MBMBaM 731: Face 2 Face: Good Face Holes

McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexbert,

but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

One, two, three.

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has blossomed.

It's ripened into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

My life, oh,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better with you.

Casey, Casey, I have your water, Casey.

Just run up and I'll toss it to you, Casey.

Casey emailed and said that they were thirsty and would like a water.

No one's ever thought to do that before.

We've never really specified that we don't take orders on this show.

I'm going to specify it now.

Here's also kind of a one-time only thing that Sue can be.

I mean never again.

I made some hamburgers back there guys.

Hey guys.

No one showed up.

Don't let my fiddle faddle go to waste.

This is homemade fiddle faddle

Is Griffin in Cosboy?

No, we have to say our name.

You haven't done

it.

My name is Justin McElroy.

What up, Trav Nation?

I'm your middlest brother, Travis, big dog wolf of Malloroy.

And I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy.

Hello.

Hey,

just to workshop something real quick, just to check with you all.

When our dad comes out here and says, we love this city, do you feel anything at all?

Do you feel anything at all when he comes out?

It doesn't even say Portland.

If he says, we love this city, do you believe him?

I'm going to make dad start carrying a guitar so I can write the name of the town on the back of the guitar.

Yeah.

I'm going to make dad start being honest about the cities he's in where he's like, we think this town is fine.

Start saying that some of them are stinkers.

Yeah, or it means nothing.

Like if you say you love all your sons equally, there's no way.

No way.

I know them.

I know myself.

There's just no way we're all the same cup of tea.

I had a fun interaction on the show floor today, real quick.

I want to mention with Dan Parent, who's an artist who's who's worked on archie and a lot of archie adjacent material for a long time sid's a huge archies fan yeah and i really wanted to get a commission of sid and i was so nervous because that's not really the kind of thing

you do i do yeah talking to people

yeah i like people yeah i like talking to people so can you look around to see if i was nearby and you could make me do it well it's just like It's because his attention was anywhere else, which is fair.

He shouldn't just be staring off into the the middle distance waiting for me to approach.

That's fine.

I understand.

But I waited.

That's Travis's secret.

He assumes everyone's just waiting for him to approach.

Right.

And he did have a sign.

I kept telling myself, like, he wouldn't have a sign up if he didn't want you to ask.

It wouldn't have prices on it and everything if he thought I would be rude for asking.

Yeah.

So finally worked up the courage.

Waited until he would look out in the middle distance for a second.

You waited until like the quarter ran out on the previous person so you could put a quarter in.

And then I said, and then he said, oh, hi.

And I said, I would like a commission.

And he said, listen, boss, I sold a lot of Chevies this month.

And then he said, very, very fair, what would you like?

Draw.

And then I said, again, because I wasn't expecting a follow-up, I said, I'd like you to draw my wife.

Like out of your Riverdale girls.

To my credit.

You will pay me $1 million to draw my wife.

Yeah, to my credit, to his credit,

he was very cool about this.

And I got my phone and I said, this picture.

And he said, I'm actually not doing any personalized caricatures.

Those take much longer on the show for.

And in my head, I thought, you fucked it up.

I can't believe.

you fucked even this up and i said that's no problem i'll take a different picture yeah and then he said of who?

And I said, Betty Cooper, please.

Because again, I was just flailing.

And then he said, okay.

And he said, when did you like it?

And then there was a long silence.

When would you like it?

When would you like to come back to pick it up?

Another utterly fair question that I,

fuck.

A week, five minutes?

What's the normal time that people give you to do a picture of Betty Cooper they didn't know they wanted until now?

Did the phrase, I'll wait,

I'll wait right here, Dan Parent.

Don't mind me.

I'll be eight feet away, just waiting.

But he was, I just want to say he was so super nice, and I managed to get through the entire thing eventually.

And at some point tomorrow that I didn't want to get too specific about, I will swing back by Dan, and I will get that picture of Betty Cooper from from you.

And thanks for being very nice to me if you're out there.

If you see walk by Dan, thanks for being cool.

It would be wild if he was here right now and didn't want to draw Sidney.

He's like, I'm a big fan of your work.

To a point.

And he didn't want to.

He would love to.

He just didn't have time on the calm floor.

Think how embarrassed he is.

He's huge.

He's huge.

My brother, my brother.

I'm going to have him do, I've already thought about it.

I'm going to have him do a family portrait of the four of us that I can hang over the mantle like a classy guy.

Oh, you don't mean the three of us and him.

I also thought that's what you were saying.

I believe it was Van Gogh who did custom family portraits with him fucking in them, also.

I forget sometimes we are also a family, my real family, like my family family,

the family ones, yeah, the ones you don't have to pay me to talk to.

Oh, man.

Okay.

This is still an advice show.

Yes.

Thank you all so much for being here.

This is such a giganto crowd.

It's outrageous.

I'm going to do my best to remember that there are human beings over there.

Yeah, you're going to be there.

You're way over there.

Hey, how's it going?

Hey.

What's up?

That's the dog.

How's it going?

What's up?

It's nice to see you.

I'm going to try to give you as much show as I can, okay?

Don't worry about it.

Now, listen, folks, before we get started, I just want to say something real quick.

Sometimes this show can get a little silly,

a little puerile, a little childish.

This is going to be a bit, isn't it?

And I just thought we could start the show

by injecting a little bit of culture into it.

It got

honestly Travis, it's the fucking stinger that's the worst part of this bit.

So, let's do some more gaffart.

as you all know you've done this bit enough that you could have found a higher quality higher res fart sound anytime that's

griffin you don't understand art it sounds like a like a fart sound clip from the sega genesis game revolution x like it sounds

Yeah, okay.

This is like if I was talking about like Hamlet and you're like, you think about now you'd find a new home.

I want fully lossless fart audio, please.

Thank you.

4K.

I don't know what the audio equivalent is.

All right.

So I'm going to give you the description of a classic work and you guys give me the title.

You ready?

I'm born ready.

Yeah, man.

Okay.

An ordinary man.

And please let me finish before you guess.

Okay.

Yeah, okay.

I worked hard on these.

Backstage, I saw you.

Shut up.

An ordinary man.

I wasn't expecting you guys to be be funny for a second.

You always got to expect it, baby.

An ordinary man is stranded alone on a desert island and must learn to survive while sporting a boner that just won't quit.

Oh my god.

I mean, it's castaway, but what sounds like a boner there?

Blast.

This classic work.

Oh, oh, that's a good one.

Tom Hays' Castaway.

Read it again.

An ordinary man is stranded alone on a desert desert island and must learn to survive while sporting a boner that just won't quit.

Is it Robinson Blue Bulls?

No, I'm sorry, Justin.

Throbinson Crusoe?

Yes!

Robinson Crusoe.

