MBMBaM 736: School You're Allowed to Drink At

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

oh,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true.

It's better, it's better with two.

I like all.

It's better with you.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, me and Vice Show for the Modron era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

What up, Trav Nation?

I'm your middlest brother, big dog wolf wolf Travis McElroy.

When do you think this episode is

a scary movie?

When do you think this episode is coming out?

And this is Griffin McElroy, and I wish, as always, that it could get to my turn without a bit or a skit.

What's your favorite scary movie?

It's like on Who's Line.

They brought out Ryan Proops.

They bring out Ryan Styles.

They bring out Ryan Mockery.

Ryan Mockery.

Ryan Brady.

His father's first name, but it's father's last name, and he's Ryan Proops.

And they're there with Ryan Carey hosting it all.

Oh, but no wait.

It's like they haven't brought.

Whose Ryan is it anyways?

They haven't brought Colin Mockri in yet.

And they're like, you know what, guys?

Even though we're not all out here, let's fucking do one bit.

Like, we're not all out here.

We haven't all been introduced, but let's go ahead and get a bit started.

Are you guys going to say what your favorite scary movie is?

It's November.

No!

No!

Because it's not right, and it's not right morally or...

It's like Halloween creep.

It's not.

It's November 4th.

What's your favorite Thanksgiving movie?

It's not that.

You can't see your favorite movie filmed with gratitude and thankfulness.

You can't just pivot like that.

It's not.

I'll answer the question.

Hitch to both.

This is what's so hard, Travis is really hitting on the problem of time dilation that we have with my brother.

My brother and me, where you are hearing this on November 4th.

Yeah.

But we're recording it on October 30th.

Sure.

It's a flat circle.

That's not even a scary TV.

What's your favorite exploration of time movie?

That stuff about time is a flat circle.

Don't even get me started.

Okay, here he goes.

Don't get me started.

I ask you started now.

I ask kindly that you not get me started.

Oh, I thought that that was you said.

It clearly isn't flat because there's Christmas and summer.

So let's move on, okay?

There's clearly different parts of time.

It repeats for sure, but like there's better parts and worser parts.

Okay, calm down, man.

It's a rhombus.

Oh, Travis, you get it's hard because when I see you put your hands up, I see you.

I talk.

He puts the hands up, I talk more.

Well, I hear him put his hands up over his mouth, and I'm like, I have one and a half to two seconds to finish my point before Bane comes back.

It's not Bane, Griffin.

It's the scary guy from

Scream.

Give me a Bane.

Ghostface.

Give me a Bane.

Okay.

Mr.

Wayne,

you merely adopted the dog.

I was born into it.

They're both pretty good.

They're both really good, actually.

They probably sound exactly worse, but they both sounded exactly like God damn it, Travis.

Every time I want to punk, I practice characteristics.

Don't get it twisted.

I've practiced the pain in my existence.

But

I'm still very much in a Halloween spirit.

It's hard for me to get past that.

You know what I mean?

I love punkmans and the whole bit.

I'm still thinking about it.

You're talking about your favorite scary.

I'm trying to make

it by showing interest in them and asking about about what they like are you really asking them my favorite scary movie is scary movie two

it was of the series the one with the most jokes per minute and has a lot of memorable bits in it and a lot of i will say rude send-ups of some halloween classics justin what's your favorite of the scary movie franchise no my favorite scary movie is babaduke

that's not funny but like I mean, the name is all set.

The name's funny.

It's getting to know you questions, Griffin.

It doesn't have to be funny.

It's a way for me to get to know my friends.

Yeah.

Babadoke is funny.

Sorry, I should be clear.

The word is amazing.

It's a funny, it's a funny word, especially if you said, like, they're being kind of Babadookie.

Like, that's funny.

Yeah.

That's classic.

Maybe there's like a Jeff Fox worthy thing we could do of like, you might be a Babadoke.

Have you guys thought about that?

Oh, yeah.

If you climb up, if you climb out of a kid's book

to steal children in the night, if you are a phantasm created from a mother's grief, you might be a babadook.

Yeah.

If you live in a closet and climb up on the ceiling,

you might be a babadook.

Yeah.

If you look around and you say to yourself, I might be in the name and I might be be in a look.

Then, my friend, I'm going here to tell you, you're the Babaduke.

Just my dad.

Now, Justin, that sounded more like a tough intervention you would have with your friend who's a Babaduke and doesn't want to admit it.

It also ended with a definitive statement, which was never Jeff Foxworthy's approval.

You are a redneck.

You are a new one.

Hand that door open.

You are a redneck.

You need to open your mind to the fact that you're a redneck, my friend.

Deal with it.

This is the tough truth I hand out at a Jeff Foxworthy show.

if your breakfast is a big bowl of worms

you might be a babaduke can we do this please the whole episode i feel like it's really fun to do if your kid is screaming in the back seat and you think my husband's dead you just might be the babaduke

what's the deal with all these babadukes i'm

here's your babaduke no i'm gonna get you all past i'm gonna get you in the season.

Thanks.

Let's get you in the season.

All right.

Hike me up.

We on that Christmas creep now, right?

Oh, fuck.

Halloween's over.

Christmas creep.

Welcome.

Simply talking about Hallmark Plus.

Happy holidays, everyone.

A lot of people are going to talk to you about the Hallmark movie selection this year, and I think we definitely will.

And talking about the Hallmark

series

that are coming out of their series of films.

I want to do something a little different right now.

Okay.

I want to talk to you about Hallmark Plus because they did it.

They went and did it.

They rebranded their streaming service as Hallmark Plus.

And that beast has got to get filmed.

Is this where they put the R-rated Hallmark movies?

No, Travis.

No, it's not.

But this is where they put the movies that they wouldn't put on Hallmark.

Holy shit.

Hey, Hallmark, executives, if you're listening, Mark After Dark is like there.

You can have that for your erotic thrillers or whatnot.

Skullmark.

