Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep. 5: A Grave Encounter

This is a head gun podcast.

Welcome to Trinivale.

Trinaval.

And also,

Barrovia.

Barrovia.

Fuck yeah.

That gets me pumped.

That gets me fucking pumped.

Hold me back, bro.

Hold me back.

I'm going to narrate this shit.

Jake was doing a little what, what, what would you do from old school Nickelodeon?

I really appreciated that.

That's right.

Only 90s kids know.

Go on, Caldwell.

What would I do?

I'd memorize an entire book and then recite it to you slowly over the course of several episodes.

How about that?

There we go.

And here comes episode five.

I am your Dracula Uncle, aka Drunkle Caldwell Tanner, and I am joined, as always, by my precious players, Brian Murphy.

Got a complaint to lodge with the manager, Strad.

Strudge works.

Do not call him Strudge.

He'll get Stradd.

It's kind of like Scrooge, which, like, he is a mean manager, so there is Scrooge energy.

Stradge McDuck.

I love how you're so cartoon-brained that you're like, Scrooge, of course, Scrooge McDuck.

Or Tanya.

Well, yeah.

Yeah.

Ebenezer was the blueprint, dude.

Fuck that, dude.

Uncle Stradge McDuck.

And of course, you got Emily Axford.

Boy Mother, like no other.

It's on exlumiere.

Inseparable.

I want that on a shirt with the rhinestones.

It says boy mother on the front, like no other on the back.

No, I swear this is for a DD podcast.

I'm actually really funny.

Look close to the rhinestones are tiny D20s.

And of course, we've got Jake Hurwitz.

Lean, mean, charging for sour cream machine.

Nayak of the rantapor.

Vegan.

Vegan.

It's so vegan.

Sour cream is extra.

I guess it's all extra, but sour cream is even more extra.

Yes, sir.

But the potato's free.

Yeah.

The potato's free.

It's brilliant.

And you know the only thing more brilliant than that a recap that's right friends before we give straddle an earful let's get a mouthful of recap

give me a mouthful donkey give me a mouthful

here it comes open wide stop open wide my hungry little robin

he's going with it

When last we met, our wicked triplets awoke from their slumber to find Ismark the Lesser outside their door with some double overnight oats that were soaked in more ways than one.

one.

After telling him and Marina your plan to honor their father by opening a questionably vegan build your own potato bar called Spudfuckers, Onyx asked Marina about her past, specifically inquiring about her adopted mother.

Marina confessed she knew very little and that her father wished not to speak of it.

She also mentions dreaming of a town in the heart of the valley known as Vallaki.

Armed with this knowledge, you set out to purchase supplies for the funeral, but took a quick detour into Madame Ava's to get your fortunes read.

Once inside, Madame Ava sold Onyx, Bluetooth, and Nyack a lot of weird dolls

and then used the Taraka deck to read your future.

The cards spoke of relics and allies to be found in the Abbey of St.

Markovia, as well as near an evil tree atop a hill of graves.

The cards also mentioned that you would one day meet Strahd in the tomb of his father, King Barov.

After your reading, Onyx asked Madame Ava if she knew anything about Marina, and Ava surmised that the young woman could be one of Strahd's past loves, Reborn.

Madame Ava then pulled Onyx aside and mentioned that she thinks the Night Mother is trying to connect with her, and that she should seek the Megalith.

She also gave you a deck of inspiration to be used in a time of need.

You then made your way to Bill Draft's, where Jinz charmed the store's owner into selling him potatoes and fixings using an enthralling dance.

Bildraath also made you a less than impressive sign to advertise both the Burger Master's death and the soft launch of the spudfuckers franchise i don't know afterwards ginz brought the flash mod to the street where you recruited funeral guests by dancing to mgmt's electric field remember

you also made a tentative deal with the wine moms alinka mirabel and sorvia to sell their wines at the event and so with decorations food customers and of course a crib for your pativity scene you three set out to the funeral event of the season.

Once there, Father Donovich offered a brief sermon, Ismark and Marina said their farewells, and Jinz kicked things up a notch with a heart-wrenching Nat20 eulogy/slash advertisement.

Hell yeah.

While everyone was reeling from Jin's passionate words, you heard a familiar voice, and then saw Reagan, your wellness advisor from the Night Lotus, step from the mist.

He said his master wished to say a few words, then stepped aside as a massive black horsebone helicopter materialized over the graveyard.

The chopper landed and the doors opened to reveal none other than the dread lord of Ravenloft himself, Count Strahd von Zarevich.

As soon as the vampire set foot on the ground, Jinz stepped forward and shouted, We would like to lodge a complaint.

And that is where we are now.

So, Jinns, after you shout that, you see Strahd turns to you and grins, revealing two long glistening fangs.

A complaint?

How novel.

Who are you, by by the way?

You should have me on the guest list as a manager of a five-star hotel.

The power went out in our yurt.

My name is Jens Lindell.

Huh?

I hold my hands out to everyone else.

Like, who is this guy?

You might say Lumiere on the reservation.

We're all staying in the same yurt.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's true.

I did.

We sort of all have...

all have stolen credit cards and we gotta shift who is stealing the credit cards and it's just my stolen

credit cards are not something you should be concerned with.

You're getting the money, okay?

Get off our back.

Is that why you turned the power off in our yurt?

Yeah.

Oh, also, it's in the name of a dead person, not.

I didn't steal it, okay?

No, we didn't steal it.

That's allowed.

Yeah, it's allowed.

They didn't need it in hell.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was a bad person.

They were bad.

They were bad.

I take no umbrage with stealing from the dead.

Oh.

So, the Trinaville triplets.

It is nice to finally meet you okay so you do have a dossier on us okay so you yeah you do check the manager logs why did you make us introduce ourselves oh my gosh that was a power play

you just got power played gents welcome to the game james

jens kicks the ground

as you have probably guessed i am count straw von zarovich it is a pleasure to meet you did you enjoy the gift basket

It was fine.

We kind of forgot about it, to be honest.

We had other things that we were.

We're actually entrepreneurs now.

So

we're opening a restaurant.

You're making this funeral all about you, and it's supposed to be all about us.

Yeah.

I am quite aware of your potato plan.

My spies have told me much.

Ismark!

How could you?

I attack Ismail.

It is not me.

It's not me he speaks of.

You're going around our back to open a rival potato business.

Oh.

That's not cool, Ismark.

Your eyes are so clouded by mist, it is adorable.

No, I speak not of Ismark, but my small friends who live within the cracks and the creaking places.

You see, he whistles, and out of every nook and cranny, and stone and root, you see swarms of rats.

squeaking, pouring forth towards Strahd.

Okay, this is gonna be a hell of a code code problem.

We actually, this is a Strahd thing.

This is not a Spudfuckers thing.

I just want everyone to be clear.

And this is a soft launch, not a hard launch, so there should be no health inspection.

If there's a health inspector here, raise your hand.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Also, I think since the rats just also just have really good taste.

Maybe.

Is that where we're going?

I mean, if they have cash, they can buy fixes.

We're pivoting that hard already.

We're not going to try to do that.

We are.

Okay, we're floating several narratives and seeing what they talk about.

Okay, okay.

All right, so the rats may or may not be part of it.

If they aren't, then this isn't normal for spud fuckers.

And if they are, they're either not our fault or they're welcome.

Yeah, we haven't decided yet.

