My Dad Wrote A Christmas Porno 6 - Part Two

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The new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We demand to be hosted.

Winner, best score.

We demand to be seen.

Winner, best book.

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs, playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.

The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language.

Basically, all the good stuff.

Hello and welcome to my dad Rota Porno, the Christmas special part two.

Woo!

Yes, very exciting.

Last week we were obviously at Abbey Road Studios.

This week we're in my full house.

Back to Christmas traditions.

Am I allowed to say I'm happy to be here?

It felt slightly like we were on display.

I felt like I was in a fishbowl.

There were a lot of people in that booth, weren't there?

Yeah, saying, God, they're not very funny, are they?

This show benefits from the edit.

If we didn't know that before, who now?

Three hours in, and people were just slowly peeling off because they were like, got a family at home.

Can't wait here all night.

No, but you made it look very festive in here, James.

You've got your garlands on the stairs.

You've got a lovely tree with all the, I think we talked about it before, with all the bespoke ball balls.

Yeah, all my Christmas decorations.

Well, actually i have something for you both um seeing as you made such a song and dance last year about my collection of baubles um i bought you both from the top pocket a christmas decoration

abbey rose it's an abbey road bauble but it's a kind of golden like rosette kind of disc what's it say that's a look at it so al if you look behind you there's actually one on the tree Do you see right in front of your face?

Oh, that's cool.

James is 3D once you've constructed it.

Look at that.

Wow.

I am genuinely quite touched.

I thought it was going to be a joke gift.

No, it's a real gift.

I thought it'd be nice.

That's lovely.

Because that was a big moment that we went to Abbey Rose Studios and recorded there.

It's an upgrade.

Last year, I think you bought me an aubergine Christmas deck.

Yeah.

And you bought Alice like a vagina or something.

Yeah, it was, what was it?

It was an avocado, I think.

It was the best I could do.

It was short notice.

I'll say I still have that.

No, it'll be in the box.

It'll be deck.

It'll be in the box.

This won't last long either.

She'll give it away.

That'll be somebody else's Christmas present.

I think my brother is going to love opening that.

He'll wonder why.

Oh, talking of presents, we should say if you haven't got a present for someone yet, we have the perfect solution.

Oh, we do, yeah.

Where does he get it from?

Beautiful, beautiful.

Yes, we are finally bringing Belinda's Dirty 30, our brand new live show.

all across the world.

We managed to do all of Australia and New Zealand in 2020 and a little tiny bit of the USA and Canada, but we are going back to North America with tickets on sale now.

We're also going to bring the party all over the UK and Europe too.

Yeah, we're starting in Brighton on February the 6th and then we're going to Birmingham, Amsterdam, Glasgow, Manchester, London, New York, Boston, everywhere.

Alice Saysome.

I can't think of anymore.

Oslo.

Yeah.

I'm excited about doing a week at the Palladium.

That's quite cool, isn't it?

That'll be good.

That'll be nice.

And as you say, New York, will that be our biggest show ever?

Biggest show ever, Radio City Music Hall, also the last night of the tour.

So you've got to come.

Paddy Paddy.

And if you saw our first tour a couple of years ago, this one's brand new, quite different, actually.

So gather the glee team, you know what to do.

Come in costume, we love that.

And get a little gang together.

It's a pick your porno so you, as the audience, get to decide what happens each night.

So it's a completely new show every time.

And you don't have to be up to date in the series.

If you've got friends that only listen to series one or two, they can still come along and enjoy it.

And let's be honest, you guys picking which way the porno goes is so much better than Rocky Deciding.

Well, he has decided every eventuality and he hasn't quite mastered the mechanics, so it's even more hilarious.

It's clunky as fuck.

Come on down.

If that's what you whistle then you can get tickets and all the info at my dabroatoporno.com forward slash live.

You can indeed write.

Guys, I think it is time that we delve back in to this ridiculous pantomime at Steals Pots and Pans.

Oh yes, we're going to get the actual performance.

It's time for the show.

It's show day.

If you've got this far and you haven't realised you've missed one, pause this and go back and listen to the first part because you will not want to miss the build-up.

What anticipation.

Like you're probably wondering, how will they get to the venue?

What will they need to wear?

It's all in part one, baby.

Not a single stone has been left unturned on that detail.

Admin, admin, admin.

You gotta love that sexy pono.

Admin.

Now, Jamie, you're a man of the theatre.

It's well documented on this show.

So are there any kind of pre-show rituals we should be doing?

Oh, yeah.

You know, to make sure it's a good night at the Panto.

Vocal warm-ups, do you do stretches?

Are there kind of, are there things that thesps say to one another?

Because I know obviously you don't call it

it the Scottish play.

Are there any other superstitions?

You should never whistle in a theatre.

What do you mean?

Why?

Why is that?

It's bad luck.

So is putting a peacock feather on stage.

Nice, please leave your peacock feathers at the door.

Oh, shit.

Do they do a kind of metal detection test?

And then they go like, and I will actually have to bite you down for peacock feathers.

What are the origins?

The peacock thing.

What's the origin of thing?

I think it's because they, you know, they have that kind of like circle in them.

And a lot of like, this is old school actors call it the evil eye.

Is that what Val Harris called it?

Is that who learned it from?

Vicki Lane said it a lot.

Peacock.

Feathers.

Peacock.

How does he say it was such a straight name?

I think it goes back to like Plato and stuff.

It's quite an old ancient tradition, really.

Yeah, Plato, quite old, yeah.

What do they do on like Priscilla Queen of the Desert?

Because that's like full of feathers.

And there are other ones that are from like really old times.

Well you're to be fair all your mates were from really old times so go on.

So I was taught you can never apply your makeup with a rabbit's foot.

These are just common.

That's common sense.

That's not a true theatre tradition.

That's just bad methodology.

Well, because it is good luck to keep a rabbit's foot in the makeup box.

But I also heard that it's bad luck to knit backstage in the wings.

God, what other one?

There are loads.

I wonder how he knows these.

Do you think he's just been like knitting a jumper on the side of the stage?

He's like, Jane, you can't.

Take your peacock home.

And there are things that you should never say a theatre's closed.

It's always dark.

You do actually say that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you also never call it a theatre.

He never says, like, oh, it's like a great theatre.

You always call it a house.

A house is dark.

Because I'm a twat, yeah.

