Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep. 4: The Funeral

This is a head gun podcast.

Welcome to Trinaville.

Trinaville.

And also, Barrovia.

Good stuff.

Good hustle on that one, gang.

Yeah, chants like that are going to get us to nationals.

I think we've got the stuff this year.

But first, before we go to nationals, we have got to get to Ravenloft because, folks, we are

Ravenloft.

Okay, just me.

You don't have to do it to that one.

One more time.

Comedy works in fours.

Do it one more time.

One more time.

Fuck, he really nailed that one.

That was smooth as hell.

Sorry, I'll go on.

Go ahead.

That's five is too much.

Five is too much again.

Yeah.

Five fingers, which I used to slap you because I need to continue.

Because this is episode four of Trinavale Extra.

Yes.

Friends, I am your Dracula Uncle, aka Drunkle Caldwell Tanner, joined as always by my preposterous players, Brian Murphy.

What's up, fuckers?

We're opening a Fud Ruckers.

Jens Lindell.

Emily Axford.

One-third of a triple with a picture of a nipple.

That's right.

The Morning Lord's nipple.

I didn't get my own rhyme at first.

I was like, I read it because I had written it down.

I was like, what do I mean?

One-third of a triple.

Oh, yeah,

it works.

You write your rhymes three weeks in advance.

I just hope that they work out.

And of course, Jake Hurwitz.

Resting my feet in the primary suite.

Nyack Biranafor.

Oh, yeah.

That's right.

You're sleeping in a dead man's bedroom.

Well, he doesn't need it.

He doesn't need it.

It's not easy.

And it's on sweet.

And it's true.

You guys do need it because you've got to rest up because you are planning the perfect Fud Rucker funeral.

But before we get to that, how about a quick recap?

Let's do it.

All right.

Last time we met, our insipid triplets did battle with the Burgamaster's son, Ismark Kolyanovich, who suspected them of working for Strahd.

After a number of unsuccessful persuasion attempts, Ismark viciously attacked Jins and revealed in a fit of emotion that his father was dead.

Onyx finally managed to calm him down by promising to help him plan a Marikondo-style funeral for the Burgamaster.

Once he agreed, his sister Marina came out of the house, revealing that the vampire Lord Strahd had bitten her twice.

She fears he'll soon return to claim her, and asked the triplets to help her get out of the village once the funeral was complete.

The siblings then led you into the house where you found the burgomaster's body lying in a coffin.

After a failed search for his secret burger recipe, you joined forces with a very sick mule and carried the coffin all the way to the town church.

Once there, you met Father Donovich, a priest of the Morning Lord, who explained that to properly send the Master to the Radiant Realm, you'd need to gather some tasteful decorations, food, refreshments, and of course, some faithful villagers to attend the affair.

You decided to take the preparation one step further and make this the funeral event of the season by charging admission and potentially setting up a burger bar.

As you spoke, Donovich recalled the grand feast that the burgermaster used to put on.

These festivities came to an end after Marina was adopted and Strahd's gaze fell upon the village.

While the priest reminisced, Onyx peeled off from the group and investigated the church, finding a book about fighting demons and Arch Fae known as the Blade of Truth.

She also found a vial of holy water, a training dummy, and a huge secret.

For hidden beneath a trapdoor was Donovich's vampire spawn brother, Doru.

You confronted Donovich about his brother, and he agreed to help you transform the church into an experimental Fudruckers in exchange for keeping his secret.

Satisfied, you returned to the mansion and settled into the burgomaster's old bed for a long rest.

While everyone relaxed, Onix paged through the Sword of Truth book and found a strange drawing of a stone megalith in the shape of a Wi-Fi router.

Eventually, you all passed out and were greeted by vivid dreams.

Nayak ran through misty woods like a true hunter of the night.

Jin saw his burgundy burger empire rising to rival Strahd, and Onyx heard a strange voice say, Hello, Onyx.

I'm so glad we could finally connect.

And that is where we are now.

I wake up and I'm like, I had a nightmare.

I was on LinkedIn.

Oh.

Nayak shudders.

Hold me, Jens.

Jens pushes Onyx out of the way.

You didn't post anything, did you?

I had a vision.

Since we're vegan now, our Fud Ruckers should be vegan.

It should be a baked potato bar and we can call it Spudfuckers.

You spudfuckers.

Spudfuckers.

Kayak faints.

Onyx weeps.

I hold everyone, and we weep together, knowing that everything is going to be okay now.

Actually, this is the perfect moment because ever since I got rid of my phone by becoming a phone, I have been feeling very spiritual, and I would like to take out my hymns from the dawn

book.

And I would like to

sing.

I'm also a boy mom, so I'm religious too.

And I would like to sing a hymn of the dawn.

Some have like a blonde wig on.

Sang mano song.

Are there any hymns from the hymn of the dawn in the source book?

There aren't any in the source book, so you're allowed to just make up whatever you want right now.

Okay.

Zadan,

she comes

all she comes.

Nayak is waving his hands in the air.

Zasan,

She goes.

Let's go.

It's just verse after verse.

There's no chorus to Nyak.

She's been going for three minutes.

Woo!

How are we going to hit a different note?

Nyak starts doing the soldier boy.

Harold, I tried to do the stanky leg, but my leg is broken now.

Okay, so that's a problem for you.

Onyx, as you sing this beautiful haunting song,

shafts of blood-red sunlight start to leak through the boarded-up windows as a new day begins.

Ah, geez, the air quality here is terrible.

It seems that the night has passed uneventfully.

You're not sure if your presence prevented Strahd's minions from attacking again, or if they're abiding some sort of twisted reverence for the funeral to come.

But regardless, you wake up refreshed and ready to carry out your final preparations for this hallowed ceremony.

After a moment, you hear a knock on the door, and you hear Ismark say, Oh, the dawn, how she comes, yes.

Haha.

It has been a long time since we've heard that song.

A little bitchy, but okay.

Understood, yes.

It is good to hear that song.

It has been quite a while since it was sung in this part of the world.

Right, well, it's gonna be sung a lot at Spudfuckers.

The new Fudruckers at the church.

That is a big potato bar.

A vegan Fud Rucker.

Wait, what were you doing outside the door?

Eavesdropping on Spudfuckers?

Oh, yeah, were you perving?

Are you?

Is that why they call you the legend?

Because you're a freaking perv?

Are you gooning outside the door?

The only

thing.

Who is they're who is Mark the gooner.

No, friends, the only thing.

I open the door super fast to see if he's gooning.

The only thing I'm wet for is these double-soaked overnight oats as requested.

Oh, all right.

Did you goon in the oats?

If you goon in the oats, I'm going to be so pissed.

I almost lost my appetite, unless you can promise me you didn't goon in these oats.

I can't eat the oats now that we've talked about it.

I'm sorry.

Skaldova style, I'm gonna see.

I'm gonna do Constitution Say.

Yeah.

Shout out to the Duke Room.

Oh my god!

Okay, I just wanted to do it.

I was making the oats and they just looked so soft

and pale.

Honestly, the biggest problem is it's not vegan now.

It's laden with your testosterone.

Would you like me to start over on the oats?

Yeah.

No, we don't want you anywhere near our food.

Look, we're gonna be fine.

We've got a spud fuckers on the horizon

uh we just need look we'll give you sort of a list of all the party stuff we'll hang out here today

i had a thought for your party yes it's by party do you mean my father's funeral funeral slash soft family and friends opening of spud fuckers it's such a soft opening because we're treating this tenderly we're doing this delicately so soft

but the thing is that we want to get because we're charging admission we want to make money and so we want to get as many people to come as possible and it seems like there's this whole vampire thing happening which is an untapped audience So do we want to host the funeral at night so the vampires can come?

Well traditionally the funeral must take place during the day so that that the morning lord

his rays of light might shine

like in 11 a.m but have you considered if we add the funeral at night yes the kids would go to sleep so it'd be like by nature it'd be like adults only, which I love in adults only.

We party all night and by the morning time the funeral is over and the morning lord has arrived.

And here's the thing.

We give out coupons that say free potatoes, but then we charge for the fixings.

And once people see the fix-ins bar,

they're going to want

baked potatoes.

Yeah, they're not just going to want...

That's not why you go to Spud Fox.

Perhaps if I could offer just a slight notice that maybe the party could be.

Yeah, well we're not taking notes from you because you're going to goon in the potatoes.

Yeah.

You're going to try to goon in the fixions.

Is that the note?

You are not going to come within two feet of the kitchen.

Okay?

You're not going to come with all the fatalities.

You can't be trusted not to goon in the oats.

You're not going to come at all.

Just, you know, there's not many eligible bachelorettes in this town.

Sure, sure.

Really?

Okay.

Right from no bachelorette to oat pile.

I will say, though, if possible, could we have the funeral first, and then maybe it's an all-day party that continues on into the night?

Okay.

Oh, if we use

everyone super hungry.

Yeah, no food at the funeral.

That's good.

But a lot of pictures of food.

Oh, here's what we do.

We say, free donuts first come, first serve.

And then we have an empty box so they think they eat there early enough.

And then everyone

is hungry.

We were there.

We eat the donuts.

Yeah, that's hard.

And then we have like, we're setting up the potato bar, but no one can access it yet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's great.

I really like that.

Is there a place in town where we could buy four donuts?

Yeah.

And also like dozens and dozens of potatoes.

Yeah.

And we're going to need bacon.

We're going to eat sour cream.

We're going to need chives

or scallions.

This is scooter.

Okay, bacon's not vegan.

Oh, right.

Vegan bacon.

Unless it's been cooked.

Unless it's been cooked.

If it's been cooked, it's okay.

Yeah.

Oh.

Your excuse.

I'm still.

Well, yeah, because then it's not pork, it's bacon.

Yeah, that's too true.

