MBMBaM 734: Twelve Volumes of Ichor

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

One, two, three, five,

a small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rifen into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the state park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

My life, oh,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true.

Hello, everybody.

Welcome to my brother, my brother, me and Advice Show for the modern era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

What's up, Trav Nation?

I'm your middlest brother,

big dog chasing a car, just want to watch the world burn.

Wolf, wolf, Travis McElroy.

I'm Griffin McElroy, my fellow Americans.

Oh,

I come to you this morning with excellent news.

We got him.

He has eluded us for decades.

And the whole time running amok, I would say causing a lot of

running several mucks, really.

A lot of amoks and just senseless, just

chaos all over the place.

And really, just a really all-around shitty guy.

But we got the Joker for real, for real this time.

We took him down.

And I think I played my part.

I think we all.

The clown is down.

We

wanted you and the rest of our listeners to be the first to know that we killed the Joker for you today.

And we just want to salute you, Captain.

Our fighting for you.

I'm proud of us.

It's like a V for Vendetta thing.

You can't kill the Joker by stabbing him with a knife in the heart or shooting him with a gun.

You know why?

He's an idea.

He's an idea.

That's true.

He's an idea.

You can't kill an idea.

Except you can, Travis.

Oh, yeah.

If you come out and you're like, hey, what's up?

I'm Joker.

I got new ideas.

And everyone on earth is like, I think we're actually, we're good.

I think we've had our fill of Joker.

Yeah.

Thank you so much.

Then the idea just kind of beep beep beep.

I was about to say, you know, I'm having a hard time because I haven't seen it.

But then it sounds like that's what a lot of people could say.

A lot of people maybe could say, I haven't seen it.

Yeah, I did.

I did have that moment of like, Trav, am I more, I do have, we're cultural critics, if nothing else.

Yeah.

I feel an impulse to be culturally relevant with my finger on the zeitgeist.

At this point, though, I'm not sure if it's more zeitgeisty to not see the jacket.

Yeah, I think I'm more plugged in.

We're sheep by doing nothing.

By doing nothing, we have made the choice.

I'm more plugged in to like the public consciousness having not seen the movie, The Joker.

The rebellious act act now would be to go spend money at a movie theater and watch a movie.

Yeah, only I really don't.

And I wonder if this is how other people feel.

I really don't want to.

I really don't want to see that.

It could have tomorrow's winning struggle.

It could have tomorrow's winning lottery numbers in it.

I don't think I want to go see Joker Follyadu.

The thing is, I'm a fairly plugged in

person, a young man about town, bon vivant.

And I know I've seen previews for Joker 2.

I know I have.

I've seen coverage.

They're covering it so much.

I couldn't tell you what happens in the ding dang movie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know, I know Joker's there, and I think Stephanie's there as Harley Quinn.

Yeah.

And that's about all I know.

I don't know any action or plot.

I couldn't even tell you, at least for the first one, I could have told you, oh, he dances down some stairs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this one, all I know.

Yeah, all I know is that they've got the two of them in it.

They got him.

Was I right

about the Joker, and then everyone else just had to catch up?

Is the rest of America now realizing that we, the people who said this is actually not, in fact, a good film, are we now being proven right?

Is it, I know taste is subjective, but once history gives you these things to work with and build on, I feel like it is conclusive now that Joker was

the piss.

I'm okay.

You know, it must be a bad movie.

I think we have to support our troops that have been active in this battle for a long time.

We had a brave agent undercover in this one, Lady Gaga, working to take the machine down from inside the machine.

We got him.

She knew exactly what she was doing.

She said,

I don't know if I want to be in

this one, but if it means I can take down the Joker by being a secret sleeper cell undercover agent,

So be it.

And so, I mean, congratulations.

It must have been really hard to be in Joker 2.

When she showed up and they were like, hey, Lady Gagat, we're going to be filming a movie called Foliot Doo.

We'd love to have you in it.

She says, oh, that sounds very fancy.

Oh, so

then she shows up first day, and there's the Joker.

And she's like, oh, what the fuck?

She probably saw Joaquin first.

And she probably saw Joe.

She probably saw Joaquin, Joaquin.

Dean juice, you did it right as I was going to do it.

I'm sorry, girl.

I'm sorry.

It's okay, man.

We have the same brain.

I don't, it don't.

I'm going right into it.

I really wasn't trying to rob your dunbo at all.

She probably saw Joaquin and was like, I wonder what kind of Joaquin I'm going to get in this film, a soft, sensitive, her type or like a crazy, dangerous, crazy man.

And then he walks in in his Joker makeup, and she's like, oh, man, I'm in a Joker movie.

That must have been really tough.

Okay, a couple of things that I've enjoyed about the interview circuit for Joker Foliado

that have nothing to do with the film itself.

The number one is Lady Gaga asking Joaquin Phoenix questions about Lady Gaga music mid-interview with other people.

How was that?

And pretending he is a very big fan of Lady Gaga music and then asking him questions about Lady Gaga music.

It ripped ass.

Man, hey, listen.

Lady Gaga made Joaquin Phoenix so uncomfortable in that moment.

Yeah.

It made, it almost made up for how uncomfortable Joaquin Phoenix makes me every single day of my life, every time I see him.

Justin, it was kind of Gagacha journalism.

yes it was gagacha journalism they're heating up one more of those guys and we're gonna be dunking fire the other interview i liked about this is when joaquin was like uh i don't really want to talk a lot about my diet for the joker and he's like i was watching interviews for the last movie and i just talked all the time about how little food i ate to be so skinny for the Joker.

And I'm just so boring.

I was so annoyed that

I was annoyed with myself.

So I just don't want to talk about it because it's like, who cares?

That's good.

You got to say that.

If they make him do a third one, the natural extension of that is him going, I don't want to talk about this movie.

You're confused.

They won't make a third one.

We fucking got him.

We got him.

Yeah, there's not going to be a third one.

I will be surprised if they ever mention the Joker again.

Well, he'll come back in the next Affleck, Batman, right?

No, Trash.

He's done, man.

Because do you remember who the Joker was in that sort of modern universe?

It was Jared Leto.

Which started the descent, which started the decline.

