MBMBaM 733: Congratulations on Your Powerful Trunk

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has blossomed.

It's ripened into into a precious friendship

And could have never seen what was coming for me

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach My life

it feels love

It's better, it's better with you

My life, oh

it's better, it's better with you

This is true

better, it's better with two.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, me and Vice Show for the Montanero.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McAray, and I have to remind myself that every single episode is another chance to shine.

What's up, Trav Nation?

I'm your middlest brother, Travis, big dog, Wolf Woof Mackerel.

I appreciate the honesty of you have to remind yourself

to do a good to do a good show.

Not to do a good show, Griffin.

What he said was that it's his chance to shine, which would imply that perhaps up till now.

You and I are going to take a back seat on

Griffin McElroy, the baby brother.

When you crack open your email and you see 733 staring at you in that subject line, part of you feels like, certainly that's enough of them.

Right?

Certainly.

Surely I've shown enough.

Certainly that's enough of them.

You get it.

Like, how many good flights does the pilot have to do before you're like, he's got it?

He's

got a lot of stuff.

Every one of these is a work of art.

Like, every one of these is a special

individual work of art.

That's a chance to change hearts and minds.

I think we're also in a bit of an unexciting numerical groove.

It is.

733.

Who gives a shit, man?

Can you come to it?

737, we can do a little.

Oh, it'll be like a solly.

We love a prompt for a joke.

Like, we can do, we love that shit.

Just I'm worried you're going to eat right through the ink cartridge of that pen.

I'm really

happy.

But speaking of eating, if you guys are hungry, I've got a big announcement.

That's not a connective tissue of

stringy.

Give me a second because you know how influencers these days, and this is so topical.

Everybody's doing meal deals

with a thing.

I've just signed in to be in.

Happy 4th of July, by the way, everybody.

That is the date that we recorded this, obviously talking about this.

I've decided to partner with Chipotle

to a meal deal, the Travis.

It is currently an unofficial partnership.

Is this

like when you are like a cyberpunk hero, they give you a drink named after you at the hacker bar?

Is that sort of like that?

My hope is that we'll kind of do a grassroots partnership deal where if enough people go in and ask for the Travis, yeah pote will start carrying it

um i am actually hugely that don't do that hey listener at home don't do that that'll make you don't even know what the travis is no but i'm more talking about you are saying hey do this thing that'll embarrass you and that'll bring me some sick satisfaction they probably won't know what the travis is it won't bring me any satisfaction Yeah, so I'm again, like, we're agreeing then.

Don't do this if you're listening.

This is what you're about to hear is pure jokes.

You're going to go in, you're going to say, give me the Travis.

They're going to say, what's that?

Don't actually

say, grab

grab like a large cup, right, that you would put a drink in.

Fill it with guacamole, light ice.

And that's the Travis.

Okay.

Why is that the Travis?

I guess let's start like, Juice,

how many questions do you have off the top of your head?

Because I've got like nine.

Why is that this?

Why do you like this?

Why this?

Because I don't, I don't like it.

Number one, why this?

Juice and I are agreed.

Top priority.

Why do this?

Oh, because I don't like a lot of ice in my guacamole.

Okay.

So that doesn't, that avoids, that sidesteps the question in sort of a funny way.

What are you doing with all that guac?

You just chuzzle that down?

Well, I mean, it's good if you need it.

You put it hung and then you put some cling film over the top.

And then you got guacamole.

It's not a...

Sorry.

No,

you're mistaken and confused.

Chipotle is not a Tex-Mex grocery store where you go to

stock up your supply of guacamole.

That's why it's the Travis, because I'm kind of an out-of-the-box thinker, and not a lot of people stock stock up on their supplies at Chipotle.

And I would if I ever went there.

You've never been to Chipotle?

I don't think so.

Wait,

not for jokes.

Not for jokes.

I am actually deeply curious if we could step out of jokes.

Travis, can I get you to break Kayfabe for just a moment and step out of jokes?

The thing I think is most interesting, like, I'm already flashing forward to telling my wife, like, honey, do you know Travis has never been to Chipotle?

I just don't think I have.

Travis, step outside.

Travis, please.

The K Fabe, I'm going to take it.

Shoop.

I'm put it down on the ground for a minute.

We're going to put that on pot.

Out of the room.

Out of the room.

No jokes.

Only honesty, real uncut, Trav.

Please, I'm asking you as your brother to give me a real thing here.

Have you eaten a Chipotle?

Don't say, I think I have.

I need a...

You would know whether or not you've done this or not.

Here's what I'll say.

I can picture.

The interior of a Chipotle.

Okay?

I don't remember eating there.

So if I have, it's been like once once in my entire life.

Yeah, no, I mean, it's...

How many of you have eaten that Chipotle or not?

If you've envisioned the

memory is so malleable, it's the problem.

It has been worked.

It's like a cold stone creamery, but hot and with rice and beans.

Yeah, no, no, no.

Like I said, I understand the concept and I can picture it.

Yes.

Let me tell you this.

You get a

delivery bag of Chipotle and you get out the bowl that you ordered.

What's that look like?

What's that look like, Trap?

What's your Chipotle order?

Well, or what is the thing physically actually looking like?

Yeah, what are you eating in your mind's eye?

Don't say a big cup of ice and guacamole.

The bit's on the fucking ground.

We're gonna go back.

We might go back and pick up the bit.

We may not.

I know that's like right.

It's kind of like a cardboard-y kind of bowl, and there's like rice in it and like some other fixings and stuff.

Yeah, and how do they cover it on top of it?

I mean, like a burrito?

I didn't ask you to describe it for pictionary.

I wanted you to just tell me what you order there.

But I'm mostly

conjuring.

What's your favorite protein?

What's your favorite Chipotle protein?

I don't think this motherfucker's eating a Chipotle juice.

I think he's a traveler for your life.

I don't think you've...

Have you had Chipotle?

Why are you guys treating this like a gotcha when I started

the entire segment saying I don't think I've ever eaten there and now you guys are like quizzing me as I'm like I don't know man and you're like ha I will tell you they've eaten a chipotle we travel a lot Travis and the thing about a chipotle is that if you're ever out on the road traveling and you're hungry, you're hungry, you start to get a grumble in your tummy, you can reach in your pocket and take out your keys.

