MBMBaM 732: Museum of Grandma Promises

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has blossomed.

It's ripened into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

I,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true, all

It's better.

It's better with two.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, me and Advice Show for the modern era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

What's up, Trav Nation?

It's me, your middlest brother, Travis, Big Dog Wolf of McElroy.

Art is

power

is

sex, yes, and politics.

Yeah, I'm Griffin McElroy, citizen Griffin McElroy.

Oh, God, I'm so excited, guys.

Edge of my seat.

So excited.

Yeah, we're edging big time.

I do wish someone would say the sort of premise of the bit.

Otherwise, me and Travis sound completely unhinged right now.

Yeah, we're so excited because it is megalopolis is dawning all around theaters all around the nation.

I actually don't know if it's going to come here.

Do you think I'll be able to waste it in Huntington?

I hope so.

Do you think you'll get to?

I hope that I will get around to it.

I heard Frank say, Frank, Frankie Coppola.

I heard Frank say that if your city is so much not like Megalopolis, you're not allowed to watch Megalopolis.

He's not like trying to spread the message to smaller towns that they could be Megalopolis.

He wants to congratulate New York City, Los Angeles.

Francis Four Coppola spent 40 years trying to make this movie about new Rome called Megalopolis.

It's in the same mode as Francis Lang's Metropolis.

Yeah, I know.

And he was so busy during that 40 years, he did not, from what I've heard from reports of his actions on set, spend any time maybe learning about social mores that had changed.

So that's not the point.

The point is

part of Megalopolis.

He had two of his incredible vineyards to pay for the movie himself because no one believed in his vision.

Damn.

So now we are finally

experiencing the fruits of those labors and the fruits of those vineyards, if I may be so bold.

What does that say, though?

Like, if you're a Steven Spielberg, you're a Ford Copla, you're a Scorsese,

right?

And I am.

And you are.

And you've made big blockbuster famous movies.

And then you go to somebody and you're like, I have an idea for a movie.

And you spent 40 years telling people that movie.

And for 40 years, they're like, no, I pay

for it.

It'll be good.

It'll be really, really good.

Oh, we know.

Yeah, you make good movies.

We just aren't going to pay for this one.

No way.

Yeah, that idea sucks so bad.

We don't want to work with you, a proven successful director.

You made what a lot of people consider to be the best motion picture of all time.

And I know you spent 40 years on this one.

It's that bad for us.

Do you know that there,

everybody knows, but you know there's a scene in the movie?

that requires audience participation, right?

I did hear about this.

So maybe this is why it's not coming to Huntington Hunt news.

So this is true, except it's all kind of a little bit wishy-washy.

What exactly the true truth of this situation is?

There is a scene in the movie where giant Adam Driver talks to someone who is supposed to be physically standing in front of the screen to deliver.

Like at.

I didn't know that was something we could do.

I didn't know.

This is an option.

Like in Mickey's Runaway Railroad.

Yeah.

They explode the train and then talk to Talk to the thing,

and then the attendant says, right this way, everybody, let's go inside the cartoon.

This scene lets you be inside Megalopolis by performing.

Also, visionary John Hammond's idea for the Jurassic Park tour.

That's correct, Travis.

It is the, yes, now he's.

He's the director of Mr.

DNA.

Now, there are some theater chains that have already come out and said, no, we won't do that.

No, thanks.

We can't hire actors to

we expect as a movie theater that by the time the film gets to us, the whole acting has been done.

Yeah, everything's actually contained within the movie.

Yes.

So, yes, and it seems like the line is actually pre-recorded in the film, right?

But what this means is that you have a primo opportunity when you go see Megalopolis.

And frankly, you will probably be fighting a crowd, and it's going to be part of the joy of seeing this film.

It'll be like Rocky Horror.

If you learn the moment, you could absolutely

justifiably bum rush this film at this point to be the guy.

Everyone will.

I will for sure.

So

it will take some commitment to get the timing right because I haven't checked, but I have to imagine the runtime of this here, baby, ain't coming in at an 88.

You know what I mean?

220 from what I heard.

210 or two hours and 20 minutes.

218.

Right.

Two hours and 18 minutes.

Cool, cool.

So you're going to have to watch that a couple times to get the timing right.

Travis, if I told you that Aubrey Plaza is playing a character named Wow Platinum, what would you say about that?

Sorry, Wow Platinum?

Sorry.

The thing is, Wow Platinum is the name of the...

Another name from it that's Sha Labouf is Clodio Pulcher.

Is another

character?

This is what took 40 years.

Wow Platinum alone took six years.

Jason Schwartzmann plays a character named Jason Zanders.

Okay.

That's cool.

That feels like that was kind of a gift to him, huh?

Yeah, that's what I would change my name to if I had been him.

They put Dustin Hoffman in this one.

Dusty Hoffman.

Man, talk about it.

He is quite Dusty, I would say, at this point.

Yeah.

A lot of box office grime on this guy.

Why haven't, hey, he was a good actor for so long.

Why did anybody put him in a film?

Opens newspaper.

Oh, that would raise his whole deal.

You guys don't know that he was like, I'm putting all the canceled people in.

All the dusty old boys.

I'm surprised.

Wow, Platinum wasn't played by Roseanne Barr.

We got Tim Allen.

We got that guy from Mr.

Show in here.

We got a law.

Fuck, man.

And actually, he just recut it.

He heard about Zachary Levi, and he was like, it's not too late.

I'm going to cut him in.

We got to get him.

He's got to go to every movie theater and stand in the front and deliver the line.

This version sucks.

I just sold another vineyard to add 70 minutes of Primo Zachary Levi comic.

John Foyt in this flick.

Yeah, they do.

He can barely talk.

Reuniting Shia LaBeouf and John Voigt for the first time since Disney's hold.

I saw a clip of this flick group.

