MBMBaM 779: Bugbag Mode

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

What's up, you cool baby?

One, two, three.

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has glossed.

It's ripened into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.

My life,

it feels love.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true.

It's better, it's better with two.

I like all.

It's better with you.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, me, an advice show for the modern era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

What's up, Trav Nation?

It's me, your middlest brother, Travis Vroomver and Big Dog Wolf Wolf McElroy.

And I'm Bugbag.

What?

I'm Bugbag.

This is a new character because I'm sick and my voice sounds like this.

I thought it would be a good time to try out my new character, Bug Bag.

Okay, what's his deal?

He's like a bag of bugs that a wizard brought to life

as a curtain.

Tell don't show.

Wait, sorry.

Show, don't tell.

Well, I can't show.

It's not a, it's a, as you so frequently remind me, Justin, it is an audio product we're making.

I can't show you Bug Bag.

I don't know.

I don't have to do like a monologue against like you would have at him.

Yeah, like do a monologue.

It's a I want song where you're fighting with your enemy, John Burnington.

Yeah.

Well, no, this is, and I'm so glad you said that, Travis, because obviously it came to my mind that it might, people might think of Oogie Boogie, and it's not.

It's super duper not that.

Because it's not how he's boogie boogie.

I'm not an Oogie Boogie thing.

Yeah, no, no, no.

It's in

my own guy.

I'm everybody.

He's not guy-shaped.

It's important you guys understand about Bug Bag that he's not shaped like a guy.

Like a a big old bag.

He's just a big old man.

Not a man.

Is it like a Ziploc bag?

Can you see through it?

All I want is some definition

in my bag.

Cinch me up, corset style.

Give me a humanoid form that I can get on Tinder and meet

somebody special.

Squish me out.

Skeleton limbs would be so cool.

Cut the text not there, yeah.

Squish me out some arms so I can hug my kids.

He's got kids, yeah, he does.

Justin, did you just bust your lip on the microphone, pal?

Earlier, I love that.

That's like a sacrifice for your art and its power.

That's like when a pro wrestler really bleeds on the stairs and stuff.

Yeah, Bugback loves it.

I have to tell a remaining Dragon Con story because I didn't want to deploy it while we were still at the venue for pretty obvious reasons.

We were in the elevator

and

the backstage elevators at conventions are wild because they're these big freight guys and you're usually being ferried between like a green room and some signing place.

You end up in the elevators of people you have no business in elevators with if you're us.

And we ended up in an elevator with us and our dad and Amanda and Simon Pegg.

And Simon Pegg's three people that keep people from talking to Simon Peggy.

Do you guys, when you have the moment where you realize it's Simon Pegg or a person who's too famous that you're

shouldn't be allowed to be around them,

it's like a scary feel, like a big scary feeling that makes time kind of stop and slow down a little bit.

I do an unconscious head nod as if you're like, yep, this is the situation.

Travis, I see him steal himself.

Travis always does that nod.

And it's like, that is actually, to me, kind of reaffirming.

Yeah.

Because what you say is like, we're all seeing it.

We're all on the same page.

And we look to you, Travis, for that nod to know that you've got it fucking cocked and loaded and that you're going to step in here.

But then

right before you could draw and shoot from the hip,

or not draw.

Or not drawing.

You got to watch that on.

You see the body language?

Travis was giving a full hangback.

Yeah.

Because he knew we had a fleeting.

An elevator is so rough.

Yeah.

Because what if they need to split immediately from you at any moment?

And that's uncomfortable.

You can't have owned spaced on DVD and then say something in that moment.

Yes.

You're uncomfortable.

There is also a FAMO body language code that I found when you're in a freight elevator, the least interesting elevator in the world, and it's full of people, and they have picked a spot on the floor that they're just like, I love this spot.

I can't stop looking at this spot.

I'm fascinated by this.

Have you guys ever seen a freight elevator floor like this before?

That they're like, oh no, they've disassociated.

They don't want to be in this elevator with me.

That's no judgment on Mr.

Pegg.

We all know.

Fine, dude.

Yeah, absolutely.

Fine.

It's just that moment.

Deal with my kids constantly.

Yeah, like everybody does it.

This look of just like, I'm trying to just be inside my head right now and not out here with people.

And I saw him doing that and I was like, this isn't the time.

So I briefly mentioned that dad was in the elevator too.

So later when I revealed the killer, it would be more surprising.

Like, I had hoped you'd forget he'd be in the elevator.

So now what I'm like, but then, dad, dad,

dad is shameless.

He doesn't care.

No.

He just wants to get a story out of these people.

He's 70 years old.

Doesn't give a shit.

He wants to talk to Christy Floyd about broccoli.

It's a thing.

And it's become a walking anecdote.

And you know what?

I celebrate it because it's pretty funny to me personally, usually.

Yes.

As long as

it's stuck in a moving box.

Yeah.

Yeah, Trav.

As long as Tom Cruise's friend isn't stuck in a box with us.

Dad clocks it and I see the gears turning and my dad is going for something, some sort of thing he can say to Simon Peck.

And in my head

time slows down and I think of all the different options and then dad says that's a great shirt now

Simon Pegg is wearing an echo in the bunny mid t-shirt yes our dad yeah no concept no concept would not know an echo in the bunny man if one was riding on his shoulder yeah wouldn't know echo from the bunny mid yes

there's like three people in the elevator who are privy to this Vinn diagram of information, and it's us.

Yes.

And I, I can't speak for you guys.

I'm chilled to the bottom.

Oh, dude.

Dad did it with like kind of a, oh, great, like, I know.

And all I could think is this gambit has such a short shelf life.

