confusing, isn't it, Griffin?

Because one is definitely a picture and one is a painting.

And I think the picture's AI, it's got to be.

Yeah, okay.

yeah research into susan van camp's work revealed a recurring theme of feline guardians and angels intriguingly the print itself number 49 out of 500 hints at a sense of duality how because there's two of them

okay i think right because there's a two flash in there well there's well there's two cats and so there's a sense of duality

so it is babe wait does it have wings in that it has wings we believe this frame print has become a vessel for the spirits of two feline angels, Luna and Jasper.

Now, hold on.

That's right.

Um demonstrably, one of them is an angel.

They graduated from cats to picture of cats.

All dogs go to heaven.

All cats go to pictures of cats.

Luna and Jasper.

Sorry I died.

Just wanted to come say bye one last time.

Luna and Jasper.

You got any of that good string, brother?

They embody different.

Luna and Jasper are a complementary pair, embodying different aspects of feline guardianship.

Cool.

So it's kind of the two different sides of that.

New owners of this frame print might experience feelings of calm and security.

I'm feeling calm just thinking about owning it.

Haunted or no, I feel calm and secure looking at this.

I'm also going to say, I'm not an art curator.

A lot of matting on that picture.

That's like 90% matte.

In closing, it says this framed limited edition cat print is more than a beautiful piece of art.

It's a conduit for the loving energy of two feline angels.

So those are your haunted items for this week.

Thank you so much, Hannah Doll Watch.

Oh my god.

Okay.

We are going to call some folks down to the microphone here.

We've asked you for your questions in advance and we have chosen the ones we like so much.

So if we call you down, approach the microphone if you want to tell us your name, your pronouns if you'd like, and what your question is.

And we will answer it live.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi, how's it going?

I'm doing well.

How are you?

Pretty good.

Kick-ass.

Yeah, no complaints.

What'd you have for dinner?

No, we don't have to keep up the chit chat.

It's fine.

What is your name?

Hello.

My name's Kate.

Hi, Kate.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

So polite, Kate.

Did you have a question we could help you with, Kate?

Yes, I did.

So I work for one of the largest environmental organizations in the world, but I don't like to go outside.

Yes.

So

I need some advice on how to bond with my coworkers who are very outdoorsy people, and bird watching doesn't work because I hate birds.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Cool.

Say no more.

Is it possible they're outdoorsy people because they don't know TV exists?

Have you told them about TV?

I've tried.

We like are trying to fight climate change though, so maybe they don't want the electricity.

TV doesn't do anything about TV.

TV is fine.

All the climate change is about fossil fuels.

Yeah.

TV don't run on fossil fuels.

TV runs on young Sheldon.

TV have, sorry, I know this gets confusing.

TV have Young Sheldon and Amazing Race.

It doesn't do anything to the environment.

TV is great and neutral, and we're all pretty much in agreement on that.

Yeah.

Have you tried canoes?

Canoes are usually outside, though.

Yeah, I know.

I'm just looking for outside stuff you might like.

No, sorry, we are going to suggest some outside stuff.

Yeah.

But please take to heart, if we suggest outside stuff, you should should probably take that with a tremendous amount of weight and power because we are also not huge outside fans.

So anything we find out there that is the least bit worthwhile, if we bring it to your doorstep, I guarantee you, that's got the seal of approval right there.

Now, Kate, it's made me think.

When you say you don't like outside, to what degree?

Because you had to go outside at least to get here.

Yes, right?

So you don't like it because it's stringy.

You just don't like to be in nature, right?

I don't like bugs for one.

I also don't like the sun.

As you can tell, I'm very pale and Irish, so it's not good for me.

Then, I mean, you should have some carve-outs in your contract with this organization.

You say, I'm here to help the environment and global warming, I guess.

Not a huge sun fan, which I guess we're fighting the sud, so kick ass.

And if all bugs kind of beef it.

If we could fight against bugs, is that okay?

How many of them do we need?

We need a lot, a lot of them.

There's so many.

You'd be shocked.

