MBMBaM 730: Reverse Liar Liar

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has blossomed.

It's ripened into into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

Life, oh,

it's better, it's better with you.

My life,

oh,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true, oh.

better, it's better with two.

Hello, everybody.

Welcome to my brother, my brother, Mainvice Show for the Modern Era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McRoy.

One breath.

I knew I did.

Incredible.

I did that.

And the whole intro in One Breath.

What up, Trav Nation?

I'm your middlest brother, Travis Big Dog Woof Woof McElroy.

Hi, everybody.

Trav Nation.

I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy.

Welcome to Health and Wellness with Griffin MacEloy.

Of wealth and hellness and health and wellness.

Wealth and hellness.

That's good, Griffin.

That's pretty sick, actually.

Whoa, vibing, right?

That's it.

Hey, T-M-T-M-T-M.

My body is operating at max peak efficiency and power.

This is max.

This is max?

Yeah, man.

Can you not tell?

The vibrance.

Like,

I know I'm bringing a vibrance, so don't tell me that I'm not bringing a certain vibrance.

Yeah.

No, yeah.

You're the most facial hair I've ever seen you have.

Yeah, it's the power.

John looks like he's about to unveil a disappointing telecommunications product.

No.

Yeah.

No, man.

No, no tech, no AI, no investing, no nothing.

Are you swapping your blood out?

What are you doing?

Well, the blood.

Biofreezing?

I'm always kind of, everyone's really always kind of swapping blood out if you think about it.

Holy shit.

Just with the brain.

Are you biohacking?

I'm not biohacking.

It's more of a bio-awareness.

So like I'm not having to change things necessarily with nanobots or nano machines, but by kind of like turning the mind's eye inward at my body's different factories.

Oh, all your humors and stuff.

My humors and my elements and all that jazz.

Yeah.

It's really been a game changer for me.

So how does it work?

Lots of stretching.

Lots of stretching.

Stretching.

One big bottle of water every few days or so.

Drinking.

Okay.

How did it feel, by the way?

Quick sidebar, when due to a TikTok, your consumption of water became a subject of a lot of people discussing the amount of water.

A lot of people out there saying, doctors say you got to drink four gallons a day.

And a lot of people saying like, doctors are wrong.

And I'm over here like, I drink when I'm thirsty, and it's been going all right so far.

That's why I've been.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much, guys, for your advice on this one.

When I get thirsty, I drink a water to make it feel better.

I don't need anything.

I don't need anything from you on this one.

This is why I've completely forgotten drinking any water.

I have one glass of red wine a day like doctors in the 80s recommended.

I have a big bar of dark chocolate and I just go back to sleep like a bear.

I bought some

prime flavored additives to add to my water.

That's huge, man.

Congratulations, dude.

That's huge.

They were so,

my kids demanded them, and they were so frigging rowdy and disgusting.

They just sat in the drawer, right?

They sat in there so long.

And because I taste like ice pop, but they don't.

They taste like a salty fish.

That's the Logan Paul-branded health supplement prime.

Yeah, man.

Vulgar.

Vulgar.

Does it work?

Does it work?

It works if your goal is to remind you how good water is.

It works for that.

But they were so nasty.

And Cooper said,

hey, there's a kid in my class that loves Prime.

And I told him that I'd bring him a bunch of Prime packets because I knew we just had them sitting around and we all hated them.

I was like, sure, but I forgot that I had thrown those out like a month ago.

Oh, man.

Fast forward to McKroger eight in the morning

buying more Prime for her to bring to this kid that she promised Prime.

And a notification pops up on Logan Paul's phone.

And he's like, I'm back.

You got Justin.

Do you guys mind if I hit the acupressure mat right now?

Yeah, you said you would do this live for us on my Instagram ad, and it was like, if you put sharp things in your back and press up against them, it helps with your back pain and your depression.

Let's check it out.

Let's give it a start.

Okay, this is baseline, Griffin.

We're going to see if we can notice a difference.

I want to be able to see how sharp they are.

There's a trillion of them, and they like that sucks.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Okay, but

we're going to measure Griffin's depression level after laying on it.

I mean, this is baseline.

Right.

That's baseline Griffin.

Baseline?

Pretty depressed.

Truth be told.

So let me hit the gritty real quick.

We'll see what happens.

We'll see if we can pick.

Oh, fuck.

Ow, fuck.

Hold on.

Gotta get some logs.

Here's, Justin, what I know is that

acupressure and stuff like this, laying on a mat requires you to just be very

to spread evenly as you relax portions of your body.

Yeah, man.

This is the problem with this.

The only problem with this bit is it will never be as it's impossible.

The listener will think it is as funny as I think it is to hear Griffin in pain.

They will not laugh as hard as I will.

It will be totally relaxing for Griffin.

I'm not doing this right.

I'm not doing this right.

It hurts so fucking bad.

Is this your first time using it, Griffin?

Your body?

Oh, he's taking his shirt off.

That's going to make it better.

Maybe the thin layer of protection was making it feel too good.

Keep going.

Keep doing it until you've relaxed into it.

Man, I never thought about stunts.

This is a possibility for this show.

Yeah, man.

Self-inflicted stunts.

Jackass style stunt.

Can you guys hear me okay from there?

I've pulled my mic all the way under my desk.

Yeah, do you want to just do the show like this?

So what is happening griffin what is this mat doing for you stabbing me a hundred thousand times with needles or just the feeling of needles the pain makes makes the blood go to it so it gets hot so is it an actual needle or what's actually happening here they're they're more like cleat spikes like on a cleat

i can't sit up to talk in the microphone without flexing certain muscles that makes my back muscles go fucking crazy and just so i understand griffin and listeners don't message me about this the problem your depression is based off of not having enough blood in your back.

Is that what I'm saying?

I'm thinking about the depression right now, which is great.

Maybe that's part of it.

There is a depression

created by the pokey things in your back, right?

There are several depressions being created by those.

Yes, maybe it cures your depression because when you get off the mat, you're just so happy to be done doing it.

Yeah.

The same way you're drinking prime.