If Simon Pegg pursues it one inch forward.

Oh,

thank you.

You're a fan?

It's all falling apart.

And if you think I won't leave you hanging, I will pick up a chef's hat and be like, bonsoir, I must check on la patasilli, and then go a different way.

I ran through in my head the life of our father to try and figure out when he would have dipped his snoot into like early 80s post-punk British rock.

Just trying to think, like maybe he, I don't know, spent some time

open for the Doobie brothers at any point?

Yeah, maybe the Echo and the Buddyman open for Michael McDonald.

No, okay, here's the thing, though.

If I had been a little bit quicker thinking and if I had been a little bit more merciless, I could have laid down a dad out flat in a way that probably would have impressed somebody.

You would have turned into me like,

name three Echo and the Bunny Man songs, not counting the killing moon, go.

Like, you may, you may say, if you mentioned Justin McAray around Simon Pegg in like a week or two, he would be like, the podcast guy, he's ice cold.

I saw him kill his dad right in front of me with words.

He laid him out with words.

It was,

he left.

He just laid down on the ground.

I've never seen anything like it.

I should also say, just to complete the thing, Simon Pegg then graciously did a, oh, yeah, thanks.

He said no.

Hockey Travis, dad was very explicit about this.

He said, oh, thanks, man.

Gave him one of those.

Thanks, man.

Thanks, man.

And then he went back to his love affair with the spot on the floor.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's a little bug down there.

Woohoo.

Chilling.

Chilling.

A chilling moment.

Absolutely.

A chilling.

A chilling moment.

Not like the rest of this show, though.

This is an advice show.

We help.

This is a warming environment.

This is a warming energy that we have here.

Autumn is settling in.

Oh, the fire is cracking.

It's fall, y'all.

Spooky season.

Next weekend, I'm taking my nephew to his first wrestling show.

He's nine, and I'm not sure he is even aware of the concept of pro-wrestling.

How should I explain it to him?

I mean, I would say you probably should have started teaching him moves long ago.

He's getting

fucking slam a jam at it.

Are you kidding me?

Nine?

Yeah, no.

He says, to what extent should I let him in on the cafe?

and that's uh from rowdy uncle huh i think that this is uh

you're you've got a very zoomed in view here your nine-year-old nephew already has a huge concept of kfab

and pro wrestling through things like pokemon interest through like what is pokemon except animal pro wrestling and kayfabe yeah i mean that's one of the wronger things you said what are you talking about?

Well, pit them against each other.

They have signature moves.

You get like this type doesn't like that type.

Think about the case.

It seems, Travis, like you included this question just so you could deliver your thesis statement on how wrestling is Pokemon.

And I want to tell you that's wrong-headed.

No, no, no, Griffith, Griffin, Griffin, Griffin.

Pokemon is wrestling.

Pokemon is wrestling.

Okay.

That is cool.

I mean, there are Pokemon who are sort of like wrestlers, right?

Like Hawalucha, one of my personal favorites, Fighting Flying type, and he's got like the Luchador mask and everything.

So, like, I don't understand how that could coexist.

Justin, can I talk to you over here for a second?

Uh, no, you introduced Pokemon into the show, and we've talked about this.

I do not

have a conversation with it, and then I'm not going to talk about Pokemon with anybody, certainly not you, not you.

I'm not even that deep, Travis.

I'm not even that deep in the scene anymore, man.

This is basic common knowledge.

I'm surprised at you.

If it's outside the 151, Griffin, I oh, he's turned his back on.

Yeah, I did.

I've never seen her do this actually.

Well,

I've never had to fucking do it before.

There's never been an option I was aware of.

We could do this.

Should I say Griffin's back looks like he's weakened at Bernie's dead?

Why does it look like he's posed in the chair?

Yeah, man.

I'm the bug bag.

Oh, I forgot.

Yeah, I forgot.

Did you forget he's the bug bag?

I did for just a second.

The bug bag turns his back on you is a powerful move.

I think.

It's tough.

One of the tough things about raising kids is you got to teach them everything.

They don't know anything when they come out.

You got to teach them everything.

Not air and blinking, but other than that.

Since air blinking.

Well, no, they know about air and blinking, but like you have to teach them about sin they did.

You have to teach kids about seeing through bullshit.

But really, the most effective way of doing that is to lay out some bullshit and hope that they start asking the right questions.

Because you can't just lay it all out for them because they won't buy it.

They got to be able to work through it on their own.

But you do hope hope that they'll pick up on the clue.

You know what I mean?

And

have their own suspicions.

I will say this, man.

I wish more things had K-Fabe because BB's one of those that's like, yeah, but why is that?

Right.

So, like, when we're watching a movie and it's like, that person just did something mean to that person, why did they do that?

And the only answer that it really boils down to is, well, the writers wrote it that way.

But if I could say

because three years ago, that person like betrayed them during a tag team match because they like like flirted with their girlfriend and then had a fight backstage and stole the hearse that they like if I could do that and she'd be like makes complete sense show me a pile driver now it's really interesting point Travis I feel like John Cena's been getting off a little too easy in Hollywood like I want to see him at a press junket for Peacemaker and they'd be like I'm so excited to talk about the show you almost killed Cody Rhodes last week because the Rock put a spell on you.

The Rock, excuse me, I'd love to talk about your work, some of your philanthropic business, Mr.

Cena, but last week, I watched you beat the ever-loving bloody shit out of Cody Rhodes because of the spell The Rock put on you.

And maybe you could answer some questions about that first, please.