What's going on over on Hallmark Plus is truly, truly unhinged.

So when you say the ones they wouldn't put on Hallmark, Justin, do you mean they're too hot?

Good?

Too good for that one?

No, here's what I'm telling you.

I'm worried about the future of the arts in a world with the AI.

Yeah.

And I think that if AI starts doing movies, the Christmas ones on Hallmark Plus,

that's where we're going to catch them.

That's a foot in the door for sure.

Yeah.

That's where we're going to get them.

That's what the plus is.

The plus is

AI learning.

Minus humans.

Minus humans.

Yeah.

So I want to talk to you about these two big projects for Hallmark Plus and ask you guys this challenging question of like, did they let it in this time?

Oh, I did.

Okay, but I also get very uncomfortable with this because I do also think there is a bit of a

overcorrection and I don't want to insult a real person's film writing.

I think

we probably do logic a disservice if we think the people that wrote the eight films that we're about to discuss were living out their lifelong dreams.

Okay, fair enough.

They never talk about it.

I'm being un you're being insulted.

I'm not insulting.

they get it do they ever include human beings like when they're doing a big touring test kind of like this is the touring test weekend do they ever include any human beings just to throw off the curve because i can't imagine failing a touring test

off when you do it because i've i've volunteered and every time i'm like bla blorky tomorrow bolts they're like justin please stop we can see you but then there's a double feint because then computers and robots will start talking like that

because they'll think it's a human anyway let's hear about these films shoes Okay,

so

it's actually what we're talking about is

a wide array of cinematic offerings.

The one that I am probably the most excited about from the Hallmark Plus schedule is the unwrapping Christmas movies.

Movies?

Hey, guys,

movies.

I didn't, I

movies.

Okay.

Uh, let me just show you the image, and you guys will have to kind of describe this for me as we're kind of talking about, huh, people or computers or, huh?

Oh,

that's the literal promotional image.

Okay.

For this movie.

That's

okay.

So to describe what we're seeing, we have looks like a Christmas tree with three

flags on it, one of which is definitely two of which are definitely Photoshops.

american flags

fireworks fireworks in the background somewhere right a bit around reality i can't parse i know i'm struggling yeah

and then

people talk about like well we didn't land on the moon look at the way the flag is and it's weird that's this is what they're talking about yeah like the way that these flags are positioned are means the wind went the wind is coming from nine different directions head on over to the middle of the image would you guys just tell

Two

Cylons

who are looking at the camera condescendingly, I would, I would say.

Barely.

I just caught them pretending to be humans.

This is the look I get.

And then behind them, there's a room with snow and a very, again, very robotic-looking Santa Claus back there.

These two are from the Unwrapping Christmas movies.

Meet Tina, Mia, Lily, and Oliva.

It says Oliva in the press release, but I'm pretty sure they meant Olivia.

Four friends who work together at Tina's shop, all wrapped up.

Each woman brings their unique strengths in helping the store be successful.

One has fire powers, one has ice powers, one has earth powers.

And each woman must find her own path to happiness and love.

So

on November 7th, you've got Unwrapping Christmas, Tina's Miracle.

And in that one, Tina Mitchell, a successful business owner, meets a charming guy, Michael.

Okay.

Then a week later, you're going to enjoy Unwrapping Christmas, Mia's Prince.

Okay.

Mia, an accountant all wrapped up, is stunned when local celebrity Bo Kavanaugh, who looks just like her favorite romance novel hero, enters her life.

Then a week later, you've got Unwrapping Christmas Lily's Destiny.

Lily.

Oh, shit.

You've got

a marketing guru.

What?

Let's hold up.

Let's stop here.

Let's talk about these two.

There's four

of these films.

Okay, so one is

Tina's Something, Tina's Miracle, and then Mia's Since Prince, Mia's Prince of November 14th.

And then The Spear of Destiny, The Spear of Destiny.

Unwrapping Christmas, The Spear of Lily's Destiny.

Okay.

It sounds like they're just trying to kind of churn out all of the stuff they're known for in before December even gets here in four tight, tight films.

Now, I'll tell you what would be an incredible cinematic innovation.

What's that, Travis?

If all of these movies share 75% of exactly the same footage and just we follow different characters as they leave the scene.

Why is this not a video game?

Like, that's what I want.

Sounds like it.

Please, let me play this FMV game.

Lily, the marketing guru of All Wrapped Up, believes the universe guides us to our destiny, and it appears that it's guiding her towards a celebrity realtor.

Oh, what luck.

It's so wild when destiny does that, huh?

Hey, I want to point out that second one where it's like she realizes a local celebrity.

So he's well known.

Yeah, he's a local celebrity.

Looks like the cover guy from her favorite romance novel.

Why did it take so long for her to put that together?

How come it's never like, and then she meets Duncan, who works at the Army Corps of Engineers?

Yeah.

He is 50.

He is 51 years old.

Then she met Steve, an unemployed electrical technician who's, yeah, he's down on his luck, but he's got a lot of heart and a lot of student loans.

He is not looking for the meaning of Christmas.

That is not important to Duncan.

He has bills to pay and mouths to feed.

Unwrapping Christmas, the franchise on November 28th, Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving with Olivia's reunion.

Olivia, the gift-wrapping expert, all wrapped up, makes a delivery to a remote cabin only to find her ex-boyfriend benjamin on the other side of the door with a knife

so here's all i want to say is that i got to give credit to them a lot of movie studios have worked extremely hard to try to get franchises going yes these motherfuckers are just dropping it in a month like they're we're creating an entire all wrapped up cinematic universe yeah that marvel

Yeah, Marvel should just do four movies in a month.

Then they'd be able to wiggle their way back in.

They should take that.