Oh, shit.

I don't know how to sit up.

Roll off the side.

Just roll off the side and cry.

Oh, it's not going to be pretty, but no one's going to see it.

Ah, fuck.

Griffin is his own worst enemy.

Oh, my God.

Your pack is so red.

Your pack's so red.

Did you fall?

That's the blood.

Okay.

Are you back with us, Griffin?

No, you can see that he's unshirted.

Unsheathed.

Unsheathed.

I wish he would stay down there to do the show.

I hurt too much to do that.

We lose him, I think, is the problem.

Okay, now we can judge.

Can we do a quick side-by-side of your depression yeah look at oh he's smiling

oh he's feeling great

look at it my back hurts and itches are you and that makes you happier are you smiling because you just realize what a lucrative path jackass style stunts are for this podcast if that is

a jackass level stunt those gentlemen have really toned things down

style yeah it's not a level

okay

i genuinely feel great right now bring that with you on tour and one of us can like put their balls on your face and then it's a jackass now put a spider in my penis and balls on face now we're jackass electrocute me dead while you're on your acupressure mat yeah yeah yeah

now we're talking this is please don't email me about my acupressure mat don't email any of us i use it

for the for the vine for the most part and i drink water when i'm thirsty i'm totally fine leave him alone he's gonna post my he's also sidebar not fine.

The results of my latest physical surprised even me.

Clean bill of health.

Healthy and well, wealthy and hell.

Let's go.

I had a, you know what?

I just had the,

you guys, I can't put you guys over here.

Sorry, I put you guys over.

I had a blood draw, my first blood working in quite some time.

I was supposed to get some when I was 40.

And

I just want to let you guys know it's all good.

Yeah.

Me too, dude.

Me three.

Hey, my LDLs are a little bit high.

Is that the bad cholesterol?

Whatever?

No, my HDLs?

My 4Ks?

Bad ones are high.

My HDMIs are through the roof.

I've got 4K blood, guys.

Yep.

It's all good.

This is an advice show.

What I'm saying is you can listen to

billions of sperm.

Billions of sounds.

You should listen.

A terrifying amount of sperm.

You should listen to us.

We have perfect health.

So we're forever perfect health, perfect choices.

That's the McElroy way.

I work

in an office, and we have a communal puzzle that people work on during breaks or casual meetings.

About six months ago, a coworker brought in a puzzle of a Jackson Pollock painting.

The office lost momentum on the puzzle.

So, this co-worker made a scoreboard of the number of pieces placed by each person to motivate us to finish.

You guys should do work.

You should work.

Get back to work.

Hey, I'm your boss.

Get back to work.

This worked on me, and I've been putting a lot more effort into the puzzle.

I'm pretty good at it, and I've put five times as many pieces as the second-place person, 15 to 3, in the first week of the competition.

I'll stop whenever I go to the bathroom or the kitchen and get a piece in within a minute or two, and then I'll go back to work.

People are now making jokes about how I must not be working and just spending all day on the puzzle.

Should I dim my puzzling talent to stop people thinking I'm a slacker?

So, we kind of like wandered into that

unintentionally but it is a legitimate issue okay the amount of work you're not doing because of the puzzles no here's what's blowing my mind we have to look at the math here fellas you're telling me if i'm reading this correctly in the first week you placed 15 total puzzle pieces how many pieces is the total puzzle do we know it's jackson pot it's got to be like a thousand

let's say it's a thousand it's a thousand pieces

you wouldn't bring anything less than a thousand piecer into the office.

But they said a minute or two and then go back to work.

We're looking at most over the course of, let's say, five business days, 30 minutes of puzzles.

Right.

But like the fact, what this person is saying is the fact that they are good at this and they are

makes it seem like they have a lot of free time, which they probably do because most smart people have figured out ways to work around like eight minutes.

Yeah.

And then just just kind of stare off into space for the rest of the time.

But listen, the

should you step that down though?

Should you hide that light?

No.

I don't think that's it.

Because I think if the next highest, let's be honest, if the next highest person is three in a week,

it's not about your wasting time.

It's why don't they care more?

Why aren't they stepping it up?

Why aren't they stepping it up?

I don't think 15 is an astronomical level to be be doing.

No, but there's a layer of this question that I would invite you to consider, which is that it has, in the history of humankind, never been beneficial for a person or group of people to consider you to be the puzzles guy.

Think about any scenario in which someone's like, oh, shit, this

is survivor being obviously the most high-stakes one of it when they're like, oh, you're a puzzles guy, right?

And it's like, yeah, man, me and my wife do puzzles at home all the time.

And then Jeff probes walks over and he's like, you're the puzzle guy.

Here's a thousand sticks.

And you stack them together and it forms a triangle that spells words upside down and backwards.

And it's like, well, that's not a puzzle, Jeff.

That's crazy.

Never is it good for you to be the puzzle guy.

The best you can do when you're the puzzle guy is enough.

This is I've noticed them out.

Griffin recommends a lot of very good like reality TV show competition things.

And whenever I watch them, I've noticed this tendency of like whoever the cast, no matter how many people, it's 100 competitors or six competitors, whatever, they all seem to, on day one, when introductions are made, find any handhold, any bit of info to be like, so that guy is the one to beat because he talked about that book once and that book, so he's, he's the best.

That's basic game theory 101.

And then you cut to that guy and he's like, I have no idea what I'm doing.

I don't think a high-pressure puzzle situation will arrive

in a day of someone's life working in a casual office setting.

But one day there will be a bad puzzle that you have to solve before you in an emergency or to win a contest.

Right.

Or an emergency contest.

An emergency contest, and you will be turned to and be like, well,

time to do your special.

We've let you get away with so much shit.

Why are you making it the only thing you're doing for this person is making

the severity worse.

I'm affirming that.

Like you're affirming the silly, but you're not helping.

You know,

you're just

looking at this all wrong.

It's a good fear.

It's too late to step it down.

You've already

step it up, Travis.

You need to walk around the office in like a robe and like

no, here's why.

That's the quickest thing.

15 to three.

No, hear me out.

