MFM Minisode 430

Speaker 1 This is exactly right.

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Speaker 2 Goodbye. Goodbye.
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Speaker 2 Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder. That's Georgia Hardstar.

Speaker 1 That's Karen Kilgaret. And this is the mini-soap.

Speaker 2 That's right. Good job.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 Oh, and so it's almost National Pet Day. Happy National Pet Day.
Happy National Pet Day to everyone who celebrates and even those who don't. Yeah.
You know, you're still part of the clan.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you have to be. We're forcing you.
Get in here with us. Go adopt a pet.
Look around. You'll find a cat.
Yeah. Go to the shelter.
Adopt an animal. Look in a tree.

Speaker 2 That's where we found my cat Rudy back in the 90s.

Speaker 1 Well, to kick off National Pet Day, we're going to tell some hero pet stories.

Speaker 1 I won't read you the subject line. It says, hi lovelies, Karen.
This one's for you and your Irish family. So I'm writing after listening to the countless mini-sodes about crazy family stories.

Speaker 1 And now this recent episode 463 talking about Peg Plunkett's large Irish Catholic family, this is where the inspiration finally struck. My dad was born one of the youngest in a baker's dozen.

Speaker 1 Growing up, his mom was a nurse and his dad worked for the newspaper. You can imagine the chaos the kids got into with two hard-working periods.

Speaker 1 The youngest of 13.

Speaker 2 That's insane. That's a schoolhouse.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anyway, onto the hero pet segment. When my dad was maybe 11-ish, they had moved recently from a medium-sized city to a farm town.

Speaker 1 There they had a small farm, some chickens, and a German shepherd named Edith.

Speaker 2 Edith. I love Edith.
It's a great name for a large dog.

Speaker 1 So good.

Speaker 1 One day my dad and his older brother were playing in the grass near the house when Edith began to growl, hackles raised at some movement nearby. The boys didn't think much of it and continued to play.

Speaker 1 Not much later, the familiar rattling sound made my dad and his brother freeze in terror as they looked up and were face to face with a rattlesnake.

Speaker 2 Uh-uh.

Speaker 1 I don't know what happened in the following moments, except that the snake lunged at my dad, and out of nowhere, Edith jumped in front of him, getting bit in the process.

Speaker 2 Edith, no.

Speaker 1 The boys called for help, and a neighbor came out and assisted in killing the snake.

Speaker 1 Edith was rushed to the vet and given an anti-venom. Poor girl was so lethargic from the incident, they had to pick up her head to sit in the water bowl for her to drink.

Speaker 1 Thankfully, our beautiful hero lived a long life thereafter.

Speaker 2 Oh, thank God, Edith.

Speaker 1 She pulled through.

Speaker 1 I swear one of the main reasons my dad won't get a pet again is from that traumatic experience.

Speaker 1 Oh, and another note, the neighbor who killed the snake took it and stuffed it, and it is now sitting on the upstairs of my parents' house.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 I did not see that coming at all. Oh, that's hilarious.
In parentheses, it says, I swear that's the only redneck thing they own in their perfect suburban home. I love that.

Speaker 1 That's really quite a memory. Yeah.
Like quite a keepsake. Yeah.
Okay, this is long enough. Thank you so much for everything you do.

Speaker 1 I've listened to you through all my major life milestones from graduating college, getting married, having two kids with a third on the way,

Speaker 1 getting to Baker's Desert,

Speaker 1 and struggling with the mental health roller coaster. You've been a guiding light to so many, and I can't imagine where all of us would be without the amazing guidance of you lovely ladies.

Speaker 2 If I wrote all this,

Speaker 2 just edit it, man.

Speaker 2 Cut and paste.

Speaker 1 Very lovely. Keep kicking ass and taking names with warmest regards.
SSDGM, Rachel. And then it's P.S.

Speaker 1 In case you were wondering, those 13 kids had 40 kids, my first cousins, and an ongoing count of around 70 to 80-ish second cousins.