That can't be.

Isaiah Caesar Romero did when he refused to shave his mustache.

That's a very Joker thing to do, though.

It is very Joker, though, isn't it?

I'm excited to see.

Do you think that they'll include the Joker Man in the Robert Battenson,

the Batman movies?

I guess there is a.

Yeah.

I don't know.

They're in a separate, they're separate little side pockets of the DC Universe.

Oh, no, wait, they did.

They included the one from Gotham.

The Gotham man was in the end of the Batman.

This is too stupid to talk about anymore.

I don't want to talk about this anymore.

I don't want to talk about Batman.

It's too stupid.

The Joker, I think what everyone is realizing is like, this is all silly.

It's a comic book.

He's a cartoon.

It's a cartoon.

And it's like on Marvel's side, like you got a cartoon man who does deadly pranks.

Great.

They got a fucking purple alien who's jacked as fuck and he can kill half the universe in one snap.

And what's your guy do?

He has a little gun that squirts out Laffy Juice.

Oh, that's great.

Great, great.

Our guy can't do that.

And he's a little politically incorrect.

Uh-oh.

Whoops.

God, I love Thanos.

More Thanos.

Bring him back.

Please bring Thanos back.

I'm ready for more.

Played by Robert Downey Jr., it's Thanos.

Hey,

people talk about this sort of like

going back and talking to one's past self a lot, but I do think it would be, if I could have one 30-second conversation with a teenage self, I think I would drop on him just like, hey.

J-Man, just want to let you know that Joe Curmusical is dropping this weekend in movie theaters and you're probably not going to go watch it okay bye cheese you can tell that to you probably six months ago and you'd be like a joker musical no fucking way i'm there day one

here we are here we are here we are recording this podcast missing yet another show yeah we could be there

perhaps several showings simultaneously of joker yeah the flick is 40 minutes long it trusts it is a yeah that's the other problem is it is about as long as a silly symphony it actually yeah it plays at the beginning of the new pixar movie.

Let's watch The Joker.

And then we're straight into Toy Story 6 or whatever.

Yeah.

I think this is the new standard of cinema.

A movie is good or bad depending on if it would be better if Deadpool appeared in it.

Oh, sure.

By which I mean this.

Wouldn't it be good if Deadpool appeared in The Joker?

Yeah.

Even for just a moment?

Yeah.

But if you think of your favorite films, would they be improved by Deadpool?

No, probably not.

But Deadpool's already in Deadpool, Justin, so I don't know.

That's a really good point, Dref.

Thank you.

I'm currently planning my Halloween costumes for this year.

I'm going to be Deadpool.

I like to be fun and creative.

For example, one of my ideas this year is Jeff Propes Blue Ribbon.

Like, Peter Florida.

Say it faster.

I'm going to say it faster, but I don't know that I'm going to be able to help it much.

Let's try again.

Jeff Propes Blue Ribbon.

TM TM, TM.

That's good.

Jeff Probes Blue Ribbon.

That's really good.

Jeff probes Blue Ribbon.

That might just be hard to say.

I would just, and just dress up like Jeff Probes, but just call it Probe's Blue Ribbon.

You don't have to say the Jeff.

Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, don't say Jeff.

There we go.

Um,

the problem is that I absolutely dread the inevitable, so what are you supposed to be?

Okay, you're not making it easy for yourself with Jeff Probes Blue Ribbon, my friend.

Just a warning.

Um, and the subsequent middlely response at best or blank stare at worse.

Should I stop trying to reinvent Halloween or should I just try to chase my bliss?

That's from Get It in Minneapolis.

You have a creative heart, and the spark, and the muse is inside you.

You have big power and you are channeling it all the time.

And you make things harder for yourself.

You make things harder for yourself.

But that's when you confront that muse and you grab that big magic.

Sometimes you do have to do hard things.

I support your vision fully and completely.

I think it's fucking with love.

Yes.

Yes.

No, not that one.

Oh, that's not what it is.

It's vulnerable.

It's a vulnerable time, Halloween.

You're opening up yourself, your heart, and you're saying that this is some part of yourself you'd like to explore.

I think this is a vulnerable thing.

And I think that if you have a gag costume or a punny costume, you've sort of, I think you've defaulted on that contract.

I don't think you've revealed anything about yourself except that you like to use cleverness to hide behind.

But that's a pretty big one to reveal about yourself, Juice.

What you just said.

That's true.

It's true.

Here's the thing.

And I think the reason you get a weird reaction when you say like a Jeff probes the blue ribbon.

is because part of the fun of Halloween isn't just your costume.

It's the solve.

It's the little solving of the mysteries that the people who see your costume get to do.

They get that little dopamine bump of like, I figured it out and when you say jeff proslue ribbon and they think well there's no way i was gonna get that right it feels bad and it's not it shouldn't be a riddle you're wrong no one i'm not saying it's a riddle

i'm saying it's a recognition it's like oh you're this you're deadpool oh you look great okay and if they don't get it but they feel stupid it feels okay but it's a trap yeah of course can we call jokes can we role play for just a second hypothetical you guys are at a bar on halloween night greetings

Griffin.

Welcome to Mind Parlor.

Yeah.

We're role-playing.

I didn't know.

No, but that's not typically how we do it.

Like, we're going to be.

Hey, what do you have, man?

Okay.

Come on in.

Oh, welcome to Space.

It's like you've had a rough day.

Massage and burger.

I was thinking more like you guys are yourselves.

Like you guys are.

Okay.

I'm bar.

You guys can be the other characters, too, but you're splitting.

We're splitting roles here.

And I'm Davey, who's still in the Navy.

Probably will be for life.

Can you give me Travis?

Can you give me some Travis?

Okay, let me see.

Just talk.

Yeah.

How am I?

I'm making love to my Tonic and Jen.

Okay, cool.

Okay.

Making wet splashes everywhere.

Yeah,

thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

And Justin, you're also there.

Yeah, I'm just listening now.

There's these other big characters that you guys have created, and I love them, and I love all the work you did.

I'm the piano man.

Okay, so it's actually actually Billy Joel.

Okay, so

you hear the ding-a-ling from the chime over the barred door, and in walks someone dressed up as Probe's Blue Ribbon.