Do you think that you could

do you think you could still break up John Cena with a

how well deployed would your I can't see you joke need to be to break up John Cena with an I can't see you gag like how long how protracted would you need to keep that bit going or do you think he has heard at this point like literally every permutation

I think just if you're doing an interview with him just insist like they keep setting up more and more cameras

no see I feel like he would he would immediately like

he was definitely he'd be like uh-uh no I'm on to you like he would definitely see through that okay film a whole like 60 million dollar budget movie but every scene that he's in, you have digitally edited him out of.

And you get to the premiere.

Oh, that's cool.

And you show it, and it's like, fuck, he didn't show up.

Travis is right.

There is still definitely stuff we could do to fuck with this guy.

That would be good if you showed up.

If he showed up like season two and James Gunn is there, and you know, he's got the budget now.

Yeah.

He's got the juice to put out a premiere where like you can't see him.

And like, what would be good is if James Gunn the whole time was like as the premiere was airing, like in the theater, he just kept standing up like, fuck god damn it this isn't good

god damn it you ruined it he doesn't understand you ruined it

do you think if you threw a marble at john cena and it didn't pass clean through him well you can feel him

yeah

that would be cool if that was his

four senses still work it'd be cool if you hear him feel him taste him touch him why a marble is that referencing some sort of deep john cena lore yeah he's

yeah he lost a shooter from Moynihan.

Don't lie to me.

I will believe anything you tell me.

There's a brief plotline where John Cena was in Neverland and he was one of the lost boys and he was having fun out there and he lost his dang marbles there.

And

I don't know.

Is that real?

No, that's not real.

Okay, see

I do apologize.

All the things I said the rock did.

It's important you guys know that The Rock put a spell, a curse on John Cena to make him beat the shit out of Cody Rhodes.

And now, but now he's cool again.

Now they're cool again.

They squash that beef really fast.

I just, I thought you would like this sort of magical realism that they're bringing.

Don't say fucking, don't say anything to this nine-year-old.

Let them go and then ask them what they thought afterwards, and then go from there.

Because if they think it's magic and cool and real, that's awesome.

Because one day they'll learn that it's not and they're going to go through a long, weird period until they start to respect the craft again.

And they realize even though it is written and the athleticism, they realize even though it's written, it's still real to me.

Damn it.

Written but real.

Written.

Written but real.

Written, but real.

These are the new taglines for wrestling.

Is that a wrestling?

I don't think WWE is going to pick them up, but maybe AEW or some other league.

Written but real.

You can feel me.

Scripted but

you know what I mean?

Like scripted but scurrilous.

Like what's a

scripted but you didn't think we got it with written but real?

Written but real is good, but like script, scripted, but

you killed the vibe, man.

I know.

Dude,

the vibe's in the fucking toilet, dude.

Perfect.

It'll be a good.

So I never get to be the one who sits silently while someone says dumb shit.

I was so happy during that moment.

I know, Trevor.

I get why you guys do it to me.

It's a nice break.

It's a nice break.

Good.

It's a good relaxer.

But also,

that was a gift.

That was a good joke.

That was a good joke.

Do a different, better one.

Different, better one.

Right this moment, please.

Don't tell anything to this nine-year-old.

Except you love him.

Tell him you love him.

Tell him you love him, I guess.

Oh, and ask him if they need like a drink.

He's the bathroom or something.

Like, you should tell him where to see you.

You know?

Yeah.

Because if he gets a little bit of a double-dead, he's nine, he doesn't have a GPS.

Tell him if another kid is looking at him weird.

Yeah.

I mean, tell him important stuff.

How about another question, please?

Yes.

I'd love to help you guys out with that.

I work in a fairly industrial part of my city, and there aren't really any places to sit outside nearby.

I often like to enjoy my lunch outside as opposed to the oppressive clinical break room at the corporate retail store I work at.

It's small and gray and covered in corporate images of real people acting like they enjoy working here.

Anyway, I want to spend my lunch outside.

However, the only place to sit and enjoy my meal is a comfortable-looking bus bench a few hundred feet from my work.

I see the bus come by and stop often, but it only stops if there's a potential patron waiting on the bench.

I do not want to stop the bus for me when I'm just enjoying my break, brothers.

How can I sit on this comfortable bus bench and enjoy my lunch without the bus thinking I need a ride and stopping for me?

Oh, man, that's from barely comfortable in British Columbia.

You can say for the record, like you can just say next time you want to eat outside.

Like you do not need to justify to us.

We just do the podcast.

Like, you can eat wherever you want.

Do not judge the reasons why you might want to eat outside.

Is it my favorite side to eat in?

No, but that doesn't mean inside anything.

That's where geese are.

Geese is, I have a zero goose guarantee in this house.

I can tell you that.

Bus, bench.

There's a few chairs out there that

when you're sitting on them, you're making a statement.

Toilet.

Toilet.

Toilet.

Throne.

Stool in in the corner.

Electric chair.

Electric chair, for sure, Juice.

Maudlin, but yeah.

Maudlin.

Maudlin, but accurate.

Bus bench.

Bus bench.

Cuck chair.

Cuck chair.

The bus bench is the cuck chair of the sidewalk.

Yeah.

I don't think that's actually true.

You're not a cucker if you take the bus.

That would say.

I'm sorry I said that you're a cuck if you take the bus.

I love the bus.

I love the bus.

No, I just said the sidewalk is the...

Hold on.

Okay.

I think we haven't brought it up in a while, but I think a sign would help.

Yeah.

I mean, but there's lots of signs on the butt.

There's lots of signs on the road that I do want the bus driver to be paying attention to.

I'm not sure I want to throw bonus signs in there all willy-nilly.

And there's probably, and one sign that I would say should be helping right now is bust,

like the sign that says bus stop.

