S6E3 - 'Hard As The Rocks'

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Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly.

Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

Sucks.

The new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We demand to be home!

Winner, best score!

We demand to be seen!

Winner, best book!

We demand to be quality!

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs!

Playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.

The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language.

Basically, all the good stuff.

Hello, and welcome to my dad Rota Porno.

Episode 3 is upon us, guys.

Woo!

Oh, we should say, Jamie, congratulations are in order, I believe.

Oh, yes, congratulations on your baby.

Thank you you so much.

You've had a baby.

I have.

Yeah.

Godfather, not actual of my son.

You've had a baby.

I mean, it was kind of yours.

I'll be soothing it.

I do love him already.

He's very cool.

Godfather, isn't the whole thing like the child's supposed to follow your example?

Guidance.

Yeah, I'm a spiritual guide, so I think he'll be...

God help that child.

I was going to say, I don't think he'll get very far in life, but I'll just be good to be a bad guy.

I've already condemned the baby.

I don't think he's going to get very far in life.

I feel like he's going to make him do theatre and like...

We're going to definitely have some kitchen discos.

That'd be fun.

Kitchen discos?

Yeah, like play some music and like dance around with him.

Do you say that in the like that, the godfather pals?

Well, I'm not sure what the kind of process is because this is actually my second godfathership.

Is it?

Who is this?

I'm actually godfather to Dan Schreiber's little boy who's a fish.

Yeah, who did one of our footnotes back in the day?

How are you gathering so many god kits?

Oh, wait a second.

You've got loads, haven't you?

Oh, I've got hundreds, yeah.

People ask me.

And I don't think I've got a chips.

I don't ever think I quite comprehend what you're signing up to, because isn't the whole thing like if the parents die, you have to take the child?

I think that's the traditional thing.

Am I under any legal obligation?

I mean, James even send them a birthday card, so I think it's fine.

They're not going to leave them with you if anything bad happens.

James doesn't even know the names of his godkids.

Right, I do, I do, and I do.

Name them all now.

I'm trying to think how many I've actually got.

I think it's like four.

Oh my god, are you serious?

I was so excited to be a godfather, and he doesn't even care.

Hey, that is not.

I love those goddamn godchildren.

I love them all and I do know all their names.

How we have to do that?

Have we got to make him say it on the record?

He knows their names.

Of course.

It's interesting, isn't it, that Jamie couldn't wait to be a godfather.

Just another bit of power.

Are you not a godmother, Alex?

I've never been asked.

It says a lot about a person, I feel.

Literally, not even an inkling, not even a feeling that I might be on the short list.

Well, you're not from a religious background, are you?

No, a heathen, so maybe that's why.

But I do know religious people

so that's interesting in fact one of our best friends had a baby and um she didn't mention it I think you'd make a good god parent yeah you'd love being rich I mean that's just one of the

fancy imagine inheriting all fancy

all that spare income just sloshing around oh my god I don't know I don't know what you're talking about but let's just say James can't remember how many godkids he's got I can't remember how much money I've got is I can't I can't keep track I'd just do it be like imagine the dinner where they're gonna going to inherit.

Oh, lovely.

Sorry, sorry.

I'll go along with the joke for so long, but I mean, the dinnerware is going, that's going straight to a museum.

But yes, we should get reading the book because things are happening.

Oh, sorry, Jamie.

Can I just shout out to my godkids?

Hope they're all well.

Oh, sorry, can I just do one?

Yeah, yeah.

Shout out to my bank manager.

Hope you're well.

Guys, I feel like people aren't actually going to know that I'm a man of the people.

It's just that you're the only one with an actual career.

You're the one who's actually actually got a lot of people.

Oh god, this is this is a quagmire of insecurity.

Shall we move on?

We need to start reading the book.

Let's all mock rocky, yeah, that'll unify us.

Oh, thank goodness.

What's the next chapter called then?

Um, the next chapter is called Hard as the Rocks.

Oh, Christ.

Hard as the Rocks.

Oh, the Rocks.

Actually, guys, we've been to the Rocks together.

If it's the Rocks that I'm thinking of, what's the Rocks?

It's an area of Sydney, Australia.

The Rocks.

What happens to that?

It's Northern Beaches.

Is it the Rocks?

Is it?

No.

I think it's opposite the opera house, isn't it?

You're absolutely right.

It's round from where the ferries come in.

Yeah, round a bit.

Yeah, yeah.

You two sound like residents.

Jesus, calm down.

We always find a little local pool, don't we?

When we're in silver.

Oh, we love a little dip.

A little swim.

Where were you?

I don't know.

I didn't come with you on your little swimming trips.

Don't say it with a kind of disparaging little hand.