Thank you, Griffin.

Robinson Crusoe.

Fuck, I hate how good I am at this game.

A man decides to murder his roommate, but becomes increasingly paranoid when he can still hear his colon beneath the floorboards.

Telltale fart.

fart.

Oh.

Judges.

Judges.

Telltale fart.

A tie.

I'm going to say a tuck-up point for each.

Okay.

Okay.

That's what it was.

Can we just get no points?

Yeah, but does that feel better to you?

Yeah, no, I have no points.

Okay.

Salesman Gregor wakes up to find that he has turned into a giant bug that can't stop urinating.

The metamorphosis.

The metamorphopus.

I haven't got their verse.

He didn't.

I did say Menamorphopus.

He said Metamorphopus.

And unless it's Metaphysipus.

I I said Mighty Morph and Piss.

Mighty Morphin Piss and Rangers.

Okay, I'm going to give it to Justin then because it's not Metamorphopus.

It's not Metamorphopus.

That's one to one.

Metamorphorpus is the one where he turns into a beautiful dolphin.

On land, though.

So there's some issues.

And he's like cool with it.

I mean,

breathes air.

Yeah, yeah.

It makes more sense for the dolphin to be on land.

Sure.

What's it doing in the water?

Get out of there.

This, okay, this is the last one.

It's one to one.

This Louisa May Alcott novel follows the March sisters Meg, Joe, Beth, and Amy as they age from pooping children to pooping adults.

Shittle women.

It is shittle women.

Griffin, you're profoundly flawed.

You're a flawed person.

I came up with it, Griffin, but you just knew them.

The faster I get them right, the quicker we get through work of fart is sort of my.

It's sort of like Winston Churchill said, when you're going through hell, keep going.

He was talking about work of fart.

I think he was.

When I was a kid, I accrued a massive collection of squished pennies from Disneyland and Disney World.

Pennies that have been mushed through a machine and imprinted with a Disney character.

Yeah.

Look at us.

We all know squished pennies, right?

All right.

Might I say, also, a timeless thing that my children now who have access to YouTube are still interested in

squishy pennies yeah man amazing we love universal we love destroying currency

I had forgotten about them until I just moved back to Portland and my parents forced me to go through my keepsakes I think it's possible that these might be valuable and I want to sell them do I hold on to them longer

To add value do I post each squish penny individually on eBay Facebook marketplace also I have some beanie babies Do they have to be in the packaging for them to be valuable?

How do I maximize my fun profit with fun and profit, presumably, with these pennies and babies?

That's from Penniful in Portland.

So

I want to return to the first part, but I'd love to know about the second a lot.

Because it's interesting that you're like, I don't want to Google this.

I'm already typing to these guys.

I'll see if they know before I type it twice into Google.

I'll just toss it on at the end.

It's not relevant to what I was asking about.

But at the same time, I think you know.

Because you you wouldn't have lumped beanie babies in there also.

As the second half of the question.

As the second half of the question, if you didn't know that the thing in the first half also did not have any value financially or fungibly whatsoever, either.

It also says something in your beanie baby confidence that that was the PS to squished pennies.

Yeah.

That you're like, I'm definitely going to sell the squished pennies.

Should I also do the beanie babies?

I think squished pennies, each one of those, is a crime.

and you cannot put evidence of a crime on eBay.

Yeah, it's also a crime.

You can't put crime evidence on eBay.

You got to sell them on the dark web.

Yeah, you got to go to the Silk Road to sell your freaking Splash Mountain squish penny.

It's a collection, man.

They shut the ride down.

I used to think...

I saw a news story after they shut Splash Mountain down that said they still haven't shut down the Splash Mountain coin machine, everybody.

There's a line out the door.

And I thought, what the fuck is wrong with them?

They could have gotten that penny anytime in the last 20 damn years, and just now, because the ride shows them, it says a lot.

Hey, think if you take one thing away from this show, you never know when they're going to take away that squished penny machine.

So, what's your squish penny machine?

Yeah, maybe it's that co-worker who you've been meaning to ask out.

Maybe that's your squish penny.

Yeah, geez, yeah, push for that, Trav.

No, wait, I used to be a good person.

Maybe it's that art school degree.

That's better, right?

That's way better, my man.

I used to think the squished.

So, they're both crimes, is what I was going through.

The squished penny machine used to, you had to put a penny in it to be squished.

And also, you would put some quarters in to pay for, I guess, the labor of the squished penny.

That's paying the penny's crossing of the river sticks.

But I did used to think, though, that it was squishing the quarters in there, too, to create some sort of super alloy.

The quarters are what smushes the penny.

You put them between the quarters and they're not.

I thought it would be a squished penny with ribbons of quarters sort of streaking through it.

I used to feel bad for those pennies, but that just seems about the best fate they can hope for these days, huh?

They should be...

Someone hates pennies.

Thank you for laughing so hard.

I hate them too, man.

I think that it's the only time anybody really interacts with pennies.

Like, don't you love when kids are like, do you have any pennies for this machine?

Like, what am I?

Like a bartender in the 1820s?

What am I going to do with a penny?

A penny?

Can I Venmo a penny into the machine?

Would you like a hay farthing?

Like, what's wrong with you?

A penny.

Yeah, do five more minutes of pennies leave.

Okay, here's the thing.

The only reason we haven't gotten rid of them is because the minerals that they're made out of have a valuable

say in the government.

See, pennies.

I work at.

Here's the challenge.

You can't finish the sentence during this entire rant.

I work.

The chemicals inside of them.

You see, when they press the pennies,

they're so heavy.

And when you

curl.

A lot of people think we're on the gold standard, but they're wrong.

We're not.

It's Illinois' fault, really.

The only things I know about the government are the things I remember from West Wing.

All right.

So if it wasn't covered in a West Wing episode, I don't really know about it.

How about another question?

I work at a human tissue library, which entails many types of preservation methods.

An interesting reaction from the crowd, almost an incredulousness,

one of these again,

which entails

many types of preservation methods, one of which is liquid nitrogen.

I always wanted to do fun experiments with liquid nitrogen at home.

Should I steal some

just a little bit?

Just a little bit.

That's from Ferrozen in

City.

Are you here?

Yeah.

Okay.

I think the only thing that offputs me hearing it out loud about the human tissue library is the library part.

Because I assume it's not like a library that I'm thinking of that you could go in and be like, hi, I want to check out this slice of peat today.

Could I have it?

Do you have any Susan I could peruse

to take home?

I'll bring it back.

I have to think, if I was the boss at the human tissue factory and I

and I heard not factory

If I was if I was the foreman at the human tissue factory and someone came to me and said sir One of our employees has been stealing and I my first reaction would be like oh fuck

But then if you were like liquid nitrogen, I'd be like, well, that's not so bad.