Chipotle is close enough for you to throw your keys at it and hit it.

So you can go.

So that's what's just like law of large numbers.

The number of chipotles you've seen and decided not to eat at

is so large.

I have a way of settling this, Travis.

Okay.

Think about your favorite Chipotle.

Okay.

Okay.

Think about your number one.

I'm not even sure what we're settling anymore.

Remember the first time you went there

to your favorite Chipotle.

Yeah.

Are you visualizing your favorite Chipotle and think about the first time you went there?

I can't.

I don't know where Chipotle is in Cincinnati.

Scroll down your delivery app of choice at your orders and scroll down and look back and see how close Travis is.

100%.

I don't have any delivery orders from Chipotle in my phone.

Okay.

It's just like, I'm not, can I just say this, listener at home, if you're getting like confused or ready for this bit to end, I understand.

It's truly a, this is just interesting now to me and Justin and me only.

I don't even love Chipotle.

I don't eat a Chipotle anymore because there's a lot of really great restaurants in my neighborhood now.

I don't go there for that, but it's crazy to have never had Chipotle.

So

I would say statistically in my 40 years, because I'm not going to sit here and be like, maybe a paparazzo has like a single picture of me leaving Chipotle.

I don't want to get gotcha.

I'm saying statistically, I have been to Chipotle enough in my 40 years as to say, I don't think I've ever been there statistically, right?

Maybe once.

No, Travis, no, Travis, no.

This is where it keeps breaking down for me.

Okay, let's.

I can't show you a diagram because it would dox Travis.

Thank you.

But there's a

wild thing to dox Travis.

A wild way to get him.

A wild way to get him.

Basically, there is a pentagram pentagram of chipotles surrounding him

if you were to connect the dots between the chipotle surrounding travis it would it would make a pentagram and i'm gonna send it and select within four miles

travis is travis's house is built on a chipotle ley line and maybe that's it if you just follow the the ray then you will eventually arrive and you can either one within four miles of me oh yeah 3.4 miles 3.2 so griff is you oh my god there's a bunch there's like four mile radius.

So many Chipotles.

Oh, wow, but it is arranged in a perfect constellation.

I mean, that's Travis.

Let me tell you, I kind of get it now.

I kind of get it now.

You're not getting a lot of Chipotle foot traffic of your own feet.

So I feel like they're not.

It looks like they're closing in on you for this diagram.

It does.

It looks like a family of Velociraptors.

This is what I would depend.

It's what I would just love because we didn't have a lot of pre-planned content for this episode.

No.

Trav, it's coming up on lunchtime.

What would you think about putting in an order to get you some Chipotle that you can enjoy for the first time live in our program?

I think that that would make for some horrible audience.

There's nothing they sell there that doesn't mush up terribly.

It's all mush.

It's all mush.

Sometimes they wrap up the mush so you can eat it on the go, but I like to rock with a bowl of mush.

I don't want to have to just put in an order and guess at what you like, Trev.

So probably thank you.

I also like to put in.

I do bowl because I like to be able to see the mush also, which is a good thing.

Let's talk about Travis' first Chipotle order, okay?

Yeah.

Do you go burrito or bowl?

We start there.

Well, I don't even know if he has the app open.

Hey, Trev, pull up the Chipotle app on your phone.

What?

I don't have the app.

C-H-I in the search bar, and then it will auto-fill and it'll show up on your phone.

It seems like a lot of work.

And I'm not saying the ordering process.

I'm saying I'm looking at pictures

of like their dishes.

Yeah.

It seems like a lot of work.

I'm figuring anything within you.

No.

I don't like eating things that fall apart while I'm eating them.

Okay, I understand that very much.

Bowl

is a good way to go.

Okay.

So you're thinking about a bowl.

I love that.

I'm not thinking about a bowl.

You guys are thinking

about a bowl into my head.

Juice and I are thinking for Travis, a bowl.

I feel like I'm having a bespoke, like I'm at a tailor.

You guys are having a series of questions.

I'm just responding to you.

You said you don't like when things fall apart.

We have a limited set of options for people like yourself, okay?

It's gotta all be taught.

Travis, the other options is salad.

I know you're not going there, man.

You're gonna get a burrito, but we have we have burrito bowls.

We have salads.

We just gotta go bowl.

Produce.

No,

because I'm worried if we go far too far down this i'm gonna have to eat this thing it's it's pretty it's pretty good it's not hook we this doesn't work that way travis like if we talk about the food all day it's not just gonna show up

smoked brisket oh it's plus five dollars though plus five dollars for smoked brisket now you're talking so the burrito bowl is like

is just like if you dumped it all out And then the salad is just the burrito bowl with some shredded lettuce in there.

Don't let it fool you.

Yeah, don't be fooled.

You can actually turn a burrito bowl into a salad by saying, let me get some extra romaine lettuce in there.

Life hack.

Now, protein, Trav, what are you thinking protein-wise?

What would be your good choice?

He balked at the briskets.

So I know that some of the premium briskets,

the premium entrepreneurs is not going to go for it.

Just $5 is, I mean, no,

that's a huge upcharge.

That's crazy.

Carnitas, perhaps.

Great.

Carnitas are a great choice, Trav.

Tender, juicy.

That's a great.

I'll tell you what I love about Carnitas, Trav.

And I think it represents a lot of wisdom on your part and perhaps even some systemic knowledge of Chipotle you probably possess because you've eaten there before.

Carnitas is a beginner, I think, a great beginner option.

It's not as assertive or spicy as a barbacoa.

It's not traditional and boring like a chicken.

Oh, no, no, I will say this.

Now, the chicken at Chipotle, though, does pack enough heat to put some toddlers off.

Yeah, that's true, actually.

Carnitas are a nice, mild option.

There's a bit of spice to the chicken there.

I just want to warm

up at Chipotle.

Great texture, really mushy.

Really, really mushy meat.

The perfect amount of mush, which is

mushy.

I like this.

No, no, no, but it's good when you get it all together and no, I'm not saying you're using the word mushy.

