Footnotes: Feet

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Hello and welcome to My Dad Rota Porter, the footnotes.

Now guys, we're two episodes in and there's already so much to talk about and kind of deconstruct.

The complaints log is full.

We've missed stuff, as always.

I prefer reaction rather than complaints.

Okay, comments.

yes.

Criticisms.

One of the things that came up that

we didn't even notice in the first episode, do you remember James Spooner's state funeral?

Have you ever heard of it?

RIP.

He had a line of people behind him that he'd ravaged in the order that he'd last ravaged from, as is protocol and tradition.

Of course, at all state funerals.

Respectful.

It's come up quite a lot, but we got one email that's kind of sums it up nicely, I think.

She says, this is from Joanna.

Hi, Joanna.

Hi, Joanna.

In between the Russian Minister for Propaganda,

the hotass, and the milkmaid,

it was mentioned that the Grand High Prince of Liechtenstein came in in the ravaged line.

Can Spooner now be confirmed as the first male bisexual in the book?

Oh my goodness.

And we didn't even notice.

Well, that was a chaotic funeral.

There was a lot going on, James.

And also, because it shouldn't be noteworthy, James.

No, I think it's we're so woke.

We're so bloody woke.

It's noteworthy that it's the first in the books, though.

Not that he is.

But that's amazing.

So, yeah, he...

Well, didn't when he first arrived at Steeles, I know he was undercover as the IT man.

Wasn't there some sort of talk about him possibly being

bisexual then?

I don't know if I.

Jamie, you're really asking a lot of us to think that part back.

Well, then, let us know.

Let us know next week.

I honestly don't even know what you're referring to.

But yeah, Rocky never really talked about gay sex, male gay sex.

Although, as we've talked about before, lots of lesbian sex.

And yeah, male bisexual.

Wow, that's great.

I mean, great representation.

I mean, it's only taken him six books.

And also, as you say, he just drops it in, doesn't mention it, moves on.

But also, again, if you're going to do it, do the Grand High Prince of Liechtenstein.

Do you know what I mean?

Is that a real title?

Should we look it up?

I'm going to Google it.

Okay.

The suspense.

Yes, Hans Adam II is the reigning Grand High Prince of Liechtenstein.

Grand High...

That's an actual title.

The Grand Highness.

He's 76.

Oh, wow.

He's married to Countess Marie Kinsky.

Kinky Kinski.

Oh, my God.

Countess Marie Kinski von Dwicknicht und Tatal.

Mars Chaka Vertiklot.

That is incredible.

And so Rocky looks that up but chose not to include her.

That's such a Belinda Blinks name.

We should, for legal purposes, say, of course, the reference that he's making is completely fictional.

Yes.

No, no, what's that thing people say?

Any resemblances to real people is pure coincidence or...

Yes, any resemblance to anyone living or dead is entirely coincidental.

We should say that.

Another thing that is absolutely wild from episode one is all of the talk about whether Virgin the company founded by Richard Branson gained its name from his sexual status

as somebody who had, well, never had sex.

Lots of people.

To that point.

To that point at the time of formation of the business.

When he went to company's house, he was a virgin.

Or was he?

Well, we'll find out.

That's Rocky's assumption.

Lots of people went on a mission like we did to try and find out if that was true.

Yeah, they hassled Richard Branson quite aggressively on Twitter, I think.

Yeah.

Lots of people atting him, asking the question, why is Virgin called Virgin?

And he tweeted.

I'm so thrilled with this.

I think it's hilarious.

Do you think he was tweeting from NECA?

What did he say?

I don't think you get signal on NECA.

No, probably not.

He's got a Virgin Internet.

Oh, NECA Island.

He's got a dongle.

So he tweeted, this is the tweet.

I'll do it in my best Richard Branson voice.

I'm just going to do it in my voice.

We came up with the name Virgin because when we started out, we were Virgins at Business.

Oh, that makes sense.

There you go.

There you go.

Clarifying things.

Does it?

What a great name.

What a great origin of the name.

I actually can't believe that people pressured him so much that he felt the need to reply.

Well, once quite a few days afterwards, he says, thanks for the mentions.

Plural.

Like, shut the fuck up.

Oh, Dickie.

Sorry about that.

And this week's episode, people are very concerned about my heating.

Turns out that my boiler was broken.