This is an animal race.

And whichever you think is cooler, that is the one that it is.

Yeah.

They have whispered much of your spudfuckers' plans to me.

God damn it.

If you could perhaps put some green peas on the potatoes for them, they would like that very much.

Okay, grassroots campaign or rats.

I don't like that idea at all.

who's managing this spudfuckers straj

we are getting off topic though we are not here to discuss business we are here to pay respects to the late burgomaster okay and of course afterwards to take my dear tatiana to safety Who's Tatiana?

I haven't met Tatiana.

Is that your ex?

I look at every person in the audience and say, are you Tatiana?

You, you're Tatiana.

Are you Tatiana?

Are you Tatiana?

Marina is Tatiana, would be my guess.

I'm Nyak.

I found Tatiana.

I pointed Nyak.

No.

When he says Tatiana, he kind of glances towards Marina, and you see Ismark step in front of her and say, stay back.

You have no place here.

I will protect her.

I will protect all of these people.

Ismark.

Jens also laughs.

Yes, it is funny, right?

It's a little funny.

I don't like, you know what?

I like Ismark more than you to be honest, but go on.

Hey, Ismark's all right.

Ismark, he truly is the lesser.

Do you think you can protect her, Ismark?

You are but a shadow of the man your father was, and even he could not protect your mother.

Oh, sweet Alana.

No, no, it is much too unsafe here.

Tatiana, you must come to the castle with me so that you can be protected properly from the

unsavory elements that dwell here.

Okay, I'm so sorry, but I am going to have to step in.

I am not going to let you come sweep in and try to take this beautiful girl who doesn't want to go with you because she doesn't even know who her mother is, and you could be siblings.

Okay?

That's true.

You could be siblings.

I cannot stand by.

I have done countless genealogy tests.

I've done 23 on me.

Okay, Marina,

who is your mother?

I

do not know my true mother, only my adopted one, Alana.

Okay, so I think that's Ironclad.

Is that what we're going with?

Okay, gents, again, float several narratives.

Yeah, float several narratives.

Okay, so let's consider

you could be siblings.

That's part of it.

You sicko.

And the other thing, Stroj.

Oh,

is that, look, you're coming in here, and I'll be honest, I don't like a lot of these people.

Ismark, Jerko, but Marina seems pretty cool.

And you're coming in here, and you're calling her by your ex's name.

That's just so toxic.

That's so toxic.

Yeah,

so toxic.

It is a blessing to see my Tatiana reborn after all these years.

Every time I get together with someone and I call them kiss,

they are really turned off.

Rightfully so.

Yeah.

It will take time, but she will come to understand her place in all of this.

If you wish to research your genealogy, if you wish to know the truth about your true mother, Tatiana, you must come with me.

Besides,

as I've mentioned before, it is not safe here.

Reagan,

why don't you show them just how unsafe it is?

Go and fetch our special guest.

Right away, boss.

You see Reagan.

Misty steps away for a moment, and after a second, you hear a scream.

And see a vampire spawn burst from the church.

Oh dear.

He looks like a younger version of Donovich, but with white hair and a missing eye.

He looks around, sees the table full of potatoes and fixins.

Those aren't free.

He picks one up, sniffs it, lets out a bestial scream, and flips over the entire display.

Let's go to advertise again, Till's a flare.

I don't want this shit.

I'm fucking hungry.

I need real food.

No, this is real food.

Potatoes are real food.

Okay.

It's an appetizer at best.

It is not an appetizer.

You can put a hot dog in a potato.

That's a vegan hot dog, everyone.

Look, the rats are not regular.

Vampires are not regular.

Again, this is a soft opening, everyone.

You wouldn't take someone to a potato restaurant on the first date.

It's got no potential.

While this is happening, can I tackle Marina?

And as I do, can I cast this guy's self to look like Marina?

Ooh.

Onyx.

Like, tackle so we are a mess of limbs.

And then when we stand up, we are to

look as best as ourselves.

Hell yeah.

You can do that, but after you do that, everybody roll initial.

Okay.

18.

22.

Damn.

13.

So as the battle begins, Onyx, you tackle Marina.

I'll say that you tackle her like behind a gravestone or something like that, so you can kind of get a little coverage to pull off this maneuver.

You see Donovich and all of the villagers follow your lead and cower behind gravestones as well.

Over by the entrance to the church, you see Doru breathing heavy, looking hungry and ravenous.

And overhead, you see a few ravens dart through the mist, their croaking calls laced with something akin to pity for the wingless souls below.

And first to act in the initiative is Onyx.

Okay, I'm gonna say Blue Deuce!

Let alive.

And I'm going to, he can fly, so I'm going to throw Marina into his arms so he can try to fly her away.

Yeah.

So sorry, Havel, I don't want to.

Bluetooth, god damn it.

Bluetooth, you need the alpha mindset to carry her, okay?

Get him off those podcasts.

You're right.

Time to boost my till.

Yeah, yeah.

Time to moisturize with beef pitalo.

We're going to try some new podcasts when you're done with this.

But for now, yes, E.

the Alpha Dog.

I can't write the journal after this at 4 a.m.

Jen's shivers.

That's good to get it.

That's fine.

I party, that's fine.

Okay, so he's going to try and fly her away.

Yeah.

Okay.

So he's going to use his movement to get her 40 feet away.

And then I'm going to do a taunting step, which is my Archfey Misty step.

And creatures within five feet of the space I left must succeed a DC-15 or have disadvantage on attacks against creatures other than me until the start of my next turn.

Awesome.

So you push Marina away.

You see Bluetooth like hunched under the weight of Marina like surfing on his iPad as he skims along the ground.

He drops the iPad.

It's already broken.

I broke it.

I've broken before.

So Strad's going to make a wisdom save.

All right, that is a 17 without any modifier.

Okay.

And then I still have an action, so I am going to eldritch blast him.

Sick.

19 to hit.

19 hits.

Woo!

Okay.

Just eight damage.

Jens goes, yee.

Honestly, that's...

It's eight out of ten.

No, I'll be fine.

That's like the best I can do.

Fighting Strahd.

Yee.

Onyx,

what does your eldritch blast look like now that you don't have like a weapon to focus it with?

I think it's gums out.

Like,

have you ever like touched a charger and it like sparks you a little bit?

It's like that now, but it goes 120 feet.

A tiny little buzz.

Because I am a phone.

But also, I am Marina.

You zap him.

Of course, the minute you zap him, he realizes that you're not the real marina.

No, but I zap him from far away.

I zap him from far away.

I stepped away.

You know what?

Give me a deception check.

Yeah.

Okay.

Time to credit.

Time to credit.

Time to credit.

14.

Oh, shit.

Shout out to the two crew.

I'll give you a meets meets it, beats it.

He has a plus 12 to perception.

Whoa.

But yeah, I'll give it to you.

Okay, yeah.

So he doesn't know who did that.

Nice shot, Marina.

Very clever.

As he talks, he starts striding slowly towards where Bluetooth is taking Marina.

Okay.

And as he does, you see the small cut.

that your Eldritch Smite left slowly starts to heal up.

Oh, this fucker.

Okay, we need to leave, everyone.

Spudfuckers is moving locations.

We're gonna launch a GoFundMe for Spudfuckers because we lost a lot of money on this endeavor and you can help us out.

Yeah, the rats were not our fault.

That's a Stroge thing.