We froze in icebergs.

Thank you very much.

Is it icebergs?

I love that pool.

It's amazing, isn't it?

Oh, that's one of my favourite pools in the world.

Save this for your swimming podcast.

Actually, no, it's not.

They cast emailers.

Okay, chapter three.

Do you know what James should do?

A podcast on God parenting?

Because parenting podcasts do very well.

Your hints and tips, that'd be great.

How do you keep them on the straight and narrow?

What have you taught them?

How many have you got?

All the tips.

Watch it, Alice.

I've got God on my side.

Oh, you're very right.

I do beg your pardon and him upstairs.

Okay, Belinda Blink Six, Chapter Three: Hard as the Rocks.

Belinda is loving the sexy Sydney life.

I love the way he switches between past and present tense.

Belinda is loving the sexy Sydney life when a man in a hat asks for directions.

Already weird vibes.

Just because of that tense change, it's already, it feels uneasy.

Yeah, I'm already unsettled.

Also, man in the hat has a capital M and capital H.

Oh, so so this is a character.

Man in the hat.

Man in the hat.

Discolpe senorita, he spoke.

Discolpe, that's Spanish, isn't it?

What does that mean?

Also, senorita.

That's probably the little word.

Decipher.

Discolbe senorita.

It's um, excuse me, miss.

Thank you.

Yeah, I got that bit.

Disgolpe senorita, he spoke.

Si, Claro, Belinda replied with a smug lick.

Donde estan la rocas.

You're going to have to translate for us.

Where's the rocks?

He said, relieved at this meeting of minds.

Yeah, quite really electric.

Did we ever know Belinda spoke Spanish?

I mean she barely speaks English.

She barely speaks.

Yeah.

Maybe she is Spanish.

We have a very, very different speaker.

So, desculbe, senorita.

Si Claro.

Donde están la jocat?

Well, Belinda was stumped.

Crestfallen.

Does she only know Si Claro?

Si Claro?

Oh no, sorry, that's all I know.

Crestfallen, the man in the hat asked, Is you helpl rock?

Oh dear.

Is he what?

Is you help rock?

Help rock.

I think he's just trying to be kind and ask in English.

Okay.

I don't understand.

Belinda screwed up her face to as central a position on her skull as possible and hummed.

Oh god, what clicked in you?

My neck just looked footy hell.

That was my face contracting.

I scrunched it so much that bones.

The skull really, really cracked.

Belinda screwed up her face to as central a position on her skull as possible and hummed.

After a couple of minutes.

What is this interaction?

After a couple of minutes, she kindly prized the A to Z map from his white knuckles.

A couple of minutes.

Of this.

Do that noise for 10 seconds.

That That's 10.

She got 12 times over.

Wonderful breath control.

Really not.

Did you hear?

You're deflating.

So she kindly prized the A to Z map from his white knuckles.

I'm not mugging you, senor.

I'm helping you.

Reading, she laughed.

Oh, you want to go to the rocks?

Why didn't you say so?

He did.

They're just along the harbour harbour as you there you go alice they are just along the harbour as if you were going to the shangri-law hotel that's where i'm staying actually they have a lovely bar that sees the opera house and bridge and everything nice from postcards

all the big hitters some lovely hotels around the harbour in sydney remember when we went yeah you know who i saw in the lobby no lizzo did she yeah i saw lizzo she played Sydney Opera House the night before we did how of course that I've completely forgotten that did she do two nights too or uh

what a hag.

Yeah, we crossed.

I crossed paths, he was about to say.

It was not long after Juice had first come out, so I was like obsessed.

And we stared at each other, and she was wearing an amazing outfit, as you'd expect.

We stared at each other.

We stared at each other.

We locked eyes.

Who looked away first?

She did.

How long was the lock?

Oh, seconds, but it was enough.

I mean, it stayed with me a lifetime.

I'm sure she's the same.

She's at home telling a very similar story.

I love her.

The man in the hat blinked at her many, many times.

Hey, I like your style, Belinda said.

Let me escort you there.

When the conversation had dried up, the pair passed the long walk in song.

Conversation probably dried up immediately.

Can you imagine what the song's gonna be?

What duet, what darling duet could this possibly be?

Aguas de Marso by Ellis and Tom, to be exact.

Aguas de Marso by Ellis and Tom.

Never heard of it.

Maybe, is it it a Spanish?

Let me play it to you guys.

I obviously can't play the music for rights reasons, and maybe you guys can sort of approximate the vibe.

Okay, we can give a feel.

Uh, let's have a listen then.

I wish you could hear that song.

I wish you could hear that song, listeners.

I recognize that song.

My dad plays that song.

What is it?

I didn't know what it was.

It's lovely.