Never, you shouldn't really open a show on a Friday.

There's loads of things.

I think on the first day of a new show, you're supposed to use old makeup.

Don't like start a new thing of makeup.

What do you mean?

There's loads of things like this.

Wow.

Old makeup and not with a rabbit's foot.

Yeah, exactly.

God, theatre people.

You've got to love them, haven't you?

It's fun though, isn't it?

All this mythology.

Okay, so are we ready for.

So that's kind of set the scene for us for stuff that they won't be doing, for sure.

They'll have all been doing that shit back together.

Yeah, Belinda will be knitting, Bella will be slapping a rabbit's foot around a chop.

Okay.

Belinda Blinked.

The Christmas Special.

Part 2: Cinderella the Intern.

Night had fallen over Shakespeare's Globe Theatre.

No, sorry, wait.

They're doing it at the Globe.

They're not doing it at the Globe.

You don't get to do amateur dramatics at the Globe.

And the World Premiere of Cinderella the Intern.

Shut up, World Premiere.

The only performance.

Wasn't someone quite important going?

Wasn't a Royal going or something?

Yeah, he mentioned that Royal 2 would be in attendance, yeah.

So Night Had Fallen over Shakespeare's Globe Theatre and the World Premiere of Cinderella the the Intern, written by, directed by, and starring Belinda Blumenthal.

She wrote it.

Oh, Christ.

She's only ever said four words.

We only know that she knows four words.

Rocky writing Belinda writing dialogue.

Oh, God.

Wow.

So meta.

In the audience.

Tiara Montague, who would willingly design the costumes.

Well, of course.

You can't have Tiara Montague in your phone book and not call her in for this.

It's like how Holston used to design costumes for the opera, didn't he, back in the day?

Yeah, exactly.

She's going to be so good.

I mean, from our previous discussion, she probably wanted to do really flamboyant things, and obviously, he had to rein in the feathers and stuff, but I imagine it will be quite spectacular.

So, she had willingly designed the costumes, and she fingered the program.

That's a nicer way to say that.

Thumbmed, even like thumbed is way better.

Flicking the beam.

Flicking the third page, she perused the About the Players section.

Okay.

So, this is the cast list.

Cast list, yes.

Okay, so I'm going to read out the character.

Oh, we have to guess.

And And we have to guess who Peter is.

I love a Christmas game.

Okay, okay, here.

Right.

Cinderella the intern, Belinda.

Belinda Blumenthorn.

Correct.

Ding, ding, ding.

Buttons the postboy.

Um, G.

No, not.

I'm going to say Bill.

From HR.

Tony.

Oh, the snail in snail.

No, I'm sorry.

Des Martin is playing Buttons.

Oh, that kind of makes sense because Buttons is a bit of a sad character, like a bit of sad.

I'm going to say bring a lot of melancholy to it.

Yeah.

Wicked stepmother and MD of Steelus Panus.

Giselle?

Giselle.

Oh,

Stelus Panus.

Why is it weirdly not Latin, Latin?

Ugly stepsister of marketing.

Bella.

Oh, Ian Snail.

No.

Oh.

Ugly stepsister of marketing.

Yeah, think about who auditioned for a dame in part one.

Oh, Pattio Hamelin.

No.

The other person.

What did Sir James Godwin...

Yeah, that was Dame, wasn't it?

Sir James Godwin is the ugly stepsister of marketing.

Okay.

Ugly stepsister of sales.

You've already said his name.

Oh, Patty O'Hamlin.

Paddy O'Hamlin, correct.

He got that role in the end.

Oh, good for you.

Fairy godmother managing consultant.

Oh, is Bella left?

Bella's left, yeah.

But she's not a fairy godmother.

Well, no, she's not.

She's a donkey, isn't she?

She's the back end of the donkey.

I kind of want to say Ken Dewsbury.

No.

Oh, no, it's a bit rough for a fairy godmother.

Could you say, Dad's been quite clever here, how he's kind of threaded.

Don't force us to feel a thing.

How he's threaded this traditional tale in a business way.

So

his brother is a management consultant, which is quite funny.

I think the room makes it different.

Skim over that.

Is this a player a Steels employee?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everyone's a Steels employee.

Just for clarity.

Everyone's some Steeles.

Yeah.

Just for clarity, everyone's some Steels, but apparently the audience is made up of the general public because it's so exciting that everybody wants to go.

That's also in the air, isn't it?

The Globe, isn't it?

It's in the round.

In the round and open air, yeah.

So for Christmas, that's quite extraordinary.

Bella?

I can't think of any other women.

It's Tony Sylvester as the fairy god by the managing consultant.

Oh, okay, fair enough.

Prince Charming, a potential purchaser of the troubled company.

Who's bloody gorgeous?

Not Peter Rouse, is it?

Not Dave Wilcox.

Think about the traditions of Panto.

Oh, okay, everyone's...

So Prince Charming is normally played by...

A woman.

Yeah, so who could that possibly be?

Bella?

Bella is

Prince Charming.

Bella's Prince Charming.

Yeah.

I love that he's looking at her, like, please use the logic of pantomime.

Dandini, PA to Prince Charming.

Oh, that's got to be Dave Wilcox.

No, but close.

Ken Jewsbury.

Ken Jewsbury.

And the pantomime horse, Ian Snail.

Too slow, too slow.

There's also two of them.

Oh, because it's a mule in two parts.

Well, who's left there?

Dave Wilcox and Jim Thompson?

Dave Wilcox, top, Bill from HR, bottom.

Not head, but top.

Top and bottom.

I don't think Dad knows what that means.

In the the wine, if I was going to say Bill from HR does good bottom energy.

Do you think he doesn't know that?

I would be surprised if...

Maybe he does.

He's a man of the world.

Do you think you can be horse first?

Well, you could be top or bottom in the world.

Or do you think it takes a certain type to play certain bits of the horse?

I suppose you could be either, yeah.

I would argue that in a pantomime situation, the arse end is actually carrying a lot of the character work.

Like you're the sassy end, aren't you?

Whereas the head is just sort of like keeping you on track.

Oh, directing.

Yeah, but like it's kind of like the straight player to the clown, you know.

I was thinking that that's a big role that Bill from HR could get a better support in bottom.

He's like, he's a power bottom.

Do you think you can have a dom top in a horse?

