Best Of Book Six

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Hello, hello, hello.

Welcome back to my dad Rota Porno.

It's a very special day in the Flintstone household.

It's very exciting.

Congratulations are in order.

Yeah, Rocky Flintstone has become a grandfather.

Oh, thank goodness you said grandfather.

The grandfather of porn.

Oh, my God.

I really worried you'd add another kid to the brood.

Oh, God, could you imagine?

What was that thing that Margaret Thatcher said?

We have become a grandmother.

We have become a grandfather.

That's great.

Very exciting.

So that means you're an uncle now?

I'm an official uncle and a godfather again.

He's trying to beat me.

He's trying to beat my school.

James, I was asked to be godfather of my new nephew.

The next day, I was asked to be godfather to another child.

I'm up to four.

Guys, it's quality, not quantity.

To another child?

He asked.

He saw a child on the street.

He was like, I've got a godfather for that.

Do you want one?

He's placed an advert in the paper.

Will Godfather for cash?

Well, that's lovely news.

Congratulations.

It is.

That's very exciting.

Many congrats to every Flintstone in the family.

Do we know the name?

Are we allowed to know?

The baby is called Bam Bam.

Oh, lovely.

Oh, it's very.

Very nice.

We're going to keep the name a little bit bit on the down low just for my sister's privacy.

But yeah, really, really exciting.

Basically, so everyone doesn't grab the domain names.

Exactly.

In 50 years, it'll be my grandfather, Roda Porno, and this whole thing will start all over again.

Oh my god, great, great.

But that's not what we're actually here to do.

We're not here to just talk about dad being a grand dad.

We are talking book six.

It's time to review book six, guys.

I'm always surprised we call this the best of book six.

The worst of, would you rather?

Yeah, exactly.

Or just like

notable moments.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, things that made us wheeze.

The easiest bits of book six to remember.

Yeah.

There were a lot, though.

I put out on Instagram actually asking people for their favourite moments.

Yeah, thanks for getting in touch because we wouldn't have been able to do this without you.

No, because as usual, Alice forgot everything.

Well, it's funny you say that because you said, what are your favourite moments from book six?

And you didn't reply.

And so I said, well, actually, I started listening from the beginning of the series.

I got partway through episode one and I wrote down like five things, right?

Who says she hasn't got a life?

Obviously me listening is me listening for the first time because I don't remember a single goddamn life.

Obviously, yeah, yeah.

What are they?

Well, actually, it all just seems to be consecutive.

So there's just one moment.

This is a little bit that you like.

This is a lovely little bit that I like.

So do you remember when Toffee Apple Chew wears a rosette?

Yes.

To Westminster Abbey at the funeral?

I just adore it.

Oh, I can't remember that.

That's one of your highlights in the book six.

Playing the Spoons at the funeral.

Oh, yeah.

Really good.

The order that Spooner had last ravaged them was the the order that they were in the queue.

Yep.

And then the one that basically is my favourite moment from that episode.

What?

Is Jamie trying to say the word morning, but of course he could only say murning.

Merning.

No,

no, it isn't me not being able to say it.

It's me saying it, you know.

Hey, but say properly.

I'm resisting saying it.

See you in prison because that is the biggest crime I've ever heard.

Okay, I can't speak properly.

I cop to it.

Well, before we get to it properly,

we should talk about the tour because it's started.

We're in it.

Oh my God, I know.

So much fun.

I'm in worning for my life because now we're just on the road, baby.

A lot of people are asking if you need to be up to date with the podcast.

Yeah.

You don't at all.

I mean, it's dad.

Nothing makes sense ever.

And actually, it's kind of a fun standalone.

So it's quite, it's sort of the prime thing to bring your mate to that's not necessarily as much of a belinker.

And also, you get to write some of the book, this live show.

Dad's done a kind of like pick your own porno show whereby the audience at various points throughout show have to decide decisions and it takes the book into different directions.

So you are part of the show like never before.

Yeah, no two shows are the same.

It's great.

It's all your fault.

Exactly.

And don't forget, if you booked a ticket way back when in 2019, ah, the good old days.

Those days

in UK and Europe, then your original ticket will be honoured and there is a rescheduled date waiting for you.

So just check at mydebra at porno.com forward slash live.

All the info there about your new date.

And we've also emailed you personally to remind you to get your ass to the theatre.

Yeah, James actually has done that, which I really love.