15 to three.

Seriously.

Erase log.

Erase log.

You need to get unseated.

And the only way you're doing that.

You're in a different weight class than everyone else.

You need to inspire someone to be like, I'm going to beat them.

And then as soon as that's done, you're free.

You're free from the cave.

They're in the cave now.

Or you finish it.

Those are the two things.

Either you need to get, you need to drive someone else's competitive streak to unseat you.

Or if you're going to be the puzzle guy, be the puzzle guy, go in and finish this thousand piece puzzle in one day.

Or

one day, that's the new one last.

Or you go in one day and you sit down at the table at eight in the morning and you start putting pieces of the puzzle in and you maybe don't get up from doing your work.

Around lunchtime, they're going to come into the kitchen to kind of check on you.

At this point, you are basically serving John Travolta phenomenon realness, like spinning sunglasses telekinetically on a table and like your nose is bleeding as you're just like,

you're using both hands to solve puzzle pieces at a time like that

Lucy, was that the name of the movie?

With the

10% of your brain.

100% of her brain.

So then next day you come in and you're back to normal and you're like, hey, guys, just a quick update on me.

I can't do this puzzle anymore.

I'm burned out on it.

It almost killed me.

I almost died.

Like the end of all of these like smart guy gets telekinesis movies.

I would just keep doing it until your boss has to say like you have to stop.

Yeah, the puzzle has gotten to be a problem.

Our numbers are way down.

There's a way easier version of my thing, huh?

And it's just to get in trouble over there.

Hey, you're a surgeon.

I need you to focus on that.

If you stepped it up to the point where your boss would publicly shame you, maybe everyone else would like, like, well, I'll tell you, boss, I wouldn't have to do so many

if everyone else would just pitch in and help with this bad puzzle.

Or maybe could we all take a vote that we hate this buzz?

Yeah.

I hate this buzz.

I'm throwing it away.

What do you guys think?

What if they came in one day and you had written up on the board that you had done 200 pieces of this puzzle?

And they're like, what?

That's amazing.

And they go in the break room and you just scotch taped a bunch of pieces together in the middle.

And they're like, Hey, man, you're not allowed to work on the puzzle anymore.

Yeah.

You, hey, but I think maybe the pressure's gotten to you.

You're not allowed to work on the puzzle anymore.

And you're free.

You're out.

You're free from the puzzle.

Here's and what's that?

They come to your desk, you've done your own thousand-piece puzzle that no one else is supposed to see.

I'm a kick-ass artist.

There's one other, there's one other really easy fix:

you swallow one piece.

like publicly if you swallow privately swallow one piece of the puzzle you will never again be compelled to work on the puzzle you will see everyone else working on the puzzle and know that their efforts are incomplete oh i see

because the puzzle will not be completed they are working towards a nothing goal they're they are they don't they are empty people they're empty they're empty pyrrhic people and you'll sit in your nest you'll never feel the need to help with the puzzle again because you know that the puzzle will never be complete because

when they finish and there's one spot left you just go in you lay down on top of the table and say now it's complete and if they tell them why

if they look at you and they say you why aren't you helping with the puzzle I think you have to say to them I am part of the puzzle yeah yeah you are solving me I am becoming

part of the puzzle

you could be like do you think maybe if that last piece was in there it would finally look like good art?

Do you think it's that one piece of red and green goo that really ties this whole Jackson Pollock piece?

It doesn't make sense unless you see where on the.

I don't fucking get it without that.

So far, hey, so far, listeners at home, if you're keeping a board, Griffin has opened up a discourse with himself in the audience about water, acupressure, mat, and the quality of Jackson Pollock's artistic work.

It's fine.

It's just, I mean, I had a Jackson Pollock painting as the background of my Zune for the whole time I had it.

Very clearly.

So you know Griffin's an artificiato.

So you know I know my shit.

It's fine.

It's just like, draw a thing, man.

Griffin's got a bunch of Keith Herring lanyards.

He knows

a

vibe.

All right.

I have a wiki Hal that I would like to bring that is somewhat drebang to the topic of conversation at hand.

It is a spiritual sequel of sorts to a question we did back in episode 701, which was how to compliment a song.

Today, let's describe 15 ways to compliment someone's art.

Oh, thinking of trying to find the perfect thing to say when someone shares a beautiful piece of art.

Natalie sent this in, by the way.

Thanks, Natalie.

Thanks, Natalie.

Thanks, Natalie.

If you really love an artist's work and want to encourage them to keep creating, they'll love hearing a flattering compliment.

While you could just call the artist talented, there are a lot of other meaningful compliments you can give them.

Keep reading for unique examples of what to say to an artist that they say inspired to keep creating.

I just, I'm fit.

There's 15 of these bad boys.

I think I'm looking for a straight thumbs up, thumbs down of how you guys, artists, how it makes you feel to hear these things, whether it's coming from a place of, thank you, I feel very seen and legitimized by this comment, or this is you're talking down to me in a way that is, just frankly, is unacceptable.

Let's start with.

Okay.

I was immediately drawn to this piece.

Artists want to know their work stands out from the crowd.

An artist wants to know other people connect with their work.

So they'll love hearing that their piece caught your attention.

So I think we're talking about a friend.

A friend shares a beautiful piece.

I don't know if this is you walk up to an artist and say this or if you're talking to a friend.

I guess it's similar concepts both ways.

I think the friend is the artist, regardless, or the friend can be the artist, yes.

Okay, good.

And an artist can be a friend.

If we're going to learn anything today, let's take that away.

I think that the problem is, is that basically all you're saying here is like, hey, your art is noticeable.

Yeah.

And that doesn't give me good or bad either way.

Yeah.

There's a big, big light that is shining on this one, and it's in a big box.

And I saw that and I was like, whoa, this is this art is such dookie shit that I had to come over and look at it.

All the other art here is a flat paintings, and this one is mixed media.

So I was like, hell yeah.

Sometimes, sometimes you go to, you guys ever been to a museum and almost everything's paintings.

And then there's a part of it, or maybe just like one or two pieces, where there's like a video looping, and it's like, doesn't even seem fair because it's like, this is the best art in here.