If you two can get Marina out of here, I can try something to see if there is a type of magic that won't make him heal.

Okay.

Okay.

I must say, I haven't properly thanked you, for it is your power that gives me this extra little boost.

It was very nice of you to make the donation when you passed through the mist.

You stole our safe box stuff.

You sucked up my jam points?

Yes, it is quite good.

It is bolstering, like a cold plunge.

Yeah, I mean, it's broken.

It was insane.

It was so crazy.

We were so powerful.

So anyway, he is going to use his legendary action to move towards where Bluetooth and Marina are.

And as he does, he kind of strides past, not knowing which one is Tatiana and which one is Onyx, but he says,

Oh, Onyx, I sense that something has changed since you passed through the mist.

An ancient foe I have not sensed in a long time.

The old mist is upon you.

I will have my witches watch you very closely.

Onyx is so tempted to respond, but she cannot give up the charade.

Okay, yeah, Onyx, talk to him.

I yell to the one with Bluetooth.

Say something.

God, she's so dumb.

I sweat as I look at the two vampires and the very unhelpful villagers.

Okay, so that brings us to Doru, still standing at the front of the church.

He's kind of like panting with hunger.

His eyes look distant and sunken and absolutely furious.

He looks to the one Marina and the other Marina and says, Master, you forbid me from eating Marina, but which one is Onix?

Which one is real?

Onyx really wants to talk again, but she does not.

Onyx, say something.

Ah, a clever trick they are playing.

See if you can see through it, my friend.

So Dori was going to make a hmm insight, I suppose.

To discern that you are disguised, a creature must take the study action to inspect your appearance and succeed on an investigation check against your spell save DC.

Okay.

Study action.

Sounds like someone can't use his claws.

I don't want to study shit.

That's not so boring.

I'm hungry.

Come on, study, Dork.

I think that in the face of having to study and not eat something, his overwhelming hunger is going to kick in and he's just going to go for Ismark, let's say.

Okay.

Okay.

You can have him.

No, stop.

Don't.

And after that, if you have to go to Jericho, that's fine.

What did I do to you?

Just talked.

Yeah, I do love to talk.

I got the gift of gab.

I was like, I sure do.

That's what I need the alarm clock for, so that I don't gab for too long.

Is Ismark still alive?

We got a 9 and an 11, which both of those miss Ismark.

So you see, he launches forward, but this guy is very much blood deprived.

He tries to slash at Ismark, but Ismark, he's been training his whole life for this moment.

He gets his sword up, blocks both of the claw marks.

You hear like a loud scraping of nail against steel, and they begin to fight, and the battle continues.

That brings us to Jins.

Sweets, I'm going to use a spell called Elf Shot.

You pretend to shoot an arrow with a tiny bow.

Make a range spell attack against a creature within range.

On a hit, the target creature stumbles, is pushed five feet in a random direction,

and its speed is zero until the end of its next turn.

Until the spell ends, you can make the attack again on each of your turns as an action, so it's like a concentration thing.

So, Jens goes, The bow of my people, I shall strike true.

And then I just pull out the tiniest bow, or just kind of like air guitar, a tiny bow.

You just hear me go, Pew!

As

I shoot at Strahd,

17 to hit?

That hits, sick!

Okay, so

All that happens is his speed is zero.

Oh,

so that hits Stradd.

His speed is zero until the end of his next turn, and I can keep trying to shoot him.

And then I'm going to, I guess, put some distance between me and Stradd.

So I go, hup, hup, hup, hup, and just back up a bit.

And then I'm going to look at Nayak and say, do something, you idiot, and give him Barnac inspiration.

By being hard on me.

Yeah.

Very clever, Jins.

Perhaps you do have what it takes to be my vice president of development.

What?

Vice president?

I mean, I would prefer to be president, but you must work your way up.

That's interesting.

Ask about the bonus structure, brother.

No, we don't need it.

We're entrepreneurs.

We've had a bad soft launch, but that doesn't mean that we're not going to launch.

Right, right.

Nayak, do something.

Thanks for the tough love, brother.

So that's a D6 of inspiration because we suck now.

Okay, well, shit.

With that spell, you've essentially eliminated Strahd's ability to use legendary actions because they're all based on movement and contact.

Pretty good.

Nice.

That does bring us to Strahd.

I think he's going to shout out to Reagan

and say,

Rahadin,

bring forth both Tatianas to me.

We will sort this out one way or another.

And that's going to be his free action.

And then let's see, as his spell, he is going to...

Hmm.

Well, I guess I'll try and lift this ability maybe by killing Jins.

Oh, no.

He's going to cast Fireball on Jins.

You're no match for my brother and his tiny little bow, Straj.

Yeah,

the bow isn't real.

The bows that is actually there.

I saw it.

Did you?

It's so small you can't see it.

It's so small.

So real.

You think you can't see it, but it's there.

Yes, this is given to me by Pixies.

Go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw.

Great.

Okay, theoretically, I'm good at this.

Dirty 20.

Wow, okay, great.

I suspect this will still kill me.

No, I think

taking half damage.

You'd be surprised at how little HP I have and how much damage Fireball does.

Okay.

You do pass.

You see Strahd smiling at you, standing in place, your tiny little arrows holding his feet stuck to the ground.

He

looks at you, pulls out a golden lighter and a cigar,

lights it, takes a big puff, and says, We could be partners, gins.

Don't burn yourself.

And then he exhales a huge flame of smoke directly at you for 15 damage.

Okay, I'm at 6 HP.

Okay.

Ah, I'm just smoldering.

Can we take this off-chain?

I feel like

we we need to do this outside of my business partners.

You're leaving a lot of power on the table.

I could grant you much, Jinslindell.

More than you have.

More than you've ever wished for.

And that is going to bring us to

Reagan.

Okay, so Reagan is also going to go ahead and make a investigation check.

Look at this nerd.

He's studying in the middle of a fight.

That's a Nat 20.

No smoking or studying in Spudfuckers.

So Reagan, I think as his bonus action, he's going to Misty step onto the roof of the church so he can get a vantage point.

And he studies both of you with keen elven eyes.

That one.

That one's a fucking fake.

So that is his action, but he has successfully pointed out to Strad which one of the marinas is real and which one is fake.

He points to the one riding on Bluetooth and says, that's the real one.

She's trying to get the heck out of Strad.

Sorry, it's catching on.

Actually, I don't have a cell phone anymore and I've I've never been more authentic.

I actually need to roll a concentration check to see if I still have Elf Shot up, and I fail.

So it is down.

He would have had his movement back anyway, but normally I can use it again as an action.

Now I can't.

Onyx, as you say, I've never been more authentic, Reagan laughs and says, Yeah, authentically dumb.

You're so fucking stupid.

You fell for my fucking trip.

I've got all your stuff.

It rocks.

Okay, well, then try to do what I used to do on me.

Use my fucking weapon on me.

Well, I.

You feel so good, yeah, you can't wield it.

You can't get attuned to it yet, so I don't really know how it works.

So, I'm just gonna use this fuckers who's stupid now.

Yeah, you studied and climbed on the roof of a church.

Well, you want to read the Bible faster?

You fucking loser.

I love studying, actually.

I'm very sad.

Oh my god, awesome.

He admitted it.

You should have studied our weapons and used them against us.

Oh, I know what he's doing.

I know what he's done in the church.

He wants to get married to studying, he wants to marry a poet.