You'd just have this sort of like saggy, unresponsive bottom, though, wouldn't you?

With like a real, with a really like ostentatious top.

I don't know, maybe.

I've kind of lost what's metaphor and what is just talking about pantomime horses now.

Anyway, that's pantomime horses ruined for everybody.

Okay, just then the lights went out, and the overture of I've got a a lovely bunch of coconuts played in the darkness.

Give us a little blast of that.

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.

There they are.

We'll stand in the road.

Is that out of copyright?

I hope it is.

That would get you in the spirit of things, to be fair.

It's very bawdy.

It's like Panto's very kind of...

As we discussed last week, colourful.

Yeah, yeah.

It's not an overture, because an overture isn't just an instrumental version of a song.

No, true.

What is an overture?

Overture is like a medley of all the songs.

It's like a mega mix, but it's an instrumental.

It's normally for a musical.

It's the top of a musical.

It intros all the songs and it kind of...

It isn't the bottom.

It isn't the bottom.

It neatly weaves all the songs.

So he's just used that word because he thinks it sounds posh.

Yeah, fine.

I think we're going to get a lot of that tonight.

Yeah, his idea of what words are that theatre people use is my new favourite genre of rocky.

When the curtain rolled up, there's not.

That's not a curtain at the globe.

I don't want to be picky, but there's not a curtain at the globe.

What was it?

Rolled up.

Well, maybe they've got a blind.

Maybe they've.

I also think of it as like slats, you know, like the blinds in an office, though, you know.

When the curtain rolled up, Des Martin was seen on stage, which was set exactly like the Steeles Pots and Pans office.

The budget for this, to rent the globe, to set up a like-for-like replication.

Well, they'll have just brought the stuff from the office, surely.

The question, why not just do the show at the office?

That's true.

It could have been more of an immersive experience.

Yes, exactly.

Like punch drunk.

Yeah, like you wander around the Steel's office, there's different scenes in different immersive panto.

No one's done that before.

Hello, I'm Buttons.

Hey,

he said, you guys should be the audience.

Okay, fine, fine, okay.

You know all the call and responses, Alice.

You know it all.

You'll have to lead the way, I think.

I'm sure it'll be quite clear in the script.

I claim to be a huge fan of this episode, so let's say yes.

Hello, I'm Buttons.

Hello, Buttons.

Okay, that isn't in the script.

He said, it's very sad here at Stelus Panus.

That's a morose pomp.

What an anticlimactic arrival.

Hello, I've got depression.

The company is on the blink, and we are all sure to lose all our jobs.

Oh, Jeopardy immediately.

The stakes were already high.

Yep, yep.

Belinda...

was stalking through the narrow corridors of backstage.

It was, of course, X-Mas time, and as such very cold in the wings.

Well it would be it's open air.

So freezing in fact that many of the actors had to get naked and engage in skin-to-skin contact just to keep warm between scenes.

That's bad logic.

I know you're going to say that's science and that huddling naked is what you know penguins do or whatever but surely keeping some thermals on is a better bet.

Yeah.

As she meandered towards the stage.

Meandered.

No urgency.

It's a live play.

Your curtain call was five minutes ago.

As she meandered meandered towards the stage for her grand entrance, Belinda bore witness to Giselle and Tony cuddle-thrusting on top of some broken stage lamps.

Don't say cuddle-thrusting.

They're fucking, aren't they?

Yeah.

She smiled as his naked little bottom pointed skyward.

She even saw a little puff of condensation as he farted.

James, react.

I can't.

I don't ever want to.

A puff of condensation.

So, like, when you...

No, we get it.

Thank you.

Don't read an explanation, darling.

How do we get him to start reading again?

Get on with it.

Sweetly fart in the cold.

That's not a thing, though, is it?

Anyway, we'll move on.

She then entered stage aft, fully in character.

Stage what?

Stage aft.

What do you mean?

That, I think.

Shall I go?

Oh, you know.

Well, I think what he's done there is he's using what you would use on a ship.

Never heard aft.

Oh, yeah.

It's like, is it, is, is aft left?

And what's port and starboard, top and bottom?

Oh god, not this again.

Something like that.

Are you starboard?

I'll never tell.

Also, is aft not even on a ship?

Google it then.

Aft?

I've never heard of aft.

Aft?

No.

Also, the one thing that non-stage people know about is that it's stage left and stage right.

I don't know which one's which, but at least I know that's what they're called.

Is it as you look at the stage?

Is it?

Nothing's coming up.

Google's like, did you mean stage left?

Did you mean stage art?

Did you mean stage lift?

Google, like, aft on a boat or something.

Aft on a boat.

Aft on a ship.

Why?

It'll be like, well done.

This is the first time this has been Googled.

Here we go.

The rear of a ship at the direction of the ship's stern is called the aft.

Eh?

It's the back of the ship.

Okay, well.

So coming in from the back of the step.

Can you come from stage back?

Stage back!

Stage back, please.

So she entered stage aft fully in character.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

Oh, look, everyone.

It's Cinderella the Intern.

Hey!

Buttons the Postboy shouted.

Oh, hi, Buttons the Postboy.

Is there any post for me to distribute around this failing company?

Sadly, no, Buttons responded.

But have you met my friends?

I didn't know you had any friends, Button the Paperboy.

Aww.

Oh, yeah, we should do that.

Oh, yes.

They are new to me, as he pointed to the audience.

And I trust them all like the old friends they're not.

Don't worry too long.

Clunky Belinda, but we'll move on.

This is Daz.

Belinda wrote it, though.

Belinda's words.

Belinda wrote it, my darling.

Belinda wrote it.

Rocky wrote it.

I'm confused.

Well, any friend of Buttons, the paper boy, is a friend of mine, Belinda boomed, projecting right to the back of the theatre where the royal box was.

You really are the only soul who is kind to me.

Ah, the audience ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Buttons blushed as Belinda turned to face the strangers in the darkness.

Why, hello, boys and girls and adults of plenty.

Oh, tremendous.

She slapped her thigh with vigour.

That's a big trope, isn't it, of the old panto?

Lovely little thigh slap.

If you're doing two pantos a day for panto season, black and blue those thighs must be.

Oh, yeah.

You must alternate.

Oh, yeah.

Right in the matinee.

That's one of the rules in the theater.

So.