Yeah, yeah.

Like 10.

Scientists say that there's millions and millions of bugs all over the earth.

Travis.

That's millions with an M, pal.

Two million bugs, Travis.

There could be three to four bugs on you right now.

Sorry.

So why'd you get this job?

For the money.

Yeah, nonprofits make a lot of money.

Yeah, that's for cashes.

No, for real.

What is it about this job?

What is it that attracted you to this position?

So I live near D.C., of course.

So I work on the policy side of things, which is more indoor environmentalism.

But my colleagues, a lot of them work in the field.

So I have a hard time bonding with them.

Right.

I understand that.

After you have saved outdoors, they're going to be happy that you're not hogging it.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

After the work is done and outdoors is safe for good, they'll be out there ultimate frisbeeing or what have you, and they'll be like, there's, it's actually getting a little crowded.

If you go back indoors now, that would be great for us.

You know what?

Outdoorsy people who do like extreme stuff and like rock climbing and everything, you know what they really like?

Telling people about being outdoors and doing rock climbing stuff and everything.

So you can just be receptive to that and you can't one-up it.

It's not like I climbed a rock and you're like, I climbed some stairs.

Well, you can, you can one-up it because you, when they tell you about all their cool outdoor stuff, you say, huh?

Well, they say, take only memories, leave only footprints.

I'm not even doing that.

I have

no impact on nature.

I have left the memories for you to scoop them up.

The memories are still up there.

Bring me back some memories.

Bring me back some memories.

And where there is no footprints in the sand, that was me at home watching young Sheldon.

Does that help?

Yeah, I'll just one up then, tell them I'm a better environmentalist.

Absolutely, guys.

Don't mess it up.

Fantastic.

There you go.

Fantastic.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you, young Sheldon, too, if he made you.

Thank you if you're here.

He's always on the list.

Thank you, Bazinga.

Let's do it.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Bonnie D.

Hi, Bonnie.

I have 12,000 Orbies sitting in my classroom that I don't know what to do with.

You sound like the villain in a kid's version of speed.

I have 12,000 Orbies set to deploy in the New York City water system.

Hey there, hot shop.

You have 12,000.

If you don't skip into your Ohio right now, I'm going to get these Orbies.

Did I use any of those rights?

I don't think so.

Okay, you have 12,000 Orbies

because of a class activity that left you with a bunch of orphaned Orbies.

If you don't know about Orbies, by the way, they're tiny hard spheres that when they get wet are even worse.

Right?

Basically.

Wherein lies the problem.

Yeah.

They were bought for a school-wide dance we had because, for some reason, I decided I would take on centerpieces.

And I've never used Orbies before.

So I bought like a pouch, you know, this big.

Yeah, yeah.

And somebody on staff said, go ahead, put them all in one of these big like six-quart tubs and fill it with water and they'll absorb right up.

Yeah.

So they did.

And I started making the center pieces.

And then I'd come in the next day and they were all over the floor.

So I'd take some out and refill them to make it invisible.

And then I'd

do it again.

Orbies get in the bottom.

And I'd come in and all over the floor.

Mind you, I have outlets in the floor because I teach children's engineering.

Like everything's blocked in the middle.

So not great.

I can't have water on the floor.

Yeah.

or wet balls.

I've never used Orbies before them because they want to go in them all.

Okay, yes, not ideal.

I've never used Orbeez before.

Do they keep getting bigger over time?

Yeah, and more fragile.

I don't say they don't, but they do.

They keep growing.

And do they dry out?

Therein lies the problem.

Oh, go on.

This is why I need help.

You've said that more than once in your description of it.

It's like a nesting doll, a problem.

I think there's many problems.

Each problem is inside the next problem.

Bonnie, I think the problem is you have 12,000 orbies.

Yeah, we understand the problem.

It's the gravity of the problem.

I'm anxious to put them in a trash can for the custodians to have to carry away.

Yeah.

Because what if they throw it in a wet dumpster and it destroys the school?

What if the ball, like, what if the bag breaks and there's orbies everywhere that you have to

eat them?