Oh, my God.

This guy's a fucking nerd.

Oh, you're a reagan and studying.

I'm not studying it.

I like, I read a lot of cool stuff, like outdoor articles about magazines and sports and cycling.

I read cool stuff.

Do you read articles about magazines?

Holy shit.

I didn't know there were articles about magazines.

This guy gets a magazine called Magazines Monthly.

Can I browse your library card so I can read the articles about magazines?

I was on that video.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's too many periodicals.

Do you listen to any radio shows about podcasts right now?

I'm just curious.

It just points me in the right direction so I know which articles to read from the magazines that I like after I've read magazine the magazine.

He actually just wants to marry the idea of getting married to studying.

Fucking loser.

You like the aesthetic, but you don't actually live the life.

Out, suck my nuts.

I'm going to shoot you with this guy's bow.

He points at Nyack and pulls out his beautiful blackwing bow.

That's my bow.

Nyak, you do see Reagan now perched on the roof.

He has this beautiful bow.

It looks like rushing toxic waves of dragon breath built out of this beautiful dark oaken wood.

And he is crouched on the roof ready to strike on his next turn.

But it is your turn to act.

Give me back my stuff.

I'm going to bonus action cast Zephyr Strike to get advantage on this attack and do an extra D8.

Okay.

That is an 18 to hit.

18 just hits.

Since I hit him, I can add a D4 since he is now my favored foe.

And I'm going to make that extra attack that I get to do from from being a dread ambusher.

Sick.

That's only a 16 that time.

Okay, that one misses.

Okay.

Yeah, I learned that from an article about dodging that I read in a book.

About a magazine?

Yeah, a book about a magazine.

That's 22 damage.

So yeah, he's kind of taunting you, but you do manage to sink an arrow into his shoulder.

Fuck.

Luckily, I know lots of first aid from an article I read.

I'm so fucking well read.

And that brings us to Ismark.

Ismark, I'm going to tell him to drop her, so you might want to catch her.

Actually, now that Strahd can move again, he's gonna use another legendary action to just keep slowly walking towards where Marina and Bluetooth are.

Oh, jeez, he's doing the just cool walking thing.

He doesn't even have to skip

or run.

I will not force you.

Just see that my charm is innocent.

Let's see.

Ismark is here.

He is going to run towards Strahd.

Be gone from here, you devil.

I may be a lesser man, but I will give you all I have for the people of this village.

I have post-goon clarity.

No, Ismark, you almost.

Jeez, man.

You almost had it.

God damn.

It was almost a cool speech.

God damn, dude.

So I will say,

because of all of the preparations and the speech you gave, I am going to give Ismark and Marina a temporary bless based on how well you did.

I have the breakdown right here for you.

You got a plus zero from Bildrath's sign.

You got plus two from the villages you gathered.

Hell yeah.

You got plus two from your speech gens, and you got plus one from the now-destroyed potato display.

So Ismark is going to get a plus five to hit on this.

Okay.

All three of these are going to hit.

Hell yeah.

So he strikes Strahd with a sense of focus and justice, and for a moment, you see a greater man standing before you for 17 damage.

Bam.

You see Strahd laughs as the wound wound starts to slowly close, mist kind of seeping out of it as it does.

I'm impressed, Mark.

You have grown greatly since I began to monitor you and Tatiana.

But it will not be enough.

And that is going to bring us to Keychain's turn.

Keychain's here.

Hello, I'm here.

Hi,

sick of dying.

Help!

Help, Keychain!

I'm so hurt.

I'm smoldering.

Keychain is going to roll his three potions for the day.

Okay.

Let's see what we got.

One is a potion of healing.

Two is swiftness.

And six is alter self.

Okay.

Healing, healing.

Which one do you want?

Healing, healing.

You see his head like jolts up like a Pez dispenser and three barrels appear on his neck.

Here I come.

Pick your favorite.

Healing.

Okay, he is going to heal you for 2d8 plus 3.

Nice.

Ooh.

He heals me for 13.

Nice.

All right.

Brings me to 19.

I definitely can't get shot with another fireball.

He sits down, wags his tail, and kind of waits for you to pet him.

I pat him on the head.

Good dog.

Woof woof.

Wash your hands, brother.

All right.

Knock it off.

That's Keychain's turn.

Next up, we have the helicopter.

Oh, what?

The helicopter.

You see, the helicopter neighs loudly.

Its rotor spins slowly like a horse impatiently waiting to be be ridden, and it is going to be ready in action to take off as soon as its passengers are loaded in.

Huh.

And then that is going to bring us to the rats.

Jins, are you still standing kind of near where Donovich is, near the grave plot?

Yeah, I think, well, I think I tried to move back a bit, but I think I wouldn't have been able to get that far.

Alright, yeah, you're like generally in that area?

Great.

So the two swarms of rats are going to try and drag you into the burger master's grave.

What the fuck?

You little rats are awful.

I get why they call bad people rats.

You are little, you truly little rats, and I mean that.

They are sweet.

They are not sweet.

They're bad rats.

I take them pee fishing once a week.

Yeah, so this is going to be two contested strength checks.

Oh, good God.

All right.

They have negative one, though.

All right.

Well, I don't have much better than that.

All right.

That's going to be an eight for the first one.

Cool.

I fail.

Six.

Great.

I have a zero.

Start wrestling with like two and except my hands on their tiny hands.

You brutes.

They want your tiny bow.

This swarm of rats pushes you into the Burgamaster's grave.

You take five damage from falling into it.

Ow!

And since you're already in there, the other swarm is going to go for Onix.

Let's see here.

That's a 10 to hit.

Misses!

Great.

Okay,

they swarm around you, but they start doing like a little like dance, kind of like, you know, puppets you'd see in like an old-timey taxidermy show.

Oh.

It's a flash mob.

I guess I dance along.

I have time.

What?

We got our friends.

These are bad rats.

These are so cute.

They pushed me to a grave.

You should star in a Pixar movie, each of you.

This is a different swarm of rats.

They didn't push you.

True.

These ones are cool.

Okay.

I get a good swarm.

You got the good swarm?

Why did you get the good swarm?

They since the old mist in her.

Yeah.

I've got old mist.

Why did you get it?

You get cologne.

You get dancing rats, and I get rats that push you into graves.

So we're down to the bottom of the order.

It is Marina's turn.

You sent Marina 40 feet away on Bluetooth?

Yeah.

Great.

So, she's gonna go 30 more feet.

Now that Doru is moved, she's gonna go into the church.

Yes, I was gonna say, we need to get inside.

They can't come in places, especially churches.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so yes, she is going to go inside and just kind of like hide behind the altar there.

And then Strahd is going to pursue her basically right up to the threshold and say,

I've waited long enough, Tatiana.

i can continue to wait oh you're such a creep you're so probably you don't know what we have you're gross we could have had you're being gross straj you're being so gross now oh i'm not you need to go on something like love island and learn manners you need to learn manners from a reality show you're giving her the ickian yeah

you have bad chat you have really bad chat straj

i say covered in rats in a grave shaking my head you disgust me.

Perhaps I will spend a hundred years watching Love Island, and then I will be the master of Jen.

I have nothing but time, my friend.

No, you have to go on to the show and get humbled by the audience.

Perhaps that is the wager we shall make.

Okay.

If you defeat me, I shall go on Love Island.

Okay.

Okay.