So check your trash, probably in there.

Took me ages.

One by one.

Did you actually?

Because there is a way around that.

I should have, we should have said, I wondered why you look so knackered.

But you get a little taste of what it's like to work with James.

Exactly.

Very organised man.

Just reminding you, this is what you bought.

Please still come.

See you there.

I'm looking forward to Helsinki.

I've never been to Helsinki before.

Bit of fitness.

Yeah, me too, actually.

Yeah, first time in Finland.

Alice, where are you looking forward to?

Um, yeah, where am I looking forward to?

London, probably, it's right near your house.

Just pop straight back up.

She's covered in pajamas.

Well, funny you mentioned that actually, because the five palladium dates have sold so well that we're adding another one May the 18th at the Royal Festival Hall in London.

So if you missed your chance on the palladium ones, do not worry.

We're going nowhere, baby.

North America, US Canada, we're coming to you.

San Francisco, Los Angeles, Seattle, Seattle, Vancouver, Toronto.

Yes.

Radio City Music Hall in New York City.

I cannot wait.

That will be our biggest show ever.

And that's the final night of the tour, so it's going to be mega.

So if you haven't got your tickets yet, what are you waiting for?

They are selling out.

Go to mydadrataporno.com forward slash live.

They are selling faster than the cry no more knife at the Steels Pots and Pan store at the Pots and Pan Pacific Conference.

Easy for you to say.

Yeah, very much so.

Which, speaking of, we should delve into the best or our favourite, let's not say best, you're right, James.

Our favourite bits of book six.

Well, we have to stop.

Like, there's one that just came up time and again.

I think I know what you mean.

Is he a DJ?

He's a DJ.

He does the breakfast show on Steel Spots and Pans Radio.

The man is an icon.

Bella wasted no time in jumping onto head of marketing Ian Snail.

Oh my god, the snail mice is a fuck better.

Sorry, we're just talking about Ian Snail at the end of book six.

Ian Snail is allergic to salt.

He's not slug.

I'm never saying.

They are, they're slugs with houses.

Just spat my champagne all over my face.

I would ask why we've never heard about him before.

Because this is the first time I lost it.

It takes him so long to get to the salt.

office

i think that was one of the top five moments of my life when we heard that name for the week was so drunk it's such a wet sloppy response it's just like snot and like snorting and tears and wheezing oh yeah the cleanup after that episode alice must have been oh my god

i had forgotten quite how much joy that brought us but hearing it again has actually given me a light head what is it about ian because there's obviously some loads of like package names in this book what is it about ian snail specifically that's got us so it's so evocative it's not just us though people have drawn incredible

the tattoo a guy got a tattoo yeah it's half snail half man holding a briefcase

like he's got this a shell and it's massive on the top of his arm it's not okay

it's not a little one

if you're gonna do it do it properly i think it's because unlike the build-up to some characters ian snail just slid in

under the radar on a letter sleeve.

And also, I think because it was the last episode of the series, and she was back at Steel, so we weren't expecting a new character.

Oh, my God.

Suddenly, bam.

Least of all, someone who was quite so important to the company structure, and we should have heard about far sooner.

Oh, for sure.

I mean, that's just pure rocky, isn't it?

Book six, end of the book, still delivering iconic characters.

Like Ian Snail, I mean, dare I say it, has maybe surpassed Toffee Apple Chew as novelty characters that people enjoy.

It's a problem, Noah's Ark, isn't it, Steele?

Oh, it really is.

There was somebody else that made an appearance in Book Six who I really enjoyed, and it also was at the same point that we learnt something about Tony's office.

Belinda, Tony said sternly, I must introduce you to Giles Cottonsbirth.

You absolutely must, my darling.

Oh, Giles, I'm so sorry.

What a pleasure to meet your acquaintance.

Panting, Belinda wiped sweaty strands of hair from her forehead, pushed her tits back into her blouse as she smiled at an elderly lobbyist reclining on Tony's sofa bed.

He's just a sofa bed in the office

for those long nights.

He's lying down on a sofa bed.

You've got to commit when it comes to steals.

Honestly, the structure of that office is just mad, the furniture.

But think, you know, you're about to close a deal in, I don't know, Hong Kong.

You can't go home and go to bed.

Exactly, yeah, it's a 24-hour business.

It's barely an eight-hour business.

That was actually quite a dramatic episode, wasn't it?

That's where George George turned out to be Giles.