So um i had a bit of an issue which means that that's why my business wasn't about the full house um well i think the full house didn't help right sure sure but uh it was also it was it was a combination of factors analysis i don't want to go into it here it's very boring uh and very expensive but uh i hopefully have it sorted out and it's now a lot warmer so which is good well can i just say someone tweeted why are they moaning it's so hot today

It's not a live radio show, everybody.

It's a podcast.

I just want to clarify, we do record it in advance.

Days in advance.

it's never like weeks and months in advance but yes yes i didn't think we'd have to say that but we do it's not a live radio show sorry that's news to me

this isn't going out right now that's a great relief i've been really quite stressed for about six years now guys you do not want to hear the non-edited version of this podcast that would not be fun for anybody a raw by name and nature

and someone also got in touch about um the prehensile toes one of this episode and yes i want to just say as well the last two episodes have been pretty rough we apologise, as Madad wrote a porno.

I'm sure dad feels bad too.

Well, hopefully now she's back in the metropolis, things will like settle down.

Bitcoiner bitches.

But she was in, you know, scrub and dust.

It's dirty.

I would also say, I know you're apologising on our behalf, but we can only work with the material we're given.

It's very hard to anesthetise what he writes.

So, you know, there's a baseline of filth that we just can't protect you from.

But someone got in touch and said, look, he went all in on these prehensile toes.

And then she didn't even use them to jerk him off or anything.

Like, they were were just a kind of point.

You would have missed opportunity.

Yeah, exactly.

He was there waiting for it, just never happened.

I mean, that's good rocky writing because it's a curveball.

You think you know where it's going, it's going a different way.

Too obvious.

A little too obvious, exactly.

Did he just measure them in the end or something?

Yeah, I think he just got off on them because he was doing a PhD.

It was more of an academic arousal.

Exactly.

That would be really incredible.

We might have talked about this before.

Why is this ringing a bell?

Maybe just from my past life, but would you put both sets of toes around it and wank it off that way or would it be one set of toes like like a hand well if you've got really long prehensile toes and they can kind of grip around it depends on the girth of the penis depends what kind of grip you like you know there's a lot of mitigating factors here um but yes you can do it with two feet can one of the toes massage the head i mean what's going on well guys should we do a foot notes Should we talk about feet?

How have we never spoken about feet?

This is one of the most popular kinks.

It is.

It's super mainstream.

I mean, it's not something I'm into.

I would say if I was.

But yeah, like, a lot of people love feet.

So this is a footnote, truly.

It's a feet notes.

It's a feet notes.

It's a feet notes.

It's funny we're talking about this because...

Well...

What?

Oh, something you want to get off your chest?

So...

It's very shady all of a sudden.

What's going on?

Something I want to get off my feet?

So I often get messages about my feet in my DMs.

Do you?

Quite a lot.

What sort of thing are we talking?

More pictures of your feet.

Please put them away.

Please put them away.

Hold those trotters under a blanket.

Wouldn't it kill you to wear two pairs of socks and that sort of thing?

Do you often post pictures of your hoofs or?

Well, okay, I

I reject that, Monica.

I will not accept hoofs.

You just said trotters.

Both are awful.

Trotters, hoofs.

Yeah, okay.

I just can't think of another word when I'm.

Dainty little tippy toes.

Beautiful feet.

I didn't think I did often post pictures of my feet.

I don't really post pictures of my full-length body very often.

Like swimming pools or nothing.

Well, quite.

Although sometimes, apparently, I've taken a picture of the swimming pool with my feet in it.

What you do in a swimming pool?

You get your feet out.

And you know what?

They're all catalogued on WikiFeet.

I'm on WikiFeet.

I've heard of WikiFeet.

You're on WikiFeet.

Look it up right now and put my name in.

They've been gathering this archive for years.

Yeah, it's basically a catalogue of famous people and pictures of their feet, right?

Yeah, well, thank you for saying that.

Yes, it's the upper echelons of feet.

Oh, sorry.

Zedlisters.

It's famous people and me.

And yeah, the um, you're going to be wowed by the selection there.

Okay, what have we got here?

Bloody hell.

Wow.

Some of them are zoomed in versions of bigger pictures.

You've just got shoes on in some of them.

That's okay, apparently.

Oh, guys, at the bottom it says three pictures were removed from this gallery.

For indecency.

Should we sink?

Well, it says more info.

Should I press the more info?

Unless somebody else's feet have been tagged as mine.

Two pictures were reported as duplicates.

Oh,

okay.