Speaker 2 Holy shit. Woo! Wow.
It's a lot of people to borrow money from. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wow. Edith.
Edith, good girl. Okay, mine is a cat hero.
Okay.

Speaker 2 To whom it may concern, you're the wind beneath my wings, my eternal flame, and even my candle in the wind, but none of that is why we are here.

Speaker 2 Incredible opening. That's a good one.
My parents have an orange 13-year-old Maine Coon named Jack.

Speaker 2 I love a Maine Coon, who loves people more than any cat I've ever known and just might think he is a human.

Speaker 1 A Maine Coon that loves people must be the most fun.

Speaker 2 Just a giant, lovable teddy bear that comes to life. Love that.
He's fun and noisy and part of the family. And in May of 2020, he saved my dad's life.

Speaker 2 At the time, my dad, Arthur, was getting up early to exercise, and my mom, Julie, would typically be in bed still.

Speaker 2 The day after Mother's Day was no different until Jack went into their bedroom and began bothering my mom, that's the cat, not the dad,

Speaker 2 by jumping on her, hitting her with his paws, and not leaving when she tried to swat him away.

Speaker 2 Finally, my mom got up and found my dad at the bottom of the stairs, gasping in what we now know is the death rattle.

Speaker 2 She was able to call 911 and perform CPR, and he was eventually airlifted to a bigger hospital until discovering he had suffered a massive stroke. Wow.

Speaker 2 We were told to say our goodbyes because he had a very small possibility of surviving, but after months of therapy and intervention, he is still here today. Wow, great.

Speaker 2 Not exactly the same, but still my dad. And it's all because of a hero cat who wouldn't give up.

Speaker 2 Thank you for all you bring to the world, Amanda. Amanda.
That's such a good cat. That cat saved her father's life.

Speaker 2 I know, because if that mom hadn't woken up, he would have stayed down at the bottom of the stairs for even longer, losing losing oxygen. Who knows what? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And also, Amanda, you're, I understand that's a traumatic thing to go through, but we all change all the time anyway. So it's like, that's what's going to happen eventually.

Speaker 1 And to have him there to be with you is, is really a gift. So I'm glad that's the way that story turned out.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Heroes.
I know. The heroes are all around us.

Speaker 2 Every holiday season, it's the same. You've got one person who's impossible to shop for and another who, quote, doesn't need anything.

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Speaker 1 Right? It just came out of the bag. I think I put it on and walked directly to a record with you.
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Speaker 2 Goodbye. Bye.

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Speaker 1 The subject line of this email is the time my pet bird saved me from being abducted. Hello.
When I was about eight years old, my sister's best best friend was looking to re-home a pet parrot.

Speaker 1 The friend said that the parrot, a peach-faced love bird named Peachy.

Speaker 2 Aw.

Speaker 1 And then in parentheses, it says, yeah, I know, real creative, was too aggressive toward her and her siblings.

Speaker 1 We found out later that the siblings were abusive toward little Peachy and that he was just acting in self-defense.

Speaker 2 Peachy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but the parents wanted him out of the house regardless. My sister being only 14 at the time with no prior experience caring for birds and without asking permission from her parents.

Speaker 2 A bird. A surprise bird is not cool.
Peachy.

Speaker 2 Sudden Peachy is like Peachy. Here's your pet, Peachy, for the next 50 years or whatever.
50 plus. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 That's so funny. Fortunately, my parents weren't too mad about this.
Peachy was a bitter little bird who hated everyone on principle.

Speaker 1 Oh, Peachy was a bitter little bird who hated everyone on principle and especially my sister for some reason.

Speaker 1 At first, Peachy rejected me just as violently as he did everyone else, but once my mom explained to me that I had to be gentle and patient with him, as he was still scared and unsure, I changed my whole approach.

Speaker 1 After that, Peachy and I were practically inseparable.