Jen shudders thinking about how well Straggie did on Love Island.

Actually, no.

Yeah, you're actually right, so all toxic like you.

So that brings us back to the top of the order.

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Onyx, that is you again.

Okay, Onyx is going to run out and she's going to scream, the morning lord, it speaks through me.

And I'm going to hold up my picture of the silver nipple and

please go inside.

And cast, or not cast, and use radiant consumption.

Once per long rest as an action, you can radiate bright light in a 10-foot radius and dim light for 20 feet for one minute.

And then at the end of my turn, creatures will take radiant damage and then I'm going to as a bonus action Misty step on

into the helicopter.

Oh hell yes.

And ideally try to drive it so that I can be within 10 feet of Strahd to see if radiant if my two radiant damage affects him or not.

Amazing turn.

Okay, so you're trying to get Strahd with your radiant consumption?

Yeah, it's really just two radiant damage if I'm able to steer the helicopter there.

I just want to see if he heals from it or not.

I I gotcha.

Okay.

So you, Misty, step into the helicopter.

Once you're in there, you're surprised to find that it's less like the inside of a standard helicopter and more like the inside of a horse.

You see

organs and flesh.

Onyx, may I have a ride?

Onyx, pick me up.

May I have a ride?

I retch out the side

and you hear kind of an ephemeral.

That's a lot of horsepower.

I'm just going to say, go to Straz, but pick up NIAA first.

Go ahead and give me...

Animal handling.

Yeah, it's gonna be animal handling.

Six.

With a six, the helicopter, you see the flaming propellers on top flare to life and it goes

and it starts bucking.

Oh no.

This is so bad.

And on its turn, it's going to try and buck you out of the helicopter.

Okay.

Great.

That is.

Is that your turn?

Yeah, at the end of the turn, me and the helicopter each take two radiant damage.

Can I see, does it look like the helicopter takes that radiant damage or does it have any of that healing?

It does take the radiant damage.

Okay, okay.

And I was like, what's the range on the radiant damage?

It's 10 feet.

10 feet?

I'll say you can get Doru too.

Okay, yeah, I'll get Doru.

You see, this like blast emanates as you misty Stefan Dora goes, oh!

I just wanted a fucking snack.

Doru's kinda cool.

You just have to pay for the fixes, James.

Hey, I love Doru.

Doru's so funny.

He was living under a mannequin,

which if you think about it, a mannequin is like a doll for bigger people.

Oh, we could take a picture of Doru and be like, this is what you look like if you eat meat.

Come to Spudfuckers.

Duru can be like our eat more chicken.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's awesome.

I say cover the grass.

And also, I'm just going to have Bluetooth cast invisibility on himself.

Oh, great.

Okay, cool.

Did Bluetooth go in the church as well?

Yeah.

Okay, great.

And now Dora knows which marina's real and which one's Onyx.

He is going to continue pursuing Onyx.

You took my eye.

I have to live the rest of my eternal life without that.

That was my favorite eye.

I just said I liked you.

I liked you.

Is that a joke?

Is that a fucking joke about me missing an eye?

No,

how was I supposed to know that you couldn't handle a little bit of holy water?

Okay?

Do you know that that's that's actually weird of you?

It's with me?

Yeah, it's weird of you.

You have to tell someone if you're a vampire.

You have to.

You should have said, I'm a vampire.

Don't spar holy water down here.

Okay, look, you're hanging out with Stradd, and he's super problematic.

Yeah.

He would get eliminated from Love Island so quickly.

I just, I want to eat you.

Is that problematic?

Because that's what I want to do.

I want to eat you like a baked potato.

That's kind of cute.

It's cute.

It's kind of cute.

You have to ask Onyx.

I don't know.

baked potato aspect

saying i want to eat you like a potato okay i don't know it's i can see it in like a doo-op song or something yeah yeah or maybe like a really dirty rap lyric i think it could work for you though strangely potato yeah look duru we'll get you in the studio well we can turn you around

stradd promised that i could spit some bars in castle ravenloft after this

oh he would he's made a lot of promises to me he said all i have to do is kill everyone here and he can take Marina back and then and then I will get to hang out with him and he's got a basketball court and I can practice dunking because I can do spider climbs now honestly a friend saying come over and dunk on me is so fun that's I see why you got

that's absolutely rad Duru but think about it if you kill everyone who's gonna buy your CD huh

other vampires

Fair, but it doesn't seem like there's that many.

No, we'll just make everyone vampires and then they buy my CD.

Okay, see, had you already asked yourselves this question?

You you were so quick with an answer to that.

I had a lot of time to think in the undercroft while I was just sitting there eating the rats that your father was feeding me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so you guys are kind of creating your own customers.

This is interesting.

Yeah.

You know, it's always good to just talk with other business people and kind of share stories in Blue Sky.

Anyway,

you have an audience right here, Doru.

Do you want to spit some bars?

I'll give you a beat, Doru.

Some bars.

Okay, yeah, give me the beat.

I want to sush your freaking blood.

I I am having fun.

Everything is good.

I would give you a good thing.

Good and blood look like they rhyme.

They look like they rhyme.

I'll give you that.

So I think you probably wrote that down, but you didn't say it out loud.

And now you have.

So now you know not to do that again.

You could have rhymed blood with spud.

Okay, so maybe I'll just kill all of the people that are criticizing me and then I'll get the better report.

Exactly.

I heard Jerko talking some shit.

Jerko didn't like it.

Jerko wasn't dancing.

Doru is going to sprint over to the helicopter and fling himself in after you.

It's going to be two attacks.

Okay.

So the first is going to be a claw attack for 11 to hit.

Misses!

Misses.

Okay, he cannot bite, so he's going to make another claw attack.

Fuck.

Shout out to the two crew.

Woo!

Nice.

You see how Doru like tries to swipe at you, but again, he's just so hungry.

He's envisioning you as like a baked potato with like a hot dog coming out of it.

Erotic.

That's gonna be Jen's turn.

Okay.

I look at the situation.

I'm in a hole right now, covered in rats.

Jen, now is not the time for a nap.

I know we are on vacation.

Yeah, it's just a little rat nap.

Okay, we need to

get the fuck out of here.

I'm going to open up the Burger Master's casket

and

just waft my hand and go, do not go in there.

And then, assuming there is enough religious sigilry that it would be tough for Strahd or any other vampires to get inside, I'm going to hop into the Burger Master's casket with him.

And I'm going to yell to Ismark, Ismark, do you have a death wish, you idiot?

Get in here!

Come with me if you want to live.

No, that would be a coward's move to lie in my father's coffin while people die.

Who's dying?

We're all fine.

Everyone needs to run away.

How would you run away if you're in the coffin?

Because there's enough religious stuff that he can't get to us.

Is there?

I don't know.

He was cropping that freaking flower all day.

Don't you think that Doro could just like pick up the coffin and then dump it over?

He can't pick up a coffin.

It's heavy as hell.

Doro is pretty faint.

He's pretty stringy.

He's been doing a lot of pushback.

Alright, I'm sorry that I thought you were cool for a second, Ismark.

Can I close the casket?

That's a very exclusive room at Spudfuckers.

You know, technically, I guess you're inside their residence now.

Very clever.

It's the Burger Master's house, I say, from inside the casket.

And I guess I'll hold a reaction to if anyone can get around the this is the burger master's house now rule.

I'm just gonna burst out and run.