And one picture was reported as, and I quote, no feet showing.

It is the founding principle of Wikipedia.

They don't know the picture of your face.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game, Day Scratchers, from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly, must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

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Right, they've got some interesting information here.

Can I just say, I love on Wikifeet that a picture of my face is abhorrent.

They're just like disgusting.

Get a picture picture of her feet on there.

So, you know, you can rate people's feet on here.

You've got ratings.

Oh, my God.

Oh, 90 out of 187 votes, the results are in.

Nil bois.

91 people said you were beautiful.

Oh,

you were beautiful.

Feet.

46%.

Sorry, 46 people said nice.

No,

now that's a bit of a rinse nut.

Oh, my goodness.

Faint praise.

29 said okay.

15 said bad.

Buffy.

Get this.

Six said ugly.

Oh, God.

And the comments section's quite interesting.

Oh, my God.

I didn't see any of this.

So someone said, love the souls of redheads.

They always look amazing.

She's not a redhead.

She's famously a fake redhead.

Okay, if we don't need to keep saying it, people might not have heard that episode.

There's one of you with like a bloody leg here with your foot in it.

Like it looks like you've hurt yourself.

Oh yeah, that's when I got bashed up in the sea.

They're so nice, these people.

Someone said her foot movements seemed charmingly precise and careful.

No, can I just say the WikiFeet community, wonderful, wonderful bunch.

I would hang out with them over YouTube any goddamn day.

And also, I'd just like to say to everybody that voted for me, thank you to the Academy,

to my mum and dad.

I wouldn't have these little Tootsies without you.

And anybody that's enjoyed my feet over the years, appreciate it.

Well, someone just said she does have nice feet, which I think some said about.

You've got to give in to it.

So I googled like why people like feet

to start with.

So a foot fetish or podophilia, which is an unfortunate name for a foot fetish.

Elephilia is always an.

Yeah.

It's good for a podcast, though.

Podophilia.

Oh my god, podophilia.

Footnotes, podophilia.

What's going on?

It was meant to be.

None of this was meant to be.

I mean, there's multiple theories about it.

One of the first that emerged was from Sigmund Freud.

Here we go.

Oh, watch that.

Oh, here we go.

He believed that fetishes arose during early childhood.

Well, I guess you you were around feet a lot when you were a kid, like on the floor.

Well, that's not what he says, Alice.

He suggested that when a child saw their mother's genitals, they were shocked to find that their mother did not have a penis, leading to a fixation on objects or body part that looked like penises.

What did Sigmund's member look like if it looked like a toe?

So, in the case of foot fetishes, Freud's theory states that they occur because a person perceives the foot or toes as a penis substitute.

I don't think that's

a lot of James I don't believe that one.

I know more than Sigmund Freud.

Who's this Freud?

This has turned into sort of an after-school special, like a kind of lecturer, isn't it, from James?

Thank you, James, for this education.

I was more intrigued to know who

was into feet, who are kind of prominent figures in the culture.

So I've looked into some famous people who have foot fetishes.

Oh, sure.

Here are a few people.

F.

Scott Fitzgerald, apparently.

Who wrote The Great Gatsby?

Ah.

Any allusions to that in The Great Gatsby?

Well, possibly.

I haven't read it, but look at him leaning in.

He's ready to give us a thesis.

But what's interesting about him is that he loved women's feet, but hated his own.

So he refused to show his feet to anybody, and he's quoted as saying that he had a Freudian shame about his feet.

I know Freud, but he loves it, thinks it's a

penis.

And he was so obsessed with feet that he frequented a particular sex worker solely on the basis of her feet.

Don't say solely, but we're talking about my feet.

Oh, there you go.

You're better than that.

You're better than that.

Andy Warhol, Mass.

And

Merle.

And the Warhol, tell us.

Oh, that's something I want to clear up as well.

All the bloody people saying about my morning comments.

Meering.

Meherning.

I might just play it actually.

I've got it on my phone.

I love that he's prepped for this.

Well, I put it on Twitter, but you know, the podcast has more reach.

Why do you think he's in court?

The amount of people that, like, honestly,

or however I said it, has got precedent by none other than Dame Judy Dench.

Alice, don't look at me this way.

Oh, my God.

He does live his life by Dame Judy Dench's rules.

What would Judy do?

No, I'm just.

I can't believe he's prepped.

I can't believe he's clipped it.

What a sad little man.

He's got time on his hands.