You know, that should tell you that you should shouldn't eat there.

Like there's already a sign doing a job.

You know what I mean?

Like that you can't put up your own sign that's like, but not me.

Because there's a sign that says bus stop.

There's already a sign there.

There should be an exclamation point after bus, and then a period after stop.

And now that sign's for you saying, bus

stop.

Here's what you do.

Eating here.

When the bus stops and opens their doors to let you on, you poke your head inside and look around and then say, I'll catch the next one.

And sit back down and keep eating.

So weird wasting so much.

Do you realize if you make a bus stop for you and there's 30 people on it and that stop takes 45 seconds, all of a sudden, you're talking about

two minutes and 15 seconds.

Two minutes and 15 seconds of

it's 20, like 20 minutes or something like that of people time.

You've wasted gasoline.

A good way to gain some feeling of control, though, over the universe and everything to inflict that kind of

punishment on other people.

You know what I mean?

On public transit and public transit users, you're still tracking.

You're putting the system down, you're making it less efficient.

When you see the bus coming, hop up and hide behind the bench.

No.

No.

I mean, yeah, that'll work, but don't.

But don't, man.

Man, I saw somebody yesterday.

I was on Route 60, and it wasn't Route 60 Walker.

It was a different guy.

It was like, he was in a parking lot.

And he was wearing white linen pants, no shirt, no shoes.

Fuck yeah.

Hookah necklace.

Nice.

Striding through the parking lot outside the

fuel and the

Everonis there.

Just like striding.

Just striding through the parking lot.

No shoes, no shirt, white linen pants.

It was amazing.

I want to stop and ask him, like,

how's it going?

Like, it's like, what's so chill today?

You know what I mean?

Like, I don't know.

I don't even know what to say to him.

It's awesome, though.

So you're saying just walk more?

I'm confused as to how this is active, helpful.

Well, it's like.

People, people,

I love you saw a cool guy, Juice.

Like, I'm fucking stoked.

No.

No, I'm just saying I love people out in the environment just kind of making it their own.

You know what I mean?

Like,

absolutely.

If you brought a folding chair from home,

how far away from the bus stop would you have to place it?

Yeah.

Before A,

you're outside of the bus stopping zone and B, it's not weird.

If you've got a folding chair, the bus stop is no longer in the equation.

Suddenly you're king of all outdoors.

You know what I mean?

Like, who cares about the bus stop anymore?

But the answer is

15 feet the is the answer 15 feet and if the bus stops you can be like what the fuck are you doing man clearly this is not this has nothing to do with the bus stop clearly i'm on my own thing over here i like the hiding idea i did want to say that

hiding in public is tough as a dad i do a lot of hide and seek with my kids sometimes at like a playground or at um the backyard or front yard of my house and you can't see a middle-aged man in his own bushes

fucking

goblin

bugbag mode.

And I know that if people see me from the street, they're going to be like, Cops.

And

I don't, I don't, I, you just can't doing it at a playground, being fucking some other kid runs up and finds you inside of like a little metal tunnel, like,

I'm going to, I'm going to hide so good, and I'm going to win the game with my son.

There's no fucking way, man.

There's no solution for it.

Do you think a good life,

if you're breaking into someone's house and they call the cops and you tell the cops, like, I'm playing a really competitive game of hide and seek with my kids?

Yeah.

Do you think that that would at least buy you enough time to get away?

I don't know, Chad, but it's questions like that that make it hard for me to enjoy my leisure time with my children.

Rather than hide at the bus stop when the, the, the bus shows up, what if you hid?

uh at work you know if you think about the entrance to the building that's one side of it all right there's gonna be three other sides to that building that people are not going in and out of.

So, I would encourage you to take a step off that beam path, take that road less traveled, walk around to the side of the building, and maybe there's a little spot that you can start to reclaim, you know, to take on as your own.

No one's gonna go over there, just like a little, like leave the chair, you know what I mean?

Unless like a little bench, unless get on the bus,

get on the bus, and then get off of the next stop and walk back.

You got your lunch.

You got a little exercise.

You saw the world.

Opened your eyes a little bit.

Maybe broadened your horizons.

So this is a time with the bus driver.

Get to know him.

Right at every time.

And then say, hey, just for future reference, I eat my lunch there.

You don't have to stop and pick me up.

I like both your guys' plans.

Don't make me choose.

Choose one.

Don't make me choose.

I like both of the plans.

Please don't make me choose.

Ask the driver to just drive around the block a couple times.

Driver, driver.

Sorry?

Get on the bus.

You think that we're so we're just looking for more inefficiency.

Like, where can you make this great system less?

His plan, Travis, was to find a little secret garden.

Your plan was to waste people's time.

We didn't even talk about my plan, by the way.

You charged right plastic plan to do your plan.

Classic.

Can you build a secret garden on the bus?

Do you want to not?

No, but you're trying to find a middle ground, right?

You heard it, right?

But I'm trying to find a middle ground.

There's no middle ground between right and wrong.

Could you ride the bus inside your own secret garden?

Maybe

you're so attached to this fucking bus, and you're not even here in the other situation.

Like everything you suggested.

Maybe start your own bus line to compete.

Maybe get a job at the bus company.

That's a great idea.

The bus is the enemy in this situation.

The bus is our opponent.

And we're like trying to figure out, like, here's a practical thing you can do.

Find your own little secret garden go hang out with the smoky joes by the loading dock and snarf your bunch and you're over here like do you think they do you think two buses could get married

Wait, hold on.

I didn't even think about this.

What if a bus could become a person, like a Transformer, and then you could marry that person?