I mean, it's a bit jazzy, isn't it?

It's like a button over there.

A man and a woman, always in conversation, but in a kind of jovial way.

La ja-da-da-da.

oh my god imagine them singing that walking down the fucking promenade what was it called so people can like look it's brazilian as well so don't it's portuguese not spanish but who cares um it's called aguas de maso james can you link to it please on all yeah yeah yeah i'll post it on the socials

it's very you're right it's very conversational lovely yeah no it is it's this awful like back and forth of like zabadi de dada asada van amana oh what do you want amana

it's quite complicated to sing, just kind of with a strange evas mouth.

How do they know it?

I don't know.

Their timing was worth a nightclub act, Belinda penciled on her brain.

Honestly, I'm going to go away and listen to that.

I don't know what Belinda's singing voice is like.

Do we know from previous experience?

You two have sung a lot.

I don't know about Belinda.

I wouldn't be surprised actually if she's actually really good at singing.

Why is that?

I don't know.

I've just got this.

She's got to be good at something.

Yeah, true.

She's good at shagging James.

When they reached the rocks, the man in the hat pointed at the wall wall of stones.

Suddenly, a big boulder rock rolled to one side, and the man in the hat tells her,

You have a very important meeting with a very important person within.

Of course, Rocky thinks the rocks is like thunderbirds.

Of course, he thinks this is all like secret lair.

So, a big boulder has been rolled to one side.

You have a very important meeting with a very important person inside.

Could it be Jesus?

Belinda wondered.

Good guess, because the rolling back of the rock.

Yeah, yeah.

Probably Jesus.

Probably Jesus.

And I think case closed.

Could it be Jesus?

She wondered.

But Easter Sunday was weeks away.

Because then it would just be.

You wouldn't even blink, would you?

Is that when he moved the rock?

Was it Easter Sunday?

Well, as Godfathers, I'll sorry.

I don't refer to you.

On the third day, he rose again.

He rose again, and the tomb was open, and there was just a white cloth inside.

Everyone's like, oh, bloody hell, he's risen.

What was the cloth that was left behind?

Just like a white cloth.

I think what he was wrapped in.

But then he came back in a really fabulous gown.

No, that's Joseph.

What?

Are you both saying anything sacrilegious that I need to cover off with a disclaimer?

Probably a lot, yeah.

Please do not get your religious education or sexual education from my dad right porno.

You don't think Belinda blinked is like...

An allegory.

No, but like.

Not at all.

A continuation of the Bible.

A continuation.

A sequel to the Bible.

Yeah, like there's 2,000 years in between.

What, that Belinda is the Messiah?

She lives in Bible world, which I guess people would argue is our world.

But like, she lives in the kind of...

What What is

the Bible storyline?

James, lie down.

Are you okay?

What?

So you're saying that, like, all the characters are basically biblical figures.

Yes, exactly.

And Belinda Blinkt is a holy tome.

So, like, Giselle is, like, Judas Iscariot, the one that betrayed her.

Yes.

And who could be Herod?

Sir James Godwin.

Oh, no, Bishop should be Herod because he was evil, wasn't he?

And the last supper was when they had dinner at the Duchess's house.

Right, so Tara Gold is what?

Matthew, James?

What did he do?

James, You know a lot about this stuff.

We're both Catholics.

Oh, sure, sure, sure.

I mean, lapsed Catholics.

Yes, raised, but...

Yeah.

So does this make Rocky a saint or a prophet or something?

What is going on here?

I don't know when we took this path.

I don't know if I put my name to any of this.

This is like, this is all a bit 5G conspiracy theory, James.

What's going on?

I think people would feel pretty betrayed if this turned out to be some kind of strange, as James says, new edition of the Bible.

I mean, I've...

He's basically saying it's like Narnia, you know, because like that's all about Jesus, isn't it?

So is that what you mean?

Is that what you mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check lift.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly.

Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

Suffs, the new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We demand to be home.

Winner, best score.

We demand to be seen.

Winner, best book.

We demand to be quality.

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs, playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.

So, waving good day to the man in the hat, Belinda crawled through the cave, admiring the moist stalactites and stalagmites.

Did she wave hello to the man in the hat?

Is good day hello?

Is it like hello ha?

Like you can use it for both.

Is it like what?

Sorry?

Yeah, chat.

In Hawaii, they say hello ha for hello and goodbye.

Hello ha.

Hello ha.

What do I?

It's aloha.

Aloha.

Hello ha.

Why are you doing it as Petra?

I don't think they say good day as goodbye.

Okay.

If that's your question, but I honestly don't know what your question is.

Yeah, so she's crawling through the cave, admiring the moist stalic tights and stalak mites.