Yeah, we can't eat.

Because I've never met a bacon animal before.

Thank you.

Well, if you want to gather all these ingredients, I might suggest going to Bildrat's Mercantile in town.

Okay.

Okay, yeah.

Okay, we'll do that, yeah.

And you're good for funeral?

Yes,

my sister and I have some preparations, some words we wish to write to honor our father.

Just keep it short, because we don't want people to lose their appetite.

Of course.

Actually, let me do a pass at your words for your father afterwards, because I'm going to put some sort of subconscious marketing for Spotify.

Yeah, I beg your pardon.

We should do some product placement within that.

That's smart.

Yeah, because people liked the Burger Master because of his secret herbs and spices.

Okay, well, just to say that.

Don't forget he's being reborn as a Spudfunker.

Yeah.

Oh, if you could say that all he really wanted to do was to open Spudfuckers and that this is his final wish, yeah.

Yeah.

All right, well, maybe I'll just leave my speech with you and you can write it and then you just give me the words to say.

Okay, yeah, I'll do that.

Yeah, I'll get to it.

Wonderful.

Yeah.

So he hands over the beginnings of his speech.

As he does this, you see that Marina comes in as well.

She's clad in all black, and her auburn hair is pulled back into a tight-braided bun.

And she just says,

While you were sleeping, Father Donovich sent a message reminding you about the preparations for the funeral.

He said you would need to get decorations,

a few fingers' foods.

Seems like you've got that well in hand already.

We have that.

And villagers to attend.

Do you think you could handle that while Ismark and I prepare some things over here?

Yeah,

in terms of decorations, like what did your father like?

Well, I would say like blue and yellow lights.

Okay, yeah, okay.

Something

something bright, exciting.

It's a celebration of potatoes.

I mean his life.

Like maybe like a mass potato-seemed mascot.

Whoa, yeah.

I was thinking more like, you know, a headstone or perhaps like a picture of my father or I don't know, maybe some tasteful flowers.

What about what about okay?

What about a picture of a cow saying eat more potatoes?

Wow, that's so original.

Yes, a picture of a cow that says eat more potatoes.

I've literally never seen that before.

Fucking hilarious, Onix.

God damn, that's hilarious.

That's so good, it has to be AI.

Yeah, Marina, I think I could just take you out of the village and we'd be fine.

I don't know if we need these three people.

No, no, no.

You need to stay here.

You have to be in charge of the village when I am gone, Ismark.

can i ask you a question yes hello

is marina long and short for marikondo

i just it's been on all of our minds on all of our minds

my my name is marina kolyana

interesting that's really interesting i don't know who this marikondo is but

There is much I do not know about my past.

And my father was reluctant to share many details.

I would often ask him about my mother, my adopted mother that is.

My birth mother, I know nothing of.

But when I would ask, all he would say is that she died when I was very young.

Your father never told you about your mother?

Well, he told me, you know, a few things, but it always pained him to speak of her.

Is it possible that your mother is the one who had the herbs and spices that made the burger so great?

Yeah, actually,

this is a little thread that I want to pull more of.

What did he say about her?

About my mother?

Yeah.

He said that she was kind.

Her name was Alana, and

this town tried its best to break her, but she would always tell my father, she would say, Kolyan, Kolian, please, you must do all you can for the people.

Invite them over.

We will make a feast.

I will make sure that there is food aplenty for them.

You just focus on your cool yummies, and I will get everything else.

Oh my god, okay, and Alana was short for Alana's Marisa

again.

Every time I asked my father details, he would clam up and look off into the distance towards the pillar stone.

Ironic.

Can I ask?

Do you think it's possible that

Strada is actually your father?

I had never thought about it, but

she spits on the ground.

I wish it not to be true.

Why would a daddy bite a daughter?

That does seem weird.

Yeah, I guess I'm a boy mom.

I would never bite.

I would never bite my child, but also because I wouldn't touch him.

Soft hand.

To be seen, not to be spoken to.

Let them make their own mistakes.

All I know is that I have occasionally dreamed of my mother, and in these dreams, I visit her in other places, other parts of Borovia.

They are familiar to me, but I know not how.

What do they look like?

I've often seen her in a village with tall walls in the heart of the valley, where there are many festivals and jamborees, and it seems a wonderful place.

That seems like an amazing place to franchise.

That seems like a great place to open us, but fuckers, yes.

Okay.

Do you know where it is?

Well, if she speaks of the heart of the valley, it could perhaps be Velaki.

I've never been there myself, but my father talked of it.

How close is it to Ear?

Could I get there on Fitbit?

He's quite spry now.

The mule does seem to be much improved.

It would take at least a day or two.

Oh, okay, no, never mind, never mind.

Thank you, thank you.

Okay, have fun.

We're out.

Indeed, well, thank you for all you do.

My father was a good man, but his word is not kind to good men.

The only time again I would see him smile was when he prepared his cool yummies.

So perhaps by inventing this spudfockers, as you call it, you can honor his dream.

That's exactly the type of thing we need you to say during the eulogy.

Yeah.

Just exactly what you said.

Word for word.

Yes, I read that.

And I totally bought it for a second.

Oh my god.

That was good.

Wow.

That was good.

All right.

You need to go get some blue and yellow neon.

I just, I feel like you should leave this house.

Yes, you should.

That makes sense.

Okay.

All right.

So are you going to head out to find some stuff for the funeral?

Yeah, to this mercantile place.

Yeah, let's go to the mercantile.

We need potatoes.

We need scallions.

We need bacon, not pigs.

We need sour cream.

Not milk, cream.

Yeah.

Cream.

Great.

Okay.

So you wander back away from the mansion towards the town square.

You see Bildrefs, mercantile.

Actually, before we leave, can I do one thing?

Yes.

Can I look for the most expensive thing in the mansions that weighs no more than 25 pounds?

Okay.

Is there like a chandelier?

It's like real glass.

I would say

the most expensive thing is probably you see kind of like a dull silver sunburst hanging over one of the walls.

Okay, I'm going to cast duplicate and make a copy of it to try to use as currency at the market.

Oh, that's great.

Yeah, nice.

So I create an exact replica of an object.

You can see within range, weighs no more than 25 pounds.

At first glance, the two objects are indistinguishable from each other and the duplicate functions as it were the original, except for any magical properties the original object may have.

The duplicate disappears when the spell ends.

If a creature uses its action to examine the duplicate, the the creature can determine that it is a replica with a successful intelligence check against your spell save, DC.

Wow.

Oh, when you cast this spell using a spell slot of second or third level, the duration increases to eight hours.

So this is a second level spell.

So

for eight hours, I have this.

Great.

Yeah, you like reach up, you touch this tarnished silver sun, and then it kind of

like two bubbles splitting apart just forms into your hand.

Okay, I'm going to make the sounds of a 3D printer as this is.

It's beautiful.

And as far as value goes, why don't you roll me, we'll say 10 plus a d10, and that'll be how much gold it's worth.

19.

19?

Okay, hell yeah.

So it's worth 19 gold.

Nice.

All right, so you do this, and then you walk out into the misty streets, watching your feet on the uneven cobblestones as you go.

So you make your way into the town square and you find your way to Buildrath's Mercantile.

You see this kind of drab sign, poorly maintained, kind of hanging off one of its hinges, creaking in the slight wind.

The curtains to the establishment are drawn and the glass is cracked.

This is the other side of the town from where the Blood on the Vine Tavern is.

And you see next to this shop is another small store, much better maintained with a very brightly painted sign called Madame Ava's Fortune and Mortune.

So you want to go into Bildrath's?

Do we, I mean, should we get our, you know what?

It's probably best if we're going to get our fortunes read that we do that first.

That way we know what's going to happen and maybe we could get a better price at top of the day stuff.

That's a good call.

Also, I'm spiritual now, so I want to get my tarot read.

Yeah, this also just seems like a nicer setup

than Build Rats, which I'm not terribly impressed with.

Yeah, we'll walk into the fortunes and missions.

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Okay.

Just real quick.

You enter Madame Ava's Fortunes and Mortunes.

And inside, you see a room brighter than anything else you've seen in all of Borovia.

Festive tapestries line the wall and rich veins of incense snake lazily through the air.

The room is bathed in the warm glow of oil lamps, which dance playfully against a pile of expertly made dolls of all shapes and sizes stacked on a display in the corner.

In the center of the room, a hunched woman clad in silks gazes into a shimmering crystal ball.

As you approach, she looks up and her face creases into a well-worn smile.

Come in.

Oh, she's good.

She knew we'd be coming.

She's real.

She's real.

She's real.

She's real.

How did you know we were coming?

That's nothing.

That's insane.

That's so crazy.

My mind is blown.

Because we didn't even know we were coming until like

a minute ago.

I think it was five seconds ago.

Yeah.

Here,

take five gold.

Take five gold.

Yeah, take five gold.

Yes, take it right off the bat.

Well, actually, now that we gave you five gold, can my son have one of your dolls?

Oh, yes.

One that speaks, maybe.

One with like a little trigger to speak.

Of course, of course.

Jens hadn't noticed the dolls and then just stares forward, terrified of them, not looking at them.

Yes, a while back, a strange man and his monkey visited me from Valaki.

He blinks he was his name.

He begged me to take some of his wares and try to sell them here.

I think Buildrath or that old boar refused, but I found him cute, so I agreed.

Okay, I agree.

Let's not take the doll, huh?

Bluetooth, pick out the doll.

One, only one.

Okay, find two, two, two, two.

I wrote them all.

I need to collect them all for clout.

Okay, find three, three.

You can have three, but that is where I have to draw the line.

Onyx, may I pick up Bluetooth and give him a hug?

No.

Hold my vape, dude.

Hold my vape.

Hold his vape.

Hold his vape.

Yeah, you want it.