Could a Metro bus marry a VW bus in this scenario, Griffin, or do you have a business?

What's that you fucking mean, man?

I'm trying to help this person get fed in the middle of the day.

And you're over here talking about how much you want buses kissing.

Griffin and I are trying to be a giving tree for this person.

And you're like, get on the bus bus and then hump the bus.

What?

Doesn't make any sense to us.

Whoa, get on the bus, ask for consent and then hump the bus.

Don't hump the bus.

Well, maybe.

Don't say unless either, Travis.

Travis, what if it's a hump bus?

You said unless earlier.

What if it's a what's a hump bus, Travis?

It's Griffin.

You can't just say shit.

What's your year?

The underpinnings of the whole

branches are coming up.

It's a bus driven driven by a camel

Travis just own it man.

Just disengage you got you got high off of when I bombed earlier and you're still buzzing.

You're right.

I thought I could win.

You gotta calm down and you're spinning out.

It's all falling apart.

I'm so tired.

The thing is, we just did four days of the time.

The fighting makes me so tired.

Oh, man.

Makes me stronger.

Should we go to the bunny zone?

Take me there.

Take me there, daddy.

I wanted to apologize to you guys real quick because I haven't sent you birthday cards in several years.

It's just that

getting stamps and everything, I don't know how to do it.

I'm so, I just, I know it's been like 12 years since I sent you a birthday card or a Christmas card or like good luck on you know your endoscopy card all that stuff what's weird about that is Travis we have for many many years been telling our listeners about stamps.com which is a website where you can go and that's real

I thought that was a joke

you thought it was like a joke

like we were

running this a few times and so sometimes Travis thinks the ads are still part of the show.

I thought it was you thought that it was just too

it sounded too great too confusing yeah well yeah there's no way which part which part we tell jokes we tell jokes during the ads sometimes, Juice.

Yeah,

the stamps.com proposition seem the most unrealistic.

Frankly, the fact that I could do it all at home right from my computer phone or other smart device.

Yeah.

I know.

I know.

It seems

true.

And it sounds, it like busts, I fucking get it because it busts me up when I hear stuff like stamps.com gets you incredible rates like up to 89% off USPS and UPS.

Yeah.

Like

it's funny, no.

It's funny.

Yeah, yeah.

It's all, yeah, it's close.

And they offer 24-7 support.

That doesn't doesn't seem real, but it's true.

Bro, there's only six days in a week.

So, like, this next part, Trav, and our listeners, totally real.

Spend less time on busy work and more time on your business with stamps.com.

Go to stamps.com and use code MyBrother for a one-month free trial plus $5 in postage and a digital scale.

That's stamps.com code my brother.

I know I stumbled on the word digital.

That was not a joke.

That was an accident done during a very real and authentic

Najay K.

Hashtag Najay jk hashtag real life

hashtag real life

so where can we look forward to some more greetings from you trav is that yeah man i've got a backlog to send yeah fucking right what's my address uh number one dump street

man you got my ass i was trying to get your ass and you fucking turned it on me yeah that's yeah it's that that was

not it is that not your address

have you been sending letters to number one dump street yeah we got to stop saying addresses.

It's like 69, 69 Cool Street all over again.

Someone lives on one Dump Street and now they're going to get fucking craft macaroni and cheese mailed to their house or some shit.

Don't do that shit, people.

In Bootyville, USA.

Travis, goddamn it, it can't because the world's so booty.

That does exist, I bet.

Probably Wisconsin, I bet.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined.

No, no, no.

It's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Long.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Yes.

I want a munch.

Squad.

Oh, Bugman, no.

Squad.

A one, two, munch.

Squad.

You want to kill Bugman?

Shut Shut up.

Shut up.

Stop talking.

Try to do my bit.

This is a podcast of the podcast for fun of the ladies and grace and brand eating.

I went up to a podcast.

Dad's going to be mad at me now that I said, shut up.

I'm going to get you.

You know, we don't say that to each other.

Sorry.

But Travis called me stupid earlier, so I think we're probably.

Yeah, listen.

Okay, it all balances out.

That's what I tell my kids.

It all balances out.

Did you hear when he said I live at Dump Street?

Like, Travis is off the fucking chains this episode.

We got to go on tour again next week.

I know.

I know, man.

I don't know how we messed up so bad.

No, those shows are going to be good.

They're going to be amazing.

We're going to be broken by them.

They may claim our lives.

So

it's my favorite time of the year.

That is pumpkin spice season.

And for me, pumpkin spice season means something a little different because I don't really get pumpkin spice lattes.

For me, this season is really about watching how other chains justify

including pumpkin on their menu because I don't know why, but everybody is still out here trying to explain it away.

So let's check in with

Voodoo Donuts to start off with.

Voodoo Donuts announces pumpkin spice latte donut and a pumpkin buttermilk bar.

Get ready for this.

Voodoo Donut, the iconic creator of handcrafted innovative donuts, is excited to announce two new seasonal creations, the pumpkin spice latte donut and the pumpkin buttermilk bar.

You know, the pumpkin spice latte donut is a is filled with delectable pumpkin spice fluff and dipped in bold magic roast espresso frosting.

It's a pumpkin spice latte donut.

There's a when you live long enough, as we have children, you see edgy, cool like companies and places, independent things

become what they once hated.

Trav?

Hey, Trav?

Yeah.

100%.

Here's the quote from the CEO of Voodoo Donuts, Chris Schultz.

We wanted to create a little pumpkin for everyone this fall.

From the latte lovers to the pumpkin purists, these limited-time donuts are made to bring a little seasonal joy to every guest who

walks through our doors.