They're dressed up like a PBR, but they have like the survivor hat, maybe a buff, maybe an immunity necklace to really sort of like send it through.

Maybe they've got Jeff's fucking knife that he doesn't stop carrying around and stabbing things with all season long.

Is he the only TV host on network TV that is carrying a knife at all times wild?

And he gets so stoked.

Steve Harvey on network TV?

Steve Harvey definitely has a big bowie knife strapped to his thigh.

But Jeff, it's just like, he looks for any opportunity to step.

Bag of rice, stab.

Better hurry.

Rice is pouring out.

I'm going to do a few more stabs because of how good it feels.

Anyway, they walk in.

They walk in.

Maybe you figure it out.

Maybe you don't.

But they reveal to you, oh, yeah, I'm a probe's blue ribbon.

You're telling me your response would be like, eh.

I think all three of us would be like, oh, that's fucking great.

You don't have to laugh.

Like, no, I'll show you exactly.

I don't get it.

This is exactly my response, Griffin.

This is no joke, my response.

Oh, okay.

No, man, not me.

I would hit you up stuff.

If I got it, I would feel great.

If I didn't get it, I would feel bad all night.

Because if I don't get it, I failed them.

If I don't get prope's blue ribbon and I'm me, I've really let the ball drop.

Here's what I would recommend.

This hasn't been helpful.

So let me make it helpful for a second.

There are two avenues to you to go down.

Okay, Justin.

I'll come back to you.

anything okay now you made a face about it not being helpful i get it

there's two two avenues you can go down with your halloween costume one is creativity right you're going to think of something that no one else is going to think of but the other one's execution where the detail you like oh you even got that you know that pin on the jacket that they have right maybe start funneling your energy that way because like yeah like if it's three years ago everyone's going to be doing ted lasso or whatever but maybe yours is the best ted lasso don't be ted lasso this year not now please don't be ted lasso this year gang just

what is the number of years before ted lasso is hysterical three more yeah is it three yeah

i feel like the movie will be out in three right oh yeah you got to do it before that right you beat the movie in relevance um i want to hear it for the people who like do Beetlejuice this year because you know they're not the only Betelgeuse of that party.

but so what

this is what i'm saying this is what i think i feel like there's a problem with costumes and it hits around college where

everybody just starts to want to look either like it's about being a sort of like more sexualized version of yourself or being like kind of having a cute sort of fun clever costume and i think what we lose is that some people like just the people that just want to pretend to be a different person yeah this might be like beetle juice like beetle juice yeah they just want to pretend just attend a party they just want to be this halloween you know i'm going to be deadpool you know why so i can pretend for one night that i'm the merc with the mouth that everybody loves sure and i'm gonna have a helmet that i made from the 3d printing and i'm gonna have a gun i made and a swords and i'm gonna be deadpool you know why so i can pretend to be deadpool yeah for once this year a teresa night i'm gonna be paul Hollywood.

She's going to be true leave.

And you know why?

Because it's a costume I can wear that I don't have to shave my beard for.

Yep.

Will you dress one of your kids as no film?

Oh my God.

Would I love to?

Oh my God.

We're going to do the, I think we're going to do the whole Mario family, which has like really wild connotations to it because Henry really wanted to be Waluigi.

And then Gus was like, down for Wario.

And me and Rachel are probably going to be Mario and Luigi, which is like, wait a minute.

Did

Wario and Waluigi, are they the babies of Mario and Luigi?

Well, obviously not, Griffin, for a lot of reasons.

Just clones of them.

They're the evil clones of them.

Wait, could they be their evil sons, though?

They're evil.

From separate mothers?

Except for evil mothers.

Evil mothers.

They're half evil.

They're evil on their mother's side.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're kind of like, that's like how Party is half good and half evil.

That's Wario, right?

He's not all evil.

His mom was all evil.

Yeah.

Half of him is plumbing.

If he was all evil, they wouldn't invite him to go go-karting with them and be at like Mario Party and

also

a bit uncomfortable with the idea of there being an evil gene.

I feel like that's just to get into zone.

No, I just didn't phrase it that way.

Griffin, it could be, it could be an evil religion that he was raised with.

You don't know, Griffin.

If he's not an evil gene, that would be problematic.

I got a cool idea for the cost of the PBR costume:

if you get there dressed up like this, and people are confused, and you don't like how it's feeling, you go to the bathroom, and you can change.

And you can either be a regular old can of PBR

or a Jeff Probst, who is mostly nude, I imagine, if the PBR can has been shed.

A mostly nude Jeff Probst, which is a state that, you know, I think he's probably comfortable with.

I just think if you're going to go pun,

both parts of the pun have got to be immediately recognizable yeah like Bart light this it's that's where it's breaking down for me Jeff Probes Blue Ribbon is good in 2000 when everyone has survivor fever yeah I just don't think the iconography of a Jeff Propes in this landscape right now obviously to me this economy it's gonna hit obviously it hits for me I got a I got a standee of got a cardboard standee of Jeff Propes that I got for Father's Day that's been in my living now for five months now What about Greg Probes?

Of course I know who you are.

What?

Greg Proopes.

Probes Blue Ribbon is good.

Yeah.

Sorry, you're saying Greg Props is more recognizable than Jeff Propes.

No, but it's sweatier.

Yeah.

So when it's explained to me, I have a good laugh about it because there's no way I would have gotten big.

That's what I'm saying.

That's funny.

Yes, we've been on the opposite end of this question this whole time because I think if someone said propes blue ribbon, my response would be, that's really fucking good.

That's really, that's very amusing i'm not gonna laugh at it but it's like of course if you have to have it explained to you you'll never laugh maybe but i mean but i can enjoy it i can be entertained by it pleasurable you can be

greg proopes but also some elements of a ghost and some elements of ice cream and your proopes boo robins and just leave it there's no way they're gonna get that yeah just don't get hung up everybody at the party don't get hung up on can you guess my costume yeah just tell people what you're at and let's skip to the enjoying it right?

Let's skip to the pretending we're a sexy root beer or whatever you're wearing this year.

I don't know.

There's only one good joke, costume in my view.