Lead with that.

that way way worse stuff you can steal at the human tissue factory I bet why did you pause so long I was already one of the brains fuck fuck one of the good ones one of the ones we was gonna use for something else I was already to enable you in this question but when I when you said just a little bit

I got more concerned and less likely to want to trust you with this because the idea that you would ask just a little bit lets me know you know you shouldn't have a lot.

You need to limit your own amount for your own sake and the sake of your friends and family.

Yeah.

I think it's one ounce of liquid nitrogen and it's just a misdemeanor at that point.

I do think that, I do think it's important to qualify because like if someone said they've been stealing from our business and I was like, throw them to jail.

And they're like, yeah, they took 55 cents.

I'd be like, oh, that's fine.

That's exactly what I'm saying.

How much does liquid nitrogen cost?

We don't know.

Can you replace it with

solid or gaseous nitrogen?

And instead, just do a quick swap one for one.

Technically, there's gaseous nitrogen everywhere, so this is barely even a crime if you think about it.

Or you replace liquid nitrogen, I can give you hydrogen and oxygen in the same way to get it.

Just return it in a different state.

Then it's not that.

I'm pretty sure it's in the air, right?

It's in there.

Right?

Guys, is there nitrogen in the air?

I think there's more of that than oxygen, believe it or not.

Is that true?

There you go.

That's so fucked up, man.

And another thing about the government and the way they control our nitrogen.

Who's your boss to tell you it's not yours?

That's part of Mother Earth, man.

Take it back.

I didn't know they used it for stuff other than experiments.

So that is very interesting.

They use it to make weird food and stuff.

I only know about it from Mr.

Wizard and stuff, so I assume it was just a Mr.

Wizard type thing.

Yeah.

Sorry, I saw it at Kosai, where they'll put a hot dog in there and then smash it.

That's hilarious.

They do.

I've mostly seen liquid nitrogen used to shatter things that shouldn't be shattered.

That's the main thing I know about it for sure.

I would say between Kosai and CSI, which is close to Kosai if you think about it, just take the O out of it.

Yes, sir.

Is I spent a lot of my younger years terrified that I would someday have it spilled on me and shattered, like Boris from GoldenEye.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's very fair.

You know, it's like when you get the dry ice in the shipment and it says all over the dry ice, don't touch this.

Throw it away right away.

And I'm like,

no.

Or am I, I'm going to need to pretend to be a witch real quick.

Yeah, I don't even see how fun this stuff is, but I got a laser pointer, so I think I'm actually going to good right now play with it.

I'm going to turn my toilet into a spooky cauldron.

So, yeah, I think I definitely will.

You don't want Oasis, do you?

But then I think your toilet explodes.

You're like, damn, they should put a fucking warning on this.

Spell went wrong.

I don't know what to tell you.

That would be...

That, man, I don't want to explain that to a plumber.

Yeah, so it was...

You ever pretend to be a wizard?

How much toilet magic do you deal with in your.

These darn kids.

I got to talk to them about this.

I saw on your Anchies list that you've worked with toilet magic in the past.

And you won't talk to other plumbers if a client does something very bad or wrong.

Promise plumber client confidentiality.

You said you were very discreet.

I need a discreet plumber experience with toilet magic.

And you're from another state, right?

You don't know anyone I know?

Perfect.

I am currently at a sushi conveyor belt place, and I just fell over and ate shit while walking to my seat.

I'm in heels, and it was very slippy.

The waiter seated me, solo diner, opposite two women.

They're about my age, and absolutely saw me eat shit.

And every time a waiter interacts with me, they stop talking and look at me.

Is there any way to make this less awkward?

Am I meant to say something, or should I keep looking down at my phone and pretending they don't exist?

That's from Bothered and Birmingham.

Okay, so you got to acknowledge that you ate shit.

First, get up off the floor.

Then come to the show.

You have to acknowledge that you ate shit immediately because if in 20 minutes you're like, God, do you guys remember when I ate shit earlier?

That was so fucked up.

I just fell right over.

Oh, I can't eat any of this

delicious sushi.

I already ate shit.

If I did that, not a joke.

I would stand up and walk.

Walk right out of the restaurant.

I would sit down on the conveyor belt.

Not to be today.

Not to be.

I would sit on the conveyor belt and let it take me back into the parking lot.

Here's what I would actually do.

Now that I think about it, I would continue my journey up to the front.

I would look at it for seven seconds and go

and then turn around and leave it costs how much oh no this is too expensive for me a falling guy i don't eat at a place with slippery floors who does i know it i know enough about myself to know that if this happened to me i would be less embarrassed about eating shit than i would be whatever weird whimsical noise my body would make coming out of my mouth

whatever noise that my brain goes i know how to make this less awkward, will make a noise that acknowledges we didn't intend to do this.

But how can we do it, brain?

I know.

Make the noise whimsical and nonsensical.

Maybe a, woo-hoo-hoo!

I mean, there's another way to go with this, and it's as you fall go like, oh, no!

Not again!

So that everyone sees you and you look just while these two people are talking and just trying to have a quiet meal together while a stranger has been sat across from them for reasons beyond my comprehension.

I assume the conveyor belt's in between,

that you're not sat at the same table.

That's what it sounded like, but we don't really know what the layer is.

The waiter was like, I was going to seat you by yourself, but I think you need some company right now.

I would stand up and immediately piss my pants.

Immediately.

No hesitation.

Why?

To what end?

Solidarity.

Now it's the both of us here.

Oh, okay.

You're not going to be able to do it.

It's all over.

I stand up and I'm like, do you hear the beep?

And I piss my pants.

I thought you were saying if you fell down at a sushi restaurant, you would then stand up.

I'm saying if you're not, as long as I'm doing this thing.

If you see

another family member in God's love across the room fall over, you gotta piss your pants right then.

And then somebody else should like empty out their pockets and a bunch of stuff they're embarrassed of falls out.

You know what I mean?

Like we should all be.

What if you ate shit?

Yeah.

And then you pointed at anyone else in there and said, like,

and you didn't catch me.

We were filming this whole time.

I'm John Kenyon.

Get out of here.

Could you go around to everyone in the restaurant?

Hey, it's a wet floor.

It's a wet wet floor.

I don't know if you noticed, so we have good assignments.

And I'm so sorry for falling down.

I'm normally not like this.

And I promise I'll be on better behavior for this.

I'm actually a surgeon.

I have very steady hands.

This isn't like me at all.

And I'm going to give you this coupon for one free surgery to make up for interrupting your meal.

I would show everyone how good I was with the chopsticks.

Just everyone watching?

Very, very delicate, very steady.

I would like you two to know that it also hurt a great deal.

So while you're laughing over here, you should know that I'm in a great deal of physical pain.