It's just John Foyt lying on a bed with a huge boner that turned out to be a crossbow.

Wait.

He had a cross boner?

Yeah, man.

It's just in the movie for anybody to see.

I got to go see this movie.

Can anybody go see this?

I guess it's Raya Darson.

Not anybody can guess.

Not anybody can guess.

When

can I see Megalopolis?

Would it surprise you guys to know

that Megalopolis is going to have to compete against two robot films?

It's a tough week.

Looks like we can all have a good laugh at Frank's expense, but some of the messages of that movie, I think, are gospel vis-à-vis the robots are going to take over all of cinema.

The film releases in theater September 27th.

So let already happened.

That's past.

Let me check.

Let me do a quick Fandango.

Yeah.

Let me do a quick tango with Fandango to see if I'm able to get it.

What if Fandango had an option where it's like, you can get in for free if you're the guy during the scene?

Will you be pleased to be the guy during the scene?

Do you think there's someone who goes see Megalopolis a hundred million times just so that they can have that experience of being the guy in the scene over and over maybe they can put it in their imdb credits yeah i never had a major breakout role but i was the guy in the scene of 21 screenings of megalopolis i was in the stage production of megalopolis huntington west virginia where i can see vindicating trump at three different times but can't see megalopolis once oh shame

For shame.

For shame.

Oh, well.

Hey, this is still an advice show.

We still are all about helping people here.

Even if you can't see Megalopolis in your neck of the woods.

And don't.

Maybe don't.

It don't sound very good.

You'll have to.

I saw somebody say, you know what?

Just wait till it comes to streaming and then make the choice every day not to watch it.

Here's how I'm going to consume this film in a year in short clips on TikTok of people saying, check this rowdy shit.

And I'll be like, don't mind if I do.

I got it in and out, everything I need out of Megalopolis in four minutes thank you so much

um yeah also joker i can't believe a new joke this is just fucking like him too he snuck one in there on us first joker everyone was talking about joker this joker i feel like not everyone's talking about joker isn't that interesting that's what that's what makes him the craziest yeah if they if you stop paying attention to that guy for even one second it makes him and that's why because the people that often love to talk the joker the most i would think they would love it when like a woman joins the main cast as like a counterpart to him is there a more damning critique that a film or television review can lay on something than

this piece of media underutilizes lady gaga that makes me the that all of a sudden i'm mad about the film that could have been which was a kick ass joker flick yeah stephanie's talent underutilized It makes me want to throw up on the floor.

Yeah.

This is an advice show.

I've been painting every week for the past two years.

Good for you.

It's a weird metric, isn't it?

For how often.

Once a week.

Once a week.

I mean, yeah, how do you keep track?

It seems like you do it on Wednesday afternoons.

Very soon.

And then you put a mark up on it.

Maybe it's a weekly painting class.

I will say this, man.

If I had an artistic endeavor, like painting or writing or something, that that I could consistently do even just once a week,

I would never shut up about it.

Would I be able, do you think this is how healthy people are?

Do you think that if I got into something like this and I did it, maybe I what if I didn't hyper-fixate on it?

And maybe not have fixate at all?

What if I just did it sometimes?

What if this would be weird?

What if I didn't do it sometimes, but didn't feel guilty about that?

And didn't didn't lose interest.

That'd be beautiful.

If you went more than 24 hours, I often think, wouldn't it be wild to simply incorporate a new thing seamlessly into my life?

Right.

Yeah.

Without it being my new defining feature.

Yeah, wouldn't it be interesting to have a passing interest in a hobby and not sprint to the closest fucking social media you have and scream into it?

This is my entire identity now.

That'd be wild.

Never talk to me about anything else.

Look at the hundreds of dollars I spent on this before ever doing a single second of it.

Megalopolis was right in this regard every

one regard megalopolis was right i have entire drawers in my kitchen where if i open it up i am confronted by a museum of my

temporary my temporary interests and perhaps say baking a bread or making a hard candy i see the i see the different food droplets the flavor juice for the hard candy and I think boy I should get back to using that it won't happen I won't do that so any next sentence of the question.

Since I have so many paintings,

sometimes I like to imagine the question asker standing there patiently.

I mean, that happens during live shows quite often.

Yes.

Just whenever you're ready, Chef.

Since I have so many paintings, I often donate or gift them.

Recently, I painted a particularly cute fox taking a bubble bath.

I posted it on socials and a friend commented how much they loved it.

Foolishly, I offered it to them.

Problem is, I've since fallen in love with it.

I no longer want to give it away.

Is there a way I can take back my offer?

Can I offer joint custody?

Maybe they can come visit the painting when they're feeling down.

Or do I have to avoid my friend forever?

That's from Alva.

Additional info.

I see this friend about once a month, usually at a mutual friend's house, pick of the painting attached.

This is, first of all, a primo photograph.

I mean, this is a primo painting.

I called it a photograph because it looks like it could be.

It looks like it could be.

Titled Sly Guy.

Yep.

We got ourselves a fox in a bubble bath with a ducky in it and a lot, just a prismatic sort of

spattering of bubbles.

It's beautiful bubbles.

I love the colors in it.

I think,

like, obviously, like, easily the best painting of a fox in a bathtub I've ever seen.

Yeah.

Sure, sure.

Not even close.

I have a few pieces of art in my kitchen

that I commissioned from a local artist, Brandy Jeffries, and there are pictures of food that you can get in huntington west virginia yes the jolly pirate donut one the still life is my favorite they're all yeah they are i should mention they're all still lives because they are food the

the uh and painting yeah and painting can you i can take a portrait of some jolly pirate donuts i think i guess uh so uh

a sculpture

sculpture is still life because it ain't moving That's a good point.

That's really a point.