Yeah, you come and you're just wearing like jeans or slacks or something, no top, and then they say, what are you?

And you say, I'm premature ejaculation because I just came in my pants.

And that's the best one.

Trav, I'll be honest, I heard that joke from you in maybe the year 2007.

And I do not think it's aged well over the last seven years.

I I think it sucks.

I think if someone comes up to me and says anything about their cum, I'm good, dude.

Thanks so much.

Another thing that's bad is that you said there's only one good joke costume, and I said the Joker, and you said yes.

And then you did

one.

You agreed.

Well, that was correct.

Can we agree the Joker would come to a party as premature ejaculation?

Because that's a chaotic thing.

No, he'd come to the party and he would blow it up with a bunch of bombs because he fucking sucks.

He kills people.

He kills lots of people for no reason.

But the Batgirl movie gets canceled.

Thank you.

Yeah.

She doesn't kill people, does she, Justin?

Can I get one Skeletor origin story?

No.

No.

No, thank you.

I want to see when he had...

I want to see that.

It was just Greg.

This was the same before he was all bones.

They didn't call him Skeletor when he was a man.

I accidentally made a sideways reference to He-Man to Cooper this week, and she asked, like, I mean, completely no awareness of the He-Man franchise at all.

And I was trying to find a way to start to back into describing He-Man.

Oh, dude.

And it's not just like the dumbest shit.

Like, like,

there's no part of it where you can scoot it and be like...

So there's this fucking skeleton.

I don't know.

He's like.

I know he looks like a big, strong prince, but he gets differently strong.

I think he gets bullied a lot.

I think people think he's a nerd and a coward, even though he's not a stronger.

But he's like so strong as the prince, but he needs a sword to get each other.

And he's got a giant tiger that's a coward for some reason.

The tiger is afraid of things.

And they're not, neither he nor Skeletor

are trying to do anything.

Yeah, they don't actually want

like each other.

Yes.

Very much.

I think they maybe have different views on, I don't know, whatever.

And it brings them into conflict sometimes.

And then there's a guy called Master at Arms, but he's only got the two arms.

I don't know, man.

My boys have stumbled into the He-Man universe also, but only because Henry found the He-Man singing what's going on meme from like the year 1999.

Fantastic.

That's all he really needs.

I have a wiki how, if we could.

Oh, excellent.

Lots of people have sent this in.

And in fact, we did this WikiHow in the reverse WikiHow game that we sometimes play at.

Oh, isn't that interesting?

So now it's usually part of the proverbial animal here that's right but in in in uh reverse wiki how we don't actually get into the subject matter and i'd like to get into the subject matter um lots of people sent this in the subject matter is what does it mean when you see a dead bird discover what dead bird dreams and encounters are telling you if you've stumbled across a dead bird or you've witnessed a bird's death in your dreams we're here to help you figure out what the universe is trying to tell you okay So this isn't like a crime scene investigation.

What does it mean when you found a dead bird?

Who did it?

I think it's cheating if you kill a bird and then you put it on the ground and you leave the room and come back in.

I didn't say that, Griffin.

I didn't say I would kill a bird.

Well, I'm just saying, if you figure out that, like, dead birds in this scenario, when I see them, is a forebear of great fortunes, you can't then start killing birds to like create this to you know, put a hand on the karmic wheel.

That's true.

If you see a dead bird you killed, the only thing that means is that you

mission accomplished.

Yeah.

You did it.

Or, uh-oh, you may have have done an accident burned out.

There might be a lot of carbon monoxide around.

Starn muscles.

There's carbon monoxide, the parrot.

You know, it wasn't a parrot, was it?

That would have been cockatoos.

That would suck.

I think we can all agree.

There is types of birds where if I saw a dead one on the ground, I would be like, oh, man.

Like a beautiful condor.

Oh,

a beautiful parakeet.

Ah, dang.

A cockatoo.

A cockatiel.

But just a sort of bog standard, you know, bird.

That sucks.

Yeah.

Anyway, dead bird is a little bit.

I get a bunch of vultures up around my property because we got dead wildlife dying there, and they always circle around these terrible vultures.

And then pass them a week.

I saw one vulture lying dead on the ground.

The other vulture circle as if wondering what the hell do we do about this?

What's next steps here, boys?

Some of us,

never in all our days.

We never covered this in the manual, fellas.

Do we need to talk to their partner first or somebody call the jackal we need a fixer

and lit the literal jackal

we know that will eat him so we can leave um

dead bird interpretations you're on the precipice of a big change in life one chapter is ending and another is beginning at least that's the most common interpretation of a dead bird

who's been discussed Who's been discussing this?

And how did they come to any kind of consensus?

Can you imagine if you had never heard that bit of information?

You're walking with a friend, there's a dead bird on the sidewalk, and your friend just turns to you and goes, hmm, big things coming.

Like,

I would be so scared in that moment of my friend.

Big changes.

In order to discern any meaning from it, I think we can't have any idea about why the bird is dead, right?

Yeah.

Like, if you, if a killer, aside from killing a bird, we all agreed we're not going to kill the bird.

We're not going to kill the bird.

We're not going to kill any of the birds.

But if you see a a bird fly into a plate glass window and then die right there, which has happened to me many times,

I can't derive meaning from that, right?

No, you got to let someone else find that.

If you see the birds

being killed by flying into a stained glass window, I don't think it can kill the blood.

Not a stained glass.

Not a stained glass, good nuke.

Now, Kirfin, now,

this is where it gets interesting, though, which is discerning the meaning.

This is where it gets interesting to me.

If I can, through a series of clues, derive how the bird was killed,

you can solve solve the murder of Lady.

So, this is crime scene investigation.

If I can solve the murder of the bird, it no longer has symbolic meaning.

Right.

The symbolic meaning can only be present if its means of death is not discerned.

It's got to be a secret.

Because otherwise, the other option is you're at church.

Everyone knows that dead birds mean a good omen.

And then a bird flies into the stained glass window.

Everyone hops out of the pews, races to get outside to be the first one to see this dead bird.

I'm trying to have to be the first one to see it.