It also hurt that neither one of you has asked how I'm doing.

I'm a costume designer.

Do you think they are going to do an episode of Mr.

Bean where he's in a conveyor belt sushi restaurant?

I think it'd go a little something like this.

I'm not actually going to do it.

Do it.

You see the train moving out of the station and you're like, wait, wait, wait.

And then you kick the train off the road.

All right, but think about Mr.

Bean in a sushi conveyor belt restaurant.

He ends with it on his naked body.

Guys, how we get to there.

He's a human platter.

We can all agree on it.

It's a fucking life hack.

If you're ever on stage at a live show, don't listen to this part.

No, wait.

We're ever going to

flagging on stage at a live show, you just say, imagine if Mr.

bean did this and then the audience is gonna have their own jokes that they do in their head for a while and it's like inception they put them there themselves it's the best kind of jokes

if you if you are not thinking about mr bean while you are watching our show also you're really only getting

this

is a dual screen experience half as funny as it could be if you were also imagining mr bean you know how scientists believe that human beings only use 10 of their brains to watch my brother my brother and me

we here at Magra Enterprises have a pill that's going to let you use the other 90%.

Do imagine what Mr.

Bean would be doing at a conveyor season.

He needs a big ball of wasabi.

Imagine his fucking face, guys.

The chopsticks alone are going to give you 20 minutes of material.

Oh my god, so much good.

He goes to snap him in half, and like one and a half goes, and he's just got half of a chopstick in one hand.

That's funny.

Let's keep workshopping.

I'm a costume designer in theater.

Throughout my job, I found myself frustrated when the adults I work with do not understand basic concepts or have care for their clothing.

I often have to explain over and over what can and can't go in delicate bags or their costumes will not be washed, or they don't put it in a laundry basket, etc.

I even had an actor recently try to steam a shirt while he was wearing it.

That's good.

That sounds good to me.

Seems okay.

Yeah.

You want to try to steam it while it's watered up on the ground?

Come on.

How can I gentle parent my adult coworkers into understanding basic laundry and clothing care?

That's from consumed.

Not consumed.

That would be terrible.

Confused customer in Multnomah County.

Okay.

Yeah, it's hard.

Can we just, can once a year, can the president come out?

And say

America come out and be like, what's up, gang?

This is how we're doing laundry now.

Because I remember early on everybody was wild about separating whites and colors out and then i did that for a couple of times and i didn't really get it so i never did that again

we got better at making clothes that weren't white i think we got better it's not just throwing some dye at it and hoping it stays on there for the rest of time i think we got better i recently saw on then i'll get a tick tock from some competent seeming person who's like you're still using fabric softener pervert it's like ah,

what's wrong?

I thought that was a good idea.

So, I need the president to come out and be like, if you're still using fabric softener, by the way, you're a fucking pervert.

We're all on a laundry rinse now.

I never even knew that was an option.

I would like to get like a PDF printout of what can go in the dryer and what I need to hang up that I can reference every time.

Every shirt should just have a big design on the front of it that's like, go for it or nah.

Yeah, small as it's gonna get.

Yeah.

Sorry, man.

I recently had to replace my washer and it has AI functionality built into it.

Why not?

Yeah, fuck it.

So wait.

But like, seriously, though,

do we need them for this one?

I mean, if they're dirty, we clean them.

If they're wet, dry them.

I mean, I don't know what intelligence we need in here, right?

The only thing it's going to like learn and repeat is like, these are getting grosser.

Hey, man, I'm worried about you.

These are starting to smell you have you've made a lot of choices i can't agree with you've done the the hot tumble button like 20 times to avoid having to fold them are you sure you're doing okay

you keep throwing throwing in a wet towel and drying them all again are you all right

please clean my lint trap i'm so full please

i think that the problem is when you're a theater costume person And you're dealing with this.

The problem is that in the show, the person's character doesn't do laundry.

Oh, and they're so deep in character that they're like, What even is this?

Yes.

What's it going to do with these things?

This is this is little women.

We didn't.

This is shit.

We're putting on shit old women tonight.

We're getting shut down tomorrow.

We're getting shut down.

Nobody bought any tickets at all, actually.

We used they washed their clothes with like a big sharp metal board and they would dunk them in poison and stuff.

That's all I know.

It's all I know.

You must do these for me while I sit on my iPhone backstage, not worrying about it anymore.

It's better.

It's gotta be.

Justin?

Travis.

Look in front of you right now.

What do you see?

Computer screen.

Yeah, that's right.

You know why?

Reading an ad.

Well, I mean, yes, but more so.

I was going to say because like so much business is done online these days.

I'm doing my business right now.

You caught me at my office, listener.

This is my office.

You've caught Justin doing business like a real business grown-up.

That's right.

We're business grown-ups, and you can't take that away from us.

You know when it really became real to me, Trav?

When's that, Justin?

The day that we opened a website.

That was the day once we finally had a website.

That was when my dream of having my own podcast.

Yeah.

I feel like it finally started to become real.

Okay, I mean, we've done a lot of episodes before that, if I remember correctly.

It's impossible to say, but the important thing is a website, and Squarespace is going to help you make a website that makes your dream into a reality so you can live your dreams like podcasting superstar Justin T.

McElroy.

That's right.

They have world-class designers that are going to make you have a website that you are proud of, whether or not you think you deserve that or not.

And yeah, I see you.

And I know you think you don't, but you do.

And listen, our computer overlords, they're coming in, right?

They've got cutting-edge AI technology over there

to do design intelligence,

right?

So just another thing that robots can do for you as we lose the ability to do it ourselves.

So there

that's huge for you.

Go to squarespace.com for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Justin, have you ever thought about how when the robots take over, phrases like get off my nuts or like cuff my nuts will like be like a whole new meaning for them?

Like it'll be funny because they'll have like nuts and bolts and stuff.

I think the

place that's really going to mess them up the most is chip drop because chip drops you don't even want to play in the space with me of like talking about like robot nuts.

I was doing it.

I was doing it.

Or if they said like, I got a bolt.

No, Trev, I was doing it because chip drop, they would be like, why do you want to drop your chips?

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

You need them for processing tasks.

Uh-huh.

But that's not nuts when they're building a truck.

They'd be like, I do not get it.

But it's not that kind of chip.

It's the kind of chip that is made from wood.

This is a that would blow a robot's mind.

Yeah.

Are you kidding me?

Yeah, that would actually freak them out.