Speaker 2 Yes, let them come to you. I love that.

Speaker 1 He especially liked to tuck up against my neck and take naps while hiding under my long hair.

Speaker 1 When he was positioned like this, he was often hidden from view. Yeah, Peachy just needed to feel safe.

Speaker 2 The Peachy.

Speaker 1 Fast forward to a late summer evening when I was 47 years old.

Speaker 2 What? No.

Speaker 1 Fast forward to a late summer evening during my 10th year.

Speaker 1 I was quietly playing with some toys in the front yard of my house and Peachy in his customary position dozing under my hair when a car pulled up in front of my house.

Speaker 1 There was an adult woman inside that I didn't recognize. She said that she was lost and that she was looking for the house of one of my neighbors and if I wouldn't mind helping her.

Speaker 1 I remember being a little nervous about the whole situation from the get-go, but I recognized the surname of the family she said she was looking for. So I thought it was a pretty legitimate request.

Speaker 1 You're 10 years old. Yeah.
She then asked if I would be willing to take a ride with her and show her the way step by step.

Speaker 2 Okay, no adult who is trustworthy would ask a child to get in their car. A child.
A child. Like, it's just so creepy.

Speaker 1 And also no.

Speaker 1 sane adult would get involved in something like that where it's just like that wouldn't be the solution to your problem that would be you having a whole new set of problems with the police Jesus.

Speaker 1 Okay. I was trying to politely decline and indicate that I needed to go when she took hold of my arm, still trying to act nice, but insistent now that I go with her.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Big mistake. Peachy, for some reason, remember Peachy was a bitter little bird.

Speaker 1 Peachy, for some reason, had remained quiet during this whole exchange.

Speaker 1 But as soon as the lady grabbed my arm, he lashed out at the woman and bit her hand so hard that as she drew back, he stayed attached to her by his beak, his little wings beating frantically to keep balance as she tried to shake him off.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Luckily, he let go before the lady's flailing could seriously hurt him, and he seemed none the worse for wear after crash landing to the ground, though he was giving off alarm screams.

Speaker 1 I didn't know what the woman did after that, as I was too focused on getting Peachy and myself back inside my house as quickly as possible, though I'm sure the commotion caused her to leave quickly.

Speaker 2 Oh my God. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I still think of Peachy as a hero who very well could have saved my life that day. He did.

Speaker 2 Absolutely. You know what? And I bet Peachy sitting on her neck there was like felt her adrenaline go up and like just could tell something was wrong.
Yes. Right.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Her little heart starts racing.

Speaker 2 She's like, I don't, I feel weird.

Speaker 2 She's like, uh-oh.

Speaker 1 She's like, you feel weird.

Speaker 2 I feel weird. I'm going to attack this fucking lady.
I've been waiting my whole life for this.

Speaker 1 Finally, it's justified.

Speaker 2 I'm going to cry. Okay, go on.

Speaker 1 And also just that idea that like if those other kids were abusive, it's like you can imagine kids grabbing a bird or something like that where he doesn't like those kinds of moves anyway.

Speaker 2 And so he does it to his person and he's like, fuck this shit. Fuck you.

Speaker 2 Fuck you. Hi, Peachy.
Fuck you.

Speaker 2 Peachy goes full metal. Death metal.

Speaker 1 It's been 10 years since Peachy passed away, but I still love him with all my heart and I know he loved me in return just as much, if not more.

Speaker 1 Stay sexy and know that pets will always remember and appreciate all the love you give them.

Speaker 2 Lee. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Lee, you got Georgia.

Speaker 2 You got her. You really got me.
You got her.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 A bird. Like a bird doesn't have to love you.
Cats, they love people. Dogs, they love people.
But a bird.

Speaker 1 A bird's like, do you have any sunflower seeds?

Speaker 2 Right. We're done.
I kind of don't care. Yeah.
But then it's like, when a bird loves you, you're a really special person. A bird with a peach-colored face?