I feel like it gets used up first one gets the power because the the bird's soul makes the wish come true okay okay

okay only one at a time but only once only once uh

anyway but if you have a detective waiting outside the church and he's like there you have it there's no power i saw the whole thing i do actually think There is a situation where you could be on the precipice of a big change in life if you saw a dead bird.

And that is if the bird was 200 feet long.

And then you were like famous because you're like, this guy found the giant albatross.

He was technically a dinosaur and they were real.

And this guy found him.

Let's let's shower him in praise and money.

Huge change for you.

So dope that you found the 200-foot turbo bird.

It could also mean you're receiving a warning about a future obstacle.

Got to step over this.

bird.

Yeah, that's not a future warning.

I mean, right now.

So hey, it could mean a big change is coming or you're going to have to deal with a huge obstacle.

I'm just keeping track of my obstacles.

I went with that too.

Because now I'm fighting, because if I'm getting outside of the church where the bird is crashing the plate glass window, I see the bird first.

Could mean big change, but it could also mean obstacle.

So do I want to let Johnny?

Well, if you saw it die, if you saw it die, you wouldn't get the power.

But we covered this.

When I was a kid, I used to think about a floor that I would be stuck stuck in the middle of that was completely covered with dead birds.

So anywhere

I stepped, I would be.

Oh, okay.

For some reason, Justin, I thought your body was halfway through the floor.

You were like at waist level.

Imagine stuck in the floor.

It was covered into like different dead birds, like carcasses of dead birds.

Anywhere you step, you'd step on a dead bird.

Hey, Justin, so far, you've talked about how there's a lot of dead creatures around your house and vultures circle it.

And then there's a dead vulture.

And you've seen birds crash into plate glass windows a lot.

And now you're talking about this.

Are you okay?

Everything's all right.

Thank you for wandering into the ad.

Master of Terror, Justin McElroy, has been scaring you for decades.

And now, with this new collection, exclusively through the mail, you could get all his scariest spine-tingling tales.

Did you?

Yeah, I'm this Halloween season.

I'm bringing all my scariest, spine-tingling tales to this thrilling new collection.

Mostly dead bird-related.

Just stories.

Justin stole a canopic jar from the museum and he poured it into a turvist tumbler and drank it all up.

And now he's got a real bird problem on his hand.

I've turned my iCore into a 12-volume series available for a low monthly fee.

Yes, it is available for digital download.

No, but it's handsomely bound and eventually suitable for presentation.

I'm skipping around this article, but I do want to just quick go back to the

additional matter on these first two pieces the first one you're on a big precipice of a change in life it adds alternatively the bird could be an omen that change is coming for you regardless of the choices that you make birds die all the time because of things they have no control over and perhaps a big change is coming for you That's really true about birds.

So you're receiving a warning about a future obstacle.

On the flip side, a dead raven or crow may specifically indicate a good fortune.

Crows and ravens are often symbols of death or bad news.

Sucks for the crows and ravens, I bet, that we walk along and we're like, yes.

Yes.

Wouldn't it be, first of all, I believe it's the raven, is it is gig is way bigger than you pick, can you're picturing right now.

If I'm walking down the street and there's just a dead raven lying on the ground, I'm running away so quickly.

They're so big that when you come upon one, a lot of times it feels like perspective must be

off.

Like, oh, this can't be right.

That's huge.

Look at that.

He must be closer than I thought he was because he's gigantic.

Also, wouldn't it be wild if this article revealed to us that actually birds only die by choice?

That birds never die from circumstances.

That's it.

I've flown enough.

Going to the birdie side layer.

They just make the decision.

If you're experienced...

Because it's heaven, Trav, they just have to go up.

You don't see a lot of dead birds.

We should be seeing way more.

It's because when they're done and they've fulfilled their mission,

they just fly on it.

up.

Up, up, up, up, up.

Top floor.

And if their spirit is clean enough and they don't have any sense,

they can make it.

It becomes nice birds.

And what would a bird do that's so bad?

So it could also mean that you're experiencing the end of a relationship.

If you see a dead bird in the middle of a tumultuous time with a partner, friend, or family member, it's a sign the relationship has passed.

Or if that bird, yeah, especially if the relationship was with the bird.

That's good.

Oh, man.

I guess me and that bird broke up.

I don't think it's going to work out, Bird.

Hey, Bird, I don't know what tumultuous was, but I think we're tumultuous.

I read in a book that I think we're tumultuous because you're dead.

But also, if you are struggling in your relationship and you have to run to the post office,

live hack, just look up the whole way.

Only a live bird's up there.

No dead birds up there.

And are we to assume, Gruven, that in every one of these circumstances, if seeing a dead bird means this thing, seeing a live live bird means the opposite like when i see a live bird is it a sign that nothing's ever going to change in my life again i don't think so because live birds there's so many of them who cares live birds live birds is interesting because they are not meaningful until you see enough of them that there's something in your human animal brain that you're like oh fuck yeah i see a hundred birds I'm done.

Like there's something wrong.

Something's bad.

I don't like to see a lot of them all together.

You're being visited or blessed.

In some spiritual traditions, a dead bird is a sign that someone or something is coming to say hello.

If you've recently lost a loved one, maybe they're using the bird as a way to get your attention.

I would have used an alive bird.

Yes.

I can't stress enough, WikiHow article.

That's what it could mean if there's one dead bird outside my house.

If there's a hundred dead birds outside my house, some

coming.

I don't know that many people.

I don't know that many people in heaven.

So I don't know why that.

If this is part of some other culture or

religious practice, I'm not going to criticize it.

I'm just saying personally, I would have been an alive bird to visit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because like if I passed, you guys would be bummed.

And then you're like, oh, Griffin sent his spirit down in a vessel to say, what's up?

And it's a dead bird.

You guys are going to be like, it's just another dead griffin.

This sucks.

We already have one of those.

This sucks.

Thanks for nothing.

Let him fly around our little heads and land on our fingers and like tell us how chill it is in heaven.

Not another dead griffin yikes now we got morrie's doing something i do know how morrie's doing and uh i believe what's the dog's name

marley marley no marley was dead to begin with just no jake oh yeah right this is good um so griffin well says it could a dead bird mean

A lot of these are really repeating.