You want a connection with him?

This is how you start a connection with him.

Jump up in my arms and hand it to me.

I don't want to look at them.

Okay, here's what you see.

A set of wooden nesting dolls.

The smaller each one gets, the older it gets, until the innermost doll is a mummified corpse.

Okay, I don't think that Bluetooth can handle that sort of facing its own mortality, so no.

Stuttler battles.

A wind-up musical merry-go-round with figures of snarling wolves chasing children in place of friends and horses.

No, because if he says he's gonna run it, my son likes noisy toys.

Let's just give

Laura's

ventriloquist dummy that looks like Strahd Von Tsarevich.

Okay, that's

awesome.

That's awesome.

What do you mean?

This one's so cool.

Can't you sort of like, you can start to experiment with subversive political comedy?

Oh, that's interesting.

You see that Bluetooth holds up the ventriloquist thummy and says, you're all trapped.

And then he bites you, Jones.

Ah, fucking stop.

That's funny.

You are so funny.

That is so subversive, dude.

That's not subversive.

So subversive.

You see a headless doll that comes with a sack of attachable heads, including one with its eyes and mouth stitched shut.

Oh, self-expression.

That's worth it.

I mean, you get the extra heads.

That's just neat.

That's cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's like the type of McDonald's toy you'd get in the 80s, but you ain't getting those now.

I'll tell you what.

You see dolls that look remarkably like the three of you, which is odd.

Okay, suing this place.

I am clocking that.

Do they count as one, or would we have to use all three?

They count as a set.

Okay, cool.

Bluetooth picks up yours, Jins, and says, this looks old.

Yes, someone made it bad, I guess.

That's why we're suing for libel.

I break Bluetooth's iPad.

Jens!

What?

Half of his health is kept there.

I don't care.

I don't like him.

Pick your damn dolls.

And the last doll you see is a slightly more nondescript doll.

It's very pale, has long black hair, long elven ears, and two big, dark, crystalline black eyes.

This one also also looks like Jens.

Okay.

Does it look like Marina?

Does it look like Marina?

It does not look like Marina.

It actually looks more Eladron, if anything.

Oh.

Okay, so it's kind of like a hot doll.

Okay, so I'm gonna get Bluetooth.

I'm thinking, the doll said, look like us.

The hot elf doll, and the headless doll with a sack of heads.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so I think those three.

Okay, um Bluetooth goes through the sack of dolls' heads and starts sucking on them.

What?

That's funny.

It's just how old is he?

I just don't get it.

He was born yesterday.

Yeah, okay.

I gave birth to him yesterday.

Okay.

He says as he vapes.

I'm just rubbing my head.

Congratulations again, Onyx.

Do you guys think that we should have taken other dolls?

These are the dolls that speak to me so much.

I don't care about the dolls, Onyx.

I have to say I personally want the nesting doll.

Can I buy the nesting doll?

Oh, of course, yes.

Why are we blowing money on dolls?

We have a business to open.

We are going to be rich from Fud Rockers.

We can buy all of the dolls.

Spudfuckers.

Spud fuckers.

Spud fuckers.

So that's four dolls, okay.

Let me ring you up.

That's 19 gold.

Jesus.

19?

Yes, these are expertly crafted.

I thought that we are giving you five and you can

Well, okay, you bought the dolls.

That's very kind of you.

How about I throw in a card reading as a sort of a bonus for your cards?

That's something.

Yeah.

Yeah, we don't quite have the cash on us.

Would you accept this rare

relic?

And I hold out the silver sunburst.

And you're making out like a bandit, by the way, because you have the five gold and this is worth 25 gold.

So that's basically like 35 gold right there.

She's going to make an investigation check yeah you see she holds it up oh interesting i feel like i've seen one just like this in the burger master's mansion not one of a kind unique one of a kind never never before been seen catches the light quite nicely let me take a look here

she got a 23

that beats my

deception i don't think you want to part with this just yet it's so precious to you you can you you should not give me an heirloom of yours money will do just fine.

Anik starts crying because she's embarrassed.

She puts a hand on yours and says, that was a good try.

How bad do you guys want these dolls?

I don't super need the dolls.

We could maybe use the dolls as decoration for the funeral.

Fine.

Okay, we'll take all the dolls for 19 gold or whatever the hell you want.

He wants the headless.

You have to deduct the five that we sold.

I'm honestly worried about someone else having the dolls that look like like us.

They might be able to hurt us.

Take your fucking hands off my dolls.

This is a moral now.

Bluetooth, I'm arguing for the dolls, you little fucking brat.

All right, listen.

Give us the goddamn card reading.

What's happening?

How do we make Spudfuckers happen?

Ah, well, to make Spudfuckers happen,

there is one large obstacle in your way, wouldn't you agree?

For a simple mom and shop pop to succeed in a land like Barovia.

boy mom shop and shop

boy mom and shop pop.

I don't know

That's incredible.

It has a ring.

It has a real ring.

I don't know that it does go on madam boy mom and shop pop and no gooning in the oats

I Can just see the mascot saying that

There is one who stands in your way One who stands in the way of all who would succeed and change their fates.

No, what?

I just don't like him.

I just don't like him.

Okay, yeah, no, he's fine.

You're right.

Okay, who are you talking about?

I speak, of course, of the Devil Strahd.

Yes.

He,

the great evil presence who looms over all in this land.

Any

ray of light, any beam of hope you try to bring here, he will strike it down.

More for the sport of it than than anything.

If you wish to succeed in any of your plans, you will need to put an end to his.

But luckily, that is something I can help you with.

You see, as she says this, her crystal ball shimmers, and the whole room kind of swims with a strange light.

And when you look back down, she's holding a deck of beautifully embossed golden cards in her hands.

This is the Taraka deck.

By reading these cards, I can tell you of your future and what you must seek to change your fates and be rid of the curse that plagues this land.

Might I do a reading for you?

Nayak, do it.

Oh,

I thought you would do all three of us.

It is a collective reading.

Okay, yes.

I thought something bad might happen, happen, which is why I offered Nayak, but it's

all of us.

I understand.

You're very wise, Jins.

You've toppled tyrants and betted princes.

But the flash of your swords and the flap of your tongue hides a kinder touch than most have seen.

Your ambition is ruthless, but I think that you think of others in your plannings and your machinations.

She starts shuffling the cards as she speaks, looking from one of you to the next to the other.

That is crazy that she knows that you betted princes because based on your appearance i wouldn't guess that

that's like true what the fuck what the fuck do you mean by that

what the actual what i mean is she's a real deal psychic

i feel like that was an easy one that's just a trick you can just see you see a hot person and you're like yeah

indeed but onyx you have seen through many tricks before

You were a servant of whispers, but now they cloud your thoughts no more.

You have found new purpose,

and you seek something even greater in this land.

And then at last, but not least, Nayak.

Me, you are bound by stickier threads than your companions.

You have found yourself in jams, but by clinging to those you love, you find your way through.

Now like a wolf emerging from the mud you have shaken the past from your coat and found new purpose.

You have become a true hunter and I think you will find what you seek here.

So true.

So now that we have familiarized ourselves, why don't you let Madame Ava read your fortunes?

Okay, read Nyax.

So,

she shuffles the cards from one hand to the other, their golden edges shimmering in the candlelight, then spreads them out on the table.

And now the way this is going to work is I have an actual deck of Taraka cards that I purchased.

Okay, there we go.

Let me get those.

He's got a deck.

So as she speaks, she lays these cards out on this velvety blood-colored shawl on the table next to her crystal ball.

These cards tell of treasures and allies hidden in this land that could aid your quest.

And when we flip them, we can uncover where they might be.

You see, she's laid the cards out in sort of like cross-shaped pattern, one on each side and then one in the middle.

She goes to flip over the card on the left.

This card tells of history.

Knowledge of the ancient will help you better understand your enemy.

She flips it over, and I'll show it to y'all.

You see

an old man standing next to a set of trees.

Ah, the five of glyphs.

the druid.

Oh, trees are the enemy of spudfuckers.

They need to be raised.

Oh, we need to chop down the forest so we can make the parking lot for spudfuckers.

Yeah.

Oh, that's interesting.

Also, to make some potato farms.

Yes.

Unless this druid knows the herbs and spices.

Oh,

that's a good car.

I do believe that defeating this tree will be beneficial to your quest.

Defeating this tree, okay.

An evil, evil tree grows atop a hill of graves where the ancient ancient dead sleep.

The ravens can help you find it.

Look for the treasure there.

This treasure, I remind you, is history, knowledge of the ancient that will help you better understand your enemy.

Okay,

time to make friends with ravens.

She then goes to flip over the second card, the one at the top of the cross pattern.

This card tells of a powerful force for good and protection.

A holy symbol.

A real holy symbol, she winks at Onyx, of great hope.

I cry with embarrassment.

Ah.

She holds up the card, and you see a monk holding a large barrel.

The one of Glyphs, the monk.

The treasure you seek is hidden, strangely enough, behind the sun in the house of a saint.

Is that barrel like

a beer cask or wine?

Or maybe it's full of potatoes.

Could be full of potatoes, but maybe we need a beer and wine license, a liquor license for sputfuckers.

Oh, that's a good call.

I have to say, is it behind the sun, S-O-N, as in boy mom, or S-U-N, as in him of the dawn?

Because I can do both.

It is behind the sun, S-U-N.

How do you get behind the sun?

Well, some say that the Morning Lord is the greatest boy mom of all.

So perhaps you should speak again with Father Donovich and he could point you in the direction of this specific sun.

Okay.

Now, next,

we move to a card of power and strength.

It tells of a weapon of vengeance, a sword of sunlight.

She flips the card on the right side.

Ah.

You see a woman with an ornate hat and robes holding two coins.

The two of coins.

The philanthropist.