Everybody, look, it's got a screen.

It's like making sound.

Sometimes there's an interactive element.

It's like, this is the,

so this is it, right?

Yeah, as soon as they turn art in museums into video games.

Yeah, then I'm then it's like very that's kind of how I feel when you see the ones where it's like a bunch of twisted like wires and stuff and then they shine light through it and it makes a shadow picture on the wall cool that it's like cool art did the rest of you not know you could do this this is what i this is what i like about places like the twist museum of optical illusions why make a museum about a a boring thing when you can just have a museum of fun things like the museum of modern art still is about modern art right but the museum of like

mustard

It's fun.

There's very little wiggle root with that one.

It's just like a fun.

I've also noticed when I go to museums, how little of the paintings are cursed, or at least are cursed in such a way that someone tell me about them

don't even need to really be cursed huh it could just have on the placard like canvas oil on canvas 1979 artists unknown a little cursed don't touch it'll say don't touch it says don't touch and under all the paintings it says don't touch but this one has a special sticker on it it says because of curse you know why a lot of them you can't touch them a lot of them are still wet and i feel like well these days, a lot of paintings, they haven't even finished drawing yet.

They just got them out there.

Yeah.

And I think that's not a great experience as a

viewer.

If I'm touching the painting, you're like, oh, it's still tacky.

I'm touching the paintings and my hands are coming away with paint on them.

And then you might touch your pants, and now those pants are ruined.

And they won't reimburse you for that.

Trust me.

Right.

When you touch a master's painting, you

and

get very in touch with if you feel, if you feel the Moda Lisa, you know you're touching history.

They don't let people in the Sistine Chapel anymore because the paint goops down from the ceiling so often and splatters on their hands.

And ruins hats and stuff.

They should put, like, don't touch artists sneezed on this one.

Yeah.

Right?

So now you know, like, man, if this is for your own good that you don't touch this, it's got boogers on it or whatever.

It should just say, don't touch anything.

Like, if it's not yours, don't touch it.

Yeah.

Just like everywhere else.

Come on, man.

You have to come to this museum with pockets in your pants that you can jam your hands in.

You need to look surly as you stroll around.

That was the first compliment of 15.

We have to move through these much, much more quickly.

They should just bag up your hands when you come into a museum.

They make you like you go to a comedian show and they put your phone in a sealed bag,

you have to seal up your hands, and everybody's just wearing these mandatory mittens.

Yeah,

but then you have David Blade popping out, like, hey, look who's free in touching everything.

Ah, David, David, you've done done it again.

God, you're so messy with paint.

Um,

You guys are

still

you guys are the artists, and someone walks up to you and says, this is so beautiful.

This is so beautiful.

Thank you.

That seems pretty good.

Thank you.

What's beautiful about it?

Well, you wouldn't.

Okay.

So wait, maybe we should.

Thank you so much.

What is it about it?

That's really good, Travis.

We should be.

testing this from every direction.

This is a bad one because then there will be follow-ups.

But I'm a good cop.

I'm a good artist.

so like travis is bad artist so we'll see we can see okay so let's i'm not bad artist i'm artist filled with self-doubt okay i mean you just really

do you think

this is so beautiful justin

thank you thank you griffin

i don't i i hated i hated that from the voice to the gestures to the vibe and the demeanor I didn't like who you just thank you Griffin

now try it with me Griffin Okay.

Oh, this is so beautiful.

No, it's shit.

What is it?

This one sucks.

Fine.

Thank you.

You guys are both right.

It sucks.

Thank you.

All the hard work you put into this piece really shows.

Thank you.

I tried to make it look hard to make.

It's not helpful.

The character you're doing, I feel like I'm not getting good feedback on the

line.

I'm just graciously accepting the compliment.

I'm very used to being complimentary.

It's like you're workshopping your SNL SNL audition tape.

You're trying on me again, Grippen.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, Travis, all the hard work you put into this piece really shows.

Yeah, I tried my best.

If that's all that you're giving, and I assume you're that type of person, then I think I did a pretty good job.

Yeah, go ahead, Juice.

Can I try again?

All the hard work you put into this piece really shows.

Here's Johnny.

Okay, so hold on.

That's a good impression.

I knew exactly who it was, Justin.

Okay.

That was a good impression.

Let me try.

Travis, you hit me with the line and I'll try.

Yeah.

All the hard work you put into this really shows.

Dump it.

What are we fucking doing?

We're just doing impressions of guys from our favorite flicks now, huh?

Now give me like a 30-second, just kind of like you're doing a character original thing, like maybe, you know, out at a party or whatever.

Hit me.

The work you put in this really shows.

The party?

Thank you so much.

Okay.

So, next compliment.

That was the worst audition I've ever seen.

Yeah, from all of us.

Your work always brings a smile to my face.

This one's good for all of us.

Like that.

I like that.

What if you walked up to that, though, and it was just like a painting of like the scream or somebody in incredible pain and you're looking like a tortured landscape of hell and you're just like, hmm, always brings the smile to my face.

No, hold on.

I'm not an art history guy, but the scream is a funny painting.

The way the guys look in that is so cartoons.

It's super.

It does look like somebody squeezing a stress toy, doesn't it?

He looks crazy.

It's funny, man.

I am going to take your work always brings a smile to my face as an insult.

That sounds like someone trying to phrase a wish specifically so a genie doesn't try to kill them.

Like,

I don't know.

I just don't believe it.

It seems, it seems oddly worded.

It seems very considered.

Like, you know, you've been thinking about practicing saying that.

I smile when I look at it.

Yes, yes correct okay this is true i love how you used color in this piece and then they provided some words like cool vibrant vivid flowing delicate bold dramatic deep subtle rhythmic rippling flowing i think there is a way to phrase that that would read as a compliment but this is just this feels like the theater equivalent of like i like the way you wore costumes like you put color in the i like that the painting isn't just a big square well that suggests that the

the costume maker is also the star of the show that you also made the costume but i'm just saying i like that you used color in i think it's how you used color yeah not everything has color uh in art sure

no i still don't think you guys are quite understanding what this compliment is saying no it's not like it's not invisible on the spectrum no no no but it's like it's it's an it's like i understand there's it's a beautiful use of color what's that but like what's that mean to you wouldn't you they have a good amount of of reds and blues and greens that you find pleasing.