You're in for a bit of bad luck.

Yeah, I saw a dead bird.

That sucks.

You're going to experience a loss soon.

Yeah, my bird.

we're doubling up on a lot of this now this one's interesting you're being warned to avoid taking a certain path now this could be prophetic or it could be there's a bobcat out there down the right mouth of the jungle who has wants nothing to do with you he puts the dead bird there as if to say don't even step don't even try it look what i did to this thing I will do that to you, kill you, graveyard dead, even though I'm just a little fuzzy guy.

I will fucking kill you dead if you come in my territory.

This is interesting because I look at this as like one dead bird, random, two dead birds, warning, three dead birds.

Now we're starting to build a little breadcrumb path here.

Someone wants me to follow these three dead birds.

Yeah.

Now the question is: is it, do they need my help?

And maybe they don't have anything except dead birds on them, or is this a scary thing and I shouldn't follow it?

I don't know.

But now, whoops, I'm nine dead birds deep and it's gotten dark and I can't see the beginning of the trail anymore.

Yeah.

Oh, what's that?

Oh, no.

I found a 12-book series of scary stories written by justin mclroy is this how i you're this how i get it you're in one dude oh man i believe it was rob robbie frost who said like don't take the easy road always take that hard bumpy road yeah look for the one with dead birds i think that's exactly how the poem goes and so maybe you see the dead bird and on that path and you're like I guess this bird couldn't hack it.

You say, wow, this road is a tough one.

Robbie Frost was right.

I bet there's treasure at the end of it.

That's the meaning of that whole poem.

And then you walk on that one and you get the treasure, maybe.

Well, what if I find a bird at a crossroads?

Which one of those paths am I not supposed to take?

You spin the bird

the way it lands.

It's not great.

Like, I'm not loving talking about dead birds.

We're not advocating for it.

No, I don't.

I love, I do like birds, and

there is a lot of them.

And you do see quite a few dead ones when you're just like out strolling around.

So many.

This practice, you do have to pick up the bird and spin it around a little bit.

Um,

I would probably just actually just turn around and go back home.

What do you think a bird feels when it sees a dead us?

Wow, whoa, yeah, man.

Think about that.

Let's go in the money zone.

I think that the scariest things in life is the the real sh the real shit.

My health,

my

ability to defend my family with my strength and sound mind.

But it can be hard to find the specialist that I need to build my health, strength, and sound mind, especially living here in Washington, D.C.

Fucking bureaucracy town.

They may as well call it all these red tape tying up my ankles and my hands.

But luckily, Zak Doc is carrying the sword of liberty to free me from my imprisonment and help me find the specialist that I need for my care.

Okay.

What's wrong?

No, I'm just want to hear all about this.

This is not right.

I want to hear about the sword and how to wield this.

Oh, don't worry.

This is him, guys.

This is how we fucking get like, this is how we get the listeners to not like hit that skip bad button.

Don't worry.

I'll talk more about the sword later.

For now, I want to tell you.

Smart.

Yeah, it's good shit.

Zock Doc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors, choose the right one for your needs, and click instantly

and click to instantly book an appointment.

I have used Zock Doc here in D.C.

a lot of times, and it's become something I really rely on when I need to find a new medical specialist because it's very, very hard to find a place in DC that takes your insurance and is accepting patients.

Hey, Gerf, are you about to cry?

No, do I look like I'm about to cry?

It's just you have a lot of medical specialists.

It just sounds like you're gonna cry about zock doc because you love it so much get them no i don't think i'm gonna cry i'm just enthusiastic sounds like you're gonna cry about it because you love it so much will zock dock marry you that's weird man it's weird you love it so much it sounds like you're gonna cry and i thought you were gonna cry about zock

anyway i used zock doc and now i can only find all that shit so easy i really rely on it this thing is solved with a romantic partner and so if i'm enthusiastic about it travis please i know we have another ad coming up and you guys know i'm not going to take the lead on it i'm going going to fucking ride your fucking jock so hard on this next one.

I was building on yours, Chris.

I'm going to bust your jocks into pieces.

Thank you so much.

I'm building up your internet.

If I could finish with my ad that people have paid us to do,

we did not mean to

be standing.

I'm so sorry.

When I stand up, you're going to hear jing, jingle, jangle sound from my jock getting smashed.

I was supporting you.

I got to find a doctor.

I got gotta find a doctor because my fucking

ding-dang penis got smashed while trying to do this fucking ad.

Zock Doc is where I'll go.

Don't get fucking mad at me for trying to yes, chef your stupid bitch.

I got drop blasted so hard that it makes noise now when I move around.

So I gotta get on.

Some glutes in there.

I gotta get on Zock Doc and get an appointment within 24 to 72 hours of booking.

You get an appointment.

Perfect.

You could score same-day appointments too, which is good because I need someone to look at this now.

He could barely sit down.

He's rattling.

He's been hovering over his seat for the entirety of the recording.

He's got to see a professional.

The sword is inlaid with rubies.

Oh,

so stop putting off those doctor's appointments.

Go to ZocDoc.com/slash my brother to find an instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

That's z-oc-c-d-o-c.com slash my brother.

zocdoc.com slash my brother.

I'm from the future, and I've been meaning to tell you guys this for a while now.

And

I keep forgetting to mention it.

That's why I was here for episode one.

And I came back to tell you guys that soon

the robots are coming.

Oh, cool.

By the point.

As long as you have a Squarespace website, they'll spare you is what I heard.

Whoa.

Wow.

Yeah, that's what I heard.

heard that okay i'm checking the ad copy here it does say to overtly threaten your listeners i'm not threatening anybody griffin yeah the robots are okay yeah but but it's also kind of but it's also hey also kind of you right no griffin i wouldn't i wouldn't have her okay

um mostly out of respect for squarespace they've been a longtime supporter of us and they make uh you know it easy to make a beautiful website to showcase like your work or sell products even time.

And they've introduced their new design intelligence from Squarespace.

So that makes it easier.

How's your chuck doing, dude?

And the Squarespace payments, it's the easiest way to manage your payments in one place with Squarespace.

Get started in just a few clicks and give your customers more way to pay with popular payment methods like Klorna and ACH and Apple Pay.