Yeah, absolutely.

Because I tried the thing where I left them on the counter for a few days.

They were filled on May 27th, and my librarian texted me that they're still in my classroom full.

They haven't gone anywhere.

Yeah, no, I mean, you're gonna...

So they're not drying out.

I tried drying them out in the classroom, but the kids kept punching the foil I'd put on top to go in them.

I think this was...

So I put them outside.

I think this checks one of the boxes for like the sainthood test.

Yeah.

Like

I think that I don't know what other miracles you may or may not have performed in your life.

Also, I think that sainthood is only rewarded posthumously.

So it's maybe a bit of a bummer to talk about.

But remember this, that you made infinite Orbies one time.

When you're buried alive in Orbies.

I mean, at this point.

Now, Bonnie, I've come up with just a foolproof solution of how you can not have to worry about these Orbies anymore.

But before I tell you, I do have to ask you, how much do you like your dub?

Yeah, I kind of enjoy the

quit and leave the Orbies there for someone else to deal with.

Okay, cool.

I did that, which is why I got the text because I left them outside to dry in the sun

the last week of school and then kind of forgot I put them outside.

Man.

And then birds ate.

But then it rained and they reabsorbed.

Son of a god.

Damn it.

Have we considered the possibility that Pennywise's big problem is that he doesn't have no orbies?

Yeah.

And maybe, just maybe, if some kind-hearted soul dumped 12,000 of those motherfuckers right down there with Pennywise, he would either A, be killed.

That's excellent.

Hey, man, it's me, Pennywise.

What the fuck, dude?

Like, I know, I get it.

I'm Pennywise.

I'm kind of a piece of shit.

Yeah.

But this is a bridge to fight.

My house is so wet, you guys.

Not cool, bro.

Not cool.

I guess what we're saying is use them to kill Pennywise.

Does that help?

Yeah.

It helps us.

Yeah, excellent.

Thank you so much.

Beautiful.

Hold Orbies.

Hi, how's it going?

Good.

My name is Ariana.

My pronouns are she, her.

Hi, Ariana.

And my question is, how do I sneak a squatty potty into the bathroom at my work?

I just, you may not be able to appreciate this just based on where you are in the room, but I distinctly heard one person over here say, yes.

I heard it too.

Yes.

Can you just raise your hand real quick?

We're not going to call you out or anything.

Yeah.

No, it's fucking great.

Yes.

That's cool.

That's amazing.

Thank Thank you.

How many people work where you work?

Like eight or nine.

Okay.

Oh, nice.

Damn, that's the perfect number to really flummox us, I feel like.

Yeah, that's.

That was like hundreds of people.

Anyone could have brought that squatty potty in.

Are you able to get in the office super duper early before anyone else gets in there?

Yes.

Oh, okay.

Well,

that's not a very funny answer, though.

What if you went in and, okay, go in, put the squatty potty in, leave a note on it that says, from home base, you all are doing a great job.

Yeah.

Keep it up.

Special.

Keep this in place.

Of course.

Don't ask any questions.

There's another note underneath the parcel, okay?

Don't ask any questions about it and don't touch it.

And don't be weird about it.

I mean, if you wanted it to be believable, you would leave a note that said, hey, this is home base.

Y'all have been taking way too long in here.

This little footstool, believe it or not, is really going to help you blast off

yeah you can prepare a powerpoint for your boss like i'm gonna i'm gonna crush efficiency and here's my one-step plan

squatty potties let's go

just save you thirty dollars per anim

now what if you brought the squatty potty in does anyone know what a squatty potty is because otherwise we see

it i'm sure paul's looking for a pickup thank you so much paul it's a little footstool it helps you unkink your this is how god wants you to shit yeah he wants wants you to squat and poop.

That's what the Mercial says.

So this is how you're going to.

The Mercials can't lie.

Mercials can't lie.

They're on the TV.

Let me just say, why would they sell it if it didn't work?

Yes.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Is it possible that you could sneak the squatty potty in piece by piece?