If you're maybe if you're building on a steampunk wooden robot,

uh, no, this is a

I'm trying to tell you about chip drop, which believes in empowering people to do cool stuff like growing food for the first time chopping firewood planting a flower garden where there wasn't one before it encourages people to transform their yards and communities by providing free wood chips and information about how to use them this that's that that's the whole thing i do like that the chips are free for gardeners

coming to the little soil saves you some cash chip drop saves small business owners thousands of dollars a year in green waste management amazing wood chip mulch is awesome for your garden it turns into soil like magic fantastic it turns dirt into soil it turns into the wood will not just the wood will not turn into soil like matcha it turns dirt into soil like magic that would be incredible wood you know what i mean like that just but you can sign up for free wood chip delivery at chipdrop.com arboris if you're out there sign up at chipdrop.com and start saving your business all kinds of money

Hi, I'm Alexis.

And I'm Ella, and we're the host of Comfort Creatures.

We could spend the next 28 seconds telling you why you should listen, but instead, here's what our listeners have said about our show because really, they do know best.

The show is filled with stories, poems, and science and friendship, and laughter, and tears sometimes, but tears that are from your heart being so filled up with love.

A cozy show about enthusiasm for animals of all kinds, real and unreal.

If you greet the dog before the person walking them, or wander around the party looking for the host's cat, this podcast is for you.

So come for the comfort and stay for Alexis's wild story about waking up to her cats giving birth on top of her.

So if that sounds like your cup of tea or coffee, Ella, we're not all British, then join us every Thursday at maximumfun.org.

Hey, this is Mike Cabillon, If you Wide Away, and Sierra Cato, the hosts of TV Chef Fantasy League, where we are currently using fantasy sports rules to watch Great British Bake Off.

Or the Great British Baking Show as it's known here in America.

We've drafted the bakers onto our teams, and now those bakers are earning us points based on how they're doing on the show.

And at the end of the season, one of us will win the prestigious TV Chef Fantasy League trophy crown.

What is the?

Yeah, I don't know.

I keep forgetting to order something, probably just dinner.

Anyway, subscribe to TV Chef Fantasy League and play along with us at home.

Or just listen in as we cry over our bakers' soggy bombs on maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

I got to grab a charger.

We got to start setting up the live questions.

We're going to do live questions.

Sure, Juice.

Absolutely.

We're going to jump over and start doing some live questions while Justin apparently goes and grabs a charger for his ailing laptop.

We have asked for these ahead of time.

So please come up.

And we've also chosen them ahead of time.

So if we don't say your name, please don't come up.

Please don't come up.

It would be so bad and so uncomfortable.

And don't fall down when you come up to the microphone.

And then your face is bad.

And then your face is bad.

I didn't like the walkthrough.

What's going on, guys?

My name is Richard Stink.

I'm like a cinder influencer about fragrance.

Richard Justin is going to be so sorry he missed you.

Yeah, he always misses me.

It's so weird how it happens.

You could wear his hat if you.

What do you think of that hat, Richard?

No, I'm a man.

I wear a man's clothes.

I smell like a man.

I wear a man's clothes.

And now, these days here at road city comic-con in portland oregon i am i love this town um

i am uh i'm excited to announce here that i am branching out from just being an excellent fragrance guy and loving jesus a lot you're branching out from that i'm branching out guys i gotta get different revenue sources everybody gets this i understand so i've become a novel novelist I'm writing.

I'm a writer now.

Huh.

And I'm excited.

Oh, I got some fans already.

I'm excited.

They just like books.

I've been doing signings of all the books.

I'm getting pretty deep.

How many books have you written?

That's an excellent question, Trav.

Thank you so much, man.

I thought it would be a really good time for me to go through some of the books I'm writing.

It's been like three months since the last time we talked to you.

Yeah, I bet.

You've written plural books.

Yeah,

it's a series, right?

Like it, you guys got the omnibus.

Did I?

I sent you an omnibus.

I love the way you say that word.

Yeah, no, I got it.

I got it.

All of them.

Oh, you did.

Did you?

How many omnibus did you make?

Well, you opened the box from me that I sent you.

How many were in there?

The last time I opened a box from you, I was knocked unconscious for three days by the scent.

I didn't open it.

I'd love to show you the cover reveals for a lot of these aren't out yet, but this is early Sting preview if you want to see.

NDA, NDA.

NDA, NDA,

Friendie A, right?

Friend DA, you're not going to blab about it on X to everything app.

Okay, let's go.

Book one.

Let's go, Paul.

So.

Okay, so hold on.

This is the first book in the series.

Yeah, man.

I want to.

Listen, there's so much to talk about.

The Richard Stinkman.

Right, it's a pin name.

Ha ha.

In case I ever mess up too bad, I can still be the book guy.

If Richard Stink ever mess up really bad, Richard Stinkman, a different guy.

Yeah, no problem.

Or if the bookman messes up too bad, Richard Sink can keep on power.

It's a good idea.

A lot of people never think about this, but that's the first gate.

A Romagate opens.

As you can see there, it says right on it, the grand beginning of the Romagate saga.

Okay, that looks like a Stargate, kind of, but it also kind of looks like Xena's chakra.

Well,

hey, listen.

The other thing about this that was so important to me is I wanted to use zero AI.

So this is, I woke up at five this morning and learned how to do Canva.

So be patient, because Canva is all right for some things, but not so great with others.

And sometimes they try to trick you into using AI, and I hate that.

Let's see the second book, Paul.

Oh, God.

The Aromagate Closes.

Now, this is book two of the aromagate saga yeah uh is this now it says at the bottom here richard singman author of

the book

number one it's number one book the aromagate opens does that mean number one in the series the aromagate series or yeah but you can put number one there if it is also the first okay cool but people think it's a big seller can you give us like any kind of plot sort of like i don't i have not gotten it's just like whatever you get like it's aromagate stuff like it's aroma what's the aroma gate you guys do the nerd stuff you should know about it's magic spells I don't know you get so hung up on details did you say spells or smells third book you're probably guessing what it will be already but yes

it's brink lords a set files mystery

And it's it's soon to be a major motion picture, you say.

Yeah, I actually went ahead and mocked up a cover for the adaptation.

This looks really

huh

it still says richard stinkman on it that's the author this is the book version of the movie version of brink lord's a scent files mystery can we see soon to be a major motion picture next one

now

major motion picture excellent i did both guys yeah for sure and what is a brink lord

I don't know, like sci-fi, there's a cat in it.

Space cat.

I don't know.

Yeah, all right, man.

Red Lords, a scent files mystery.

It's different from Aromagate, but it's still like part of it.

It cross over.

Okay, but

the sync down there is S period C period.

What do they stand for?

I don't know.

Like,

you guys get so hung up on this stuff.

Like, I want you to leave the audience a little room to fill in between blanks.

Did you just get a bunch of book covers made, Richard?

Next cover, we're back to the Aromagates, everybody.

But listen, it

sets this one up.

If you look at the top of this one, it says, what if one gate was just the beginning?

Okay.

Now,

this is the third movement of the Aromagate saga.

That's so interesting that they're movements now.