That's us.

Oh, that's us.

Because actually, why do we really want to create businesses?

Because we believe in small businesses.

We just want to help people.

We just want to help people.

We're just trying to contribute to the greater good.

Yeah.

The world's bottom line.

Although she could be like sort of our venture capital.

Like she could

be the one.

Like a seed investor.

A seed investment.

Okay, I like that.

Okay.

Yeah, because we did just spend like most of our money on dolls.

Yeah, and the dolls aren't worthless.

We spent money on assets, rather.

Yeah, Zek could accrue like Bini Babies.

This doll could be worth 10 gold tomorrow.

We don't know that.

When you release this land from Strad's grip, who knows what sort of trends could take off?

Okay, I make sure everyone leaves the tags on all the dolls we bought.

As she looks at the Philanthropist card, she kind of gets this distant look in her eyes as she pierces through the veil of future past and present and says, Look to a place where strange creatures are bred, where children once cried.

The treasure lies still.

Strange creatures are bred.

It was a place of sickness once, but now

it has become a delivery room for obscure beings.

Okay, so it was

a hospital or something.

Is there any clue?

Because, like, for the first and second, he was like, talk to the Ravens, talk to Father Donovan.

Is there anyone associated with this place?

If you can look in your crystal ball or

just pop open that crystal ball,

just pop it open.

Give it a rub.

A hospital.

The only

hospital I know of would be the Abbey of St.

Barkovia.

Perhaps you should seek there.

Okay.

Okay.

That's That's where we meet our angel investor.

The abbey, of course, might be where you could find this sunburst as well.

Oh, that would make sense.

Yeah.

Kill two ravens with one stone.

That's great, because I didn't want to go all over all these places.

I was probably just going to pick one or two.

It has been so long since I traveled, but I believe you can find the abbey further north beyond the walls of Velaki

in the center of the valley.

Okay.

Yes.

Yes, it is.

Once upon a time, the abbey served Valaki and vice versa, but the burgomaster there, he keeps to himself.

And he's a second burger master.

Of course.

Yes.

Vargas Valakovich.

So they just give that title out willy-nilly.

Well, he's the burgomaster of Velaki.

Oh,

they need a franchise.

I understand.

You don't have to describe anymore.

This man with a monkey that you got the dolls from,

what was his name?

Blinksy.

Binksy?

Blinksy.

Blinksy?

Yes.

Gadolf Blinksy.

What was his monkey's name?

And can I have it?

Gadolf Blinksy.

And

the monkey's name was Piccolo.

Piccolo.

Piccolo?

Can I have Piccolo?

Can you have his monkey?

You will need to go to ask him.

Did you notice if it was like a pet or like a son?

He was wearing his shirt.

Whoa, okay, so like.

Boy dad.

Boy dad?

He hates it, boy dad, yes.

Fuck.

Wow, I met my match.

Wow, can you imagine a boy dad and a boy mom?

I'm gonna father, yes.

Fuck the style.

Yes.

A meeting I do foresee.

Madame Ava giggles to herself a little bit, and then she continues.

Ah, we're coming to the good part.

The next card sheds light on one who will help you greatly in the battle against darkness.

Strad's enemy can be found under this card.

Please don't be his mark.

Please don't be his mark.

Please don't be his mark.

If it's his mark, I'm going to freak out.

I think I will do because he's like, I can't with zagooning.

Yeah, I can't with Zagoon.

The man fucked Oast.

Ah, yes.

This morning.

The man fucked Oast.

You know all about it.

I knew he was coming.

Oh, my God!

I forgot we can gossip with you because you just kind of know everything.

Did you know the priest has a vampire in his basement?

The priest has a vampire in his basement.

This is a sad tale, is it not?

His brother went to fight Strahd with the great wizard, but he came back changed.

This land has changed much, and Strad changes it more for the worse and the worse.

Many people keep secrets, but none more than Donovich.

Can you tell us other ones?

Can you just tell us other secrets?

How about a secret about who Strad's enemy would be?

Is that a good enough secret for you?

Yeah, that's fine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We'll gossip after Zery.

Yeah, we'll gossip after it, yeah.

Yeah, let's see.

She goes to flip over the card at the bottom of the cross shape.

Ah,

you see a graveyard shrouded in mist.

Oh,

this could be quite helpful indeed.

I see a woman trained in hunting monsters.

She does not stay in one place for long.

You may seek her out at the Abbey as well.

Oh, this is perfect.

This is great.

This is so convenient.

Yeah, what's her name?

She sounds Assam.

Let me see if I can find her name.

If I can seek it through,

give the crystal ball

there.

Mother Knight, please guide me.

And she got a 24.

Not bad.

I see the name Esmeralda.

Esmeralda?

Yes.

You may seek her beyond the village of Elaki,

up a large hill.

You will see the abbey.

No one has visited there in a long time, but there is a kind abbot who will care for you if you make your journey there.

Okay.

Alright, yeah.

I mean, it'd be...

I don't...

It sounds like it's kind of far away, but I don't want to stay at Ismark's house anymore.

I mean, did you hear the description of Esmeralda?

She sounds beautiful.

We could have a celebrity sponsor.

Oh, that's interesting.

That's really important to have a brand ambassador.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The problem is that, like, I'm kind of used to being the hot one, so it is,

you know, I don't want to like confuse people.

You know what I mean?

Right.

Well, Esmeralda would still need Arm Candy.

True.

So

collab.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

You can collab with Esmeralda.

Okay.

Yeah.

Esmeralda X Jens Collab.

You will certainly need to collab with her if you wish to defeat Strad.

She has much knowledge when it comes to hunting vampires.

Okay.

And speaking of vampires, friends, one card remains.

Oh, yeah.

Your enemy, Strad, is a creature of darkness whose powers are beyond immortality.

This card will lead you to hell.

She places the card down.

All of the candles in this room flare up.

You see a flash from the crystal ball.

And then, on this blood-red silken shawl, you see the final card, which bears a ghost holding a lantern.

The ghost card.

Oh, this one is so cool-looking.

It me.

She closes her eyes, looks far off into the distance.

Within the castle, you will find your enemy.

He will face you in the father's tomb.

The father's tomb?

Father's tomb.

Is it Ismark's dad?

Okay, so we are burying a father today.

Yes.

Is that the tomb that you are seeing?

This is not the boy dad I speak of.

Okay,

I speak of the boy dad of all boy dads.

Barov von Zarovich.

Oh, Strad's dad.

The man for whom this land is named.

You must seek him within Castle Ravenloft.

There, Strad awaits you.

Okay.

So, seems like we're going to the Abbey.

So, first, okay, yeah, can we push the funeral or do we do the funeral like now and then go to the beach?

Why don't you do sort of like a flyby at the funeral?

Bop in, pop out.

Yeah, I know.

We just have so many things to get for it.

Right.

All right.

Right.

Let's start to get a little bit of fun.

We could get everything and drop it off and just be like, have a good funeral, mention spudfuckers, and then we're we're off.

Can we just ask madam?

Is

we don't want to pay for anything else because we've already spent a great time.

I want a reading for my love life.

What?

Just one card for my love life.

I don't have any advice for your love life, but I do know that you have made a connection of sorts.

Oh, do you know if it was on LinkedIn?

Yes.

I believe that the Night Mother has reached out to you.

The Night Mother?

Indeed.

If she has contacted you in the way I think she has, then you must seek her, for she will aid you even further in your quest to defeat Strad.

How do I reach back to her?

You must seek the Megalith.

Seek okay, okay, I've seen it, okay?

Yes,

she was once strong in this land, but the presence of the Morning Lord has turned turned the tides.

Some say that the mists once answered to her, but then Strahd turned the Night Mother's witches against her, and now the Mists is both his power and prison.

Seek the Megalith, and you are no more.

Okay.

Sad is so crazy.

Now I know you've got a funeral to get to, but before you leave, I have got one final gift to aid you on your journey.

And she,

from within the folds of her clothing, produces a smaller deck, presses it into your hand, and says, this is the deck of inspiration.

Use it at your most dire moments.

Okay, I feel so dire about my love life right now.

I'm gonna use it immediately.

So this is the deck of inspiration.

Once per day, you can pull a card from the deck and you get a random effect to use at the moment of your choosing.

But every time you pull a card, I also get to pull one to use on enemies, too.

Ooh.

I think it would be best if you wait until you have a private moment.

Okay, yeah, edging, okay.

Yeah, it might be too graphic.

We don't know.

I already have this picture of a nipple.

I show her my picture of a nipple.

Oh,

I ask for consent first.

May I share with you this picture of a nipple?

Do you consent to seeing a a picture of a nipple?

Fuck yeah, babe.

Show me that nipple.

Super tasteful.

I can flash my tasteful nipple picture.

My tasteful nitpick.

Okay.

No wonder he was gootening.

Yeah.

So we have another favor to ask.

It's just like, you're here, so you know the burger master.

We're throwing a funeral slash soft opening for spud fuckers.

And we were hoping you've got a great vibe going on in here.

Any way you could help us out with some like blue and yellow lights for the funeral?

Hmm.

Just as a favor to the burger master.

I suppose I could arrange something for you, yes.

Okay, great.

That's the decorations done.

Done.

Jins,

she actually thinks for a second and says, Ah, that lantern you carry.

Yes.

Oh, is that the one that the ghost has?

I hold up the ghost card and look at my lantern.

Our pasts often shed a light upon our future, do they not?

That is so, Grace.

That is so true.

Let me inspect that for a moment.

She holds this lantern up.

You know that it had a black burning candle in it.

Yes.

There's something on the side here.

She

touches it with her hand, shoves away a little rust, and you see there's actually a little switch.

And it turns out that you can switch the color of the light to whatever you want.

Whoa, okay.

So we can Nayak the whole time can flick it back and forth between blue and yellow.