Chris, I once bought a bucket of old donuts from a voodoo donuts for $10.

Yeah, like a five-gallon plastic bucket.

Yeah.

You guys used to fuck.

What happened?

A pumpkin spice latte donut?

You're washed, Corpo.

You're washed.

You're washed, Corpo Pig.

Iconic creator of handcrafted, innovative donuts, and then you have the gall to announce a pumpkin spice latte donut?

Chris?

Also, if I met someone and they told me they were a pumpkin purist, I don't know why, but I would assume like...

It's eat something else.

You've got a lot more stuff going on.

Asking Rob.

Sorry, Griff, go ahead.

You want to remind me how food and dough used to be?

Yeah.

No, I mean, they got to make a living.

It's tough out there.

You know, I get it.

Baskin Robbins brings back pumpkin cheesecake ice cream and debuts new pumpkin spice.

How should you say that?

Debuze?

No, that sounds bad.

I don't know.

I like the way it sounds, though.

Debuts?

Debuse?

Debuz.

New pumpkin spice frozen beverage.

Falls in the air and in your cup.

Baskin Robbins is welcome to the business.

One more time.

Falls in the air and in your cup.

Cool.

I would assume that some of the air got in my cup then.

Yeah, I got a new pumpkin spice.

You gotta wash your cups, man.

It's a frozen coffee beverage that delivers cozy vibes with every sip.

Hey,

hey, guys.

Yeah.

You can't have us.

Man.

Available nationwide beginning September 1st.

These limited time seasonal offerings are the ultimate way to embrace sweater weather, no matter what the thermometer says.

There's eight fall like buzz words that have just become like just i don't know throw these in a blender chop them up and sad libs it out the whole season is just a flavor now like the entirety of the season has been subsumed yeah we need to we need to buzz you're not in the pumpkin mood well the cappy lineup features a variety of bold creamy flavors that hit the spot Every time choose from fan favorites like classic caramel praline chocolate fudge and Oreo but wait I hear you saying duncan how can you justify having pumpkin on your menu well nicole boutwell the vice president of brand marketing has this to say pumpkin is more than just a flavor it's a seasonal must-have with pumpkin cheesecake and the new pumpkin spice cappy guests can enjoy cozy fall flavors with their refreshing twists that lets them celebrate the season in the most delicious way all i'm saying is that fall used to be about one thing autumnal jesus and now thank you travis we have let corporations get it harvest harvest christ thank you yes yes and now we've we've gone in and we've taken away the meaning of what harvest christ autumnal jesus once brought to us and forgotten forgotten about well you also for we've forgotten all the other autumnal friends like green like where's my green beams where's my green beam sorry say again where's my green

smoothie?

Where's my eggplant?

Where's my smoothie?

It makes me shoot green beams.

I want my green beams smoothie, and I want eggplant fries, and I want

a party,

rooms full of laughter, 10,000 tons of ice cream.

Hey, Nectar Juice Bar is unveiling a reimagined better for you pumpkin lineup.

Thank you.

Now, this is really, this is unhinged.

Pumpkin Spy Season is back, but at Nectar Juice Bar, it's getting a clean, eat shit with that that clean nonsense, a clean, elevated makeover.

Launching September 2nd on the Nectar app and October 1st at locations nationwide, there's a whole month where you walk in, you're like, Let me get that pumpkin.

They're going to be like, What the fuck are you talking about?

No, that's a digital pumpkin.

Step outside, get on the app.

We're not going to help you for a month.

That's the case.

They're made from real pumpkin and nutrient-rich ingredients, never sugary syrups or artificial substitutes.

But I like those things.

Hold on.

I like them.

Those make pumpkin taste good.

Without that, pumpkin's gross.

Can we bring our own artificial sweeteners from home, please, Nick?

Maybe.

We don't like the pumpkins.

No, it's not called pumpkin drink.

It's called pumpkin spice, the shit you add to the pumpkin to make it palatable.

Available through December 1st.

Oh, got it.

Thank you.

I can never remember how long

fall stops.

Yeah.

This limited time menu features,

it delivers cozy fall flavor with a wholesome functional twist crafted to fuel the season what

crafted to fuel the seasoned to fuel the season in your cup

crafted to fuel the season can we do this collection balances and dulcet unless i'm mistaken the second use of functional yeah a fresh society yes describing an edible thing yeah it's cool it's a wholesome way to enjoy pumpkin spice any time of day capturing all the because i know when i try try to enjoy pumpkin spice, sometimes I'm like, oh, you bad boy,

enjoying pumpkin spice right now.

Do you guys remember when like two years ago, people were like talking about how sweet potato was going to be the new thing?

Was the sweet potato is going to take over?

And people were talking about how like you get that sweet potato latte,

but then pumpkin came back strong the next year.

Like, yeah, the fuck out of here.

Yeah, that sucks.

Sweet potato can't, can't, can't, it could never, can't, it can't come at the fire.

Such a bummer.

I love that stuff.

Hey, listen.

I love that that stuff, man.

I know what you're saying, though.

How is it possible that Nectar Juice Bar can justify including pumpkin on their menu?

Well, here's the answer: pumpkin spice is everywhere this time of year, but too often it's all sugar and no substance.

At Nectar Juice Bar, we're committed to doing things differently.

By using real pumpkin and nutrient-dense ingredients, we've created a fall menu that feels indulgent, but actually supports our guests' health and wellness goals.

It's pumpkin season the way it should be, real, fresh, and truly delicious.

I really appreciate these brands that help us to really keep an eye on all the artificial shit and the sugar that gets like added to our drinks.