And maybe some of them are mixed together.

All your different.

If someone, if I say great use of color, what I mean is, hey, all my favorite colors are in this.

Good job.

Yeah.

These are all the colors.

I like how you used green.

It's my favorite.

Is there a

school subject that the three of us show our asses on more than

classic works of specifically art?

Anything that no, absolutely.

I think Latin would be the only area that I'd feel stupid.

Travis, I even know

whatever,

ergosum,

cogitosum,

I think is how it goes.

So I know some Latin when the art has neon in it, because I know what neon is, and I think that looks cool, like future.

I like it when the cow looks.

Yeah.

Your style evokes so many emotions.

That one kicks ass.

If someone came up to me at a con, someone came up to me at a con was like, hey, Griffin, your style evokes so many emotions.

I would be like, well, that's good, objectively.

That's great.

Thank you.

There's nothing bad about that.

And that can also, you can use that to compliment someone's personal style as well.

That's true.

Or just their energy.

Yeah, man.

I love that one, actually.

I'd love to hear what inspired your work.

I'm going to go ahead and say this one's not good

because I don't want to talk about that.

I just wanted to pay you a compliment to let you know I liked your work and it felt good, but I don't, I don't need to know the whole thing.

Your work, this one kicks ass.

Now we're back around.

Your work reminds me of Picasso.

Now that's so specific.

Wow, that's not a general one at all.

That's not like

you can't just trot that out.

They provide a couple other, here's another quote.

You're a modern master of painting.

I don't think you should say that.

in a museum setting to an artist.

You're a modern master of painting.

That's, I know that's not true.

Yeah, like I know.

I would be recognized for that.

I would know if I was a modern master of it.

No problem with painting who doesn't know.

With the Picasso one, the problem is that assumes that I have enough knowledge about Picasso's work to only use that when applicable.

And I don't have a kind of confidence.

You wouldn't be on WikiHow if you knew about that stuff.

Period.

That's very, a very good point.

You could also say, if you would have told me this was a Van Gogh, I would have believed you.

No.

Once again, a very specific art style.

I was hypnotized by a stage magician once, and he died in the middle of the act, like in that one movie office space.

And it makes me believe any single thing that anyone tells me.

Sort of a reverse liar liar.

Yeah.

I'm on a lot of mushrooms right now, and I like the way all your colors blend together, like when I look at a Van Gogh.

I find something new to love every time I see this piece.

Okay.

I think that's pretty good.

There's layers.

How about this one?

I'm so excited to see what you create next.

More.

Give me more.

Now, okay, here's the beast.

That comes closest to what I think as an artist, I would be looking for, which I need acknowledgement of skill, but also the idea that I have room to improve.

Because if you give me a compliment that's 100% perfection, I know that's not true.

Yeah.

Right?

I need like,

here's all the good things.

You'll get them next time, champ.

Like, something like that, a balance.

Like,

not this, but if you saw someone, if you were like, yeah, man, you're really coming along.

It's really getting there, man.

Keep at it.

You're saying you prefer criticism to compliments.

No, no.

I'm saying that compliments.

I have some evidence to that.

Okay.

Compliments are not useful.

Someone's saying, this is great.

And you're like, okay, cool, man.

It makes you feel really good.

I already feel good.

I know I'm awesome.

I've put my picture, my paintings up for display.

You think someone does that without confidence?

But what you're talking about, though, is criticism, is guided positivity

positivity criticism.

Like, you look at what people are complimenting and you do more of that, right?

So you're

not talking about gate slams.

I think there's more investment in constructive criticism than just a 100% compliment.

Why not both?

Oh, no.

I've revealed too much.

I haven't.

Oh, no.

I've opened myself up too vulnerably in our comedy podcast.

I will say this.

Wait, wheel it back.

Far, far, far.

I got criticism covered up here with this guy.

This guy.

My man, Justin,

he's got him in every flavor you want.

Whatever kind of criticism, I already came up with it.

Maybe you can't find a flaw that I'm not obsessed with.

Maybe the best one.

I think this is universal.

I have the perfect place for this at home is it for sale that's really good right because that either means like wow that's cool or it means like hell yeah I just made $250

which is the best kind of compliment you can get the only way I'm asking that question is if I know for 100% certain it is not for sale

Because I say, oh, I love this.

Is it for sale?

And they're like, it is just $15,000.

And then you're like, well, that's that's too much money and i'm like oh no never mind i don't have that many but what if the art's like 80 trav and it's awesome and it'll look is it sincere though griffin i'm saying if it's a if it's a piece of art that i sincerely enjoy and it's eighty dollars yeah i'd probably get it but if i'm saying this because i can't think of another compliment to give it's a bold choice yeah i don't know i maybe don't tell somebody you're gonna buy their art unless you really mean it otherwise you're doing the world's most low effort youtube prank show, and that sucks.

Oh, what about?

I love this one.

I can't wait to see what you do next.

And I'll buy that one.

Oh.

Oh, I'll buy your next one.

I'll buy your next one.

Do you mind if I buy your painting and resell it for a higher price?

Ooh.

And you'll get no money from that.

I can't stress enough because that is, unfortunately, how the art trade works.

What about?

This is such a nice painting.

May I plan a heist of it?

Ooh,

that would be the most flattering thing.

I'm willing to risk it all.

I said I was out.

Listen, I've been retired for five years, but the quality of your painting is enough to tell me it's time for one last job.

How about this?

Your work has spoken to me.

I'm building,

some would say it's a commune.

Those of small minds.

It's more of a gathering spot for like-minded artists with liberal morality to explore their crafts and each other's bodies.

And then the person says yes, and you're like, fuck, I didn't think you'd say yes.

Yes, damn it.

Shooters buy it.

So then you got to go.