She recently did a gallery show at Smith Hall at Marshall, Marshall and she asked if she could like borrow the them as like part of the show so like for a few months like my paintings were on loan this is where I get to the advice because if you're like yeah absolutely take it and then one week later you're like I am actually doing a gallery show of all my favorite foxes and that's cool could I have that fox on loan to the gallery show and then they're like yeah that's very prestigious and then you take it never another word about it ever I mean you can also do that in reverse right Where I can say, like, where it's hanging in their house with a little plaque that says on loan from artist's private gallery or whatever.

That's cool.

Because, frankly, if I had that in my house and somebody saw that, now it's taken what is.

That's what I know.

That's what I'm suggesting.

I'm not sure.

But I'm saying it's hanging in their house.

Yeah, Justin, what Travis is suggesting, and frankly, this is such a good fucking idea that it seems bigger and broader than this specific context, is we start selling little plaques that say on loan from the artist's gallery, and you can put those underneath every piece of art in your house.

All of a sudden, oh, this must be good art.

It's on loan from the artist's gallery.

Oh, where did you get that?

Where did you get this art?

Oh my God, the artist's gallery.

Okay, now hold on.

Let me say instead, what if we started selling companion plaques?

Oh, because I put these up

in my house and they said work currently on loan.

Oh, and it's just an empty space.

Yes, you don't have to own any art.

art.

You can't just say, you can just put these little guys up in your house anywhere.

And it's like, this piece currently on loan to Metropolitan Museum of Art or whatever.

And it's like, we should sell those.

I've always been jealous of a museum when they're like, uh, oh, there's a wing over there, but don't go in that.

Something exciting's coming, which is a great cover for we forgot to plan something for this month in that wing.

I wish I could do that in my house.

That when friends came over and I've like trashed a bathroom, and there's just I'm just really wrecked it in there, and there's just like a plaque on the door that says, like, coming soon, something new and exciting.

When you hear about like some of these big museums, like 10% of the collection is ever like visible, and like 90% of it is just in storage.

And every time I hear that, I'm like,

can I just buy some of it?

Yeah, sure.

Can I just, is there some of the history that you would sell me?

Yeah.

So I don't have to come back later.

Justin, sort of a reverse, Indiana Jones.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sort of a, sort of a, like, it doesn't belong in a museum.

It belongs in my den.

Like, if you're not even going to show it, I'm saying, I got 20 bucks.

Is there any history I could have?

I'll buy the dumb shit, right?

I'm not talking about

sarcophagus or whatever.

It's just like old.

As long as it's like old, I don't care.

He got coin.

He got coin back there?

Like an old teapot or something.

That's fine.

This is like a really old.

It's like so old.

I bought it for $30.

My thing is museums only showing 10% of the collection.

Let's go ahead and open up nine more museums.

How cool would it be every day if you see a need for you?

How about you open the door?

Let me poke around in the 90%.

Let us in the back room.

I'll tell you.

Let us in the back room of the museum to have a quick butcher's.

Hey, let me.

Hey, there's a room of the museum labeled chemtrails.

I'm going to go in there and have a butcher's.

That's okay by you.

Take a bitch.

Go room by room with me and the photos I've taken on my phone of the stuff I found in storage.

And you justify to me why that painting is on the wall, but this, like, I found a fish in a jar isn't out there.

Yeah.

So you're going to be getting better than the fish in the jar.

You're going to know that he can lay me pretty low.

Just so I have it at butcher's.

Yeah, I know.

I got direct synapse control of juice on that one.

I bet you, though, what if it does get a little rowdy back at the back room of the museum and they're like, listen, we don't put it out.

We don't put it out for a reason.

Some of this stuff sucks shit.

I'm not going to lie to you.

And you have a Claude Monet back here.

Actually, that's Claude Money.

And if you'll observe the art, it's not very good.

It sucks out a lot.

But we made a promise to his grandma that we'd take it or whatever, but we never said we'd display it.

Yeah, most of this shit is just grandma promises

estate sales where we just could not say no.

Claude Money died and left behind a lot of really, really shitty watercolor pieces.

And like one good one, but we can't remember which one it is and it's in the same box and we just don't have the shit.

Yeah.

I live in a small apartment with my girlfriend and it's absolutely falling apart.

Our bathroom ceiling is simply not there anymore.

We're moving soon and hope to get some money back out of this sour situation by going through local tribunal.

Okay, so we have now exited our expertise of american law yeah and we have now entered into canadian law do they call it tribunal up there this is as a canadian law expert yeah i guess

um if justin mcroy wasn't on sabbatical i would i would ask him here's the thing our landlord is going to be showing this apartment soon but we don't want anyone to live here we wouldn't wish this on our worst enemies we also can't completely trash the apartment to ward off prospective renters because of the whole tribunal thing got to go by the book are there ways to scare off prospective renters without tipping off the landlord?

That's from Desperate in Ottawa, Ontario.

I mean, shake, shake, shake, senor, right?

I mean, haunting is, yes, that's

a little bit of that.

A little bit.

But honestly, Griffin, in this day and age, I think it's a selling point.

I don't think haunting is going to scare people away the way.

BJ is bigger than ever.

BJ's beloved right now.

I think that

haunting is one of those things that it is attractive to a buyer until they have to stay in the house for one for one night and maybe that should be maybe we should start folding that into the option period to avoid a sort of like the house has a secret red room that tries to kill you um when you go inside of it um because i think one night living in a haunted house like if one of those guys wakes up one of my kids fucking once yeah that's toast dude i got to get out of there i think but that's also good to have that option because it could end up being a very helpful chill ghost that I'm happy to have there.

And if somebody's just like, this house is haunted, I don't want that to inherently wave me off, right?

Because I don't know if it's a good ghost or a bad ghost or what's up.

Are good ghosts even like a thing so much anymore?