I'm saying that the experience I'm having currently, and this is a man, occupying the body that I have right now as you two talk to me, I'm not enjoying it.

Let's move on.

Let's move on then.

But now I am hungry.

No, let's move on.

It's a very fair,

a very fair point.

I think it was just too much.

No, just fairly much.

Too much attention on that makes perfect attention.

It got too real.

Yeah.

Well, and there's also, it's hard to contribute when you've only been to Chipotle a handful of times at most.

A quantum physics five to six times.

Oh, a throwdinger's amount of times.

Which kind of their salsa, just to put a bow on this, do you do you prefer?

In general, in life, I like a Verde.

Do they have any kind of Verde?

They do.

I don't know how to fucking do it.

Do they?

This is a green varias.

Darkish-brownish.

I have long worked in a very physically demanding job

and have recently taken up rock climbing.

Between all the heavy lifting at work and hitting the climbing gym several times a week, I have a lot of upper body strength and extremely well-defined on arms.

It's gotten to the point where my brothers, Travis and Griffin,

it's gotten to the point where co-workers and new acquaintances regularly said things like, Wow, you are built, or you have really nice arms.

What is the appropriate response to this?

They're not being weird or creepy, and I'm very proud of my physical strength.

That's for muscular and trying to be modest in Manhattan.

She, her,

so hard to be so strong and built.

Oh man, poor you with your huge, powerful, strong body.

My go-to, because this happens to me all the time.

Happens to me all the time.

Sorry, Justin, just fucking, in response to my thing, just sort of uppercut at his microphone, and now he's bussing.

I was going to.

I was going to.

I know what you were trying to do.

I was going to make a crying expression with my hands.

But instead, you punch your microphone like a real offensive fashion.

Like I was wiping tears out.

And then it occurred to me that that's not going to read on the podcast.

It was a weird energy.

It was currently as I was hitting the microphone.

So I just bailed on the action.

It looked like I was just hitting the microphone and then stopping.

I didn't even like the energy of the bit I did.

And I was like, hopefully we'll just move on from that.

But Justin really hung a lantern on it with that episode.

Travis, I apologize.

No, no, no, it's fine.

This happens to me all the time.

We've got powerful fishlifters.

You just hit them with a hut.

These old things?

That's great.

I love that.

That's good.

I am really torn

because I've been telling my kids that we just don't comment on people's bodies ever.

That's been kind of the hard line that we have drawn at our house is just see everybody's kind of a shapeless spirit.

Just live.

I feel like I don't necessarily, I feel like nobody should be talking about anybody's bodies at all.

Just a period.

But the question isn't about them complimenting other people's bodies, Justin.

No, no, no, no.

But other people hear this too, right?

And so I'm I just wanted to point out that a much better thing might be in your day-to-day life to just like not

be like, hey, choice, anything.

I'll tell you what I don't like about complimenting only muscles is like if someone is like wiry or stocky in like a cool way,

that one doesn't get much sort of commentary because you can't walk up to somebody and be like, hey, you're stocky in a way I like.

I think that's a wild chance.

You look difficult to knock over.

Yeah.

What a sturdy individual you are.

Wow.

See?

Great trunk.

Powerful.

Don't tell me that's a trunk.

Powerful.

Congratulations on your powerful trunk.

Look at this immovable oak over here.

This redwood.

Why do I have to solve the problems of someone who is so physically strong?

Hmm?

True.

Why do I have to solve that?

Well, so that shape.

Some people can be emotionally weak.

We juice.

Just to clarify, we are the mouse pulling the thorn out of the lion's paw.

We help this strong,

like, muscly person so that later, if bullies come to try to get us,

we can say, careful now.

We have a strong friend.

Yeah, we help them.

We them kind of a little bit.

That's why, in like TV shows and movies, you never see, like, oh, here's the strong

person, and here's like the nerd person.

They work together because one, you never see like the nerd be like, I'll help you with your homework and you help me with bullies.

And then the jock is like, I'm a straight A student, and I've got

jocks are so smart on TV now in Harvard.

And then the nerd's like, oh shit, I don't have anything to offer you anymore.

That never happens.

Yeah.

I think the bigger problem is not what you do with your mouth and saying, but what happens with the arms.

Oh, yeah.

Because I'm thinking about if I'm carrying a baby or something and people are like, wow, nice arms.

They might be talking about the baby.

Maybe.

But I'm immediately so aware of what I'm doing with them.

Right.

I'm immediately like, I guess I should not flex or flex more to show it off better.

That's a challenge they have posed for you.

Great arms.

Am I?

Should I show them the full capacity?

Like, if they're like, oh, if you're interested in arms, let me show you what their fullest.

Oh, let me show you all the different featies they got.

I can say, yeah.

Oh, they can do arms.

They can do arms.

When you're holding the baby, you're in the fucking zone.

Don't take me out of my zone.

I'm in the zone.

I need total concentration.

That is true.

When I'm in the arms.

And that's why I like these old things because there's enough of a humorous response that you can get away with even flexing a a little bit more and everyone's like how playful right and you say oh these old things and they're like ah what a bashful playful response while still showing off all the special features that their arms possess i have shed

pretty much all of my uh knee-jerk uh dislike or uh judge judgment of people with big strong bodies because what i've learned is a lot of them are just like they're they're strong nerds like they're nerds about

getting watching physical 100 that's a hundred big nerds that that care only about muscle stuff and sports stuff but they're like nerds about it yeah it's interesting and so to me it could be they're trying to give get you into a conversation about like how do you do your how do you do your shit i think that's interesting because you do it you take it seriously and you get you got strong because of it that's neat that is neat just don't be a jerk with your might that's the big problem that we have

responsibly they might also be looking for a not weird way to ask you if you would like just pick them up and carry them around for a while.

Cause I would like to.

I'm tired.

I'm so tired.

I have to pick my kids up all the time and there's no 12-foot adult behind me who then picks me up while I'm tired.

That's all I want.

And once the boss starts doing it, it's going to be like, is the boss being passive aggressive?

Is the boss threatened by me?

Because I'm like way huger than the boss carried around.

Do you worry that people

that you need to direct people to other muscles that they should enjoy as long as they're around?

If you like these, wait till you see them.

Let me take you on a tour.