Why, hello, boys and girls and adults of plenty.

I'm Cinderella the intern.

Hello, the monotone audience replied.

Hello.

That was rubbish.

I said, I'm Cinderella the intern.

Hello!

The audience shouted back.

You're right there, James.

I was going to say Cinderella the Intern.

Oh, okay.

Let's not in this group, but you can if you wish.

To yourself.

So hello, the audience shouted back.

Really getting into the festive furtherment.

James, too much, in fact.

Just then, the ugly stepsisters of marketing and sales, so that's Sir James and Paddy, Paddy, of course, bustled onto the stage.

You can't see Jamie's bustling, but it's very convincing.

One had a dress made of newspaper cuttings.

That would be marketing.

The other of payslets and remittance documents.

Sales.

That's a lovely touch.

She has outdone herself.

Bustle, bustle.

Where is that little slut, Cinderella the intern?

Hey, hey, bustle.

said Sir James.

We don't really say that anymore, do we?

Um, excuse me, ugly stepsister of marketing, Cinderella the intern said.

How dare you be so rude?

Have you added the rude or was it spelt R-W-U-D-E?

Rude.

How dare you be so rude?

How's that written?

Does that have interest?

Just normal.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

I've never seen Jamie enjoy himself so much.

How dare you be so rude?

This is refusing to take it back.

Do you know what?

The thing is, obviously Rocky's written this.

And obviously, Jamie has famously lived with Rocky for much of his life.

So this is in Jamie somewhere.

And I imagine over Christmas, the Flintstone children.

I put on a lot of plays.

Of course.

Of course.

And I imagine they were long.

I imagine they are.

Multiple costume changes.

Multiple costume changes.

Musical numbers.

It was like Abby Rowe.

People came and went very, very frequently.

So how dare you be so rude?

What, me?

I said sweet Fanny Adams.

Her stepsister said.

Which just means nothing, doesn't it?

For those listening from elsewhere or from modern times.

Is that where FA comes from?

Sweet F.A.

I also thought it was fuck old.

Is it Fanny Adams?

Is it Fanny Adams?

Let me just check.

Or does Fanny Adams come from fuck all?

Who's Fanny Adams?

Who is this Fanny Adams?

And who is she playing in the Panto?

Let's see which came first.

The Fanny or the Fuck.

Okay, so guys.

Gear change.

This is actually really dark.

The expression sweet Fanny Adams was coined in 1869 by sailors in the Royal Navy who had a really macabre sense of humour.

And they likened the contents of their tinned meat to the remains of an eight-year-old girl who was murdered in the UK, who was called Fanny Adams.

Oh my,

how dark.

For this, Alice, how rude.

How utterly rude.

From this, it gradually became a euphemism for sweet nothing.

These soldiers are cancelled.

They wouldn't survive in this day and age.

It sounds so cute, but it's actually really horrid and dark.

Oh my god, also, 1869.

It's all linked.

It's all linked.

Okay, so I'm not sure how we're going to come back from that one.

Yeah, okay.

Well, um...

Suddenly fuck all with sweet fuck all was it's about

right

So she's like how dare you be so rude?

What me?

I said sweet Fanny Adams.

You called me a slut.

Oh no I didn't.

Oh yes you did.

Oh no I didn't.

Oh yes you did.

Whatever, said the ugly stepsister of sales.

We've got some precise hole punching for you today.

I'm lost with who's saying what's going on.

So Paddy is saying that.

To Cinders.

Yeah, Cinder out of the interconnect.

Jesus Christ.

Hole punch.

I mean, I don't understand a rocky chapter.

In this rocky chapter is a play written by one of the characters, so my brain is just turning to gravy.

Panto inception.

Yeah.

We've got some precise hole punching for you today.

You can punch my hole anytime, if you know what I mean.

Ha ha ha, slap.

Why is everyone slapping their thigh?

I thought there was only one character.

Yeah, only one character does that.

And also, punching someone's hole is not a euphalism.

That sounds awful.

Punch my hole.

Which hole?

Neither's nice.

Neither's nice.

What happened last night?

Well, she punched my hole.

If you know what I mean.

I'm so sorry.

What's that fisting?

What is that?

Well, it could be the other hole.

Oh, gosh.

Is this a family panther?

Yeah, don't you remember?

Like, whole bunches of people from across the city are coming to watch it.

The queen's watching this.

Punch my hole.

That was my queen impression.

Just then, Giselle, the wicked stepmother, an MD of Stelus Panis, dressed head hair to toenail in lycra, swooped onto the treaded boards.

What, James, do you understand?

Treaded boards.

Well, I just get so confused because there's so many stupid things.

I get distracted and then I don't really understand what's happening.

Can you just say that in plain English?

No.

She's dressed head, hair, to toenail.

No, no, in plain English.

So she's dressed from top to bottom, yeah.

Yeah, in lycra.

Yeah.

I think he might mean like PVC.

Yeah, like a lycra is what you wear to cycle in.

So latex, maybe.

Oh, latex is what he means, yes.

She's come out in a full like biking outfit.

Yeah.

She's stifling the torture front.

So she's swooped onto the treaded boards.

You tread the boards.

Yeah, you don't.

They're not treaded.

So she's just on the stage.

She's on the stage in lightcret.

That's all you need to know.

Head to toe.

I'm sweating.

This is so stressful.

Oh, guys.

Audience boo-hiss.

Boo!

Boo.

Boo.

I said, boo.

The audience goodily exclaimed.

Oh, shut up, you measy little crettins.

Snipped Giselle, enjoying the role a little too much.

The writing in this show oh it's like listening to sorkin isn't it

the dialogue it's so lifelike it has got a pinter quality to it it does it's got a rhythm that's yeah

so specific girls girls she said to the ugly sisters make sure this lazy intern does your work immediately now be gone and sort out that strategy meeting this is like so difficult because obviously we're following the cinderella story but there's quite a lot of obviously entrepreneurial business stuff laid on top of it it.

And obviously, all of the characters do all of the traits of each other, so you can't really work out who's doing what.

But cool, yeah, carry on.

It's a relaxing Christmas read.

It's really hard to read, actually.

I'm getting a headache.

Everyone except Giselle leaves stage port.

It's not a ship.

And if it's a ship, it's sinking.

Should be Titanic the intern.

Iceberg, iceberg.