If you think about how many pieces of media we've gotten, I'm just in film product mode right now.

Just talking about Megalopolis has really activated me into full-blown

Ebert beast mode.

Yeah.

I think that we've gotten a lot of scary ghost media, and we haven't had a good Casper or the

Dead Boy Detectives.

They were homeless.

They canceled Dead Boy Detectives.

I think that we don't want good ghosts.

We want bad boy ghosts.

We're afraid of what it would be.

We're going to show ghosts because that keeps being on CBS, I think.

And some of you must be watching it.

Are those good ghosts?

That's my wife.

My wife is watching that.

They're making that every episode.

It starts with the audience barreling the camera saying, Thank you, Teresa, for watching ghosts.

I don't think in Ghosts, though, they I think if they had their drothers, certainly after the first night, they would not, they would rather not live in a house with ghosts.

No, they become friends over time.

From what I've seen casually walking through the room while Teresa is watching it, they all become friends.

He has one hand up so he doesn't get too scared.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, we used to like the idea of romantic ghosts, what with the Swayze of it all.

Yeah.

But now, people, I think it's just just easier for us to parse a ghost that is universally bad because it allows us to support our frontline Ghostbusters in a way that I think is less problematic.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

That's true.

Thank you to our first responders, which does include the Ghostbusters.

I've been sitting here trying to think of how can you leave them a secret message that when they find it, they won't also think a ghost wrote this.

Yeah, fair, fair, fair.

You can't like ride it on the shower door in soap.

And so when they take a shower, if they're taking a shower in there, they already done bought the place.

Yeah, that's not something you do.

You can do on the two-wear.

Yeah.

How good are you with like a disguise kit and makeup and stuff?

Because

you could go in while the landlord's like showing it, right?

And you join in on the show.

But here's the thing, you don't want to seem negative because the landlord's going to kick you out.

So you're going to positively mention all the negative things about it.

So like you're going to see.

I might be crazy.

Like, I like how stinky it is.

I love how stinky it is.

This is great.

Oh, I love how like the bathroom ceiling's halfway to a skylight, right?

We're almost at just a little bit more crumbles away.

We've got a skylight going.

I bet I could convince our upstairs neighbor to smash through their floor so we could have a full-blown fireplace.

I love that.

I love how nothing works.

It really gives us some projects to work on.

Yeah.

You have to be scrappy in here.

You should get the blinds and make them so they're halfway up on one side and halfway down the other side.

Dude, that's a clear sign.

I wouldn't live in a place like that.

And like some of them are like clipped off on the end.

Oh, there's a little square shape.

Someone invented those and stopped is absolutely crazy.

Yeah.

Someone walked into the lab and was like, that's pretty good, but how do they go up and down?

They're like, oh, fuck.

I don't know.

Let me fix that in eight seconds.

It's like the Saran Wrap guy.

When the Saran Wrap guy is like, hey, I finished.

They're like, oh, good.

You've been in there for years.

What is it?

I use Saran Wrap.

It's perfect.

Like, well, what if you use it?

It's not good for a straft.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

I like how it all sticks to itself and doesn't do anything right.

When you use it every time, is it supposed to have a gnarly tear so that half of it is half as thin as the rest of it, fully stretched out, like a manta ray tail?

Now, I did design it for someone with eight arms to use so they could keep it spread out all the way and it wouldn't stick to itself the whole time.

It really seems like people are going to be doing a violent tearing motion really close to this razor-sharp serrated blade.

Do you think that's good or is that bad?

Now, does the blade cut the plastic?

It doesn't.

No, isn't that enough?

It's funny, it's only used, just fingers, it doesn't cut plastic, and it sets up.

Oh, and then it just like kind of glues down to the service on sometimes, sometimes sometimes about one-third of the time it's gonna stay on what you put it on.

What happens if I lose track of where it is on the roll?

Well, throw it away, yeah, get a new roll, I guess.

It's a worse.

We've got a narrow window of time here for a very specific solution that I think would be very good.

They walk into the room with the landlord there to give them a tour, and a bunch of there's two bloody corpses on the ground.

It's you pretending to be no dead bodies for real.

It's you pretending to be a dead person.

You have bones hanging from the ceiling, and you have written in red paint, like you're next, and

it stinks so bad.

And there's like werewolf noises and steam everywhere.

And they're like, this apartment sucks.

It's so scary.

Two people have been killed, I think, by a werewolf.

We won't take this place.

Next day, landlord comes back, like, what the fuck, guys?

You say, Halloween.

Decorations.

We were doing.

we were doing that we were doing a haunted house for the kid for some of the neighborhood kids and you just happened to visit during that one time and also just quick side note landlord i hate you and i hate this place and

i hope you rot in hell i while i've got you can i show you the ceiling hole that is not a feature in most departments

It's cool sometimes there because the plumbing exploded last week, but it was pretty easy for me to diagnose it because of the ceiling hole.

I could see exactly where the problems were multiple places.

But for the most part, it's not a good feature.

I don't like it.

I don't like the ceiling.

And I don't like you.

Facebook?

Hit him up on the FB afterwards.

I don't know what you can do.

Yeah, the runaround.

Got to bug the apartment, I guess.

But that's okay because it's your apartment still, technically.

You can bug it for sure.

As you're passing in landlord, landlord's ring of view, you pat him on the back.

What's that?

You've stuck a sign to his back that says, this place sucks.

Get out.

He's never gonna see it yeah or i mean he will change clothes eventually at the end of the day i think you're gonna have to stitch but then he might be like my house or this shirt stitch it in the back of his coat and just holds high haven't he never sees the back of his own coat just lock the door don't let him in oh that'll come see it

in there

if If landlord comes by and he's like, why didn't you unlock the door?

He'd be like, the lock broke.

Have you seen this apartment?

The lock broke.