I'm going to hike my pants.

I want you to see my quads.

I am going to hike my pants way, way up.

Like, I need HR in the room while I do this.

It's just quads.

Well, that's, I mean, that's what would happen if someone admired, like, you were playing Pokemon cards or whatever, and they said, that's a great one.

You'd be like, well, let me show you some of my rare cards, right?

Why can't I do that with my muscles?

Let me show you muscles other people don't have that I've developed.

I've collected all the muscles.

Oh man, I'm really having a hard time imagining being strong.

Do you understand my muscles?

I'm really struggling for the bit.

I'm trying to come up with some jokes that I might do if I was a strong person.

You have

really struggling to you have a let me tell you, man, sometimes you come up to me when we're on tour and you give me a little back rub, a little shoulder massage, and that shit is fearsome.

That shit is effective.

Yeah, that's true.

I guess I am very strong.

Thank you, Griffin.

And

you're a shorts wearer, and I've enjoyed your quads and calves.

Absolutely sweet.

I mean, we all have pretty great games.

It's a sort of for the.

My gams could be better.

I'm at arms, man.

I could have better gams.

I know that about myself.

I'm trying.

Hey, I know we're getting close to money zone time, but before we do, I just want to do a quick...

This could be a new segment on the show if we wanted to, just a quick background check, which is to say, like, let's sort of do a quick audit of all of our backgrounds.

Obviously, mine's sort of very shelf-board, where I try to show off some of my favorite stuff.

And then Juice has the sort of like paneling behind him, and he'll put up a few of his little 3D printed little toys up there.

And I think that's so cool.

And then Travis used to have more plants and fish in it.

And now I see there is one plant and a skeleton.

And then we also have, I believe that is a

plushy Donkey Kong.

That is a plushy Donkey Kong.

I got that from

while we were doing Donkey Kong Country.

And so I put him up there.

There's also a little statue thing of Merle Magnus, Taco, and Angus behind me.

And our, of course, YouTube play button that we got for Donkey Kong.

Still sucks that you just took that.

It's hidden behind plants.

Like, he's not even a human.

I wouldn't even hide it.

I would put, I would, I would, honestly, Trav, I would swap the positions of Donkey Kong and the YouTube play award.

Do you want me to 3D print a frame that just says Travis's button?

But hide Donkey Kong because we don't even do him anymore.

Travis dropped his skeleton off the

thing.

Yeah, the YouTube play button, give it a more featured position.

And then Donkey Bragg, I think it feels bad bragging about the silver, doesn't it?

I mean, it's kind of the worst one you're going to have.

It kind of puts an exact cap on your popularity level.

It's like this is a very good thing.

Well, we actually just started doing YouTube stuff.

I feel crazy.

Four years ago.

Our YouTube channel is only, what, a decade old?

Travis, that's way better.

That's way better, man.

Now you look prominent.

I feel like I'm showing off.

Where does your light belong?

On the candlestick or under the bushel?

You're right.

Yeah, you're right.

Don't hide it under a bushel.

Oh, no.

Put it

on your show.

You have to be a pretty big bushel.

Put that YouTube silver award up so that everyone in the house may enjoy it.

At At my local coffee shop today, I noticed wrestler John Cena dropped by.

I doubt it.

Wow.

Hey, hey, guys, have we ever done this before when they asked the question and we're like, fucking lie?

I doubted that they saw him because I

okay.

I mean, let's unpack.

Let's unpack this then.

I thought that I don't follow wrestling, but I thought there was something about you can't see him.

Oh, gosh.

Okay, now I get it.

I'm so sorry.

No, I was out of my lane.

No, Juice.

This was my failing.

This was my failing, and it's the way I have lapsed as a wrestling fan.

I forgot that that was his favorite.

You blew it again.

You didn't blow it.

You did a kick-ass joke.

Me and Travis blew it on that one.

We didn't do a very good job.

So anyway,

saw John Cena.

Asked a barista later and was told he visits regularly.

Obviously, the best thing to do with this information is nothing, which I will admit that you've already failed

by writing this email, but moving on.

But this is the next degree closest to nothing.

And let him go about his day.

But if given the opportunity while he's around, brothers, what might be the most impressive way to order and drink a coffee or tea?

Oh, my friend.

I think that this is too short-sighted.

I don't think there's an impressive way to order a drink or a tea or whatever.

That said, I do think there are impressive things one could be doing in a coffee shop at a table that would be noticed and appreciated by anyone, let alone Jonathan Cena.

Yeah, yeah, like

playing chess against yourself, right?

Spinning the thing around, that's gonna get noticed.

That's gonna get noticed.

Finishing your novel and loudly announcing it's finished when you slam the laptop shut, something like that would be appreciating.

Yeah, that's not gonna work.

I do think there you would have to do a pretty extreme version of it of like closing your laptop and be like, hey, everyone, I just got engaged.

Then John Cena might look at you and be like, great work.

I don't think anything less than a fresh engagement.

My wife's in labor.

Fucking John Cena will turn into it.

Carry me to the hospital, John Cena.

Well, no, see, here's,

let's talk about expectations.

You

will

never

be John Cena's friend.

Never, ever.

Whoa.

Wow.

Never, ever, ever, ever.

You don't know that.

No, I know that.

I'll never be John Cena's friend.

Neither will Justin, neither will Travis.

It will never, ever, ever happen.

Oh my God.

You guys haven't heard of manifesting?

Come on, let's see you guys, damn.

I've got it written on my board.

No, we'll never be John Cena's friend.

That's why I wouldn't care to see John Cena in a green room.

If there's no chance I'll ever be the person's friend,

I think it's great to see a celebrity.

I think it's great seeing a famous person because I will feel no pressure.

If I see someone like, how about we could get to be friends?

It's gone.

It's all out the window.

Yeah.

It's chaos.

It's pandemonium.

sometimes i forget how polar opposite we all get some regards yeah that's cool though it's it's the it takes a village to make a podcast um travis i want to hear how you would wear down john cena no i'm saying but the difference was when i see somebody and i'm like i could be friends with them that feels good when i see a celebrity i'm like that's so far out of millionaires i suddenly panic

no but like travis i'm saying

If I had to do this thing that this person is talking about,

and I was like, Arcine Lupin, and I and I needed guidance.