And that would be actually

Can you believe that that is all the multi-film franchises that Hallmark Plus is launching just go I see winding up that fucking haymaker juice just let it you believe that they're only doing it once that's so weird like just once okay except for wait a minute let's talk about the cherry lane movies over the course of more than 70 years a lot of families have lived in the house at seven cherry lane and each of them has had a christmas eve to remember in three sequels to the 2023 hit movie Christmas on Cherry Lane, we return to the house for more Christmas Eves with each movie exploring three different eras.

Holy shit.

So that's nine era.

How many different eras have there been?

Are they going Paleolithic in one of them?

And I'm sorry, man.

The factor, the franchise connection is a house.

Yeah, man.

Yes, Travis, this is the brilliant part, right?

The one thing that doesn't change is the thing that they have to rebuild.

That's fucking great.

It's so good, actually.

They're like, oh, you like the house, huh?

How about three sequels in it?

And then they're like, okay, it's 2 p.m.

We need to get this 50s family out.

70s family, you're up.

I would love to see that, like a fly on the wall of the contract negotiations of one of the stars of the sequel who's like, listen, if you want me back, you're going to have to pay top dollar.

And then they're like, we actually don't need you back.

We've got house.

House is all we need for this one.

I also love the idea of you binging this whole series.

And by like era five, you're like, oh, they moved the china cabinet.

You're able to really figure out how

to do it.

It's actually like, okay, so listen.

In 1951, a doctor wants to make the holiday special for his worried wife before he is shipped out to serve in Korea.

In 2003, a newly married couple who are always in agreement about everything host two sets of in-laws for Christmas Eve for the first time and find that they may not have as much in common as they thought they did.

And in 2024, a couple tries to arrange a special Christmas surprises for each other, but keeping them a secret may be harder than they thought.

That's one that's one movie.

That's one movie on one day.

What?

December

5th.

December 5th, there's one movie that's those three.

Okay,

we are getting nine eras to difficulty.

If you come back on December 12th, in 1960, Eli and Penny take in Eli's curmudgeonly father, Walter.

In 1998, we see Regina and Nelson's first meeting.

And in 2015, Jesse faces a big challenge by planning her sister's last-minute Christmas Eve wedding.

The officiant is Tim, her high school sweetheart.

All of these could just say, like, some dude is doing this and some lady is doing that.

Don't worry about who they are.

They're going to be on screen for 25 minutes tops, but don't worry.

The corners and the window, the door, and stuff, all there.

Don't you worry.

This is going to.

But what if there's like a House of Leaves style asynchronous mystery happening in the background?

I'm obsessed with the idea of these films.

Like, there's, it's such an incredible opportunity to do some in-world storytelling that has nothing to do with the movie that you're watching.

Do you remember in Lost, how there was like the character Richard who just like kept showing up and never aged.

Yeah.

He was in every era.

Give me one of those types of watchers just keeps showing up to the party but it's the same guy unaged unchanging every

time every era includes a scene of someone going in the attic and seeing the face of the witch in the attic and then they scream and then it hard cuts back downstairs and they don't talk about the witch in the attic again they don't they don't but it but when you're watching a commercial for Velveeta in the next movie the witch comes into the commercial for Velveeta yeah as they slowly pan across one of the rooms you see like an alien figure standing in a corner, and when they pan back, he's gone.

Yeah.

And you just see him pop up in different locations throughout the house, throughout the eras.

And you see him like scribbling down notes, maybe about what he sees in human behavior.

Awesome.

I'm embarrassed to admit that I did not actually say the names of these movies.

Seasons Greetings from Cherry Lane is December 5th.

December 12th, the one we just discussed.

Happy holidays from Cherry Lane.

On December 19th, you're going to deck the halls on Cherry Lane.

In 1966, a a single guy Davids' plans for a simple Christmas are dashed when a time traveler arrives from 2015.

I am from the third era.

I won.

He finds the corpse.

He finds the corpse, the journal, and the key.

And the witch must be fed.

A news that she

arrives with the news that she won a contest to have Tommy.

Man, I'm going to read this whole sentence.

You ready, guys?

In 1966, single guy Davids plans for a simple Christmas are dashed when his neighbor Stephanie's Christmas Eve TV special broadcast live from her house, but used his address.

What?

That's a big one.

She won a contest to have Tommy Saunters Christmas Eve TV special broadcast live from her house.

Appreciate the contest.

In 1981, John and Lizzie learn that this will be their last Christmas on Cherry Lane after Job receives an offer in Michigan, and Lizzie finds out she's pregnant.

In 2000, best friends Matt and Rebecca find unexpected feelings developing as they try to find out who's behind a series of Christmas-themed random acts of kindness.

Oh, man, I thought it was going to be murders.

Murder, me too, Trav.

I was hoping for murder.

I thought it was going to be Christmas murders.

I think that in the one where the woman is pregnant, the baby comes out, and it's one of the guys from Era One, and the whole thing is part of a beautiful cycle.

It has such incredible,

I mean, what I want from these films that I won't get is like you're watching the one in 192004, right?

And then a 2003 guy knocks on the door.

He's like,

I am so sorry to do this.

I left a table underneath the garage.

If I could grab...

Excuse me.

I'm sorry.

You all look busy.

Oh, my wife, still a ghost.

Anyway,

I was just going for a jog in the neighborhood and I needed to make soil.

And since I used to do it so much in this house I just called I'm used to it's fine right you're cool you remember me from the signing when I sold you this house and I bought that toilet seat so technically it's mine it is mine um so both of the I'm gonna hire I'm gonna pay someone on Fiverr to watch all nine of these eras for me just to let me know if there's any kind of spooky supernatural cyclical observations of time or

if there's witches in the attic um guys

there will be reused garments like this is the

budget I'm expecting for this.

Would you do, if you were doing this shoot, would do you think they filmed chronologically in terms of like

just started 1950 and they're like, okay, the next part of a movie, movie three, takes place in four years.

So let's just move it like four years.

You would have to.

Justin, you would have to, right?

Because that way you can show realistic wear and tear on the house as the house ages like 60 years.

And they're obsessive about the details.