Yes, yes, yes.

And Belinda tried to apprehend him.

Oh, my God, yeah.

In her own inimitable style.

Belinda began to prepare her tools to perform a citizen's arrest.

That took my breath away.

What tools?

Can you hammer out?

Wait, are you going to say she's going to handcuff him?

Because that's not what you do on a citizen's arrest.

She's not going to handcuff him, she's going to fashion handcuffs

like a blacksmith.

Puts on a welder's mask.

Great.

Tools for for a citizen's arrest.

Only rockets.

Citizens' arrest.

That is so good.

I mean, you'd think that because Belinda is kind of in cahoots with MI5 and stuff, it wouldn't need to be a citizen's arrest.

It could just be an actual arrest if she has that sort of authority.

There's a lot of confusion about the jurisdiction around those arrangements.

Does she just carry that tool bag around with her at all times?

It's her briefcase.

Oh, of course.

She's got a spanner in there.

She's got a hammer in there.

She's got a chisel in there.

There was so much kind of spy stuff.

It really ramped up the spy narrative.

It kind of completed it in a way, this book.

It got quite complicated, yeah.

And one of my favourite bits was when Belinda came across a gadget from Senor Zip.

One was a cool radio for the shower.

It's waterproof.

Belinda tested it out to start the day.

And while she was washing her soapy tits, she was enjoying the music.

How clever that no electric shocks could happen despite this piece of electrical equipment being near water.

I know that this is really stupid, but I'm with a shower radio.

I just love a shower radio.

It blows my mind to this day.

It's a dark arts, isn't it?

And they called it puppy lgh.

Interception, interception.

Oh, it's a current patient device.

Then Senor Zip's voice rang out as clear as day.

And they call it interception, interception.

It's just a remix.

I think that's a Victoria Beckham song to me.

With Dave Bowers, Bowers.

Loved it.

I think Darchild produced that.

I love that he could have had any gadget.

He could have invented anything.

He just went with a shower radio.

Wasn't in a previous book an anklet that could turn into binoculars.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think interception, interception should be what you say when you go to interrupt somebody in the conversation.

Interception, interception.

It's what I say.

I actually think there was a...

a much better gadget in this book that wasn't even linked to the spies.

This was a new Steel's Pots and Pans product.

Oh, finally.

The aforementioned Cry No More Knife.

Yes.

G'day, Pan Pacific!

She bellowed.

I don't imagine that was the reaction.

To Laud.

She bellowed to no one in particular.

Welcome to the cutting edge onion buster utensil everyone's on about.

On about.

Although I personally love the stylish oxy onion goggles of last season, I had a 3D pair myself.

3D.

The boffins that steals pots and pans have now created something better.

I give you a sharp knife that blows air outwards as it slices onions.

Right.

The silence of a hairdryer with a knife strapped to it.

The silence in the fast dispersing crowd worried Belinda.

Oh, it's clearing out.

She's done an absolute rotter.

Who just shouted out, yeah!

Now I know why she wasn't very sure about how to use it.

This is the future.

With that authoritative statement, Bella...

began chopping an onion live on

live a live onion chopping imagine the spectacle david blaine's not done this one has he but unfortunately oh the settings hadn't been expertly calibrated on the blade air filter.

Much to her embarrassment, squirts of onion juice sprayed into her heavily mascara eyes.

Oh, so now it's sucking the air back and like sort of blowing it into the water.

Wow, that is badly calibrated.

Why does it even have that option?

Oh no, my eyes, they're blinded by juice.

I forgot quite how chaotic that is.

And that's cut down.

We missed a trick.

An onion live.

I mean, we should just do that.

Yes, we could do it.

Oh, my God.

Cancel the tour.

We'll just go on stage and each chop an onion.

Why did we make a show?

We got some genius designs for that, actually, after the

God, we did.

One guy created a whole, do you remember this trailer he did?

It was like a CGI trailer advertising the quinum.

It looked great.

I'd actually buy that.

But yeah,

someone really delved into the science of it and actually made a practical working it's amazing the science of what

like i guess the little fans that would blow the

onion juice i don't know i just love the image of bella just like in like floods of tears trying to sell this thing

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Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

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I mean, it was quite a big book for bodily functions generally, actually.

I think I know what you're referring to.

George, you azzole.

Vomit Chanda Chunderbarf.

You vomit

Chunderbarf

Vomitabaf.