You're the person I would come to.

And I would be like, Travis, help me plan this friendship heist.

Okay.

And I'm asking you, as the best of the biz that I know,

what would be your strategy to bring down virus meme?

And then wait, just let me get on your other shoulder here and say that I think that this bit could trend towards levels of kind of hypnotism or running some sort of con or other sort of things that might remove John Cena's agency in some way.

I will say that.

Let me just get ahead of that.

Let me just get ahead of that and say, say don't do that because people by doing this by saying it out loud i am trademarking it and no listener is allowed to do it okay okay but if you if part of it is putting him in a big box no no no no no no no no call him

i would never broctoon him no okay

i would um he gets in line a couple people behind me right and i would lean into the uh

tell me how you orchestrate that first let's stop there tell me how you orchestrate it so that john cena gets in line a couple people behind me he comes in here often right i see him coming.

But in my head, you just rolled out the map and you like, and like turn on the light above it.

You're like, you're streaming.

But here is his plan.

Hopefully, he will end up cool customers.

I have orchestrated this.

That's not how I operate, my man.

I'm in there.

I see an opportunity.

But you don't see it.

This is what I'm saying, Travis.

You don't see the opportunity.

You got to the store before him, and there's two people behind you, and then John Cena.

That's crazy.

There's no fucking

cashier.

He comes in.

I lean in the cashier.

I say,

here's, you know, an extra like 15 bucks.

I want to pay for whatever he gets.

I'm a big fan.

Don't make a big deal out of it.

Right?

Right.

So his order is covered with whatever he orders.

Right.

Is this at a start?

So this is at just like a cafe.

Okay.

Yeah.

In this circumstance.

Right.

And then if he decides to say something like, oh, man, I really appreciate it.

Thank you so much.

Right.

Because he's a regular.

I'm not taking this opportunity as like a one-time chance there will be more opportunities right now he at least has some kind of recognition of who i am rome was not built in a day and now there's an opportunity to perhaps engage in conversation the next time or a shared interest is present but i think that that is also true of literally anyone yeah sure right outside of that um where you know you see someone reading a book that you've read before you say i love that book that's a great choice whatever right some kind of introduction not going to to

change, you know, you're not going to write books about how great this introduction was, but just a chance.

It's trying to come up with it.

It is more high pressure, though, than a conversation with a normal person because when you're talking to a normal person, you're not running the risk of making such a big boner that they go on their wrestling show that night and they're like, this fucking Jabroni tried to buy my drink at drink, drink more.

No way.

His name was Travis McElroy.

Like, and then like you're done in that town.

Can you imagine though?

Hey, Griffin, in that scenario.

That's a win for you.

Just see a win.

He gets up and like a fucking

SmackDown or whatever and starts talking shit about me.

Are you kidding me?

I'm over the moon.

And then fucking Brock Lesnar comes out and is like, I actually like Travis McElroy.

I thought congratulation was good.

He's an acquired taste, but it's just fucking.

It's not for everybody.

He's the spice that makes you right.

Yeah, and he's...

He's, listen, I like him and I get that he's not funny, but that's the humor.

Brock Lesnar with a fucking knife tattoo and a fucking Trav Nation tattoo on his other peck.

I like that shit.

I got, oh, I think I got this cracked wide open, guys.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

You ready?

You're John Cena.

You're John Cena, and I'm me.

All right.

Wait, wait.

Both of us are John Cena?

Wait, we would equal half of a John Cena.

You're both John Cena and I'm me.

All right.

Okay.

Wait, let's fuse.

Can you not make this about you guys?

Thank you.

Oh, sure, sure.

My apologies.

Yeah, it's okay.

That's no problem.

Piece of gum, Mr.

Cena?

Yeah.

That's the whole thing.

That's the whole thing.

Okay.

I thought we were going to have to interact with it.

No, no, no, no, listen, listen, listen.

Piece of go, Mr.

Cena?

Okay.

The confidence is that you're projecting is truly outrageous.

Can you try to get this?

Wait, what's this?

What's slap on a level, take?

Can you do a take where you say John?

Yeah, yeah.

Raise your mic up, too, so you don't have to hunch over like a little, like a.

He's a go.

Whoa, why did you yell?

Why did you just yell at me, Jabrody?

I'm gonna talk about you on SmackDown tonight.

What's your full Christian name?

Give me a stick of

stick of gum, John.

Stick of gum, John.

Stick up.

Do you like a stick of gum, John?

Ooh,

John.

Hey, John.

I want to restart.

Thank you for doing that.

Give me a Mr.

Cena.

Give me a Mr.

Cena.

Stick of gum, Mr.

Cena.

Yeah.

Stick a gum, Mr.

Cena.

And then, if he says yes,

then we're friends.

If he says no, he's getting coffee.

And eventually, he's going to be like, I probably should take this poor guy's gum.

It seems really important to him.

Yeah.

And then he starts to rely on that gum, right?

Yeah.

Because then maybe that day someone's like, hey, John, great breath today.

And he's like, thank you.

I had a piece of gum.

And then it's like, you're a lucky charm, maybe, right?

Yeah.

Eventually, he'll say yes.

You'll be friends.

And in this universe, John Cena doesn't know where to get gum from.

Yeah.

Outside of you.

Whoever thinks of picking some up.

What?

I got a jumbo bag of eclipse on my desk right now.

No problem, Mr.

Cena.

He's not going to have it walking around with jangly.

That's not a click of gum ball, right?

Those are little sort of tablets.

Chickle tab?

Chickle tab?

Chickle tab of gum, Mr.

Cena?

This is great.

Juice.

I know.

Moist palette.

Mr.

Cena, would you like my pocket knife, Mr.

Cena?

Any help today?

Would you like my cash, Mr.

Cena?

Let me just ask you, how many pieces, in all the times that we've been lucky enough to have, you know, FaceTime with our audience, how many sticks of gum have you accepted from them?

How many sticks of gum?

Okay, but here's the problem: is that

we're colleagues in this situation because we could just go to the same coffee shop, right?

So there's no power dynamics.

There's no power dynamic, right?