I am the wicked stepmother of that lazy lump of flesh and bone, Cinderella the intern.

As MD of

Steel Hispanus, I am hell-bent on plunging the company into the black.

I hate to interrupt.

Into the black is good.

Into the red is bad.

I'm pretty sure we've talked about this before.

Plunging the company into profit.

I hate to nitpick.

I am hell-bent on plunging the company into the black.

I won't rest until it is in liquidation like Northern Rock or a Slimfast vanilla milkshake.

Some contemporary reference.

Always a contemporary reference to the pantheon.

Yeah, maybe like a pop star reference.

Although Northern Rock and Slimfast are not the most of today.

They're contemporary for Flintstone, to be fair.

Northern Rock was the.

That was the

first bank to collapse.

In the financial crisis.

So that was 2008.

Slimfast, I don't even know when the last one was.

I've not seen that since the 90s.

Bankruptcy or bust.

But shh, it's our little secret.

This is always the stressful bit of a panto because you as the audience know their intention.

But those characters on stage have no idea.

What's that?

Dramatic irony.

There you go, that's it.

James L.

Hiss boo.

But shh, it's our little secret.

Boo!

Boo!

Hiss!

Boo!

Safely backstage and breathless with adrenaline, Belinda looked down at her crotch.

So we're also getting what's happening on stage and what's happening off stage.

So one bit's a script and one bit is a sort of commentary on the play happening.

It's very complex.

Yeah, this must have taken him minutes.

Generally, the more complicated, the less time it's taken him.

So she looked down at her crotch.

It felt like the damp patch at the back of her cock cage cupboard.

Her cockcage cupboard.

I know what a cock cage is.

What's a cockcage?

Please enlighten.

Some people wear a kind of device around their

cock.

It's a cage.

This cage.

And it's a sort of chastity device, and they give the key to somebody else, and then they're only allowed access to what's inside the cage when their master or Dom allows it.

Can you put your trousers on over it?

I don't have one.

Either what goes in a cage or the cage.

So I don't know.

I mean, I presume that it's.

You go about your day-to-day business while it's on.

I don't think it's a practical item.

i think it's more of a sex

game yeah which we know belinda is a huge fan of i'm just popping out dolly you got your cock cage on yes don't worry but she's got a whole fucking cupboard full of them so it's um basically her crotch is damp oh okay oi bella can you do me a favour she whispered as bella zoomed past her half in costume half in skin

quick change she's doing a quick change what Bella attempted to whisper.

Yeah, good job.

As her loose tips flew wildly in her haste.

Sniff and lick me and tell me if this is piss or come.

What

the fuckity fuck?

Who said that?

Bella said that to Belinda.

Belinda said that.

Oh, about the webpack.

Sniff and, oh, sniff and lick me and tell me if it's piss or camp.

Sorry, he's written me twice.

Sniff and lick me and tell me if me, me, if it's piss or come.

Alice, would you join me in a boo-hit?

Boo!

We're not on stage.

That's revolting.

And also, I think she's well within her rights to say, no.

Your mind is nowhere near your body out there, you see.

So she's either pissed or come on stage and she doesn't know which one.

Quite different and, I would argue, quite easy to recognise.

Bella gummed a gooey grin and.

Gummed.

Thummed, gummed, fingered.

Gummed a gooey grin.

It's one of those who smiles.

You can't see a TD to see a gum.

If you've got a gummy smile, no Christmas.

So Bella gummed a gooey grin and twizzled her tongue around Belinda's pussy pouch.

Definitely Bartholin's gland activity, Belinda.

Yummy scrummy in my tummy.

Sorry, I just met your eyes.

Bartholomew's what?

Bartholin's gland.

We're never off Google this time.

So this is a gland that's full of cum or a glam that's full of piss.

We're gonna presume

the first one.

We don't know which one it is.

Bartholin's what?

Cum gland?

Bartholin's gland.

Okay, I'll take guesses before I press.

So do you think pissed...

Or do you think cum?

I think cum.

I actually think it's cum.

I've got to go with cum as well.

Okay, the Bartholin's glands secrete fluid that acts as a lubricant during sex.

So neither of you are right.

Because cum's not a lubricant, is it?

Well, I suppose

in the male sense, no, but like females.

Feminine it's slightly different.

Well, I just suddenly feel like news nuts.

Well, I suppose if you're looking at it from the female perspective.

Well, it just makes things sexual excitement

secrete.

James, like, yes, stop.

James, I don't want this conversation.

James, like it's Christmas, don't you win it?

Juices, like useful juices.

Usey juicies.

So, definitely Bartholin's gland activity, Belinda.

Yummy scrammy in my tummy.

That is one way to make a woman dry up by saying Bartholomew's gland activity or whatever.

She's a bloody crisp now.

Guys, follow the signs.

What can I say?

The relief sent Belinda back to backstage.

Bella!

You aren't dressed as Prince Charming!

To the costume arena, quick!

We're mid-show!

The costume arena?

So sorry, she's come off stage!

How many fucking costumes are there?

Is this a fashion show or a panto?

The girls laughed so much that they had to be shushed by the militant cue mistress in the right wing.

Alright, Mavis, Belinda snapped.

Mavis the cue mistress.

Ate a chill pill, God, Bella added.

This is a toxic work environment.

There is a play

mere meters away, and you're stood at the aft of stage,

like licking vaginas and yelling.

The most offensive bit is the shouting, as you will know, as a former

clear member you can't.

It's just a complete disrespect to your audience and to your fellow cast members.

Absolutely.

The licking of the vagina is fine, just keep it down.

Exactly.

Also, eat a chill pill.

Stupid one.

Hours later, the panto was wrapping up.

Oh, thank god.

Is that it?

Is that all we're getting?

Hours later?

How many intervals were there?

I've had enough, thanks.

Bella's Prince Charming was straddling his noble steed as he came to the rescue of Steelus Panas.

Bella sat on the panto horse, okay.

Where's Spilf Mhr from, do we think?

Where's he from?

I think this was the early days of Madari Aporna before you were doing voices.

No, it was, yeah.

Because he's quite boring.

Maybe just to use your voice.

Okay.

Yeah,

flat, monotone.

Yeah.

Hurry up, top half.

I'm wearing your ass like a balaclava.

Bill from HR hissed at Dave Wilcox.