And they help us to eat the way that our ancestors

ate, which is get 10 pumpkins and grind them down to a pulp and then drink the slurry.

You know how they used to do it?

Like our

four, our progenitors, how they used to get a, like a bucket full of produce and just mash it all up and then throw away a lot of it and then drink what's left.

If you served up a gourd slurry at the, at the town hall in the middle ages, you would be, you would be tried for witchcraft.

You would not make it out of that place.

This is fucking crazy.

You can't pretend like this is nature's way.

Just give me a pumpkin to eat.

Just give me a whole pumpkin.

Fuck yeah, that's it.

Welcome to Sonic.

Here's your

whole ass gourd.

We heated it up for you.

They got to cook it or else people will use that as an opportunity to get their pumpkin without getting out of their car.

No, no.

So you got to cook it or else people will buy down.

And then they watch you eat every bite.

Crush this little gourd like a porcupine while we watch.

This is my favorite.

Bobby's Burgers adds wild mushroom, bacon, burger, and pumpkin spice milkshake for fall.

Bobby's Burgers by Bobby Flay is celebrating fall with two new additions to the menu that captures the spirit of the season.

The wild mushroom bacon burger and pumpkin spice milkshake.

The wild mushroom bacon burger features certified Angus beef, grilled the guest choice of medium or well yada, yada, yada.

They never mentioned the milkshake again.

Oh, really?

Yes, they don't.

They don't because

you might be saying,

because the person who they have to get a quote from is Bobby Flay.

And he's

shit about this milkshake.

Here's what Bobby Flay says.

the paragraph before Bobby's quote is this: For the ultimate fall indulgence, the pumpkin spice milkshake blends rich, velvety custard with warm pumpkin spice.

It's topped with housemade whipped cream and a dusting of seasonal spice for a cozy, crave-worthy finish.

But wait, Bobby Flay, professional chef, how do you justify having pumpkin on the menu?

Can't wait.

As a chef, I've always drawn inspiration from my travels.

This menu takes a cue from the ingredients of the Pacific Northwest and the

inviting flavors of fall.

When I spent a year in Halloween town, I learned all about

pumpkin milkshakes.

Bobby, are you telling me, as my brother indicates, that

this is informed by your travels through

fall?

Your travels through autumnal splendor?

You know, like...

I would listen to the Bobby Flay take a train, take a train through autumn, to through America's autumn land with me.

Come as I do.

I heard this place has some of the best nutmeg.

So I'm here looking after the nutmeg.

You think you could eat that nutmeg to me?

Let's do it.

Bobby won't explain his pumpkin spice.

He refuses.

I cannot imagine that was his call, right?

They probably have been fighting it for years to get

a pumpkin spice milkshake on the menu.

There should just be a sign on the front of every shop, on every restaurant,

And it's a sign over the over the spigot out of which the juice comes out.

And they can just turn it so it says pumpkin on it.

That's really all I need.

Send a letter to everyone in the country.

And the letter is going to be sent by every food business ever.

And it's going to say pumpkins start on September 5th.

And then pumpkins are going to go until December 1st.

Thank you.

You come out, get your pumpkin stuff, because you know we're going to get it to you.

We're going to do it.

We're doing it.

Raise the flag.

Put the flag half mast.

I will know that means it's pumpkin time and we can raise it up on December 1st.

This is an urgent question.

Today, I was driving to work and realized my breath was not the freshest.

While on the highway, I noticed I had a dentist goodie bag in my car complete with travel-sized mouthwash.

Forgetting the basic principles of mouthwash, I decided to take a big gulp.

Immediately after, I realized I had no way of disposing said mouthwash.

My options are now to swallow the mouthwash, which seems physically impossible, spit it out of an open window while driving 60 miles an hour, or ruin my morning cup of coffee with used mouthwash.

Please help.

I'm crying.

My mouth is burning.

That's for emergency in the Midwest.

Ah, you got to us just in time.

Yeah.

This is our first ever live sent in recorded question.

Don't spit it out the window.

I've made that mistake before.

It goes in the back.

It just blows right back in.

Blows right back in.

I want to be tender and gentle, gentle parent here.

But I do need to, I need you to accept the fact that you fucked up.

Yeah, there's a certain amount of ownership that I feel like you do need to take of the situation of you did a bad you did a bad thing and you fucked up for it and because of that you're gonna there will be a consequence the consequence is the back seat you get minty fresh the coffee gets ruined or you swallow it which you can do like you can get that down it's not physically impossible you shouldn't not good but there's a consequence for your action there's a fourth option, but I don't know if it's better because there had to be a container that the mouthwash was in.

Now, I recognize that that container is little and has a tiny

orifice.

You're going to try to spit back in.

It's going to go everywhere.

No way you won't be able to do it because the air.

Yeah.

Because the size of it, as you're trying to throw the remote back in, you won't be able to get the air.

You know what I'm saying?

You almost had to drink the air, drink it all.

Yeah.

You almost had to put the entire bottle.

Why did did you do this?

Why'd you fucking do this

so bad?

It's so wild to me that you were trying to get all like high and mighty about road safety now while you were rooting around in your car for, I'm sorry, that dentist bag was not like in your line of sight.

There's no way it was propped up in the passenger seat.

No, you were, and, and did you one hand that lid off?

Nope, I bet you didn't.

You waved bye-bye to road safety a long time ago.

Let's just get this thing done.

All right.

Let's just get past this.

This is why you shouldn't clean your car out too much.

You know what I mean?

Because listen, you never know when you're going to have to MacGyver a situation like this.

And oh, there's an old mug in the glove box or whatever.

Boom.

Solved.

How did you escape the car after it crashed into the lake?