Well, don't I have to go to the Abbey with you guys?

Well,

we'll figure it out.

Is there anything else I can do for you?

I have a question.

Marina was like talking about her mom, and I was wondering, is Stradd her dad?

Straddy is many things, but he is not her father.

This I know for certain.

Strad sees something in Marina.

Strad has had many brides, many people he has pursued over the years, and often they have a way of being

reborn, stuck within the mist, cursed to

reappear and be haunted by him once more.

She reminds him of an axe.

Of an ex.

Wow.

Oh, that is so

toxic.

Such a toxic draw.

He's so toxic.

Yeah, just to have someone be like, oh my god, I really like you.

You remind me of my ex.

Yeah, that's so close.

So, like, okay, so I'm what?

An imitation of something you love?

A duplicate of something you love?

I hold up myself as something.

I like this guy less every day.

Thank you.

I almost dislike him as much as I dislike his mark.

The dude's so weird.

He's so good.

He's so good that we don't have to deal with him now that he wasn't pulled as a guard.

Okay, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Thank God.

All right.

Well, madam, you've been great.

We really appreciate it.

She's been really good.

I'm going to tip her one gold.

Oh, thank you.

Can we expect you at the funeral soft opening?

If If I am in to be there, I will be there.

What's the return policy on my doll?

Like, if it is cursed and it tries to kill me or something, no refunds.

Everything is final.

That makes sense.

I have one last question.

If you were to make a potato and top it with whatever your art desire,

what would you put on your potato?

This is good.

What is your favorite potato topping?

Focus grouping.

Sky's the limit.

Well, you should.

Anything goes

except it has to be vegan.

Okay, so whatever the vegan form of pickled pig's tongues would be.

Oh, it could be like bacon.

Pickled bacon.

Yeah, let's do that.

Okay, okay, so yeah, bacon.

If it's cured, it could be ham or something.

Yeah, okay.

Okay, thank you so much.

What about cheese?

Oh, of course, yes, nut cheese.

As much as I can get.

Nut cheese, right?

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

Well, I wish you the very best, please.

You have a dangerous journey ahead, but I hope I have armed you as best I can.

You really have.

Can I pull everyone together for a group hug?

I just feel like we had such an emotional afternoon together.

I feel closer to everyone.

Bring it in.

I'll be next to Bluetooth.

Come here, everybody.

Come on.

The fucking rifle, dude.

What?

You're so fuzzy.

You got jangly ankles, you know that?

Holy shit, me?

Yeah.

He just knows exactly what to make fun of.

My hand shakes above my bow.

you want to talk unless there breathes too loud oh me I'll never breathe again

joke's on you I hold my breath

let's get the fuck out of here okay we have to go because Jen's is turning purple okay tell builder after suck a nut hate that guy yeah oh cool okay all right great so you've gotten this reading uh you've gotten a decorative light for the funeral great okay so decorations are taken care of we're just doing this sort of Christmas light version of you know sometimes instead of hanging christmas lights people just put like a spotlight that like shines yeah green and red lights on their ladders

we're gonna do that i also how long do funerals go because i can do silent image so i could play some friends in the background for 10 minutes great that's really good

you know that's kind of let's do that

okay and then we want to make sure we get the best deal because we're hoping this is kind of a one pop shop

over here at Bill Draft and get potatoes and stuff.

I just had another shop because we're doing the funeral in a church.

Yeah.

And before, when I've gone to seeing churches, they have little babies in a manger.

And we have a donkey Fitbit.

We have a baby Bluetooth.

We do a nativity scene.

Okay.

Part of the decoration.

Maybe.

Yeah, maybe.

Can I be a lamb?

You can, yeah.

You can be a lamb.

Yeah.

We're living nativity.

Alright, well, this rocks.

Okay, now that we don't have a lot of money because we spent so much money on dolls,

I have an idea to get us the best deal, okay?

This is called a flash mob.

They're so funny.

They're so interesting.

And I'm going to kick in the door of Bildrats and start my minute-long dance

and try to enchant Bildrat.

Whoa, what the fuck?

Just watch the dance.

I just start popping and locking and try to do it for a full minute without being oh my god.

I'm being robbed.

Powerful.

Purple.

Give me.

No, I'm not robbing you.

I'm gifting you something.

This is fun.

Can I silent image to basically make it look like almost like mirrors?

Like a bunch of mirrors behind Jens mirroring him doing this movement.

The wizard.

The wizard is.

No, it's fine.

I'm not a wizard.

I'm a dance wizard, if anything.

I just keep breaking it down.

Just keep watching.

Don't question it.

Just keep watching for a minute.

Just keep watching.

You see, this man, this like cranky balding man wearing like a simple vest points to you and then rising from the back where he's standing, you see this muscly stock boy wearing like a drab tunic just gets up and starts walking towards you.

Running around but still dancing.

Get them purple.

Don't get anyone.

We're dancing.

It's a flash mob.

They're funny.

You'll enjoy it.

They're so funny.

You're going to like it.

Can I clockwork orange his eyes so he can't move that?

Yeah.

Don't worry.

It's fun.

It's funny.

I'm having a good time.

Stop.

Okay.

Give me a persuasion check or a performance check.

Okay.

Can I, because I did silent image, can I count us help action?

Yeah, yeah.

All right, great.

22.

Don't shit.

There you go.

You see that, like, this big stocky man like lunges towards you, but then just like starts like moving to the beat a little bit.

He starts clapping his hands.

Yeah.

I'm just funny.

Uncle.

Uncle, it's funny.

We knew this would happen.

Yeah, I start doing the Night at the Roxbury hip hop with him.

It's a reference.

It's funny.

We're doing the thing.

Okay, this is pretty good, actually.

Yeah, I like this.

Hello.

So that's an enthralling performance.

I can choose up to four creatures that watched and listened to me perform for a minute.

They must make wisdom-saving throws, and they're charmed by me if it fails for an hour.

Okay.

I'm going to make a wisdom save because I was watching.

Oh, yeah.

Do you choose to do it to us?

Yes, of course.

Okay.

So they got a seven and a five.

Yes.

Yeah, you walk into this room, blast out these lights, mirror image starts going.

You just put on a party for this man and his weird nephew.

Nayak got a four.

I actually got an 18.

Wow, okay.

I was concentrating so hard on the silent image, so I wasn't like fully engrossed.

Okay, so I've charmed everyone else.

Okay, this rocks.

Hi.

Wow.

What can I do?

Wow.

Yes.

Okay.

So we need

barrels of potatoes.

Okay.

We need

sort of a cart of

everything vegan.

So like bacon, sour cream,

cheese.

Seems good to me.

Yeah.

Okay.

So bacon, sour cream, cheese, scallions.

We're thinking, yeah, chives as well.

Anything else?

Maybe do just like some like salt and pepper type situation.

Like hot sauce stew.

Hot sauce.

Yeah.

We're doing a baked potato bar.

We're bringing spud fuckers to Barovia.

Should we do cilantro?

It's polarizing.

Yeah, we can do it.

I mean,

if people choose,

some people like to temper it.

Yeah, so yeah.

I'm going to give my duplicate to you.

Yeah.

To try, you can use this.

Yeah, and you know, yeah, how much do you think it would be?

And remember, we're friends because we are sort of promoting you by promoting the fact that Bill Dratz is the place where you do flash mobs and stuff.

Yeah.

And I think some people saw it.

I'd like to look out for any scary haunted people outside.

What's the family and friends discount?

Yeah.

I usually keep the curtains drawn in case there are zombies and stuff walking around, people trying to rob me.

Sure.

But wow, you've really brought some joy back into the village.

This is amazing.

So for everything you're looking for,

normally I charge the outsider rate, you know, 10 times what the actual going price is.

Wow.

Wow.

But that's kind of like

those.

I like those numbers.

I like you a lot.

I like your business acumen.

I would love to be like a silent partner or something.

Yeah.

I mean,

no, but thank you.

Okay, understood.

As long as you can just keep dancing, wow.

Love that stuff.

I just do a roll with my stomach and my chest while talking.

Whoa.

Never seen such thin legs that can bend so well.

Well.

I think of all the squats I've seen Jens attempt.

Attempt.

Okay, let's see.

So you want the potatoes and all the fixings?

Anything else?

Yes, please.

Signage.

Do you have signage?

Because we need people to know.

Yeah, we've got the light.

We need the bacon in this.

Yeah.

Yeah, we need a Spud Fucker sign.

And we also need a cradle.

And coop.

Oh, and a lamb costume.

Fuck me.

Oh, god damn it.

Okay, I really wish I could help you out with the cradle

and the lamb costume.

You might just need to kill a lamb.

Yeah, we don't have a lamb inside.

That's fine.

Okay.

Do you have a lamb?

We're vegan, so we don't want to kill a lamb.

We just want it to be understood.

It's stuff.

Okay, yeah.

I do have some extra wood and paint.

Yes, and if you want to paint it or have your strong guy

and it just needs to say spud fuckers it has to say spud fuckers and then if you could also make a coupon book that says one potato free asterisk fixins are 13.99 okay i ex i 13.99 is good that's fair yeah that's can you drop that off at the church yes and you can drop it off we can do delivery yeah okay great um let me see here so we want yes i will deliver all of this so you want me to be in charge of the decorations well we're in charge of the decorations

Well, we've got the lights handled.

Yeah, we just need a sign.

We are in charge.

We told you, just telling you where it goes.

Yeah, we just need a sign.

Also, you know, let's do a second sign, real tasteful, that just says, shout out to the Burger Master.

He would have loved Spud Fuckers.

He would have loved Spud Fuckers.

Yeah.

Oh, it might be nice to do a picture of the Burger Master and then below it a quote.

Holding a potato.

Oh, maybe.