By the time you get to like the 2024 episode, like the roof is like caving in and everything's like rotten and covered in dust.

We don't have a lot going on in December.

Would you guys commit to each one of us watching one of the Cherry Lane movies and then like talking

over a laugh?

If we can recut it into chronological order

and see how it lines up, you know, I've thought a lot about what order I'm going to show my kids the Cherry Lane movies.

It'll be first part of one and then the second part of three.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Clone Wars.

Clone Wars.

I think with four screens set up, you can pause and jump between without having to switch any discs or anything.

So we're just going to...

The question is, you set it up four in a row or like a two, a two?

That's not enough for me, Travis.

I need like minority report levels of like manipulating footage.

Yeah, like with my cyber gloves.

Now you see here, they move the doily.

And I think that is a cue to us to know.

Change

coming.

Here we have a second appearance of the character I like to call the man in the wall.

If you look,

the man in the wall has moved.

It's an incredible house, an incredible, miraculous house where special things happen every Christmas Eve.

The only rural Heroes only.

Only, please.

Please.

And also, nothing bad happens to anyone.

Why do they have to move out of the house?

He got a job.

She's pregnant.

Nothing goes wrong.

Her son got a job.

Her dog got a job.

They all got new children.

Everything's great.

They're all moving to Aspen.

I need to know if we're getting a new installation of the Yes Chef Christmas franchise.

Dying to know.

Yes.

The Yes Chef.

Let me see here.

Yes, Chef Christmas.

It's starring Tia Mowry.

It's called Yes Chef Christmas, and she's in a cooking competition.

It's called Hallmark film.

It's a Hallmark film, I think.

Or was it a Netflix film?

Oh, it's a lifetime film.

That's basically the same thing they're probably not making a yes you say that and it's so offensive i think lifetime has a lot more murder lifetime has but not in their christmas movies rarely rare very rare i just love yes yes chef christmas to you yeah to mara maori housley excuse me is busy over there at scouting for christmas which we previously covered okay in a prior episode i know she's she's obviously

i think just you and i talked to dad about it i watched all of Yes Chef Christmas.

Oh, man, Travis, that's really embarrassing.

Is that accurate?

Yeah, we talked about it in the green room in Denver.

We didn't talk about it on an episode.

Oh, no.

The sneers.

It's all blending together.

I just like Yes Chef Christmas because it sounds like the Christmas sequel to the Yes Chef franchise.

It is not.

The name of the film, first of its kind, is Yes Chef Christmas.

And I do need to see if we're going to get a

time for you to come home home for Christmas.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

Okay.

Let's get in a question.

I'd love to do a question before we head on.

Okay, cool.

Yeah, it's a Denova show for the modern era where we take your questions and turn them out.

I host a general trivia night at a restaurant.

I have a team of regulars that have been coming almost every week for a year.

It's a group of 48 people, depending on the week.

428.

So important.

They're super nice, and we always have a great time together.

Lots of good bits back and forth.

There's one problem.

They win almost every week.

I'm worried people will stop coming or not come at all.

Is there any way to deter them from winning?

Find out their weaknesses?

Or should I let them continue to dominate?

That's from Mystified in the Mid-South.

You know who's figured this out?

Who?

The Chase?

The game show The Chase?

Are we about to have another lengthy conversation about the Chase game show?

No, no, no, not lengthy.

Just what they have is they have trivia experts and the trivia expert everybody's playing against them all right so the trivia questions go to the chase and the chaser

and it's like that's a good idea yeah so you have this team who's like you're playing against them and whoever does best against them yeah wins i mean there's another version of this that is one versus a hundred right another sort of similar style experience where everyone else in the bar gets to be on one big team oh i like that too griffin That really puts them on the pedestal, doesn't it?

Or, like, they have to choose one representative.

Yeah, a champion for each round, like the chase.

This is also like the chase.

Can you do the chase?

Can you just do the chase?

You know what would be fun?

Oh, there's like.

So it's the chase the beast in America.

Correct.

Okay.

The next time there's like eight of them, you say, you know, it'd be fun.

Two teams of four.

See how you guys do against each other.

Yeah.

That's really good.

That's cool.

Gamify the trivia night.

I mean, take a look at

the trivia night.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's about time someone did.

Because really, it's just school you're allowed to drink at if you fucking think about it.

I feel like look at the subject matter of your questions, if they're crushing it, and pick wildly different subject matters.

I don't want to catch it.

Everybody knows about other stuff.

I believe this.

You just got to find out what the other people know about and try to ask them.

Like, maybe before trivia, you go around and you're like, so what's your birthday?

What do you mean, and then

throw a curveball in?

What's Doug's birthday?

Yeah, that's a good one.

What's what's in Doug's pocket?

What's in Doug's pocket?

Hey,

who's ready to play my favorite game?

What's in my pockets?

Now, that wasn't a live show now that I'm thinking about it.

Yeah, I think you're right.

Uh, I

one time was at a bar trivia, and they did a segment where they were like, all right, we're gonna list out some names.

You have to tell us if it's a Shakespeare character or a Final Fantasy character.

And it felt like a light was shining down from heaven.

Like, Griffin, this is your, you don't know much shit, but this is your moment to

impress.

I got like 60% right.

It was harder than it sounds, man.

Sounds so hard, man.

I was all confident.

I know these guys.

They all blend together in the head, don't they?

Yeah.

You get to

cheat.

What?

Just cheat.

Just say they got the answers wrong.

What?

No.

No, don't.

Then they won't come anymore.

Oh, yeah.

They they are providing a lot of business to this business.

Yeah, and they like them.

They're not personally good.

You could ask them to just like

chill out.

If they win all the time, do they like winning all the time?

Has it started?

Maybe you could like give them some sort of like

deficit that they're starting like four points down or whatever

and like talk to them about it and be like, hey, does this still feel challenging to you guys?

Yeah.

Do you think you could cover and then uncover your ears fast back and forth so you only hear half of the questions?