Okay, Jens hides inside a coffin.

Yeah.

Currently, as it stands, Strahd is right next to Marina.

Yeah.

I don't think she's a child.

But she is protecting the church.

So, okay, Jens, I am gonna make a plan to run, Zen.

We

Jens opens up the casket.

Does anyone think we can beat this guy right now?

Am I nuts here?

I plan on running.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm going to run to.

He blew a cigar at me.

I almost died.

But this vampire spawn, he will wreak havoc upon the village.

You cannot leave now.

Yeah, we'll kill him after Stradd leaves.

Strad's not going to stick around.

He's got stuff to do.

He's a record producer.

I am a busy man, Jens.

I have have many jobs and tasks.

I could use a helping hand.

He looks at you.

I get back in the casket and fold my arms.

This is fucking wrong side.

So Strahd sees that he can't do anything to Marina currently, so he can't really use any of his legendary actions.

There's no one close enough for him to strike.

So he's just going to wait patiently until his turn, which is now.

Total.

He's going to try and charm Marina.

Yeep.

So again, Marina has a plus five, plus her normal plus two to wisdom.

So this is going to be a plus seven.

Strahd is going to try and cast this.

He has a DC 18.

She got an 18.

Yeah.

Okay.

You see Strahd like reaches out a hand and says, Tatiana, please, these people, they're not Ravenloft material.

Come with me.

We have much to discuss.

Awkward, desperate.

Not gonna respond to that.

No one can save you except for me.

Sergei thought he could save you, but he was a fool.

I am the only one that can preserve you for eternity.

Come.

Try being self-deprecating, dude.

There is no need to peacock when you are already at the top.

Oh, shit.

We're stealing that.

That is so true, actually.

One of Bluetooth's podcasts says that.

I think I listened to this guy.

Strudge, were you on Rogan?

Okay, that is going to bring us to Reagan, who's still perched on the roof.

I think he's just going to enter a sniping battle with Nyak here.

He's going to fire two arrows at you.

Cheating.

From your bow.

My bow would never hit me.

We'll see about that.

Strike you.

Alright, that's the Nat 1 on his first attack.

Fuck, this thing's really heavy.

Yeah, you don't know how to use it.

But he got a 16 on the next one.

So that is going to be 26 to hit.

Yeah, that hits.

And then that's going to be 14 damage and then 4 poison damage.

You see this

arrow laced with this glowing green poison strikes right into your chest.

Yeah, fucking got him.

Was it that good when I had it?

I pop out of the casket again.

Does everyone remember when the fortune teller told us we needed all of this help to fight this guy?

Everyone remembers that?

An hour ago?

Cool.

Yeah, I'm not going to have time to run, gents, because I'll be dead.

Yeah.

You already started shooting him.

I get back in the casket.

So,

Nayak, you have just taken this hit from one of your own arrows.

You're feeling humiliated, but it is your turn.

What would you like to do?

I am going to run like hell to get to the church.

And before I go in, can I take an action and do a ranged attack?

Absolutely.

Go ahead.

I'd also like to do one thing for flavor unless it's awesome.

I'm going to jump, barrel roll, and smash one of my nesting dolls on the ground.

Woo!

And see if it releases a little goblin that fights alongside me.

Nyak, we just bought that.

What the fuck?

They were so expensive.

What?

Nyak,

as you crack this nesting doll, you get a vision of a toy maker

with a pet monkey perched on his shoulder.

Piccolo.

You hear him saying, well,

it's taken me 42 days, but I I finally finished the nesting dolls.

I hope everyone likes them as much as I did.

And then he kisses his monkey on the lips.

And then

you're back.

And all you see is a broken nesting doll.

You bastard.

I should be kissing that monkey.

And I will take my attack.

I'll shoot this at Doru, I guess.

Okay, great.

That's a 25 to hit.

Fucking hits.

16 damage.

16 damage?

Sick.

All right.

You see Doru like tries to heal himself, but these arrows just sink in and sort of this like dusty mist pours out of them.

Ah, this sucks.

Okay, we need more radiant damage.

And then I say, excuse me, Stroj, as I go into the door of the church.

Okay, so Nayak, you try to wriggle past Strahd and into the church, and as you do, he is going to take his reaction.

Now, he could make an attack of opportunity here, but instead, he's going to make an offer of opportunity.

Huh?

He places a clawed finger on your shoulder and whispers,

They do not respect you, Nayak.

They tread on you as if you were nothing more than a shadow.

But with my help, you can stand above them.

I can give you the power you need to be the true alpha you were always meant to be.

Think about it.

And then he releases his hand and lets you enter.

You drew blood.

It's what I do.

Okay, you're gonna go into the church now?

Yeah, Mayak shudders and steps backward into the church, looking off into the distance.

Tell Marina to like cover her ears and her eyes and like hide in the back of the church, because I feel like this charm thing is really gonna work against us at some point.

That's a really good call.

Bluetooth, put your earbuds into Marina's ear.

But don't listen to any podcast with Strahd in it, because that will just undo it.

Yeah, yeah.

You see, now it is Ismark's turn.

I think Strahd is just going to stay where he is.

He's single-handedly focused on trying to charm Marina.

You see that Ismark is going to move in front of him and try to block his entrance to the church.

And it just says, Back devil.

I will never let you take her.

Oh,

you simple boy.

I shall have what I want.

And he's going to take three attacks on Strahd.

Listen, Ismark, we talked to the fortune teller and she was all like, there's other people that you need to talk to and stuff.

I don't know that you're where you need to be.

Yeah, we might want to run.

She said we needed help, and you didn't come up,

yeah.

You didn't come up like at all.

I mean, you came up, but like you weren't the answer.

This is cool, but I, yeah, just careful there, huh?

You see, he's breathing kind of heavy.

Don't be a hero because you can't be, even if you try.

So, all three of these are gonna hit.

Damn.

All right, he just kills Strahd.

That's 14 more damage.

Alright.

You see once more, he like gets a really good slash in across Strahd's face.

Strahd doesn't even flinch.

You see it seals up again.

A little bit of this glowing mist pours out as it does.

Oh, my young friend.

I was content to let you live as a gift to Tatiana, but unfortunately,

you have forced my hand.

And he is going to use a legendary action to strike Ismark.

Roll that real quick.

Yep.

It's a plus nine to hit here.

17.

Meets it, beats it.

Ismark is going to take 21 damage.

Jesus.

Wow.

You see Ismark, his leather doublet, like hanging in half now, looks back to you and says,

This is a fight without hope.

I will make the last stand.

Just get to safety.

Get to safety now.

Take Marina and go.

Alright.

Typically, we don't like taking orders, but when you say it like that, alright, alright.

Mezgamer is the keychain.

Does anyone need healing or perhaps a swiftness potion?

Maybe give it to me.

2 HP.

Oh!

Okay, healing potion.

Yeah, two Nayak.

But I'm in the church.

We could do Swiftness Potion to Marina.

Let's get the fuck out of here.

Oh, okay, that's good too.

Is Marcus toast?

Really?

Yeah, I think he's toast.

Have you ever seen the Sleepy Hollow movie?

Yeah.

Really?

Oh, it's actually pretty fun.

Well, anyway, there's a guy who likes to fights the headless horseman on a bridge.

He's pretty cool.

Ismark is giving those vibes right now.

I see.

Yeah.

So that guy gets chopped in half.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, no, no.