Then you got to go to another friend and be like, listen, I'm putting together kind of a sex art place.

I got to work.

I got to work fast.

That guy's already in.

Do you have any land?

That would also be helpful.

Yeah, he thinks he's going to say I'm a major fibber if I don't come first.

We're going to need several tents.

The bad thing is I don't even like his painting that much.

I would have given him a normal compliment if I'd like that.

And listen, he's handsome enough, but I just don't know that the vibe is there, you know?

Do you guys ever think about the Mr.

Bean movie where he messed up the painting

and then he had to redo the face?

De Mona Lisa, I believe it was.

It was like Whistler's Mother, I think, was

the name of it.

I don't know why I remember that.

But then Peter McNichol saw what he had done to the painting, and just like, it's a good minute and a half long uncut scream.

That's peak shit, man.

That's quality.

So, this is my new segment.

I'm going to do it every week where I talk about one of my favorite parts from the Mr.

Bean movie.

Yeah, I celebrate that guy as a tired kid.

You know, I grew up as a kid.

One of the things I was really afraid of was from the movie Witches, where a kid gets trapped in a painting, and you see the kid walk around in the painting from time to time.

And that terrified the shit out of me when I was like eight years old.

And I was afraid to look at paintings.

And that might explain why I know so very little about fine art.

But I think a great compliment would be to go to someone like, this painting makes me feel so happy and serene.

If I crossed the witch and the witch wanted to trapped me in this painting i'd be way over to it for the first time you've really unlocked some childhood trauma for me and i think i'm ready to move forward in my appreciation of art put me in your painting sir

i'm ready to get in your painting i'm ready get in your painting i'm gonna touch it no signs of curses will stop me from getting trapped in your painting

Let me in.

Why are you tackling me, big security guard?

Guys, we gotta pause it.

We gotta pause this show so we can all watch this clip of the Bean movie together.

I'm good.

I'm good.

I think I'm all set.

You want to watch it while we do the money?

One of us had an appointment we had to get to right after the show, and I'm pretty sure it was you who was the one that had something else to do, right?

I would love it if you would contact your eye doctor and be like, Sorry, I'm late for my checkup.

I just had to watch Mr.

Bean taking up so we are

screen shared.

I can barely see my brothers anymore.

I can hear it so loud.

I loved it so much.

It's really good, Pete.

I gotta get him to the editor's though.

If I was trying to pick one of those is the funniest thing Peter McNitle did, I'm not sure I could pick one.

I don't think I could shovel some of those in the dustbin of history.

All right, let's go to the money zone.

Sorry, it's the Johnny English theme soft.

It's better.

It's got to live.

You know, can I tell you guys, hey, guys?

Yeah.

I don't know why whenever a doctor who needs a new doctor, it takes them so long to pick one.

They could just use Zuck Doc.

That's good, Travis.

Are you spitballing or?

What is that?

What you're going with?

Was that a beginning idea or is that kind of what we're going to go with?

No, I thought, you know.

I didn't know if you were brainstorming or if you were just like going right for it.

I've been developing that idea for four weeks, Justin.

I hired a team of writers and I was like, we need to nail down some connection between Zach Doc and Doctor Who.

And this is what they came back with.

I thought it was.

So the doctor dies and like light is shooting out of his body.

And then like.

A guy stands up and he's like, hello, I'm Dr.

Thomas.

I am a podiatrist from

Great Grand Rapids, Rapids, Michigan.

And I accept your insurance.

I accept it.

I'll take it.

Let me check out those Piggly Wigglies.

Yeah.

That sounds like a good show to me, man.

Second day appointment, too.

It'd be a good ad.

So you'd also just use Zock Doc for real for the purpose it's intended, which is finding a doctor in the city you live in and making an appointment with them, and it's so easy.

No, it doesn't have to be that.

It can just be a really great service that I've used many times here in D.C.

to fill up my sort of Rolodex of people who maintain my health and wellness.

So just go to Zock Doc because it's a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality.

In work network doctors, choose the right one for your needs and click instantly to book an appointment.

In-network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty.

Mental health, dental health, eye care, skincare, so much more.

And Daleks hate this one trip.

It doesn't even have to be

Doctor Who.

It doesn't have to be a Doctor Who thing.

It's sort of like I'm just saying it's a fact that Daleks hate Zock Doc.

It's not related to Doctor Who.

Both things can be true, guys, that the Daleks are the Doctor's greatest enemy, and also, separately, connected to nothing, they hate Zach Doc.

The number of times I have to have this conversation with you is unbelievable.

Daleks aren't real.

Doctor Who is not

real.

It's not real anywhere.

It's a fictional.

They haven't made it here yet.

They're coming a long way from.

it's a fantastical story show

created in the 1940s and it's not none of it is real.

But Zoc Doc is extremely real.

So is the need that people have to find doctors in their area and book appointments fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours of booking.

And you can even score same-day appointments.

So that's that's just the distinction I want to draw here and make sure that's clear in the ad copy.

Stop putting off these doctors' appointments and casting the next leading star of the BBC sitcom, Doctor Who.

And go to zocdoc.com/slash my brother to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

That's z-oc-c, do-oc-c.com/slash my brother.

Zocdoc.com/slash my brother.

We've all been boy, Travis.

It's me, Doctor Who.

I'm totally real, and Griffin's wrong.

Come be with me, you might TARDIS.

Be my companion.

Hey, what do you say?

We sing,

come with

Trevor.

What is that?

That's the sound of me, TARDIS taking off.

Come with me.

I'm telling you.

Guys, I know that sounds like Travis, but I'm looking at the camera and a big blue box appeared, and a big man just wrapped him up in his arms and took it.

I'm going to get in.

The TARDIS back here.

Okay.

Is it going to make that noise?

That's your sound booth.

Is it going to make the noise again?

You know, nutrition.

Nutrition is so important.

Nutrition is watch juice.

No, watch juice.

Hold on.

Don't start the next ad.

He's going to warp.

I'm back.

Yeah.

Time machine.

He brought me back at the exact same moment I left.