Something didn't happen and it doesn't work no more you put a chair up against it i've seen that in movies no one's ever getting through that every knob coated in

jelly yeah and you don't know which knob is the right one oh that's scary isn't it you walk up to a door with 10 knobs all covered in jelly you don't want to get a bunch of wrong guesses yeah that's a half penny

each jelly's a different color that's gonna really fuck with them because it's like like do they do different things

yeah i'm wearing a i'm wearing a green shirt so i'll go with the green jelly just to sort of minimize my the DMs laid out all the clues.

Uh-huh.

Is there any kind of markings on the door that would clue me which color jelly I want to fuck with?

Get a wild fox in there.

Just going absolutely, absolutely ape shit.

A wild fox comes out of the bathtub and just tears the place the fuck apart.

Landlord goes by the next day, like, what the fuck, guys?

And you're like, do you think we put a wild fox?

Do you think we put a wild fox?

The structural integrity of this place has been compromised.

On that, we can all agree.

Surely the fox could have found its way in a thousand different ways.

I think he climbed up in between the drywall like in the Matrix.

I wouldn't put it past a fox to do that.

You could also just put saran wrap all over everything.

Well, that's that seems like intentional prankery.

Maybe you have to buy saran wrap.

Ah, damn.

Yeah, it's not great.

We are going to one day look back and try and remember which episode we spent a long time dunking on saran wrap, and we will never be able to remember it.

Never.

We'll have to add it to the compilation because I try to bring it up pretty regularly.

Okay.

Hey, can we take a break to do a brief advertisement?

Sure.

This week was sponsored by Saran Rap.

Oh no.

Oh shoot.

Farts.

It's got to live.

It's got a load.

All right now, Griffin, I want you to tell me about Rock and Monty, but I want you to tell me about it like I'm a child.

All right.

Saint it to me like I'm a child.

Okay, here we go.

Handerole guy.

Yeah.

Do you have any money?

Hey, little misters, the Tooth Fairy brought you some money to your place to you lately?

40 years old.

Why are you talking to me like this?

I didn't like that.

I thought you were setting me up for a little bit of fun character play acting.

No, I was.

You were like, hey, go ahead and get your wheel spinning.

And I was like, okay, vroom, vroom.

And then I was like, okay, I'm ready to drive.

And then you were like, why are you driving?

So it hurt my, it hurt my feelings.

Rocket money is a service.

And if you,

they want customers, okay?

And so they asked us to help them get customers.

Here's what you guys, that's you guys, by the way.

Shut up.

Here's what this service does.

They'll look at how you spend your money and they'll tell you, oh, you've got subscriptions that you forgot about.

And they'll help you cancel that.

Yeah.

That's a service, guys.

Ads are not as hard as you all make them sometimes.

That's a service.

They'll help you figure out your finances.

Okay.

What?

They'll help you save a lot of money.

It gives you control over how your cash is going in and out of the door.

They save members up to $740 a year when using all the apps features.

What that is called, guys, that's me doing an ad.

Okay.

You're kicking me.

Just a minute.

Are they members or are they customers?

Huh?

Members or customers?

No, I'm not doing that.

I'm not doing that.

Nobody's doing it.

I'm not doing that.

Do you guys think that Francis Ford Copeland uses Rocket Money?

Because I bet you Rocket Money.

I bet it would go a little something like this.

They go a little something like this.

Oh, crap.

You need to

fail with your money, man.

We are spokespeople for a service, okay?

They are looking for customers.

We want to drive customers to them.

Okay.

Okay.

So here's, here's, this is called a call to action.

Okay.

I'm going to tell people what to do.

Are you going to do a funny voice?

no do bore out

cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going

i'm returning to the points from earlier okay cancel your unwanted subscriptions for going to rocketmoney.com slash my brother my brother.com slash my brother rocket money.com slash my brother my

brother i read it don't get it i read it three times because they're so concerned about people actually doing something as a result of hearing this ad so i say justin that is amazing why don't you go ahead and tell us about Stitch Fix too, since you're so good at this?

I do feel like I'm learning actively and I'm good.

I'm going to take note this ad juice.

I'm going to take some notes just to kind of like see if I can ape your style.

And then we'll do the third one.

Do not worry about it.

I'm going to start with Stitch Fix.

The first thing I want to do is Stitch Fix is offer a little personal flavor.

Okay.

So, here's a personal flavor.

You'd like to put the personal flavor at the beginning of it.

And guys, this bit here is where you want to put in a little charm, a little kiss, a little wink.

Here's where you can

be like, do it.

No, that's later.

You want to start off with a personal charge.

Do they have your personal bit written down for you to read?

No, it could be anything you want.

Like, watch.

So you're doing it off the dome.

Isn't that scary?

I tell the truth.

Here's what I do.

Off the dome.

I've got clothes.

And if you've got clothes too, but you want more of them and different than what you have, stitch fix.

So that's a personal thing, right?

I said stitch fix.

That's the name of the business.

That's important.

Yeah, you were kind of like teasing it, and then you're like, boom, Stitch Fix.

And now I'm going to explain.

I set up a problem.

Here's the answer.

Here's the context.

Stitch Fix is going to give you a stylist, and they are going to ask you some questions about what

clothes you in a way.

Now, are you making this part up, Justin?

No, it's right in the ad copy.

All you got to do is

sometimes.

But you don't make it sound like you're reading it.

Okay.

That's all they're paying you to do is not make it sound like you're reading it.

Okay, make it sound something like what's here.

Okay, it's so it's like a decision.

So it's like a deception then.

Oh, we're lying.

It's like a deception.

It's not, it's show.

It's show.

It's a willing deception.

It's a show.

It's a partnership.

Okay.

So this is where the business meets show, Travis.

You find yourself actually at the intersection of show and business right now.

Okay.

Number guys are going so deep into show.