Asen, Vomitunda.

Vomit Chunderbaff.

I thought that was like a German column.

Vomit Chunderbaff.

Herr Vomit Chunderbaff.

Hello, I'm James Vomit Chunderbar.

Oh,

you know, Mrs.

Martial Cassandra Gloss.

I'm Herr Vomit Underbaugh.

So it goes, George, you asshole, Vomitch Underbaugh, you have spew sick wretch.

Absurd.

Absolutely.

Absolutely crazy.

I don't think we get enough credit for the character names we come up with in these books sometimes.

And actually, James vomits underbaff sounds like you would be sort of high up in German society.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't you think?

Sort of aristocratic.

Yeah, I don't know.

It's just there's a kind of glam about it.

Duke James.

It's a name that everyone wants.

But not everyone can get it.

I did particularly enjoy this year that we kind of got to know Belinda's backstory a bit more.

You love the biography.

I just think she's an enigma.

We've discussed before, and I think this book did some work.

I mean, not a lot of work, but some work to kind of fill her out.

We learnt about her past, where she came from.

Oh, yeah, we learnt about her parents.

Arriving to the family home, she was shocked to find no one at home.

Oh.

No matter, she thought.

Dad was probably sniffing a vine and mum a line.

A line?

Mum's on Coke!

Mum's doing about Charlie!

I don't know what sniffing a vine is, but I know what sniffing a line is.

Oh my gosh.

Dad was probably sniffing a vine and mum a line.

Parents, Belinda knew, were not perfect.

I mean, it's really no surprise that they're absolutely bumpers.

We learn a lot about them and their personalities, which I guess pieces together why she is such an eccentric woman.

Unusual lady.

She's giving me a real like Adina Patsy vibes from AbFab, the way you portrayed her, Jamie.

Yeah, I have a lot of notes on the mum.

How do you grow up with that personality?

And to be fair, end up as normal as Belinda.

What was her job?

She was quite a shit burlesque dancer, right?

She wasn't very successful.

And she had quite the ditty.

Yeah, she just would like do performances to anyone who walked into her kitchen.

She sung Belinda an intoxicated torch song.

Oh my god, he's gonna sing.

Where?

Where

have you

been?

My love,

you I have not seen

my love.

It's true your body's looking lean.

How's he doing this off the top of his head?

This voice is melody.

But first and lost an only daughter.

And that took a turn.

Why do you look so mean?

Is she writing this on the spot?

Jamie's writing on the spot.

Literally.

Old Mother Blumenthal.

Old Mother Blumenthal.

Oh, yeah, mother.

Looking lean.

Why is I mean?

My first and last and only daughter.

The only dancers are anything.

What is that tune?

Does Rocky supply you with sheet music?

No,

I just made that up because that was one of the times that I did prepare a bit in advance.

I was like, what the fuck am I going to do?

I have to sing some sort of song.

And that's what you chose.

What would you have rather?

Like, first and last and oh, nah, da, da.

It's just haunting.

It's such a strange melody.

It was a torch song.

It was supposed to be like, you know, anguish.

Right.

Sure.

And also, can we just dissect what she was actually saying there?

So basically, she's saying, you're never around.

You look very thin, you're looking thin.

And why did you look so mean?

Why was she looking so mean?

That doesn't make sense.

Well, Belinda was probably looking mean because she was like on coke in front of her.

She was like, Mother, can you just like chill for five minutes?

She's not got a great poker face at the best of times.

And when confronted with a version of Adina, you're like, Oh, not this again.

Well, speaking of parents, as we love to do, do you remember when Alice made the ultimate?

Oh my gosh, yes, I do

your father.

I wake up in the night and think about it.

There's one rule of my dad wrote a forenoon.

Yeah.

I just presumed.

Just use Rocky's real name.

That hasn't never happened before.

I'm so sorry.

That's right.

Alice, you are no longer head presenter of the police.

I was just to say, things have really changed.

I don't know how that popped out.

What I meant.

The police are

going to jail.

You're going to the clinic!

And obviously, that night you spent in the cell, and I deserved it.

My God, I deserved it.

She's still tagged now.

I handed myself in because there isn't a greater crime.

I can't believe that that hasn't actually happened before, to be fair.

Yeah, I was going to say, that is genuinely the first time you've done that.

I now default to Rocky.

I very rarely call Rocky by Rocky.

Even in real life, you don't, yeah.