Oh, the things I've seen, guys.

The places I've been.

Man, that's cool.

The alien races.

Oh, guys.

I've smooched so many aliens.

Okay, but in all the galaxy, did you ever find meals that were as fast and nutritious as Factor?

No, Justin, that was the one thing that me and my best friend,

the doctor, could never find.

Yeah, that's why we came back.

Tell me, doctor, why is this planet worth saving?

What about factories?

What about factor?

I was actually a really good doll, actually.

Yeah, but you do have to keep talking about factories.

Well, I thought one of you guys would do the Doctor Who.

Did you hurt your throat just then?

And would be like, factor meals are actually

one of the best things about Earth.

Because I'm still in the TARDIS.

I'm not, you know what?

You know what, guys?

Yeah.

Point taken.

Factor's fresh, never frozen meals are ready to eat in just two minutes.

So no matter how busy you are, you'll always have time to enjoy nutritious, great-tasting meals.

They got 35 different meals and more than 60 add-ons to choose from every week.

You always have new flavors to explore.

The restraint my two brothers are showing in this moment from not putting on what I believe the British call a pantomime.

I'm practicing my David Tenet impression in my head to see how good I can do it.

That's good.

Yeah, you can bust that out.

Maybe we'll save that to keep people hooked through the ad.

What I'm thinking about, Griffin, is I'm hungry, but it takes 100 years to make anything that's full of delicious nutrition.

Don't blink.

It doesn't.

Factor meals are ready in two minutes.

No shopping, prepping, cooking, or cleaning up.

You just head over to Factor Meal.

Head over to Factor Meals, do it quieter in your head, please.

In your head, quieter and silent.

In your head, quieter and silent.

Head to factormeals.com slash brother50 and use code brother50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month.

That's codebrother50 at factormeals.com slash brother50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month while your subscription is active.

Oi, that's the closest I got.

That sounded like the guy from the boys.

It sounded exactly like the guy from the boys.

Jackie Cation, hi, and welcome to the maximumfun.org podcast, the Jackie and Lori Show, where we talk about stand-up comedy and how much we love it and how much it enrages us.

We have a lot of experience and a lot of stories and a lot of time on our hands.

So check us out.

It's one hour a week and we drop it every Wednesday on maximafun.org.

Hello, podcast recommendation service.

Hello, young man.

I'm looking for a new podcast to listen to.

Something amusing, perhaps.

Oh, what about Beef and Dairy Network?

Something surreal and satirical.

Well, I would suggest Beef and Dairy Network.

Ideally, it would be a spoof industry podcast for the beef and dairy industries.

Yes, Beef and Dairy Network.

Maybe it would have brilliant guests such as Josie Long, Heather Ann Campbell, Nick Offerman, and the actor Ted Danson.

Beef and Dairy Network.

I don't know.

I think I'm going to stick to Joe Rogan.

The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is a multi-award-winning comedy podcast, and you can find it at maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

I want a munch.

Squad.

I want too much.

Squad.

Welcome to Munch Squad's podcast of the podcast profiling the latest and greatest of brand eating.

Today, I'm going to be talking to you about

Snickers.

Okay.

The taste that satisfies?

Sorry?

The taste that the taste that satisfies?

Yes, Snickers, the taste that satisfies, because Snickers has,

well, actually, hold on, let me go grab my friend.

He said he wanted to help.

Oh, man.

Now, wait a minute.

The only friend I can think of, I'm very excited about the opportunity to see again.

We will have to watch our language.

Usually there is a green screen that this particular boy child.

That's haunting from a child.

You have not to fear.

Hi, Isaac.

I love the podcast.

I'm a child chocolate tear.

Hi, Isaac.

Hi, guys.

How's it going?

Welcome back to the show, Isaac.

Yeah.

I was going to say that, Isaac.

I was going to say, I was going to say welcome back to the show, Isaac.

Practicing how to be a radio guy.

Are you sick?

No, I was regular.

I'm so excited to tell you guys about Stickers.

The taste that satisfies?

Yeah,

Stickers has drafted an official Chaco Mancer to help NFL fans predict their favorite team's fortune through a delicious bite of a Snickers.

That's so interesting.

It makes it sound like they're making chocolate come to life, though, do they?

Right.

It doesn't.

No, it's not that.

That would be something

of merit.

This is an official.

So Snickers is the official chocolate sponsor of the National Football League, and they're giving fans a satisfying glimpse into the future with Saddest Fortunes,

which is a way of predicting your favorite team's fortune through one magical Snickers bite at a time.

It's S-A-T-I-S fortune, not S-A-D-D-E-S-T, which is how I heard it at first.

Yes, that's accurate.

You eat a Snickers bar and it reveals truths about your future.

That's the saddest.

That's the saddest.

That would be sad.

Listen.

They teamed up with a real chocomancer, Jennifer Billock,

who has all kinds of different ways of telling the future with food.

And she made up a new one for Snickers.

Okay.

Wow, you're loving this one, guys.

It's just, guys, they made a thing where you can take a bite of Snickers and you can see what the future holds for you.

Based on

how much it's in it.

Now it's important to know

there's a risk here because one out of every hundred times you will see your own death.

Right.

Yeah.

The grim oracle, they call it.

They're helping fans get in on the action of Saddest Fortunes.

They had

unique traits of Snickers bites that were deciphered deciphered by Jennifer Billick, who is the Chocomancer.

And they had a representative from each team, including mascots, took their own bites of Snickers that were read by Jennifer Billock.

So what happened is each person, each team had to pick one person to go and bite the chocolate to read the future of.

How did they make that decision?

How do you make that decision?

They sent people with fake mouths and their fake mascot heads to do it too.

James, all the way in.

There's a um you could you could buy a bike guide

if you have a favorite team that you love very much.

Here, let me share you my screen so I can show it to you.

It's okay.

We are in no hurry, Isaac.

You take your time.

You're doing a really good job, by the way.

So here you could see

each team has their own saddest fortunes, and you could pay $8, and they'll send you five Snickers bars and a chart that tells you how to read.

So here you go.