They were giddyingly phallic in appearance and even dripped what looked like Willy lotion or long lost lube.

Willy lotion.

Long lost lube.

That's an ITV show waiting to happen, isn't it?

Willy lotion.

Long lost lube.

So that's Jiz.

No Lube.

But Willy Lotion, I would imagine, is Jizz.

It's Jizz.

Long Lost Lube.

Long Lost Lube is Lube that was lost long ago.

But where have you lost it?

In the cave.

But, like, why have you lost it?

I do not know.

So they were giddying the fallican appearance and even dripped what looked like Willy Lotion or Long Lost Lube.

Would a quick jiggle up and down a mighty

side

break Sydney's public decency laws?

Yes.

Yes, the echo.

Painful, surely.

Very jaggedy, very knobbly.

Fuck a stalagmite.

Oh my god.

If she hadn't been in such a mysterious hurry, she would have tasted the local delicacies, but alas.

And by tasted, she means fucked.

On she plodded before coming to a large pool.

Oh, wow.

Wow, an indoor cave pool.

No doubt a sandstone and granite base with inflections of quartz, she mused.

You know Rocky's a geologist.

Yes.

So this is where it's all coming into play.

There we go.

Finally, a cave.

Yes.

Why has he never done a cave before?

He actually knows about this shit, unlike the rest of the bilgy, right?

No doubt, a sandstone and granite base with inflections of quartz, she mused, tapping away at various protruding slabs of stone.

Quartz?

Oh, like sometimes like dads or builders do.

You know, when you go to check out a flat, if you should rent it, like, yeah, solid wall.

That's a wall.

Confirmed.

And also sometimes mums.

Absolutely.

She was hot in the Sydney sun, so she stripped to her sightseeing bra and revealing falsehood.

She's not in the Sydney Sun, though, is she finished in a cave.

I'd love to know what a sightseeing bra is.

It's like a sports bra, like, keeps everything in place if you're having a long day.

Picture it as sort of, you know, the way cargo pants have got lots of pockets.

I imagine a sightseeing bra is having lots of compartments.

Like a bum bag, but a bra.

Precisely, like some.

All the fridge magnets you're going to buy.

Your fridge magnets, your camera, your tissues, your sunscreen.

You change.

You change.

And in many, many currencies.

Jumping in, she pranced and splashed to her heart's content.

Her butterfly laps took her along the pretty waterway.

Take your time, Belinda.

How big is it?

Can you do butterfly?

Not very well.

When we go swimming, no.

Save it for the other podcast.

Thank you.

Not interested.

Her butterfly laps took her along the pretty waterway, and suddenly the rock walls became glass.

Oh, yeah, sure.

The water ran out and she climbed onto the carpeted office suite.

What?

The water ran out of the pool.

Well I guess she's been swimming along it and you know when you're on a beach and you get to the shallows.

To the shallows and you're just kind of in loads of shingle.

You beached.

Yeah.

So she's now in a carpeted glass office suite.

Who are we to argue?

He is a geologist.

He has seen these things.

Isn't glass made of like sand?

Maybe it's just like the evolution of the movie.

I don't think it naturally forms itself into double glazing, but maybe.

She slumped into a big leather armchair.

Slipping down it like a freshly caught sockeye salmon, Belinda took in her new location.

What's a sockeye salmon?

Where is this place I want to go to?

It sounds quite fun.

Do you remember when you were a kid you used to go to those like all-adventure play kind of pens?

You know, like soft players.

Like Jungle Bungle we had.

Jungle Bungle.

Yeah, Charlie Chalk's.

Yes, Charlie Chalks.

Yes.

We had Hood's hideout, didn't we?

Did you ever go there?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In town.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In town.

I mean, in the big city.

I mean, filthy.

Absolutely riddled.

Do you think?

Well, I suppose kids are kids.

Little kids.

Kids are filthy, aren't they?

And ball pools must be.

Oh, my God, don't.

I dread to think there's probably other children.

I mean,

some kids are now 12.

They're about eight when they got in.

And jungle bungle wasn't fit for purpose.

They're all death traps, aren't they?

They are death traps.

No, but they are.

I'm surprised we came out alive.

There were some with like, I remember one had like a sheer, it was like painted like a waterfall.

It was a sheer slide, like straight down.

But you burn your arm.

You'd get like massive like burns, like infection burns on your arms.

Oh, the 90s.

Awful.

A nice day out for the god kids, though.

Absolutely.

Lovely, lovely.

The boys will love it.

And your boys and or girls will love it too, Jakes.

So she slipped down the leather armchair like a freshly caught sockeyed salmon.

And Belinda took in her new location.

As was becoming a regular thing, the Duchess looked down at her from the gallery.