Speaker 2 Get over here, Peachy. Okay, I have a hero calico.
Just imagine it's dotted. She looks exactly like my dotty.
Okay. Okay.
Oh, hey there.

Speaker 2 Not sure if this is the type of animal hero stories you're looking for, but here goes. When I was five years old, my mom mom got us, her, my brother, and I, some kittens from my great aunt's farm.

Speaker 2 Feisty little fucks, but they were all very sweet once we brought them home. Farm cats, man.
Don't fuck with them. One cat in particular was named Maddie, and she was a calico who loved everybody.

Speaker 2 When I was six years old, she had this weird habit and would rub up against the back of my head aggressively and wouldn't stop even when I pushed her away and never did this to anyone else.

Speaker 2 We love these fucking stories. She would climb up on the back of the couch and push so hard against my head, she almost pushed me off the couch a couple times.
This is, I was a small child.

Speaker 2 Around this same time, I was constantly sick with dizziness, vomiting, and ringing in my ears. And it says, side note, I didn't know how to describe ringing in my ears to my mom.

Speaker 2 So I would say, the cats are in my ears and won't stop meowing. Get it? That's so smart.

Speaker 2 Fast forward one year, my mom decided to take me in to get some tests done because I was so sick all the time and nothing had helped. Turns out I had a goddamn brain tumor.

Speaker 2 That cat knew she had a brain tumor. Long story short, I had surgery and everything is fine now.

Speaker 2 When I had lots of fucking long story short. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Thank you for that very needed synopsis.

Speaker 2 Appreciate you. When I got home from the hospital, the first thing Maddie did was jump up onto the back of the couch where I was sitting.

Speaker 2 She walked back and forth a couple of times and sniffed my head. My mother just stared, not saying anything.
Maddie jumped down and walked away without pushing or rubbing on my head.

Speaker 2 My mom's eyes got wide and said, oh my God, out loud. We just stared at each other while Maddie sat next to me and licked her paws like nothing had ever happened.

Speaker 2 For the rest of her life, she never pushed my head the way she had before. And from then on, my mother and I decided that she knew something was wrong with me and was trying to warn us.

Speaker 2 Although Maddie wasn't the reason I went to the doctor, I still consider her my hero cat. And she was my best friend for 17 years.

Speaker 2 Stay sexy and trust those bitchy little calicos.

Speaker 2 Best Jennifer. And here's a picture, a couple pictures of Maddie.
And then, and then Jennifer got a tattoo of Maddie's paw prints with her name written on it. It's so beautiful.

Speaker 2 Also, that cat is so cute. So sweet.
I have a bitchy little cat. I have two bitchy little calicos and they are just the best.

Speaker 1 They're so cute. Little comic book cats.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

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Bye bye.

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Speaker 2 Goodbye.

Speaker 1 The subject line of this email is ButterDog. Hi, everyone.
I told myself I could write in when I finally got caught up on episodes. And seven years later, here we are.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, how many more people are waiting? Like, send your emails now, please.

Speaker 1 That's the old saying: send your emails while you can.

Speaker 1 Today, I want to tell you about Trevor. Trevor was not a hero dog, nor a villain dog.
He is better described as a butter dog.

Speaker 1 We got Trevor on Craigslist on my first day of eighth grade, all the way back in 2011.

Speaker 1 The family's dog accidentally had a litter of puppies, and Trevor got returned because he was too crazy for the person who picked him.

Speaker 2 Yikes.

Speaker 1 They asked for $25 in a good home. My dad brought two 20s they couldn't find change for, for, but Trevor was worth far more than $40.

Speaker 1 Trevor had the biggest paws and the sassiest attitude and destroyed everything that he could. He was some type of big black lab mix with a white T on his forehead.

Speaker 1 He was lovingly called T-Bone by my father.

Speaker 2 Huge.