It's too risky.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he has morphed into Rocky now.

Like, the man that he was before is a mere shadow.

sadly gone, yes.

Um, but I can only apologize.

I mean, hearing it there, you put the whole operation at risk, Alice, and I think I'll never forgive you.

I must be honest.

I'm the weakest link.

Goodbye.

There were some great bits that were like subtle stuff that dad wrote this series that really made us laugh.

Um, particularly when he just wrote two words that made us absolutely howl.

It is factually correct.

This will be good.

Loyal fucking detail.

Oh, God, what is this going to be?

I already hard disagree.

It is high on beauty.

It is factually correct

to say that lust is as powerful a drug as heroin.

And Belinda was an addict scoring on the badass streets of desire.

Never have two words brought so much joy.

Oh my gosh, when he gets you, he gets you, though, doesn't he?

He just shouldn't be allowed to say that.

Like, let's just regulate the books of the YouTube.

He's going to get us into a lot of trouble if he keeps claiming everything's factually correct.

Were we just delirious throughout this book?

Honestly.

You're poor neighbours.

I have to say, look, Rocky is one thing, and we know what we're dealing with.

Oh, he's one thing.

He's one thing, all right.

My God, he's one thing.

But the element of all of this that I just cannot forgive is Jamie's defense of Rocky.

Every turn.

Actually, the weirdest turns.

Yeah.

He jumps in and he's like a dog with a bone.

Sometimes I think he just wants a fight.

Honestly.

I figure that if things aren't mentioned, you can plausibly say that they

don't look at me like that.

I can't defend you if you're going to be silly.

But if dad definitively says they aren't somewhere, then we know they are.

But if he just doesn't mention that they are or not, they could have been there.

So is that now a rule for everything?

Mickey Mouse is there.

We've never mentioned him, but he's been following Belinda this whole time.

What are you ominous?

Bella's covered in

shit.

We've never mentioned it, but it's fair.

I haven't said she isn't.

I didn't say Belinda wasn't a dolphin.

The Duchess has 27 lip piercings.

Okay, point taking.

Fine.

Steel Spots and Pans is on the moon.

You should have asked.

I mean, it was absurd logic at the time.

What an unbelievable claim.

This is what these books have done to me.

That will go down to history as being the weakest defence you've ever heard.

But something that you can't question is that he creates things that become common parlance, like part of our vernacular.

That's true.

Heaven on a hatstand from years gone by.

The cow's moo, a gentleman's woof.

Oh, that's one of my personal favourites.

The flesh of mankind.

Yeah, exactly.

And I think there's one thing that is being adopted by offices the world over.

She was now expected to E-D-A-D-D.

E-D.

A-D-D.

Should we guess what?

Eat dick all day.

Dude doesn't eat dick.

You got one word right in there.

Dick.

No.

Oh, day.

Day, yes.

Every day.

Oh.

Ass day.

No, but you're very close.

Every day, yeah, uh, is it about like hot desking or something?

She's expected to like

every day, anywhere, no, every day, ass, no,

every day, ask, ask, yeah, ask, no, oh,

every day, every day, allow, every day, and and no, oh,

fun as this is, I might just say, no, no, we're not done yet.

Yeah, every day, what are the words top of the day?

Every day, anal, no, can we we move on from the A and do the desk?

So it's like everyday something, desk duty or something or desk.

You're close.

Is desk in it?

Desk is one of the words, yeah.

Everyday alternative desk.

You'll kick yourselves when you have that desk.

Oh, God.

It's one of those acronyms you always forget.

So she was now expected to E-D-A-D-D.

Every day a different desk.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Every day a different desk.

They call it hot desking.

It's right.

It's not called E-Dad.

No, they call it Everyday a Different Desk.

I've heard that.

You E-Dadding.

Yeah, me too.

Why does he insist on making his life more difficult?

I don't know.

I think E-Dad's going to catch on.

Because what's the etymology of hot desking?

It's like, oh, this desk is too warm.

I can't stay for long.

And now, in a post-pandemic world, you know, people aren't going to the office every day.

They have to share their office space.

They're E-Dadding.

They're E-Dadding.

I would argue every day a different desk is not a pandemic safe way to live.

But yeah, okay.