You can't track of business.

We got to bring business back.

Okay.

It says here that I'm going to share a personal experience with Stitch Fix.

So I, the temperature is getting lower.

Oh, personal.

Okay.

I needed some new garments

in a longer profile, a more warming profile.

Uh-huh.

I don't know how to dress myself and I don't want to go to the mall.

So I asked Stitch Fix to help and they did.

They sent me some garments.

I kept what I liked.

I sent back what I didn't.

Guess what I sent back?

None of it, right?

Yeah.

I didn't send back any of it because I loved their choices.

I've been using Stitch Fix for a long time, but I also found a couple of clothing brands that I also liked to start buying clothes from them too.

And then in my last Stitch Fix, they started sending clothes from those brands.

I don't know how they knew, but damn, they made shit even easier for me.

I make

Stitch Fix and they sent me a box full of toys.

Then it's device.

They sent him a box full of toys just for Travis.

Then it's device.

They bought me

a box full of toys for free, just for me to keep.

You can imagine.

They gave Travis a free box of toys.

Now, hold on, Justin.

Should we say the ad is almost done?

And the final part of this ad is that I say, make style easy.

Get started today at Stitch Fix.

I read this part exactly.

It's get though.

Make style, but I try to make it sound like energy, like something you'd want to do.

Listen to how I do with my voice, okay?

Make style easy.

Get started today at stitch fix.com slash brother.

That's a URL.

Okay.

Okay.

And then it says get stitch fixed or get fucked.

I don't think you're supposed to know.

Now you've lied in the app.

Now you've lied in the app.

That's an FCC thing.

Okay.

Now you're up against the FCC.

Now you got a trial.

That's stitchfix.com slash brother.

Okay.

Now you would.

This bit is so far outside.

the expectations of what these advertisers want.

It would actually be super cool of you all to maybe go to one of those links that we say just and maybe they'll think like is this the future of advertising is like meta meta deep meta comedy meta all right here we go

chicken dinner um squarespace

when

i

uh

when i match my tempo okay

so personal connection squarespace

I was stood up for my sophomore homecoming dance.

Okay.

I feel the intensity that I'm trying to generate for you, Griffin.

I'm hearing nothing.

It is a little distracting just if I'm being honest.

The standing and clapping, I will say, Juice,

if you could put the kibosh on that, it's hard to clap over here.

Squarespace, personal connection.

I was stood up.

I got dumped like two days before my homecoming dance in high school.

So that's about as personal as I can get.

And then it says, it does say that Squarespace, and now I've said the name of the business, and I'll go off the dome for a bit, does the most bitchin' website?

Okay, what if they don't want you to curse?

Did you ask?

You didn't say that in your lesson, so I didn't even consider that.

Did you ask?

No.

Customer's king.

Customer's king.

Okay.

Listener always comes first.

Customer's king.

Wait, which one?

Let me try again.

Squarespace.

I'll never forget the day I got my first pubic hair.

Okay.

This is.

No notes, actually.

It's really and then off the dome, Squarespace helps you build great websites.

I've used Squarespace and I built a great website.

That's the personal connection.

It's not an incredibly personal detail.

I got confused.

I saw a personal connection in my notes and I thought, maybe I'll tell the pube story.

It's fucking.

I can't hand it all to you, but it's so much more gratifying to see you discover it.

So Squarespace I've used to make a website for myself and it's great and it looks super good.

I don't know fucking anything about most stuff and I made a kick-ass website and that's true of all three of us.

So the proof's in the pudding and the pudding is

the pudding.

But Squarespace, it's the all-in-one website platform.

If you're an entrepreneur, you got to stand out online.

Squarespace is the place to do it.

He's doing it.

Because it lets you make a beautiful website and engage with your audience and sell anything.

He's doing it.

The content, the time that you have, all in one place, all on your terms.

He's become a gin.

It's so easy.

They have like a bunch of different templates for you to choose from.

Ah, man.

Is it because I said tiplets?

Damn it.

Templates.

Fuck, man.

Do I have to start all the way?

Do you start all the way over when you fuck up up that bad?

Start over.

Match my tempo.

Okay.

I'll never forget the day I got my first pew.

No, just wrap it up.

So, anyway,

you pick from these templates and you have all these options, and it makes it easy.

And they have all these different checkout options if you sell stuff, and you can upload videos and put them behind a paywall if you want to sell access to a video library.

It could not be easier.

Go to squarespace.com for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, go to www.squarespace.com/slash slash my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain it's squarespace or get fucked nope now more than ever please go to those websites gee it's the only thing saving us right now

hey it's julian at max fun have you listened to the bonus content for my brother my brother and me yet Some of the BOCO includes things that they can only share with the truly committed, including the infamous Detroit Star Wars Spectacular Live Show, a pivotal event in the Mabim Bam lore, and an episode of Monster Factory that got left on the cutting room floor.

You can enjoy those right now if you're a member of Max Fun at $5 a month or more.

Now, if you're not a member, any time of year is a good time to join Max Fun at five bucks a month and support the shows you love.

And you get access to the bonus content for every other Max Fun show, too.

There's a lot waiting for you there.

So go on over to maximumfund.org/slash join.

Thank you so much for your support.

Ivan to munch.

Squad.

I want to munch.

Squad.

Welcome to Munch Squad.

Hi, Countdown.

Count, I have to compliment your luxurious new cape.

Yeah.

Thank you.

The cat has not found the way to piss on this one yet.

Oh, she'll get there.

It's a beautiful winter, like kind of fall, winter, cool months kind of cape.

I want to piss on that, and I'm human.

The temperature is dropping, which can only mean one thing.

Spoky season is finally apparent.

What season?

Spoky season.

Mark is Titan.

You said it differently both of those times.

Spooky season.

You can't do it in the same way two days.