Ah, okay.

As Belinda gasped for air and understanding, the Duchess slowly descended.

What just floated down?

So you helped Senor Zip find the rocks then?

The Duchess projected.

Mr.

Zip.

The man in the hat, gawked Belinda.

By Thor,

you know everyone, Belinda blasphemed, impressed.

So wait, she just thought he'd shown her there.

Yes.

By mistake?

Although he did say you've got a very important meeting with them.

When's her brain going to catch up?

Senor Zips, our gadget geek.

I knew that if you were generous enough to help a lost tourist, the PM could trust you.

That's the test.

If you'll show a lost tourist the way.

You're a trustworthy person trustworthy enough to defend the PM

I'm proud of you Belinda you have come so far I know Belinda said Australia's as far as you can get from London UK

good old rocky the duchess smiled through that stupidity

she's a woman of great patience moving on senor zip has left a hamper of gifts for you in your quarters.

So Zip is um what in in Bong character terms?

Um, I tell you, like, Q.

Q, that's it.

Gadget card.

Yeah, Desmond Llewellyn legend.

Senor Zip has left a hamper of gifts for you in your quarters.

Quarters?

Belinda asked subtly.

Ooh, ha ha,

the Duchess tweeted.

Ooh, ha ha.

Got a gorilla in here.

Ooh, ha ha.

Ooh, ha ha, the Duchess tweeted.

Give him a banana.

Let's get you out of those wet things, shall we, servant?

Oh, yes, my lady, Belinda dribbled, intoxicated by nostalgia.

Yes, because it's been a while.

The Duchess led her charge to a tiled bunker.

I thought it would be more of a plush bedroom, not a tiled bunker.

With Moroccan influences and tented ceilings.

Cushions and rugs had been thrown from previous passions, and as the Duchess began to collect them with tuts and huffs

tidying up, Belinda threw her down.

On tiles, that's going to hurt.

But the Duchess missed the beanbag and bruised her hip quite badly.

Oh, see?

Ow.

But who cared?

It probably only had a decade's use left anyway, and it was a small price to pay for an evening in Belinda.

In Belinda.

A fundamental misunderstanding of how a hip works, I think.

Like, only 10 years left in it.

Might as well break it.

The two ladies stripped to how nature had left them and reclined like models waiting to be painted by Botticelli.

So they're both waiting.

Just like looking at each other, lying down.

Who's gonna make the first move?

Are we alone?

Belinda mouthed, full of sex.

No, no, there are cameras everywhere, Belinda.

Honestly, sometimes.

What are you like?

I'm sorry, my lady.

Punish me.

Or at least my ass cheeks.

The overall head of British intelligence surveyed her ass sets.

Oh, very good.

Is she gonna play it like bongo drums?

She's just gonna like pat it.

Oh, I hope so.

Why?

I don't know.

That's weird.

Why did I say that?

I don't hope that at all.

In fact, I would never hope that anything less.

Oh, we found Jamie's kink.

It would be fitting with that music we heard earlier, actually.

Yeah.

The left was perky, the right peachy.

She bit into each one like forbidden apples from Eden and Snow White.

Oh my god, observes for the Bible.

Observes for them.

Oh yeah, that's a Bible reference.

Very biblical.

Flipping her lady onto her head, Belinda.

Belinda licked and slurped and spat and gorged as deep as her tongue could stretch.

Oh my God.

Once she got restless, Belinda allowed the Duchess's blood levels to regulate.

Oh, because she's been upside down this whole time.

With a broken hip.

That's not healthy.

The broken hip.

To do so, she turned her upright.

Yes.

Yes.

Em's clit was now protruding and pulsating from her lady layers, and it would be darnright rude not to fallate it right back.

And Belinda was anything but rude.

From the first day their pussies met, they knew they had a bond.

Two hours later, the Duchess was weeping sweat from all key areas.

Two hours left, they've been at it for two hours.

But she managed to stay professional.

Before you leave me as a throbbing husk once more,

husk isn't nice, nice is it that's dry

before you leave me as a throbbing husk once more you must know the facts Belinda oh Belinda removed her pinky from the Duchess's hole out of respect

are you joking

just a pinky like imagine a pinky for like a posh person drinking a cup of tea in a film

and nothing else is going on that's just in there so she's just sweating and like oh I'm a husk I'm a throbbing husk and Belinda's got a little pinky in there where which hole I think she says um removed her pinky out of the duchess's hole oh we don't know we don't know is it an ear-piercing hole is it worth it

I cannot hear the plan with a pinky in the duchess's hole well quite so Belinda removed her pinky from the duchess's hole out of respect thank you the trioxy he doesn't say thank you thank you so much thank you the tri-oxypillo blueprints were stolen from the clink by a background goon no they weren't.