Speaker 1 Trevor was also a bit of a misogynist and adamantly refused to listen to me or my mother. That's funny.
Imagine it's 2012 or so.

Speaker 1 I was probably wearing a neon or peplum and I definitely had a mustache drawn on my finger. Remember how huge that was? Yeah.

Speaker 2 The tattoos. Yeah.

Speaker 2 God.

Speaker 1 I was home alone, not sure why, when I heard a little weird coughing sound coming from the kitchen. It sounded somewhere between a cough and barfing, and 13-year-old me went to investigate.

Speaker 1 I walked into the kitchen to see Trevor hacking up small yellow blobs on the hardwood floor.

Speaker 1 I wasn't sure what was going on, but I pried his mouth open to find an entire stick of cold butter lodged in the back of his throat.

Speaker 2 Oh, no.

Speaker 2 The whole thing.

Speaker 1 He was choking on it. Oh, no.
Coughing up bits as it melted. Seemingly fearless, I acted.

Speaker 1 I took my 13-year-old hand and reached it down his throat, extracting this semi-melted but mostly cold stick of butter.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 My father, Kevin, is the youngest of six in an Irish Catholic military family. Shout out to Irish Catholics.

Speaker 2 Am I right, Karen?

Speaker 2 It's in parentheses.

Speaker 1 Kevin eats butter at an aggressive rate.

Speaker 2 Or Father Kevin. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Every day, a fresh stick got put out on the butter dish. Kevin, however, rarely remembers to put the cover back on the butter dish.
Kevin.

Speaker 1 It seems that Trevor put his big paws up on the counter and scarfed down the entire stick.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 This story became lore within my family. That Christmas Eve, when all the family gathered, my father declared it was time for me to tell the butter story.

Speaker 1 Me, now 14, was telling the story slowly and deliberately, really building up the mystery. Partway through the story, I hear a weird sound coming from the kitchen.

Speaker 2 A half barf, half cough type of sound. No way.

Speaker 1 And then it says, there was all caps, no period fucking period way.

Speaker 2 Period.

Speaker 1 I stop my story to rush into the kitchen and find Trevor barfing up little blobs of butter yet again.

Speaker 1 Knowing the routine, I stick my hand down his throat and pull out the stick to both the amusement and horror of my aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Trevor was the best boy and worst boy.

Speaker 2 He gave.

Speaker 2 I love that.

Speaker 1 He gave us 12 amazing years and he will live on forever as our best buttered dog.

Speaker 1 Stay sexy and cherish your butter dogs while you can. Kendall, she her.

Speaker 2 I love it. I love a bad dog.

Speaker 1 George Lopez was a butter dog.

Speaker 2 Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 She took a whole butter dish outside and buried, she ate the butter and then buried the dish in the lawn. She didn't need it for her next stick of butter when she gets her own apartment finally.

Speaker 2 Okay, my last one isn't a dog and it's not a cat and it's not a bird. It's a horse.

Speaker 2 A horse named Hero who eventually lived out to his name. Hello, murder ladies.
I used to work in a town on the west coast near the beach as a cashier at a little gas station.

Speaker 2 It was a pretty popular spot for people traveling to Mexico to stop for refreshments and bathroom breaks before hitting the border, but also had a lot of locals who liked to hang around all day.

Speaker 2 One such local was a young girl around 30, we'll call her Cleo, who rode her beautiful black Mustang horse named Hero to the store every day in order to buy a pack of beer or a stick of beef jerky.

Speaker 2 Cleo panhandled for tips at the gas station from travelers as she performed tricks on her horse or let people pet him. That's cool.

Speaker 2 The gas station wasn't in a rural area, so she attracted a lot of attention from passerbys. That's so cool.
I would totally like immediately beeline for the horse.

Speaker 1 If you were in a city and all of a sudden there's a horse standing by a giant, beautiful big black horse.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes. She probably made more money than I did working at the job.
I worked the late shift one Friday night and got off work around 1 a.m.