Ooh.

Is that somebody else?

Like every other word?

How fast are we talking?

Yes, that's what I'm saying, Trevor.

We're going to put someone at your table who hums really loudly while I'm asking the question.

I am going to start tasing you all.

But you won't know when.

So do keep an eye out for that.

Don't get too focused on the questions.

Who's the worst team who always shows up?

Put them on their team now.

Yes.

We're going to get an average here.

Hey, you guys are always doing really bad, right?

You get every question wrong.

Cool.

You're with them now.

And listen, don't respect their opinions at all.

Maybe this is the time you guys get all the questions right.

Get over there.

Get on.

Can you call in Kenneth Jennings and some other big Jeopardy heavyweights just to have ringers?

Some ringers.

Yeah.

Yeah.

To take them down to Ducal Town.

I'm pretty good at trivia.

Yeah, I don't know, man.

I think I am.

I think trivia always reminds me.

I feel like trivia just kind of reminds me of the only stuff I know is stuff everybody knows.

You know what I mean?

Like, I know a lot of it, but so does everybody else.

I kind of feel like, I don't feel like I know a lot of stuff that other people don't know.

And there's a lot of stuff that I just don't.

You know what I mean?

Like, that's it.

Where things are.

I would say there's an alternative to this, which is there's a lot of things that everyone knows that I don't know.

This is what I'm saying, right?

Like, what happened?

Where things are, what happened is when.

What happened and when?

What happened?

When did it happen?

Oh, how do they do it there?

How do they do it there?

Yeah.

How do they do it over there?

What led to this happening?

Who's in charge?

Who's in charge?

Causes and effects, Travis.

That's one that I think should be off limits.

What caused something?

Or like, who?

Who can say?

Who is one that they do a lot at trivia where I'm like, Star Wars?

No, not Star Wars.

Like, okay, well, who?

I don't know.

Which Superman?

Which war was it?

Is one I want.

I don't like it.

Which one?

Which one was it?

Which one?

Who did it?

When was it?

Why did it happen?

Where did it happen?

Any of that stuff I don't like.

I don't get it.

Yeah.

Presidents.

Presidents.

Presidents.

There's a couple of them I know stuff about.

Yeah.

A couple I know stuff about.

So there's a couple of them I'd like to know.

What's wrong with you?

I think a fun trivia night would be more of like an essay thing where it's just like open-ended, sit down, here's a piece of paper.

Write down some trivia, you know.

And then I'll write down interesting trivia, and it's going to be much more subjective judging where they're like, that is good trivia.

And they get, and I would get a point for that.

This reminds me, I've told the story of the show before, I think, but I used to have a science teacher in high school that had his own Jeopardy machine that you could hook up to a TV with like

RCA cables and play Jeopardy.

But he would have us write some of the questions,

not the ones not about human anatomy, and we would play the game and he'd be like, In this franchise, the fantasy is never final.

And I run in, I was like, Final Fantasy?

And he was like, I don't know.

He was like, I didn't write this.

Is that right?

Whoever wrote this one, I don't know.

Let's take a quick break, go to the money zone, and be right back after this.

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I'm Jordan Morris.

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I am on the first day of our first family vacation in several years and I'm having a problem.

I have had to shit for the last 47 minutes and my family is only halfway through the Cincinnati Zoo.

I don't want them to miss out on any of the exhibits because of me, but I'm about to explode.

How do I guide them through the exhibits quickly

so that we can get to the hotel quicker?

And that's from DJ.

I wish I was brave like DJ.

Hey, DJ.

I wish I was just

bathrooms.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no DJ knows that.

Joe Travis.

DJ knows there's bathrooms at the Cincinnati Zoo.

I think we have to accept the premise that TJ

will not be using the bathrooms at the Cincinnati Zoo.

I mean, and here's the thing about the bathrooms at the Cincinnati Zoo.

There's whole swaths of that park that are underserved, bathroom-wise.

If you're chilling in Guerrilla World, you have a 15-minute walk to the nearest bathroom.

This is true.

A lot of people have some of it uphill.

If you're exploring Gibbon Islands, you're already fucking just poop your pants.

You're not going to make it.

No way.

Yeah,

there's a lot of people that simply will not use the bathroom in a public place, which I understand.

There's a lot of people like me that as soon as they get to a new public place, try to use the bathroom immediately.

Like I'm setting up a base game

on a climb.

Leaving dead drops.

I'm on recon.

I do that every time I go.

So what have you thought so far?

I don't know.

I just got here 10 minutes ago.

That's only time for the bathroom.

There are some people like me where they just know that even if they desperately need to use the public restroom and are mentally open to it, there's something in their body that's like, no, not here.

No, I'm not going to let you.

Rachel and I went to a nice sushi place last night and I we got there, got our drink orders in, and I was like, where's the bathroom?

And they're like, right behind the host stand.

And I was like, cool.

So I went to do my base camp setup.

And then when I got there, I realized that it really is, you have to walk immediately by and behind the host at their host stand, which immediately i was like this is gonna be a problem because i'm at least gonna go in there three times and sure enough by the third time she was just like mm-hmm

wow it's miserable griff i'm so sorry most of the animals are very similar yeah you know speak on speak on that well like a cheetah a leopard a tiger we get it yeah big cats Okay,

how really, how different is an elephant and a rhino and a hippo?

So go see Fiona, clock Fiona.

You did it.

You knocked it out of the park.

Really, all you need.

Pay your respects to Harambe over a Gorilla World.

Take a minute and think about how that all went down.

Is there a tone of silence?

Is there a I find joking about Harambe incredibly tasteless.

I'm joking, Griffin, who was joking?

No, no, no, you're not joking.

I'm saying,

you know, in general, internet humor about Harambe, I think, is quite tasteless.

But is there like a plaque or any sort of like recognition of like

his

existence?

See, now I can't tell if I'm or if I'm Mandela.