Just spread it all over the office baby I've just remembered someone from the book who

like someone who became like quite legendary quite quickly Clint do you remember Clint

Clint her old flame boyfriend old flame yeah yeah yeah yeah and I mean he played him like a

what like an old man stoner well that's what he was oh right okay he wasn't man he was like he was from Kent wasn't he um I did particularly enjoy it when they were flirting that really awkward chat that they had I love rocky dialogue.

Belinda,

am I dreaming or just doped?

he said doperily.

Could you be both, dearest Clint?

Dearest Clint.

Clint!

Could you be both, dearest Clint?

Belinda flirted casually.

You usually are.

Usually they've not seen each other for twenty years.

Wow.

I thought you were a mover and a shaker in the big smoke.

I am.

Belinda laughed as she pointed at her rapidly burning cigarette.

Why?

Clint laughed too.

What she pointed at a cigarette?

Like, oh,

that makes wow, I thought you were a mover and a shaker in the big smoke.

I am, as she pointed at a cigarette.

Fucking hell.

Top nudge better.

Top nudge better.

Belinda laughed as she pointed at her rapidly burning cigarette.

Clint laughed too.

Then Belinda laughed again, thinking, gosh, it was always so natural, dude.

they're as thick as each other, so I can see why they got on.

Gosh, it was always so natural with this dude.

It's so fucking boring.

It must have been over 10 years since I told you you look like a foxy mama.

Foxy mama.

God.

Wow.

Foxy mama, because he's from the 70s.

I'm sorry.

I want to tear my skin off.

Thing is, Rocky is such a great conversationalist in real life.

Dynamic, yeah.

Why can't he put it on the page?

Oh, that is like, I feel so stressed at how uncomfortable that chat is.

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Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratches from the California lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today, it made the game.

That's all for now.

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How does he do it?

Like, seriously, with so few words, create such a whole person.

I mean, I I think a lot of credit has to go to voice work there.

I very rarely extend that compliment, but you know, really,

I mean, fantastic.

It just jumps out of the speaker.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And credit to the listeners for, you know, trying to have an imagination and

trying to make something out of the mess.

One thing that I loved about this book was that we kind of finally had the wrap-up of the kind of wider narrative that we've been enjoying for the past four books, I think.

I hate it when he says narrative because it reminds me that that's what it was intended to be.

Yeah, and wrap-up is such a strong phrase for what happened.

I suppose if you gathered the tatters of shredded documents, you are sort of, you know, wrapping them up and

tie them in bags.

Yeah, I suppose.

Because so much of the books have lately been about Belinda's pursuit of one particular thing.

And for once, it's not an orgasm.

And, well, she found them.

Mr.

Hushman, the background goon, had felt the shift in weight from the tail being removed from his costume.

The blueprint!

The blueprints are in the tail!

Why?

Why?

Oh, well, I'll just put these in the tail for the sex party.

What the fuck?

God,

what?

If these blueprints are on normal paper.

He squealed.

His eyes rolled from the back of his head to we join the scene.

Oh, so stupid.

One of the most extraordinary voices you've ever done.

Thank you.

It just doesn't make any sense.

Why did he hide the blueprints in the tail for the sex party, dressed as a mouse?

James, this isn't your world like you're not to know the the the schemes and the tactics honesty god that whole end section of this book i just loved so that that was when she was at yeah that sex party in berlin

yeah and then she was chasing agent xyz who turned out to be maeve and then uh bish came and that kind of huge theatrical performance there was the stage spectacular with the moving platform and the lighting and it really looked like it was going to be curtains for belinda they were about to kill her and then oh, and Wayne Burke was there, who was Dr.

Robbins, but he was actually an American.

Oh, my goodness.

Sure.

The three beans

were just his baked beans business.

I mean, so much happened.

And we thought it was the end of Belinda, but Rocky had us.

He had our backs.

Now, before you die, get on your knees and suck my nice-sized cork.

That was horrible.

Did someone say cork?

So,

whenever anybody says cock, even if it's not a member of the cock, she appears, I presume, on a horse.

Did someone say cock?

Oh my god, I love it.

What an entrance.

Belinda, Bish, Maeve, and Dr.

Wainbert Robinson.

We're still sticking with the alias.

Fine.

Turned in a gasp explosion.

The Duchess jumped from her steed S and cartwheeled towards Belinda.

Well, cartwheeled towards Belinda.

She's surprised, isn't she?

She's got the hips of a much younger woman.

She centrifugally threw her body between Belinda and Agent XYZ and karate chopped Maeve's back.