Speaker 2 As I was locking up to leave, I noticed a tall, thin man across the street looking into the windows of one of the apartments.

Speaker 2 I instantly felt a pit in my stomach and decided to exit out the back door and head to my car that was parked about five blocks away. It says, Ugh, beachtown parking, am I right?

Speaker 2 I walked quickly to my car. I peered over my shoulder and unfortunately, not to my surprise, the man was now crossing the street diagonally right in my direction.

Speaker 2 He closed the gap quickly and called out to me, hey, do you have a phone I can use? I said nothing because fuck politeness and began to jog down the street to my car, which was now in my sight.

Speaker 2 I heard heard his footsteps right behind me and glanced to see him reaching out his hand. I screamed and began to run.

Speaker 2 Suddenly, from around the corner in front of me, I hear a familiar voice and the fast galloping hooves of a horse. Oh my God.
There in front of me, charging up the street, rode Cleo on her horse hero.

Speaker 2 Cleo was shouting profanities at the top of her lungs and swinging a beer bottle over her head. The man turned and ran back towards the apartment while I heard him say, is that a horse?

Speaker 2 Fucker. Cleo flew past me and chased the man, tossing her bottle at him as he ducked around a corner.
This is like, it's like a movie. I know.
That's the best thing of all time. I know.

Speaker 2 I stood in shock as Cleo disappeared after him and tried to figure out what had just happened. I was just standing there.

Speaker 2 I had no idea where she came from or what the hell she was doing riding a horse at 1 a.m., but I was sure happy to see her. Yes.

Speaker 2 Soon after, Hiro came trotting around the corner with Cleo atop of him, a beaming smile from ear to ear on her face. She came up to me while saying, I've always wanted to do that.

Speaker 2 She walked me into my car and then turned and disappeared in the direction of the man. She fucking was going back for him.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Needless to say, I never worked the night shift again and paid for Cleo's beer the next time I saw her and told Hero he really was a hero for me that night.

Speaker 2 Thank you both for being a safe space to talk about tough things and reminding us all to care about our mental health. Sarah.

Speaker 1 Sarah, that I love that story so much.

Speaker 2 Fucking Hero.

Speaker 1 I kind of like forgot, like the whole setup at the beginning made me forget what was happening.

Speaker 2 And then suddenly it's like, yeah, hero's going to come back into this.

Speaker 2 We all need hero once in a while. But also Cleo.

Speaker 1 I think we do need more horses in urban areas.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's do it. They're so magical.
Let's do it. Let's start a campaign.

Speaker 2 Let's see, be the change we want to see in the world, in the horse world, or whatever.

Speaker 1 Just let a bunch of wild horses loose.

Speaker 2 Do you have stories about amazing pets? You can still write them in at my favorite murder at gmail.com. Horse stories, crazy stories, everything stories.

Speaker 1 Whatever best story you have about any pet. Or I like the idea of also, they don't have to be heroes.

Speaker 2 No, we like bad pets for that.

Speaker 1 Bad pets are great, average pets that you just really liked. Yeah.
Do whatever you want. We love you.
Stay sexy.

Speaker 2 And don't get murdered. Get it.

Speaker 2 Elvis, do you want a cookie?

Speaker 1 This has been an exactly right production.

Speaker 2 Our senior producers are Alejandra Keck and Molly Smith.

Speaker 1 Our editor is Aristotle Aceveda.

Speaker 2 This episode was mixed by Liana Squolachi.

Speaker 1 Email your hometowns to myfavorite murder at gmail.com.

Speaker 2 And follow the show on Instagram at MyFavoriteMurder.

Speaker 1 Listen to MyFavite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 2 And now you can watch us on Exactly Right's YouTube page. And while you're there, please like and subscribe.
Goodbye. Bye-bye.

Speaker 2 Ah,

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