Yes, this is the...

Well, that's a different gate.

Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, it looks like it was drawn by Harold in the purple tree.

Did you expect?

Did you expect there would be a second gate?

I guess not.

No, but not knowing what the first thing is.

What other surprises could be in store if I give that away on the cover, you know?

Yeah, I don't know if you know the answer to that.

Who is your co-star there?

A lady.

I don't know if it's a romance or a sister or what.

Like

an a romance.

People buy a cover.

A romance.

Like a romance, like, because it's a Roma.

You don't need to do that.

That's good.

Next up, I'm giving away gold.

Oh, shit, yeah, man.

Holy Holy shit, yes.

Now you got me.

Yes.

Now you're getting excited by this crew.

Yeah.

You're getting excited about this team.

Fuck yeah, I am.

Okay, wait, I'm in it.

Wait, fuck, I'm in it.

I thought you'd like that.

It's your guy, Magnus.

See, the guy you pretend to be in love with.

He's in the book, too, man.

Hell yeah.

Wait, Hercules.

Wait, okay.

Wait, wait, what the fuck?

What just happened?

Well, Paul ruined my joke.

But fight together a dialogue.

Wilson, the football, it's not really in it.

That's a joke for you guys.

It's actually Hercules.

All right.

And it's

the cat is back because people actually like the cat

from the Brinklords.

The Brink Lords cat crosses over.

Who's the guy in the middle?

That's Armando Murillo?

Sorry, he's the nose behind CK1.

Okay, yeah, I didn't know.

Mark Jacobs Daisy.

It's Armando Murillo, one of the greatest syncretists.

And bottom left there, that's a good thing.

Yeah, which king is that?

He's just an old king, man.

You guys get so hung up.

He's like a fantasy king.

Here's that in the top left.

What?

That's me.

Is it possible to do another swap and get the Wilson volleyball back in it?

Because I was way more excited.

I feel better about that.

You guys don't like an incredible strong man, Hercules.

I wouldn't say my problem with it is Hercules, but maybe with the actor, I'm a bit disappointed.

Okay, we'll skip ahead.

Next

joke.

Foe, yeah.

So this is a back to the beginning of the start.

Every origin has a beginning.

That's true.

You cannot argue with it.

And then this is the first Aromagate, but now it's the Aromagate cycle.

Well, at first, I wasn't counting the scent files one, but then I thought it'd be better if I had more.

Yeah, but one issue I'm seeing here is it does say the Aromagate cycle book six.

I do think this is the fifth Aromagate book.

Sorry, no, that's the fifth Aromagate book.

That's the sixth one.

The fourth one is the...

Sorry, you're so...

That says the fourth part of the Aromagate sentence.

That is before we started counting the scent files.

Which made it into...

The scent files made it because I thought it'd be better if I had more.

This is the publisher.

It's not even me, Griffon.

I'm not even making these decisions anymore.

Are you holding a disco ball?

Next?

Ha.

Now, hold on, Richard.

Hold on, Richard.

This is a good one, man.

This is the one I got rich off of.

That's

Jesus rules all, especially on his birthday, is the tagline at the top.

Can we see the top of the page, Paul?

Jesus rules all, especially on his birthday, the sin of Christmas,

Ascent Files Mystery, book seven of a Romegate is both.

It's both.

Now, who is Eliza?

I pretend to have a wife because people love that.

The family audience.

I'm trying to sell a lot of Christmas books.

I thought it'd be better.

Like, James Patterson does it.

Richard Stink does it too.

Oh, there he is.

That's a cameo for the fans.

Did you get a little bit of advice from Hercules to find out how to really appeal to this particular audience?

No, I just love Jesus so much.

I want to celebrate a special day.

Next book.

Okay, I don't want to talk about this one.

I changed my mind about AG 50,000.

I regret AG 50,000.

I don't want to talk about this one

at all.

I don't want to talk about this one.

But who is that?

I don't want to talk about AG 50,000 at all, Griffin.

Please, I don't have any answers for you.

I don't have answers.

Don't ask.

Next book.

Now.

What do you want to know about Travis?

Well, I think it would be book the ninth chapter of the Aromagate myth.

Yeah, yeah.

Let's start there.

Okay, it's the ninth book.

Oh, Richard, you're I didn't even see that you're in there.

That's cool.

A lot of authors don't do

that giant.

Is this, do you know about, is this like the Dune?

Is it like a Dune sort of thing?

Like a Dune.

Do you know Dune?

Yeah, I know Dune.

Timothy Chalamet's in it.

I mean, obviously.

So he absolutely, when we were out out there, guys, like last month or two months ago, before it came out in theaters, he was like, you got to see this, Richard.

This is going to blow your mind.

You know, Timothy Shallow.

I said, I haven't seen the first one.

Is that cool?

And he was like, absolutely.

No problem.

I didn't get it for real.

Is that Evangeline Lilly?

It's just the lady in the desert, man.

I don't know.

It's just a giant lady.

I did it.

I went ahead.

I got the novelization for this one all set too.

This is a novel.

So the movie, when they do the movie, this will be the book of the movie.

Yeah.

Last book in the series.

This

is where it all ends.

Now, hold on.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

You've noticed.

You've noticed my market thing I came up with.

So.

My wife.

Eliza actually came up with this.

She did most of the editing.

It's an amazing tribute to me and my legacy and our love.

That's that's really it's compiled posthumously from the notes of because I pretend I died.

Yeah, sure.

More people buy it.

They get sad.

They hear about it on the news or TikTok or whatever.

They go buy it.

Yeah.

No problem.

I see no problems with this plan whatsoever, Richard.

I do you okay.

Well,

you want to see the last one or do you want to just see?

Well, there's one.

You died, Richard.

Well,

I like it.

Okay, Richard.

So this is obviously Gray, another.

I didn't see Jesus at first.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right.

This is a super team of kids that picks up right where the 10th book left off.

It is 780 pages.

But that is the entire franchise.

I'll be signing books all the time forever to get it.

Where should I start with the aromagate myth

excellent question Griffin it is a dark fantasy so if you're not into that I don't think you're gonna love it it's uh it's very dark your favorite characters die all the time

they turn bad they turn back to good back to bad again it changes all right so you're saying don't read these books Well, I didn't write them yet, but when I get going.

What would you compare like the tone of them to?

Whatever?

I didn't write them yet.

What do you think they'll be?

Dark fantasy.

Whatever's sort of like hot right then.

Like I feel like whatever's on trend.

The series is kind of a multi-generational spanning eras, except for AG 50,000.

That one you shouldn't pretend exists.

But

you haven't written it yet, Richard.

Stupid.

I hate AG 50,000.

You haven't written it yet.

Right.

But if I could go back in time and not even come up with it at once, I would because I don't have anything to support it.