You have to pretend like you don't know him.

Maybe

I got enough gum here for everybody in the place.

You offer it to some people, and then you say, you, big stranger.

Yeah.

Or piece of gum, mister.

Just like, hey, you're the Undertaker, right?

You want some gum?

Yeah.

And then I'll hand him egg gang.

I don't know if that's.

I think that would be, I think people would be pretty stoked.

Hey, Small Fry, piece of gum.

That way, let him know you see him just as another one.

And now we can go back to the other question about being strong and being complimented on your strength.

This is really a holistic episode.

I think we're helping everybody.

This one's for the strong ones.

For sure.

Ever been to Japotle, John?

If you you told me if you told me if you told me john cena had not

that's there's no way john cena doesn't pound that at see because at chipotle you can get as much protein packed into a little uh a little bowl as you possibly as you want so definitely john cena eats a chipotle but he doesn't go himself right no he doesn't he doesn't you're asking me if john cena has ever physically been inside a chipotle i want to say it's no right like no feels the like the answer to me If you, or Griffin, are you googling for pictures of John Cena in a Chipotle?

Right now,

I'm trying to, I'm trying to find it.

I'll tell you what, you won't find any pictures of me in a Chipotle, but that's not because who cares?

Like, he's there.

Um, no, I can't find it.

I'm coming up short.

I'll also say, Trav, I think they got some of the best chips in the business when they're hitting.

Okay,

let's go.

The money's up.

Did you guys know that John Ceda used to be a character in WWE called the Doctor of Thugonomics?

No.

It sucks so bad.

If you told me the Doctor of Thugonomics had not been to a Chipotle,

I would push you over physically.

You are lying to me.

If you

have been putting something off for a long time, part of the problem may be that you just haven't made it convenient enough for yourself.

If I have a task that I hate doing, maybe it's not that I'm a procrastinator.

Maybe it's just not the right size of commitment.

Maybe you got to take it a little bit step at a time.

Let me give you one example.

That thing you've been trying to mail, it's like such a hassle because you got to go all the way down to the post office and you got to wait in the line.

You got to talk to the people and you got to find the parking and all that stuff.

What if you do all of it at your house with stamps.com?

Wait, do I have to deal with the people at at my house

well only if they barge in on you if you lock the door you won't have to deal with anybody while you're doing all of your shipping business uh it all you need to make this work is a computer and a printer they'll send you a scale so you can measure out what you're you're sending and they've got huge discounts it's not just more convenient you can save like 89 off at usps and ups is is part of this so

make

this one thing mailing stuff just a little bit easier easier and maybe make it a little bit easier on yourself to get some of this stuff off your to-do list.

Free up more time for more important business with stamps.com.

Sign up at stamps.com and enter code MyBrother for a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage.

Free digital scale.

No long-term commitments or contracts?

That's stamps.com.

Sorry.

I always forget the listeners can't see the video.

Tony Hopkins showed up and started doing all the

right just yet.

That's stamps.com code my brother.

Stamps.com.

And the code is my brother.

Ego, some John Hodgman.

At Ego, some Janet Varney.

And we're the hosts of ePluribus Motto, a podcast dedicated to exploring the mottos of every state in the union.

Every episode, we will spotlight one state and discuss its official symbols, the motto, flowers, birds, beverages, songs, and even official state muffins.

Plus, we'll hear from guests whose lives have been inspired by the state's iconography and from residents who call that state home.

Bring some snacks, a map, and your travel journal because this podcast is a virtual journey like no other.

Audi Nostrum e pluribus mato, que liba talia lunae di maximum fun.

And for the Latin challenged among you and us, listen to e pluribus mato every other Monday on Maximum Fun.

Since 2017, Maximum Film has had the same slogan: The podcast that's not just a bunch of straight white guys.

Ooh, we've learned something over the years.

Some people out there really do not like that slogan.

Listen, we love straight white guys.

Well, some of them.

But if there's one thing we can't change, it's who we are.

I'm Ify, a comedian who was on strike last year in two different unions.

I'm Drea.

I've been a producer and film festival programmer for decades.

And I'm Alonzo, a film critic who literally wrote the book on queer Hollywood.

You can listen to us talk movies and the movie biz every week on Maximum Film.

We may not be straight white guys, but we love movies and we know what we're talking about.

Listen to Maximum Film on Maximum Fun or wherever you listen to podcasts.

I won a $10 gift card to a local tea shop.

The prize package included this faux movie poster made to promote the return of one of their flavors.

They made some fake trailers on Instagram.

I have no intention of hanging the poster, but I feel like I can't throw it or give it away.

What do I do?

That's from Impossible Poster and Post Falls.

So the poster.

I don't know.

ID?

Yeah.

What other state would that be?

I don't know.

The poster, because this is a visual, is primarily an audio medium, is for a film called The Tarot Returns.

And by film, I guess I mean flavor.

And it's just a picture of

four people sitting in chairs.

And that's about it.

It's pretty dramatic.

It's very dramatic looks on their faces, and they are all wildly different sizes.

Like, wildly different sizes.

And

I would say, I think.

I think the scale here would denote a level of importance within

the flavor, like

the rankings here.

Right.

And the way it is composed, it looks like this would be like a...

you know, a movie with not a huge budget, but they did get Christian Slater to be in it.

And so in the poster, Christian Slater is like four times the size of any other dude.

I guess there is one thing I want to address with the makers of the tarot returns.

There are four people featured prominently in this poster and only three names listed.

So there must have been some kind of crediting dispute.

Well, the other one's Christian, like, you know, that's Christian Slater.

You don't even need to put his name on the poster.

Yeah, this

is tough sometimes, but you got to remind yourself that it's not.

It's not, it doesn't have feelings.

Like, it doesn't.

You've shared the image, right?

You've captured it for history.

That's a great point, Juice.

You, You have, I will say,

by sending this in, extended its power.

Extended its power.

Dramatically.

Dramatically, right?

I mean, we've kind of picked the question out to include in the show.

So really, a lot of the credit.

I bet you this will end up on our Tumblr or something.

Instagram, something.

You know, you'll see it out there.

Justin, I would like to.

But it's done.

Its work is done.

Yeah.