They were never there.

Oh, here we go.

Oh, sorry, James.

He's just like...

Have you got the stamina for this?

Well, I'm just like, attention to detail, Rocky.

I don't think they were in this.

But we don't know that they weren't.

Well, we do.

Do we?

Yes.

Why?

Well, A, they were never mentioned, and B, I'm sure they're in a safe in Scotland.

James, they're being mentioned now.

Yeah, what more do you want, James?

Maybe you should have asked some questions at the time, and then this wouldn't be such a shock to you.

I figured that if things aren't mentioned, you can plausibly say that they

don't look at me like that.

I can't defend you if you're going to be silly.

But if dad definitively says they aren't somewhere, then we know they aren't.

But if he just doesn't mention that they are or not, they could have been there.

So, is that now a rule for everything?

Mickey Mouse is there.

We've never mentioned him, but he's been bothering Belinda this whole time.

What are you on about?

Bella's covered in

shit.

We've never mentioned it, but it's fair.

I haven't said she isn't.

I didn't say Belinda wasn't a dolphin.

The Duchess has 27 lip piercings.

Okay, point taken, fine.

Steel Spots and Pans is on the moon.

You should have asked.

What did I never say?

I could.

It just slipped my mind while it was there all along.

Okay, fine.

Point taken.

That is not a rule of anything.

It's an extremely convenient rule to get him out of trouble at a moment's notice.

Mickey Mouse.

So

why did I was that the first thing I thought of?

I've clearly got Mickey Mouse on the brain.

We get it.

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Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today, it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly, must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

So the Trioxy Pillow Blueprints were stolen from the clink by a background goon.

I thought all the goons were dead.

Didn't we do like a whole service for the goons?

For James.

I never said that for dead.

So the blueprints were stolen by a background goon.

Oh no!

So viciously had to get his paws in them, thank all above us.

Oh good, Belinda backtracked.

Now

wait till you got the whole story before you react, maybe.

Now this particular goon has always been on the quiet side of life.

Well he's a background goon.

You're in the background.

Supporting the goon, please.

What do you guys always call the chorus or the

swing?

Swing.

Swing.

Swing.

He screams, swing.

Now, this particular goon has always been on the quiet side of life, Belinda.

He's called Mr.

Hushman.

Oh, for God's sake.

Mr.

Hushman the Background Goon.

Mr.

Hushman, the background goon.

He'd be great at a kid's show and tell day.

Hello, I'm Mr.

Hushman.

I'm a background goon.

Any questions you've got, kids?

He sounds like a kid's song.

Mr.

Hushman, the background goon.

You know, he's got the Prince Witcher Blue.

He's got the Prince, which you're blue.

He's called Mr.

Hushman, and he is selling the blueprints on the black market.

Mr.

Hushman!

Yes, this is truly a colourful mess, Belinda.

Blue prints, black markets, and you're red-hot ass.

Very good.

The Duchess started shaking Belinda from her shoulders down to her toes.

If Bish gets the blueprints, then Steel's Pots and Pans is finished.

That was a rump up.

It really was.

Hang on, since she's like, if Bish gets the blueprints, then Steele's Pots and Pans is finished.

We know that's been the thing the whole time.

Zap, dead, and with it your job, status, and bonus.

Hate to break it, do you, baby?

The job's already gone, honey.

Yes.

Your career will have had its chips, Belinda.

Belinda, do you get it?

Please tell me you get it, Belinda.

Belinda.

Yes, we get it.

Belinda.

The stakes cannot be higher, can they?

Oh, Mr.

Hoshman.

No bonus.

No bonus.

No job.

Sorry.

I know we've talked about this before, but I don't think we have for a while.

How long has all this been going on?

That's a can of worms we don't want to open.

That's like a matter of weeks.

It's still, I think it's still like six or seven weeks.

Since she took the job.

I think it is.

When you think about it like that, she could still be in the probation period.

When she ain't passing that, she is.

I think we're about coming up for two months.

Yeah, it's a couple of months.

Yeah.

Since she got the job.

Yeah.

Do you remember that job interview?

I was a much younger woman.

Belinda was the same age.

There hasn't been a birthday, has there?

Not until we go on tour.

There will be.

Tickets.

Maybe 20.

22.

So, your career would have had its chips, Belinda.

Belinda, do you get it?

Please tell me you get it, Belinda.

Belinda!

Oh, Belinda got it.

Who's going to get it?

Belinda's going to get it.

Her mission was to get the Blue Prince back at whatever cost.

Her bonus depended on it.

The next morning, Bella Ridley landed in Sydney to pick up Belinda.

Oh, so they do know she's alive.