He doesn't have to insert his head into his anus.

It's not like human centipedes.

I guess you've got your hands on their waist and you're like the length of your arm.

It's a very intimate role.

Really intimate, especially if people are like parping in the background like earlier on.

That's strictly come down to.

Do you think many people get divorced when they're the pantomime horse?

The curse of the pantomime horse.

Yeah, the curse of the porch.

It's famous, the pantomime horse.

I was going to say, is it?

I've never heard of that.

Many couples break up at Christmas time.

Because it's kind of foreplay that you're performing.

It's very intimate.

Yeah, it's an intimate role and you get very close to your partner, your co-horse.

You can't go back after that, can you?

You can't be katonic after that.

Once you've worn their ass as a balaclava, that is it.

Hurry up, top half.

I'm wearing your ass like a balaclava.

Bill from HR hissed at Dave Wilcox.

Bella was loving riding the two boys and made sure she grinded good and low, smearing her open vag on them both.

Equity would not approve of that.

There must be something in a theatrical contract somewhere that says badge juice.

This isn't a unionised production, I don't think.

Oh, okay, right.

It's not a union.

Now then!

Bella boomed, taking off her glass boots.

Glass boots?

They're certainly not a health and safety issue.

Is she having to walk very lightly?

How old is Bill from HR?

Because he's carrying Bella in glass boots.

That's quite a lot of weight.

Also, I think we need Bill from HR right now.

Can we check out some of these

systems that are in place?

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

Bella took off her glass boots.

Who can I play FTSE 100 with to save the company?

Are we back on stage?

Yeah, I think we're on stage.

This is dialogue.

Yes.

And that's a twist on playing FTSE.

Yes, I guess the FTSE 100, which is the British Stock Exchange?

Yeah.

Quite like that.

Backstage.

We're backstage.

Backstage, Belinda was in thinking mode.

Oh, Christ.

This never runs well.

Take cover, everyone.

It incurred to her.

She incurred.

Move on.

It incurred to her that she had never cared or even noticed who she found attractive on the planet we all live in.

Boobs, balls, everything or nothing.

She loved the beautiful buffet of life.

Yeah.

Well, that's true of Beleda.

Well, what was that quote from a previous

labels are for gifts under the tree, not for those who are sexually free.

Right.

That's her.

She was an open all-hours campsite.

Oh, my God.

Where anyone could pitch their tent or snuggle in her sleeping bag, whatever the weather.

Quite a good analogy, actually.

And there was something about Sir James in an ostentatious, garish, and quite disgusting full-body ball dress that turned her pussy lids from tight to baggy.

She's like you.

She loves a day.

As he puffed a cigar by the winching ropes, she made her move.

Not safe to be smoking by the winching ropes, because if you get seven of those on fire, the set's going to drop off.

The famous rule: do not smoke by the winching ropes.

Add that one to this, please.

At least that one makes sense.

Hello, boss.

You're an amazing performer.

I mean, it is a turn-on when you see someone perform.

If they're good.

Oh, God, yeah, if they're good.

If they're bad, you're like, holy fuck.

Didn't you just witness his performance?

He was quite talking about it.

Oh, thank you, Cinderella.

I'm method, if you don't mind.

Not boss.

It's little Miss Ugly.

So already broken the method by saying, I'm doing the method, by the way.

Belinda took each tit out of her cloth blouse.

Sir James's face turned from red to roasting.

Not a colour change.

He felt her.

Already red.

From red to the same.

He felt her left breast in his hand.

I'd say that's a solid seven pounds LB.

Seven pounds.

And then LB, so seven pounds pounds.

Seven pounds pounds.

I'd say that's a solid seven pounds LB.

My father ran a sweetie shop in Harrogate as a boy, and it was my job to weigh the boiled rhubarb and custards.

I can't even deal with that, but £7, like you say, is like massively.

That's like baby weight.

That's a healthy baby.

She has two healthy babies strapped to her chest.

Hey, guys, they can be heavy.

Oh, Sir James.

I mean, Little Miss Ugly.

Would you like to lick them?

They're quite the gobstoppers, you know.

Oh, she's carrying on the sweet shop

kind of theme.

Very nice, very nice, very gross, very gross.

Yes, they truly are bon bon.

Oh, God.

Bon bon.

This is written

the disappointment.

Merry Christmas.

Bon and all.

This is better than the script on stage.

Get them staying this.

Maybe Sir James Godwin should have written the panto.

Well, quite.

Also, grew up in Harrogate.

Why the fuck does he talk like that?

It's like you.

Sir James gorged on Belinda's snow globes.

After three and a third.

Gorged.

What's he doing?

I don't know.

Just like chewing on them.

Do not chew breasts in the wings.

It is a rule of theatre.

Certainly, not by the winching ropes.

You know, like when you're in the audience, sometimes if you're sat further to the sides, you can see.

Oh, yeah.

You'll be sick.

Can you imagine?

I thought this was restricted view.

I guess I can see everything.

Yeah, the primary school that have been shipped into this, like, what?

After three and a third minutes of gobbling, he came up for breath.

He hocked up his fritty skirts and produced his 26,645 day-aged beef.

Oh, that's how old he is in days.

Do we actually know this?

Shall I do that?

Oh, do the mask, yeah.

How many days?

26,645 day-aged beef.

He's 73.

He's 73.

It's his birthday.

I think it's to the day.

You just feel like Rocky Google's 73.

He could have added an extra day on it, couldn't he?

What are the chances?

So he produced his 26,645 day-aged beef.

I hate the idea that it's aged because obviously aged beef is like hung, isn't it?

And sort of like dried.

Yeah, well, quite.

Yeah, imagine it aged after 26,000 days.

Belinda took it in her mouth and swirled her tongue around the head.

Ugh.

Okay.

Wow.

Sometimes it's visceral and other times you don't know what he's talking about.

It was full body and flavour, gamey and strong.

Flavour.

Looks jerky, isn't it, it, by now?

It's built on.

Just then, Mavis, the queue mistress, pulled aside the curtain, her hair frazzled and specks wonky.

Cinderella!

There you are, you stupid intern.

You're due on stage for your big number.

You too, little Miss Ugly.

Mavis has got a work cut out with this.

It must be like herding cats.

It's not worth the pay grade, is it?

Screaming and causing a scene.

Screaming?