So she fell stricken to the floor.

Hurry up!

Do you know what I can think about now?

How did they get Toffee Apple II to Germany?

I'm like,

in the cargo hold of a plane?

Did Toffee Apple II just have a seat?

Or on to the ferry and then you drive on from there in a horse box?

Yeah, but like when you're in a bit of a hurry and trying to save someone's life, it seems like there's a lot of like documents you'll have to fill in, especially now we're not in the EU anymore.

It's not going to be easy.

No, you know, in Free Willie and the like, when they put killer whales in those harnesses and then lift them out of the water, how far could you have a horse in a harness to fly it over?

Probably not from England to Germany.

Germany, no.

It's not that far, though.

I mean, what would it take to drive?

Like a day, a day and a half?

What if Toffee Appletu just drove?

This is ludicrous.

No, drove her in a horse box.

She can't hold the steering wheel with the hoops.

It's not ye olden times.

Toffee Applejew can't just ride across Europe.

But yeah, fantastic moment.

I just have this image of the Duchess like atop a hill with the sun behind her.

Very Gandalf in

the world.

Except inside

in this strange room with this special ring,

and Dr.

Robin slash Wayne Burt with his travelling desk.

Oh, the desk, the desk, every day, a different desk, every day the same desk.

Like Ian Snail's house,

but obviously, Koch, the confidential order of Cookwomen,

saved the day.

Absolutely.

Everyone was kind of brought to justice.

We thought everything was getting back to normal.

They were just having a nice old orgy back at the office.

And then came a huge twist.

Yeah.

Belinda was basically told by Sir James that business is brutal, she wasn't getting her job back, and that basically she should be lucky to even be employed on this temporary basis that she'd suddenly had to endure with Bella being made the international sales director of Steel's Pots and Pans.

An utter, utter disgrace.

Wow, that's a lot of

say.

And the whole end of book six was kind of like revelatory.

We flashed back to Berlin where Petra told Belinda she had inherited Bisch Hairstellung and was now at the head of the company, only for Belinda to tell her to stuff it because she was loyal to Steel's pots and pans.

So we thought we knew where it was going, and Dad just did a proper U-turn.

A full-on U-turn.

We were going back to where we came from.

The handbrake was on, and we were just spinning wildly.

Business is brutal.

Sir James's talk clattered around Belinda's cerebral matter, holding her nose with a slight stench of the Steel's

It's better been in there.

Belinda finished dialing.

Nervous-like,

she held the phone to her right earhole.

Hello, is that Petra?

Estist Belinda.

I've changed my mind.

How soon can I start?

Oh,

holy shit.

Belinda blink.

Oh my god.

But what a phenomenon.

Oh my god.

I mean, actually genius.

Actually genius.

Stop now.

No, but actually genius.

Because think about it.

Like, what a great direction to take things.

The rivals.

The rivals.

She's going to have to go to a different country, set up a business against her old company.

Family.

Family.

Yes, family.

Yes, family.

I kind of love it.

It just shows treat your employees well, otherwise they will fuck you over, just like Belinda.

Yeah, and if you two don't start treating me better, I'm out bloody door.

That is fine, but not before we just finish.

Can we just wrap this up first?

Oh yeah, we have some things to say.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

This was fun.

This was fun.

I forget how many funny bits there are.

And it's always, to me, it's always those little throwaway lines that you forget that just like, they just kill me.

The magics and the granular, it really is.

Every time we do one of these, I'm always like, oh, fuck, this is a really fun show.

I do love it.

I'm not thinking it the rest of the time.

No.

That's why we brought him back for this.

I am in shackles here.

I'm chained to my chair.

Well, Jamie, it doesn't have to be over.

It'll never be over, James.

It'll never be over.

We've got the tour.

We've got the tour.

We've got the tour.

And I guess we can say now we're going to come back for some Christmas specials.

Obviously, it wouldn't be Christmas without Belinda.

And there's a few more.

Should we keep those a surprise?

A few more special things over the back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

We're working on some things in the background.

Don't look at me.

Don't look at me.

We're just in the background, please.

We are Mr.

Hushman in the background, Greens.

We are working our asses off for you.

Fun stuff, though.

Fun stuff, fun stuff.

So we'll see you on the road and we'll see you later in the year.

Lots of love from Team Porno.

We get it.

It's more important than ever to get the most out of your money.

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Terms apply.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly.

Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.