Not sure she needed to come all the way to...

Like, Belinda's a big girl.

She needs to get herself to get her.

You can get someone up, do you?

Only if you're like 12 and you have to fly on your own, they give you one of those chaperones, don't they?

Yeah, but she's like 29.

So Bella's picked up Belinda.

I'm here to pick you up, she said as she finished paying her duty-free bill.

Yeah, real reason she's there.

Yeah.

Stuck up on gin.

But because we thought you were dead, I'm now your boss.

Belinda.

Deliver a bit more gently, Bella.

Jesus.

Belinda was reeling from the arrival snogs to the cab ride to the hotel to check-in.

Ah, this is so cool.

To the airport, after the airport, back to the airport,

on the bad carousel,

and to check-in.

It was not nothing to say that Belinda Blumenthal valued her position in life and work a bit over-healthily, and she demolished the mini-bar, coming to terms with her demotion.

Her job is her life.

Yeah, that would be devastating.

And also, Belle's your boss.

I would have to resign on the spot.

Can you imagine?

Can you imagine if I was off sick for a few days and I came back and James had been made the head presenter on this?

Head presenter?

Can you imagine?

Do you think that's what your job title is, head presenter?

Well, then you're like sidekick and then Jamie's the narrator.

I would be so livid.

I'd be like, I've earned my place, is that?

And then what, you're going to promote James, who's basically the t-boy.

Can you imagine, though?

Can you imagine?

but can you imagine if I was head presenter if you were promoted while I was off sick I'd love it okay did I just I would lord it over you like there's no tomorrow

when did we give each other job titles I don't recall we did have I backed rangoon you might you're back rangoon one oh god

I worry about Bella's speedy ascent I worry she's going to end up like the Prime Minister.

Oh, you think it's going to continue?

I think it might be too much too soon.

Oh, it's definitely too much too soon.

So she might express and burn.

Her having a job is too much too soon.

I wouldn't be surprised if things just keep

President of the United States.

President Bella.

Doesn't say she isn't.

It's silly.

So she was demolishing the mini-bar, coming to terms with this.

I mean, it's taking its toll.

wait a sec, who's flying the plane?

Oh my god, Hazel.

Hazel flies every fucking plane.

I think they're actually in a hotel.

So, Bella's check-in, though.

They went back to check-in.

Hotel.

Oh, for God's sake.

Oh, Christ.

So, wait, she's gone to pick her up, and it's taken longer with her being there than it would have, anyway.

How many planes have you been on with a mini-bar?

Oh, God, yeah.

But the underground cave with the fucking leather sofa in it is.

You're right, you're right, you're right.

I just presumed

Just use Rocky's real name.

Oh, man.

That hasn't never happened before.

I'm so sorry.

Alice, you are no longer head presenter of the police.

I was going to say, things have really changed.

I don't know how that popped out.

What I meant.

The police are leaving.

You're going to jail.

You're going to the clink.

I didn't think of you that quick.

No, he's on it.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

He really does have contacts everywhere.

Six years, I don't think you've ever said Rocky's real name by accident.

That's unbelievable that none of us have.

Yeah, particularly on stage when we're very, very drunk.

Okay,

my point was my heart's racing.

So boring.

It really doesn't matter after all that.

My point was going to be that Rocky, Rocky, Rocky, Rocky probably calls a mini bar that on a plane.

That wasn't worth it.

It was six years down the stream for that shit, Joe.

It probably calls the trolley a mini bias all that's because.

Can we get a new Alice?

Do you know what?

I really did think I'd get replaced before six years, so this has been a good inning.

But she was a social animal at heart.

This is Belinda.

So became the bigger person when she suggested to boss Bella that they get drunk on the harbour that morning.

Bella was thrilled.

Sorry, can you read that?

again?

I just totally zoned out.

I was so bored and so shocked by what just happened.

But she was a social animal at heart.

Belinda.

So became the bigger person when she suggested to boss Bella that they get drunk on the harbour that morning.

The morning?

Okay.

Bella was thrilled as she'd stayed up all flights scared of the wrath of Belinda.

Well, you would be, because it's a real betrayal.

The two girls plonked themselves exhaustedly down on the very high bar stools beside the bar and surveyed the scene for totty.

It was nonexistent.

Non-existent?

I'd say there's a lot of totty in Australia.

Very attractive people.

Very attractive people because they're such beach people.

And so you always have to look beach-ready.

They're built for the outdoors.

They're built for the outdoors.

They're an outdoorsy people.

They're solar-powered people.

They look great in the sun.

It's why I don't do ever so well there.

I'm a shade-based person, as are you, Jimmy.

An attractive barmaid came up to them and asked if they would like anything.