Obviously, this is a huge setup for a joke opportunity, and we all recognize that, but

we're not going to grab it.

I remember

part of my brain is like, I remember there being one.

But it might be because I just want there to be one.

The Cincinnati Zoo does have one for the last

carrier pigeon that died there, which seems like a big oopsie, but that is true.

well we only have one justin what are you gonna oh my god they have a whole memorial park okay okay so we're we're we're we're well covered oh but it's permanently closed so maybe

so they'll have another one for that right yeah i need a bigger memorial park to put that park in eight i think when you go to see the like when you see the monkeys at the zoo Yeah,

people say the same thing every time.

Oh, they're so much like us.

And I get it for sure.

But it does, what it means is when you look at every animal at the zoo, the question on your mind is, do I do anything like this?

Because that's the only way the animals are, the only way monkeys are answering that question for you is if you are asking it when you're looking at them.

So really, the zoo is just going around and looking at animals like, do I do anything like cheetah?

Like, you want?

You're looking.

The only thing that you're going to learn from cheetah is like, do I do anything that I recognize is like, like, sometimes you'll see cheetah go up to a food and like it'll eat some food then run away and then I'm like I do things like that yeah yeah everybody look at this cheetah I use my butt to balance me when I'm running really quickly I get

I like also doing this sort of aspirationally like when you see an elephant pick up a watermelon with its trunk and put it in its mouth and absolutely fucking annihilate that thing I see that and I'm like must be nice Must be nice to grab a whole watermelon with your nose, cram it in your mouth, and then explode it.

That sounds pretty fucking cool to me, man.

It's also one of those like chase experiences, like yeah, because of the context.

Like, I saw an elephant, no big deal.

I saw an elephant crush a watermelon.

It's like, I saw Walking Phoenix, who cares?

I saw Walking Phoenix eat a salad at Sweet Green.

It's like, that's something

there's an action there.

There's a reveal to the story.

Chase experience.

At the Cincinnati Zoo, there's also a petting zoo where you can see like goats and shit.

And it's like, hey, man, I'm at a zoo.

Why would I want to see a goat and a chicken?

I can see those.

still pretty cool, man.

I'm saying you could skip that.

I'm saying that that's a thing you can bounce off.

Hey, man, me personally, the bug house, I don't need that.

I don't need that in my day.

I don't need to think about that.

Skip right now.

But goats.

I see goats about the same amount that I see every other animal, which is mostly at zoos.

I don't have a lot of day-to-day goat encounters, and I thank the sweet Lord Jesus Christ, my Savior above, for that.

Have you thought about opening yourself up to more goat opportunities?

I don't know how the fuck I would do that, man.

Speaking of the bug house, you are not allowed to vape in here there.

And it's like, do you want me to be high for this or not?

Yeah.

It's kind of like mixed messages.

Like, you have a place called the Bug House.

Like, I would like to see it the way it's intended.

You know what I mean?

I need to open up my that could turn bad on you, though, huh?

If you were going to have a bathroom whoopsie at the same scene I used to,

what area of the zoo do you think would be the best choice?

I think maybe around the apes, because then at least they'll point at you and be like,

I get it.

I get it.

The apes would look at you and be like, oh, they're just like us.

Damn, dude, bipedal buddy.

Did you just shit right where you stand?

Yeah, man.

Just like us.

Do you ever?

Do you ever been to the zoo or animal kingdom or something where the animals are walking around?

They have some animals that are allowed to walk around.

Because I think next to one of them is where I would do it.

Oh, shit, yeah.

And then be like, ooh,

everybody, come look.

Look at what this nasty duck

did, everybody.

That's fucking very sick.

Look at this huge fucking turd this peahen made.

Holy crap, it's thicker than its neck.

That doesn't make any fucking sense.

Something got horribly wrong.

Hey, this guy in a crocodile costume just pooped over.

hey, Erika, look what Goofy did.

You nasty dog.

Pluto's more human than you are, you kill me animal.

I gotta go.

I'll see myself out.

I know what's happened here.

You know what's happening.

You know what this means.

Don't get your hands off me.

I'm gonna go to the gift shop.

You can't prove that's mine.

I'm not allowed to buy a shot glass on my way out i'm making the decision to leave i want to make this clear

this isn't accusing

i'm choosing to leave and ban myself from the cincinnati

please don't tell jackanna i did any of this hey guys what if they had a part of the zoo where you could go and just be in peace mode for a second yeah just

you shed the clothes you shit where you please for a half that's freedom man

There's no judgment.

You're not worried about deadlines.

You're not worried about your boss.

I'm getting excited about this idea.

You're just shitting where you please.

Is there a watermelon?

You crush it in your jaws.

Is there part of this preservation, this human preservation, where there is like an observation window?

If you want to run up to the glass and be like, come on, guys.

We're fucking partying in here.

Like you could put on a little or you could just lay down in front of the glass and sleep and not just like that.

I feel like that, dude.

I feel like that's counter to the spirit.

I want a break for that.

You just describe my everyday life on a side.

I don't right now.

I don't want to do it again.

I would love to just be able to just go follow me or cat for a while.

Yes.

I see people come to the thing and I'm immediately in the tunnels.

We're popping out.

We're watching out for each other.

It would have to be an international waters situation.

Like, you can't have laws in the wild zone.

Yeah.

You can trade places with an animal for 30 minutes.

What about that?

I see the orangutan i'm like you and me buddy i give him my clothes my id

he's me on the outside for 30 minutes he tears your head off your shoulders and throws it in the nearby lake no it's i think no touchies no words yeah it's easy yeah right of human preserve like no touchies no words solves most of it yeah yeah most of our problems when that time's done you do have to go back to the human world If you start making crude technologies, you will be asked to leave.

Get out of here, man.

If If I see you use a liver,

if you use a stick to get some ants out of a vial, get the fuck out of here.

Well, now it's depends on which one you're being.

If you're in the chimpanzee exhibit, you can do that.