I was trying to work out.

And now he's pieced together some separate clips of Judy Dench to make it sound like she's saying Bernie.

I've got to do a backup.

He's picked 70 clips of her, uses a phony freeze, so she goes, Burning.

I was trying to work out where I got it from because I must have kind of had it in my mind.

She's an elderly former Royal Shakespeare company, thesp.

Of course, she says stuff weirdly.

You just went to the club theatre and hung out backstage.

That may be so.

In her Oscar-nominated role as Mrs.

Brown/slash Queen Victoria, she said the following: It is not for any of the Queen's subjects to presume to tell Her Majesty when and where she should come out of mourning.

Okay,

I mean, things.

As Alice said, she's an actress, so of course she's going to have it up.

Two, she's playing Queen Victoria.

Thirdly, very poor quality audio.

I don't even know what she's saying.

Anyway, back to what I was saying.

Andy Warhol.

Stop doing it.

Why is Andy Warhol mourning?

No,

he isn't in mourning.

He was also a pod of feedback.

I can't believe he clipped it up.

I can't believe he clipped it up.

He put Mrs.

Brown in the DVD player.

Oh my God, you know he did.

That's not a clip on YouTube.

No, he was into feet as well, so much so that he kept an Egyptian mummified human foot by his bed.

Different though, isn't it?

You can be into feet and not want a mummified foot next to your bed.

I feel like he was like, guys, let's be sex positive.

Everybody can be into what they're into.

And it's like, yeah, all right, fair enough.

So don't comment on my mummified foot by the bed.

It's like, oh.

What is it when you've got a longer second toe than your big toe?

Does it mean you're clever or something?

You clearly don't have a longer than second toe.

No, oh no, mine's a little bit better.

I don't think it means that you're clever enough.

Is that the same professor that said when you hold a buttercup onto your chin, it means you like butter?

And I do like butter.

It was right every time.

Oh my gosh, the bones in your feet account for around 25% of all the bones in your body.

Wow.

Are we making a different show now?

I feel like we're just making a science show.

We're just shouting foot facts.

But there is a really, really famous foot kind of scandal, really.

Foot scandal?

What's going on?

Fergie.

Oh, of course.

And she got her toes sucked.

We've mentioned this.

Who brought it up?

Stephen Mangan brought it up once, yeah.

But why was it such a scandal?

So she'd been separated from Andrew, the prince we do not name, for a while.

I think like a few months, but they were trying to keep it a bit hush-hush.

And then what I didn't realise was that she was in Balmoral with all the royal family, Queen, Prince Philip, the day those pictures were splashed all over.

Oh my god.

Could you imagine that breakfast?

Breakfast.

That would make a good episode of The Crown, wouldn't it?

It really would.

Yeah, and apparently,

royal writer Richard Kay claimed that he received a message via Pager

in 1992 from Princess Diana the night before the photos hit the newspaper stands.

And the message just said, The Redhead's in trouble.

Oh, that is absolutely chilling.

I've said that about Alice before.

Often.

So for those that don't know, explain the story.

So she was separated from Prince Andrew, but they weren't actually divorced yet.

And she was papped while in the south of France, getting her toes sucked by, wait for it, a Texan millionaire.

Jim Sterling.

Basically Jim Sterling.

His name was John Bryan and he was her.

John Bryan is an anagram of Jim Sterling.

He was her, quote, financial advisor, amongst other things, I'm sure.

And he said, subsequently, like years later, I think he said, I wasn't sucking her toes, I was merely kissing them.

And were they pictured on the beach?

No, they were in her villa in Saint-Tropez.

Oh, well, give them some bloody privacy.

Well, exactly.

But why would it matter if it was sucking anyway?

Well, this is my point.

It shouldn't matter.

But that's mad, isn't it?

That that was sort of...

Front page scandalous news and it was referred to as the toe-sucking saga.

I do think though, you either like that sensation or you don't.

Because like, you know, like tickling, some people are like, I'm gonna punch you in the face.

Torturous.

And some people are like, tell my mom.

So like, there must be a physiological, like, it's not just psychological, is it?

It's like there's a physical thing where it's like, that feels nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So what have we learned?

People like feet.

Yeah.

Rocky's picked up on it because he's very good at moving with the zeitgeist.

And I'm, I guess, like a foot sensation.

You're a foot superstar.

They're nice.

They're quite nice.

Guys, thank you.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly, must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.