Would you like anything?

Yeah, gosh.

She asked.

Why, shards, of course, Belinda beamed.

Bottle H.

Bottle H.

And a straw.

Buttle H, Bella added.

Oh, okay, okay.

Stuttered the barmaid before leaving to obey Bella's command.

Oh, well done.

That was a mouthful.

Belinda twisted her hair nervously.

Um,

sorry to bring this up again, um, but uh

if if you're me, Des is Tony and Tony is Sir James

Who am I?

Who am I?

Yeah, that's a good point.

No one knows, Belinda, because you're missing and presumed dead, remember.

You don't exist on the employee database, but technically you're on temporary staff.

Salary of 10,000 per annum.

Bus fare not included.

So she doesn't get the travel.

No more travel perks.

So 80 grand down to 10 grand.

And no travel perks.

Well, that's the big bit.

Not even the bus fare.

Through gritted teeth, Belinda indulged in 19 crimes.

The wine.

Yes, I don't think she was like bottling people.

Yes.

Yeah.

But lovely wine.

Tried it?

I've never had that.

Dad's favourite.

I'm sure he mentioned it in there.

Absolute favourite.

Q ⁇ A once.

Did he?

He loves a bit of 19 crimes.

Well, he likes anything wet that's alcohol, doesn't he?

Much like his writing, 19 Crimes.

But suddenly, she thought she saw something odd across the bar.

But could it possibly be?

Could the girl that put the G in glee tea

escaped the monstrous goons?

Belinda.

Blinked blinked.

Yeah, she blinked.

She bloody blinked.

That's the end of the chapter.

What are the bloody chances?

In the morning in a bar in Sydney, they spotted Giselle.

Well, I assume it's Giselle.

What are the chances, James?

Almost, almost

one in a bajillion.

Well, we joked at the end there, but that would be crushing.

Belinda's whole identity is wrapped up in her job.

The idea that she's lost the title, lost the money, lost the lifestyle, guys.

This is becoming a psychological thriller.

I mean, how is she going to hopefully do it?

Have you seen any psychological thrillers read any psychological thrillers?

Your support for Bella, you two, that's gone out the window, hasn't it?

No, I like her as a fun-time girl.

I don't like her as the boss of a Fortune 500 company.

No, I like her as a friend, but couldn't possibly work with her.

I mean, he packed it into that chapter, didn't he?

A lot happened, yeah.

So, Belinda now has to find Mr.

Hushman, the background goon, um, because he's selling the blueprints on the black market.

Um, but she's lost her job, so how's she gonna find him?

And what about Senor Zip?

I feel like he might make a reappearance.

I hope so.

I'd like to know what's in the basket of um let him go, let him go.

I don't think he's coming back.

You're absolutely right.

He's got Betty Wilts written all over him.

He is not coming back.

We will never see him.

Right.

Why do I never prepare myself?

Oh, Senor Zip.

Um, So, yeah, that's chapter three.

Dare I ask for the next chapter title?

Oh, you can, James.

Yeah, of course.

Little teaser, a little

soup song for next week.

Chapter four is called Saucy Pans and Cheeky Woks.

Saucy Pans and Cheeky Woks.

Return of the Wok.

Oh, yeah.

No, I heard about that.

Here it is.

Return of the wok.

So come back next week for some saucy pans and cheeky woks.

In the meantime, don't forget that we are going on tour in 2022.

Tickets available now.

Yeah, we're going to be celebrating Belinda's 30th birthday.

Cover the Ming.

Yes, still some tickets available on my dadrittoporno.com.

Also on their...

Oh, have a perusal.

I mean, James has been so long on that website.

Have a lovely look on their merch.

Merchandise.

Got some lovely bags, got those t-shirts, aprons.

I think we've got Steel's Pots and Pants aprons.

What else is on the website, James?

Oh,

that's a great question, Alex.

Contact page.

Great.

If you've not seen that before, for God's sake, go look at it.

But yeah, for the belinker in your life, or for yourself.

Self-care, self-love.

Treat yourself.

Treat yourself.

And while we're here, you know, singing for ourselves or begging for it.

Why not just just give us a five-star review on iTunes?

I mean, you do it for all your other podcasts that you love.

That's true.

All your other favourites get them, don't they?

Yeah.

And you can follow and subscribe to us on your podcast platform to make sure you never miss a bloody episode.

Follow and subscribe or follow unsubscribe.

Is that all of the telling off and admin that we're doing?

Do we sound needy enough?

Cool.

Well, then, I guess all that's left to say is good day, everybody.

G'day.

Hello, ha.

It's not aloha.

Aloha.

And for God's sake.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question: play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly, must be 18 years or older to purchase play or claim.