Well, I used one of the many rock-hard Fig Newtons with a single bite taken out of them that it had been filed to a sharp point.

And I used that to break the glass and save my family.

Couldn't have done it without you.

Yes.

Here, I was stranded here on this tiny island when I crashed off a bridge onto this island.

and the only way that i was able to signal was by collecting all of the uh discarded wendy's toys that my kids are very excited about for 30 seconds and burned them and the fumes made such a strange color in the sky that people knew that i needed rescue i bound my wounds with the very old silly putty that had been gonked into the door stop

um

there's another solution and it's you fucking finish your drive while you rock with that spicy juice in your mouth until you get to the party.

I don't know, man.

I don't know what happens.

Oh, no, it's gonna, oh, it'll be fucking hard, but you're gonna come through the other.

That's like a fucking life-changing ordeal at that point.

If you can keep that spicy juice in your mouth until you park it and then you spit, and the whole day, you're gonna have a sort of like vacant expression on your face.

But the cleanest breath anything ever happened.

What if something happens, and if you hold it in there for long enough, it like

bonds

and you become forever fresh?

Like, what if there like

you know what I mean?

Like, what if there's like something happens where you're like fresh forever?

If there was, if we had that technology, I would like to think I would have heard about it at this point.

It's gonna hurt popular mechanics.

You gotta, you're not gonna hear about the latest developments unless you're reading popular mechanics or popular members.

Or wire cutter.

Stay abreast.

Wirecutter is a good one.

I don't know what wire cutter does.

Okay.

They review toilets.

Oh, vacuums.

Yeah.

They tell you which toilet vacuums are the good ones.

Could you spit it just into the cup holder?

Bad news, Trav.

They all suck.

Ah!

Yeah, that's how every one of them goes.

Just spit it in the cup holder.

No, wait, can we do, Griffin?

You didn't.

Let's try again.

Yeah.

Bad news, they all suck.

Yeah,

they're not great.

So anyways, just spit it in the cup holder, and then you can shove some paper towels in there later.

Yeah, there's a lot of places in your car you can get a little bit wet.

That's a good point, Trav.

Spit it on the fucking floor mat.

And you can just clean that up.

I'm saying a cup holder is designed to.

Spit on your shirt.

No, spit on your shirt.

Spit it on your shirt.

Wash your shirt later.

We're all fucking meat, man.

Who gives a shit, dude?

Let it trample down in the front of your face, you nasty face.

But I'm saying the cup holder holds liquid if a cup bursts open.

Let it tramp.

What if you have a nasty face and then tell your boss, like, yeah, my face is wet.

We're all meat.

Fuck off.

I'll clean it later.

Yeah, sure.

What if he fills the cup holder with spit?

He needs to piss in it.

Like the fucking animal.

That's why there's two of them up front.

Yeah.

Take your shoe off, put spit in there, walk around with one sloppy shoe.

Shoe with piss.

And

eating a frame.

And then drop it out in the yard.

They said, did you spit it in both shoes?

Say, no, I spit my mouthwash in one shoe and I pissed in the other because we're all meat and it doesn't fucking matter.

I'll clean them later.

I'd like a raise, please.

We didn't even get to introduce P into the question.

That wasn't one of the, like, that wasn't a parameter.

It's like, also, P is fine.

If you don't think that's the concern, if you accidentally swallow mouthwash, it's like, if it burns that much in my mouth, how is this going to feel later?

Yeah, dude.

Yeah.

It's going to feel bad.

In my sensitive urethra?

Whew.

You know, Travis has urethra sensitivity issues, Travis.

Yes.

My urethra needs a little respect.

Stop.

Thank you so much for listening to our podcast.

We hope you've enjoyed it.

You're have always taken great care of us.

You've You've always been there for us.

We're happy to be here for you in your time of need.

Hey, we're so excited.

We're back on the road.

Can't wait.

The shows are going to be amazing.

We're going to be in Austin and San Antonio.

We don't know what those guys were saying earlier, but we are really excited.

Healthy is fire.

That was act one, Travis, Justin, and Griffith.

This is.

I'm going to be healthy as hell for you, Texas.

Yes.

If you have questions for the NBNBAM shows or if you have a fear you want to read,

you can send that to NBNBAM at maximumfun.org and put the city you'll be attending in the subject line.

Austin is Taz versus Hercules.

It's going to be a hoot and a half.

And later this year, we're coming to Utah and California and get tickets for all the shows at bit.ly slash MacrooyTours.

The ticket links and information are there.

Hey, we got some new merch up in the merch store over at macrowaymerch.com.

There is a rad Geral shirt that was designed by Lynn Doyle.

It's one of my favorite shirt designs we've had up in a really long time.

And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Equality Florida, which is dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's LGBTQ community.

I want to let folks know Champions Grove is going to be back for its third year.

Tickets are going on sale in early November.

You'll see more information, or you can follow at Champions Grove on Instagram and get all the information there and see a lot of fun clips from previous years and find out what it's all about.

Thank you.

Or go to championsgrove.com.

Thanks.

Thank you to Montane for the use of our theme song my life is better with you uh it's all i really wanted to say uh montane is a good one and uh

very very grateful that they have allowed us to use this very good song as our introduction for for so long now so thank you montane who shall read the fear this week not me okay i'm scared enough

and you do it this year

I'm going to be faster than my fear of sitting in a theater box because that's where Lincoln was assassinated.

My name is Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Bug Bag.

This is for my brother, my brother may kiss your dad square on the lips.

It's better with you.

It's better, it's better with you.

It's better.

My life, oh.

It's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

But

it's better with you.

Maximum Fun, a workaround network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.