Oh, shit.

That's actually what I'm doing.

And I know it's all one big piece of plastic, but you're going to cut it up a little bit and then hot glue it back together.

And eventually,

it will just always have been there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's my current working plan plan if I can't make anything different.

That's a bad idea.

It will be instantly cleaned up right away.

It makes it the most noticeable way of doing it.

There's going to be stories in the newspaper about it.

Please don't do it like that.

That's how Andy Dufray would do it, and it's not how a person should do it at the place that they work at.

I can promise that it would not get immediately cleaned up, though.

Can you?

Wait, what are you telling me?

That's chilly.

You work in a dirty, filthy shit hole.

If I were to start building a squatty potty in the bathroom piece by piece, they would just people would leave it.

Nobody would clean it up.

So why are you worried about bringing one out?

Oh, sounds like nobody gives a shit, if you will.

I mean, I get it.

Once you've done it once, it's like, yeah, that's right.

Shoot, I've been doing it wrong this whole time.

Ding, ting.

How many?

Okay, I'm going to ask, how many in the room where you'll be putting it, is there just one commode?

Yes.

Okay, thank goodness.

Because if there were two and you just brought one in, people would always know which one you use.

They're already going to get that a little bit, right?

They're going to know that that's your star player.

They're going to know that it's an essential enough member of your team that you want an armored like all your guys.

If there were two and you only brought one and then you get in there and somebody's in that stall and you'd have to be like, hey, could you pass that over?

That's actually mine.

That's actually mine.

I brought it from home.

You could scoot it under the wall.

I don't want to make this weird, but scoot it over.

Thank you.

It has my name on it.

How much stock and power do you have in this organization?

Not very much.

Oh, shoot.

How much do you like your job?

Not very much.

Bring it in.

Bring it in.

Yeah, actually, that's great.

Does that help?

Bring it in and then take it with you when you quit.

Oh, of course.

They're going to be so like, oh, no, we were all used to it.

Or when you leave every day,

you punch the clock and then wave to everybody, like, hey,

and you got it right.

You have a chain it.

Yeah, you have a bike lock.

You put it on it every night.

Or just never speak again at your job.

Only communicate through intense glances while hugging your squatty potty like the fucking log lady for the rest of your career there.

Okay, perfect.

Now

that helps.

Good.

And you carry it with you all the time.

No one needs to know it's for the toilet.

Now it's just for you.

My emotional support, squatty potty.

Squatty body, for sure.

Does that help?

Yes.

Great.

Awesome.

Thank you so much.

Hello.

Hello.

That's a great shirt.

Thanks.

So my pronouns are he, him.

And my question.

Wait, what's your name?

Sorry.

It's part of the question.

So, how do I react when people comment on that my name is Kevin Klein?

Yeah.

Holy shit.

Did you guys have any idea that Kevin Klein was a fan of my brother, my brother, and me?

How much harder has it been considering the fact that you kind of sound a little bit like Kevin Klein?

Because that's got to make things a lot worse.

Have you been working on that?

So I've only ever seen two things he's been in, which are Bob's Burgers

and Rotel Dorado.

I've never seen a fish named Wanda or anything like that.

You're fucking in and out.

There's a lot of pretty good Kevin Klein flips.

Oh, Dave, fucking Dave.

Fucking Dave!

Yeah, he's hot.

My boy K-Kline is in mad pictures.

Have you, um...

Wild, Wild West?

Nope.

I'm talking about Kevin fucking Klein over here.

Have you intentionally avoided the Kevin Klein Aurora?

A little bit.

Really?

Okay, so you steer clear of his pictures.

Here's what I'll say.

About your parents naming you Kevin Klein

is that when it comes time to name a child, there's a lot of thought and work that goes into it because you don't know what it's going to be like, what their life is going to be like.

Right.

But at this point, with the last name Klein, you know Kevin works.

Right.

Because Kevin Klein has been very successful up until your birthday.

What year were you born in?

If you don't remember that, 93.

Oh, yeah.