I love Spud Fuckers.

I wish I lived to see this Spud Fuckers.

Yes.

okay, that's it.

That's what we can do.

Yeah.

Okay.

Maybe it says, like, in my death, cuisine is reborn.

Yes.

That says that at the bottom.

Okay, so he's going to make a sleight of hand to determine how good the sign is.

Okay.

I give him an alveection.

Oh, great.

All right.

You're right.

I do not give him bardic inspiration.

You're with a three and a tin.

Okay.

It says what you described.

All right.

The words are on there.

Great.

The paint is, he's just got like one color.

It's just kind of this like blood red paint.

He like slaps it on the sign,

tries to draw a potato, but it just looks like a turd, unfortunately.

Yeah.

Is this the first draft or is this?

We can tell people that a kid drew it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Yeah, we can tell people a kid drew it.

Okay, yeah.

So what are we, you know, friends and family discount?

What are we looking at?

Yeah, what are we looking at?

Okay, let's see.

I think.

And before you charge me, take a good hard look at the sign that you drew.

Yeah.

You're looking at 15 gold.

Okay, and we've got this here.

If you're sort of into a bartering situation,

rare relic, never been seen before.

Let me investigate this.

Oh, Onyx, no,

don't give him that.

Yeah, don't give him that.

It's too valuable.

I'll just pay him the gold.

It's worth 25 gold.

We're losing 10 gold here.

I'm planning to bequeath it to my son.

But, you know, times are old.

Mamu, I was going to hang over my bunk buds.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You have bunk beds, so you can choose which one you want to sleep in each night.

You're such a good boy, mom.

And when I piss on one, I'll just go to the other one.

Oh, my God.

Would somebody shut this kid up?

Do you like the sun or not?

I keep dancing.

This is a great son.

I will take it.

Thank you so much.

Perfect.

Okay.

Yes, that'll cover everything.

Perfect.

All right.

We'll see you tomorrow for the potatoes, the potato bar, and the sign.

Yeah, maybe we'll get a second sign.

Yeah, we'll figure it out.

All right,

okay, great.

Um, thank you so much for visiting.

Thank you so much.

Um, I have a question: if you were to put toppings on a potato, what would you put on them?

Oh, okay.

Oh, my favorite potato topping.

Uh, you see, the big lumbering nephew comes over and he says, hot dog.

Oh, let's just put a hot dog on it.

Okay.

I mean, it's like a potato potato instead of a bonat dog.

I don't know what animal that is, so it is vegan.

It's because it's not a hot dog dog.

But that could be vegan.

I mean, we can get vegan dogs.

Okay.

I'm just like, I'm picturing a hot dog right through a baked potato and someone bites.

The baked potato as the bun.

That actually does sound pretty good.

Really?

I was going to say it sounds so off-putting.

Really?

Oh, it sounds great to me.

And a hot dog is beef.

Can I actually pull you guys aside?

What kind of animal is a beef?

Can I actually pull you guys aside real quick?

Dog potato is what we call it.

I don't know that these guys have the best business acumen, considering that they have their shades closed all day and no one's in here.

And I like to put chicken feet on mine.

I don't know if you can do a vegan version of chicken feet, but that's what I put on mine.

They probably, I mean, they don't need their feet.

Chicken might be vegan.

Chicken might be vegan.

I don't know what that word means.

Yeah, that's fine.

Look, it means better than you.

Yeah, I bring these guys in again.

I don't think these guys know stuff in general.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, you might be right, but I mean, you both did respond to the idea of the odd dog inside of a potato.

I liked that, but I mean, that's parallel thinking.

I've been thinking about that for a long time.

Okay.

Okay, we need people to come to the funeral, so we should get away from this place that has no one in it.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so the last thing you're going to need to do before you can go to the funeral is get some villagers.

Right.

Oh, Jens, can you do your flush mob again?

Yes, but in the heart of town.

I need to rest real quick.

I take a short rest.

And then I can do it again.

Brother, are you okay?

Where is the place with the most food traffic?

Oh, that would probably be the town square.

Okay, town square.

Or maybe right outside of the Blood on the Vine Tavern.

That's really the only place that people go.

Great.

Okay.

Let's go to the town square and I'll just start flossing.

All right, awesome.

Go ahead and give me me a performance check.

See how many people you can do.

I will silent image again so that it looks like a bunch of mirrors that are moving around.

So it's kind of trippy as Jens does this.

19.

19.

Okay.

Great.

And I'm playing MGMT's electric feel

as I just roll my body in the middle of the town square.

And my plan is for the enthralling performance is I would like to find the four coolest people

and have them talk about how six bud fucker seems like it's gonna be and how much they love the burger master and want to honor his life.

Are you dancing with the sign?

Yes.

Oh yeah, I'm doing this sign spinning.

I feel like an imagery.

Oh here's another vampire in town.

Go beat him up.

Looks like some strong zombies got out there.

That's not true.

The only thing coming back to life from the dead is the early odds, and that's in the piano music.

Don't know what that means.

Gonna kill you with the pitchfork.

Don't even think about it.

You do see

a

husband and wife pair come out of their dilapidated cottage.

The woman has a pitchfork.

The man is holding an alarm clock.

She's just gonna bash you with.

Okay.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You guys look like you could use some potatoes.

You should use that pitchfork to spear a spud.

Come with us to Spud Fuckers.

Boop, boop, boo, doo, doot, doot, do.

I'm just rolling my body in the back.

Spear yourself as bud.

Dopping's not included.

Coupon for free potatoes.

I'm handing out coupons.

Free potatoes.

Oh, that seems very nice.

Yeah, we love free potatoes.

Yeah, so where do we go for these free potatoes?

That's going to be at the church.

And it's also the burger master is dead.

I'm sorry for your loss.

And we're going to be celebrating his life with potatoes and friends and family.

A soft opening.

Yep.

Silver lining.

And small admission fee to the funeral.

We already charging for

toppings.

Yeah.

Of course.

Do you want my alarm?

A donation.

Yeah.

Well, a donation to the church, of course.

Do you want my alarm clock?

No.

Yeah, we do.

Thank you.

Here we go.

Sure, but we also want your cash.

Yeah, that's okay.

That would come.

Is there anyone else cooler looking around?

Nope,

just us, just me.

You're the only people, okay.

You're the only people everyone else is zombies or rats.

My name is Lavinia, and this is Jericho.

Okay, and this is the best place in town to get people.

Okay, okay, maybe I'm going to send Bluetooth because I think that we can telepathically communicate.

I'm going to send Bluetooth back to the manor to look through

the dead guy's desk and see if he has contacts of anyone that might be cool to come to the funeral.

Okay, I'm gonna grab like a bell and just start ringing it and be like, the Burgermaster is dead.

Funeral?

Tomorrow?

What are thinking?

I thought it was today.

What?

I thought it was today.

I thought it's tomorrow.

It's late.

It was supposed to beat your day.

Oh, fuck.

Okay, sorry.

At 11.

Sorry, everyone.

It's today.

We're doing the funeral for the Burger Master.

He's dead now.

The funeral is dead.

Come on now.

Well,

we need to prepare the fixture tomorrow.

It's soon.

I think I might have told.

Start lining up now.

I might have told Bill Drat that it's tomorrow.

So we're going to

need to swing by and say to do it today.

Beatriz is busy because we are looking into windows trying to cast duplicate to make a cradle for

you.

Okay, Nyak, go back and tell Bill Drat that we need it for today.

Nyak Moon walks back.

Yeah, okay.

Still dancing to electric field.

Yeah, you're not really from here, but the last time somebody came into town and started shouting loud things and saying people were dead.

Everyone just stayed put and waited until they left.

So there's really, I don't know if that's going to get people out on the streets.

We need to start getting back to the streets.

Free potatoes.

Face contact, okay?

You're all sitting in your apartments on your cell phones.

What a cell phone.

I'll tell you.

I got rid of my cell phone and now I'm just face to face with my friends.

I got rid of my alarm clock.

Yeah, as you should, because it was wasting your time, Jericho.

it's Jericho.

Jericho, you look very vitamin D deficient.

You need to be outside, and I think you should go to the church.

You know, see my veins.

You don't have to come necessarily.

Oh, no.

Oh, whoa, look at that.

Look.

Here comes the burger master's son, Ismark the Lesser.

Fuck.

Why does someone here suck?

Who's cool?

Where are the cool people?

What do you want, Ismark?

Is this all the people you've gathered?

Are all the preparations ready?

Your dad is not super popular.

We're doing our best.

He's not that there was a communication issue

from you the funeral needs to happen like right now real quick yes what have you done for this funeral what have you been doing i was writing um some words to remember my father and also carving this sunflower that he might give as a gift to the morning lord when he goes to the radiant realm okay all right yeah no that checks out yeah no that sounds that sounds really meaningful but i think you should have been in charge of contacting his friends because we don't know who they are we don't know they were dad's friends you sent us out to gather a ground for your dad's funeral without even saying, like, oh, this was his best friend.

I could have carved a sunflower.

Yeah.

I could have carved the sunflower.

I could have written the farm.

I could have done it in two seconds, by the way.

Yeah, I've been ringing the bell.

These Jericho over here is saying it's wrong that I shouldn't be ringing.

Jerko.

Jerko?

Jerko.

Jerko.

Great.

By the way, we went out of pocket for some of these decorations, and I hope you're willing to reimburse us.

Yeah, we will need to be reimbursed.

Of course, we spent 45 gold on the potato.

Actually,

I have this amazing relic of my father's.

I'll take it.

This silver shit.

Yeah, I've seen it before.

I'll take it.

I'll take it.

Yes, of course.

I think that will be a good idea.

Actually, there's another one floating around of this.

So actually, yeah, it's not worth that much.

But I will take it as a starter.

This one could be a counterfeit.