I would like you to tell me if I'm wrong, Justin.

I think you'd put this up in your home.

Would I?

Justin McElroy.

I think that if you got this from a local cafe where you won a $10 gift card and you were given this poster and you could put this up in your home and have people say, sorry, what is this?

Somewhere in your home, you would hang this up.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah.

I went in a heartbeat.

Yeah, that's probably true.

I did

steal the

beer prices sign that they hung up during Margaritaville because someone had used AI art to create it.

And it is

truly outstanding.

There's a lot of real unpredictable geometry and a lot of extra teeth in Mr.

Buffett's head.

Awesome.

I do, I mean, lots of people pay tens of thousands of dollars for these priceless works of art just so that they can have a topic of conversation when they do invite guests over to sit and socialize in the drawing room.

This is a free poster you got for not a lot of money.

And it actually came with money.

You got $10 extra for coffee stuff or tea stuff.

And so that's great.

If I walk into your home and you have a fake movie poster for something called the tarot returns with three names before boys,

I'm going to want to know what the story is with that.

Do you know those people?

Are they friends of yours?

Are they friends of yours?

No.

What is this movie?

It's not.

It's not a movie.

It's a tea.

It's a flavor.

It's a flavor.

Huh.

So you like tea?

Let's talk about that.

Are you guys close?

Dude, this is such a fucking good one because they learn a lot about you that you like tea.

Every first date you should demand must be in your drawing room.

And play a game where you're like, what name do you think corresponds with what person?

What do you think your relationship is within like the group?

Who's the shy one?

Who's the bad boy?

You know?

One of them.

Is it possible that one of them is named Tarot?

Is that possible?

Maybe.

So maybe his name is just T-A-R-O, so when it says the Tarot Returns, it's like it's not just talking about the plant, but rather

the man is also named Tarot.

Maybe.

I don't know.

I like that, though.

It's a cool, strong name.

I'm also not entirely certain what location they're at in this photo.

It looks like a dark room that someone's being held against their will in somewhere, maybe.

I am threatened.

I guess that's the question I have from the creators of Tarot Returns when you're making this poster, assumedly, so that people will come in and buy the tea that you're making.

I feel challenged.

I feel threatened.

Yeah.

That, like, if I walked in and said, can I have a tarot thing?

They'd be like, it's not for you.

It would be for you.

You don't deserve it.

I also would have put more shit on the poster about what the tea is and what it's like.

Yeah.

Flavors it brings and how long it's like maybe that it is tea at all.

That it is tea.

That's a good point, Joe.

There's a drink, a consumable, maybe the name of the shop.

Maybe any pertinent tea.

Let me tell tell you something let me tell you something i'm glad that shit's not on here you know why because i walk into your home and i see that and then it's like yummy bug tea shop i see that and i'm like oh it's a tea poster that would ruin it i'm not asking you about your tea poster like that sucks that you have that up but a mystery poster for a film that doesn't exist

yeah i want to know about that you like tea huh my grandfather brewed tea Like you're look like this date is going so well.

And all you had to do is go to your drawing room with them.

Let's take them straight back to the drawing room.

That's what I'm saying.

Date one, right to the drawing room.

You learn everything you need to know about that person based on how they look at your fake movie poster for tea.

Okay.

Little bit.

I want a munch.

Squad.

I want to munch.

Squad.

Junior.

Welcome to Munch Squad Jr.

It's a podcast within podcast profiling layers.

Within a podcast, he sounds like.

No, it's just a shorter version.

It's a mini bite.

We call them snacks.

We don't.

We've never done that.

But I just did want to mention a quick thing

about Basky Robbins because I think that it's important that if we don't call out these brands for immoral behavior, then nobody will.

So I'm the last vanguard of morality.

I wanted to take a second to talk about this.

Okay.

I'm going to share with you the imagery.

Introducing wickedly tempting new treats, Twix, Caramel Crunch, and the spooktacular polar pizza.

Now, oh man, until the last two words of that headline, I was like, yum yum, sounds all good to me.

Don't lay your sweet tooth down this spooky season.

Get ready to indulge in the ultimate Halloween treats.

If you're looking for some hauntingly delicious desserts, Baskin Robbins is introducing new flavor of the month, Twix Caramel Crunch.

I'm very interested.

Yep.

Thumbs up.

The scary, good, spooktacular polar pizza ice cream treat.

So, this is- You're gonna need to sell me on that one.

That one, I'm not so sure.

This is the flavor of the month, Twix Caramel Crunch.

Okay,

okay, so see, it's got, and I'm not even gonna talk to you about what's in it.

It's like

it looks good, right?

Now, it looks like it's now here's a spectacular cheese pizza.

Christ, step it's here's what just it says, step into the Twilight Zone and enjoy this pre-sliced shareable dessert.

This is what I want to add.

This is what was bothering me.

And before we get deeper into this, I want to say, just admit you forgot it was Halloween.

Yeah.

Just admit that when you were coming up with flavors and stuff,

you didn't remember it was Halloween.

Stop trying to pretend that's okay

to be scary.

Justin, can you read the last sentence of the Twix Claramal Crunch paragraph?

Yes, Travis.

thank you.

That is the next sentence I wanted to read.

Thank you.

Good eye.

Available while supplies last.

Make sure to grab Twix Caramel Crunch before it ghouls away.

Okay, listen, that doesn't make it scary.

And it also doesn't make any sense.

Ghouls away.

I think, I mean,

you could change a handful of words in any of these and have it be like, grab the Cookie Crunch Polar Pizza before Santa Claus comes to deliver the presents.

Before Christ's resurrection.

You're lover, and you can share this

sectacular polar pizza.

Say thanks to dad with a dad-tastic polar pizza.

This also, the pizza itself looks like you gave free reign to a child.

Dude, it is a child's fantasy of, it's a child's fantasy snack.

Can we describe it?

And we also take one bite of, and they're like, I'm actually good.

Thank you much.

I want to read this paragraph, actually, without editorializing it.

It's going to be really difficult, but I'm going to.

You can also enjoy our flavor of the month in our delicious new spooktacular polar pizza.