Peak fucking Kevin Klein.

Yeah, for sure.

Paul, what kind of year is Kevin Klein having in 93?

Because I feel like he's ACES.

I feel like he's on fire.

Moke in.

Bucket after bucket after bucket.

Yeah.

January manufacturers of Kevin Klein

that man

is Dave 93

He's on KevinKline.com God you pulled a slideshow wait you just showed us that those were already on your computer before

do people ever want to talk to you more about Kevin Klein and some of their thoughts about Kevin Klein Dave was 93 come on.

Holy shit.

Crushed it.

Wow.

It's usually more like a throwaway comment, like, oh, like the actor?

And it's like, yeah.

Oh, well, Kevin, let me go ahead and tell you, that's not that bad.

You got to take those on the chin.

There's way worse stuff people can say in response to your name, I bet.

I was almost named Calvin Klein.

Yeah, dog.

That would have been way, way worse.

Way better for us, though.

I mean, we can all agree that would have been...

I mean, we could have had a lot of fun with that, with the underwear stuff and everything.

Do you want to change it to Calvin?

No, not at all.

What about Kelvin?

And then when you tell people, my name's Kelvin Klein, and they're like, oh, I like the design, you say, no.

Like the temperature.

Does that help?

Yeah, I'll watch more movies.

Okay, yeah, you should

have got a great.

Thank you so much, Kevin.

Thank you.

I'll never forget you.

That's the most disappointed anyone's ever been to watch

Kevin Klein.

Shit.

He's so charismatic.

What

do you start with Wild, Wild West?

Don't end with Wild, Wild West.

Hello.

Hello.

I'm Shannon Sheher.

Hi, Shannon.

Hello.

Hi.

I need you to choose my classroom theme for next year

because I was thinking either like frogs or I wanted to make it like a medieval castle.

But I pulled my students at the end of the year and overwhelmingly Shrek was the choice.

Okay.

I'm so excited about this because mainly what I want to know, like, what grade is this classroom?

Sixth grade.

And they love Shrek that much?

Every year, yes.

They still every year?

So much.

Every year they love Shrek.

It's been a decade since Shrek has haunted the theaters, and yet he's so large in our children's arts.

Yeah, and in physical space.

He's a big fan.

I got big news for you.

Shrek's a frog.

So, like, you, in a sense, already won is a giant frog man.

And if they were like, what are you thinking for the frog prom?

It was a prom, I think.

Where are you thinking for the frog prom?

You're like, if I'm going to have a giant man dressed like a frog, you'd be like, hell yes, that sounds awesome.

Well, you're doing that anyway by having Shrek present.

You're booking Shrek, right?

Hey,

you mentioned a frog prom in your question, right?

Yeah, you were talking about frog problem and if you should hire Shrek to come to your frog prom.

Justin was only kind kind of listening, but you mentioned how do you get Shrek to get a break.

You were saying you're designing a prom for sixth graders and you dig a bowl and the sixth graders are like, Yeah, we want fucking Shrek at our prom.

Our frog prom.

We got our Shrek there.

He's the most famous frog.

Of course he's got a broken shot.

And a castle-shaped cake.

Yeah.

The important thing is not how close I listen, it's how much fun everybody has.

I don't know if you guys know this.

You are going to be looking at iconography of whatever you choose for, what, nine calendar months or so.

I think Shrek would be more fun to see than a bunch of frogs or, I don't know, some parapets.

I don't know what castle theme looks like.

Turrets.

Now, what you could do is you could incorporate Shrek in such a way that you have several different, maybe representations of Shrek.

And depending on their behavior the day before, maybe Shrek's disappointed in them next day.

Or maybe Shrek's very proud of them the next day.

Maybe Shrek's a little concerned the next day.

Hey, let me ask you, you wanted castles, right?

And they got Shrek.

Yes, that's close.

But Shrek's a fantasy character.

So do you just hate Shrek?

Because you definitely could have done castles as part of Shrek.

It's harder to incorporate a castle and frog prom.

I guess if you do

like a frog prince thing.