We don't know.

Yes.

The real one is worth 400 gold.

I shudder to think what the other one is going for.

Okay, we'll take this one.

We'll definitely take this one.

Another asset.

All right, I will give it to you once the funeral is over and you're preparing to leave with Marina.

Okay.

So I'm going to run back and grab her and we'll meet you at the church, okay?

Okay, great.

Hey, everybody, okay?

I know you don't like it when people come to town, right?

But the fact is, we got potatoes, we got fixins, it's Spudfuckers.

The burger master is dead, but we've got his herbs and we've got his spices, okay?

So you can stay inside on your phones, or you can be a phone, okay?

The choice is yours.

And we're not charging that much money.

Shock you like an electric eel.

A super cheap funeral.

If you were looking out the window, you are charmed by me, okay?

So let's not forget that.

I do another belly roll.

Jins, all right, I will say,

with your passionate words,

yeah, I'll let you add a D6

to your roll.

I'll let you give yourself Bartic inspiration.

All right.

Ooh, six.

That's a 25.

Nice.

Okay.

All right, that does bump it up a little bit.

Let me see here.

Somebody cooler than Jerko.

Hey, I'm the only man in the village that owns a clock.

So fuck you.

Well, not anyone.

Well, you just gave it to me, Jerko.

Oh, damn.

So now I'm the only man in the village with a clock.

But I don't even think it was making your life better.

Right?

No, you're right.

I just spent all day looking at my clock.

Sure, sure, sure.

Now you are free.

Yeah, I'm free.

What are we doing now?

Yeah, we're going to the funeral/slash/soft opening.

Anyone else in this town?

I'm going to keep talking to Jerko.

You do see three more people warily poke their heads out from their houses and scurry over to you.

Is it true?

That there's a Spudfuckers?

Yes, we have potatoes and all the fixings.

Yes, yes.

Is the Burger Master dead?

He is, yes.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

But you have a chance to mourn him and be a part of his life's goal, which is Spotfuckers.

His legacy.

His legacy, really.

You said potatoes.

We have potatoes for free.

Okay.

Asterisk.

And it's all vegan.

And it's all vegan.

Asterisk.

Also, do any of you have a cradle

I could borrow?

I have this big wooden bowl.

We'll work on it.

That's great.

All right, I'm also going to poke my head into the blood on the vine because the people in there were a little cooler.

Those are those boisterous ladies that I think owned it, right?

We want some business owners.

Hey, just letting you know the burger master is dead.

Ismark was being a fucking freak and just keeping him around in there for a few days, but we're out here.

We're making sure that people know when people are dead and we're not sleeping in houses with corpses.

In fact, we have a no corpse policy at Spudfuckers, except this one time when we are doing a soft.

One funeral just to solve it.

Yeah, well, it's kind of to say like this one time.

This one time.

But we don't fuck the potatoes.

We don't have corpses around the potatoes.

Ismark does not work for us.

We don't like him.

Okay?

Okay.

You can get get potatoes for free.

Asterisk.

Vegan too.

We'll see you over there.

All right, so hello.

Hi.

You're telling me that you are starting a rival business here?

No, it's not a rival business because you guys don't have a potato bar, right?

Damn.

A rising tide.

Yeah, here's the thing.

We're all going to be fine.

Everyone's going to be at your wine bar and they're going to have wines and then think, I'm actually a little too drunk.

And then they call it a night.

Whereas if they had potatoes to fill themselves up, they would sober up enough to go back and get another wine.

Okay.

So you're saying we should maybe bring some wine to the party.

I like that.

I like that a lot.

I like it.

It's okay.

We'll charge you a little for the wine.

Maybe the first glass is free, something like that.

All right, rolled out of the barrels.

Let's get this wizard of the wine's on the road.

Let's do a cash bar.

There's a profit share on the wine because it's in our stop.

Okay, yeah.

Great.

And actually, the funeral is right now, it turns out.

There's some infusion there.

Oh, okay.

Wow, a flash funeral.

Yeah, flash funeral.

All right, we'll gather up our wines and we'll be there in just a second.

I'll see you there.

You are the only cool people in town.

Can I even say that?

Do you actually have an empty barrel I could use as a cradle?

Oh, that's a great idea.

Yes,

I have a fucking cradle for.

Do you have any wolf?

Okay, yes, all right.

Decoration for the funeral.

All right, let's go.

Let's go to the funeral.

You know, my mother, she raised us in a barrel as a crib.

Oh,

we are from the Wizard of the Wines Vineyard.

That is where we are from, but now we live here to sell the wines.

That's great.

Yes.

You're the only cool people in town.

All right.

I'm Moonwalk Out.

Two electric fields.

Okay, yes, we're coming.

Okay, this is good.

That was a good get.

It feels like the tigers are in either.

Now we got like six people coming.

This is great.

Cash bar.

Yeah, but I was the first one.

So.

Yeah, but you're not as fun as a Y Nan.

Jerkle.

Please.

Can I get my clock back?

I feel bad about something.

You are a different person when you have your clock.

And honestly, this is who you really are.

Niak sits down looking at his clock.

It's a cool clock.

Sometimes I'm just sitting on the lob just to feel something.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Okay.

Can we go to the funeral, please?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

On the way.

Everybody follow me.

No, we're not.

I run past Gurko.

On the way, I'm preparing myself.

I'm going to disguise self to be

Mary.

And I'm going to put Bluetooth in a little crib.

Oh, and I have disguise self too.

I'm going to be a lamb.

Ah, Judge is fuming.

Okay.

We have a nativity scene

for

just

for a fucking funeral.

It's something for everybody.

Some people will be coming for the nativity, some for the funerals, some for the spud fuckers.

No one's coming for the nativity.

Well, they come for the spuds and stay for the nativity.

It's specifically a Christmas thing.

Okay.

Well, they view the nativity as they eat their potatoes, and then they're hungry and they get sucked.

Yeah, and they think that the potativity could be a permanent installation in spud fuckers.

Yeah.

That's not a bad idea.

Imagine everybody's taking their spuds to go.

Yeah.

But if they have something to view, if they have a nativity scene, that's multiple trips.

You know, you could use the extra dolls to fill out the potativity scene.

Okay, that's a good idea.

Because there's those other guys.

And oh, we get Fitbeat because Fitbeat is actually what started this off.

You could have the three fries men.

Wow.

God damn, that's good.

That's really good.

Very good.

That's really good.

Good Jay.

Good day.

Scratch his chin.

And then scratch his butt.

Okay, he's getting horny again.

Let's go.

Okay, so

you go to the church.

Father Donovich is there to meet you.

You install a potativity scene.

You set up your decorations.

You set up the free potato bar, asterisk.

And then when everything is ready, you all gather around the coffin and lift it up and carry it into the dimly lit graveyard.

Above, the red sun flickers in the fog like a wound wrapped in gauze.

And at your feet, you see countless headstones, their names faded beyond recognition.

All seems quiet as you trudge over to a deep ditch that Donovich prepared in your absence.

You slowly lower the casket into the ground, and as you do so, Donovich pulls out a small wooden pendant and holds it aloft.

The polished wood gleams weakly in the morning haze as he speaks.

Oh, great Dawn Father, please part these mists and send forth a beam of your glory so that brother Kolyan might escape this realm of dread and lie forever upon the blessed white sands of the radiant bay.

May he sip ambrosia cocktails and swim in the daybreak sea and look down and see this beautiful

what was it, Spudfuckers?

Spudfuckers that has risen like a beautiful sunflower in the place where he fell.

Sounds good.

Sounds really good.

You're the only cool person around here.

Yes, thank you.

Just don't tell anyone the wine moms.

Don't tell anyone the batori when you're on.

We need to have after party with you and just the wine moms and then us.

Because this is a cracked roller.

Absolutely.

And it's like your vampire brother can't get

sick.

Yes.

Do potatoes have blood in them?

I don't think they do.

No.

No.

We'll figure it out.

Anyway, um, Donovich holds out his hands to the gathered congregation and asks if anyone would like to say something.

And you see that Ismark and Marina walk over and they lay the carved sunflowers that they made at the headstone.

And then they kneel, whisper something into the ground, and then return to where they were standing.

And then Donovich nods solemnly and says, Very good.

Anyone else?

Any final words for the pergrammatists?

I guess I'll say something quickly.

I just want to announce the Spudfuckers loyalty program, wherein if you purchase a card for

just a small fee and you return, we'll punch the card and your 10th trip to Spudfuckers is 50% off.

Yeah.

And it's really, I don't know if you guys have been around whole bunches, but they're so fun.

Yeah, yeah.

And I guess, you know, we're talking a lot about business today, but what we're really

doing here is we're mourning a man,

a father to,

let's face it, more than just his kin.

Because we all felt like his kin, didn't we?

We did.

And

we would take walks in the morning and we would talk of our hopes and dreams.

And

the Burger Master, he would say to me, they call me the Burger Master, but what I'd really like to be is a potato master.

I doubted it at first.

I really did.

And there was a time in our lives where we didn't speak much.

But

you see, Ismark is making a what the fuck gesture was.

You know what, Ismark?

You and your sister whispered into the ground and didn't share with the class.

So if Jens wants to share with the class and put on a show and make the funeral better for it.

And it was actually, yeah, it was Ismark that we really feuded about because he was really disappointed in Ismark.

But I was trying to get him to stop being disappointed in Ismark, but he couldn't.

And ultimately, Ismark is a fucking loser.

But this morning, when Ismark handed us a cup of oats that he fucked in the night and jizzed into.

It can't be proven.

Please, at my father's funeral,

how dare you?

Anyway, okay, so we came back together, all right, bonding over sort of just being disappointed in Ismark.

And we decided that we were going to build a

potato business together.

And when he got sick, and I look off,

I knew that I would have to make it.