Ismark, we will long tell your tale of how you goon in our overnight oats.

Well, and they gave you strength.

No, we're gonna leave that out.

You know what, Ismark?

This is cool.

We're gonna leave that part out.

In fact, I gooned in the oats.

Oh.

No, I gooed in the oats.

We all gooned in the oats.

Even you.

I point to the entire audience.

Yeah.

You all gond in the oats.

She's breaking the fourth wall.

Stop that.

Okay, great.

So that's Keychain's turn.

He falls to all fours and bolts through the door of the church.

Strahd already used his reaction to talk to Nyak, so he's going to be able to pass through undisturbed.

He then gives Marina this swiftness potion, which is going to give her 10 extra feet of movement for the next hour.

Cool.

And that brings us to the helicopter.

You see, Strad points to it and says, Bocephalus, my beautiful helicopter,

expel your cargo.

Shit.

And he is going to try and shake you out.

Okay.

You see the helicopter like rears up and it's going to try and like essentially tilt you out of it.

Go ahead and give me a dexterity saving throw.

Okay.

Isn't my guy in here with me too?

Doru?

Doru is in there, yeah.

Okay.

So Doru will make one as well.

16.

16?

Great.

Yeah.

I think you managed to hang on.

I'm going to roll for Doru.

DC 15.

Doru got a 13.

He falls out.

No!

I kick him out.

I step on his hands as he's clinging to it.

I just wanted to eat your whole leg.

I am Tom Cruise.

That's not as cute as the potato.

Yeah, baked potato is cute and sexy.

I wanted to pop you in my mouth like a tater tot.

No.

Damn it, I lost it.

You lost it.

You had it, dude.

You had it.

You had it all.

Yeah, that you second-guessed it.

You lost it.

Be yourself.

And that's going to bring us back to the rats.

I guess they'll go...

Jins, you're still in the car.

I'm in the car.

But he closed the door.

He closed the door.

So I guess they'll both attack Nyack.

No, he's in the church.

He's in the church.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah.

Well, the Rats can go in the church.

They don't care.

Oh, true.

Oh, no.

But they got two fives, so they miss.

You can see the rats.

Again, they just keep dancing.

Oh, you're the cool rats.

Let's dance.

How does everyone else get the cool rats you had a good time with the rats too naked does the jelly roll i had such a good time with the rats butt fuckers whoa holy shit mascots maybe run to something okay that brings us to uh marina she says we must wait for everyone else we cannot leave yet we cannot run What have they been doing on their turns?

Yeah, she just like shouts encouraging words to Ismar.

She says, Ismar, no, don't be a fool.

Come.

No, Marina.

I now see this is my place.

We all gooned in the oats, but I

will make sure there are oats for another day.

I just feel like you're going to regret these being your last words.

Yeah, you still got to be in the middle of the day.

They shouldn't be so oat and goon-based.

Yeah.

Okay, that brings us back around to Onyx.

You are still in the helicopter.

Okay, so I am going to shout to Bluetooth.

Put the air pods in, Marina.

Okay.

So Bluetooth is invisible, So he's going to run out

invisibly and then try to invisibly sting Doru.

Sting.

Yeah, that's what his ability is.

Okay, he got a 15.

He gets it.

Yeah.

He does?

Okay.

This will also be good intel because we'll find out if they can be poisoned or not.

Okay.

He takes four piercing damage and eight poison damage.

Whoa.

And then also three radiant damage.

So all of this is working on Doru.

Yeah.

You see the sting hits him.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, what the hell was that?

And then Bluetooth will run back into

the church.

He'll come out of being invisible and he attacks.

Oh, shit.

You're right.

Okay, so then he's no longer invisible.

Shit.

We might lose Bluetooth.

He starts celebrating with a little dance.

Sting your ass.

Go back into church.

Go back to church.

Oh, yeah.

It looks like you got limp implants on your butt.

But now he is revealed.

Oh, no.

Everyone can see you and you're fucking adorable.

Okay, so he's running back to the church.

Yeah, yeah.

Cool.

Dora's gonna take a swipe at him with opportunity.

Yeah.

Oof.

That's an 18.

Yikes.

Okay, is that hits?

What kind of damage?

Go back to the church, even if you're hurt.

I said, boy, mom, it's so important for your children to go to church.

He takes 10 slashing damage for the ball.

He still stands.

Bluetooth still stands.

Okay, and so then I'm going to jump out of the hella clopper.

And then I'm going to run to the church.

But as I do, I'm going to toss the holy water to Ismark.

Ooh, okay.

I'm going to dive through the window of the church.

Once again, tackling Marina.

And once we get to the ground, I'm going to say, stay down.

And then I'm going to silent image Marina leaving the side door on the other side of the church.

And so I'm going gonna silence image her to look as if the charm worked.

Through the window, you see Straw kind of like raises an eyebrow and says, Ah,

taking the long way around.

I am no stranger to that.

I feel like he's like thinking more about Love Island and being like, maybe I could be contested.

That's awesome.

On his turn, he will do an investigation to see if it's the real Marina or not, but that is going to bring us.

A study action.

Got you.

But that is going to bring us to Jinns.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

I pop out of the caskets and I look at Jerko and the crew.

All right.

Let's get inside the church, huh?

Right?

I don't know.

I'm kind of lucky out here.

No, you don't.

And then how hurt is Duru looking?

He is looking a little ragged, but he looks like he could keep fighting.

Great.

I'm just going to yell at everyone to get inside the church.

Okay, great.

Okay, yes, inside the church.

That's the plan.

Great.

I'll say all the villagers and Donovich are going to follow you into the church at the end of your turn.

Great.

And then I guess I'll try to climb out and get to the church myself.

I will say that Strahd is still standing in front of the door.

So unless you want to take the long way around, which will be more than 30 feet, you're going to need to go through him to take an opportunity.

I'll just dash

the long way around.

Yeah.

Great.

Okay.

You're going to dash the long way around.

Yeah.

We'll say that there are two doors to the church leading out to the graveyard.

Great.

You take the long way around.

Perfect.

So that is back to Strahd.

Strahd is going to use the study action to loser discern whether this second marina he's seeing is the real one or not.

Wow.

Okay.

He's rolling really bad, but he has good stats.

That's just an eight.

That doesn't get it.

He's got had to be a 15.

Wow.

So I guess he starts walking towards the other marina that he sees on the other side.

Yeah, you see, he just kind of starts like doing this like slow walking stride he's been doing.

So cool.

So cool.

So desperate.

And then that is going to bring us to Reagan, who is still up on the roof.

Reagan, I think, is going to call down to Strahd and say, I know that you can't go in, but I can.

Want me to see what the party's like?

He's not a vampire.

And he's going to jump down and then

Misty step inside the church as his bonus action.

And then he's going to take aim at...

Nyak again.

Oh,

not with my bow.

Come on, Reagan.

You and me are cool, right?

I thought you were some sort of great hunter.

You fire at me, I fire at you.

The article stuff was all in good fun.

Rivals goat each other.

They don't kill each other.

We each make one another better.

Don't you see, Reagan?

It's a 20 and a 24.

I'm dead.

I'm gone.

That's just a hit.

Niak has two HP.

Oh, yeah, then you're dead.

Yeah.

Um, yeah.

His first attack hits you for 13 damage, so you drop before he can even fire the second arrow.