I think it's a frog prom.

I don't know where you keep getting that.

You're right.

I mean, to be fair, in the second one, in Shrek 2, his father-in-law is a frog prince.

Okay.

That's very true.

Why do I know that?

I'm okay on Shrek.

I don't hate Shrek.

You're okay?

Yeah.

We actually, it's so good.

He's not funny enough because he's very funny.

He's really fucking funny.

You got a thing against ogres?

Because they're like onions.

We actually got layers.

He's a frog not an ogre.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Also, we actually have forgotten up to this point, and we've got to be better about this, boys.

We actually make everyone who comes up to the microphone during the live QA portion of this show give a plea that they don't hate Shrek.

And so I'm glad that you have reminded us.

It's like a loyalty test.

A plea?

Yeah.

Just do Shrek.

No, no, I want to hear it.

Now, tell us your deepest thoughts on Shrek and convince us you don't hate him.

I want to hear the truth, your truth, not the public face you put on.

I want to know.

When you're all alone at night looking at yourself in the mirror, like Shrek.

And you're all alone, you meet Shrek.

What are you thinking?

Would you rather be alone in the woods with a man or a Shrek?

Is it just, I mean, what do you think of Shrek?

Even Travis's joke is not going to distract me.

What do you think of Shrek?

Tell me all your thoughts on Shrek.

I saw Shrek in theaters in 2001.

That was legally mandated.

That means.

Yeah.

The first and second ones are very good.

I saw the second one in theaters as well.

Okay.

It's not my favorite movie of all time.

Okay.

I'm not trying to Shrek keep people.

I don't hate Shrek.

Okay.

I'm like, no, we know.

You wouldn't be here if you hated Shrek.

Yeah.

We would know instantly, actually.

We know.

That's part of the test, as we always know, right away.

There was security outside to check for that.

Yeah, that's what they were there for.

Does that help?

Do no, it doesn't.

Griffin's right.

Griffin's right.

Griffin's right.

Two frogs and castles.

And then if they say, sorry, guys, they were out of Shrek stuff at the party supply store, so we have to pretend that this castle frog is a Shrek.

Tell me that's the best Shrek.

Tell me that's the best Shrek you can draw.

Just happens to look exactly like a frog.

Say, maybe if you guys, maybe last, yeah, sorry, it's a castle frog and not Shrek is the best we could do.

Maybe if you guys had brought in more boxt tops for education last year,

we could get real fucking Shrek.

Sell a few more chocolate bars.

Does that help?

Very much, yes.

Cool, awesome.

Thank you so much.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, brothers, this is Adam, and I like Shrek.

Great.

Thank you so much.

Wait,

friend, or like, like, like him?

What's going on?

So, um, I have a lot of rocks and minerals.

I'm a geologist, and I want to find...

Yeah.

What just happened?

That happened.

A lot of stoners here.

That's what happens to Patrick.

That's what they call big fans of rocks.

So I want to find an inconspicuous way I can have my rocks or minerals out to show friends and get them to ask questions about

you want to talk about your rocks but in a way where it doesn't seem like you're trying to force the conversation yeah and not small ones either like I have bigger rocks yeah okay we get it Adam you don't have to keep bragging about how big your rocks are cool your rocks are every time we hang out with this guy I'm telling oh look at my big rocks what's your current like How many rocks you got out, Adam?

How many rocks you got out?

If I walk in your living room and look around just

how many rocks am I clocking

maybe like 10 to 30

10 to 30 not 10 is it Adam

Adam go ahead and tell me it's not 10 is it no it's not 10 I didn't think it was 10 Russian nesting rocks yeah it's like 30 to 1500 it's don't caggerize my shape I live in a can cave

would it be weird for you to spill a box of rocks and be like oh no

they're so beautiful help me pick them up I'll tell you about each one

when someone comes over have all the rocks out like on the couch and all the chairs and go oh let me move these yeah and then as you move each one say the name of it yeah

That's cool.

Oh, so embarrassing.

So embarrassing.