I've got a website on Squarespace that I'm a big fan and they've made it easy for years.

And they just keep finding new ways to make it easier and easier.

And as long as I keep talking, my brothers can't interrupt me to bust my jock.

So go to squarespace.com for a free trial.

I'm aiming for

a business square on that jock, Jim.

Go to www.squarespace.com slash my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

One more time, go to squarespace.com for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, go to www.squarespace.com slash my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Now I'm afraid that I'll have to stop filibustering, and Griffin is going to start talking as soon as I do.

Pint up.

More like squares-ass

this season on the adventure zone, Abnibles.

Get ready for a brand new crime-fighting trio here to protect the anthropomorphic muscular animal citizens of River City.

Featuring Justin McElroy as Axolile, the firefighting axolato, Clint McElroy as Roger Moore, the debonair cow of mystery.

Griffin McElroy as Navy Seal, the Ross SEAL that has never served in the Armed Forces.

And Travis McElroy is every other swolle critter in River City.

This swear-free Saturday morning cartoon-inspired story airs every Thursday on maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Emily Fleming.

And I'm Jordan Morris.

We're real comedy writers.

And real friends.

And real cheapskates.

We say, why subscribe to expensive streaming services when you can stream tons of insane movies online for free?

Yeah, as long as you're fine with 25 randomly inserted, super loud car insurance commercials.

On our podcast, Free With Ads, we review streaming movies from the darkest corner of the internet's bargain pin.

From the good to the weird to the holy, look at Van Dam's big old butt.

Free with ads, a free podcast about free movies that's worth the price of admission.

Every Tuesday on maximumfund.org or your favorite pod spot.

Your impact on my jock is minimal at best.

That I want to munch.

Squad.

Squad.

Jocks.

Okay, I just wanted to let you guys know about a promotion that began today.

Ooh.

Huh.

Yes.

Gut check?

Yes.

Travis, quick gut check.

Uh, yeah.

Okay.

The next big thing has arrived at Burger King, and it's fit for a ranch-loving king, queen, or rapper sandwich.

After launching Hidden Valley Ranch in Burger King restaurants nationwide this summer, Burger King and Hidden Valley Ranch are coming together and and introducing guests to a limited time creation, sure to get everyone talking and dipping.

Can I describe big dip cup?

Can I describe what I'm looking at here?

Yeah, please, Trev.

What this looks like to me, my first gut, is first of all, it's the most simple Microsoft background that it literally is the Windows 2003

grassy knoll.

And from whence they have assassinated this hamburger by dipping it into

like a, like imagine you bought a Barbie tub, right?

That size of pure uncut Hidden Valley Ranch.

Yeah.

But next to it, what they've done that I really love is they've put, I think for size comparison, a ranch dipping cup that's already available.

Like a human one, right?

A human one.

And I'm glad they did that because I'm a fucking idiot.

And I would have assumed that it was just a small burger and a normal-sized ranch cup.

Because why would they make it?

It's not that.

Why would Burger King distribute pints of ranch dressing?

I think would be my first question.

Yeah.

This is, looks like, if you've ever ridden,

if you've ever been to the Magic Kingdom, right?

And in the, in the, if you go over to Future World, there's, you know, in the

People Mover?

No, the other one.

Oh, my gosh.

Carousel of Progress.

Thank you.

Okay.

You know, you go to the Carousel Progress.

There's the one part where the old man's in the bathtub.

Yeah, of course.

This tub

stacks size and shape of the bathtub that the old man is in.

It is a bathtub of ranch.

Yeah.

By putting this other container there, they have made it very clear that what they are selling here is not the ability to include ranch in your burger experience.

You could have had that before.

You could have poured it onto, remove the button, pour on some ranch.

What they're saying is what we've given you now, what the iteration here is in this promotion is the ability to dip the entirety of your burger in ranch at once.

Right.

And what's hard is when you look at it, once you shove the burger down into the cup, I don't know what your next step is.

Yeah.

Because the human job, the human, like you're going to have to invert the burger somehow to get your bite, like a 180 flip of the burger to get your ranchy bite.

And let's just be honest, you're going to bring out so much extra ranch on the retrieval.

Sure.

That you've created.

You're going to create a situation for yourself.

I need to just say my position real quick.

I love this.

I don't put a lot of shit on my burgers.

And I think a hamburger is an EDO, an extremely dippable object.

And that is what you can use that for is to mop and sop up all the ketchup.

And in this case, ranch dressing.

Like, yeah, I do like it.

It's eight ounces of ranch dressing.

Great.

Jesus.

Starting October 16th, the Big Dip Cup will be available at Select Burger Kings in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, Dallas, Houston, and San Francisco.

And

we're making it easy for Burger King and HVR fanatics to get their hands.

And yes, they'll need both on it.

You can use this.

There's a tracker to find where the burger is in your stomach.

How far it's moved.

Well, since you turn your esophagus into a sort of ranch dressing water slide, I think these things probably haul ass through you.

The good good news is if you go to their website, you can actually order one.

If you go to hiddenvalley.com, order the tub.

You can order the tub to have them ship it to your home.

Not the burger.

So what I did was I paid $1 for the tub and then $10 for the shipping.

You are a crafty consumer.

I just happened to get in there when I was reading this press release.

They had just gone live.

So I managed to order one shipped to my house.

Now, what's the problem?

Obviously, I don't like ranch dressing.

So, my big concern is that whoever is making this delivery will die while they're doing it.

Oh, I see.

Because it's a bird flow.

It's just such a terrible way to go for this.

For this, I'm having someone ship it to my home, but yes, I will.

And I'll report back.

Is it resealable?

I must know this.

Because if the answer to that question is no, then you have just said, It's up to you to down

eight tall ounces of ranch dressing in one go.

I don't know, Griffin, what kind of ranch fanatic do you think exists that says, I want to buy that tub of ranch, but I don't know that I'll really get into it right now.

I love ranch enough to try it because you're over-investing.

If you aren't sure if you're going to finish this in one go, you've over-invested in ranch, I will say.

Justin, if this comes, I want you to save it in your home until I come visit because my daughter Bibi puts ranch upon everything and I think would go absolutely hog wild.