Then you see Reagan standing above you, grins, aims, and releases the second attack, and you are going to take an automatic death save fail.

No.

Oh.

No.

You've gone after the...

the weakest and most subservient of us.

And while he, you've killed my half-brother

as Nayak is still breathing.

If Nyak goes, we will be twins.

Jen shudders.

I crumble to the ground, reaching out weakly for comfort from Bluetooth.

I pull Bluetooth away out of Nyak's reach.

My fingers go limp.

Nyak, as you reach out for Bluetooth, you see Reagan walks over and steps directly on your chest.

Ow.

You wince in pain, and your vision starts to blur.

And as your blood pools on the cold stone floor, the mist elf chuckles.

He runs a finger along the side of your bow and says,

We hope you've enjoyed your stay at the Night Lotus, but I think it's time you checked out.

And that's where we'll end our session.

This is the worst vacation of my life.

Don't study me.

Kayak needs his blood.

We've established this.

I I love my blood.

Finally, the womping has come.

I thought he was a vampire.

That sucks.

You can listen to us talk more about this over on our Patreon, patreon.com slash nadpod.

That's NADD POD.

Don't sing yet.

Don't you dare do it.

Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug?

Nehru.

We've got a Dimension 28 live show coming up in Vegas in November, so search Dimension 20 Live and get your tickets to that.

We're doing Starstruck.

Starstruts.

Starstruck.

Jake?

Check out my Substack at Jake Hurwitz over on Substack.

Check it out.

Right on.

Awesome, y'all.

Gorgeous.

And in the meantime, you could follow us on social media that remain at use at Sage First Me, at Caldy Scaldwall, Addie Axe for Demily, and at Tragortus Jake.

And you could talk about the show online using hashtag NADPOT.

That's NEDD P-O-D.

We are, we are.

The youth of the nation.

We are, we are.

Youth of the nation.

It's the end of the show, everybody, and I need to shout out our benevolent council of elders, starting with Brad D., Jeffrey S., Lord of the Fjord, later McSkater, McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T, aka Balnor's Boy, Hoyd's Friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trele the Cray, Christopher B, Daniel R, Jordan L, Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald, Targot, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebuker, the NB, DM, Ph.D.

Princess Yar, Jory S, Jack L, Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bahumia, Mike H., Elka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F, Carbrow Chapel Hill FPV, Cece Lulu, Bald Byrne, Hercule Poirot, the Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R., Jake's Jerk Jelly, Hashtag CCC, Cass Skateboard Cass, Steven Bowie is Seattle's hockey mascot, you, C,

I guess we've mentioned Seattle's hockey mascot at some point.

Mike K, Nick W., William W., Big Bad Beardo the Mad, Eric McD, Ananarama, Percival Frederick Stein, von Mussel, Klazowski, De Rolo III, Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, Honoring the Cock, Impressive Dongle, Ben A, Dave H, Dustin I, Not That Nick, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Book Vars Assistant Is EF, Big Bad John, DPC is Awesome, Sean, the Shade Tree Mechanic of Zeldar, Summer Rose, aka Grantaire, Mark the Dark Lord's Taint, Cat C, Misa of House and Zunza, Ariel the Occasional Mermaid, Selena N, aka Valay Sea Raptor, B.

Perky Always, Pat L, Lauren H, Serve 16, Annie the Fay Wild Therapist, Pierogi Frenzy, Salil, BioQuirt7, Amber Dextrus, Bean Rat Was Innocent, Trub Hop Dropper, Jack H, King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament, Valen, Podge, the Bitchin' bunny bard, druidic Peyton, Carlin C, Noah the Bullywug Boy, hashtag honor the cock, James G, Everything Bago, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Stripey, Reverend Chatterbones, Han, Eric B, Marcos, PhD, Eventually, Learns the Balanced Druid, Frida M, Maggie, Holly the Green Laughing Hyena, Cal and her Cats, Portland, Star, and Berlin, Aaron B, Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, yes, the whole thing, yes, every time, Cody C, Lorelei the succubi, and Kyra the succulent snack, McKenna Stout, your friendly neighborhood yaunt and yunkle, Andrew and Sid, soon-to-be education specialist, John Adams, Meg the Mail Carrier of Bohumia, James F, Wayfarer, now has to do something with the trolls, get rid of them, turn to page 42, keep them, turn to page 69,

Oreo, Barpo Goodbarrel, Bardbarian, Garrett G, One Big Curd, Charlie Brown's best friend, Renee the Monster Captain, Olivia the Enchanting Bard, and Jared the Soap Opera Cleric are now performing ballads from the Age of Stories.

Blue Ash, Fico, Garrett the Artificer, Anthony the Raddest of Dudes, Jay, the Fairies Everton to Debauchery and Must Now Go to the Carnal Corner, Cantrip Dumbledore, the Bear Onesie Wearing Barbarian, Lexi H, MJ the BFG, Roger L, No Drog the Pass-a-Fist Barbarian, Jean Luca, Shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S., Alexander, Linz W, Sky the Wise, aka the Lone Dungeon Master, Johnny Dude K, The Mischief of Nat Pod's Familiars, Pavu Eskinar, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile, Kit and Their Cat, Jakewell Murphily,

Tim M, Dragon Knight86, Tiles L, T-R, MLG Cheeto, Shelby, Kenna's first favorite sprite girl.

Very cool to honor Beardsley's baby with a quangle.

Loved seeing y'all in my hometown.

We were happy to be there, Shelby.

Jet S, Snailis, who's infecting Worcester from within.

Vegan Roll by Taylor.

Jared and Olivia, who want a Nad Pod cookbook.

Mima Sky Days, Megan N.

Anthony B, Balnor's best friend Steve.

Stephanie of House and Zunza, Benjamin A, Gimli the Corgi, Pop on Foster's canine friend.

Mikel A, Josh H., Pilot of the Nightmareverse Flight, The Two Crew Blew Through, Kelsey A, Ethan the Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashosaurus, Seth the Stroker, Bearer of All Hog-related Burdens, Billy Batson, Tori the Tungsten Dragoose, Accidental Sharer of Recipes, Michael L.

S.

II, Carl B, Plumber of the Realm, Dex Riddlewell, Ace Dreggs, High Lord of Critzburg, Vin Diagram, Catamilius the Consumed, Clinton P, Cam the Vampire Frogman, Dean, Jake W says, Hi Mom, Tuesday Cross, only here for the surf and murph.

Dave, Nadpod saved my life but stole my wife, O.

Steve L, Tyler McM, Alex G, Zibodabachri, Kaylee, Katarina C, Misty, the crispy kitty, really hates flame skulls, Greg W, there's so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great, and we love you.

Thanks, Greg W.

Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur.

working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide.

Chupac Aubrey, Bony is Dead, The Waterworth, Nick, Amy, Aegis Kunari, Ignition Class Petalstorm, Charlemagne, Not the God, DJ Dramamine, Ulrich von Zarevich, my favorite patron, makes me say penis on my show, Chef Julie B, Jen the Rowdy, Caitlin H, and finally, Buttwax.

Thank you all so much for listening.

We'll be back next week with another episode.

If you want to listen to more, we've got our short rest over on the Patreon, patreon.com/slash nadpod.

Thank you to all of our listeners, all of our Patreon subscribers, and of course, our benevolent council of elders.

We'll catch you all next time.

That was a hit gum podcast.