I was solving a rocks mystery.

Let me just put these away.

I'm something of a rocks detective.

He's called a geologist.

Let me tell you.

Let me tell you all about it.

I was just about to name this one, actually.

Perhaps Kimberly.

Kimberly.

Kimberly.

Perhaps Kimberly.

I'll tell you what would do it for me, Adam, is if I rolled up

in your place and it was incredibly minimalist, except for the one single rock that you had for display.

How big, Griffin?

Any fucking size.

If there's nothing else in the room except for one eye-catching rock, I'm going to need to know everything about that before we talk about anything else.

When someone comes visiting your house for the first time, right, and you're showing around, taking a tour, take them into the room, right, and say, this is my rock collection.

And you open the door and there's one rock in there.

And you're like, I thought you said rock collection.

You say, I'm just getting started.

Is this for your home or office?

Really anywhere.

I mean, if you're a geologist in the world, your office is all rocks.

Yep.

It's a really good point.

Wait, do you have any moon rocks?

No.

Damn it.

Damn.

That's so disappointing, Adam.

It might be good, Adam, if you started a rock of the day.

So you would have like...

I heard a few people.

Wait, are there neurodivergent people in the chamber?

I heard a rock of the day, right?

So it's like one circle and it says rock of the day and you put a different rock there every day.

And people could come back by and ask about that rock.

That's good, too, because they're not going to catch you slipping.

Yeah.

They're not going to be like, tell me about this one.

You're like, fuck.

I don't know about that one.

Damn it.

Yeah, you have its trading card pulled up and ready to go.

I would like to hear just my applause out of curiosity.

Knowing that Adam is a geologist expert in rocks, he wants to talk about rocks.

How many people in this room would like to hear like details about rocks?

I mean, I mean, condition conditional applause if I don't have any other cool stuff I've got going on.

Yeah.

All right.

I'm getting down with a romantic partner.

There's nothing.

Is there a guitar professor next door or something that you have to worry about?

Oh, you like rock and roll?

Well, let me show you some rocks that roll.

Oh, you like getting your rocks off?

Well, let's get our raw shoes.

Be excused for the premises.

Adam, does that help?

Immensely.

Thank you, Adam.

That also works.

There we go.

All right.

If you could shut the house lights off, making sure Adam's safely too.

I had one more if I could do it.

Yeah, but yeah.

Oh, you you won't be fooled by the rocks that I got I'm a geologist right and it's like a chillo one is it thank you so much for joining us here

thank you

thank you for these beautiful trophies thank you for making us feel like real winners thank you to the capital one hall for having us uh thanks to everybody who made this tour possible like uh paul sporn rachel uh amanda and Jack and uh thank you so much to Kate May for this incredible tour poster.

Yes, thank you.

We signed a bunch of them out

in the lobby.

They might still be out there.

I don't know.

Y'all have been incredible.

Seriously, fantastic.

This is truly wild to do this here and do a sold-out show.

You all are remarkable for people.

So very, very, very, very, very, very.

So, thank you to Montane.

Yes.

For the use of our theme song, My Life is Better With You.

It's a club banger every time.

Hey.

I always get so tripped on that because I'm just so excited that I remembered it and Griffin didn't.

Yeah, I know.

That I get the first four words out and then my brain starts high-fiving itself and I forget to say the rest of the sentence.

We, at the end of our live shows, we like to lift a wish up to Fungalore.

He doesn't need any help hearing them, but like it's symbolic.

And he appreciates it.

I'd like to read this one that someone sent in ahead of time and maybe you could lead the congregation in a bit of a

cleansing sonic bath to like raise this up.

Okay, so we're going to start low and it's going to build up as Justin's doing.

You do it.

You have to do it too.

Thank you.

I wish that Capital One CEO Rich Fairbank would play Magic the Gathering with me.

My name's Justin McElroy.

My name is Travis McElroy.

Griffin McElroy.

Say, my brother, my brother, me.

Kiss your dad square on the lips.

It's better with you.

My life,

oh.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

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