Where is it scarier than in the world of doughnuts around this time of year?

Because,

oh boy, we got a lot of those scary ones.

Everybody wants to do a scary donut.

Hell yeah, man.

The first one

make us shit our pants with these terrifying ducks.

Duck donuts have what you didn't know as the spooky box.

Spider-Man's got the candy, spider, and vanilla-flavored orange buttercream on one of them.

And there's a crunchy spider you eat.

Gross.

Oh, gross.

No way.

I'm not going to eat a spider.

That's too scary.

There's a werewolf one that has maple icing and chopped bacon and raspberry drizzle.

Like blood.

Awesome.

I like horror, like gory horror movies.

So I see that and I think, wow, a blood donut.

Cool.

If these cowards had the conviction to do it, they would make it filled with like raw meat.

They'd be like, this isn't just a donut that looks like a werewolf.

He's a donut for werewolves.

Come on,

coward.

There are so many stories that they have to cover.

Like, for instance, did you know that Duncan is also doing Halloween things this year?

No way.

Well, they kind of do every year, don't you think?

They have a famous iconic doughnut that they bring back.

Do you know this one?

The spider web.

The spider donut.

Yeah.

But they have hauntingly delicious no treats this year.

Beginning October 16th, thus guests can enjoy a brand new lineup headlined by the potion Magiado.

What now?

You heard me.

The potion Macchiado.

Let me show you a picture of it.

Then you tell me what you see.

Oh.

Okay, so this is Jesus Christ.

So it

looks like a good three to four inch layer of dark coffee on top of the grimace shake.

Is it ice?

And it's and it's got it's got the grimace shake and then bottom half of it.

So it's half of it.

Now, did you ever did you fuck with the grimace shake count donut?

I no, we didn't get them

where I live.

Transylvania?

Spain.

What they've done here that I think is an interesting stylistic choice

is they did make the bottom half of the potion, Macchiero, match everything around it, making it seem like a mistake that it looks that way.

It doesn't really pop out

as

in any way.

If you are telling me that when they make one of these potion macchiatos, what we have between the coffee layer and the grimace shake layer is a razor-thin

firm

just halocline, like where you see the warm water and the cold water pressing up.

Like this is oil and water.

There is no way this keeps that definition when we're on the field.

Every single potion Macchiato takes 20 minutes to make, and 19 minutes of that is the person carefully pouring the thing on top of a drop of cup with a dropper.

We've also got

another

spider donut.

Do you see this?

Yeah, I love him.

It's different, though.

They've changed it.

They did change it, didn't they?

The winner of the new purple cute brew, Duncan's beloved spider specialty donut is getting a makeover for the spooky season.

The formerly orange frosted donut is adorned with purple frosting this year.

And it's always topped with a glazed chocolate munchkin donut or treat.

I don't like this at all.

If you, like me, happened to buy two

different inflatables that are based around this exact donut.

Sorry, Cal Donut, you have two different

Dunkin' Donuts inflatables.

Right, so I thought it would be a limited time promotion.

So I purchased two in case anything ever happened to one.

This is so Count Donuts

has now shown us the Dunkin website where they were selling a spider donut inflatable, but it's orange.

So like.

When did they sell this?

Did they sell this this year?

Well, they're still selling it currently.

So I feel like

we're buying two of them it feels like the makings of a class action lawsuit if i'm being i just feel like you shouldn't sell a balloon of something you're going to change yeah i think for me this this this is permanence i love the spider doughnut so much because it wasn't until i saw it for the first time that the thought of putting a donut hole in the doughnut hole had ever crossed my mind.

It feels wild to me that I've never just like, I can fix that.

Like,

it makes so much sense.

I want to show you some more of

their Halloween offerings.

Here's what they got for Spooky Season, boys.

It's all Dunkin's gear.

Huh?

We've got the Dunkin' track jacket and pants.

You're fine.

All your kids, your kids can dress like Benjamin and

his friend.

Matthew?

Matthew.

Is that

this is for Spooky Season in that their assumption is not just adults, but children will be like, you know who I want to be.

They are selling an $80 matching Dunkin' Donuts track jacket and pants for children to put this on your children.

This young girl that they have in the photograph does look like she is an inmate in a correctional facility who has been sponsored by Dunkin' in such a major, major way.

They are selling a Dunkin's track jacket, hat, and pants, or for $45,

you can get a Halloween costume.

There's a lower grade version

of Spirit Halloween like knockoff right next to them.

Spirit Halloween themselves.

You can get this donut fan costume.

Voodoo Donuts introduce the turtle cheesecake donut to raise money for cancer awareness.

Hey, voodoo donuts, you're bumming us out.

Moving on.

Some of us are trying to have a little fun over here, pal.

That does sound delicious, though.

And it's for a good cause.

This guy isn't even a donut, but look at this Carville Crunchy Munchy Monster.

I love him.

I actually love Crunchy Munchy.

Crunchy Munchy Monster.

Look how happy he is.

He's incredible.

I just didn't want you guys to miss him.

He's not even about me.

I just love this guy.

I didn't know that.

I love him so much.

I didn't know your interests hoved away from doughnuts for some for you know some time.

I'm a

multi-layered person, Griffin.

Okay.

And tell me you don't love this guy griffin i love crunchy munchy monster i'm trying to think about is that fondant incredibly detailed smiley mouth made bespoke at each carvell location or question i i don't have an answer for you uh lastly i did want to mention old timmy sorry tim horton oh tim you sound get ready to be chilled with beef with tim horton get ready to be chilled to the bomb

they got new chocolate peanut butter iced cappuccino with wheezes.

They got dream cookies made with Reese's and pecans.

They got dream cookies made with M's.

Dream cookies.

And then here's their big thing, right?

That it's you're going to get really excited about this.

Okay.