The actors gathered their fabrics and ran fell to the stage.

This is like a dagger through Jamie's heart.

As a former best, you must be like, this is such bad behaviour.

Just get your shit together and get on stage.

Inside voices, everybody.

As they stumbled into the limelight.

Stumbled from the second you're in the wings you're on.

He's fucking method.

And he's been sucking the tits.

As they stumbled into the limelight, they saw their desperate colleagues ad libbing for the Norse gods.

Oh, because they're

keeping them waiting.

Also, the poor fucking audience, this has been going on for hours.

Do not let any employee of Steel's Pots and Pans improv, for God's sake.

Stealers Panas, please.

Thank God.

Sister Marketing, is that a jumbo whiteboard marker in your dress, or are you just happy to be here?

said Paddy.

What this is chaos.

What are you talking about?

Eyes bulging at Sir James's erect bulge.

So he's got an erection sticking out the dress.

Lovely.

He's got layers and layers of gown on, as we've established.

Okay.

That aged beef is...

It really is hung so james curtsied to the cheering crowd don't bend down for god's sake god knows what else will drop out

see all the crowd to cheer come on

is that a direction

just then giselle entered from the back of stage why don't you come from the back oh she's behind you you have to shout oh she's she's behind you the audience chorused amid the booze so al do you want to boo and james you shout she's behind you and i'll join you okay

She's behind you.

And after a hilarious bit of the script and amazing acting, Belinda.

But you can't be asked to write right now.

Belinda proved she was the best at playing the FTSE 100 and saved the day.

Oh, well, that's the end.

Like, we've just raced through the most important part of the play, really.

Ha ha ha.

Cinderella, the intern, laughed at her ugly stepsisters.

I win, you lose.

Hit it, boys.

It's the big number.

The opening bars of the iconic.

It's not going to be iconic.

It's also not going to be good.

The opening bars of the iconic

Big Fat Mammas are back in style again.

Big fat mummers are back in a mask.

Are back in style again

by Dana Gillespie.

What?

It's my favourite Donna Gillespie trip.

Because I began playing.

Oh my gosh.

We have to listen to it.

Right, hang on.

Dana?

Dana?

Dana, surely.

Dana.

So sorry, Dana.

So D-A-N-A.

So we're going to listen, but obviously, we don't have the rights to play this.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, so I suggest everyone listen to this.

It's on Spotify.

I've just found it.

Should we have a moment's silence while everyone listens?

Can you post it, James, for us?

Of course.

Many thanks.

I mean, I'm not too worried about Dana Gillespie coming for us.

You don't know Dana.

She's a very litigious woman.

Okay, are you ready?

Oh my god.

I love that.

Once again, Rocky's introduced us to a fantastic track that we didn't know about.

It's very Christmassy.

It's very sort of big band.

It's kind of, is it jazzy?

I don't know.

It's like a sort of.

I don't know, but we've been sleeping on Dana Gillespie.

Do you guys, do you know who she is?

I just found a picture of her.

Guys.

Oh.

Well, she's still...

Is she still alive?

Yeah.

She looks a bit like me.

Guys, could you imagine if she got to Christmas number one?

Let's all listen to it.

What's it called?

Big Fat Mamas Are Back in Style.

Again.

That would make her Christmas.

She's not like Herb Alpert issue.

She isn't like a huge Grammy winning star.

Well, probably, knowing us.

She didn't when we did that.

Yeah.

Okay, it's not going to happen, but

try and listen to Big Fat Mamas Are Back in Style and let's see if we can get Dana back up the charts where she belongs.

Oh my goodness, let's make sure that Dana Gillespie is back in style again.

Can I?

I've just found her album that Big Fat Mums Aback in Style is on.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

The album's called Hot Stuff.

Of course.

So the whole album, I think, is appropriate.

Yeah.

It's from 1995.

Oh, it sounds much older than that.

Yeah, it does.

I mean, you've got to love some of these titles.

Fat meat is good meat.

Fat meat.

Fat meat is good meat.

Sure.

It's true.

I do love the fat.

I love the skin of a chicken.

I bet that's what it's about.

It's literally.

It couldn't be about anything else.

Pencil thin papa.

He hasn't been eating his fat.

Is it a story?

By the end, he's eating his.

He's like a doll.

You can't skip it.

You've got another skin order.

Meat on their...

She's obsessed with meat.

Meat on their bones.

I think pencil thin papa will be a lament.

Yeah.

Digging my potatoes.

To go with the meat.

Meat meat and potatoes.

Guys, there's 20 tracks of gold here.

I'm going home and playing the whole thing.

It's all killer-no-filler when it comes to Dana.

I'm just researching it.

Sorry, this woman's amazing.

She has had love affairs with the following people.

Go on.

Mick Jagger.

Jesus.

Sean Connery.

Huh.

Haven't we all?

Bob Dylan.

Oh, my God.

David Bowie in Beckenham.

Weirdly.

What do you mean?

I'm sorry.

In Beckenham.

Where you live?

Yes.

You know David Bowie's from Beckenham.

His first ever gig was in.

It's actually now a, I think it's a ZZs or something.

Yeah, there's a plaque, isn't there?

Yeah.

So Dana Gillespie could have been in this house.

She could have bonked her way with her big meat and potatoes in this building.

God, she's had them all.

So I guess what we're saying is we have done it again, where we're suggesting that we're introducing people to Dana Gillespie and everyone's going to be like, she's a well-known legend.

Great.

Just imagining the staff of Steele's pots and pans performing that song brings a tear to my eye.

You know, when people talk about seminal gigs, I mean, this is what it would be like.

I think it was just a Belinda Solo, actually.

I think to honour Rocky, if you can get that on this Christmas Day.

Yeah.

You know, whilst you're cooking.

Yeah, while you're doing your roast dinner, while you're getting your meat ready, yeah, exactly.

All your potatoes, dun, dun, ra, da, da, da, da, da, da, it's great.

Send us your videos of you dancing to it.

Oh, my goodness.

Waft your fatty meat in our face.

I'll post it.

We'd love to see it.

Well, speaking of that, Belinda wiggled her ass around the stage.

I bet she did.

It's hard not to to that song.

With the wiggle of an aspic treat, and she belted out the lyrics like she was a finalist on the sex factor.

He's a bit obsessed with aspic.

What is aspic?