You can sort of see here the different criteria of reading the chocolate.

Chocolate shell stability.

I cannot believe they've provided an actual step-by-step guide on how to reach your

swift and that's how you know that they've partnered with a real Chacomancer and not just a snake oil chocomancer.

Right, so the more you, the more breaks in the chocolate shell is an indication of a greater number of turnovers forced.

Okay, but is that adaptable to my own life, Isaac?

Can I

just

picture?

Like, for instance, the caramel indicates the direction of where your future's leading.

So, like, if you have a nice pull and your caramel with green

pull distance, you have a long pull.

You have a long pull.

If a player of caramel pulls left, the team could have a greater success in the red zone.

That feels very

fruitful.

I don't know how you score for what's in the middle, but go with God, I guess.

I hate to get clinical, but just for a second, are we all pulling a lot of caramel out of our Snickers bar with each bite?

Because I'm pretty like,

I sort of close it all, close it all around and I sort of cut it off.

I create a bit of a perforation, and then I just re-block it.

I don't need a big stretchy bite.

I have fancy clothes, and my mom has to wash them.

If I get caramel on them at all, she says that she has to wash them, but she hates when I have to do that.

You got to go back to nougat success.

Nougat, I'm not controlling the tab anymore.

It's just going on its own because I stopped looking at it.

Hold on.

I'll get you nougat.

We got caramel directions.

Do you guys know what?

Do you got?

Do you guys know what nougat is?

It's like a fluff.

It's like a fluff that goes in there.

Great.

It's like a fluff that goes in there.

Even more adults won't tell me what nougat really is.

I just want to find one person that'll tell me the truth.

I'm old enough to know.

I can figure it out in just a second, Isaac.

So what did you want to do?

You want to be in a huge hurry.

Peanuts peanuts equal opportunity peanuts equal opportunity

that's so true

hey oh if there's a protrusion of peanut team could enjoy a better average starting field position on offense

someone spent moments of their life doing it this maybe it was ai though

What would make you feel?

Hey guys, can I ask you a question?

What would make you sleep better at night?

If AI made this our person did

What makes it harder to buy a Snickers tomorrow?

Which would make it easy?

One of the rare instances, maybe the only one I can ever think of, where either answer is actually kind of delightful to me.

The fact that a computer could be so whimsical, even though it's taking someone's job, that's not great.

But the whimsy that the computer can show actually makes me feel a little bit safer about our future.

But also, if a Chaco, a paid Chacomancer partnered with Snickers to do this for real, that's also pretty good to to me.

I just want to also point out that this is so wild that there is literally a category that's

nut integrity, and we haven't even touched on that.

That's how much wild shit there is in this press release.

Nut integrity.

Let's see.

More intact than broken peanuts could mean a defensive, a defense that enjoys strong play calling in big moments.

You gotta have that.

You gotta have good nut integrity.

I thought it was intensity at first, which did definitely draw my eye.

People are going to gamble away all their actual money because of this Snickers ad campaign, right?

And I don't know how they can be okay with that.

Yeah, you have to give them some monocle of credit for not teaming with FanDuel or something like that.

You can turn that directly into a bit.

Bites for bits.

It's just directly bits based on your bite.

With the power of AI, with the power of Jed AI, we will place your bets based on your stickers bite.

The bank just called.

They said our retirement funds been fully drained.

Yeah, listen.

The Eagles had a lot of nougat.

It's a sure thing, babe.

It's a sure thing.

You should have seen this caramel pull, Stacey.

The integrity on these nuts.

My God, man.

You could build

a bridge.

Four intact nuts, Stacey.

The caramel went to the left.

We're talking strong red zone plays.

They also did a special thing where you could buy a five-piece Satisfortunes kit for your team, and it was $8.88, but they didn't make very many because they're all sold out now.

No, I'm sorry.

Have you had a Snickers bar before?

I'm allowed to have chocolate.

Yeah.

Here's the thing, though.

You can call yourself a Chaco Mancer if this person wants to, but Snickers isn't.

I don't think of it so much as a chocolate bar.

Why do you ask Snacker?

Chocolate forward.

It's a meal replacement.

It's a Choco-flavored meal replacement bar.

It's a Chaco-forward meal replacement experience.

Yeah.

Well, anyway, guys, I've seen the future too.

And that's that.

I'm going to get back to work because people are going to be able to do that.

Who you got your money on?

Who's looking strong this year?

Huh?

My dad.

Just based on the

bye.

Bye.

I remember

Isaac a lot.

Yeah, I did too.

That's a good kid.

He's a good kid.

He's got a good head on his shoulders.

He's going places.

Hey, listen, this Thursday, Abnimals episode one is out now.

Hell yeah.

He swears.

You can already listen to episode zero of Abnimals and the first episode, like I said, this Thursday.

Thank you to everybody who came out to see us in Orlando and Atlanta.

Next, on October 19th and 20th, we're going to be in Denver and Phoenix.

We're also going to be in Indianapolis and Milwaukee coming up.

And Dad and I are going to be heading out to MCM London in October and get all the information, all the tickets, and more on all of that by going to bit.ly slash macroytours.

Also, over at the merch store, macroymerch.com, we got TAD's 10th anniversary coins.

They're so cool.

10% of all proceeds this month will go to Equal Justice Initiative.

So go check it out, macroymerch.com.

Thank you to Montane for these for our theme song, My Life is Better With You.

If you haven't listened to Montane's music, but you enjoy the intro and outro of this show, I invite you to dive into their catalog because it is

so, there's so many stone cold jammers in there.

Yep.

Hey, Griffin, I'd love it if you would read The Funk Lore this week.

Sure, sure, sure.

Just raise this wish up.

You're ready?

Yeah, sure, sure.

I wish I could stop farting while I'm in the puppet.

My name's Justin McCoy.

So, are you guys ready for me to read The Wish?

Or Or

my name Justin McCroy.

I'm Travis McCroy.

I'm Griffin McCoy.

This one, my brother, my brother made.

Kiss your dad square on the lips.

It's better.

It's better with two.

It's better with you.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.