It's not too late is what I'm saying.

You haven't made AG 50,000.

They're already putting this on XT Everything app.

The cat's out of the bag.

Fuck, man.

Please don't tell anybody, okay?

Promise?

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Richard's just leaving the stage now.

Okay.

This time for real, we're going to call people down to the microphone.

It's here, house left, sort of in the middle.

When you come down to the microphone, if you want to tell us your name, your pronouns, if you'd like, and then what your question is.

Hello.

Hi.

My name's Hope.

My pronouns are she, her.

Hi, Hope.

So, yeah, no, I'm an embryologist,

so I help people that are struggling with infertility

have babies.

And

thank you.

I do podcasts

for all applauding for equally cool jobs.

We hope you will go, oh, I get it.

Yeah, so part of my job is that I get to be the person that the guy, after collecting his semen sample, they get to hand me the cup.

Yeah.

Now, twice there, I hope you didn't say, you get to do it.

Are you sure that's the verb you want to go with?

Well, they pay me to do it.

Okay, cool.

But I never know what to say.

Like,

whether that's, you know, thanks for coming or.

Like,

if you can deliver it absolutely 100% down the middle straight, no cracking at all, and then just barrel them, just stare straight at them and dare them to break, that's really good.

Yeah, that's right, yeah.

Or hit them with a full fucking Charles Nelson Riley, like, thanks for coming.

It's the other option.

One of those two

different sort of poles are the ones you want to navigate.

What about, oh, hot, ha, hot.

Why is it so hot?

It's not supposed to be hot.

Dude, it's so hot.

Wow.

It's burning my fingers.

You swirl it around.

You go, look at the legs on this one.

No.

Ah, the notes.

It's amazing.

Can you go?

Can you go?

Water bottle flip challenge.

Yo!

So much.

I have had people say, it's usually more.

I don't,

I'm sorry.

Go back in there and do it again.

Don't bring your B game to this.

So one guy did think that he had to fill up the whole cup.

He came out dried out like that one SpongeBob picture.

This is enough.

He was in there for like an hour and a half.

He felt so bad that he couldn't fill up the cup.

And we're like, it's...

And was there not a point in that hour and a half where somebody thought we should jank on him?

I don't want to be that person.

Yeah, that's a good.

Yeah, Travis, you tell me how you lead that conversation off.

You would think that there is one highly paid, but hopefully underused person who has the role of person who knocks on door.

It would be a sick place to hide a body if you think about it, right?

Because nobody's going to barge in there.

They just need some more time.

They'll find it.

They'll find their rhythm.

I would just...

Can you go, yuck?

No, don't do that.

What's this?

Why would you hand me that?

You put what in here?

No, no, no.

When I had to do the tests, they had a ledge and you would flip a switch to turn a light on and just leave it there to let them know it was there.

And they said, and you just flip it on and leave.

And then they had to call me because I sprinted so fast.

They were like, we don't mean leave the building.

You just

just the room.

So I kind of like did a reverse bank job there.

Just got I also busted out.

I also had to do this once and I had to leave it in its sealed cup with a little sticker you put over it that's that says like grade A stuff.

My best Michael Secret stuff.

And then I left it.

They had like this wire

shelf that I recognized as Ikea furniture.

And it felt like a weird place to leave my seed.

The last time I did it,

they couldn't use it because I just blasted a hole straight through the bottom of the cup.

And they got very concerned for a lot of reasons.

I know this, none of this has been helpful, but I need to do anything I can to move on right now.

Do you understand?

Thank you very much for understanding.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hello.

Hello.

I'm Cameron.

Hi, Cameron.

Hello.

So my question was, I'm an electrician.

That's what I do for work.

My question was, are there any cool things I can say when I get shocked at work that aren't fuck?

Okay, that was going to be my first suggestion.

So I'm glad that I'm going to do that.

I want to do something cooler.

Everybody does that.

That's old hat.

So are you in the field during your life?

Are you in someone's home?

I do commercials, so like in people's businesses.

Okay, okay.

That's slightly different, I would say.

Because I don't want to hear basically anyone scream in my home ever for any reason.

I mean,

you wrote in the email, obviously, anything other than Bazinga, because I always say Bazinga every time time I get shocked.

Oh, yeah, of course.

So, you meant other than bazinga.

I don't know what you would yell.

Do you try to move things with your mind after you do it every time?

Every time, yeah, every single time.

Maybe that's why I became an electrician.

Sure, you saw zapped and you were like, that seems good to me.

Maybe you could get shocked and then fall on the ground, and just within a second, stand up and say, Where did I go?

It feels like a year for me.

How long was I out?

And start telling a a whimsical tale about the other side.

You're a pro, though.

You got to play it off.

You got to be yelling about literally anything else.

Like, ah, dang, gas prices.

Shoot.

Shoot.

Stop my dang toe.

I live on this stuff.

Hit me again, daddy.

Yeah.

I think the only way to do it is to play it off like you're the fucking shocker.

And you're just like, whoa, yeah.

Mama Volks is in there.

That's why we do it.

Hey, can I ask?

Is there an element of truth in the joke we've just made?

Oh, yeah.

Okay, I have to imagine.

Were you a kid that used to lick nine-volt batteries?

I guess is what I'm asking.

I have to say that here in front of all these people.

Yeah, fair enough.

Fair enough.

You could just yell, this is your fault.

How often is this happening?

I mean, a few times a year at least.

Hey, that's the first time you're doing it.

Hurting you the power before you work on it.

Well, that's for whims.

Okay, I didn't know.

We did one time, I have a thing where I was trying to put in a ceiling fan in my house, and it turned out that whoever had like wired up our house previously had mislabeled everything in the breaker box.

So, we had a very fun experience of me just like gently touching the like voltmeter or whatever to a thing and my

not that one, turn off another one.

Yeah, still on.

And I could feel the story of my life wrapping up.

Well, we're getting to the last couple pages here.

Travis died as he lived.

Kind of being sort of careful.

Yeah, I'm not.

Have we helped you at all, Cameron?

What do you think?

Okay, great.

Yeah, thank you so much.

Hello.

Hey, how's it going?

Good.

I'm Kate S.

Hi, Kate.

And my husband has the face shirts.

Yeah, so let's hear about that now.

So it started because I sleep with the TV on and he has to have zero light.

So he gets a shirt and he places it over his face.

Oh, okay.

This is no different than I ever could have imagined.

All the email said, all it said was husband face shirt.

How do I get rid of them?

Okay.

Can I ask you a question?

No, I want to hear the end of this question first.

But then I'll ask my question.

Yeah.

You ask your question, then Jeff.

You know yours out of their mind.

Then you ask another question.

So

it turns into if it falls on the ground, it's then a dead shirt.

They fall behind.