It's that meat jelly that we talked about before.

Do you remember?

Funnily enough, I'll have to block that out.

After the extended standing applause, Prince Charming spoke.

Evil stepmother, MD,

you will be investigated by the regulatory watchdog body of insider tradings and practices.

They are based in Cheadle Hume and show no mercy side.

There's a lot going on here.

Oh, Cheadle Hume, I guess, is Liverpool.

I don't think it is.

But was that the joke he was trying to do?

Oh, they'll show no mercy side.

The audience laughed.

Generous.

More generous than James and I.

I hope you have a good corporate insurance package.

The audience laughed harder because they were all in business themselves and knew this was funny and true, which made it all the more funnier.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

I'm so sorry.

The makeup of the audience is predominantly business people.

So from other companies, they've come to see the steels, but not kitchenware people even, just from the world of business.

Lord Sugar,

Richard Branson, the Queen, all watching this.

So this is an industry event.

Elon Musk.

Don't be like, I've smoked too much weed.

Over the stepsister's boo-hooing, buttons addressed the audience with a plum.

Not with a plum, with a plum.

And we probably did do it with a plum.

That's quite a good gag, isn't it?

Yeah, with a plum.

So Cinderella the intern saved the day by banishing the baddies far away.

The company was saved when the receivers caved and all were happy and gay.

It's quite good that.

I do not understand the plot of the city.

Oh, I was just listening to the rhythm.

He managed to do a rhyme is kind of what I meant.

Yeah, no, I have no idea.

Where did this regulatory stuff come from?

I don't know.

What?

I thought it was about glass boots.

When the cars took their bows, Belinda couldn't help but feel if this whole businesswoman caper fell into the sea, she could make it on the glittering floorboards of broadway

i'm not sure that's true don't give up the day job just then her soaking eyes oh she's crying

she'd be crying her soaking eyes met with another's on the first row is it dana gillespie

just standing

Thank you for that, Belinda.

Thank you.

What a tribute.

I don't like people covering my songs, but that was beautiful.

Gerimima St.

Francis

beamed deep into her balls of sight.

Her eyeballs.

So Garimima was obviously her acting coach who helped her become a spy.

Her mentor.

Yeah.

She's sort of Garimima's protege.

Bravo!

Uncle, get fucking in.

She gushed, clapping so much her shawls created a vortex of wind and weather.

Her shawls?

Oh, yeah, she was very layered, wasn't she?

Can you imagine how livid you'd be if you were sat next to her for the whole performance?

You'd be like, Can you shut up?

Who's this woman to create her own microclimate?

You're a bloody great actress bill in the Bloomin'thal, she yelled over the footlights.

A thespian with a capital T, H E S P I A and N.

For the love of Silla, give her an Oscar.

Someone left caps lock on.

Oscar for what?

Maybe it's for the screenwriting or the.

It's not a screenplay.

You would assume.

Sorry, you're right.

Out of all of this, we must get that correct.

So, yeah, for the love of Scylla, give her an Oscar.

Scylla Black, do your research if you need to.

Belinda Mouth.

As fake snow began falling from the ceiling of the ancient theatre.

There's no ceiling.

It's probably just snow.

What a fantastic visual effect.

Oh, wait, no.

It's snowing.

This feels like real real rain.

There was a boozy atmosphere, and as big fat mummas are back in style again boomed again from the beat boxes.

What?

There are beat boxes?

It just boomed from the beat boxes.

What's a beat boxes?

Speakers.

Yeah.

Boom boxes.

Boom boxes.

But they're not playing the music from a boom box.

The globe isn't like the sound of the globe, isn't just loads of

stereo.

Gessoblasters wired together.

Big fat mummas are back in style again boomed again from the beat boxes and Belinda filled her lungs.

Thank you for coming.

Thank you for clapping.

We've been the Steels Pots and Players.

Merry Xmas World!

Merry Xmas!

Oh!

Merry Xmas world!

That is the end of the chapter.

Wow.

Do you know what I think they've done?

They've loaded the end with all the like memorable stuff.

Who's there?

Rocky and Belinda.

The Steels Pots and Players, whatever they're called.

So, like, you kind of forget all the shit before it because the end was so like.

Which is a bit like what Rocky's done with part one and part two.

Yes.

Part two was such a riot of fun and excitement.

Part one, as we've said before, was like quite a lot of the logistics.

Exactly.

I feel like the minute Dana Gillespie starts playing, it's onto a winner.

He's gone for halfway between Dana and Dana, hasn't he?

Dana.

Yeah, I was going to say, Dan Gillespie's the leads of the feeling, I think.

Don't get the two confused.

Not affiliated.

Okay.

They are actually my favourite My Dad Retoporno moments.

There's just something that says now it's time to celebrate Christmas about these shows.

Alice, do you feel festive now?

My god, I do.

I don't eat meat, but I'm gonna go get some fatty meat after this, and it's gorge.

And don't forget, you can get your tickets to our live show.

We don't know when we're gonna be doing it again, so please do come and see us.

It's gonna be really, really fun.

It will be better than that, I promise.

Really?

There won't be any noise backstage.

That we can guarantee.

And probably our sound will be better than coming out of ghetto blasters.

Yeah, or indeed individual beatboxes.

Quite.

Although I may prepare a rendition of Big Mamas.

Back inside again.

Oh, my God.

Add it to the pre-show playlist for sure.

Oh, yes, lovely.

Maybe should that be the thing that is played before we come out on stage?

So if you want to come into a theatre and listen to a song before a show, then you really should go to My Dad Rottoporno Live.

Tickets are available at mydadrotaporno.com slash live.

And do please keep in touch with us over the festive period.

Let us know what you're getting up to, where you're listening.

Maybe you received something Rocky Flintstone Flintstone or my Dad Rotoporno-related.

We love to see that.

Yes.

Your Dana Gillespie videos, obviously.

Absolutely.

Sorry, I just can't stop talking about her.

I'm obsessed.

I know.

She's great, right?

And maybe you've been in some kind of Christmas production like the Flintstones put on.

Little email to us.

Much appreci.

Yeah, that's my dadrotoporno at gmail.com.

At my dadrota on Instagram, at dadrotaporno on Twitter.

And we'll see you next year on the road.

Merry Christmas world.

Happy holidays.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are in this economy.

Next time, check Lyft.