I think they should, I think, when chimpanzees get to that point, they should be removed from the zoo also.

You're too close, dude.

Now, now we're uncomfortable, man.

I would love to see a human in the elephant exhibit painting.

That would make me really happy for some reason.

I'd be very, but they have to do it with their nose.

Okay, there's something there.

I'd want to be a not one of the night cats.

Can you imagine you're just walking through the night hunter exhibit at Cincinnati Zoo and you're looking in and they've got everything all dark and stuff to trick the animals into the thing is day, you know, nighttime.

And you look in and there's just meat prowling around in one of those containers.

Yeah, that would be

behind that log.

That would be extremely scary and off-putting to see a man in the night hunter

dressed as Mr.

Mistopheles.

Look at that.

Oh, he's stalking that cricket or whatever.

I'm on the prowl.

I'm a nightmare.

They don't let me in the wild zone with the other animal humans.

For obvious reasons.

My second interview to be a barista is on Thursday, and I just realized it's Halloween.

What costume will impress the manager and land me the job?

That's from Scarista in Sin Francinsco.

I'm very scared.

Like, that scared me a little bit, actually.

Good for you.

Do both.

I mean, yeah, I think doing both is wild.

How long is this interview going to be that you have to wear your costume during it?

Unless you just don't want to bring a change of costumes.

It shows a level of commitment, Griffin.

A level of enthusiasm.

You dress up like a big old coffee bean.

I'm this for Christmas because I'm just wild about these beans.

You dress for the job you want.

So it's just.

Yeah.

Let's speak on that for a second.

Well, I was thinking like Christian doesn't like it when people say Christmas.

Everybody has to say

happy holidays.

Okay.

It does make you seem like someone who had better things to do, doesn't it?

A little bit.

I like that, though.

That's kind of playing hard to get.

You got to dress for the job you want.

so you dress as a barista

i mean a generic like kroger like

aldi brand uh the kergland barista a zombie barista what so y'all scary

yeah i don't think it's gotta be that i think you come out of the back room wearing a barista uniform from this place And you're like, this is, I'm make-believing that I'm doing this.

And you're going to see what a good job I do.

And they can't make you leave because it's a halloween costume dress as a job interviewer and flip the script

where do you see yourself one of us is the interviewer now yeah where do you see the watches the watch on

where do you see yourself in five years asking you this exact same question five years from now

And tell me, who have you dressed as today for our interview?

I dressed as your grandfather.

I looked it up online.

I

and I'm online and I'm your grandfather's I'm looking

exactly I know exactly like him right it's wild and I researched his whole life story ask me anything your grandfather would know your grandfather knows what kind of interview is this exactly exactly oh by the way I'm your biological grandfather wait what yes you don't even know about that shit

I am I am dressed as a Google Maps printout of your home address

if I don't get this job I am going to talented mr.

Ripley you

which I don't know if you've you've seen that film, does not turn out for the real Mr.

Ripley.

It's interesting stuff to think about.

Yes, sir.

I am dressed as Borat, but I will be doing this interview as myself.

Don't you worry.

What's that?

You want to see my resume?

Sorry, sir.

That was the only one.

Sorry.

Just haven't.

Sorry.

Your only resume?

Yes, I do need it back.

My thrift.

Yes, is pain in my assholes.

Thank you for asking.

Thank you so much.

One of my friends is a speed Rubik's Cube solver and solves with a team that enters competitions together.

Recently, they signed up to an event in my city that's in a week.

Unfortunately, one of their team got sick, but has already paid for the ticket.

My friend has asked me to step in as I know how to slowly solve a Rubik's Cube.

Brothers, how do I grind my Rubik's Cube skills as to not embarrass myself before these elite cubers?

That's from Gmail.

There's a nightmare that I'm what you described.

Yeah, I've had no way to do this.

You have to get good at it real fast.

It takes a long time.

So long?

Yeah, it takes a long time to do it.

Okay, let me offer this play.

You step up there.

You move the cube around really fast, but then you slam it down and say, this one's broken.

Yeah.

This one's actually an unsolvable pattern.

This happens.

It's unsolvable.

This happens in some regulation.

I've had that happen to me.

A couple stickers in the wrong place.

That motherfucker won't.

You can get one of the cubes twisted.

Yep.

Yep, that'll happen.

Unsolvable.

You're so smart, you do it.

You want to prove to me it's not broken?

You solve it.

Thank you very much.

That's slam it down.

Take it back, slam it down.

I use social engineering as my skill.

Exactly.

That's

done it.

If your friend has invited you to do it, they know that you're not bringing the heat, right?

Yeah.

There's no way your friend thinks you're super, your friend who is super fast and competes in super fast Rubik's Cube is like, I bet they're also as good at it as I am.

That's not happening.

Probably is they need somebody to fill out the team and you're the only other person they know who's ever solved a Rubik's Cube.

Have you wronged them in the past?

And this is a setup for a J.K.

Simmons at the end of Whiplash, brutal fucking like, they walk up to you and they're like, remember how I said that this is low stakes?

These are the fastest speedkeepers in the world and you're about to absolutely shit your pants and have your ass fall out of your pants.

We staked your house on this one.

We staked your house on this one.

I knew it you you the whole time neiman and then you walk away slap oh fuck you don't know what to do but then you go back out there paul riser's like don't do it but you're like don't do it off paul riser

your heart will explode you can't drum right now is that i haven't seen it in a bit that's basically how it ends yeah how fast can it be i'm gonna look up the world record because it can't be that fast right for drumming record

Rubik's cube.

I mean, you'll probably have a couple minutes or something to say.

Oh, people who do it.