I will try.

Here's there's some quotes here.

Once we introduced Hidden Valley Ranch to Burger King restaurants nationwide, we knew we wanted to celebrate the partnership in a big way, said Pat O'Toole, the chief marketing officer at Burger King North America.

We know our guests love dipping everything in ranch,

even their sandwiches, even their dirty

fingers.

Yeah, with their wretched human fingers dangling into every little saucepot they can find.

We know our guests love dipping everything in ranch, so we're excited to deliver a Hidden Valley Ranch dip cup big enough for all their dipping and dunking needs.

Listen, guys, if it's going to be this bland, don't even release a press release about it.

Just put out your picture.

Give me something to work with.

We're thrilled that Hidden Valley Ranch is now available at Burger King, said Hidden Valley Ranch.

A big dip cup big enough, a big dip cup big enough for a Whopper sandwich felt like the perfect way to celebrate the exciting news that America's favorite ranch asterisk is now available at Burger King.

What's the

asterisk called?

Yeah, there's not, it doesn't refer to anything that I can detect.

Cool.

Are they legally not allowed to say that it's America's Favorite Ranch?

There's a version of this.

That gets me excited.

That gets America's.

If they had any fun with it and been like, Burger King, excited to announce partnership with Hidden Valley Ranch on a tub of ranch dressing that is big enough to drown in.

This thing is so big.

And that gets you excited?

If you fell into it, you would drown in it.

If they just said anything kind of fun or funny about the big, like anything.

The headline could be, Jesus Christ.

What have we done?

You guys will not believe.

You guys will lose your fucking minds when you see how big this dressing comes.

This is the least.

The overhead on this ranch is ridiculous.

We are losing money on you ranch perverts out there, but please enjoy.

I feel like I got one over on them because my eight ounce cup of ranch costs a dollar and 16 ounces at the 16 ounces at the Walmart cost $4.

So I really am getting one over on them.

When you go to Walmart, do they make you pay $10 to leave with it?

Only when I accidentally have Walmart ship something to me me that I didn't realize wasn't in stock.

That's a problem with the Walmart app is sometimes you can accidentally order some.

I don't know.

Let's say you have a specific kind of pretzel rod that you really like.

Maybe you're

sluts for us.

Maybe.

Yeah, let's say you go nuts about your us.

I don't love that that's been brought into the Bim Bam canon.

I feel like we had sequestered that over in Clubhouse Land.

It's all one canon, baby.

Shoot.

Sometimes it doesn't matter.

You don't notice that it's actually going to be shipped to you and not brought from the the store.

But the Walmart app doesn't care.

It's like, you want to get us?

Come on, let's get.

And they'll ship them to you from

fucking Utts.

From Montana.

So, yeah.

No.

I paid $11

overall for eight ounces of ranch.

So I guess I just.

So about $1.20, $1.30.

I don't want to get into the math.

See the delight on your daughter's face is going to be worth it.

I'm so excited to make make an announcement in the housekeeping.

Can we please go

out?

Yeah, okay.

Come on.

At the end of November, the week,

the week of Thanksgiving, I am going to be performing in 20-sided Tavern.

The off-Broadway show is an improv,

magical, hilarious D ⁇ D experience.

I'll be performing as the trickster live on stage.

It'll be the trickster, the mange,

the fighter.

And then we have the tavern keeper, the DM.

It's full.

It's going to be an amazing experience.

I'm only doing seven performances

on Wednesday and then Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of that week.

So I'm so excited, you guys.

I'm over the moon.

I hope you all will come out to it in New York City, off-broadway, 20-sided tavern.

Come see me at the show.

There's like matinees and everything.

It's going to be amazing.

Matinees and everything.

Matinees and everything.

You have to work in the morning?

And what's the afternoon?

Crazy.

I wouldn't do it in the morning.

Come on.

I'm very, very excited for that.

I'm also excited for our last tour of the year coming up.

Thank you to everybody who came to see us in Denver and Phoenix.

We haven't done those shows yet, but I hope that we did a good job.

I'm sure we did.

I've already noticed our next tour.

We usually do.

Our next tour coming up in November, we're going to be in Indianapolis doing TAS with Abria Iyengar and Mabimbam, and then we're going to be doing Mabimbam in in Milwaukee.

And you can go to bit.ly slash MacroyTours for tickets and more information if you want to come to either or any of those shows.

And if you listen to this when it comes out, Dad and I are going to be at MTM London this weekend

doing panels and signings and all kinds of stuff.

That's all at bit.ly slash MacroyTours as well.

When are you going to do that?

Yeah, ma'am.

We get back on the 21st.

I leave on the 22nd.

What a busy boy you are, Trevor.

I'm a very busy boy.

Hey, let's finish.

Two more things.

Let's finish.

Let's finish.

Okay, we do need to do these last two things.

Okay, hurry up.

The

Justin's on its way up.

The Justins are smart.

I'll tell you what.

I'll tell you what.

You're right.

We won't tell people about the merch in the merch store, like the Trav Nation Long Sleeve Tea by Riley Woolworth, and that 10% of all proceeds this month will go to Native Women Lead.

We won't tell them about that.

Macroanmerch.com.

And we also won't, this one I don't know that I agree with, but you guys seem to feel really strongly.

Not me.

Not me.

Don't.

I won't thank Montane for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better With You.

Thank you.

I said, No, thank you.

We simply won't, because sorry, thanking you.

Sorry, Montane.

I'm thanking you.

No time for it this one.

I'm thanking you for skipping it.

Oh, I see.

I see.

They've gotten their plotted.

I think Montane's great, but you're just wanting to just truck on, haul on through to the other side.

So let's do it, man.

All right.

Do we have a wish?

Always.

Okay.

What's yours, Trev?

Oh, do I have one?

Well, yeah, you guys back me up up and I'll elevate it.

I love petting my dog, but sometimes I wish she would pet me back.

My name is Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Griffin McElroy.

It's been my brother, my brother, me.

Kiss your dad square on the lips.

It's better with you.

My life,

oh.

It's better, it's better with you.

My at life, oh,

it's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true,

it's better, it's better with you.

It's better with you.

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