Tim Bits trick-or-treat buckets.

So what?

That's not the

for me to eat.

It's a bucket.

Well, hold on, hold on, Count Count Donna, because you're telling me that you don't often have to go from one room of your, what I assume is a castle or a keep, um, and then get to the other room and where you live.

Yeah.

I live in a condo.

Ah.

You live in a condo in Spain.

Cool, beautiful.

Condo in Spain with many other sexy co-eds like myself.

Can you buy a bucket of the filled, pre-filled with these little donut holes?

I guess so, right?

So this is what is on the offer, with the idea being that you take this bucket of Tim Bits once it's been completed with all 31

Tim Bits inside.

Here's the quote: Tim Hortons is here to help you celebrate Halloween this year with all treats, no tricks.

Stop in to enjoy our delicious new chocolate candy-themed baked goods and beverages reminiscent of nostalgic Halloween candy hauls.

And be sure to pick up this year's new edition of our Tim Bits trick-or-treat buckets, filled with 31 Tim Bits, of course.

We are so excited that our tin bits trick-or-treat buckets have become part of so many guests halloween traditions and are looking forward to seeing parents share photos of their adorable trick-or-treaters with their glow-in-the-dark tin bits buckets this year says katerina glyptus the president of tim hortons us

can you scroll back up for me you want to see that picture again yeah

if that's the same size as the cup

that's not very big tim horton no there's been a little bit of photoshop mistakery happening here.

Yes,

they've had some problems.

I mean, straight up, Ronald stopped watching

the throne for a second.

That's true.

Because McDonald's was the chief of the Halloween trick-or-treat bucket game.

And they must have been.

I've been phoning it in for a while now.

Yeah.

I also want to say that when I take my children to go trick-or-treating, they better come back with more than 31 Timbits worth of candy.

Yeah.

This is an embarrassingly small.

Look at this.

If I am lucky enough to have children of my own, this is what I like.

Are you trying?

That's a really personal question.

Such a personal question.

Well, we've known each other for a really long time.

So personal, it feels weird even to ask.

We're on the show.

Let's text him.

Let's text Count Donut about his fertility in our group text chain that we have when we're not recording the video.

Listen, this is what I wanted to point out.

Look at this bucket.

Oh, wow.

Duncan is introducing a Halloween munchkins bucket and must have for trick-or-treat this holiday.

The purple bucket, illustrated with a sweet Halloween motif, can be filled with a 50-count assortment of munchkins.

No, no, no, treats, man.

The bar has been raised.

If the game has changed,

you gave me a bucket with 50

dunkies in it.

I would get into some trouble.

That would be good.

You're going to fill it up up with candy.

There's a quote here I meant to read from Duncan.

At Duncan, we love keeping guests fueled through every season, and Halloween is no exception.

With beloved treats like our spider donut and new menu items like the potion macchiato, we're excited to give customers a delicious way to celebrate the spooky season, says Beth Turn,

the vice president of category

of vice president of category management dunkin you sound like a very confused cerberus at the moment whether it's picking up a munchkins bucket for trick-or-treating or sharing festive doughnuts with friends and family or invalidating the kick-ass balloon you bought about the doughnut last year

we've got everything you need to make halloween a little sweeter

That's what everyone is doing.

I will remind everyone as I do whenever Duncan is mentioned here that their doughnuts are inedible.

And you shouldn't consume them with your human body.

The donuts there are all pranks and jokes, and you shouldn't eat them.

You're better than that.

You're worse.

Buy local.

Come on.

Buy.

Anything but Duncan.

Unless you live in Boston, in which case Duncan is local then, I guess.

That's what you got.

Hey, speaking of local.

Next week.

Oh, wait, you can be excused, Count Donut.

You don't have to do all of our back matter business.

Oh, that's okay.

I already let him go.

He had a catch.

Wow.

He didn't say bye or anything.

He had an Uber waiting.

But he could have said.

He's an Uber pool.

I'll text him.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'll text him.

I'll be like, hey, man, sorry we didn't get to say bye.

I had a great time in the show with you today.

Also, are you trying?

Are you trying?

How often?

Are you tracking your cycles?

Yeah.

Next week, we're going to be in Denver on October 18th and phoenix on october 19th and 20th doing some my brother my brother me and adventure zone shows that's adventure zone versus dracula halloween special um

and uh first of all go to bit.ly slash mclroy tours to get the information and tickets for those and if you have a question you want answered or a wish to fungalore you want read aloud you can email nbnbam at maximum fun.org and put the city

the city name for the show you'll be attending in the subject line.

We're also going to be in Indianapolis and Milwaukee coming up in November.

And at the end of October, Dad and I are going to be at MCM London doing a whole bunch of stuff.

Like I said, you can find out all the information and tickets at bit.ly slash McElroyTours.

We have some great new Trav Nation long sleeve shirts designed by Riley Woolworth up in the McElroy merch shop.

We've got some other stuff in there.

The Taz Balance Hunger Dice have been restocked up in there.

So if if you're in the market for a new dice set,

take a look over there.

That's over at macroymerch.com.

And 10% of all proceeds this month will go to Native Women Lead.

So

McElroymerch.com to check out that great new shirt and the dice and everything else.

Thank you to Montane also for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better With You.

It is

as we transition into fall, away from summer, and you're looking for a song that's maybe a little less party, a little more contemplative, this is the one for you.

This is, yeah, this is going to get if you go to patreon.com/slash Montane, by the way.

Montane's got a Patreon right there.

You can join.

That's a premium follow right there.

Do we have a final wish from Fungal War?

Yes.

Let's raise it up.

Let's raise up our wish to the big man.

I wish roller coasters were slower and didn't go as high.

He's just a McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Griffin McElroy.

So, my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad square on the lips.

It's better with you.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true to all.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

is better with you.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.