No, sorry.

I look at his casket.

We would have to make it.

Thank you, everyone.

And remember, the fix-ins are extra.

Can I silent image just so many tears coming down Jen's cheeks?

My eyes are not red, they're incredibly clear.

I used to see tears falling out as I step back into the line.

Go ahead and give me a persuasion check with advantage there.

Okay, great.

Matt 20.

Wow.

Earned it.

Unfucking believable.

You see

that despite it all, despite everything you have done,

Despite all of the awful things that you have said and done to Ismark, you see his face just buckles and he says, I wish I could have known him like you.

The silent image of Jens crying lasts for 10 minutes.

No one will ever know my pain, I say, with a just regular look on my face, not knowing what it feels like to cry.

You see that Jerko is weeping openly.

Now that's a speech you can set your watch to.

Shut up, Jerko.

Wow.

Donovich takes a moment to compose himself and says,

That was strange but beautiful.

As if it was pulled from another world, another place.

But it still rang through.

Does anyone else have anything they wish to say?

It would be foolish to follow that, but if you want to, you can try.

You see that everyone looks around, but they're all so moved by Jens's advertisement.

Right now I'm really regretting not getting the Strahd ventriloquist doll for Bluetooth to do a set with.

Wow.

And after a moment, Donovich goes to begin pouring dirt into the grave, but as he reaches for the shovel, you hear a voice say,

Actually, Father, there's one more person who'd like to speak.

And from the mists, in the back of the graveyard, you see a shadow step forward.

It materializes into an elf with cloudy grey skin and a simple earthen tunic.

Reagan.

When he sees you three, he winks and then addresses the crowd, his voice shifting and growing more sinister as he speaks.

Please forgive the intrusion.

My name is Reagan, Rahadine, as I'm known to some.

And my master has a few words he'd like to say.

As he says master, he gestures towards the sky, his face breaking into a wicked grin.

I suggest you all stand back.

He's arriving now.

Suddenly, thunderous hoofbeats fill your ears.

The air grows hot and thick with the scent of brimstone.

And then,

a burning cloud erupts from the sky.

It churns and hisses, then slowly dissipates to reveal a strange contraption hovering within.

It looks like a helicopter, but made of flame and shadow.

What?

Four burning blades spin above a jet-black carapace and a plume of fire dances on its tail.

As it draws near, you see the entire craft is lined with the bones of a long dead horse, its grinning skull mounted on the cockpit.

The mechanism lands, singing the grass as it settles.

As it does, Reagan steps forward and opens the craft's large metal door.

From the shadows steps a pale man clad in regal attire and a blood-red cloak.

He descends to the ground as if walking through air, and the mist swirls reverently at his feet.

Before you stands the dread lord of Castle Ravenloft, the dark master of this realm, and the reason you are here,

Strahd von Zarevich.

We would like to lodge a complaint,

and that's where we'll end our session.

Just a giant vein appears in Jem's forehead.

It was really hard to not just be like, oh, we're on a reality show now.

Because that was like so intro of like the host coming down.

Oh, he's showing up in helicopters.

So you guys, we'll talk about this more over on our Patreon for the short rest, patreon.com slash nadpod.

That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D don't sing yet.

Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug?

Yeah, I'll shout out some stuff we got from the P.O.

box recently.

Alinka F sent us a letter detailing the insane adventures of the teens they DM for.

There's some really fun stories in there.

Shout out to Butthead the Warlock, whose patron is Dale Gribble from King of the Hill.

Awesome.

Good to know the kids are respecting the classics.

Robert J sent us a Jason Fox D20, which has only ones and 20s on it.

That's really funny.

It's really funny.

It's also inspired by one of my favorite comic strips as a kid.

So thank you very much for that.

And then, let's see, Mort Draws sent us all the art and books they've ever made, which is really cool.

Incredible.

We have the full Mort Draws catalog now.

I feel like an art collector.

I feel like I should be laundering this for some reason.

The whole Ouvra.

But yes, thank you so much for sending us all that fun stuff.

We really appreciate it, folks.

we jake you got anything yeah check out my sub stack substack.com slash at jake her wits never stop stack

and you can follow us on social media that remain or may not use at siege first me at call these called at the extraceme and at jake hurts as jake and you can talk about the show online using hashtag nadpod that's n-eddpod

we are we are the youth of the nation

we are we are the youth of the nation

It's the end of the show, and you know what that means?

It's time to shout out our benevolent Council of Elders, starting with Brad D.

Jeffrey S.

Lord of the Fjord, later Mix Skater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T.

Balnor's Boy, Hoyd's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trele the Cray Fay, Christopher B., Daniel R., Jordan L, Cyborg version of Josh the Cobalt, Targot, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebuker the NBDMPHD, Princess Yar, Jory S., Jack L, Nicholas C., Star of Every Film Ever Made in Bohumia, Mike H., Elka Smeltzer Plus, Great Valued Chema, Tyler F., Carborough Chapel Hell FPV, Cece Lulu, Baldburn, Erqu Poirot, a rabbit folk detective, Timmy R.

Jakes, jerk, jelly, hashtag CCC, Cass, Skateboard, Cass, Steven, shout out to Bowie the Troll C,

Mike K, Nick W, William W, Big Bad Bird of the Mad, Eric McD, Ananorama, Percival Frederick, Stein von Musoklazowski to Roa III, Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, honoring the cock impressive dongle Ben A Dave H Dustin S not that Nick Danny F Hawkeye Pierce book vars assistant Izzy F DPC is awesome

Shown the shade tree mechanic of Zeldar Summer Rose Grantaire Mark the dark lord's taint cat C Mesa of House and Zunza Ariel the occasional mermaid Selena and Valaci Raptor, B perky always,

Pat L, Lauren H, Serve 16, Annie the Faywild Therapist, Pierogi, Frenzy, Salil, BioQuirt 7, Amber Dextress, Bean Rat was innocent, Trub Hop Dropper, Jack H, King of the Mole People under iron deep, dressed in blue, and fighting his way through a bracket style tournament.

Valen Paj, the bitchin' bunny bard, druidic Peyton, Carlin C.

Noah the Bullywug Boy, hashtag honor the cock, James G.

Everything Bago, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Stripey, Reverend Chatterbones, Han,

Eric B., Marcos PhD, eventually learns the balance, druid, Frida M.

Maggie,

Holly the Green, Laughing Hyena, Cat and Her Cats, Portland, Star, and Berlin.

Those are really cute cat names.

Aaron B.

Russell H, a monk named Dilgo.

Cody Care, Lorelei the Succubi, and Kira the Succulent Snack.

McKenna Stout, your friendly neighborhood yaunt and yonkel Andrew and Sid, soon-to-be education specialist John Adams.

Congrats!

Meg the mail carrier of Bahumia, James F.

Austin S, Wayfarer, who now has to do something with the trolls, get rid of them, turn to page 42, keep them, turn to page 69,

Oreo, Burpo, Good Barrel, Barbarian, Garrett G, one big curd, Charlie Brown's best friend, Renee, the monster captain, Olivia the Enchanting Bard, and Jared the soap opera cleric, who are now performing ballads from the age of stories.

Blue Ash, Fico, Garrett the Artificer, Anthony, the rattest of dudes, J.

The fairies have returned to debauchery and must now go to the carnal corner.

Cantrip Dumbledore, the bare onesie-wearing barbarian, Lexi H, MJ the bfg

roger l no drog the pass-off faced barbarian jean luca leon komori legendary hero of bohumya from a future campaign shenanigans o'connor mios the great joshua s alex sunder lins w sky the wise aka the lone dungeon master johnny dude k the mischief of nadpods Familiars, Pavu Eskinar, The Goliath Paladin, providing service with a smile, Kit and their cat,

Jake Well Murphily,

Tim M, Dragon Knight 86, Tiles Lamar, T-R, MLG Cheeto, Shell B.

Kenna's first favorite sprite girl, seeing you all in her hometown, Seattle, for the Quangle Quest.

Hope you all have a blast.

We'll see you there.

Chet S, Snailis, who's infecting Worcestershire

for within.

Jared and Olivia, who are having a romantic candlelit dinner at the resort now that the triplets left.

Papa Sky Daze, Mima Sky Daze, Megan N., Anthony B., Balnor's best friend, Steve, Stephanie of House and Zunza, Benjamin A.

Gimli the Corgi, Papa and Foster's canine friend, Mikkel A.

Josh H., Pilot of the Nightmare Bus burst flight the two crew blew through

jennery kelsey a ethan the mailman maple the shy bookworm ashosaurus seth the stroker bearer of all hog related burdens billy batson tori the tungsten dragoose accidental sharer of recipes michael lyle s the second carl b plumber of the realm Dex Rizzlewell Ace Dreggs High Lord of Critzberg Vin Diagram Catamilius the Consumed Clinton P Cam the Vampire Frog Man Dean

Jake W Hi Mom Tuesday Cross only here for the surf and murph Dave Nadpod saved my life but stole my wife.

Oh

Whoa, there is a story behind that.

Steve L.

Tyler M.

Alex A.

Zibitbachery.

Kaylee.

Katarina C.

Misty the Crispy Kitty really hates flame skulls.

I have to assume you're referring to Hades, but maybe not.

Greg W.

There's so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great and we love you.

We love you right back.

Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide.

Trupak Aubrey, Boney is Dead.

The Waterworth.

Nick.

Amy.

Aegis Canari.

Ignition Class Petal Storm.

Charlemagne, not the God.

Oh, okay.

DJ Dramamine, Alrich von Zarevich.

My favorite patron makes me say penis on my show.

Jen the Rowdy, Caitlin H.

And finally, Buttwax.

What a one to end on.

Thank you all so much.

We love you.

Goodbye, sweeties.

That was a head gum podcast.