Step into the Twilight Zone and enjoy this pre-sliced, shareable dessert featuring a chocolate chip cookie crust topped with Twix caramel crunch, Eminem's milk chocolate candies, Halloween sprinkles, fuck off,

and drizzled with fudge topping.

It's perfect for sharing with your ghouls at your next Halloween party.

You guys are really stuck on ghouls, huh?

Yeah, but you've also used it in two different ways yeah exactly like they're admitting that they know about ghouls it's not a joke i feel like this does slightly read like you put in an ai prompt for a press release for these two items and then you were adding like add to previous order halloween ghouls that's right griffin the bots think that they can just write these there on themselves because nobody's watching but bad news for you bots i'm watching dude justin mcroy and his brothers are out here watching watching you every move you bots make don't think you can get one past me i know that i know that no human wrote goals twice in one paragraph just admit just admit that you forgot

just admit you forgot also i do like that they have shared as a bully bullet point that this is pre-sliced because At the point I would be at where I would buy one of these, that would be a major

dude.

Because you're probably too stoned to safely operate a knife.

Yeah, no kidding, dude.

This shit looks bananas.

It looks like the carpet at the Portland airport.

This fucking shit looks crazy.

It's also ice cream.

So you know, all of those M ⁇ Ms and sprinkles and shit rock hard.

Rock hard M ⁇ Ms.

Now look at right here.

Now, right here at the bottom.

Don't be scared to try all our treats from October 1st through October 31st.

Buy any Polar Pizza and any two novelty ice cream bar boxes for just $31.

Don't worry, we won't tell a soul.

What is now?

Is that supposed to be scary or are you threatening?

Threatening?

Because I didn't even think you would tell anybody

what happens.

Yeah, we won't tell anybody about your nasty pretty shit.

Also, is $31 a good price?

Is it a good amount of money to spend on these three things?

They just love the branding opportunities.

Now, listen, meanwhile,

over at Sonic,

check this out.

Now that's what I'm fucking talking about.

Sonic unveils a spooktacular Halloween treat with new Witches Brew Slush Float.

Yeah.

Casting a spell on Taste Buds nationwide this Halloween season with the launch of the Witches Brew Slush Float.

Witches Brew Slush Fund.

It's part of the Flavorista Favorites premium drink lineup.

That's right, a premium treat for the holiday.

Thank you.

It's a limited time seasonal treat and it's a refreshing twist on the classic caramel apple treat.

Wait, a limited time treat?

And it's a refreshing twist on the caramel, classic caramel apple treat?

Yeah, thanks, bots.

We got you on this one, too.

But I do want to say the witch's Bruce Slushflow combines the tartness of green apple.

Thank you, seasonal, and salted caramel bubbles.

And the salted caramel bubbles are

like

pitch black.

Oh, that drink looks terrifying.

There is no way you would sell this at any other time of year, right?

You're not going to come out with this ugly thing in spring.

Yeah, no way.

Horrible drink.

Unless you're celebrating like a new release of a Shrek movie.

Yeah, I was thinking, also, I had Shrek on the mind on this one.

That is actually a very good point.

Witch's Brew is our twist on a caramel apple that stands out from the crowd with its unique blend of seasonal flavors and textures, says McKenzie Gibson.

Oh, witch spread of

the witch who works at Sonic.

This hauntingly good creation not only captures the essence of Halloween season, but also delivers a deliciously fun experience that's truly a one-of-a-kind.

Witch's brew is sure to become a seasonal favorite.

And I will hold them to that, by the way.

I will be checking up and make sure you bring it back in the future.

It is completely up to you if it becomes a seasonal favorite.

Anyway, that's what's happening in the Halloween world.

I just wanted to share that Basket Robbins is a corrupt company that should be shut down.

That's a really, I would agree just on optics of this fucking polar pizza alone because they forgot about halloween

and if they as always all brands have always been more than welcome to email follow-ups to the mudchquad desk if you would like to issue corrections if we've gotten something wrong i will say this folks in my 10 long years in the mudchquad industry i've never had a brand ask me for a retraction which to me is basically

agreement

You've worked your way up from the bottom.

They acknowledge their own flaws.

I've never lied on this show.

He's never lied.

Not once.

Thank you so much for listening to our podcast, My Brother, My Brother, Me.

733 of them, and I'm still having just as much fun as I did the first time.

Probably more.

Definitely more.

I'm just stressed about it.

Yeah.

So chill.

Hey, very exciting.

This week, this very week, it was this very week that we're going to be in Denver and Phoenix.

We're doing my brother, my brother, and me in Denver on the 18th.

And then Phoenix, we're doing Adventure Zone and a My Brother, My Brother, and me.

That Adventure Zone is a Taz vs.

Drac Halloween special.

As far as the My Brother, My Brother and Me's go, if you have questions that you want answered or a wish to fungal or that you want read aloud, email it to nbnbam at maximumfund.org and put the name of your city that you'll be attending in the subject line.

We also have in November shows in in indianapolis and milwaukee and dad and i are going to be not too long now into this month i believe the 25th and 26th um at mcm london uh doing some panels there doing some signings photos stuff like that i think so check that out bit.ly slash macroe tours for tickets and information We also have merch in the macroeMerch store, macrowaymerch.com.

Got restocked hunger dice and a Trav Nation t-shirt.

I was wearing it yesterday.

It's probably my favorite t-shirt we've done.

If you can get one, get it while it's fast.

We've got a couple on there.

Get it what?

Get it while it's hot is what I'm saying.

Get it while it's fast and hot, dude.

And 10% of all proceeds this month go to Native Women Lead.

So go check that out, macromerch.com.

Thanks to Montane for the use of our theme song,

My Life is Better With You.

I almost said Our Life is Better With You, but that's also true.

Like our lives are better

because of Montane's incredible work on this one.

So check it out and go listen to all Montane's work because it's fantastic.

All right.

We have a final wish that we want to elevate to fungalore

to

it's unnecessary, but we do like to do it.

We'll send it up.

Juice, you want to read this one?

Humility.

Yeah.

I wish

blood pressure numbers meant something to me.

My name is Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Griffin McElroy.

It's been my brother, my brother, me.

Kiss your dad.

Square on the lips.

It's better with you.

My life,

oh.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better with

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.