He can't find them.

It's been a five-year battle now.

Yeah.

And so I just need to get rid of them.

The face shirts that go on your husband's face while they are sleeping.

Maybe the laundry too that is like the incumbent of it.

That is the traditional sort of home of shirts.

Hey, I'm lost on the it falls on the ground and it's a dead shirt.

What does that mean?

Speaking of that.

I guess if I'm hung up on one thing.

You'd have to ask him if it falls on the ground.

You don't want to put a dirty shirt on your face.

I get that.

No, but you could.

It's our floor.

Yeah.

But you could wash it.

So when we read the question, we kind of assumed that you had a bunch of shirts with your husband's face on it.

So my question is, if you were to have a shirt with your husband's face on it and then have a bunch of them, what do you think you would put on it?

Because I thought that you would have that, and it's not my fault that you don't have that that problem

Really and in fact if I may what Justin Chile opened up here is an opportunity to combine the two things What you need some shirts with pictures of your husband's face on the inside matching up where his face will go when he puts it over and what's that here?

Put some Velcro one side on his face the other side on the shirt face.

It's not going anywhere now.

Yeah.

Boom.

Maybe tie it around his face as tightly as you can.

That's the problem.

He doesn't like things tight on his face, so thus the face shirt was born.

Maybe.

No, hold on.

No, what you just said is nutrageous.

We've figured this one out already.

We've figured out when the light gets in the eyes and it keeps you from sleeping.

We have a few options, honestly, to handle this problem, and none of them is face shirts.

Because face is also where most of the breathing work happens.

A lot of the holes are in this zone.

A lot of the good holes are up in this zone that I don't necessarily want a shirt on.

I don't know that I could sleep with a shirt on my face.

So I applaud you for recognizing that you need to get rid of these fucking shirts to save your husband's.

Could you get a shirt with a tiny TV on the back of it that drapes over your face?

I think you should not watch TV tomorrow and see if he needs the shirt to fall asleep regardless.

Music come dependent on the shirt.

No, I need a shirt.

How many shirts did you pack, sweetheart?

Twice as many as I'm going to need.

That's how many?

Because I gotta have a sleeping shirt every night.

Is it a different shirt every night?

Or okay, that's awesome.

That's so great.

We've got to get through the rest of these.

I'll just say, I don't think your husband should be allowed to sleep anymore.

Huh?

Just an option.

Just an option.

Does that help?

I mean, if it would fix it, I think it would fix it.

Inarguably, yeah.

Thank you so much.

Awesome.

Thank you.

Hello.

Hi.

I'm Elliot.

I use he, they pronouns.

Hi, hi, Elliot.

And so my question is about my mom's crafts.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So me and my sister, we live in Oregon and we

love the city of Oregon.

It's a great city.

It's not the first time he's done that either.

He's done it in other cities before and it's not.

It's a nothing burger.

Sorry, anyway.

It's okay.

So we're from Missouri and we both have birthdays in the summertime.

So So we went to visit my mom in the summer to see the family and she wanted to give us our birthday presents in person.

So she gave us a few different presents and it was great.

But one of the presents that's me and my sister both got were her prescription bottles that she had spray painted black.

Yeah.

Just for us.

If I could read the question out loud,

your mom painted the prescription bottles black and gave them to you to, quote, put some things in.

Yeah, because

I think it's also important to note that she gave us four each.

Wow.

Four each?

So she wanted you to become geocachers or what?

I don't know.

So my question is, is,

if possible, how do I tell her that this is not okay?

And if I can't do that, then what do I do with eight spray-painted prescriptions?

I have my own prescription bottles, but these ones are.

I spray-paint my own prescription bottles, mom.

At the time, when she was like, you know, to put things in, did you say, like what?

I did.

And she said, like your dice.

And I

don't know.

Like, it would be actually extremely good to watch.

It's a shame they're painted black because it would be extremely good to be like, oh, nice.

What is that?

Mahogany?

A beautiful case indeed.

Yes, I have my dice right over here.

It's in my mom's pill bottle.

Shooka, sugar.

I find this imbues them with just the right hint of manna.

So there, I mean, is, but it's.

Was there any suggestion of illicit substance being, that's what I assumed, is like, put your stash in here.

See,

I don't know because, like, the dice was for me, but my sister's 17.

Right.

Okay.

And she doesn't play DD, so I have no idea what she would do with these.

Do you or your sister have a lot of small pets that are maybe near the end of their life that your mom was like, eventually you're going to need something to bury them in?

Here you go.

That's awesome.

That's a small coffin.

Yeah.

I made you fish coffins.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

I got you future lizard coffins.

They're more like the torpedoes they shoot Mr.

Spock out of you.

I would have sworn on a stack of Bibles, Elliot, that this was a drugs thing.

That your mom was like, hey,

but not how you think.

Because prescription bottles.

Yeah, because they're prescription bottles.

Did you keep them?

Did you keep these bottles?

The bottles?

My friend told me that I needed to get rid of them quickly before I

have to do something within my house.

But I do still have the four that my sister has because my mom made sure to pack them into her suitcase.

Okay.

You're going to need to write little notes in them them and then throw them into the nearest body of water until somebody else finds them.

Write sweet notes into your mom and put them in there and then give them back next year.

It's filled with all our great memories of the past year, mom.

It's a special gift just for you.

Now it's your trash.

As it once was, now it is again.

Does that help?

The note can just say, Put whatever you want in here, mom.

Your dice.

Any stuff that.

The last note is like, please fill these these back up and treasure them.

Does that help, Elliot?

So much.

Thank you.

Thank you so much, Elliot.

We can go ahead and turn the lights back off.

Yes, thank you all so very, very much for coming.

We have some.

Please turn the lights off.

Please bring us

so bright, and there's so many of you.

Eyes are closed.

Thank you all so much for coming.

Thank you for having us here at Rose City Comic Community.

Thank you to our ASL interpreters for PinkCon.

Thank you, Paul,

for keeping this train on the tracks.

Thank you to our dad.

We love this guy.

And

that's pure Griffin bullying.

I have to live so close to dad.

I want it super clear.

Thank you.

Thank you to Montane also for these for theme songs.

My life is better with you.

It's a great jump.

We also want to say thank you to Rachel, our sound president

and Amanda, our business manager who came out here with us.

Thank you all so much.

Okay, we're going to give a wish up to Fungalore.

La Mehi Rain, if you all can just help us create just a pleasing sonic bath.

And then Travis, would you like to read the wish?

I would love to, yes, please.

Switch it wherever you're

at.

I wish more dive bars would turn on the disco ball.

My name is Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy.

Triffin McElroy.

Just been my brother, my brother, me.

Kiss your dad square on the lips.

It's better with you.

It's better with you.

It's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

It's better with you.

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