People who 3.1 seconds.

jesus christ yeah yeah if you ever see people do people get i thought i would impress a kid one time because i saw this kid cuban at a rehearsal i was at a cuban child at a thing and you a human child cuban a cuban

cuban he was eating a cuban sandwich no i'm so sorry he was cuban yeah c-u-b-i-n fun apostrophe yeah a g on there would have really solved this whole issue juice and it seemed like you were hey griffin if i like solving things i wouldn't be a cuber you know wait sure wait that isn't that the whole point of being a cuber hey so i told him i could solve the cube and he's like show

he's like you do cube now i'm like yeah let me see so i take the cube and i like solve it takes me about two minutes and he's like huh and then he takes it and he's like

he just sort of looks at it just like solves itself i don't know this kid did it in like 10 seconds and it made me feel

i realized that like just knowing how to do it actually is the lowest possible barrier to it.

It is just the most,

the lowest thing you can do to even be eligible at all.

Like, you couldn't be at more of a beginning spot than to just be able to do it.

One of my favorite things of being a parent is moments where I can look at my child and be like, oh, this child and I, we're cut from the same cloth.

We're so bibly picked up a Rubik's cube, twisted it three or four times, and then went, eh, put it back down.

And I was like, that's my kid.

That kid.

Nice.

Wow.

I'm chilling.

Oh, what I mean is I have no follow-through or commitment to things I'm not immediately good at.

Yeah.

No, I got it.

Travis.

Hey, Travis, here's what I'm saying.

Explain to me how we're on episode 736 because you're the best in the biz.

I was doing this right away.

This is the proof.

This is the proof is in the pudding.

You wouldn't still be doing it if you weren't good at it.

I did it right.

Oh, I see what you're saying.

You know what I'm saying?

You must be good at it.

Otherwise, why are you doing it?

I'm financially beholden to doing it it?

Is part of oh, well, yeah, we all have our demons at this point, Trav.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know how this taunting is set up.

Yeah, I can't stop playing the ponies until I gotta keep doing my brother, my brother, and me.

Right, exactly.

Most of my most of my several families across the U.S.

are dependent on this show.

So, your tour families, as you call them, right?

Yeah, the Broad fam.

Yeah, we get it.

The satellite family.

By the way, family, good luck in science club.

See you in Indianapolis.

Carla.

And then me and someone else.

Can't wait to catch your next science fair in Indianapolis.

Carla.

Carla.

You are my favorite daughter.

Of eight years old.

Crap.

We are actually going to be in Indianapolis on Tuesday.

That's probably tomorrow.

Not to see our road families.

No, we're going to be doing my brother, my brother, me Tuesday, November 5th, Indianapolis with Bria Iyengar.

Wednesday, November 6th, we are going to be Indianapolis doing the Adventure Zone, and then we'll be in Milwaukee on November 7th with my brother, my brother, and me.

And let me be clear about that.

Adventure Zone 1, it's Roll for Shoes, which, if you don't know the system,

is the most open-ended, chaotic thing.

The last time we played,

it went absolutely wild.

And Bria's joining us, and you're not not going to want to miss it.

You can get tickets at bit.ly slash MacroyTours.

And you can also, if you have questions for either my brother, my brother, or me show, you can send in the questions to nbnbam at maximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line.

So we know you're sending it to.

Same with wishes for fungalore.

Yep.

Hey, if you're coming to that November 5th show in Indianapolis, you should probably, definitely vote before you come to the show.

We won't have any kind of voting apparatus set set up there.

And don't vote for one of the shitty ones.

You know what I mean?

Only for the right people, obviously.

For the left people, Wink.

If we say the wrong thing here, Jeff Bezos shuts our asses.

That's the problem.

He's standing over my shoulder right now, breathing very heavily, which is freaking me out.

Don't vote for Ronald Gump.

And I'm looking at Jeff and he's nodding his head like you can see I don't want to.

That's okay.

He said, that's okay.

he said the real Ronald Gump might not recognize that you're talking about him.

His retribution doesn't come down.

So don't vote for Ronald Gump.

Hey, at the end of this month, I'm going to be doing 20-sided Tavern in New York City on my off-Broadway premiere.

There it is.

First of many.

November 27th through December 1st, I'll be playing the trickster role, which is like three different characters.

Ooh.

And

get this.

Playing D ⁇ D live in front of an audience and liking it up as we go along.

Kicks ass.

Yeah, man.

Get your tickets at the 20sidedtavern.com, and I'll see you there.

It's going to be an absolute who and a half.

Yep.

Got some new merch up in the merch store?

Yeah.

The do not drink mug.

If you're a McElroy Family Clubhouse fan, I got mine.

Recognize that and enjoy it.

There you go.

Both of my kids have asked me what the fuck it means that we have a mug that says do not drink on it.

You don't show them the intro all the time?

I guess they would enjoy that, right?

I have my kids watch it every morning.

That's how I wake them up.

Yeah.

And 10% of all merch proceeds this month go to the First Nations Development Institute.

Their mission is to uplift and sustain the lifeways and economies of Native communities through advocacy, financial support, and knowledge sharing.

So go check out macrowaymerch.com and check out that new mug and everything else that's there.

We got a wish here.

And thank you to Montane.

Oh my God, I can't believe this is the first time I've I've ever

theme song, My Life is Better With You.

Go check that out.

Montane, I'm so

sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I've never done it.

Meerkats support each other, Griffin.

We're looking out for each other.

That's what Meerkats and I have in common.

Is that what you would be, you think, if you went into the wild zone at the Cincinnati Zoo?

You would live there.

Why are you starting the fucking show again?

I could push you into a well

and the meerkat inside.

Okay, cool.

I gotta read.

Yeah, please go ahead, Justin.

I wish the Haribo gummy sour bats looked a little

less like flying penises.

My name is Justin McEroy.

Google these bats.

I'm Travis Zackroy.

How Haribo Sour Bats.

Yeah, yeah, a little bit.

I'm Griffin McElroy.

This has been my brother, my brother.

May kiss your dad square on the lips.

My life

It's better, it's better with you It's better with you My life

It's better, it's better with you

Cause it's true

It's better, it's better with you

My life

It's better with you

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